#would make me...you know. less angry and anxious and sad.

[samanthamulder]

hi

[stuffeddeer]

okay but..... pathetic yearning beast!stalkerzai... he's so quiet abt his obsession with u making up any excuse to have u around for subordinate purposes and when ur not around him he makes sure he can still keep tabs on u AHHH hes so sad and so smitten

"pathetic" i dont need to hear any more. im on board.

The continuous knocking on your apartment door leaves you anxious, quickly pulling on a comfy sweatshirt before answering the door. A breeze flies into the room, causing you to shiver, before you make eye contact with,

"Why aren't you at work today?" Dazai crosses his arms, an angry expression on his face. Though, the pout he wears causes it to be less intimidating than he'd normally be.

You glance into your apartment briefly, still feeling chilly while exposed to the outside air. "Um... I don't work?"

"You always work."

"Right. Which is why I have today off." Awkwardly, you itch your arm. "Am I… needed, Boss?"

Dazai sighs before walking into your apartment (with no invitation) and closes your own door behind him. "You're freezing."

"I'm slightly chilled," you shrug, brushing off the notion. Any other subordinate wouldn't dare correct the boss of the Port Mafia, but he'd always been more lenient with you - supposedly because you ‘aren’t as dumb’ as the rest. "But that's what the hoodie is for."

Without another word, Dazai plops down onto your couch, making a show of looking around your apartment. It’s tiny - the whole thing barely the size of his office at HQ — and Dazai wonders if you’d rather move in with him. For more space, of course. And he guesses you’d be saving on rent that way, too.

“How do you know where I live?” You ask curiously. Sure, it’s probably somewhere in your files, but your boss never seemed like the type to care.

Shrugging, he murmurs, “It’s my job.”

You want to make this visit quick, but kicking out your boss didn’t seem like a smart idea. “Are you thirsty? Would you like a cup of tea?..”

Yes, Dazai wants to try your tea. Just because you’re his subordinate, and he needs to make sure it’s up to par. What if he needs you to serve tea to some associates in the future? “I’d love one.”

Biting back a sigh, you fill your kettle before placing it on the stove, watching as your old gas stove flickers on. Silence hangs between you two - you had no intention of carrying the conversation when he just barged in uninvited.

Dazai seems to have a similar idea, sitting laxly on your couch and waiting for his tea. You pour one cup, uninterested in making one yourself, before placing it on the coffee table in front of him. “Sugar? Milk?”

“This is fine, thanks.” He takes a sip. Heavenly, he’s sure. Well, all tea tastes the same, but something about it coming from your hands… delectable. It’s as though he can taste the love you must pour into every cup.

Mouth shut, you take a seat on the chair across from him. “May I ask, sir, why are you here? Am I needed?” The question is posed once again as you hope for a quick resolution. Kicking out your boss is wrong, but hopefully he’ll read between the lines and show himself out - the same way he showed himself in.

A long sip of tea permeates the otherwise silent room. He’s doing this on purpose, you’re sure of it.

“…I was worried,” he mumbles into the mug, sound muffled and quiet.

“Sorry?”

“You should be,” he replies, uninterested in repeating himself. “I needed you today, only to find out you vanished into thin air.”

“I didn’t run, if that’s what you’re implying,” your eyes narrow. You would not be mistaken for a traitor.

“No, no,” he grins. You were at your most entertaining when you became combative. Dazai much prefers you like this rather than subservient. “You took today off.”

Correcting the boss of the Port Mafia was risky, but, “You gave me today off. A month ago, after that mission, you told me to pick a day to relax.”

That’s… true. It was a strenuous mission, and while Dazai made sure to keep you out of the fray, he thought a gift like that would make you feel touched and indebted to him. Annoyingly, he’d nearly forgotten, since Dazai had planned on reneging at the last minute to trap you with him. For your work ethtic, of course.

A pout graces his lips, unhappy at your disappearance from his side. And that he had no rebuttal to it. “Well, I still need you. I made dinner reservations for two accidentally, and the restaurant is rather strict. You need to come with. The meal will be comped, of course."

“Sir, I don’t— “

“Don’t want your job?” His eyes narrow, pout vanishing immediately. You had to go along with it. “I’m sure you don’t mean that, over something as silly as a nice dinner.”

“...Of course, sir.” You tug on the strings of your hoodie, wanting to emphasize that you aren't exactly dressed for something 'nice.' "What time am I expected?"

Dazai has to stop himself from swooning. How adorable. Well, it’s not you that’s adorable, of course. It’s the juxtaposition of such n oversized hoodie on you that he finds adorable, not you yourself. Definitely. “We can leave now, actually. Get changed, please. I wouldn't say there's a dress code, but it's not a 'hoodie' establishment."

Rather than lashing out at him for the snide comment, you choose to bite your tongue and head into your bedroom.

Exhausted was too light a word to describe how you felt. Donned in a 'nice' outfit that was rather uncomfortable, you stood outside in the cold air and harsh breeze as Dazai suggested to the host to let him in. This bastard didn't have reservations for one, much less two.

After the manager is called over and recognizes Dazai, you're quickly ushered in beside him. Dazai pulls out a seat at a secluded table in the back, gesturing for you to sit. "Come."

Without a second thought, you sit in the very seat he'd pulled out, stifling a yawn as he pushes you in. You’re Dazai's best employee - he must keep you close at all times. Which is why he takes advantage of your position as his subordinate to orders you waste your day off in a fancy restaurant across from him. If you want time off of work, you’ll have to spend it with him - just so he can keep an eye on you, of course.

[vanteguccir]

chris/matt’s gf confessing she feels anxious and insecure and is worried they’re going to leave her for someone else

── ୨୧ !　a small blurb where you confess your insecurities to Matt

　　　　　　　　𝒎𝒂𝒕𝒕 𝒔𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒐𝒍𝒐 x reader

Y/N sat on the couch, legs tucked beneath her, her fingers nervously twisting a strand of her hair. Matt was in the kitchen, his back to her as he prepared dinner. The rhythmic sound of chopping vegetables should have been soothing, but Y/N's mind was a storm of anxious thoughts.

She had been feeling this way for weeks now, the gnawing fear that Matt would leave her for someone else. It was irrational. She knew that. Matt had never given her a reason to doubt his love, even with all the girls who threw themselves at him for his fame or all the things she read on the internet about him. He was always there for her, always attentive, always caring. But the fear had taken root deep within her, growing stronger with each passing day.

"Hey, dinner's almost ready." Matt called out, turning to flash her a warm smile. His eyes crinkled at the corners, the way they always did when he was genuinely happy. It made Y/N's heart ache with love and fear in equal measure.

She knew she had to tell him. She couldn't keep bottling up her insecurities, letting them fester and poison their relationship. But the thought of voicing her fears made her stomach churn. What if he thought she was being ridiculous? What if he got angry or, worse, decided she was too much trouble and left?

Matt must have sensed something was off because his smile faded, replaced by a look of concern. He walked over to the grey couch, sitting down beside her and taking her hands in his.

"Hey, dove, what's wrong? You seem really tense."

Y/N took a deep breath, her heart pounding so hard she was sure he could hear it.

"Matt, I... I need to talk to you about something. It's been bothering me for a while now."

He squeezed her hands gently, his eyes searching hers, frowning in concern and worry.

"Whatever it is, you can tell me. You know that, right, babe?"

She nodded, tears welling up in her eyes.

"I know, but it's hard..." She paused, taking a deep breath. "I've been feeling really anxious and insecure lately. I can't shake the fear that you're going to leave me for someone else. I don't know..." She lowered her eyes in shame.

Matt's brow furrowed in confusion and concern.

"Why would you think that? I've never given you a reason to doubt me, have I?"

"No, no, you haven't. Never." Y/N said, her voice trembling. "You've always been amazing. But I can't help it. I'm so scared that you'll find someone better, someone who isn't as insecure and anxious as I am. Someone who is at the same level as you're, who's famous and rich... And who looks like a model."

Matt’s brow furrowed with a mix of sadness and worry. He took a deep breath, gathering his thoughts before responding.

"Y/N." He began, his voice gentle yet firm. "You are amazing just the way you are. I don't care about fame, money, or looks. None of that matters to me. What matters is you, the person I fell in love with. Your heart, your kindness, your intelligence. Those are the things that make you special to me."

He paused, making sure she was really listening, his hands still holding hers tightly.

"I'm not interested in someone who’s just a pretty face or has a lot of money. I want someone who understands me, who I can share my life with, and who loves me for who I am. And that's you, Y/N. I don’t want anyone else."

Matt leaned closer, his eyes searching hers for any sign that she was beginning to understand.

"Your insecurities and anxieties don’t make you less to me. They’re part of what makes you human, what makes you real. And I love every part of you, even the parts that you find hard to love yourself. You're not just enough for me; you're everything I’ve ever wanted and more."

He cupped her face in his hands, his thumb brushing away a tear that had escaped down her cheek.

"Please don’t ever think you have to compare yourself to anyone else. You are irreplaceable to me, Y/N. I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere. We’ll face your fears together, one step at a time."

Y/N’s tears flowed freely now. She leaned into Matt's touch, feeling the warmth and sincerity in his words wash over her. She buried her face in his chest, the warmth of his embrace soothing her frayed nerves.

"But what if I push you away with my fears? What if I become too much for you to handle?"

He cupped her face in his hands, forcing her to look into his eyes.

"That won't happen. I'm here for the long haul, no matter what. We all have our insecurities, and it's okay to feel the way you do. What's important is that we talk about it, just like we're doing now."

Y/N sniffled, a small smile tugging at her lips.

"You always know just what to say."

Matt chuckled, brushing a tear from her cheek.

"That's because I love you, and I hate seeing you upset. We're a team, remember? We'll get through this together." He repeated.

She nodded, feeling a weight lift off her shoulders.

"Thank you, baby. I feel a little better now."

He kissed her forehead, his lips lingering against her skin.

"Anytime, love. Now, let's go finish dinner before it burns."

