#bantering in the middle of fighting sith after one or both of them went on a mission they weren't supposed to

[thechaoticfanartist]

“I believe I told you not to follow me?"

“And you thought I would listen? Come on, how long have you known me now, Master?”

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[chaoticspacefam]

The Lana Shipping Meme!

This is a meme made by @swtor-legacy-sitcom​ who very kindly tagged me to fill it in, thank you! :D This was super fun, I’ve been in a bit of a writing rutt lately so this was a nice way to sort-of dip my toe back into it :P I TOTALLY forgot this was in my drafts and forgot to schedule it to post, I’m soooo sorry it took so long lmao 😳😬

I’m not sure if we’re supposed to tag other people with this one so I’ll just leave a general, open tag here: if you have a Lana ship and want to fill this one out, feel free to yoink the meme and say I tagged you! Yes, I promise I mean you <3

Spoilers for KOTFE/KOTET, and slight spoilers for the Subterfugeverse “version” of said events, will be discussed below, so be aware of that before proceeding! There’s also some midlly nsfw questions so you might wanna skip those if they’re not your thing! :D Under a cut because it’s long, but no trigger warnings need apply.

Is Lana Beniko absolutely done with their shit?

Oh yes, absolutely. Nearly always. At any given time, BUT Lana wouldn’t have it any other way. Saarai may be a reckless, overly-heroic idiot with seemingly no self-preservation, but she’s Lana’s reckless, overly-heroic idiot, ya know :’D

Do they make jokes together?

Fairly often, yes! Theirs is very much a flirty/fond banter type of relationship. Lana tells her she’s insufferable, Saarai rolls her eyes and snarks back, so on. See:

Saarai: Well this was a stupid idea Lana: Considering it was one of yours, I’m not surprised Saarai: Why didn’t you say something? Lana: I did and you did it anyway. And what have we learnt from this? Saarai, quietly: I’m a dumbass and I should listen to you more.... Lana: Good. I still love you, though. Saarai: :’D

Lana, two minutes later: You’re going to do it again, aren’t you? Saarai: Yeah, probably.

as well as that little cutscene “You’d better come back blah blah blah” “Well I have you to rescue me, that’s all I need~” is their default pre-dangerous battle banter :P

Who’s hornier? (who initiates)

Saarai is definitely hornier, and while she’s not always the one to initiate, she’s definitely the one to ask more often. (if I had to give it a number, prolly something like 65/45 lol) One of these days, Lana’s going to buy a spray bottle /jk

Kinkiest they’ve been?

Not awfully. Saarai’s a biter (Lana likes it, don’t worry 😏) and she loves it when Lana pulls her hair, but other than that, and making use of connections within the Force to heighten the sensations during such activities ;) they’re pretty vanilla

There was a post going around a while back about an alternative to a praise kink that was like, a “reassurance” kink, instead. I can’t find the actual post to link to it and I haven’t pinned down any specifics for them yet but I definitely think that’s a Saarai thing to look into later 😏

Has Lana ever covered up something your OC did as Minister of Intelligence?

In a roundabout way, yes. Technically, Saarai’s entire existence on Rishii. Since, teeechhnically, as far as the Empire’s concerned at that point, Rai’s supposed to be dead. Lana doesn’t know the technicalities of why that is (and Saarai isn’t comfortable telling her, even now), but she knows it’s important, so she does it for her even if she doesn’t know why.

Favorite non sexual downtime activity?

Cuddles! Saarai is a cuddlebug, and while Lana enjoys them she’s definitely not the “if I don’t get cuddled x times a day I can’t go on” type (in my headcanon, ofc, I’m not saying she can never be that way!) but, Saarai’s also very warm and cuddling her is cozy, so it’s something they both enjoy, whether Rai’s the big spoon, or - and this is Rai’s favourite thing ever - Saarai putting her head in Lana’s lap so Lana can play with her hair, it’s something they always do at the end of the day when they’re both done with work.

Mushiest thing Your OC has ever done for Lana?

So, I’m too impatient & lazy to do the actual HK missions in-game, but I know you can technically get another HK unit, so because ✨it’s my fanfic and I get to make the rules✨ Saarai sent Aria (my DS! Jedi Shadow, very good at stealth) back to Zakuul and though it was a bit battered up, she managed to retrieve HK’s processor. They had to get him a new chassis, but Koth and Ty managed to salvage the rest of his “important” bits and they rebuilt HK for her after they settled on Odessen :’3

Most Embarrassed Lana has ever been because of your OC?

In the middle of an important meeting, in front of everyone on the Alliance High Council, including Theron, Senya, Ni’kasi, Vano, etc.

Lana, sarcastically, after they’ve been disagreeing on how to handle a particular matter for ~1 hr: hahaha bite me.

Saarai, dead serious: Okay, where? 😏

Lana was mortified, to say the least XD

That thing that happened that they vow to NEVER speak of?

Saarai’s reaction when they went to Nathema. Rai’s psychometric, and in hindsight she realises putting her hand on that wall as she ducked into the building was a mistake. She was bombarded with flashback after flashback of what had happened on Nathema when it was still Medriaas, the planet where she was born and where most of her family died, it was not a pleasant experience for her and Rai actually collapsed at one stage because it was all too much for her ;w;

Lana had to bring her back around and herd her back on the ship, where Rai had to wait because she just couldn’t go any further, and Lana and Vano had to go on alone. Lana agreed not to tell anyone else about what had happened, because Saarai didn’t want any of them to worry about her, or think she was “weak” because of it.

The Angriest they’ve ever been at each other?

There’s actually two instances that come to mind for this one

1) Koth’s betrayal/stealing of the Gravestone, Lana was pissed at Koth and wanted to take it out on him, Saarai was pissed at the situation and got between them and chewed Lana out for taking it out on him. (Subterfugeverse is kinda complicated, there’s two Commanders calling the shots for different parts of the Alliance, Koth took issue with something Vano did and made the reckless, kinda stupid decision to still steal the Gravestone even tho Saarai didn’t do anything. (also for anyone new to the blog, all three of them are dating, they’re polyam ;)) Lana took it personally, Saarai was more upset that he was upset and didn’t say anything before he did something stupid. Rai and Lana butted heads about how to deal with it, Lana got salty cause she got yelled at, but they ofc fix it later :3)

2) Torian’s death. Saarai had tried to warn Lana what would happen if they split Vette & Torian up during that fight, Lana brushed it off and told Rai to “stop overreacting, it will be fine”. Obviously, it was not fine. Rai was very angry at the result because, I quote, “I WARNED YOU! And you wouldn’t listen to me!” Saarai refused to speak to Lana for a few days after that, it was kinda a rough time for Lana, she’s only seen Rai get that angry a few times, and only once at her so it shook her a bit. 😢

How does both Lana, and your OC initiate the ‘fade to black’ ;)

For Saarai, the “indicator” is usually when her kisses start to become 50/50 between kissing and biting/nibbling. That’s the universal “ok I want to” signal for Rai. Usually very quickly followed by a soft “yes?” or “are you sure?”, either against her skin or into her ear, depending on where she’s kissing at the time; because she’ll always check first, and if Lana says “no”, it’s off, because Lana’s consent is more important than any of her feelings.

For Lana, it’s when she’ll let Rai pick her up and/or usually to pin her to a wall. There’s a decent height difference, Saarai’s 6 ft 3, and I headcanon that while Lana’s not necessarily “short” at around 5 ft 8, she’s considerably smaller than Rai, as well as being more “reserved” with PDA, she’ll hold hands, or kiss her on the cheek etc. in front of other people, but otherwise Lana tries to keep somewhat “professional” while they’re at work. So when she starts climbing her like a tree, Rai knows she’s about to get some. XD

Do they have kids?

Kiiiinddd of? It’s complicated. Saarai has a son, Ty, from a previous relationship. Lana & Koth both sort of step up to help co-parent, but since Sith Purebloods age differently (i.e. they’re adults at ~20ish the same as humans, but after that they’re more like elves and their physical aging slows down, so they’re more long-lived), even though Ty’s very young by Pureblood standards, he’s still 60 years old, so he’s technically older than Lana and it’s kind of awkward for him to actually call her mom even if she kind of acts like one. He accidentally called her “mom” once, it was very awkward for both of them XD

What has been the most protective Lana has ever had of said kid?

I sat and scratched my head for ages trying to think of something to answer this question with, but I’m very sad to say that right now at the time of answering this meme, I don’t have any specific scenes planned out to tell you about! :( But rest assured that Lana absolutely would rush to help Ty if it was ever necessary :D

House pets? Is your Lana a dog person, or Cat person?

Funnily enough, they don’t actually have any pets! I’d like to think of Lana as more of a cat person than a dog person, in my personal opinion. But they have yet to get any pets of their own, maybeee later on, I dunno. Haven’t hit on any solid ideas for them yet, but I feel like if they happened upon a cute kitty they definitely could adopt one at some stage :’3

Do they get freaky on the Alliance Base or in the Shuttles?

They’ve done both, to be honest lol. Thankfully, Saarai’s sneaky enough that they haven’t gotten caught doing it, yet. Thank the Force.

Are their Sparring Matches Flirtatious? Hardcore?

They could go either way, it depends on what kind of mood they’re both in. If Lana’s particularly annoyed (usually not at Rai, but sometimes) then it’s more likely to be a hardcore spar, Rai’s a pretty tough cookie so she’ll often offer to be Lana’s punching bag in order to spare them some repair bills so she doesn’t rip apart the training dummies irrepairably, it’s okay, Rai can take it ;)

But if they’re both in an otherwise good mood and are just sparring for practise sakes, then yes, they often very quickly devolve into flirtacious banter and some of the classics, you know, “okay you win, you can let me go now” “mmm, nah” “I thought we were sparring” “do you want me to stop” “...don’t you dare.” etc. :’D

Class Specific things that play into their relationship?

Saarai’s a Juggernaut, and I headcanon Lana’s probably some sort of Sorcerer, so they tend to fight as such. They cover each other in more ways than one, if you want to get to Lana you have to go through Saarai first (and good luck to you, that woman can take and give a fucking beating lmao). Lana picks off whatever Saarai’s saber misses, usually with Force attacks but sometimes with her saber, too. Saarai takes bullets for Lana so Lana doesn’t have to get hurt. Lana yells at Rai for doing that and then fixes her up with Force healing afterwards, rinse and repeat. :’D

When they do argue, Lana tends to spontaneously manifest Force lightning, Saarai’s used to it and doesn’t bat an eyelid, she knows Lana’s not actually going to throw it at her and she’s more than prepared to dodge any stray bolts that do come her way.

Lana’s the tactician and the ground support, Saarai’s the battering ram/the bigass hammer used to clear space when Lana needs a bit of extra “oomph” (and trust me, they’re usually never far apart. The other one will be there and then you’ll be in trouble lmao)

Describe a time your OC went ‘Full beast mode’ to protect Lana, instead of the other way around?

"Kriff. Koth, what happened?” Three words was all it took, and everything made sense: “They hurt Lana.”

That scene in the Endless Swamps on Zakuul, just before they pull the Gravestone out of it and Lana and the Commander get ambushed. Saarai went with Lana & Koth to break Vano out of carbonite (since Saarai was still on Rishii at the time, she doesn’t get frozen, only Vano) so when they split up, Saarai goes with Koth to look for ship parts while Vano goes with Lana to look for water.

Lana and Vano get ambushed by the Knights/Skytroopers, and Lana’s hand gets busted. It takes Saarai and Koth a little while to rush over there to help them, but when they do

Saarai. Goes. Fucking. Feral. It’s the scariest she’s ever been in front of Lana and Lana will never forget it, they almost didn’t really need Senya’s help for that part, Saarai basically had it covered. I imagine Lana later described it as “kind of hot, but also kind of terrifying, actually”

Saarai’s considered Chaotic Good, so generally speaking if there’s a peaceful, non-violent solution to a problem, she’ll opt for that, but she has a few buttons that you just do not want to push, ever. And hurting her partners is one of those buttons. She will go apeshit and that’s exactly what happened in the swamp lmao

Little things couples do to annoy each other. What does Lana do? What does your OC do?

Saarai likes to wake up early and hide Lana’s kaf mug in increasingly ridiculous places. Once, she even got Koth to help her stick it to the top of the Gravestone’s hull. It took Lana half the morning to find it, Lana was not amused. XD

Saarai and Koth also have an ongoing “terrible puns” contest where they basically see who can annoy Lana with the most ridiculous puns possible, see this post for an example :P Lana wonders where/how they keep coming up with these puns, she really does.

Does Lana get jealous in your headcanon?

Not really! In Subterfugeverse, both Rai and Lana are polyam, so generally speaking, jealousy isn’t a problem for them, and when it is it’s more of a case of “hey. Hey. Hey, I’m not getting enough attention, pay attention to me.” and then it’s usually dealt with and all is well ;)

When Lana meets Anri, the only thing Saarai does is tease her about “when she’s going to make the move”. 😜

Story that is prominent in their relationship?

