#bae jacob fluff

[hcuyk]

OUR INFERNO | CHAPTER ONE

SYNOPSIS ✧ despite being your greatest archnemesis/rival/enemy/frenemy/whateverthefuck he was, hyunjae had always been by your side. that changed when your boyfriend was brought up, creating a newfound rift in your whateverthefuck relationship with hyunjae

PAIRING ✧ rival!hyunjae x fem!reader

GENRE ✧ high school au, enemies to fwb, angst, smut, fluff(?), humor(?) (these mfs bicker a lot), pining

WARNINGS ✧ 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT — cheating, profanity, mentions of physical fight/bruises, underaged drinking, obsessive/possessive hyunjae : NSFW TAGS :  outdoor/semipublic sex, dubcon recording, spit/drool/tears, oral and fingering (fem receiving), penetration, scratching/ripping, humping, minimal praise, degradation, sub!hyunjae for 0.002 seconds, petnames (princess, good girl, babe/baby, slut)

WORD COUNT ✧ 19k

⋮≡ [ OUR INFERNO EXCLUSIVE ] @deoboyznet @flwoie @sanaxo-o — fill out the form or comment/send an ask/dm to be added!

. . . . . . OUR INFERNO M.LIST ✩ next [ TWO ]

⋮≡ [ PERMANENT TAGLIST ] @armysantiny @stealanity @zzoguri @nyujjan @tinisprout @the-kpop-simp @sunwoosberrie @winterchimez — fill out the form or comment/send an ask/dm to be added!

THE BOYZ MASTERLIST | NAVIGATION

AUTHOR'S NOTE : in honor of my three years of officially stanning the boyz on this very day, let's celebrate with my smut debut and writing comeback 😋 enjoy my loves

PART ONE: CHASING THE SPARK (THE FIRE TETRAHEDRON) — fuel, oxygen, and heat | CHAPTER ONE

“Genuine question.”

“Shoot.”

“Who the fuck does Hyunjae actually think he is?”

Unphased by your up-and-coming rage rant, Kevin resumed snacking on the protein bar he had brought with him. He tossed his free arm over the camera equipment and backpacks sitting next to him on the bench, watching you stride back and forth within one of the many hallways in the recreational center. 

“Well, he is your boss.”

“No, he’s the student executive producer,” you corrected, your legs unwavering as you kept a consistent pace to release your frustrations. Kevin shrugged and tossed one leg over the other, staying relaxed despite the hot fumes emanating from your upright and angered figure. You paused momentarily to look him in the eye. 

“Emphasis on the student,” you clarified.

“Emphasis on the executive, Y/N.”

Baffled at how he was defending your greatest archnemesis (well, more like your greatest frenemy), you ignored his rebuttal and started pacing again. Your steps slowed as you envisioned the sensations you experienced just minutes before, back when you, Kevin, and Hyunjae were at the indoor pool to report for your school’s broadcasting channel. Technically, you were the one reporting and filming while Hyunjae was the subject of interest, and Kevin was there for physical support. 

Chills latched onto your skin as you remembered what it felt like to have Hyunjae’s bare torso looming over you, his eyes peering over your shoulder to glance at your footage. While staring at the camera, his gentle, irregular breaths would continuously hit your skin. Water from the pool would trickle down his hair and into your shirt, reaching your backside. When it happened, you could barely comprehend Hyunjae’s ‘advice’ and instead focused on feeling every cold droplet travel through the crevasses created by your spine. You winced at the thought of that happening again, yet somehow you could still hear his irritating voice near your ear, telling you all the reasons why your B-roll of his lap swimming was ‘trash’ and ‘unusable.’

For a moment, you stood there in the hallway frozen, unsure of how to move, before realizing you were just reliving a moment from earlier and that Hyunjae was still in the locker room changing.

“I’m going to make a complaint,” you declared, turning back towards Kevin for his encouragement. Alternatively, you were met with the sight of your best friend completely failing to conceal his judgment and disapproval towards your suggestion.

“Against Hyunjae? You gotta be kidding, right?”

“Yes,” you answered confidently. “Wait, I mean no, I’m not kidding, but yes, against Hyunjae.”

Kevin eyed you skeptically, trying to decipher why you felt threatened enough to report someone like Hyunjae. You may not have spent all your previous years in high school with an affinity for Hyunjae, but it wasn’t like you hated him either—not in the way you truly loathed others. If that were the case, you wouldn’t spend nearly every day with him, bickering until the sun chose to set.

“Sure, maybe my B-roll was trash, I can attest to that, but that does not give his bitchass the right to not only shit on how ‘awful’ I was doing, but also yank the camera out of my hands and delete all the footage I got because they weren’t ‘perfect enough.’ What kind of psycho is that?” You glanced over at Kevin, trying once again to get him to back you up, but the most he gave was a slight nod. Everything you were spurting was half-mindedly being decoded because he had ended up placing more significance on inhaling protein. Regardless, you continued.

“And you would think, hey! As the student executive producer of a high school broadcasting team, he would understand that no! I indeed do not record half-naked people swimming in a pool, whether it be for a career or a hobby. He should also at least have the decency to not swim seven hundred miles per minute while I’m recording. Of course I’m not going to catch up, especially when he barely told me how he wanted things to be recorded? Isn’t he fucking insane for that? Not to mention all the goddamn splashing because of how fucking long his limbs are—”

“You’re explaining this like I didn’t witness the whole exchange,” Kevin grumbled.

“And you would think he knows, right? That Mr. Executive-slash-Captain-of-the-Swim-Team should either be more considerate when, A, he’s kicking water in my direction when he’s swimming or, B, station me away from the edge of the pool? Just a thought, but fuck me, I guess.”

“Well yeah, but the—”

“Also! Not to mention the camera has the fucking ability to zoom in, so why was there even a need for me to stand by the pool anyway?” You scoffed at the absurdity, almost tempted to cackle like a villain because of it. “The least he could do was tell me how to record it or find a way to adjust and compromise without occasionally soaking me with water on purpose, which I know damn well he was—”

“That’s just how-”

“We have a tripod, for god’s sake!” you exclaimed. By now, Kevin had given up on providing you with his input. He opted to rest against the wall, finishing up whatever he had left of the protein bar, and occasionally would roll his eyes.

“But even then, who the fuck wants to see him swim anyway? We’ll probably only need like…what? A minute of the footage for the B-roll? So why the hell is he treating it like it’s about to be nominated by the goddamn Oscars for Best Picture? He just loves to nitpick and control me like a fucking puppet—”

“Keep talking and you’ll potentially strain your throat,” a new voice interrupted.

You jerked around to find Hyunjae, the culprit of your rant, exiting the locker room with a small duffle bag that contained both his swim gear and his school clothes from earlier in the day. His brown hair was only halfway dry, some strands still stuck to his forehead as he approached where you were pacing.

You halted in your path and stared him down. Hyunjae immediately caught onto the mood you were in, and instead of being shocked or hurt, he grinned.

“You.” 

Your attempt at threatening him with one word made Hyunjae laugh.

“Hey, I’m just looking out for you.”

“Oh here we go again,” Kevin mumbled, tossing the wrapper of the protein bar to the side. He pulled out his phone and went on TikTok, deciding it was more worthy of his attention than listening to you two banter—something he had been experiencing for well over five years.

As a mutual friend of yours and Hyunjae’s since middle school, Kevin understood the frenemy dynamic better than either of you. Eventually, over the long years he had known you both, he learned to leave you two be. 

“What about me, though? Are you going to try and tattletale on me?” Hyunjae feigned sympathy as he gave you an exaggerated pout, tilting his head like a puppy’s. “C’mon. I’m just doing my job.”

“Sorry, but I don’t remember ‘being a dick’ being listed under the requirements for your oh-so-important position of power.” You huffed at him and crossed your arms, choosing to face elsewhere as you rooted the soles of your feet to the ground.

Hyunjae furrowed his brows, his eyes never leaving you, as he addressed the third party within the shared space.

“Kevin, was I being a dick, or is Y/N exaggerating?”

Kevin glanced up at his phone and scrunched his nose at Hyunjae in annoyance.

“Don’t even try to bring me into whatever…this mess is.”

“No, tell him,” you demanded, now looking at him. Your glare was enough to burn Kevin into ashes, but it was nothing compared to Hyunjae’s gaze piercing into your back. Knowing that he never looked away made you shiver, hating how fixated he seemed to be—and seemingly without reason too.

“Listen, I wasn’t being a dick. I was treating you the same way I treat everyone else. I’d honestly argue that you’re just narcissistic and think everything is about you when—”

“Oh wow, thank you for admitting that you’re a dick to everyone else!” You tossed your hands up for dramatic appeal as you spun back around to look at him. He scoffed, but his demeanor was quickly shadowed by a smirk that appeared on his lips, testing you with the arch of his brow.

“Oh really? Do you see anyone else complaining?”

“I’m complaining,” Kevin muttered.

“People don’t complain because they’re scared of you, Sherlock,” you retorted. At this point, Hyunjae had already caught onto your bullshit of making evidence up, and it was why this exchange ended up lasting for as long as it did. Nevertheless, his ego continued to build the more you spoke.

“You’re not scared of me?”

And you keep falling for the bait.

“Why should I? You’re nothing.” You approached him and pressed a finger into his chest, taunting him as you stared straight into his eyes.

Suddenly a competition seemed to have materialized because now you both were locking eyes, too stubborn to look away. 

“One day you’ll wake up and realize your position doesn’t mean shit. You take it too seriously and make everyone’s job your job when this should be a learning experience for the rest of us.”

“And who exactly is ‘us,’ babe?”

You narrowed your eyes at him.

“Don’t call me that–”

“And it’s also starting to sound like jealousy to me.” Hyunjae’s eyes finally shifted, but instead of looking away from you like you initially wanted him to, you trailed his line of sight down to your lips. He eyed them shamelessly—technically making you win the unspoken eye contact competition, but at what cost? “I won’t believe you until I receive firm evidence and testimonies from the other students in the club, then maybe I’ll consider your concerns. Deal?”

What you despised most was how well Hyunjae knew and provoked you to get under your skin. He was a raging flame, making your blood boil from both irritation and excitement. You couldn’t pinpoint exactly what it was, but after nearly six years of banter with Hyunjae, you knew damn well you enjoyed every second of it. It was like a nonstop competition, and you were always on the edge of winning.

Maybe it was also because you were so used to him constantly being above you. He was the president of the student council, the swim team’s captain, and specifically the one who snatched the executive position away from you in the broadcasting team, yet somehow you were still able to compete at his level of arrogance and egotism. 

Even though you may never be able to top him in the foreseeable future, you at least knew how to match his fury—his fire, with your own.

“You’re pathetic.” You took a few steps back to gain some distance while his eyes flickered back up to yours. He bit his lip playfully, his smile only growing even wider.

“Woah, Y/N. Exposing my degradation kink so soon?”

“I-...you- w-what?!” you sputtered, your jaw falling slack as Kevin’s head snapped up, staring at the two of you in disgust.

“Get a room—!”

“I’m going to make sure you get degraded from your position, you freak!”

“Not exactly how that word works, princess, but I’m glad you’re at least passionate.” His cooing made you want to slap the living shit out of him, your eyes protruding from their sockets are you glared. 

“Are you fucking bricked up or something right now—?”

“Hey guys,” a woman’s voice called out. Your heads turned to look at the end of the hallway, catching one of the recreational center’s workers waving in your general direction. She pressed her lips together and smiled, attempting to be as professional and understanding as possible. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but is it okay if you guys turn it down a notch?”

You and Hyunjae both nodded and whispered apologies, feeling like kids who just got scolded for shoving paintbrushes down the drain. Fortunately, the worker’s smile radiated genuine warmth and consideration, providing you some sort of reassurance that you guys weren’t too much of a disturbance (even though you guys totally were).

“You two are the most childish fuckers I know,” Kevin deadpanned, finally shoving his phone away as he switched between looking at you and the man by your side. His eyebrows bunched up.

“And apparently horny too.”

“I would move across the country if it meant I never had to see him again,” you grumbled, striding back to the pile of equipment to pick up your backpack and the bag with all your reporting necessities (boring script, stationary, and a couple of notebooks shared with all the broadcasting students to collect notes and inspiration in). 

“Hello? I’m still here.”

“Look at that. He already misses me.”

“I’m going to hurl,” Kevin unnecessarily announced, and Hyunjae’s face soured.

“Ew.”

“Exactly. That’s how you two make me feel whenever you guys are together.” Kevin got up on his feet and grabbed the wrapper to shove into one of his pockets (no littering, kids) before outstretching his limbs dramatically. 

“I swear I developed back pain from always listening to you guys bicker.”

“Or, hot take,” Hyunjae interjected, “maybe it’s because you’re always sitting with your back arching forward like it belongs in the Arches National Park–”

“Yeah yeah, shut the fuck up.” Kevin waved him off with his hand and rolled his eyes. “I came here to help carry stuff, not listen to your bullshit.”

He picked up the bag that contained the camera and passed it to Hyunjae. He offered to hold one more thing, but with only his backpack and the tripod left, Kevin didn’t see much need for his friend’s assistance. 

Kevin then faced you, his face stern and rid of emotion.

“You too, Y/N,” he stated seriously. “None of this ‘he said this,’ ‘he said that,’ ‘please fuck me’ bullshit from you either.”

You gaped at him, arms wrapped tightly around the crew’s bag.

“Now why the hell do you think—”

“Zip it.”

Without giving you much of an opportunity to continue, Kevin sped off in front of you, ready to leave the building. You couldn’t even look at Hyunjae as heat rushed to your cheeks, struggling to trail after Kevin’s speedy steps.

Despite carrying heavier items, Hyunjae caught up to you with ease. You wanted nothing more than for Hyunjae’s feet to either slow down or speed up tremendously, but of course he purposely chose to walk by your side, attached to you by the hip.

“He sees it,” Hyunjae sing-songed. “Everyone sees it.”

“Sees what?” you snorted, oblivious to what he was indicating.

“That you want me,” he replied nonchalantly.

The moment you two stepped outside the doors of the center, you stopped to face him, trying to confirm what exactly he was implying.

“You can’t be serious.”

Hyunjae, who also stopped with your steps, shrugged.

“You’re the one in denial.”

Realizing that he was serious, you felt every muscle in your body tense up.

“Hyunjae,” you stated firmly. “I have a boyfriend, remember?”

Instead of receiving something witty from Hyunjae like normal, his relaxed facial features suddenly scrambled into one that expressed remote shock. His lips were slightly parted, eyes searching yours for any hint that indicated you were lying or messing around with him, but you were serious.

The aggressive playfulness from earlier had evaporated faster than boiling water, and you watched as he became stilled. Your heart started pounding, anxiety creeping up within you due to not being able to read Hyunjae like you normally do.

“Since when?” he asked. His voice was quiet, his tone firmer, and by now, Kevin was already by his car, too far from the two of you to understand what was going on. Hell, even you could barely understand what was happening.

“Earth to Hyunjae?” you joked, nervously laughing in an attempt to eliminate the newfound tension looming in the atmosphere. “It’s always been Jiwoong, remember?”

For a moment, Hyunjae could feel his mouth drying up. All his thoughts were held captive in his throat, and his lips remained parted as if they weren’t meant to collide at all. He stared at you like you had just teleported in front of him.

“Y/N,” he stated calmly, “he cheated on you.”

Your initial response was to get defensive, claiming that you already knew that because hell, it was your relationship, but then your brain acknowledged the true elephant in the conversation.

“How-...how the hell do you know about that?”

“I- You know word just-…That doesn’t matter. What matters is why in the world—”

“It was a mistake, okay?”

“A mistake?” As Hyunjae’s brows raised, so did his tone. “You know, people—decent people, don’t make mistakes like that.” 

Seeing how Hyunjae was gritting his teeth, how his eyes were locked on yours, built up a foreign frustration within you. Something about the way Hyunjae was behaving felt like he was trying to control you. 

All the rage from before had now returned, yet this time, there was no more leniency from you—not when Hyunjae was being more condescending than he had ever been.

“You know nothing, Hyunjae, so frankly, I really don’t care about what you think about my relationship with my boy-”

“You’re still with him??”

“Look,” you snapped. “Just because you have the luxury of crushing my hopes and dreams on a daily basis, it does not give you the right to dictate what’s wrong or right about my love life and my decisions. Understood?”

And just like how you always are, Hyunjae refused to shut up.

“How is it dictating when it’s common sense to dump a shitty person?” He dropped the bags onto the ground, and not once did he look away from you. “He’s never treated you well either, and you know that—”

“It’s not your decision to make,” you repeated. You could feel the three key elements of creating a fire stir up within you. You had the fuel, the oxygen, and the heat, and Hyunjae was the chemical chain reaction that would set it off. “How dense can you fucking be to not back down?”

“He cheated on you,” he reasserted, and there was a rage in his eyes that you had never once encountered. “He’s done so many shitty things, and he hasn’t changed–”

“Again, none of your fucking business–”

“And I’m pretty sure I saw—”

“I am not going to repeat myself-”

“Can’t you just listen to what I-”

“Drop it.” You were seconds away from yelling at him, ready to unleash all your anger because never once has someone threatened your love life—Jiwoong, the man you considered your soulmate. Your flame had officially engulfed his, and all Hyunjae could do was stare at you in disbelief and disappointment.

Turning to look away, you gazed up into the sky and scoffed, not understanding why tears had begun to pool up in your eyes. At the end of the day, Hyunjae meant nothing to you—you didn’t even consider him a friend.

After moments of experiencing what it was like to be suffocated by a tension so unbearable, you eventually found a way to ground yourself. 

“I can’t blame him, you know,” you whispered, using the back of your hand to wipe away your tears. “We were angry. He just–...he needed an outlet, and at that time, that outlet happened to not be me, okay?”

Hyunjae stared at you, his mouth desperate to say something, anything, to make you see what he sees—a relationship that isn’t meant to be. That you didn’t deserve to be treated this way. Maybe you were no more than an acquaintance to him, but he knew you have always deserved better. 

“He isn’t someone worth fighting for.”

“And that’s none of your business,” you scowled.

“It isn’t right—”

“Stay in your fucking lane, Jae.”

Hyunjae clamped his mouth shut, and the sight of you completely breaking down tore him apart. Possibly it was all the years you spent together growing up, constantly arguing, yet he knew he was always one to look out for you.

You sucked in a cheek, gnawing at it as your chest urged for you to forgive him, to apologize for lashing out without much notice, but in the end, you prioritized your pride over him.

Not only was Hyunjae’s persistence a stab to your heart, but you suspected that Kevin was the one who told him. By spilling your secrets, it was as if Kevin saw the knife that impaled you and yanked it out of your chest, causing you to bleed to your death.

“I’m done with this conversation,” you muttered, dropping the bag in your arms to the ground by his feet. Your plans had changed to you walking home alone, wanting nothing to do with the other two boys for the next hour or so.

When you turned around to walk away, you knew Hyunjae was going to try and say something. You knew him best whenever he was at his worst, so you spun around to face him for the last time that day to cut him off.

“Never fucking cross that line with me again, got it?”

And with that, you left. 

//

Kevin apologized to you the morning after.

He normally drove you to school, and you debated getting into his car when he showed up. Thankfully you chose to do otherwise because the second you stepped inside, Kevin was apologizing profusely. He talked about how anxious he was all night when Hyunjae told him what happened, and he wouldn’t have known what to do if you didn’t forgive him. Obviously you did, and the rest of the car ride was spent with him explaining his side of the story.

According to Kevin, he only told Hyunjae about how you got cheated on because it seemed like Hyunjae already knew. As Kevin recalled the whole scene, you two assessed the signs, such as how Hyunjae didn’t provide any sort of reaction when Kevin dropped the news. In fact, it had seemed like Hyunjae had brought it up to Kevin instead.

Regardless, it became the last of your worries because all that mattered was that you were back to being on good terms with your best friend.

But avoiding Hyunjae felt like lighting a match in the rain. 

It was your agonizing reality for the next two months, and although you could argue that you had gotten closer to your boyfriend during the supposed ‘Hyunjae Drought,’ you were still plagued with him being everywhere around you.

He was in all your classes, and you never truly processed the extent of how involved Hyunjae had always been throughout high school with you. You weren’t on the swim team, but you were stuck with him during meetings for both the broadcasting team and student council. 

Yet it all felt so different.

Unless he was called on, Hyunjae would talk much less unprovoked and would never look at you during meetings. When he would address the entire team, he would glance at you for a split second before looking elsewhere, no longer watching you like a hawk.

You had also gotten quieter because without Hyunjae to banter with, you recognized that you barely had friends in any of those classes either. 

There was no longer a fight between your flames, and you two kept as much distance as possible. You were thankful that there hadn’t been an instance that interrupted that, such as being forced to record more B-roll with him, and you could only hope that the rest of your senior year would remain the same. 

Then you would never have to see him in college.

Now you were back to being the mediocre student that faded into the background. People knew your name at best, but none have ever tried to become your friend aside from Kevin. No matter how involved you tried to get, the closest you were to anyone was a classmate. 

Hyunjae had always overshadowed you too, and for the first time in years, you were detached from his fumes—yet somehow, some way, the smoke from his fire would remain in your lungs, continuing to suffocate you even more than it had before. It didn’t give you that breath of fresh air of new friends or a better life; instead, it helped you realize that you didn’t matter. It was a miracle that you even scored Jiwoong as your boyfriend.

But then that begged the question: why did Hyunjae bother spending his time ridiculing you?

From the very beginning, you had always meant something to him, and you couldn’t pinpoint how or why. When there was no competition in academics, he treated it as if there was. Every time you ranted, he would listen, whether it be about him or something else. Even when you talked about how your chicken from the cafeteria was burnt, he would give you his own before calling you stupid for not noticing until you sat down.

He never shrugged you off like you were nothing or shut you down because your emotions were invalid. He entertained you each time with ease, and most importantly, he knew when to respect your boundaries. Hyunjae was probably the most mindful person you knew and could often tell when you were distressed or needed another form of reaction from him.

He knew when to stop.

Yet when it came to the one instance involving Jiwoong, he crossed the line multiple times. Why?

“Hyunjae isn’t here today.”

“Huh?”

“Didn’t show up for a single class.”

Kevin watched you play with your food with a fork, rolling the cold, barely spherical peas around and into the stale rice.

“That’s not like him,” he replied.

“Yeah.”

“I wonder why.”

“I wonder too.” 

After the driest possible conversation in existence, you sighed and dropped your fork into your tray.

“I need to stop forgetting to pack myself lunch. This shit makes me lose my appetite, I swear. We should call the police and tell them the food they’re serving is illegal and a disgrace to this country.” 

“Keep it away before I lose my appetite too.” 

You didn’t react nor respond to what Kevin said, letting the conversation rot as you pouted at your food. The cafeteria was unusually louder today, making it easier to space out into thought.

Kevin took out his sandwich with a wide grin and started eating, grateful he never had to deal with what the school was feeding thanks to his mom, but eventually his eyes shifted over to you. You were unmoving with your gaze locked onto an empty spot on the table, so after moments of debating between asking you what’s wrong and ignoring you to devour his lunch, he opted to set his sandwich aside and stared straight at you.

“Why are you thinking about him?”

That was enough to garner your attention, your head snapping up to stare at your best friend like he was the craziest person you knew for mentioning Hyunjae, much less suggesting that your mind was wrapped around him.

“What?”

“Hyunjae. With his perfect attendance, a day without him should be a blessing, yet you brought up how he didn’t show up today and then moped harder than anyone I’ve ever seen mope. You should be over the moon, dancing on the tables and stealing people’s food, not-...” Kevin waved a finger at you, “whatever this is. You seem out of it.”

“Well it’s not because of Hyunjae, I’ll tell you that,” you snorted. Your eyes fell back down to your tray, and the more you looked at it, the more nauseous you got. You scrunched your nose. “If anything, it’s probably because of this shit food.”

Kevin rolled his eyes before tearing his sandwich into halves. You perked at the sight and ogled the half Kevin taunted you with. You were about to thank him and take it into your possession before Kevin jerked back his arm, making you whine.

“Throw away your food, then I’ll give you it.”

“Fine,” you grumbled. As Kevin returned to his delicious, most scrumptious, packed lunch you had ever seen, you picked up your tray and walked it to the nearest trash can. As you dropped the whole thing inside, you heard your name being called.

“Y/N!”

You whipped around to check to see who it was and smiled at the sight of Eunseo waving at you. You wouldn’t consider her a good friend, but you knew her well enough since she was the vice president of the student council.

She ran over to you with a stack of paper in her arms, relieved to have caught you. 

“Y/N, hi! I’m so glad I found you. I was scared I wouldn’t because of how packed it is.”

She flashed you her usual glowing smile, and you noticed that she was a bit more giddy than usual, making you question why she was choosing to talk to you in the first place. All your conversations normally took place before, during, and after student council meetings, so this was slightly out of character.

“What’s up?” you asked. As you looked at her, you noticed how her outfit was slightly more put together than it normally was. She had on a cute top that suited her chest perfectly and a skirt that you had never seen her wear. 

“Your outfit’s really cute today.”

“Really?!” Her bright demeanor then faded into concern. “Wait, is it too noticeable or out of the blue? Is it bad?”

“No, no. Not at all!” you reassured. “It’s just the right amount of perfect.”

“Great! God, that means the world coming from you. It’s because!...” She stopped to glance around, making sure that no one was eavesdropping, before taking a step closer to whisper. “It’s because I was finally asked out on a date by my crush!”

She could barely contain her excitement, holding back a squeal with her bottom lip latched between her teeth. Her sunshine-like energy made you grin.

“That’s great! I’m glad you’re making progress.” Your eyebrows pinched as you tried to recall the last time Eunseo had updated you about her crush. “You’ve been pining after him for so long—whoever ‘him’ is, anyway.”

The question of who Eunseo liked had always gone unanswered. She never told anyone, not even the ones who knew her best, but she loved gushing about her mystery crush to everyone she knew. All people really knew, you included, was how down bad she was.

A part of you wondered if it was someone you knew—someone pretty like Juyeon or well-known like…Hyunjae.

“Oh, I wish I could tell you, and maybe I will if things go really well and we become official!” She squealed and hopped in her spot, unable to resist giving you a half-hug with her free arm. “This is so exciting, Y/N!”

“I’m really happy for you.” Your smile was genuine until you thought about why she was looking for you, starting to doubt that she called you over just so she could tell you about her date. 

“I’ll let you know how it goes, swear. But! That aside, I also have something for you.”

You knew it.

Your brows raised, and when you didn’t catch on, she gestured to the papers in her arms with guilt.

“I know this is kind of a dick move, and I’m really really sorry, but I promised to put up fliers for prom today. My date is right after my last class.” Her frown had deepened, and for a split second, you found yourself sympathizing with her because who wanted to let down such a cheerful personality, especially when this was life-changing for her?

“So you want me to do it?”

“Exactly! Please, that would be great. It shouldn’t take too long, too.”

You thought about how you would have to give up an evening of playing on your switch or extra time to study for an upcoming exam, but you knew it was your duty as secretary to help out whenever needed.

Not to mention that it would also make you a decent friend not to hold Eunseo back from her soon-to-be love life despite her poor date planning. If you were in her shoes, you would have wanted her to do the same for you too.

“Sure,” you accepted. “Why not?”

“You’re the best, seriously!” She handed you the fliers as she began to fill you in on the extra details.

“I already told Mr. Barajas that I wasn’t feeling well and that you were going to do it, so he said it all worked out and to not worry about it,” she rambled, happy to give the extra weight (both literally and metaphorically) to you. “I just printed these out, so everything should be perfect to go. Oh, and don’t worry about any extras! Just set them on Barajas’s desk when you’re finished. Hyunjae will also be in 142 with tape ready for you.”

The mention of the forbidden name nearly made every cell in your body halt. 

“What?”

Eunseo tilted her head at you, confused, before finally realizing.

“Oh crap, I forgot! I’m so sorry, I really did forget you guys weren’t on good terms. I hope it’s okay that he’s helping you out. I mean, he’s supposed to, but it was meant for him and me to do it together, not you two, so…God, I’m really sorry Y/N.”

Before you could even react to the newfound information, she continued.

“I really have to go now. Thank you again! I promise I’ll make it up to you!” And with her rosy pink cheeks and a stunning shade of red on her lips, she basically skipped away and waved goodbye to you with a smile, so you reciprocated it with an awkward one of your own. 

When she turned her back, your smile immediately dropped and you sighed heavily.

“Have fun on your date,” you mumbled, your eyes falling to fliers in your arms. As you skimmed the one on top, you noticed it was to promote going to prom while also including a big QR code to vote for who should be your school’s prom king and queen. You expected it since it was the last meeting’s topic of discussion, but what you weren’t aware of was who were listed as nominees.

There were eight names listed under ‘Prom Court,’ and while you expected Hyunjae’s, Eunseo’s, and your boyfriend’s names on it, your jaw nearly hit the ground at the sight of your own. 

//

With every passing class period, your anxiety would kick up a notch.

The dread of talking to the face you had been avoiding for two months engulfed you, and it caused you to develop the urge to ditch your current class to go hunt for Jacob, the student council’s historian. You wanted nothing more than to dump the stack of fliers into his arms, and knowing Jacob, he wouldn’t ask any questions. Hell, you were certain that if you asked him nicely, he would do it for you because of how naturally sweet and endearing he was.

But the guilt of ditching your secretary duties kept picking at your skin, and besides, all you had to do was treat Hyunjae like a colleague. That should be easy, right?

As you suffered through the last few minutes of class and your teacher’s incessant ramblings about the upcoming exam, your thoughts drifted over to what would happen the moment you stepped into room 142.

Hyunjae hadn’t shown up to a single class all day, yet he was expected to set up fliers after school. As your thoughts snowballed, you arrived at the baseless conclusion that maybe Eunseo wasn’t aware that Hyunjae was absent today, therefore someone else (like Jacob) would take over. 

Suddenly, your back had straightened with feigned interest in your teacher’s last few words. Something about Jacob being there instead of Hyunjae had excited you; it felt like you were free and that the universe was listening to your prayers. The gamble of seeing whether it would be Hyunjae or Jacob (or literally anyone else) had your right leg bouncing, eyes on the clock, and when the bell rang, you shot up from your seat, backpack over your shoulders and fliers in your arms, before dashing out of the classroom.

You sped down the hallway to 142, Mrs. Zhang’s room for Chemistry, bug-eyed, before having your delusions crushed at the sight of Hyunjae’s stupidly large height leaning against one of the counters. Your feet stood glued to the ground by the doorway, your eyes locked onto him. 

Covered from head to toe in sweats, Hyunjae was immersed in whatever was on his phone, scrolling through something as his brown curls peeked out from inside his hood. Without any hint of him acknowledging your presence, your shattered hopes slowly began to rebuild.

Maybe if you were quiet enough, you could sneak out with the tape and do everything on your own, avoiding him at all. Actually, scratch that. You didn’t even need the tape. All you had to do was go to another teacher’s room, steal their tape for half an hour, and then return it with ease.

The plan was effortless, and you mentally smacked your forehead for not thinking of it earlier. Right as you were about to execute it, your backpack slammed against the doorframe as you turned on your heels. 

“Nice try.”

You groaned out of embarrassment (and slight pain) and forced yourself to turn around. Hyunjae’s phone was now face down on the counter, and his arms were crossed over his abdomen. His face remained stoic as his eyes met yours, wielding a tension you didn’t recognize.

Now that you could properly look at him, you noticed a few details that you hadn’t before, such as the small tear on his lower lip and the bandaid on his cheekbone. If you looked long enough, you could catch light patches of purple across his skin, and the sight hindered all your thoughts, your brain too occupied with piecing together how he ended up like this. 

“What happened?” you blurted, your gaze shooting up from his lips to his eyes.

Hyunjae staggered at your suddenty, but he managed to keep himself stilled, his brows pinching. 

“What do you mean?”

Even if Hyunjae didn’t mean to, his question became an invitation for your unfiltered thoughts to spill out of your mouth.

“You didn’t show up for any of our classes today,” you began, “but now you’re here? For some stupid fliers? You’re barely dressed properly like you normally are, your hair isn’t straightened, you look pale, Jae, and what’s up with the bruises or the bandaid on your cheek–”

“Are you seriously psychoanalyzing me?” he asked with a scoff. There was no humor in his tone. Instead, it looked as if he was irritated, perhaps even more than you were. 

Hyunjae barely met your eyes, and his arms closed himself off from you. 

“What–?”

“You’re evaluating me like I’m some sort of lab project, Y/N.”

“No, no I’m not,” you rejected. “I’m just saying things are a little off.” You kept your eyes firm on his, even as he pushed himself off the counter with his phone and made his way over to you. “And you know, you really can’t blame me for being somewhat worried when one, you don’t show up, and two, you look like a whole mess—”

“Just hand over the fliers—” he interrupted, gritting his teeth as he outstretched his arm in your direction. You dodged him by turning your body 180 degrees and stood your ground.

“What happened?” you repeated, this time more firmly.

Hyunjae looked at you, a blank expression on his face, before turning back around to grab the roll of tape left on the teacher’s desk. When he returned, he shoved it into your arms while simultaneously stealing half the stack. You protested with an exclaimed ‘Hey!’ yet he didn’t bat an eye and skimmed over the contents of the flier on top.

Bothered by his lack of response, you frowned and made sure to block the doorway, refusing to let him leave until you received answers.

“Why are you acting like this? Pretending that I’m not even—”

“I’ll do upstairs, you do downstairs,” he muttered.

