#backstreets butcher 1

[middlingmay]

German Gale AU Part 3

Links to Part 1 | Part 2

Their journey is made in stages. They're given no time, no information, no chance to catch their breath after being whisked away from the safehouse.

They're led through backstreets to a Bäckerei and stuffed into a small, cramped delivery van. This deep into Germany, John is frightened to talk (for the first time in his entire life) in case he gets them caught. Besides, with how tight he's packed behind the crates full of wholegrain flour sacks, he can't draw enough breath to say much of anything anyway.

But he and Gale keep trying to reassure each other through looks and small touches where they can - mostly nudges with their feet when the other one looks life they're drifting away too far into their head.

At one point they stop and they hear German voices shouting and John's breath hitches. Gale brushes the knobble of John's wrist with his finger in slow circles until they move off again.

They're taken to a barn, given coarse bread and a miniscule piece of cheese that definitely wasn't cheese and Gale mumbles something through his exhaustion about quark. John doesn't care though and inhales his food. If it was a bigger portion he'd have made himself sick, and Gale tries to give him his portion, but John glowers at him over the half-pint of beer they were given to wash it down until he eats it. He does take Gale's beer though, when it becomes clear he's not going to so much as touch the glass.

For days they're walked through forests, paddled (if they were lucky) or marched (when they were not) up tiny rivers, and stuffed into more vehicles, all under the order of absolute silence, until finally they arrive in Belgium or the Netherlands (John isn't sure which).

They're put on a ship back to the UK, hidden in some freezing storage unit not intended for people.

They sit almost touching on the floor and Gale shivers from the cold. John slips one arm out his double layer of coats (one Gale's, on his), and throws that half over Gale, dragging him in with an arm around his back, under his shoulders. Gale eyes the sheepskin unhappily but gratefully sinks into the warmth.

John does feel a little bad at dragging Gale away from everything he's ever known, even if it is to save his life, and it's the first chance they've really gotten to talk.

So John starts with a terribly butchered attempt to thank him which comes out as "Dane-ka shown", which makes Gale snort and look at him bewildered and tell John he should be glad he never became a spy. "Shot in five minutes..."

They play a game to pass the time, each asking a question that they both have to answer. It starts with favourite colours, foods, and movies. John learns that Gale has a sweet tooth and originally learned English from movies, and Gale learns about Yankees Blue and a book called Guys and Dolls.

Eventually Gale's blinks get slow and long and his head droops. John directs it to his shoulder with the back of his palm. They haven't showered in days but Gale still smells good and John enjoys the feeling of his hair against his neck and face.

He also has to clamp down to stop himself from trembling when Gale's lips brush his covered collarbone when he tells John some of what he knows about his father:

"He doesn't do things. Du verstehst? He tells people things. He...lies and tells secrets."

"He's an informant?"

"Ja. Ein Informant. And lots of people are dead, because of him. Ich bin sicher. How do I...pay this back?"

John tries to figure out how to explain to Gale that it's not his fault, but Gale's not done and in halting English explains to John that he always wanted to do more, but was frightened; thought that if he looked too suspicious, he'd be next.

And John scoffs and calls Gale the poster boy for Germany, "No offence". But Gale freezes and tries to pull away but John doesn't let him.

Gale knows it's stupid, the kind of stupid that could get him killed, but there's something about John Gale trusts, so he asks (though he is afraid enough still that he can barely ask it in English), "Ihre Luftwaffe - what do they do mit homosexuelle Männer?"

That kicks a few things out of John's chest: curses and swears and a little bit of panic, but he grips Gale close as he can so he knows none of it is aimed at him. But, it's another thing he needs to try and protect German-national, son-of-a-Nazi-informant Gale from when they get to England.

Gale looks up at John where his head rests against his chest, looking calm but for in the eyes, so John tells him, "Well, in my experience promote you to Major. But they don't exactly know about that and they're not going to know about you."

They finally reach port in the UK and the door to their hiding spot is opened by a Colonel and two military police, and John puts himself between them and Gale.

The Colonel gives orders to arrest Gale immediately and John pushes the advancing MP back on his ass and starts yelling for all he's worth.

"He's the only reason I made it back." "He's resistance, not a spy!" "Risked his neck for me--!" And he's about to do something that's going to get him court martialled when Gale grabs his shoulder and pulls him back and murmurs, "Es ist okay. Es ist okay."

Gale carefully and slowly pulls out the piece of paper given to him in the safehouse in Germany and holds it out for the Colonel to take. The Colonel reads it and his demeanour changes from frosty to business.

"Very well. Herr Cleven, with me. Major Egan, you'll be escorted back to Thorpe Abbotts."

And there's nothing John can do as Gale leaves with the Colonel, gifting him a sorry smile as he goes.

When John arrives back at base, he barges into Colonel Harding's office after sprinting all the way there from the jeep, interrupts a meeting, and says,

"I need a favour, sir."

[steamworksandshadows]

Extremely Large Pile of Halloween Music Recs, 2020 Update!

(Reorganized a bit, and with a whole bunch more songs.)

Classical

Come Little Children - Erutan (ethereal classical)

Transylvanian Lullaby - Erutan (ethereal classical)

Transylvanian Lullaby - City of Prague Philharmonic Orchestra (orchestral classical)

A History of Horror (album) - City of Prague Philharmonic Orchestra 

Double Trouble - City of Prague Philharmonic Orchestra (classical)

Carnival of the Animals: Aquarium - Camille Saint-Saens (eerie classical)

Danse Macabre - Camille Saint Saens (dark classical ballet)

Uranus, the Magician - Gustav Holst (orchestral classical)

The Sorcerer’s Apprentice - Paul Dukas (orchestral classical)

Night on Bald Mountain - Modest Mussorgsky (orchestral classical about witches)

In the Hall of the Mountain King - Edvard Grieg (classical)

Dies Irae - Mozart (threatening choral/orchestral classical)

Don Giovanni, a cenar teco - Mozart (growly baritone/bass opera - the bit where Don Giovanni gets dragged to hell, both in the supernatural religious sense and in the modern internet slang sense)

Toccata and Fugue in D Minor - Bach (classical pipe organ)

String Quartet No. 8 in C Minor (III) - Shostakovich (classical string quartet)

Dance of the Knights - Sergei Prokofiev (classical)

Flowering Vines - Unwoman (ominous cello waltz)

The Carny of Mr Dark - Deathwatch Beetle Repairman (goth pipe organ)

Castlevania organ medley - Ulla Olsson (pipe organ)

This Is Halloween - Vitamin String Quartet (classical string quartet)

Vitamin String Quartet Performs The Nightmare Before Christmas (album)

The Vampire Masquerade - Peter Gundry (classical)

Waltz of the Bone King - Peter Gundry (classical)

Masquerade Suite: Waltz - Aram Khatchaturian (dark classical waltz)

The Comedians, Op. 26: Waltz - Kabalevsky (uneasy classical waltz)

Grim Grinning Ghosts - Myuu (instrumental piano)

Rock, alternative, rockabilly

Haunted - Ashcan Orchid (folk rock)

The Last Steampunk Waltz - Ghostfire (rock waltz)

Bad Moon Rising - Rasputina (cello metal)

In the Hall of the Mountain King - Apocalyptica (metal cello)

Get Your Kicks on Route 666 - Exdevils (metal)

Shoot The Zombies - Andrew Huang / Songs To Wear Pants To (sing-along folk)

Something Wicked That Way Went - Vernian Process (circus rock)

Dark Carnivale - Frenchy and the Punk (indie rock)

Come Alive (War Of The Roses) - Janelle Monae (rock)

Gallows - Coco Rosie (goth indie/alternative)

My Favorite Things - Youn Sun Nah (creepy vocal)

Annabel Lee - Psyche Corporation (electronic alternative)

The Devil Wears a Suit - Kate Miller-Heidke (alternative)

Toxic - Yael Naim (neo-folk)

Crazy For You - Venus de Vilo (indie rock)

Witchy Woman - The Eagles (classic rock)

Goodnight Moon - Shivaree (alternative)

Bela Lugosi’s Dead - Nouvelle Vague (alternative)

Bloodletting (The Vampire Song) - Concrete Blonde (alternative)

Tombstone - Suzanne Vega (alternative)

Off With Your Head - Mz Ann Thropik (alternative)

Poison Apple - Charlene Kaye (rock)

This Is The Night - Harry Potter soundtrack (rock)

Look Out Young Son - Grand Ole Party (rock)

Painkiller - Birdeatsbaby (rock)

Haunted - Frantic Flintstones (rockabilly)

Freaked Out and Psyched Out - Frantic Flintstones (album)

Zombie Riot - Batmobile (rockabilly)

Alice in psycholand - Nekromantix (rockabilly)

She’s My Witch - The Radiacs (rockabilly)

Werewolf - Southern Culture on the Skids (rockabilly)

Human Fly - The Cramps (rockabilly)

Munster Beat! - Martinibomb and The Coconut Monkeyrocket (‘60s pop remix?)

Circus punk, dark cabaret

Charmed, I’m Sure - Circus Contraption (dark circus cabaret)

We’re All Mad - Circus Contraption (dark circus cabaret)

Pink Elephants on Parade - Circus Contraption (dark cabaret)

The Last Waltz - The Magnificent Seven (dark cabaret waltz)

Tango de la Muerte - The Magnificent Seven (rock tango)

Bloody Bones - Beats Antique (dark circus waltz)

Monster Tango - Mucca Pazza (circus punk marching band)

Rumanian Dance No. 1 - Mucca Pazza (circus punk marching band)

Mr. Spider Goes Home to Spiderland - Mucca Pazza (circus punk marching band)

The Trouble - Birdeatsbaby (dark cabaret)

Theatre Noir - Robyn Cage (dark cabaret) (music video)

Jekyll and Hyde - Theoretics (hip-hop)

Lament for a Toy Factory - Dr. Steel (circus rock)

Bogeyman Boogie - Dr. Steel (circus rock)

Circus Apocalypse - Vermillion Lies (dark cabaret)

When You’re Evil - Voltaire (dark cabaret)

BRAINS! - Voltaire (dark cabaret)

Careless Whisper (cover) - Unwoman (electronic cabaret)

Katrinah Josephina - Universal Hall Pass (a capella)

Buried in Water - Dead Man’s Bones (dark waltz)

Metropolitan Waltz - Orpheum Bell (folk waltz)

The Buccaneers’ Waltz - GurdyBird (electronic folk?)

