#back to school for immediately fell through again anyway ugh. IDK

[ereh-emanresu-tresni]

If I switch degrees should I do carpentry or music production hm

[galacticxcosmos]

𝐖𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐨𝐧 𝐦𝐞 ❣︎ ᵏᵗʰ

Pairing :- Taehyung X Reader

Genre :- Bestfriends to Lovers AU, Erotic, Angst, Romance and Fluff.

Rating :- 18+ ( M )

Word Count :- 4.4k

Summary :- "Not everyone in this world deserves to be loved. I am one of those little number of unfortunate people" that's what you thought after your terrible breakup which led you to your bestfriend's appartment at midnight to seek comfort until things went way beyond just 'comfort'.

Warnings :- It's CEO Taehyung (but no office romance shit), Broke college student, Dom Taehyung, Sub reader, Some angst that idk how I managed to write, Sexual Tension, Buried feelings, Past feelings, Teasing, Morning Sex, Daddy Kink, Pinning, Oral (M receiving), Unprotected Sex, After care (omg) with fluff (omg).

A/N :- I know that I haven't been very active on Tumblr, but trust me I am trying my best, also I am still working on the next chapter for "Chemicals Collide", so please be a little more patient. Also I got inspiration for this Oneshot from Jungkook's cover, I think you guessed it already, but then I saw I had already written a JK Oneshot, so I gave this to Tae baby. Enjoy~

Not everyone in this world deserves to be loved. I am one of those little number of unfortunate people.

I could feel the numb pain in my stomach, feeling like I am going to throw up, going back and forth between feeling nothing and being unable to stop the tears. All I  could think about was if this is really the end. I picked up my pace, now breaking into a fast jog towards Taehyung's house. Tears we're rapidly streaming down my face, uncontrollable at this point. I sprinted through the apartment complex, my legs moving as quickly as they could to get to him. I wiped my face with my sleeve as I got to his floor, a failed attempt to make myself look slightly okay.

I knew Taehyung would see right past these attempts though, he'll quickly understand that I've been sobbing with one glance in my direction. He knew me too well. After knocking on the door, there was a faint thud before someone cautiously opened the door. Taehyung stood there, slightly disheveled with the smell of alcohol dripping off of him. Right, Saturday means Taehyung gets shit faced every night. Although intoxicated, he quickly realised I wasn't okay. "What happened? Did someone hurt you? Do I need to go and fight someone?" He slurred slightly, stepping outside. I chuckled, placing a hand on his chest and pushing him back into the apartment before he got the both of us locked out.

"How many have you drank?" I asked, going to the kitchen and grabbing a water bottle to give him. My legs were threatening to give out, but he should property drink something besides alcohol before he puts himself in a coma. I walked over to where he sat on the couch, handing him the water bottle before going to pick up bottles. Sure, drinking was absolutely terrible and Taehyung may have developed a problem. I just never comment on it because we all have our own ways of dealing with things, not all of them being good. After cleaning up his expensive ass apartment, I went to sit down with him. He was quietly watching TV, taking interest in some show that showed people getting hurt. He was slowly sipping his water, showing barely any interest in the almost full bottle he held in his hand.

"Tae, I asked, how many have you drank?" I asked again. "I counted like 10 while cleaning up." Taehyung didn't say anything, just shrugging as he propped his feet up on the ottoman. I sighed, following his actions and getting comfortable. It must be nice to have an apartment to yourself and not be stuck in a crammed dorm room with another person. Must be nice to not go to school and struggle everyday. Nice to not have your heart broken on the day of your anniversary. Without noticing, a small sob fell from my lips, catching Taehyung's attention instantly. Worry was written across his face as he peered over to me, one eyebrow raised.

"What happened?" He mumbled, moving to wrap one arm around me. He held me close to him, a mix of his cologne and alcohol filling my nose. "He broke up with me." I mumbled, another sob falling from my lips. I wrapped my arms around Taehyung's toned torso, hugging him like there was no tomorrow. "Isn't it your anniversary? Didn't you text me earlier today about everything?" He asked gently, trying not to make it seem like a big deal. Another sob fell, making him realise that maybe it wasn't a good idea to pull on that string. He sighed, moving so he could easily pull me into his lap. I quickly straddled him in order to bury my face in his neck.

My arms still held onto his torso as he wrapped his arms around me. He must've closed the water bottle and tossed it aside sometime earlier, deciding it was more important to comfort me. So, how the hell did a broke college student become best friends with one of the youngest CEOs in Seoul? It honestly still amazes me that we're even still friends, that I get the pleasure of being his best friend. He's everything you'd want in a person. Caring, beautiful, fit despite his work schedule, one of most hardworking people you'll ever meet.

We've been friends since we were teens, simple freshmen stuck together for a lab experiment. Thinking back on it, it's sort of funny because the first thing he ever said was I like your shirt. I smiled slightly, thinking back on the fond memories. Taehyung and I are some of the closest of people, and we're always joined at the hip when we aren't busy. I mean, we grew up together, figured out college together, lost our virginity to each other. I chuckled slightly thinking about it. Two teens frustrated and scared to lose it to someone who didn't know us. It just sort of played out one night, safe word established quickly since Taehyung was so worried. Taehyung shuffled slightly under me.

"What are you laughing about, Miss?" He teased, jabbing my sides. He's always loved fucking with me, and knew how to get on my nerves in just a few attempts. I decided to lie, figuring that, if he even remembered that night, he wouldn't want to hear about it. I shrugged, shoving my face into his neck further. "I was thinking about science when we were paired together." I said, my focus going to my shirt that was riding up slightly. Taehyung paid no attention to it, his hands resting on the bare skin of my back.

"Ugh, don't remind me." He laughed before mocking himself. "I like your shirt." I laughed, shaking my head at him. I sat up, my hands placed on his chest. He seemed tired, but sobering up a bit. His hands released my torso, going to wipe the tears off my cheeks. I smiled slightly before climbing off his lap and standing back up. "Finish drinking your water." I said, tossing the bottle over to where he was sitting. I walked into his living room, opening up the fridge and seeing what was there. I shrugged, settling on leftover takeout I'm assuming was from the shop near his work. I tossed it into the microwave before calling out to Taehyung.

"Do you want anything?" I asked, waiting for a response. "You." A small reply came, unsure and small compared to his normal loud ass. I laughed at him before asking the question once more. He simply said nothing, stating he wasn't hungry. He usually isn't when he drinks anyway. I took the takeout out, walking back into the living room. I sat and ate, making sure not to spill anything because I definitely couldn't afford to buy him a new one. This couch is probably my salary, the boy's got money. "Are you okay?" He asked, reaching over to rub my thigh. "Didn't I tell you he was a dick though? You should date better people. Like me."

I laughed at him, playfully swatting his hand away from me. I went back to my food, not paying attention to the hand creeping up towards my thigh once more. He rubbed his hand up my thighs once more, smiling slightly. "Taehyung, you're drunk." I mumbled, shoving food into my mouth once more.

Taehyung moved once more, placing his hand on my arm. Whines immediately came from me, complaining about the food and expensive couch. "Taehyung, I'm going to spill this on your couch and you're going to be mad at me" I threatened. "Fuck it. I can buy a new one." He mumbled, reaching up to smack the food out of my hand. I jerked my arm away, setting the tray down on the coffee table. "No you can't you drunk cunt." I mumbled, jumping over and pulling him down on the couch. I curled up under his arm, my face buried in his chest while I placed my arm on his side. He smiled, looking up at the TV after placing a kiss on my forehead. He held me closer, and continued to hold me until I drifted off to sleep.

∆∆∆

The sound of shuffling woke me up, my eyes barely adjusting to the bright light. Taehyung was shuffling next to me, struggling to get up. I let out a small grunt, moving so he could easily stand up. He apologized before running off to what I assumed was the bathroom. I smashed myself into the corner of the couch, trying to gain back the warmth that just left. Taehyung's chuckles filled the room as he passed by the living room, walking into the kitchen. He was probably going to go grab pain killers and a water. He waltzed back to the couch, plopping down. I let out a small grunt of disapproval.

"Come on, go and do your classes." He said, pulling me by my shirt towards him. He's always used his strength to do whatever, and it gets annoying every now and then. "Would you stop pulling me around like a ragdoll?" I said, rolling over to look at him. He had a smirk on his face, missing his shirt that he was previously wearing. "Go get a shirt on" I said. "No." He said, dropping a water bottle and laying down. I rolled over, cuddling into his warm embrace. His golden skin always give off warmth, and god I loved it. "Shouldn't you have classes to attend?" Taehyung asked, wrapping his arms around me. I rolled my eyes at him, wondering how stupid he has to be to not understand.

"I just got my heart broken yesterday, why would I want to do anything?" I mumbled, "I just want comfort and to rest for awhile." Taehyung nodded, holding me. He mumbled something that I didn't quite catch, but I was too lazy to ask what he said. "Why do you date douchebags? I mean, they don't give you the love you deserve and end up breaking your heart. You should find someone that actually cares about you." He mumbled, tangling his legs with mine. "Why does it matter to you Taehyung?" I asked, looking up at him.

"Because you come to my apartment at like 3 am sobbing usually. And you shouldn't even be out at that time, with someone else or alone for that matter. It's not safe. And you deserve better." He mumbled. "Would you stop worrying about that? I'll be okay." I could barely even finish my sentence when Taehyung crashed his lips onto mine, our lips molding together within seconds. Taehyung pulled away slightly, attaching his lips on to my jaw. My breath hitched, hands moving to grab at his arms.

"Taehyung, I don't think this is a good idea." I mumbled, his movements coming to a stop and his body stiffing. "I just mean we're probably just confused and I just broke up and you're a famous CEO hooking up with a college st-" I knew if I asked, he would immediately stop. It's not that I was afraid of him doing something stupid, I was afraid of the underlying feelings I had for my best friend. The feelings that make me want to cherish and love him just as much as have him fuck my brains out.

"Tell me y/n, do you really think I don't notice?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. "Think I don't notice the looks you give me when you think I'm not paying attention? You rubbing together your thighs when you're around me?". "Taehyung I still don't think-", "You don't think this is a good idea because you're afraid. You'll have a real man now, someone that will love and appreciate you as well as please you? Listen, I have no problem with that as long as you return it." He mumbled, moving over to whisper in my ear. "Do you know how much you affect me?"

He licked my ear, sucking slightly causing me to whimper. My eyes were screwed shut, head cocked to side. He climbed around so he could be on top, grinding our hips together slightly. His bulge rubbed against my thigh, rock hard. "Taehyung-", "Waste it on me y/n. Your love, please just this once. You waste it on everyone else, so why not me? Why not your best friend that's in love? Please, it's not going to hurt if it's just once." He mumbled, locking eyes with me. "Taehyung-", "Daddy." He corrected, is he serious right now?? He wants me to fill in his kinks now??

"Taehy-", "Did you not hear me babygirl?" He said, staring down at me. I gripped his torso, wondering how the hell I got myself into this situation. How I ended up here, with him. "Daddy, please." I said, coming out more whiny than I expected. He smirked slightly, a look of confidence flushing over his face. "What babygirl? Tell me so I can please you." He said, moving so his face was a mere millimeters away. "Kiss me."

He did, quickly getting rid of the space in between us. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to me. My hands tangled in his hair, pulling slightly. His hips slightly rolled into mine, pulling a moan from the both of us. Taehyung's hands slipped down, running up and down my sides, stopping to squeeze slightly. His hands found their way to my ass, squeezing and rubbing. "Daddy~" I whined, rolling my hips up into his. He let out a small groan, moving to place hot, open mouthed kisses all along my neck. He stopped to suck a small bruise here and there, making sure to leave his mark.

His hands slipped into my shirt, squeezing my sides. I giggled slightly, jerking away from the ticklish action. Taehyung smiled up at me before slipping my shirt up and eventually over my head. My arms instinctively went to cover my skin, Taehyung clicking his tongue slightly. "Come on babe, don't make me tie you up." He mocked, smirking at me. My eyes widened slightly, taking Taehyung back for a moment. "God, I don't remember a freak in highschool.", "Oh my God. Please don't." I said, staring at him. He's referring to losing our virginity to each other, embarrassing.

"So shy and innocent-", "I don't remember such a cocky shit in the bedroom either? You think you've gotten better?" I challenged. "I know I've gotten better." He answered. He's so full of himself. "Whoever cums first, loses." I challenged, staring up at him. He looked taken back. I smiled, sitting up in order to push him back on the couch. I straddled him, sitting on his hips as I took my bra off and tossed it somewhere across the room. Taehyung's hands flew up, squeezing and pinching what he could manage. I let out a small whine when he took a sensitive bud in between his fingers, twisting it roughly. My hips involuntary rolled, Taehyung's hips jerking up. I moved, going to pull on his shorts. The more I pulled down, I realized he wasn't wearing any underwear.

"This was your plan all morning?" I questioned. "Nope, just when I seen you over here looking like a fresh baked snack." He said, making me laugh at how stupid he was. I rolled my eyes, kissing his hips slightly. Once his shorts were off, he wasted no time kicking them halfway across the room. I giggled slightly, laying down on the couch so I was level with his cock. Taehyung threw his head back, his breathing becoming uneven. I licked a long stripe from bottom to top, stopping at the top to flick my tongue along his tip. I slowly wrapped my lips around his tip, sinking down slightly before coming back up. I took inch by inch until he hit the back of my throat, sinking down a bit more before coming up. A low moan fell from Taehyung as I swallowed around him, his hips involuntary bucked up into my mouth.

I fought off my gag reflex, hallowing my cheeks around him. I let him face fuck me, his hands roughly controlling my head to please himself. A loud whine fell from him, grabbing my hair and pulling my head up an off. He wrapped his fingers around his base, squeezing. Once he calmed down, he looked up at me. "Okay Miss, your turn." He said before basically pouncing on me. Our lips connected in a rush, molding together as his hands slipped into my jeans. He popped open the buttons with ease, sliding my jeans down my legs. His warms hands squeezed my thighs, coming up to link his fingers with my lace panties.

He pulled away from the kiss, locking eyes with me quickly before sinking down. He gently pulled off the lace, tossing it aside. After a bit, he nipped at my thigh, sucking a bruise. He continued nipping at my thighs, making me get more and more impatient. "Daddy! Please!" I whined, my hips bucking up. He moved, licking a long stripe. I whined as me began sucking on my clit, flicking his tongue every now and then. My hands were buried in his hair, resisting the urge to crush his head with my thighs.

I felt Taehyung's smirk, wrapping his arms around my thighs and pinning me down. I bucked my hips into his mouth, a low moan falling from my lips. "Taehyung, slow down." I whined, my legs shaking in his arms. He did, slowing down his tongue flicks. He let go one of my legs, moving his finger to me gently. Slowly, he pushed his finger in knuckle deep. I couldn't fight the loud moan that fell from me.

"God I fucking love your thighs." He mumbled, drawing circles where one of his arms was still wrapped around me. "So thick and full, so much better than the sticks that throw themselves at me." A small laugh came from me, shaking my head at him. "I'm sure you've had plenty of those sticks in here." He shook his head, drawing his finger out slowly before pushing it back in. I grabbed his wrist, positioning it a bit differently and told him to curl his fingers next time. He followed, hitting exactly where I needed him to. My whole body jerked, making him smile up at me.

"Fuck I've missed you." Taehyung groaned, talking to himself more than anything. I wasn't sure if he meant me, or my heat. I decided not to ask, not wanting to get hurt over something so stupid. His fingers picked up their pace, hitting exactly where I told him. Moans fell from my lips, my head thrown back as I held onto his head. Slowly, I felt an orgasm coming upon me. "Taehyung!" I whined, grabbing his arm and jerking him away. He could easily continue, overpower me completely with just one hand. But Taehyung isn't like that. He became instantly worried."Are you okay? Did I hurt you? Do you want to stop?" He asked, panic striking him from all sides.

I laughed, sitting up. I pulled him to me, kissing him as deeply as I could. "No, you're okay. Just, a bit overwhelming." I smiled. He nodded, sitting up. "Is it okay if I continue, I need to stretch you out. I'd hate to hurt you." He said, slightly hesitant with each word he spoke. "Of course. And what happened to the man that was just so cocky seconds ago?" I asked, teasing him. He scoffed, continuing. He started with one finger, slowly adding a second and beginning a scissoring motion.

Small moans fell from me, gripping his arm where I was able to. Looking down, Taehyung still wore his arrogant smile. After he deemed me stretched and ready enough, he sat up and in between my thighs. He looked around for a few seconds, for what I'm assuming is for a condom or something like that. "No condom." I mumbled, making his attention snap back over to me. His cheeks were slightly flushed and eyes full of concern and slight worry. "I'm on the pill." I reassured. "Yeah, but that's not a 100% you won't get pregnant." Taehyung mumbled, still worried. I laughed, shaking my head at him.

"It's pretty damn close, but if you're really that scared go find one. I'll be here waiting for you." I teased, watching his eyes narrow at me slightly. I giggled as he pounced on top of me, pinning my arms above my head with ease. A small smirk grew on my face as I nibbled slightly on his earlobe. "Daddy, please fuck me." Taehyung couldn't resist anymore, positioning himself before easily sliding in. He let out a loud grunt as he bottomed out, his head falling into my neck. "Fuck, when's the last time you've had sex?"

"What? What do you mean?" I asked, slightly panicking at his question. Taehyung slowly pushed himself up, sitting back on his legs with my thighs in his palms. I propped myself up on my elbows, watching as he slowly slid out before slamming back into me. I jolt of pleasure shot throughout my body. "You haven't been fucked in awhile, no? You're so tight." Taehyung said, placing on of my legs over his shoulder to give him better access. I let out a loud moan as he picked up his pace, gaining a steady and rather quick rhythm. Taehyung was letting out small grunts, his face becoming sweaty and his bangs sticking to his forehead.

"Ah, Taehyung" I whined, grabbing onto his arm as he pounded into me. He scoffed, leaning forward to nail my g-spot. He was folding me in half, basically. "I'll let that one slip, babygirl. But next time you're getting punished." He growled, crashing his lips onto mine while still maintaining his thrusts. As the kiss became rougher, so did his thrusts. The sound of skin hitting skin soon filled the room accompanied by moans. Taehyung's grip was harsh, holding onto my waist and thighs like it was the only thing keeping him alive. I could barely see straight anymore, pleasure washing over me. I smiled, remembering something Taehyung was absolutely weak for. I reached up, taking one of his sensitive buds in between my fingers and flicking it roughly.

He let out a throaty groan, head falling forward slightly. He was focusing on his thrusts, speeding up and slamming harder than before. Profanities spilt from the both of us, gripping onto whatever we could to keep us in place. "Fuck, I'm going to cum." Taehyung moaned, making me smirk up at him. I mumbled a small, then I win. His head shot up, completely forgetting about the dumb bet set long ago. His fingers went straight to my clit, roughly stimulating me. I yelped, holding onto his wrist for dear life while clamping down around him.

His thrusts we're sloppy and more desperate than before, quickly reaching his high. With a few lasts thrusts and moans, he came deep inside of me. As soon as he came, the stimulation caught up and sent me flying over. Bolts of pleasure shot throughout me, my toes curling and head thrown back into the sofa. I ripped Taehyung's fingers away from me, becoming too sensitive. He smirked, sliding his fingers into my mouth. I licked them, rolling my tongue in between. He watched, shaking his head.

My body was shaking, something Taehyung was quick to notice. He laid his body weight on top of me, kissing me with the most passion he ever has. The shaking came to an eventual stop, both of us relaxing for a few seconds. "Well, I guess we both lost." I mumbled, not really knowing how to not make this awkward. Taehyung laughed, shaking his head violently.

"Let's not do that weird thing where you think I'm going to suddenly leave you." He smiled, running his hands up and down my thighs. "I'll go run us a bath." He got up, jogging into the bathroom. I heard water turn on followed by a few drawers opening. After a few moments, he came back and scooped me up into his arms bridle style, making me laugh. Taehyung sat down first, then helping me sit down in between his legs. I let out a small hum, leaning against his torso and relaxing. "You know Taehyung, this is really nice." I smiled, letting him trace little patterns onto my shoulders and chest.

He smiled, kissing my shoulder gently. "Your girlfriend is going to be so lucky, she just doesn't know it yet.", "Well um, I was actually hoping you'd be my girlfriend. And I mean like, official official like dating and going out and doing things together." He laughed, "Not just hook-ups at 3 am.", "Are you serious? You're messing with me?" I calmly said, acting as if I didn't care but the frantic beating in my chest told another story. "Yeah, I've loved you since like high school." Taehyung said, becoming cheesy and acting offended when I made fun of him for it.

"I'd love to be with you Taehyung. I just think it's weird that the youngest CEO in the world is dating a broke college student." I said. "And don't get me wrong, I'm not dating you just because you're a CEO. I actually do love and care about you a lot. I always have cared about you in a more than friends way.", "Stop referring to yourself as a broke college student. You're my best friend since high school, my first ever love and my love now." He said, a dumb smile plastered across his face. I laughed, making fun of him again.

"I'm glad Taehyung. I love you too." I smiled, looking back and pecking his lips. He wore the brightest smile, kissing my shoulders while wrapping his arms around me and holding me close. I smiled, "Jesus Christ I'm happy that dick broke up with me." Taehyung laughed in response, "Get broken up by a dick and then dicked down after. You fucking slut.", I laughed, turning around to punch him in the shoulder. "Says the one that was willing to fuck me right there, on the spot." I said, mocking him. "Hey, you never told me to stop. And if you did you know I would've." He said, beginning to ramble and get cheesy again. "Okay, relax. You just fucked me, don't get all phycological about it." You playfully rolled your eyes.

"You know what?? I am glad that this time you wasted it on me" he lovingly kissed your cheek.

The End.

Feel free to like or reblog, comment down any requests you have and you can follow me inorder to stay updated.

~peace out.

[bobbys-naughty-corner]

My very first fluff

Bokuto x reader (college au)

Warnings: fluff. Just something I dreamt of.