Y/N laughed, the sound light and free. As they stood and walked back to the kitchen hand in hand, she felt a sense of peace settle over her.

[rekino2114]

How the chainsaw man girls handle jealousy

A/n:I usually don't write for the csm 2 girls but let me know if you want me to and I'll add them to the masterlist (mainly cause I really like fami)

Makima

Thanks to you, makima, now could finally feel true emotions. You made her feel the happiness of being truly loved, the sadness of being without you, anger when a devil had the gall to hurt you, and the worry of when you came injured from a mission and so on..

She felt another one of those emotions when she saw you talking to another girl at the public safety headquarters, a particularly flirty one who apparently didn't know you were dating her boss.

Ah this must be jealousy.

She wasn't that bothered by it. She knows she can trust that you'll never leave her. However, the moment she starts touching you even after you clearly rejected her and is making you feel uncomfortable, that girl is dead.

She might have better morals after meeting you but she's not above killing who she deems as human scum.

But if things don't reach that stage, the girl might just be assigned a particularly difficult mission as her next

"Sorry, but I have a girlfriend,"

"Who cares? It's not like she's gonna know anyway"

"Sorry to interrupt, but I'd like to talk to y/n"

"Ah! M-miss makima!"

"Oh sure babe"

"B-babe? You mean she's your girlfriend"

"Exactly, and now that you know I suggest not looking forward to your next mission"

Power

The moment she sees you talking to another girl, she gets mad, she assumes you're cheating on her cause she doesn't have that much of an understanding of relationships.

In her eyes, you don't need anyone else when she's clearly the best option.

She's also really angry towards the girl. How dare she try to steal what's hers? Even though she wasn't flirting with you

"Hey! Y/n! What are you doing talking to this human"

"Oh power, don't worry she was just asking me directions"

"Like I believe that! You better go away this very moment I'll kill you!"

"Power be nice"

"Only if you stop talking to this bitch"

"*sigh* I'm so sorry"

Himeno

How she reacts depends on how drunk she is.

She gets really clingy when she is drunk, so she'll hug you from behind and lazily try to pull you away from the girl you were talking to while mumbling some incoherent words and that's usually your sign to take her home.

She's really not that jealous when sober, even when a girl flirts, she doesn't get mad, she understands her,after all if she didn't flirt with you she wouldn't have gotten with her amazing partner.

"Hey, you having fun without me over here?

"Oh sorry hime,I was just about to tell her I have a girlfriend"

"Oh you do? Sorry I had no idea"

"It's fine. I get it they're so stunning anyone would try to get with them"

"Did you just use the fact that a girl was flirting with me as a way to flirt with me?

"Guess so, I guess complimenting you is just second nature to me"

Kobeni higashiyama

This poor nervous wreck of a girl.

Whenever she sees you talking to another girl, she kinda gets anxious and starts comparing herself to that girl. Imagine how it is when a girl actually flirts with you

She starts overthinking and sweating,thoughts that you're gonna leave her for the other girl and how she's a bad girlfriend her fill her head.

She'd rather self combust than try to confront the girl with you around so she'll just continue wallowing in self-pity until you finish.

She needs a lot of hugs and reassurances later to calm down

"Hey, are you OK, kobeni? You were sweating and shaking"

"O-oh n-o i'm ok, what about t-that girl you were talking to?"

"I told her I had a girlfriend and she left, don't worry,more importantly, let's continue out date"

"R-really?"

"Of course you're my girlfriend right? I'd much rather hang out with you than some random girl"

"Uhm t-thank you"

Asa mitaka

She is also kind of anxious and worried just way less than kobeni.

She feels kind of like a bad and boring girlfriend often, and that feeling skyrockets when a girl flits with you.

She trusts you, but seeing you so close to that girl while she blatantly flirts with you just makes her feel kinda angry at her, and yoru definitely tries to take advantage of that.

"Come on don't you wanna get rid of her anyway"

"Not in that way yoru!"

"Just turn her into a weapon, that way I get a new one to fight chainsaw man, and you get to take care of that bitch"

"I'm not gonna do that"

"Geez you really are a bad girlfriend then"

"I'M NOT A BAD GIRLFRIEND"

"........"

"D-did I say that out loud?"

"Yeah but don't worry at least it was the truth"

Yoru

You and yoru begged asa to let her take control of her body for just an entire date. After a lot of hesitancy, she accepted but made yoru promise not to kill anyone........ You should probably think twice before trusting the war devil

The moment she saw another girl even look at you with a flirty gaze, immediately she turned her into a weapon without any hesitation.

You weren't that shocked, dating yoru does come with a very high chance of her trying to murder people she even thinks are trying to steal you, you were kinda mad at her for what she promised asa though.

"*sighs* why did you do that?"

"You're mine she was trying to take you from me. I could feel it"

"And how are you gonna explain it to asa?"

"Well it's not my problem"

"What?"

Then she feel unconscious the scars from her face disappeared and asa woke up looked at the weapon in her hand and then at you

"I'm so sorry asa I swear I can explain"

Fami

She was just coming back to your table with your fast food orders (she got way too much food for herself). When she saw you talking to a girl, she didn't recognize

She didn't think much about it maybe you were just talking to a friend. So she ignored the kinda weird feeling in her chest by doing her favorite thing (tied with spending time with you) eating.

The girl, meanwhile, was very freaked out that a random girl was staring at her with a cold glare and ringed eyes so she left allowing you to go back to your girlfriend.

"Hey fami, sorry if It took me long"

"It's fine, who was that girl you were with?

"I don't know she just came up to me and started flirting"

"I see"

"Why? Are you jealous"

"No I am not"

"Alright whatever you say, you did eat faster than usual though and that's saying something"

"*sighs* Humans are truly weird creatures"

[zuko-always-lies]

Azula's Strong Emotional Empathy Skills

Often times, people assume that Azula is bad at empathy, or at least emotional empathy. However, I would dispute that, and argue that her compassionate empathy skills in particular are actually extremely strong and off the chart, at least when it involves someone she cares about.

ATLA gives several examples of Azula showing off her empathy skills. The first comes in "The Crossroads of Destiny":

Azula: We've done it, Zuko. It's taken a hundred years, but the Fire Nation has conquered Ba Sing Se. Zuko: I betrayed Uncle. Azula: No, he betrayed you. [She stands up from the throne.] Zuko, when you return home, Father will welcome you as a war hero. Zuko: But I don't have the Avatar. What if Father doesn't restore my honor? Azula: He doesn't need to, Zuko. [She puts a hand on Zuko's shoulder.] Today, you restored your own honor.

She notices Zuko is uneasy, and does a pretty good, if not entirely successful job trying to reassure him and make him feel better.

Next we come to "The Awakening":

[Meanwhile, back at the Fire Nation Capital, Zuko feeds turtle ducks in a lake with some bread. Azula joins him.] Azula: You seem so downcast. Has Mai gotten to you already? Though actually, Mai has been in a strangely good mood lately. Zuko: I haven't seen Dad yet. I haven't seen him in three years, since I was banished. Azula: So what? Zuko: So, I didn't capture the Avatar. Azula: Who cares? The Avatar is dead … [Zuko looks away.] unless you think he somehow miraculously survived.

It's easy to miss out on this with where the scene ends up going, but what's actually the inciting reason for the scene to happen in the first place is that Azula knows Zuko is out of sorts, and wants to reassure him. She knows exactly where he is likely to go when he's sad or anxious, the turtleduck ponds which reminds him of Ursa, and easily finds him there. However, in her attempts to reassure him, she begins to suspect that he's hiding something from her, and the scene gets derailed.

Next up is "The Beach":

Zuko: [Cut to closer view of Zuko and Mai. Angrily.] Doing nothing is a waste of time. [Rises from his seat next to Mai.] We're being sent away on a forced vacation. [Walks over and grips the railing of the boat.] I feel like a child. Azula: [Frontal view.] Lighten up. So Dad wants to meet with his advisors alone, without anyone else around. Don't take it personally.

Azula instantly tries to reassure Zuko here, although she's less skillful about it than in some other cases.

Next up is the famous "Azula apologizes to Ty Lee" scene. As I've argued elsewhere, Azula is very skillful in comforting Ty Lee there. She knows exactly what she needs to say and do to make Ty Lee feel better.

Then, after Zuko gets kicked out of the party, we get this scene

Azula: I thought I'd find you here. Zuko: [Side-view.] Those summers we spent here seem so long ago. So much has changed. Azula: Come down to the beach with me. Come on. This place is depressing.

Azula's empathy is really impressive here. She apparently not only realized that Zuko would end up in a bad funk and cared enough to do something about it, but she also knew exactly where he would go in his depressed emotional state.

We then have the famous "fireside" scene. Azula isn't always the nicest person here, but her ability to understand the emotions of others is on full display:

Zuko: [Turning around.] For so long I thought that if my dad accepted me, I'd be happy. I'm back home now, my dad talks to me. Ha! He even thinks I'm a hero. [Close-up of Azula, who smiles.] Everything should be perfect, right? [Aerial view of campsite.] I should be happy now, but I'm not. [Turning back to the others.] I'm angrier than ever and I don't know why!

Azula:[Frontal view.] There's a simple question you need to answer, then. Who are you angry at? Zuko: [Close-up.] No one. I'm just angry. Mai [Side-view of the three girls.] Yeah, who are you angry at, Zuko? Zuko: [Close-up.] Everyone. I don't know. [Becoming frustrated.] Azula: [Frontal view.] Is it Dad? Zuko: [Close-up.] No, no. Ty Lee: [Frontal view.] Your uncle? Azula: Me? Zuko: [Close-up.] No, no, n-no, no! Mai: [Close-up.] Then who? Who are you angry at? Azula: [Camera pans left, past Ty Lee, to Azula.] Answer the question, Zuko. Ty Lee: [Close-up.] Talk to us. Mai: [Extreme close-up.] Come on, answer the question. Azula: Come on, answer it.