I was gonna draw a little doodle for this but the poses kept not coming out right so I gave up, sorryyy qAq

I haven’t gotten very far into planning the SoR onwards+ segments of Subterfugeverse, just bits and bobs like this, but I’d say for now the most prominent is probably their first meeting on Rishii. Basically, meet-cute but with a lightsaber involved too hahaha. There was a lot of posturing and flirty subtext right from the get-go with these two, even if Saarai was particularly suspicious at first (see the earlier question about her being technically dead to the Empire). At first, when she noticed Lana tailing Ty (because Lana was extremely confused about why a Pureblood was so far from Sith space ;)), Saarai assumed that something had happened to her twin and the Empire had A) found out she and Ty were still alive and B) Sent Lana to track them down and kill them for good. Several tension-loaded hours later and Lana managed to convince Rai that actually, Ni’kasi was fine and speaking of, she was trying to avoid being killed too so maybe, actually, they could help each other. And that was all she wrote <3

[letitrainathousandflames-archive]

AND THE WINNER IS OBIVENTRESS HATEFUCK EXTRAVAGANZA, RING DING DING NOW CATCH YOUR PRIZE!! (REPOSTING BC TUMBLR IS A DICK AND DIDN’T ADD THE CUT AND MADE A NEVER-ENDING LONG ASS POST! SCREW YOU, TUMBLR!)

Ship: Obi-Wan/Ventress

Warnings: Could be read as dubcon if you squint, read at your own discretion, don’t like don’t read blah blah blah

Tags: force-choking, choking, rough sex, hate sex, oral sex, dominant Ventress, submissive Obi-Wan, kissing, blood, biting, scratching, piercings, virgin!Obi-Wan, as in “never boned anyone but yea he jerks off on occasion”, humiliation, teasing, kind of a slowburn, scar kink, humiliation kink, awkward aftermath

-

Obi-Wan sighed out in relief.

Ventress escaping the force-binding handcuffs with which she had been secured in the aftermath of a strenuous battle between the Sith commander and the Jedi general and then attacking Obi-Wan mid-flight as he prepared to leave the force-forsaken outer rim planet where they had been fighting, thus forcing him into a poor landing that had cost the ship’s left wing and effectively trapping them there until rescue arrived was no reason to sigh out in relief, of course

The alternative seemed much worse than a broken wing on his ship, so “trapped in a ship with an angry, murderous sith” would have to do for now.

Obi-Wan quickly flicked a few levers to have the coolant systems wash over the engines, shutting off anything that wasn’t strictly vital for now so that engine and shit wouldn’t make matters worse by catching fire. Such a quick response to crashes had been acquired after the many years of traveling alongside Anakin having the apprentice as their pilot. Obi-Wan was almost glad Anakin wasn’t there to see this – he had to give the impression of not being foolish enough to leave someone like Ventress out of sight.

Obi-Wan stood up from his seat, rolling his still stiff neck over his shoulder.

“Now here’s a puzzling thought: was the whiplash of the abrupt landing the reason my neck is aching, or was it your attempt to choke me in the pilot seat?”

The impact had made Ventress lose balance, and she was still trying to get up to her feet as Obi-Wan calmly walked towards her, watching the nightsister look up at him with her clear eyes that shimmered with hatred.

The emergency red lights bathed the two solitary occupants of the now dented and scraped ship, which – Obi-Wan noticed with relief, momentarily looking out one of the narrow windows– had finally ceased to smoke for good.

The red that spread over Ventress’ chalk-pale skin made her dathomirian features more evident, the tattoos on her bald head almost disappearing from sight. She placed one knee on the floor and seemed ready to pounce like a cat, the Force energy in her displaying a sheer aggressiveness that was impossible to miss.

Obi-Wan stared down at her, his own presence in the force much calmer, but still attentive, wary. The red light also shone beautifully over his brown hair and beard, highlighting the few red hairs here and there. It gave an interesting reflection to his blue eyes, that would almost resemble a sith’s if there wasn’t such unbreakable kindness in them. Many men would’ve slain Ventress at this point of the war, for all the suffering she’d brought to the Republic by this point. Many Jedi, even. Who could say that killing her wouldn’t be a blessing to the universe?

But there was Obi-Wan Kenobi, the Negotiator.  Kind in the same measure he was skilled. He wouldn’t employ violence unless absolutely necessary. And that was his mistake, Ventress thought with a smile that was all teeth, shifting her foot on the ground, force in her coiling up like a snake.

“Don’t-” Obi-Wan tried to warn, but in the very next second, Ventress was pouncing on him

Obi-Wan landed on the floor hard and kriff, his neck still hurt. There was little time to think, and he blocked a punch from Ventress with his forearm, shifting under her and quickly kneeing her in the gut.  Ventress winced but pinned him down still, curling her fingers with a vicious look in her eyes; Obi-wan felt the constricting pain in his neck, she was trying to choke him again, and the Jedi gave her a strong shove with the force as well, enough to push her off of him and half a meter across the floor, effectively breaking her concentration and allowing him to breathe properly. Ventress scrambled back to her feet but as she stalked forward, Obi-Wan reached for his lightsaber pointing the threatening hilt to the sith.

“Don’t.” he repeated himself, more sharply this time “I’ve had enough of dancing with you for today, Ventress.”

Ventress stopped at the exact distance the lightsaber’s blade would take should the jedi decide to ignite it.

“Well, I haven’t.” she replied in her smooth, silky voice; there was a hint of mock-disappointment to it “Don’t you know a gentleman should not leave a lady craving for more?”

It was always like this. Cody and his men… Kriff, Anakin himself had mentioned more than once that the ongoing banter between Obi-Wan and Ventress during their battles often made them look like lovers, or at the very least, ex-lovers.

“Well, I apologize” Obi-Wan said, reaching for the spare handcuffs on his belt and slowly walking closer to Ventress “But it appears this time I will have to leave you unsatisfied. Now why don’t you behave and turn your back to me so that I can adorn you with these gorgeous bracelets? Behave now – I’ve already sent a distress signal to the Republic, and soon the other will be here.”

Ventress’ eyes kept narrowing until her pupils were black slits lost in a sea of pale blue. Her pale hand moved to her robes, to the window that displayed her chest, tugging it down so it would be low enough to give a view of her cleavage, and the small device clipped to the inside of her robes.

“I called some help myself as well.” she offered him a lopsided grin “You really should do a more thorough search of your prisoners if you don’t want them to carry comms on them.”

Obi-Wan set his jaw. He hadn’t thought of that. For a moment, though, his thoughts strayed from the possible incoming separatist reinforcements and lingered on the sight of Ventress’ careless display of her figure. She unhooked her finger from her shirt with a wider grin.

“Strange feeling in the force, my dear Obi-Wan. If I didn’t know you well enough, I would say you feel… disturbed.”

Obi-Wan swallowed down, fixing his stance and drawing a deep breath that absolutely did not clear the sight of Ventress from his mind.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

Ventress grin was sharp, and her eyes trailed from Obi-Wan’s boots to his tensed up face as she took a few slow, calculated steps towards him.

“Oh, I think you do.”

Ventress dashed forward and by the time Obi-Wan had ignited his lightsaber she had slammed his wrist against the wall. The blade cut through the ceiling above them, sending small bits of durasteel cascading over the two of them and drawing a burning trail over the material as Obi-Wan still tried to regain his grip on the weapon. Ventress slammed his arm against the wall again, free hand pressing the Jedi’s face against the wall as she did. On the third attempt, she managed to push Obi-Wan’s hand against the window’s plastisteel,  punching a crack on it with a well-driven force blow. The next slam of Obi-Wan’s hand against it sent the Jedi’s weapon flying out of the window and over the thick layer of snow outside, and Obi-Wan’s hand was cut in the sharp cracked plastisteel that still remained attached to the frame.

That made things easier for Ventress – she might have no idea where Kenobi had hidden her sabers, but now Kenobi himself was unarmed as well.

Obi-Wan looked at Ventress with mild annoyance, like she had spilled his cup of caff, not just tossed out his weapon out of a window while they were both stranded in the middle of nowhere both waiting for backup. He pushed her away sharply, hissing at the pain in his hand as he clutched it in order to assess the damage.

“Very clever. Now what? Do you want to keep fighting pointlessly until my men arrive and we can arrest you again?”

Ventress stretched her neck muscles, and if she had eyebrows, she would be raising one.

“Why not? I sure could continue to beat you until my master arrives and decides your fate. Don’t worry, we won’t leave without killing every clone and Jedi that tries to rescue you.”

And when Ventress elbowed Obi-Wan in the gut, he simply could not understand how he could let his guard down so easily. The question kept repeating itself in his brain when she managed to get the next punch in, and when she easily pushed back his attempt to contain her with the force, kicking his shin hard and kneeing him in the gut as he went down to then elbow him on his back to send him tumbling to the floor. What was happening to him? What?

“You seem distracted, Obi-Wan” Ventress purred as she climbed on top of him, knees on either side of his thighs as her hands moved over to his neck “Careful, or I might take the pleasure of killing you.”

Obi-Wan tried to reach for the force, but his brain felt foggy as Ventress strong fingers curled at the back of his head, curve of her thumbs exerting pressure over his windpipe and slowly but diligently cutting off his air supply. Obi-Wan’s hands flailed, grabbing at Ventress’ forearms weakly, and the Sith cocked her head to the side.

“Maybe I will take other pleasures instead.”

And she leaned down, pressing her lips against Obi-Wan’s. The jedi huffed, breathless, and Ventress pushed the air of her own lungs in, forcing Obi-Wan to breathe through her. Obi-Wan kicked his legs tentatively, the cycle of carbon dioxide going in and out of him added to the oxygen deprivation making him dizzy.

When Ventress slithered her tongue between Obi-Wan’s half-parted lips, Obi-Wan’s thought about biting her to have a chance at fighting while simultaneously thinking of how… pleasurable this felt.

Of course, he could do without the lack of air and the feeling that he might lose his consciousness by any minute, but the warmth of her lips, the way her slick tongue moves against his… this feels good.

And he wants more.

Oh, stars above, he was in trouble.

When Ventress finally eased up the pressure in his neck and pulled back some, Obi-Wan barely had time to  breathe properly, heaving gulps of air and Ventress was kissing him again, deep, wet and sloppy almost like she wanted to eat him whole. Her body felt warm over his, and she shifted now, kissing his cheek, moving over to his earlobe and nibbling at it. Obi-Wan breathed out, small noises in his throat leaving him with the air.

“Haah… Hah…” he tried his damnest to regain composure “Ventress… Stop…”

“Doesn’t look like you want me to stop.” Ventress said it carelessly; she didn’t seem to want to convince him it, almost like she was already certain of it herself

And that was when she roughly tugged on the neck of his robes, burying her face in the crook of Obi-Wan’s neck to then bite down on it hard enough to pry a loud gasp from Obi-Wan. She shook her head still biting down like a hungry predator trying to bite off a piece of their prey, and Obi-Wan whimpered between clenched teeth, knowing that it would most likely give him a long-lasting scar.

The pain was enough to finally make him snap out of whatever had gotten hold of him, and he pushed Ventress off him to the side, but the firm grip she still had in his robes made him roll along, and now the Jedi was on top of the Sith warrior, his forearm pinning her down over her neck.

“Stop. This.” he ordered sharply, and Ventress laughed at his face “I mean it! I don’t know what your little game is-”

His train of thought was very abruptly brought to a halt when Ventress right hand slipped under his robes and over his pants, giving a tight squeeze to the bulge there.

“Oh, I think you know exactly what my little game is, Obi-Wan… and you want to play as well.”

Obi-Wan breathed deep, jaw wound so tight his head hurt as he snapped his hips away from her, still pinning her down with his forearm.

This… This feeling wasn’t new or anything. Any jedi, as disciplined as they were, encountered the wish for carnal pleasure at some point in their lives. There was no wrong in it, or so had Qui-Gon taught him. Nothing wrong in satisfying these desires by oneself when in privacy – moons above knew how he demanded a nightly visit to the ‘fresher after spending an entire day guarding Duchess Satine and smelling her perfume, watching the dimples of her smile, noticing the lingering gaze she would offer him from across her offices.

Some Jedi, Obi-Wan knew, would seek to satisfy these desires with actual partners – he knew that there was no way in the galaxy that Quinlan never had brought company into his barracks, and the smile on Aayla’s face during some morning meetings clearly meant she had taken a lover in the previous night.

But Obi-Wan preferred to never give much attention to that… part of his mind, and what it did to his body. He believed that it wouldn’t be right to seek personal pleasure in times of war. It struck him as a selfish thing to do, and he wouldn’t indulge in it, no matter how after a though battle and a few shots of whiskey he kept picturing himself kissing some of the people he saw at the bar, maybe even taking them to a more private place and allowing himself more intimate touches.

