#basically i'm taking a break. or extending the one I've already been taking these past couple of weeks i guess

[samanthamulder]

hi

[sonkitty]

Earthly Objects Study - Windows Part 2 (Good Omens 2)

Below is a post that I wrote about The Window Trick without fully recognizing it for being a Threshold Trick. It is one of my favorite posts I've written on Good Omens 2, so I am saving it for posterity. Feel free to read it, but here is a more updated take on The Window Trick: The Window Trick

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If you have no idea what I’m talking about, it’s best to start with my main post:

Good Omens 2 - Earthly Objects Main Point of Reference

And the windows post:

Earthly Objects Study - Windows Part 1 (Good Omens 2)

Let me start by saying I do not understand the simplified window looks that Crowley does during episodes 5 and 6. He has several compared to any other character in the show, including Aziraphale (I think).

In episode 5, Crowley looks from outside the bookshop toward Aziraphale when Aziraphale brings down the chandelier. The camera starts from outside and behind Crowley before showing his front from inside. He later looks out from the window inside the bookshop with the demons outside and surrounding the place. That particular one can at least be a standard 3-points earning in the game because of his hand visibly touching a flat surface, the window panes and wooden lattices being the simpler window look touch (if such windows grant such points).

In episode 6, there are multiple cuts of him looking from outside the bookshop toward Aziraphale though the camera is from inside the bookshop to see Crowley looking. He smiles. A strange little thing that happens is that when he later passes the open broken window, most of his body has already passed it.

If these things have a deeper meaning in all of this other stuff I'm about to say, it's beyond me at the moment.

Likewise, if the nightingale song adds anything to what's happening with the windows or thresholds, it is well beyond my capability to analyze.

I'll also acknowledge past theories on one point of what I'm going to talk about have been "He's shut the door on another level. That's so sad!" and "Maybe its' an after-effect of the stillness." So, minds do change, you know.

Now, we're going to focus on the latter half of episode 6 and the format of more complex window scenes.

If you've read the previous windows post, the latest version, you'll catch that I found what seem to be three requirements for earning earthly object points by looking through a window in these more complex scenes.

Simplified steps:

(1) The looker looks

(2) The window sees

(3) The looker is seen clearly behind the window pane. Possibly, this requirement also wants the window's physical threshold, such as a window frame, to be partly visible.

If you're not familiar with my basic rule-breaking theory for episode 6, it goes something like, Crowley and Aziraphale are intentionally avoiding touching earthly objects as much as possible. The kiss is something exceptional in it all between the two of them, but they are otherwise doing a lot of not touching things. There have been other extended conversations between them with no touching but this one is different. There's no three objects at the start like in Before the Beginning. There are no goats at the end like in the Job minisode. There's no chair at the end when deciding to leave Aziraphale on his own. And so on.

Some semblance of a visual physical touch on something they aren't wearing is not what happens during the bookshop scene at the end of episode 6.

Even so, we're actually going to start just before that with the Metatron.

After the Metatron talks to Muriel, his gaze suggests he is looking toward the bookshop, possibly even into the windows of the location, meaning he might be watching the intense conversation that's about to happen.

The story does something important here. It doesn't show step 2 for a complex window scene. We do not see what the window sees.

Not only that, every time Aziraphale or Crowley seems to look out the window during the bookshop scene, step 2 still does not happen. We never see what the window sees. We can see some stuff from within the bookshop through the window. It's not the same as a shot of what's happening outside and a window frame or something from within the structure to tell us that's the window seeing things. The story never tries for that specific step to reach that specific type of earthly object touch with step 2.

That is to say, it never tries during the bookshop scene.

The truly startling thing is that after Aziraphale has left, we actually do see step 2 is reached when Crowley looks at Nina. Step 3 is not reached, but step 2 is. He's allowed a faint differing touch on the door threshold with movement in his fingers. Then he looks at Maggie. Again, step 2 is reached but not step 3.

Those are two threshold-only touches onto windows.

The Earthly Objects game loves the number three.

Is there going to be a third threshold-only window touch and if so, how?

Yes, and not only that, it's going to be a 3-in-1 to reach #3.

What?

Am I sure?

Goodness no. Reaching this conclusion was unbelievably hard. It would be so easy to just tell you that Crowley is a demon so of course the windows at use here are just plain not earthly. Look at those supernatural-indicator long sideburns! I have some other excuses too, but let's focus on the hard answer for now.

Earlier, Crowley touched a threshold within itself by already touching a door before the camera saw it and then touching that door again when the camera wasn't looking. There are actually more touches in their own complex format, but the point is he touched the door while touching the door.

If we want the same thing for a window, how is that done? Greatly simplified, again, without accounting for thresholds and step 3, the idea is: Look through a window while looking through a window.

The first two windows we'll focus on are the lenses on Crowley's sunglasses. They are going to be an inner layer for the look, so the second "window" in the above stated sentence for the concept. The lenses are the windows on Crowley's door to himself. They present quite an issue for preventing step 3 since they are small, and Crowley is always behind them when he wears them. The third window is the driver's window on the door to his car—specifically in season 2, this car is also his home. That's going to be the outer layer, and the major assist to get it all done.

The first threshold touch that initiates the whole thing is the one for our inner layer. It is theoretically the two little dots of white light that appear in Crowley's sunglasses after he looks at Maggie.

Crowley's sunglasses don't usually reflect anything, but when they do, the most common type of reflection is light.

That is our very much theoretical step 1 for our eventual 3-in-1 threshold-only touch. For now, it is only 2-in-1. We aren't at the third window just yet.

The dots disappear as he starts to move and enter the car.

When steps 1-3 happen for a complex window scene, there isn't a threshold cross through a door in between, in the scenes that I've taken the time to analyze.

Presumably, that means that this threshold cross bears some significance. It also brings us to window #3 of this particular set. By now, step 1 is done through both together. We are at the threshold for our window set. Crowley is looking.

Now that we're layered further in, we can finally start on step 2. We must see what the window sees.

The outer layer of the look is deliberately blurred. It is blurred in a way that one would assume means the car window is actually closed, not open. It is incredibly difficult to find that the story at least intends for this to be a blur for its game that's passing or sharing the look with the sunglasses. The story is also trying to deceive us after all.

The biggest clue is the lacking bullet-holes sticker, which might have disappeared during episode 5 around when the demon invasion was starting. If that sticker just plain disappeared, I have found only one other ridiculously tiny clue.

Before Crowley closes the door, one of the people to his right is wearing a white shirt and orange over-shirt or jacket. The blur level looks the same for below the upper part of the door frame and for above that upper part of the door frame. Below the door frame is where the window is. Above the door frame is not where the window is. There is a person right before the one I'm describing who has a similar color scheme, but it's much harder to gauge if that's the same blur level happening. As such, the main clue is the person with the orange jacket or over-shirt. The blur level should be different if the window is closed.

I suppose the little lights that are presumably from the coffee shop are also about the same blur level.

The window behind Crowley also looks blurred, and you can't really tell it's blurred as closed instead of open because the blur levels look so similar to each other. I assume that's part of the deception and deliberate.

We, the audience, see what the window sees from the inner layer. The sunglasses have reflections of what is happening outside the door to the car as reflections. These are very unusual for Crowley at all and not direct. They seem to be slightly ahead and to the right of where Crowley's eyes would be looking.

Are they all the way up until the front of the window that we can't quite see? The story won't tell us directly. Instead, it's going to tell us nothing to his left is reflected, and when we get anything resembling the front, it changes significantly from what's outside the door to his car. When Crowley turns his head to turn off the music, those car door reflections disappear. They are not gone completely for every single frame, but they are gone completely for a significant amount of those frames. The main reflection that becomes visible looks like some combination of light and darkness that can't possibly be in front of him at all (or if it is, I can't figure out how or what it is).

Crowley's sunglasses rarely reflect people, and when they do, it's usually a person deliberately showing him an object they are holding.

That said, we are at step 2 of our 3-in-1 threshold-only touch for window #3.

The next cut is where step 3 is canceled out. The reflections are gone, and that window to the door of the car is more clearly shown as open. The blur pass or share from within is gone. There is no window pane, but there is a completely clear full window frame for it. Crowley was not behind the window pane of the outer layer, just the inner one. That's enough for his 3-in-1 threshold-only touch on window #3 before finally driving away.

That requires a lot of faith in the deceptive blur and the necessity of a lacking outer window pane to reach this conclusion.

A few other things worth mentioning are that my initial logic was suspecting it was related to how carefully he put his sunglasses on back in the bookshop. His thresholds for those are the end pieces, but he touched the areas around them, which I've taken to mean the thresholds of his own thresholds. I took that to mean he was protecting himself, possibly for what happened in the scene.

The main thing that changed my mind to this layered window concept was that as I was drafting my post, I would ask, "How do you tell the audience that this thing is happening?" and at least part of the answer was within the given scene itself (two dots of white light for step 1, reflections for step 2). I had no answer for what you can find within the scene on how to mitigate step 3 until I focused in on that car window.

There's probably some meaning to the fact that the window threshold-only touches were reserved for humans. The humans in the story have a fake dimension to them. Maggie and Nina do not have last names. They don't address Crowley by his name. The extras have some disturbing patterns in their repetitions and suspicious cuts throughout various scenes. So, while that rather sours what I believe is the story's intent, in my own opinion, I think the intent here is to show Crowley's love for humanity in whatever is really going on. Such thinking, besides the structure overall, comes from the music and David Tennant's acting.

Another question that might arise from all of the above is to ask what it means for Crowley's own sight. He senses people and things with his eyes to the point it very much looks the same to an outside observer as how seeing works. The story puts effort into what is and is not reflected in those sunglasses to indicate it's still not quite the same thing as seeing.

So, do the reflections mean Crowley can see, as in the more understood form of seeing, if he wants? Or just that he needs this specially created scenario to do it? I have no answer. Until the story says otherwise, go with the answer you like best. If you want to know my personal preference, it would be that Crowley just does what he wants. He could see, but he doesn't because he uses his own snake eyes in a way that suits him. It might even be to his advantage. Analyzing him as a character, for season 2 at least, shows a deep precision and strategy in his choices.

Plus, you know, those snake eyes are part of why I love the actor-character combination as much as I do.

The end.

I actually hope I never have to drastically change my mind and update this post. I'm rather proud of it because of the challenges involved, but past posts have suggested that's simply not going to happen. Sorry. So, please keep that in mind. I do update things if I feel I've figured more out though I usually make a post to say so and link the post that is being changed.