Why was it so hard to keep his eyes off you? It frustrated him so much to watch you. Looking at you dance, laugh and have fun with friends. Why did he even care about you anyways? Bokuto sipped the liquor from his cup and looked away. He could hear your distinct laughter over the music and large chattering crowd. He shouldn’t even be looking at other girls. But you, boy oh boy, you were... ugh! Bokuto hated that he even liked you. Hated when he’d stutter, blush or even laugh at random times if you even said a word to him. He hated that he even compared you to his girlfriend. The girl he thought he’d spend the rest of his life with. Someone he didn’t have to worry about while in separate school. But now he questioned if he loved her or thought it was easier to date someone just to fill in the romance in his life. He wasn’t looking for someone then but when she had asked him he said yes. See he didn’t get the same butterflies he did with you. He didn’t even blush when she flirted. It honestly felt like a forced relationship that was tearing down. He loved his girlfriend. He did! He prioritized her just like she wanted, did anything for her, treated her like a Queen. She was his queen, but why did his heart throb when he smelt your perfume? Why did he break out in sweat any time you approached? It was weird. So weird. Wasn’t that supposed to happen with his girlfriend? No, no maybe he just wasn’t seeing her the way he should. Maybe it’s the long distance. The time apart, the arguing, the ghosting. Yeah that could be it. Bokuto chugged the rest of his drink and disappeared into the party.

Your pov

I was having a blast. College parties were fun but it did feel a bit uncomfortable. I felt like someone was watching me. My friends hand me a small shot glass and I raised my brow at the small solo cup. “It’s plastic.” I said. “Girl whatever just take the shot and then find some blue bin to put it in.” My roommate rolled her eyes. I swallowed the shot and shivered as the hard liquor rolled down my throat. It stung and tasted horrible. I hated flavored liquor and I’m sure she gave me just that. I handed her the cup and she put another in my hand. “Again?” I complained but still took it. “Yeah we all have two!” She said taking hers. I tossed the drink back and scrunched my face. “Yuck!” I said aloud, smacking my lips. “Now let’s go!” My roommate put the cups on some random table and dragged the whole group deeper into the party.

I stumbled around the frat trying to find an exit. It was late, I was tired, hungry and drunk. I don’t even know how I’m going to make it to my dorm. I tripped over someone’s foot and hit someone with my head. “I’m sorry!” I said rubbing my head. When the person turned around I could barely make out their face. The light, intoxication and music distorted everything. “Y-YN?” The voice was very familiar. “Yeah. Who’reyou?” I asked trying to stand still but I could feel my body moving around as if my feet weren’t flat on the ground. “Are you okay?” They ignored my question. But I did too. “I think I had too much to drink.” I admitted. “Trying to get to my bed so I could sleep. It’s like 2 am.” I looked at my imaginary watch and then back to the person. I squinted my eyes hoping my vision would clear up. I vaguely made out the yellow eyes, spiked hair, and bleached tips. They were tall. My mind tried to remember who was built like them. “Bokuto! That’s your name right?” I said aloud. “Yeah, I sit behind you in Psychology.” I nodded finally remembering everything I knew about him. Which wasn’t much since we barely spoke to one another. “Well I guess I’ll see you in class Tuesday.” I tried walking pass him but he stopped me. Using his arm to block my path. “I-I’ll walk you back.” He offered. Well more like he stated. I looked up at him and nodded. I grabbed his hand, “okay walking buddy, lead the way.” I said. His fingers squeezed my hand and tried to let go. Not happening. If I let go and blink he’ll be gone. Bokuto stayed still and I groaned. I pulled him to the exit and weaved pass bodies. Holding his hand tightly so he wouldn’t get separated.

I swung our arms back and forth as I damn near skipped beside him. “Did you have fun?” I asked him. “Uh, y-yeah I guess.” He said. Avoiding any eye contact with me. “Oh really. I know you was hugging that wall. You didn’t even look comfortable. I guess that why you want to walk back to the dorms. Well lucky for you, I’m here to take you back safely.” I cheered. “Actually I’m walking you back. And I guess I’m just out of it tonight.” He confessed. “Oh boohoo. You’re in college, your fun is finally here. I’ve seen how you act around your friends all loud and energetic. You were supposed to be the main one swinging from that ugly ass chandelier.” I said to him. I heard him chuckle and smiled at him. “But seriously you shouldn’t drown your feelings with alcohol. Let’s talk about it. We got a bit of a walk.” I moved closer to him and hugged his arm. Bokuto stayed silent though until he sighed. “I, I have, I haven’t been doing too well in class.” He dropped his head. “Oh come on! That can’t be it. Everyone in there is probably failing a class. I’m failing math but that shit is super hard and I didn’t buy textbook. I think I know what it is.” I poked his arm and pressed my body against him more. Bokuto blushed and tried to hold up my weight and walk at the same time. “Do you have a girlfriend?” I asked. I pulled away from him and waited on his answer. He nodded his head. “Is she here?” I continued to ask simple questions leading into more detailed questions.

“Do you talk everyday?”

“She’s not talking to me right now.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know.

“Do you still love her?”

“Yes... maybe. Idk it’s like the feels are going away.” There it was. He began to rant. “When we both started college everything was great. We’d talk everyday, shared our schedules, even had online dates. But now she barely replies back, says she’s in class even after school hours. Last month she ghosted me for a week and said that her phone got hacked and she lost my number. How could you lose my number when you made me remember yours. Ugh! She drives me crazy. I want to love her but I’m stuck. It’s like there’s nothing to love. She slipped from my hands and I have no clue where she’s going.” He concluded. Wow. That’s tough. I rubbed his back and tried to encourage him. “Oh don’t worry. Give her time if you think she’s worth the wait. Every woman has her own struggle.” I leaned my head against his shoulder. “I don’t think that she is. And I don’t want to think I used her. I thought she was perfect for me. Then someone else came along and she started to drift, I don’t know.” Wait, someone else? “As in some guy came into her life?” I asked but he shook his head. “Oooooh you like someone. Juicy. Would you like to hear my advice?” I asked. I made us stop so he could listen. “I think, this could be the liquor talking but I think you should break up. If you still feel a connection then wait for the right time to fix that relationship. But if your heart says something else then you should listen to yourself. No knows you better than you, and your body wouldn’t put itself in harms way.” I rubbed his arms and looked into his eyes. He didn’t look drunk. But how could I tell, I’m so close to just dropping to the ground. “I’ve never been in a relationship though and I don’t know your situation all that well but I know when my heart tells me something I don’t always have to listen. But sometimes the heart wants what it wants. Plus most relationships don’t last when people enter college anyway. Just a fact.” I told him. I wish I had my glasses, I could see better with them on.

At the dorm I literally remembered that I didn’t bring my key or ID. “Sooo, I actually can’t get to my room...” I said, partially embarrassed. “You can stay in my dorm. I have a single room.” He offered. My eyes lit up and my smile spread across my face. I just wanted to lay down. He led me to another dorm building and let me in. His room was on the 4th floor all the way at the end. Inside was neat. Although his volleyball obsession was very clear from the posters all over his wall. When my eyes landed on his bed I immediately jumped on it. The bed was high, he must’ve done that because he was tall. Bokuto sat on the other side and kicks his shoes off. Mine fell off my feet when I jumped. “I’m going to shower.” He said. My body shot up. I wanted to shower too. Ugh I wish I was in my room! Bokuto looked at me surprised that I got up so quickly. “Do you want to take a shower after me? I can give you clean clothes.” He got off the bed and looked through his Chester to find something for me. “You’re so nice!” I said rolling around his large bed.

Bokuto pov

What was I doing?! GFN would kill me if she knew I had a girl in my room. I can’t tell her. No one knows. I’m sure YN would even forget being in here. I pulled out a sweatshirt and shorts I practice in. When I turned back YN was standing at my mirror, making faces. How could she be so cute? “Did you dance with anyone?” She asked me. “No. Here wear this. You can shower before or after. I have extra towels.” She ignored what I said and shook her ass in the mirror. My eyes glued to her butt. Watching her dress rise up showing the colorful panty she wore. Fuck! It was hard to look away. It was hard to stop getting hard. You stood up and came over to me. I held the clothes out to you and you took it but put it down. You entangled your hand in mine and spun yourself into my chest. Moving you hips against my crotch. “Dance with me.” You said twirling around like a drunk. You were drunk. “I have a girlfriend.” I said without thinking. You frowned but then smiled. “See that. Loyalty. You should try calling her. Probably before your shower.” You dropped my hand and walked to the bed. You looked sad and disappointed.

Your pov

Who was I kidding? He has a girlfriend which you told him to break up with. Fucking Dumbass.

It was quiet and awkward after we both showered. No one spoke. We laid far away from each other. Practically falling off the bed as we both slept at the edge. I kept the blanket on my legs since I wore a sweater. Bokuto wore a white shirt with shorts. He was probably asleep too. I moved around in the bed, vey uncomfortable and hot. The sweater smelled just like him, so did the bed and the whole room. I sat up and looked at Bokuto’s back. Don’t turn around. I quickly took the sweater off and fell back into the bed. I quickly got under the blanket before he turned over. “Are you okay?” He asked. I held the blanket under my neck leaving no room for him to see what I did. I nodded my head and turned around. What time is it? I swear I always tired earlier. Why am I not asleep now? Bokuto put his hand on the back of my neck and I shivered. “You’re cold.” He stated. His hand wrapped around my waist and pulled me back to him. I squeaked and blushed. He was most definitely warm and I most definitely didn’t have a top on. His body cuddled mine. Pressing against me and squeezing me. God, why did you let my life play out like this. “Can I tell you something?” He asked me. “Yeah. I’m listening.” I said still with my back to him. “I spoke to GFN. She explained why she wasn’t replying back.” His arm pulled me closer and I could literally hear the pain in his voice. Did she cheat? Are they over with? Why am so excited about this? “What did she say?” I wanted to hug him but I just rubbed the arm that wrapped around me. “She said she wanted to break up.” He paused. “Then she told me why. She’s pregnant. She’s been going to the hospital and that’s why she’s been avoiding me.” What a turn of events. I really wasn’t expecting that. I slowly turned around making sure I still covered my chest. I hugged him softly and he hugged back. “She doesn’t deserve you.” I said. “Maybe this the sign you need to listen to your heart. I’m sure the next person will treasure you.” I felt his hands on my back. They were so big, his fingers spread out but then they ball into a fist against by my skin. Bokuto quickly and smoothly puts me on my back and kisses me. I gasped and he put his tongue in my mouth. “Mmph!” His body was way too heavy for me to push off. His tongue tried to get mine to move but when I didn’t he pulled away. “I-I I’m sorry!” I was shocked. Too shocked to kiss back. “You’ve been so nice and understanding I just-“ I cut him off. “Sex with a stranger won’t lead to closure.” I told him. “To me you’re not a stranger. I like you. A lot. The moment I saw you in class my heart just wanted to be next to you. I didn’t feel the same way about my girlfriend. I thought about you more than her. You are so fun and goofy. I thought that it was your body and the separation but the more I gave it thought the more I realized I’m in love with you.” He confessed. What? Huh?

My blush wasn’t as visible as his but I was still flustered. This has to be one of the most awkward confessions I’ve ever got. But I just so happen to like him too. He’s handsome, funny, tall, Athletic, I mean come on. He has such an extraordinary quality about him that just makes people around him look up to him and admire him. He’s smart, social, caring, just an all around amazing person. His eyes trailed lower and his face turned red. Eyes wide and alert as he gazed at my chest. I quickly folded my arms and he looked back up. As if his brain rebooted he sat up and moved. “I’m sorry.” He apologized again. He got up and headed for his door. “W-where are you going?!” I said aloud. “To let you sleep.” He opened his door and nearly closed it before I could even finish my sentence. “I don’t want to sleep alone!” I yelled. The door cracked open and the light from the hallway peered in. “I like you too but-“ he opened the door wider and was crying. He ran and tackled me on his bed. Crushing my body under his.

Narrative pov

Bokuto didn’t care if he didn’t have anyone. He truly wanted someone to relate to, to laugh at his corny jokes, give him the time of day. He didn’t want to be an accessory or molded into the perfect boyfriend. You were right for him. He knew it, he felt it. You tapped his arm to let him know that you wanted him up. “Can I finish?” You asked covering your chest with the blanket. Bokuto nodded, he’d listen to anything you say like it was his favorite radio station. “I do like you too. Love is a strong word and I’ve told you I’ve never been in a relationship so as much as my heart flutters with joy and aches with excitement to hear you like me too, I have to at least have some time. Time to see how we’d work together, time to prepare myself, time to dedicate myself to you. You play volleyball, that may be in the way of having a relationship. So we can have a trial of one month and if things go smoothly then I would love to be your girlfriend. That is if you want to start dating. If you just want sex then Imma leave because I don’t tolerate drunk sex.” “YN if it takes a year for you to feel ready then I’ll be waiting the whole year.” He kissed the back of my hand and leaned in for a hug. “Can I get your number?” Bokuto asked you. He went to get his phone so you can put them digits in.

[blackberry-gingham]

if you haven’t already, could you do something with being childhood bffs with george and it developing into romance?

Aw, this is cute 🥺 of course!

Ik I've done the teddy!george to Beatle George romance, so for this I'm going to do like actual kids to like high school/teddy! George romance :)

Also, this is super long sorry, but idk how to do a cut so oof 💀 anyway, enjoy!

---

You've known him since forever, the boy with the raven hair and funny eyebrows.

You're earliest memories go back to growing up on the streets of Liverpool. Causing trouble on the playground, getting into mischief behind your mother's backs...

He was your best friend. Still is, as a matter of fact. Until the day everything changed.

You're story starts off on a playground, during a mild day in mid August. The sun is shining brightly and the birds are chirping and flitting through the trees happily. If only you could say the same for your mood.

The old swing set creaks methodically as you and George go back and forth.

It's your last summer before your senior year of high school. You two have been going to the same school this whole time at least, but you can't help this nagging feeling that you and George are going to drift apart after school.

He's changed so much since you were kids.

Lately he's made some... other friends. It's not that that's bothering you of course. No, it's more so that they're all teddy boys. And now, so is George. Not to mention they fancy themselves a start up band, which has only been eating up more of George's time away from you.

Besides, you have no idea what to expect with this final year. Honestly, you're scared as it is, and even the thought of losing your best friend is too much to bear.

"Whatcha thinking about square?", George detects the worry undulating off of you, despite the neutral expression on your face. He knows you too well.

You snap out of your thoughts and paint a smile on your face, "Oh, nothing! Are you looking forward to your final year?"

George fixes you with a look. He doesn't believe that nothing's wrong, but knows to not push you if you don't want to talk about it. "Suppose so, although more just to get it over with. Oh, that reminds me! The lads and I have a gig lined up in a few weeks, can you believe it?"

You're heart drops, and you fear you can already feel him slipping away. "That's wonderful George, I can't believe it!"

His face lights up, "Isn't it? We're going to the top I tell you, I'm sure of it!" George digs his boots into the mulch abruptly, and you slow to a stop as well. "Um, I don't suppose you'd come to the gig, will you?"

You fix him with a suspicious look, there's something afoot here... "When and where?"

"The pub downtown, two months from tomorrow, at 3 am", George's voice gets quiter as he goes. The old him would know not to ask something like that in a million years. After all, your parents would never allow it. And if you got caught...

"George... I-"

He cuts you off, suddenly feeling bad it seems, "No no! I-it's alright, I shouldn't have asked. It's not right, you have school and all"

"So do you, ya know", you lean in and laugh a bit, trying to lighten the mood. Thankfully the tension seems to melt and George laughs, brushing off the accusation. At last he stands and offers to walk you home. You agree and take a few steps after him...

...Only to trip over an old piece of tarp sticking up from under the mulch.

You let out a yelp, but before you hit the ground, George catches you. He helps you up right and holds onto you for a moment to make sure you're steady, "That was close! You alright square?"

"Fine, thanks to you", you laugh, then kick some mulch over the exposed tarp. "Damn thing..."

George laughs and the two of you walk on, "Say, do you remember when we were kids and you fell off that same swing set?"

"Ugh, how could I forget! I still have the scar on my knee", you pout.

"Really? I didn't know it was that bad"

"It certainly was! Don't you remember, after I fell you picked me up an-"

"...Carried you all the way home?", George finishes the thought for you.

You smile distantly, reminiscing on better days. "Yeah..."

The two of you talk a bit more about your younger days. All sorts of fun and embarrassing stories come to light as you make your way through town. For a moment, you feel like you're with the old George again.

And then, it all screeches to a halt as you arrive on your doorstep.

"Well, here you are then!"

"Yeah... Um, see you tomorrow per chance?"

George's face falls, "Oh... Actually I have practice with the lads... Then I'm helping with chores around the house all this weekend. M-maybe we can hangout again next week?"

The smile you give him doesn't quite reach your eyes, even as you agree that that sounds like a good plan.

It turns out that date does get pushed back a bit more, but you're thankful to have at least one last day together before school starts up again. Things are normal for a while. Well, the new normal, that is. George tries to be in three places at once between you, the lads, and school, and you're worried for him.

You keep waiting to see which of the three he's going to drop to take a load off his schedule... And you're deathly afraid it'll be you.

But somehow he manages to juggle all three, and before you know it, the night of the gig is upon you. George brings the topic up with you momentarily at school, just to give it another try. You’ve been feeling so estranged from him lately that you want nothing more then to say yes...

You just... can’t.

George says he understands, but he can’t mask the disappointment in his eyes. It’s the last look you see from him that day. However, that night, is a different story.

Clack... Clack. Clack clack... Clack.

A strange noise rouses you from sleep and you get up to investigate. It’s coming from the window... You peak outside to find George out in your yard, throwing rocks at the glass. He sees your outline and starts waving his arms franticly. Quickly, you check the time. It’s 2:03 am.

You heft the window open and George immediately starts chattering. “Morning square! I’m on my way to the pub, I thought maybe you could just sneak out with me since you want to go!”

“Are you mad? You’ll wake the whole house!”, you whisper angrily.

George drops his voice a bit too, but refuses to leave. He says a few more suave and charming words, but more then anything, you can’t deny that you do want to go with him... It takes a little convincing, but you make up your mind to go. You disappear to throw on some going out clothes and navigate your way down out the window and over the roof. It’s a little trick you learned from when you were young.

You haven’t done that in ages...

At last, you and George race off to the bus stop and as though sneaking out past midnight wasn’t exciting enough, the way he grabbed your hand to pull you along through the dark sent your heart soaring.

And when you arrive just in the nick of time the gig to start, you almost hate to admit how much fun you’re having. To think, you almost missed this... The boys are amazing up on stage and the crowd loves them. While you must say, they are all good, you didn’t take your eyes off of George the entire time.

One of the teds, Paul you think, steps up to the mic. “Thank you, you’ve all been wonderful! But before we go, there’s one last song we want to play for you... This goes out to all the sweethearts tonight, it’s called Love me do!”

It’s not on the itinerary, but the crowd whoops and applauds regardless. You focus your attention back to George and he winks at you. In that moment, you experience a feeling you’ve never had in your life. Your blood runs cold, yet you feel on fire. Your fingers and toes tingle, yet you still have complete control over your body. You feel weightless, and yet as though you could collapse.

The song is wonderful, but you were hardly able to pay attention, you were so busy mulling over what that wink meant...

When everything is over, George hurries to catch up with you after the show. He seems so alive.

"You were amazing up there Georgie, absolutely wonderful!"

"Really? You liked it?"

"Of course! I didn't know you were so talented! Why have you never played for me before?", You laugh, but George seems to grow shy all of a sudden.

"I didn't think you were interested... But uh, now I know, I suppose!", he laughs, trying to mend the awkwardness before you can interject. "You know what? We should be getting you home, yeah?"

You whip around to look at the clock. It's nearly 4:30. When you turn back to George, he can already see the panic in your eyes. Without another word, you both race out to the bus stop and wait anxiously to catch a ride.

George tries to make a little small talk and reasure you, but you're having a hard time loosening up. All you can think about is what'll happen if you're caught...

And when you get home, your worst fears are realized. Your dad is sitting on the front porch and the lightning your room has since been turned on. George goes to hold your hand, but you nudge him away as you trudge to your doom.

Your dad doesn't say a word. You already know how much trouble you're in. He looks at George with a deadly scowl etched into his face.

"Sir, I'm sorry, it was m-"

The door slams in his face, and all George can hear is the sound of yelling from the other side as he's forced to walk away.

You're not allowed to see George outside of school for a looooong time. Which is almost fine with you. You can't believe you listened to him...

George tries to apologise to you fervently the next time he sees you, but you blow him off. It takes a few days before you speak to him again, and George feels crushed. That night couldn't have ended more terribly. There was so much he wanted to tell you... But, he can't let you go.

Over time you come around to better terms with your lifetime friend. It takes some work, but George is determined to restore your trust in him. And slowly but surely, your grievance becomes forgotten. He hasn't spend this much time with you since you were children. And honestly? He hasn't been this fun since then either...

He takes you out for ice cream on weekends. You go to the park after school together nearly everyday, that you can. And once you're officially allowed to spend time with him, he even invites you over to watch practice with the lads.

And before you know it, winter has passed and spring is nearly gone too. It's the end of the year and there's one last hurrah to come before graduation. Prom season is upon you.

You know who you want to ask you, but you fear it's too much to even hope. But then, one sunny day...

Clack... Clack. Clack clack... Clack.

Curious, you get up from your desk and wander over to the window. You throw it open and look out. There in the lawn, George stands with a large, handwritten sign above his head. He looks up at you with big, puppy eyes, and he's never been more afraid in his whole life.

Prom? The sign reads.

You scamper out of your window, and nearly trip in your excitement to say yes. George drops his sign and catches you before you hit the ground. You jump up, alight with excitement, "Yes, yes!", you can't stop bouncing, even as George holds you steady.

George smiles at you with an affection you've never seen before. He doesn't say a word. Instead, he picks you up and gives you a spin while you yelp in surprise. When he puts you back down, the two of you share a long look and you think, there's no one in the whole world you'd rather give your first kiss to.