His voice is lower now, losing its sharpness around the edges.

“S-Stop this…”

“Oh, poor Obi-Wan…”

Ventress’ eyes were full of a mocking pity, and she reached up to his crotch again, fingers more or less managing to grab at the outline of his shaft, her thumb moving to rub circles over the head of his cock. It’s not comfortable at all, the fabric of his underwear dry against the sensitive skin,  but Ventress’ fingers are skilled, and she shifted to press her palm against Obi-Wan’s hardening cock, moving up and down and pressing almost painfully at it, and Obi-Wan doesn’t know what to make of it. His usually calm and focused mind seems to be helplessly fogged by the arousal that grows with every touch from Ventress.

Obi-Wan shifted some, pulling the arm he had over Ventress’ neck in order to be able to support himself on his hand as he weakly grabbed Ventress’ wrist with his free hand in order to pull it away. For some reason, he didn’t make more than a weak attempt, and when she moved he hand to his crotch again, he didn’t stop her.

“Makes your blood boil, doesn’t it?” Ventress asked with a purr, raising her upper body on her elbows and pressing a wet kiss to the side of his neck, sharp tip of her nose dragging against his skin as she nipped at a tendon there, her hands moving up to the outer belt of Obi-Wan’s robes, undoing the clasps with ease “The bloodlust of a battle, all this anger, the heat in your body…”

“No, I don’t… A jedi doesn’t feel… anger…” he frowned, swallowing down hard “And I- I don’t feel any…any heat at all, I don’t… ah-!”

Obi-Wan couldn’t stop the moan that was pushed out of his throat, even as he could feel Ventress smiling against it. It didn’t take much effort for her to flip the two of them over, straddling Obi-Wan and grinding down against him, a wide and victorious grin on her face as she roughly tore Obi-Wan’s robes open, dragging them down his shoulders up to his elbows and baring the Jedi from his waist up. Ventress licked her dark crimson lips as her gaze fell to the broad chest and the sheen of sweat that had beaded there from the constant struggle.

She placed her splayed hands over his chest, and her touch was almost burning hot, or so did Obi-Wan felt it. Maybe he was the one burning up, heat pooling in his lower stomach making his cheeks burn with shame. He wanted Ventress to unhand him. But he didn’t. He hated what she was doing to him. But he craved it.

Kriff, it wasn’t like he personally liked her, or even felt attracted to her per se. Stars above knew that the two of them had been fighting each other ever since Obi-Wan had been recently knighted. For all he cared, he could just turn her to the Republic and never had to think of her or the violence and death she would so often leave in her wake. But now… Right now, at this precise instant…

Force, he wanted to fuck her.

Obi-Wan fought the thought of it, all the while Ventress kept undressing him, leaning down to suck and bite at every inch of skin exposed as if she meant to make sure he would remember this even as the sudden pang of lust faded away and the wave of shame and self-loathing took him, most likely in the showers after he had finally landed back in Coruscant.

Obi-Wan shuddered, biting a moan he didn’t mean to let out as Ventress nibbled at one of his nipples, free hand blindly and clumsily undoing his belt, occasionally moving lower to stroke the bulge in his pants as she did.

“I can feel your arousal, Obi-Wan.” she muttered with a smile, shifting lower down, stroking his cock over his pants once again “Both in your body and in the force.”

Obi-Wan moved his mouth in mute words of denial that he knew were lies. He stared up at the wrecked ceiling of the ship and felt Ventress undo his pants, tugging them down roughly; Obi-Wan didn’t dare to look down as if the sight of his hardness would make the arousal he still denied irreversibly real.

The next thing he felt was one of Ventress’ hands on his hip, grip like a vice as she wrapped the fingers of her free hand around Obi-Wan’s cock – hells, her hands were calloused but for some reason he enjoyed the rough touch - and then suddenly there was warmth all around him, wrapping around the head of his cock, a heat that made Obi-Wan feel like he was melting, and something slick coiled against it…

Obi-Wan raised his head to look down, and only the sight of it destroyed what little part of him that still tried to deny the pleasure he was feeling – Ventress’ lips were wrapped around the head of his cock, her tongue pressed flat against his head and teasing the slit. The fact that he was mostly naked under her while the sith was entirely dressed and dominating him like one of her own personal little droids made him keen with arousal.

Ventress sucked him deeper into her mouth, and Obi-Wan threw his head back, upper body sinking back on the floor. Moons above, this felt good. Ventress’ mouth was obscenely warm and – Obi-Wan gasped loudly – she had started stroking him while bobbing her head up and down with Obi-Wan halfway into her mouth.

The thought of holding Ventress’ head down on him made Obi-Wan scowl at himself, and he balled his hands into tight fists to prevent himself from acting on it, the small moans breaking out of his mouth with increasing ease, turning into a mewl when Ventress pulled back with a loud pop from her slick lips. Her eyes were lidded, staring up at Obi-Wan through her dark lashes. Her dominant presence in the force both threatening and arousing.

“I would never have taken the Negotiator for a loud one.” She pumped her fist on Obi-Wan’s cock that had never felt so hard before, prying another moan from him “My, my, what would your mighty jedi order have to say about this…”

Obi-Wan scrunched his face in what he wished to believe wasn’t seething anger. Of course he wasn’t proud of this. Of course he didn’t want to be there, helpless under her sinful touch and being looked down to like a prey before its predator. Of course he didn’t want to carry this any further.

Except he did, and it was driving him insane.

Obi-Wan gritted his teeth, baring them for Ventress with a snarl and reaching for her wrists. He took the sith by surprise, removing her support and forcing her to land on her side with a loud thud and a pained grunt. He climbed on top of Ventress and the two of them struggled for some time, during which Obi-Wan managed to kick off one of his boots and then the other one, the pants that had been tugged almost down to his knees tangling up some and making it harder for him to get a proper stance on the ground. Ventress managed to break one hand from his grasp, using it to yank him closer by the robes still caught on his elbows, pressing a messy kiss to his lips and biting down hard.

Obi-Wan screamed angrily, feeling the copper taste of blood and pulling away some to be met with Ventress blood-stained grin. The wide look in her eyes was truly something to behold, pupils blown wide as black devoured the pale blue.

She was right. It did make his blood boil.

Obi-Wan clumsily moved one of his hands to her hips, finding the edge of her robes and tearing them open, exposing her toned, pale legs up to her mid-thigs. He ground down on her, pinning her down under his weight as his hands moved to roam over her thighs and up towards her ass, tight grip on hot, surprisingly soft skin making Ventress let out a breathy laugh.

Ventress was feeling him up herself, hands grabbing at the strong arms to then be almost gently placed on his chest – she clawed at it, almost tearing skin, and Obi-Wan growled, leaning down to lick a broad stripe over her neck and suck at the skin there. Ventress shifted some in order to free her left leg from under Obi-Wan, now managing to wrap both of her legs around his waist, heels digging at the small of Obi-Wan’s back.

“Do you know what comes next or do I have to teach everything to you?” Ventress asked in an annoyed tone, hissing when Obi-Wan sucked another mark on the side of her neck “Are all Jedi knights, not enlightened in the ways of desire and pleasure?”

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes, pushing himself up to his knees and looking down at Ventress. She looked stunning, chest rising and falling with her sharp breaths, thighs parted and body exposed; Obi-Wan could see her underwear, something discreet and white, darkened by a small damp patch – she was wet for him, and the thought made Obi-Wan twitch even as he shoved his pants past his knees and kicked them away for good. He leaned forward some, undoing Ventress belt to grab at the hem of Ventress’ shirt, bunching it up her stomach; he felt her bra under his thumb as he moved up and just pushed it along with her shirt, baring her breasts for him.

Obi-Wan honestly didn’t know what to expect; in fact the thought of undressing Ventress had never crossed his mind until this day. Still, he definitely did not expect to realize that Ventress was in fact a very beautiful woman. Her breasts were somewhat on the smaller side, and they were perky, pale pink shade on her hardened nipples that had small piercings on them. The alabaster skin of her upper body had some scattered scars, a few of them healing and fading, others apparently much older and permanent.

He recognized some of them. He had made them himself. Ventress seemed to be having similar thoughts, her finger dragging a line over Obi-Wan’s hip that he knew to be a small memento carved by the blade of her lightsaber.

Obi-Wan stared at her, at the blue eyes, crimson lips and the moonlight-pale skin, and Ventress smirked at him. The force in her still burned, feeding the fire within Obi-Wan’s own. He licked the nick on his lower lip, tasting blood still.

“Oh, look at you staring.” Ventress smirked, running her fingers over the scars on her stomach “Do they turn you on, Kenobi?”

Obi-Wan leaned down to suck hungrily at her breast, his free hand squeezing the other tight enough to ensure the shape of his fingers would be branded in red over the pale skin. He nipped at her nipple, relishing in the rich purr out of Ventress.

“Seems like you know something, at least.” she groaned

“Can you stop talking?” the sharp words felt odd in Obi-Wan’s tongue as he sucked hickeys on Ventress chest and breast; Ventress’ answer was a another breathy laugh

“Make me.”

Obi-Wan cursed himself for feeling hotter at every tossed word of banter and insult, his hand roaming over Ventress’ stomach, feeling the muscles coil under his touch as he moved lower and lower until he was slipping under her underwear and feeling the smooth skin there; Ventress let out a reluctant moan, clearly more sensitive in that area, her body jerking up to meet Obi-Wan’s their naked chests touching. Obi-Wan was well-built, his body covering Ventress’ slender form with ease, and the jedi enjoyed the sight of Ventress throwing her head back as he reached even lower, middle finger meeting the hot slit.

His fingers were calloused from the years of training with a lightsaber, but Ventress didn’t seem to mind, digging her nails in his bicep and shoulder as he pressed his finger against her clit, sharp sigh out of him at the realization of just how wet Ventress was. He creased his forehead, rolling his finger in circular movements, still pressing down some, and Ventress moaned out at once. Obi-Wan couldn’t keep the victorious smirk off his face.

“How long have you been wanting this?” he teased, shifting into up-and-down movements now, leaning to kiss the crook of Ventress neck

“Can you stop talking?” Ventress groaned

“Make me.” Obi-Wan quipped back, taking the opportunity to slide his hand lower, nudging his finger into Ventress hot, slick pussy

Ventress grabbed at the back of Obi-Wan’s neck, pulling him into a deep kiss, and this time Obi-Wan allowed himself to enjoy it, his tongue meeting Ventress and slithering against it in erratic movements that had never been learned or practiced. He wondered distantly how much of this he was most likely getting wrong. The way Ventress wiggled her hips, spreading her thighs wider for him begged to differ.

Obi-Wan pushed deeper into the heated folds, slowly pumping in and out, feeling the muscles inside clench and almost pull him in deeper. This felt good… he couldn’t stop thinking of how it would feel to have his cock inside her instead.

Like she was reading her mind – and at this point Obi-Wan couldn’t be certain that she didn’t; his barriers in the force seemed to have fallen down and he was currently a mess of heated, careless emotions – Ventress reached between them for his cock, giving it a couple of tight pumps.

“Get on with this already.” It could have sounded like a plea but she had the face of a woman in charge, demanding and she sneered at Obi-Wan’s blank expression “Stop pretending you don’t want it.”

Obi-Wan just kept there on his haunches and staring at her, at the bite marks and hickeys that littered Ventress’ pale skin now, at the hard nipples and the piercings that glistened under the red light. The unwavering heat of her body and her arousal in the force. Hells, he wanted her. Ventress smirked, wrapping her legs around Obi-Wan’s waist and locking her ankles behind his back. Her pussy pressed up against the base of Obi-Wan’s hard cock, prying a groan from him.

Ventress raised her body with ease using only her core strength, straddling Obi-Wan. Ventress rolled her hips, rubbing her slickness against Obi-Wan’s shaft and throwing her arms over Obi-Wan’s shoulders, leaning to whisper at his ears.

“Can you imagine if they knew? Your precious Jedi friends, the Council you’re so proud to be a part of?” she bit the meat of his shoulder, laving the aching skin with her tongue “All of those pompous Jedi masters, watching as you fuck a sith on a dirty ship’s floor…”

Obi-Wan felt weak at the words. It sounded like a nightmare, but at the same time it made his cock twitch, pressed up between him and Ventress.

“No…” he murmured, breathing hard over Ventress’ shoulder “No, don’t say that…”

“Your eager little apprentice” Ventress kept whispering, nipping at his jaw now “who’s so proud of you, watching you suck on my breasts and bite on my neck…”

Obi-Wan keened at that, the horrifying thought unexplainably arousing at this moment. He felt downright filthy. Why were her words having such an effect on him? Ventress shifted some, now supporting her knees on the floor while still grinding up against him.

“Just what kind…” she licked Obi-Wan’s lower lip, sucked at it “of training…” her hands moved to his arms, lowering down to his hips “did your masters give you?”

