#bc i commented multiple times maybe replying to multiple ppl?? or maybe just the other thing

[sereniv]

fb suspended my account temporarily for hate speech bc i told someone, who was mad about the phrase "you are on stolen land" asking why does it need to be said and then proceeded to say that people on the rez can just leave "no ones holding them there", that "this is why. bc of ignorant white ppl like you"

like even beyond the bullshit, its relevant to the conversation! his whiteness played a roll in his ignorance!

i appealed and fb allowed my comment back up

but then suspended me?

like yeah suspend me but not the actual racist person 🙄

[jacesvelaryons]

english love affair

social media au

kpop idol!reader x tom blyth

fc: jennie kim

i love making these and have some in my drafts so feel free to send requests/face claim requests/suggestions

(ps: i had to redo this bc the first time i posted not only did it not post, it didn’t save any of my changes so i had to do it again. 😭)

Requests are OPEN for both soc med aus and blurbs for Tom and his characters

yourusername

liked by zendaya and others

@calvinklein

hunterschafer beautiful girl

liked by yourusername

↪️yourusername that’s you babes 😘

taylorswift so proud of you hon

lola.tung can’t wait to see your pretty face all on the billboards AHH

tomblyth ❤️

liked by yourusername

↪️ user23 OH?

↪️ fan98 they know each other?

↪️ user9 and she liked!

user8 insert olivia wilde nodding meme

random56 when you’re that girl!

username7 y/n world domination she’s a singer dancer rapper songwriter producer model like what can she not do

ynfans

liked by randomuser and others

y/n has now followed actor tom blyth who has recently stared in the new hunger games movie the ballad of songbirds and snakes!

he has previously liked and commented on her recent post, and she’s stated previously that she’s a fan of the trilogy and has watched this new movie multiple times!

ynfan98 this is interesting bc she barely follows ppl as it is

user76 the way she’s barely active on social media and does this she’s so old lady coded 😭

user12 DID YALL SEE TOMS THIRST TRAP

↪️ user8 HIS WHAT?!

↪️ username6 YES SKDKDK not even a few hours since she followed now he’s like this

↪️ random87 real because i’d be thirst trapping to get her attention

tomblyth

liked by yourusername and others

outtakes from my recent vogue italia shoot

user1 ok thirst trap

ynfan NOT HIM POSTING THIS RIGHT AFTER YOURNAME FOLLOWS HIM BACK

↪️ random488 HES SO REAL

↪️ user978 IM CRYING HES SO HOT

↪️ user11 AND IT WORKED SHE LIKED BACK

rachelzegler you look okay i guess 🙄

↪️ tomblyth i’ll take it

mayahawke looking good my boy

↪️ tomblyth 👍

↪️ random5 his millennial ahh reply 😭

liked by mayahawke

yourusername stunning

liked by tomblyth

↪️ user12 not him acting coy after that thirst trap when she followed him 😭

↪️ user9 he thinks he’s slick when he’s probably fangirling she’s noticing him

user12 how did they meet not my worlds colliding

↪️ random1 probably rachel introduced them yk how rach is a social butterfly

liked by rachelzegler

↪️ user9 see? rach liking just confirms it she set them up

blythnation

liked by tbfns and others

tom’s now deleted story (1.12.2024)

user097 not him deleting this naurrr

tomfans wait my friends said they saw him in london what is he doing there if he ain’t filming anything?

user64 wait the shoes he’s holding look like something yn would wear at the recent gala in london hold on 👀👀

↪️ username678 you’re so right cause coincidence i think not

↪️ random75 maybe he went as her date! it’s a big night for her and her career. how sweet!

yourusername

liked by naomi and others

A huge honour to receive the Honorary MBEs and attend the South Korea-UK State Banquet at Buckingham Palace 🎖️💂‍♀️

onyourm_ark congrats y/nnie!

↪️ yourusername thanks markles im gonna cry omg

↪️ johnnyjsuh so proud of you y/n 🎉🥳

dualipa you’re one of us now 🥰🥰

↪️ yourusername kisses kisses hugs hugs

↪️ user87 one of us like 👀interesting

↪️ person97 cause she got an english man too

oliviarodrigo congrats my love!

liked by yourusername

↪️ yourusername thank you angel ✨

↪️ random97 wait both my girls booed up by english boys they’re on the same wavelength

username188 am i dreaming or does the shoes on tom’s deleted story match her dress

↪️ ynfan I SEE IT OMG did they go together

↪️ fan65 my cousin who works at the palace apparently heard he entered through the private back entrance to attend the ball and seated where he’s not visible by the camera

↪️ user97 so cute for her to bring him as a date! must be serious tho

↪️ randomuser7 great he attended and supported her during one of the biggest nights of her career but didn’t hog the spotlight

↪️ user121 a real man wouldn’t be threatened by a woman’s success

liked by yourusername

↪️ user53 exactly yn deserves someone who knows his place and that she’s a star and not to be jealous and try to stifle her talent and creativity and personality

yourusername posted a story

[onlythebravest]

✨️ Twenty Questions for Fic Writers ✨️

Thank you @disgruntledkittenface for tagging me! These questions things are always so fun to read and answer!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