As though he can read your mind, George leans in slowly, giving you an option. But you can't contain yourself, you rush forward and throw your arms around his leather covered shoulders. The smell of his musky hair gel and warm leather jacket wash over you as he holds you tight.

It's the kind of embrace you'd grow familiar with. You don't know it now, but you'll find yourself wrapped in it for the rest of your days.

[butterfly-winx]

its probably the helia stan in me but id love to read an origin story! idk if youre planning one for all of them but i really like your worldbuilding so id read them! and i know others would too! 💞 (also that fairy sketch was beautiful and if youre planning on it id love to hear more about him 👀)

Aahh ugh, I don’t actually have a lot fleshed out for Cyanox, except that he is the Guardian of Prometia and neutral to a fault. And also unintentionally the reason for why/how Layla  gained the ability to modify Sirenix into Crystal Sirenix to adapt to cold and high pressure environments. 

I am far too disorganised to make one collection post for the backgrounds of all characters I messed with, so I guess, here goes nothing. *cracks knuckles* Buckle in for the ride! (content warning for death and lethal illnesses)

Helia was born on Lynphea in a middle sized settlement in the moderate-warm Eastern Forests of Lynphea. I talk about the zones, culture and dangers of Lynphea here, so I don’t want to repeat myself too much, but Helia’s village was much closer to the borders of the Death Zone the virus has claimed for itself than what would have been advisable. Back then, they thought  Viaj would exhaust the surrounding natural resources and its people would move on long before the spread of the virus would become a danger to them. Oh how wrong they were. All it took was the change of the wind one summer.

Helia had been only five and then some and the world was still too vivid in his eyes, lights filtering through leaves a spectacle every day he accompanied one of his caretakers on a simple errand. He was the one who found the earliest warning sign, a fungal growth on a long leaf of gras that was the manifestation of the plague befalling its plant hosts. Not quite comprehending what that meant in his young age, Helia struggled for a long time with guilt about the terror his discovery brought, wishing he would have never played in the prairie. Like that would have avoided anything.

The inhabitants of Viaj actually gained a head start through his discovery though that potentially spared other communities, however it couldn’t help theirs. They quarantined immediately, drew up a magic barrier to protect everyone from the airborne spores that carry the virus from plants to humans. But doing so they gave up hunting and gathering and were entirely reliant on the rations the other communities would send with the quarantine workers. Though even those trickled to a stop when the first person fell sick with the cough and the tell-tale black spots formed on their mucous membrane. People saw no use in wasting resources on people who were damned to die. The best they could do now was limit travel to the edge of the Eastern Forest and set more scientists on recalculating the projected spread of the virus.

Lynpheans practice a philosophy of “live and let die” not hanging onto things beyond their lifespan, so this was seen as neither cruel or unusual, but show me one person who is truly prepared to die such a horrific, slow death in order to upkeep the natural order. The people of Viaj didn’t want to die, and they certainly didn’t deserve to die. But people fell like flies, until about three months later only Helia, Naoqi, the last adult, and Tsilla, the very last baby born in midst of all that, were alive. Naoqi cared for Helia and the baby as best as he could and in doing so became a replacement parental figure in Helia’s eyes. He did everything he could to make the horrible experience slightly lighter to bear for the children, but when the magic barrier keeping the wind away fell, there was little he could have done to stave off the inevitable. 

Helia was left alone, with a not even five moth old baby and no way of feeding himself or the baby. With nothing else left, he braved the forest and looked for the quarantine workers who were no doubt overseeing the area, which marked the last time Helia ever walked in the forests of his home. The quarantine workers were more than surprised by the tenacious boy with a baby in his arms and finding out he was still alive after what they thought was final exhaustion has set in. 

The next thing after that that Helia actually remembers is waking up on Magics with Saladin greeting him, introducing himself as a distant relative. The truth was a lot more complicated than that. The quarantine workers have taken Helia to the nearest hospital to treat him for the effects of starvation, because miraculously, the disease had still not taken hold of him after five months of exposure. Hermetically locked in a wing of the hospital, he was the most prised and most dangerous person and study artefact on the whole planet. His comatose slumber was watched from behind plexi glas and every then available humoral test was run on him to find out why he of all people had proved to be immune. If he was immune at all.

Meanwhile Saladin arrived on planet as he heard the news of the demise of his hometown, of his family. Even back then he had not been the pride of the planet and his relationship with his family had been strained because of the wars he had chosen to be involved in. All of that didn’t matter the instant lives were on the line and Saladin wanted nothing more than one last exchange of letters he would never get to make everything alright again. No power in the world would ever grant him that, but having powerful friends in the right circles granted him something else. Information, that a young Viaj boy was still alive in the Epidemiology Research Centre. He may be the future, the solution to all of their problems with a  DNA hiding the secrets to immunity. Saladin immediately inquired, dug deeper demanding to see the boy, but the Council denied him visitation rights. He had to strike an underhanded deal with the co-leader of the research project under a false name to find out Helia wasn’t even awake, but held in a magically induced coma for observational purposes. The scientist talked on and on about the possibilities and what they would do after they go the genes needed but Saladin blew up at that point. How dare they treat this boy like an object, like his loss wouldn’t be felt by anyone, should one of the procedures go wrong. Like all his life could hold from now on was an ultimate sacrifice for the benefit of the many. He wouldn’t even be able to comprehend that if told. With Saladin blowing a fuse, the research centre blew up too and he fled the planet that night with an unconscious Helia in his arms. 

So what felt like a night of knocked-in-the-head-by-a-horse sleep to Helia was actually close to four weeks in real world time. He has no concrete memory of what Saladin saved him from, but enough peripheral perception of what transpired planetside to make sense of the ramifications. Technically, Helia’s DNA is public property of the Lynphea Council, and technically both him and Saladin have an arrest warrant hanging over their head for the destruction and property damage caused. If Helia were to ever set foot on Lynphea again (or even go to a country that has an extradition treaty with them) he would be taken back to the Research Centre to be dissected to the smallest molecules until he yielded answers. 

While Helia was able to grow up in Magics in relative safety, the virus was still wreaking damage on Lynphea. Saladin (and to a lesser extent Helia) made the incredibly difficult decision to reject the experimentation on Helia and thus deny the population of their home a potential treatment to an otherwise lethal infection. It is an incredibly heavy burden and no day passes that they don’t question the rightness of their choice.

Helia can certainly appreciate the moral conflict now, but as a child he was much more difficult to manage. The switch from a huge nurturing family to one primary carer to rely on was harsh on Helia, who was already traumatised and needing  love and affection. Saladin did the best he could, but running a school and otherwise being a Universe-wide known hero didn’t help. After they grew close on the tail end of Helia’s childhood, they explosively drew apart during his tweens, Helia not able or reluctant to understand the restrictions Saladin placed on his life.

First, he was unwilling to share as much about Lynphean culture and way of life as Helia wished to know, saying that he wouldn’t be able to apply it there on Magics anyway. The deeper reason for that is more likely buried in his resentment for Lynphea rejecting him as harshly as they did after he helped save the Universe from the Ancestresses, but Helia of course knew nothing of that. Then when he moved over to adapting to life on Magics “in the Magics” way, he begged to be taught magic for which he had developed a budding talent. Saladin refused again for related trauma reasons. He didn’t want Helia to wield a power that could potentially make him a weapon in someone else’s crusade. Being his only personal student would only paint a target on Helia’s back. 

Helia was having none of that, fiercely objecting to the treatment. He had his own trauma to deal with. Like death by illness. (People falling ill was a lasting trigger he has been continuously working to overcome, but the first time Saladin came home with a cough Helia immediately worked himself into a panic attack so severe he couldn’t stop vomiting and had to be taken into a hospital himself. ) He shouldn’t have to shoulder the repercussions of Saladin’s problems too! 

People who say old teens and their wilfulness are hard to deal with, haven’t met twelve year old Helia yet. To think he actually mellowed out by the time he hit Red Fountain. In any case, Helia and Saladin weren’t really speaking civilly with each other anymore by the time Helia met Krystal. (More on her side of things here) Krystal, ten and absolutely blind to seeing obstacles, offered Helia her books on basic witchcraft and with that the opportunity to take his magic learning into his own hands. After all, sorcery required a lot of detailed instruction, but witchcraft was available to any odd fool who could set up a passable reaction equation. It took half a year of trials and encouragement for his efforts to yield a result and for Krystal and Helia’s friendship to bloom. It took Saladin much longer than that to catch on to Helia’s secret tinkering. The old man should have suspected something to be up after their disagreements magically disappeared after Helia and Krystal met twice. The aftermath was ugly and lead to Helia and Krystal reluctantly parting ways. 

Helia was inconsolable an dedicated a large part of his life to making it as difficult for Saladin as possible. His grades dropped, his art got angry and choppy and he had to be escorted home by peace keepers for having snuck into places he shouldn’t have been in. Year fourteen and fifteen of Helia’s life have been by far the most difficult to deal with with no improvement in sight. Under pressure from his school and Saladin to choose a path for higher education after his year nine exams, Helia thought it would be most spiteful to chose...nothing. He would simply stop going to school at 15 years of age and just become whatever. Maybe a full-time artist or a busker. “Hah, that’ll show Saladin!”- he thought, but he severely miscalculated.

Saladin had often threatened with making Helia enrol in his school if he didn’t behave and Helia never though he would make good on his words until he was dropped off at the main entrance with all his bags like the other freshmen filtering in through the gates. Being the headmaster, Saladin allowed Helia some liberties, trying to demonstrate to him that he shouldn’t see this as a punishment, but as an opportunity to further his life. Cue Helia’s biggest pièce de resistance, showing just how much he didn’t think so. As mentioned a few asks ago, he was given the liberty to chose where he lived and which team he chose, but not like that goddamit! He took shameless advantage of the loose wording Saladin used and hopped between rooms and teams completely ignoring conventions. He was the bane of the school, found on the roof, in supply closets and in the middle of hallways. Teams feared him, because they knew if Helia was assigned to them they might as well have been one person short, his flaky nature making it hard for them to work with him. Codatorta wrote as many warnings for Helia in that one year as he did in his whole career before that. Students at Red Fountain tended to be disciplined and dedicated to becoming Specialists, but Helia was the absolute antithesis to them. At the end of the year no amount of Saladin’s half-hearted excuses could save Helia from the overwhelming force of the teaching staff getting him sacked. Not that Helia minded, though. It was exactly what he wanted.

Saladin more or less gave up on him then. If he wanted to be on his own then fine. Saladin would help him with finding an own apartment and give him his first moth of rent, but after that Helia could go and find himself a purpose in the world alone. Fine. Fine. Alright! 

It was not alright at all, but it was buried under a very thick layer of “I’ll show ya” which made Helia want to live his best liberal artist life. He enjoyed creating as much art as he wanted, but he craved social contact and being engaged in something with a common goal, so he started getting involved with local pacifist groups. He had always preached a path of non-violence, which was about the only thing that had been ingrained in him from his Lynphean upbringing. There he started to expand his horizon beyond what his gut feeling taught him about pacifism and got into reading theory seriously. He was surprised how many of those books shared around had originally belonged to the Red Fountain library and even more so that they have ben written by the founders of the Red Fountain Cavalry. And that was when Helia bust down Saladin’s office door.

“All of this theory was in the school’s library the whole time!!?? And all everyone was ever talking about was warfare!! Why was I never told the best pacifist philosophers of the century were all Red Fountain members???” “You never showed up to any of the philosophy lectures! How am I to blame?” A deep breath from Helia, re-evaluating all of his 17 years of life choices. “Dada Saladin, you have to let me back into your school please.” 

And Saladin refused. To let him back without repercussions that is. Helia had to prove that he took his education seriously and was ready to commit by taking the entrance exam like everybody else to earn his place at the institute. He scraped the bottom of the scoreboard with his first results, but took the first year foundation course with a mile long stride. He was allowed to skip quite a few modules and ended up in the same year as the protag specialist boys with quite a reputation to his name. In the process of reacquainting himself with the school and its philosophy, he learned humility, respect, and when to keep his head down and mouth shut. The upperclassmen from his original year group barely believed he was supposedly the same person they got to know as an absolute menace . There are many rumours about twin brothers, brainwashing and Saladin’s terrifying magic might turning him into this new person.

Helia has come an extremely long way becoming the well-tempered and balanced person known from the show’s timeline. It is almost as if he compressed a lifetime of angst into three years, thus min-maxing his character development coming out more adult in the end at 18 years old than many people at 30. He lived through a lot of things and it shows in how he behaves and what he cares about. He is a passable fighter, but his main aim is always to protect and to avoid conflict if possible. He is a trained negotiator for that purpose and prefers to act as tactical support for his team. It all changes however once Riven and Sky both decide to quit the team leaving Helia, Brandon and Timmy with a very difficult decision on how to go on after that.

(Aand we have arrived at present day for my AU timeline with this. I hope you made it this far, I‘ve never written this much for a tumblr post before)

[severalspoons]

Liveblog: Rewatching Trigun, Episode 17 part 2

Ugh, I just want to talk about Episode 18 already.

We pick up with Rem and the Captain talking. 

-- Rem has a very breathy voice.

-- Rem: “Because they’re angels...maybe we should pay attention to them...they may even guide us through our dream.” If only it turned out that way. I wonder how literally she believes that?

-- This scene with Vash and Knives in the zero-gravity room is so touching. 

Knives sounds genuinely concerned about Vash.

“Are you crying again?” Apparently Vash cries a lot. Color me not surprised. Knives cares anyway.

Steve has been telling Vash he’s not human, and probably that he’s a monster who shouldn’t even be here. What if everyone else feels that way about him and Knives, too? he worries. Worst of all, what if Rem feels that way?

I don’t know if Steve deliberately mistreated them differently, but they certainly reacted differently. He hit Vash where it hurt by telling him he didn’t belong. He beat up on Knives, which Knives could tolerate better. I think putting up with Steve’s abuse is the sort of “small sacrifice” Knives is talking about. :(

-- It fascinates me that Vash is the one who’s afraid and suspicious of humans, even though he desperately wants to belong. Knives is the one encouraging him that it will be possible to get along with people. He even empathizes with their perspective: “to these people we’re just uninvited guests. We only need to be patient a while.”

-- Vash asks whether Rem feels the same way as Steve. Baby, nothing could be further from the truth. You’re Rem’s favorite. Can’t you feel how much she loves you? 

-- Knives starts a conversation about the tree they’re lying under, but not really. He’s speaking in metaphors. I do this myself when I want to get across a complicated set of ideas and emotions quickly. It’s a great way to compact your message and add sensory examples so the listener can feel what you’re saying. And it’s perfect for bridging the gap between his train of thought and Vash’s feelings. Knives does the same thing in the more famous conversation about spiders and butterflies. 

“Rem said it’s because they’re strong...they concentrate all their energy on growing.” 

This is dreamy, mythological, fairy tale thinking. Rem, instead of giving them information about the world, is describing it poetically and helping them see it with wonder. I think Vash will return to this perspective on days when he wonders why he’s bothering trying to save people. (The way I go to Pinterest and look at photos of nature and the sky and people doing kind things until I feel like it’s worth living again). 

-- “Rem said...according to Rem...” I bet this conversation is frustrating for Knives. Knives is asking Vash what he thinks, and all he gets is secondhand Rem.

-- “Plants are strong, but we eat their fruit.” “We need to in order to live.” Does Vash know what sort of plant Knives is really talking about?

-- “Do you think I’ll be eaten some day?” ::heart breaks: 

Will they be drained for power the way the bulb plants are? Or experimented on? It’s a reasonable question.

It’s interesting. Although Vash is the one being told he’s not human, Knives is the one aligning his identity with plants. Or at least, trying it out during this conversation.

-- “So then, why am I here?” 

Knives is having a huge (and perfectly understandable) existential crisis. And no one seems to have good answers for him. Even Vash doesn’t seem to get it.

I don’t think telling him he’s an angel sent to Earth to help the crew would help him much. Either it’ll sound like more fluffy poetic nonsense to him, or it will feel like a huge burden. I mean, just listen to former “Indigo children,” whose parents may have legitimately believed their kids were sent to save the world. Instead, they became a hot mess.

-- They had umbilical cords? Don’t plants reproduce by budding? Weren’t Vash and Knives found after they dropped off and fell to the ground? IDK, plant biology is confusing to begin with and the anime certainly doesn’t help.

-- Cut to a bunch of scary looking men with laser guns. Rem throws herself between them and the babies and you see the lasers all over her torso. They could have shot her. She could have died trying to save the plant babies. Holy ****. (And she wasn’t even feeling guilty about Tessla in the anime. She was just a good person). 

-- That fucking apple. I’m sorry, but I hate this kind of symbolism. It never says much, it feels like an exercise or a treasure hunt, and it reminds me of high school English class.

Smooth transition to the other side of the tree where Rem is giving Vash a haircut. Of course Vash goes first. Rem gives Vash his iconic sticking-up haircut for the first time. 

-- Um, it’s kind of weird to give your kid the same haircut as a man you loved. (What sort of relationship did they have in the anime, anyway?) 

Also, you never noticed he was handsome before because he’s a kid. He looks like the equivalent of an 8 or 9 year old here. 

-- “He was my emotional support. Thanks to him, I was able to face my mistakes without judgment. I learned to make them right again. Then I lost him and realized I would have to do it alone. But I wasn’t afraid to make mistakes any more. I believed I could point myself in the right direction without looking back.”

I just got run over by a truck of feels. Because Vash takes the same journey. 

And I’m pretty sure Wolfwood does for Vash what Alex did for Rem. 

It all begins next episode.

-- Knives’ haircut looks curved like butterfly wings. (And he’s way better at cutting hair than a kid with no experience should be).

-- Knives’ voice sounds villainous. “Just a little change of heart, that’s all.”

-- There already was individuality, even without the haircut. I guess Knives has just accepted it. “A philosopher and a mama’s boy.” That about sums it up, unfortunately.

-- Love how Knives tells Steve off, even though he makes a supervillain face immediately after.

-- Static. There’s that sound you hear every time Legato appears. The static of evil.

-- The famous spider & butterfly scene. Vash has both hands up, probably considering removing both of spider and butterfly from the web and moving them to separate places. Not sure what he’s waiting for.

They first have the argument they keep playing out for the next 150 years.

“Unless the spider caught the butterfly, it would die of starvation anyway.” Knives is right -- about butterflies and spiders. About the natural order. (That’s one reason I, personally, have an existential crisis every time I watch a nature documentary. For some reason, there’s always organisms eating other organisms alive on those channels. ::shudders::) The best argument I can give is that the metaphor doesn’t apply to people and plants, or doesn’t have to. The only reason a situation even resembling that happens on Gunsmoke is because Knives crashes all the ships onto a planet without resources.

Rem: “it’s not right to make that choice so easily.” Honestly? I think that’s a less convincing argument. Especially to someone who’s agnostic or atheist. Because who should choose? Or are you just leaving it up to random chance?

-- “What would you rather have us do, just stand there and think about it?”

Vash attacks Knives for the first time. 

Rem finally realizes there’s something wrong. She looks troubled.

-- WTF happened to Rowan’s mind? What’s broken? Is Knives controlling his mind or body somehow?

-- Rem models self-sacrifice. I still don’t understand why, but she seemed to truly believe that Rowan, who was willing to kill a crew member he actually loved, wouldn’t do the same to her. The Captain models the sensible choice given the information he had, and throws Rowan out the airlock. Well, maybe not so sensible, because Rem could have been flung out into space to die, too.

Wonder how Rem would feel if she knew that Vash spent his life doing the same thing, getting increasingly scarred in the process?

-- “Vash, take care of Knives.” 

This breaks my heart because so far ... he hasn’t.  First he follows Knives around. Then abandons him. Then attacks him.

 Doesn’t that bother him, given how faithfully he follows Rem in everything else?

I think Rem says nothing to Knives, because she has nothing good to say to him then.

-- It still bothers me that Knives got so flat out cruel down to the maniacal laugh so quickly and offscreen. It’s still a big jump from the last time we saw him talk. Seriously, look at this:

Everything he does in the anime would have made sense if they had just added a little bit more from the manga.

-- So Knives, is Rem’s self sacrifice still stupid if she corrected the course of all the ships and saved so many lives? After all, she took action quickly, and did the greatest good for the greatest number--the rational thing. You should have understood what she was doing.

-- No, Vash, Rem didn’t mean “take care of him” as in “Kill him.” You know that.

...You know I’m getting way too invested in a series when I start talking to the characters as if they can hear me. It’s about as sensible as yelling at the horror movie character not to go into that dark room alone.

[fallingin-like]

an aftg fanfic appreciation post

the other day at work i saw something about fanfiction writer appreciation day and told myself “ah i will make a post when i get home” and immediately Did Not Do That. so i’m doing it now! first, thank you to everyone who writes fanfiction! it’s such an honour to be able to read your writing and i am so grateful to the writers who spend so much time and effort into creating these stories. i do not deserve such amazing content and yet i have it. also thanks to nora for this wonderful series which has changed my life in so many ways. 

these are in no particular order. i really tried to tone down my ‘i love you so much and really want to be friends with you’ vibe but i don’t think it worked. this is a super long post and i still didn’t get to say everything i wanted to.

some  fics/series that need more love (aka they have under 350 kudos)

to the south by Morcai - this is a series (never to be caught and secret, safe, close to the door) that was really cool to read. it has elements of the Iskryne Series which i don’t know anything about, but apparently has to do with bondwolves. basically, neil has a wolfbrother who he can speak to telepathically which is written in a really unique way, through interesting phrases and scent-based nicknames for people. i’ve never read anything like these fics and i adore them

all that we see or seem by rorschachs - an inception au. need i say more? this fic flows well, has good use of flashbacks, and an amazing ending. it’s ~23,000 words but feels like much less due to nice pacing and an interesting take on this au

Travelers by @sunrise-and-death ​ - a series (Placeless Destination and Moving Towards) that’s a soulmate au. soulmates can interact through a pyschic bond that allows it to seem like the other person is there with them. neil and andrew meet when they are young and it’s so interesting seeing them get to know each other at this age. we also get to see some neil/mary angst and all of the terrible things happen to andrew. an intense series that manages to feel light-hearted at the same time. the second fic in this series is incomplete

atlas by @purearcticfire ​ / @pipedream-truths ​ - a magic au that features shapeshifters and a cursed neil, so immediately you know i’ll like it. this fic has some cool uses of italics, caps, spacing, etc. that creates a stylized story that helps build tone and gives the story a clearer voice. unfortunately, i can’t tell too much detail about my favourite parts because it they are *ultra spoilers* so i’ll just say, it gets so intense at the end. just trust me about this. ao3 says it’s incomplete (4/5 chapters) but it seems complete to me. also, at ~72,000 words, it’s a pretty hefty fic

Golden Keys and Gray Lines by @wouldyoulightmycandle ​ - just a feel-good post-canon fic that involves a road trip, an ice cream museum, and a bit of Working Through Rough Times. super cute! this fic is incomplete

some authors i just really love and appreciate (you probably already know them and if you don’t then idk what you’re doing)

all of these writers have serious talent that make it look easy to write fanfiction. it’s not easy. you guys have all of my love. all of it.