And that was what wrecked him for good, the thought of Qui-Gon knowing what kind of vile thing he had ended up tangling himself with, and the arousal it gave him made his cock almost ache with how hard it was.

That was when Ventress raised her body, reaching between the two of them and lining Obi-Wan’s cock up with her entrance; she lowered herself on him, letting out a low hissing noise as the blunt head pushed through the engorged folds, only stopping when he was fully sheathed inside her, Ventress firm ass seated on his lap.

Obi-Wan gasped through all of it, the feeling of being engulfed in tightness and heat making him moan loudly. Ventress gave him a knowing smirk, like she had won some kind of game, and Obi-Wan wordlessly grabbed at her hips, pressing her even lower down on him.

They didn’t speak much after that.

Ventress was riding Obi-Wan as if there was nothing in her mind other than the desire of bringing him down, soil him with lust and desire and ruin him for good. The thought of it spurred Obi-Wan, making him want to fight and resist while simultaneously wonder what would become of him should he fail.

Obi-Wan clawed at Ventress’ back, blue eyes looking up at her like a humble worshipper before a deity, flushed face beading with sweat, lower lip still sporting the fresh nick of her bite. Obi-Wan was trying and failing not to beg – he wasn’t entirely certain for what. The words just kept pouring out of him on occasion yes, please, moons above, oh please, I need it, give me, yes yes yes…

Ventress was mostly silent aside from her panting and moaning, but she would press Obi-Wan’s face to her chest, speaking words that could sound almost like praise that it, yes, just like that, deeper..

It didn’t look like lovemaking in any way; it looked more like a fight than anything. The two of them kept trying to bind one another’s wrists, leaving dark hickeys that looked like injuries and bites that nearly bled.

Obi-Wan bucked his hips to meet the thrust of Ventress’ hips and she gasped, tongue rolling over her lips obscenely. Obi-Wan had her hands pinned over the small of her back, pulling her down on him over and over, and Ventress clenched a fist, constricting Obi-Wan’s throat with the force. Obi-Wan bared his teeth, outline of his veins popping up on his forehead, eyes watering. He fucked into her harder, hips snapping up sharply as he struggled to breathe, scowl turning into a mad grin as Ventress moaned louder, urging him on with feverish nods.

Obi-Wan was already becoming dizzy when she let go off him, and the sharp inhale made him throb harder inside of her. Ventress wrestled out of his grip, licking her fingers to then slip her hand between the two of them, rubbing her clit as she bounced her hips faster.

“You’re close.”

It wasn’t a question. And Obi-Wan knew she was right. He bit down on her shoulder, hands squeezing and spreading her ass. He could feel her insides coil and tighten, force within her burning hotter and hotter like a flame being fanned.

“So are you.” He muttered, cursing as she leaned closer and caught his lower lip between her teeth

Ventress’ movements were becoming more sloppy and erratic as she pulled her hand back and focused on rolling her hips faster, clinging to Obi-Wan’s shoulders and spitting out swears and moans. She clawed on his back harder than ever, and Obi-Wan was pretty certain that some of the burning lines on her wake might be bleeding. Her insides tightened over and over around his shaft, the pressure and heat maddening. He couldn’t hold on much longer, not with the pleased sounds Ventress kept making and the wet, messy kiss she pressed to his lips now.

Obi-Wan thrusted his hips up a few more times and the building pleasure became unbearable. Ventress pulled her hips back, letting Obi-Wan slip out of her and reaching down to wrap her fingers around his hard cock, pumping her fist fast, squeezing towards his head on the way up; it felt wonderful, too wonderful, and Obi-Wan moaned out shamelessly, warm release spurting out of him and onto Ventress stomach, each spurt losing strength until he was spilling against the entrance of her pussy.

He twitched and throbbed still, cock feeling sensitive and almost aching as Ventress slowed her movements until she stopped, letting go of him as he softened.

Obi-Wan breathed hard still as he slumped on his back, watching mesmerized as Ventress caught some of the release with her fingers and sucked them off, eyes trained on him. His cock twitched softly at that, despite the fact that he most likely wouldn’t be up again any time soon.

Ventress leaned down to press a soft, chaste kiss to the corner of Obi-Wan’s lips, raising her body and trailing her gaze over his body. It was almost like she was admiring the mess she had made of him. She got up without a word, reaching for a nearby rag to clean herself to then tug her shirt back down and pull the underwear still caught on her heel back up. She then reached for her robes, wrapping them around her waist and tying her belt over it, all the while not paying any attention to the jedi that was still barely sitting up.

Obi-Wan felt exposed lying on the floor still, and was glad that Ventress had been thoughtful enough not to look at him as he scrambled for his clothes, pulling his underwear and pants with a grimace – he felt sticky and dirty down there, but did not want to think about it at the moment – he threw his robes over his back, shoving his arms in the sleeves, and he was about to tie his belt carelessly just to feel dressed again when he heard Ventress’ voice behind him.

“Where are my lightsabers?”

Obi-Wan hesitated to then tie his belt again, hands moving awkwardly like he had forgotten how to make the familiar knot.

“They’re…” Obi-Wan wetted his lips, an uneven scab where Ventress had bit him; he nodded at the wall on his left “They’re behind that panel.”

He heard the hissing noise of the panel being opened, and he pulled his own lightsaber to his hand with the force.

“Shall we keep our little dance, Ventress?” he asks, eyes cast on the floor and his back still turned to Ventress; he didn’t feel aggressiveness in her, not yet, so he waited

Ventress sighed behind him, a small and quiet laugh out of her nose as she placed her weapons in her belt and walked to the back of the ship.

“Not this time. I guess you’ll have to miss me for a little while again.”

Obi-Wan heard the sound of the door being opened, and the wind outside. He remained in the small corridor, under the red light for a time that could’ve been five minutes of fifteen. He should try and chase after her, he should-

“Master!” Anakin’s voice came through the comms “Master, we have a visual on your ship. Is Ventress secured?”

Obi-Wan swallowed down, his voice perfectly level as he walked to the panel and pressed the comm button.

“I’m afraid she escaped after she caused our crash.”

Anakin didn’t sound at all pleased.

“Damn it… Well, don’t worry, we can catch her next time. We’re gonna bring you home and everything will be back to normal.”

Obi-Wan looked over his shoulder, to the narrow red-lit corridor where he had been moaning and begging and doing unspeakable things just a while ago.

“Yes… everything will be back to normal.”

[jazon-todd]

What, in your opinion, would have made The Rise of Skywalker a better movie? Or at least bearable?

1. get rid of the unnecessary banter. it was too... disney for me. too marvel movies for me. there’s a glaring reason that I steer clear of marvel movies (other than their whitewashing and their blatant mistreatment of women but that’s a whole other conversation), and this is precisely why. I hate banter that tries way too hard to seem natural, making it actually seem like the most unnatural thing in the world. I liked poe and finn’s banter, because that’s how their relationship always was and it was flirting you can’t tell me otherwise, but poe and rey? just seemed forced, in the worst way possible. and the banter in the middle of a fight (the whole “they fly now?” “they fly now!” even though fiNN WAS A STORMTROOPER AND WOULD ALREADY KNOW THIS STOP TRYING TO BE UNNECESSARILY FUNNY) is just unrealistic

2. KEEP PALPATINE DEAD. anakin is one of my favorite characters in all of star wars (in all of everything, really), and his whole reason for existing was to get rid of palpatine and to bring balance to the force again. but with palpatine never really dead.... or a clone..... or using his clone as his son........ whatever, I can’t - it just made his story pointless. If they just straight up said “he never died this is really him” I still wouldn’t like it, but I’d accept it. they’re trying to bend over backwards creating loopholes that don’t even exist like the fact that clones do NOT take on the force powers as the person they get their genes from, and it just makes it make even LESS sense. they did anakin alone so dirty. made essentially his whole 6-movie arc for nothing. all of episodes 4-6 were for nothing, really, considering they just cloned the plot for the sequels, but whatever. the whole “wahhh rian johnson left us without a villain when he killed snoke” is SUCH a shitty cop out, considering you have a skywalker with a red lightsaber standing RIGHT there. you have the ~heir to the sith~ RIGHT there. more on this in point 5, though.

3. um. maybe make ben’s family maybe care about him? what tlj got right was that luke and leia still loved him, but they knew they couldn’t save him. they always held onto hope. luke is 100000000% the type once dead to bug his dark-sided nephew through the force day and night, being petty. anakin, too. and he just..... didn’t even think of him at all? leia was fine turning her back on her son until the very last minute, when she and her brother took in a PALPATINE, of all people, and thought that their own flesh and blood was too far gone, but decided to take in a PALPATINE????? which brings me to my next point...

4. keeping rey a nobody. look. from day 1 I said she was a palpatine. I can pull up posts saying she’s a palp from 2015, so I’m not surprised that she actually is one. HOWEVER, I don’t like the way they went about it. you make her the most powerful sith in the world....... and she’s not even curious about that? she....... just doesn’t care? she finally finds out that she could possibly have a belonging with the sith, and............ just turns her back on something she was looking for her entire life? absolutely not. dark rey should have risen thank you! the possibilities we could have had with rey exploring her heritage!!!! exploring who the sith actually are!!! and don’t even get me STARTED on the last name debacle. if she just looked at that old lady and went “just rey” like... the POWER she could have had

5. the main plot as a whole. going back to keeping palpatine dead, it shouldn’t have been the plot. like, at all. kylo ren could have ACTUALLY become the big bad, instead of being a puppet for 3 movies. the resistance could have questioned rey’s loyalty to them after finding out about her weirdly sexual hand-touching relationship with the supreme leader. switch their roles to where rey falls to the dark side and ben turns to the light to bring her back. they even could have came out with a fucking godlike villain they all had to kill by blowing up the universe, I don’t CARE. like, literally anything would have worked better than the palpatine plot that has been recycled like 3 times already. when everyone is telling you you’re dead, it’s time to lie DOWN, sheev. 

6. the circumstances around ben’s death. I have always said that he would die, and honestly, the death itself in a vacuum isn’t what bothers me. what bothers me is when he lay dying, his family decided to help out his girlfriend instead of him. what bothers me is that he wasn’t the one who got to kill the man who was tormenting his family for every single generation that ever existed in his bloodline. he didn’t even lay a finger on palpatine, and he was the one (aside from anakin, who would NEVER allow for his grandson to lay dying in order to help a PALPATINE of all people, fyi) who deserved to be the one to kill him. what bothers me is that they hammered home the fact that he’s the one that would save the day (“then he’s our only hope,” “kylo ren is dead, my son is alive,” the fact that leia DIED FOR HER SON SO HE COULD LIVE, WHATEVER), and ended up just..... killing him anyway. made it canon that he’s literally rey’s other half of her soul and just killed him anyway. if he died being the one to save the day, or at least helping rey save the day, and if he had closure with his parents and family, not just his fucking imagined father.......... I would have allowed it. liked it, even. I always pictured him dying, sacrificing himself so everyone could live, surrounded by the force ghosts of his family helping him find the strength to die for everyone. I think that would have been an appropriate way to end his story, both as ben solo and as the last of the skywalkers. the skywalkers deserved to have a peaceful, noble ending that they chose. it may be romantic on the surface for him to die in order to keep rey alive, but they didn’t write it to be romantic. they wrote it to keep her alive and to get rid of him, and in turn, the skywalker bloodline, and that never sat right with me

7. give rose an actual plot. my girl deserved better. period.

8. everything with finn’s storyline, really. I hated that his story revolved around running after rey. he’s apparently force-sensitive, but we never find that out until an interview after the movie. they said we’d learn more about his family but...... we never did? unless they were counting that one-off line of stormtroopers defecting and being taken from their families or whatever, but that’s precisely my point. it felt like the story focused way too much on rey, and not enough on finn (and poe, and rose, and virtually everyone else, really). they talked about all of these fabulous plot points for finn, but they never followed through on them. becoming a general and leading the charge at the end was great, but we needed more of that. the force awakens gave me so much hope....... and then the rise of skywalker just dropped those hopes hard on its ass. my headcanon that I'm now regarding as canon is that he’s luke’s son and you can pry that from my cold dead hands, THANKS

anyway that’s it, justice for literally every single character that had to participate in the sequels against their will, go watch episode 3 to cleanse your mind

[dontcallmecarrie]

Standing On the Edge

stress writer + extreme stress + writer’s block for the stuff I actually want to write = me realizing I made a mistake, when trying to think of the absolute worst day Ben Organa Solo could have.

Well, sort of. Here, have a shatterpoint, it’s been a while. Under the cut, because RIP mobile users otherwise.

Ben Organa Solo had Seen Things. Had seen a lot of things, had been running from his demons for the better part of his life, had gotten into bar fights on Canto Bight and shot at pirates in hyperspace and yelled at Force ghosts on Korriban and Malachor, had helped take down the kriffin’ First Order. By all rights, nothing should be able to surprise him by now.