“Did you get into a fight? Why weren’t you here today? Why are you here now—”

“You’d think you’d know,” he finally answered, pushing past you like you weighed none less than a feather.

Your brain had fully malfunctioned at that point, unable to decipher what he meant as Hyunjae walked off to the nearest staircase. As his footsteps echoed down the hall, you thought about what he was implying yet came to no resolution. Did he assume that you were caught up in your school’s latest gossip? Or that you were the main admin for his biggest fan page on Instagram?

The idea made you snort, and you scowled bitterly at his childish attitude. It wasn’t like you were a complete stranger intruding on his personal life—hell, you felt like you deserved an explanation because of how you were forced to do this with him. 

As you stormed off past the remaining lingering students to the nearest bulletin board, you questioned how you were going to do this on your own. 

You had put up fliers countless times in the past few years yet never alone. Luckily, you had a general idea of where the fliers should go when it came to the school’s hallways, but as you approached your first destination, you struggled with ripping off pieces of tape while holding the stack at the same time. It would’ve been easier with a partner by your side, one who either did the tape ripping or placing of the fliers, but you weren’t desperate enough to fall into the role of a helpless princess in need of her pretty (useless) prince. 

After some trial and error, you found a method that consisted of setting the stack on the ground occasionally so you could rip off pieces of tape. Then you would slap said pieces of tape onto your wrist, having them readily available as you put up a few fliers at a time.

Although slightly time-consuming, it was working well and kept you at a steady pace until you heard crashing footsteps behind you from afar. Without paying any mind to it, you bit back your curiosity in order to focus on the wall in front of you, but then you made the mistake of taking a step back, bumping into the person who was sprinting. 

You lost your balance and fell forward before catching yourself shortly after. However, the fliers had already flown out of your arms, scattering across and down the long hallway.

Ready to curse out the offender for running down the hallway, you were surprised when you saw that it was Eunseo behind you, pouring out apologies while a loopy grin was smacked onto her face.

You steadied your anger and told her it was okay, getting down onto your knees to collect all the fliers. Her ‘sorry’s could only go so far with her smeared lipstick, a dazed gaze, and her hair holding the mold to someone else’s (presumably her crush’s) hands in them, but you still excused her, knowing that she was over the moon right now.

“It’s okay, Eunseo, I promise.” You forced out a chuckle as you crawled to scavenge for the ones that flew a few feet away.

“I really didn’t mean to,” she pouted, but it was shortly followed up with bubbly giggles. “God, Y/N, can you believe this? Oh, it’s going so well! I think I love him, I do.”

“Good for you,” you grumbled, hoping that she didn’t hear it as you continued to move down the hallway, hating how far the fliers had escaped from you. You also hated how she just stood there without intent on helping you at all. 

“I have to really go now. Got volleyball practice soon, but I think I’m seeing him tomorrow too!” She waved you goodbye.

And just like that, she continued running off. 

You stared at how you were only able to collect half the mess, hating how Eunseo had somehow managed to delay you even further from being in the comfort of your bed. You were also salty at how her date was taking place at the school, wishing she could’ve dragged him around while she taped stuff up before getting dick-downed of some sort.

Deciding that she and her business weren’t worth your time, you continued to pick everything up as quickly as you could, wanting nothing more than to go home.

When you finally finished collecting every last flier, you were prepared to get back into the groove of things before feeling your phone vibrate in the side pocket of your backpack. Wondering if it was something important, you took it out and beamed at the idea of it being a new message from Jiwoong.

Dating him felt like falling in love with him all over again whenever he texted. Your heart would pound in your chest when you thought about him and explode whenever he gave you his attention and time. You were addicted to him, especially knowing that he was yours after liking him since middle school.

So to say you were disappointed was far worse than an understatement. It was from a number you hadn’t saved yet always recognized and undoubtedly remembered by heart.

Of course it was Hyunjae.

You had Hyunjae’s phone number due to previous class projects and group chats, but you had never once saved it because you thought he was undeserving of being a contact in your phone. Nonetheless, with how the years have passed and how much his number infiltrates every group chat you were in, it was only fair that your brain had unintentionally memorized all ten digits.

The message he sent consisted of him saying that he was done with the fliers, and you rolled your eyes. Even after the way he treated you earlier, he still chose to let you know and brag about how fast he was. 

You shoved your phone away vigorously, ready to return to your slapping-fliers-on-walls duty, before perking at the sound of footsteps behind you once more.

Automatically assuming it was Eunseo or another student staying after for a club or sport, you were stunned when you heard his voice. 

“You’re not even halfway yet?”

In no fucking universe are you turning around; not for him.

“Go gloat somewhere else,” you snapped. The next flier you taped up was nearly slammed onto the wall, but Hyunjae was left unphased by your sudden outburst. He stood next to you and remained quiet, even when you left to place the next flier a few feet away on the opposite wall.

When he didn’t follow, you sighed out of relief, yet somehow you couldn’t help but peek at him, eyeing his hands that were tucked into the pockets of his sweatpants. He was staring straight at the lopsided flier you had put up, and when you decided you had enough of peering at him, he was back by your side.

 “What are you doing?” you grumbled. He was the one who pushed you away, yet now here he was, glued to your side like how he was two months ago. 

“You’re taking too long.”

“I had a mishap,” you explained, “but that’s none of your concern.” The lines on your forehead bunched up, and you waved him off, bending down to place the stack on the ground. Figuring it wasn’t weird at all, you continued your method of ripping off pieces of tape and slapping it onto your wrist.

And Hyunjae was totally judging.

“You can’t be serious.”

“Just go home.”

Despite being on the ground and sitting on your heels, you could physically feel the heat on the back of your head due to his eyes burning a hole into your skull, and for a split second, you knew exactly what he was thinking.

“I can do it myself,” you explained. 

“What are you even doing?” 

“Can you just go?” You picked up the stack once again as you rose to your feet, doing your best to avoid whatever look was on Hyunjae’s face. He was probably stifling a laugh or keeping his expression smug, but when you did cave and peek, his face was still solemn, his eyes on your wrist with concern.

“You’re struggling.”

“Thank you for your observation, Mr. Obvious,” you retorted.

“Let me do it.”

Taken aback, you whipped your head over to his direction.

“You’re kidding.”

“You don’t even want to be here,” he reasoned through gritted teeth. “Just go, and you can thank me later.”

“Thank you?!” Appalled at his audacity, you couldn’t help but laugh out of disbelief. “Seriously, Hyunjae? You want me to thank you for stealing my job? Again? You can’t be fucking serious.”

“Because you can’t take any criticism ever, or in this case, any form of help, so just let me do it.”

Hyunjae was eerily calm about the whole ordeal, his energy far from matching yours.

“I do take help,” you refuted. “I just don’t take yours, and neither do I need it, too.”

“You’re so goddamn stubborn.” And within a blink of an eye, he had managed to snatch the stack of fliers from you. 

“Hey!” you yelled, feeling as if it was deja vu from earlier (you really needed to step up your defense), and reached out to take them back, but he was quick to turn his body, shielding them from you.

“Give me the tape and go,” he urged, emotionless. The Hyunjae in front of you now was someone you truly didn’t recognize because the Hyunjae you knew would have made fun of you and held the fliers above your head, teasing you for being so weak.

Yet he stood still, creating a barrier between you and the duty that was forced upon you. You didn’t want to be here anyway, yet you were so insistent on making sure Hyunjae wasn’t stealing your work again. You weren’t incapable, and you hated how he always managed to be faster.

Even now, he was miles away from being playful with you, and yet he still had a way to shove it in your face.

“Hyunjae, I swear—”

“Give me the tape, and you can run off to your little boyfriend waiting for you by the entrance.” 

Your lips parted at his words, eyes wide as you worked to comprehend his words. You questioned how he knew about Jiwoong’s whereabouts, how he knew that Jiwoong was waiting and that you didn’t, but knowing that he was serious, you reluctantly gave up and dropped the roll of tape on the ground, forcing him to pick it up. 

You were sick of constantly arguing with him, and even if he was lying about Jiwoong, at least you would be away from Hyunjae. There was no point in fighting for your dignity anymore, not when Hyunjae’s narcissism was insufferable.

By walking away with heavy and quick strides, you hoped he felt humiliated by how poorly he was treating you—how he had always treated you like this.

As much as you wanted it to be true, you hoped Hyunjae was lying just so you had more evidence against his self-absorbed and shitty personality, but alas, you found Jiwoong standing precisely where Hyunjae said he was.

Regardless, all stress and frustrations had lifted from your being, and you called out to your boyfriend with a smile that would make your cheeks ache in minutes. 

“Woong!” You waved your hands with a small bounce in your steps as you rushed over to him.

Your boyfriend’s head shot up, surprised to see you. His utter shock quickly switches to one of sheer happiness, tucking his device away before opening his arms for you.

“Hey, baby!”

You tossed yourself into his embrace, hugging him tight after pressing a quick kiss to his lips.

“What are you doing here?” With your face in his neck, your voice came out muffled, and it made Jiwoong laugh.

“Had to stay after to discuss my grades with a teacher, then I decided to stay back a bit for you.” He cooed and kissed the top of your head, holding you incredibly close. When you pulled back, his hands had moved from behind your backpack to your hips instead, holding them as you stared up at him.

“You were waiting for me?” you asked, eyes wide with stars in them.

“Of course I was, baby.” 

You were radiating, feeling happier than ever. The last time you saw Jiwoong was a week ago, and with your clashing schedules, you two very rarely get the opportunity to make plans. Your hands rested atop his shoulders, and when he pulled you in for a kiss, you smiled.

But then it fell.

Something felt off.

//

If someone were to inquire Hyunjae about who his heart belonged to, your name would be his answer—whether he intended to say it or not. 

Hyunjae had always been considered the school’s favorite. His intelligence may not be up to par with others, but his authority was what made him a prominent member of your high school. Some blame it on his looks, but most were aware enough to know that wasn’t the case.

Hyunjae knew how to think on his feet, and his problem-solving skills outwitted everyone within his grade level. Reaching tranquillity had never been an issue for him, allowing him to be levelheaded while making decisions. He emitted an aura that made classmates truly listen to him and the ideas he shared, and overall, it made him a great contender to lead every group and organization he was in. 

Additionally, Hyunjae’s heart was what won over most people. His lack of vulnerability seemed to be his only flaw, but it was an obstacle he could overlook when it came to empathizing with others. By actively being involved in the community through volunteering and holding fundraisers, everyone could recognize Hyunjae’s devotion to hope for humanity. 

All these traits were what led Hyunjae up onto the pedestal and the public eye, a household name for all families in the district. Titles and awards naturally gravitated towards him throughout the years, resulting in him winning the vote as president of your school’s student council and enough scholarships to provide him a full ride at most universities.

It was safe to say that competition against Lee Hyunjae was sparse, and you were no different. 

Your grades would teeter around his standard, hence how you two collectively ended up in the same classes, but aside from that, you had nothing else that could compare to what he was capable of.

Except for one thing; your fury.

There was an inferno inside you at all times, and instead of your body shielding off your heart with steel, people around you would come to find out that your heart was the reason for that large blaze of fire, possessing a passion unlike any other. 

Hyunjae had never once seen a peer with as much fight as you. It was a trait only you encapsulated, one that you weren’t afraid to express. You stood up for yourself and your beliefs, and it was easy to pick fights with him when he had been troubling you from the very moment you two were assigned to sit next to each other in seventh-grade algebra. 

Hyunjae yearned for you ever since, his only want being your attention. You gave him the drive to succeed in high school and thrive in his senior year, and he was positive that he wouldn’t be doing this well without a reason to show off in front of you. He wanted your praise, your acknowledgment, but he loved the chase the most. 

Unfortunately, that was the exact reason he ended up here.

The chase was what made him fall for every part of you, wanting nothing more than your lips on his and the ability to have you by his side at all times, but it was also what landed you with your current boyfriend.

It was like his life was a video game with God giving him the hardest difficulty setting by making sure you were obsessed with someone undeserving of all that he wanted. There wasn’t even a chance of you two possibly being friends in your eyes. Meanwhile, Hyunjae would argue that you two had more chemistry than any other couple in your class, but that hope was crushed, shredded, and stomped on when he found out you still devoted your love to Jiwoong.

Regardless, it didn’t change who you were as a person. Your heart was still just as large and beautiful, and your drive to succeed hadn’t lessened. The bickering never faltered, and it wasn’t like Hyunjae was opposed whenever you expressed disgust at the thought of him being turned on because of you (and that was because he found the idea of you thinking about him hot—yes, his expectations were that low). 

So it was why after two months of almost zero to no contact, you treating him as if those months didn’t exist created the largest dilemma he had ever faced. He spent the next week thinking about your intentions and why you seemed to care so much, specifically right after when Hyunjae had willed himself to believe that he meant jackshit to you. You effortlessly toyed with his heart, leaving him in everlasting misery, while you seemed to do completely fine.

What was a typical and ideal lifestyle for you was a nightmare and tormenting hellhole for Hyunjae. He didn’t just crave the warmth and comfort from your undying flames.

He wanted to burn.

Insanity engulfed him on the days spent without you, leaving him to wonder why you had to make things extensively worse by pointing out his absence or how he had put less effort into his hair. Why did it seem like the concern you expressed was genuine? Why pretend that you cared for him as much as he cared for you?

He was going insane—so insane that he drove to a college party with three other friends in his sedan on a Wednesday night. 

It was being held by a fraternity he and his friends were far more than familiar with thanks to Jongin, an upperclassman he met in his sophomore year and remained friends with since then. The beginning of the senior year marked the origin of parties and hook-ups in weak sporadic attempts to get over you. 

At this rate, Hyunjae could argue that he was more experienced than half of the current college freshmen class. Getting girls in bed was the easiest part; the hardest part was forgetting about you. From what was a method created to move on from you became one that prepared him for when you wanted sex with him. 

But with your constant longing for Jiwoong, Hyunjae made sure that this party would be different.

Although accustomed to having sex with various women, Hyunjae had never been one to drink. This was a fact about him that raised brows, specifically Jongin’s when he first tried urging Hyunjae with a drink, but tonight he vowed to change that. He was normally their designated driver, but when Hyunjae informed Sangyeon of his plan, the elder was more than delighted to remain sober so Hyunjae could get a taste of alcohol.

“Hey, man! It’s about time!” Jongin exclaimed the instant he found out about Hyunjae’s willingness to drink, pulling a fresh bottle out of the cooler specifically for his friend.

“That’s what I told him!” Sangyeon projected his voice over the music, giving Hyunjae a supportive pat on the back.

Hyunjae rolled his eyes at his friends’ remarks and thanked Jongin for the beer, hanging around by the counter as the three conversed and caught up. The two laughed at the way Hyunjae’s face scrunched up at the taste, Sangyeon shoving him lightly with the claim that Hyunjae was being overdramatic. 

With his earlier mindless decision of tossing on a mesh long-sleeve shirt over his black tank top, Hyunjae had attracted another partygoer by his side momentarily after his first sip. She wrapped her arms around one of his and inserted herself into the conversation with hopes of getting Hyunjae in bed by the end of the night, and crazily enough, he considered it for a moment before feeling his phone vibrate in his back pocket.

Normally it would be something he’d ignore, but it remained persistent, signifying that he was receiving a call. He didn’t know who would be calling at this hour—well, aside from Minghao and his usual complaints about Hyunjae partying as a high schooler on a school night. 

After setting the glass down on the counter to grab his phone, any urgency to intoxicate himself as quickly as possible vanished the very second he saw your name glowing on his screen. With an awkward retraction of his arm and a forced cough, Hyunjae excused himself and answered the call.

“Hello?”

With music pounding inside his ear canals, it was expected that he couldn’t hear anything you were saying. He navigated through various crowds to reach the entrance of the house, his heart replicating the booming vibrations from the loudspeakers as he prayed that you wouldn’t hang up on him.

“Okay, I…I should be free now,” he stammered after stepping outside. The sudden stillness of Mother Nature was a drastic change from the party scene, coercing him to focus on his racing heartbeat and the anxiety accumulating in his tightening chest. He was breathing heavily, both from pushing through people in a rush and also because of you. 

You never failed to render him weak and helpless, leaving him like a puppy longing for their owner’s guidance.

There was a silence, but he could hear your gentle breaths hitting your phone.

“I need a ride.”

Hyunjae blinked, his body tensing up, as the many thoughts in his brain scrambled to make meaning of what you meant. However, it didn’t matter because you hung up shortly after, leaving him alone to revel in your words.

Your bluntness and suddenty made Hyunjae malfunction, his thoughts leading him to question if he had even heard you correctly. Rarely did you ever reach out to him, and what could you need him for? Especially after lashing out at him and ignoring him for two months? Of course, there was that one day a week ago when you two were forced to talk together, the day he was given a one-day suspension, but you two returned to treating each other like strangers like it was natural.

He stared at his phone in hopes of receiving more information, that you’d perhaps call again to reconfirm or say you had the wrong number. He felt like he was dreaming—that the person he had wanted for so long needed him for once, but he couldn’t help but also believe that this may be the beginning of another nightmare. 

But it was you, and Hyunjae was willing to risk it.

After checking his call logs to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating, he rushed back into the fraternity house, thankful he didn’t proceed with drinking any more than he did. 

He found everyone exactly where he had left them (the girl included) and announced his departure. The girl made sure Hyunjae knew how disappointed she was, but that was his last concern as he grabbed the beer bottle and handed it to Sangyeon, giving him a pat on the back.

“Drink up and find an Uber.”

“No fucking way you’re leaving us this soon, man.” Jongin shook his head in disapproval, his forearms resting against the countertop.

“Another time, I promise, yeah?” Hyunjae started walking away, waving to them as his heart continued to thrum in his chest.

“He’s lying,” Sangyeon snorted, taking a swig before bidding Hyunjae a bitter goodbye. “You owe me!"

Hyunjae ran out of the house, his legs making quick and long strides as he ran to his parked car down the block. His newfound adrenaline made him think about what he was sacrificing to be with you. Was leaving the party and betraying his friends worth spending even a second with you? What if you were asking him to drive you and your boyfriend somewhere? Could his heart even deal with being used like that?

But as much as Hyunjae hated it, he knew he was making the right choice. The self-respect he had for himself was buried six feet deep beneath the surface of the earth when it came to you. 

God, he really hoped he wasn’t hallucinating.

For a split second, Hyunjae truly debated what he was doing after getting into his car. He was already driving, but he didn’t know where to go. Luckily, it didn’t take you long to send him a text with your location, and it was a place he was familiar with. 

It was a park that he often frequented as a kid since it resided by his old neighborhood, and he was thankful he knew exactly where to go because he knew he would’ve definitely crashed the car while pulling up your location on his GPS. Hyunjae was doubtful it was the alcohol in his system making his fingers shake and his mind uneasy. He blamed you for his hysteria, one that had developed over years of endless longing. 

Luckily the drive wasn’t long thanks to the roads being mainly void of other vehicles (and maybe he did speed a few times, but he considered it justified). Before pulling into the parking lot, he spotted a lone figure curled up on a nearby bench. A small weight had been lifted off of him, relieved it was just you, and he parked aimlessly while his eyes rested on you.

You seemed unphased by his added presence, your arms unmoving as they stayed wrapped around your legs. The bench you were sitting in was facing away from the parking lot, but with his headlights illuminating the view in front of you, you certainly had to know he was there. 

In an ideal world, Hyunjae would leave his car, join you by your side, and, if he was lucky, he’d pull you into his arms and hold you close against his chest. He wanted to be there for you in whatever way he could, but he ended up being a deer in headlights, too afraid to make the wrong move and lose you again.

He sat there for a minute, watching you, and as soon as he received the confidence to reach for the handle of his door, you were up on your feet. His fingers paused midair as he traced your movements, his arm eventually falling to his side as you approach his car. 

Despite how slow his mind was working, Hyunjae knew to unlock the car right as you opened it (he would’ve died out of embarrassment if he had forgotten), and neither of you greeted the other.

Without any explanation from you, Hyunjae refrained from staring at you like he normally would, but your outfit made it incredibly difficult. It wasn’t much, just an oversized long-sleeved shirt that reached your thighs, but it was far from the usual clothes he’d seen you wear, like jeans and a nice-fitting blouse. For a moment, he believed you had no pants on, but then he knocked some sense into himself, realizing that you were probably wearing shorts that were hidden.

While Hyunjae attempted to keep his composure and respect your boundaries, you were eyeing him shamelessly, once again analyzing every detail about him. Beads of sweat pooled up on the back of his neck, and his hair was straightened yet fuzzy. As your eyes trailed downwards, you noticed how the mesh hugged his biceps, catching every crease that defined his muscles. He was quiet, his index finger resting against his lips. 

Where did he even come from?

And why was he so quick to listen?

You held back your tongue from dumping out your thoughts, knowing your questions would end up unanswered like before. Your body instinctively rested against the divot between the car door and your seat, keeping your distance from Hyunjae. He was meant to be a stranger, perhaps someone you loathed, yet there was an odd comfort that encased you from him just sharing the same air as you.

You cleared your throat, turning your head to look away when he flinched and snapped his gaze towards you.

“Drive.”

Your demand was no louder than a whisper, but Hyunjae picked it up effortlessly and was already backing out.

“Where to?”

“Anywhere.” Hyunjae raised a brow at your answer, and you buried yourself further into his seat, directing your gaze out the door. “Just-...anywhere, Jae.”

The nickname had his throat tightening and his chest leaping, nodding in your direction as he drove on autopilot. With no destination in mind, he strolled through familiar roads, his fingers tapping against the wheel. 

You stayed silent, creating a tension that was unbearably thick, yet none of you felt the need to leave; neither of you wanted to leave the other, even if it meant having to deal with the looming elephant in the room (or in this case, Hyunjae’s car).

After spotting the recreational center from afar and its empty parking lot, he instinctively pulled in. There wasn’t a proper explanation for why he decided it’d make a great destination, especially when it was the place that created a rift in your relationship with him, but it felt right.

It was empty, open, and serene—a perfect place to stay as the moon shined.

Hyunjae stepped out of the car after parking in the middle of it, and when you didn’t follow, he moved to your side and opened the door. He was hesitant but took the risk of offering his hand to you, a warm, nervous smile on his face. He wanted you to know he was there to listen, to be there for you, because, Lord, he would hand you the world if he could.

“I’m not in the mood for walking,” you mumbled, but Hyunjae shook his head.

“We’re not going to walk, I promise.”

Your eyes flickered up to his briefly, skeptical of what he had planned, but ultimately caved. You ignored his hand, and he pulled it back with regret. When you stood there, your eyes on the sky, he closed the door behind you and guided you to the hood of his car.

Without a second thought, he sat on top of it and gestured for you to do the same.

“I sit here all the time. Helps me think.” He leaned back against his windshield, his hands holding the back of his head as he kept his eyes on the sky. When you didn’t move, he started to feel stupid, wondering if you two were better off in the car, but then you joined him. 

You copied his position, staring upwards as your hands rested over your abdomen. 

Hyunjae opted to keep to himself, deciding that he didn’t want to make this worse for the two of you. Instead, he fixated his thoughts on the stars in the sky.

There were only a few, but it was a rare sight due to the constant air pollution in your city, so he considered it a miracle. You, on the other hand, were spacing out in thought, and Hyunjae could tell through his occasional peeks. Without much control, his eyes started tracing down your arms. They then landed on where the hem of your shirt rested, now looking at your bare thighs.

Feeling as if he just reverted back to being the shyest virgin in the country, he gulped and immediately looked elsewhere, trying to get you off his mind despite you being right next to him. His racing heart was all that he could hear, and now he wondered if you could hear it too—if you knew how much you affected him.

And your voice broke the silence.

“How long have you known?”

Okay, maybe his brain did fall out of his skull because Hyunjae had no idea what you were talking about. He turned his head and caught how you stared up at the sky. Your eyes were glossy, holding the reflections of the whole galaxy within them. They sparkled, and for a beat, Hyunjae had forgotten your question, too infatuated with your beauty. 

His silence resulted in you turning your head, gaze meeting his, and that was when he noticed the tears.

“About Jiwoong and Eunseo.”

Your light, your flames, his burning desire; all were gone in a flash.

Your voice was delicate, and Hyunjae knew that with one move, he could break you.

Directing his gaze heavenward, Hyunjae sighed and brought his arms down to rest over his chest. Somehow he was able to feel all the pain you were experiencing, his heart twisting while his stomach churned and sloshed around in his body. He thought about how to respond as he chewed on the inside of his lip, questioning if he should answer at all to avoid hurting you.

But you asked, and as always, Hyunjae delivered.

“I don’t think I ever really knew until last week,” he explained, “but I could always tell.” Suddenly, the fight from a week ago had resurrected, and Hyunjae was forced to relive it all.

The hallways were empty when Hyunjae left the broadcasting room, a backpack strap slung over his shoulder while the other dangled behind him. He was in the middle of scrolling through his emails when he picked up on the sound of Jiwoong’s voice around the corner. 

His footsteps halted, and Hyunjae caught Jiwoong’s fatal words.

“How does tomorrow sound?”

Eunseo’s squeals followed after, and Hyunjae stood motionless.

At first, Hyunjae had no thoughts circulating in his brain, but after hearing their lips collide, he started coming up with solutions, such as interrupting or taking a video to send to you. Unfortunately, before he could act on either of them, he heard footsteps dashing off, practically skipping, as the two bidded one another goodbye. 

Hyunjae couldn’t pinpoint the reasoning behind his upcoming actions, but he knew how to describe how he felt. 

Anger was the first and only emotion to surge up within him, his fingers instinctively balling up into fists. His muscles had tightened while a forest fire ran rampant through his veins, causing his blood to boil. 

Then with quick strides, Hyunjae shoved his phone away and made a sharp turn around the corner, tossing his backpack on the ground after spotting Jiwoong against the lockers. The latter had a dazed look on his face, his lips curled into a smirk as he typed away on his phone, but that was changed once he looked up at the sound of Hyunjae’s backpack crashing against the ground in front of him.

There wasn’t a second in between Jiwoong’s face of surprise and Hyunjae’s arm being raised, and before Jiwoong could react, Hyunjae’s fist had slammed into his jaw. 

It was a blur from there, but Hyunjae knew he had won even after authorities dragged him off Jiwoong’s body. He had received a few jabs in return, but it was nothing compared to the black eye Hyunjae gave him.

The fact that Jiwoong managed to cover it up with makeup the day after was a miracle, and no one in the school knew about the fight since it happened after school. Hyunjae wanted it to stay that way, but a selfish, cruel part of him wished that everyone knew how sick your boyfriend was.

Well, now he was unsure if he was still your boyfriend. 

Hyunjae turned his head back towards you, his cheek meeting the cold metal of his car.

You pursed your lips at his response and nodded slowly. If it were any other day, you wouldn’t have believed him. There was no universe where you’d choose to listen to Hyunjae over Jiwoong, but after a week of investigating and getting your head out of your ass, you found out on your own terms, and all the pieces made sense.

“I didn’t mean to.”

Hyunjae’s voice jerked you out of your thoughts, and as you adjusted to look back at him, you were surprised to still find him staring at you.

“I’m not a violent person, Y/N,” he whispered, an enduring hope lingering in his eyes. He wanted you to believe him, and for once, you did; you truly understood the man you hated most.

“I know, Jae.”

Hyunjae eased at your words, and the two of you fell back into a more comfortable yet aching silence. His fingers drummed against his abdomen, and after a while, he got sick of looking at the same four stars, so he closed his eyes, focusing on enjoying the light breeze instead. His heart was still racing, but it was less alarming. Regardless, he hated knowing that he potentially contributed to how much you were hurting right now.

Maybe if he had done something to prevent it earlier, whether it be telling you as soon as he found out or keeping completely out of your business so you could live in bliss, or, if he wasn’t so scared, he could’ve asked you to be his far before Jiwoong had. Maybe it wouldn’t have changed much, but Hyunjae would never know since he never tried, and now he was going to beat himself over it because now you’re devastated over losing your boyfriend and it was potentially his faul—

You laughed.

Hyunjae snapped his head towards you, his brows raised at your sudden change in mood—but it wasn’t the type of laugh he expected. Your laugh was one filled with pain, and he watched you shake your head, trying to refuse the tears that were rapidly welling up in your eyes once more. You sniffed and wiped the tears away with the back of your hand, choosing to look in the opposite direction because the last thing you wanted was for Hyunjae to see you vulnerable.

“It’s stupid,” you murmured. “This entire thing is stupid. I’m so fucking dumb.”

His lips parted to interject, to tell you that you were, in fact, ‘not dumb,’ but he clamped his mouth shut, knowing that his words probably wouldn’t help. From what he’d learned in the past, you liked it least when he tried telling you otherwise, no matter the situation. 

“I should’ve known. I did know. The whole world knew. Even you knew, but it makes me think, was Eunseo just flocking around, flaunting to everyone that she had a crush on my boyfriend and managed to win him over? I just—I…I don’t know-...” You paused to catch your breath, beginning to choke on your tears as your chest shook, “I don’t know what I did wrong, you know?”

You shut your eyes, allowing the pain to engulf you. You knew fully well that your punishment was to deal with the pain, but you felt like you didn’t deserve it—that you deserved none of this. Why was this a penalty for being in love?

It was humiliating having everyone witness the reality you shielded from yourself, choosing hope and love over the truth. 

“I just never felt more stupid in my life, and I feel even more stupid knowing that I still love him.”

Hyunjae sucked in his lips, gnawing on them as he bit back all his feelings, from his brain shredding to his heart weeping.

“I love him so much that I would let him do it to me all over again because I keep thinking he’d be better. I know he can be better, so why-...It’s just- Why do I do this to myself?”

Tears cascaded down your cheeks, each one leaving behind a trail for others to fall. They started pouring out of you rapidly, soon sobbing at the heart-wrenching pain of being betrayed by everyone in your life, Hyunjae included, because why, out of everyone, was he here for you when he should be the last person who cared?

You always wanted Hyunjae to be the antagonist of your life story, to have him as your biggest enemy and threat, so why was everyone else but him hurting you? Why was the villain of your fantasy taking the role of your knight in shining armor?

And yet, as much as it pained Hyunjae to process all your emotions, his mind wasn’t running correctly; he had you alone for the first time in months. He wanted nothing more than to pull you in his arms and whisper words of comfort in your ears, knowing you deserved it more than anyone, but he also wanted to shake you awake and slap you out of your misery, praying that you’d forget about Jiwoong; that right now, you being vulnerable was his chance to swoop in, to set whatever you wanted him to into flames, as long as if it meant you’d end up okay. 

You sat up because if you lied down any longer, you would’ve started drowning in your own tears. Your sleeves were soaked, and he sat up alongside you, figuring that he should do something about it.

Hyunjae got back onto his feet and stood in front of you. He barely knew what he was doing, but that didn’t stop him from replacing your sleeves with his cold, clammy hands over your cheeks. There wasn’t a time that Hyunjae could recall where he had been this gentle with someone, and when you didn’t push him away, he tilted your head up to look at him.

Even with tears running down your cheeks, you looked angelic as ever. 

Each droplet mirrored a star from the sky, and your eyes sparkled as they stayed locked on his.

“Take me,” you whispered, and Hyunjae’s whole world stopped. 

“...What?” Hyunjae had only intended to wipe your tears away with the pads of his hands, perhaps whisper something along the lines of him being here for you for the night (and the rest of his life, let’s be honest), yet your first words were—no, he had to have been hallucinating.

Your hands trembled as they reached for his wrist, and although you were severely broken, the grip your fingers created was firm.

“Please.”

Like a moth to a flame, Hyunjae admired how pretty you looked, your lips plump and eyes wide, and he wanted nothing more than to take you into his backseat and treat you the way he’d always wanted to, especially after hearing your pleas, but he knew better. You both knew better. 

“What exactly are you implying?” he asked, feeling like you had just inhaled all his oxygen and left him breathless. 

You released his wrist and opted to hold onto his sleeve, tugging on it as you tried to get him to understand you.

“I want it to hurt, Jaehyun.”

Your tears were gone, and there was a hint of dominance in your tone that would’ve had him dropped to his knees in front of you. You were also one of the very few who resorted to calling him Jae, and now his actual name. He favored Hyunjae, but after hearing ‘Jaehyun’ from your lips, his preference had completely made a turnaround. 

But Hyunjae worked to collect his thoughts, fully aware that this was wrong and he’d have to be the bigger person here. As much as he hated himself for giving up the perfect opportunity to have the girl of his dreams, he couldn’t ignore the large concern over your current mental state.

“You’re not thinking straight, Y/N,” he reasoned softly, his fingers reaching up to brush your hair out of your face, and for a second, Hyunjae swore he felt the alcohol kicking in—or perhaps it was you instead. The thought of being able to have you right now, to touch you and press his hands over your skin, to have you as his for just this night, was so intoxicating that he was seconds away from foaming at the mouth.

“I don’t need to think straight. I don’t want to think at all.”

Everything felt hotter and tighter, but he kept his composure, though with his eyes dropping to your begging lips and then your delicate fingers, he knew he was beginning to lose whatever was left of his sanity. 

But he also knew you were using him; you had to be. There was no other explanation. It was only minutes ago when you professed how you continued to feel about Jiwoong—that your heart still belonged to him, and Hyunjae was allowed nowhere near it. He was your backup, your second option, yet that happened to be better than nothing, right?

Especially when he could have you right here, right now. 

“You’re using me.”

Your expression didn’t falter.