Finally, we have this scene from Nightmares and Daydreams:

Azula: Hello, Zuzu. If you've come for a royal hair-combing, I'm afraid you'll have to wait. Zuko: So I guess there's a big war meeting coming up, huh? And apparently I'm not welcome there. Azula: What do you mean? Of course you're welcome there! Zuko: Oh, yeah?! I guess that's why no one bothered to tell me about it! Azula: Oh, Zuko. Don't be so dramatic. I'm certain Dad wants you there. You probably just weren't invited because it's so obvious you're supposed to be there. Zuko: Well, were you invited? Azula: Of course! I'm the princess. Zuko: And I'm the prince! Azula: Exactly, so stop acting like a paranoid child! Just go to the meeting. Zuko: Forget it! I'm not going!

Although Azula instantly moves to try to comfort Zuko, this is in many ways her least successful scene. She struggles to contain her frustration with Zuko's behavior.

Still, overall Azula displays an impressive record, and shows very strong compassionate empathy skills. However, it's only toward the people she's close to, as she has no reason to display them toward enemies.

[sswiftiestars]

seductions—chapter one

gf! sam monroe x fem!reader

tws/cws: mentions of murder, angsty, mentions of ED and self harm, vomiting, manipulation, swearing, y/n isnt used i think, petnames, kinda sexual at the end, non-con kinda but not really

summary: When you find out one of your best friends was murdered by the neighborhood serial killer, you head to school sad. Struggling to stay sane, you end up experiencing something unexpected.

You sob into your pillow as you read the local newspaper, reading; WEDNESDAY 5/07/03: WESTON HIGH SCHOOL TEEN NAMED MARY LOUISE FOUND DEAD AT 17, KILLED IN HER OWN HOME AFTER A MYSTERIOUS PHONE CALL.

it showed a picture of her, making everything 10x worse. she was your best friend, and there she was, dead and buried. you continued to sob into your pillow when you realized you had to get to school. how would you be able to survive after this? you sniffle a few times and put on a pink cardigan with a mini skirt, thigh highs and some cute sneakers. Sadly, you put on your backpack (which was baby pink, obviously) and head out the door without eating.

once you arrive to school, you don’t put any effort into talking to anyone, and you make your way to the auditorium, where a assembly will be taken place on..recent events. you sit down at a empty area when after a few minutes, someone taps your shoulder from the seat behind you. you turn around and see Sam, one of your closest friends.

“are you okay, angel? you ignored me when i tried to come up to you earlier.” he says sadly, giving you a soft pout of disappointment. You shrug, visibly less energetic then usual. “m’ fine, sam. it’s just..” you start, tears threatening to leave your eyes, “you know.” you say, looking away from him. sam sighs and climbs over and sits in the seat next to you, ignoring that he just accidentally kicked someone in the leg. “listen, angel.” sam coos, grasping his hand at your chin and turns your head to look at him directly, “I’m sorry about what happened to mary, but..eveything happens for a reason, right?” he says, trying to comfort you, but ending up sounding slightly sadistic.

you squint your eyes at him, about to speak when the principal talks into the microphone at the auditorium stage, peaking you and sam’s attention. “Good morning, everyone.” he starts, his voice echoing through the room. “i would just like to take a moment and..talk about recent events.” he says. you already know he’ll be talking about mary, corey, and some of the other students who have been lost. you don’t want to hear about it anymore, it just adds on to the indescribable feeling in your chest.

Sam somehow senses you discomfort, and reaches over to hold your hand, carressing your palm with his thumb. you blush slightly. “Mary was a great friend to all of you.” the principal says solemnly, “she will not be forgotten.” behind you, you hear two of the jocks, logan and aiden, snickering. you turn your head around and glare at them, and sam does the same. something about sam’s stare at them was..unsettling. the two jocks immediately stopped laughing, sam’s unsettling stare scaring the shit out of them, to say the least.

sam will definitely be remembering them, for later.

The principal continues talking about mary, and then sam leans over to whisper to you, “i’ll be right back, sunshine. stay here f’ me.” you nod in response and watch as he walks out of the auditorium. assuming he’s just going to the bathroom, you continue listening to the principals speech about mary and corey. the more he talks, the more sad you get, and the more angry you get at the person who killed them so brutally. After a while, you notice that sam is still gone. a pit in your stomach starts to form, as you start to get extremely anxious. Carefully, you stand up and walk out of the auditorium. you make your way to the girls bathroom. You walk into a stall and lock the door. Suddenly, a wave of nausea waves over you. “when was the last time i ate?” you think to yourself. your thoughts are cut short when you suddenly bend over the toilet and vomit, you really should’ve ate breakfast. after a couple minutes of..intense sickness, you flush the toilet and walk out of the stall. You try not to cry as you walk to the sink, and wash your hands and wash your face, hoping to make yourself feel better. as you raise your head, you see something in the mirror behind you.

a hooded figure in a mask.

you ignore it at first, thinking you might be hallucinating from all of the pills you’ve been taking. But that’s when you hear a metal sound from behind you. You turn around instantly, water still dripping from your face and hands.

He…or she..or they, wave at you, knife in hand. you instinctively run towards the door and try to open it.

of course it’s fucking closed.

“fuck.” you say under your breath and turn back around, and the masked figure..doesn’t run towards you? he walks closer to you as you stand there, paralyzed in fear. before you know it, he pins you against the cold wall of the bathroom, and whispers in your ear, “stay quiet or you’ll end up like your good friend mary.” you gasp, trying to recognize his voice, but his voice is awfully distorted. fuck, is he using a voice changer?

you nod. he runs his gloved hand down your body until he reaches underneath your skirt. You feel your underwear dampen, and you curse yourself silently for that. the masked stranger cups your core through your panties, eliciting a soft whimper from your throat. He pulls his hand away, a smirk underneath his mask that you wish you could see are glad you can’t see. he walks out of the bathroom after that, leaving you confused and still aroused.

did the neighborhood serial killer just touch my pussy?you think to yourself and let out a slight cackle, even though it’s not that funny. unable to leave your position, you stand there, wondering what to do. you’re definitely traumatized for sure—but at least it felt good. after what seemed like forever, you walk back to the auditorium and sit down next to sam and let out a sigh. at least he’s okay.

“hey, what took you so long?” sam smirks and nudges you playfully. you shrug, “i felt sick, it’s nothing really.”

“Good thing you’re still alive, i was worried that someone snuck in there.” he jokes, although his tone is a bit sinister. you laugh it off nervously, and listen to the principals incredibly long speech for the next hour.

in that hour, you find yourself thinking about what happened, something inside of you wishing the masked stranger did more with you. You brushed off the thought, sighing to yourself.

maybe someday you’ll lose your virginity, and today was almost the day.

tags: @g4sstationdr-gs , ask if u wanna b added!

[an-au-blog]

Omg i have an idea - Sanji prince set to marry the princess of Wano arc but she is in love with her bodygaurd Zoro. This makes sanji jealous of him and he in his free time does everything in his power to piss off zoro but zoro starts liking it. In reality he had never had hots for the princess, but the day he saw Sanji and his fighting skills, zoro was inexplicably drawn to him. So they start sparring together and arguing but they find it comforting in a way.

Will u elaborate this au ?? I would love to see you enhance it

Yesyesyesyes! I saw that (I just hate replying from my main and as far as ik I can't respond from a secondary)

This reminds me of a royal au art post that I see or come back to every so often like "I should probably write a royal au"

(anyways here i go... this turned out longer than intended lol:)

At first, Sanji would be so happy and anxious about meeting the princess. He's never seen her, it was an arranged marriage, but he heard that she is the most beautiful and elegant woman. So it was a huge shock when he arrived and all she would do was try to tend to her bodyguard or try chatting him up. Emphasis on the "try". The most he replied with was a huff or a grunt. Most of the time he acted like she wasn't even there. Even when she did talk to Sanji, the conversation somehow always circled back to her body guard.

It was all "Zoro this," and "Zoro that," and admittedly, Sanji could hesitantly agree that if what she was talking about him was true, he was a man of pride and honor. It still pissed him off.

Sanji was a bit disappointed on many levels. He wanted a nice date with his future wife. What was he thinking? The mossheaded brute? She could do so much better than that swordsman. What does he have that Sanji doesn't??? Not to mention that the guard was staring daggers into him the whole day.

At the end of their "date", the swordsman insisted on sending him off to where he'd be staying. He even offered to give him a tour of the city.

Sanji responded with a "I'd love to get a tour from miss Hiyori, but I don't want anything from you, mosshead."

They end up going anyway because the very next day...

Zoro to Hiyori: I should take him into town for a tour.

Hiyori: Yes that's a great idea! I could come too,

Zoro: No

Sanji: Yes

Zoro sweating: it uh... it won't be safe.

Through out the whole walk Sanji would keep saying things like "oh, how I wish my FUTURE WIFE could be with us now," and "do you think my FIANCE would like this if I bought here one?" to make sure Zoro knew that Sanji was the one who would marry her.

Zoro seemed irritated at first but it slowly started seeming more like sadness than anger. At one point Zoro turns and interrupts him, telling him that they're lost. Turns out not only were they lost, Zoro didn't know where they were going for a while now.

An insult turns into a snarky remark in return, which turns into a kick, turns into a fight. After they were all worn out from the fight, Sanji begrudgingly realized that he enjoyed sparing a bit too much. It was the most fun he had since he arrived. He would never admit it though.

Once they found their way back Sanji decides that he would try and be as close to his fiance as possible. If he flirted with her enough, the Marimo would get the hint.

On one hand it worked. Zoro seemed to get really angry whenever he flirted with her. Which usually ended with them sparring. Zoro would say some questionable things during their fights... so Sanji responded. It escalated to the most fucked up and homoerotic shit, to the point where people got used to leaving the room to give them privacy.

As the wedding approached, Sanji started seeing less and less of Zoro. When he asked Hiyori about it she always gave an answer that sounded extremely fake.

It didn't bother Sanji... until it did. He stormed every room until he found the mosshead meditating under a tree. Sanji didn't know what he was going to do, but it would definitely going to include a confrontation.