Yet— 

This was a new one.

He swallowed hoarsely as he looked around and faces he’d only ever seen in his dreams, and bit back the urge to punch the wall, scream, anything.

Oh, come on.

Ben had long since been made aware of whose armor he’d apparently found, oh so long ago [it’d saddled him with that stupid, ridiculous name, how could he not?] but...

Well, he had already known the galaxy was still recovering from the fall of the Jedi. But it was one thing to be academically aware of something, and another to have said knowledge be forced in your face via the lightsaber he’d hastily had to deflect because— 

Purple lightsaber clashed against purple, and Ben took a nanosecond to process his shock before he ripped off his mask with his other hand before things could escalate even more because this was a nightmare and the absolute worst way he could think of meeting his heroes [the only heroes who had never disappointed him].

“Hey, hey, I know this looks bad but I’m not him!”

His Force presence was a roiling stormcloud, he had a purple lightsaber and the armor of the Revanchist on some godforsaken battlefield and Sithspit he had not thought this through. 

The only way things could be worse would be if—

A faint hum was the only warning Ben had before he ducked under the other lightsaber as he put his mask back. The other, annoyingly familiar blue lightsaber and kriff that was Skywalker.

...Ben could not kill him. No, he couldn’t kill the man who’d featured in the worst of his childhood nightmares, even if he wanted to deny any connection to the bastard he still wanted to be born and he must be really, really feeling like a Sith in the Force right now if the way they were eyeing him was any clue.

Do not screw with the space-time continuum, do not, do not— 

So of course that’s when a platoon of droids find them. 

Of kriffing course. 

.

Jedi General Mace Windu was very, very alarmed to see the newcomer, and it was only partly because of who he resembled.

Nor was it the way the stranger’s Force presence had darkened even more at the sight of Skywalker, or the color of his lightsaber. 

No, Mace Windu’s main concern was the ease with which he had turned to face the droids— his blood ran cold when he saw the figure outstretch a hand, and decimated them with an ease that spoke of years of practice and control. 

He recognized it immediately, of course. [How could he not, when he himself had been the only one of his generation to have possessed said ability as well?]

Shatterpoint.

.

Ben kept his shoulders squared and lightsaber at the ready, even as he lowered his hand. He did not like the way the Jedi were looking at him— Mace Windu[!!!] had ill-disguised shock in his eyes, while Skywalker had stiffened after the first of the clankers had started falling [the hypocrite]. In the distance, he could hear clone troopers approaching and registering the disturbance as well— they’d probably arrive in a few minutes.

So much for subtlety.

Rey was never going to let him hear the end of it. Ben could almost hear Finn’s laughter, too, and the pang of homesickness came on the heels of the realization of how strained their bond felt, stretched between time and space as it was. 

[He just wanted to go home.]

“Who are you?” Skywalker asked in suspicion, and Ben tamped down on what irritation he hadn’t managed to channel into his attack.

No need to escalate this, these were allies. 

He turned to address Mace Windu, out of spite. “General Mace Windu. May I trouble you in asking what the date is? I do believe I’m a bit lost.”

.

aka the one where Ben crash-lands the Clone Wars. Cue internal screaming.

On the plus side, his childhood dreams [and nightmares], plus his being a history buff, mean that he’s very much on the ball as far as politicking and tactics go. Plus whenever Anakin’s not in the picture, Ben is highkey fanboying over everything and everyone he meets [Mace Windu! The 187th! Obi-Wan Kenobi! The 212st! Plo Koon! The Wolfpack! Bail Organa! Mon Mothma!] because these were his childhood heroes, the people whose deeds and morals he aspired to emulate when he was at his lowest points. He’s seeing and interacting with people he’d only ever seen in his dreams, and for the first time in his life, he meets his heroes and they don’t end up disappointing him even once.

...whenever he’s not scaring the crap out of them, anyway, because he refuses to remove his mask in case anyone spots the resemblance between him and Anakin. Which, combined with the armor he’s also not inclined to take off anytime soon [dude crash-landed in the middle of a war zone, what do you expect?], and you get a lot of heart attacks whenever he meets someone new. 

A lot of ‘oh shit that’s Darth Revan!’ moments, with the Jedi, and multiple kidnapping attempts from the Separatists because of that very same reason. Because Ben refuses to set foot on Coruscant as long as the Supreme Chancellor’s on it, and Palpatine is very...intrigued by these reports. 

Unfortunately for him, Ben takes one look at what’s going on, and goes “okay you know what? I didn’t want to make waves but clearly this is an alternate timeline so screw it, let’s see how much I can fix”.

If this universe doesn’t get a Ben, well at least they’re still going to be minus an Empire, so he’ll take it. 

Even if the Jedi are slightly horrified by how chill he is about the prospect, because what the hell. Made even worse as the story continues tumbling out, about Order 66 [by the way, turns out that Shatterpoint + chips = one less risk in a pinch] and Operation Knightfall and everything else that went down— and that Ben saw it in his childhood. 

The pièce de résistance, however, is the ‘my grandfather was a Sith Lord’ thing, hands down. [Geez. No wonder the guy’s Force presence was as solidly grey as it was.]

Ben doesn’t name names or remove his mask, but he doesn’t need to.

Not when everyone can feel just how little he likes Anakin Skywalker, whenever they’re in the same room.

Even if he hasn’t done it yet [ever, in this timeline], Ben will never forgive him for it. For becoming Darth Vader, for being the Emperor’s attack dog and casting a shadow so dark, Ben couldn’t fully escape it even after a lifetime of running. 

Which is a tragedy, actually, because if Anakin had been any other person, they would’ve gotten along very well. 

They have a similar protectiveness for their loved ones [the sacrifice Ben made to keep Finn and Rey safe would’ve spoken for itself], and similar experiences as Padawans [both experienced jealousy and fear because of their power]. Ben inherited Anakin's and Han Solo’s piloting skills, and Ben’s drive for justice runs in the family too. 

But because Anakin Fell in Ben’s timeline, because he featured in so many of his nightmares, was the reason Ben had struggled so hard to define himself, he just— can’t. Can’t help but raise his guard, whenever he sees Anakin. Can’t help but stiffen, can't keep his Force presence from darkening slightly. 

It’s painful to watch, even for the most distant of outsiders [...who are allies, anyway. Ventress just sits back and has popcorn, whenever they’re out in the field]. 

Especially because the more time passes, the more Ben lowers his guard around everyone else. He shows an excellent head for tactics in his talks with Obi-Wan and Yularen and the various politicians that crop up, banters with Ahsoka and the clones, and is...not exactly subtle with the way he fanboys over everyone. 

It’s...kinda adorable, actually. Ben tries to acts all professional and aloof and gruff, but then he’ll slip and geek out at the prospect of sparring with a Jedi, or he focuses so much on trying to impress Bail Organa that he completely misses the look in the man’s eyes when Ben offhandedly mentions his own efforts against the First Order.

The more time passes, the better read everyone has on the situation. 

And then Finn and Rey show up [”dammit Ben next time we’re the ones scouting the creepy Force cave”], and even more pieces of the puzzle come to light.

Finn and Rey, who are brilliant where Ben was a stormcloud. 

Finn and Rey, who openly, shamelessly give their own perspective on things too, and help fill in the parts that Ben left out.

By the time the trio leave, it’s with the hope of a brighter future, and the knowledge that that galaxy is in good hands.

[its-captain-sir]

My Arch Nemesis

Oh hey, did I ever tell you guys about this super silly and insanely idiotic crack fic complete with a stupid office reference I did a while back? No? Well guess what, I'm telling you now! Enjoy some dumb star wars crack that I'm still not sure how I came up with! (This is also on fanfiction.net if you want to read it there. Not on AO3 yet cause I'm lazy :P)

*

Somewhere deep in Separatist Space

General Grievous stalked along the bridge of his ship, metal feet clanking menacingly. He turned to a droid at a nearby data screen. "How close are we to completing the weapon?" he asked.

"It's almost finished, sir," the droid replied.

"Good," the General continued. "Then I will finally be able to destroy Kenobi, my arch nemesis, once and for all!"

"Excuse me?" a voice rang out. A figure dropped down from the ceiling. "If anything, I'm Kenobi's nemesis."

"Ventress?" Grievous sputtered. "What the- I thought you were dead!"

She smirked at him. "Oh, it takes quite a bit to kill me, my dear General. Now back to the matter at hand, I'm clearly Kenobi's nemesis. I mean, have you heard our banter? That's truly the mark of two nemeses."

"Wrong!" another voice rang out. Darth Maul stepped out of the shadows of the bridge, Pre Visla in tow. "I am his true nemesis!"

Grievous whipped his droid head back and forth between the assassin and the two newcomers. "Who the-"

"Wait, wait, wait," Pre Visla said, steeping out from behind Maul. "I thought I was his nemesis! I mean, I tried to kill his girlfriend a bunch of times!"

Maul just shoved him out of the way. "Yeah but who's the one who actually killed her?"

"You couldn't have done that without my help!"

Maul pursed his lips. "Kriff, you're right… But I killed his master! That really hurt him! This proves I should be his nemesis!"

"Fools," yet another voice rang out. Count Dooku stepped into their impromptu circle, nearly making Grievous jump ten feet into the air.

"What the- How the hell are you people getting on my bridge?!" Everyone ignored him of course.

"I have attacked Kenobi and his padawan, Skywalker, on multiple occasions, including the one where I severed Skywalker's arm. Add that to the fact that I have tarnished his master's name by turning to the dark side, Kenobi would clearly be my arch nemesis."

Grievous, who had finally gotten over his shock (but seriously couldn't these people just use the door and knock like normal people?), decided to join the ongoing argument. "You're all wrong! I am his arch nemesis! I even say his name cool! Watch this… General Kenobi … See! That's total nemesis material right there!"

Fighting quickly broke out on the bridge, each person arguing for their right to be Kenobi's arch nemesis. "Ladies, ladies, calm down," Ventress said, sauntering into the center of them all. "You know what? I have an idea. Why don't we just go ask the man?

In a Republic Base Camp on an Outer Rim planet

Obi-wan Kenobi was very tired. It had been a stressful week fighting to take control of the planet they were currently stationed on. That meant more work and less sleep for the Negotiator. Well, less sleep than normal. In fact, he became so tired that he passed out before the medics could even threaten to sedate him to get him to rest. The medics appreciated not having to do that for once. (Honestly, that man could not take care of himself sometimes.)

So needless to say, Obi-wan Kenobi was very mad when he was rudely awakened in the middle of the night.

"Kenobi." A hand slapped his cheek. "Kenobi, wake up." He ignored the voice and turned over. The ground was the most comfortable thing in the world at the moment, despite its hardness, and he wasn't planning on leaving it any time soon.

The hand moved and shook him this time, eliciting a groan from him. "Come on, Kenobi, this is important!" He reluctantly sat up, blinking the sleep from his eyes.

"What do you want An-" The person kneeling in front of him was not Anakin. "Ventress!" he exclaimed, crawling backwards as he fumbled with his lightsaber. His sleep-added mind finally managed to get his body into a fighting position and he ignited his saber.

"Calm down, Kenobi. There's no need for that." Dooku stepped out of the shadows behind Ventress, his presence only further confusing Obi-wan. Three more figures formed out of the darkness, revealing General Grievous, Darth Maul, and Pre Visla.

"Seven Sith Hells, I must be dreaming." He muttered quietly to himself.

"Wrong, Kenobi." Not quiet enough apparently. "We truly are all standing here." Darth Maul said.

"Yeah it's a great big family reunion thing or whatever, but what we're really here for is to ask you a question." Ventress continued.

Oni-wan lowered his saber, but only slightly, finally taking a look at his surroundings. "You brought me into the forest and woke me up so you could ask a question?" he asked, more than a hint of his annoyance showing.

Grievous shoved himself to the front, "Yes that's exactly what we did, now on to the question. Which one of us is your arch nemesis?"

"Pardon?"

"You heard him right, Kenobi. We had a disagreement on who was your nemesis. We thought the easiest thing would be to ask you." Pre Visla supplied helpfully.

"Just for the record," Ventress interrupted, "it was my idea." She was ignored by everyone but Obi-wan, who still looked as though he thought he had gone senile.

"So you kidnapped me to settle an argument?" A chorus of yes's followed. Oh, how Obi-wan wished there was a camera right now. Then he could look into it exasperatedly like on that show Anakin watched, The Workplace.

With a sigh, Obi-wan extinguished his saber and plopped back down on the grassy ground. "Alright, might as well get this over with." He swore they all grinned.

And that is how Obi-wan found himself listening to the cases of five different Separatist as they recounted all the atrocities they had committed against him, which was not fun for him by any means. Still, he listened to them all, for the sooner he got this over with, the sooner he could go back to sleep.

Finally, they all finished and now sat there patiently as they waited for his verdict. He sighed again and stood up. That patience they showed seconds earlier immediately went out the window, and shouts reached his ear, far too loud for his own liking.