[messydiabolical]

Just saw a poll about what in fanfics you dislike the most and it reminded me about a specific plot line I see in Thane fics a fair bit and, well I have a lot to say. I've thought about writing this before but I chickened out tbh, I hate getting into discourse generally. I feel the need to preface that this is personal opinion and feelings, no fic authors owe readers a damn thing, and you can write what you damn well want to! Just to make that abundantly clear. This is also not written with any one fic/author in mind, this aint some vague posting attack on any person in particular. It is a trope I have seen occur on multiple occasions with Thane in particular, and one that gives me a lot of feelings. I bloody LOVE a Thane lives AU. That's my jam, no doubt. It's a cathartic, soothing balm for me. And how you choose to get there can vary massively and I love that too. I would say that I prefer when his motivation to persue treatment is based in wanting to live for Kolyat and especially for himself, and not just because his love of Shepard. And while they break my heart, I also think stories that follow canon, or divert from canon but still have him die, are also super important and I applaud the writers who go there, because ouch. Disability and terminal illness are difficult, real subjects and having that representation is so important. I completely understand why there are people who dislike Thane lives. So to the thing I really dislike: nothing makes my stomach drop faster than the disregarding or removal of Thane's bodily autonomy/consent on his own health. They tend to go like this: Thane has decided not to persue any potential treatments, collapses/is rendered otherwise unable to have his say on the matter past his already stated wants, and while unconscious Shepard overrides his DNR wishes and has him given life saving or extending treatments. He wakes up and is upset at Shepard, but ultimately forgives or even thanks them for making that decision for him (basically saying that he was 'wrong' and Shepard was 'right'.) I do think this can be written in an interesting, character study way. There's also those grey area tangents: For example, what if the treatment suddenly becomes available after he's already unable to give consent, one that he was not aware of. Or what if the source of the treatment changes; before he was against a transplant because it would mean taking from another drell, but suddenly cloning or something else becomes available? etc. Perhaps such plot lines have been explored and I've missed them, because unfortunately after reading a handful of the type where he is just wholesale disregarded by Shepard if I get even a whiff of this kind of plotline I abandon the reading. As for why this does not sit well with me at all? It creates a situation where you have to basically make out that Thane was somehow in the wrong for ever feeling that way, that his acceptance of his terminal illness is bad, his motivations wrong. Again, something that can be explored- but not by just wholesale disregarding and overriding him then later teaching him why he was 'wrong'. We are getting into the very murky area of "if a person is depressed/mentally compromised by trauma/their past enough, they are no longer able to make decisions on their own health, this is for their own good'. And- yikes. Red alert. Because that is a story that needs to be handled with so much care, and it absolutely should not be used as a temporary source of angst to further a fucking romance plot. I think this hits hard for me especially as a disabled person who has had to deal with my fair share of medical fuckery. I'm also neurodivergent and have mental health issues. Advocating for myself is something I have had to battle many a time. Anyway hoo I had that one pent up hey? Again, I hope no one feels personally attacked by this. It's my own ick, one that might resonate with some, one that others might completely disagree with.

[monocotyledons]

so reblogs have been turned off in this post but i encourage people to read it, because it is such an interesting and almost anthropological discussion on fanfiction. tl:dr - fanfic is incredibly different from published literary fiction because it serves a different purpose and has a different audience and has thus developed its own set of norms and tropes. it's like a "species" of literature that evolved separately from other genres.

recently i've been reading less fanfic and more published books and i think this discussion hit the nail on the head about why i've been craving published fiction - sometimes i want a break from the tropes and patterns common in modern fanfic. i'm not saying that the tropes themselves are bad, and i'm not saying that ALL fanfics are trope-y and follow a pattern. it's more like a change of pace: if one immerses oneself so much in one mode of writing, it's good to take a break and try out other modes so that one doesn't get bored or frustrated.

the discussion on inter-fandom differences was so fascinating as well! this is something i observed when i was still actively reading and writing for touken ranbu, a franchise that has no unified canon apart from the basic premise and rules. i've read dense character studies steeped in japanese history and culture, but i've also read light fics that are just citadel shenanigans or narrative interpretations of in-game events. those reflect the "anything goes" nature of the parent franchise: you've got the stage plays and musicals, which ruminate heavily on the swords' past and the significance of history, and then you've got something like hanamaru, which pokes fun at the characters and in-game events in a slice-of-life setting. and fics are going to have different modes too depending on what the central relationship is: sword/sword and sword/saniwa read differently, in the same way that character/character and character/reader fics for the same fandom have completely different styles.

a lot of the reblogs also added plenty of interesting points (and i encourage people to go through them!!) - one i found particularly fascinating has to do with the medium of the parent franchise. lots of fanfics sound like stage scripts or screenplays because the parent franchise is a film or tv/streaming series or manga - it's already primarily visual in nature, so writers extending that world into their fics tend to adopt a more cinematic mode of writing as well. and that made perfect sense to me, because when i wrote fics for anime / manga franchises i would imagine my fics in that mode too. hell, when i wrote dialogue i would try to imagine it in the character's voice or what it would look like in a fan scanlation speech bubble.

also i'm glad that the discussion was largely value-neutral! fanfic isn't bad because it doesn't sound "literary"; a more literary mode would serve its function and target audience poorly. (and insert discussion here on what powers and institutions decide what "literary" is in the first place, etc.) but yeah if you want to read some fascinating meta on fanfic please check out the original post and its reblogs!

other reblogs that i found particularly interesting:

on writing for an audience + when description is skippable

fanfic evolved separately from other lit genres

fanfic sounds like scripts bc the parent franchise is visual

[rookie-critic]

Rookie-Critic's Film Review Weekend Wrap-Up - Week of 5/1-5/7/2023

Somewhere in Queens (2023, dir. Ray Romano) This was way better than it had any right to be. I'm not sure what I was expecting from a Ray Romano-directed picture, but for some reason it wasn't this. Just an unendingly sweet little slice-of-life film that analyzes the dynamics of a very messy, but loving family. Romano, who also stars in the film as the lead, plays Leonard, a man who's always late, generally says the wrong thing most of the time, and is just kind of awkward, but he loves his son Sticks (yes, that's a nickname), and he supports him with everything he's got, to a degree of fault, really. Romano isn't afraid to push his characters' faults into the spotlight, and he never tries to excuse them, but he also never loses sight of the fact their hearts are always in the right place. Laurie Metcalf also stuns as Leonard's wife Angela, a cancer survivor and a mother who's jealous of her son's secret girlfriend. The movie is basically a 1 hour and 46 minute, R-rated episode of Everybody Loves Raymond, but honestly I'm not complaining. The format difference allows Romano to explore his characters with a little more depth than a 22-24 minute TV episode would have allowed, and it breaths life into everyone on screen. I was super impressed with Somewhere in Queens, and I actually find myself looking forward to whatever Ray Romano decides to direct next, which is not a sentence I ever thought I'd hear myself say.

Score: 9/10

Currently only in theaters.

Police Story 3: Supercop (1992, dir. Stanley Tong) I have always been a fan of Jackie Chan, having grown up in his heyday in the States, but my fondness for the actor has never extended past his popular American films like the Rush Hour or Shanghai Noon/Knights series of films. I've always known about to slew of Hong Kong action comedies he starred in prior to breaking out over here, but I've just never made the time to watch them. So, I was more than happy to oblige when my older brother wanted to come over to my place and do a double-feature night with this and Drunken Master II (or Legend of the Drunken Master, depending on who you ask). This also doubles as one of Michelle Yeoh's earliest starring roles in a film, so I was doubly interested in watching this. Needless to say it is amazing. The story is decent enough, a police detective (Chan's Ka Kui Chan) is tasked with traveling to mainland China and pairing up with an Interpol agent (Yeoh's Chien Hua Yang) to take down a drug kingpin. Sounds pretty basic, and the nature of the story allows for a lot of Jackie Chan-style hijinks to ensue, but the real meat of what makes Supercop so incredible are the stunts. The things that Jackie Chan does in this movie make Tom Cruise look like a toddler playing in a sandbox. One stunt in particular was so unreal we thought there was no way he was doing it without a harness (turns out he absolutely was doing it without a harness). I won't spoil any of it for you (even though I'm the one who's late to the party here) because, if you haven't seen this, you must. It is one of the most incredible stunt spectacles I've ever seen put to film, and hands down the most impressed I've ever been with a Jackie Chan film, and that was already a pretty high bar.

Score: 9/10

Currently streaming on The Criterion Channel.

Drunken Master II (1994, dir. Lau Kar-leung) I've always heard that this is one of the, if not the, best Jackie Chan movies there is, and it's easy to see why that's the consensus. The hand-to-hand fighting choreography is, without question, the best I've ever seen. The final fight sequence (or series of fight sequences) alone, which takes up the last 20 minutes of the film's runtime, is an absolute wonder to behold. There were things I was seeing in this film that I didn't think was possible to do with the human body that put my jaw firmly on the ground. However, the film as a whole definitely has its weak moments and parts that drag, and a surprising amount of melodrama that I was probably being played for laughs, but it just wasn't landing with me. Which isn't to say that the film isn't funny, most of the physical comedy bits land, which isn't uncommon for a Jackie Chan vehicle, there were just a handful of moments that felt like they were trying too hard. Overall it's just a more uneven viewing experience than Supercop was, but its strengths more than make up for any of the film's detriments.

Score: 7/10

Currently available to rent/purchase on digital (iTunes, Amazon, Vudu, etc.) and on Blu-ray & DVD through Warner Bros.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (2023, dir. James Gunn) I won't belabor the point on this one too much as my full review was posted literally yesterday, but I was left deeply emotionally affected by this by the time the credits ran. I thought that almost everything about it just worked, barring an under-use of the Adam Warlock character, and the decision to make Rocket the focal point of this film's story was a stroke of genius on the part of writer/director James Gunn. Maybe I'm the lone wolf on how much I loved this because of my bias towards these characters, but I think Gunn knocked it straight out of the park and into the next galaxy with this. It's a wonderful film about finding the strength in your flaws and imperfections and the power of moving forward.

Score: 9/10

Only in theaters. You can read my full review of Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 here.

Carmen (2023, dir. Benjamin Millepied) By all accounts, this is not my kind of movie in the slightest. I've heard of the opera, but other than that I couldn't tell you one thing about the story before a few hours ago (I got home from the theater about 4 hours prior to writing this). The story is pretty basic and it definitely takes a "style over substance" approach to its visual storytelling, both things I tend to not be a fan of, but against all odds I have to say I did enjoy my time with Carmen. For one, I love both Melissa Barrera and Paul Mescal and they both kill it in their respective roles, even if I thought their romance moved way too fast to be truly believable. The dance numbers, while sometimes hard to follow the symbolism of, were wonderful. I was impressed with both Barrera's dance ability and voice, and Mescal, for what little dancing he does in the film, is better than you would think he would be. Where I think the film fails is in its message. It does seem like it touches on a lot of things that could have been really interesting (the central romance is between a white "all-American" veteran who clearly, regardless of his own beliefs, comes from a background of racism towards Hispanic people, and an undocumented immigrant), but it never really goes beneath the surface of any of its themes. There are also a handful of loose ploit threads that just kind of irked me. In a movie filled to the brim with extended interpretive dance numbers, they could have devoted at least a few seconds to throwaway line explaining some things and providing a little more context to Carmen's situation. It just seemed like there was a large section of the story that we just didn't get to see and, frankly, it felt like the filmmakers forgot about it, as well. Taking all of that into account, though, I still was drawn into the world of Carmen. I can't fully explain why I think that is, but something about it just grabbed me. I'm not sure I could tell you the greater purpose of everything Carmen throws at you in its 2 hour stay onscreen, but I can tell you that I was mesmerized by most of it, and that's gotta count for something.

Score: 7/10

Currently only in theaters.

