#baby ju: i dont know what love is. like. literally. nobody ever loved me so how can i know...

[littlenekosfan]

i had a thought... a very sad one, i vaguely mentioned it in one of my previous posts, but i think making a post alone emphasize better the point i wanna talk about.. jugram’s lack of empathy

jugram and bazz had known each other for 6 months when bazz looses his home, this is clearly enough for 2 people to get to know each other right...? not quite, its not easy given their background and situation and i think the scene with the fire proves it that it wasnt

i estimate their age here around 12, so they are still kids but socializing isnt awkward like very young kids who cant properly communicate or teenagers who often already have a personality and circle established, around their age they often like to find a new friend to befriend and they often pick people who they relate to or have similar interest, in this case, their personality dont click, but do have that desire to find someone, find a friend, since they both cant find one for different reasons

these are assumptions ofc, but i think bazz doesnt have friends because of his personality and maybe even his status, i dont think people wants to be friend with him, he’s not a “normal” kid, he’s a genius and arrogant, what’s the charm to that? as for jugram, i think its not only how him and his uncle are very isolated from the village, but also jugram not even acknowledging the concept of friendship, having a friends

and for that, they will have different reasons to why they befriended the other, bazz initially just wanted to tease jugram for fun, but seeing his actual weakness and hopelessness to his situation (with abuse), he couldnt bear the idea of leaving him, he does believe the weaker should be helped by the stronger, and i cant blame him for thinking like that, he’s after all, still a kid, and for jugram, he wasnt aware of the concept of making friends but it doesnt mean he didnt need it, he was very reluctant of the idea at first, but seeing the care and love bazz gave in that small exchange, made him realize his feelings matters too, he wanted to keep that and being friend with bazz would give him that new flame in his empty heart

all that to say, despite hanging together occasionally during 6 months (because, they still had their normal life on their side, bazz had a home, parents, jugram needed to hunt if he wanted to eat and his uncle is demanding) it wasnt enough to make them close, and this is not bc of the time or frequency they would see each other but their own background, jugram never felt empathy, not even sympathy, the only true glimpse he got from it was from bazz from the few times they hanged and ofc that’s clearly not enough to undo years of trauma and mistreating

so when i see the jugram from when he was a kid to a teenager, the gap is huge, its very impressive and i would even say comforting

here when bazz looses his home, he’s so devastated that he collapse onto his knees and even cry (deducing from the panel) but jugram isnt even fazed by that, and i mean, not about his uncle, but his own friend’s grief, its not that he couldnt relate to the loss of parents or dear people, he simply cant, since he never experienced love and even less empathy, so for jugram, comforting bazz isnt even something natural because nobody comforted him before, jugram lacks a lot of socialization and understanding human emotions because nobody told him crying is okay, nobody gave him a hug, nobody taught him how to love, because he was never loved

this is why when i see jugram as a teen, i see someone who recovered so much from trauma and living not with a mask bc he never had one back then, he was just broken, he lives as a self who is loved and cared better than the kid he used to be

its small like that, but his closeness, physically, and his emotions being very openly worrisome... it just gets me, i just *heart shatters* THEIR PERSONAL SPACE IS JUST, NOT THERE BC THEY ARE THAT CLOSE I- *CRIES*

ahem, there is this panel...... oh my god, he actually touched him....... i honesly cant recall all their physical contact, but to be so little, this is not only important but also very normal

its now normal for jugram to worry, to care, to have empathy toward someone because you care about them, he started to understand being physical and getting a hold of people you care about is something natural, and this is such a big growth in his character...

from a child who was broken from birth (not referring to his quincy heritage, but his environment, where/who he grew up with) who couldnt understand the feelings to care and sympathize with someone to a teenager who empathizes and care about the people he loves....

[lovedroughtff]

Chapter 1~ Emotions

It's over and done But the heartache lives on inside And who is the one you're clinging to instead of me tonight? And where are you now, now that I need you? Tears on my pillow wherever you go go I cry me a river that leads to your ocean You never see me fall apart In the words of a broken heart It's just emotions taking me over Caught up in sorrow Lost in the song But if you don't come back Come home to me, darling Don't you know there's nobody left in this world to hold me tight Don't you know there's nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight Goodnight, goodnight  

Sienna

I sighed, getting off of the ground wiping the dirt off of my knees, and making sure that I did the same for Brielle.