“Then say no. Make us go back into your car and drive me home.” Your hand dropped from holding onto his sleeve but that was so you could wrap your arms around his neck, slowly bringing yourself closer to him. His cheeks were flushed as his mind flooded with possibilities of what could happen. Never had you ever wanted him, and he’d been dreaming of a moment like this for years. Your tear-stained cheeks, your pouty red lips—he wanted all of you.

“But you won’t,” you whispered, your breath hitting his skin. Your eyes landed on his lips, now craving him as much as he craved you. You needed a release, an outlet, to justify Jiwoong being better than Hyunjae. Hyunjae was worse in every way possible, and you wanted him to prove that to you. “You’d do anything I’d say, wouldn’t you?”

“What makes you say that?” Little did you know Hyunjae was crumbling inside, completely melting as his fingers grew weak at the idea of your lips on his. His hands, although wary, traveled to your waist, feeling your curves before trailing his hands down to your hips to grip them.

“You love me, don’t you?”

His heart stuttered, all words caught up in his throat, but he knew there was no defending himself—not when he was practically drooling at every move you made; he was hyperaware of the hand playing with the hair on his nape, the way your lips nearly hovered over his, and how your tears glistened under the moonlight.

His entire existence was confirmation of your words, and you knew it.

“You’d do anything for me, Jae. What’s stopping you now?”

There was a stillness as you two stared at one another. He swallowed and pulled slightly back.

He knew better.

“You don’t want me.” He was brokenhearted, a part of him understanding that you’d never be his, yet he wanted you in so many ways, wishing to have your mewls fill his ears and the smell of sex staining his clothes. The bulge in his pants was forming and pressing up against the tight confinement, making him groan. 

He dropped his head downwards, his forehead leaning to rest against yours, as he closed his eyes and did his best to regulate his breathing—repeating in his head and out loud, again.

He knew better.

“You’re using me.”

You both knew better.

Yet with your lips ghosting his and your eyes half-hooded, you were prepared to give into the dark side.

“And I say take advantage of it.”

Hyunjae dived and pressed his lips onto yours, hunger driving his every movement. There was no stopping when he felt your lips curling up into a grin, his hands shifting to wrap around your torso to drag you closer. His heart burst at how perfectly his lips molded with yours, and it seemed as if there was fire shooting up into the sky and exploding—they weren’t fireworks, and the explosion was far bigger and more dangerous. It lit the entirety of the sky, the moon and stars included, into flames, a desire unlike any other.

Your left hand pressed firm against the back of his neck while the other traveled through his hair. Meanwhile, his hands had snuck beneath your shirt and felt for your lower back. Heavy breaths left the two of you as desperation crept through your veins, dictating your every movement. 

The cold touch from his hands ignited your nervous system, every sense activated and overstimulated by Hyunjae as you released a breathy moan into his mouth.

You didn’t want him, but fuck, you needed him.

When you would pull back, his lips would chase yours, and you two fell into an endless cycle. He couldn’t even fathom how you were pulling away for air when you were his oxygen. Maybe you weren’t oxygen itself, but the fumes you emitted had already replaced his need for air, deluding him into believing that you were what he needed to stay alive.

You were suffocating, toxic, and destructive, and he wanted more. 

After retracting from the kiss for the nth time, you turned your head to hold Hyunjae back from continuing. You both were panting, your cunt soaking, and he stared into your eyes like a puppy awaiting their next direction.

“Good boy,” you praised, and he laughed lowly and sheepishly, dropping his head as he processed what happened and the idea of it being potentially over. 

“You’re lethal,” he breathed out.

“And you’re pitiful,” you spat. There was a playful grin on your lips, but those words ignited something within Hyunjae. He raised his head and cocked a brow at you, questioning your genuinity. 

Just minutes ago you were crying over a guy that treated you terribly, and yet here you thought you had the authority to call him weak.

Perhaps he was; he was falling deeper into your pitless trap, enticed with every movement of yours, but he knew for a fact you weren���t any better than him.

You both were sick in the head for falling for people that treated the other like shit, yet your drive, your fuel, to win over the hearts of the people you loved was so strong, and it made you two unstoppable. 

Hyunjae would punch Jiwoong all over again if he could. 

Without a second thought, Hyunjae ducked his head down and ruthlessly attached his lips to your neck, eliciting a gasp from you. He kissed your skin fervently, his fingers teasing the rim of your shorts, and your hands shifted to hold onto his shoulders for support. You found yourself tossing your head back, providing him more room to do as he pleased, that if Jiwoong were to see you with marks on your neck, then maybe he’d want you back. 

“Bold of you to call me pitiful,” he grumbled, sucking onto your neck until a blot of purple began to form.

“But it’s true, no?”

“You’re just as bad, Y/N.” He licked a stripe up your neck and over the mark, and the sensation made you cringe, disgust itching at your skin due to being covered in his saliva, but you wanted more of it. You wanted Hyunjae to treat you like you were nothing, to treat you worse than Jiwoong ever had, so you could direct your blame over to Hyunjae instead of your unknowing boyfriend.

You turned your head and slotted your lips with his again, already addicted to how perfect they were for you. Hyunjae knew the exact way to kiss you, to keep you on your toes, as your slick pooled up in your underwear at the mere thought of Hyunjae touching you.

The kiss was eager, a fight for control, and when Hyunjae didn’t surrender, you raised your knee, forcing your thigh to brush up against his crotch.

He gasped at the sensation and pulled away, bangs hanging over his eyes as he looked down at the sight. You teased him by keeping your touches gentle, but you made sure to keep your leg moving. Nothing intrigued you more than seeing Hyunjae beg or rut against your thigh, further proof of how pathetic he was for you. You gained a sense of ego knowing that he could have any girl in the world, that he has had every girl, and yet he would always come back to you. Now that you had him, it would be harder for him to return to a life without you under him, moaning his name.

You wanted to be his downfall. 

Your nails latched onto the mesh, taking note of how easy it would be to rip the material, before pressing your thigh firmly up against his dick, making him jerk.

“You’re-...oh my god, Y/N,” he gasped, breathless. His eyes meet your devious ones, how you were basically Satan himself, and somehow, someway, he wouldn’t ask for anything different. “You’re playing a losing…a losing- game.”

“What more do I have left to lose?” There was some truth in your words as vulnerability struck you. Your leg then lowered as you regained a slight sense of reality, realizing that you were forcing Hyunjae into being your selfish source of relief. You hated Hyunjae, sure, but you knew this was the last thing he deserved—to use him when he’d been nothing but accommodating to you.

And your sick and twisted plan was that after this encounter, you’d leave him to rot.

Hyunjae didn’t deserve that at all. 

But Hyunjae was already too far gone, too intoxicated, to even consider the repercussions of how he’d end up after this. The loss of contact with his crotch was what had him picking you up from his car, the tips of his fingers digging into your thighs, as he led you to the backseat. 

Your eyes widened, your senses fully back, but you made him like this, and you were going to pay for it. Although scared for about what’s to come, the anticipation had you drooling, your lips pressing fierce kisses onto his skin while he opened the door with you in his arms.

He laid you down gently and crawled over you, keeping you trapped between his arms.

“This is what you wanted, right? For me to tear you apart until you can run back to Jiwoong and justify how poorly he treats you?” 

Your brows bunched up at his words, your legs getting antsy being under him. There was no answering him, not when Hyunjae already knew how you were going to respond.

He brought one of his hands into your shorts and made the aggravating decision to slide his fingers over your underwear, depriving you of contact with his fingers.

Yet even with your underwear being a divider, he found your clit with ease and immediately started rubbing circles into the bud, making you buck your hips with a whine. The friction of the cloth was something you were unfamiliar with, and lord did it mess with you. 

“You want me to treat you how he sees you? Worthless and undeserving of respect?” He flicked your clit and kissed your jaw. “If that’s what you want, that’s exactly what my princess is going to get.”

“Fuck,” you moaned, using your hands to push onto his shoulders and force him down. The drive to ride his tongue was strong, and if he kept teasing you, you would have lost it.

“I know you inside and out, Y/N. I know you better than him, and this is how you treat me.” He sucked in a cheek but ultimately decided to comply with what you wanted. He pulled off your shorts yet left your underwear on, and his brows raised. He wasn’t sure how his fingers had missed the texture of lace, but what you were wearing was certainly lingerie.

You looked down to see why he stopped, and when you realized why he froze, heat rose to your cheeks.

“I wanted to feel pretty,” you whispered, shutting your eyes after turning your head. It was embarrassing, now that you thought about it, but Hyunjae’s heart soared, and he wanted nothing more than for you to know how ethereal you looked.

But he shoved the feeling away, allowing his frustrations to get the better half of him. 

When he pulled off your underwear, he cooed at how your essence oozed onto the material and raised the undergarment into the air, waiting for you to look.

“Did I do this?”

His mocking tone kept you from looking, but your curiosity got the best of you. You were met with the sight of a large wet, dark patch on your underwear, biting down on your lip as you looked at him with wide eyes. If you thought about it, you couldn’t remember the last time you felt like this, or if there ever had been a time when you craved someone this badly. 

He tossed it to the side and his hands massaged your thighs, keeping them spread open so he got a proper view of your core on display for him. The sight truly stunned him, reminding him that this was you he fantasized about and replicated with other girls—no one else.

“Do you normally take this long?” you rasped, tossing your head back against the seat, and Hyunjae rolled his eyes.

“I do you a favor, and this is how you treat me.”

“A favor is a stretch—”

Hyunjae plunged two fingers into your mouth, having them press firmly down against your tongue. He latched onto your jaw and pulled your head forward and up towards him, having your eyes meet his.

“Remind me, Y/N, who was begging for this?”

He dropped your head back down against the seat before you could even respond and used whatever saliva accumulated in your mouth as temporary lube, figuring that your slick would help him with stretching you out. You grunted at the impact, feeling helpless, as Hyunjae finally inserted his fingers inside of you. 

Hyunjae’s fingers were enough to have your eyes rolling, but it was the ring that he wore that stimulated you the most. You weren’t aware that he was even wearing one, yet the cold band against your raging wet heat made you whimper and desperately grasp for his hair.

“Jaehyun, please,” you begged. 

He chuckled and kept his movements slow, forcing you to fuck yourself onto his fingers weakly. When you did, he was in awe at how stunning you looked, how you seemed to be in your own world, and how you were enjoying him. By curling his fingers, a moan was pulled from your throat, making your eyes open as you looked at him. You continued to pool around his fingers, your voice weakly begging for so much more than his fingers and the cold air that brushed against your skin. 

Never had you felt more vulnerable, but Hyunjae never once made you feel like you were doing something wrong, making you cling desperately to him. You forced his face down into your crotch and jerked at the feeling of his nose brushing up against your clit.

“Shameless, aren’t you?” he commented, laughing lowly, but you were too out of it to care. 

“Shut the-...F-fuck, oh my god.”

Your whines had gotten more incessant the more useless he became, his fingers now completely stilled inside of you as he watched you roll your hips with a cheeky grin. He wanted to drag this out for as long as possible, knowing fully well that he could last all night. 

When he took out his fingers, you were yanked out of your bliss and nearly begged for him to put them back in, but before you could get a word out, he had replaced his digits with his tongue. Your slick was dripping onto his lips, and as he dragged his wet muscle up and down your folds, he made sure to collect a small puddle of you onto his tongue to eventually swallow, wanting to savor you. 

“Oh-...Oh my god, Jae—” Your orgasm was approaching, unsure of how it was here so soon, but you recognized the signs from the coil in your chest tightening to losing every sensation to the man beneath you. You rocked your hips continuously onto his tongue, and his thumb attached to your clit, making you see stars with how rapid his movements were. 

He pulled his face back and forced his fingers back into you, and the final curl was what made you reach your peak, your hips in the air as you cried out his name. 

As you came down from your high, you caught a glance of the way Hyunjae was looking at you; to him, you were otherworldly, and it was a sight he’d never forget. He wondered if Jiwoong ever saw you like this, if he ever made you feel this way, and suddenly his admiration had soured and contoured to something of darkness, rid of any empathy as he now looked at you with some form of disgust. 

“All this for me, and you still have the fucking audacity to choose him.” 

The mention of Jiwoong had your eyes wide open, tears reappearing at the mention and while being in your most vulnerable state. Your legs shook from the aftermath, feeling too weak to continue, yet Hyunjae seemed to have other plans.

Instead of shoving his fingers back into either of your mouths, he hovered over you and made sure you saw the way he dragged his fingers around your abdomen, drawing aimlessly over your skin with your essence before dragging a hand up to your breasts, massaging one of them as his other hand rested by your waist.

“Tell me, Y/N, did you buy this for him and never got to use it? That’s why you’re wearing it now with me? Am I your sloppy seconds?”

There was a slight growl under his tone, and while you shook your head subconsciously, he worked to remove your shirt, wanting a better look at your bra, before being met with a necklace you had been hiding; one with Jiwoong’s name.

And Hyunjae took no time breaking it from your neck.

Your jaw dropped, and you snapped out of your daze by sitting straight up, yet as you were about to yell at him for breaking your necklace, he shoved three fingers back into your pussy, shutting you up by having you moan at the intrusion. 

“It looked cheap, anyway,” he muttered, forcing his mouth against yours momentarily to nip on your lower lip, tugging on it so your focus remained on him. 

“That was—he’s mine,” you forced out, gasping at every thrust he made with his fingers, your sweet spot being abused as your hands latched onto his shoulders. You made sure your nails dug into his skin, wanting it to hurt, before pulling onto the mesh, wishing for it to tear. 

“He’s not yours, princess. Tell me, how can you say that when his dick has been up other girls?” With his free hand, he grabbed your face and made sure you were staring straight at him before shoving it to the side. 

“You need to fucking wake up and realize that you can dream all you want about how he’d react if he saw you hopping on my dick, but guess what? He wouldn’t care.” Hyunjae pulled out his fingers and left you alone in the backseat. 

You sat there, a wreck and vulnerable, as you tried to catch your breath. You lay back on your forearms, curious eyes following his every movement.

“There’s a reason he hasn’t left you yet,” Hyunjae explained, opening the front door to his car to grab a condom and his phone. He tucked both into his back pocket before returning to you, bringing your lips to his before continuing to talk within the kiss.

“He’s stringing you along so you can boost his ego. He knows you will always be there for him, and you allow him to use you like that?” 

You wrapped your fingers around Hyunjae’s neck, squeezing it before pushing it away to keep your distance, your frustration starting to grow.

“I’m beginning to think you’re all bark and no bite, Jaehyun,” you muttered, and with whatever strength you had left, you pushed him against the seat and got into his lap. Without hesitation, you started rocking your hips over his clothed dick, hoping your slick would seep in so he could feel you.

He hissed but allowed you to do as you pleased, his grip tight on your hips.

“I-...I think…if you asked me, you’re the one who’s projecting. I’m the one in a relationship, and you’re just a side piece.”

The speed of your hips increased, and Hyunjae felt ecstasy on the tip of his tongue, the confinements of his pants physically paining him the more you continued.

“You’re jealous, Jae. Just admit it.”

You pulled at his hair, loving the absolute control you had over him at that moment, but in one languid motion, Hyunjae managed to push you back down, this time with your stomach against the seats. You could feel your bodily fluids sticking to the nylon, and with how hard Hyunjae was pressing down into you, you were barely given a chance to move. 

With one hand on your lower back, he kept you still as he took out both his phone and condom, making sure to place both on top of your bare skin.

“What’s there to be jealous of when you’re here under me? You want to be fucked stupid? Fine. Don’t fucking complain when you want me to be the villain.” You lurched at his words, refusing to let him win, but you were completely unable to do much damage as Hyunjae kicked off his pants and boxers while still keeping his weight on you.

He then picked up his phone and pulled up the camera, making sure to take a photo of you in his car before clicking record and tossing the phone onto the ground, hoping it was close enough to pick up on your sweet noises. 

“Make sure to be loud for me, yeah? I’m sure Jiwoong would love it if I sent that video to him.”

“You wouldn’t fucking dare,” you bit back, your hand reaching out in an attempt to grab the device, but Hyunjae was quicker to grab your wrist, pinning it behind your back. 

“I wouldn’t because I know how to appreciate what’s mine.” Hyunjae released his hold on you to roll on the condom, giving you the opportunity to move and take his phone as you pleased. To your dismay, there was no more effort left within you, only an ache to feel Hyunjae inside you. 

“He appreciates me,” you mumbled, trying to convince yourself otherwise as you waited.

“Does he record you? Jerk off to your moans every night? Because I would, Y/N, just for you.” His voice was now by your ear, and when you turned your head to look at him, he pulled you into another hungry kiss, his dick now grazing against your hole. 

“You’re fucking insane,” you bit back into the kiss, and he grinned against your lips, guiding his dick into you as he spoke.

“Psychotic, just for my princess.”

Venom laced his voice, dripping menacingly, and the insertion of his tip had you grasping for something in front of you, anything, and it was only then that you were able to process how thick his cock was.

“Can you take it?” he asked, his voice slightly softer than before. When you gave him a curt nod, he continued pushing in further. Maybe lube should’ve been an option, but you were so wet for him that it didn’t matter, knowing that the stretch probably would have hurt regardless. 

“Fuck, fuck—he really doesn’t know what he’s missing,” Hyunjae gasped, his head resting against the back of yours. It was better than anything he’d dreamed of, better than any girl he imagined, because it was you, and your body was made for him.

“When was the last time he fucked you?” He was fully inside of you now, and when you didn’t answer, he decided to take it as a sign to move. With a firm grip on your waist, he pulled out just to slam back in, making you yell as you clawed at the seat, wishing there was something to bite on as you endured the pain that was quick to morph into pleasure. 

Every glide pushed you further into the car, your forearms occasionally hitting the door, as his hips moved vigorously, working up to a pace that had you moaning without pause. Tears were flowing down your cheeks at the overwhelming pleasure of being manhandled—of being Hyunjae’s rag doll when he was meant to be yours, and your body seized up, being worked up to your orgasm once more with how precise each thrust seemed to be. 

He adjusted to raise one of your legs to his hip, giving him a new angle to pound into you as he worships you with his dick, and you shook out of pleasure, whining as you saw white and reached your second orgasm for the night. You pulsated around his cock, strangled moans ripping from your throat as tears mixed with your drool by your chin.

And Hyunjae showed no signs of stopping.

He made sure to press your face down against the seats, wanting every liquid to fall and stain his car, giving him something to remember you by.

Oh, and there was the recording too.

While kneeling inside of the cramped car, he slowed his movements and inclined his torso towards you. In one swift motion, he wrapped his arm around your neck and pulled you up, locking you inside his elbow as he forced you to look into your reflection in the car window.

“Look at you, the school’s favorite slut. What happens if the recording drops? The whole school would know you’re mine, wouldn’t they?” He pressed his chest against your back, the mesh rubbing against your skin as his lips remained near your ear, forcing you to listen to every word.

You limped against him, your flames completely burnt out, and your fingers tugged onto the mesh around his arm, successfully ripping it after some time, but Hyunjae seemed unphased. In fact, it turned him on even more knowing that he had you locked in, that you were his.

“Look at your pretty cunt taking me in so well. It was so wet for me, wasn’t it? It still is. And guess what? You’re in my car. You belong to me, and my good girl is only now just finding out about it, isn’t she?” 

“I-I’m…I’m not-...not yours,” you retaliated, creating red angry marks into his skin with your nails as you endured being used, stifling your moans as you looked at how wrecked you were, how bare you seemed to be compared to Hyunjae. You were much more of a mess, from your hair to the bruises on your neck. Your pussy kept tightening up around his dick, convulsing occasionally with every hit toward your g-spot, and you held onto Hyunjae each time. 

Your head drooped down, thinking about how your heart ached for Jiwoong, yet the rest of your body was meant for Hyunjae.

“Whose fucking dick is inside of you right now?” He scoffed and pulled on your hair, forcing your head back up so he could directly speak into your ear. “Wake up, Y/N,” he demanded. “You’re mine.”

He dropped you back onto the seat like you were nothing, leaving you completely helpless, your throat void of any words as your eyes closed and met the back of your skull, too fucked out to communicate. You tried reaching for the door handle, just something to hold onto, yet you couldn’t.

“You tell me I’m pitiful, that I’m basically delusional when you’re going to be the reason my car will smell like sex for weeks.”

Your face was forced back into the puddle of liquid you created earlier, being shifted back and forth against the seat as if you were made for his dick and not vice versa.

“It’s crazy how pathetic you are, how willing you are to break yourself down in front of everyone just to have him. That-...fuck…that you’re so convinced he wants you and you two are soulmates.” He dragged his fingers through your hair and grabbed your roots. “You called me, you wanted me, and I have you right now, moaning my name, and you have nothing.”

Something about his words kept bringing out your orgasms, each thrust adding to the pleasure immensely. You didn’t know how much you could handle—afraid you may pass out from how much he was using you, from his tight grip around you to his dick hitting inside of you mercilessly.

Hyunjae whispering ‘I won, Y/N’ was what had you losing it, your high this time ending up stronger than the rest. You were fully crying now, and yet he continued as if you were nothing.

He peppered your shoulder with kisses and had the slight decency to slow his pace, but he also took note of your sobs.

“Don’t tell me you still want him,” he began rambling, his lips still on your shoulder. “Don’t tell me after this that your heart still belongs to him, because if that were the case, I’d make you call him right now. Say you wish it was him instead of me, and that he’s the love of your life while you’re stuffed with my dick. You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

You could no longer think, and what you hated most was how reactive your body was—how you were just able to come for the third time, but Hyunjae’s dick solely being inside you snapped some other straw you weren’t aware you had, finding that your last high was incoming. 

Hyunjae had picked up the pace by then, and by knowing your body incredibly well, he reached down to your sensitive clit to relieve you. You both knew your fourth was arriving, and you held on tight to his arm.

“J-Jaehy- hyun, I’m—”

“Mine.”

You cried out, your entire body shaking, and Hyunjae pulled out, immediately releasing onto your back with a guttural moan after yanking off the condom. He was forced to catch his breath, watching you float in and out of consciousness.

Your eyes were closed, struggling to breathe through your sobs, and Hyunjae consoled you with a kiss on the back of your shoulder. 

“You’re mine, Y/N, whether you like it or not.”

He then pressed a kiss to your cheek before leaving to grab paper towels from his trunk. You were heaving, still shaking, and left alone as a mess in his backseat, yet with him gone, you felt even more useless, wanting him back by your side instantly. You weakly cried out for him, your nails dragging against the seat in hopes of being in his arms soon, and maybe he was right.

Maybe you were his.

OUR INFERNO [ M.LIST | TWO ]

NAVIGATION — THE BOYZ

© https://hcuyk.tumblr.com/

[sungbeam]

𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐈𝐍 𝐔𝐍𝐈𝐓𝐘 : a series!

[7 OF 11 NOW CUFFED!] ; it's cuffing season! — and the boyz are in for quite the adventure as they learn to juggle school, work, friends, and love.

starring: the boyz, f!reader

genre: college au, fluff, humor, comfort, assorted pairings

word count: 216k/?? // at least 20k+ words per part

**note: the main plotline (the 4 szns) can be read completely as stand-alones. all other spin-offs can also technically be read as stand-alones, but some might require context from the main plotline. (all prev yns will appear as __!yn)

+ ADD THIS TO YOUR LIST (taglist form: open)

a/n: i'm very excited for this series tbh and i really hope i retain the strength to finish it 🤧 a great way to help me out tho is to blow this post up by reblogging, esp since tumblr gatekeeps the actual fics when they're published :')

SEASON ONE: PARTY PEOPLE — jacob b.

yours and jacob's mutual friend kevin is convinced that you're meant to be, even if he only just met you. (trailer, 34k)

SEASON TWO: FLIGHT RISK — eric s.

you and eric met on an airplane, and that's where you thought it would end, but clearly the universe has a different plan in mind. (trailer, 30k)

SEASON THREE: OFF THE RECORD — j. changmin (parts 𝐈, 𝐈𝐈)

everyone thinks changmin is cute and harmless, but you know that's not who he really is. (trailer, 36k)

SEASON FOUR: AIN'T NO ROMEO — l. hyunjae

your best friend hyunjae ain't no romeo, but you're still in love... so let's hope he doesn't find out you wrote a whole play about him! (trailer, 30k)

— spin-offs & side adventures.

RHAPSODY ANONYMOUS — k. sunwoo

you never thought your humble, little podcast would ever touch somebody's soul like it did one kim sunwoo's. (trailer, 28k)

RESCUE PROTOCOL — kevin m.

another summer break, another annual trip to the lake! except, it seems like when you and kev get there, you'll have to make some tweaks to the original rescue protocol. (trailer, 29k)

AT YOUR CONVENIENCE — k. younghoon

neither you nor younghoon were party people, but you did find love in the convenience store down the block. (trailer, 29k)

HOT COMMODITY — j. haknyeon

no matter how many times he's been to this restaurant, haknyeon swears he's not just here for the cute waitress. (trailer, __)

PINKY SWEAR — c. chanhee

you and chanhee are far from the years of pinky swears, but here you are, still lacing fingers after all this time. (trailer, __)

THE REVEAL — l. sangyeon

does sangyeon really have a secret girlfriend? well... let's find out. (trailer, __)

CLASS(Y) ACTION — l. juyeon

nothing is more cutthroat than the legal sphere, and sometimes we have to find allies in the strangest places—even if he spills coffee on you. (trailer, __)

EXTRA/"DELETED" SCENES

section under construction.

EXTRA, EXTRA CONTENT

— QUIZZES!

lmk what u got for a free smooch and a cookie 🤸‍♀️🥰

which love in unity boy will you be cuffing this year? (uquiz)

which love in unity boy will you be cuffing this school year? (**NEW & IMPROVED VER)

love in unity trivia !! for the main plot only (uquiz)

— ALT. READING ORDERS

if u want to read this series in timeline order, this is how it should be done: jacob/younghoon, eric/haknyeon, changmin/sunwoo, hyunjae/chanhee, sangyeon, kevin, juyeon

if u wanna read sungbeam's favorites (no particular order): at your convenience, ain't no romeo, (more to be decided!)

— SERIES TAGS: general series. any wip can be searched via "wip: _____" (usually just the initials, except for party people); or "the (member) fic™"

[stealanity]

playlist one , the boyz ( lsg to kvm ) :

ꕤ lee sangyeon ,

someone

⠀

[ 7:02am ]

[ 5:12pm ]

[ 6:14am ]

⠀

ꕤ bae jacob ,

summer love

birthday cake

melatonin

co-lover

white lily

⠀

ꕤ kim younghoon ,

corny jokes

reassuring hands

kinda miss you

i didn't forget

⠀

[ 1:02am ]

[ 2:45am ]

⠀

ꕤ lee hyunjae ,

suffocating ( written serie , discontinued )

this special look

stay

waffle

loser, lover

crazy

too late

only for practice

⠀

[ 9:32am ]

[ 4:35pm ]

[ 10:37pm ]

⠀

ꕤ lee juyeon ,

his s/o waking up in the middle of the night

cute little intruder

bad day, but good boyfriend

daydream

terrible idea

the bet

cold hands

risky

sick of you

⠀

[ 5:34pm ]

[ 10:45pm ]

[ 7:52pm ]

[ 8:57pm ]

⠀

ꕤ moon kevin ,

bad words

the little prince

⠀

[ 3:37pm ]

[ 11:23am ]

⠀

. . . link to maknae line !

[tinytinyblogs]

Sunwoo As Your Boyfriend

Boyfriend

(n.) A person who 90% of the time annoy you, and 10% of the time makes you forget the 90%

The boyz masterlist here #1 #2

Sunwoo is the type of boyfriend who you can lean on. He is mature, smart, and knows how to take care of you. He is also romantic and will always make you feel special. He is always there for you. He is the first person you want to call when you have good news or bad news. He is always there to listen and to offer support. He is mature and responsible. He can handle anything that comes his way, and he always puts you first. He is smart and funny. He can make you laugh even when you are feeling down. He knows how to take care of you. He will cook for you, clean for you, and do whatever he can to make your life easier. He is romantic. He will surprise you with flowers, gifts, and thoughtful gestures. He always makes you feel special. He is always honest with you. He will never lie to you or betray your trust. He is supportive of your dreams. He will always encourage you to follow your dreams and to achieve your goals. He is patient and understanding. He knows that you are not perfect, and he will always be there for you, even when you make mistakes.

Sunwoo loves to fall asleep around you. He loves the feeling of being close to you and the warmth you give him. He also loves the feeling of being safe and secure in your arms. He likes to cuddle with you. He loves the feeling of your arms around him and your body against his. He likes you to hold his hand. He loves the feeling of your hand in his and it makes him feel connected to you. Sunwoo loves the feeling of not being alone. He feels safe and secure when he is with you, and he knows that he can always count on you.

Sunwoo would obviously take you on a beach date. He loves the beach so much, and going with you would be another level of happiness for him. He loves the feeling of the sand between his toes. He would love to walk hand-in-hand with you on the beach and feel the sand between his toes. He loves the sound of the waves crashing against the shore. He would love to sit on the beach with you and listen to the waves crashing against the shore. He loves the feeling of being close to you. He would love to cuddle with you on the beach and feel your warmth against his skin. Sunwoo would also love to do some activities with you on the beach. He might want to go swimming, build sandcastles, or just relax and enjoy the view. A beach date with Sunwoo would be a perfect day. He would be so happy to spend time with you in his favorite place.

When Sunwoo spots you in a crowded place, he will ignore everyone else and make a beeline for you. He will have a sweet smile on his face and he will give you the best hug he can muster. He will tell you how much he loves to see you and how happy he is to be with you. Sunwoo will tell you how much he loves to see you in a way that makes you feel special. He will tell you how beautiful you are and how much he enjoys spending time with you.

When you're with Sunwoo, you can't help but laugh. He has a way of making you feel comfortable and relaxed, and you can always be yourself around him. You both have a lot of similarities, so it's easy to understand each other. You love to play around and tell jokes, and you always have a good time together. You might make up silly songs or dances. You'll laugh so hard that your sides hurt. You might tell each other jokes that only you find funny. You'll laugh until you cry. Sunwoo makes your day full of happiness and fun. He always knows how to make you laugh, and he always knows how to make you feel special. You love spending time with him, and you know that you can always count on him to make you smile.

Sunwoo is not afraid to show you his broken side. He will let you know when he is feeling down, and he will let you know when he is struggling. He will cry in front of you, and he will tell you all of his problems. He knows that you will listen to him and that you will help him to feel better. He trusts you. He knows that you will not judge him, and he knows that you will not tell anyone else about his problems. He needs your help. He knows that he cannot solve his problems on his own, and he needs your support. He loves you. He wants to be able to be himself around you, and he wants you to see all of him, even the broken parts. Sunwoo loves all the attention you give him when he is feeling down. He loves the way you listen to him, and he loves the way you make him feel better. He knows that he can always count on you to be there for him, and he is grateful for your love and support. When you make Sunwoo feel better after a rough day, it makes you feel good too. You feel happy that you could help him, and you feel loved that he trusts you enough to share his problems with you. You know that you are making a difference in his life, and that is a great feeling. Being there for Sunwoo when he is feeling down is a privilege. It is a sign that he trusts you and loves you, and it is an opportunity to show him how much you care. If you are lucky enough to have Sunwoo in your life, cherish him and be there for him when he needs you.

Sunwoo loves to call you randomly just to remind you that he loves you. He doesn't care what time it is, he just wants to hear your voice and tell you how much he cares. Sunwoo's random calls are a sign of his love for you. He loves you so much that he can't help but tell you how he feels, even if it's in the middle of the night.

[cupidjyu]

good for you

jacob x reader (requested by the one and only @zzoguri!!)

the 3 times you and jacob could have had something more and the 1 time you actually did.

genre: best friends to lovers, university au, pining by mostly jacob, confessions, misunderstandings, mentioned exes, reader has abandonment issues oops, kissing for practice, cuddles, their love language is sleeping together, gentle kind understanding sweetie jacob notes: i hope you enjoy this !!! i loved writing this request!!! <33 and again, im sorry this took so long :( see you whenever i can! word count: 14.7k

“You’re a lifesaver,” You groaned once you noticed Jacob entering your dorm with a paper bag of freshly baked cookies in his hand. You jumped off your bed, slightly crumpling the endless papers of notes laid out across your sheets. Stumbling over to where he was staring at you with concern, you clung to his arm, cupped his face with one hand, and pressed an obnoxiously loud kiss on his cheek.

“Is it that bad?” He stared at you, unimpressed. 

“Yeah?” You narrowed your eyes at him before snatching the bag from him and bounding back to splay out your bed.

“Didn’t you say that you were going to stop eating sugar? Yesterday?” He followed you further into your dorm. He set down all of his things and put back all of the clutter that was laid out on your table and the floor. He knew where everything went after the countless times he’s lounged around here.

“Okay but I cannot stay awake without sugar and I have an exam tomorrow,” You grumbled, gesturing for him to sit next to you. You turned back to your computer, rolling onto your stomach and scrolling through the endless slideshows to try to pretend like you were retaining any information. Frankly, you were more focused on the delicious cookies melting in your mouth.

He shrugged, silently reaching over and organizing your papers. He knew that you often got stressed when your environment was messy. You made no effort to keep it clean though because he always did it for you.

“And how was your day, Cobie?” You mumbled, glancing at him briefly before turning back to your notes, You shifted slightly on the bed, allowing him space to lie down next to you.

“Boring. And you shouldn’t be studying on your bed, you know. You always fall asleep.”

You huffed. “Just because you’re my best friend doesn’t mean you have to dote on me.”

“You know I’m right.” He smirked.

“I won’t, I promise.”

