#batman: i'm gonna adopt u.......eventually

[zhelin-thames]

The room fell into stunned silence. The League had seen Phantom in all sorts of crises—world-ending fights, impossible missions, time loops, and even dealing with eldritch entities that would have driven most people insane. But this? This was different. This was personal.

Superman cleared his throat. "Danny—Phantom—are you okay?"

Danny blinked at him. "I just told you my parents died, and your first question is ‘are you okay?’ No, Superman, I’m not okay. But that’s not the priority right now. I need to handle things. My house, my identity, my sister—she’s going to freak out, and I need to figure out how to tell her before she finds out through some random news source or—"

Danny abruptly stopped, his stomach twisting. If the GIW found out first…

Batman, ever perceptive, seemed to pick up on his train of thought. "Do you have legal guardians outside of your parents? Any relatives?"

"Nope. Just Jazz. And she’s barely an adult herself, so she’s not an option."

Wonder Woman frowned. "The Justice League can assist in securing your legal status."

"And the Bat family is well-versed in handling underage wards," Batman added.

Danny sighed heavily, rubbing his temples. "I appreciate the offer, but I don’t need another weird, emotionally stunted billionaire trying to adopt me."

The Flash snorted. "Another?"

Danny waved a hand dismissively. "Long story. Point is, I can take care of myself. I just need to know the legal stuff. How do I keep my house? How do I keep my life from getting completely uprooted by this?"

Green Lantern crossed his arms. "Kid, you just lost your parents. You shouldn’t be dealing with this alone."

"I’ve been alone for a while now," Danny muttered. "This just makes it official."

Silence stretched again, heavier this time. Batman, still watching him intently, finally said, "We’ll help you. No matter what you choose."

Danny nodded slowly, letting the reality sink in. His life had just turned upside down, but maybe—just maybe—he didn’t have to figure it all out alone.

DC x DP

They were gone. Gone. It didn't feel real. How could it? His parents were dead; they were killed by their own invention. How ironic! He could hear Sam saying "what goes around comes around" in her snarky tone. He knows that he should be grieving. But he doesn't feel sad, just numb. Some of Jazz's lectures on shock echo in his head.

Shit! He has to tell Jazz. She is should be in class right now and he knows midterms are next week. She doesn't need to be-

"Phantom?"

Right, he was in the middle of a Justice League debrief when he got the text.

Batman requires him to debrief after he completes a time mission for Clockwork. Something about how is a new member and is inexperienced. Which feels uncalled for since he dealt with world ending events for a whole year before joining the league at 15. And he has been working with the league for two years now. Sure he isn't an adult yet but he has been taking care of himself for as long as he can remember. Much to the chagrin of Jazz. The only thing he needs from his parents now is-

"Phantom!"

"How do you emancipation yourself?"

"What?"

"Would my sister have to know? How am I going to pay the mortgage? Do I get a salary for helping the Justice League? Will I have-"

"Phantom!!"

Danny's eyes snapped up to Batman's glaring. He was just getting in the grove for a good spiral. Belatedly he realized everyone was staring at him with varying forms of confusion and sadness.

"Phantom..." OH no that's Wonder Woman's I have something to tell you that your not going to like but you need to hear it. "Your dead... as far as I am aware, ghosts don't have to pay a mortgage nor do they need to be emancipated."

Jumping up and looking around Danny cheered "OH I forgot to tell you guys! I am not completely dead. I am dead but not completely. I am also not completely alive either. It's confusing in general... I am what's known as a halfa. We are an embodiment of the veil itself, both alive and dead."

Judging by the shocked looks from everyone assembled, Danny did a shitty job of explaining again. Unfortunately for them, Danny has had this conversation one too many times and doesn't want to have it again. So, he decides to bulldoze through any attempts to ask questions and continues.

"Anyways, I do need to be emancipated since my parents just died and I am a minor. There is no way my sister can take me in. She just started her second year of college and-"

"Your a minor!"

"Your alive!"

"Your parents died..."

"I could adopt you."

Snapping his head back to Batman and using the most feed up tone he can muster, he drawls "I have been an orphan for all of 5 mins. You need psychiatric help ASAP."

[ilyalljasonsandnon-jasonsthesame]

Young Justice season 3

I'm back

Ep 1

Omg cool intro

Brb, crying

Ahhh shit, time skip again

OMFG WTF

WHAT IN HEAVENS NAME????

I'm scared

This already looks bad

STEPH??????

Is that Damian or Tim???

OMG BRUCE????? WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK????