“Mommy, I’m hungry.” She said as I picked her up and started to carry her away from the gravesite

“I know, me too Bri, we're eating at grandma’s and baba’s house.” I told her once we got to the car.  

She started to wiggle from excitement in my arms, which made me laugh on such a bad day.

“Cmon silly girl, we gotta go!” I said strapping her into her seat. Once I made sure she was secure, I walked around to my side to get in the car. But I had to pray first.

“Lord, please give me the strength today. I really need it.”  

I looked at the tombstone again, and got back into the car before I started to cry. 

Leaving the cemetery was a struggle, but I knew that I couldn’t stay here without breaking down like I did every year when I came. Today was the day that the love of my life, Julian was brutally murdered. He was my high school sweetheart, and it’s been seven years since he was killed, yet it hurts like it was yesterday.

My sisters were cooing over my stomach and rubbing, as I just told them that I was pregnant. Even though, I’m only 20 right now, I couldn’t wait to have this baby. Julian and I decided to keep the pregnancy a secret, especially since once we told our parents we knew shit would hit the fan. But also, to make sure that nothing happened to the baby.

I was four months pregnant today, and barely showing, and glad for it.  

“Does Mama and Baba know?” Kristen asked,

I nodded, “Baba nearly put JuJu through the wall in the kitchen. I had to stop him from hurting him.” Chuckling at the thought.

Baba is Persian for Dad.  

“Of course he would, you know Baba doesn’t play about us.” Rocky laughed.

We were all light hearted and cracking jokes and making up baby names for my and Julian’s child, when his younger sister called me. I picked it up still laughing with my sisters.

“Hey Jilly-“ I paused and sat up once I heard her crying.

“Sienna, you gotta get to St. Mary’s Now!” She sobbed.

“What’s the matter Jilly?”

My sisters were now concerned at the nervousness in my face and how my body stiffened while being on the phone.

“He was shot Sienna! You gotta get here now!”

“W-who was shot?”

I started trembling at the thought, that I knew exactly who she was talking about.

I didn’t even hear her when she said Julian’s name, I just dropped the phone with tears running down my face.

He was dead by the time that I made it to the hospital. Brielle never got to meet her father, and doesn’t know his side of the family.

I blinked coming to as I looked up and noticed we were at my parent’s house. I don’t even know how I got here. I really was on auto-pilot today.  

I looked in the backseat and saw Bri knocked out cold and I thought it was the cutest thing, she looked so much like Ju it was scary.  

I picked her up and carried her into the busy house that had all of my siblings and my parents. I laughed when Bash, my 14 year old brother, nearly ran into me.

“Oh shit, I’m sorry Sissy.” He said calling my nickname once he realized who I was carrying.

“It’s fine Bash, can you take her to her room please? My daughter is heavy.” I smiled.

He nodded, “I think it’s a shame that she has a better room than I do, and I live here.” He laughed, carefully taking Bri out of my arms making sure that she didn’t wake up.  

“Thank you Bash!” I said kissing his forehead, right before he ran up the stairs.

“No problem.”

When he was out of my sight, I let go of my exterior and frowned. I didn’t know how I was going to get through tonight like this. I was miserable and sad, all I wanted to do was fall asleep cuddling my daughter in my bed.

I left from the front of the house and started walking towards the living room and past the kitchen when I heard a commotion come from in there.

“Salvador! Please get out of my kitchen!!” I heard my mother yell, if she was calling Baba by his first name she really was pissed.

“Alright, Alright, I’m leaving!” He said with his hands in the air, retreating from the kitchen.  

I laugh catching his attention.

“Oh Sienna! How’s my baby girl?” He asked engulfing me in the biggest hug.  I smiled laughing at his excitement to see me and his thick accent.

“I’m fine Dad. Thank you for asking.” I mumbled in his chest, He gave the best hugs. I honestly felt myself smiling once he let me go.

“I know that Julian was a great love, and today is tough. But I know he is looking down on you and Brielle from above.” He spoke.

I nodded appreciating the words that he was telling me.

“You know I always liked him.”  

That had me crying, “Baba, you know that was a lie, you tried to severely hurt him once you found out I was pregnant with Bri.”