Sanji: Are you avoiding me shitty swordsman?

Zoro, not even opening his eyes: ...

Sanji: At first I thought you had left or that you were avoiding both me and Hiyori, but then I find out you were with her daily.

Zoro still not answering pissed Sanji off and was his sign to continue talking.

Sanji: I can't believe you'd try to seduce MY future wife behind my back like that! For all that talk about honor, you sure are dishonest!

Zoro finally snapping: I avoid you because I know she'll marry you, I'm doing this for her sake. I don't want to ruin her wedding.

Sanji: Oh, right you're stealing her from me for her sake.

Zoro: I'm avoiding you because if I see you I can't guarantee I can hold myself back from ending the engagement and running off with you.

Sanji, absolutely baffled with this answer. That was so much new information, he didn't know what to ask first. After a minute of gaping like a fish, Sanji started talking on auto pilot. An apparently "autopilot" was "bitchy": What makes you think I'd want that?

And when he thought Zoro would spit something back, Zoro looked up at him with the saddest most heartbroken look in his eyes: I don't.

It sounded more like an apology than an answer.

Sanji felt like his world shattered.

The swordsman stood up and paused for a bit. As if he was ready to do something that he would regret but stopped himself. Sanji would have done anything to know what he was going to do or say. But alas, felt frozen.

Zoro: It's okay, I told Hiyori I'm leaving after the wedding. I won't be bothering you and your wife anymore.

Walking away, Zoro couldn't help but think how much he wanted to rush back and give him a kiss farewell. One filled with all the passion, frustration and despair he'd be harboring until now.

[claudemblems]

Patching Your Wounds | Kaveh

"You're injured."

Kaveh's face fell as he gazed upon your hand, the skin littered with dozens of bloody cuts and scratches. How you got them, he didn’t know. All he did know was that the sight broke his heart.

"Kaveh, I'm–"

"Don't 'I'm fine' me," he said sternly, his voice coming out sharper than he meant it to. He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath before trying again. "You're not going anywhere until this is taken care of. Sit here. I'll be back with medicine and bandages."

You didn’t have the heart to refuse him, not when he looked at you with such sorrow in his eyes, so you opted to make yourself comfortable while you waited.

Less than a minute later, Kaveh returned from the bathroom with all the necessary supplies in hand. He crouched down on the wooden floor beside you, motioning for you to give him your hand. You did, and he gently took it into his own, assessing the extent of your injuries. He frowned slightly, and a twinge of guilt pricked at your heart.

But Kaveh didn't speak a word, probably because he knew his concerns would come off as a harsh scolding instead. So he silently began his work, first disinfecting the cuts and scratches before treating them with antibiotics.

"Some pesky treasure hoarders decided it would be a good idea to try to jump me," you began, choosing your words carefully. It wouldn't be wise to mention any details that might make Kaveh even more anxious. "It would have worked on any average civilian, but I'm a seasoned adventurer. Their plan was doomed the moment they underestimated me."

"And what were you doing that led you to be in an area filled with Treasure Hoarders?" 

"Uh…just some adventuring stuff. Look, Kaveh, I wasn't in any real danger, okay? I only left with some scratches."

"Scratches that armed strangers left on you!" Kaveh closed his eyes, biting back all the emotions threatening to burst. "I'm just…worried about you, okay? Whether your injuries are miniscule scrapes or cuts, they’re a visible reminder that I wasn't there to protect you. I let someone else hurt you. I let someone mar your skin with wounds that have to heal. I should have been there to whisk you away to safety, but I wasn't. And for that, I'm incredibly angry at myself, and I'm sorry to you that I wasn't there when you needed me."

The sadness pooling in Kaveh's eyes made yours sting with tears. With your free hand, you pulled his head against your chest, fingers gliding through his silky strands of hair. "Even if I had far worse injuries, I would never blame you, Kaveh, and you shouldn't blame yourself either. Unexpected circumstances are bound to happen, and we should be glad that I only left with a few scratches on my hand."

"...I know you're right, but in a perfect world, I'd never let anyone with ill intentions lay a finger on you."

"And the world we live in will never be perfect, so we should be prepared for whatever may lie ahead. We'll both end up with our own bumps and bruises, but they're a testament that we made it out alive. We can always patch each other up afterwards."

You felt him relax against you, his quick heartbeat finally beginning to slow. "I just don't ever want to see you hurt..." he whispered, wrapping an arm around your middle. "You are the best gift I've ever received, and if anything were to happen to you, my life would lose all its meaning. I could never continue on without you by my side, so please, look out for yourself, My Treasure."

Your heart skipped a beat at the pet name, one that Kaveh reserved only for the most intimate of occasions.

"I promise you, Kaveh, that I'll never leave before it's my time." You held him tighter, placing a kiss atop his hair. "I'll make sure you will never have anything precious torn from you ever again. And I'll do everything in my power to replace all the grief of your past with a future of never-ending happiness."

Kaveh pulled away to meet your eyes, one of his signature bright smiles gracing his lips. “My Love, you’ve already made me the happiest man in all of Teyvat just by being mine.”

Heat rushed to your face as you buried your head in the crook of his neck. “You sure know how to say such pleasing words.”

Kaveh chuckled, lips pressing against the crown of your head. “What can I say? You’ve made me quite the hopeless romantic, Darling.”

“All these pet names at once are going to make my heart burst.”

“Oh, that just won’t do. We still haven’t finished patching up your other wounds. How would I patch up your heart as well?”

You thought for a moment before giving Kaveh a cheeky smile. “Maybe a few kisses would suffice.”

“Oh? Well, that I can do. Let’s get you bandaged up right away so I can administer the rest of the medicine. Don’t worry, the healing properties of the kisses can be felt immediately. So the sooner I can kiss your symptoms away, the better!"

And you received many kisses that night, even long after your heart returned to normal.

[nicksbestie]

maybe y/n and Ashton having an argument? he seems like a really calm guy most of the time so it would be interesting to see how he is during a serious moment like that

Argument

word count : 1010

warnings : talks of alcohol addiction

enjoy!

<3

“Why do you keep doing this?! You keep shutting down and closing me out! I can’t help you if you won’t let me!”

“I told you! I don’t want to talk about it! You keep pushing me and I don’t want to! Yet you keep doing it!”

“Because I fucking care about you!” 

“I didn’t ask you to care about me!” 

Ashton spun on his heel, stalking out of the room and you could hear the front door slamming shut, knocking a picture frame off of the wall. You slid down the wall, sitting down. What had just happened? It was a stupid, hypothetical question. You knew exactly what had just happened. You’d tried, once again, to get Ashton to put down his drink and talk to you, but he wouldn’t do it. You didn’t even know the person you were in a relationship with anymore. He was completely taken over by addiction, and the fridge was never not stocked with strong liquor. 

You didn’t hate him, even though you maybe should. You wanted him to heal, you wanted him to cope, but he didn’t realize that he was just making everything worse. And while the aggravation of fighting with him hung heavily on you, the worry was worse. You hated fighting with him, especially because Ashton was downright scary when he was angry. With his broad frame it was terrifying to be on the receiving end, even though you knew he would never lay a hand on you. 

Luckily, he had left his location on, and when you noticed he was at Calum’s house, you sent him a text. It was late at night, and it wasn’t a long text, either. You trusted Calum to take care of Ashton. They had such a close bond, and you believed that if anyone could get through to him, Cal could.

12:31 AM : Please be safe. Get some rest. I love you.

*read 12:33 AM*

Checking your phone after showering to see Ashton had left you on read, you sighed, shooting off a text to Calum as well. 

12:50 AM : Take care of him. I’m heading to bed, but if you need me, call. Thank you &lt;3

*read 12:51 AM*

12:52 AM : I will. Getting him sober, and then we’ll talk. He’s staying here tonight, at least. He’s rambling about how upset and sorry he is for yelling at you, if that eases your mind. I’m the one who saw your text on his phone. He loves you too. See you soon &lt;3

Reading through Calum’s text really did help you relax, knowing that Ashton didn’t mean to start a fight, or to unintentionally hurt you. Hearing, or rather, seeing, the confirmation that he still loved you helped you sleep, when you finally did crawl into bed. You fell asleep still upset, but knowing that Ashton was in good hands made you much less anxious. 

You woke up to a soft knock on your doorway, having always been a light sleeper. Rubbing your eyes and sitting up, you saw a figure standing in your door, easily recognizing it as your boyfriend. You checked your phone to see the time, noticing another text from Calum that he sent earlier. 

9:45 AM : Ashton is refusing to stay here. I tried to stop him, he’s determined to fix things. I’m sorry if you still need space. I hope everything works out. 

You didn’t reply right that second, setting your phone down after realizing it was just past ten. You looked up, noticing Ashton hadn’t spoken, so you broke the silence. 

“How is your hangover?” 

He shrugged, not making eye contact. 

“Not terrible. Four out of ten.” 

You sat up, throwing back the blankets that were normally deemed as being on Ashton’s side. 

“You were an idiot, Ash. You drove drunk. I don’t care if it was just down the road to Calum’s. Rest assured that I am very angry at you.” 

The shame sunk into his face, along with a mixture of sadness.

“I know. Calum ripped me a new one this morning. And last night, too. I can’t believe I did any of that, including our fight. I’m so many different levels of sorry, and I know that won’t fix it, but I am.”

You could see just how guilty he felt and how much he was beating himself up for it, as while one part of you wanted to say he deserved it, the other part won. You patted the bed, motioning him over. 

“I’m angry beyond belief, and I don’t want you to think you’re off the hook here. However, I still love you, and I know you didn’t intend for this to happen. So come lay down, I’ll get some painkillers, and we’ll talk.”

The conversation lasted a few hours, and a conclusion was finally reached. Ashton swore he was going to get sober, and he got rid of all of the alcohol in the house. He called Calum, profusely apologizing for his actions the previous night, and thanking him for everything he did to help. He never wanted to see that look of fear and worry in any of his friends or loved one’s eyes ever again. 