Black Waltz - Amber Asylum (electronic circus thing)

Creepy Clown Symphony - Myuu (self-explanatory)

Americana, bluegrass, blues, soul, funk

In Hell I’ll Be In Good Company - The Dead South (Americana)

Stranger - The Devil Makes Three (Americana)

First and Last Waltz - Nickel Creek (Americana)

Ghosts of Mississippi - The Steeldrivers (bluegrass)

7 Devils - The Goddamn Gallows (bluegrass, rock)

Old devils - William Elliot Whitmore (bluegrass)

Death Come Creeping - Stefan Grossman (bluegrass)

The Devil Wears a Suit and Tie - Colter Wall (Americana)

Shankill Butchers - Sarah Jarosz (Americana)

Hellhound - Shawn James (acoustic blues)

Voodoo Woman - Koko Taylor (blues)

Your Hoodoo Man - Studebaker John & The Hawks (blues)

Voodoo - The Neville Brothers (New Orleans soul)

Voodoo - Jo Jo Zep & The Falcons (soul, funk)

The Witch Queen of New Orleans - Redbone (funk)

I Put a Spell on You - Screamin’ Jay Hawkins (rock ‘n roll)

Jazz, swing

In the Hall of the Mountain King - Duke Ellington (jazz)

I Put a Spell on You - Nina Simone (slow jazz)

I Put a Spell on You - Morgan James (slow jazz)

Old Devil Moon - Frank Sinatra (jazz)

Black Magic Woman - Janice Hagan and Kenny Vehkavaara (jazz)

I’d Rather Be Burned As A Witch - Eartha Kitt (jazz)

Thriller (1930s Jazz Cover) ft. Wayne Brady - Postmodern Jukebox (swing) (alternate link)

The Devil With The Devil - Larry Clinton Orchestra (swing)

Swingin’ at the Seance - Glenn Miller (big band swing)

Spooks - Louis Armstrong (swing)

The Headless Horseman - Bing Crosby (swing)

Skeleton Jangle - Dan Levinson’s Roof Garden Jass Band (swing)

Resurrection Waltz - Lee Presson and the Nails (big band waltz)

Spooky - Puppini Sisters (Andrews Sisters-style swing)

Headless Horseman - Kay Starr (swing)

Hell (Remastered 2016) - Squirrel Nut Zippers (swing)

Ghost of Stephen Foster - Squirrel Nut Zippers (swing)

Memphis Exorcism (Remastered 2016) - Squirrel Nut Zippers (swing)

Boogie Man - Lee Presson and the Nails (swing)

Rattlin’ Bones - Preservation Hall Jazz Band (New Orleans swing)

Save My Soul - Big Bad Voodoo Daddy (New Orleans swing)

Skeletons in the Closet - Louis Armstrong (swing)

Skeletons in the Closet - The Moon-Rays (swing)

The Mack - Beat Circus (swing - doesn’t seem very Halloween at first, until the tuba player gets murdered in the middle of the song. I swear it makes sense.)

Balrog Boogie - Diablo Swing Orchestra (swing)

Voodoo Mon Amour - Diablo Swing Orchestra (swing)

The House Is Haunted - Casa Loma Orchestra (swing)

Skeleton Jangle - Viva La Rocca (swing)

Two Little Men in a Flying Saucer - Ella Fitzgerald (swing)

Grim Grinning Ghosts - The Dapper Dans (barbershop)

Grim Grinning Ghosts - The Dapper Dans (in person) (barbershop)

Halloween Medley - The Cadaver Dans (barbershop)

Pop

Full Moon Tonight - Silvastone feat. Bellsaint (pop)

Demons - Hayley Kiyoko (pop)

Season of the Witch - Lana del Rey (pop)

A Little Wicked - Valerie Broussard (pop)

Halloween - Aqua (pop)

Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This) - violin/cello/bass cover - Simply Three (electronic pop)

Shoot The Zombies (Pink Fluffy Unicorns Remix) - Andrew Huang (happy pop)

I Put a Spell on You (no movie dialogue) - Winifred Sanderson (pop musical)

Electro-swing

Fear & Delight - The Correspondents (electro-swing)

Midnight - Caravan Palace (electro-swing) (alternate link)

Midnight - Swingrowers (different electro-swing)

Old House - Dirty Honkers (electro-swing)

Devil’s Samba - Sim Gretina (Latin-flavored electro-swing)

Devil’s Got My Soul - Victor and the Bully (rock/electro-swing)

Cuphead: Railroad Wrath (Electro-Swing Remix) - The Musical Ghost (electro-swing)

Cuphead: One Hell of a Time (Electro-Swing Remix) - The Musical Ghost (electro-swing)

Bendy and the Ink Machine: The Devil’s Swing - Fandroid (electro-swing)

Bendy and the Ink Machine: The Devil’s Swing (Glitch-Swing Remix) - The Musical Ghost (glitch-swing)

Undertale: Spider Dance (Glitch-Swing Remix) - The Musical Ghost (glitch-swing)

Undertale: Spider Dance (Sim Gretina Remix) - Sim Gretina (funk/glitch/chiptune)

Luigi’s Mansion (Remix) - Qumu Music (chiptune, electro-swing)

Undertale: Ghost Fight & Dummy (Peggy Suave Swing Remix) - Sim Gretina (electro-swing)

Electronica, EDM

Backstreet Bones: Everycorpse - Sim Gretina (uhhh…spoopy Halloween EDM remix of Backstreet Boys? If you click on nothing else, click on this one. It’s very worth it, I promise.)

Macabre Rotting Girl Feat. Kathy-chan - Sim Gretina (adorable electro)

Sim Gretina feat. Kathy chan: Let The Monsters Free (µThunder Remix) - µThunder (EDM) 

Ghost in the Machine - PrototypeRaptor (complextro)

Spooky Tune - PrototypeRaptor (complextro)

Nullifcation [Underground] (Legend of Zelda remix) - PrototypeRaptor (grimy EDM)

Grim Grinning Ghost (Remix) - The Living Tombstone (EDM)

Undertale: Megalovania (Sim Gretina Remix) - Sim Gretina (EDM)

Undertale: Spooktune (Sim Gretina Remix) - Sim Gretina (EDM)

Spooky Scary Skeletons (Remix) - The Living Tombstone (EDM)

Warren Zevon: Werewolves of London (Daheen Rmx) - Daheen (psytrance)

Interlude: Limbo - Yoshimasu Kamiya (ambient horror)

Bloodstone - Amon Tobin (atmospheric glitch)

Volk - Thom Yorke (ambient horror)

The Horror - RJD2 (instrumental hip-hop)

Crybaby - Drum & Lace (indescribable brooding atmospheric)

The Kid Who Drowned At Summer Camp - Hot Sugar (instrumental hip-hop)

The Darkest Evening of the Year - Emancipator (downtempo)

Halloween Funtime REMIXMONSTRousMASHup - Pretty Lights (EDM)

HALLOWEEN Theme Song (DJ Deville Trap Remix) - DJ Deville (trap)

The Oogie Boogie (Man) - Duke Skellington (glitch-hop)

Stranger Things Theme Song (Michael Jobity & The Foreign Machine Remix) - Michael Jobity, The Foreign Machine (synthwave - my personal favorite remix of this theme)

Stranger Things Theme Song (C418 REMIX) - C418 (synthwave)

Stranger Things (Louis Futon Flip) - Louis Futon (chillstep)

Stranger Things Theme (Slicey Remix) - Slicey (trap)

Stranger Things - Theme Song (Oscar Wylde Trap Remix) - Oscar Wylde (trap)

Ghostbusters (Kill Paris Remix) - Kill Paris (EDM, future funk - by far my favorite remix of the Ghostbusters theme)

The Ghostbusters Theme (Remix) - The Living Tombstone (EDM)

Ghostbusters Remix - Matheo (EDM)

Ghostbusters Remix - Fat Noize (dubstep)

Lady Gaga: Monster (Starfuckers Remix) - Starfuckers (EDM)

Lady Gaga: Monster (Chew Fu Remix) - Chew Fu (electro-house)

Michael Jackson: Thriller (James Egbert Remix) - James Egbert (electro-house)

Michael Jackson - Thriller [The Reflex Halloween Disco Edit] - The Reflex (moody, indescribable IDM(?))

Beetlejuice (Dubstep Mix) - Figure (dubstep)

The Addams Family (Figure Remix) - Figure (dubstep)

Hedwig’s Theme (KE KRA’s Trap Remix) - KE KRA (trap)

Stress - Justice (French electronic…something)

Things I thought were funny

Werewolf Bar Mitzvah - 30 Rock (parody novelty record)

A Hard Days Night of the Living Dead - The Zombeatles (zombie rock)

Schüttel deinen Speck - Peter Fox (witches’ dance video) (the track by itself)

In the Hall of the Mountain King - Portsmouth Sinfonia (experimental orchestra from the ‘70s - google them, you absolutely will not regret it)

Gangnam Busters - FAROFF (Ghostbusters/Gangnam Style mashup - annoyingly, it works far better than you think it will)

[scourgewins]

Mafia AU (Part 2.2)

(Ugh!! Finals had me distracted, folks, so apologies for that. I STILL haven’t finished Part 2, but at least I finally got this section finished. WHY WAS THIS SO HARD TO WRITE? I don’t know, I hope it’s good. If you’re a writer, I think you can understand the frustration I’m feeling.)