[writterings]

Do you have any advice for binders? I have pretty small boobs (I think they're around Bs) so I can generally wear a sports bra and loose shirt and be fine. But yesterday was a boy day and i just couldn't get anything to work to the point where I almost had a panic attack in my room. My dysphoria keeps getting worse but at the same time I've heard really bad things can happen from binding improperly so I'm scared

Glad you asked me, because I’ve basically done everything you’re NOT supposed to do while binding because I’m Just Like That, unfortunately. But anyways, binding is not as scary as a lot of people make it out to be - like, yeah, it can fuck up your ribs but so can wearing the wrong sized bra. It’s all about risk reduction, which is actually really easy once you get the hand of it. Also, disclaimer, but all of this is my own personal advice from my own experiences and studies and not professional advice. Here is my advice:

Okay so basically don’t use ace bandages or wraps or anything like that, since they don’t expand when you breathe and hurt your ribs. Also try to stay away from binders with zippers, snaps, and velcro, since they don’t expand as much as they should. Post-surgery binders are something you should also stay away from since they are not meant to compress breasts but rather alleviate swelling after surgery. 

Buy them from reputable sources like gc2b or Underworks. Tbh, I actually only trust gc2b from personal experience and they were the only brand of binder I bought. Don’t buy from Amazon, they have a trash selection. Also, I recommend not buying from small start-ups or influencers or popular brands like Flavnt - like, while it’s great to support small businesses, I find that I’m personally more comfortable buying from brands that have been around longer and are known specifically for their binders. 

Buy a binder that fits - usually the same size as your T-shirt size. Don’t buy smaller, because that will hurt you so bad and squeeze your ribs even more. 

(Also, this is a small pet peeve and ultimately unrelated, but when you google smth like “binders” or “best binders” this article pops up and it’s infuriating because most of the binders on there are trash lmfao.)

Since you mentioned you have small breasts, you could potentially also try TransTape. It only goes on your front, so it doesn’t affect your ribs at all and you can wear it for multiple days at a time. I tried it once and actually really liked it - but it didn’t get me flat since I had DD breasts. My friend who is like an A or B cup can wear it and get perfectly flat with no discomfort though. You’ll avoid a lot of the risks of binding with TransTape. Invest in baby oil if you use it though. 

Also for binding, make sure to “break in” a new binder before wearing it for an extended period of time. Your body will need to get used to it, and your binder will need to stretch a bit so it’s comfortable on your body. I recommend breaking one in by just wearing it around the house for 2-4 hours for about a week, and then you should be good. 

Once it’s broken in, you can start wearing it out for around 8 hours at a time. While life happens and sometimes you get the 12 hours shift in which you can’t take off your binder nor want to, I still recommend trying to meet the 8 hour cut off as often as possible. I recently had top surgery a few months ago and apparently, I had several different types of fibrosis growing in my chest due to my improper binding habits over the past six years. Like, it didn’t affect my ability to get surgery and it wasn’t painful as I had gotten used to it - but this is something you’ll want to keep in mind if you can’t get or don’t want top surgery.

Also try not to wear a binder when you have a cold, since it already somewhat restricts your breathing. I once dislocated a rib when I binded and had bronchitis because my chest couldn’t expand fully when I coughed and thus fucked up my ribs. Don’t wear a binder when exercising as well for similar reasons, since your chest won’t be able to expand fully in and that’s kinda important when doing cardio. Finally, also, don’t sleep in a binder - your breathing slows and your chest expands more when you sleep - but if you’re wearing a binder, it restricts how much you inhale, and thus you’ll wake up asphixating. 

Finally, you can bind and swim too. I recommend getting a binder a size up from your usual size, as water makes material stick to you even more. Gc2b’s binders are waterproof, and so is TransTape. 

Anyway, hope this helps! Feel free to DM if you have any questions. 

[midnxghtsunwrites]

SMOKESTACKS | 16, NO MORE SURPRISES

previous post

warning: ⚠ domestic abuse ahead ⚠

FOR THE SIXTH TIME IN TWO hours, Nadine's phone blares its annoying ringtone. She could only assume that those calls are coming from the same people she's been avoiding for the past week. Nadine has managed to take the week off of work to avoid seeing Gemma and/or Jax.

Now, she's sat in a bar on a Friday night, sipping on a gin and tonic and bobbing her head to the music playing over the speakers.

She glances at her screen to see the familiar name pop up.

Jackson Teller.

She was in her feelings when she changed his name in her phone and she doesn't see herself changing it back in the near future. Honestly, she doesn't know what to do. It seems impossible to avoid these people considering everywhere she turns, someone associated with the club is in her face.

Of course, her friendship with Lyla was the only constant and based on the fact that the porn star brings up Jax in every one of their conversations, he knows it too. Does she want to just wait it out until they're tired of trying to reach out to her or does she try to make another getaway?

She just got here and she loves her job and her kids and she already can't imagine leaving them.

Guess she'll have to suck it up.

"I really can't tell if you're drunk or just vibing," The voice belongs to a black woman who'd been sitting beside Nadine for the better part of thirty minutes. She has an eyebrow raised and a glass of scotch raised to her lips, "Or both."

Nadine shakes her head in amusement, "Definitely both." Sticking a hand out, she introduces herself, "Nadine."

"Amelia." The woman shakes the teacher's hand, "Why haven't I seen you around before?"

"That is a great question," Nadine jokes as she sips her drink. She's barely tipsy, which is far from where she wants to be. The conversation continues to flow as the woman is drowned out by Nadine's phone blaring obnoxiously for the third time in ten minutes, the teacher ignoring every call.

Noting this, Amelia tilts her head in interest, "Boyfriend?"

The teacher scrunches her face at the thought, "Nope."

"Girlfriend?"

"I wish."

"Almost boyfriend?"

At Amelia's teasing tone, Nadine rolls her eyes in amusement, "Definitely not."

NADINE WAS DOWN THREE GLASSES of whiskey before she felt the effects of the alcohol on her senses. She giggles, fruitlessly as she tries to drink from her glass only to miss completely and basically pour it down her shirt.

Amelia bursts out into laughter, drunk to her ass. The women had been drowning themselves in tequila shots — for reasons they choose not to admit. Apparently, Amelia has lived in Charming her whole life — she's an OR nurse at St. Thomas's Hospital and extremely talented when it comes to her job.

Nadine didn't get much more than that.

"Oh, crap," Nadine snorts as the woody aroma from the alcohol wafts to her nostrils.

Amelia points in amusement, her eyes squinted as a loud laugh escapes her, "You smell like a bar!"

The teacher nods and leans back on her stool, almost falling on her back, "That's 'cause we're in a bar, silly!"

Staggering forward, Nadine peers through the mirrored wall behind the shelves of alcohol — the clear space allows her to look at the rest of the bar patrons behind her. She takes note of the large spot on her grey shirt and groans, exaggeratedly as she throws her head back.

Luckily, drunk Nadine still has some sort of logical reasoning, "I'll be right back — I gotta clean this up before it stains."

Amelia just tilts the rim of her glass of scotch towards the teacher and sends her a dopey smile, "Have fuuun." She sings, joyfully.

"I willll," Nadine mimics as she throws cash for the drinks on the bar counter.

Fortunately, the dark spot hadn't dried in the time it took Nadine to go through the line of women standing outside of the bathroom. A lack of stalls seemed to be the verdict for the long queue. Standing there in the bathroom, she hovers over the sink, wiping a damp paper towel over her tank top.

The stain is almost out — the woody smell being replaced by stale tap water. She should've just kept the stain there if that's the case.

Suddenly, it's like time stops. Chills run down her back and the hairs on the back of her necks rise. Goosebumps line her arms as she furrows her eyebrows. There's a sinking feeling in her gut — so deep that Nadine is knocked out of her drunken stupor and forced to grab on to the ceramic sink.

Almost as if she could predict it, there's a knock on the door. Nadine blinks profusely and calls to the person, "Someone's in here." That doesn't make the person on the other side back off — no, instead, the doorknob that was once locked is twisted and pushed open.

So much for locking the door. She ponders.

The figure that enters is tall — and so familiar. It's too dark for her to see a face but for a moment, Nadine assumes that Jax found her. She didn't put it past him considering he has so many connections that probably tipped him off and she doesn't put it past him to break down any barriers between them.

This leads her to her beginning sentence, "You don't have to check up on me, Jax. I just need time to myself."

As the figure steps closer, Nadine's breath hitches in her throat. Fuck. Tears fill her eyes as she looks upon the man that's caused her so much turmoil for two years. The man she fucking ran away from. Ezra Moore in all his mysterious obscurity stands just feet away from her.

She tries not to let her gaze shift to the pepper spray in her bag.

The man smirks, sadistically as he steps further into the room, almost steps away from his target, "This place should really get some better locks."

As his patronizing tone, Nadine jumps towards her bag on the sink, only to be shoved backward by her assailant. Her back lands against the filthy tiled wall and he holds her there, a grimey hand wrapped around her neck.

There were times when she loved to peer into those chocolate brown eyes — they used to give her a certain comfort. Now, they're the epitome of terrifying.

"What? You thought you could get away from me, you little bitch?" He growls, leaning so close into Nadine that the palm of his hand pushes into her larynx and the stench of cigarettes and nasty beer invades her senses. "No matter how far you go, what name you use, or if you change your phone — I will always fucking find you."

"Please —"

"Shut the fuck up!" He yells into her face, spit flying to land on her cheek (the way my COVID brain just threw up). "You know you can't run from me, Nadine." His voice lowers as he jerks her head to the side and leans towards her ear. His lips wrap around her lobe, bringing tears to her eyes. His grip tightens, taking her breath from her — "You've been a little slut since you left me, haven't you? Fucking Jax Teller? That little biker I've been seeing around here?"

She can't speak. She can't breathe.

Ezra doesn't care.

"Answer me!"

Whipping her head around swiftly, she shakes her head and gapes her mouth, wanting to speak but no words can make it past Ezra's tight grip. Seeing this, he loosens it for a split second so Nadine can muster a small, "No."

That wasn't the answer he was looking for, "Don't fucking lie to me! That's all you've been doing since I met you." He forces her to look at him, frowning for a moment at the sight of tears running down her cheeks, "You're a fucking liar, you know that? And such an actress. Even right now — all these crocodile tears that you've been saving for me. For two years. All that fake love. Did you even love me?"

Nadine watches in pure horror as Ezra's voice breaks and tears begin to fly down his face. This man is insane, she sobs. Thoughts flurry through her mind as his grip loosens significantly. She's so taken aback that even her mind seems to be lagging. She wants to go home where the locks work.

"I did." She whispers, cringing as her voice cracks, "I-I do. I do love you, Ezra." It pains her to speak these lies, but she has to go and the only way to do that is to feed into his crazed actions, "I love you, baby. So much." She lifts a shaky hand to cup his cheeks, willing her tears away at the thought of touching her oppressor. "I'm sorry I left you. I don't know what I was thinking."

Her back stiffens when he falls into her, dropping his head into the crook of her neck. He sobs, savoring the feeling as she runs a hand through his scalp. It was something she did years ago to help him out whenever he had a stressful day — she used to love doing it.

Now, she feels like she needs to take a shower in acid to scrub the feeling of him off.

Her neck is sore when he releases her — surely, she has bruises.