Two years later, he hadn’t broken that promise. He was now two years sober, and was making consistent progress in his mental health, with the assistance of therapy. He knew he needed a better solution than drinking his problems away, but he hadn’t gotten that push to actually fix his behavior. 

At this point, you could look back on that struggling time in his life, knowing that he didn’t have to go through it anymore. He reminded you every day that you were one of his main reasons to stay sober, and his self control improved every day he didn’t touch a drink. All of the rest of the band were so accommodating, even doing a “Mocktail Chats” for their most recent album to make him feel more comfortable. All in all, things were, by far, better.

[beansprean]

Nandor and Alexithymia

Ok so this is an attempt to organize a mess of thoughts I’ve been mulling over recently; appreciate anybody who reads the whole thing lol. My “he’s just like me fr” nandor dissertation.

So first things first - alexithymia is a symptom/trait that tends to appear for a lot of neurodivergent people, including myself, as well as those affected by emotional neglect/abuse or other related traumas. It involves "difficulties in identifying, describing, and processing one’s own feelings, often marked by a lack of understanding of the feelings of others, and difficulty distinguishing between feelings and the bodily sensations of emotional arousal" (livingautism.com). For me, though I’m decently good at recognizing others’ emotional states when I’m paying attention, I have a lot of trouble categorizing my own. I have to rely on physical cues (am I smiling? Laughing? Crying? Is my heart beating fast?), mimicking others (if this happened to someone else, how would I expect them to feel? How do other people feel about this so I know what I’m feeling?), or past experience (this thing made me feel like this, so I must be feeling this now). The physical cues are less helpful than they sound, as the definition implies, because maybe my heart is pounding because I’m anxious, or excited, or I hate you, or I like you, or I’m afraid, or I just ran up some stairs. Maybe I’m crying because I’m sad. Or frustrated. Or angry. Or hungry? I literally cannot tell what my emotions are telling me most of the time, which makes communication and relationships extremely difficult to navigate. I don’t know if I enjoy talking to you. I don’t know if I enjoy this activity. I don’t know if I have a crush on you. Everything just feels like anxiety or apathy unless it’s already at 100%. One of the specific anxieties that I deal with in social situations as a result of this is not a fear that people won’t like me, but that I won’t like them. A new person approaches! They want to hang out/date! But oh no, I have no idea how I’m feeling about this person at this point. What if I don’t end up having fun? What if I dislike them and I don’t know why? What if they upset me and I don’t know why? How will I navigate breaking up with them? I’m consumed by the future possibility of being unable to interpret my emotional state and being unable to communicate or verbalize well enough to get out of the situation without acting like a jerk and hurting their feelings or ghosting them completely.

But this post isn’t just me ranting about my brokebrain, I wanna talk about NANDOR’S brokebrain. Some of you may be ahead of me.

Obviously we are all aware that Nandor is completely UNAWARE of his feelings a lot of the time; this is not news, I’m just pathologizing it lol. And not only does he have trouble expressing, identifying, and verbalizing his emotions or recognizing them in others, but...he's dead. He can't rely on physical reactions to help him out - his heart doesn't beat, his skin doesn't flush, he doesn't need to breathe, it's unclear if he can even shed tears! The past 700 years must have felt like endless apathy so much of the time - no wonder he gets depressed.

But it definitely makes sense to me that Nandor is affected by fairly severe alexithymia, and he would have trouble choosing between his wives or recalling the feelings he had for them or which one he really loved and what that felt like beyond just how unobtrusive their presence would be for his day to day routine. And at the same time it is clear to us that he wants nothing more than to hang with Guillermo and spend time with Guillermo and ensure he gives reasons for Guillermo to stick around - but he doesn't really recognize that himself. He becomes increasingly anxious and paranoid as his wedding to Marwa approaches, doesn't understand why he is so fixated on everything that could ruin it or stop it from happening, and projects those thoughts on everyone else around him. He assumes that everyone is conspiring to stop the wedding because he unknowingly wants people to give him reasons to back out. Guillermo confronts him with this, and Nandor can only verbalize that this is a big moment that is making him afraid. (Not to mention that he clearly was waiting for an objection from Guillermo which Guillermo consistently refused to give despite seemingly agreeing with Nadja's. And the whole expecting Guillermo to be jealous and confused/disappointed when he wasn't?? Honey.)

Yet, we also know from the "I like what he likes" wish that Nandor DOES want this wedding to happen. He wants to be married, he wants steady companionship, he wants to tie himself to someone and say "look, look, someone loves me! I am never alone!" Yet immediately after the wedding he balks at turning her and making the marriage "eternal". He is already bored of what he has turned her into and confused why he isn't enjoying the company of someone who will stay by his side and never argue or disagree with him or expect an emotional intimacy from him he can't give. Isn't that what he wanted? Why didn't this fix him? Why is everything still so dull?

(slight tangent on the "I like what he likes" wish honestly what a fuckin DREAM I wish I had a second person who could project my emotions/preferences for me so I could recognize them... I wish they had played around with that for a few more episodes, the comedic potential alone has sustained me for so long...)

He sees Guillermo and Freddie, feels Something, but doesn’t understand what. Discomfort? Longing? Anxiety? Lots of options we as an audience can assume or interpret, but I think we can all agree it's more complicated than just Nandor falling in love at first sight as he assumes. Nandor DOES experience passing infatuations fairly frequently - an intense blaze of emotion he interprets as love and obsesses over, pushing quickly for commitment because he believes that tying himself to someone will solidify those feelings forever. He has to act quick before they fade!

So back to Freddie, Nandor is: 1. Confused by Freddie's presence and unusually pushy about following them around and getting details about their relationship, 2. Genuinely charmed by Freddie's loser white boy swag and interest in artefacts from his home country, 3. Kept up all night by thoughts about Freddie, and 4. Able to recognize that outright stealing him would be a bad move because it would probably make Guillermo upset. Round of applause for #4, good job Nandy.

But, like with the wedding, is he just projecting? Assuming? He knows he feels something strong - an intense blaze of emotion and obsession he associates with his past relationships - and he comes to the conclusion that being with Freddie is what will finally make him happy. Might he actually be feeling misplaced jealousy because he's in love with Guillermo? Or because he sees Guillermo happy in a relationship for the first time and wants that feeling for himself? Or subconsciously sees this as another way to tie Guillermo to him and ensure he can't have a life outside of Nandor? All of these are valid. Nandor certainly doesn't know.

The last point I want to make in this messy ramble of a post is this: what if, in addition to worrying that turning Guillermo into a vampire will set him free from any bonds or obligations to Nandor and he will leave, Nandor is worried HE won't like Guillermo anymore if he is a vampire? And then what?? People change when they...change. He did.

[goodluckclove]

How I Critique Writing (A Loose Collection of Tips)

Someone asked me for insights into my methodology when it comes to giving feedback on writing and I realized I had way more than I could say in a reasonable amount of private messages. Are you someone who I've spoken to about their writing? Did someone send you their work and you don't know how to respond? Maybe this will help? Based on how people react I feel like it might be controversial but it seems to work.

When someone sends me their writing, no matter the size, subject or genre, I:

Take it seriously. It's a generational epic about the Vietnam war and its effects. It's a cute, young adult romance. It's Zim and Dib from Invader Zim realizing they've always been in love with each other. All of these things can be written with earnestness, strength, honesty and skill. It's fucking hard to write and if someone writes a single sentence that wouldn't otherwise exist its worth holding in your hands and examining with the same eye as if you were taking an interesting book off the shelf.

Respond with curiosity. It's common for critiques to follow a theme of ambiguous disdain. This doesn't work. Delete this. Bad. No. Gross. Guess what? That's not helpful. If you got that feedback, even if you followed it, you wouldn't be thrilled about it. Oftentimes you can take a line that makes you want to say Bad and ask something else. What is this supposed to express? What were you trying to do here? Am I supposed to feel happy/sad/uncertain when I read this? Curiosity can reframe something that you don't think works as a reader and turn it into an opportunity for the writer to look inward and solve their own problem. They might explain what they were trying to do, and if you were to say that it didn't pan out for you they're way more likely to tweak things themselves and feel like they still have control over their project.

Give comments. I've started giving more in-depth comments on the writing people give me depending on how anxious they are about it. If you're a pretty confident writer I'll give a summary of what I gained and what I was left wondering, what I thought and what I felt, what associations it made me think of in terms of tone and other forms of media - stuff like that. For newer writers, especially those who are far more doubting of their own abilities, I go buck wild. And in my opinion notes should be less like Good! I like this! Wow! Nice! (What are you, grading my book report? No thanks), and more like what you think when you're reading a book you're truly invested in. Make jokes about the characters (Not mean ones. I will send bugs to you in the mail.), chart exact lines that provoke physical reactions, even a small one. Can you imagine reading someone treat your work like it has its own fandom on Tumblr? You can do that for someone else.

Fucking have some fucking awareness of the fact that it might not be for you and that doesn't mean it's bad. I'm angry about this one considering the novel a friend sent me last night that they've been too terrified to try and post online, despite it being fucking brilliant. I'll try and calm down. Listen - you read what you like. I mainly read literary and experimental fiction, some poetry, horror and some sci-fi. Not a lot of genre fiction. But I will always be down to read someone's high fantasy story, because even though I don't really like fantasy I know what the good ones sound like. I've forced myself to gain a sense of what someone else would like, even if I don't like it. And I can still critique it. If I'm a builder and I see a house that's painted a shade of green I find sinful for a home (i.e. mint), I can look past that and focus on the state of the walls and the stability of the foundation. You aren't a reviewer, man. You are neither Siskel, nor Ebert. They write for readers, you write for writers. So you don't like historical fiction? Cool, man. Congrats. If someone trusts you enough to give you some to read and critique, you should still do so objectively. If you give it an automatic F because you wouldn't buy it, then you are legally a stinky little trash man. That's just the law.

Ask them what they liked to write and what was the hardest. There's apparently a weird trend on online writer communities that say there are specific rules that all writers need to follow. This is not true. It just isn't. If the dialogue in a story you read is weak, and the writer says they hate writing dialogue and really struggle with it, maybe tell them they don't have to use it. You might change their entire life.