He shrugged his shoulders and muttered things in Persian.

“Ay! Baba. What are you talking about!” Kristen yelled, I guess she heard him rambling when she came into the house.

“He said he liked Ju and I told him that was a lie,” I chuckled trying to hide my smile at the fact that my step-father was still rambling on.

Kristen just shook her head, “Baba, please. English.”

He rolled his eyes, “You understand me either way.”

We nodded, that was true.

“Salvador, Leave the Vivienne and Violet alone!” Ma shooed as she came out of the kitchen

He started speaking in Persian and waving his hands around, then walked off, still rambling. Mom was totally confused, but Kristen and I were damn near on the floor.

“What is he muttering on about.” Mom looked at us.

“Long story short, He said “Your Maman is crazy!” And started talking about you kicking him out of the kitchen.”  

Mom rolled her eyes, “Your father is nuts!”

We both shook our heads and let mom rant while walking in the kitchen.

“Where you coming from Kris?” I asked her

She shrugged, “Daddy’s house, with all the other siblings. He says Hi and if you need anything to call him.”

I nodded, Her dad always cared for me.

My family dynamic is interesting to say the least. My mother is Valentina Harris- Jimenez and I don’t know who my real father is. My mom had me at 17 and from what she tells me, my father was extremely older than her and that when she found out she was pregnant at 16, she told my dad and he dropped the bomb on her that he was married with children, and walked out. She never saw him again. My mom doesn’t talk about my father and I don’t ask. Besides my mother and I, I have younger siblings consisting of four sisters and one brother.

Kristen is 2 years younger than me and her dad is Tony Hayes. He was like a father to me and then mom and Tony split up. He has 3 other kids by his wife.

Then there’s my baba. Salvador- But everyone calls him Mateo. He literally took Kristen and I under his wings and raised us with my mom. He also fathered my little sisters Rocky, Ari and my brother Bash.

Kristen and I love Baba like he is our own dad and he loves us just like were his own daughters.

“Hello, earth to Sienna!” Rocky snapped her fingers in my face

I rolled my eyes, Rocky and I hardly ever got along, she was always argumentative and I never understood that.

“Yes Raquel?” I was already annoyed.

She tightened her lips, “I was asking you if you were okay, being that today is the day your boyfriend got killed, but never mind then.”  She walked past me, but not without bumping my shoulder.

“You don’t have to be a bitch all the time, Veronica.” Kristen called out.

“Dont give a shit Violet.” She called back

Ari was coming down the stairs with Bash and Brielle on her heels.

“I guess we know who got Baba’s temper.” She said

Ari came to hug me and Kristen picked up Brielle.

Before we could even talk, mom came out of the kitchen, “TIME TO EAT!”

I whispered in my head, “Thank you God”, because I could not answer another question about Julian.

 Ace

Laying in my bed, I played in her perfect straight black hair that she had just got done. We were both sweaty and sticky, but it was fun to get this way with her.  

“What are you thinking about?” Dahlia asked me.

I shrugged, “Nothing really, I like your hair like this.”

“Like what?” She shifted herself and the covers, so that she could look at me , but it just showed her naked body even more.

“I like it straight, I know you prefer curly hair but I like your hair straight.”

She made a mhm sound, and got up from the bed going into the bathroom. Sitting up, I watched as her fat ass swayed in my bathroom

“You like to tease me huh?” I called out

She poked her head out of the bathroom, “Of Course, why wouldn’t I, Papi?” She smirks going back into the bathroom,

Dahlia and I have had a very long on and off relationship since we were kids. We lost our virginities together, had pregnancy scares, went through a miscarriage, a lot of ups and downs. She cheated on me when we were younger as well, and I stopped fucking with her, for years. She broke my heart and made me become heartless, but I still love her.  

A friends with benefits kind of situation. That’s all I can allow to happen, because I don’t trust her, but I still only want to be with her.

I heard the shower start, so I slipped on some boxers and shorts and made my way downstairs.

I was shocked when I saw Austin and Cash in my kitchen.

“Niggas, the keys I gave you are in case of emergencies only.” I was annoyed as shit that they were here. Especially since D is upstairs.

“This was an emergency. We were hungry.” Austin mumbled while shoveling my left over pasta in his mouth.