"It's me!" I'm pretty sure it's me!" Pre Visla's voice could be heard over all the rest. Obi-wan turned to him.

"Please, you were hardly even a choice."

Visla stammered before Obi-wan cut him off again, "Really, considering everything you've done and all the people that have done similar things to me, you shouldn't even be here."

Visla sulked in the background as Obi-wan continued on. "Our wonderful Count here isn't it either."

Dooku scowled. "I expected more from you, Kenobi."

Obi-wan rolled his eyes. "Please, there are literally thousands of people across the galaxy who wish to see you dead. Last time I checked, an arch nemesis is specific to one person." He faced Grievous. "That goes for you, too." Both of them joined Visla in the back, arms crossed as they sat back down.

Obi-wan turned to Maul next. "Oh, I absolutely despise you and everything you've done to be." Maul grinned. "But I've already enacted justice on you, so you aren't my nemesis either. Besides," Obi-wan smirked, "denying you this title will hurt you ever more."

"Really, Kenobi?" Maul sneered. "I thought Jedi were above getting revenge."

He smirked once again. "Yes, but I'm sure the Council would allow tormenting Sith Lords."

Ventress chose that moment to spring up. "I'm the only one left! That means I'm his arch nemesis!"

"I'm afraid not, my dear." Ventress stopped in the middle of her victory dance and whirled to face him. "You've been off the scene for quite some time. Nemeses tend to fight on a daily basis, and half the time we do end up meeting in battle, it's hardly fighting at all."

She pouted before sitting back in the grass. Obi-wan couldn't help but laugh at her reaction. "You'll have to do better, my dear." She stuck out her tongue at him.

"So who's your arch nemesis then?" Grievous spoke up, asking the question that was surely on everyone's mind.

"Well, it's certainly none of you," Obi-wan replied. "And since there's no one else I can think of… I guess I don't have an arch nemesis."

"Oh, come on!" a voice cried out, startling all six of them. Anakin Skywalker jumped out from behind a bush. "Really? After all that you're going to say you don't have one!"

"Anakin!" Obi-wan exclaimed, "You knew about this?!"

"Well, duh," he replied, sitting down in the grass. "Who do you think let these five into the base? I overheard them arguing about it all and decided 'oh that'd be funny to watch' and so-"

"Wait, wait, wait, you LET them kidnap me?!"

"Yes, Master, now pay attention to the story. Anyways," he continued, "I thought it would be great to get on video so I made sure you guys ended up here and I set cameras up all around to record what happened. And I must say, you guys have put on the funniest show I've ever seen!" he said, breaking into laughs. Everyone else was silent, many of them wondering how they were tricked so easily, especially how they managed to be tricked by Anakin Skywalker of all people.

"So let me get this straight," Obi-wan began. "You let five known Separatists into a Republic base…"

"Yes."

"Let them kidnap me, a General in the Republic Army, who was also in severe need of rest by the way…"

"Yes."

"Led them to this place somehow, I'm guessing by using at least one illegal measure, where you had hidden cameras set up…"

"Yes."

"And then you recorded the whole thing while watching from the bushes."

"Yep!"

Obi-wan looked exasperated. "And I'm assuming you uploaded this to the Holonet as well?"

"Of course, Master!" He sounded way too happy about this. "This was too good of an opportunity to pass up! In fact, it's live streaming right now! I still have Ahsoka recording all this!" he said as he gestured to somewhere else in the bushes.

Obi-wan stared into the distance for a good minute before turning back to the group. "You know what? I think I do have an arch nemesis." The five leaned in, waiting in anticipation.

Anakin leaned in as well, waiting to see who it would be… Then Obi-wan turned his steely gaze onto him. Oh shit, he thought. He took off sprinting.

"ANAKIN, YOU SON OF A HUTT, GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE SO I CAN KICK IT ALL THE WAY BACK TO CORUSCANT!" Obi-wan yelled as he chased him through the forest, leaving the others behind.

"AHHHHH I SCREWED UP OKAY? I SCREWED UP SO BAD!" they heard Anakin yell. More screams and shouts could be heard as the two moved farther into the distance, until the shouts couldn't be heard at all, leaving the five to stand in the middle of the now-silent forest.

"So… I'm definitely his nemesis."

"Ha, that's highly unlikely."

"Yeah, Kenobi would kill you in a second!"

"Shut up, Ventress!"

"Nobody asked for your opinion."

[sl-walker]

Ship Manifesto: Bail x Maul

I threatened it, so here it is.  Since I have to go to work and I actually got some sleep last night.

When I went and remixed Wild Space for Witness me, I suspected that those two would hit it off, just based on their personalities.  And while ten years of being a prisoner definitely took the sharp edges off of Maul and five years of being with Obi-Wan had taught him some (badly needed) interpersonal skills, more than he became even in canon TCW he’s still as inherently himself as he was when he went to Theed.  Just-- a somewhat healthier self, hard as that might sometimes be to believe when he’s in the middle of a flashback and actually displaying his damage.

BUT ANYWAY.  My guys.  My ridiculously opposite, beautiful guys.  Their first meeting had them both grinning and within two seconds bantering and within like five minutes, evoking solidarity against Obi-Wan’s bullheadedness, and then it just kept getting better.

Since this is a ship manifesto -- as in romantic ship -- I won’t spend too much time on their bromance, but I will say that whether or not you add the kissing and such, both versions of that relationship are fiercely mutual.  And now, for the why:

Bail Organa in Canon/Legends:  Genuine good guy.  In a Republic rife with corruption, Bail not only manages to navigate it effectively, gaining the esteem even of some of his enemies, but he never lets go of his morals.  He’s willing to play fast and loose with the rules, but every single time he does, it’s with his heart firmly in the right place.  Any selfishness Bail has tends to manifest itself in wistfulness, not action; he wants to go home, he wants to be with Breha, he wants to not deal with all this, he wants the children they were going to have.  Nonetheless, he stays on Coruscant.  Faithfully serving his post, his Queen, his world, his Republic.

He’s an idealist.  And an optimist.  He has a draw to support the underdog.  He has sharp edges because he’s also realistic.  He rights wrongs when he can, using his cleverness and political acumen; he can read a crowd and often win them over to at least liking him, even when they don’t agree with him.  He’s disarming and people admire him for his stand-up guy nature.  He’s also brave; he’s willing to put himself under siege on Christophsis, and when everything else in the world is crumbling, the Jedi are being slaughtered, he was the only one with the courage to go and try to see what was happening at the Temple, then turn around and try to save what Jedi he could personally.  He’ll pick up a blaster and follow Padmé into the streets.  He’ll demand to go to Zigoola, citing his right to put skin in the game as the reason to.  He’s incredibly loyal.

He’s not perfect.  He leans a bit more on the booze than healthy.  He’s got serious problems with his work/life balance; he works far too hard because Bail thinks -- unfortunately rightly, often -- that if he just lets it go, no one else will care enough or gain enough to do the work.  Bail’s service-mindedness goes well beyond healthy; it’s painfully easy for him to get into the idea that he has to fix things, especially for people he cares for, and he’ll throw himself against the wall of that and beat himself bloody if he can’t.  And while this genuine love and esteem can be a good trait, it also can become self-destructive.  He can get snappish and churlish, but usually only when he’s provoked into it (hello Obi-Wan); still, once you do get his blood up, Bail can dish it out as well as he can take it.

But really, Bail has no problem with positive regard.  There’s no evidence that the man carries any prejudices based on species or class.  He’s honorable; when he says he’s going to do something, he does his very best to do it.  He believes in honesty, even if he’s willing to lie by omission; still, his heart is always in the right place, and damned if I can find a single piece of canon or Legends evidence that his heart is anything but pure gold.

Maul in canon/Legends: Undeniably abused.  Badly.  Consistently.  Has the social skills of a rancor with a tooth ache.  Psychological minefield of paranoia and can’t trust anyone or anything, sometimes not even himself, in terms of recollection/etc.  If you want to know all about how bad Maul is messed up, you can go through his tag on my blog; there’s a lot there.  So, let’s go into the relevant points.

He’s lonely.  Painfully, desperately lonely, and he doesn’t even know how to quantify it, but it bleeds through his actions.  He’s desperate for approval -- mostly his Master’s, but also Kilindi’s and Trezza’s and even the damn Jedi, if you dig far enough.  Sure, he wants to kill them, but he wants to do it fairly and honorably because he doesn’t want his victory to be cheap or stolen and he wants them to know that they’re fighting an honorable foe.

He’s highly intelligent, but his ability to make proper use of it has suffered for his abuse; he struggles to grasp a lot of concepts, like creativity and philosophy.  He struggles to understand politics.  He struggles to understand the very galaxy; like, they literally said that, that Maul doesn’t quite get how it all works.  Still, he is sharp and very adaptable and malleable, especially when he’s younger.

He understands and believes in fairness and honor, even if both of those are skewed by his upbringing.  He’s agonizingly, painfully loyal, and it takes being abandoned to go mad, after finding out that Sidious might have lied to him about his future as a Sith Lord, before he even stops being loyal.  But the moment Savage comes into the picture, Maul’s again loyal, this time to someone who actually deserves it; enough to abandon battle with Obi-Wan Kenobi for the sake of his brother.

He has chinks in his hard, fucked up armor.  He absolutely respects a clever, honorable foe, enough to stand between them and death (Komari Vosa), or get pissed off at someone maybe killing an ally who stood with him enough to take revenge (Eogan); he tries to reassure Patch Bruit even as he’s advancing on the man with a lightsaber, in his hella awkward earnest way.  He responds to offers of friendship -- Kilindi, sadly Deenine (one of his own damned abusers) -- with an almost painful need, and while he’s not given opportunity once he’s older, somewhere all that lurks, because he’s still naming droids and bikes.

There lies a wellspring of patience in him, even when he’s young, especially towards his droids (or even other peoples’ droids); his ability and willingness to teach is built somewhere with this as a brick when he’s older and teaching his brother.

He often reflects his treatment; how you treat him does inform how he would treat you.  This is delicate, obviously, you can’t just walk up to him, throw arms around him and sob (though I definitely relate to the desire to), but someone good at reading people could very likely strike the right note to reach him without putting him too far on the defensive.

And Maul can perceive truthfulness.  He can sense when someone’s being honest or lying, if they aren’t shielding their intentions.

Why they work:  Leaving aside the logistics issue, and just focusing on their personalities--

Bail has a thing for the underdog; they don’t get much more underdog than Maul.

Maul is desperately lonely; having the honest, positive regard of anyone would be novel enough it might even short out his brain.  But even if it didn’t, it would absolutely throw him off balance.

Both of them are honorable and believe in fairness.  Both of them build a giant chunk of themselves around that.

Both of them are loyal, and once you have that loyalty, it takes so terribly much to break it.

Bail is innately kind.  Maul absolutely responds to kindness; he wouldn’t know what to do with it, it would make him uneasy probably at first, but boy, plant that seed and he’d keep bending towards it like a plant to water.

Bail’s purity of purpose -- to serve, to do good -- would resonate with Maul, because he also does the same!  He serves his master and tries desperately to gain his approval -- to do good in Sidious’s eyes.

Neither of them are cowards; both are willing to put their lives on the line for an objective.  For Bail, this is usually missions of mercy; for Maul, it’s usually in service to his Master, but either way, they’re both brave and determined.

While Maul doesn’t have much chance in canon or Legends to show his sense of humor, what tiny flickers we get of it shows a dry wit.  Bail would get that and play to it.

Neither of them are innately selfish.  Maul’s idea of selfishness is wanting acknowledged for doing good -- and if that’s not painful to think about, he also mentally beats himself up for just wanting that -- and Bail’s is to be wistful for a less heavy burden to carry.

There are more -- obviously -- but those are more than enough drydock to build a ship in.

Just aesthetically?  They’re both gorgeous, sheesh.  Take the snarl away, and Maul’s absolutely his own kind of beautiful, and Bail-- well.  Frankly, if you don’t think he’s hot, I don’t even know how you’re breathing, maybe you’re not, maybe we should check your pulse.  (Joking.  Mostly.)  Bail’s a head taller and overall just big, but Maul’s definitely no wilting little violet; he’s small (or smaul), but he has muscle, agility and grace.

Scenarios it could work in canon (adjust for Queen Breha as needed, because I absolutely love her, too):

GoT:A, obviously.  Heh.  There, Maul gets tossed into prison at age twelve (preceding poor Boba having the same done to him), Bail sees him on a tour when Maul’s fifteen and decides, “Nope, I’m not leaving him there.”  Takes him home, gives him stability and infinite patience and kindness and waits out the psychological damage manifesting itself, and does not realize that three years after that first sighting, Maul will be desperately, achingly pining for him, and in another two, will finally steel up enough to take a huge risk and kiss him.