RESPOND WITH CURIOSITY. You see the Ask games where people try and get more detail on the WIP of certain authors. If you have a WIP and I ask you a worldbuilding question that doesn't relate to the direct plot of the story as it exists now, I bet you'd like to talk about it. If I ask if you were inspired by a certain tone or movie, you might know the work I was talking about and feel happy. Or you might not know it, look it up, and feel inspired. I don't think people realize that a critique of new/unfinished writing is not a one-and-done exchange. You are taking part in an isolated process in a way few other people on the planet will. It's not homework. It's. Not. Homework. We spend so much of our time alone just fiddling our hands and making our magic, and in instances like these we share something in one of the ultimate forms of artistic trust. They're taking you into a world that hasn't fully formed yet. Is it cool? Can you tell me about it? Can they?

Be nice. Storytime, friends. In the way early 2010s, there was something on the internet called sporking. It was pretty much a line by line roast of someone's writing - typically fanfic. And I hate to say this, but I read a lot of it. I was 13, somehow untreated and overmedicated, and I was miserable constantly. Just cold in my chest. At one point I had the chance to critique a stranger's story - probably another child - and I essentially mocked the whole thing. They ended up deleting the story off the website. I cannot begin to describe to you the shame I feel about doing this, even ten years later. It burns in my heart and makes me sick to my stomach. If you are a serious writer, especially a young writer, and you insult another writer's craft to their face just as they're getting started - you will regret it. I promise you that. You will think about holding something alive and full of potential in your hands and squeezing your fists until it is just flecks of meat and crushed bone. It will haunt you. Maybe only a little, but constantly and for the rest of your life. So don't do it.

Wow what a grim note to leave on! That's essentially my philosophy on writing critique, do with it what you will. Want to send me some writing to receive this kind of excessive treatment? Cool! I have an email in my pinned post and I'll do that! I'm also down to chat if anyone wants to send me asks or DMs on writing/writing struggles/publishing tips.

[b4tasquad]

can you write a pov with Aj forgetting your birthday and then making up for it?

BIRTHDAY: AJ SHABEEL

Authors note: finally something for my boy Aj.. I can’t believe I haven’t written something properly for him…. So disgusting of me honestly😒😒 but here it is. Also it’s more of a sad one because I feel like I only write happy things🤷‍♀️

Warnings: mention of shitty parenting, reader being emotional, Aj shabeel being overly sweet

…

A feeling of deep hurt had permanently taken refuge in the pit of your stomach. Your mind was working on memory, as you went about your day, as if it was just like any other. Every few seconds, a notification sound would pop up on your phone, causing you to snap your head in the device’s direction, hoping with everything in you that it was him.

But no. Every single time, the same sound of sheer sorrow left your lips as you tried shaking away the disappointment of being forgotten. It wasn’t unusual really. All your life you had become accustomed to being insignificant, in your household, during your years at school, and even amongst some of your friends. Your restricted personality alongside anxious habits you’d caught, making it easy for people to just disregard you.

Aj had never made you feel like a background character, someone who simply existed to feed into someone else’s needs. He always made you feel like the brightest star, and the sole attention in any room you stepped in. Through Aj Shabeel, you had learned to not settle for only being in the corners, but daring to step into the center at times too.

It was funny how the person that had made you feel the most special was also the reason you carried yourself with such indifference on your birthday. For the 2 birthdays of yours the two of you had been friends, he had been the first to congratulate and treat you, but the year you’re finally his? He completely ignores you as if he couldn’t care less about this unimportant day.

You felt stupid for how you had spent your early hours of the morning, expecting something, anything, to come from him. During your breakfast, you made sure to check, double-check, and even triple-check for a new message, but there was nothing. Radio silence. As you moved from the morning into work, there was no time for you to even be on your phone. You could vividly remember feeling awful as you did your work on the computer, hand itching to reply to a call or even a message you knew would be there.

When lunch had finally approached, you had turned down a lunch offer from your friends as they were in a rush, and you were sure you’d have to call Aj to thank him. How stupid you felt, checking every app for anything. In a last attempt, you had even opened Instagram, an app you never even communicated on, only to come to the same two conclusions.

He had either not woken up or forgotten. How you hoped it was the former.

But doubt turned into confirmation once you saw him post on Instagram hours later. He had even texted you after your shift, simply informing you he’d come over to yours after he was done with work. But there was no mention of your birthday, and now you were completely sure your boyfriend had missed it.

Even in your angry state, you could never have it in your heart to believe he just didn’t care enough to mention it. That wasn’t like him.

Usually, you would be ecstatic to know your boyfriend was coming over straight after work, that meant him telling you about everything he did which was something that fascinated your mind. His lifestyle and work were something that you’d always loved, Aj creativity and passion for it fuelling your interest. But now, you walked home with such dread, shoulders slumped in defeat.

You knew you should’ve made the best out of your day even without Aj, but it was just so hard to look past the fact that the most important person in your life had just neglected you like that and continue with your day. Your closest friends had gratulated you and you answered with the same faux tone of happiness. Even Aj’s family members, those you had met because of him, sent you countless nice messages.

Currently, you were just moping around, watching a rerun of a romantic movie that played on your tv every night. A bowl of popcorn was laid in your lap and you occasionally threw one in your mouth. It didn’t matter how many times you watched this movie, every time you were left flabbergasted at the plot twist. It was just that dramatic.

A notification sound on your phone interrupted your little movie night, and you hated yourself for how quickly you grabbed it, thinking it was Aj.

Anna:

What you doing tonight?

You knew where this was going, and a part of you wanted to lie your way out of the obvious plans about to be made. Another part of you felt bad though, here your best friend was, trying to show you how loved you were on your birthday and you were just gonna lie your way out.

You:

Nothing much, why?

It doesn’t take more than 20 seconds from when your message is sent for your best friend to reply.

Anna:

I’ll be at yours in 30, get ready!

And there wasn’t much you could do after that. In just an hour you found yourself seated at a fancy restaurant, Anna sat across from you. You had came with a slightly dampened mood, ready to not enjoy the evening and go home still feeling down. But that was not the case. There was just something so beautiful about Anna that made everyone around her smile. From the way she laughed to the way she talked, Anna had everything it took to get a laugh out of you.

There was the occasional glance at the phone, but other than that you spent 2 nice hours chatting away with Anna as you ate the luxurious food. You were extremely thankful for her and made sure to thank her extra on the ride home.

“I’m your best friend. Now stop thanking me!”

Opening the door to your flat, you had been ready to take off your makeup and outfit and just spend a lazy night in bed. It was 10 pm on a Friday, and as a woman in her early twenties, this should not have been what you were doing. The door closes with a thud behind you as you’re too eager to throw off your heels, but a set of other shoes alongside yours catches your attention.

“Why are you dressed up?” Aj asks from the doorway, his voice simply curious. You don’t even spare him a glance as you finally get rid of your shoes and shrug the jacket off. At the rejection, Aj looks at you weirdly, noticing how off you seemed. As you try to walk past him, he stops you by stepping in front of you.”

“Babe, what’s wrong?” A part of you breaks at the fact that he genuinely didn’t even know. Your boyfriend is confused, eyebrows furrowed until you look at him with disappointment and suddenly it’s everything he can think about. By his eyes widening, you can tell he finally remembers.

Scoffing, you just step away from both him and the conversation, feeling as if you might’ve cried if you stood in front of him any longer. As a child, your parents had made it a regular thing to forget about your birthdays. Claiming they didn’t forget, but simply planned something good. Being the gullible kid you were, you always believed them, waiting for that big surprise. It was finally after your 10th birthday you realized it was their fucked up way of trying to make their nagging child shut up. There was no such thing as a ‘big surprise’.

Fair to say you never asked, but just took the love you got on rare occasions.

As Aj walked behind you to the bedroom, muttering apologies and excuses, you felt like a child again, hearing the same words from your parents. Seeing how you were making your way to the connected bathroom, Aj took hold of you, afraid you’d lock yourself in there and refuse to talk to him. You’d never do that, but he was stressing and thinking of every possible outcome.

You don’t pull away from his hold on you as he sits you down on your bed. He’s stood over you, hands on his hips as he tries to think of a way to make it sound less… wrong?

“Y/n, I genuinely don’t even know how it managed to slip my mind. I just woke up late and was rushing to get to the studio to film, and it ran later than I thought. It’s no excuse because I’m your boyfriend, and I shouldn’t prioritize work over something so important like your birthday- oh my fucking God, I can’t believe I forgot your birthday.” Rambling was one thing Aj did once nervous. He had done it when the two of you knew each other as friends and continued to do so far into your romantic relationship. Usually, you found it cute, but right now you didn’t have words to describe it.

His genuineness softened the pain and by the way his eyes lightened up, you could tell he saw the change in your behavior. Even with the slight empathy for his situation, there was still a feeling of neglect that you couldn’t shake off. You don’t know when, but somewhere during the speech, tears you’d kept in all day, quietly started to slip down your cheeks.

When your boyfriend notices, his voice wavers, truly seeing how much he had messed with your whole mood. Aj was the petty type, one to stay mad and drag things out for far too long. You were a clear contrast from him with your forgiving tendencies, and not being able to hold a grudge.

The fact that you were sitting on the edge of your bed, crying your eyes out on your birthday said something about how much you had been hurt. “Baby, no please don’t cry.” Aj pleads with you, but you’re far too gone to stop crying. When your sniffling gets louder, he crouches in between your legs, pulling your hands away from your face.

You don’t fight his grip but simply gaze at him. Aj kisses the palm of your hand in his hold, holding it against his cheek in a way of showing affection. “I’m so sorry, please don’t cry.” He wipes at your eyes. “ I love you so much, I’m sorry for being such a shit boyfriend. You’re the best thing that’s happened to me, genuinely, I don’t know what I would do without you. Please just don’t cry.”