(Warnings: Guns, blackmail)

(If you need to catch up: Part 1 and Part 2.1)

The pale moon was just enough to light Sammy’s way without rendering him completely visible. He flipped the collar of his coat up to keep out the chilly night wind, while checking to make sure no one had spotted him. He’d had to slip through a window on the lower floor in order to make it past Shawn and Thomas (who were on guard duty) unseen. The musician’s gaze flitted up to the upper floor of the headquarters, to see several lights on in the bedrooms; it looked like no one was getting any sleep tonight.

Sammy had spent most of that day helping tidy up the parlor and board up the windows. After that, he’d been on guard duty for two hours alongside Wally, who was prone to talking, and talking a lot. The musician had wondered if he could blame someone else in Joey’s gang if he shot the prattling idiot, but figured he shouldn’t chance it.

True to his word, Henry had tried to keep an ink shield around those on guard duty, which could be seen as a faint dark shimmer in the air around them. Every now and again the shimmer winked out, so Henry could take a breather. Joey didn’t attack again, though, as Sammy had expected. He’d probably wait to hear Sammy’s report before doing anything further.

It was about 11 in the evening right now, so Sammy didn’t find it likely he’d be spotted by passers-by. Many people would be at the speakeasy, though, and Sammy took a detour that set himself at a distance from it.

Sammy always liked to vary the path he took to Joey’s headquarters, so no random citizen would notice him walking by the same way all the time. This time he went on a long, looping walk around the speakeasy and down a side street that would take him directly to headquarters. He hadn’t taken this route in a long while.

The streets were quiet as Sammy progressed onward, the only sound being his own breathing and footsteps mixed with cars in the distance. This made it easier to hear the whisper emanating from around the corner ahead of him.

Sammy stopped in his tracks and instinctually moved to hide behind some trash cans, careful not to make any noise. The voice of the whisperer sounded familiar, and Sammy’s ears strained to hear what was being said.

“I had to protect you, Winona.” Norman?

A female voice spoke, Winona’s voice, “But now Bendy suspects you, and if he tells Joey-”

“I explained things to Bendy. He thinks I just accidentally bumped him with my gun.”

Sammy’s mind flashed back to this morning, remembering how the bullets had somehow completely missed everyone, with no explanation.

“You, a trained gunman, accidentally bumped him with your gun?” Winona repeated, “He’s not going to believe that.”

“What was I supposed to do?” Sammy had never heard Norman sound so agitated, “Let him shoot you? There were no other options.”

There was silence for a while, during which Sammy held his breath, afraid to make the slightest sound. At last, Winona spoke, her voice gentle.

“I know. We’ll just have to be more careful from now on.”

There came a long sigh, then, “I love you, Winona.”

“I love you, too, Norman.”

Sammy could not believe what he was hearing. Not only was Norman betraying his own side, but he had actually said, “I love you.” Both realities were equally astounding.

“I’d better go before I’m missed.”

“Yeah,” Norman sounded reluctant.

“I’ll see you soon.”

“Yeah.”

“Don’t forget what I said.”

“I won’t.”

Another moment of silence, then Winona was walking down the alley Sammy was hiding in. Sammy crouched lower, hoping he was in enough shadow that his bright blonde hair wouldn’t betray him. Winona walked past, her gaze lowered, brow furrowed. Sammy watched as she reached the end of the alley and looked up and down the street, stepping cautiously out. She was probably just as wary of being spotted as Sammy was.

Once Winona was out of view, Sammy turned his attention back to Norman, who had watched her leave. The musician couldn’t read Norman’s expression from here, but from the way his fists clenched and from his stiff posture, Sammy could guess he wasn’t smiling.

The astonishment Sammy felt at what he’d seen was slowly being replaced with something else, and a grin spread over his face.

A sigh escaped Norman, and the gangster turned back toward Joey’s headquarters. Rising to his feet, Sammy silently followed, quietly taking his pistol out from his coat pocket. When they’d reached the backstreet leading to Joey’s house, the musician paused and cleared his throat, raising the weapon.

In the blink of an eye, Norman had whipped out his own pistol and was aiming it square at Sammy’s face. He faltered, however, when he saw who it was.

Sammy felt his grin widen, “Hey, Norman! Fancy meeting you here on this fine, romantic evening.”

Norman’s jaw clenched. Still with his gun leveled, he moved closer to his fellow gangster, his dark brown eyes appearing even darker in the dim light and with his cold expression.

“What do you want, Sammy?”

“Just to talk. You’ve been doing a fair bit of that.”

Norman’s glare was like ice, “What do you know?”

Just like Norman to immediately get down to business, “I know that you’ve been talking with a girl from our enemy’s side, Winona Franks to be precise.” When Norman remained silent, Sammy continued, “I know that the two of you seem to have an… intimate relationship. Do you meet up with her often?”

Norman looked close to shooting Sammy, but Sammy knew he probably wouldn't. Probably. “I know that you’re the reason why she and Lacie and Jack aren’t dead. Lucky break, having Winona on guard duty.” He paused, “Have you told her about me?”

Norman’s grip on his pistol was so tight his hands began to shake, “I haven’t told her anything.” he growled.

“You sure?” Sammy looked Norman dead in the eye. It was imperative that Sammy’s identity as a spy not be disclosed until the proper moment.

“I haven’t told her anything.” Norman repeated, saying every word slowly and deliberately.

“Well, then we’ve got nothing to worry about. Except of course for the small matter of your betrayal.”

Norman’s expression didn’t change, “If you tell Joey about me, I’ll tell Henry’s side about you.”

“It’s only a matter of time ‘till they find out, Norman.” Sammy waved the threat aside with his free hand, “And besides, do you really think that if I told Joey you’d be able to escape to Henry’s? The Butcher Gang would be on you in two seconds.”

“I’ll find a way.”

“I doubt it.” Sammy said, “The only option would be to kill me, though of course I’d kill you, too.” He glanced meaningfully at his pistol, “And even if I didn’t, Joey would find out. He’s always able to detect when someone’s guilty.”

“He hasn’t detected me yet.”

“True, but I doubt as major a crime as one of his gangsters killing another of his gangsters will slip away unnoticed. Joey will most likely kill you, and what will your precious Winona do then?” Sammy felt his lips twitch in a smirk.

For a split second, Norman looked like he was going to pull the trigger, and the musician felt his finger muscles tense as he prepared to do the same. But this brief resolve dissipated quickly. Sammy continued talking once he was sure Norman wouldn’t make a move, “I might be persuaded into silence, however.”

Norman shifted his grip on his gun, “What do you want?”

“What do you have to offer?”

Norman was silent a moment, “I’ll give you a cut of my pay.”

“How much are we talking?”

“Fifty percent.”

Sammy pretended to think for a few seconds, “Is that all?”

“I can’t give you more.”

“I think you can. The way I see it, you’re betraying Joey, the man who pays you; therefore, the money isn’t yours.”

“It’s not yours either.”

“It doesn’t matter whether or not it’s mine. Pay me or I’ll tell Joey all about your little Romeo and Juliet story.”

Norman didn’t speak for a long while, and Sammy was about to repeat his demand when the other gangster finally said, “Fine.” his voice flat.

Sammy’s grin returned to its full force, “Perfect. Let’s get back to Joey’s, then.” With his pistol, Sammy gestured for Norman to keep walking. Norman slowly turned around, lowering his weapon.

Sammy smiled. He hadn’t had a confrontation like that in a long time; he’d forgotten how fun it was watching the other person squirm. He supposed he’d have to be a bit more wary around Norman from now on, though. Norman was a crafty man, who was probably already plotting some sort of way out of his predicament. Sammy couldn’t think of any way out for him, unless he fled the city. But then he’d be leaving Winona, which, from what little Sammy had seen of them together, was probably not an option he cared for.

It was still baffling to Sammy that Norman, of all people, would fall in love. He was perhaps the least approachable person Sammy had ever met, and yet he was risking his life for some girl. Love has weakened him. Sammy thought to himself, just as his mind brought up the images of Susie and Matt. He tried to banish this unwelcome intrusion into his thoughts, but they refused to leave. Sighing, the musician tried to focus more on the trudging Norman ahead of him. Affection has not made me weak, he told himself, I’m still going to fulfill my duty. Joey’s side was the winning side, for sure. It would be foolish to leave it, not that he wanted to join Henry’s group of imbeciles anyway. No, he was right where he wanted to be. Besides, Norman’s paycheck is more than enough reason to stay, Sammy thought, smiling as he considered what he’d do with the money.

[franklinnelsonforthedefense]

HC: Drunk Karaoke Rules with Foggy Nelson

1.  A drunken karaoke night without a Backstreet Boys reference is WRONG. Everybody is an all-time classic that also in a way resurrected Backstreet Boys as the pop icons of the late 90s. It must be sung at least once.

2. If anyone tries to drunk dedicate “Fix You” to someone get them coffee, and then get them the hell home. The night is over for them. Nothing good happens after drunk Coldplay. 

3.  Ice Ice Baby will happen, live with it. Such grooves, such moves, you’ve gotta bring out the dancing shoes. The hilarious thing about this track is the fact that everyone only knows the chorus. The verse for the average listener goes like this “All right Stop, bade bang bade baba, lagadaga lagadaga lagadaga gaga………………… Ice ice baby.” and if that’s not the best thing ever you’re not drunk enough yet. 

4. Wonderwall can only be performed by a group. A minimum of 4-5 people will walk up to the mic to sing their lungs out or it shall not be preformed. 

5.  Tub Thumping is probably going to happen too, since it’s all about “pissing the night away”. Upbeat, fun & headbang worthy. Word of warning : Don’t even try to follow the words on the screen while performing this. Just enjoy your drunken-ness and get knocked out, but then get up again, cause we’re never going to keep you down. PS. if you CAN remember all the words the table buys your drinks. If not... next round on you pal!

6.  Fuck your own musical taste, this is about the crowd. If you pick All the Young Dudes by Mott The Hoople, you will get the smug satisfaction of knowing that you have excellent goddamn taste. But, the exhibition of fine taste is not what karaoke is about. Pick a corny song and you’ll burn the house down.