Now is her time to get away — with that thought, she swiftly thrusts her knee up in between his legs and pushes him off of her body. He falls to the floor with a pained groan, cupping his groin.

"You bitch!" He screams at her as she shuffles along quickly to make her getaway. She snatches her bag from the sink, grabs her pepper spray and unleashes hell on the man writhing on the floor. He screams bloody murder before Nadine exits the room, closing the door behind her.

Nadine tries to wipe away the messy mascara under her eyes before heading for the exit of the bar, ignoring as Amelia calls after her.

The teacher drove home in fear that her shaky hands would make her swerve into oncoming traffic. That and her blurry vision, eyes filled to the brim with unshed tears. She's spent too much of her life crying over that man — she'll be damned if he gets anymore from her.

Taking extra precautions, she checks behind her every few seconds to make sure she isn't being tailed — even taking the long way home.

When she arrives at her apartment complex, she double checks the locks on her car before making her way up the stairs, her key already in one hand and her pepper spray in the other. When she sees another figure crouched by her door, the woman jumps. She doesn't want any more surprises tonight.

As she steps closer, arm extended with her pepper spray, her eyes catch sight of the familiar dark hair and the lit end of a cigarette. Nadine holds her breath as she realizes that that cigarette belongs to the woman she's been ignoring for the past week.

With a broken voice, Nadine freezes and whispers, "Gemma?"

smokestacks taglist: @saccreigns @gwenspacy @complacentviawattpad @rosenoirwrites @bettergetusetoit @mcj39623 @palmstreesallday @kmhappybunny @buttershea07

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[lifeisadoozy]

sharing a short dousy video edit i made.

i don't know why but i really like this and thought i'd share it on here too.

should i rant about what goes in my head while making this video? no. will i? yes.

basically the song is beginning middle end by leah nobel from to all the boys i've loved before part 3. this song is basically about two people falling in love from the early years of their lives. since lara jean and peter met when they were kids. but then started (fake) dating in high school and their adventure together started right then and there. anyway, watch the movies if you haven't already. this song fits lara jean and peter so well (i don't know if it was written specifically for them or not).

but daisy and sousa didnt meet when they were kids because of one obvious reason: when daisy was a kid, sousa's dead; and when sousa was a kid, daisy hadn't been born yet. they weren't supposed to meet. so their journey started off separately.

daisy's beginning in shield was rocky, to say the least. but she found a home there with coulson, fitzsimmons and may (i'll get to ward) in season 1. they bonded quite quickly, mainly daisy skye and coulson. i think it shifts when she got shot by ian quinn. everyone in the team, especially ward was terrified and angry at the situation. now. she had a relationship with miles early on in the season, which was broken off. but within the context of the song, her beginning was ward. he was her s.o. she was falling for him when she uncovered that he's hydra. add that trauma to the ones she already had prior to shield. no wonder she has trust issues.

her middle was her powers. even though the story started early in the series, it's still the middle. because she struggled with her powers throughout seasons 2 - 5. the middle would always be the bulk of it all. it's where everything happens. it's the crux of a character, of a person. it's where daisy became daisy. now, in the middle of her middle (pun very much intended), was lincoln. the first inhuman who helped her and understood her. i'm sure they've got their own problems and everything, but it doesn't change the fact that he was someone who knew what she's going through. none of her found family could help her the way he could. this is where i think it gets interesting. seasons 2 - 5, where i said was her middle, and basically the peak/climax of daisy as a character, she was falling for and fell for lincoln. it was known that daisy was still in love with lincoln in season 5. possibly around 2 years after he died. but then we found out that she had moved on from lincoln in the beginning of season 6.

season 6 and 7 is the end of her journey with the team. they're still a family. just a family who occassionally see each other. now in season 6, like i mentioned previously, it was acknowledged that daisy had moved on. the past will always be with her, no doubt. the trauma would stick. hopefully just bits and pieces. but it would still be there until she either had alzheimer's, dementia, any other retrograde amnesia injuries or diseases, or the day she died. she would never forget lincoln or ward, heck even miles. she won't forget her past. unless it was taken away from her. so, back to the topic at hand, she wanted her own fitz. she had grown from the woman she was in the beginning, she had grown from the woman and superhero that she was in the middle. she knows who she is now. with the people she worked with. and the people she calls her family. and also with anyone. daisy's ending was perfect (to me at least). she wasn't looking for love right then and there. she was burnt one too many times. but she wanted that kind of love and support. the love and support that fitz and simmons have for each other. something that daisy lacked all her life. she ended up with someone who gave her what she wanted. and what she needed.

with sousa, it's a little different. because we didn't get to see much of his background and family life. we didn't get to know what his life was like during the war and before the war. we begin to see him in the ssr. we all knew, literally everyone knew, even the characters knew that sousa's practically in love with peggy. except for maybe peggy herself. but i'm sure she had an inkling. she definitely had an inkling. but then things go on and he became chief of the west coast office and he was in los angeles while peggy was in new york. he moved on (or so we thought). he started dating violet and was ready to marry her. he told her he loved her. and he did. it's just that he was also in love with peggy. still. and violet saw that. it's as clear as day. and they broke it off.

we didn't get to see much of sousa's middle. mainly because ac wasn't renewed for a third season. which was such a waste because it ended with so many things left unanswered. but we know that between 1947 - 1955, peggy and sousa broke up. we have no idea why. we don't know if steve was back. nada. all we know is that they broke up. when did they break up? again. no idea. but we know that peggy means a lot to sousa. she's like (sorta; i don't like making comparisons but anyway) sousa's lincoln in a way (i'm not saying that they're the exact replica. daisy/lincoln and peggy/sousa are quite different. but they do have similarities. those pairings are the kind where they want to be together forever but knew that it wouldn't work; my interpretation). she didn't die, we know that. but she's sort of the one that got away. my guess is that it's because shield and the world was more important than each other. which wasn't dissimilar to daisy and lincoln's situation. so, yes. peggy's sousa's middle. she influenced him a lot. and he found himself amidst ssr and shield (just like daisy did).

sousa's end was again, perfect. he went to the future. got to see what the organisation he helped build came to be. he went on an adventure to explore space. which he would geek out over. instead of dying, he got to live. with the love of his (new) life. he may be a man out of time, but with daisy and their ragtag family, he is right where he belongs.

daisy and sousa began with "who the hell are you" and ended with "it's beautiful" (just putting this here because i love that fact).

so. they started pretty quickly, didn't they? 4 episodes in and sousa fell in love with daisy. 7 episodes in and daisy fell in love with sousa. though i doubt that they thought they're in love. but they're falling. or walking towards it. 7x03 was when they met. it's where it all began. in area 51 of all places (foreshadow much?). but what's even more interesting is that technically, they began twice. from daisy's perspective, they met in 6x13 (which plenty of people had pointed out; but @agents-of-fangirling was the most recent). even though they didn't actually meet because sousa was wearing that blue (seriously his colour really is blue) hazmat suit and daisy was disoriented (may dying and all that jazz). but from sousa's perspective, they met in 7x03. where they actually made eye contact and conversed. how many couples can say that the when of their first encounter was debatable?

now. their middle, in the video edit, i used the scene from 7x10. because i think that's a pretty good middle. they had their first first kiss. sousa had no idea that happened. yet, there he was, wanting to help. just like his time-loop self. he extended a hand and she accepted. she accepted help. do you know how much of a development that was??? because i think that it's a huge character development (i still haven't rewatched so don't take my word for it). i think that's a good depiction of their middle. oh yeah. before i forgot. they also had two first kisses. and again, i say, how many couples can say that they had two first kiss? figured i'd choose the scene in the middle of those first kisses (pun intended lmao).

sidenote: did y'all see the devastation in her eyes when sousa volunteered to stay in the 80s? or how her eyes went wide and she started to panic when he was injected in the time loops? sousa's a man of action. and when he says something, he means it. so, his constant concern over daisy and him wanting to help in any way he can, it's his love language.

and then we have their ending. the perfect end to an imperfect couple (because nobody's perfect *cue hannah montana*). daisy got sousa a typewriter. because he's from the 50s. since when did daisy buy gifts for her boyfriends/partners/lovers? and they watched e.t. together? that's normal couple things. even though they are far from normal. but they get to experience it all together. daisy didn't get to in the past. none that we know of anyway. and now she does. also, that smile when she talks about him. that fond smile that grazed her lips at the thought of him. i've never seen her smile like that before (none that i remember; and if she did, well then i'm so so happy for her). she looks happy. serene. and her saying "he's a dork" twice in the season just makes my heart burst with happiness for them.

sidenote: my headcannon is that "he's a dork" is code for "i love him too much to explain it in words."

i'd like to believe that even though it has ended, their story has just begun. they're going through their middle right now. and i hope that they won't end. in other words, their end was not an ending. it was a beginning of a new life.

as daisy said, "we're loving the journey together." keyword: journey. it's a long road up ahead. with countless of challenges and obstacles in the way. but in the end, all that matters is that they face it together.

that's it. thanks for coming to my ted talk (for those who actually read it all the way through, i love you).

[cherryblossomstars]

III. Midnight (W. Ushijima)

Taken from my AO3 series of one-shots & reposted here

Pairing: Ushijima x F!Reader

Word count: 2,051 

Genre: fluff/slight crack bc seijoh

Summary: Aoba Johsai's volleyball team has never been able to defeat the Great Ushiwaka of Shiratorizawa. Their manager, however? She can bring him to his knees in mere seconds.

Or, Ushijima Wakatoshi is helplessly in love with Seijoh's Ace's twin sister, and the Aoba Johsai VBC is not appreciative of it.

Previous | Next

"Go fish." Oikawa says with a straight face.

Matsukawa huffs and picks up a white card from the middle of the table, "just when I had Uno."

"Suck it up." Hanamaki smirks, "Eevee uses quick draw. Draw a card, Iwaizumi."

"No, because you activated my trap card." Hajime flips over a card that was on the table.

"That doesn't count!" Oikawa yells.

"Yes it does." Matsukawa defends.

"No, it doesn't." Hanamaki cuts in, trying to avoid losing.

"What does the card czar say?" Oikawa turns to look at you.

You hold cards from Pokemon, Yu-Gi-Oh, Uno, Cards Against Humanity and a regular deck of playing cards. You're not sure what you're playing right now, but the upcoming third years seem to have played this before, seeing as they don't have a lick of confusion written on their faces. Next to the large deck in the middle of the table sits a cup of dice. "Er... Makki and Hajime roll a, um, D6 for initiative. Highest number goes first, so, um, their card will be the affective one."

The group around you nods. Makki rolls a 3, then Hajime follows up with a 6. Makki groans in defeat.

You nearly sigh in relief, you weren't sure if what you said was even close to what you were supposed to do.

The summer break of your second year in highschool, all the second years had decided to go together on a volleyball summer camp in Tokyo. Naturally, they convinced you to tag along as well. The camp was split between age groups, middle school and highschool were grouped together and being taught by adults, while elementary was being taught by adults as well as teenagers. The camp had no need of volleyball managers, so you had submitted an application to be part of the staff supervising and teaching the elementary kids.

Because of your decision to be part of staff, you were required to go to the camp at least a week early to get the basics of both teaching and safety for the camp. There, you found out that because the amount of people coming to this summer's volleyball camp was much more than they normally had, middle school and highschool would be separated this year and they needed extra hands for the middle school division. You had volunteered, meaning you would be supervising both middle school and elementary.