@nakasomethingkun ​ /  ephemeralsky - basically i just see their name and automatically click the fic without bothering to fully read the tags or summary. they have never let me down and i adore the way they write. everything they write is an easy read and i always come back to their fics. i was going to mention my favourites and then i realized i was going to list everything they’ve written for aftg and i’m not even kidding. funny, angst, fluff, everything you could want in a fic they have it. so so good i actually don’t know how to describe it. their fics break my heart and then put it back together a little bit different so that even after i am finished reading and continue with the rest of my life, i feel different. they make me hurt in a way i didn’t know that i could like. this quality of fic has me scrolling back to the top to reread it the second i finish. what in the world they’re so good.

@annawrites ​ / moonix - 50 aftg fics. that’s actually crazy. and all of them are so high quality and there is such a variety. flower shop/tattoo parlor au? one of my favourite series ever. high school au? of course it includes 4 fully complete fics. shapeshifter au? amazingly done. scott pilgrim vs the world au? so good that i went out and watched the movie for the first time (i am not even joking). i was looking through all the fics and just started rereading them, i just can’t help myself. they describe everything in a way that makes their stories unique, but doesn’t seem like they’re trying too hard. or at all. their fics flow so well and every sentence is a gem. i read and reread so carefully to make sure i don’t miss a thing, but always find myself catching new jokes and quirks.

@lolainslackss ​ / lolainslackss - i really don’t know where to start. once again, i just really love all of their fics. i started scrolling through their works too see if i had a favourite and could not even choose a top 5. their writing is so beautiful i can’t get enough. they always choose the best things to include. selective mutism and sign language? that’s a sure way into my heart. the suit shop au is adorable and pining andrew really is best andrew. i found exycast surprisingly late in my fanfiction reading and that is a real tragedy because it’s amazing and really cute. the soulmate timer fic is an old favourite and if i’m looking for angst, i know i can pull it up.

@gluupor ​ / gluupor - an absolute legend. with 54 fics for aftg, it’s amazing that all of them are outrageously funny, entertaining, and just really well written. a lot of them are fics adapted as an au for other fandoms (like their super popular brooklyn 99 au that i absolutely adore) and they are all hilarious. it’s so fun to search for familiar quotes or realize how similar characters from different fandoms are to the foxes and the quirks they share. these are fics that will definitely cheer you up. i love their sense of humour, it fits the characters so well and helps to shape the world they’re writing in. it’s always exciting to see them publish a new fic.

@idnis ​ / idnis - they have a really unique writing style, i’ve never seen anything like it in this fandom. every story has so much care and love in it that’s evident through the small details that you only pick up through rereading. their stories are stylized with spaces and formatting that help guide the reader and adds to the tone of their stories. i fell so in love with their cat!neil. they write such interesting stories, have original plots, and their fics read like poetry. before you know it, you’ve finished the fic without realising you should have gone to bed an hour ago. they also have some amazing original work that everyone should go check out!

@badacts ​ / badacts - so recently a lot of their fics were made visible to ao3 users only (a shame in my opinion) so if you haven’t read their fics, go make an account! or log into your account! you really don’t want to miss these fics. they have a kid fic where both andrew and neil are baby versions of themselves so it’s obviously one of the best things ever. they who made you/they made me too is so good even the title is enough to make me feel. there’s introspection and realization and it’s from aaron’s perspective. i love seeing the twinyards bond. and, of course we have to mention the terra firma series because i love injured!neil and this one hits me in a different way. i love the way the abrupt transition into injury for neil and being able to experience the confusion and not knowing what’s happening with him.

iaquilam - they have posted 2 fics for aftg and they are some of my favourites in this fandom. this has amazing characterization, neil and andrew and everyone feel so real and so true and i love them. a mouthy, raven neil is one of the best types of neil. they write from andrew’s perspective and i cannot believe have well they capture him and his thoughts. quotes that have stuck with me “there’s more than one way of getting what you want”, “’he hurts,’ kevin says. ‘it hurts”, “you will be afraid and you will do it anyway”, and “to keep living. until i don’t”. also i think that andrew with synesthesia in where everything is good fits so perfectly. the idea that andrew has something so unique ahh i love. “your voice was the first blue one i ever saw” makes everything around me go quiet.

@jemejem ​ / jemejem - first of all i am really loving the radio show ficlet that’s being posted on tumblr. i’m a sucker for breakup fics, especially cheating fics (because i need angst) so only was the find of the century. it’s a fic where no matter how many times i’ve read it, i still feel gutted and achy reading it. their recent fic, the sound, was really interesting and i loved the later chapters so much but can’t share because of *spoilers*

undertow - okay so they also only have 2 aftg fics but oh my goodness they are so good. tenuous is one of my most reread fics, i love the concept, interactions between all the characters, how i feel like i’m there with them, and their descriptions. one of my favourite lines are “The sink turns on; water smacks against the bottom of its metallic basin. It feels—well. It just feels.” ugh i don’t know why i like it so much i just do. it fits so perfectly. and i can totally imagine kevin and neil being super petty in their love song writing, this fic is such a contrast to the other one and yet still so good.

@broship-addict ​ / broship_addict - kid!au! oh my goodness ice cream au! ahh they’re so good at writing cute fluff that has such good characterization that they’ve adapted perfectly into whatever au they have written. and at the same time impulse hit me in a different kind of way. what a joy to read, i love witnessing the ways that andrew and neil come together in all of their fics. also i really can’t not mention their amazing artwork. so grateful to have them contributing so much to this fandom

@unkingly / vicariously kingly - bless these fics. i don’t know anyone that doesn’t love a good de-aged neil fic and this really does The Most for that trope. also can i just say that callboy!neil was a thing i didn’t know i needed in my life but now i don’t know how i lived without it. also mermaid!neil?? yes please. i adore the way they write andriel. their fics are angsty and never fail to make me feel something, often a little bit raw in a good way. latchkey child wrecked me. i felt like i had been scraped clean and felt a little bit off for the remaining night and day after. Say Golden, Pony Boy was eerie and just the right amount of mysterious. i was left feeling unsettled in my own home. these fics have delightful endings that leave you satisfied and yet wanting more all the same

@spanglebangle / spanglebangle - i really really cannot get over sunshine and moonlight. it’s such a soft version of neil and andrew’s relationship, i love the direction that was taken and how the boys grew and the changes because they found each other. i love the quote “you like the big gestures and ridiculous things i say. i’m in your head, remember, i know it makes you feel wanted” fox!neil is really so adorable and pure, but also feisty and protective and funny. i would love to see more of this fic. also the elementary au is everything to me. there’s a lot of content and it keeps me interested, but i especially love the later chapters with everything surrounding neil and then even later with andrew wrestling with his feelings. so well written.

@hopingforcoordinates ​ / crazy_like_a - if you haven’t read their fics then ?? i really don’t know what to say since they wrote 3 of the top 5 fics with the most kudos in this fandom. and if you have read their work then we both know why they are being mentioned. i have fallen in love with their take on raven!neil. their writing style feels so simple and natural, which is a real talent. if you’re looking for a more explicit post-canon fic, then lessons is great, just make sure nobody is reading over your shoulder hah

@fuzzballsheltiepants ​ / fuzzballsheltiepants - the iconic a mewment like this series is so funny, sweet, and angsty and features The Cats which is always a good sign. in particular, i loved the conversation about mark rothko and all of the art they looked at in the 6th fic. i don’t know what counts as spoilers so i’ll say thank goodness for neil ‘oblivious’ josten, trivia nights, and the good bad jokes that made this series such an enjoyable read. similarly, you can’t go wrong with the angst that’s sure to come with a fic where andrew gets hurt and doesn’t remember who neil is. or at least, this fic definitely went the opposite of wrong. 

and i really cannot make this post without mentioning the mind-blowing collabs of lolainslackss and moonix to create dating & other disasters and of moonix and gluupor to write No Place Like Home (incomplete). i literally don’t even have words for how excited i was for when i heard of these fics. these collabs are too powerful for this world and if you haven’t read them then i guess you don’t want to enjoy yourself.

as well, additional thanks from this little ace baby to everyone who writes ace!neil or demi!neil. you guys have a special place in my heart.

i tried to find everyone’s tumblr but obviously didn’t succeed. please tag them if i missed them or tagged the wrong account. thanks! i also did not take the time to research pronouns/names so i refer to everyone as ‘they/them’. i know some of the right pronouns/names but it felt wrong to have some of them and not the rest. some of my comments might seem incoherent or repetitive. my apologies for all of this.

also if you go to my ao3 and see that it’s a little bare/notice that i never comment just know that it’s because i am *ultra lazy* and most of the time i cannot be bothered to log into my account. probably commented as raelle instead. or just ‘a’ because i really am That Lazy. or i’m planning on writing an essay for your fic but haven’t gotten around to it and i’m just drafting it in my head every time i reread.

[sensualsicheng]

boyfriend!au — l. jeno

( they/them pronouns )

↳ GENRE: fluff

↳ WARNINGS: not proof read, one cuss!! <3 keep in mind this is an au bc i forgot he isn’t supposed to be an idol in this i got confused lol

this is like the fourth time i’ve said this lol but thank you again! i’m still beaming with happiness that you requested qt and i hope this makes u smile a lot

i feel like this could’ve been better,, i’ll proof read it soon,, i promise! 💞💞

lee jeno

the acTUAL CUTEST HUMAN BEING ON THE PLANET OMG he makes me so happy ))):<

and he makes you so happy )):<

and you make him so happy ):<

bf jeno i imagine with his we go up hair,, brown and curly and idk why

anyway

i also don’t know why but heres how i pictured you two meeting::::

you have always been scared of the water,, but your family made you go with them fishing!! and you were having a heart attack from the moment you left the house at 3 am until now, 4 am, when you just got there (:

it was a pretty sight, but you were still hyperventilating and all KEHCMHFKXBS from being scared bc heck who knows what could happen at sea ????1?1??2

all of a sudden you spotted this boy who looked about your age with the brightest smile known to mankind ?? and your heart?

gone. dead in a ditch. miss/mr y/n has died from the best heart attack in the history of humanity

your family went ahead of you while you slowly trailed behind and watched this boy talk to someone who looks to be a father figure or someone

he noticed you a few seconds later,, and damn his smile disappeared for a second and thEN IT CAME BACK !! ANd then he checked you out woohoo get it y/n !!

and a few minutes later, SURPRISE he came in on the same boat as you. you waited in the little area in the middle i’ve only been fishing once leave me alone lol i forgot the names hh part of the boat with a lot of other families,, but you were all alone bc your FAm went out to the outside of the boat while you stared at the ground of the inside bc NERVES

and then you heard someone clear their throat,, so ,, like a lot of people do ,, you looked up where the noise came from and hello sir handsome guy in a white t-shirt with the cute smile was standing right in front of you!! looking down at you!! he looked so HECKING squishable ,, your automatic reaction was let out a small shriek

“hi uh,, my name is jeno, is it okay if i sit with you?” how would anyone say no to this sMILEY BOY AWWWW can you tell my life goal is to make jeno smile

you tried to be as polite as possible aith your yes and he let out his signature eye smile that you already fell in love with after four minutes of knowing of his existence

y’all just talked for a while,, he was mainly interested in why you were looking stressed and once you told him.. he smiled bc hell ur cute

“dw!! you can stand next to me out there, i’ll help you with your anxiety qt!” bro he did that he just called you cute “but only if you agree to maybe ,,, erm,, go get lunch with me or something afterwards.?”

aboRT MISSION ABORT MISSION LEE JENO HAS CALLED YOU CUTE AND ASKED YOU OUT

THATS A MAJOR SCORE

and MEHFNXH love at first sight ugh we stan angels

now that he’s been your bf since a week after and it’s now been a year,, let’s get this yeast and clink our apple juices to bf!jeno!!!!

jeno rarely sleeps with you bc he feels like he’s invading your privacy ugh baby

even though you’ve told him many times to do so,, he refuses

but he absolutely ADORES to lay down next to you and cuddle and watch you read !! he’d always play with your hair ,, and if you don’t have hair he nuzzles his nose into your cheek (: <<<<3

he’d squish his nose into your neck or your cheek, and he would mumble cute lil soft sentences such as “i love you so much” and “you make me so happy” “what the fuck is that on your nose and why is it purple” ah yes we love cute sentences literally aLL the time

he loves to bother you during your daily reading session baby bOy ugh he’d love to take one of your hands off of the book and bringing your hands up to his lips to distract you (:<<

if you’ve read my kisses w nct dream,, you know that i have a strong feeling that he loves to kiss his s/o’s hands and idk why

he’d keep kissing your hand and make this “mm (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)” noise until you start to giggle bc ugh your laugh makes him so giddy and lovey-dovey

his goal all the time is just to get you to be smiley !!

i feel like he’d be comfortable with public affection,, he wouldn’t be afraid to show the world he loves his y/n 🥺🥰☺️☺️

holding hands are his favorite

because maybe he loves your hands a lot,, hell theyre just so cute he loves them

he loves to greet you in the morning by sneaking up behind you and giving you a backhug

your hand is so physicallly soft to him and he loves to squeeze them ugh we love jeno affect

he loves to wrap you up in blankets on a lazy day!! you sit down on the couch and immediately blankets are placed on you and you just elfjskfjjc your face always goes red when he does little things for you like that

ugh jeno is to die for

he LOOOOOOVE LOVE LOOooOOoOoOOOOves to take pictures of you at your most vulnerable times!! like right after dancing together, right when you’re smiling at his dumb dad joke he told you,, when you’re at the park and you walk ahead of him and turn around to show him a shoe that someone somehow left on the cement

and after he takes the picture,, if you wanted him to throw out the photo he’d go out of his way so you said it was okay to keep it

bc ur cute or something,,,,,

jeno adores it when you run your hand through his hair when he leans his head on your hip to take nap

he loves receiving lots of little pecks from his best y/n

i feel like jeno gets stressed and cries easily idk bro i get those ): vibes from mr smiley

and he loves that you’re okay with him being able to hug you and cry when he can’t handle his schoolwork sometimes

he loves that he isn’t afraid to be weird and sad and cheerful and tired and mopey around you,, which he was with his past s/o

you make him so incredibly happy omg get it y/n

and when he comes home from school, he’ll either call you just to see if you’re home safe

or he’ll come to your house and surprise you ヾ(๑╹◡╹)ﾉ"

a lot of the time ,,, lol he comes home with you

he likes going to your house more than you coming to his bc he loves your family and they love him and he feels v welcomed and hhhhhwjehfkshd he just loves you and everything associated with you

he loves to sprawl out on your bed and giggle into your pillow when you mock his dumb words he used just before then

and when you kiss him while he’s laying on your bed just bc you think he’s the cutest thing on the planet omg his FAVORITEEEEEE

he loOoOoOooVes soft kisses the boy’s always smiling into your kisses bc ur cute <<<<<<3333333333 please imagine squishy jeno exactly like in the gif going in for a kiss with a smile i’m gonna cry

mr 🗿 loves holding your face into the kiss ))): he has a hand in your cheek and one on your neck while he mentally cries bc he loves u so much

he loves slow kisses, he likes to take his time and enjoy your lips like it’s the last he’ll ever meet his lips with yours

it depends on his mood if he’s open mouthed or more of a closed mouth,, but i see him using tongue a lot kejdkajsks

he loves to see you smiley into the kiss as well ugh he loves you

when he wants to give you the hint that he wants a lil smooch,, he likes to look at your lips as if they were your eyes hehehe

he loves your lips n your hands

i feel like jeno wouldn’t wear pants around you a lot lol he’d be very comfortable with you skdjdk and when he does wear them,, it’s pajama pants

jeno loves to hug his precious y/n !!

when you tuck your head into his chest and put your arms under his,, his heart snaps and his soul leaves his body

he doesn’t argue with you, jeno always agrees with you whether he wants to,, he seems to maybe be scared of fighting with you bc he doesn’t want to jeopardize the love of his life

when he goes home after a date with you to see his three babes aka his cats he always squeals about you ,, even if they can’t speak korean back to him

speaking of dates !! cute and long but not fancy ones!! he once took you both to four pizza places for a date because your guys’ goal is to visit all of the pizza places in korea wow what a goal lol

POWER COUPLE OF THE YEAR GOES TO Y/N AND JENOOOOOO

and to conclude this messy bf au,,

as much as he loves u, he might love his cats just as much as you so watch out (;

[thehyperkraken]

EDIT: yall idk why the actual fic isnt showing up in the tags but this shit is, bc thats literally the opposite of what i wanted, but for the love of god read the fic first and/or instead, that’s the thing i spent more than 20 minutes on: [link]

Hey random idea dump for that one fic i done did yeehaw... it’s almost longer than the fic itself but jesus christ i need to get these ideas out of my head and throw them into the internet ether, seriously don’t read this its a goddamn mess

So ghjkdf the actual plotty part of that fic came from that one b99 bit... the Bone one.....u kno

Arthur: Come on, Dutch. The O'Driscolls thing isn't the problem. You're in a bad mood because you've been so busy planning this heist that it's keeping you and Hosea apart. You two just need to bone. John: Oh no... Dutch: ...What did you say? John: Don't say it again! Arthur: I said you two need to bone. John: Oh my god... Dutch: (with barely contained fury) Hhhhhow Dare you Arthur Morgan, I am thIS GANG'S LEADER!!! You have NO RIGHT to comment on my sex life— (5 minutes later) Dutch, standing on top of a table screaming: BONE?!?!?! (10 minutes later) Dutch: What happens in my bedroom, son, is NONE of your business— (20 minutes later) Dutch, jumping up and down on the table: BOOOOOOONE!!!!!!!!! (40 minutes later) Dutch: And don't EVER speak to me like that AGAIN! (storms off) John, sunken down in his chair in horror: Why the hell did you do that? Arthur: (shrugs) They need to bone. John: Gross, Arthur! That's our dads!

And then like a day later gfdhkg

John: Oh hey Dutch! I know you don't want to talk about Hosea, BUT, I had an idea— Dutch: No need, John, it's all good. John: So... your fight with Hosea is over? Dutch: Yep. John: Because you finally figured out a plan for the heist...? Dutch: Nope! Arthur, excitedly: Because you guys—? Dutch: Yyyyep! Arthur, looking smug: Knew it. John: Ugh... Arthur: (leans down close to him) See, what happened is, our dads had sex— John: UGH, SHUT UP!

Another inspiration I had was John Mulaney’s bit about zoning out for John with adhd,,,,, the part where he’s like “the doctor was reading me the results of a blood test, it was IMPORTANT that I LISTENED, but NO, I zoned out, I was like, I’m just gonna stare at the wall and think m’thoughts” that’s why I wrote the part where John was like “ehhh attention deficient something something disease” bc it made me laugh gjhggdjh

Dutch: so the doctor says you have ADHD John: (thinking about minecraft) what?