I wanted that, I smacked my lips.

“How long y’all been here.” I muttered while looking in my fridge.

“Long enough to hear you fucking some hoe.” Cash said, while looking at her phone.

“She’s not a hoe.”  

I turned around to put the ingredients to my breakfast on the counter so I could start cooking.

“Who was it?” Austin asked.

“Don’t worry about it.” I mumbled.

I know that caused them to look at each other, because they got extremely quiet. After a few minutes of me cooking and Austin and Cash playing with each other, I was glad they didn’t ask me anymore questions.

“Ash!!” Dahlia called out, and I sighed, because I knew I was about to get an earful from my sister and best friend.

She came in the kitchen and stopped once she saw them.  

Dahlia cleared her throat, “Hey Austin, Autumn.”

“What’s up D?” Austin said, he hugged her and I could tell that she had missed hanging out with him.

Cash didn’t say anything, except throw death glares at her.

Once her hug from Austin was over, she came and hugged me and kissed me on the lips. She whispered in my ear, “I had a great time last night and this morning, maybe next time we can do this without an audience.”

I smirked and laughed, “Lemme walk you out D.”

We walked out the kitchen and she grabbed the remaining of her stuff before walking out of the door. Leaving the house and going to my driveway, both of us were silent, until we reached the car. I spun her towards me and gave her a very passionate kiss. She moaned and I immediately wanted to bend her on the hood of her car and take her.

“D, you can stay.” I mumbled against her lips, grabbing her ass.

She shook her head, “I can’t I got shit to handle, and plus your sister would literally kill me.” She got out of my hold and started to get into the car.  

“I don’t know why she hates me.” D mumbled.

That instantly pissed me off, “You know exactly why she hates you.”

Seeing me get irritated, she sighed, “I know, and I apologized many times Ash.” I didn’t respond.

“I love you.” She said looking at me, I didn’t respond again, I just stared at my feet.

I heard her hurt and looked up at her, “I love you too, call me when you get home.”

She nodded and got in and drove off.

I turned around to see Cash and Austin standing in my window. Cash looked pissed as fuck. I sighed knowing exactly where this was going.

~~

Three hours, three hours is how long my sister yelled at me for messing with Dahlia. And she’s still fucking going.

“AUTUMN! FUCK! I get you! You don’t want me fuckin with Dahlia again. I get it.”

“No! You don’t because you were literally just fucking her a few hours ago. How could you put your dick in that bitch!” She yelled in my face.

She was taking this shit too far.  

“Because I actually love her!! I wanted to marry her! You need to stop disrespecting her” I Yelled back  

“How, How do you love her! You literally let this bitch walk all over you, she cheated on you constantly and here you are. Letting her back in.”

“Mind your fucking business Cash.” I mumbled.

“What? You mad? Cause you know I’m right? Huh.”

“Cash, stop.” Austin mumbled, He knew that if I got too mad that I would be on a rampage.

“No. You wanna talk about how you love that girl? That bitch didn’t have a miscarriage, she had an abortion and you know it.” Cash spat at me.

My head snapped to her, and before I could even do anything, Austin stood in front of me. He pointed to the stairs.

“Go cool off.”

I let out an angry groan, and stomped towards the stairs, I bumped shoulders with Autumn and walked to my basement door.

Before I left, “Both of y’all get the fuck out of my house and leave y’all fucking keys!” I yelled, and slammed the door.

[starrysence]

ralbert for the hc. . thinv. g

ok these are kinda all over the place????? like the ones where theyre not dating yet arent necessarily before the ones where they are dating. its just kinda. scattered. oops sorry 

warnings: 100% swearing. if its ralbert you can basically guarantee that theres swearing

●ok so theres this period of time where nobody can tell whether al and race are dating or just doing bro things like they always do