“But you always fall asleep. Like last time.”

You rolled your eyes, burying your face in your arms. “Stop bringing that up. It’s been five years already.”

“But I’ll never forgive you for embarrassing me in front of Sunwoo.”

“C’mon, you always let him tease you anyway,” You retorted.

Your eyelids threatened to shut any minute now. You had managed to find a spot to finally escape the stress that was called high school responsibilities. It wasn’t the most comfortable spot though–against the brick wall of the building, sitting on the concrete floor. Still, you couldn’t care less, enjoying the sun that perfectly hit the side of your face as your uniform fluttered in the wind.

After that point, you didn’t know what happened until you woke up. But Jacob had vividly described it to you because he found it that amusing. Though, he always told the story with a fond smile on his face.

“Can you pass the ball?” Another student called out to you. His uniform was messy and crinkled after playing with his friends for so long. When he noticed no response, he jogged over to pick up the soccer ball that rolled over and knelt down. He snickered slightly, tilting his head to peer at you curiously. “That can’t be comfortable…” He muttered. 

Silently, he contemplated what to do. Ultimately, he stood up. Not to leave you, but to kick the soccer ball back to his friends. Then, he turned back to you and gently lowered himself down to your side. Almost immediately, like a magnet, your head found its way to his shoulder and you were already dozing away. This time, with a lot less neck pain.

His lips quirked up as he played with his fingers quietly. He ignored his friends who were gesturing to him in the distance to come back, instead choosing to lean closer so you could sleep more comfortably. 

But then he heard footsteps approaching.

“Oh, shit!” Sunwoo gasped, slapping a hand over his mouth after appearing from around the corner of the same brick wall.

Jacob jumped, waving with his hands frantically to tell his friend to go away. But Sunwoo only began to jump up and down in excitement.

“Shhhh–” Jacob whispered. “They’re sleeping.”

“You’re dating someo–”

“I don’t even know who the hell this is.”

You smiled to yourself, long roused awake.

You had already heard the whole conversation but found it all too amusing so you ended up pretending to sleep for a few more minutes. Once you were sure that his friend had wandered off somewhere else, you blinked your eyes open. The curiosity got the best of you as you slowly lifted your head up to peer at the mysterious student’s name tag. He’s got an amazing shoulder for a pillow.

“That’s a bit rude, Jacob.”

He jolted once again, turning to you in surprise. You smiled lazily back at him.

“You’re awake.”

“Yeah,” You yawned. “And thanks for your shoulder but also I don’t thank you for not even bothering to look at my nametag.”

“Even if I knew your name, I wouldn’t know who you are.”

“Fair,” You hummed. You looked him over. He had a friendly look to him. Gentle eyes, a nice-looking smile, and brown tousled hair that shone in the sun. “You look like a Jacob.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He raised an eyebrow. “You do know that I gave up my soccer time to let you sleep on my shoulder, right?”

“Shush.” You stuck your tongue out. “It’s not like I forced you to. You’re just too nice with your super nice smile.”

“I can’t tell if you're insulting me or complimenting me.”

“Both.” You leaned your head back against the wall with a tired sigh. Then you turned back to him with a mischievous smile before setting your hand out for him to shake it. “Friends?”

He blinked at you. And then he smiled back and took your hand in his. “Friends.”

“I’m tired of this,” You whispered, thumping your forehead against your now-closed computer. 

“At least look this over.” He held out one of your papers, with a title clearly underlined with red. “Looks important.”

“It is but—“

“Just one,” He encouraged. “I’ll hold it for you.” And just as he said, he shuffled closer to you, holding the paper for you to read. You sighed but obliged, your eyes scanning over the words. Gradually though, the sentences began to grow blurrier and more jumbled. His arm looked awfully comfortable right now.

“Jacob,” You warned, turning to him. He stared curiously, his face surprisingly close to yours. “Jacob, I’m gonna go.”

“Go where?” He furrowed his eyebrows.

“To sleep.” You grinned before slumping down. No longer were you propped up on your elbows. Instead, you laid down, your cheek squished against his forearm as you snuggled close to his body warmth.

You heard a disappointed yet fond sigh leave his lips. He put down the paper and cleared the bed of everything so you could properly cuddle up to his side.

“You always take care of me,” You mumbled quietly. “Why?”

And for some reason, even with your eyes closed, you could sense his soft smile—the one with the gentle gaze and warm cheeks.

“Because you deserve it.”

—

“You flunked it, didn’t you?” Jacob grinned, standing up from where he was leaning against the wall. “I told you to stop studying on your bed.”

You scowled, walking alongside him. “You shouldn’t have waited for me, I’m getting coffee with a friend.”

He smiled wider. “Right now?”

You froze, staring at him sheepishly. You shifted on your feet. “…no. But soon.”

He hummed. “Good, cause I’m giving you this.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a necklace. It was beautiful with an opal charm in the middle. 

You stared at it with awe in your eyes and then turned your gaze up to Jacob. Already, you could feel tears prick your vision at which he only chuckled at the sight.

“Don’t cry,” He giggled, reaching an arm around you to pull you close to his chest.

“Why?” You pouted. “Did I miss my own birthday or something?”

“No,” He laughed. “I just wanted to give it to you. I thought of you when I saw it.”

You narrowed your eyes through sniffles before slapping his chest weakly. “How much was it?”

He shook his head. “It was on sale, so it was  cheap.”

You nodded before lightly touching your own bare neck. You smiled at your best friend.

“I want to put it on,” You stated, reaching your hand out. 

“Okay,” He whispered. But instead of placing the necklace in your palm, he stepped forward and reached his arms around your neck to clasp it on himself. He moved any strands of hair that were in the way, his fingertips just grazing over the back of your neck. You shivered and stayed completely still, staring straight ahead into his chest with wide eyes. 

It felt like hours but he finally stepped back with a soft smile.

“I knew it would suit you.”

You beamed. Just before you were about to say anything else, you heard a voice call out your name. It was your friend, standing just meters away waving excitedly.

“I have to go,” You said, looking at Jacob with bright eyes. 

“See you at your dorm?” He joked.

You thought for a moment before nodding. “Sure, I’ll bring ramen.”

“I was jok—“

“Still, I need my pillow to sleep on tonight.”

“My arm or my chest?” He lifted an eyebrow.

“Still deciding!” You called out, running towards your friend. You skipped over to her and immediately started rambling about your new necklace.

“It’s pretty!” She fawned. “Sometimes I think you’re actually dating.”

You gawked and immediately started laughing. “No! That’s— that’s so wrong.”

She blinked at you, completely confused.

“Have you seen the way he looks at you?”

I.

It was stuck in your head–what your friend said. He looked at you like any completely normal person. He always had a friendly, caring expression on his face simply because that was his nature. There was nothing different and nothing more in your relationship except friendship. 

You couldn’t focus on that anymore though since you were now caught up in a game of truth or dare. After exams, the whole floor of your dorm decided to gather for a party. You hated going alone and so of course, you had to bring Jacob. 

The two of you tried to sit together on the floor but quickly became separated by the amount of people crowded into one room. You frowned, settling onto the floor next to two complete strangers.

Help me, You mouthed to him.

He shrugged. Wanna leave? He mouthed back.

You shook your head. This will be fun.

He nodded and turned his attention back to the bottle spinning in the middle of the circle, about to choose its first victim. It slowly came to a stop, landing on a guy who you remembered his name to be Sangyeon. He was nice. He once let you borrow his umbrella.

“Truth or dare?” Eric leaned excitedly.

“Dare.”

“I dare you to… text the person you have a crush on and ask them out on a date!” 

Sangyeon’s eyes widened in horror. Reluctantly, he pulled out his phone and soon, it was like the whole population was crowding around him, cheering giddily when Sangyeon began to text a message. 

You locked eyes with Jacob who’s across the room, obviously out of place. You smiled with amusement and silently shuffled over to him. 

“I don’t get this game,” He grumbled.

“You don’t get any fun. You only like soccer and basketball since you’re so good at it.” A familiar image appeared in your mind of Jacob, left only in the white dress shirt of his school uniform, wiping sweat off his forehead as he easily shot a goal.

“Thanks.” Jacob grinned stupidly.

“I wasn’t complimenting you.”

“Alright.” He eyed you skeptically. “So can we please not get separated again?”

“We can try,” You mumbled. Without a warning, your hand trailed down to his, grabbing hold of it and placing your intertwined hands in your lap. He stared at it briefly before clearing his throat and looking away.

“Is that the most effective way?” He muttered.

“I said I’d try,” You whined, your eyes traveling over to where the crowd around Sangyeon began to dissipate back into its circle. You were confident that no one would notice that you had switched places. But of course, Sunwoo, who was so adamant about going to the exact same college as Jacob because he “admires him so much” (he actually just wanted someone to pay for his meals occasionally), noticed your connected hands.

“No PDA!” He dramatically yelled, covering his eyes with his hands. Everyone immediately turned to look at the two of you.

Jacob immediately pulled his hand out of your grasp almost like you burned him. You groaned and glared at Sunwoo.

“And go back to your normal seat,” Sunwoo smiled teasingly. “Get off your boyfriend for just a minute.”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” You gritted out, standing up and stalking back to your original seat. You plopped back down on the floor and stared at Jacob with clear anger in your gaze.

He’s annoying. You glanced at the smug boy who was still smiling proudly over the fact that he separated two perfectly normal best friends.

Tell me about it. Jacob rolled his eyes, leaning back against his palms as his eyes wandered down to where the bottle was spinning again. This time, it landed on the stranger next to you. He wasn’t bad-looking and had a polite aura to him.

Eric gasped excitedly. “Juyeon! Truth or dare?”

The man thought for a second, humming. His voice was deep, you realized.

“Dare?” 

Almost instantly, Eric was leaning forward. He must have rehearsed this dare like his life depended on it. “Kiss the person on the left of you.”

It took Juyeon a while to process what Eric just said. But when he finally did, he whipped his head to look at you with wide eyes and flushed cheeks. You stared back, completely bewildered. 

“That’s cruel,” You groaned, staring at Eric in disbelief. “We don’t even know each other that well.”

“Fine,” Eric huffed. “On the cheek at least.”

Juyeon continued to stare at you, his gaze gentle and understanding. “Sorry,” He whispered sheepishly. “I can’t drink this one off. I’m a huge lightweight.”

You shook your head with a kind smile. “It’s fine. Just get it over with.” 

Juyeon nodded and he leaned in. You turned your head slightly so that he wouldn’t have to twist his neck in an awkward position. Just as you were about to focus on the lips being pressed to your cheek, your gaze locked with someone else’s. More specifically, Jacob’s.

Your breath hitched and your heart seized. There was something different about his gaze. It was filled with a flame and you could see that his jaw was clenched ever so slightly. His hands fidgeted as his eyes stared straight into yours, his eyebrows slightly furrowed.

It felt like time had slowed down. You watched as he leaned forward, propped his elbows on his knees, and tilted his head, obviously annoyed. Over what? You weren’t too sure. But you could see through the way his jaw tightened further that something was genuinely bothering him. Yet why was he only looking at you?

You were so focused on Jacob that you didn’t even realize that Juyeon was already pulling away.

Everyone in the room was cheering over the measly cheek kiss but it all felt silent to you. Your ears began to ring as you stared straight at Jacob, his eyes filled with a clear anger tinged with a small bit of hurt. 

You tilted your head worriedly.

Are you okay?

He blinked, his eyes softening. It was like what came over him just magically disappeared. Yeah.

You stared at him quietly before nodding. One more and then we leave.

He eagerly agreed, his head bobbing much like a puppy’s. You huffed out a laugh. You should have never dragged him out with you.

“Who’s next?” Eric spoke up loudly. Everyone’s attention turned back to the bottle that was spinning. You held your breath watching as it slowly came to a stop. You turned your gaze up to see who it was pointing at and—

You winced. 

Jacob stared at you with wide eyes before pointing at himself. You nodded with a grimace. 

Sorry.

He shook his head with a smile before turning to face Eric who was practically brimming with excitement. 

“Truth or dare?”

Jacob sighed. “Truth.”

Eric groaned. “Boring. But fine, I can make this fun.”

Jacob waited patiently. He was always patient—so patient that it annoyed you. You were always the one to tease and annoy him yet he took it like it was his sole job. Even if you could tell he was getting ticked off, he continued to smile and play along.

“Don’t you want to see my performance?” You twirled in your new outfit.

Jacob shook his head. “Not now, I have an art project due. You look pretty though.”

And you should have stopped there and said thank you. But instead, you continued to cling onto him and ramble in his ear.

At some point, in a flash of color, you knocked over the cup that Jacob used to wash his paintbrushes.

You watched in horror as it spilled over his painting. He only stared silently.

“I-I’m sorry, Cobie,” You whispered. 

“It’s fine,” He muttered, standing up and picking up the soaking-wet canvas. “I’ll just go dry it off.”

You gulped, searching his face for any sort of frustration. He definitely looked disappointed but… nothing else.

“Wait.” You stopped him, your hand coming to his wrist. You promptly ignored the cold feeling of the water that spilled over your new clothes as well.“Are you mad? Let me make it up to you. I can do the whole project for you if you want.”

Jacob turned to you, his expression blank. But much to your surprise, his face softened into a reassuring smile, his gaze gentle and warm. He set the canvas down and stepped forward, pulling you closer in the process.

“No,” He whispered. “You make everything look more beautiful anyway.” He turned to look at where the canvas which was previously plain and gray, was now splashed with a mix of colors.

You frowned. “But—“ 

“I’m more mad that your new clothes are ruined.” He paused, stepping back and looking you over. Then, he scrunched his nose teasingly. “It was pretty.”

“Jacob,” You huffed. How could he be so unbothered by this? You ruined his project that he had been working on for days yet he was more worried over you? “This is not about me.”

His eyes sparkled.

“I can always make it about you.”

“Okay! I got one!” Eric exclaimed, sitting up. “If you could date anyone in this room, who would it be?”

Everyone fell silent, staring at Jacob like curious cats. You weren’t any different, desperately wanting to know his answer. Jacob never spoke about his dating life. In fact, whenever you asked him if he had a crush on anyone, he would immediately reply no.

Much to your dismay, he didn’t say a word. His lips were shut as he stared around the room like a deer in headlights. 

“So?” Sunwoo pried.

Jacob gulped, his cheeks slowly turning red. And then his eyes landed on yours. When you stared back, he instantly tore his gaze away. But you quickly noticed a pattern. He would look at something, then back at you, at something else, and then back at you.

Your breath hitched. 

Why are you looking at me?

He widened his eyes and adamantly stared at the floor instead. I’m not, You could see him whisper to himself. The two of you always had conversations across the classroom during your high school days, hence your great skill of reading lips.

Jacob, you have to answer.

I can’t—

“It’s Y/n isn’t it?” Eric finally spoke up, wiggling his eyebrows with a knowing look.

His head shot up and his eyebrows furrowed. “I didn’t even say anything.”

“You were looking.”

“No, I—“ He groaned, his cheeks reddening further by the minute. “I was looking because I always look for them. Not because I would date them.”

Sunwoo snorted. “Do you hear yourself?”

“What?”

“I always look for them.” 

Jacob froze. And now, he refused to look you in the eye. “I…”

“Hey,” You spoke up with a frown on your face. “He doesn’t want to answer, let him off. It’s obviously not me.”

Jacob’s gaze wandered to yours. There was a sparkle behind his pupils this time, his lips parting as if he’d been keeping a secret all of his life.

“But it is you.”

You inhaled sharply. Tension filled the air, thick enough that even Juyeon stiffened next to you. Eric had grown quiet which was a very rare occurrence and Sunwoo’s jaw was dropped.

You forced yourself to shake out of your trance. Abruptly, you stood up and grabbed your things. 

“We’re leaving.” You forced a weak smile. “Have fun!” You tried to wish a farewell but instead, your voice came out shaky.

You didn’t even need to look back. Jacob was always behind you.

The walk back to your dorm was painfully quiet. You walked down the hallway, your fists painfully clenched as you periodically squinted your eyes and tried to make any sense of what Jacob had just said. You were filled with a jumble of emotions–a wave of immoral anger for Eric to ask such a question to lead up to this situation in the first place, a relief that you finally escaped that tension-filled party, but most of all, confusion over the fact that Jacob, your best friend of multiple years, had just said he would date you.

When you finally reached your dorm, you took in a sharp breath before whipping around. Jacob, who was biting his lip nervously, came to a halt to stare at you almost in… shame. He refused to look you in the eye which began to annoy you, considering the fact that he kept on staring at you when asked that stupid question just previously.

With a frustrated huff, you walked forward, pinned the side of your forearm against his chest, and pushed him against the wall.

“Jacob, look at me,” You warned, your eyebrows furrowing.

He finally did a guilty look on his face much like a puppy’s. “What? And why’re you pinning me to the wall?”

You scowled. “Because.”

“Because?”

“Just shut up,” You groaned. “Did you mean it? What you said.”

He only gazed at you, completely calm. But something was different. His gaze didn’t just keep its place on your eyes. Occasionally, it would slip down to your lips.

You stepped forward, close enough that you could feel his body's warmth against. You tilted your head, trying to intimidate him. But still, he continued to stare at you like you were a bright flower in the midst of a gray landscape.

“Why aren’t you answering?”

“Because you told me to shut up.” A small grin appeared on his lips.

You groaned once again. “Please, just answer. Did you mean it when you said that you would date me? If so, then I…”

What were you going to say? You weren’t even sure yourself. Would you reject him? Or maybe consider changing the whole trajectory of your life?

But this wasn’t just about you. It was about your relationship which was what you feared most. If he said yes, then surely, your relationship would change. In what way, you didn’t know. But you were scared. A bit curious, but mostly terrified–terrified of losing him in some way.

Your thoughts were interrupted by a quiet sigh.

“Of course not.” 

You blinked, looking at him in surprise. 

He laughed. It was a weird laugh though–nervous, almost like he was still hiding something. But you chose not to dwell on it anymore.

“There was no one else I knew, so I just said you to get out of the situation,” He weakly joked. His eyes darted away.

“Oh,” You stuttered, stepping away and letting your arm fall from his chest. You felt a bit weak. Maybe it was from relief that you didn’t have to consider the possibilities if he said yes. “Yeah, I get it.”

“Mhm,” He hummed, his eyes softening. “You should get some rest. It’s dark.”

“Okay.” You smiled. But before he could turn away, you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him into a tight hug. As an immediate response, he pulled you closer by the waist though he let out a small, confused sound.

“What’s this for?” He squeezed you closer.

“I felt like it.” You nuzzled into his shoulder. Even whilst being surrounded by beer bottles and drunken peers, he still manages to smell good—like a warm cup of sweet tea. You pulled away and peered up at him. “Stay the night?”

He gulped, his eyes widening slightly. “T-to do what?”

You snorted. “To sleep of course. You’re the only one who helps me sleep, you know.”

He followed you inside though he was still hesitant. After the two of you changed into something more comfortable (Jacob even has a change of clothes and a toothbrush in your dorm), you climbed into bed and immediately rested your head on his chest.

“Are you sure you’re in the right state of mind?” He murmured, gently rubbing your side. “You won’t regret this tomorrow?”

You shook your head. “I didn’t drink at all tonight. Why’re you being so cautious all of a sudden?” You pouted. “We always sleep together.”

He hummed. “Just making sure.”

After what you said earlier?

You wouldn’t lie and say that you definitely felt a bit different about asking him to stay over. But he already said that it wasn’t a serious statement. You chose not to think about it any longer, instead choosing to just doze off into his warm embrace. 

He was just your best friend. And a great pillow.

ii.

“I’m going on a date.”

You both hated and loved that phrase. You loved it because it left a thrilling, exciting feeling in your heart. But you mostly loathed it. It left your lips far too many times for your liking. The phrase never ended well. You’ve had a few relationships and obviously, they didn’t work out.

You put much effort into those relationships but never received the same amount. You were always regarded with a weirded-out stare or a quick roll of his eyes. But those were somehow on the higher end of the scale. At the lowest, was when you were insulted and pushed around. It was Jacob who first noticed.

“He’s hurting you.”

You furrowed your eyebrows, your fists clenching with denial. “But he apologized. He said he was just in a bad mood.”

Jacob frowned and took your hands in his, gently spreading your fingers to relax your fists. “No one in a bad mood should insult you or call you names.”

You gulped, tears starting to well up in your eyes. You knew that Jacob was right yet you were afraid of letting go of someone that held so many bright and fun memories.

“Love is hard,” You whispered. 

“It is,” He sighed. “But I’m always here for you.”

You exhaled shakily. You ran through multiple scenarios and possibilities. Some of the imaginary outcomes were positive but most were negative.

“It’s your choice if you want to stay with him. But promise me that if you’re ever hurt, just come find me,” He spoke softly. His hand gently came up to your cheek and wiped a stray tear away. It was at that moment that you realized what true care felt like. It was in the way he never pushed you into making a choice. It was in the way he promised you that he would be there for you. It was in the way his fingertips brushed against your skin.

That was what true care was.

And because of that realization, the very next day, you appeared outside of Jacob’s dorm room with a proud smile on your face.

“We broke up.”

His eyes widened and you could tell he was searching your face for any trace of tears. “Did he–”

“No, I did.”

His expression melted into a softer one. “I’m proud of you.” His lips pulled into a soft smile as he pulled you into his dorm and hugged you to the point that you had to repeatedly shove him until he let go.

“With who?” Jacob looked up from his computer. He watched nonchalantly as you started discarding your coat and bag on his bed. It was normal for you to crash at each other’s dorms. It was so normal that some people had even assumed that you were roommates. That didn’t make sense since there’s only one bed.

You reached into your bag and started pulling out the outfit you chose. “This guy in my literature class. He asked me first and he seems sweet.” He had a kind smile and he was polite. He even helped you pick up your books when you clumsily dropped them on the floor.

He was almost like Jacob. Though Jacob could go to… concerningly high extents sometimes. He tended to drop anything, even if it was a glass cup if he noticed that you were hurt or upset. 

But still, this man who asked you out seemed better than your other dates. It wouldn’t hurt to try. 

Jacob nodded, turning back to his computer while you used his bathroom to change into your date outfit. 

A few minutes later, you open the door and walk out. You don’t even bother to twirl or ask him about his thoughts as you were too busy digging through your bag for your wallet. But then you paused, interrupted by a sharp intake from none other than your best friend.

He was staring at you with his eyes round and his cheeks slightly colored. His gaze wandered down before coming back up to your eyes, his body utterly frozen.

“What?” You asked in confusion. “Does it look bad?”

“No!” He blurted out suddenly. He teared his eyes away, clearing his throat. “It’s just… different.”

You peered at him nervously. Why was he acting so weird? “In a good way or a bad way?”

“Good,” He breathed. He gave you a small yet sweet smile. “You look beautiful.”

“Oh.” Your frown quickly widened into a grin. “Thank you.”

After finally confirming that you did not forget your wallet, you took a seat beside Jacob on his bed. He used to be focused on his computer but it seemed that after you changed outfits, his eyes were darting elsewhere. He was losing his composure for some reason.

You let out a long sigh, rubbing your thighs with the palms of your hands. “Cobie, I’m nervous.” 

He turned to you with a soft look in his eyes. He even shut off his computer, turning his undivided attention to you. “Why?”

You pouted as memories came flooding back of your past relationships. It was always you who was left alone, broken into pieces until Jacob came along to put you together and patch you up. After your failed dates, you began to lose confidence in being able to keep anyone in your life, even if it was someone as loyal as your best friend. 

He always reassured you though.

“I won’t leave you.”

You laughed bitterly through your tears. “How do you know that?” 

After disappearing for almost the whole day, Jacob finally found you, sitting in the dark corner of your closet. You remembered him crouching down next to you and tucking a tear-soaked strand of hair out of your face.

“Because I don’t think that in any universe or timeline, I could stand being torn away from you.” He smiled.

You frowned, blinking away the tears that continued to trail down your cheeks. “Even if I’m undesirable?”

He looked at you taken aback. “Who told you that?”

“Him,” You whispered. Another one of your past dates that didn’t end well. When you had asked him why—why he didn’t want you, he began to list heart-wrenching words that still spun in your head. “He wouldn’t even hug me back because I’m undesirable or whatever.”

And in just a second, you felt a pair of strong arms being wrapped around you.

You inhaled shakily.

“You’re hugging me.”

He hummed and nodded, placing a hand on the back of your head to pull you in closer if that was even possible.

“Because you’re not undesirable. I will always want to hug you. And care for you. And lo—“

He cut himself off. You were too exhausted from crying to figure out what he was going to say anyway.

“Just because,” You sighed. “It’s been so long since I started dating again. What if I mess up?”

“You won’t,” He immediately replied. “You’ll do amazing. Just be yourself.”

You scoffed, rolling your eyes. “Easier said than done.” You could feel Jacob wince beside you because he already knew what you were talking about–how even if you acted like yourself, you were never accepted or loved enough.

“Sorry.”

You shook your head. “Don’t be.” You looked down to play with your fingers nervously. Multiple scenarios began to play through your head like a jumbled-up movie. What if you laughed at something he said when it wasn’t meant to be a joke? What if you blurted out your deepest darkest secret and caused him to look at you weirdly? What if–

“What if he kisses me?”

Jacob froze, turning to you in disbelief. “That’s what you’re worried about?”

“Well, one of the things I’m worried about,” You mumbled, shrugging.

He searched your eyes as if to make sure you weren’t joking. Which, you definitely weren’t, as your jaw clenched unsurely. 

This time, his tone was softer and more gentle. “Are you not confident?”

You sighed, slightly embarrassed. “No– I don’t know, maybe? I just don’t want to… disappoint.”

You can see a small smirk appear on Jacob’s lips. “I’m sure you won’t.”

“How would you know?” Your eyes narrowed suspiciously.

“I just assumed,” He whispered. And you could have sworn his eyes darted down to your lips for a split second. Then, he took in a deep breath and scooted just a bit closer, facing you so that your knees touched. He raised an eyebrow. “You’ve kissed before, haven’t you?”

“Yeah.” You furrowed your eyebrows. “Not enough to be good if that’s what you’re wondering.”

He seemed to be deep in thought before something shifted in his gaze and his lips parted to ask you something. It wasn’t teasing anymore, nor was it questioning. It was a serious look in his eyes, almost heart-stopping, as he stared at you as if to contemplate if what he was about to ask would change anything. And it definitely did, as it was already sending you choking on air.

“Want to practice?”

“With who?” You stared at him, acting innocent as if you didn’t already know what he meant.

“With me.”

“Oh,” You breathed. You didn’t know why but in the deepest part of yourself, reserved only for the most important secrets, you knew that your heart thumped erratically when he spoke those two words. “I mean– okay. I-I guess.” 

He was just doing it as a friend.

He smiled softly and you watched as his hand very slowly came up to cup your cheek. He leaned in but stopped just before your lips connected. You peeked an eye open–yes, you already shut your eyes–and stared at him in perplexion.

A corner of his lips lifted. He must have already noticed your eagerness.

“Promise me, you’ll tell me if you don’t want to do this.” He looked you in the eyes, searching you with almost what you could tell was affection. 

You nodded quietly.

He seemed confident but you could tell he was feeling nervous too with the way he swallowed thickly and his eyes darted across your features unsurely.

“Can I kiss you?” was his final question.

“Yes,” You whispered.

And then he leaned forward, attaching his lips to yours. You felt your heart stop before it came back to life again, this time, much faster than before. Your eyes carefully fluttered shut as you allowed yourself to melt into his touch. His hand stayed on your cheek, gently caressing your skin with his thumb as he slowly kissed you, almost as if he was savoring the moment.

You would be lying if you said that you didn’t also want to savor the moment.

You let out a small involuntary sound once it registered in your brain that he was deepening the kiss further. He tilted his head and soon enough, his hand was leaving your cheek, trailing down your side, and grasping onto your waist. You gasped and furrowed your eyebrows in concentration.

You were lost. Completely lost from the fact that this was supposed to be a practice kiss for your future date. That kind man from your literature class was long gone from your mind. Instead, every coherent thought of yours was replaced with one single person. Your best friend. The person you were kissing right now. 

Jacob, Jacob, Jacob.

“Jacob,” You rasped in between kisses. 

Even though your hands rested on his chest, creating some sort of distance, you didn’t make any further move to end the kiss. You felt butterflies erupt every time his hand ever so caressed your side.

“Hm?” He kissed you like he meant it. He kissed you like he actually loved you and that was what sent you reeling.

Shivers traveled down your spine once his hand wandered from your waist down to your lower back. The warmth of his palm and fingers splayed across your skin as it slowly lifted up the fabric of your outfit, leaving cool air to make its way through. 

That small breeze was what sent you out of your trance and what led you to finally pull away. 

“I think- I think that’s enough,” You panted, your heart rate refusing to go down.

Your lips felt sore and almost bitten and when you looked up to meet Jacob’s eyes, he was staring, stunned yet with a slight smug expression.

“Yeah,” He whispered. It took him a while for him to let go of the small of your back. “Sorry.” 

You huffed out a laugh, patting at your cheeks to let them cool down. “Sorry for what?”

He smiled shyly. “I got carried away.”

You snorted. You were glad that there wasn’t any lingering awkwardness after that… kiss no matter how oddly real and passionate it felt. “Am I at least a good kisser? Am I set for the date?”

It looked like he was just shocked by lightning. “Your date. Yes, your date.”

You stared at him with confusion. “My… date. That’s what we were practicing for.”

He gulped and nodded quietly. “Yeah, yeah.” And then he leaned in again. But this time, he positioned him right by your ear, his breath that you just recently felt shuddering against your lips, now lingering on your earlobe. You hated yourself for closing your eyes and bracing for a kiss. What were you thinking? You swallowed nervously.

“You’re a great kisser, just as I thought.”

You resisted the urge to choke on air. “Th-thank you,” You blurted stupidly before abruptly standing up to grab your bag and aiming to run out the door.

But he stopped you, gently taking your hand and pulling you back.

“What?” You squeaked, your hands growing sweaty and your heart speeding up for the nth time.

“It’s a bit…” You felt his fingers brush against your skin once again, creating flashbacks back to the kiss. You heard the sound of the zipper on the back of your outfit being zipped up. Since when was it undone? You were pretty sure you pulled it all the way.

“My fault,” He teased. So it was him who unzipped it.

“Perv.” You tried to elbow him. But of course, he caught your arm and turned you around. 

“Have fun on your date,” He smiled gently.

You breathed out shakily. “Okay.”

—

You were not having fun. Well, your date was all but a gentleman. He pulled the chair out for you, shielded you from incoming cars, and everything. But you couldn’t help but let your mind wander, distracted by the fact that Jacob already did all this anyway.

You were also distracted by the kiss. You could still feel the sensation of his lips moving fervently against yours and the warmth of his hand moving up your back and unzipping your outfit unnoticeably. You still wondered why he did that in the first place.

The two of you stopped on the trail that beautifully looked out to the sea. It was the perfect scene—the kind man in front of you, waiting for something. More specifically, a kiss. You could just lean in and kiss him right now but you… couldn’t.

“May I?” The man's voice interrupted your rushing thoughts.

“What?” You dumbly replied.

“You know.” He grinned shyly and stepped forward.

“Oh, I—“ You cleared your throat. Why wasn’t your heart beating fast like it did with your best friend of all people? Why didn’t your cheeks feel warm like how they did when Jacob looked at you with such a soft gaze? Maybe you were just going crazy, you figured. Maybe after this kiss, everything would go back to how it was. “Okay.”

But just as the man was leaning in, you suddenly planted your hands on his chest, pushing him away. When the man stared at you in alarm, you stuttered, “S-sorry. I actually don’t think we can.”

His expression saddened. “Why not?”

You didn’t know either. You could only offer a pathetic shrug.

“I just don’t think we’ll work out.”

His jaw clenched but he eventually stepped back. “Alright then, I guess. Want a ride home?” 

You gave him a weak smile and shook your head. “It’s fine. I’m sorry.”

He never accepted your apology.

—

When you called Jacob to pick you up, he looked you over in worry.

“Did something happen? Did he break it off with you? What—“ He didn’t even start driving, rather he parked and turned his attention to you.

You laughed and shook your head. “We didn’t kiss. And it was me who ended it.”

He frowned. “It was only your first date.”

“I know but I decided not to look for anyone right now. I’d rather just stick with you.” You smiled sweetly. Jacob replied with an incoherent sound as he abruptly turned away to stare out the window.

“That’s fine with me,” He muttered, his ears red even under dark evening light.

You huffed out a quiet laugh and sat back in the car seat. Jacob started driving, the low hum of the engine lulling you to sleep. Slowly, you shut your eyes and let out a content sigh. “I’m tired.”

“From what?” He mused.

You grinned to yourself. “From kissing you. You’re quite the rough kisser.” You paused. “Not that I didn’t enjoy it of course.”

And thank god for your seatbelt because, for some odd reason, Jacob suddenly slammed on the brakes.

But even after that throwaway comment, the two of you never spoke about the kiss again. Except, speaking and thinking are two different things. For the next coming days, you thought about the kiss again, and again, and again, even if it didn’t turn into something more.

iii.

“So you really didn’t kiss?” Jacob questioned a few days later. The two of you walked down the main street of your campus, window shopping and sipping on warm lattes. It was the perfect day, slightly chilly with clear skies. You loved moments like these–the ones where all you could do was chatter about random things that came up in your mind and Jacob would always listen intently. 

“No, we really didn’t.” You rolled your eyes. If you peered just a bit closer, you could see a wave of relief wash over his face.