Also unrelated but blease consider Arthur teaching John to drive like

Arthur: are you watching the road? John: ........I am looking through the windshield Arthur: John: .......and I’m not gonna hit anyone...... Arthur: John: ....but no. I’m thinkin’ about minecraft

(Also I don’t know anything about ssb I’ve played it once and hated it, minecraft is my og video game love, but Abigail beating John at ssb is funnier, I’m a fake gamer boy :^( rip)

ONE MORE INSPIRATION THAT ONE VINE ITS MY FAVORITE VINE

Arthur: are you drinking coke for breakfast? John: yeah, what did you have for breakfast? Arthur: ........nothing John: (sipping his drink) I’m doing better than you, then

Anyway onto ACTUAL IDEA STUFF HOORAY

So when Dutch and Hosea decided to adopt, they agreed they wanted to take in kids who needed good homes the most, so they were specifically looking for older kids who would probably age out of the system and wind up on the streets

They met Arthur who was a clearly depressed and gender non conforming thirteen year old who hated everyone and everything and wasn’t getting the Love he Deserved, and Dutch was like “I want THAT ONE, with the SAD EYES”

Arthur tried to push them away at first, cuz he absolutely didn’t trust anyone, and some part of him believed they’d just give him right back up for adoption if he disappointed them in any way. But he eventually learned that they were good guys who really just wanted to help him, and they weren’t gonna abandon him if he wasn’t the perfect kid they always wanted

(he probably told them about this fear eventually and Hosea just snorted and was like “if we wanted a perfect kid we woulda got a cabbage patch doll. something that wouldn’t scream or make a mess” and Dutch was like “yeah! or like a 27 year old with a job and their own house and kids of their own. pre-made grandkids” and Hosea was like “or a cat” and Arthur was like “...okay”)

Anyway it took a loooong time but Arthur eventually trusted them enough to come out to them as trans, without really knowing the proper words for everything, just knowing that He Is A Boy And That’s That. As much as Hosea is the one the lads go to to talk about stuff and get comfort and Wise Dad Advice, he probably told Dutch first bc he was more uncertain how he’d respond and he wanted to get it over with in the worst way possible.... like, if they were gonna react badly, heap all the bullshit on in one fell swoop

I imagine he did it off the cuff too, in response to something Dutch said, like Dutch was like “u get back here right now young lady” and Arthur was like “first of all I’m not a lady, I’m a BOY, and second of all FUCK you, I do what I WANT” and Dutch was like “groovy. you’re grounded.” Arthur was like (offended) “don’t say groovy... don’t try to be hip” and Dutch was like “no it’s totally tubular that ur a boy. It’s absolutely funky. You’re fucking grounded though”

Then he went and told Hosea like “congrats! it’s a boy” and they helped him transition and they didn’t tolerate a single person misgendering him the whole time. Like before he’s even begun transitioning, they’re literally at the doctors office to discuss it w/ their doc for the first time, and a nurse is like “ms. morgan?” And Dutch is like “INCORRECT” and the doctor is like “what seems to be the problem (deadname)?” and Dutch is like “FOOL! THIS CHILD WAS LABELED INACCURATELY, WE REQUIRE A GENDER RETRACTION” and Hosea’s like “please stop yelling”

Anyway probably about a year later they got John when he was ten and Arthur was fifteen. Arthur was a little bit jealous like, wow, am I not enough kid for u, but Dutch and Hosea always planned on getting at least two bc they wanted them to have siblings, and they know John came from a pretty abusive situation, so Arthur can’t be too mad at him. At least until he met John and realized what a fucking brat he is

Since John was younger and way more desperate for affection, he immediately loved Dutch and Hosea just bc they were nice to him, he was ready to call them his dads within the month but he was nervous that it was too soon and they’d be weirded out. But I imagine he got triggered by something and had a meltdown and they got to see just a glimpse of what he’d been through, and Dutch and Hosea were falling over themselves trying to comfort him and tell him they love him and now I’m making myself cry :’^(

Anyway... from that point on John was like “these are the only dads I’ve ever had and I would kill a man for them.” He gets in trouble quite a bit bc he’s Naughty, but Dutch and Hosea always make sure to punish him fairly and never yell or be physically intimidating with him or permanently take away his stuff, like they make him do chores to earn back the right to use the xbox or something. And they always explain to him exactly what he did wrong and why he’s being punished and talk to him about how he can make it better or what he can do next time, or if there’s a root problem, like he’s acting out bc he’s overwhelmed with school work or smthn, how they can help him. Especially after he gets diagnosed with ADHD

And of course they do all this with Arthur too, but they make a special concerted effort with John bc he’s The Baby :^) and Dutch somehow maintains an attitude of “idk what ur talking about, John has never done anything wrong ever in his life” every time he gets in trouble meanwhile Hosea is like “what do you MEAN, he’s a GREMLIN” fjfjfhhf

Arthur was probably diagnosed with depression and anxiety at some point... it was probably a long process to get him to even admit he had a problem bc he didnt wanna bother anyone... Arthur also probably came from an abusive situation from the way canon Arthur talks about his dad, but Arthur is much more the type to be like “i’m gonna keep all my feelings inside, and then one day, i’ll die” whereas John is like “i will SCREAM if i get a papercut”

[EDIT: i woke up in a cold sweat at 4 AM with this in my head so now i’m putting it here

Charles: So, Arthur... Do you wanna talk about your feelings? Arthur: No. John: I do! :) Charles: ...I know, John. John: I’m sad! :) Charles: I know, John.

i’m sure it’s been done before but it’s so good. ok now back to our regularly scheduled programming]

In regards to Arthur being trans, John doesn’t really Get It, Arthur tried to explain it to him once and John couldn’t care less, all he knows is Arthur used to be a girl or something, there’s tea involved probably, and John is thinking about minecraft again... he has 2 am thoughts about it sometimes and comes to Arthur like “what IS gender” and Arthur’s just like “hm. big mood”

Dutch is “Dad” and Hosea is “Papa” or “Pa” or “Pops” or “Dad, No Not You, The Other One” or “Other Dad.” Hosea really doesn’t mind at all, he wouldn’t care if the kids called him Hosea or mom or anything else, it truly isnt important to him. But Dutch Loves being Dad. Every time they call Dutch Dad he grows three times stronger and 10 years are added to his lifespan. Dutch is an Alpha Parent, he 100% goes to every parent teacher conference and bake sale, he’d go to every game and concert too if either of his kids had a single athletic or musical bone in their dumb little bodies. I guess the school probably hosts art galleries sometimes to display art the kids make, Arthur always has a drawing in one of those, and Dutch will absolutely go just to brag about his cool son.

Dutch is the Fun Energetic Dad who embarrasses the boys in front of their friends but can always be talked into taking them out to get ice cream. Hosea is the more quietly anxious dad, he makes sure they do their homework and keep their rooms clean and shit, and he's the one the kids always go to talk to when they’re having problems... like Arthur will rant for an hour and a half about high school drama and Hosea will patiently listen to all of it and when he's done he’ll offer to kick the other kids’ asses for him, and Arthur’s like lmao but Hosea Means It.

Hosea is also the one the kids go to for help on their homework because Hosea and Dutch have five brain cells between them, and four of them belong to Hosea. Dutch is like “suddenly I don’t remember basic math, time to make shit up” and Hosea is like “I must become an expert on 1820s Chinese history in two days for my beautiful sons”

I have NO idea what either of their jobs are, I wanna say Hosea is a lawyer or smthn but idk, Dutch is probably like......................a used car salesman LMAO...... they clearly make a lot of money (or maybe STOLE SOME) bc I gave them a huge house w/ a pool gjhkdhg

Anyway more about THE KIDS

They go to a school that is a combination middle school and high school, bc that’s what my school was like

Mrs. Grimshaw is the strict and irritable principal with a secret soft spot for kids, Mr. Pearson is the cafeteria cook, Strauss works in the office, I wanna say Rev. Swanson is a weird but friendly janitor or something lmao. Uncle is Dutch & Hosea’s annoying forever-drunk neighbor who everyone barely tolerates fjfjhfh

Micah is The School Bully but like bc this is a cutesy high school au and I can do what I want, he’s not actually like a violent racist or anything he’s just a bad mad sad kid who is a huge dick

Bill is Micah’s Bully Henchman, he’s generally not as much of a dick as Micah is, but he punches whoever Micah asks him to bc they are the closest thing to friends that either of them have

Trelawny is a new student who just moved from another school and he’s that fucking Weird Magician Kid who can’t hold a conversation longer than five seconds without saying “wanna see a magic trick,” tried to do some unimpressive card tricks for the school talent show, unironically wears a cape, etc.... Arthur stood up for him when he was getting pushed around by Micah and Bill so now Arthur has +1 more weird friend

Karen is the Popular Girl who somehow knows everyone, is probably a cheerleader, everyone is either extremely intimidated by her or thinks she’s gonna be a stuck up bitch, but she’s actually just super fucking chill and nice, WILL stab a man for her friends, she won’t hesitate bitch

Tilly is Karen’s bff who was getting bullied by *shakes fist* those dang foreman brothers.... Karen stood up for her and Tilly was like “no don’t u will get hurt!!” and Karen was like “ha... fool... cheerleaders cannot die” and whooped ass with her gymnastics skills and somehow got the foreman brothers expelled. So now Tilly is like “I owe u one (1) Life Debt” but Karen is like “nah it’s chill just come to target w/ me & we’ll call it even.” Tilly is just tryna get shit done and do her damn homework but everybody else is going on adventures and being nuisances so of course Tilly has to go too bc come on....... who do you take her for, some kinda two-bit GEEK? NO WAY

Mary Beth is a quiet nerdy girl who’s always reading or writing and never talks in class or anything. Karen and Tilly became her friends thru sheer brute force, Karen just sat by her one day n was like “sup” and Mary Beth was too shy to ask her to leave. They were surprised to discover Mary Beth is actually pretty nice and funny when you get to know her and also the Biggest Lesbian Alive

Sadie is a BAD BITCH... NOBODY fucks with Sadie, not even Micah, Sadie is the girl who when some dipshit boy spreads a rumor that he had sex with her, she agrees and tells everyone she pegged him and he cried after, she hasn’t given a fuck since 2007. she climbs on the roof to get lost frisbees. one time she got the gym coach to agree to give her an automatic A in the class if she did 100 push ups in 5 minutes. Then she Did That. She might have pulled several muscles in both of her arms but She Did That. Karen, Tilly, and Mary Beth (but mostly Karen) approached her like “damn that was sick” and Sadie was like “yea i know” and then they were friends

I literally don’t know anything about Sean I’m sorry...... maybe he’s a transfer student who becomes friends with John, they play Minecraft together and Sean boobytraps the houses John builds. Sean is the only living human being who understands how redstone works and he uses his powers for evil

Molly is going to a nearby community college and is working at the high school part time as a TA and she is like 19-20 or smthn so the kids all think she’s The Hottest Shit,,,, like they think she’s just the coolest hippest person alive, but also she is Very Attractive so fuckin everybody has a crush on her, most specifically Javier and Mary Beth. She ineptly tries to flirt with Dutch every time he comes to a parent teacher conference bc she’s dummy thicc and thinks it’s friendship goals that Dutch lives with and has adopted children with his Best Bud Hosea

The teacher Molly is TA for is Charles Chatenay, an all-grades art teacher who takes his job WAY too seriously, like dude chill they’re high schoolers. His class is where Arthur met Albert, bc Arthur loves drawing and obviously Albert loves photography. They were both like “wow he’s cute” but were too shy to talk to each other for more than basic pleasantries, until one day Albert’s Big Project was ruined a day or two before he was gonna turn it in, and Arthur helped him fix it.

They’re so sweet on each other it’s unbearable, they’re both Soft Boys so they fuckin blush if they make eye contact...... the most bold either of them get is when Arthur is feeling insecure about his body and Albert gladly tells him how perfect and handsome he is in every way, and he wishes he was half as gorgeous as Arthur is, and Arthur is like (offended) um, excuse me, how dare u insult my beautiful boyfriend in this way?? They both wanna grow beards so while they’re still going thru Changes they excitedly bond over their facial hair......... they run up to each other at school like LOOK AT MY NEW CHIN HAIR and the other one is like WOW!!! GOOD JOB

Javier has a big lovely family who spoil him rotten and tbh love to spoil his friends when they come over too, his parents are in a constant and devastating game of dish-gifting with Dutch & Hosea, Arthur and John have eaten more of Mr. & Mrs. Escuella’s tamales than any other food, neither Dutch nor Hosea are very good cooks but luckily Javier has plenty of aunts and uncles and cousins who are happy to occasionally take one of their unimpressive lasagnas or cakes from a box mix

Lenny’s cool dad in canon is the high school au dad of Charles and Lenny, he and Charles’s mom amicably divorced and he got remarried to Lenny’s mom, who is a Cool Stepmom to Charles. Charles and Lenny go stay with Charles’s mom all the time, in fact she was around so much when they were younger that she practically helped raise them both. maybe she gets a gf and Charles and Lenny have so many moms and are so loved & cherished like they fuCKIN DESERVE

Kieran is the weird horse girl at school, he’s Lenny’s age, they become friends when they’re forced to sit next to each other and they’re both too awkward and shy to say anything until they’re paired up on a project together bc everyone else in the class already paired up and they were the only ones left gjkhfd.... John wants to dislike Kieran bc Lenny is HIS friend now, but Kieran is a sweet lad with a mean dad.... His dad is Colm O’Driscoll, Dutch & Hosea’s other neighbor and Dutch’s sworn enemy

Dutch expects Kieran to be as shitty as his dad, but he is a SWEET BOY, and as soon as they realize his situation, they tell Kieran he can come over whenever he wants and spend the night any time, he doesn’t have to ask or anything, but Kieran is super respectful and always asks permission and always tries to come over when John or Arthur are there so he can go under the pretense of hanging out with them, bc he doesn’t wanna intrude...

Once he came over when Hosea was the only one home and he was like “hi Mr. Matthews are John and Arthur home” and Hosea was like “no sorry they’re out” and Kieran was like “oh... ok sorry I’ll just go then” and Hosea was like “absolutely not” and brought Kieran in and made him snacks and wrapped him in many blankets and watched a kids movie with him until he fell asleep on the couch... when Dutch came home he was like “??? new son ???” and Hosea was like “yea I guess. oops”

When Kieran gets older they help him become an emancipated minor and get a job and his own place (even tho he knows they’d let him stay with them if he wanted) and he changes his last name to his mom’s maiden name Duffy... Colm and Dutch glare at each other over their fences and Colm is like “enjoying stealing my son?” and Dutch is like “my son now” but Colm really doesn’t care bc he’s an asshole... and even tho they don’t legally adopt him, Kieran’s like “I’m more of a Van der Linde than an O’Driscoll” and oops i’m making myself cry again :’)

And yes Abigail does eventually teach John how to play stupid super smash bros. She’s Pro Gamer level of competent at nearly all video games and John has the biggest heart eyes for her, the end thank u for listening

[i-used-to-wear-the-fedora]

BMC Jeremy is Missing AU [Rewrite] In Depth

Ch.12 A Good Samaritan

“Hey d-Mr.Heere!” Both Jeremy’s dad and the man he was talking to turned to see Jeremy using Michael’s body to walk over towards the two.

“Michael? What are you doing in here? Shouldn’t you be in school?”

“Oh you know-lunch break and stuff. But ugh I heard something about you needed money?”

“Actually it’s Dr.Graham over here who needs the money. I’d give him some but I barely have enough for groceries.”

“M-maybe I could give you the money!”

“I couldn’t-”

“P-please for any friend of my da…Mr.Heere.” Jeremy felt slightly guilty as he reached into Michael’s pocket and pulled out the money. But it was for a good reason. “Here.” The man smiled as he took the money from Michael’s hand.

“Thank you….”

“Jer…Michael. Michael Mell.”

“Thanks Michael. You know you remind me of my son Craig, he’s around your age. If you need anything just let me know.”

“Really, it’s okay. Just being a good samaritan and stuff.” The doctor smiled waving goodbye to Mr.Heere before walking away leaving Jeremy and his father alone.

“Michael, that was very nice of you.”

“Thanks…Mr.Heere. It seemed like the right thing to do. So, you’re grocery shopping?” Jeremy asked seeing his dad’s small list.

“Yeah, Jeremy’s birthday’s coming up in a few days…gotta make sure I don’t burn it this year. Wouldn’t want a repeat of last year.” Jeremy remembered his birthday last year, he and Michael took a bite and instantly spit it out to find that under the three layers of frosting was a cake burned to the point of blackness. He couldn’t stop a laugh from coming out as he remembered that.

“Oh my God, I remember that. It tasted so bad so we just split up the frosting and put it on top of our ice cream.”

“I-I remember,” Mr.Heere as he chuckled leaning his kart. “I still have pictures of the two of you right after with food all over your faces.”

“Hey, I was hungry.”

“You looked just like when you were six on Halloween and you got into the sugar sticks. That was everywhere me and Jackie were cleaning it out of the right for weeks.” Jeremy stopped when he said Jackie. His mom. Did his mom come to his funeral? Did she talk to Dad?

“How is…Jeremy’s mom anyway?” Mr.Heere stopped laughing as he unknowingly looked at his son. “Sorry if that’s too personal.”

“No it’s alright son. Jackie’s being Jackie as usual. She still hasn’t talked to me since the funeral.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No it’s alright Michael, it’s not like you’re the reason she’s angry at me.” A beep went off on Mr.Heere’s phone making him look down at his phone before turning his kart around. “Sorry I got distracted, talk to you later Michael!” Jeremy waved goodbye as he watched his dad walk away.

“See you later…dad.” Jeremy smiled. He actually talked to his dad. Money now gone Jeremy walked over to exit. Munchies wouldn’t have tasted nearly as good as the feeling in his, or was it Michael’s?, stomach. He could give Michael his body back….but on the other hand lunch was still going on at school. Jeremy couldn’t believe he was actually excited for school food but it was better than nothing.

~~

“Hey Christine are you alright?” The girl looked up from her math book to see Jenna staring at her. “You look like you just ate a lemon. You thinking about something? …somebody?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Christine, you shouldn’t bottle this stuff up.”

“What’s there to bottle up? I mean it’s not like I’m friends with the girl who convinced me to make Jeremy run away in the first place.” Jenna back up as Christine snapped at her. “Sorry, I just don’t want to talk about it okay? This all so much take in at once.”

“Christine, we need to talk about this.”

“Later.”

“You’ve been saying later forever, we can’t keep ignoring Jeremy. Especially since it’s actually Jeremy now.”

“Ms.Rolan, Canigula, is there something you’d like to share with the rest of the class?” The teacher glared at the two girls who quickly quit talking as the woman went back to writing the equation on the white board. Christine not even looking over at Jenna anymore looked at her book hoping to not have to make eye contact.

~~

“Eugh…what happened?” Michael’s head hurt as he looked around, his vision still coming back. “Wha…?” Looking down he saw various stains on his shirt that looked like food making him even more confused. When did he eat? Wait…Jeremy. Jeremy took control of his body. Darting up he saw he was in his bedroom, on his bed. Jeremy was standing not too far away looking over some pictures on the wall. He noticed Michael awake as he jumped seeing his friend.

“Michael, you’re awake!”

“Jeremy what…happened? And why do I feel like I just ate my mom’s pancakes?” Grabbing his phone Michael saw it was seven at night. “Seven? Jeremy how long were you in my body?”

“Oh-er, well I…a few hours? I just intended on getting a few snacks at Walmart but then that kind of fell through and your mom wanted to make dinner plus you had a lot of Doritos and other stuff in your kitchen-”

“So you used my body to eat time of junk food?”

“Don’t worry-I didn’t way peanut butter or anything and I brushed your teeth!” To test that statement Michael ran his tongue around his mouth. It tasted like a combination of mint tooth paste, Doritos, Mountain Dew and Oreos. Not a pleasant combination.

“Eugh, Jeremy why?”

“I’m sorry Michael…I just wanted to taste food again.”

“But did you have to eat so much? I feel like I’ve gained two pounds.” Heading himself up Michael walked over to pick up the discarded cardigan. “I don’t think I can even bring myself to get a slushie tight now.” Michael reached into his pants pocket to pull out the money he intended to use to buy a said slushie but was surprised when he found nothing in the pocket.

“Hey where’s my money?” Jeremy looked guilty as Michael asked about the cash.

“I kind of…lent it to dad’s friend…” Michael made an annoyed face at this causing Jeremy to flinch.

“Is there anything else I should know about?”

“I’m sorry Michael.” Michael immediately faltered when he saw Jeremy’s face. Even as a ghost Jeremy seemed to look like he was about to cry.

“It’s alright dude, really. Just next time you give me a heads up before?” Jeremy nodded, the look know gone as he went to hug Michael but stopped when he realized the awkwardness that would bring. Jeremy really missed being able to hug Michael.

With Dustin:

Dustin stood in the salt circle around him in the darkened school bathroom as he placed the unlit candles around him before picking up the book he got in the library nervously looked it over.

‘I don’t know if I want the ghost to be real or not. I mean if its real and I do summon him I don’t think he’s going to like me…’ Taking a deep breath Dustin began to read.

“Oh sacred spirit come from afar, come now and prove that you are.” Nothing happened for a few seconds promoting Dustin to shut the book when a sudden breeze passed through the bathroom. The lights began to flash on and off as the stall doors swung scaring the teen when candles became lit followed by the feeling he was no longer alone in the restroom. Scared out of his mind Dustin called out, “Jeremy are here?”

His response was the the door to the bathroom slamming shut just as quickly as it opened making Dustin jump as the candles went out again leaving him in there darkness. Realizing the wet feeling in his pants Dustin was suddenly very glad he decided to do the ceremony in the men’s room.

Ch.13 Night of the Party

Michael stared down at the math assignment, internally groaning. God why did this face to be so difficult?

“The answer’s sixty nine over five.” Michael jumped slightly as Jeremy appeared next to his desk.

“Jesus!”

“Oops sorry dude.”

“You need a freaking bell around your neck.”

“Well I don’t think that’s possible. But the answer is still sixty nine over five.”

“How do you know?”

“Advanced Pre-Calc, I had Ms.Petrov before, remember?”

“Nope.”

“Here let me help you with this.” Jeremy’s hand went to touch Michael’s who flinched away, retracting his hand.

“Can you not do that? It’s just ever since Walmart I don’t think I’m comfortable…”

“With me touching you?”

“Yeah. That.” A sad look crossed Jeremy’s face for a moment before disappearing.

“I won’t, I’m just showing you where the decimal sould go before you make it a fraction.”

“Okay,” Michael followed Jeremy’s instructions getting half way through the problem when his phone vibrated in his pocket. Picking it up he saw it was a text from Jake.

yo Mikey I’m throwing a bomb ass party tonight and u r invited- -no thanks no thanks?- -don’t like parties come on dude, please?- it’ll just be me and the rest of the drama squad- except Chloe- she’s angry- -… -idk please?- -… -fine awesome!- c u tonight at my place- btw, pepperoni or bacon for pizza?- -def. pepperoni coolio-

Michael pocketed his phone as he looked up to see Jeremy had disappeared again. Michael looked down at his homework surprised.

‘Weird, thought was only halfway through.’

The page had all been filled out except for the last one. ~~ Chloe checked her phone again. Still nothing from Brooke.

'Damn it, how long is that bi-Brooke going to ignore me? She would’ve usually cracked by now. God damnit.’

The last text she’d sent was from less then a minute ago, she knew Brooke has seen her messages at this point. She was being ignored. By Brooke. And this was really starting to piss her off. Checking Instagram she went to Brooke’s page to see she had been unfriended by the blonde.

'Why doesn’t Brooke want to talk to me? Wait, I already know. That freak, Michael. Ever since he started claiming he could see ghost boy Jeremy Heere Brooke suddenly stopped listening to me-’

“Ms.Valentine, I’m trying to teach. Please put that phone away.”