Too deep in your feeling, you don’t think twice about wrapping your arms around your boyfriend’s shoulder, needing comfort even if he was the one to hurt you, to begin with. Being an over-sensitive person, you weren’t always too in touch with your emotions. They sometimes got too much to bear on your own, and therefore you found it easier to process them with the help of Aj.

With just a comforting touch or a few reassuring words from him, you always managed to feel better. And right now, as funny as it sounded, Aj was the only one you wanted to comfort you.

“I felt so alone.”

Your words are like daggers being thrown into his heart, twisting and digging an even bigger wound in his already vulnerable state. He knew he had no right to feel gutted like he was feeling now, but hearing your broken whispers and knowing he was the cause of your defeated words was a hard pill to swallow.

“You’re not alone.” Aj takes a seat beside you on the edge of the bed his hold on your hands never faltering. In a futile attempt to show you the reality of his words, he opens his arms. You fall into his hold holding him as close to you as you possibly can.

The warmth he supplies you is a unique thing you’ve only felt in the arms of your boyfriend and you can’t help but snuggle closer to get more of it.

Aj wipes your tears, holding your cheek to make you look at him. A faint smile appears on your lips as you hold eye contact. The faint feeling of hurt is still present, and there’s no way you’re just letting it go. But all you want to spend the last moments of your birthday doing is be in his hold. In his protection. With a soft peck to your slightly tear-coated lips, Aj speaks. “Happy birthday, beautiful.”

[storiesbyjes2g]

3.140 Here for you

I returned home late because I walked around the neighborhood for a while to process my evening and reconcile my feelings. Even though I had promised Sophia I wouldn't be gone long, I couldn't bring myself to come home immediately. My emotions were all over the place. I was angry that Mama dumped all of that on me without warning; Sad about knowing I'd soon be without my parents; Content knowing I was a good son and had great relationships with them; Anxious about not knowing when either of them would go. But after a while, I felt kind of crazy and went home. I came in through the backdoor hoping to avoid Sophia for just a few moments longer. She would want to know things, and I wasn't ready to discuss them, but my surreptitious planned failed when I walked in on her having a late-night snack. I was also hungry and cut myself a slice of leftover cake. As soon as I sat down, I took control of the conversation before she had a chance to hammer me with questions about why I'd been gone so long. I asked about her first day with the baby, how she felt, etc. She cooperated, but I felt her watching me the whole time. She heard the stoic, robotic tone in my voice. It also didn't help that I didn't make eye contact. At the first break in conversation, she stole the control and asked if something had happened.

How do I explain it to her when I hadn't decided how I felt about it yet? Now every time I'd see Less' number on my phone, my heart would stop, and I halfway wished I didn't know. I opened my mouth a few times, trying to start a sentence, but cancelled it before my voice caught up. But my brain was tired, and I didn't want to think about it anymore, so I gave up and blurted out something, hoping she'd catch a clue.

"Mama gave me her final wishes. My parents are that old."

"Oh noooo. Are you-"

"Please don't ask me that," I said, regretting the terseness in my voice.

"Okay. I'm sorry."

"I need to spend the day with my dad tomorrow. He's older than her."

"Of course. Don't worry about us. I'm here for you, Luca."

The tenderness in her voice chastised me, even though that wasn't her intent. I was out of character, and she didn't deserve that, so I tried to make it right.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I didn't mean to be rude. She dumped this on me out of the blue, and... I didn't even know they were that old! I just... This is a lot."

"Trust me, Luca. I understand. I may not have had this experience, but I get you. Do whatever you need to do. I'll be here when you need me."

"Thanks. I know. And I appreciate it. I think I want to turn in now."

"Okay. I'll be up in a minute."

I checked on Desi before I got into bed and found her wide awake.

"Were you waiting up for me, pumpkin? That's very sweet of you."

"Did you miss me? I missed you. I went to meet your cousins. They're about a half day older than you. The four of you are gonna have so much fun together when you get older."

"Daddy had a hard night, but being with you makes it all better. I love you so much."

[marshmallowprotection]

Can you please write a one shot on vet yoosung having to deal with a patient like this guy

"Dr. Kim, you should be warned, the patient today was listed as a bite warning."

"I'm sure we can handle him. He might just be anxious at the vet. It's no problem! I'll take it at his pace so he doesn't feel crowded. I'd hate to feel cornered when I don't feel good and I can't communicate why that is, too! Is it the mastiff from last time? He wasn't as bad as they'd claimed, you know! He just needed some belly rubs before he turned to butter."

"Dr. Kim, I'm starting to wonder if you're afraid of any animal at all!"

Yoosung chuckled. "No, no. Of course not. I don't have anything to be afraid of! Animals can sense your anxiety, you know. That's one of the first things I learned before I even got far into my studies. If you're as calm as you can be, they'll feel better about trusting you. It isn't clear cut and perfect, but it does make a difference in my experience."

"You might be surprised with this guy."

"C'mon, how bad can he be?"

The nurse nodded and went to wet the patient from the waiting room. It wasn't long before she turned with a crate that was filled with the howling and growling of a dog. Yoosung noticed that the nurse was wary, trembling as she went to the unlock the crate and free the beast from his cage, but he offered her his hands.

She took that offer in an instant and took a step back so he could do it.

A fraction of a second later, a Chihuahua burst out of the crate and began to bark at him in incredulous speed. He didn’t seem happy to be at the vet, that was for sure, but the rate at which his body was shaking was bound to make anyone assume he was filled with rage the likes of which no human had ever seen. 

Yoosung knew what most people assumed when they saw a yapping Chihuahua. They expected to see a dog that wouldn't stop trembling or howling in disgust. Frankly, a quick Noogle search would tell them that the reason why their dog was responding the way it was because they were overstimulated, overwhelmed, or cold.

They weren't filled with anger nine times out of ten.

He knew these animals weren't filled with rage, and it was sad that most people were afraid of them for that reason. He had to imagine that it would be frustrating to be a small dog, constantly poked and prodded as if you were nothing more than a toy, and anyone would angry after being treated that away—even if you didn't want to be. 

The Chihuahua yipped at him but Yoosung was patient. He took a seat in front of the dog and kept his hands to himself, seeing how long it might take his patient to get the barks out of his system with the space to do what he needed to do. He knew that wouldn't be all the comfort the dog needed to feel better, but it was a start, and he wasn't the type to rush an appointment if it wasn't an emergency to start with!

"Hey there," his voice was gentle as the dog continued to shake and tremble. "We've got plenty of time to figure out what's wrong, little guy. I won't poke and prod you until you establish your comfort level. I don't like going to the doctor, either, but the least I can do is make the trip less cold."

The growls continued. 

This wasn't his first rodeo with an animal that wasn't comfortable. But, this was assuredly the first time he interacted with a tiny dog that clearly hadn't had its boundaries respected. He knew what that felt like... and it wasn't fun to have his buttons pressed until he felt cornered!

Undeterred, Yoosung continued, "I would give you treats to help you feel a little more comfortable, but for us to run the test today, you can't have anything to eat. But, I promise if you let me take care of the scan, I'll give you something fresh to eat. Your owner said we could do anything to make sure it was comfortable for you if we could and I bet a plate of chicken will do the trick, huh, little guy?"

Quietly, he offered his hand to the Chihuahua. Most people would have expected the dog to bite them on impact, but he didn't let any fear show on his face. "Don't worry, I won't grab you without asking first."

He was somebody who took care of animals for a living, and he knew that showing fear over a bite or a scratch wasn't worth it. He could take it, and he would rather take it if it meant they trusted him fully instead of feeling like nobody listened to them. It took a moment, but the dog sniffed his hands, and the growling suddenly subsided with it. 

A smile appeared on Yoosung face as he let the dog nuzzle its face against his hand. "There we go, that's much better, huh? Let's get you taken care of so you can go home and eat to your hearts content all night long, hm?"

"Dr. Kim... how did you do that...?"

"Simple! I let them decide that I'm trustworthy on their own before I go poking around. They're just like you or me, you know? That's what I told you before. Patience helps."

[sapphire-heart-tippy]

Really anxious right now because there's a lot of things going on.

• Personal issues/physical pain making me feel anxious

• Bad things I've done in the past/guilt

• Doubles making me feel anxious and sad

I really need to get this off my chest:

I used to not be a very nice person. I would repeat hateful things that I've heard and I would act like a damn fool and hurt others with my "jokes". I was a bully and I didn't even know it until I was 19.

That's when I realized I was the bad guy in other people's lives the entire time. I felt like shit, but it was too late to apologize at that point.

I stopped saying stupid and hateful shit, I stopped thinking poorly of others, I stopped using rude/outdated language, I broke free from the hateful ideology I was raised in.

And I'm one of those "transphobes turned transgender". I take full responsibility for the things I've said to hurt others, and I've been putting forth the effort to be a better person

I have made a conscious effort to be a better person than who I was in my teenage years. I have already apologized, but I still feel angry with myself for even falling into hatefulness.

I know this sounds stupid, but I guess that's why I get so attached to villain redemption. I feel like a villain who had a redemption arch.

I believe in second chances (to an extent, obligatory: yes there are genuinely irredeemable people in this world who only care about their own pleasure), if somebody is truly willing to do better and acknowledge the shitty things they have done in their past, then they should be able to better themselves and move on with their lives.

No you don't have to forgive anyone, there are plenty of people I haven't forgiven and don't plan on forgiving who have also decided to live a less hateful life.

There have been bullies who have apologized to me, even hate anons have apologized to me. I forgave them and I'm even friends with an ex bully to this day. They are a lot kinder and less hateful than they used to be back then, like they're a completely different person. I am too.

I want to be a better person than I once was. I want to be kind, understanding, somebody that you can go to when you're scared or anxious or just wanting to get something off your chest.

I've learned that the most important thing to worry about when it comes to others is "Does what they do hurt anyone else?" And 99% of the time, the answer is no. Let people be themselves.

It's all about respect. Respect others feelings and respect their identities.