7.  Don’t be a dick. Clap for the other singers and congratulate them. Even if they butcher the dumbest song in the world, give them a high-five. After all, you’re going to be up there yourself in a few minutes and you want allies.

8. Which leas to the last rule... Everyone sings. Don’t come out for karaoke if you don’t want to play. 

[shannrussell-blog1]

An important rail line for transporting passengers and cargo from 1882 to 1970s, the old Tallarook to Mansfield line sat fallow after its closure until the decision was made to turn it into a rail trail for cyclists, walkers, and horse riders, in 2004. Now it’s a popular tourist drawcard that sees hundreds of cyclists ride it in its entirety each year.

Where Is It?

The Great Victorian Rail Trail, formerly known as the Goulburn River High Country Rail Trail, is situated in North Eastern Victoria.

It runs from Tallarook, just off the Hume Highway, south of Seymour, to Mansfield, to the west of Mt Buller – gateway to the ski fields, according to the locals.

How Do I Get There?

If you start at Tallarook, it’s approximately a 1.5-hour drive from Melbourne along the Hume Highway. Mansfield is situated about 2.5 hours from Melbourne.

I caught the Seymour V/Line train from Southern Cross Station to Tallarook. The journey takes just over an hour, and most train services have bicycle facilities on-board.

When Should I Visit?

Autumn and spring are the best times to visit. I visited in late summer and receives some unpleasantly hot weather. I would imagine sections of the track become muddy after rain.

Where to Stay?

The Great Victorian Rail Trail is suitable for all sorts of bicycling tourers – credit card tourers and the self-sufficient alike. Generally, you’ll have a town to stay in each night.

Most towns offer a range of accommodation options. These are the accommodation options I observed in each town:

Tallarook – Pub, bush camping, bed and breakfast

Trawool – Motel

Yea – Pub, motels, caravan park, bed and breakfast

Molesworth – Pub, campground

Alexandra – Pub, motel, caravan park, bush camping, bed and breakfast

Yarck – Pub, bed and breakfast

Bonnie Doon – Pub, caravan park, bed and breakfast

Mansfield – Pub, caravan park, resort, bed and breakfast

If you’re willing to get off the track a bit, there are many other bush camping options available in and around the Lake Eildon National Park.

Where To Buy Food and Supplies?

The major towns along the trail have supermarkets of varying sizes, including Yea, Alexandra, and Mansfield. The smaller towns have general stores, some have service stations. There are some fine bakeries along the routes, and loads of great places to get a good cup of coffee.

Mansfield Coffee Merchant, Yea Emporium, and Hock The Ruby where my favourite places to grab a coffee.

Here’s a more comprehensive rundown on the type of resupply points and businesses available on the track:

Tallarook – Pub, cafes, general store

Trawool – Cafe/restaurant

Yea – Supermarket, cafes, restaurants, pubs, takeaway shops, butcher, bakery, service station

Molesworth – General store, pub

Alexandra – Supermarket, cafes, takeaway shops, butcher, bakery, service station

Yarck – General store, cafes, pub

Merton – Service station

Bonnie Doon – General store, pub, restaurants, service station

Mansfield – Supermarket, cafes, restaurants, pubs, takeaway shops, butcher, bakery, service station

Places To Stop For a Rest

There are plenty of places to stop for a break on this trail. Some spots are designated and sports shelter, seating, and a long-drop toilet. Sometimes the call of a big gumtree is enough.

Make sure you carry enough watch to get to the next town as while most of the toilets have a small rainwater tank the water isn’t suitable for drinking, and maybe empty anyway. (On my trip in February 2016 all of these rainwater tanks were empty, so I couldn’t even use them to wash my hands.)

See the map below which shows all the former station sites. Most of these sites have rest facilities, and there is also a shelter and picnic table at Merton Gap and Eglinton Cutting – two of the best views on the entire trip.

Ideal Credit Card Bicycle Touring Itinerary

Credit card cyclists are those that set off with very little gear, maybe a few changes of clothes, toiletries, and a few bits and pieces, and stay in motels or cabins each night, and eat out at restaurants and pubs. Here’s my take on the ideal itinerary for the credit card bike tourist that wants to ride a section of the rail trail over 4 days:

Day 1

Drive or catch the train to Tallarook first thing in the morning. Grab a coffee at Hock The Ruby and lunch in Yea. Cycle to Molesworth (56.2km). Stay at the Molesworth Hotel Motel. Have dinner at the pub.

Day 2

Cycle from Molesworth to Mansfield. Grab a takeaway breakfast at the Molesworth General Store – or let some muesli bars tide you over until you get to Yarck (11.8km) where you can enjoy something a little more substantial at the cafe. Stay in a cabin at a caravan park or motel in Mansfield. Dine out at one of the pubs or restaurants.

Day 3

Grab a nice breakfast of bacon and eggs at one of the cafes in Mansfield. Cycle from Mansfield to Alexandra (72.7km). Grab snacks and/or lunch at Bonnie Doon, Merton, or Yarck. Stay in a cabin at the caravan park or motel in Alexandra. Dine out at one of the pubs or restaurants.

Day 4

Cycle from Alexandra to Tallarook (73.1km). Grab breakfast at a cafe in Alexandra. Stop for lunch in Yea. Arrive in Tallrook late afternoon for a beer at the pub before catching the train or driving back to Melbourne.

Tallarook to Mansfield and Back Again in Late Summer

As I pushed my bike up to the front of the Tallarook Hotel two well-watered gentleman stumbled out. “It’s closed, maytttteee” the locals slurred as they unwisely stumbled to their cars. “I’ve got a booking, it’s fine” I told them as I tiredly pulled my phone from my pocket to inspect the time. 11:16pm.

Today was a long day. It started at 6:30am, as I cycled in the still darkness through the backstreets of Adelaide to catch The Overland train to Melbourne. An eleven-hour train journey was followed by a two-hour delay in Melbourne, giving me enough time to sink a hearty burger and slurp down a few pints of lager.

I was tired and just wanted to sleep, but there was still an hour of train travel to be beared, up the Seymour line to the sleepy village of Tallarook.

But this wouldn’t be last of my journey along railway lines – I was about to embark on a weeklong cycle up The Great Victorian Rail Trail to Mansfield and back again.

I had no idea they grew wine grapes in the area. These vineyards are just out of Tallarook.

Setting off

Next morning, the first day on the saddle, was off to a slow start. I slept in and wouldn’t make off until midday. No matter, I’ll make it a short one, I assured myself. I have plenty of time. A big breakfast at Hock The Ruby had me feeling I was in trendy Fitzroy, not a little rural town where dusty utes are the norm.

I was to learn that this part of rural Victoria was in no way caught behind the times, and was well up with my inner city tastes.

Good food, craft beer, and great coffee were found wherever I went. But not while feeling commercial or overly touristy. The towns largely support the communities, and the nature is pretty raw. Very raw in places.

First day in the saddle

The first day, indeed, was a short one. From Tallarook it was a pleasant downhill along flats of the fast-flowing Goulburn River, before it retreated and made its way past the old stations of Trawool, Granite, Kerrisdale, and Homewood.

The trail surface mainly comprised granitic sand up until Homewood where it gave way to chert and become a decidedly more difficult surface to ride on with a fully-packed touring bike with fairly slick 32mm tyres.

Bill Power, the owner of the Tallarook hotel, commented on my tyres as I set off, telling me they’d be a little uneasy on the sandy stretches. I found it to be quite the opposite  – I thoroughly enjoyed the granitic sand and found the chert that made up most of the track beyond Homewood to be really hard going. All part of the fun, right?

I can proudly tell you I only nearly had one spill the entire week. I ducked into the Trawool Resort to grab a bottle of orange juice – a carb-loving cyclists best friend! As I was returning to the track via the gravel carpark I took a corner a little too tightly for my heavy bike. A sheet of gravel slid out from underneath me, as a couple of lunchers looked on, and I ended up under the bike.

I didn’t so much as come off the bike, as slowly place it on top of myself in a controlled manner with lots of swear words. I was fine. The bike was fine. We all had a laugh and I went on to think, ‘What an embarrassing story that would have made had it been worse. One mishap on the track. In a carpark buying orange juice.’ Onwards…

That dark grey gravel is the chert substance I have been whinging about. Beautiful view though, right?

Homewood to Yea

From Homewood it’s a slow climb up to Yea. The rough surface and headwind made it slow going and I arrived exhausted, after only 40km, around 4pm. With no bush camping options near town, I opted for a night at the Yea Holiday Park. Not a bad choice, either.

Self-sufficient campers enjoy a multitude of places to pitch a tent along the banks of the Yea River. The only thing that let the place down was its proximity to the Melba Highway which was alive with traffic well into the night.

Dinner was my favourite Back Country Cuisine Thai Chicken Curry and instant mash potato. Yes, this is a plug. It’s actually delicious. Try it for yourself.

As I cooked dinner a German couple who arrived in a campervan started to chat. They had intended to tour the south-east of Australia, from Brisbane, on their motorbikes.

One of the bikes carked it, it was going to be too expensive to repair or replace, so they resorted to completing their trip in a camper. They didn’t seem pleased but were happy to be in a warm climate.

Sleep came easily on a cool, still night.

The next day

Time to climb. From Yea, the trail winds through farmland, well away from the road, before making its way up to Cheviot Tunnel. The climb is gradual and scenic. Seeing the little dark blip of the tunnel entrance on the hillside was a relief. It meant it was downhill for the next several kilometres.

The Cheviot Tunnel was completed in 1883 and is constructed from approximately 675,000 handmade clay bricks. 130 years later, it is still in remarkable condition.

At the insistence of some locals I met in Yea, I turned my bike light on as I cycled through the tunnel and could make out the old lantern hooks used during construction, on the southern wall. Visible for the bird crap underneath them – they’re a popular perching spot it seems.