▪probably bc these two have always been so physically affectionate???? there isnt really a noticeable change after they start dating▪until jack and finch see them making out against a wall and decide to just leave them be without making any noise▪but yeah thats 100% how the boys find out▪"you guys didn't know we were dating????"▪"no wtf you've always acted like a couple we just thought it was the typical Bro Behaviour" ▪they all bust out laughing at that one●race LOVES the snow which is 100% ironic bc he gets cold so easily (can you tell im trying to do as many snow hcs as possible)▪albert doesnt like the snow. he doesnt. understand. race. ESPECIALLY because race gets cold so easily▪"baby why dont you just come inside i can just make hot chocolate and we can binge watch hallmark christmas movies a month too early,,,,,,,"▪"nOo Oo al the snow is so pretty"▪"youre prettier"▪"nice try but im not coming in"▪"aw damn"●has race stolen albert's sweaters during the winter??????? Absolutely ▪has albert cared??? of course not. look at his boy. he looks fucking adorable. he cant take that sweater away from race even tho hes already stolen half the sweaters in al's closet▪one time race was half-asleep on the couch when al got home late from a graphic design workshop and he was in one of albert's sweaters▪al thought it was tje cutest thing hes ever seen▪he didnt want race falling asleep on the couch tho so he Scooped him up and put him down on their bed▪"youre so sweet albie,,,,,,,,, i love you"▪thats the first time either one of them has said i love you since they started dating?????? albert is Shook bc it feels so different now▪"love you too, racer"●these two 100% went through a taylor swift phase together and You Can't Change My Mind▪it includes the ones a lot of people know like shake it off, blank space, etc. but also so many other ones▪they have a whole ass taylor swift playlist but they never really delete it after they get past their phase???▪so al absolutely brings it back when race is going through a breakup▪so here they are. two teenage boys, singing/yelling along to taylor swift songs. ft. like 6 tubs of mint choco chip ice cream and 8 boxes of tissues▪race feels so much better afterwards????▪gives albo a lil kiss on the cheek ▪"thank you, albie"▪albert dasilva? blushing????? pshhhh. nahhh (read: absolutely 100%)●yall Best Believe race can bake like nobody's business and albert Lives For It bc he can barely bake a batch of cookies▪however, the only food race can cook w/o nearly burning something down is italian food▪so usually albert cooks▪but baking???? yall this boy CAN BAKE▪thats actually the reason albert starts falling in love w/ him LMAO ARE U REALLY SURPRISED▪literally theyre like 13 or 14 right? and race has baked a batch of brownies and albert is in HEAVEN when he tries one▪"i think im in love"▪"hahaha with me or the brownies?"▪".....the, uh,,,,, the brownies, duh"▪lol no its race AND the brownies but he doesnt totally know that yet●if youve read my more recent fics u might remember race's sisters▪if noT, he has 4 sisters ok. two older, two younger. he is the middle child. What A Life▪siblings from oldest to youngest: veronica, ilia, race, rosetta, elsie▪albert and race have been best friends since childhood so albert and race's sisters know each other really well. theyre all Pals▪literally???? race's sisters Love Him▪when they find out race likes albert they do not let it go. for a second. race is Actually terrified theyll expose him in fromt of albert one day▪best believe they go WILD when they find out race and al are finally dating ▪the first time albert comes over after theyre dating all 4 of race's sisters TACKLE HIM▪"HELLOOOO FUTURE BROTHER-IN-LAW"▪albert is so absolutely stunned afterwards and race is crying w/ laughter●these two swear. so much. its really funny yall▪once jack dared them to go a whole week without swearing and they didnt realise how hard it would be▪"albert you fu----- fabulous human being, you"▪"stop being such an a----- aDORABLE person, race, my heart cant handle it"▪its actually very wholesome but the week is hell for those two▪the next monday theyre both like "FUCK yes we can fucking swear again thank goodness"▪its a very swear-heavy week to make up for the last one. the boys are Really Amused●race is so full of energy all the time its actually kinda weird for albert to see him tired or drowsy before nighttime▪but he knows if he gives race any form of caffeine or sugar the boy will practically be bouncing off the walls▪so he chooses to enjoy his time w/ sleepy race while it lasts bc while its pretty unusual its also absolutely adorable▪race is even more cuddly than usual when hes tired/sleepy ngl and i mean,,,,,, albert isnt complaining▪al lives for the lil smile race has on his face when hes tired and albert has just kissed his forehead or something. its so cute he swears hes gonna explode●albert is Wonderful at poetry yall cant try me on this i will take it to my grave▪race has no idea about this until they have to write a poem for english▪very open-ended assignment. a poem of any style about anything you want to write about▪albert says his is about one of the best gifts hes ever received and it turns out▪the poem is abt race▪and its REALLY well written half the class is saying 'awwww' and the other half is near tears and smiling▪race is part of the other half. except he starts crying. did i mention hes emotional as hECK●shsjjfjgs amusement park dates▪these boys live for them (also i rlly just want an excuse to write about amusement park dates)▪kind of chaotic bc race bruises really easily AND hes really clumsy so if he and al have to part ways for a bit he might look like shit when they reconvene and albert is like "do i have to fight somebody or did you just do something dumb and get yourself hurt again"▪"........the latter"▪"jesus christ, race. youre such a disaster. but i love you"▪"love you too albieeeeee"