OH MY GOD

Oof

Oh, it's Tim

Oooooooo GET HIS ASS Black Lightning (nothing against b, really, guy just looked real badass calling it Batman inc and I gotta stan)

Ofc Dick was right

Roy?

Oof

Oh god

OMGGGGG HE PROPOSED OMG

Omg the plushie 🥺🥺🥺

Ep 2

I LOVE YOU GARTH <3333

What a mess

Ughhh this fucking guy

Oh shit

What on earth??????

Ep 3

OMG GAR'S AN ACTOR????

AND HE'S DATING A QUEEN???????

Yes darling, kill indeed

Dear lord

Ep 4

Awwww i love lian <33333

Ok, now I'm a little worried about Dick

Brb, crying

"Can I shoot the guy?" "Yes, you can shoot the guy" 😭😭😭

He called him Wall :((((

I'll cry

Ep 5

This is all too sad

Ep 6

I've got the feeling these VR things are going to be a problem eventually

EXACTLY Dick, don't act like you didn't use to do this kinda thing all the time

HE KILLED HER?????

WHO'S THAT YOUNG BOY???????? TELL ME NOW

Thank god, she came back

I KNOW WHO HE IS I KNOW IT

LOOK THERE'S A REASON HE'S FIGHTING DICK SPECIFICALLY

AHHHHHH OMGGGGG TALIA AND DAMIAN <33333

BUT I KNOW THAT BOY IS JASON, IT JUST MAKES SENSE, THE ONLY SOLDIER LEFT, IT HAS TO BE HIM

YES

YES IT'S HIM

I KNEW IT

I FUCKING KNEW IT

YESSSSSSS OMG

I JUST SAW HIM ONE SECOND AND I KNEW IT WAS HIM

DICK JUST LEFT AND HIS TWO LITTLE BROTHERS ARE THERE AND HE DIDN'T NOTICE 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

GO BACK GOD DAMN IT GO BACK!!!!!!

Ummmm isn't Dick giving Brion the same speech Bruce gave him back then???

Ep 7

"KALIBAK HAS DADDY ISSUES" HELP 😭😭😭

Well, don't we all?

Oh shit, Starro

Bansjajsbsh oh god, it's like your father letting you drive his car. Scary

Oh god

Ep 8

Shade is scary??? It's kinda turning me on????

Yes, you gotta stop saying that kinda things, it makes you hotter

It's just so funny, you literally can't scape Batman, like, you can get away from him but there's at least one (1) bat per superhero team. They're everywhere

://// Jade...

OMGGGGG SPOILER AND ORPHAN <333333

Also, why is Bruce being kind of an ass?????

I love Cass

I just love it when they come in through the ceiling

Omg he's even hotter in a suit

Sorry Di, but you should know already that Gatekeeping is the bats' favorite hobby

Ep 9

Jon!!!!! <33333

What the fuck is wrong with this guy??????? Ugh

GOOD

WELL FUCKING DONE SHIVA 👏👏👏

WTF

Oh good, he's alive

Klarion <3

Ep 10

Geo and Halo are so cute <333

He does that honey, get used to it

Jade :(((((

Ep 11

You're losing your son, man...

HARPER!! <333

Sorry man, you could've done better as a father

Ep 12

:(((

Told you those googles would be bad news

FUCKING GOD

OH MY FUCKING GOD

OH MY GOD

JASON!!!!!

JASON 😭😭😭😭

Screaming, crying, throwing up

Wait

Hold on

Wait a moment

Ok

Alright

Shit

Omg

Jason :((((

Jay...

DON'T LET THOSE THINGS TOUCH JASON

PLEASE

I KNOW IT'S NOT REAL BUT STILL

JUST SEEING HIM KIND OF ALIVE AS PART OF YOUR IMAGINATION IS ENOUGH

NO

Oh shit, my feelings

This season is really fucking me up

OMG TTG STYLE!!!!

Dude... this is fucked up...

Oh god

Ok, I'm actually crying now

OMG THOSE TWO FINALLY GOT TOGETHER!!!!

Ep 13

Ok??? You didn't have to be so harsh, Dick????

I love icyboy

I think he has the potential to be good one day

Oh god, the twins look old and they did NOT age well

I really like this Jefferson guy

I knew she was still mind controlled

GOD JUST STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM THE KIDS YOU GROSS WEIRDO

Someone really needs to be castrated

Like, really, why is he always preying on the kids???? It's sickening

Ep 14

I love Guy

He's just neat

HE WHAT?????!!!!!