Later, you found out they were getting an extra influx of campers because they had decided to make the camp co-ed. You grumbled about it when you found out the camp was co-ed. You must not have seen the option when you signed up online, likely because Oikawa had been pestering you to bump a ball around with him while you applied. Stupid Oikawa.

It was only the third day of camp (and your tenth day of being there), but you were already so very tired and excited to leave. The camp itself would last three full weeks. Afterwards, you would be forced to stay behind an extra few hours to help clean the school that had allowed the camp to use their campus. Luckily, you managed to rope your fellow second years into staying behind with you to help clean up as well. Matsukawa owed you one for spraining your wrist the month before (even though it was an accident, you still successfully guilt tripped him), Matsukawa had asked Hanamaki to stay behind as well, Hajime had given you a shrug and simply stated "wherever you go, I go", and Oikawa had given into peer pressure.

You rarely got breaks during the day and practically only saw your classmates at night after the elementary and middle school's curfew. Highschool did not have an assigned curfew, which is why you were sat on the floor in front of a coffee table in the common room of some other school's dormitory with your classmates playing an abomination of a card game while three of your underclassmen (which surprisingly included Kyotani) sat on the couches around you.

It was already surprising to see Oikawa up late since he was so strict with himself when it came to his schedule (with the exception of studying other teams' past games before tournaments), but what was really shocking to you was seeing your boyfriend and his best friend come down the stairs at 12am.

It seems your classmates already knew he was here, judging by the lack of shock from everyone around you. The saltiness that immediately began to radiate from your friends and fill the atmosphere, however, was practically tangible.

"Wakatoshi! What are you doing here?" You jumped from your position on the floor to walk alongside him and Tendou, heading for the kitchen.

"Tendou wanted a snack." He shrugs.

"A little birdie told me that the kitchens stock midnight snacks after the middle and lower school's curfew!" Tendou practically bounced into the kitchen, opening up all of the cabinets and digging through the pantry to find a snack suitable to his taste.

Your boyfriend and you stood next to the kitchen island, waiting for him. "No, Toshi, I meant here. At camp. I didn't know you were coming."

"I tried to call you to tell you, but you never answered so I left a text."

"You did?" You tilted your head.

"He did!" Tendou chirped, his head poking around in the fridge, "he was even complaining about how you weren't answering. He got all worried cause his precious little girlfriend wasn't answering her phone~"

"When?" You asked.

He is quiet in thought for a moment. "Last week."

"Oh! I'm sorry, I must have forgotten to tell you I was coming here. The club kinda convinced me to come with them last minute, right before the application deadline." You explained.

"It's pretty cool you're here with us, though." Tendou began to empty out the freezer, looking for something. "Oh! You know what, Iwa-chan?"

You hum, "what?"

"I don't think you've met little Kenjiro yet, right?" Tendou asks, tossing a bag of frozen vegetables onto the countertop.

"Kenjiro...?" You think for a moment.

Ushijima slips an arm around your waist. "His last name is Shirabu."

"Hmm... Nope. Never met him." You confirm.

"He's our brand new up and coming setter. He'll be a second year when the school year starts, but he's already pretty good, right Wakatoshi?"

The man next to you nods, "he's very competent. He's here at the camp, too."

Tendou grumbles, "there's no ice cream sandwiches." He turns to you, "Iwa-chan! How come the guys upstairs had ice cream sandwiches? I can't find them anywhere!"

You let out a light laugh, "that's what you were looking for, Satori?" You remove yourself from your boyfriend's side and begin to head towards a freezer with a lock on it.

Tendou nods eagerly, "yep. Why's that got a lock on it?"

You fish out your lanyard from your pajama's pocket and attempt to find the right key out of all the keys you were given. "Because there are certain snacks only meant for the staff. The camp wants you guys eating as healthy as possible while you're here, even when it comes to snacks. It's why there's pretty much only protein bars in the pantry and fruits in the fridge."

"You have a key?" Ushijima asks from behind you.

You finally find the right key and pop open the fridge, "chocolate?" You ask. When you hear Tendou confirm it, you toss an ice cream sandwich his way. "Want a popsicle, Toshi?" You close and lock the freezer when he shakes his head no. "Yeah, I've got a key. I'm part of the staff. I gave my Seijoh boys some ice cream and popsicles earlier too. Oh, but make sure no one knows I gave you guys these."

"Oh, you're part of staff, huh." Tendou nods in understanding.

"That must be why I haven't seen you around the campus." Ushijima adds.

"Yup. I'm part of the middle school and elementary staff, so I don't see highschool a lot except for after curfew. And since I'm so busy with them, I pretty much never check my phone. Sorry about that, honey." You take your spot next to Ushijima's side once again and get onto your tippy toes press a kiss to his cheek.

Tendou almost visibly cringes, "I'm gonna go upstairs before I get any more uncomfortable. See you in our room, Wakatoshi-kun!" And with that, he leaves the kitchen happily munching on his ice cream, leaving you and your boyfriend alone.

Almost immediately, Ushijima's arms snake around your waist and he rests his forehead against yours. "You worried me."

"I'm sorry." You press another kiss onto his cheek and wrap your arms loosely around his neck.

He hums, "what are you doing after camp ends? My family wants to see you again."

"Sorry, my love. After camp I'm going to Sapporo with Oikawa."

He freezes, "just Oikawa?"

"Sorry, I shouldn't have phrased it like that." You bite back the urge to laugh at his reaction, "I'm going to Sapporo with my family and Oikawa's family. We go every Summer, it's tradition. My uncle and my aunt live up in Sapporo, so we usually stay until the last week of vacation. Nowadays, though, the adults and Takeru usually leave early for work, so me, Hajime, and Oikawa get left alone, anyway."

"I see. That sounds fun."

"Yeah. It is. I look forward to it every year. I'm sorry I won't get to visit your family, though."

"They will understand. It's nothing to worry about."

"Can I postpone the visit until the last week of summer? We can all go to the festival together." You hop onto sit on the island's countertop and pull Ushijima to stand between your legs.

He tucks his head into the crook of your neck, his hair lightly scratching you. "Yes, that sounds like fun. My cousins missed you."

"Pfft. Which ones? You have so, so, so many." And he did. His extended family may as well have extended to the entire country of Japan. When you had gone to visit his family during the holidays, there were so many people at his house it was hard to move around. And even then, he had told you that that was only a few of his relatives.

"Hayato missed you very much." He huffed.

Despite trying not to laugh out loud, your body betrayed you when you began to shake from your attempts at stopping yourself. Hayato, who was four when you last saw him, had claimed that he would steal you away from Ushijima and be the one to marry you. Immediately following that, another one of Ushijima's younger cousins had said she had already claimed you to be her playmate for life, so you would be unable to marry either little Hayato or Ushijima. "Your family is certainly a fun one."

"I'm glad you get along with them, but I won't be able to have you to myself at any point during the Summer."

"My first day back. I'll be all yours. I promise."

"You promise?"

"All yours, my darling love." You lean your head against his.

This feeling, being wrapped in the arms of the love of your life in the middle of the night, was pure bliss. The only accompanying noises were the muffled shouts of your best friends from the other room, and the thrumming of the kitchen appliances around you. And still, despite the incredibly unromantic environment, you couldn't help but feel yourself fall for the man in your arms even more. Yes, perhaps you were too young to be in love. Sure, highschool relationships won't always last. But this feeling was one you wanted to savor, and you were not planning on letting him go any time soon.

This is not a fairytale life. Ushijima certainly had the grace and looks of a Prince Charming, but, unlike in the storybooks, whether or not the clock strikes twelve would not matter. You would not run away and you would not be leaving a shoe at the steps. Instead, you would continue to rest in the arms of the man you love. And sure, there would be no huge, elaborate castle or jewels tossed your way, but this was more than enough.

Fin.

[harry-sussex]

You're lovely, and I enjoy seeing your blog on my dashboard. I'm sorry this has been such a difficult thing to process. It's always really difficult to rework an image of someone you once thought you knew. However I'd like to just put it out there - sometimes (I think the large majority of the time) news is presented in the most sensationalist way, such that nowadays I make a point of de-sensationalizing any news I read in my head. In the case of the whole Harry's memoir thing- I can sympathize with Harry as a person possibly just wanting to take back some control of the narrative for himself. Not just in the most recent events with family (that I tend to think are less horrifying than the fandom/Twitter sussex squad discusses it anyway), but in all aspects of his life. I do not at all think he's going to put his family on blast. I can easily imagine Meghan reigning that dialogue in; she has the tendency to think before she speaks that he seems to lack. And he loves his family. Similar to The Interview promos, I imagine the publishing house knew to increase the interest by implying it to be a tell all memoir. I think he's just done a lot of growing up that he didn't know he had to do over a short period of time, esp re: implicit bias/racism in the setting of media's blatant attack on someone he loves, and is disappointed by the institution's and his family's response to it. I think he's emerged a more introspective and aware human, albeit a disillusioned one. Yes it breaks my heart to think that Meghan won't get a break from the tabloids any time soon. If I were him I'd counsel him to write it & sit on it for a few yrs. But I don't want to give the media the power to destroy Meghan in my mind, and I pray she & Harry won't either. I think she'll be okay. She's a strong one, and I think he's able to draw that same link for himself and be thoughtful about what he does. No one likes being misunderstood/misinterpreted, and I wouldn't be surprised if Harry's especially triggered by that given his history with the press. Maybe this idea emerged from therapy, idk. I can empathize with that, even if I wouldn't do it myself. I hope and pray Meghan gets the support she needs from him and her loved ones in the meantime. I'm honestly not going to read it. I think the less attention I give the BRF the better off they are, unless they're doing something immoral/illegal (see: Woking pizza alibi). And I think at the end of the day, people will unfairly judge other people, especially public figures that have tragic pasts and are publically fighting with the media. A lot of it is going to be noise and I'm not going to give my energy into figuring it out. I like to think I've got a good sense of who they are as people - flawed but ultimately well meaning and earnest. I'm a huge admirer of Meghan and think Harry got really lucky with this one and I'm proud of him for choosing her in more ways than one. I believe Harry and Meghan are lovely people, and I 100% believe their interview. I believe that there are people in the palace with a lot of unchecked power who deliberately uncovered her and Archie from BRF protection for reasons of believed superiority over Meg & Arch. And they're figuring out how to deal with that as a couple and a family. And it's none of my business past that imo. I pray for them and hope it'll eventually end in peace for them all. Just wanted to add another perspective, and hopefully some levity. xx M

Hi, dear. First thing’s first, I really appreciate that this is off anon lol. I love it when people own their opinions, and it says a lot that you did. So thank you for that.

Second of all, I really appreciate the nuance and perspective that is in this message. I agree that the news is sensationalist, and my initial reaction was based off of that. I did watch the promotional clips of the interview and I believe it did sour my expectations going into it when I watched it nearly a week after it aired. I did my best to stay away from Tumblr because I didn’t want that to hinder my view, but it was impossible to separate the promotions that presented the information one way from what it actually was, and thank you for bringing that up with respect to the memoir because I hadn’t considered it. I will say that my knee jerk reaction is pretty on par with the way I still feel about it 24 hours later, especially since I got the news directly, not from Tumblr or Twitter or anywhere else, but you’re right that it could have soured my view from the very start.