As the two of you walked together and as more time passed by, you began to realize that what you and Jacob had wasn’t the most normal friendship. You had other friends too and you certainly did not act like how you did with Jacob. You glanced down to where you two were literally holding hands, intertwined fingers and all.

“So you don’t get lost,” Jacob whispered when the two of you graduated together. “I can’t lose you.”

Your mind wandered back to when Jacob fixed your hair oh so gently after it had gotten just the slightest bit messy from the wind.

“Why do you always fix my hair for me?” You narrowed your eyes.

“I like it when you look up at me when I do,” Jacob teased, pinching your cheek. “Your puppy eyes.”

You always thought he was just joking, but the more you thought about it, the more it felt like he meant it. He always seemed to love yet hate eye contact. Sometimes, he would stare back with a soft, admiration-filled gaze. Other times, he would tear his gaze away because he was flustered.

There was also the jealousy. You weren’t a blind fool to never notice it. He was always supportive of your dates and he always comforted you whenever they didn’t work out. But for some reason, what really ticked him off was physical touch by any guy that’s not him.

“What were you doing with him?” Jacob had asked you when he walked in on you hugging one of your classmates.

You widened your eyes. “Well he– he lended me some notes that I missed, that’s all.”

“And that earned him a hug?” Jacob’s eyes, ironically turned into those irresistible puppy eyes.

You stared at him in awe. “Are you…?”

Jacob gulped. “No.”

And that was the first time Jacob asked you to fall asleep on him instead of the other way around. You would never complain though. His chest was very comfortable.

Then there was the kiss. 

It was one. You never kissed him again after. And at the moment, it seemed like a perfectly normal thing to do. In your mind, you thought he was just offering you an opportunity to practice. 

But every time you thought of it at night and in your dreams, you began to realize that it was anything but practice. There was no need for him to caress your side, cup your cheek so gently, tilt his head for a better angle, and for him to deepen the kiss.

Your friendship wasn’t a typical one. It was something more. Yet, you didn’t know what to do with it.

You turned to look at him, wondering if studying his features would give you a clearer answer. But much to your surprise, Jacob was already staring back. There was a small smile on his lips, his eyes sparkling as he looked—as he looked at you.

“Why?” You blurted out.

“Why what?” 

“Why do you always stare at me?”

He paused in his tracks. It took you a moment to realize that it was really only the two of you on the sidewalk. The sun had already set and so everyone had gone home. He turned to you, pulling you closer, causing you to stumble slightly. He then brought your connected hands up to his chest. You inhaled quietly once it registered in your head that you could feel his erratic heartbeat. You looked up at him, searching for any sort of answer. Yet he still remained like a book in a completely different language that you didn’t understand.

“Because you never fail to take my breath away.”

Your heart felt like it was caught in your throat. And as dumb as it may seem, you looked down at yourself, wondering if you had dressed up in a particular way for him to say that. But then you felt a gentle hand on your cheek, turning your attention back up. He tucked a piece of hair behind your ear.

“Always,” He replied quietly as if he read your mind. “You always, always take my breath away. Even on the day you fell asleep on me in high school. Even when you say that you look bad, I think you’re beautiful.”

“Jacob… I—“ You stopped once you felt a stinging cold on the very tip of your nose. It was a snowflake, you soon realized. You used to love it when it snowed, up until you found out that you had a horrible tolerance for cold. But who was it who took care of you when sick? It was always Jacob. It was always him who wrapped you up in blankets and cuddled you, even when you warned him that he would also get sick.

His eyes filled with worry as he glanced up at the sky. “Let’s run before it gets too slippery.” He smiled mischievously, grasping your hand once more and leading you toward your dorm. You laughed loudly, trying to catch up with him. 

“Too fast!” You complained.

He turned back to look at you and oh, how handsome he looked even while running. That pretty smile with his bright, even prettier eyes. “I don’t want you to get sick,” He replied, accompanied by a cute laugh. “Do you want me to carry you?”

You flushed and shook your head immediately. “Let’s just keep running,” You huffed, allowing Jacob to lead the way. 

The whole run back was filled with giggles and giddy smiles. You couldn’t have it any other way. The two of you, panting, finally managed to burst into your dorm. There was this exhilarating feeling in your chest. No matter if you stopped running or not, you would feel so… out of breath. It could be because of Jacob, it could be the beautiful snow, or it could just be the constant pounding of your heart. It could be all three.

You finally let go of Jacob’s hand, completely missing how he instinctively chased after your touch. Then, you stepped away to brush off the snowflakes that’s built up on your coat. Once you were sure that you were free from looking like a sugar-powdered donut, you looked up to where Jacob had already closed the door and was leaning against it.

His hair was messy, but what caught your eye the most, were the flurries of snow trapped between his locks. Somehow, he made looking like a sugar-powdered donut a good thing. He grinned at you with slightly rosy cheeks and gentle, gentle eyes.

He looked attractive. Since when did he look so attractive? You weren’t completely unaware that he was a fairly good-looking guy, but with the way his coat slipped off one shoulder and how his smile shot straight for your heart, you began to realize he was a lot more than just good-looking.

You were frozen, your arms straight at your sides, completely distracted by your best friend’s smile and the annoying thump of a heart–specifically, yours. 

And one would think that he was looking at you, weirded out by your staring. But instead, he was gazing at you just the same. And this time, you had an explanation for all those lingering, soft looks he would give you for the many years that you’ve been friends. His words rang in your ears.

Always. You always, always take my breath away.

His smile slowly fell and before you could even register the way his gaze fell away from your eyes and downwards, he was walking towards you and cupping your face. Not even a second later, you felt a pair of lips being pressed against yours. 

And just like before, your eyelids were already fluttering shut. This time though, you stayed without movement, simply allowing him to kiss you ever so gently and lovingly.

When he pulled away, that was when it finally hit you. You didn’t have a date to practice for, nor was this some sort of dare. Jacob, your best friend of multiple years, just kissed you on his own accord.

You brought the back of your hand up to your lips, staring at him in startlement. “Why’d you do that?” Your voice came out weak.

“What?” He blinked, and you could see how his cheeks began to flush. “Oh, I just– you know, in case you were thinking of going on another date with another literature class guy. It would be good practice since I know that you’re nervous so I just– I kissed you.”

You furrowed your eyebrows. “Is that really it?”

He gulped, his eyes searching yours before he sighed. “I’m sorry. You just looked really pretty.”

“You kissed me because I looke–”

“Yes,” He blurted out, wincing. “And I’m sorry. That was stupid of me and I should have asked before and now you think that I’m–”

“Jacob.” You stepped forward, placing your hands on his shoulders. “Jacob.”

His eyes softened. “Yeah?”

“Be completely honest,” You looked him straight in the eyes. However, it began to feel a bit hard not to let your gaze fall to his lips because my god, was he a good kisser.

“I just was,” He muttered shyly.

You huffed. “Not that. I know you already answered that question. You kissed me because I looked pretty, which thank you, by the way.” You batted your eyes teasingly. Jacob let out an incoherent sound and tried to look away. But instead, you cupped his cheek and turned his attention back. “I have another one.”

He frowned, which would be a sorrowful sight if it wasn’t for the fact that he was blushing like crazy right now. You held back a smile.

“Do you like me?”

Jacob’s eyes widened. “What?” He squawked.

The puzzle pieces were already coming together for a while now. The longing gazes, acts of kindness, his occasional kisses (definitely not normal)–you knew there was a root to all those. But you still had that small feeling of insecurity. Well, up until now. That kiss just confirmed everything.

“Do you like me?” You repeated. “Last time, when you said that you would date me, you weren’t lying. You meant it, didn’t you?”

“I…” He trailed off. The room was dead silent. All you could do now was see, smell, and feel. You could see Jacob’s eyelashes as they fluttered when he blinked profusely, trying to come up with some sort of excuse. You could smell his cologne, which always smelled good especially when you buried your face into his chest. And you could feel his hand hovering just over your wrist.

He let out a low sigh and he looked you in the eye, his gaze nervous yet filled with something new–hope.

“I did,” He finally whispered. “I meant it. I would love to date you. And I like you. So much and for a very long time now.”

And even with all that evidence that you’ve thought about late at night, you still couldn’t help but be taken aback. You swallowed thickly and took a step back. “Oh.” It all felt real now. Deep down, you were hoping that he denied it. You wouldn’t have to actually think about your feelings for him like you had to do now. You weren’t prepared for this.

“I– I was just curious,” You stuttered. But that hand that was hovering over your waist suddenly grasped it and pulled you close. You yelped quietly before finding yourself right up against your best friend’s chest.

“And you don’t have an answer?” He asked, his voice teasing yet trembled slightly. 

“Why do you need an answer?” Your heart thumped.

He hummed, his eyes glinting with mischievousness. “I want to know. You’re the one who brought this up anyway.” 

“Yeah, well–” You inhaled sharply when you felt a hand on the side of your face, cautiously tucking a piece of hair back. “I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine.” He looked you over in a way that made you feel warm and fuzzy inside. And for some reason, it wasn’t an unfamiliar feeling. You’ve felt this before, multiple times, which was what baffled you even more.

You didn’t know when it started happening and you didn’t want to dwell on it either, but everytime he ever so smiled or placed his hands on you, you felt that weird thing in your stomach. All the recent times that you’ve cuddled and fell asleep with him began to do just the same. Sometimes, you couldn’t even fall asleep because your heart was beating too fast. The only way you could fall asleep was by pressing your ear to his chest and counting his heartbeats.

Jacob quickly noticed your silence and hesitance. His voice quieted down to that caring version that he always used when you were on the verge of falling asleep—whether that be on his shoulder or chest.

“Y/n,” He gently spoke, grabbing your attention.

“What?” You winced.

“I’m sorry if I pressured you or anything. You don’t have to answer right n—“

“I like you too.”

His breath hitched. You couldn’t see his expression though, as you had shut your eyes with a grimace.

“Oh,” He breathed. You heard him step closer. “You do? You… like me too?”

“Yes,” You whispered in a small voice.

And yet again, your stomach did that funny thing because when you opened your eyes, Jacob’s face was a lot closer than before. He had a shy yet cautious smile on his face as he watched you silently.

“So…” He tilted his head expectantly. “We both share feelings. It’s up to you what you want to do now.”

This wasn’t even the bad part, you realized. It was the next words that left your lips that was.

“Nothing, let’s just move on.”

Immediately, it was like something had stabbed him in the heart and oh, did it feel the same for you. You bit your lip, willing your tears to go away. All you wanted to do was reach for his hand and pull him in and let everything else fold out naturally. But no, you stayed back against the wall, refusing to look him in the eye.

“What?” He muttered, a clear look of confusion in his eyes. 

Your voice wavered as you forced sounds out of your clenched-up throat. “I said, that we should just move on.”

He let out a breath in disbelief. “Why? Is there something wrong? Did I do something wrong? If so, I’ll fix it. Is it because I didn’t let you borrow my hoodie that one time? I’ll let you borrow it whenever you want from now on.”

“It’s not,” You cried, your heart aching at the fact that he still tries to take the blame. “I want to be more with you, Jacob. I just can’t. It’s my fault, not yours.”

He fell quiet, watching you with care. “What’s stopping you?”

“Me,” You shamefully replied. “I’m afraid.”

“Afraid?” He inquired quietly. “Of what?”

“Of taking you for granted. I don’t want to possibly lose you and I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“You don’t have to worry about me.” He frowned. 

“But I should.” You furrowed your eyebrows. “Because what if I push you away, then what?”

He looked like he was going to say something else but he ultimately swallowed his words and let out a low sigh. “Okay,” He whispered. “I understand.”

You felt the need to apologize over and over again. You hated the look on his face as he tried to hide the pain he was feeling. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” You began to say over and over again. “It’s not because of you. It’s—“

“I know.” He gave you a soft look. He always remembered and could always tell when you were sensitive about a past relationship, no matter if it was just a fling or not.

He slowly stepped forward again and he carefully rested his palm on the back of your hand. When you didn’t flinch or pull away, he gently wrapped his fingers around your hand, holding it firmly.

“So why did you tell me?” He finally asked. “If you didn’t want this to go further.”

You tightened your hands into fists—a nervous habit you had. But, he was quick to soothe them back open as he quietly whispered a small, “You’ll hurt yourself.”

“I don’t— I don’t know.” You paused. “In a perfect world, you’re aware of my feelings and we go further. But that’s in a perfect world. I just thought… if I told you it might magically happen but it didn’t and that’s stupid, I know.”

Jacob never took his eyes off you and he never pulled his hand away. That’s what you liked so much about him. He never failed to be your anchor, the one to ground you when you felt like floating away.

What confused you though, was that he wasn’t saying anything. He seemed to be deep in thought as if he were changing his mind about something. But, he wasn’t changing his mind about his feelings for you. You could tell by the way his eyebrows furrowed slightly when you tried to hide away from his soft gaze and by the way he never let you clench your fists, holding both of your hands tightly but never enough to hurt.

You were lost in his eyes—those who have seen you at your best and lowest. He’d seen you smile and come running into his arms and he’d seen you cry and break down until you fell asleep in his embrace.

“Then I’ll wait for you.”

You inhaled sharply and widened your eyes. “What?”

“I’ll wait for you,” He repeated, a small yet reassuring smile on his lips. “That perfect world you talked about–it’s a possibility, right? So I’ll wait. I’ll wait for your perfect world to come.”

“Jacob.” You stared at him unsurely. He didn’t even know when that would happen. You didn’t even know either. So why was he so sure of waiting for you?

He leaned in and you felt a hand leave yours. And almost like he read your mind, you felt the warmth of his palm on the side of your cheek, caressing it soothingly.

“No matter how long it takes.”

Your brain was rushing with a million red warning signs. Multiple questions threatened to spill out of your mouth yet the only one that could leave was a choked, “why?”

“Because all I want is for you to be happy. Why should we rush when it means you won’t be happy? That’s all that matters to me.”

“But you—“ You let out a frustrated sigh. “You might lose interest. Or what if we do get together and something happens and—“

He grinned. “You’re thinking too far ahead. Didn’t I tell you I would wait?”

You grumbled, yet the weight in your heart lightened at the change in the surrounding mood.

“Whenever you’re ready, we can talk about this again,” He said. “In the meantime, we can go back to what we were before.”

You rolled your eyes and bit back a shy smile. “Okay.”

“And…” His eyes sparkled as he leaned forward. Immediately, as if on instinct, you shut your eyes and expected a kiss on the lips. Instead, though you felt him press one on the very top of your forehead, almost as if that was his final move of showing how much he respected you. “If you ever decide to go further, I promise that I will be good for you. I’ll be so, so good for you.”

That was when your legs began to feel like jelly. You could feel yourself melt and your brain go fuzzy. 

But just as you expected, Jacob was always there to catch you.

+ 1

It was one thing to be best friends with Jacob and another thing to be best friends with a guy who recently confessed his feelings for you. No matter how hard you tried to bring things back to normal, it was of no use.

Every smile, which would be a normal thing whenever you crack a joke, now was a smile that caught you off guard and made you stumble over your words. Whenever he touched you somehow, whether if it was simply to guide you down a sidewalk or to pull you into a hug, you felt a spark that never quite left you until you fell asleep.

But still, despite the many times your heart had beaten towards Jacob, you could never find the courage to take things further. Even so, he always made it clear that he would wait.

“You can stop waiting,” You once blurted out when you noticed him hesitating to grasp your hand. 

He looked at you in slight alarm before softening his expression. This time, without hesitation, he took hold of your hand, pulling it into his lap so that he could play with your fingers, bending them and squeezing them.

“Tell me the reason first. Then I’ll decide.” He eyed you knowingly.

You blushed and looked away. However, you never made a move to pull your hand away.

“Just… I feel bad,” You muttered. “It must be awkward or difficult. So you can just leave if this is bothering you.”

“Ah,” He breathed. He didn’t say anything after that, instead turning his attention back to your hand.

You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion and turned to him. “So you’re going to stop waiting?” 

He smirked slightly before shaking his head. “No.”

You gaped at him, pulling your hand away in shock. “What?” You stammered. “But I just said–”

Your words were cut off by Jacob taking your hand and instead of bringing it back into his lap, he brought it up to your lips and left a soft kiss on the back of it. You immediately choked on your spit as you blinked, flustered.

“So your reason is that you’re worried that I might get impatient, correct?” He looked up to you, smiling.

You nodded your head, too lost for words.

“Then that’s not a valid reason,” He whispered. He set your hand back down, but still held it in his lap. “If you feel uncomfortable, then I will stop waiting. But me? You don’t have to worry about me.” He leaned in, staring at you completely endeared. You tried to glance away. “Like I said, I’ll always wait. No matter how long it takes.”

You breathed out shakily before nodding.

It always ended like that. It didn’t matter how hard you tried to convince him to give up, he would always come back to you like a lost puppy.

Jacob also started to take care of you more. At first, you thought it was some way to win you over like your exes liked to do right after an argument. But, over time, you began to realize that his actions were genuine, though silent and hard to notice.

“I’m hungry,” You mumbled to yourself one day. Jacob was walking behind you, seeming busy on his phone. Turns out, he wasn’t, because a few hours later, you found a bag of food placed at the entrance of your door. 

Or, the other time when you just finished up your upcoming assignments and could barely walk straight with how exhausted you were. All you could remember was a pair of worried eyes that belonged to Jacob who was guiding you to bed. When you woke up, you were wrapped comfortably in blankets and most of all, his sweater that seemed to magically appear on you.

And then there was that one time. The most important of all.

“Which one is better?” You asked, holding up two scarves for your classmate to see. She peered at it curiously before pointing at the one in your left hand.

“Who’s it for?” She wiggled her eyebrows.

You scoffed, putting the other one back on the shelf. “Jacob.”

“Are you really sure that you two aren’t a thing?” 

You hesitated before shrugging weakly. “It’s complicated.” You tossed the scarf into the cart before turning away, yawning. On nights when Jacob was too busy to visit your dorm, you never were able to sleep well. “I’m going to order a cup of coffee, I’ll be right back.”

You stretched your limbs and walked over to the nearby coffee shop. Buying gifts was a hard task, especially when it came to Jacob. He always made these intricately crafted gift baskets for you, filled with everything you could possibly want. 

“Y/n?” A gruff voice called out to you.

You froze in place. You recognized that voice and oh, how you despised it. Still, you plastered on a smile and turned in the voice’s direction.

“Hey, it’s… you.” You looked the man over. He was the ex who stated so bluntly that you were undesirable. He certainly looked worse for wear—dark circles under his eyes, clothes with unknown stains on them, and an unkind sneer.

“How’ve you been?” He took a step forward. You were quick to backtrack, your fists clenched.

“Fine,” You forced out. “You?”

“Could be better.” He shrugged. Something suddenly shifted in his gaze though, as he looked at you differently. It was in a way that made you feel sick to your stomach, as opposed to the butterflies that would appear when you two were still together. “Listen,” He started. “I’m going to get straight to the point.”

You stared at him, perplexed.

“Get together with me again.”

You jerked away, your hands coming up defensively. “What?”

“You heard me. I’m sorry that you got offended by my words before…”

You scoffed. And he still won’t apologize.

“…but after we split, I realized how much I missed you. C’mon sweetheart, you know you feel the same, hm?”

You felt like you were about to throw up as you glared at him in disbelief. “Do you hear yourself right now?”

The man feigned innocence. 

“Okay, I guess not. And I don’t have the energy to explain it to someone like you,” You spat. “So no. My answer is no. Besides, I have a boyfriend.”

That last sentence you sort of didn’t think through… but everything else you’ve practically perfected after rehearsing it with Jacob many times before. 

“If you ever see him again, promise you’ll tell me,” Jacob muttered, his fingers trailing circles on your arm. It was late at night and you could barely keep your eyes open. But, it was always at this time that Jacob became sentimental and protective.

“Okay,” You whispered, your voice muffled in his chest. “Don’t worry, I’m over him.”

“That’s good.” You could hear him breathe out in relief. “And if he ever wants something from you, say no. You deserve so much more than he can ever give you.”

You smiled and snuggled closer to your best friend’s warmth. “Okay, okay. In love with me or something?” 

“...go to sleep,” He mumbled, pulling the blankets closer over your figure. Completely forgetting the fact that he never answered your question, you peeked over his shoulder and realized that he was barely covered. 

You frowned. “You’ll get cold.”

And instead of readjusting the blankets, he tightened his arms around you, burying his face into your neck. “I won’t.”

“Boyfriend?” Your ex’s jaw clenched scarily. “What do you mean boyfriend? Who?”

You gulped but still lifted your head high. “Jacob,” You lied straight through your teeth. 

The man’s sneer only grew further as his eyes narrowed. “Of course,” He hissed. “Of course it’s always him.”

You nodded slowly, slightly confused of his response. “Yeah, so…” You couldn’t help but stifle a laugh at the sight of the man, red-faced and with almost smoke coming out of his ears.

“Just leave,” The man grunted. “I’m fine.”

“I never asked if you were fine.” You suppressed a laugh which quickly fell short when he snapped his head towards you in a warning. “Okay, okay,” You snorted. “Have a great day!” You waved and ran away before the man could explode once more.

As you walked back in the direction of your classmate, you couldn’t help but smile stupidly to yourself. To be truthfully honest, you were always terrified for this day to come. That you would run into one of your failed dates and absolutely freeze up, making a complete fool out of yourself. That was what you thought for the longest time.

But now, you realized that the interaction you just had was a lot easier than you thought. Sure, it left your heart seizing nervously, but after having someone–Jacob–stay by your side everytime even a single tear left your eye, you realized that you were healed.

–

You swung the bag in your hand, smiling brightly. You’ve never felt so happy before. Your eyes wandered across all the stores, casually window shopping until you suddenly came to a stop. 

You squinted your eyes and stepped closer. There, on the display of one of the most famously expensive jewelry stores, was the necklace worn on your very neck–the exact same one that Jacob had gifted you. You peered in and spotted the price tag. That was when you stumbled back, slapping your hand over your mouth.

You stared in astonishment at the necklace. “He said that it wasn’t expensive…”

But of course, it was always Jacob who said not to worry about him. You sighed all too knowingly though you couldn’t help but bite back the smile that was forming on your lips. 

Just as you were busy admiring the bracelet just like you’ve done many times before, you heard your phone ring. 

“Jacob?” 

“Y/n,” He sounded breathless. Almost like he was… running. “Where are you?”

You blinked in confusion. “Where are you?”

“The park. Are you–” 

You accidentally hung up. You winced and whispered a quiet sorry before heading to the local park.

–

It’s a common occurrence for Jacob to find you wandering around the park, clearing your mind after hours of studying. It was not a common occurrence for you to find Jacob standing in a secluded garden area, looking around frantically for something–someone.

You bounded over to him, ready to greet him cheerily. But, as soon as his eyes landed on you, he was immediately reaching forward and pulling you into his arms. 

“Oh,” You breathed stiffly. His hold was tight and protective, yet you had no idea why.

He pulled away and looked you over worriedly. His eyes were soft and his hands held gently onto your shoulders. “Are you okay?” He asked. Then, his hands came up to your cheeks as if to check for invisible tears. “Did he hurt you?”

You stared at the man in alarm, your lips parted in confusion. “Who?”

“Your ex.” 

Your mouth fell further open. “How’d you know I met him today?”

Jacob sighed and pulled out his phone. “I got a text.” You couldn’t help but melt at his small, worried pout. “He said that he had just talked to you and sent you home crying.”

You blinked. And then you snorted, much to Jacob’s surprise.

“That weirdo said that?” You laughed. “He did not. I was the one who sent him home. He’s bluffing!”

And even though the man in front of you looked slightly embarrassed, you could tell that he was relieved. He stepped forward and pulled you back into a hug, his hand stroking the back of his head. “Thank god. I thought you were hurt.”

You shook your head, smiling as you listened to his beating heartbeat. “Don’t worry, I’m okay.”

It was you who pulled away first but it quickly became a regret. You so badly wanted to melt back into his arms. You’ve never been treated with so much care before–the way he held your face so gently to make sure you weren’t crying and how he held you close. God, how he made you swoon.

You cleared your throat, completely forgetting that you were staring in awe into your best friend’s eyes. Jacob smiled shyly.

“So!” You blurted, playing nervously with the sleeves of your coat. “What brings you to the park? You never come here.”

Jacob seemed to choke on something. Hm, you didn’t remember seeing him eating anything. He glanced around and you quickly noticed how red his ears had gotten.

“Oh, I–I was on a run and this was part of the… route.”

“Really?” You wondered, looking around. This area of the park was more closed off though, surrounded by more plants than people. “Interesting.”

“Yeah,” He laughed nervously.

It grew awkwardly silent then. The two of you were simply facing each other without anything to say or do. But that silence gave you more time to observe and notice the small details like how Jacob’s hair was tousled in multiple directions, meaning he wasn’t running in one straight path, but rather on multiple. His shoes were untied, which didn’t make any sense with his run, but instead showed that he was in a hurry. And then there was the phone call. The first thing he asked was where you were and as soon as you met up with him, it was like he was looking for…

“You were looking for me,” You breathed in realization. “You ran here because you were looking for me.”

Jacob’s cheeks immediately reddened as he stared at you like a deer caught in headlights. He winced as he tried to avoid eye contact. You leaned forward, making him breathe in sharply.

“I…” He sighed in defeat. It seemed like your best direction was simple eye contact. “Fine, I was looking for you. I was worried about you.”

Your eyes softened as you reached a hand up to fix his messy hair. “Why? You know that I can take care of myself.”

He frowned and you couldn’t help but think how adorable he looked when he was protective. “Still. I hate to see you hurt.”

You smiled, endeared. “Oh, Jacob…”

“Ever since you told me that you were afraid that one day, I wanted to take care of you more. And I’m sorry,” He whispered, slightly leaning into the touch of your hand. “I’m sorry if I intruded too much or made you uncomfortable. I promise that I’ll step back if you want. Or if you–”

He let out a muffled sound though, as you grabbed his collar and pulled him in to plant a kiss onto one of his cheeks. When you peeked an eye open, you smiled when you realized that his eyes were wide open in shock. Stifling a laugh, you pulled back and softly poked the spot that you just kissed.

“Wha… you…” He stared at you, completely dazed. Then, he giggled, completely flustered, as his hand came up to touch where you had just kissed.

You finally let that laugh escape, hiding your face in his chest. Then, you looked up at him, smiling widely. 

“You really do know how to make me fall, don’t you?”

He smiled goofily, almost like he was drunk after that one kiss. “You’re still standing though.”

You huffed fondly and slapped him bashfully. “You know what I mean.”

“Wait, but–” He widened his eyes. You felt his hands sneak around your waist, holding you securely and protectively. “Are you sure about this? I told you I’d wait. You don’t have to…” He bit his lip shyly. You could tell that the feeling of your lips on his cheek came rushing back. He shook out of his trance though he was still blushing. “You don’t have to kiss me if you’re not ready.”

You smiled softly and shook your head. You knew it was the necklace that did it for you. It served as further proof of how much Jacob cared for you–that he always thought about you even when you were apart and lied about the price so that you wouldn’t worry. Jacob was always like this. He always had you in his mind and would do anything if it meant that you would smile. Sometimes, he would even tell you that he liked your smile.

 “But I am ready. I want to go further with you.”

That was what made him jump in surprise. “You– you want to be more? Like me as your boyfriend? And you as…” He paused, his smile giddy and so in love. “Mine?”

You nodded excitedly. “Yes, Jacob.”

“But you said…”

“I’m still afraid,” You replied, looking down at where there was barely any distance between you two. “But I would love to try with you.”

“Are you sure?” He furrowed his eyebrows slightly which you couldn’t take seriously with the way his eyes were filled with so much eagerness.

“Yes.” You copied his expression jokingly.

“One hundred percent sure?” 

You sighed fondly and instead of replying, you stepped forward and pressed yet another kiss on his cheek. That seemed to be a good enough answer because Jacob was staring down at you as if you were the brightest star in the sky.

Jacob then used his finger to tilt your chin up. His smile was what left you feeling breathless. “Then I promise you, Y/n, that I’ll be good for you. If I do anything wrong, tell me. I will be my best for you. All the time. I like you so much”

You felt your composure melt as you couldn’t even control your grin anymore. 

“Okay,” You giggled. “I like you too. And this time, I want to do more. Only with you. You are my perfect world.”

Then, your expression quickly changed into a teasing one as you leaned in and fluttered your eyes shut. You expected Jacob to become flustered but instead, he smirked and tightened his hold on your waist. You were glad that the park was empty right now as you peeked an eye open, slightly flustered.

“What are you doing?” He teased.

You smiled shyly. “I’m asking for a kiss. And not as practice this time.”

“Of course, beautiful.” He drew circles on your hip before yanking you close and against his lips. It felt like fireworks going off in your stomach. And the fact that this was real was what made every sensation stronger than it was before.

You wrapped your arms around his neck and tilted your head slightly. Jacob smiled against your lips, holding you close without any intention to let go.

Jacob suddenly pulled away, leaving you to chase after his lips. When you stared at him with both confusion and want at the same time, he smiled knowingly before muttering, “You taste sweeter each time.” 

Instantly, you were coughing with a rising blush on your cheeks. The fact that this wasn’t even your first kiss is something to think about. But still, his eyes watched your every move, completely smitten before he leaned back in.

He made it feel like your first kiss everytime.

A few months later

“Why didn’t you tell me that the necklace was actually expensive?” You mumbled, your question briefly cut off by a yawn. The two of you were cuddled up in bed, late at night. It’s not like you two didn’t cuddle before so there wasn’t much of a difference–the only one being that there were now kisses added.

He hummed, the vibration resonating through your chest. “Because I knew you would worry too much and make me return it.”

You huffed grumpily and turned away, your back facing him. He let out a small sound of confusion and peeked over your body to poke your cheek.

“Did I say something wrong?” You already knew he was pouting.

“Yes,” You whined before quickly turning back around. You punched him in the chest though he didn’t flinch one. “Why do you always tell me not to worry about you? This is a teamwork thing. I want to worry about you.”

Jacob stared at you, a completely smitten look on his face. His gaze was soft and you yelped as he suddenly wrapped his arms around you and pulled you back to his chest.

“Okay,” He replied.

You froze. “That’s it? No arguments?”

He laughed quietly. “No, because you’re right. We should be taking care of each other equally.” Then, he tilted his head back to look you in the eye. “Plus, I like when you worry about me. So do that more from now on.”

“Good.” You rolled your eyes. “I will. You think I don’t notice when you’re shivering from the cold?”

He frowned. “But you need the jacket or else you’ll get col–”

“Jacob,” You warned. 

“Fine, fine.” He scoffed, squeezing your arm playfully. “But you do know that you deserve the best? So in my defense, you deserve that jacket.”

You bit your lip and sighed, defeated. You were glad that the room was dimly lit so that he wouldn’t notice your blush. As you were getting lost in your thoughts, you felt a hand caress the side of your face, turning your attention back.

“Can I ask something?”

You tilted your head, willing yourself not to melt into his touch. You couldn’t handle that stupidly loving smile he would give you everytime you did.

“What is it?”

“How have I been as a boyfriend? I told you I would treat you well. If there’s anything, let me know. All I want is for you to be happy when you’re with me. Of course, if you want…” You could tell he was nervous with the way he began to ramble.

You smiled fondly and leaned in to kiss his jaw. “Jacob, Jacob,” You spoke, interrupting his fast-paced words.

“Yeah?” He looked at you like an eager puppy.

“Don’t worry,” You whispered. “You’re doing amazing. You’ve been the sweetest boyfriend ever.” 

“Oh?” His focused expression quickly turned into a teasing one. “That’s a relief. I love being good for you.”

“My god.” You tried to act nonchalant, but you couldn’t ignore the skip of your heart. You were about to add on, but your words were muffled by him leaning in and kissing you. His lips moved against yours as if you had all the time in the world which you did–you loved to savor the moment. 

You barely noticed that he had shifted his position so that you were caged under his arms. You could feel him giggle against your lips, his hand coming up to comb through your hair. You would never get over the fact that he had been a good kisser all this time. You wondered just how many kisses you’ve missed out on. 

But then again, his kisses were all for you from now on. You liked–no, loved–the thought of that.

It was still late at night and so, your kisses started to grow more slow and relaxed. Your arms around his neck slowly fell to your sides. 

“Hey, don’t fall asleep on me now.” Jacob smirked, pulling away as he stared down at you, your eyes fighting to stay open.

“Can’t help it,” You mumbled. “Come down already.” You grabbed his arm that was holding him up as he hovered you and pulled him back down to lie with you. Automatically, you were climbing into his embrace and it didn’t take long for you to fall asleep.

“Does my kissing make you sleepy?” He teased.

“Yes. I sleep when I’m in love,” You huffed, your thoughts jumbled and messy from both the kiss and your drowsiness.

“That doesn’t really make sense.” He still kissed the top of your forehead anyway.

“Shut up and go to sleep.”

“Okay, beautiful.”

[gluion]

satin ➵ jacob bae

the pink ribbons that you and your daughter used to dress up jacob now used on you.

general genre/warnings ➵ smut, fluff!, soft but teasing dom!jacob, slight shibari with ribbons, pet names (baby, teasing use of daddy), foreplay, fingering, nipple play, impregnation, creampie (duh), aftercare, ends with the start of a second round

word count ➵ 4.1k words

taglist ➵ @deoboyznet @kflixnet @blankjournal @winterchimez @miusgirl @mosviqu @vernyangel @stealanity @deobi0412 @blue-rainydays

a/n ➵ did i write this the night before my flight and the two plane rides? yes. i had to get it out. also, i think this horny thought caused my period to come early T__T anyway... shoutout to @kimsohn and @juyeonszn for being my crazy horny bffs... sliding this to some cobie lovers... @sungbeam @snowflakewhispers <3 don't forget to reblog and leave feedback!

want to be part of my taglist? send me an ask! masterlist

The early hours of the day are ones you used to dread. The sun would barely be out, the idea of sitting through countless hours of lectures, the contemplation of your ongoing list of work, work, work, that needs to be done once you return from a tiresome day.