GO BB!!!

Guy's officially the best

So Halo's non binary? Good for them <3

YESSS BEST BOY'S BACK!!! <333

Why is his sister pretty? She adopted???

Desaad

Look, I don't find him hot. Just interesting

Hmmmm idk, scientist kinda sus

Ep 15

Ahhh shit suicide squad

This is all too calm, something terrible's gonna happen

OH MY GOD

OH

MY

GOD

Shit

Ep 16

I love Perdita

Ughhhh that idiot

I hate him sm

Omfg good hit Perdita

Oh shit

Oh god, those two dating?

Mood

Shit

I'M TELLING YOU, SHE'S SUS

Ep 17

Oh god

GO BEAST BOY <333

Idk, I still don't trust her

Girl get outta there you're gonna get hurt 😭😭😭

Why does she talk like that?

Shit

BAHAHAHAHAJABAJAH GET RECKT OLD MAN

I love Lian 🥺🥺🥺

Ep 18

WHAT?

Oh god

Funeral??????

Klarion <333333

He's such a brat <3

Everything I aspire to be

OH MY GOD

WHAT THE SHIT

She what???

:(((((

WHAT THE SHIT

This is only slightly traumatizing

I really love him sm

OH MY FUCKING GOD

WHAT IN THE NAME OF EVERYTHING THAT'S RIGHT AND HOLY????????

FORGIVE ME FATHER, THEY HAVE SINNED

Teenagers really scare the living shit out of me rn

I love Terra and Artemis bonding

On other news, Slade should really get castrated

Ep 19

Oh god

This shit only gets worse

LOL POOR BART 😭😭😭 used for cheap propaganda

GOD I HATE LUTHOR SO MF MUCH

Oh god, benching is not so good

:(((((

Oh shit

GOD i just can tell, this episode is gonna end BAD

BAHAHQHAHAHAJHAHA GET RECKT LUTHOR

Oh god Bruce

Rich people things ig

Ep 20

YOU TELL HIM VICTOR

Oh my god

OMG KALDUR HAS A BOYFRIEND???

NICE

A happy ending? In this economy???

Ep 21

Shit

NO

KALDUR DON'T LET YOUR BF GO

KNOWING THE NATURE OF THIS SEASON, HE'LL DIE :((((((

How did she say it so calm? HER WATER JUST BROKE. PRE-PARENTAL PANIC!!!

KALDUR WTF

God no

Oh shit, BB and Cyborg left unsupervised

Oh god

SHE'S GONNA MAKE HER DAUGHTER A META???

GOD I HATE THAT OLD LADY

I KNEW IT

I FUCKING KNEW IT

I TOLD Y'ALL SHE WAS UP TO SMT

I. WAS. RIGHT.

Ep 22

GET AWAY FROM THE FUCKING KID NOW

God, he's sick

OMG ALFRED <3

I told you you couldn't scape Batman inc., they're everywhere

WHAT THE SHIT DUDE

WTF

I'M TELLING YOU SHE'S BAD

GOD SHE'S FUCKED UP

UGH GROSS GROSS GROSS

OH SHIT THAT FUCKING EQUATION

TELL HIM BARBARA, YOU FUCKING TELL HIM

SHE'S FUCKING CRAZY

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH HER??????

Ep 23

FUCKING SHIT

This is bad

This is so so bad

Dick :((

Shit

Brb, crying

Fucking shit man

Ep 24

Fucking shit

YOU GO VIC!!!

Ugh this idiot

Ep 25

Dude :(((((

In actual tears now

I swear my head hurts from crying

IT'S NOT FAIR

IT'S NOT FUCKING FAIR

Ep 26

WHAT THE SHIT???

This is going horribly easy

It's gonna be super bad

GET RECKT DEATHSTROKE

OH MY GOD

That I was NOT expecting

WHAT THE SHIT, BRION??????

OMFG YOU GO CONNER!!!!!

UGH not this crazy woman again

WHAT THE SHIT WAS THAT AT THE END? THAT RING? THAT WHAT I THINK IT IS???

On other news, WHERE. IS. JASON??????????

[zealouswitchwerewolf]

On the back of the room, someone's texting fast enough to rival the speedsters. He seems unaware of the conversation and completely focused on his phone. The only sign that he's listening comes from his small flinches every time Danny reveals a new piece of lore.

It hasn't even been five minutes when a blur of white and yellow shows up in the room. The blur takes a lap around the room and exits it before anyone can react. It takes a minute to notice that there's now an extra person in the room.