The mighty Cheviot Tunnel. Well worth the long, slow climb. Look at those bricks.

  Descent to Molesworth

The descent down into Molesworth was pleasant. The track surface was sandy once more and was nicely shaded by terraces of trees, removing the pinch of the late morning sun.

A quick break for lunch, and I was on my way to the site of the old Cathkin station, then onto the old spur line down into the village of Alexandra, or Alex’ as locals call it.

It’s 14km from Cathkin, along the branch line, to Alexandra. It’s mostly gradual uphill on a chert surface, before you break out from the cutting right next to the Maroondah Highway, which reveals superb views of the township, the Cathedral Ranges to the south, Lake Eildon National Park to the east, and Kingslake, which was devastated by bushfires in 2009, way off in the distance.

As this trip was to be part camping, part credit card touring, I decided Alex’ was a nice place to get a motel for the night. Slack, I know!

The view over Alexandra. Those ranges in the background yield to Lake Eildon further to the east.

Heading off again the next morning

Remember that lovely descent into Alexandra I told you about? Well, going up it was the way I would be starting my day today. My fitness had improved a lot, despite only having 80km or so under my belt, so the ascent was easy going and before I knew it I was back at the spur lines junction with the main rail trail.

Today was going to be a long day. I would be riding from Alexandra to Mansfield – 79km and the longest climb of the trip. And what’s more, the mercury was set to hit 35°c.

From Cathkin, it’s all uphill for just over 20km to Merton Gap. Despite the ascent and again, the trail surface, this was one of my favourite sections of the track. It starts out running alongside the Maroondah Highway, though the tiny village of Yarck, before retracting inland through tacts of native woodland. Rolling hills all round. And the last of the Goulburn Valley.

The climb begins gradually before becoming steeper, with more ups and downs, as you curve back onto the main road, prior to the final stretch of the gap. It’s important to stop and look behind you as you approach the cutting. The views over the valley and the ranges beyond are stunning. It’s at this point you start to realise how far you have come.

A quick descent into Merton for a bite to eat and toilet break and it was on to Bonnie Doon. I challenge any Aussie who has seen the cult Australiana flick, The Castle, to say, read, or hear the name ‘Bonnie Doon’ and not break into song:

“We’re goin’ to Bonnie Doon. We’re goin’ to Boonie Doon.”

Riding to Bonnie Doon

It was nice riding into Bonnie Doon. Mostly flat with a bit of decline if anything. It passes through lush farming country, with the odd herd of cows or sheep to keep you company. Old Landcruiser utes swish by on the road, their kelpies in the back. The hills widen from the valley as you approach Bonnie Doon, telling you that Lake Eildon is near.

First you pass Brankeet Inlet to the north, which at the time of my trip was long dry. I spotted what I thought were clouds of smoke ahead. What could that be? Something was moving on the ground. I pulled aside and lay my bike against a wire fence. A farmer is herding his sheep. They’re running like mad through the dry lake bed and kick up dust as they go. What an unexpected sight.

The track eventually drops into Bonnie Doon. I contemplate spending the night here but didn’t like the look of the caravan park. I top up my water bottles out the front of the servo, douse myself in a couple of litres, and marvel at the sweat crystalised on my merino tee.

I phone ahead to a caravan park in Mansfield and advise them that I’ll be there around 6:30pm. I look forward to a beer and meal.

The car bridge over the Bonnie Doon arm of Lake Eildon. According to locals, water levels were apparently very low in all of these arms, but quite healthy in the main part of the lake.

The final 20km’s

The final 20km takes longer than expected. I’m clearly fatigued and the heat has gotten to me. Everybody I meet along the way think I am mad doing 79km in the heat. I vow to take the next day off, with temperatures forecast for 39°c, rather than do a side trip up to Mt Buller.

The highlight of this stretch is Maindample. Situated to the side of the track is a gazebo for shade, and an esky attached to an honesty box full of cold cans of soft drink, and a supply of cold water. A cold can of lemonade is just what I need. I empty what would have been about $6 of change into their jar as a sign of my gratitude. Puttering into Mansfield at around 6:45pm,  I won’t make the supermarket to get some provisions for dinner. I’m chuffed by this – a pub meal it will be!

I’ve completed the Great Victorian Rail Trail. All 157.1km of it, including up and back the Alexander branch. That was fun.

Finished!

Accommodation after a long ride

Accommodation this night was the Mansfield High Country Caravan Park, right in town. Despite its central location, the unpowered tent sites were quiet and pleasant. Dinner was a protein-filled marinated lamb salad and a few pints at the Delatite Hotel at the end a rather hot and tiring day. Despite night-time temperatures in the high 20s, I slept well.

The next day I explore Mansfield and rent a cabin with an air conditioner. I’ve never been one for the heat, and today is hot. Problem is, the next day, when I’ll have no option but to get back on the trail, it’s due to be 38°c.

Travelling back to the start – the highlights

I won’t share the full story of travelling back to the start, but I will share with you some highlights (and lowlights!) The 67km ride from Mansfield back to Molesworth was hell. Half the day I was accompanied by a thick northerly headwind and 38°c temperatures. It was a tough slog.

However, the aches and pains and overheating soon went away when I pulled into the Molesworth Recreation Reserve campground, my resting place for the night.

Situated on the banks of the Goulburn it was a magic place to camp. I could have stayed a week.

Camping at the Molesworth Recreation Reserve. Dirt cheap, at $10 for an unpowered site, and oh-so peaceful and idyllic. My favourite camping spot of the trip. 

Molesworth to Tallarook was a gentle ride and allowed me to appreciate the scenery that I had a few days earlier cycled away from. The upper reaches of the Goulburn is a stunning, rugged sort of place. With wooded hillsides, and sharp little escarpments of granite popping out here and there. It looks like it would be a beautiful place to hike someday.

It was early afternoon on a Thursday as I pulled into the main street of Tallarook once more. In 5 days, according to the Strava app, I had cycled 280.3km. To be sure, that’s not a huge number of kilometres, but with a heavy touring bike, average fitness, high temperatures, and that bloody chert, it was a challenge.

Final thoughts on my trip

No doubt, after riding the Great Victorian Rail Trail I have a taste for this kind of exploration. According to Rail Trails Australia, there are over 130 rail trails across Australia. They contribute greatly to tourism and local communities. This trail also represent a healthy way of exploring the outdoors while being inclusive of cyclists, walkers, and horse riders of all levels of fitness and abilities.

What’s more, they show you a perspective of Australia that has been observed and appreciated for many hundreds of years.

Update 12/07/2016: Added more information on the rest stops, food options, etc. Added ‘Ideal Credit Card Bicycle Touring Itinerary’ section. 

The post The Great Victorian Rail Trail by Bike appeared first on Snowys Blog.

[shamondmilk-blog]

The Backstory

Where did it start?

The first time I remember binge eating was when I was 7 years old. There was a bag of Halloween candy atop a shelf in the guest room at my house in Franklin Lakes, New Jersey. I imagine my mom never intended us to find it. Candy was never really allowed in the house. If we were lucky, there'd be an occasional Skinny Cow in the freezer, which my sister and I relentlessly tried to get a hold of first. I can't remember ever enjoying vegetables as a child. It was always a struggle to finish my carrots that came with every dinner. I'd sneak them to my Golden Retriever when my mom's back was turned. Vegetables were always an incentive in the house, so the precedent was set: vegetables are an adversary to be vanquished to get to the ivory tower containing whatever savory goodness was on the plate. I'm sure this was never my mom's intention, to foster this adversarial relationship with healthy eating. She wasn't much for cooking when I was growing up, and never thought to present healthy food in a way that was appealing or creative to me or my siblings. Can you blame her, coming from a dysfunctional family background of nine in an Irish-Italian household? My grandma is probably delusional and self-centered enough to believe that the lectures she gave her children were proper nourishment, and the fried salami ends bought from the local butcher shop were an additional treat. What a prize.

Anyway, the incident with the Halloween candy was isolated, at least it seemed that way at the time. I remember thinking after that binge session that what I had done wasn't normal. All the adages of spoiling your dinner and getting a tummy ache and the countless euphemisms that people use instead of saying "hey kid, making that pattern of eating a habit will spike your insulin and fast track you to Type 2 Diabetes and a foot amputation" ran through my head. I had done a bad thing. But at the same time, it felt like a great thing, too. So much chocolate and sugar, what 7-year-old is self-aware enough to assess short-term reward against long-term consequences?  Not I. But it seemed inconsequential at the time. The metabolism of a fairly physically active 7-year-old is not going to shit the bed after one candy binge. I’d be fine, until the move happened.

After 3rd grade, my parents informed my siblings that we would be moving again, this time to Naperville, Illinois. In my 8 year stint on this planet, it would be my 6th move.  I don’t remember being particularly upset about it.  Making friends after every move never seemed terribly difficult during the other moves, so why would this time be any different? I was fairly popular in New Jersey. I remember walking around the soccer field during recess by myself, by choice. I remember a lunch supervisor coming up to me frequently asking me in a thick Polish accent “Olivia, where are your friends?” They were on the playground doing whatever it was that 8-year-olds in the early 2000’s did together, and no one was kicking me off the playground. I had spent all day in the classroom with them, and ate with them at lunch. I was good to be 20 minutes without them and spend some quality daydreaming time. Bitch, I have friends, I should’ve noted to the supervisor. It would’ve gone over great, I’m certain.  

Enter 9-year-old Olivia, fresh meat at Elmwood Elementary School. The classroom was set up in clusters of 4 connected desks, which was different from the conversational rows I was used to at my old school. Everyone in Naperville knew each other by then.  They had broken off into their respective friend groups, for the most part. As far as these 9-year-olds were concerned, they were who they were going to be for the rest of their lives, quarter life crisis be damned. Hopefully some of them got the chance to backpack around Europe before settling into their mediocre corporate lives and Spongebob themed 3-piece suits. If I got stuck in one of those clusters with kids who had no interest in expanding their friend circle, I’d resign to drawing forest animals and Pokemon and daydreaming that dragons were real. So, needless to say, I was not quite the chameleon that I needed to be to merge into the blonde, N’Sync listening, Lip Smackers wearing fembots-in-training that made up the majority of Naperville girls.