I appreciate that he wants to take back some of the narrative but I think that ship has sailed, tbh. He did that with the interview and now I just think it feels like information overload. At some point, people are going to get tired of hearing the wealthy, privileged, powerful Prince complain about his life while more than 4 million people have died due to a global pandemic in less than 2 years. Not to say that he doesn’t struggle - in the words of Roxane Gay, there is no oppression Olympics (and that can be extended to struggle Olympics) - but people view it that way and will get tired of it, if they haven’t already.

I also agree that Harry’s past with the press has tarnished the way he has handled the media and the public post-exit, when he’s finally in a position to strike back without being somewhat obliged to them as part of the circumstances of his birth. I understand and sympathize with him but I just don’t think the public does, and the public matters much, much more than the perspective of one single American fan, to whom he’s never been obliged, and I simply do not think the public will afford him that same understanding, sympathy, and leniency. The public and the media are critical to his humanitarian work - his mother never realized that towards the end of her life, and I truly don’t think she would have been the martyr/saint she is perceived to be now if she had lived, because she did not know how to meet the media in the middle and eventually that started to piss people off. He’s starting to piss people off now and if it doesn’t bother him personally (which it definitely does), I don’t want it to affect his causes. The Invictus Games, Sentebale, Walking with the Wounded, WellChild, Mayhew, Smartworks, Archewell, etc. deserve better than to suffer the wrath of the media and an apathetic public because their patrons simply will not shut up lol.

I guess my point is that they will be unfairly judged (regardless, but especially due to the way they’re handling things), and I think it would suit them better in the long run if they adopted a different strategy. I really sympathize with the fact that he feels frustrated with the narrative that has been manufactured but I really, really think the narrative will only get worse and worse as he continues to go on and on about how badly his life sucks, basically. Again, I don’t deny that he struggles - we all do, some more than others, especially when there are mental health issues - but the public, to me, simply does not care. My own therapist has told me to simply stop caring about the things that I discuss with him. Not to say that they’re not relevant, important, or worthy of discussion - they absolutely are - but his point is that you cannot change people and you are wasting your energy and struggling yourself because you want to change them so, so, so badly that you’re neglecting your own self care in the process. I hate that I do it to myself and I also hate that he appears to be doing it to himself. I’m sure a lot of this conversation has been brought up in his own therapy, and I’m no professional, but I’m doing my best to heed the advice of my own therapist - which is the opposite of what Harry is doing - and it’s done wonders for me, when I actually can do it.

If there’s anything I know from this whole thing, it’s that Harry is absolutely punching above his weight, love him as I may, and that he adores, adores, adores his wife. He has chosen her from the very second she came into his life and I couldn’t want anything more for him or from her. I’m not going to lie, I would have been in this thing for any wife that Harry chose, because I was here long before Meghan specifically came into his life. However, I am glad every day that he chose her, that he loves her, that he wants to protect her, that she loves him back, that he lives the life with her that he’s wanted as long as I (and I’m sure he) can remember. I love her because he loves her, and I would have no matter what, because at the end of the day, it’s his happiness and comfort that matters to me, that has mattered to me since I discovered him and how wonderful he can be more than 7 years ago. What more could I ask of Meghan? What more, as his fan to the end (annoy me as he may), could I want for him? Who could say anything about her in that regard? If there’s anything that has come of this mess, to me, it’s that Harry loves, loves, loves his wife. I will always be happy for him and I will always be proud of him for choosing her, even if I don’t always agree with the way he goes about it.

I’m looking forward to peace, too. I cannot wait for things to just die out, for them to work things out as a couple and as a family, and for everyone to move on. The family will still do their thing and the Sussexes can do theirs, but I cannot deal with this back and forth, tit for tat, petty nonsense anymore. They’re wonderful and flawed, like the rest of them (except Andrew), and I just hope that they can all come to some kind of agreement or terms that lets this die down. It’s exhausting for everyone - themselves included. If I’m this tired, I can only imagine how tired they all are.

Thanks for stopping by, and sorry for the essay (essays, these past 24 hours lol). I really appreciate your kindness in this message, your presence in my notifications (I do see them!), your nuanced perspective and like I said before, I really, really appreciate that you own it!

[strayen-fx]

Waste It On Me

Genre: Fluff

Word count: 1.2k

I sat alone on Felix's couch, prolonging the cup of wine on my hands. Loud music was blaring over the speakers, and it took me everything to not wince each time I see a random couple grinding on the dancefloor. The party was bearable, I guess, if I would be allowed to drink and get wasted. Unfortunately, I am the designated friend for the night. I have to make sure Hyunjin and Jeongin would end up safe in their homes and not dying on a nearby ditch.

I have no idea where my friends had went off; I had been sitting alone on the alcohol-stained couch for at least a couple hours. A few acquaintances came by for small talk but immediately went off to god-knows-where. I have obviously failed to amuse them.

So basically, I was bored to hell.

I stood up, deciding that my friends are far from done from their partying (I saw Hyunjin hooking up with a senior). I left the deafening crowd and made my way to fresh air.

I decided to settle on Felix's garden (which is waaaaaaay larger than I expected -- nothing less from someone who eats steak for breakfast). I searched for an area away from view, and my eyes landed on a swing attached to a tall tree. Perfect place to hide.

Except that there's already a person occupying the swing.

I was prepared to leave and give the person some space. He seemed to have noticed my presence, however.

"Hey, you can stay here. If you want."

He began standing up, and as the moonlight caressed his face, to say that he looked beautiful would be an understatement.

His brown hair perfectly complimented his pale, glowing face. He had honest, no-bullshit eyes, and when he smiled, they turned into adorable crescents. And maybe I am much drunker than I initially thought because I had this unexplicable urge to poke his cute little dimples. I would lie if I'd say that I wasn't drawn to his lips --

I was snapped out of my daydream when the boy cleared his throat. When did he arrive in front of me? I was an absolute blushing mess, and he seemed amused by the way I flustered.

"What brought you here?" he asked.

God, even his voice sounded like an angel's.

"Uhh... it was too loud inside, so..."

"But that's the point about parties...?" He giggled. "Not that I'm any different from you, though."

"The noise is bearable when you're intoxicated, I guess." I offered a smile. "So why are you outside?"

"Designated man," he answered, flashing a grin. "And I take it that we're in the same situation?"

I nodded. Ohmygodheissoadorablewhenhesmiles.

"We can use each other's company, then. I mean, if you are fine with it. If you're not, I'm more than willing to give up the swing for you."

I laughed at his statement. "I think the swing could handle two people."

He grinned, extending his hand. "I'm Chris, by the way. But my friends call me Chan."

My hand felt small against his. He's so warm, and I felt secure in his touch. "I'm Y/N."

°°°°°°°°°

We were definitely not drunk, but if an outsider would listen to our conversation, they would probably think that we're more than wasted.

We love tangents, to put it charitably. Our topic went from basic informations about each other, to the ultimate questions of life, to the conspiracy theory about our college dean, to the existential crisis of mankind, to the astronomical significance of math, to Chan's dog who doesn't know who he is. We were alternately arguing and laughing our heads off.

"I had more fun than I've ever had in any party," I remarked, wiping tears caused by excessive laughing.

Chan didn't say anything. He just continued staring at me, a little smile playing in his lips.

"What?" I asked, feeling my ears grow warm.

"Have you ever been in love?"

The question took me by surprise, but I just chuckled to hide it. "That is our next topic?"

"Maybe." He smiled. "So what is your opinion about love, Ms. Math-Shouldn't-Have-Existed?"

I rolled my eyes at him, thinking of a way to answer his question. "Love is messed up. It's like... an overly complicated problem on a math exam. You spend the whole period staring at it, attempting to solve it, until you realize the time is over and you haven't answered the rest of the questions yet. Because that certain problem took all your time and got you distracted."

"Hmm... you mean love is a distraction?"

The swing suddenly felt small for the two of us. I became extra-conscious of Chan's presence beside me, our arms brushing against each other.

"Love is nothing more than just a waste of my time," I answered.

Maybe it's my past experiences with love that made me say so. Maybe I'm too tired of trying. And maybe, despite the warm look in his eyes and the weird fluttering in my chest, I wasn't ready to fall in love again, after all.

As if on cue, my phone rang to signal Jeongin calling me for backup.

"Noona, Hyunjin hyung is an absolute mess," Jeongin groaned. "He just -- GOD HYUNG WHY DO YOU HAVE TO RUIN MY SWEATER?!?!? He puked at my shoes and now at my sweater!!! Noona help me carry him home, please, before I throw this man out of the window!"

I found the incident comical; I had to stiffle my laughter. "Okay, okay. I'll be right there."

°°°°°°°°°

Chan insisted on driving the three of us home, claiming that I, too, was already drunk. I was not, and he knew it, but I just let him. After giving Jeongin and Hyunjin a lift, I found ourselves standing outside my gate at two in the morning. This isn't how I imagined my night to end, but hey, who am I to complain?

"Thanks, Chan. I had fun." I stepped close and gave him a hug, which he promptly reciprocated.

After breaking the hug, he looked at me as if he was comtemplating a question. Maybe it was just my imagination, but I thought I saw a faint blush on his cheeks.

"Your hand," I prompted.

"Huh?"

I rolled my eyes. I pulled a pen from my pocket, took his hand, and wrote down my number.

"I figured you have something to say to me. If you can't say it now, maybe you can say it some other time?"

He grinned from ear to ear. "I think I'll do that. Thanks for tonight, Y/N."

Having a new friend won't hurt, right?

°°°°°°°°°

I plopped down on my bed, exhaustion pulling me close to its bossom. I don't think I can sleep just yet, though -- I keep on seeing Chan's smile everytime I close my eyes. And maybe I'm being crazy right now, because I keep on playing his soft giggles in my head. I took a pillow to muffle my indiscriminate squeal.

Why does he have to be so cute?!?!?!?

My phone suddenly chimed, pulling me out of my reverie. I fished it from my bag, expecting a drunk text from one of my friends.

A text from an unknown number?

I quickly opened the message, and I found myself smiling like an idiot. Like a wasted idiot.

"If love is nothing more than just a waste of your time, why don't you waste it on me? :) -- C ♡"

[kuronanox]

A new beginning - Ichigo Kurosaki

It was another raining day in Karakura town for Ichigo, life was moving by slowly. He was thankful because it made him feel less old than he really was. The shinigami work was slow because the young rookies did most of the work and the hollows weren't big threats to the town.  

It's been about 3 years since he had gotten into a divorce, when he heard that rukia had moved on with her life he decided maybe it was his turn also. It's not that Orihime was a bad wife it's just that the love wasn't there for him anymore. Of course he would always love her but not into the intimate way. He didn't take custody of kazui so his son lived with Orihime while he stayed back at the same place he grew up at. Although they both agreed there would be no bad blood between the two they both provide kazui with love and care.

Ichigo and Kazui were at the park when it started to poor cats and dogs outside, he remembered checking the weather and it was suppose to be sunny all day. He didn't bring an umbrella so they made a run for it and stopped by the nearest cafe to wait the storm out.