~~

“Does Jake invite you to a lot of parties now?” Jeremy asked as they stood in front of the mirror in Michael’s room as the living boy tried on another one of his red button up shirts. “Also, these literally all look the same. Do you just buy your shirts on bulk?”

“Sometimes. And not really. Or at least I never go.”

“Why not? You’re being invited to Jake freaking Dillinger’s party. That’s like the most awesome thing that could happen to you in highschool.”

“Yeah going to a loud, crowded house party surrounded people drunk of their asses because people feel sorry for you sounds really awesome.”

“Feel sorry for you?”

“The only reason I’m invited is because feels bad about what happened to you.”

“Oh…then why are you going tonight?”

“Well I just thought I haven’t ever really gone to a highschool party and it’s only like five people. If I’m lucky Chloe won’t be there,” Michael decided on one of his identical red shirts taking off his hoodie allowing Jeremy to see his chest. The teen turned away until Michael walked past him towards the bathroom. Heading over to the medicine cabinet he brought out a bottle of old spice Jeremy got him for his birthday. Michael made a face as he shared it on. “Aw, Christ. This smells horrible. Jeremy is it obvious?”

“I don’t know, I can’t smell.”

“Oh.”

“Wait I got you that three years ago. You’ve never work it before?”

“It seems with a good reason, do you think I have time for a shower?”

“What time does the party start?”

“Seven.” Jeremy’s head peeked through the wall before coming back into the bathroom.

“It’s seven thirty.”

“Yeah I still got time.” ~~ “So when’s Michael supposed to get here?” Rich asked looking up from the game of Mario Kart he and Jenna were playing.

“Yeah it’s like eight o'clock already,” Christine said snapping out of her nap, “Maybe we should call it-”

“No he’ll be here any minute maybe he ran into traffic or something.” Jake was playing with his red cup nervously, unable to remember if this was his third or fourth cup of beer. Brooke noticed this taking the cup away from him.

“Jake he lives two blocks away. He didn’t get stuck in traffic.” That’s when the front doorbell rang prompting Brooke to open the door and see Michael dressed nicer than earlier. “Woah, Michael you…” She trailed off when her nose caught a whiff of the scent she new all too well. Covering her nose she unconsciously backed away, Michael noticed.

“I took a shower but even then it didn’t wash off.”

“You smell like my ex Peter, he always smelled like Old Spice.” Jake walked past the blonde, barely fazed by the scent as he pat Michael on the back.

“Glad you could make it bro! Here,” he handed Michael a red cup, “drink up, the nights just beginning!”

“I’m not much of a beer guy-”

“Come on dude, just a drink or two.”

Michael looked over towards Jeremy who nodded. Just…one beer wouldn’t hurt.

An Hour Later:

“~And I will always love you!~” Michael sat on top of the kitchen table moving his head as he sang along to the music. Everybody else was either gone or passed out on the floor for some reason except for Michael who fell as he tried to get off the table. “Oh come on Jeremy~ I know y-you’re here, pfffttt Heere, somewhere~” There wasn’t a response as Michael drunkenly stumbled towards the door. “W-w-well you guys this was fun but I need to go home~ Bye~”

He fumbled with the handles for a few moments before finally opening the door as he felt a small buzzing sensation in his neck.

'Man how much did I drink? Pfff who cares. I need to go home and wait…where’s Jeremy? Jeremy’s missing, I should find him.’ Through his buzzed haze Michael stumbled out of the driveway to the street giggling all the way as he came to a stop in the middle of the road to look up at the sky. 'Woah, there’s so many stars or maybe I should try and count them…one, two-’

“Michael!” A voice called out to the teen at he turned around but instead seeing the source he saw a bright light coming towards him.

'Aliens? Cool, maybe I should go towards the light.’

“Michael!” That was the last thing the teen heard before the sounds of screeching breaks and someone screaming.

Ch.14

Michael’s head pounded as his eyes slowly opened, a beeping should came from nearby.

“Mmmmm….” The whiteness of whatever room he was in was blinding. 'Jesus Christ my eyes.’ His vision came into focus as began to look around the room. He was in a hospital bed, the being was coming from a heart monitor. There were two seats next to the bed, his mom was asleep, her head hanging slightly off the arm of the chair. Turning around he saw Jeremy pacing in front of his bed. His friend came to a stop when he noticed Michael was awake.

“Michael!” He rushed over to the other teen’s side.

“Jeremy?” This came out as a hoarse whisper as he tried to sit up but quickly laid back down from the pain in his chest. “…fuck…Jeremy, what happened last night?”

“You don’t remember?”

“Nothing past getting to Jake’s party…” Michael clutched his chest in pain as he said that, “Christ it feels like a car hit me.”

“That’s because it did.”

“Wait, what?”

“You were in the middle of street when a car hit you. You’ve been asleep for the whole day.”

“Holy Shit.” Michael tried remember anything from the drunken haze that was the party last night. Nothing was clear except for one thing…“I-I think I was looking for you.”

“Why would you be looking for me? I was right there.”

“N-no you weren’t. I remember you weren’t there.”

“Where else would I be?”

“I don’t know, but you weren’t there.” Jeremy didn’t say anything annoying Michael but before he could say anything Michael’s mom snapped awake at Michael’s louder voice.

“Michael, thank God you’re awake!” She went to hug him but pulled away when he winced. “Oh right sorry.” Instead she kissed him on the cheek before giving him a familiar look of disappointment. “Just what the hell were you thinking? Going to a party without telling me, getting drunk and running into the street? You almost died Michael.”

“How do you know I was drunk?”

“Michael I can still smell it on you.” Michael didn’t respond as his mother sat back down in her chair. “You’re grounded until next week. No leaving the house except for school, no car-”

“No phone?”

“You don’t even have a phone anymore, it was crushed in the accident.”

“Oh…”

“I didn’t eat any of your friends to the police but I did find out it was this Jake Dillinger who threw the party so I’m going to have a talk with him.”

“Mom-”

“End of discussion. Now I’m going to go get a nurse.” She left the room slamming the door behind her. Michael looked back at Jeremy who was now sitting in one of the chairs. What the hell was Jeremy hiding from him? Why was he lying? Multiple questions ran through his head but he kept them in when the door opened again as both his mom and a nurse came in.

~~

“-thank you, have a great day mam.” Mrs.Mell signed the last paper before opening the door so that Michael didn’t hit his leg brace on anything. Three fractured ribs, a sprained ankle and a concussion. Nothing too serious and they had already given his mom the prescription for his pain medication. Getting on the car needed help lifting his foot without hurting himself.

The drive home was awkwardly silent. Pulling into the driveway he handed her his car keys before they went up to his room together as she set him in the bed before leaving the room, locking the door behind her. Jeremy was now on the floor staring at Michael before the boy climbed out of bed heading over to his window.

“Michael what are you doing?”

“Leaving.”

“What? Why? You’re really screwed up right now.”

“Maybe but I’m not going to make any progress helping you from a bed.”

“Helpi-Michael what are you talking about? You’re hurt and it’s starting to rain. How are you even going to climb down?”

“The tree.” Michael said this as he lifted the window sill.

“Michael stop those just hurting yourself more, what do you even expect to do? Walk all the way to Jake’s house? Newsflash, that’s crazy.”

“How’d you know I was going to Jake’s house?”

“That’s besides the point.”

“No it’s not. And why were you lying about last night? About being there the whole time? I know you weren’t. If you were you would’ve taken over again and pushed me out of the way.” Jeremy was silent as Michael said that making the bespectacled boy let out an annoyed sound. “Yeah that’s what I thought. I’m leaving and you can’t stop me.” Michael was about to take a step out but suddenly found he couldn’t move as his body froze. “What the hell? Jeremy?” Turning around he saw his friend staying to come in and out of existence, like he was…glitching.

“Activating Emergency Memory Core: Processing.” Wait. What? Emergency Processor Core? Michael watched frozen as Jeremy came in and out for minutes before fully coming back.

“Jeremy, what the fuck is going on?”

“I’m sorry Michael, I can’t allow you to hurt yourself anymore like this. As your SQUIP it’s my duty to keep you happy and safe.”

“W-what are you saying? SQUIP?”

“I’m sorry Michael. I am not the real Jeremy. I am not a ghost. I am a Super Qualified Unit Intel Processor. Your friend Richard Goranski slipped me into your Mountain Dew drink the night before school started. It wasn’t just you getting sick that night.”

“W-wait, you’re saying Rich gave me you?”

“To make you feel better. He saw your declining mental and physical state and wanted to help.”

“Y-you’re kidding. You have to be real, all those memories, the possession, what you did in the bathroom-”

“Michael, I only remember things about Jeremy that you do. I have access to your body that allows for possession. The bathroom lights were electricity charges I put out.”

“But the stall doors-”

“Michael, I can explain it all.” Michael felt tears falling down his face as Jere-the SQUIP let his muscles unfreeze as he fell down to the floor. “I’m truly sorry for the pain over caused you but if it makes any difference I treasure the relationship we shared.” Michael didn’t say anything as he wiped his face off trying and failing to compose himself. “I’m going to guide you how to get out of the house, in a much less dangerous way so that you can talk to Rich. It seems apparent that you two have things to talk about.” Michael didn’t say anything as he got off the floor and followed the A.I. outside of the room.

Ch.15 Confrontation

Rich sat in front of his TV playing Call of Duty when there was a knock at the door.

'Weird,’ Rich thought walking towards the door, 'I thought Jake was working today.’ Opening the door he was greeted by a scowling Michael who was wearing what looked like pajamas with a scowl on his face and a brace on his ankle.

“Bro, great to see you’re still alive! Jake told me about last night, you got hit by car? That’s-”

“I know Rich.”

“Know? Know what?”

“About the SQUIP. It told me.”

“Oh.”

“Oh? That’s all you have to say?”

“Well what do you want me to say?”

“I don’t know, how about sorry for giving you a computer that pretended to be my dead best friend?” Michael made his way into the house now grabbing Rich by his shirt. “What the fuck?”

“Hey I didn’t know it would try and pretend to be Jeremy but it helped you right?”

“Helped me?! You knew the whole time and you just let it happen?”

“Michael, the night before school started you looked like shit. You have washed your hair in days, your bags had bags and I saw the cuts on your arms. Believe it or not as your friend I actually care about what’s happening to you. So…I slipped one into the Mountain Dew I gave you.” Michael let go of the smaller boy’s shirt as he shoved him away, backing away so that he could leave against the wall. Tears were running down his face again as he sank down to the floor. Rich sat down next to and Je-the SQUIP say on the other side of him.

“I-I don’t know what to do now…”

“If you want, the can get rid of me Michael. I’m not helping you and now I’m not even fully functioning.” The words came out of Jeremy’s mouth making Michael even more confused. “Ever since the alcohol last night I haven’t been properly functioning. Glitching in and out, unable to look up previous data, of you walked away right now and I didn’t know where you were going I shouldn’t be able to follow you Michael.”

“Rich…”

“Yeah dude?”

“The SQUIP wants me to get rid of it.”

“Do you want to get rid of it?”

“Kind of…but at the same time…it’s all I have left of Jeremy. I don’t want to lose him again.”

“That’s alright dude. I understand but if you ever want to, I have some Mountain Dew Red.”

“I know, but I think I need some help. Like serious help. And maybe some distance from Squeremy.” Rich burst out laughing as Michael said that. “What’s so funny?”

“Squeremy? Oh my God! That’s amazing.” The newly dubbed Squeremy smoked at that at that name.

“Squeremy. I like that.” It took Rich a moment to stop laughing before he could articulate his words again.

“B-but seriously, about the help thing? Why don’t you see that therapist dude Jeremy’s dad has been seeing?”

“That actually sounds like a good idea. But maybe Squeremy could stay here? Just until I get back?”

“Uh, sure. I guess.”

“Thanks dude,” Rich nodded his head before hugging Michael. The teen thought about pushing him away for a moment before accepting the embrace. An actual human touch. He doesn’t even think about Squeremy hearing the thought, human touch.

Something the SQUIP knew it could never provide Michael.

~~

“-so Michael is this your first time coming to Therapy?” Michael sat in the red chair just across from the therapist’s desk fiddling with the stress ball that was on the desk next to him.

“I went a few times last year but that was just the one at the school. She didn’t help a lot.” The man’s house was big, Michael had to walk through the living room to get to the office that was decorated with various papers and certificates. It felt almost claustrophobic with how tightly packed it was.

“I’d imagine, schools are where the therapists that got straight D’s are sent,” Michael let out a snort at that, “but don’t tell anyone I said that. My sister’s a teacher counselor.”

“I won’t. At least, as long as you don’t tell my mom I’m coming here. She found out yesterday and “double” grounded me. Whatever that means.“

"You know, you remind me of my son when he was your age, sixteen?”

“Nah I’m seventeen.”

“You’re kidding? You look younger.”

“Yeah I get that a lot.” The man was about to say something when his phone rang. He made an annoyed face as he looked down at the screen.

“It looks like Mr.Heere’s calling again. Do you mind if I take this? It mayhem be a while…”

“No, it’s chill got my stress ball,” Michael have the red ball a squeeze to emphasize his point.

“Alright, I’ll be back as soon as possible.” He left the room closing the door behind him. It was a few seconds. Then a minute. Then a few minutes. Michael got up to stretch his legs to avoid boredom. God the stress ball wasn’t helping….heading over to the deal he saw a picture of the therapist and a teenage boy. It seemed old and frayed, the man looked a lot younger. The teenage boy must have been his son. Curious Michael looked around the desk area when he saw an album labelled family photos.

'I shouldn’t…’ But there was no little voice in his head telling him directly not to. That voice was back at Rich’s house playing Call please Duty. Taking the album out of the book case Michael began to flip through it. More pictures of the boy in the frame. Further in he saw photos of the man with two boys, one a few years younger than the boy in the frame. Another son? Foiling further he stopped when he saw a familiar photo.

It was a picture of him, Jeremy and Jeremy’s dad at the park for Jeremy’s sixth birthday party. 'Mr.Heere must have given him this…’ Flipping through he found a few other pictures Michael recognized from Jeremy’s house. 'Jesus Mr.Heere, what did you-wait.’ Michael turned the page again and saw a photo of Jeremy only…he was with Dr.Graham.

Jeremy was sitting in a chair and the doctor was behind him smiling. Jeremy on the other hand…his mouth was in more of a grimace than a smile and his eyes were wide. Flipping further the pictures of Jeremy and the man became more frequent, Jeremy looking worse with every page turn. Dr.Graham, the man who moved next door to Jeremy’s dad, became his therapist…

Michael felt himself get sick as be realized who’s house he was in. He needed to leave, call the police he-

“What the hell are you doing?”

[w1club]

storybook: kang daniel

Title: storybook Word count: 2778 Pairing: daniel x oc (no name) Warning: one or two curse words Genre: angst? idk lol

a/n: idk why i wrote this i was bored and dead,,,

In a story there was always the protagonist and the antagonist, in this story I was neither. My life seemed to fall in the way of unimportance. I mean, I was average in all sorts of ways. I wasn’t what you called ugly, I wasn’t what you called extremely gorgeous either. I wasn’t smart yet you wouldn’t call me dumb. I was just average. Not that I minded, I hated being in the spotlight but at times I wanted to feel as big as everyone else in the world. I wanted to be important. I wanted to have a role.

It was hard being the best friend of two incredible girls that played the leading characters of their own story. It was as if even in my point of view, I was viewed slightly less than others. I didn’t have much problems that would resort in me crying to sleep, I didn’t have boys around me that would create a chaos in my life. So while my friends were out finding love, I was the friend in every movie that was just there to give advice or sometimes not even say anything. While my friends had drowned themselves in different problems, it seemed like I was just there as a backdrop, giving them seemingly unnecessary advice.

I had someone I liked. His name was Daniel. He had a sense of humour and no one would deny his boyish charms that fell beneath his handsome exterior. I wasn’t exactly best friends with him, nor was I his enemy. We’ve never actually came across each other’s paths. He had his own group of friends, I had mine. But when my best friends started dating his best friends, we came in contact quite often. He would smile at me and I would smile back. We talked about the weather and sometimes our friends, but that was it.

I had only myself to blame when I finally realised that I liked the boy, I decided to distance myself away from both my best friends and the group of boys that I had taken liking to. The group of boys weren’t very affected by my absence whereas my best friends did care but never bothered to push further as they were afraid to cross my boundaries.

Months passed and we had a new transfer student in our class. She had long locks of hair, big eyes and a slender body. Everyone and anyone could tell she was pretty. She was loud, outgoing and friendly. Unfortunately, she had a deep hatred for Daniel while making friends with my best friends and I. The two of them- Daniel and the new girl, were like ticking time bombs. They had fought almost every single day over incredibly stupid things.

“That was mine, asshole!” She screamed at Daniel.

Daniel gave her a smug look as he sunk his teeth into her cupcake and moaning as he chewed it, “Delicious!”

Just like any other love story, the hate soon blossomed. The two would fight every single day only to realise that emptiness had found a way into their hearts when one of them wasn’t there.

“Where’s that annoying little shit anyway?” She asked the group.

Minhyun shrugged before giving her a small little smile, “You like Daniel, don’t you?”

She frowned and shook her head furiously, “Over my dead body!”

Occasionally they would come to school together amidst of their own problems and infatuation. Like how she once told me that she had been tricked to babysit Daniel’s cousin and how they almost kissed. She was frustrated. She had told me other incidences like when Daniel pulled her from the road after almost getting run over by a high speeding Lamborghini. She also told me about her crying into Daniel’s arms when her father had just recently passed. The two shared a strong connection no one had. Although my heart ached when she talked about Daniel, I had realised that I was never meant to be his in the first place.

I would go home, crying at how undeniably unimportant I was. Why did everyone have a life worth living? Why was I just here? What was my purpose of existing?

The doorbell rang incessantly as I dragged my feet across the living room to get to the door. I opened the door revealing Daniel. My heart accelerated, wondering why he had stumbled on my front door.

“Daniel?” I mumbled softly.

He smiled widely and greeted me excitedly, “Hey! So I was wondering prom’s coming up right?”

I nodded, a bit excited to see what he was going to say next.

“I wanted to ask her to prom and I’m planning a huge promposal for her! I need your help.” Daniel begged. He had then gone on explaining to me the event he had planned for her. He had recruited his friends and then my friends and finally me.

I never really talked to him so I wondered why he wanted me to help him.

I must’ve said that out loud when I noticed Daniel’s pink cheeks, “I’m sorry. I know we don’t talk much but I’m not very close to anyone else after my friends and yours.”

My heart felt a slight pinch realising that he had only come to me as he had no other choice.

“I’ll help.” I smiled.

He thanked me with a large grin. He got up to leave when he stopped to look at the albums I had placed neatly on a display case by the balcony.

“Pink Floyd?” He wondered aloud, staring at the vinyl record I had of one of my favourite bands. “The Division Bell.” He mumbles before looking at me. “Sick choice.”

He then began inspecting my display case and mumbling the band names when he finally came across my favourite band of all time, “Deep purple’s Fireball? You have good taste.” He chuckled before taking the vinyl record in his hands.

“Can I?” He asked, gesturing to the vinyl player I had beside my TV.

I nodded slowly. He clapped his hands joyously before playing the album. He began singing along as if he was reliving something.

“My dad and I used to listen to this album a lot.” I mumbled.

Daniel looked at me, “Me too! Ugh, this album is too good.”

I laughed and agreed.

“Hey, you know where I can buy this album?” Daniel questioned.

“You can have it.” I said.

“What? No way! This is yours, I can’t-“

“I’ve had it for 17 years, you can have it for the next 17 years.” I chuckled.

Daniel grinned brightly, giving me a small hug. “Thank you!”

Feeling like I had a ton of bricks lifted off my shoulder, I thought Daniel and I had a connection through music. Something we shared just between us. Just us.

She had invited my friends and I over for drinks one time. Not knowing she had invited the boys, I had gone eager to catch up with some girl friends. When I was finally there, I had realised that I was the odd one out. The whole lot had been three separate couples while I had been alone. It was almost frustrating as I had close to no relationship with anyone there. I had no attachments towards Sungwoon and Minhyun. They were barely friends to me. I had never considered Daniel as a friend but after the day he came to my house I began overthinking our relationship.

I sat alone as I stared blankly at the TV as the couples cuddled each other unaware of my discomfort and wallowing pity towards myself. I glanced over to the side of the TV console when my eyes landed on a familiar object. My deep purple album. My heart shattered into a million pieces. The only connection I had with Daniel was given away to his girlfriend.

I felt tears filling my eyes and before I knew it I was out the door. I heard my friends calling my name when I turned and said, “I forgot I had something on. Don’t wait up for me.”

I ran and ran. I knew that I shouldn’t have let something as a mere music taste coincidence define what chances I had with Daniel but what was I supposed to do? I was begging, I merely wanted to taste the feeling of being significant.

The tears wouldn’t stop leaving my eyes, no matter how much I wanted it to stop. A part of me wanted someone to arrive and ask me what’s wrong like in the movies and the other part of me wanted to stop crying over something so stupid.

I looked around the abandoned playground I was at. Scoffing at my wild imagination, “So when the hell is my prince charming gonna come out now?”

After that day, I distanced myself from my friends and the boys once again. When my friends had asked me what was wrong, I’d simply shrug saying I was uncomfortable and that I wasn’t close to the boys and hoped to God they would understand. I even went to the extent of telling my friends to inform Daniel that the day of the promposal for his girlfriend I would be busy with other things. I was simply too tired to cry over a boy who had never even treated me as a friend in the first place. Maybe an acquaintance. But a friend? I was pushing it.

Daniel had reached out to me the day before the promposal, texting me that he was sad I couldn’t make it. I apologised to him and said I was attending something really important. He had shrugged it off and thanked me either way.

Prom was the week after and I had decided that I wasn’t going to go. My friends had begged for an explanation when I just replied that I had no desire whatsoever.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come? Minhyun’s bringing his friend from the other school, Jaehwan. He’s sort of cute, don’t you want to come and meet him?” My friend questioned, eager for me to come.