Standing in front of Phantom, Red Robin analyzes the scene in front of him more out of habit than surprise. Across the room, Batman is pinching his nose through the cowl, Superman looks intrigued, Wonder Woman is smiling with amusement, and Flash is now holding a bucket of popcorn. The presence in the shadows seems torn between leaving before he's noticed or staying and recording what is sure to be an entertaining show.

"so, a little bird told me you're in need of my services" Red Robin starts, Phantom looks confused "would you like to go the route of fake relative, emancipation, or actual adoption? I have first hand experience with all three but I could probably help with something else if you have a specific plan in mind"

"Robin!" Batman's hands are on the table and he's glaring dangerously at the teenager. The league is watching with a mix of fascination and horror, some of the previous recipients of the batglare™ are trying to make themselves as small as possible to avoid getting Batman's attention while he's this mad. Red Robin doesn't even turn. "You're not supposed to..."

"did you hear something?" Red Robin asks casually to the open-mouthed Phantom who's still trying to process the last three minutes. "Anyway, if you're also worried about money, I can teach you how to funnel money from a billionaire of your choice, I'm sure they won't mind" Batman is now sitting with his head between his hands, looking done. Phantom, on the other hand, is beaming, the usually subdued glow around his features is so bright that some leaguers have to avert their eyes.

"You can help me get back at the fruit loop? Can you donate all his money to charity and give me only the small portion I need? Can you make it seem like he was the one to make that choice?" Phantom's chatter gets exponentially faster as his excitement skyrockets "oooooh, what if we..."

"Baby Bird..." Nightwing interrupts in a soft tone, clearly trying to de-escalate "maybe we shouldn't..." Before he can finish, Phantom grabs Red Robin's hand and turns them both invisible. Nightwing turns to Superman with a questioning glance that's answered with a small shake of the head. The two boys are not in the room anymore.

From his place in the shadows, Kon looks at the heroes in different degrees of dismay and smirks. He moves his phone, making sure to capture each of their expressions for Tim's later enjoyment, and stops his recording. He sends it to the young justice chat and leaves silently to catch up with his friends. They have a potential new member to welcome and the league to annoy. Who needs parental supervision, anyway?

DC x DP

They were gone. Gone. It didn't feel real. How could it? His parents were dead; they were killed by their own invention. How ironic! He could hear Sam saying "what goes around comes around" in her snarky tone. He knows that he should be grieving. But he doesn't feel sad, just numb. Some of Jazz's lectures on shock echo in his head.

Shit! He has to tell Jazz. She is should be in class right now and he knows midterms are next week. She doesn't need to be-

"Phantom?"

Right, he was in the middle of a Justice League debrief when he got the text.

Batman requires him to debrief after he completes a time mission for Clockwork. Something about how is a new member and is inexperienced. Which feels uncalled for since he dealt with world ending events for a whole year before joining the league at 15. And he has been working with the league for two years now. Sure he isn't an adult yet but he has been taking care of himself for as long as he can remember. Much to the chagrin of Jazz. The only thing he needs from his parents now is-

"Phantom!"

"How do you emancipation yourself?"

"What?"

"Would my sister have to know? How am I going to pay the mortgage? Do I get a salary for helping the Justice League? Will I have-"

"Phantom!!"

Danny's eyes snapped up to Batman's glaring. He was just getting in the grove for a good spiral. Belatedly he realized everyone was staring at him with varying forms of confusion and sadness.

"Phantom..." OH no that's Wonder Woman's I have something to tell you that your not going to like but you need to hear it. "Your dead... as far as I am aware, ghosts don't have to pay a mortgage nor do they need to be emancipated."

Jumping up and looking around Danny cheered "OH I forgot to tell you guys! I am not completely dead. I am dead but not completely. I am also not completely alive either. It's confusing in general... I am what's known as a halfa. We are an embodiment of the veil itself, both alive and dead."

Judging by the shocked looks from everyone assembled, Danny did a shitty job of explaining again. Unfortunately for them, Danny has had this conversation one too many times and doesn't want to have it again. So, he decides to bulldoze through any attempts to ask questions and continues.

"Anyways, I do need to be emancipated since my parents just died and I am a minor. There is no way my sister can take me in. She just started her second year of college and-"

"Your a minor!"

"Your alive!"

"Your parents died..."

"I could adopt you."

Snapping his head back to Batman and using the most feed up tone he can muster, he drawls "I have been an orphan for all of 5 mins. You need psychiatric help ASAP."