But now, it's different; sunlight refracts through window panes, sounds of birds bounce off the walls, and the smell of freshly brewed coffee fills the air. The early hours of the day are ones you used to dread, but waking up has gotten easier—maybe because you have someone to wake up and go back home to.

“Daddy, one more!”

“Sweetheart, we'll run out of ribbons for your hair! Don't you want to show your friends your pretty, pink ribbons?”

Your eyes peel open to the sight of home—the loves of your life seated by the vanity, one helping the other get ready for school.

Well, sort of.

Your little devil continues to bubble as her nimble hands gather more satin strands while your husband, Jacob, continues to brush her hair.

The white sheets you snuggle your nose into still smell of Jacob—fresh laundry and baby powder.

“But daddy! Look at you,” her finger points at the mirror, making his gaze land on the reflection. “You're beautiful,” she coos, pronouncing the first half of the word like a name.

He chuckles at her compliment. “Thank you. You have a good eye for fashion.”

Jacob's adorned with pink, satin ribbons. Every part of him that you can name probably has a ribbon tied on it. Some were loose, almost as if they would fall if he were to move, but some were tight, too tight, for your liking; his skin spills from bands of satin and his muscles show off more when they're restrained.

Maybe you needed to get out of bed.

As you sit up, the sheets rustle from the movement, causing your husband and daughter to look back at you.

Jacob’s eyebrows shoot up in shock. “Oh no, did we wake you up? I'm sorry.”

“Sorry!” Your daughter's apology quickly follows his.

You shake your head, a smile resting on your lips as you get out of bed. As you walk towards them, your eyes catch sight of your freshly woken up state; the contrast between you and your husband and daughter has you giggling.

“God, I have a bird's nest.”

“No! You have beautiful hair made for,” your daughter pulls out another blush strand. “Ribbons!”

A pair of lips meet your cheek. “She's right,” your husband mumbles into your skin. “You're beautiful.”

As he parts away, you meet his gaze. He shoots you a lazy smile, one that reminds you of the times you wake up beside him, and your cheeks are dusted with rose-colored hues.

Warmth continues to spread throughout the room—not from the sun but from them.

You roll your eyes before you look at your daughter, your hand reaching out towards her. She hands you the torn-up satin and you smile. “Thank you.”

Then, your eyes rest on the man who stands beside you, still tied up in ribbons. Your free hand trails over where they rest—hair, forearms, waist to name a few.

(Though, you let your fingers play with the one around his waistline.)

“Where should I put this one, honey?”

Your daughter hums for a moment. Jacob shakes his head, not in disbelief that you're playing into your daughter's shenanigans but more so that you're going to make her late for school. And it'll be okay, you tell yourself, because he's the one in charge of dropping her off today.

“What about the neck? Like a necklace!”

Your eyebrows shoot up at her suggestion, a playful smile now on your lips. “A good choice! I'm sure daddy will love it.” The pet name rolls off your tongue so well that it has a grunt leave Jacob. The annoyed expression flashes through his features like a blink, but he tries to cover it up with an innocent smile.

“C’mon, you'll be late if we keep doing this. Let me finish fixing your hair and then we can go to school.” He tries to take control of the situation but you won't let him—not this time, at least.

“Nu–uh,” you disagree, moving so that you can stand right behind him. “You can do that while I put this necklace on you,” the satin piece meets his neck before you lean in to whisper into his ear, “right?”

The distance between you two—his back pressing against your chest, your lips grazing against his ear—is enough for Jacob’s tongue to turn into cotton. It didn't help that you were doing all of this right now, right when your daughter is here getting ready while he's pressed for time. But he knows that it won't do any good to deny the request if you two, so he nods.

Your hands guide the ribbon to wrap around his neck, the ends meeting past his nape which gives you enough to tie it into a bow. Your fingers busy themselves trying to form a beautiful knot while Jacob focuses on brushing your daughter's hair.

And when you tug on the satin, making it wrap tighter around his neck, he stills for a moment.

“Daddy?” Your daughter looks up at her father who halted his actions.

“What's wrong?” The question leaves your mouth, the playful tone that clings onto your words fails to make sense to her but has Jacob growing annoyed.

“Nothing, sorry,” he quickly says with a smile to cover up his behavior. “Just got distracted.”

She's oblivious to whatever is occurring between you two; you make the most out of the situation.

Thanks to the distance, it’s easy to hear his exhales—his sounds. His shoulders move along with them; heavy, deep, desperate.

Your fingers brush against his skin, and it blooms in rose tints. When your eyes catch sight of him swallowing down nothing—everything—you can’t help but let mischief take over.

You finish tying the satin into a perfect bow. The expanse of his skin covered in rose-like hues, dolled-up just for you—it’s enough for warmth to spread all throughout your body.

You don't get to see Jacob like this—all adorned with pink ribbons, restrained without being restrained to an object. It's humorous; you've switched positions just this once thanks to your daughter's shenanigans.

Your lips hover where the bow rests, your breath grazing his skin, and it has his hair standing. Just one kiss—one bite—to complete the present, and then—

“And done!”

He quickly moves, dragging your daughter along. Your gaze now lands back to your reflection, a pout now resting on your lips.

When you look at the two, a satisfied smile rests on your daughter's mouth while Jacob sports a relieved expression. “Go say bye now. We'll be late.”

Due to your husband's rushed words, your daughter quickly pecks your cheek, her teeth bumping against your skin. “Bye bye! I'll see you later!” You smile at her before she rushes out of your shared room with Jacob.

When your gaze leaves the door, it lands on Jacob who only looks at you with eyes filled with irritation, frustration, dominance. “Anyway, I’ll—”

His hands grip your waist, pulling you close to him; noses bump against each other. His breath grazes your lips while you hold yours in.

“What was that?” The question is asked with such sweetness but you know he means the opposite.

You gulp down nothing. “W—what do you mean?”

“Don’t play games with me, baby.”

There’s the Jacob you know. Satisfaction paints his features; a smirk with eyes that flicker down occasionally to your lips. And when you feel his grip tighten around your waist, air is knocked out of your lungs.

He leans forward, as if distance needs to be closed, but his lips never touch yours. “Baby, baby, baby,” he says with such care, and yet…

“You know what you did. Just say it.”

You know better. He’s giving you a chance to apologize—to repent—for what you did. But instead of settling for that, you lean forward, lips interlocking with his. His hand shimmies its way under your shirt, a thumb drawing circles on your hip bone, and warmth blossoms further.

You part away, leaning your forehead on his. Your fingers find their way to the bow that rests around his neck, fiddling with the ends of your masterpiece. 

“You need to bring her to school,” you whisper words he doesn’t want to hear. All he wants is an apology—an explanation—for your behavior this morning, but you don’t give in.

So he rolls his eyes, a chuckle leaving him before he lets go of your waist. “I’ll see you later.”

You let your hand fall back to your side, and you shoot him a smile. “I look forward to it.”

Before you know it, he makes his way towards the door, still wrapped in pink satin. The thought of Jacob showing up in front of your daughter’s school adorned in bows has you giggling.

“I can hear you laughing!”

You roll your eyes at his comment. “Just go!”

You wonder what he’ll bring you after he’s done with the task at hand.

If you were expecting anything good, then you are absolutely wrong. (Well, that’s a lie. You were hoping for something, but you weren’t expecting this.)

Whatever present you were hoping for—food from your favorite cafe that’s only a 2-minute drive from your daughter’s school or an opportunity for you to finally do whatever you want unto jacob—couldn’t prepare you for what’s happening now.

“You just couldn’t behave.” A pair of hands roam over your torso as teeth tug on the expanse of your neck, satin grazing your skin. You hold back your sounds, eyes fluttering close, until he digs in harder, wetter.

A mewl escapes you without a second thought. His lips leave your neck and his hands focus on tugging your oversized shirt off, leaving you only in a pair of night undies.

You peel your eyes open, greeted by the sight of Jacob wrapped in satin. Your gaze trails to where the ribbons rest—some threatening to fall off of him while others still making sure his skin, his muscles, spill out.

(And it didn’t help that the white t-shirt he wears clings to his torso, probably from its fitting or thanks to the ribbons.)

His hands rest on the space around you and his legs cage you down, restricting you from any movement like you did with him. You’re lightheaded, maybe from lip locking, the position you’re in, or even from the sight of your husband. And with your heavy breaths, a smug grin takes over Jacob’s face. His hand tugs on the loose satin around his waist. It falls to your stomach, letting his shirt cling less to his torso.

“What if we play dress up?” He hums as he lets his lips trail from your jaw, to your shoulder, all the way to space between your tits. He looks up at you, and says, “Like how you did with me this morning.”

A grunt leaves you.

He grabs the ribbon, fingers fiddling as he figures out what to do with you. “Don’t you think it’s only fair that I have my time with you? My fun with you?”

When you shake your head, Jacob chuckles. “Cobie, c’mon—”

“Nu–uh,” he retaliates like how you did then. “Don’t try to weasel your way out of your punishment.”

He sits and chucks his head up, signaling you to lift your torso up. You follow his orders, and his hands dart around so that the strand wraps around your upper chest. 

With his fingers busy tying a bow, your hand dart towards the ribbon wrapped around his forearm. Your fingertips fiddle with satin and his warm skin, and you both relish in your final moments of freedom.

“There we go.” Your eyes dart down to your chest, spotting a perfectly tied pink bow resting above your tits. And when his nails dig into your waist, a mewl escapes you as you arch your back.

Jacob loves it all; the ribbon that was once tied around his waist now tied right above your tits, the sounds that leave you from the different sensations of satin and his hands brushing your skin, and your hazy eyes that meet his wide awake ones.

He litters you with kisses from cheeks, neck, chest. “You’re so pretty for me,” he mumbles in between. Once his lips hover over yours, noses bumping against each other, he whispers, “I just want to devour you.”

You catch his lips, arms wrapping around his neck as you pull him close. He moves one knee in between your legs, letting you grind your clothed slit against his thigh, as his hands find themselves on your tits. Fingertips flick against your nipples, causing a moan to escape you. 

He parts away, letting you catch your breath. As you attempt to control your breathing, you watch him reach for the ribbon that rests on his shoulder and tug it undone. Its length is longer in comparison to the one that rests on your chest; perhaps your daughter may have overestimated how much she needed to tie around Jacob’s shoulder.

And before you know it, he grabs hold of your wrists and lets the satin strand circle around them. “Too tight?” He asks once he ties a knot around them.

You shake your head. “Just right.”

He smiles at you. “Good. Now,” his hands find their way on the band of your underwear. “Let me taste you.”

He tugs it down, exposing you to him. The contrast between you two—nude and fully clothed—makes your head spin.

“Jacob, please.”

He hums. “‘Please’ what, darling?”

“Remove your clothes.”

“Making demands?” He clicks his tongue. “I’ll see about that.” He spends his time undoing the ribbon that’s wrapped around his arm. “Plus, I enjoy you like this, just physically unable to fulfill your desires.”

A groan rips out of your throat. You hate Jacob.

His hands brush against your upper thigh, tying a ribbon around it. When he finishes, his hand lingers, teasing you with the short distance between him and your slit.

You’re about to curse at him until you watch him slowly move down, and his face is closer to your pussy than his hand. He breathes you in and a groan rips out. “God, you smell delicious.”

Before you know it, his tongue darts towards your slit, drinking up your juices. A moan leaves you, your back arching at how he eats you out. And when his nose nudges against your clit, your mewls get louder, uncontrollable.

Your head is spinning from how Jacob plays with your five senses; satin strands wrapped around you, his tongue touching you in places you longed for him to graze against, the squelching noise that comes from him eating you out has your head spinning. The lack of power—control—turns you on even more.

When you try to look down at him, his eyes are already on you. The eye contact knocks the air out of your lungs. When his hand reaches to the bow that rests on your thigh, fingers playing with pink satin, you throw your head back.

Your lower half finds itself moving on its own, lifting itself from the mattress as it attempts to chase the pleasure. But Jacob rests his forearm on your stomach, holding you down, and continues to eat you out to his liking. Still, you try to move under the restraints; it’s reflexive, out of control. 

His mouth leaves your slit, a whine leaving you. “Baby, if you keep that up, you won’t get what you want in the end.”

You try to control your breathing, bringing your satin-tied wrists close to your face.

He finally strips off his shirt. You’re lightheaded when you look at him, top naked with one singular satin ribbon left—the one you tied around his neck.

He reaches for the button of his pants. “You’ve been such a treat for me, let me reward you.” His pants and underwear are down, revealing his hardened length that leaks pre-cum.

He moves your restrained wrists away and reaches for your lips with his; the taste of you still lingers on his lips. He sucks on your bottom lip, causing a whine to leave you.

He moves away so that you can catch your breath—or so you thought.

Before you can control your heartbeat, you feel a finger prod its way into your pussy, having you clench over the digit. Your eyes roll back as you moan, and he curls his finger, hitting your walls.

“God, look at you. Such a moaning mess over one finger.” You do your best to look at Jacob, seeing him tonguing the inside of his cheek as he keeps his eyes on your face. It causes patches of rose-tones to appear in your cheeks. “I wonder how you’ll take my cock. It’s been a while, after all.”

Before you know it, another finger enters you. Your eyes are wide, your bottom half filled with pleasure. And when his thumb plays with your nub, you don’t know if you’ll be ready for his cock after all.

You thrash in bed, overwhelmed by pleasure, and Jacob only watches. The sight of you struggling to do anything while he holds you down, through satin or his hands, causes more precum to leak.

“J-Jacob, I don’t—”

“No, baby, you will. You’ll hold out until you get on my cock.” It’s a demand, and you don’t know if you’ll be able to fulfill it, but you try.

That is until his finger curls hits one spot; all resolve is broken. As he notices your expression shift, he smirks and continues his ministrations. A series of moans escapes you as he continues to hit your g-spot.

You swear you feel the band about to snap, and you consider telling Jacob that you’re about to come. But for selfish reasons, you don’t want to; all you want is to finally come.

You’re close, short rapid breaths escape you as you clench tighter around his digits, until his fingers leave you. It’s almost like he knew you were close.

“Fuck!” You complain only to be met with Jacob’s chuckle. “I was so close! Are you kidding me?”

He clicks his tongue. “Didn’t I tell you to hold out?” He moves close to you, his cock lining up to your pussy. “You were going to disobey my orders if I kept going.”

You roll your eyes, biting the inside of your cheek. You’re irritated from being left high and dry.

“Fuck you—”

His cock enters you without warning, cutting you off and causing a moan to rip out of you. He goes at a steady speed, building the pleasure up.

“You’re still tight even after that?” It’s a rhetorical question, but you only answer in a series of moans. He chuckles. “My baby can’t even answer me properly this early on, and we’ve only started.”

Before you know it, his cock leaves you, causing you to whine. You were going to complain, but he flips you so that you rest on your knees and elbows. 

Without a warning, he enters once more which has a moan rip out of you. He goes at the same pace but he feels deeper, hitting crevices that your fingers could never reach.

As Jacob continues to fuck you, you try to look back at him, and you watch how his eyebrows scrunch as he watches his cock enter you. Your eyes catch sight of the pink satin that clings to his skin and you cannot help but clench around his cock, making him moan along with you.

He finally notices your eyes on him, and he tongues the inside of his cheek. Then, he leans forward, face-to-face with you as his chest is pressed against your back.

“Baby.” He smiles at you—not a smug one but one filled with adoration. And yet…

“Should we try for another?” The air is knocked out of your lungs. His smile turns sinister as he feels you get wetter at the thought. “Wouldn’t you love that? Another baby? Another opportunity to be filled to the brim?”

And he starts to pick up the pace, causing you to let out a series of moans. “God, you just want to be filled with my cum, don’t you? Wouldn’t you love that? Just us trying again, again, again, for another baby, me filling you with cum.”

He watches your breathing get heavy over the idea; to be filled with Jacob’s cum for days, weeks, months, years as if it were your only job or purpose in life.

You feel it coming; the rubber band is about to snap at any moment.

“Fuck, I’m close—”

“Come for me. Do it, baby,” he chants such words. “I’m going to come. Going to fill you up, going to impregnate you.” He keeps going at such a fast pace, and his words do nothing but help you get close. “And we’ll keep going baby, going to make sure you’re filled with so much cum that I’ll have to plug my fingers to keep it in.”

Your pants get heavier as you try to meet his thrusts. You’re so close, but you don’t know what you need. You’re too light headed to think of what to do until you feel fingertips draw circles on your clit. Your moans get louder, uncontainable.

You look away from him, overwhelmed by the pleasure. Your gaze lands on your satin-tied wrists. “Come for me, baby. Let me impregnate you,” he whispers into your ear.

The rubber band snaps. You clench around his cock as you come, a long moan leaving you. And with how you clench around Jacob has him coming with you, his cum filling you up.

It doesn’t stop. He keeps thrusting, riding out his high to ensure that you’re filled with enough.

Once he stills, you find yourself collapsing down to the bed. You attempt to control your breathing, eyes closed from what just occurred.

“Baby, let me flip you. I need to remove the ribbons,” Jacob says with care.

You only hum. His cock leaves you, causing you to hiss as you are still sensitive. His hands find themselves on your waist, flipping you so that you face him. He undoes the ribbon wrapped around your wrists and puts it away. He takes an opportunity to examine your wrists.

“Does it hurt?”

You shake your head, smiling at your husband. “I’m okay.” You still see the pink satin wrapped around his neck. “That was good.”

He chuckles before meeting your lips once more. Once he parts away, he takes in the sight of you in your fucked-out state dressed in pink ribbons that were once wrapped around him. His heart grows warm.

As his eyes trail down to your slit, he gasps. “Oh no, it’s leaking.” His fingers scoop his cum that leaks out of your pussy and shoves it back in, another hiss leaving you. “We don’t want to waste any cum.”

A giggle leaves you. You wrap your arms around his neck, bringing him in for another kiss. “I love you.” Your fingers graze against the ribbon that still rests around his neck. “I’m glad you kept this on.”

He hums. “I mean, I knew it turned you on, so I played into it. I understand though. After seeing you tied up, maybe I need to learn shibari.”

You gulp at his words and he notices. A smirk lies on his lips. “Of course, I should’ve known. How come I never knew about this?”

You shrug. “I don’t know—well, I do know. I think I was just too shy to bring it up.”

“Baby,” he starts off, giving you another kiss. “There’s no need to be shy around me. I would love to know everything about you, even what gives you the most pleasure. What else do you like?”

You chew on your cheek. “Well, I really want to do shibari on you.”

“Deal.”

“I know you might not—wait, really?”

His lips press against your cheek. “I’m willing to try it out.” You cannot help yourself but smile. “So, now?”

Your eyebrows shoot up. “Jacob, you just gave me the most earth-shattering orgasm of my life, and your fingers are still in me. I don’t know if I can go another round.”

“You sure?” He smirks before letting his lips trail to your neck. “Just a little foreplay can change that.” He starts to suck on your skin, and you cannot help but let a moan slip. And when his fingers start to move, your eyes roll back.

God, you need to buy more ribbons for your daughter. (And for you and Jacob, of course.)

[winterchimez]

Nonsense | Jacob Bae

SUMMARY: never would you have thought that joining the music club is where you would develop an abnormal crush on your senior/club president Jacob Bae. so when the university's annual school performance is around the corner, you have decided to give a shot to confess your feelings in the most extravagant way possible.

PAIRING: senior!Jacob x junior g.n!reader

GENRE: fluff

WARNINGS: pg-13, kissing, yall this is just pure tooth-rotting fluff

WORD COUNT: 4,473

A/N: we're back with another fic for the emails i can't send fwd: collab that i'm doing with @heemingyu 😉 shoutout to both sana & @sungbeam for beta reading & helping me out with this one!! love you both loads 💕 also, lowkey this was written for you @zzoguri aka cobster's future, i hope you'll enjoy this (and may this somehow be a little something for you during your hectic times ily my moni forever!! ❤️)

It was finally the summer holidays, and you were ecstatic as you heard the sound of a vehicle driving right onto your front porch. You had been waiting for this moment since you got the news during the new year and counting down the days on your calendar without fail every day.

Once you heard the engine stop, you immediately ran out to the door to jump right into the person’s arms which were already opened wide, fully expecting your demeanour. 

“Yujin! I’ve been waiting months for you!” You shrieked as you hugged your cousin tight, rubbing your cheek against hers. 

Both you and Yujin were raised together by your grandmother back in Vancouver, and things took a turn when your parents eventually got a promotion up in Toronto, causing you to move far away from your family. Because of that, you don’t get to see each other often anymore, the most being once every 2 years when your parents will try their best to make time to attend the Christmas parties held annually at your grandmother’s house. 

Yujin was like your long-lost sibling; even though you were cousins, you both felt there was more to that. Ever since you both have gotten your very own mobile phones, you both promised that you would FaceTime each other almost every other day. You knew everything about one another—from each other’s darkest secrets to how much money you stole from your parents' wallets when you were younger to buy that vinyl you have been eyeing for the longest time. 

But lately, things have been a bit too chaotic for you both to keep up the promised ritual. Since you both started university, it was hard to make plans, especially when studying in different courses, which also meant different timetables and classes. During the weekends, the both of you would often be occupied with either school events or at your local pizzeria as your part-time job. Hence, texting was the primary source of communication between you two.

And besides that, something crucial had happened to you lately, and you couldn’t wait to spill the beans to your cousin. 

Once you had helped Yujin unload her stuff from the car and moved it up to your room, you quickly made yourselves feel comfortable by cuddling together on your sofa bed. 

“So, tell me. How has life been for you?” you asked, blinking your eyes, trying to give her a pleading face because you wanted to know about everything that had happened lately. 

“I’ve been promoted to being part of the student council at my university! Oh, and then there’s also me actually acing an exam that I clearly did not study for because I was up all night that past few weeks playing Genshin Impact. Oh, and then there was this adorable guy from my campus who I think kind of has a crush on me because he always glances in my direction, like you know? That stare? And then—” 

“Woah woah, slow down, tiger,” you had to pause your cousin because clearly, she was dumping all of the information without giving you time to process them individually. With that, the both of you chuckled, hands placed onto your stomach as you began to laugh a little bit too hard until it started to hurt. 

This was what you had missed so dearly, and you couldn’t help but put on this genuine warm, soft smile on your face as you looked into Yujin’s eyes. 

That was until she squinted at you. 

“Whatever you’re doing right now is creeping me out real bad, so I suggest you stop that.” 

You slapped her arm. “Rude.” 

“Fine. What about you then? I’m sure your time at the University of Toronto has been a wild ride for you.” 

“About that…I have something I need to consult you for,” you lowered your head and voice to a minimum, which got your cousin's ears perked up and was prodding your arms, wanting to know the details. 

“Oh my god, did you just finally have your first kiss?”

“W-what? No! I mean, at least not yet….” 

“What do you mean not yet? So do you have a special someone in your life right now?”

With a deep sigh, you took one of the pillows lying on the floor and threw it in Yujin’s direction, causing her to hug the pillow tight as she laid her head down gently to rest on it. 

“Buckle up, babe. It’s going to be a long story.” 

Flashback

“God, why do I have to sign up for this?” 

You stomped your feet to the ground as you looked at the paper, which read: “Applications for extra-curricular activities such as clubs are mandatory for all students, commencing on April 2023.” 

Your university had been pretty lenient over the years, and they had never once forced students to participate in clubs if they chose not to, understanding that some of them had make-up classes for their courses or were just busy with their thesis and side jobs. Most of the students in the university themselves took on part-time jobs, such as working in the school’s cafeteria and library, to earn a little bit of pocket money to survive.

So, when they decided to change the rules after the previous headmaster resigned and was replaced by a new one that everyone did not like, she chose that both coursework and extracurricular activities played a crucial role in one’s graduation. 

Left with no choice, you stood before the bulletin board, trying to find a club that suited your taste. 

“Screw Mrs. Kim.” You huffed. 

“Look, Y/N. It can’t be too bad. It’s just a club. After all, nobody said you have to be super committed to it,” Your friend Keeho sighed, looking at how you beat yourself up over such trivial matters. 

“You don’t understand, Keeho. This means I will have less time at home because I will have to leave to work my shifts at the pizzeria right after clubs. What is going to happen to my games and k-dramas?” You whined. 

“If you want to graduate from university, you’re going to have to choose one now.” Knocking some sense into you, he gave you a pat on your shoulder before walking away towards the opposite direction, heading to his club.

You turned to look back at the bulletin board once again, scanning through all of the posters and flyers that were scattered throughout. After a minute or two, your eyes finally landed on this one cream-coloured flyer, and you sighed before checking the location once more before heading to your destination. 

“This is the only option that will work for now.”

“Hello?” You called out, but the room was empty as you opened and peeked your head through the door. Thinking that you should try again, you entered the room and looked around. 

There was nothing here but a ray of sunshine shining through the glass window into the empty room, and the sunlight landed directly on the lone black piano at the corners of the room.

Maybe playing it for a while wouldn’t hurt at all.

You slowly approached the piano and opened it up as you made yourself comfortable, sat down, and got into the rightful position, gently laying your hands on the keys. Immediately, you started playing one of your favourite pieces of all time, Summer by Joe Hisaishi. Unbeknownst to you, your body began swaying along with the music, enjoying the moment you were in. 

That was until a clap made you stop your tracks.

“Wow, that was some excellent playing right there.” The male gave you a round of applause as he slowly approached you, causing you to jump right up, looking all flustered. 

“I-Umm—I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to play the instrument without approval—” 

“Oh no, no! The piano is free for anyone who wants to play, so you’re all good,” he reassured you, causing you to calm your fast breathing down by placing a hand on your fast-rising chest. 

As he finally reached where you were standing, he posed a question directly at you. “Is there anything that I could help you with?” 

It was there, and then you took in his facial features as the sunlight shone from his face. His soft fluffy brunette hair, those doe-like eyes, and how mesmerising it was as he smiled. Adding onto the fact that he keeps smiling in the best way possible, your heart starts to flutter. 

“Umm, hello?” He was now waving his hands over your face. 

Oh, right. You were supposed to sign up for a club. What on earth were you thinking, Y/N?

“Y-yes! I’m here actually to umm…sign up for the club,” you said reluctantly, a little bit too shy with your answer. 

That was when the male’s eyes widened, and he did a little jump to indicate how happy he was to hear that from you, and he quickly extended out his hands to you, giving you a handshake.

“But of course! We are always open to new members joining the music club! Oh, pardon me, where were my manners? You can call me Jacob.”  

“Y-Y/N.” You replied.

It has been around two weeks since you joined the music club, and everything has been going smoothly for you. Thanks to Jacob (who turned out to be the club’s president), he has helped you so much in trying to get you to blend into the crowd and with other musicians, creating a very safe and warm atmosphere for everyone. 

It was also then that you noticed what kind of a person he was. He was very gentle, yet suitable to be a leader. The tone of his voice and the way he handled things fairly and reasonably made everyone respect him and want to perform alongside him. 

From what you have heard from the club members, Jacob would lead the team to busk at the city centre once every two to three weeks, which was where they would earn some money that served as their reward as they went out to celebrate once in a while at the local party scenes such as the bars. 

Thanks to his guidance, the university’s music club eventually garnered enough audience from the school and the public to the point that they have been invited to perform multiple times throughout the year. You have heard that even local communities such as the orphanage and childcare facilities would often ask Jacob and his team to function for the underprivileged ones, and they would gladly volunteer, even if it were for free. 

There were a few times when you stayed behind to help Jacob close up the music room (more like you were trying your best to spend much time with him as much as you could), and it was when you decided to ask him about his thoughts and the way he did things around here. 

“Music just means so much to me, and I would gladly perform every day even if I had to. It’s not about the money; it can be great as a little side income, but what matters most is that I do this because I am passionate about it,” he replied, clearly stating his goals and reasons well. 

Ever since that conversation, you notice more in detail how he did things or even when he performed. Just as he said, he was passionate—it didn’t matter if things were hindering his way, he would still make way for it. 

No matter how burnt out he could be from his coursework or side job, he would always place the music club first, making sure that not only he enjoyed the whole process but also the club members as well. 

Slowly, you began to admire him for not just his good looks but also his personality. It was as if he was this fine perfect gentleman that had just entered your life easily, and you couldn’t stop thinking about him each day. 

It was the way he was always smiling with others, the way he would sometimes sit at the piano and play a duet with you, the way you both were guitarists, so one of you would either offer a fun little duet session after club hours, even up till writing song lyrics together. 

And how there was one time he unintentionally got his arms around your waist when you slipped from the wet, freshly-cleaned wooden floor from the club, and he caught you in time. 

That was something that you have thought about all the time ever since it happened. 

As the weeks progressed to months, the little spark in your heart for him eventually grew, and it just kept getting bigger each time you saw him in the same club room. 

And that was when you knew you were in big trouble.

End of flashback 

“Damn, you're whipped,” Yujin concluded after listening to your story. 

“I know. That’s why I’m telling you this, Yujin. I’m so screwed.” You buried your head in your palms, the slight headache becoming more prominent now. 

“Hey, what’s wrong with liking a senior? I’d say it’s your time to shine and confess to him.” She reassured you by gently rubbing your back before you slowly lifted your face up. 

“That’s because I think I might be in too deep,” you mumbled. 

“And how exactly did you come up with that conclusion?” 

“Do you ever start stammering and slur your speech when they get close to you like they’ve not done anything, but somehow you just can’t converse like a proper human being.”

“Oh.” 

“When they literally tell you how they absolutely love your eyes and loved making them roll?”

“Okay. Go on.”

“And that you actually finally got their contact number and literally named them ‘do not leave me alone’?”

“Hold up, let me see.”

Reluctantly, you fished out for your phone in your back pocket and scrolled through your contact list until you found Jacob’s. As you click into it, you nervously hand your phone to your cousin, praying internally that she will not drop another diss to make you feel worse than you already are. 

Do not leave me alone ❤️‍🩹. That was exactly what was written for the club president’s contact name on your phone. 

“Damn, Y/N. I never would have thought you would be so delusional. I’d like to think that you’re far worse than I am,” Yujin declared, turning your face into a bright red tomato again. 

“I know, Yujin! And I have never felt this way before. That’s why I needed your validation.” You were practically doing somersaults mentally right now, wishing that you could take it all back, but at the same time, you needed to let out your inner feelings too.  

As Yujin handed your phone back to you, she raised an eyebrow before posing you a question. “So, what exactly do you intend to do from here on?” 

“There’s this upcoming music festival at my university this weekend, and I will be performing on stage.” 

“Oh, that’s great—”

“And I’m going to perform a song I wrote specifically about him,” you blurted out. 

That made Yujin shut her mouth as she tried to process what she had just heard. “Wow, Y/N. You are literally going all out on this.” 

“I just need a way to get this off my shoulders somehow, Yujin. And it’s now or never,” you said. 

“Will he realise that you are trying to serenade him, though?” Yujin asked as she placed her hand on your shoulder. 

“Success or not, I will still do it. And then I’ll completely forget that I’ve ever written this song ever again.”

It was finally Friday night, and the auditorium hall was filled with students, lecturers, and outsiders. Peeking from the backstage, there was this nervousness in the pit of your stomach, and you were now trying your best to rethink your actions. 

What exactly had made you even decide to sign up for the concert in the first place had remained a mystery for you, and looking back now, you swore you would’ve thrown a cold bucket of water over you to wake you up from your insanity. 

But it was too late to turn back now, as it would be your turn on stage in a few minutes. After the previous performer finished his chosen song, the MC briefly introduced you and your contributions to the music club before finally inviting you onstage. 

As you entered with the white guitar you had gotten for Christmas a few years prior, you tried your best to search for Yujin amongst the crowd—sure enough, she was sitting right at the side, waving her hands enthusiastically to cheer you on. You couldn’t help but flash a smile back. 

And finally, you decided to find the man of your dreams, and he was sitting right in the middle section along with the other club members. He gave you a clap just like the rest of the audience did and mouthed out a few words that you couldn’t grasp. Perhaps he was just saying “all the best,” as one would as they support their fellow members.

When you finally reached where the microphone stood, you adjusted yourself before positioning your fingers along the instrument's strings and introducing the piece you were about to perform. 

“This song was written by a special someone in the crowd tonight, and whoever that it may be, I hope this song speaks to your heart and that you mean a lot to me. Without further ado, enjoy.” 

With a few strums from the guitar, you gathered enough courage to smile before singing into the microphone. 

I’ll be honest.  Looking at you got me thinking nonsense. Cartwheels in my stomach when you walk in And when you got your arms around me Oh, it feels so good 

Instantly, you noticed several people from the crowd starting vibing along with your song as they naturally swayed their bodies from left to right, enjoying the melody and rhythm your song produced. 

I had to jump the octave I think I got an ex, but I forgot him And I can’t find my chill, I must’ve lost it I don’t even know, I’m talkin’ nonsense  I’m talkin’, I’m talkin’ 

When you peeked from the corner of your eye, you noticed how Yujiin practically stood up, clapping her hands along with the rhythm. Naturally, the people around her joined in, as did the crowd from the middle and far left section. 