×××

sahjkhdks i love them so much. i think i got a bit carried away with all of these lmaooo so i hope you like them!!

-sanj 💕

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[moonfacecrybaby-blog]

Self reminder (jus feel like ranting)

To never EVER go on vacation with someone who has little Earth in their chart. 😭I have never been so baffled at the lack of planning and inability to make a decision based on common sense, holy fuck. All of my female Scorpio friends are boy crazy as fuck and are willing to ditch their friends at the first sign of possibly hanging out with a guy but my Scorpio friends both have earth moons so they still get all of their ducks in a row before making a move but this bitch (who I met through my Taurus best friend who went too) is a Libra rising and Aquarius moon... let me tell you why that's the most annoying shit tho. The Libra rising makes her beautiful and charming and good at being fake as hell which is the PERFECT mask for a demon Scorpio lmao. She swore up and down during the planning of the trip that she's been wanting to hang out with us forever and misses us and couldn't wait to have a girls day- even going as far as to rent a car! What a friend right? Wrong the fucking Scorpio had been planning this all along because she has some Taurus boy toy down in that direction and she just didn't want to go alone. And then here's the kicker.. she took the car and left me, my 9 month old daughter, and the other female stranded at the beach for hours while she was like a 30 minute drive away at the guy's house, and didn't give one fuck because she's an Aquarius moon with her own agenda. 😒Then we finally met the loser and he looks EXACTLY like the husband of hers that she's currently divorcing... moral of the story is, sun and moon in the 8th people need to start listening to themselves because WE KNOW WHAT THE HELL WE FEEL WHEN WE MEET PEOPLE! I'm just also a Pisces moon so I try to blind myself so I won't see the bad in people. The first time we hung out I was scared as hell but didn't know why and then ever since that day she's brought so much drama to my life without so much as a twitch of sympathy for anyone smhhh. I find it so interesting though also because the Taurus female that went with us is also an Libra rising, Aquarius moon. Sun sign astrology is real bro because they have the same emotional responses internally and greet the world in the same way but they're differences in sun sign flavors it. The Taurus girl uses her Libra rising to nurture everybody honestly, it makes her less reserved as a Taurus and I guess the double Venus makes her hella selfless but almost everything she does is done for the good of the whole group. She pays attention to the needs of everybody around her and she always uses her Aquarius moon to come up with great ideas that benefit everyone, yeah her sun is in the 8th house so she lives on the edge so people judge her but I like that she still cares about the safety of others before her desires. The Scorpio on the other hand 😒😒😒 (lmao I know I sound like I'm hating on Scorpios but it's actually one of my favorite signs 😂) she uses her Libra rising to make people think she's nice and then acts like such trash secretly. Everybody has a fake side but hers is malicious and selfish and that's shit I just can't deal with. I wonder what house her sun is in? Whatever, it just kinda makes me mad because the Taurus girl gets judged for her openness with her fast life and sexuality but is an AMAZING person to friends and strangers but the Scorpio dresses modest, wears glasses, and has adorable little curls so nobody realizes that she's been orchestrating their Dmn demise the entire time! The same kinda thing literally happened last month when we went to hang out with some guy friends and ended up waiting in the car forever so she could fuck one of the guys, which would have been no big deal if we had planned this and it wasn't almost 4 in the morning. I guess I just hate when people have no problem inconveniencing others for their own desires. Also, another thing my female Scorpio friends have in common is that they have ZERO respect for Gemini males lmao (funny because my baby's father is a Gemini and he got his heart broken by a Scorpio earlier this year lmao). They literally hate them yet a lot of Gemini guys have big dicks (in our experience 😂) so they literally just use them for sex and talk behind their backs smh so it's even more annoying that the guy she left us in the car to fuck was a Gemini and she started talking shit as soon as she came back. 🙄😒saying how she'll never take a Gemini seriously and shit.. then why you was so hype about spending time with him??? Bruhhhhh see this rant about to be even longer cause I just have too many thoughts on this now. 