Literally any scenario where Maul’s cut loose in some way Bail can encounter him, pre-Theed, in canon.  If you throw that kid into the wind at that age, he’s so ill-prepared to deal with the galaxy that he’d eventually grab hold with drowning desperation to any kind of purpose or direction.  Extra easy if Sidious is somehow dead.

Orsis gets raided.

Maul actually gets fucked up enough on some mission to land in a reputable hospital and can’t make an easy escape for whatever reason, injury or illness.

Sidious sends his apprentice before he’s ready to take a hit out on Bail and Maul flubs it somehow, thus landing himself in custody.

Post-Theed, but Maul gets captured before Lotho Minor; somehow, the Jedi don’t keep custody of him, and he ends up again imprisoned by the Republic.  His plight’s so bad there that when Bail finds out that he exists and what he’s had to live like, he starts doing something about it.

Rebellion-era: man, you could mine this one like gold.  Maul wants to hurt his master, Bail needs every skilled rebel he can get his hands on.  They work together for years.

Radical AU scenarios:

Anything.  Their chemistry is such that could make anything work with enough thought and care.

In conclusion: They have the exact kind of personalities to dovetail.  Bail has the kind of decency and kindness and honor that it wouldn’t take much for Maul to want to live up to expectations for him.  And Maul has his odd, guileless charm and a sweet streak that might get buried as he gets older, but that Bail would just find, dig out and nurture.  Maul would be a fierce protector of Bail; Bail would be the support and steady love and patience Maul really needs to reach his best possible self.  They would bring out a lot of each others’ best traits easily.  Maul would lean on Bail to work less and live more; Bail would encourage Maul to take a chance on trying new things, talking to new people.  They would likely have a very kind relationship with each other, and man, both of them could use all the kindness in the galaxy.

So, what are you waiting for?  XD Go write some.  Or I’ll just keep writing it (and begging for more).

[fuzz1912]

Return of the Penultimate Jedi

Thoughts on the film calling itself Star Wars: Episode VIII. Only for those who have seen the film already as there are well and truly spoilers ahead - consider yourself warned. May be worth reading my pre-screening thoughts for some context.

Everything you just said is wrong

I’ve seen glimpses of the usual batch of fawning reviews, which utterly perplex me. Did we see the same movie?

My quick take on leaving the theatre was: what the hell did I just watch? I’ll say this for The Force Awakens - by hewing to the structure and story beats of A New Hope, at least it made sense (even if it seemed pointless). I can’t say the same for this one - I couldn’t even succinctly describe the plot, let alone determine what it was actually about. It really didn’t answer many of the questions I raised in my pre-screening post, though I have to give some credit - it wasn’t simply a rehash of The Empire Strikes Back as I had anticipated; it was just as much a rehash of Return of the Jedi as well.

Let’s get what I genuinely liked out of the way, because it is far outweighed by the rest: as a whole it was enjoyable enough, and had some amusing moments and clever dialogue. As I was reminded by one of our viewing party, the starship battles and some other action sequences were actually pretty good to watch in and of themselves. I appreciated some of the low-effort banter, mostly from Poe and Finn. Benecio Del Toro played a terrific cameo as the morally ambiguous Code Breaker, echoing Empire’s Lando Calrissian. No matter how much scenery they chew, I also enjoy watching Domhnall Gleeson and Laura Dern perform. And at face value, I always enjoy seeing Yoda (but more on that later). John Williams’ music is always a treat, though once again not to level of his preceding scores - there were some questionable instances of using some of his older leitmotifs, though Rey’s theme is starting to grow on me. I also enjoyed the one instance of clearly ripping off the prequels in the opening shot, mirroring the battle reveal that opened Revenge of the Sith.

I’ve got a bad feeling about this

I mentioned in my pre-screening post that there’s nothing wrong with reusing good structure, but that beat-for-beat repeating a story is a waste of creative potential. Awakens did both - but I’m not even really sure what the overall structure of this film was supposed to be. It certainly reused elements of structure from Empire and Return (thanks to the ridiculous naming of this film, I can no longer refer to that film simply as ‘Jedi’), and quite a number of nearly-identical scenes and shots - but as to the overall structure of the film itself, I’m not sure it does have an easily definable beginning-middle-end.

The film is long; really long. Much longer than it needs to be even within the parameters it appears to set for itself. I couldn’t pin down what those parameters were while watching it or upon leaving the theatre but with a little bit of rest behind me I’d say it’s a very slow chase movie and a war of attrition. It has the former in common with Empire, though I’m not sure what the point of the latter is (more on that later). In Empire, only a group of our heroes were being chased whereas here it is the entire Resistance (such as it is). And there was at least one act too many within that slow chase, though I hesitate to pin down which was the most superfluous part - I suspect the ‘out of weapons range and only x hours of fuel’ bit or the ultimately-redundant side trip to the Casino world. There were just too many stops and starts, both within the main conflict and the personal stories (involving Luke and Rey, Rey and Kylo, Finn and Rose, and Poe).

As I mentioned above, the initial acts predictably modelled themselves on Empire - but towards the middle (what I optimistically thought might be the end) it started to throw in parts of Return as well, essentially mashing the two together. The Resistance was being chased out of a base by the First Order like the Rebellion, though the epic ground battle was moved towards the end instead of at the start. Rey went to train with Luke, who grumpily declined for a while like Yoda did to him. After finally relenting, he immediately found Rey straying too close to the dark and finding her own ‘dark side cave’ like Luke did on Dagobah; following which Rey decides that she is better served going after Kylo Ren than bothering to finish her training. Then we skip to the Return bits, with Kylo taking her straight to Snoke where she is tortured and he turns on his master. So far, so similar.

But while the final act resembled Empire’s Battle of Hoth, Luke’s encounter with Kylo echoed both the Vader/Obi Wan duel and Yoda’s death from A New Hope and Return, respectively. The conclusion showing the final survivors of the Resistance on the Millennium Falcon was a less epic recall of a similar but more emotional ending to Empire, but it was followed by a very un-Star Wars epilogue showing a random young (apparently Force-sensitive) slave kid looking to the stars as Luke once did. Obviously having crammed two films worth of reused plot into one, there’s potential for Disney to go a completely different way in the final film, and those seeds seem to have been sown here. But where is that exactly? Defeating Kylo and the First Order, or what’s left of them? To what end, now that Snoke is gone and Kylo is already conflicted?

The State of the Galaxy

A number of the questions I posed in my earlier post coming out of Awakens were essentially brushed aside and dismissed in the opening crawl - despite the film seemingly picking up almost directly where Awakens left off, the loss of Starkiller Base hasn’t set the First Order back at all, rather they are now the dominant power in the galaxy. The Republic, whose only apparent losses were localised to several planets in the Hosnian system, is gone and all that is left is a measly few ships in the Resistance. How the hell did all that happen?

All of the work our heroes did in the original trilogy and the intervening 30 years has been snuffed out in one line of explanatory text. Despite the theme of this film essnetially being about ‘letting the past die’, I really struggle to get my head around how they’ve done this - essentially they are telling us not to look behind the curtain or think too hard (or at all) about the story world (even that established in Awakens) and just accept that these are the new starting conditions for the story. It hasn’t been earned or explained in any way, so they may as well have just hit the reset button completely and done a complete reboot (or told a different story, in a different world).

So any hope of discovering more about who was running the Republic instead of Leia, why or how the First Order was able to usurp power from a galaxy-wide government, is deemed unnecessary. How the First Order itself is maintaining that stranglehold is even less clear - while its “Supreme Leader” is galavanting around on a star destroyer chasing three measly Resistance ships, we see no Governors or Moffs or anything else to suggest the massive bureaucratic structure behind such an organisation (though we do get thrown the tiny morsel that apparently they finance their wars off the back of slavery).

Trivial Pursuit - the First Order slowly chases down the Resistance

It’s important to remember that even in Empire, Darth Vader’s taskforce was only ever a small part of the larger Imperial forces (such that he needed to make special arrangements to contact the Emperor at the capital) and that the Rebellion clearly had a larger fleet that was not present on its Hoth base that they finally rendezvoused with at the end of the film. However, we are supposed to believe that all that’s left of the Resistance (and, by extension, Republic) military - despite having at least three remaining flag rank officers - is three capital star ships, a handful of fighters, and a bunch of transports. Similarly, the best the First Order can mount in order to take down this rump is a dreadnought with a comical weakness, a few star destroyers that can’t move fast enough at sublight speed to engage them, or enough fighters to overwhelm them. Could they not have bothered to have a few more ships on either side, making the scale of the eventual losses seem more significant? This does not feel like an epic conflict - more like a minor brush fire. For it to lead to an incredibly convenient evacuation to a nearby planet that just happened to house an old rebel base - of which Rebellion leader Leia seemed to have no memory - was quite the cop out.

Given their continuing incompetence, I’m not sure how much we really care that the Resistance was whittled down to nothing over the course of this film. They don’t seem to be particularly good at resisting anything, and have a very odd hierarchy. As much as a fan as I am of Laura Dern, her character seemed to exist only as a foil for Poe - and also highlighting the Byzantine rank and command structure (Generals outranking Admirals? Commanders being demoted to Captains, without any intermediate ranks?) of the tiny Resistance. Having her play a human character instead of another species also underlined the Resistance’s human dominance, a missed opportunity to show a point of difference against the xenophobic First Order.

Why was it more important for the Resistance to evacuate the people on the ships instead of fighting to the end or following Finn’s plan to try and escape? Were they critical leaders who could gather a larger political or military force (doesn’t seem like it), or merely a small batch of survivors? What do they hope to achieve with so few people and almost no ships? Can they really put up any more resistance, or does it even matter now that they’re all gone and it appears that they’ve put all of their hopes in the oppressed peoples around the galaxy like the Force-sensitive child at the end? 

While I was impressed that the Resistance finally seemed to have acquired a new type of bomber that wasn’t a B-Wing or Y-Wing, they certainly still had the usual X-Wings and now A-Wing clones. Similarly, the First Order continues to be slavish in its imitation of the former Empire; other than the Dreadnought, its Super Star Destroyers, TIE Interceptors, AT-ATs, AT-STs and shuttles continue to be more of the same art direction (one pines for the evolutionary variety of ships in the prequels). I was also perplexed to see enemy fighters being able to so easily penetrate capital ship hangars - shouldn’t they first have to take down particle shields that are supposed to keep them out as in literally every other Star Wars film? Notwithstanding of course the contrived inability of the First Order destroyers or fighters from being able to speed up and finish the job.

That said, the opening part of the battle was quite fun - Poe’s piloting skills are always a delight, and while the bomber run on the Dreadnought was a little predictable it was nevertheless engaging. The destruction of Snoke’s star destroyer, using the effect of silence pioneered in Attack of the Clones was breathtaking (though if it were that simple, why didn’t the Resistance sacrifice one of their other ships that was inevitably going to be destroyed the same way?). Even Kylo’s attack on the Resistance cruiser and his hesitation at taking down his mother was quite well done - though somewhat undermined by the fact that when his wingmen nevertheless took the shot and took out the bridge, something truly bizarre happened.

It’s a bird, it’s a plane...

For reasons beyond Carrie Fisher’s untimely passing, it would have made a great deal of sense for Leia to die in this film. Much as Qui Gon, Obi Wan and Yoda before them, losing a mentor or leader gives our protagonists a chance at taking up the mantle to become heroes in their own right (we did get a little bit of this, but more on that later). But the moment of Kylo choosing not to take his mother out was a really great display of the conflict within him, and it being ultimately futile was a great note to end on.

However, despite being given the perfect opportunity to see Leia off, we instead learned that she is not only a Jedi descendant but also a Kryptonian superhero - unaffected by a devastating explosion or the vacuum of space, and able to fly through it with no means of propulsion (this time in defiance of Newton’s second law) back into the ship. What was the point of her surviving this, and if there was one, why have this attack take place at all? She could have easily fulfilled the role played by Laura Dern’s Admiral in this tale - instead of her, having Leia sacrificing herself by ramming the cruiser into Snoke’s star destroyer would have been a sacrifice worthy of the character and make an already amazing moment incredibly moving. And how exactly do they intend to deal with Carrie Fisher’s absence in the final film given they have ruled out using a CGI double? Hopefully not through another dismissive line of text in the crawl. 

The Cunning Plan - Finn, Poe and Rose

A staple of Star Wars is the protagonists devising a cunning plan to escape a dire predicament. In this instance, Finn and Poe (together with newcomer Rose) through some technobabble devise a way to stop the First Order flagship from tracking them through lightspeed (a development that didn’t seem to make sense in the absence of using any tracking devices - so novel that even Snoke is surprised by it). So once again we returned to the well of the protagonists infiltrating the enemy castle to enable escape, right out of A New Hope - and the whole endeavour, including the side trip to the Casino world, proved to be utterly unnecessary given the actual plan put in place by Laura Dern’s admiral. 