Nothing about this account so far could possibly imply that I was bullied (spoiler alert: I was). First, I was bullied for being different. Being bullied for being fat would come later. I needed to be alienated first. I didn’t watch Spongebob, which in case you didn’t know, was the gold standard for Naperville kids in the early 2000’s. I preferred Backstreet Boys, but N’Sync was the preferred boy band of my classmates. I was a Crip in a Blood world. I liked fantasy and science fiction. My sister introduced me to The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings trilogy, and all bets were off. I was set down the path of nerdom, but as any nerd knows, the adventure is much harder if you’re solo questing. To translate that last sentence for the non-nerds: I had no real friends. I had playdates with other kids, but nothing really stuck. But the names stuck, “weirdo, freak, lesbo, gross, fat, ugly bitch,” to name a few of the commonplace ones (oh, but by 8th grade I developed really big tits, so at least I had that going for me. I remember my guy friend reporting to me that even though I was the notorious goth weirdo, the wrestling team loved my boobs. Aw, thanks guys, self-worth attribute +1).

By the end of 4th grade, I had descended far down the social totem pole, but not so far that I had lost the desperate ambition to climb back up. After all, walking around alone at recess loses its luster when it’s involuntary. So I let the popular girls continue to make their digs, and I would take it. We’re all friends, right? Well, those friends didn’t call to my house for play dates, and they sure as hell never referenced to me as “friend.” So, I sat at home, lost in my computer games or buried in my books. The satisfied feeling you get from laughing  and talking with friends wasn’t there. Something needed to fill the void. But what? Somewhere in my developing brain, with so few long-term memories and subconscious cues to choose from, the answer revealed itself: sugar, chocolate, potato chips, potato-and-chocolate chip cookies (thank God Pinterest wasn’t a thing yet).

And so it started. There was just one small problem. My mom is an Iron Lady, Margaret Thatcher style (no offense to Robert Downey Jr.).  By Iron Lady, I mean she is a seasoned Ironman Triathlon participant. The picture of health, from what I remember, save the Chardonnay obsession. That meant no unhealthy food in the house. Only low-fat, low-sugar sweets. So how does a 10-year-old looking for a salt and sugar fix compensate if there’s not a potato chip or candy bar in sight? Why, she eats 10 lower-sugar snacks in one sitting, hoping to get the same resolve of course. I started eating everything and anything remotely sweet. If there were no Kudos bars or Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches to be found, balls of white bread dipped Hershey’s in chocolate syrup would suffice (I wish I were joking). Oh, also, a few chocolatey Cliff Bars would do in a pinch (you know, the ones that are supposed to replace an entire fucking meal).

But that short-term comfort only lasted so long, and I happened to be the only one who ignorantly saw the temporary benefit of it. My mom and I played a years-long game of hide-and-seek, but my mom and I used objects as our playing pieces. My mom’s pieces were the hidden snacks, and my pieces were the hidden wrappers. We’d find our usual hiding places for both, and yelling would ensue once we found each other. I must’ve felt like I was fighting a battle on both fronts. On one end, I used by binge eating Guerilla tactics to combat the feelings of isolation from my peers, and stealth tactics to hide food from my mom. I don’t think it would be crazy to interpret this as a pretty shitty setup for my relationship with food as a whole, no?

So, I guess that’s where my binge-eating story begins. But where does it end? I guess the more important question is “how does it end,” or even “does it end?” I guess you can’t start a solid story without a solid beginning, so that’s what this will be. It’s time to start this journey with a reference point, which is what I suppose this long and psychoanalytic account will serve as. But I’m not crazy about the idea of doing this alone. And as every seasoned nerd knows, solo questing is harder than going at it with a party.

[biofunmy]

36 Hours in Hobart (and Environs)

Tasmanians have heard all the tired jokes from mainland Australians. The country’s isolated southern island state has been so overlooked in the past, it’s even been left off maps of Australia. In recent years, however, Australians have changed their tune. Tasmania is experiencing a surge of weekenders and property buyers, driven by a newfound interest in its pristine nature, unhurried way of life and an increasingly diverse food and art scene that really started to take off with the arrival, in a Hobart suburb, of the Museum of Old and New Art (MONA) in 2011. The biggest transformation has taken place in the once-sleepy capital of Hobart, which now boasts a plethora of creative new restaurants and an edgy spirit, particularly during the winter Dark Mofo festival. (A highlight: the nude solstice swim in the chilly River Derwent.) Tasmania’s profile is rising overseas, as well. International visitors jumped by 21 percent from mid-2017 to mid-2018 — the biggest rise by far of any Australian state. Tasmanians have always known how good the life is here. The rest of the world is only now starting to find out.

Friday

1) 3:30 p.m. Gallery hopping

While MONA has put Tasmania on the international art map in recent years, Hobart’s gallery scene has actually been showcasing the best of Tasmanian art for decades. Both Despard and Handmark galleries — set in renovated 19th-century Georgian sandstone warehouses on the waterfront — exhibit works by well-known local artists like the landscape painter Geoff Dyer and the animal portraitist Michael McWilliams, as well as dozens of emerging artists. And Bett Gallery, which recently relocated to a 1950s modernist office building with beautifully restored parquet floors and coffered ceiling, has rotating exhibitions of contemporary artists from Tasmania, mainland Australia and abroad. Entry is free at all galleries.

2) 8 p.m. Foraged foods

David Moyle was among the first chefs to champion the farm-to-table concept in Tasmania when he opened Franklin in 2014. Moyle has since moved on, but the new head chef, Analiese Gregory, a rising star in Australia’s culinary world, and the rest of her team still regularly dive for sea urchin and wakame seaweed, and forage for mushrooms, saltbush and succulents to use in the kitchen. What ingredients they can’t source themselves, they procure from local suppliers, such as wallaby from a game hunter on Bruny Island, south of Hobart. This past winter (summer in the United States), the restaurant served it raw with beetroot, pepperberry and horseradish for 22 Australian dollars, or about $15. Reserve seats at the bar for a view of the focal point of the kitchen — a 10-ton, wood-fired Scotch oven, also made locally.

3) 10 p.m. Tipple and tales

With its sandstone streetscapes, penal-colony history and moody, damp weather, Hobart feels like a town with plenty of secrets to divulge. Little surprise, then, that The Story Bar, in the newly opened MACq 01 hotel, trades in Tasmanian lore. Sip one of the 27 Tasmanian gins on the menu (Hartshorn Sheep Whey, 14 Australian dollars, and Poltergeist Unfiltered, 15 Australian dollars, are highly recommended) and take in the Hobart history around you. Broadsheet banners from the local newspaper archives tell the tales of tragic shipwrecks and fires, while grainy video footage on the wall highlights the sporting heroics of cricketers. Nothing tops the views of the colorful sailboats bobbing in the River Derwent, however, from a perch on the waterfront deck outside.

Saturday

4) 8 a.m. Neighborhood eats

The local go-to spot for breakfast in the historic Battery Point neighborhood is Jackman & McRoss, set in an airy, rambling building that has been home to various bakeries and butchers over the past 150 years. This latest incarnation, founded by a baker-chef team 20 years ago, is as popular as ever for its hearty breakfasts: clay-pot poached eggs with chorizo polenta in a black bean ragout (15 Australian dollars), a delectable selection of baked goods, such as strawberry and pistachio tarts (7 Australian dollars), and prune-and-walnut sourdough bread (6.90 Australian dollars). Afterward, drop into On Hampden Creative across the street to peruse the homewares, handprinted textiles and vintage women’s hats and scarves made by 60 local artisans and designers.

5) 9 a.m. Market day

Salamanca Place has been a focal point of Hobart life since the early 1800s, when warehouses lined the harbor to store whale oil, wool, apples and other goods for export. Today, at the lively Salamanca Market, there are slightly more contemporary, artisanal goods on offer: wallaby and scallop pies; Tasmanian-made gin, saffron, truffle mustard and pepperberry salt; and all manner of handicrafts, antiques and echidna- (spiny anteater) printed tourist kitsch. Arrive early to beat the crowds — thousands descend here on most pleasant Saturdays — and have enough time to saunter through the 300-plus stalls and take in a busker or two.

6) 11 a.m. Handmade hub

Not shopped out yet? Just behind the market is the wonderful Salamanca Arts Centre, a series of early-19th-century warehouses that were restored in the 1970s and transformed into an arts, theater and design hub. There are numerous galleries and studios here (including Handmark), as well as plenty of creative shops. Stop at The Maker for Japanese handicrafts and women’s fashions made with Japanese-sourced linens and wools; Bruny Island Cheese Co. for pinot-washed raw milk cheeses and small-batch beers made with Tasmanian grains and hops; and the Hammer & Hand Metal and Jewellery Collective for handmade earrings, necklaces, sculptures and stainless steel utensils, forged by local artisans.

7) 12 p.m. History lesson

To put Tasmania’s recent rebirth in the proper perspective, it’s necessary to understand its dark history. From 1803 until 1853, some 75,000 convicts were transported to Tasmania (then called Van Diemen’s Land) from Britain and other British colonies, and many passed through the Hobart Convict Penitentiary, part of which still stands today. A tour of this bleak yet fascinating relic provides a glimpse of convict life over the years: pitch-black solitary confinement cells, subterranean tunnels leading to a courtroom, the gallows where 300 prisoners were hanged. Little has changed in 185 years, which only adds to the spooky feel of the place. (For those who want an extra fright, ghost tours are offered at night, too.) Admission is 25 Australian dollars.