"Ichigo?" (Your Name) called out from behind the counter, he looks back with widen eyes to see an old friend. Someone he never expected to see. "(Your Name)." He says and smiles, it has been probably 8 or more years since she last saw him.

"I can't believe it's you!" She says and runs to give him a big hug. "What are you doing back in japan?!" He says with a big grin on his face as Kazui stares at his dad in confusion. He's never seen his dad hug a girl before besides his mother so the little boy looks at (Your Name) and takes in her features. She was medium height, and her hair was lightly curled with the light of the store shining on her hair she looked pretty. Kazui blushed as she then looks at him.

"Is this your son?" She asks happily and extends her hands out to grab the smaller ones. Kazui shyly hides behind Ichigo and Ichigo cooly just scratches the back of his head and nods. "Yeah this is my son."

"Oh! How's Orihime! I came back to japan 3 years ago and I lost everyone's contacts so I've been basically alone since." (Your Name) recalls as she seats them down and plates a few deserts for the two.

"Well, me and Orihime are no longer together." He says laughing to break the tension and looks at his son who was to busy throwing down the macaroons in his mouth to pay any attention. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that." She says smiling lightly so she could keep the atmosphere more light.

"Um well, it's nice to finally get to see you again!" (Your Name) says and takes a seat with the two. "This is my cafe by the way."

Ichigo takes a look at the surroundings, it was cute. He guessed this was her place because it brought him back to high school when they were really close. The place was artsy like she was.

"So you haven't seen anyone since you got back from America?" He starts the conversation again as she leans onto her elbows and nods.

"Yeah it's been so long, I decided to come back because I didn't like America as much as I thought I would. After you defeated ywach and everyone got married I decided to make a new life somewhere else but as years passed I didn't really meet anyone significant so I decided to come back to Japan."

Ichigo looks out the window and could only agree, he often wonder if he rushed into marriage or falling in love and wondering why it fell apart fast. "How's rukia? Still like her?" She jokingly asks whispering so the little boy next to them wouldn't hear.

"Oi shut it will you!" Ichigo sighs and rolls his eyes. "Don't lie! I miss her sometimes too."

(Your Name) smiles sadly and recalled when they were all so young. When Ichigo found out the Rukia and Renji were going to be wed he asked out Orihime. (Your Name) had fought side by side with them for the years that the world was threaten and never once she ever showed any interest on Ichigo because she knew that Orihime already claimed him hers so she stayed in the shadows and then the two got married so she left for a better life.

"How old is your son now?"

"He's 10, the little shit is growing fast." He smiles and ruffles the kids hair as (Your Name) smiles.

"I guess I've been gone for a long time."

"Yeah, I've miss you sometimes." Ichigo admitted as she looks at him. He was definitely older and more mature, the boyish haircut was gone now and he had very faint wrinkles around his eyes whenever he smiled.

"Me too. Sometimes I wish I didn't leave japan but I can't say that. I enjoyed America too."

They talked for hours till it was night and Kazui had fell asleep. "I can drive the two of you home, it's dark outside." She offered even though Ichigo refused a few times till he gave in and she closed the cafe down for the day.

"Still living at the same house? I forgot where it was."

"Yeah I'll show you the direction."

After the drive they bid a farewell. "(Your Name) can I have you new number?" He asks before she drove off. "Of course, here!"

He smiles and waved her off.

Overtime Ichigo would come visit the cafe and would just chill there. He would read there, study there or even help around when he was free. (Your Name) was happy she had some company, she missed everyone especially her friends in soul society.

It was a Friday afternoon and she was teaching Ichigo how to ice a cake. "I don't remember you good at baking back then?" He teased as he watched carefully and she rolled her eyes and threw some at him. "You know people change over time."

"I'm just saying!" He laughs as she carefully finishes the top and add the last bit of the topping. "So mister what about you?"

"What about me?"

"Have you changed?" She asks as Ichigo dumbfounded tilted his head and hesitantly tried to answer. He never really tried to think about it, has he changed over the year? Maybe his feelings have but him personally.

"My feelings have, but not really me." He answers blandly as she sets the cake in the fridge and makes her way to espresso machine to make a cup.

"I don't know, you seem like you changed to me. You seem less happy." She answers to him truthfully as he quietly stares at her and she gives him a small smile.

"Maybe we both are lonely but choose not to acknowledge the change."

Ichigo doesn't say a word and stares at her for a long time as she just keeps managing the business. "Well?" She asks him trying to hint that maybe it's time to move on from the past and move forward.

"I know how much it hurt when Rukia married Renji and when you basically decided to choose Orihime as your significant other without actually taking time to find out what you really wanna love, I'm not saying you don't love her but I'm saying the love is different." (Your Name) continues as she finishes the expresso off with some cream and powder.

"I guess kinda like me, I moved on from the past and came back stronger. Maybe that's what you need Ichigo, a fresh new start."

Ichigo sighs he was lost for words. Lost for words because she was right. After losing his powers for those two years he was miserable and after defeating ywach it felt like this was the last of his adventures and then everyone started to settle down and moving on.

"Yeah maybe you are right." He mumbles to her and she smiles and gives him a small hug. "You know I'm always here for you. Don't feel alone. I know I can't replace some stuff but I can help patch some pieces."

It had been several months after that conversation and he was learning how to heal himself and find self happiness and Ichigo was feeling lighter. On both their days they would go to the library and read poetry. Well Ichigo would try to analyze Shakespeares poem and (Your Name) would read besides him as they quietly enjoyed each other company.

A few times (Your Name) would go over and cook dinner for Ichigo since sometimes he would work late hours and forget about his meals. It was welcoming to see Yuzu, Karin and Isshin again. Today was different though, Isshin was off on a business trip and the twins were off to a friends sleep over.

"Are you sure it's okay? Wouldn't it be rude?" She asks Ichigo as they closed the cafe together and he nodded his head a big smile. "Yeah! Let's eat out tonight. You are always cooking, I guess this my way for treating you."

They picked a nice restaurant that served ramen because it was a cold night and she wanted something warm in her. As the months progressed she notice Ichigo was looking better and even talking more about himself since they were making up from all the lost time.

"How's Orihime?"

"Inoue? Awe her and Ishida are together!" He happily says and she smiles too. "Finally glasses dude told her his real feelings."

"That's great, I always knew he liked her."

"Yeah I told him to tell her actually." Ichigo sheepishly says and slurps up his ramen. "Really! Wow, so weird." (Your Name) laughs as Ichigo just laughs with her. "I won't let anything go in vain everyone deserves to be happy." He finally says.

After dinner they were going to part ways again but he grab her hands and asks for her to stay with him for the night. "U-um not like that." He says blushing like a High school boy, like he was 15 again. Ichigo thought she was going to refuse but surprisingly she agreed to.

"Yeah I'll stay."

After settling down for the night they sat on the couch side by side and scrolled through shows on tv. "Why is it so cold today." She says and shutters grabbing the blanket next to her. "Well we live pretty north." He answers as she rolls her eyes and lean into him for warmth. He hesitantly tensed up from the gesture but slowly loosen up and cuddled up next to her.

"Let's watch black clover."

"Sure, seems interesting." He answers her and she hums and watches in silence. Ichigo was so into the show that hours past by and he saw she was fast asleep under him.

"(Your Name)." He calls out and she turned the other way trying to get comfortable. Ichigo chuckles and picks her up before setting her down on the bed. "Good night."

The next morning she groans and covers her eyes from the shining light, it was still really early but the sound of birds woke her up and a heavy body next to her. Ichigo was sound asleep with his arm wrapped around her waist as she started to blush. "I feel like a teenager again." She mumbles as she study his facial features. Even after years passed by she still thought Ichigo was still handsome.

Ichigo eyes open as she yelps but he refrains her from leaving the bed. "Shh, it's so early." He mumbles in a deeper voice than normal and pulls her closer. "Ichigo, what are you doing?"

"I'm not stupid (Your Name) I'm making both our happiness come true." He sheepishly says and looks up to her. "W-What?"

"Rukia told me." He bluntly says and sits up the bed now. "Rukia? When? Where?" She says sadden that the smaller shinigami didn't visit her.

"A few months ago, she told me that you've loved me."

"Oh." She responds and looks down.

"I'm sorry, I guess I was to obsessed about what was going on I didn't notice that you were there for me, it's my fault. We've could have been together and you didn't have to move to America all by yourself."

"It's okay, you know stuff happens for a reason."

Ichigo smiles and pulls her in a embrace and hides his face in the neck. "Let's just start over. Both of us together. I don't mind."

(Your Name) looks up to his smiling face and also smiles

"I don't mind starting over either."

[jaehyunsuh]

back 2 u (am 01:27); jaehyun // part 2

part 1

"Whenever you need me

stop looking for me, however you want,

there's no room for you anymore,

this is already over."

series: songs for you🌃

REQUESTS ARE: OPEN

author's note: this was written from jaehyun's pov so it would be more interesting that way. I want to try different feelings and pov's with this series so i hope you like it ♡

—pairing: jaehyun x reader

—genre: au/ office! au ??/ friends to lovers/ fluff

—words count: 1.9k

summary: 2 months ago has passed since Jaehyun ended his relationship with his now ex girlfriend, Jessica . He really loved her a lot and even thought she was the girl that was gonna marry him and be together for a long time, but he was disappointed one more time. Jessica was a really nice girlfriend for some time, but after 2 years of relationship she changed. Jaehyun was so in love that thought it was romantic at first, but after many discussions and bad nights he found out it wasn't good for him and decided to end it, now she is begging to him to love her back but Jaehyun needs to find his own way... will he go back to her? Or will he move on and find someone else?

since the day Jessica told Jaehyun he was cheating on him he started to feel really hurt. Yes, he wanted to get out of that toxic relationship but he was still thinking about all the time she played with him and took advantage of him. The last phrase she said kept repeating in his head the countless nights he cried himself to sleep. He felt sad for her, Jessica seemed like such a nice and genuine girl that would love him no matter what, but at the end the money and status was more important.

also he felt sad for himself, what was wrong with him? Isn't he good enough? Is he not worth it? Is he just a pretty face? Those were the thoughts that consumed him every single night and day, making him disappointed, hopeless and lonely.

he was now free from that toxic relationship but things didn't end up being as happy as he thought, he felt empty and insecure about himself. He really needed someone that could truly love him and tell him everything was gonna be okay. 

he now could go out with his friends but it wasn't how he imagined in the past. The few times they went out he would just drink until he was completely wasted and even cried a couple time. His friends tried to help him and make him feel better, but it wasn't enough, he needed something or someone that could bring a new energy and vibe to his life.

Jaehyun enters his office and places his jacket on the back of his chair. He doesn't know how has he been able to work and give good results on the recent months, he has been so distracted and upset that he doesn't even wants to get up of bed and go to work, but he does it anyway, gathering all of the energy he can. He starts working on his computer when he hears the door knock.

"Come in." He rolls his eyes, he really doesn't want to see anyone for the rest of the decade but he was to keep a nice attitude.

"Good morning Mr. Jung." Jaemin, one of the secretaries in the company, greets him with his characteristic wide smile. 'Does he never feels sad?' Jaehyun says to himself.