😭😂 like also, back to the boy craziness! This bitch acts like she's sooo mature and above everybody but you should see her dumb ass when she's about to see a boy. 🙄🙄🙄 she literally starts vibrating and gets giddy as hell and starts talking soooo fucking much which is the worst icing on the cake to me. Don't keep rubbing your bullshit in my face after pissing me off. Ironically, she was talking about Taureans yesterday because her sister is one and was like "I don't get why you guys never say how you're feeling! Like I can't read your mind so why y'all never express when y'all mad?" And then her behavior yesterday literally answered her question. Taureans like fun but we don't like fucking drama but it seems like Scorpios BREATH drama so while we're trying to keep the trip stable, this bitch is flying around life not making and iota of sense! And what do taureans do when shit stops making sense? We sit our asses back, shut our mouths, and endure until the ground is stable again. That's why when she got back we were quiet the rest of the trip because like.. anymore surprises? We HATE surprises. I guess that's why Taureans get quiet during emotional upheavals? Me and the other Taurus were BOILING but we shut our fucking mouths when she came back around because opening our mouths to talk while in extreme emotion makes oUR VOICES COME OUT UNINTENTIONALLY LOUD AND FULL OF HATE BECAUSE YOU KEEP THROWING SHIT OUR WAY AND WE CAN NO LONGER BREATH THE EXTREME NEGATIVITY THROUGH OUR NOSES! WE DONT TALK WHEN YOU'RE UPSETTING US BECAUSE WE DONT WANNA BELIEVE THAT YOU'RE REALLY THIS TRASH SO WE SHUT UP AND GIVE YOU CHANCE AFTER CHANGE TO CORRECT YOURSELF THEN BLOW THE HELL UP WHEN YOU KEEP RUBBING IT IN! I know it sounds childish to not say what you're feeling but we just expect everyone to have common sense and KNOW as a fucking adult what's rude/stupid/nonsensical, so we sit our asses back and reevaluate our relationship with you. It's something air dominants don't really understand though because my sister is a Gemini sun, Aquarius moon (ugh I'm surrounded by Aquarius moons 🙄) and she didn't believe that I was actually having contractions and took forever to take me to the hospital when I had my daughter because I wasn't showing any emotion when I'd tell her I was in pain and wasn't saying much. My baby's father is a Gemini sun and Mercury and he literally rambled through our daughter's birth and has to talk while she's getting shots because he gets through high levels of any feeling through distracting his mind with random words. Ugh I actually love it because you know when you've made him nervous when his rambling Gemini twin starts coming out even though he's a Scorpio rising who likes to portray himself as all dark and mysterious 😂. Anyways! Taureans just prefer to lay low and endure.. until it gets real, then the rest of your chart comes out. Like when I was having contractions, I quietly endured them the whole time like a Taurus... until it was time for her to come and they got worse so the Pisces moon came out! I like the description of the moon sign being who you are when you need your mother." I literally started reaching for my mom, everyone else in the room faded away, and I kept whining to her and asking "is there any drug that can knock me out so I won't have to live through this pain?? I don't want to live though this. I don't want to experience this." While shaking my head, attempting to wake up from that nightmare 😂 I'm literally an escapist in the highest form! I find it interesting that my moon house also played a big part because I remember during the contractions that I was being a Pisces moon and trying to imagine myself in the place I'd rather be and I closed my eyes and imagine myself in a casket, and then I felt like that wasn't enough and I imagined myself burning I hell and was slightly satisfied lmao the 8th house moon is such a trip. *Sigggh* but leave it to an Aries MC person to be this annoying and off subject during a rant but whatever, I've accepted that I'm nothing but a Taurus sun version of Kanye West. 😂 But I only have "fun" friends I don't have "emotional outlet" friends so I have nobody to talk about my suppressed rage to. 🙃

[transcrypttid]

1 through 3 and 9 through 14 for the ⚢ one 💛🌻💛🍋

1.  Dream girl + Dream date?

2.  Would you say that you have a “type”?  Have you ever crushed on anyone who’s not your type?

3.  What feature do you find to be the most attractive?  What do you consider to be your most attractive feature?

9.  Did you identify as something different before realising that you were a lesbian?  What made you realise

10.  Have you ever accidentally outed yourself?

11.  Least favorite lesbian stereotype?  Do you fit any lesbian stereotypes?

12.  When did you first come out?  Was it planned?  How did it go?  What advice do you have for people who are planing on coming out?