8) 4 p.m. Pint with a view

Cascade beer is to Tasmania what Budweiser is to America. Not only is Cascade the quintessential lager for most Tasmanians, the beer maker is also the oldest continually operating brewery in all Australia. The building alone is worth the 15-minute drive out of Hobart — the sandstone facade of the brewery, originally built by convicts in the early 1800s, looks magnificent set against imposing Mount Wellington, particularly when the peak is snow-capped in winter. Brewery tours (30 Australian dollars) end with a tasting of the beers, but the expansive garden also makes a nice setting for a leisurely pint of Cascade Pale Ale (9.50 Australian dollars) and a cat nap.

9) 8 p.m. Shared plates

The vibe at cozy, 22-seat Templo, tucked away on a quiet Hobart backstreet, perfectly encapsulates the youthful food movement transforming Tasmania at the moment. The setting is fun and casual, with attractive, chatty servers and a large communal table that promotes easy conversation with fellow diners. (A few glasses from the extensive wine list surely help; try one of the bottles of minimal intervention wine made exclusively for the restaurant.) The Italian-inspired menu changes daily; on a recent visit, standout dishes included the homemade gnocchetti with broccolini, chile, anchovy and pangrattato (24 Australian dollars) and the housemade mustardela (blood sausage) with dragoncello sauce (18 Australian dollars).

Sunday

10) 10 a.m. Walsh’s world

The Museum of Old and New Art (entry 30 Australian Dollars), founded by David Walsh, an art collector who built a fortune from gambling, has become much more than an art institution. It’s spawned two popular (and more than a little subversive) art and music festivals — MOFO and Dark MOFO — in addition to art-filled luxury pavilion accommodations (from 750 Australian dollars a night) and, coming soon, a 172-room hotel (as yet unnamed after several controversial choices). The museum itself is a lot to take in, so arrive early and plan to get lost in the cavernous space showcasing Mr. Walsh’s outlandish collection. Be sure to check out the four fantastically disorienting James Turrell light installations commissioned for the new Pharos wing (separate tickets and advance booking, 10 to 25 Australian dollars), as well as the newly opened underground network of tunnels and chambers filled with works by Ai Weiwei and Alfredo Jaar. On a pleasant day, take a break on the lawn with a glass of Moorilla sparkling Riesling (10 Australian dollars) or a Moo Brew Pilsner (9 Australian dollars) — Mr. Walsh owns the winery and brewery, too. A fast ferry offers 25-minute connections to the museum from downtown Hobart (from 22 Australian dollars roundtrip).

11) 2 p.m. Farm to former asylum

Long before Tasmania became a foodie destination, Rodney Dunn and Severine Demanet ditched city life to set up a farm and cooking school in the Tasmanian countryside. Nearly a decade later, the couple completed the farm-to-table circle with the opening of The Agrarian Kitchen Eatery in a rather unlikely location: a sprawling asylum in the town of New Norfolk (about 20 miles from Hobart), which operated for over 170 years before closing in 2000. A tour of the grounds reveals glimpses of the institution’s notorious history, but inside, the focus is on the seasonal menu, which highlights ingredients from the farm and other local producers: sugarloaf cabbage with lovage seed mayonnaise and preserved fish (23 Australian dollars) and slow-roasted Derwent Valley lamb (a sharing dish for 140 Australian dollars). It’s a glimpse of the present-day potential of the island, risen from a painful past.

Lodging

Hobart is an extremely walkable city if you base yourself centrally near the wharf on the River Derwent. Check out the Battery Point neighborhood, which is accessible to Salamanca Place via the 19th-century Kelly’s Steps; apartments here on Airbnb rent for 200 to 250 Australian dollars per night.

From the Dutch explorer Abel Tasman (the first European to land on Tasmania) to the cricket hero Ricky Ponting, each of the 114 rooms at the new MACq 01 Hotel is devoted to a different character in Tasmanian history, with illustrations on the door and their full stories and other artifacts featured prominently inside. Doubles from 240 Australian dollars.

The nearly 150-year-old Lenna of Hobart was once the mansion of a wealthy Tasmanian whaling merchant, Alexander McGregor, who oversaw the largest individually owned fleet of ships in the Southern Hemisphere. Doubles from 208 Australian dollars.

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Sesame Street.

About that keep in mind, permit our team to offer 10 badass women musicians our team would certainly decide on over Banksy any day. On the other side of the trade, the primary road value client is presently prepped to make the most of any sort of unpleasant surprise Black Swan macroeconomic occasion by assigning planned cash reservoirs to take new or boosted placements in the supplies or funds of effectively tough providers. Like his much older sis Alice, he was informed at Hardcastle's Manufacturing plant University, which later came to be Bessie Street School, before heading out to operate at fifteen and also landing a work as a clippie on the freshly developed Weatherfield Bus Service.

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Prague: Insider Travel Guide

(CNN)Perhaps the most important advice to give someone visiting Prague? Get lost.

No longer is this just a destination for those on the hunt for cheap beer — although there’s still plenty of that. It’s still a historic, byzantine city forged in the Middle Ages.

The best way to discover this city of 1.2 million is to wander its maze of cobbled backstreets, stumbling upon a church, a caf or an art gallery to which you’d be hard-pressed to find your way back.

Beyond the requisites of the Charles Bridge, Prague Castle and Old Town Square — worthy destinations in their own rights — there’s a wealth of spectacular sights, quirky attractions and vibrant neighborhoods to discover in the Golden City.

Hotels

Luxury

Tower Park Praha–One Room Hotel

The retro-futuristic ikov Television Tower — nicknamed “The Rocket” — has been a point of contention since its completion in 1992.

While often ranked among the world’s ugliest buildings — helped by the addition in 2000 of a series of sculptured babies crawling up its sides courtesy of artist David Cerny — a recent renovation saw the addition of Prague’s most exclusive hotel: one room, at a height of 66 meters, providing unmatched views of the city.

Advertised as a six-star accommodation, the One Room Hotel features an entire wall of east-facing windows, meaning best of Prague views are accessible from any point in the room — even the bathtub.

A stay here also includes a limousine and driver, and the tower features a bar, French-Asian restaurant and observation deck.

Tower Park PrahaOne Room Hotel, Mahlerovy sady 2699/1, Prague 3-ikov; +420 210 320 081

Four Seasons

Located on the banks of the Vltava River, steps from Charles Bridge, the Four Seasons combines five-star luxury with historical significance in the city’s Old Town.

The Premier River Rooms in the hotel’s neo-classical building, which dates to 1827, were unveiled in 2012 and conceived by French designer Pierre-Yves Rochon.

Offering picture views of Charles Bridge, the Lesser Town and Prague Castle across the river, the rooms are decked out in beige and gold and feature marble bathrooms.

Attached to the hotel, the restaurant and lounge CottoCrudo provides a place to unwind over cocktails and fresh Italian fare.

Hotel U Zlat Studne

The Golden Well Hotel, as it’s also called, offers views over Prague Castle’s Royal Gardens and is home to the fine-dining restaurant Terasa U Zlat Studne, in the Lesser Town.

The Tycho Brahe Suite, named after the famed astronomer, has an original frescoed wooden ceiling dating to the 16th century, Renaissance furnishings and a private Jacuzzi.

The suite comes with an iPad and iPod, the best views in the house and a la carte breakfast.

Mid-Range

Buddha-Bar Hotel

In the maze of streets behind Tyn Church in Old Town, Buddha-Bar is a colorful retreat of modern, Asian-inspired decor and full amenities that includes the Buddha-Bar restaurant and nightclub.

Premier Rooms are available with either a king or twin beds and feature rain showers, standing baths with dragon mosaics and an in-house music library.

For an extra 40, you can book your pet a stay for the night.

Budget

Hotel Josef

Prague’s first boutique design hotel, the four-star Hotel Josef was conceived by noted local architect Eva Jiricna, recipient of the 2013 Jane Drew Prize.

Located close to the Powder Tower on the border of Old and New Town, at Josef, the design is in the details, and contemporary artistry is everywhere.

Among the Superior Rooms, No. 803 has a balcony with views over to Prague Castle, a king-size bed and a designer limestone bathroom.

Arcadia Residence

At this apartment-style hotel, guests can enjoy their own self-catering facilities while still having access to hotel amenities like breakfast (without a time limit), cleaning and concierge services.

Upon arrival, visitors receive a 20-minute orientation of nearby Old Town Square and Wenceslas Square.

Rooms are modern and simply decorated, within easy reach of any of the city’s main sights.

Dining

La Degustation Boheme Bourgeoise

Long before he planned out the menu of New York City’s Hospoda restaurant, Oldich Sahajdk based this best of Prague Michelin-starred restaurant, which serves only tasting menus, on recipes by the 19th-century Czech cook Marie B. Svobodov.

Fittingly, the two set menus (one six-course, one 11-course) explore the culinary heritage of the Czech lands, and change seasonally, with a selection of wines paired accordingingly. Appetites should match wallets here: big.

La Degustation Boheme Bourgeoise, Hatalsk 18, Prague 1-Old Town; +420 222 311 234

Kalina

Pioneering what chef Miroslav Kalina has dubbed the “new Prague cuisine,” the eponymous Kalina is a new addition to the fine-dining scene, with an impressive range of wines and Cognacs to go with well-executed game and meat specialties with a French twist.

The menu changes by season, but the cote de boeuf for two, served with a variety of winning sides, is a must for any meat lover.

estr

A butcher’s paradise, this sleek restaurant adorned in tile and copper in the former RFE/RL building off Wenceslas Square is a cut above most cuts of steak, procuring beloved and lesser-known steaks served on wooden slabs with a variety of sauces like black truffle.

Fish and vegetables get the same quality treatment, all with a nod to traditional Czech butchery and farm stylings.

The only downside is that portions are quite small.

Sansho

Having created quite a stir since it opened in 2011, Sansho presents an Asian-fusion tasting menu of six courses, to be shared among the table.

The benched tables are shared — so be prepared to rub elbows with your neighbor as you reach for softshell crab slides, 12-hour beef rendang and sticky-toffee pudding.

British chef Paul Day varies the menu daily based on inspiration.

Beverages include a selection of beers from local independent breweries.