I shook my head uninterested, “I’m just here to get you guys dressed up.”

Daniel’s girlfriend looked at me apologetically, “It won’t be any fun without you.”

I highly doubted she was telling the truth. Even I could tell that I wasn’t the same person 6 months ago before everything had started. I was pretty sure my best friends felt it too. I was no longer the noisy girl who would joke around sending ugly pictures of myself. I was no longer the girl that would hop on board every time they had asked me out. I was now the girl who never bothered to start a conversation. I was now the girl who declined every outing that they had planned. I was pretty sure at this point Daniel’s girlfriend had taken my place in this friendship.

Daniel’s girlfriend glanced at her watch and immediately began rushing.

“I have to meet Daniel in an hour so I have to go!” She said, rushing out the door.

My best friends looked at me and smiled sadly.

“Are you okay? You seem a bit out of it lately.”

I nodded, hoping the conversation would end.

“If you need anything, we’re here for you.”

And that’s when I snapped.

“Are you?” I murmured.

My friends looked at me curiously.

“It’s been 6 months and only now you’ve asked me how I am?” I said softly.

My friends looked at me, guilt filling their eyes.

“We-“ I cut them off.

“6 months was what it took for you to ask me what’s wrong? Have you ever thought that maybe I needed my best friends to be by my side? No? I’m pretty sure the two of you couldn’t care less.”

“We care about you, it’s just-“

“It’s just you have a boyfriend now. I get it. But does it mean you can just abandon me one side, since you have new friends, boyfriends and just a shit ton of things?” my voice cracked as tears began filling my eyes. The emotions I had been bottling up for the past 6 months urgently rushing out of my mouth.

“Does it make you feel better that I’m just a side character in your love story? Wait, I’m probably not even a fucking side character. I’m the girl that gives the advice and waits for what’s gonna happen next. I’m the girl who shows up 6 seconds on camera when everyone gets a solid 30 minutes of their own screen time. I’m the girl who fell in love with someone but none of her best friends know because they’re too caught up in their own story.” I spat angrily.

My friends stay silent looking at me.

“You’re in love with Daniel, aren’t you?”

My head shot up as my eyes widened in horror. It was Daniel’s girlfriend. She looked at me apologetically with slight anger and pity in her eyes. But my eyes flutter to the person at the back, Daniel. He stares at me, surprised. I shake my head and felt my heart drop. Daniel’s girlfriend turned around and noticed Daniel by the door.

“I thought I told you to wait for me in the car.” She mumbled.

My hands were shaking, I felt my whole entire life flash before my eyes. My cheeks reddened as I felt everyone’s stares on me. I pushed my way through my friends and shoved Daniel away from the door, fleeing from the scene.

If you read this in Daniel’s girlfriend’s point of view, I would have been seen as another obstacle in their love life. I would have been seen as a villain.

Embarrassment ate me alive as I hid in my room the week, passing prom and the annual school outing to the nearby islands. My parents were worried, asking me profusely if I needed time off from school. Holidays were coming up anyway they didn’t mind if I missed 2 days of lessons that had now been filled with just fun and games since exams were over.

I had dozens of missed calls from my best friends and some from Daniel’s girlfriend. And even a text from Daniel which I had yet to open till this day.

All of them had given up on the third day when they knew that I was going to avoid them for as long as I could.

“Sweetheart, your father and I have something to tell you.”

“Your father has been transferred to a higher position in Seoul and we we-“ I cut them off.

“Take it. Take it and bring me there with you.”

My parents looked at me with wide eyes. My father had previously been offered a high paying job in Seoul just earlier this year and I had declined thinking that I had friends and a life here not wanting to move to a new place where I had to start over so when I agreed, my parents were nothing but surprised.

“Th…that’s great!” My father managed to stutter.

“When are we moving?” I questioned eagerly.

“The house is being prepared but since the company’s paying for the house, probably by next week?” My father said.

“Can we start packing today and leave as soon as we can? Please?”

My parents looked at me, not wanting to pry further as they nodded.

“Anything for you.” My mother smiled.

“One more thing…” I drifted off. “Don’t tell anyone we’re moving, not even my friends.”

A week later, everything in the house was packed. I was eager to start afresh, eager to finally be the main character of my own story. I was convinced that this place was nothing but a haunting memory.

“Honey, we’ll be waiting for you in the car!” My mom yelled loudly.

I showed a sign of acknowledgment as I checked my room to see if I was missing anything. I smiled, genuinely happy that I was done packing everything and that I was leaving.

“You’re moving?”

I spin around coming eye to eye with Daniel. I feel my heart beating at an unhealthy rate. I nod, giving him a small smile before dragging my suitcase past him.

“Wait…” He said.

I stopped in my tracks, not wanting to turn around.

I heard Daniel’s soft sigh, “I really wish you had told me you liked me sooner.”

My heart stopped for a brief moment to take in his sudden confession that had been proved to be too late before I finally mustered all I had in me to walk away from him.

[wishingfornever]

12/14/17 – No Contact:  NationState Anniversary

It would appear that a year ago, MN was created.  Hrm…  Interesting. I thought I made it sooner.  I was in Texas at this time.  I thought I was in California when I created MN.  Or when Castro died.  Well, he died in November… yeah, I was in Texas.  Weird.  My memory is turning to crap.

Hrm… I coughed up some mucus mixed with blood.  That’s a really bad sore throat.

244. I’m almost at 240.  That’s great.  Then 40 more pounds and I reach my goal.  Which should be in about April.  April is going to be the month for me.  2018 will be the year for me.  I’m optimistic. :D

Watching Moana on Netflix.  Charming movie thus far, of course it just began. I have one quip.  This wisewoman is sharing the history of the tribe with these toddlers and they’re all scared except for the titular character.  Two things that I take issue with:

Firstly, there are more male toddlers than female toddlers.  That would be a truly rare occurrence to see in a culture such as theirs.  Women have always outnumbered men historically.

Second, this old bat is talking about how everyone is going to die and Moana is smiling like a maniac.  All the other children are afraid.  So, I guess this has two points within it’s own point.  Moana shouldn’t be smiling and it’s alright to be afraid.  She is young, she has a lot of reasons to be afraid because if she’s not then she won’t grow up and will be carried off by predatory animals in the middle of the night.  That said, why not tell the story when they’re old so that they won’t break down in tears and will remember their own history better?  Just saying.

Also, why doesn’t Moana have any siblings?  Especially since her father’s father’s father’s father’s father was chief that continued to son onto son onto son?  Idk, I don’t understand how their government works.  I like the poetic meaning with the rocks on the tallest part of the island, though.

Fuck, how old is this fucking chicken?  Where are they getting their fabric from?

Moana isn’t a super narrow princess that we’ve grown accustomed to in Disney movies.  She’s kinda buff.  :o

Oh, shit.  Moana’s grandma killed Steve Irwin.  :o

Ugh… Just finished Moana.  I feel like crying.

I ended up crying.  Watched Lava by Disney/Pixar.  Cute song.  Very touching.  I’m very emotional right now, I guess.  Anyways, it’s time to walk Max.

Back. Watching the Jungle Book.  The one with CGI animals.  One of the wolves refers to a boar as wild.  Like, really?  You’re fucking wild!  >:C

I noticed how there were hand drawn animations in this one (at the beginning) and in Moana.  I guess Disney is still watching out for their old cartoonists.  That’s nice of them.

Just like the old Jungle Book, they cheat.  They’re recycling CGI animals from OTHER Disney movies and using them in slightly edited scenes!  GAWD!!!  Kidding, kidding.

Oh, Sher Khan sounds powerful.  Good voice actor.

Fucking hell, Bill Murray is ruining the movie for me.  Like, GOD DAMMIT. Everyone refers to Mowgli as the “Man Cub!” and speak very properly and in a distinguished manner.  Then Bill Murray comes in speaking his fucking slang and just being… well, himself.  Says, “Kid.”  Like, really?  I wish they got someone else to be Baloo.

Something I do like about the movie is how the animals have their own customs, traditions, cultures, languages, governance, and even religion.  It’s crazy.  So much lore.  :o

Eh… the bear-necessities song seems out of place.  Guess I was hoping it’d be more of a drama rather than a comedy/family movie.  I mean, Bill Murray isn’t a bad actor but I don’t find him very… well, dramatic.  He’s more comedy which is probably why I prefer someone more fluid with the other voice actors.

Mowgli forgot his rope.

Christ, Christopher Walken is King Louie.  “I want… to… be like… YOU… I want… to… TALK… like you… in coherent sentences.”

I take back everything I said about Bill Murray.  Christopher Walken, however…  And yet again, the song feels out of place.  Want more drama.  Then again King “Louie” doesn’t sound like it belongs to begin with.  All the other names are SUPER Indian.  King Louie, however?  Sounds French.  I’ll look into it sometime.

Gigantopithecus? Is that what King Louie was in the original?  I thought he was an orangutan.  Ah, well.  It’s kinda cool they’re using an extinct creature.  It makes it extra creepy, like he were some sort of old god.  I was wondering why he was so big.  I feel like they changed the song since then.

HE SAYS “FIRE” IN THE FUCKING SONG!!!  WHAT THE FUCK!?!  THE LORE!!! YOU’RE BREAKING THE LORE!!!

Wait, Mowgli did a monkey crawl thing up the steps.  Now that he’s running in terror, he knows how to run up them like a normal person? Consistency…

This is a weird thing to note, but Christopher Walken has a lot of screen time.  Kaa’s voice actor has such a pretty voice, I was hoping we’d get to hear more of her.  Maybe she’ll show up again.  I’ll look up the cast when the movie is over.

I like how the monkeys swarm but can’t really do much damage.  Like, lol, they the zerg.

Oh, fuck.  Zerg is a perfect comparison.  They have a hivemind.  The temple collapses and they immediately coordinate a rescue effort. All in unison.  In sync.

Mowgli is sneaking into the Human Village.  I bet you he’s going to steal the fire and then leave.  Obviously not trying to join them.  Also, wasn’t it daylight a minute ago?

Now, I’m pretty civilized.  But is it common to have a bonfire in the middle of the village every night?  I feel like that’s a waste of resources.  Also, how did he reach that torch?  It’s like twice his height up.  Also, how would they know fire is red?  When it’s more orange?  Not the point.  Red flower.  Aren’t most animals colorblind?

Fuck, that was a quick run.  I thought it took him days to get to that village.  It took him far less time to get back.

Ah, fuck!  Mowgli just proved Sher Khan’s point!  Whaaaaaat?!  Moral complexity in a Disney movie?!

Sher Khan killed Baloo?  Oh, shit.  That was brutal.  I wonder who would win.  A tiger or a bear.  Doubt they’d interact very often, tbh. Bears would win on strength but tigers are strong AND agile.  Like, oof.  They’re a feline.  And Sher Khan is like… vicious.  Baloo is lazy.  Guess that settles that.

Drat. Sher Khan fell to his death.  Though, admittedly, the fall probably didn’t kill him because tigers are just oversized cats.  Rather, I’m fairly certain the fire did.  Disney likes having falls into fire.  Hrm…

Fuck! Baloo lived!

Elephants don’t strike me as the sort to alter the environment but I’m not an elephant specialist.

Alright, it’s over.  I wonder what will happen when Mowgli gets older. Like, will one of the female wolves be offered to him as a “bride” or whatever?  Will he fuck a wolf?  Is he a furry?  And what of King Louie?  Will he come back for him?  And also, his diaper.  Why does he never take it off?  I’m aware that it’s indecent and I don’t want to see an underaged penis.  However, how would he know what decency is?  And does he ever poop?  Where does he poop?  Does he eat meat raw?  It seems like he must have.  Can you actually eat meat raw?  I think humans used to be able to but the organ responsible is no longer functional.  There are so many questions.  Really, he should have been brought back to the human village at the end to avoid, “When his balls drop, will he fuck animals?” question.  I might be the only one asking it, but I’m asking it.

Oh, the outro is fucking awesome.  Christopher Walken/King Louie crawling out of rubble and then singing in these temple ruins inside a book. Pretty cool, not sure if it’s canon.  If it is, then that means he lived and Mowgli better beware.

Shere Khan?  I’ve spelled it wrong this entire time.  :o

HOLY FUCK!!!  KAA WAS SCARLETT JOHANSSON!!!  ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!? Like, that’s a name I’m familiar with and I’m not that great with names.  Jesus Christ, you fucking got her to play Kaa for a SINGLE scene?  Less than that?  Like, so little.  I feel like she should have had more screen time.  Like, really.  She must have been EXPENSIVE to bring in.  Geez.  :o

Just googled Akela’s character.  It’s Gus from Breaking Bad.  Or the Dentist from Payday.  That dude is usually a villain.  They’ve got a great cast.  He was a very powerful pack leader, I thought. Surprised his character died.

Then again, these actors are pretty expensive.  Maybe that’s why they’re only in it for a little bit?  Or because plot.

Alright, so that was it for the big names.  I heard that in the original story of the Jungle Book, Mowgli had elephants destroy his village at the very end and killed everyone.  Not sure how true that is.  If it’s very true, then the book is immediately better.

Eh… looking for something else on Netflix.  Recommended for me… all anime.  I don’t watch anime.  Esther does.  Her spectre is back. :/

Going through critically acclaimed.  That means they received high reviews. They’re considered good movies.  One of these movies:  Antz.

I’ve seen Antz.  I remember it from when I was very young.  Allow me to assure you, it wasn’t very good.  It had Christopher Walken in it. That’s not really relevant to the quality, just thought it’d be interesting to point out since the Jungle Book also had him.

Holy shit, Antz is a children’s movie?  There was an attempted rape scene in it.  Christ.  :o

Anastasia… that was a decent movie.  It’s not a Disney movie.  I know this because I cracked a joke involving Disney.  I think it was the supposed hatred for Jews?  I don’t remember the joke.  Anyways, everyone quickly YELLED at me, calling me VERY mean things and informed me in a not so polite manner that Anastasia is made by Fox.

Whoops! Anyways, I remember that a lot because it was in my World of Warcraft days.  Dark times, even then. Late high school, early… no school?  Idk, but you get it.  I basically had this guild I rolled with called the Bloodfury Clan. Orc-Only RP guild on an RPPvP (Role Play Player versus Player) Server.  It’s where my writing talents sort of… came to me. These folks were very professional in a very brutish way.  It was great.  We never referred to our guild as a guild.  It was a Clan. Because ORC!!! The head of the Clan was this Puerto Rican woman.  A lovely person.  Kil’Gora.  Or Kilgora because the game wouldn’t allow punctuation in your name, but lorewise!  It was Kil’gora.  Real name was Miri.  I looked up to her.  She was very influential.  Helped me through… a lot of dark times.  Mostly caused by my dad.

I don’t remember if it was before or after my comment… I think after.  But over Ventrilo, she sung to me.  Out of the blue.  Just… randomly sung.  She knew I was going through a particularly rough day, so she sang to me.  She sang a song from Anastasia.  I cried. It may seem like I cry a lot, but I assure you, crying for me used to be rare.  I hated crying.  I didn’t want to seem weak.  She was there for me.  And she was the first person to hear me cry.

Esther, however, was the first person to see me cry.  Weird how that works.

Anyways, a nickname of hers was Ariel because of her Disney singing voice.  I pointed out to her that Anastasia isn’t by Disney but by Fox.  It surprised her too.  I also told her that the internet thought I was a fucking retard for not knowing.  That didn’t surprise her.  Tough love.

Decided to send her a message.  Just something reassuring.  Life hasn’t been easy for her.  And considering how Puerto Rico has been this year, I’d say she’s probably worried about home.  She doesn’t live there anymore… but it’s still her home.  Weird to say.

You know, I never really considered California home until I left it.  I was alone in Texas with plains.  I felt like I was in the middle of a golden ocean.  Why was it golden?  Because it was piss.  I missed the mountains.  They were always so reassuring.  Then I come back and realize that I never wanted to come back.  And I couldn’t return to Texas because my dad fucked my credit.  Well… I have now.  I don’t really look outside.  I don’t really pay attention to the atmosphere.  A lot has changed.  But, I keep my troubles to myself. To many, they see me and think, “Wow… he hasn’t changed one bit after all these years.”

The reality is, I’m always changing.  I find new horrors, new regrets, new kinks in my personality.  Every day, I feel more unhinged.  What they see is what I rehearse.  I plan conversations ahead of schedule, I alleviate thought and avoid improvisation.  Should they deviate from the path… chaos.  Panic.  Fear behind a shy smile.  I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to say.

Thus, many will see that I say the same thing over and over.  This is intentional.  This is the conversational package that will get me through my life.  How long will that last?

Years ago, I predicted that I would die at the age of 27.  This was during the Bloodfury Clan.  So, perhaps I will die next year.  Maybe I shouldn’t enlist afterall.  Regardless, it’d be more convenient if I do perish.  Simpler, rather.  Not that I seek my own death but I will not seek to prevent it, either.  If I die, then I will die.  If I live, then I will live until I die.  The age at which I die is irrelevant.

However, I will be disappointed to die at 28.  That might actually piss me off.

Anyways, backtracking.  Fun fact about Orc RP:  It’s basically descriptive grunting.  Like, it’s comical at times.  You have to be fierce. Not necessarily sub-human but definitely animalistic.  I was THE BEST recruiter Bloodfury ever had.  At least… I think?  Not sure.  Might have changed since then.  I’d post my advertisement in General Chat and Trade Chat.  People would often comment with how well written it was.  I had longer adverts, too, but Blizz prevented me from using them because spam filter.

Drat.

My best advertisement was actually a ripoff from the Napoleon: Total War intro cinematic.  The thing is, I didn’t even own Napoleon: Total War until I was in Texas.  I had already stopped playing WoW by then.

Not the point.  The point is, people would send me a “Tell” or “Whisper” which is a direct and personal message directly to me.  Tell me if I need to slow down.  Anyways, we’d set up an interview to see if they can RP.  Turns out, not many people can.  It’s easy.  Write a coherent sentence, right? You’d think.

Most people are illiterate.  And though my advert was well-written, it appealed to EVERYONE.  So, a lot of Non-Orcs and Non-RPers would have to be turned away.  It was a shame, but purity.  You know how that goes.  #fascism

When the interview began, I started with a single statement.  “The Prey approaches.”  Nothing more primal than referring to someone who is your lesser as prey, something for you to sink your fangs into and tear their flesh out.  It also establishes dominance.  Not sure how, though.  Miri said she LOVED that line because it was just… perfect.  Orcs don’t HAVE to be stupid.  They can be, but that’s not their purpose.

Big, dumb orcs?  No.  Orcs are brutes, but that doesn’t mean they’re stupid.  Orcs should be Laconic, forceful, direct, perhaps impatient. Orcs can be really smart but they should still be prone to their instinct.

I mentioned a story here, I’m fairly certain.  Of my orc in a forest? I might not have, but if I have then consider this a recap.  The orc ended up looting a dwarven doll and then it broke and he angrily threw it at a tree so hard it shattered.  He was basically an angry gorilla, pounding the floor and screaming over something so trivial. My Orc wasn’t dumb.  He had my intellect, which has been praised by many.  It’s also been denounced by far more, but fuck them; me am smart Orc!

PvP was my thing.  It was my character’s lore.  I basically leveled from 57 to 60 using NOTHING but Alterac Valley, one of the PvP modes. PvP, btw, stands for Player vs Player.  So, I would attack other players.  Miri got me turned on to WORLD PvP where you gank people. Gank means you ambush them while they’re questing.  I was REALLY good at it.  Like, I set up AMAZING ambushes.

Back in the day, you had to walk to dungeons.  Now, you just magically appear there for… reasons.  But back then?  No.  You had to be there in person and then you could summon people to join you.  What I did was I waited at one of these dungeons.  It’s entrance was an opened top box.  On the top parts, were pillars and debris to depict the dungeon being ruins or whatever.  What I’d do was have my cat, who was named “Mittens” because I’m a badass Orc Warrior but lol.  I RP’d with Mittens.  She was canon.  It was… the best.

Mittens would break to be on one side.  I’d use a bunch of potions to make my character small and turn him into a skeleton.  I’d wait on the other side of the box.  When someone entered, I’d pop out behind cover, throw my axe at them, pop back in, and wait.  They’d look around, see the cat, and look at it.  Then, when Mittens had their attention, I’d pop out from cover again and charge into their backs and just BEAT the everliving shit out of them.

Other times, I’d stalk people.  Wait to strike.  Like this one Paladin who I was following.  She jumped down and bubbled (meaning she cast a spell making her immune to damage for a limited time).  When the bubble faded, I charged her.  She took so much damage she tried to heal.  I spellblocked her in the middle, meaning that spell and any spells like it were unable to be cast for a limited time.  Her defeat was SO absolute, her only response was to /cry.

I felt a little bad, so I apologized for it on my Alliance character almost immediately after.  She was really nice it seemed.

Anyways, another time there was another Paladin.  He was doing daily quests. He was pulling all these monsters all at once so he can kill them all at once and complete the quest faster.  I saw this and ambushed him. Me plus ALL these monsters meant he had no chance.  I won.

When you die, you have to find your body as a ghost and then you come back to life.  He does this and immediately heals.  He finds me.  I wave. He changes his armor to PvP specific armor.  He changes his specialization from Player versus Environment (PvE) Paladin to PvP Paladin.  I get worried.  I message Jer that I might need help.  Then I realize he has no mana.  I tell Jer, “Nevermind” and charge him again.

A Paladin is worthless without Mana.  He loses again.  I laugh and I laugh.

I use player’s instincts and strengths against them while feeding on their weaknesses.  When you get attacked, you find where they attack from.  You see a fortified position or a sign of previous occupation (like say a cat that follows a player anywhere they go) and you prepare for an assault from that position.  Then you get attacked from what you thought was barren and had no sign of life because you didn’t expect a 6’5” Orc to actually be a 2’ skeleton hiding behind the least cover possible.  The most powerful spells in someone’s arsenal will be used carelessly when they’re not threatened.  So, if you wait long enough, they’ll expend what they think they won’t need and will be vulnerable for attack far sooner. Preparing for confrontation means you’ll have to reallocate resources.  Failure to account for the resources lost means you’ll be targeted before you can replenish.