13.  Least favorite homophobic Tumblr discourse topic?

14.  Favorite baby gay story?

oh fuuuuuuuuuuuck dude this is gonna be a fun one

1: uhh dream girl ??? a girl that loves and cares for me and like, idk, likes me a lil bit?? oh shit she gotta be cuddly as fuck and i just … love women,,,, okay dream date is a picnic in september by a lake and just like…. idk cute shit

2: i definitely have a type, and since i’ve only dated one girl, yes i have had crushes outside of my type, lol

3: oh fuuuuck idk man ive never thought about it ….. uhhh i really love eyes and uhh not to be horny on main but lips ?? damn im g a y …… and i think my best feature is my eyes/eyelashes like i love my eyes and eyelashes lmao

9: Yea i did ! i identified as bisexual for about 3 years, and what changed was actually a post on here haha. the run down was that “if you “could tolerate or endure” a relationship with a man, then you’re probably a lesbian and heres why” and it just went into all this about how you dont ever HAVE to be in a relationship with a man (if you live where i live, are privileged, etc) if you dont want to be. that sentence literally turned my world upside down, because i literally thought for 3 years of my life that i would tolerate a straight relationship if i had to. but i DIDNT HAVE TO. and now im a lesbian and its great.

10: oh yea of course. once i made a gay joke, the second time i made one in front of my moms side of the family, and the other was when i was on the phone w my boyfriend at the time and he said smth homophobic and i said “dont be an asshole youre dating one” and uh. that ended quickly, thank god. so, in short, YUP.

11: that we’re predatory. and yes, i do. short hair, sporty, likes to garden. 

12: ooookay this one is … fun.im gonna tell the two that impacted me the most, and i kinda consider them both to be the “first time” based on reactions. the very first time i came out, i was on the phone w a friend of mine at like 2:30 in the morning, sobbing my eyes out, and i just said “i think i like girls” and he was like “yea duh of course you do”. it was completely unplanned and i was a hysterical mess, and it went great. he was very supportive and kind and listened to me talk about it to no end, and i’ll always be grateful for that. the second, but most uncomfortable time i came out was when i told my parents, in almost the same fashion. crying uncontrollably, shaking, a mess, and then yelling “i think im gay”. it ended well in the long run, but it took my parents a few days to look me in the eyes. i learned later that it wasn’t because they didn’t accept me, it was because they were scared for my life, as i live in rural mississippi. my advice is, no matter what, do it safely and when you’re ready. do it when youre absolutely sure you’ll be safe, and only, ONLY do it when you feel the time is right. i know everyone says that but it seriously is the best advice i could give.

13: oh god theres…. so many. listen, im gonna come out and say it, im an ace inclusionist. that discourse, about aces not inherently being lgbt, is my least favorite. i understand where people are coming from, but why gatekeep when we can fight for our rights and to be accepted together. and honestly, nobody cares outside of the internet so i personally feel like all the people wasting their time talking about it and being angry should jus t….. go outside.

14: OH SHIT this one makes my heart so warm to think about okay…. so the first time i watched the Hunchback of Notre Dam, i literally fell head over heels for Esmeralda. like, no joke, was obsessed with her. drew pictures, got dolls, did everything i could to show my absolute adoration of Esmeralda. i didnt realize until waaaaaaaaaay after i came out that it was me, exhibiting lots of gay when i was like… idk, five. my favorite baby gay story to date. theres probably better ones, but if there are, i cant remember them.

holy shit this was a long one but it was SO FUN to answer, and once again, honey, i love you from the bottom of my toes to the very tip of my head. 

ask me stuff about being a lesbian !!!