RED Pif

The Czech Republic’s Moravian wines may not be known the world over, but RED Pif has a selection of the sunny southern wine region’s best.

It also offers a considerable list of French varieties, all in a hidden corner spot that serves a daily menu of thoughtful Continental dishes like duck confit and coq au vin, as well as some excellent desserts.

With just a few tables inside, it’s best to book ahead to avoid disappointment.

Shady outdoor tables across the cobbled street make for a good place to linger on a summer evening.

Nota Bene

Following the Prague locavore trend, Nota Bene, located a few blocks from the National Museum, gets all of its products from local farms.

Its changing menu might include homey Czech classics like baked rabbit, roast duck or svickova na smetane (beef tenderloin in cream sauce with dumplings).

In connection with the BeerPoint pub downstairs, the restaurant offers rotating taps of beers from local microbreweries.

The bright, airy space fills out most nights, so reserve in advance.

Jik market

Most days, there’s a farmers market on somewhere in Prague, selling fresh cheeses, pastries, bread, organic produces and fresh juices.

The one on Nmst Jiho z Podbrad, affectionately called Jik, sets up camp Wednesdays, Fridays and Saturdays in front of the Church of the Most Sacred Heart of Our Lord, a unique design by Slovenian architecht Josip Plenik.

Several restaurants host stands at the market, with ready-made Slovenian, Thai and Balkan specialties perfect for packing as a picnic to enjoy in the nearby Riegrovy sady park.

Nightlife

Jazz Dock

Stroll down the cobbled steps of the Vltava’s lamplit embankment to Jazz Dock, an ideal venue for both intimate concerts to swinging big gigs by a lineup of renowned international stars.

It’s also a chance to sample the best of Czech Republic’s homegrown talent.

Open till 4 a.m. in spring and summer, there’s a comprehensive variety of cocktails to soak yourself in, and the terrace opens right onto the water for an extra cool vibe.

Vinograf

Easy to miss among the winding lanes of Lesser Town just below Charles Bridge, Vinograf is nigh impossible to leave once found.

It has only a handful of tables in a narrow, vaulted room, lined with wine bottle after wine bottle and chalk menus of open specials.

This is the best place in Prague to try Czech and Moravian wines from small vintners.

There are also regular wine-tasting events.

Repete

When you just don’t want the night to end — and in Prague, that’s usually the case — Repete is a red-lined cocktail bar and cafe that’s open till 5 a.m., close to Old Town Square.

Its prices are low for the tourist zone, and the clientele is a happy mix of students, locals and visitors.

The vaulted rooms include a private lounge, and the bar will even order pizzas or burgers for you from a nearby restaurant.

Hemingway Bar

Valuing the art of classic mixology, Hemingway’s has more than 200 types of rum on deck — it even founded the country’s first rum club.

It also has expertly handled, best-of-Prague traditional cocktails, a wide variety of champagnes, and it is the place to sample that oft-misunderstood Green Fairy: absinthe.

Plush leather banquettes, a dark-wood bar and lots of intimate corners to lose yourself for a bit.

SaSaZu

If a day of pavement pounding has wound you up for some dancing, there’s SaSaZu, one of the hottest — and largest — spots in Prague to take in a regular lineup of international DJs and music gods and goddesses.

Past headliners have included Paul Van Dyk, Morcheeba and Lily Allen, and there are 5,000 square meters of dance floor on multiple lounge levels overlooking the stage.

Oh, and the adjacent restaurant by the same name has earned Bib Gourmand status for its creative takes on pan-Asian cuisine.

Shopping

Moser

The preeminent name in Czech glass and crystal, the Moser brand has been manufacturing custom wares since 1893.

Past fans include Emperor Franz Josef I and King Edward VII, and, while based in the spa town of Karlovy Vary, Moser has a showroom and shop on Prague’s Na Prikope shopping street.

Available in a wide selection of styles and colors, Moser’s crystal and glass drinking sets, vases and accessories are all hand-cut and use only ecologically friendy, lead-free crystal.

Manufaktura

With several shops dotting the capital, Manufaktura sells handcrafted wooden toys, marionettes and games, as well as handmade, organic soaps and cosmetic products, country-style earthenware furnishings and printed textiles, like folk-art table linens, as well as woolen blankets and decorations.

Czech Fashion Center

Spread throughout a network mostly spanning off Old Town Square, these eight boutiques representing prominent Czech fashion designers offer a glimpse into the rapid rise of the latest catwalk looks to come out of the country.

Nevarila Design, Eliky Krsnohorsk 11/4, Prague 1-Josefov; +420 271 742 091

Timoure et group, v Kolkovn 6, Prague 1-Old Town; +420 222 327 358

Boheme, Dun 8, Prague 1-Old Town; +420 224 813 840

Studio Hany Havelkove, Dun 10, Prague 1-Old Town; +420 222 326 754

Klara Nademlynska, Dlouh 3, Prague 1-Old Town; +420 224 818 769

Ivana Follova, Mezibransk 9, Prague 1-New Town; +420 222 211 357

Tatiana Boutique, Dun 1, Prague 1-Old Town; +420 224 813 723

Jozef Sloboda, Rytsk 1023/11, Prague 1-Old Town; +420 223 004 688

Dorotheum

For prized antiques from across Europe and the world, the Dorotheum, based in Vienna, is the leading name in local auction houses, with more than 300 years under its belt.

In addition to regular Prague auctions, in which visitors can participate, the central showroom also serves as a shop where priced items — jewelry, paintings, statues, glassware, watches, tableware — can be viewed and purchased.

Attractions

DOX

It’s worth the trek to Holeovice, a dynamic former industrial district, to the DOX Center for Contempoary Art, which at any given time has multiple exhibits of local and international artists.

DOX, housed in an expansive revitalized factory, has pioneered the local art scene, challenging the status quo in acquiring big names and experimental projects.

Estates Theatre

If it was good enough for Mozart, who premiered his Don Giovanni here in 1787, it’s good enough for a gander.

It’s worth a visit just to marvel at the grand Classicist facade, but stepping inside (connected to the National Theater, it’s been home to a program of performing arts since 1785) reveals the tiered grandeur of an immaculately maintained historical theater.

Petn Hill

Looking across to the Lesser Town, this expanse of green, topped by Prague’s own mini-Eiffel Tower, is a swath of walking paths affording views over the cityscape.

Take the funicular up from Ujezd to avoid the climb, and wander the Mirror Maze and Rose Gardens at the top, or walk across to Kinsky Gardens, past the infamous Hunger Wall.

Jewish Quarter

There’s much left to explore in this historic district wedged in Old Town, despite its being mostly razed at the turn of the 20th century.

The quarter, known as Josefov, houses the Old Jewish Cemetery, the Old-New Synagogue (dating to 1270), the Spanish Synagogue and other sights, incorporated through the Jewish Museum. The Pinkas Synagogue features a list of every local Jew — 80,000 — rounded up in the Holocaust.

Vyehrad

This fortress, gardens and church are often overlooked.

The fortress dates to the 1720s, and its sprawling, shady gardens are home to the oldest surviving building in Prague, the Rotunda of St. Martin, as well as the soaring Basilica of Sts. Peter and Paul, which sits next to the poetic Vyehrad Cemetery, where many famous Czech personages — such as Alphonse Mucha, Antonin Dvok, Bedich Smetana, Karel apek and Ema Destinnov — rest to this day.

Nplavka

Over the past couple of years, this has become the place to be come a summer’s day — or eve.

The embankment that runs along Ranovo nbe in New Town is home to farmers and flea markets on weekends and a series of floating restaurants, pop-up bars and cafes come any afternoon.

From the cobbled embankment, you might listen to Balkan brass or other live tunes as the sun sets over Prague Castle, or board the Forman Brothers’ Mystery Boat Theater, a tugboat docked here that shows plays staged by the twin sons of director Milo Forman.

On Ranovo nbe, in Prague 2. Accessible by ramp from Mnes, or by stairs along the embankment.

Most venues open midday until late.

Historic Pubs

You didn’t think we’d forgotten the beer, did you?

Beer 1, Communists 0.

As time-worn as the cobblestones leading up to nearby Prague Castle, The Black Ox, as it’s called, has been gruffly pouring pints of liquid gold since roughly the early 1800s — save for a closure by the communists in the mid-20th century before being reopened in 1965.

Former Czechoslovak President Tomas Garrigue Masaryk and dissident playwright-turned president Vclav Havel are among its many past patrons, and little about the place has changed for what feels like centuries; smoke-stained walls and dimmed stained-glass windows color the room of long wooden tables crammed with stamgasti, or regulars, who eye new visitors as competition for their next pint of Kozel lager.

U zlatho tygra

Few places have such a palpable feel of history as the Golden Tiger, where conversations throughout the ages have gone on to change the world beyond the pub’s stained-glass windows — or have just gone on to another pub.

The beloved Czech writer Bohumil Hrabal made this his home away from home. Vclav Havel frequented here, accompanied on occasion by Bill Clinton.

Getting here when it opens at 3 p.m. is your best bet at scoring a storied seat for a solid pint of tanked Pilsner Urquell; although, if history has its say, you probably won’t hold onto it long.

U Medvdk

Dating to 1466, U Medvdk (or “At the Little Bears”) is one of Prague’s oldest microbreweries, and its maze of vaulted beer halls, unique brews — including the incredibly strong X33 (with 12.6% alcohol content) — and vast platters of Czech fare bear testament to its status as a favorite among locals and visitors alike.

The main pub rooms are upstairs, while the brewery is in the cellar, located past the garden in a passage at the back.

U Flek

Despite being somewhat of a tourist trap catering to large, boisterious groups of stags, this microbrewery has enough space in its many cavernous rooms and gardens to allow you to sit back and enjoy the house’s only brew: a delicious, malty dark lager available by the 0.4-liter glass.

And there’s something to be said for the live accordian music and 500-plus consecutive years of brewing that cuts past the kitsch right into timeless cool.

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from Prague: Insider Travel Guide