God, were you so grateful for that, so much so that you were trying to hold back your tears. 

I’m talkin’ all around the clock I’m talkin’ hope nobody knocks I’m talkin’ opposite of soft  I’m talkin’ wild, wild thoughts You gotta keep up with me I got some young energy I caught the L-O-V-E How could you do this to me?

I’ll be honest.  Looking at you got me thinking nonsense.

With one final strum, you ended the performance with a bang, and you got the crowd to give you one of the loudest cheers you have heard throughout the night. Some have even given you a standing ovation, and you swore that tears were about to form in your eyes. 

You quickly redirected your attention to Jacob, and he did the same, standing up while giving you that sweet honey smile that you’ve grown to be obsessed with, clapping along with the rest of the audience. 

Thank you for existing, Jacob Bae. I hope you can hear my thoughts through this song written specifically for you. 

With a final bow, you quickly exited the stage.

You were sitting on a bench at a park near campus, opening the bottle of sparkling water you had gotten from one of the nearby vending machines.

You met up with Yujin right after the show and told her how you wanted some time alone just to wind down and digest everything that had happened. You reassured her that you wouldn’t be gone too long and would return as soon as possible. Thankfully, your cousin understood the message and agreed so long as you did not venture far away nor leave her alone too long exploring your campus. 

With a sip of the water, you couldn’t help but smile as you looked up into the skies filled with stars on a clear night like today. The secret was finally out, and a burden was lifted from your shoulders, so you could just sit back on the bench and relax a little bit. 

That was until a voice brought you back to reality.

“Mind if I join you?”

You jolted up from the bench to see the man you were trying to serenade, and immediately you felt the heat rise towards your cheek, and you began stammering again. 

“Y-yes, o-of course!! Umm..g-go ahead!!”

As he sat next to you, you naturally shifted slightly away from him and ducked your head down as you began to rub your palms around the water bottle you were holding back and forth. Jacob noticed your demeanour, and he couldn’t help but giggle as he saw the redness of your face becoming more prominent.

Because he had always known how you have been having a crush on him.

To break the ice, he devised a simple conversation to help you loosen up a bit and break off the tension. 

“I really like your guitar, Y/N. It’s just the right shade of white, and seeing it reminds me of elegance and simplicity but in an attractive way.” 

“U-uh, thanks! It was gifted to me as a present—”

“Just like you, Y/N.” 

Wait, what?

Did you just hear that right? Or is your mind playing tricks with you? Maybe the after-effects of adrenaline from the performance got you thinking nonsense. But you had to make sure. 

“I umm…I beg your pardon?”

“I said what I said, Y/N. I know you have a crush on me.”

Oh no.

“How I make you feel all giddy and excited every time I talk to you.”

Oh, hell no. 

“And I’m going to guess that the song you just performed was directed towards me.”

Lord Jesus, take the wheel. 

At this point, you felt as if you were receiving dozens of arrows shooting right into your heart one at a time, and you were just about to pass out. What you thought was a simple crush became way too apparent to the point that your love interest has already known since day one. 

This is the most embarrassing shit ever. 

You quickly recollected yourself by sitting up straight and clearing your throat before responding properly. 

“Ha-ha, I guess I-I was too obvious!! I-I’m sorry if I might’ve made you un-uncomfortable in any way—”

That was when Jacob interrupted you. “What makes you think I was uncomfortable by all of this?”

Jacon now inches a few spots closer to where you were, and your butt was glued shut on the bench because if you were to move any further, you would end up falling straight onto the grass. 

Oh, good lord. 

“I’m actually grateful for you, Y/N. I think it’s the first time anyone has ever felt that way about me,” he smiled. 

That was when you blinked your eyes. “W-what, really? How can people not fall in love with you—” You clasped your hands over your mouth as soon as you said the “L” word. 

He chuckled. “I don’t know. People have always seemed to view me as a good friend but not a potential love interest. I haven’t had one since a long time ago, and that made me rethink if I could ever date again.”

Gently he laid his hands onto yours that were situated on the bench as he turned his full attention to you now. 

“And funny enough, I’m pretty sure I have feelings for you too. The moment I saw you playing Summer on the piano that first day we met, I knew there was something different about you. And I am so glad that eventually we got close to one another.”

After that, Jacob finally took in a deep breath before turning his direction back to you, which made you gulped for a second. “I think it wouldn’t be fair for me to not give you a proper response to your confession to me, no?” 

Oh, god. It’s here. “S-so…what are your thoughts, Jacob? Was the song okay?”

“Y/N. It was far beyond just okay. It was a masterpiece, and I loved how quirky you are with the lyrics. It was something else, but it suited my taste.” 

As he finally intertwined his fingers with yours, he inched his face closer to yours until they were centimetres apart. 

“I accept the proposal, Y/N.” He smiled.

“Y-you…you do?” You asked weakly as if you were already not melting enough from the tension and heat. 

“Will you give me a chance, Y/N?” There was this glistening in his eyes, and he looked exactly like Puss in Boots from the animation that both you and Yujin loved watching when you were kids.

“If you’re ready to deal with me, of course,” you stammered. 

He gave you the biggest smile before pulling you into a warm embrace. “More than ready, Y/N.” 

As you sunk into his embrace and took in his scent, you rested your chin upon his shoulders and stayed just like that briefly before Jacob broke off the hug and gently grabbed both of your shoulders, his eyes now landing on your lips. 

“May I?” 

Without giving a proper answer, you immediately shut your eyes, indicating that it was a yes in your books. Jacob chuckled at that for a while before leaning in to give a peck on your lips. 

The sweet moment was then ruined by a ruffling noise coming from behind as both you and Jacob turned towards its direction. Sure enough, you found your cousin Yujin emerging from one of the trees with her phone in hand, recording the whole session. 

“Now, that is what I call a successful indirect confession!” She exclaimed. 

“Miss Ahn Yujin don’t you even dare—” you quickly threatened her before you took off running towards where she was, and she did the same but ran away from you instead. 

“You will be sleeping on the streets tonight!” You yelled.

“Try me, Y/N!” She replied. 

Jacob watched as the two of you began chasing each other around the park, and he couldn’t help but giggle as he laid back and propped one arm on the bench, just admiring everything about you. 

“Little did you know Y/N, that you also got me thinking nonsense about you all day every day.”

emails i can't send fwd: series masterlist

main masterlist

taglist: @deoboyznet @kflixnet @k-films @flwoie @zzoguri @kyusqult @tinkerbell460 @cheonsafics @sulkygyu @jaerisdiction @vernyangel @fylithia @stealanity @lngwayup @snowflakewhispers (join my permanent taglist here!)

[slytherinshua]

TEXTS WITH BOYFRIEND JACOB (PT. 2)

genre. fluff. crack. fake texts. warnings. a lot of my bad humor and attempts to be rly sweet over text. not rly jokes abt cheating but it could be read that way?? it's all lighthearted so don't take anything too seriously lmao. some marriage talk too. pairing. jacob x fem!reader. a/n. to read pt 1 of jacob texts, click here!! also i probably wouldn't have done a pt 2 if it weren't for @mysuhlody sort of asking for it lol thank you for enjoying the original jacob texts and these ones are for you lovely person out there <33

↳ tbz taglist: @eternalgyu,, @cyberpunksunwoo,, @cosmicwintr,, @weird-bookworm,, @haecien,, @lecheugo

[sohnric]

MAGNETISM — B. JACOB

pairing: jacob bae x gn! reader

genre: fluff

word count: 500

warnings: none!

a/n: haven't posted something so short in a while wow. have this as i struggle to finish my longer wips ahaha

Blue light shines over his face as he lays in the bed with his phone in his hand. Headphones are slotted in his ears as he listens to his music on low volume, the flashes of the game he’s been playing announcing to him that he won the round with the outstanding lead on everyone, making a childlike sense of pride swell in his chest.

An arm sneaks around his middle at that, his head turning and eyes squinting at your face in a worry that he somehow managed to wake you up from your slumber. Darkness envelops the room, given the late hours of the night, but he manages to make out the shapes of your closed eyes, your long eyelashes crowning the tips of your full cheeks. 

The contact of you pulling him closer to you makes the pride in his chest bloom bigger, a gentle smile battling its way onto his lips. Jacob locks his phone and puts it on the mattress next to him, the rest of the room falling into a complete darkness that is only fought away by the soft beam of moonlight coming from the window on the side of his room. His eyes can’t help but stay glued to your figure, studying your sleeping face. 

He would like to imprint the image of your face just like this, lying peacefully next to him, into his memory forever. There’s nothing special about it, in the mundane nature of it all, but something about the way he feels particularly fond of you, insides laced with softness he only has reserved for you and you only, makes him put more significance to the late hours of the day. You came into his life slowly, creeping your way in, as naturally as the seasons change– without him noticing at first, but making him gape wordlessly at the difference in temperatures when he looks back a few months later.

It’s like you put the sun into his sky, turning his days into a constant golden hour. He can’t help but worship your ability to chase away the thunders and the clouds, he can’t help but think of you every morning and every night, treasuring your sheer existence in his chest more than anything in the world.

A gentle hand is placed onto your back, fingertips oozing with magical magnetism when he holds you in his arms. It’s like you two were made for each other, attached with invisible strings, only waiting to be pulled together in the tumbles and turns of your lifetimes. 

Jacob hopes he finds you in every universe. The words feel grandiose in his brain, too much weight put on a simple feeling, but the more he thinks about it, although admitting it’s foolish and romantic, the more he thinks it’s right.

Paying you one last look before he decides to doze off, a flickering thought passes through his brain. I think I’m falling in love, his brain waves hum, and for a split second, the sentiment sounds almost unrealistic, just the tiniest bit strange on his tongue.

Still, when he looks at you again, soft flesh all his against his chest, he knows it’s true. Life didn’t stop when he fell, but he certainly thinks he was reborn the day you picked him up to his feet. He falls asleep with the words ‘love, love, love’ chanting in his brain, wishing that the frequencies you operate on match– hoping that you get the memo; even in your dreams.

[loverseon]

SOUL SWAP .ᐟ masterlist coming soon ᯓ★

pairing female reader x ???

genre royal au, fantasy, kinda mystery ish

synopsis you wake up in a bedroom thats not your own. curtains that arent your own, bed thats not your own. a life thats not your own. no one around you seems to take you very seriously when you try and explain that youre… not exactly who they think you are. but hey, who are you to complain when everywhere you look theres a handsome man who wants you?

word count tbd (around 30k+)

warnings angst, fluff, themes of death, suggestive (tbz being sexy what can i say) cursing, slow burn, gradual pairing reveal, will add more tags as we progress

teaser one moodboard playlist

part i. the dream of the golden bedroom

part ii. the hero of the first water

part iii. the saviour of the fallen

part iv. the master of the wild

part v. the commander of the gods

part vi. the ceremony of the conqueror

part vii. the end of the beginning

part viii. epilogue: the princess of stars

a/n shakes u by the shoulders ohhhh its happeninf its happeningg

[hcuyk]

okay since you're back, may i please request something around 4am with changmin (or sunwoo?) and make it angst or comfort or whatever just because why not thank you my love i'm so happy you're here you don't imagine how much

[4:01AM]

Not often did you wake up in the middle of the night, yet something felt different. Maybe it was because there was a sudden lump that had developed within your pillow or the temperature in the room had changed, but your dream had slowly faded into darkness. As you adjusted to your senses and reality itself, your eyes fluttered open and caught a glimpse of Changmin in the dark.

Your eyes traced the silhouette illuminated by the moon, noticing his eyes wide and fixated on the ceiling. Unsure of both the time and if Changmin had noticed you, you scooted over to where he was and wrapped your arms around one of his, hugging it close to your chest.

“Why are you up?” you mumbled while tucking your nose behind his shoulder, wanting to remain as close as possible. 

Changmin turned his head to face you, slightly startled that you had woken up, but his parted lips of shock curled up into a warm smile—it was almost impossible to not be in love whenever he saw you. He pressed a kiss to the top of your head before shifting in his spot, adjusting so he could bring you into his arms.

“Why are you awake, hm?” He pulled you in close and against his chest, allowing you to snuggle up against him within his embrace. 

“I asked you first,” you retaliated. You gave him an exaggerated pout before having it interrupted with a yawn. He shook his head and laughed at you softly, his arms squeezing you. He then had one of his hands gently pat you on the head, providing a weak attempt to get you back to sleep.

“Just woke up randomly, and I couldn’t go back asleep,” he whispered.

“You better not be bullshitting.” He giggled at your grumble, causing you to shuffle your feet under the comforters and kick his legs when you found them. Changmin then burst out in laughter at your terrible attempt and refuted the action by locking his legs around yours, trapping you completely in his hold. 

Instead of fighting back, your tired state melted against him, but you still glared at him as a threat. 

“I’m not bullshitting, I promise.” Your skepticism made him coo and kiss your nose, watching as your bunched-up facial features began to relax.

“We sleep together?” Noticing your slight worry, he nodded and pressed a soft kiss against your lips to reassure you.

“We sleep together.”

It had taken less than a few minutes for you to knock out, but Changmin was still completely awake. He would play with your hair, tucking strands behind your ear, before his thoughts drifted off once more. He kissed your cheek with a whispered ‘I love you’ before untangling himself from you to glance at the ceiling once more. 

His eyes then trailed over to the nightstand by their bed, and without much thought, he silently pulled out the drawer to take out a small velvet box. He flipped it open to reveal the ring he had bought you and raised it to where the moon was shining, wanting to look at it one last time before officially getting down on one knee for you.

His heart thudded against his chest and fluttered the moment he thought about you wearing it on your ring finger. He smiled and put it away so he could go back to holding you, finally relaxed enough to fall back asleep.

You were his forever, and he couldn’t wait for tomorrow. 

permanent taglist . . . @armysantiny @stealanity @zzoguri @nyujjan @tinisprout @the-kpop-simp

author's note // first timestamp for changmin! (the other one was unhinged and we pretend it doesn't exist 😭). matty my biggest supporter ilysmsmsmsmsmsmsm thank you for sending this in i hope you enjoy ALSO this may or may not be canon kidult changmin 🫣

[astrae4]

♡ THE BOYZ AS YOUR FIRST KISS

pairing — the boyz x reader

genre — fluff, romance, humor

warnings — could be seen as suggestive in some.

note — hehe~ i’ve been a lot more active these days since school’s over!!

more works — navigation | tbz!masterlist

SANGYEON | after-date kiss

this man is so prepared. He had it all planned out in his head. The date was perfect; your conversations were amazing and the chemistry oozed out naturally. After he paid for the meal (despite you insisting that you split the bill instead), he drove you back to your house. Holding your hand as you’re about to part, he worked up the courage to give you a cheek kiss—but oh gosh, he was so nervous! Thankfully he had you, who gave him one small peck in his lips, before running into your house with a laugh, leaving him in shock. Safe to say he left your driveway with a dumb smile on his face!

JOONYOUNG | late night walk kiss

after going out for a hangout with a few friends, Jacob offered to walk you home as your houses were on the same direction. One convenience store stop later and you’ve both taken a detour to walk on the sidewalk. Oh, how he thought you were absolutely gorgeous. Even with your tired eyes, messy hair, and cakey makeup that was screaming to you to be taken off. Sensing his stare, you hit him with the “What? Is there something on my face?” And so he replied with the cliché “you’re beautiful.” Next thing you know, you’re both kissing underneath a lamppost in the starry night.

YOUNGHOON | for the job kiss

the actor you were working with was handsome. you got casted as the female lead and he—the male lead. Today, you were going to film the kiss scene. “Nervous?” He asked. “A bit.” You replied. It was fake—all for the job, of course, but why did it make your heart flutter so much? The director gave you a signal, and to your fortune—you did good. Just as the director gave you guys a cut, the handsome man leaned in your ear, whispering, “Just so you know, I wouldn’t mind for us to do it again off camera.”

JAEHYUN | during the movie kiss

Hyunjae had been such a sweetheart. Asking you for time after school, he brought you to the mall. He bought you some tteokbokki and drinks, and then brought you to the cinema to watch some newly released romance movie. The movie was great, by the way! The casts were amazing, the shots were beautiful, the plot was interesting, and the boy beside you was staring at you with heart eyes! Wait—what? You turned to the side to look at Hyunjae, both staring at each other before you naturally leaned in, a kiss being shared as the stars of the movie had their happy ending.

JUYEON | childhood kiss

you remember the day your boyfriend and you first met. baby you and Juyeon were in the same daycare. Another kid had taken your toy shovel, making you let out a cry of sadness. Baby Juyeon was a knight in shining armor, scolding the bullies and taking your shovel back. He had cooly crouched down with you wiping your tears with his baby hands before giving you your shovel back. Your tears stopped, and Juyeon had appeared to become the most handsome man in your eyes ever since. You thanked him by slapping your hands in his cheeks, before pulling him for a kissy kiss!!

HYUNGSEO | i love you kiss

you both were best friends. Yet, friends don’t do such things. Friends don’t stare at each other for too long, friends don’t have lingering touches. Just today, you slept over his house because you stayed for too long the other night, making it ‘too late’ to go home in Kevin’s eyes. Reaching a conclusion, you went down to where Kevin was making breakfast. “Good mor—” “Kevin, do you like me?” He stopped cooking to look at you, before answering you, “Truthfully, I do—no, actually, I love you.” You wasted no more time, pulling his face to yours for a kiss.

CHANHEE | in the pool kiss

taking a sip from your glass of wine, you put it back on the edge of the pool. giggling as you see Chanhee’s impatient expression, you quickly came to him, hooking your arms around his shoulder as his fall on your bare waist. Only the sounds of the water in the pool resonated as it was now too late for humankind. You both look at each other in the eyes, before moving closer to each other. “May I?” He asks softly, biting his plump bottom lip. You nodded, and soon enough; your lips connected as you shared a soft and sweet kiss.

CHANGMIN | thank you kiss

the sounds of synchronized steps echoed the practice room as the song came to an end. Changmin had offered to help you with a step you were confused with, and so here you are; doing extra practice in the middle of the night. You both grabbed a drink, pants echoing the room. “I think we’re done with practice—you were great just now. We should go home since it’s late.” He said. You nodded, grabbing your bag before you turned off the electricity and left the room together. “Thank you for staying and helping me, Changmin. I’ll see you tomorrow.” You gave him a peck, before leaving. Only when you reached your humble abode did you realize that you didn’t kiss his cheek.

HAKNYEON | shared chocolate kiss

sitting in a bench after going to the convenience store with Haknyeon, you both unwrapped your drinks. Sipping on the matcha milk, Hak nudged you. “Care for some chocolate?” He asked. You said yes undoubtedly. Imagine the shock on your face when; rather than giving you a piece, he put half on his mouth and held your nape, pulling you in for a kiss. You instinctively opened your mouth to bite the chocolate, lips pressing against each other in the process. After pulling away, the damn menace then proceeded to act as if it was nothing and focused back on his food, leaving you in a blushing mess.

SUNWOO | shutting one up kiss

being friends with a cowardly tease can be fun sometimes. They’d act all flirty and bold, making the other a flustered mess. Yet, they become the flustered mess the moment a hint of teasing is retaliated. It was really fun. Especially given the way your best friend, Sunwoo, was blushing. The day started off in annoyance as his teasing was endless. So you replied with a “if you don’t shut up, I’ll kiss you.” Flustered but not wanting to lose his cool, Sunwoo started singing lalalas. So, you kissed him, shutting him up.

YOUNGJAE | the accidental kiss

let’s be for real. this over-thinker would be way too pussy to actually kiss you outside of his own imagination. So it’s either you that have to initiate it or it happened accidentally. In this case, it happened accidentally. Basically, we all know how clumsy he is, right? Well, he tripped and fell on your lips. Scrambling up in a hurry, the both of you started to apologize to each other. Gosh, what a way to meet, right? Who’d guess that one question and three weeks was all it took for a non accidental second kiss.

taglist — @ja4hyvn @flwoie @sulkygyu @xiaoderrrr @ineedaherosavemeenow @lonewolfjinji @deoboyznet

© astrae4 2023 | please don’t copy, translate, or plagiarize my works on all platforms!

[sanaxo-o]

Reaction to their S/O wanting a pet (Hyung Line)

Genre: pure fluff, slightly sad for Jacob but reader comforts him, very very very cute, pouty hyunjae haha, not proofread

Sana: I know I disappeared for more than a month ig and I am not at all totally back but this is a draft I had for a long time and decided to finish it before sleeping. So here it is as I promised @from-izzy this hyunjae did see the light of the day (we cheered lol)

Word count: 1288

Tagging: @deoboyznet @a-dream-bookmark @mosviqu @kimsohn @cloverdaisies

Sangyeon:

Getting tired of trying to get your boyfriend’s attention you sit back down on the couch with your head placed on Sangyeon’s lap as you stare up at his face which was buried in the book he was currently reading.

You knew he was busy, but he had been busy with his work for the past few days which made you want to crave for his attention more than anything.

You closed your eyes as you enjoyed the feeling of Sangyeon petting your head with his hand while his other continued to use the phone.

The silence continued until you decided to ruin it by the most sudden question you could think of.

“What do you think about having a pet?” You ask out of the blue, which made Sangyeon stop using his phone while his hand took a complete halt which was busy petting your head a while ago as he diverted his attention to you.

“Huh?” He says in confusion as he keeps his phone away before he stares down at you. Leaning down he gave your lips a small peck as he decided to speak again, “Why this sudden thought?” He asked softly, his hands raking through your hair soothingly.

“I don’t know, it would be nice to have some company. I am bored most of the time when you’re busy with your work..” you tell him as you bring your hand up and poke his cheek with your finger which made him give out a small grin.

“I don’t know sweetheart, we both are busy most of the time with work. Who will take care of the pet when we’re not here?” He asks softly.

He had a point, you both were pretty swamped with work on the weekdays so having a pet will only increase your work.

“Can’t we just get one pet? Please…” you plead, you knew you wouldn’t be able to take care of a pet because speaking logically you cannot even take care of yourself without hurting yourself at least once.

“Do you promise you will take care of it?” He says suspiciously, his hands coming to a halt as he brings them up to scratch his neck.

“Yes, I promise I will take care of it!” You say with enthusiasm, happy that Sangyeon is agreeing to you getting a pet only for your smile to get replaced with a scowl when you hear his answer.

“The answer is still no. Maybe sometime in the future when we have more time for us. At the moment, I am the only one who should be having your attention.” Saying that Sangyeon brought his hands to your waist as he started tickling you which made laughter erupt from your throat.

Jacob:

You sit beside Jacob who was busy keeping his niece entertained, letting out a small sigh, you stare at his brother playing with their pet dogs.

“What are you thinking about?” Jacob whispers softly as he places his niece on the couch beside him once he was asleep.

“Do you ever think about having another pet? You ask softly as you stare at him.

Seeing the slight hurt in Jacob’s eyes immediately reminds you about the recent passing away of one of his dogs.

Inching your hand closer to Jacob’s, you hold it in your in a comforting grip as you slide closer to Jacob to pull him closer in your warm embrace.

“I am sorry, I didn’t realise that you must be still trying to move on from the recent death.” You say, your voice coming out hushed since your face was buried in Jacob’s shoulder.

“It’s okay…having another pet is a huge responsibility and I don’t think I am just ready to get another one…” Jacob mumbles as he buries his face in your neck to try and stop himself from crying.

“I am sorry for bringing it up.” You apologise as you pat his back comfortingly.

Hyunaje:

You stared at Hyunaje who was trying to get Darong’s attention for the past half an hour.

You came to his folks place to look after his pet while his family was away for some time. You have known Hyunaje for almost seven years and you surprisingly warmed up to Darong quite well.

Darong himself would always jump in your arms whenever you came over at his place which of course made Hyunaje pout. His girlfriend was giving her attention to his dog who would ignore him while his dog was busy cuddling his girlfriend instead of meeting his own owner.

You smiled in adoration when Hyunaje gave up on trying to get Darong’s attention as he just settled down on the couch beside you with a tired sigh escaping his lips.

“Why do puppies hate me?” He mumbles softly as he slowly lays his head on your lap and hums in satisfaction when he feels your fingers gently brushing and massaging his scalp in a soothing manner.

“Maybe because you always annoy them?” You suggest with a small laugh escaping your throat when you see Hyunaje pucker his lips at your mean, mean words.

“Don’t say that..” he says that as he pokes your cheeks with his fingers and plays with your fingers while humming to a song.

“Why don’t we adopt a pet? A pet who could also accompany Darong and give him company?” You say with excitement as you pick Darong up, who was standing beside you while wagging his tail waiting for you to take notice of him. You place him on your other lap and pet his head, “Would you like that darongie?” You call out his name and smile when he barks in response.

“I think he’s on board with the plan Jae..” you tell him as you pick up Darong in your arms and stand up from the couch which led to hyunjaes head falling back on the couch. You turn a blind eye to your boyfriend who was calling out your name in desperation.

“What’s the point of getting another pet if I am going to be ignored either way?” He mumbles to himself as he slowly sits back up and scoffs when he sees you playing with Darong.

He could still feel his cheeks turning upwards in a smile when he hears your laugh echoing throughout the room whenever Darong listens to your orders.

If getting another pet made you happy, he would gladly buy how much ever you wanted if that’s what makes you smile this huge.

Younghoon:

Entering the house you gasp when you see a dog (who was not Bori) playing with Younghoon.

You immediately drop your bag on the floor and sit down on the floor beside Younghoon to pet the new puppy which was busy biting and playing with Younghoon.

“You’re back!” Younghoon exclaims as he hugs you tightly.

“Where did you get this dog?” You ask while slowly picking it up and booping your nose with the dog.

“Some person abandoned it on the street.” Younghoon replies sadly as he goes into the washroom to clean his hands.

Hearing the reply you gasp as you look at the cute puppy with sad eyes, upset that someone could dare to do something so demeaning.

“I knew you always wanted your own dog…thought you’d take a liking to it so I went to the vet and got him checked and everything.” Younghoon says once he comes back to the living room.

“I love it.” You mumble, your whole attention on the puppy as you continue playing with it.

Younghoon smiles softly as he takes a few photos of you with the puppy to store it as a memory (and to also keep that picture in his wallet.)

[cupidjyu]

jealousy, jealousy

(hyung line) when they get jealous over another member

genre: jealousy, jealousy, jealousy, a lot of kissing, hyunjae is a buff fool in this, im pretty sure you get yanked or yank him in each of these for some reason, slow dancing!!! shy! sangyeon! notes: eric summer fic🫥 word count: 1.7k

sangyeon

“Sangyeon?”

You poked your head outside of the door. Your boyfriend immediately looked up, his hair slightly damp from sweat and his previously focused expression quickly became a foolish, very-in-love one.

“Hi there,” He greeted, his eyes bright simply at the sight of you. He approached you, pulling you into a tight hug. “I missed you.”

“Eugh,” You groaned, pushing him off. “I have your drink balanced in my hand and you’re all sweaty from dance.”

He pouted and took the iced americano from you. “You didn’t say it back.”

You looked at him in disbelief for a second before sighing in defeat. “I missed you too.”

“That’s what I wanted to hear,” He sang, leaning in to press a kiss to your cheek. You laughed bashfully, turning your head slightly. That was when you noticed another man, staring intently at himself in the mirror.

“Hyunjae,” You called out with a wave. 

He turned around and he immediately broke out into a friendly smile. “Y/n!” His voice was bright and loud as usual as he approached the two of you. “Actually, now would be a good opportunity to ask you a question.”

You tilted your head.

And to your surprise, he rolled up his sleeve to show off his entire arm. “Do you think I got more muscular?” 

You lifted an eyebrow. Hyunjae whined as he brought his sleeve back down.

“Why are you asking me?”

“Because I need another opinion. I worked out a lot for the past few weeks,” He explained. You thought for a second. As a perfectly good, moral friend, you replied earnestly.

“I see a lot of progress.” You patted his shoulder. “Your arm… muscles look great.”

Hyunjae nodded in satisfaction. “I treasure your opinion.” And then he was off to buy a snack from the vending machine. With an amused smile, you turned back to Sangyeon, only to be met with the most adorable pout in the world. His eyebrows were furrowed as he searched your eyes with sorrow.

“Sangyeon?”

“What about me?”

You paused. And then you burst out into laughter. But, before you could respond, he was pulling you out and into the hallway. You watched him with a fond smile.

“Jealous?” 

He only replied with an embarrassed silence. You chuckled.

“I think that your muscles are amazing,” You exaggerated. Sangyeon groaned, leaning forward to pull you into a hug so that he could hide his face.

“What else do you like?” He whispered. In the corner of your eye, you could see that the tips of his ears were red.

“Mmm…” You hummed. “Your lips?”

He pulled away at that, and he gazed at you, or moreover–your lips–with a sultry expression. “Oh really?” He muttered, leaning in. You sputtered slightly, completely forgetting your past remark about him being sweaty. In fact, he looked very attractive like this. 

And before you could even say a “yes,” he was already leaning in, pressing a deep kiss to yours. 

jacob

Humming happily to yourself, you and Jacob were cuddling in bed until you were interrupted by an excited yell from the living room.

“Y/n!” Kevin’s voice called out loudly. “C’mere! There’s a new music video!”

You widened your eyes, turning to look at Jacob who was only staring back at you with soft eyes. He always said that he enjoyed seeing you happy and excited.

“Go,” He mumbled. You smiled and practically jumped out of his arms to run over to Kevin who had turned on the video of your shared favorite music artist. The two of you laughed hysterically as you watched and soon enough, you found yourself dancing with him, holding up fake microphones to sing. 

Grasping hands, jumping up and down, you and Kevin, as perfectly good best friends, danced to the music. Little did you know, Jacob was watching from around the corner. Though he half enjoyed watching you have fun, he also half didn’t enjoy seeing you have fun with someone else. 

Once the music video was over, you looked over to Jacob who was watching with a serious expression. Slightly out of breath, you walked over, only for him to take you by the wrist and whisk you away privately.

“Is everything okay?” You frowned.

He shook his head. “No. I’m jealous.”

Your jaw almost dropped open at his words. He was never one to be so straightforward. But then your eyes softened as you cupped his jaw with your hand.

“Don’t be, you know that I love to dance with you the most.”

“Really?” He narrowed his eyes skeptically. “Because we never have before.”

“Then let’s do it now.”

“Aren’t you tired from all that dancing?” His gaze was gentle and kind.

You shook your head with an eager smile, taking his hand in yours and leading him to the middle of the room. Slowly, you began to slow dance with him, swaying and holding him close to his chest. 

“Oh,” He breathed out, a smile growing on his lips. “We should do this more often.”

You smiled, resting your cheek against his chest. “I think so too.”

It was silent for a moment, just the two of you stepping side to side, embracing each other’s warmth.

“I love you,” Jacob whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. 

You grinned, leaning up to instead kiss his lips. “I love you too.”

younghoon

“Ouch,” Younghoon muttered, massaging the spot on his chest where you had just run into.

You frowned. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to bump into you.” You cupped his cheeks, pressing small kisses all over. He was about to lean in to press his lips to yours until you heard a familiar cackle from down the hallway.

Panicking, you looked up at your boyfriend. “I have to go. Changmin’s going to get me.” And before he could even utter a response, you were already running to hide in another room. It was a simple game of chase between friends. Neither of you knew who even started it.

Younghoon watched silently as you laughed dearly when Changmin had found you. His heart warmed at the sight of your beautiful smile but, there was a frown on his lips when he saw how it was his own friend who made you giggle. With a sigh, he walked away, devising a quick plan in his head.

Breathing heavily, you burst into an empty room, trying to find a place to hide. Just as you walked past the walk-in closet, you felt a gentle, familiar hand grab onto your wrist and pull you in. With a yelp, you found yourself pressed up right against to Younghoon’s chest.

Before you could even ask him what was wrong, his hand was on your waist as he brought you into a soft kiss, tilting his head lightly. You were confused, but you easily melted into the kiss with a small smile.

“Younghoon…” You whispered, pulling away with a shy expression.

He lifted an eyebrow with an adorable frown, his hair slightly messy. “You’re having fun, aren’t you?”

You noticed that his voice was laced with obvious sarcasm and so you stared at him in utter disbelief. And then you broke out into fond laughter.

“Are you jealous?” You questioned, letting your hand trail down to his.

His frown only deepened, making you grin more. “...yes.”

“You’re so cute.” You smiled. “You know that you’re the only one for me, right?” He nodded silently and so you pressed your lips to his again. He let out a satisfied hum as he leaned in even deeper.

Stumbling out of the closet, red-cheeked and out of breath, the two of you looked up, only to see Changmin standing outside. He grimaced.

“Ew, oh my god,” He groaned before sticking his tongue out. “I won by the way. Since you got distracted.”

hyunjae

“Can you turn on the speaker?” Hyunjae appeared behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist to pull you into a tight back hug. “We have to practice.”

You eyed him with faux annoyance. “If you would let me go, I will.”

He smiled cheekily, pressing a soft kiss to your cheek. “In a minute.”

Sticking your tongue out, you wriggled out of his hold and approached the speaker, only to find it in the worst spot possible. Reaching in the weirdest angles, you couldn’t quite get the button. Immediately, Hyunjae, who always had his eyes on you, noticed.

“I can do it–” He called out.

“Here you go.” Sangyeon suddenly appeared beside you, getting the switch with ease. Smiling up at him, you thanked him.

“Such a gentleman,” You joked.

He rolled his eyes, walking away. “That’s my nature,” He remarked.

You laughed and walked back over to Hyunjae, only to find him looking at you with those puppy eyes. His lips were also pulled into a small frown.