"Good morning Jaemin, how have you been?" Jaehyun smiles nicely, he can't be rude even if he tries his best.

"Great! Thanks for asking. Y/n come in!" A cute girl wearing a white buttons shirt, black pants that made her body look great and nice high heels. Jaehyun starts to feel sweat and feel a little flustered? Why is he being like this? He doesn't knows this girl.

"Mr. Jung, this is y/n your new assistant." She extends her hand to Jaehyun and he still startled but proceeds to shake her hand.

"Nice to meet you, Sir." She smiles.

"Nice to meet you too, Mrs. Y/n." He is surprised by how nervous his voice sound and he feels lime y/n and Jaemin can see his sweat.

"Y/n is on her last year of marketing and she came here to experiment the whole environment of business." Jaemin explains excited.

"Well, i will leave you alone now, if you need anything just let me know." Jaemin smiles and walks out the door.

"Well, y/n welcome to the company! Everyone here is really nice and the pay is good!" The both laugh.

"It's cool that you wanted to be familiarized with part of your career, i will try to make your work easy as possible, i promise."

"Thank you Sir. I will work really hard and learn a lot from you." She gives a nice smile and Jaehyun feels how his heart starts beating faster.

"Oh, you don't have to call me sir! You can call me Jaehyun." He says unconsciously being flirtly.

"But in front of the big bosses just call me Mr. Jung. I'm not a sir, how old are you?" He asks confused.

"I'm 25."

"It's totally okay then, you are just two years younger than me." They both laugh and give love eyes to each other.

the past few weeks with y/n were great. Jaehyun wasn't what was happening but since had such a nice vibe he felt comfortable and happy whenever she was around. She was a really good worker as well, he made Jaehyun manage his time and schedule even better and helped him in tons of stuff and she did a great job. 

He felt weird that since he met her, now he feels so motivated when he wakes up at 6am to go to work, and even on the days he has to stay late in the office, he isn't bothered anymore since he has such an a amazing company. He was starting to feel a lot better now, but he was afraid to get closer to y/n and open up to her since all of the previous situations. He really wanted to ask her out and take her on a date, get to know her better, but also, what if she thinks weird of him? What if she doesn't feels the same? At this point not even Jaehyun himself knows what's going on, but he likes it.

either way, there's tiny part of his heart that doesn't lets him, give an opportunity in love. He stills missed Jessica somehow, maybe not her, but all the past experiences and moments. Those couldn't get out his head and i was frustrating him so much, he was the one that decided it was the best to end that relationship but as soon as it happened he felt so lost that if Jessica came back saying sorry, as and idiot he would have forgive her. Thank god it didn't happen because he was going to make a fool out himself.            

after 2 months of a difficult heartbreak and having a hard time, it's 1:27am and Jaehyun hears his phone ringing. He always leaves his phone on, and since it's friday night he is watching a movie so he is awake. He grabs the phone confused thinking about who could be calling him so late at night. His heart starts beating faster, he suddenly feels a little nauseous, nervous, he even feels like he is sweating cold.

his eyes open in surprise finding out the person calling is Jessica. A part of him doesn't wants to pick up and just ignore it, but a tiny part of him feels so nostalgic and lost that just wants to pick up and say 'yes, let's go back together'. He takes a deep breath a proceeds to take the call, wishing this goes our well for him, not making him do any mistakes.

"He-hello?" A sobbing voice can be heard from the other side of the phone. Jaehyun gulps and decides to talk back.

"Hi, Jessica?."

"Jae, I'm so sorry for being such a b*tch with you. I really everything i did and how i made you feel all those years. I was such an idiot for letting you go and throwing this whole relationship away." She says while still crying, Jaehyun felt like something was off from thia sudden call. At beginning he was a little excited ?? About it, but now it all seems weird. Did Jessica really changed suddenly?

"I'm sorry, but why are you calling me this late?" He asks expecting not to hear what he thinks.

"Oh yeah, i'm sorry. I've been crying all night and didn't even realize what time is it. Well, basically, my now ex boyfriend broke up with me." Jaehyun rolls his eyes and sighs annoyed.

"Jessica, do you think I'm a joke? I've been the best boyfriend i can for the past years and now you just come back to me just because you are now alone."

"Jae, baby, it's not like that. I just realized you are the right one for me." Jaehyun interrupts her.

"Jessica, goodbye. I'm sorry, but i can't keep like this." He lays in his bed and places his hands in his head out of frustration.

for the past few weeks Jessica has been calling every night, even sending texts and everything. Every single night Jaehyun feels more miserable and confused. Did Jessica really change and he should give her an opportunity? Or will she break his heart one more time? Those were the thoughts that were going on in his head daily, until he was having dinner with his coworkers and saw Jessica being really flirty and touchy with another guy at the other side of the restaurant.

he stares at his ringing phone again and he just keeps playing with it in between his hands thinking it he should answer or not. After hesitating for a while he answers and hears the voice of his ex girlfriend on his ear.

"Jae."

"Jessica, stop it. Don't try to look like a victim, like you regret it all, i saw you a couple days ago on a date with a guy. Do you think i deserve this? What goes on with you that you want to keep playing with people's heart. I'm sorry but I'm not going back to you." He hangs up the phone before even letting her talk again and stares at the ceiling one more time trying to composed his confused mind.

he goes back to the office on friday, with no energy of showing a nice attitude to anyone and not wanting to see anyone either. He is sitting in his desk chair, when he sees the beautiful honey eyed girl entering the door, he feels how his whole body, mind and mood flips upside down and he can't help but laugh to himself.

maybe love wasn't that hard, he met y/n a moth ago and even if it seemed rushed, he felt already so happy whenever she was around. He spent many night confused between if he should give Jessica an opportunity or if he should ask y/n out. He felt dumb for even considering having something with Jessica once again when y/n just demonstrated to be the nicest girl ever.

"Jaehyun, are you feeling okay?" Y/n looks at him worried, trying to figure him out.

"Uhm, no, no. I mean yes! Why? What do you mean?" Y/n smiles at seeing her boss being so funny without wanting to. He laughs back when he realizes the beautiful smile he has in front of him.

"Nothing, you just looked a little bit down, that's it."

"No, don't worry it's nothing. I just didn't felt so good last night." He gives a warming smile and y/n nods.

everyday with y/n felt great, but today was a little bit different. He felt like a teenage that was flustered because his crush noticed him. When y/n asked if he was okay, he felt a whole zoo in his stomach. How could she be so perfect by doing so little stuff? After a few hours of just talking about work, Jaehyun suddenly felt like saying something to y/n.

"Y/n?" 

"Yes, Jaehyun?" 

"Why if you let me take you on a date and i tell you why was i feeling down?" Jaehyun bites his lower lip playfully but also feeling nervous to see if she was going to accept his proposal.

"Wow, Jaehyun, i don't even know what to say." She laughs and her cheeks start turning red, and Jaehyun finds it adorable.

"Yes, i would love to go on a date with you, so we can talk about a few more things as well." Y/n's mood suddenly turned a little bit flirty and teasing which definitely let Jaehyun be even more excited about tonight.      

[happymetalgirl]

Sunn O))) - Life Metal

After the relatively disappointing briefness and mildness of 2015's Kanon (and the similar disappointment of some of their collaborative albums like Scoused around then as well), Sunn O))) return with a more characteristically sprawling offering of their signature amplifier-worshipping droning. With four tracks extending to almost 70 minutes, it feels like the Sunn O))) of Monoliths and Dimensions is starting to come back. That being said, the relatively big roll-out this album got and the critical acclaim being slathered upon it feel a bit unrepresentative of the work Sunn O))) actually seem to have put in to this album.

I've never been aboard the Sunn O))) hate train that so many anti-hipster, gatekeeper metalheads seem to be on, but I'm also not the biggest Sunn O))) fan in the world and I understand where a lot of the frustrated and confused backlash against the band's lauding by the likes of Pitchfork comes from. While the simplifying notion that Sunn O))) essentially gets a ton of praise for doing nothing but record amp feedback is frustratingly reductionist itself, there are plenty of instances within the band's catalog where that assessment isn't that far off. And I'm not the type of person to be principally against something like drone metal (demanding groove, death, black, or thrash or nothing else); in fact, I've grown more open to and appreciative of the likes of doom metal and stoner metal over the past few years.

The problem with Sunn O))) quite often is that they're often very content to let the guitars do everything for them for spells way too long at times without doing much of anything creative meanwhile. I know it's the basic bitch pick, but that's why Black One is my favorite Sunn O))) album. The band makes good use of the creative talents of outside forces like Jef Whitehead and Scott Conner to expand their sound into dark ambient, harsh noise, and even more traditional black metal rather than just coasting through another hour of high-gain amp drone. I get that their music is about building their specific, deeply meditative and immobilizing atmosphere, but there are times when it just feels like a lazy rehash of the same ridiculously low/no-tempo guitar distortion drone with the band only strumming every dozen seconds or so to prevent the amps from fading out. And that lack of imagination to frustrating degrees indeed manifests in numerous spells on Life Metal as well.

The first piece, the 12-minute "Between Sleipnir's Breaths", opens with the same sampling of whineying horses that opens Bathory's Blood Fire Death and a slightly flanger-esque harmonizer effect on the guitars that gives them a certain organ-like quality as they set the stage for the marathon of drone to come in cinematic fashion, eventually incorporating an eerily softly sung female vocal feature that certainly fits the sprawling dirge of the band's signature thick, stretched out doom guitar drone. These additions give the song a sense of purpose and direction even though it is still indeed a big long piece of metallic drone and they help elevate the album's first piece above the three that follow.

The shortest track, "Troubled Air", (at just under 12 minutes) falls a little more into the typical Sunn O))) rut, but the horn-esque tone the guitars take on over the course of the track does give it some character, and the little light percussive accents like chimes, and I think a triangle, help keep the song interesting before the amplifier feedback breakdown at the song's climax.

The 19-minute "Aurora" finds the band doing little to break their own mold, stuck in the same slow burn of slightly delayed sustain and amp feedback for even longer than a Spongebob episode. There's not exactly anything wrong with it, but it's just not mind-blowing in any way for having already heard the likes of White2 and Monoliths and Dimensions.

The 25-minute closer, "Novæ", is unfortunately another long-ass slab of reverberated distortion droning that only takes two real directional changes: when the guitars begin to emulate strings and didgeridoos, and when they come back into full metallic distortion again near the end of the track. Again, it's not a bad piece of heavy ambient drone, but it's a bit anticlimactic itself as a closer, even as the guitars' roar returns at the end and even in the gradually conclusive sense, and it's a bit representative of the general anticlimacticness of this album in the context of its promotion and the Sunn O))) discography.

Life Metal is a bit more of a return to form than Kanon, but still not as momentous as the band's usual admirers might lead you to believe. It's by no means a failure by the band to do what they're expected to do, but it's hardly as ambitious as Sunn O))) have shown themselves to be at their best. The first two tracks show the band trying to vary their sound a bit, but the bulkier tracks of the album, while not atrociously lazy, are just not doing anything special for the band's sound. There really should be more to elaborate on, even for a drone album, but Life Metal is just such a meager release from Sunn O))), its demand is minimal for either immersion or discussion.

Bruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, BRUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMMMM/10