I could have written a world PvP book.  Like, I suggested to clan members who were getting into PvP to get the Helmet and Shoulder armors last when it comes to PvP gear because it’s the easiest to recognize because they actually have unique models.  If you have ALL the armor besides the helmet and shoulder armor, you’d be VERY well-geared, but you won’t look like it.  Thus, you’d be underestimated and that’d give you an advantage in the initial engagement.

I miss PvP.

Anyways… watching Anastasia.  If you ever read this and think, “Maybe Orc RP is kinda cool?” it is.  At a time, I knew plenty of Orcish words that I’d just throw into conversation to make it sound so much more authentic.  My axe was named “Lok’tra” which is an Orcish song about great battles or whatever.  I LOVE naming weapons.  ^^

Hrm, I’m not sure how historically accurate those uniforms are.

300 years?  Um, not in 1916…  1913 would be 300 years.  Though, I guess it was just rounding down at that point...  But traveling to Paris?  During WWI?  Not with that German Uboat threat.  And this bitch, with Rasputin?  The Tsarina LOVED Rasputin because he saved their son.  And then he said when he dies, their entire family would die.

This is something petty to point out, especially since it’s accepted regardless… but “Tsar” is better than “Czar.”  I’m sure “Tsar” looks less pleasing, but the Russian character they use is basically a “Ts.”  Pronounce the T and then the s.  Czar is still correct, of course, but Tsar is perhaps more correct.

Rasputin did die from drowning.  But it wasn’t an accident.  He was assassinated by Russian nobles (not the Romanov family) who didn’t like how much power he had with the Tsar and the Tsarina.  Or he was assassinated by the British.  Long story there.  The fun story is that he was poisoned.  Excessively.  And then he was shot. Excessively.  Then he was tied up.  Excessively.  And then he was tossed in a river.  His body was discovered and he had freed himself of the rope.  He had drowned, though.  He was a pain in the ass to kill.

Also, a fortnight?  Really?  The Romanovs were killed in 1918.  Not 1916. Or 1917.

Wait, this bitch is taking a train to Paris?  A train?  Bullshit.  Not with WWI.  Like, no way.  She could be taking it to a sea port, but still. Not very likely.

Saint Petersburg?  Still?  1917, we’ll say, so in 7 years.  She’d be 23 when it switches to Leningrad.  So, I wonder how old she is.  If it’s not too long, then she’d be stuck in a Russian civil war.

Oh, that’s dumb.  They have a newspaper saying, “Anastasia Lives” and the “A” is the Russian character for “D.”  That’s the only Cyrillic letter there.  The rest are western letters. Commissar wouldn’t have a tie at this time.  At least he shouldn’t, fairly certain they had only collars.

How come the main characters are the only people without Russian accents? More importantly, why would they have Russian accents?  They’d be speaking Russian, not English.  Thus they wouldn’t have much accent to themselves.  Thus, it’d be more natural to have them use anglophone accents instead of Russian accents speaking English. Like, if they speak French?  They can speak French in English but should have a Russian accent because French isn’t Russian so they would have an accent.  It’s just… trivial, I guess.

TEN YEARS?!?  FUCKING CHRIST!!!  Anastasia was born in 1901!  Assuming it all happened in 1916, that means she’d be leaving that orphanage at the age of 25.  There is no Russian Civil War at this point, and it’d DEFINITELY be Leningrad.

Backing up to the Russian accents thing… something that I’d think would be cool would be Russian slang equivalents or idioms.  I say that because there are a lot of American slang and idioms in movies like this.  Like saying, “Pal” or “Guys” or whatever.  When making someone sound foreign, you don’t need to give them an accent.  Just alter the way they speak.  It’ll still sound foreign when clearly spoken in English.  A good example is Jade Empire.  I think the character’s name was Smiling Mountain and he introduced you to the in-game language and then spoke regular English again.  Mind you, Jade Empire is based in Fantasy China so they wouldn’t be speaking English.  Thus, they reflected the foreign language through clear, concise, and proper wording and very poetic touches like Spear-Catches-Leaf.  Of course, that’s a name.  They’re are a lot of names like that, obviously… but the point of those names is that you understand the language so you know what the names mean.  Very pleasant.  :D I already hate the fucking dog.  Fuck the dog.  I hate the fucking dog.  Die.  Dog.

Also, I want to see this movie in Russian.  I feel like it’d be better.

The squirrels should be hibernating.

The animation is weird.  Like, multiple layers… the footprints in the snow move at a different pace than the snow does when the camera is moving.  Peculiar.

No exit visa!  No ticket!  Glory Arstotzka!  I love how he actually has a hammer and sickle.  Red uniform was a thing for at least one unit during the civil war, not sure if he’d have one though.

Fairly certain the palace wasn’t abandoned.  It was probably re-purposed. Might be wrong though since the governance did move to Moscow.

Singing the song Miri sang to me… It was touching, almost brought me to tears.  Then I realized that all the dancers look the same.  I realized Anastasia is a schizophrenic.  Maybe not the real Anastasia. Just Anya. Tsar Nicky looks good for a 50 year old man. Or at least a ghost.  Then again, he was always an attractive man I thought.  That is unusually rare for royalty.  I’m not sure why that is.  Look at the queen of England.  Who will inherit looks like he was kicked in the face by the ugliest horse in the stable.  Who won’t inherit actually is a decent looker.

Of course, the uglier son… I heard he is supposed to be a very kind man.  Could be wrong.  But he is honorable.

She said she was 8 when the revolutions happened… um… no?  She was born in 1901 not 1908-1909.

I’m fairly certain Tsar Nicholas II’s mother died before Anastasia did. The entire movie is her going to find her grandmother, who clearly played favorites.  What a bitch.

I like how Rasputin actually expresses joy when he sees his old bat friend.  It’s touching.  :D

They get a period correct map but they couldn’t get the rest correct? Actually, how am I sure this map is correct?

It’s not!  Estonia isn’t on there!  Or rather, it doesn’t have any borders, really… implying it’s a part of Russia!  Come on!  >:C

It bothers me that Vladimir is the only one with a Russian accent. Either everyone does it or no one does.

Where did they get horses?  Did they steal them?

The fuck is Tasha?  The boat is in Germany?  Why is Tasha everywhere?

Ugh… I always found France pretentious and overrated.  Like, at a point France dictated what was considered art and what wasn’t considered art.  Rembrandt is an example of what wasn’t considered art. However, more people recognize Rembrandt than any of the French artists of the same period.  

Holy crap, someone’s actually speaking Russian.  Really?

Where did they get the palace?  In France?  The French Republic?  They leasing out Versailles now?  Who are the nobles?

Dmitri gets hit in the head with debris.  Then the dick.  Then Anya says, “THIS IS FOR DMITRI!!!”  Like, make sure he’s dead first. Otherwise, he might already have one.  Won’t need two.

They eloped?  Oof.  Where are they going?  Leaving Paris, it seems.  Can’t go back to Russia because… well, they’ll kill her there. Curious.  Probably a dumb idea.  The monarchy could establish a government in exile, of course.  That’s if she didn’t elope.  She doesn’t think about Russia.  Self-absorbed brat.  This is why the Romanovs were shot.

Huh. The voice actors are up there.  Kelsey Grammer.  His last name bothers me.  Christopher Lloyd was the Doc from Back to the Future. John Cusak.  Kirsten Dunst.  That’s all I recognize.

Oh, fuck.  It’s 1 in the morning.  Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.  Um…

[canaryatlaw]

So, today was pretty good, possibly not as productive as I would've liked but that's okay for now. Tomorrow and Sunday I'm really going to buckle down on the paper and get that done with so I can focus on the test Monday and Tuesday. So I had my PT appointment at 1:30 today and set my clock for 12:55 (I generally take 35 minutes from waking up to getting out the front door, but I wasn't doing my make up so I could cut those ten minutes and add them onto walking over there since it's not far). But when my alarm went off I convinced myself I could sleep for 10 more minutes, though I can't really remember my reasoning, but I just grabbed a donut (my last free one) for breakfast and ran over to make it in time. Did the normal warm up, and had a pretty good session. There was an older lady on the table next to me that I was talking to a bit and she was nice. I'm glad that a lot of the exercises seem to be focusing on building core muscles, because that's also like generally ab related, so I'm happy about that. After I finished and started walking home, I stopped at this antique store next door that was officially going out of business tomorrow and everything they had left was on sale for a dollar. I mean....that's pretty hard to pass up. So I took a while and looked around for some pretty great stuff. I got this huge teapot that doesn't have a lid but it's super big and gorgeous and was originally marked for $45, so that's a steal. I got a set of very nice China plates with flowers and such of course, then I got a series of old music books and one cookbook. One of the owners was showing me the music books and telling me a lot of them had come from the same house, and you could trace the inscriptions back and forth- like one would be gifted to a granddaughter by her grandparents and then another would be from the granddaughter to her grandparents, which was just so very cool. A lot of it was old hymns that I've somehow taken a liking to, I'm not entirely sure how that happened lol but there were also some loose music pages they let me have for free that we could use for decorating because my roommate gets all creative with that sorts of stuff. So I ended up spending $12 came out with a bunch of stuff, so that's awesome. I came back to the apartment to find my roommate there with her parents who have come to town for a visit. We chatted for a bit, then I confined myself to my room to get some studying done being that it was almost 4 at this point. So I started by actually watching the quimbee videos, then going back and retaking the quizzes and final, and I think they were pretty helpful. After that I started reviewing my case briefs along with the ones on quimbee to make sure I had all the pertinent information. I did this for a good while before eventually passing out in the middle of my books again, clearly for no good reason being that I slept till 1 o clock. Ugh. I'm not sure exactly what time it was when I fell asleep but I woke up around 8:30 and I figured I should be done with studying for the night. So I went to the den/living room/whatever we call it and finished the last two episodes of 13 reasons why. This was slightly awkward as my roommate and her parents came back and were moving around when the show was throwing around "fuck" and such so I texted my roommate to make sure her parents weren't going to like, get offended by me watching it haha but she said it was fine so I felt better. The last two of course we're very heavy. Finally being done with the series, I have a lot of thoughts. I totally understand the point of view of those calling it dangerous, and it definitely is to the kind of kids who are struggling with these issues- but the thing is, the story isn't aimed at them. This isn't a story of how to be Hannah Baker. It's a story aimed at the bystanders- all the people who did something to contribute or just stood by and let something terrible happen. For them, I think they needed to be able to grasp just how serious this was and how their actions can affect people. The problem of course is that it's going to appeal to kids with mental health issues, like the book appealed to me when I was a suicidal teenager, so we have to be very careful with that. Hopefully any suicidal thoughts or ideation brought on by the show will be accompanied by a desire to reach out for help so they don't have the same ending. That's my hope, anyway. As far as specific moments in the episode, as expected, I could not watch the act itself. As it started I had my hand partially covering my eyes, kind of looking through my fingers, but then when it happened I cringed and covered my eyes immediately because there was just no way I was watching that. I already get so anxious about other portrayals that involve people hurting themselves (even for like, medical necessary reasons and shit, it just freaks me out). But then of course I had to watch the scene where her parents found her, which I knew was coming, and I just found myself sobbing because my heart broke for them so much. I feel selfish for every having thought of putting my parents through that, but I know the truth is I couldn't see past all that was in front of me, I couldn't see any of that which I should've. But it just broke me so much to see that happen and know that it happens to families every single day. Hit me in the gut like a sucker punch. Anyway. The depositions were interesting, it was interesting to see how talked how they did and what questions were asked. Not gonna lie, I would so watch a season 2 based around this trial, but that's probably just because I'm a giant legal nerd. I fucking need Clay's mom to quit the case though. Like I said, with Clay on the subpoena list that is a MASSIVE conflict of interest of truly epic proportions, and would never, ever, ever fly in reality. But mostly I just want her to quit for her son, because she sees how much this is affecting him and she decides she won't be a part of it. That I would love to see, though I really don't know if they'd go down that path as they seem to be sticking pretty firm to her as the lawyer. An article I read giving possible theories of season 2 also offered up the idea of Bryce's rape trial, which holyyyy shit I would watch that in a heartbeat, lol. I was so proud of Jessica by the end when she was going to tell her dad. She wasn't perfect by any means and she did quite a few bad things, but she was such a wounded character and I'm glad she's finally speaking the truth. Justin intrigued me. He at first has the image of the All American athlete with the perfect life, but then you see his home and how he's treated and it's just like shit, man. That's complicated. I have to say though, I was probably most intrigued by Tyler's character. He's SUCH a complex character. He's clearly written to be unsympathetic, but at the same time you do want to sympathize with him, even when another part of you still doesn't want to sympathize with him. He's very complicated in that one. The article suggested that if Tyler goes on his school shooting rampage as was vaguely suggested in the finale, maybe season 2 would be his 13 reasons why, but I don't think that would work in the same way. Taking someone else's life is a hell of a lot different than taking your own, and I think if Tyler killed 13 people nobody would be interested in hearing his sympathetic reasons for doing so. So I don't think that will happen. And then there's Alex. Oh, Alex. I hope he lives. He got shit on unfairly for so much of this series and it just made me sad, and it clearly effected him to the point where he apparently shot himself (though apparently there is a fan theory that Tyler shot him, as indicated by Tyler then taking his picture down). I had mixed feelings about the guidance counselor. On one hand you could tell that he was trying, but on the other he was just fucking up so damn badly and just saying all the wrong things and like, I hate that so many people have had that experience with counselors. I just really hope this doesn't stop people who are struggling from seeking help, because that would be a damn shame. So yeah. I wrote up something to post on Facebook tomorrow that maybe I'll cross-post on here just as a summary of my thoughts moving forward and what our actions should be. I was pretty pleased with how it turned out. Okay, that's it for me tonight. Somehow I'm tired yet again, even though I took a nap not long ago. I'm starting to think this melatonin might be a bit too powerful. Idk, we'll see when finals are over. Luckily I can sleep in tomorrow anyway so it's all good. Goodnight my dearies. Stay lovely.

[sensualsicheng]

okay dumbassess — h. renjun

( they/them pronouns )

↳ GENRE: mega fluff !!

↳ WARNINGS: cussing, renjun being cute, ACTUALLY PROOF READ YAY GO GIA

[ september 20th, 2018 ; around 1 am ]

thank you for being my first request! ♡ sorry it took a while,, school started and i was having trouble with the very beginning and middle of this writing lol i scrapped it a lot

before we start assholess is pronounced like the ess in princess ((assholess is for all genders, it’s just to separate asshole and asshole 2.0 because headass just didn’t sound right idk lol)) i wrote just and then so many times in this

renjun knEW he had finally felt love when his lips met yours

today was the best day of your life you liked to say

huang renjun, your boyfriend of just a few months under a year, was literally the most precious, kind hearted, sassy, and salty person all wrapped in one

and today you were together like always

but it was even more (((o(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)o)))♡ than normal ya know

but it started out odd. he was less !! and fun than normal so it made you ): but you just shrugged it off because he didn’t look sad or anything ((because b you KNEW when he was upset it was like your spidey sense but for renjun’s feelings))

but then you had ran out the back door as you chased him because he took your faVORITE snack EVER how dare he ):<<

“RENJUN I’M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS WHEN I CATCH YOU”

“LANGUAGE”

“OKAY MR ‘DUMBASS!!1!!1’ ”

“OKAY MISS ‘DUMBASSESS’ ”

because ya know couple names right 😍😍😳😱💞 dumbass and dumbassess

but then you fell into his pool wow how romantic

you know now none of that i cornered you now give me my thing back now it’s i need new clothes give me clothes

what it’s 2 am leave me alone

anyway he kind of stood there and didn’t know what to do but you fell in the middle like where the shallow end meets the deep and so you pushed yourself up since you weren’t that far down

“you made me get water up my nose ):”

“maybe don’t fall into a pool then y/n”

am i the best at dialogue or what wow i’m so creative 10/10 best writing but seriously i can’t conversate irl and writing dialogue is even worse for me lol

you just rolled your eyes and got out as he ran inside and grabbed a towel as quickly as he possibly could so his baby wasn’t cold (●´ω｀●)

but then he would just:: “y/n are you cold??? we’re going up to my room and you’re gonna change immediately go through my drawers and find something you like please”

he grabbed your hand and dragged your ass inside and shoved you into his room to change as he giggled his heart out thinking about the scenario that just happened

he waited outside the door for you and he just “KEJDKZJ Y/N YOU LOOK SO CUTE!” as soon as you walked out

renjun ran up to you and pinched your waist, he literally was gonna combust after seeing you in his clothes

he went full on ‘:DDDD !! ♡♡♡♡’ mode after that me too

you had thrown on your favorite shirt of his,, it was a little big on you but not too much and put on a pair of his shorts

once he was done crying over how cute you are tbh he never stopped

he pulled you into the most precious hug you two have every hugged

dispite him looking small next to nct,, the binch is still 5’8” and people seem to forget that but uhhh

he loves placing his head on the top of yours and swaying back and forth he could ACTUALLY live off of that

and that’s what he did for the next 10 minutes and just internally squealed

“i don’t think anyone has ever told you how gorgeous you truly are, y/n.”

you just went “KAHDLSHDJXH RENJUN shut up how are you so cute” and pat his head and he only chuckled ))): because he never says those things your heart went BOOM

it’s 80% hard love 20% soft

he looked at your cheekies for a second before returning eye contact 🤩

you would just smile at him silently and watch closely at what he does when he gets flustered because uGH it’s so cute

he becomes soft, squishes his tense shoulders up and smiles and tries to laugh the embarrassment away

then out of nowhere he just,,,, smirked and literally shOVEd you onto the bed just two feet behind you

and probably jump on you once you got on the bed

then just laughed at you suffer

“you asshole” you grunted trying to get him oFF OF YOU he then rolled his eyes and smiled wow me too

“okay assholess”

you know that wide ass cute ass most precious ass smile that he does????? yeah he did that one. THAT one. TH A T ™︎ one. you physically died at that moment

“you love me” you said

he said,,,,,, “yes, i do, y/n... i love you.”

AND YOU CHOKED AND SPIT OUT YOUR NONEXISTENT WATER THIS WAS RHE FIRST I LOVE YOU WKFHXKSHE

it was a very casual i love you, but his face really showed that he did (((‘: you know that heart eye emoji right yeah he looked like that

“i love you too, dumbass.” you lightly punched him on the shoulder as he smiled wide

he then turned around so his head was on your tummy. those were his favorite types of hugs. your left hand was in his hand as your other rubbed his scalp and played with his hair. he loved when you did that ugh bb boy ):

after a while of casual conversation and your hair air drying from the pool, you started to whine because uh ow a human laying on you for a while hurts and you also wanted hugs )))):

he instantly knew you wanted a huggy heheehehehheeh he knows that when you’re desperate for love you start to whine and get cranky

he rolled his way to your left side and scooted you closer to his chest. he wrapped his cute lil armies around your waist and nuzzled his head in the crook of your neck ))))); how cute is he this isn’t fair i want a renjun

he peppered soft, lil wet kisses on your shoulder to your neck going up to your cheek and he did that maybe twice or three times

it made your heart pump out of your rib cage. he’s never done that before

out of nowhere he stopped and lifted his head

and when you didn’t feel him move for a while you turned your head to be met with a pair of eyeballs squinting because of how hard he was smiling it was easily the cutest sight you’ve ever seen wow

so uh y’all were just laying there and staring at each other now as you turned to face him

his smile began to grow and he just kept looking at you

his mind wouldn’t stop racing. one second he was mentally sobbing over your cute lil smile and the next he wanted to cup your cheeks and give you the biggest kisses in the world

but the thing is that renjun likes to take his time,,, and you like to take your time too. so it’s slow, but you both thought it was better that way. sooo that means you guys still have yet to kiss on the lips hehe

you were fed up now and just want to kiss him but shh we don’t talk about that

spoiler alert: kissy time

he scooted closer to you and held you tighter, his face was closer to yours. you squished your face into your pillow and finaLLY SCOOTCHING UNDER THE COVERS because uhhh there wasn’t that much space between you two

“you’re so cute what the fUCK,” he mumbled to himself as his smile reappeared once again

BDOCHKSHF YOUR HEA R T WENT BOOM 2.0 WOW WHAT A LOVER BOY who knew

his expression changed all of a sudden. he was no longer smiling, his eyes kept shifting from your eyes to your lips as you talked about the drama at work, something about your lips was unrealistic today. he couldn’t stop looking as hard as he tried

he cut you off mid sentence to say, “i’m sorry, but i really really really want to kiss you right now,,” so softly. your face went as red as a tomato man

he couldn’t look you in the eyes as you stared at him. he kept on looking at your lips and your stomach kept doing these flips

“do it.”

“what?”

“kiss me.”

you both sat up. THIS IS IT THIS IS IT THIS IS IT just kept repeating in your mind

he tried to hide a smile as he took your head in his hands. he leaned in in the slowest way poSSIBLE WTH which made him smirk because uhhh that means you do want to kiss him too

he finally looked you in the eyes before your lips met

his lips felt chapped but so soft at the same time. it was a slow kiss, but you can tell he really meant that he loved you when he said it

he put his hand under your chin and held your face up and you placed your hands on the side of his face hehehe

the kiss stayed at a slow pace and lasted for a while until you both had run out of breath

he smiled into the kiss toward the end and his eyes were s t i l l closed once you pulled away

when he opened them, he was met with your red as hell smiley face

“i really do love you y/n. i hope we can kiss more often hehehhehehe ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)”

“you really do like to ruin moments don’t you?”

“is that a threat or a compliment?”

you just laughed at him and shook your head

what a headass

“you should probably take a quick shower, cutie” he grabbed your hand and squeezed it

“only if i get cuddles afterwards again (((((((((;”