“Hyunjae?”

He stayed silent, turning away grumpily. With a sigh, you took his hand and pulled him out of the practice room and into a separate room made for singing. 

“What’s wrong?” Your eyes softened.

“I don’t know,” He grumbled, his voice uncharacteristically quiet. “Why don’t you ask Sangyeon?”

That was when it suddenly hit you, your lips parting in surprise. Biting back a fond smile, you stepped forward and hugged him. He only sulkily looked down at you and refused to return it.

“You're… jealous?” You grinned. Immediately, he was blushing with a huff of breath. He tried to avoid your eyes but you only persisted, following his gaze. Finally, with a small squirm, he nodded.

You laughed as you leaned in to hide your face in his chest.

“Then can you maybe help me with something?”

Pulling away, he looked at you with excitement as if to tell you that he would do anything for you. Which he certainly would.

“What is it?”

You hummed with a mischievous smile. “My lips are feeling a bit unoccupied.”

He chuckled with a small smirk. “Gladly. Of course I’ll help you with that.” He pressed a kiss to your lips, holding you tightly by the waist. By the time he was done, your lips felt sore. He only smiled proudly at his effect.

“Would Sangyeon be able to do that for you?”

“No," You mumbled, your cheeks flushing.

“The only correct answer,” He teased before kissing you again.

[gluion]

safe haven (how much longer do we have?) ➵ jacob bae

jacob bae x reader, slight lee hyunjae x reader

you can only hope for more tomorrows with jacob.

genre/warnings ➵ strangers to lovers, heavy angst with a happy ending, touch of fluff, afab reader (no-gendered terms), lowercase intended, apocalypse au, hurt/comfort (both physical and emotional), depictions of grief, descriptions of gore/blood, use of guns, allusions and discussions of suicide, minor character deaths, hyunjae is your ex, changmin and kevin appearance :'), elements of the last of us (don't support neil druckmann!), mostly written in past tense (because u're remembering!)

word count ➵ 6.2k words

inspired by ➵ “anaheim” by niki, “are you happy?” by @wavesmp3, “love wins all” by iu, episode three of hbo's the last of us, and “you’re gonna carry that weight” quote from cowboy bebop

a/n ➵ my life changed forever reading shawna's piece. thank you for letting me write a piece based on your work (if you haven't read it, go check it out!) just like you, i am a sucker for apocalypse aus :')) hope i did justice to your beautiful work. anyway, love wins all coming out yesterday was a miracle because it's definitely made for this fic </3 thank you to @heemingyu and @deobienthusiast for betareading a bit of this! if you enjoyed reading, please do reblog and leave feedback!

want to be part of my taglist? send me an ask! masterlist

time was the one thing that occupied everyone’s minds. it held value, something that shouldn’t be wasted, and people revolved their lives around it.

questions flew around with every tick and tock—what day is it today? when’s your next doctor’s appointment? how long has it been since you’ve last seen your friends from high school? until when does this meeting last? 

as the hands of the clock continue to rotate, the calendar pages would flip along. birthdays were celebrated with every revolution as candles on cakes were lit up, awaiting the puff of celebrants as they wished for their desires. holidays were ones to look forward to; people dressed up to celebrate periods of the year that mattered to them while others slept in until noon. and days were spent counting down until graduations, where caps with tassels would fly to the expanse of blue and orange as cheers and sobs sound throughout.

but now, no one keeps track of time. clocks stopped moving and calendars weren’t produced annually. once the surge of the infected took over, grabbing on humans, taking them away from the lives they’ve lived, everyone ran like they were running out of time. with every second that passes, people are ridden with possibilities of how they might bid farewell to life itself—would it be through the hands of the infected or their own?

now, only one question echoes within their minds: how long do we have?

yet, the clock continues—tick, tock, tick, tock. it keeps going, and going, and going, like how everyone expects it. while everyone seemed to let time go, you still kept track of it all: birthdays, holidays, a graduation you never had.

the outbreak hit two years ago on the day of hyunjae’s graduation. cheers turned into screams. white togas and diplomas were splattered with red. the lively became lifeless.

you remember hyunjae’s hand in yours, fingers gripping you as if you were his life, as you charged out of the gymnasium, legs keeping up with the speed of his. you darted off to nowhere as images of the infected tearing people apart took up every block, all the way from skin to bone.

and while it was a rush of tragedies, hyunjae was the only hope you had.

“keep your eyes on me,” he glanced at you, eyes off the path as he met your gaze. “don’t look at them. only look at me.”

it was impossible to ignore the wails that filled your ears, but you would repeat his words—his soft-spoken voice—to drown them out.

by nightfall, you and hyunjae found yourselves in a motel room, skin cleaned from blood splatters and dressed in clothes that engulfed your figures, and in each other’s arms on a twin-sized bed. the duvet that wrapped around you two is thin, not at all keeping you warm for the night, but the warmth of hyunjae was enough to provide you a sense of security—stability amidst the ever-changing world.

he whispered into the crown of your head, words meant to dispel your fears, all while you sobbed into his shirt. there was nothing that he could do but stay strong for you.

and for a few days, that room acted as your safe haven. the time spent within those four walls is the life you imagined your future with hyunjae. it would’ve been in a two-story house with a garden where a singular orange tree stands, lounging on the couch as you played movies to fall asleep to, but all you had was an old room with a carpeted floor with unrecognizable stains and a bathroom unable to fit two.

yet, you would choose this over anything. even if it meant eating instant noodles for every meal or sleeping on a mattress that ruins your backs, you would choose this if it meant hyunjae would be with you.

still, time continues to move. hyunjae knew that you both couldn’t stay in that room or else the infected may reach you. so when you both went to bed on that last night, you outlined his features from the space between his eyebrows all the way to his lips, and you spent that time memorizing his warmth to carry with you for the rest of your life. you could only hope that he stays with you until the end.

after a month passed, you and hyunjae met changmin, an injured boy who only wanted to live. at first, hyunjae was hesitant to take the stranger in, but you wouldn’t allow yourself to live with the idea of abandoning someone in need. in a world where the infected have taken over, it only seemed right to help out others, save them from a fate they’re not ready to meet.

what started off as a pair turned into a trio. you’ve learned more about what it takes to survive in this life. long gone is the need for money to buy necessities; you need to scavenge if you want to live in an infected-ridden world. thanks to changmin, you and hyunjae got to learn about how to find supplies in every building that you pass on the journey.

but it’s not enough to know where to find food and bullets. hyunjae decided that it was only right to teach you how to use a gun. with every morning that came, you two spent hours learning how to hold, reload, and fire.

“don’t worry,” he told you as his chin hovered over your shoulder. you both stared at the tin can situated on a stack of boxes only a few meters away. “you won’t have to worry about fighting alone. i’ll be here with you.” as you exhaled, your eyes zeroed in on the target. “now, shoot.”

six months have passed, and you were happy that you were still a trio. changmin became your best friend over that time. his laughs were enough to shine glimmers of hope onto you. you were glad that you decided to help him off the ground and tend his bullet wound that day.

until you found yourselves retreating from the horde of infected.

time moves at a constant speed but it can become swift if it decides to. when you and changmin reached the doors leading to safety, you remember seeing hyunjae fighting off those who were once like you, bullets firing at their heads. you remember your screams, telling him to run to you—go to where it’s safe—so that you can keep having tomorrows with him.

yet, hyunjae glanced at changmin, nodding at him before his eyes met yours. you watched how his mouth moves, a soundless three-word phrase leaving him before the doors shut before you. you would’ve pried them open but changmin kept his arms around you, holding you back from letting the infected reach you, from letting hyunjae come back to you.

the wails that left you are enough to attract the infected. if only the infected were to burst through the doors, grab onto you and bring you to hyunjae, then maybe you would stop crying. yet, changmin dragged you away. you never saw him as your best friend after that.

a month passed, and you still refused to talk to him. the boy tried to strike up a conversation with you, trying to earn your laugh like he used to, but he was only met with a cold shoulder. with every brick he put, you smashed your sledgehammer against it, dispelling any hope he had in rekindling his friendship with you.

the two of you learned to live in silence, fighting for survival while dealing with the loss of the one who would always bring you both to safety.

until you came across another boy who pointed his gun toward you. his defensive demeanor reminded you of hyunjae, and you wondered if this was his doing—his reincarnation. but before he could pull the trigger, changmin saved you from meeting your fate.

somehow, the duo had turned into a trio once more. you still refused to talk to changmin, but would eavesdrop on the conversations he shared with the stranger. you learned that the new addition is named jacob.

but even the stranger wasn’t enough to fill the void that hyunjae left. with every nightfall, when the soft snores of the two boys filled your ears, tears streamed down your face as sobs threatened to spill out of your mouth. the palm of your hand wasn’t enough to muffle your weeps. behind your eyelids, hyunjae’s last words to you play on repeat—the ones he failed to say, the ones you’ll never hear again.

maybe if you didn’t leave that motel room then he would’ve still been with you, arms finding their place around your waist as he trails kisses all over you. if the outbreak didn’t happen, then maybe you would be living in that two-story house with him. maybe you would wake up to a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice by the bedside table and the warmth of his lips on your forehead. and maybe you could finally tell him yes before he slips the silver band on your finger—you could’ve grown with him until your hair turns grey.

the weight you carry never got lighter with time. the void continued to consume you whole with the goal of ripping you apart. as another month passed, another life was lost—not to the infected but to the raiders.

“changmin, you have to stay with me.” those were the first words you told him since hyunjae’s death. crimson continued to spill out of his abdomen through the gaps between your fingertips in the same way tears flow out. “jacob! find gauze, betadine, anything!” you never glanced at the stranger, keeping your gaze on your best friend whose eyes continued to droop.

still, changmin caressed your face, thumb wiping teardrops. as he slowly entered territories that you both knew he would never escape, he grinned at you one last time. “i missed hearing you. i’m glad you’ll be the last thing i hear.”

but you tried to tell him that you couldn’t be the last voice he heard. it should’ve been with someone he can imagine his future with, maybe in a two-story house or a cramped flat in an apartment complex. he deserves more tomorrows in the same way hyunjae did.

but time continues to move. it took him away from you in a matter of minutes, slithering away without a second thought and no regard for the value of life, and all you were left with was his temple—still, lifeless. as you sobbed into his shirt, still holding the wound, the warmth of jacob’s hand stayed on your back, moving along with your wails. 

now, you carry the loss of two. it never got easier with time.

jacob still sticks with you. it only seemed right. stay strong in numbers as you wander off to nowhere, grasping at the loose ends of survival.

two weeks have passed. you and jacob got used to the new dynamic; while he goes hunting and you’re tasked with scavenging, you both played your roles in combat, ready for any raid or horde. when night would come, you both took shifts, keeping watch while the other got some shut-eye.

until that one evening.

you recall the sounds of wood crackling from the fire. it stood strong against the breeze—burning, shining—surrounded by greens that latch on browns. hues of amber cascaded over your skin, painting you with warmth—it’ll never compare to the one you craved. your eyes drifted to jacob who sat across from you, his eyes trained on the fire as he rubbed his palms together. perhaps he craved the same type of warmth you longed for.

“we used to be three.” his eyes snapped towards yours. “before you came, we used to be three—changmin, me, and—” it rose in you like bile, wanting to escape but never leaving. “we were three then.”

you glanced at the fire that continued to burn. “we met changmin a month after the outbreak, spent six months together until—” the claws of the void struck against your throat, holding you back from sharing with the stranger what your life was before he came. while you never found the right words to say, jacob never pushed, letting you say what you wanted to share while filling in the blanks on his own. 

“i resented changmin after what happened.” you moved your gaze to jacob whose eyes never left you. “refused to talk to him. refused to forgive.” and you remember how you hesitated, taking a deep breath in before sputtering out the next sentence. “refused to accept.”

nine months ago, the outbreak didn’t happen. nine months ago, you were attending hyunjae’s graduation. nine months ago, you two were imagining your tomorrows—together, for eternity.

and those nine months fractured all hopes and dreams; the glass is now littered with cracks, ready to burst into shards.

“but i think about the last time we saw changmin,” the image of him sitting in front of you all frail, treading the line between life and death, flashed in front of you; it’s quick but strong to remind you of what’s lost. “and i wish i could’ve learned how to forgive during those two months.”

but it was an impossible request. how could you ever forgive a boy you’ve known for only six months for taking your future away? how could you forgive a world that took him away? how could you forgive and live?

and still, you did.

you left it at that. they were enough. so when you told jacob that you’ll take over tonight’s shift, he never asked to hear more. instead, he laid near the campfire as you keep an eye out.

and once enough hours have passed, you allowed yourself to sob like other nights. the breeze that passed through branches reminded you of changmin; rustling leaves imitated the giggles of the boy you’ve only known during the apocalypse.

the wind that grazed against your skin should’ve been a nuisance, but the warmth of the fire wrapped you up like the duvet in that motel room. and you don’t complain—it’s the only part of hyunjae you have left.

the heat was enough to last you the night, but the chill of reality sent you back to the void.

that night, jacob listened to your sobs. not one of you got enough rest for the journey.

another two weeks went by. you two got into a better groove of the routine; instead of hunting and scavenging in silence, you and jacob found yourselves talking more about your lives before the outbreak. you learned that he was born the same year as hyunjae, and he shared that he had plans to pursue music.

“if the world finds a cure to this mess, you have to promise me that you’ll get me front-row tickets to your first show.” it was a joke. in what world could there be a cure for the infected? but the wishful thinking of what could be—what could’ve been—is all you had left.

still, jacob promised you that.

that night, you two stayed in the living room of an abandoned house. instead of lighting the fireplace, candles were placed on the coffee table. they shined in the middle of you two, you who stayed on the couch and jacob who sat on the mattress lying on the floor.

“where were you?” his eyes met yours. “on the day of the outbreak, i mean.”

he leaned back, hands resting on the mattress before he looked once more at the wax that continued to melt. “it was my graduation.” it hit you like a sudden downpour on a sunny day. “i was next in line to go up on the stage until the infected came.”

and when you said the name of the university, his gaze met yours as his shoulders stiffened. “m—my hyunjae.” it’s the first time you spoke of his name, and the sight of jacob’s eyes widening over it was enough to speak for himself.

“i—i didn’t know,” he whispered, but his words were loud enough to shatter glass. “i only spoke to him a few times. he spoke of you with so much love.”

your heart skipped beats; it should’ve been enough to send you off into the same territories where hyunjae and changmin now stay. your mouth turned dry as jacob’s voice morphed into radio silence.

before you knew it, the two of you left the information to hang in the air as you tried to drift into slumber. the clock continues to tick. minutes turned into hours; time moves like it usually does once more.

yet, you were stuck in the same gymnasium, fixing hyunjae’s toga as you scolded him about how wrinkled it’s become—hey! you’ll go up on stage soon. we can’t take pictures of you like this. despite your words, he smiled at you before grazing his lips on your temple—his silent way of telling you the three-word phrase.

in a split second, you were off the couch. you barged out of the house, clutching your chest as the knot constricted your throat, and your feet dragged you off to nowhere. every sound has turned into a buzz—only the voice of hyunjae being the one clear thing amidst the hysteria.

before you knew it, you stood before a horizon of green. it takes only one step into the woods, alone with no protection, for you to meet your demise. you would’ve charged into it in the same way you would’ve charged out to save hyunjae that day.

all it takes is one step, and—

“what are you doing?!” a pair of hands gripped your shoulders, spinning you around until you were face-to-face with the last form of life that you know of. his breaths were short as his fingers dug into your arms. “you can’t just rush out in the middle of the night! i woke up worried sick.” his eyebrows knitted in frustration. confusion. distress. 

the voice was caught in your throat. how does one begin to unpack the baggage they’ve learned to carry? when the items they bring are revolting, rotten, repugnant, how does someone not feel shame about showing all the tattered-up objects? how do you learn to open up to someone you’ve only known for three months?

your hands trembled; you’ve carried the weight of it all for too long.

in that split second, your nose met the juncture between his chin and shoulder. the material of his shirt against your cheek allowed you to bathe in what you miss—the hand of changmin that once caressed your face, the lips of hyunjae that lingered with every kiss. all the moments that you hoped time would freeze just for you lives in the boy you stick with for survival.

all it took were jacob’s hands to rest on the lower side of your back for the tears to begin their stream. the sobs spill out. for once, they weren’t muffled like those other nights. they sounded throughout the space that surrounded you two. you allowed yourself to drop the baggage only for a few minutes.

jacob took you back to the house that night, allowing you to sob about all that you’ve kept under the wraps. when sunrise came, you found your legs mixed with his as his arms remained wrapped around you, and your ear pressed against his chest. the sound of his breathing is the one reminder of what a safe haven is. 

half a year went by. jacob still stays by your side. the baggage got lighter.

it should’ve been the same routine; jacob goes off to hunt while you scavenge, and you’ll take turns on the night shifts. but that night shifted something between you two—stolen glances, quiet giggles, linked fingers.

two months have gone by. the moon shined through the trees, their shadows cascading on an abandoned cabin that you and jacob decided to stay in for that night.

it should’ve been the same set-up as other nights spent in abandoned houses; you’ll sleep on the couch while he sleeps on a dragged-out mattress. instead, he sat with you on the couch, your back resting on his chest along with his hand staying on your arm. 

a lit candle rested on the table; its amber tones painted the jacob’s skin—close to the fruit tree that stands in your lost future.

“what would you do if there is a cure to this?” you watched how his fingers danced across your skin, calloused from plucking guitar strings or wielding a gun. 

jacob’s chest rumbled against your back as he hummed. “what would you do?”

a giggle left you as you looked at the boy. “i was the one who asked you first!”

he shot you a grin as his hand slipped into yours. the candle continued to burn; it did a poor job of giving you light and warmth that night. but he did it all—one smile. one exhale. one indication to show that he lives.

“travel, maybe? or i’ll go back to writing music.” you nodded at his plans before looking back at the light source. “what about you?”

“i don’t know.”

there was no point in going back to university after such a catastrophe. if anything, the year spent surrounded by the infected, fighting for survival, has shown you that there’s more to life than the perpetual cycle of working a nine-to-five.

so…

“i would settle down if i could.” the wax continued to melt. “i think i’ve seen enough of the world. for once, i just want to stay home, indulge in my hobbies, live the life that i want.”

his breath grazed the top of your head. “with someone?” and suddenly, you became aware of it all—the heat that emitted from his palm, the movement of his chest against your back, the gravity of his question.

the words get caught in your throat. your heartbeat rang in your ears. for the first time since hyunjae’s death, you considered it. 

“with someone.”

before you knew it, his hand caressed your cheek. you were forced to meet his eyes—they glistened with devotion. he leaned forward, his breath grazing your skin while you held in yours. you didn’t miss how his gaze flickered to your lips before he met your eyes once more.

then, he held back. it’s a choice, one only you can make. but when your eyes shut, it’s a quiet plea—a silent yes.

his lips met yours. 

the warmth that blossomed in your chest wasn’t like the one in that motel room. not like the embrace of the one you’ve lost. it was one of all seasons—changing with the weather, bringing comfort throughout the everchanging times.

it’s a perpetual cycle of fighting for survival. you’ll endure through it all.

a month passed by, and you came across another boy on the journey. he’s named kevin, and he told you of a safe haven located in the town that you and jacob grew up in.

for a moment, it was an internal debate—should you go back to where the downfall started? can you go to where the memory of hyunjae still lives?

but one glance at jacob was enough to settle it. the three of you embarked on your journey.

you remember that day. it was a walk with the goal of finding a car to make the journey back an easy one. the heat of the sun prickled against your skin, but you still kept your arms crossed.

“are you two together?” kevin asked, causing you to whip your head towards him. your eyes met jacob’s for a split second—confusion, dejection—before they landed back at the stranger who kept his eyes on the path you took.

“no, we aren’t.”

for the rest of the journey, it was quiet.

sundown came, and you found yourselves in a convenience store for that night’s shelter. jacob was in charge of taking the night shift, allowing you and kevin to rest up. when the stranger went off to sleep on the makeshift bed, you were left alone with jacob.

you watched how he cleaned his gun with a rag stained with dark splotches. the moon gleamed through the window—it cannot compare to how jacob shines.

you needed to get some sleep is what you tell yourself. with one spin, you were about to make your way to where you’d sleep for that night.

“are we really not?” you halted in your tracks. you couldn’t look at him. “did it mean nothing?”

not a single answer left your mouth. your eyes remained straightforward, refusing to meet his gaze.

the warmth vanished with a lack of an answer. instead, it was replaced once more with the cold—the void—that attempted to consume you whole.

and when a scornful chuckle left jacob, you knew that you’d burnt the bridge. you walked away, leaving him to do his job, bidding farewell to the closest form of a safe haven.

two weeks went by, and another goodbye had to be done. kevin stood in front of you two, a grin on his lips while tears streamed down his face. his arm was out, revealing a bite mark. the veins near the wound had already turned black. he would’ve turned in a few hours.

“go out.” those were jacob’s first words to you since that night in the convenience store.

you remember the last thing you told kevin before you left the room—you’ll get to your safe haven. the sobs that spilled out of him are ones you’ll never forget. and when you shut the door behind you, it took 20 seconds until you heard a gunshot. 

the weight got heavier once more.

another two weeks went by, and you and jacob found yourselves standing in front of the remains of a safe haven. the fences were torn down. streaks of dark red littered over pavements. not a single sight of a soul lived.

still, you two trudged your way through the town, all the way until you reached jacob’s house. like others, his was abandoned. the cream walls were littered with red strokes and vines. when you both entered, you didn’t miss how jacob’s eyes lingered on a photo hung on the wall—a picture of him, his brother, and his parents.

you gave him all the time he needed to explore, to sit with the mess, while you stayed in the living room. as you sat on the couch that had gathered dust, you caught sight of a bowl of plastic produce that rested on the coffee table. it held a variety of fruits whose paint had chipped: watermelon, chestnut, and fig.

but amidst the crowd of old, torn-down, plastic fruits, a pear and an orange leaned against each other as grime collected on them. once your hands reached out to the fruits, you pulled them apart—a mess of green and orange stained the two.

he came back to you in 30 minutes, eyes glistening with tears. yet, he only gave you a nod, and you two went to another house. 

you then stood in front of your old house with jacob by your side. weeds grew in the front yard, and the wooden exterior has turned a few shades darker. silence settled between you two. 

to be back in a place you grew up in, where all your memories live, is a process—a grieving one. being face-to-face with the damage brought by the infected can only remind you of what you had and could’ve had.

and once you made your way to your childhood room, you were reminded of all your hopes and dreams before the outbreak. dust rested on top of books. the laptop on your desk had no charge. potted plants have withered.

when you approached the picture frames found on your table, your hand darted out to a photograph of you and hyunjae. there was no occasion when that picture was taken—the fact that you two were together was enough for it to be remembered. memorialized.

as you made your way back down the stairs, you saw jacob crouched in front of the console table with eyes. trained on photographs. “was this your high school graduation?” you approached him and saw the picture he was referring to, you who stood beside hyunjae with a big grin as his lips were on your temple.

“yeah,” you said as you crouched beside jacob. “we knew each other back when i was a freshman.” your fingers trailed on the wooden frame, gathering the dust before flicking it away. despite your efforts, it was still covered in grime, but you didn’t mind. 

“and you stayed together since?” all you did was hum. “did you find anything up there?”

for the first time since you entered your old house, you looked at jacob and he met your gaze. your eyes trailed his features. the eyes that speak of a thousand words. the lips that once kissed yours.

and it hit you like the gunshot that filled your ears, the breeze that rustled the leaves that one night, the doors that shut close. it was 20 months since the outbreak happened, 13 months since you lost hyunjae, and 11 months since changmin told you his last words—but it was also 13 months spent with jacob, choosing to survive with him. 

“yeah.”

you found a lot of things within those four walls. there were books you once read growing up, stuffed toys you slept with, and the one picture of you and hyunjae; they’re the remaining pieces you have left of a life that was good.

you would’ve kept it all, rebuilt the life that was ripped away by the hands of the infected—

“but nothing to hold on to.”

they’re memories, ones you’ll carry with you, but ones worth moving on from. 

“oh,” he said as his eyes still held your gaze. “okay.”

and with one exhale, you said, “let’s rebuild it, just a place for us two.”

it was a whirlwind of emotions in jacob’s eyes, ones you can’t identify. for a moment, you thought he’d say no. maybe he decided that 13 months was enough. one more day with you would be too much, and—

“okay.” when his hand reached out for yours, linking fingers with you like all other times, you gave him a small smile.

when you and jacob stood up, you made your way out of the house, off to find a place just for you two—a safe haven to last you many tomorrows with him.

a month passed. the safe haven was rebuilt; the fences stood strong with electrical wires and barbed wires, and the town was cleaned of all remnants of grime and blood. the two of you took up different tasks ranging from cleaning, cooking, building, and maintaining the haven.

but while you were okay with a knife, accidents did happen. “fuck!”

“what happened?” you remember how jacob came rushing in, only to see you pressing on the skin around the cut on your finger.

before you knew it, you were sitting down with him as he wrapped gauze around the wound. “jacob, it’s just a cut. i’ll be fine.”

“still, i don’t want you getting hurt.” you watched how his eyes were focused on treating your finger. “i’ll be in charge of cooking now.”

you shook your head. “no, i like to cook. i want to cook for us.” his gaze then met yours, his filled with worry while yours filled with determination. they flickered back to your finger, and his hands busied themselves with covering it up.

once he was done, his hand continued to hold yours. you remember the heat of his thumb as it drew patterns on your hand. he’s etched himself onto you.

his eyes met yours once more, and he said, “okay, just let me help out.” all you gave him was a nod.

another month went by, and you woke up to the sound of gunshots. you remember how hazy your vision was that night, fresh from sleep but panic coursing through your veins. and when you looked beside you to only see an empty spot, you didn’t think twice about rushing out of bed.

when you exited the house, you saw jacob holding his gun, firing at the people who attempted to tear down the haven’s fences. “jacob!” when he looked back at you, you caught sight of the crimson that poured out of his abdomen.

another gunshot was fired, grazing jacob’s leg, and he fell to his knees. you ran to him, reaching out to rest your hand on the wound as you began to sob. “fuck! you have to stay with me.” with his arm resting around your shoulders, you dragged him back to the house.

you set him on the table and moved his hand to hold where he was shot. “hold it.” you rushed to where the medical supplies were stored and gathered whatever you could hold. when you got back, you saw how blood continued to spill out.

you got to work, focused on trying to patch him up—making sure he stays. “you can’t go. i won’t let it happen.” and while your hands busied themselves with treating the injury, you remember how jacob’s hand caressed your cheek, thumb wiping away the spilled tears. 

“in the basement, there’s a piece of paper that has all the codes. if you ever—”

“no, you’ll be okay.”

still, he continued to talk. “if you ever forget the codes, you can always look at the paper. don’t forget that you need to always check the water system every two days, and—”

“jacob!” you croaked out his name in between sobs. “you’ll be okay. you have to, okay?” the more he went on about what to keep in mind, the baggage got heavier. “i can’t do this without you. i won’t allow it.”

because 15 months ago, you would’ve bid farewell to the mayhem. 13 months ago, you hoped for time to drag you away. 12 months ago, you would’ve walked into the forest. but it’s been 22 months, and you were still walking on this earth, choosing to live amidst the chaos—so long as jacob was with you. 

and when you leaned your forehead on his, eyes closed, you felt his breath graze against your lips. “i need you.”

all it took were three words from you. “okay.”

it’s been two months since that happened. the safe haven was rebuilt once more. you and jacob fortified the defense system, hoping they’ll be enough to keep any infected and raiders out. all that matters is that you two were protected—safe—from the chaos.

now, you sit on a couch as you flip through the pages of a book you didn’t have time to read before the outbreak. when all responsibilities vanished, you were able to find enough time to do things you couldn’t do then.

you were ready to get yourself sucked into the world of the novel, but jacob came into the living room with his hands behind his back and a small smile on his lips. “do you remember what you made me promise you before?”

you frown at him, confused, until he shows you an acoustic guitar. “oh my god, you found one?” you put the book on the coffee table.

he takes a seat beside you, body facing towards you as he rests the instrument on his lap. “here, first-row tickets to my first show.” you almost laughed because this is no stadium or club, but a home—one you built with him.

it takes only one smile from him for you to hold it back.

“any song requests?” he strums on the guitar strings, perfectly in tune. it’s almost as if he tuned it before coming to you.

a hum leaves you as you rest your head on your hand propped on the couch. “whatever you want to show me.”

it takes him a few seconds, fingers fiddling with the strings, until he figures out what to play. when he sings out the words—dearest, darling, my universe—you melt like the candles you lit up those nights. as he continues to play a song of a world in hysteria but a love that endures, that’s when you realize what you’ve had all this time.

time is the one thing that occupies your mind. it holds value, something that shouldn’t be wasted, and you learned to revolve your life around it.

it takes you two years to figure out that life doesn’t end after the outbreak—and 17 months to realize that your safe haven is not a two-story house with an orange tree in the garden but the boy in front of you.

when you lean closer to him, his fingers falter, messing up the chords. your hand reaches out to caress his face as your eyes flicker to his lips. you don’t miss how jacob holds his breath, how he stops playing the guitar, how his eyes look back at yours—it’s a slurry of warmth, tenderness.

“i love you.”

all it took was a three-word phrase from you for him to close the distance.

the warmth that spreads within you is like the one you experience in the abandoned cabin. but now, you’re full of hope—a reason to stay—in an infected-ridden world.

now, only one question echoes within your mind: how much longer do we have?

an eternity is what you hope.

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[lovesickheize]

𔘓 sex with the boyz based on tarot . . .

hyung line version ( sangyeon jacob younghoon hyunjae juyeon )

lee sangyeon

dominant. yeah.

this is not about the romantic, lovey-dovey stuff, it's hardcore sex and plenty of it but in a sex-for-the-sake-of-it sense

promising future that goes on all levels: love, sex, emotions, mentality, spirituality

is probably into mutual masturbation

whatever inhibitions and lack of confidence will disappear. into body worship and praising (giving)

consider hot, pleasurable sex and laughter after it. then, again... and again... passion overdose

sheer raw lust that takes over

into threesomes or sex w more people, doesn't care abt their gender.

experimentalist, exhibitionist & voyeur

honest, harmonious, fulfilling sexual relationships. trust-based sex.

the type of guy to make you fall for him even if you are in a serious relationship & won't give up on you until he gets into your pants and eventually dates you

kinda workaholic so sex is his way to relax

jacob bae

good energy flows into his sexual relationships, making them passionate and loving.

good sexual relationships that are based on trust

prefers the comfort of his home. likes cozy sex

might also be the one who is giving the most in the sexual relationship, but would like to receive a little bit more

likes risky stuff, but hesitates a lot.

skillful and playful

the way he thinks affects his performance. if he's not feeling confident or something's bothering him in his non-sexual life, sex won't be satisfying for neither part.

sometimes he needs a change, maybe wants to try smth new but he's afraid to ask his s/o if they are ok with it. he's shy and won't start a conversation about such matters himself.

kim younghoon

the type to boost your confidence & praise you for the smallest things.

really loyal, is searching for his true soulmate

might have some kind of sex related trauma

his sex life is blocked by illusions and fears, which may manifest as social anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, low self-worth and feelings of repression. 

is afraid to receive what he gives, feels like he's not worth it.

falls in love easily, so one night stands are a no for him after realising he catches feelings after just one night.

jealous sex. lets his frustration out w sex.

crazy passion (like the good leo sun he is), great stamina. can go for a l o t of rounds.

likes to discuss things before trying them in the sheets. he has a lot of not so ordinary fantasies but is too shy to express them.

can be rlly kinky but also rlly vanilla. his sex wants and needs are not static and might even change during the thing.

lee hyunjae

gives and receives the best sexual experiences.

strong sexual desires and spirit of adventure.

experimentalist to the core.

likes sex in unexpected places. he'd take his s/o against the kitchen table or in the pool. there's nothing holding him back.

really confident about himself and what he can do.

would approach the person he is interested in without hesitation or shame. he makes sure there's raw sexual energy that the said person would not be able to resist. BODY LANGUAGE.

angelic-looking guy who is devil in flesh - in a good way.

sex is the most important part of a relationship according to him

extremely powerful sexual compatibility based on deep emotional connection, similar sexual interests and desires as well as physical attraction.

fiery passion, a lot of romance and kisses. speed and sex go together here.

a lot of flirting ( w his s/o ) even if he is in a relationship.

sexual depths with high levels of intimacy and ecstasy. is probably monogamous.

rejection makes him mad. really mad.

he wants his s/o to be open to discuss abt new fantasies and desires, to spice up things. encourages his s/o to always talk abt things that are bothering them in the sheets. needs both sides to be fully satisfied.

lee juyeon

a really happy sexual partner. he loves every type of sex with his s/o.

a strong and powerful partner that likes to dominate.

he always makes sure things are okay before continuing whatever he is doing or trying something new.

he might find it difficult to forgive his s/o if they do something he doesn't like. that can either mean that he needs to talk about new kinks before trying them or that he likes to let out his frustration or jealousy through sex.

friends to lovers through sex is his type of thing.

into threesomes, but needs to know he isn't gonna lose his s/o bcz of it. kinda monogamous but not 100%

would experiment w a same sex partner

voyeur.

tries to make his partner comfortable with new kinks and fantasies and removes shame and guilt about their sexuality, masters communication w them.

eric is back! my baby eric is back<333 so today's song rec is apocalypse by cigarettes after sex cuz it reminds me of him!

-lita.