[kay-wren]

I'll Come Running - R.C. - Chapter 39

*** Rafe drove away from JJ's house in a panic once he realized that Jessie really was gone and JJ really didn't know where she was.

Rafe couldn't contain his emotions, leaving him no choice but to pull over. Rafe stared out into the space of the dark road in front of him, only lit by the night sky. All the realization hit him at once as his lips quivered and he narrowed his eyes, trying not to let the tears spill out.

He almost hit Jessie. Over a simple conversation that she was totally justified in having. She wanted him off the coke. But she started it right? Rafe thought that argument was childish. He felt nothing but childish after the temper tantrum he threw at both Jessie and JJ. Rafe wondered what was wrong with him, he had been angry before, but he felt a new sense of helplessness... like he was spinning out of control and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

Rafe finally let it all out. The sobs were ugly and reckless as he lost control of his breathing. Rafe had nobody there to calm him down, only the voices in his head.

Be a man. Men don't cry. Rafe heard his father's voice. The same words he heard when he was ten years old, and from that point forward. The words be a man plagued him everyday of his life. Those words were enough to make him dry his eyes, wipe his face, and somehow go completely numb inside. Ward always had that affect on Rafe.

Deciding not to let Jessie have any more of this night, Rafe called the only person he knew could fix this, but fix was a strong word, it was more like putting a bandaid over a bullet hole. Rafe didn't care.

"Man, what do you want? It's too late for this sh-"

"I'm coming over." Rafe interrupted Barry, who sounded less than thrilled.

"Man you were just here?!" Barry replied annoyance and disbelief. "Are you already out?!"

"Not yet, but I will be." Rafe responded with numbness that chilled even Barry through the phone. Rafe simply hung up and Barry knew it couldn't be good.

Barry did the only thing he could think to do: call Jessie. Him and Jessie had a very odd relationship, one that was constantly moving and changing, one minute she would be a smoke buddy, the next minute a buyer, and the next a bitch. It all depended on each other's mood, but in a weird way, Barry always felt bad for Jessie. After all, Jessie only started buying for her father, eventually letting it trickle into her life as well, and now Barry had a front row seat at watching the drug trap another man that Jessie cared about.

Barry called Jessie over and over again, to no avail. The fact that she didn't answer really concerned him, his mind began to wonder to the worst possible scenario, especially with Rafe being so... unpredictable at the moment.

Barry blew up Jessie's phone, every passing ring only adding to his worry, until he saw Rafe pull up. At this point Barry was just plain mad, knowing that Rafe must've had something to do with Jessie not answering her phone.

Barry was anxious to meet Rafe right in the middle of the yard, not letting Rafe come to him like he usually does.

"What the hell, country club? Why your girl ain't answering her phone?"

"Shit, I don't know man. Just leave me alone." Rafe mumbled as he put his hand in Barry's face and walked right past him towards the front door of the trailer. Barry couldn't believe the balls Rafe had on him at the moment, clearly not caring about anyone or anything. It was only a preview of the facade he would adopt for the next four years.

"You don't know? Bullshit you don't know Rafe! You know damn well where Jessie is! You better not have sent her into hiding until the bruises heal-"

"I didn't touch her, okay?!" Rafe screamed, not being able to take the mental gymnastics any longer. "And I'm not bullshitting you... I don't know where she is man!" Rafe explained still heated. He finally looked down at the ground then back up at Barry with more sadness behind his faded eyes. "She left."

"What the hell does that mean, she left?" Barry asked, trying to adopt the same demeanor of not caring, even though he clearly did, at least in a "she's my best customer" kinda way.

"She left. Are you slow or something?" Rafe laughed maniacally as he furrowed his brows and walked closer to Barry. Rafe had no regard for his life any more, and at this point he was looking for a fight— another defense mechanism he would become very familiar with over the course of the next few years.

"No I'm not slow you piece of shit!" Barry mouthed back as he shoved Rafe back. "You're just being vague as hell and it doesn't sound very convincing."

"Well I'm not worried about convincing you." Rafe whispered with a twisted smile. He began to look off into the dark distance. "I'm not worried about convincing anyone." He explained with a dark glint in his eye that Barry hadn't seen before. "So you got more coke or not?" He asked, this time a little more in touch with reality.

"Yeah..." Barry trailed off as he was trying to read whatever Rafe was fantasizing about behind those eyes, he was unsuccessful. Barry just walked inside, looking over his shoulder, feeling like Rafe could easily kill him quickly and quietly with the way he was acting.

"Take your shit and leave." Barry snapped as he took the money from Rafe.

"It was good to see ya." Rafe said as he turned and walked away with a smile Barry couldn't see.

Rafe climbed back into his truck and sped off, pulling out his phone to call the only other person on this island he could count on. 

"What the hell, man? Do you have any idea what time it is?" Topper's voice sounded through the other line. 

"Yeah, yeah, man, whatever. Hey, party at my house tomorrow night. My parents will be out of town. Invite anyone. Party of the century man." The line went dead for a couple seconds. 

"Anyone?" 

"Anyone." 

- - - 

Music was blaring. Bodies were taking up almost the entire first floor of the house. If there was one thing about Topper, he knew how to throw a rager. Kooks, tourons, even pogues were at the Cameron's that fateful night. But Rafe said anyone, right? At that point Rafe didn't really care, the more people the better. Every person was just one more distraction for Rafe Cameron to forget about the one person he wanted to see there. To say it didn't work was a lie, it did work, and that's what threw Rafe into four years of sex, money, and drugs. The parties, the drugs, the fights, seemed to be the closest thing to numbing the pain. 

Rafe made his way around to everyone at the party, slapping his friends on the back and saying hi to everyone he could. The smile on his face was bold, but not the same one he used to beam when he had his Jessie around. 

"Dude, you were right. This is the party of the century! I'm pretty sure some girl is topless in the pool right now." Topper laughed as he met Rafe in the kitchen to pour himself another drink.

"I knew it would be, thanks to you." Rafe replied as he squeezed Topper's shoulders. "But hey, the real party's upstairs." Rafe trailed off with a smirk and a raise of his eyebrows. Topper searched Rafe's bloodshot and watery eyes for a semblance of what that meant, and he thought he had a pretty good idea. Up until tonight Rafe was decent at hiding his coke addiction from his friends and family, Jessie really was the only one who ever saw it, and for good reason. 

"Dude... what do you mean?" Topper asked with a hint of worry to his face. He figured Rafe's newly disheveled and reckless state had to be tied to whatever he was referring to upstairs.  

Rafe didn't reply with words, only a swift nod of the head as if to say come with me.

The sound of the party faded into the distance as Topper followed Rafe up the winding wooden staircase, to be met with a new smell, one that replaced the smell of sweaty bodies and alcohol and was replaced with a smell of skunk and other substances. Topper had a feeling he knew where this was going. 

Rafe opened the door to a spare bedroom, smart enough not to let anyone use his room for such activities. After all, his room was a mess anyways, he hadn't cared to clean it ever since Jessie left. He had let himself go in just about every way possible, and his room was no exception. 

Topper was met with a sight to behold, plenty of people doing lines right off the glass table and  enough weed to go around for the rest of the night. 

"Dude," Topper harshly whispered as he pulled Rafe's shoulder so he would face him. Topper looked less than impressed, and Rafe didn't look too fond of the judgement Topper was so clearly giving him either. "Are you insane? W-What you're into hard drugs now? Is that why Jessie left?" Topper snapped with furrowed brows. He had never seen Rafe so wild and careless, the kook king was typically anything but those two things. 

"Don't" Rafe snapped back with a little too much force, he stopped himself from laying a hand on Topper as he withdrew his fist and let his hand hang loosely beside him. "... talk about Jessie, okay? She's gone. And this night isn't about her." Rafe mumbled with a sly smile, trying to play it off like he didn't almost just pummel his best friend over speaking the name of the love of his life. He had successfully managed to dodge those questions and those feelings tonight, and Topper clearly just ruined that streak, making Rafe feel like he definitely needed a line now. 

Considering the newfound mix of emotions Rafe was feeling, he did just that. He went over to the glass table, not bothering to pay anyone considering it was his coke and lined up the white powder just right before taking a quick drag and sniffling soon afterwards. Topper still couldn't believe his eyes, he genuinely thought he was dreaming. 

"Okay, seriously," Topper began as he rubbed his head, "did someone slip something in my drink or did you just do coke right in front of me?" Topper asked. Rafe just stood up from the couch and laughed. 

"Dude, you're not hallucinating. And you need to chill, it's just something to take the edge off." Rafe replied as he patted Topper's shoulders. 

"Why're you doing this Rafe? Why're you throwing your life away? You know that's where this leads, right? You're starting to act like a po-"

"Shut up, man!" Rafe corrected Topper as he gave him a swift and forceful shove. Rafe gritted his teeth as the words left his mouth, clearly fed up with the accusations. 

Rafe already felt his life had been thrown away, and that was long before Jessie ever entered the picture. Rafe got dangerously close to Topper, this time looking him dead in the eyes with his chest moving rapidly and his blown pupils looking strait at Topper's normal ones. 

"The rest of my life is going to be filled with kook dinner parties, kook business deals, and all other kook shit. For just one night, I wanna have a little fun." Rafe said through anger, doing a great job at disguising the hopelessness he had been feeling since Jessie left, the same hopelessness he had when he met her that night at the Island Club, the same hopelessness that Jessie so effortlessly relinquished him from. 

Whether it was through fear or pity, Topper received the message loud and clear, only nodding his head, not daring to peel his eyes away from Rafe for one second for fear of what he could do to him. Rafe noticed one thing in particular about the past 24 hours. Barry and Topper seemed to look at him differently, with a newfound fear-no, respect- for Rafe Cameron. Rafe thought maybe this is what his father was meaning all those years, maybe this level of reverence was what Ward was trying to instill in him, and he just never found it until tonight. Rafe started to relish the way everyone looked at him, like he held all the power in the room, like he was unstoppable, unapproachable, and untouchable. He loved it. 

What started as a night meant to mask the heartache turned into a lifestyle of commanding the room.