Nevertheless, seeing these characters work together was enjoyable. Poe’s clashes with Leia and the Admiral were fun, and his short-lived mutiny fulfilling. Rose’s backstory as an exploited slave for First Order weapons dealers - as well as her connection to her heroically sacrificed sister - was a nice touch, if not particularly relevant to the greater story arc. Though Finn’s constant need to get back to Rey started to feel jarring, it was good to see him step up with Rose and become a hero in his own right. His battle with Phasma was a highlight, as was his aborted suicide run against the turbolaser - leading to a pretty effective aphorism from Rose about the point of the Resistance not being about fighting things you hate, but saving people you love (more poignant given her own sister’s sacrifice). It actually made me think of young Anakin’s innocent line in The Phantom Menace about one of the problems in the galaxy being that people don’t help each other - naive, but ultimately true.

Another part of what makes Star Wars an epic space opera is traveling to different worlds and encountering different environments and species - which was one of the issues I had with Awakens, which spent far too long on and around Jakku. This film was even worse in that regard - other than the brief departure from the base at the start and the final battle on the salt planet, the vast majority of the film was spent about two starships. Finn and Rose’s jaunt to the Casino planet to retrieve the code breaker was a nice aside, but felt forced in there for variety and as such was a little perplexing. In the middle of a heated - if protracted - battle, they were able to just pop out for a few hours to the specific place suggested by Maz Kanata over a peculiar FaceTime communication and find not one but two people with the relevant skills. Showing the hardship suffered by those propping up the lavish lifestyle of the war profiteers was a good (though perhaps insufficient) way to lay the groundwork for a wider revolution to come in the next film. Benecio Del Toro’s double-dealing Code Breaker himself was amusing and pretty effective, even if he was a little too omniscient - although this provided some very interesting context when he pointed out that the Resistance was also dealing with the weapons merchants, thereby similarly morally compromised as the First Order.

I’m not going to lie, there was one cameo I was secretly hoping to see on such a world dedicated to glamour and debauchery - and that was from our beloved smooth con man, Lando Calrissian. But not bringing him back was probably the better thing to do given the new ground they should have been covering in these movies (though the same should have applied to many of the other returning characters).

The Ways of the Force - Luke and Rey

We certainly got one forgotten hero back: Luke Skywalker. The final scene of Awakens seemed to have been reshot in much different lighting conditions and reproduced here - again very odd for Star Wars. While Luke finally appeared to have developed an uncharacteristic gruff sense of humour to offset his earnestness, he appeared very single-minded in his desire to stay away from everyone and everything - leading us to believe that whatever spooked him is truly terrifying. It’s somewhat disappointing them to learn that it was set off by a rather ambiguous and unlikely event: Luke appearing to want to murder his nephew, and Ben burning the house down in response.

Though flashbacks were used briefly in Awakens, there were three flashbacks of this particular event from different points of view (clearly influenced by Kurosawa’s Rashomon). Despite Kurosawa’s influence on Star Wars, the flashback technique has never really been used in any Star Wars movie, so seeing so many of them here gave this very much a different feel. Historical information has usually been filtered through a series of unreliable narrators - showing / reenacting that on screen didn’t seem quite right, even if it may have been more necessary given the specific instances shown of Luke and Kylo’s different interpretations of this moment as his fall to the dark side (if it was even that - certainly Luke appeared to suggest he was already too late).

As to the event itself, what the hell was Luke thinking creeping on his nephew like that? Surely if he harbored any misgivings about his potential dark side there would have been other ways to approach it other than standing over him in his sleep with an ignited lightsaber apparently ready to strike? How has that sort of potential misunderstanding ever gone for other members of his family? And given his family history, surely it would have been at the forefront of his mind well before he started training his powerful nephew. How exactly could Snoke have gotten to Ben before that point if he was exclusively under Luke’s tutelage? For Ben’s part, surely there could have been some attempt to understand what was going on before perceiving it as an attack and thereby turning dark and slaughtering a bunch of his fellow students? At least Anakin Skywalker was given a few steps along the way to his turn to the dark side - Ben Solo seems to have just made the decision in an instant due to a critical misunderstanding.

Luke’s island hideaway is apparently an ancient Jedi temple of some sorts - complete with a dark side cave like Dagobah and ancient Jedi texts - taken care of by alien nuns and populated by cute little creatures called Porgs, who in fact serve no other purpose other than to look cute. He is cantankerous in his initial rebuffs to Rey, much as Yoda was towards him. Despite Rey’s incessantly on-message pleas, it takes R2D2 playing a cheap trick on him to persuade Luke to start training Rey.  His puzzlement at who Rey is though is something that continues to echo through to us as well. Something about Rey is clearly special, and yet we learn that she is in fact a nobody.

Despite some repetition of Yoda and Obi Wan’s explanation of the nature of the Force, Rey’s common-ness dovetails nicely with Luke’s view that the Force does not necessarily require the existence of the Jedi; it just IS. Of course, Rey promptly exceeds all of his expectations and he gets spooked again, sensing a similar potential for darkness within her. His view that the Jedi should end and that he would die on the planet seems prophetic, though at odds with one of his better lines in the film when he first tells Rey, then Kylo, that everything they just said is wrong (and promptly lists off the reasons why). Despite constant references to himself being the last of his kind and Rey being a nobody, he does seem to consider her to be the last Jedi.

Rey herself seems driven by a desire to find out who her parents were, despite the fact that apparently she already knows that they were nobodies who sold her into slavery. She is fixated on bringing Luke back to help save the Resistance single-handedly (seems a big ask given the circumstances) until she develops a strange connection with Kylo (more on that below). Once she concludes that Luke is going nowhere, she very quickly turns on him and turns her attention elsewhere. Of course she goes exploring the dark side cave, which this time around seems to have infinite mirror that just shows her herself. Unlike the cave on Dagobah which clearly depicted Luke’s fear that he would become like his father, this one simply tells Rey that she is her parents - or, I guess, that who her parents are doesn’t matter. I’m not sure how this is supposed to lead to any critical development of her character. She promptly decides to leave in the hope of turning Kylo back from the dark side (haven’t heard that one before either).

In her absence, Luke decides he should burn down (not quite sure why) this particular temple and in the process is revisited by the Force ghost of Yoda. Now I absolutely love Yoda, and missed his presence and wisdom in the last film. That said, there were obvious plot reasons why he had no place there, and I query whether or not he was really needed here either. This is very much the cheeky Minch Yoda that Luke met in his twlight on Dagobah, not the wise Grand Master of the Jedi Order that he was for the bulk of his lifetime. As such, he is mischievous and and doesn’t appear to have much of substance to share with Luke, other than somehow physically conjuring up flames to complete Luke’s attempted arson. Yoda echoes the overarching theme of the film of leaving the past behind and dismisses the value of ancient Jedi texts that Luke considers preserving, which of course we don’t really have any knowledge of or connection to anyway. But my biggest issue is that the Yoda on screen is in fact a CGI version of the puppet from Return, not the CGI version of the Yoda we have come to know. This seems to incorporate all of the bad things about the puppet - namely its obviously-manipulated mouth movements - without the real puppet’s charm or the CGI Yoda’s familiarity. It just totally took me out of the moment, which I didn’t think was possible with my favorite character in the saga.

As a reliable deus ex machina, Luke appeared to return to say good bye to Leia on the salt planet and to distract Kylo while the Resistance survivors escaped. Seeing a wizened old Luke as a full-fledged Master brazenly stare down an army and take on his former protege was pretty badass, despite the laboriousness of parts of the duel. Of course he wasn’t really there, he was using the new Force projection power that only appeared to exist between Rey and Kylo (see below) to create an image of himself across the galaxy. The effort to maintain this was so great that it was exhaustion, not a lightsaber, that finally defeated the great Luke Skywalker. I’m still not quite convinced that this was a worthy end to the Hero of the Rebellion, the Son of Suns, and the Chosen One.

The Turning - Rey, Kylo and Snoke

Luke’s final appearance built on the odd trans-spatial Force connection between Rey and Kylo established throughout the film. This sort of Force projection is something we have not seen before, and is an interesting development in our understanding of the Force itself. Previously the furthest tangible reach of the Force was localised within a star system, or the less tangible when Yoda could feel the dissociated pain of losing his fellow Jedi as the Clones enacted Order 66 around the galaxy. Now it appears Force users (read: anyone, according to this film) can converse with others in some sort of quasi-virtual reality across the span of light years. 

Of course the initial connection between Rey and Kylo is apparently created and manipulated by Snoke - who probably could have just as easily used it to acquire whatever information he wanted from Rey about locating and destroying Luke. But it allowed for the relationship between Rey and Kylo to develop - with each of them unable to get out of the other’s head, Rey stops seeing Kylo as a monster and starts to get a glimpse of the conflicted soul within, while Kylo no longer finds her an upstart threat but a friend and partner whose humble ancestry doesn’t matter to him. Whatever Snoke’s original objective was in creating this link, it ended up binding the two together for some possibly higher purpose.

That purpose was certainly not to defeat Snoke, which was pathetically easy. For someone who is apparently the most powerful being in the galaxy, Snoke is amazingly stupid enough not to see that the connection he established between the two would lead to his death - which was way too similar to the downfall of Palpatine in Return, right down to some of the dialogue between them. Rather unsatisfyingly, his death came before we got any context as to who Snoke himself is, and how he ascended to power. Where was he during the rise of Palpatine and the Empire, and why was he not drawn into that particular conflict? Why did they use the Emperor’s / Sith theme during Snoke’s interrogation of Rey if there truly is no connection between them? Snoke’s death also led to some exciting dueling between Rey and Kylo fighting alongside each other against Snoke’s red guards in the throne room, though one wonders what exactly the guards were defending once Snoke was killed (certainly their martial arts demonstrations were way over the top - the sort of thing that Indiana Jones aka Han Solo would grow tired of and respond to with a quick blaster shot to the chest). Shouldn’t they have proclaimed allegiance to Kylo as the new Supreme Leader? Is there some question over the order of succession, as General Hux intimated (of course, again raising the question of where the rest of the First Order’s power structure is).

The interesting part of the relationship between Rey and Kylo is that they both continue to see themselves as part of each other. The moment where Kylo offers Rey his hand in partnership was well played (if too similar to the Vader’s  offers to Padme and Luke), but unsastifyingly resolved - it would have opened up some really interesting possibilities if Rey had committed and joined him. However, despite them return to opposing factions, their connection appears unbroken and their conflict seems to be centered around Kylo wanting to destroy his past (and thereby, the Resistance) and Rey wanting to save it. How that can be resolved, at least on a personal level, will hopefully be the highlight of the next film.

All of this has happened before, all of this will happen again

So where will the next film go? As at the end of this film, we know there is basically no physical Resistance left, but that the ‘seeds’ of revolution have been sowed in the minds of the oppressed peoples of the galaxy (well, on one planet at least), and that there is nothing special about who can access the Force. On the other hand, Snoke is no longer leader of the First Order and instead we have Kylo Ren, who we know to be heavily conflicted and still intimately connected to Rey. His only malicious motivation seems to be to eliminate the past and move beyond it, which has somewhat been achieved with Luke’s passing (and inevitably Leia’s if they don’t find a way to bring her back). What reason does he have to keep in place the First Order’s oppressive power structure? He seems to have been motivated initially by revenge, not a thirst for power. How can he possibly keep such an organisation together, and why do any of the servants of the First Order owe him any loyalty they may have had to Snoke? Perhaps we will finally meet these Knights of Ren that he leads (presumably those of Luke’s students he chose not to slaughter).

Given past experience, I expect all of these concerns to be brushed away again, replaced by a fairly simplistic good versus evil, underdog versus behemoth, redemption tale that pays lip service to the story that came before it without actually advancing it to a logical conclusion. And lots of humorous banter.

*Information many Bothans died for

A few asides: 

Obviously, there are many current political allusions one can draw out of this film, which is a staple of Star Wars across the ages. I haven’t dwelt on them because the issues they describe are supposed to be universally relevant throughout history. 

We learn at the conclusion that Poe and Rey have never met before. Um, what about after the Starkiller Base Battle before she left to find Luke? Did they not have time then? This moment was clearly designed to be cute, just as were the inclusion of the Porgs and Crystal Wolves, but ultimately seemed redundant.

Threepio no longer has a red arm, so one wonders what the point of that reference was in Awakens? Of course, if this film directly followed that one as Finn’s recovery and Rey’s encounter with Luke suggest, where did he get time to repaint or replace it?

Luke refers to the Emperor as “Darth Sidious”. When did anyone who knew Palpatine’s Sith name ever tell Luke what it was? The only survivors who knew were Yoda, Obi Wan and Vader, all of whom never used that name in the original trilogy (primarily because it hadn't been thought of until the prequels were made). 

Finally, I can’t remember anyone uttering the iconic “bad feeling about this” catchphrase; I hope I just missed it, but I’ve heard others say the same. If no one says the line, can it really be a Star Wars film at all?