37.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

212 726

3. What fandoms do you write for?

rigt now, 1D and hockey rpf. I've written for harry potter and acotar before though

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

in order; never been a fan of change, but we're still the same, in the pub that we met he's got his arms around you, dream about a summer night, a conversation starter and these arms were made for holding you

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

yes! almost always. for different reasons. as a reader, I always enjoy getting replies to comments I've left. it also motivates me to leave more comments, esp on that author's fics. that's just how I work. and since I like and want that, I assume it's the same for other ppl so I do that to them. it's also bc getting comments sometimes makes my entire day, and it makes me so happy, and I want to let them know that

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i'm not sure i've written anything with an angsty ending? oh wait, two of my older mini fics do. the loss of a friend and what are we now? both have pretty angsty endings, or at least not happy ones. so i'll go with them.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

the rest of them? no, but I prefer happy endings so I think almost all of the rest have. all of my top five kudos ones that I mentioned above are the first ones I'd pick, so take your pick among those. but if I were to pick another one... most of the rest are kinda happy throughout the entire fic and then the ending doesn't feel as happy. so to pick one that's not happy throughout, but has a happy ending, I'll go with maybe we're good, maybe we're not.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

no, i don't. i've gotten some rude comments, but that's as far as it's gotten luckily

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yes, i've written a little. it's still a bit out of my comfort zone though, esp posting it, but i've written some m/m smut of different variants.

10. Do you write crossovers? What the craziest one you've written?

no. or well, technically yes, but it's an abandoned wip that i don't like so that's all you're gonna get about it

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not as far as i'm aware, so i hope not

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

no

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

nope. I was part of a round robin, but that got abandoned and I vowed never to do it again. group projects are not my thing 😂

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

I don't think I have one. I change favorites so often, so I don't think I can say I've got an all-time fave

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

oh multiple! I have one that I do doubt I'll ever finish but I still hope I will so so much, so I'm not gonna give up on that one just yet. instead, I have one that's even less likely I'll finish. it's a fantasy one, enemies to lovers (I should've known it was doomed already then, that's not my thing), magic that was based around elements. it's main feature is that it has a "who did this to you?" between two ppl who don't like each other, which is something I love. maybe I'll end up publishing only that scene, it can be read as a stand-alone so it's not that bad of an idea actually

16. What are your writing strengths?

dialogue, I think. specifically banter, I think I'm pretty good at that. I always manage to write it in at least and have a lot of fun writing it!

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I feel like I write pretty short sentences, making paragraphs sound a bit choppy. I'm also an expert in writing english sentences with swedish grammar, so I feel for my beta that has to correct that shit. esp when the sentence doesn't even make sense in English and it's a guessing game😂

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

if it's important to the plot, then yeah, that could be nice. but it's a bit of a pet peeve of mine when i read dialgoue in swedish and it's obvious that the author has used google translate, it bothers me. i'd rather read it in english with an accompanying "says in swedish" rather than the inaccurate translation. but that's probably bc it's my native language. when it's in languages i don't understand i don't have that issue obviously.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

harry potter probably? at least that I posted for, might've written something that I didn't realise was technically for fandom when I was younger

20. Favorite fic you've written?

oh, hm... right now it's probably a tie between does it always end in heartbreak? and maybe we're good, maybe we're not. but that's probably bc those are the latest ones I published. one favorite I always mention is one of the drabbles in the drabble collection snapshots of moments, the one in chapter 11, pretty when you beg

Since this was the first one I saw of these, I'm not sure who has done them, but I'll tag @greenfeelings, @neondiamond, @larrysballetslippers, @lunarheslwt, @sun-lt, @hellolovers13, @zjofierose and @zanniscaramouche. oh and if you see this and want to do this, just say I tagged you because I want to read it!

[rev3rb]

No apologies necessary! I don’t always have something to reply, so I didn’t expect you to be on the lookout for a message anyways lol

I’m definitely right with you when it comes to the feelings of disappointment and frustration. This manga introduces a lot of intriguing concepts that I want to see pay off properly, but the longer we’re strung along the less confident I am that those things will be fully explored. Especially when the characters who represent different aspects of these themes disappear for months at a time. Like Shinya who has a defining trait of not getting riled up and acting on his desires. That’s part of the reason I did genuinely want to know your take on Mahiru’s goals bc I think looking at the characters is a good way of analyzing different positions on the spectrum of things. Although bc a lot of characters seem to have contradictory philosophies, even if they can all agree that God’s way is wack, I can’t see them all agreeing on how their world should look. Generally they don’t wanna be controlled and don’t like the current state of things, but if they all band together and succeed in making a change… then what? Do we resurrect ppl willy-nilly without consequence? Is everyone immortal now? Is it wrong to let someone die if you resurrect them after? Basically, a power vacuum and a shit ton of questions emerge once you get rid of the current rules. Even so, I’m still hoping for a satisfying conclusion even though it’s hard to imagine getting one within the next century 😐

True enough I suppose, but I still feel bad.

Exactly! I feel like that feeling of 'will this even get properly explored' is just intensified with how much we jump around. In general, I'd say we always tend to circle back to concepts and plot threads that get mentioned, BUT the roundabout way we often get there can just be frustrating.

Oh, I agree with all of that. Characters are undeniably the strongest point for this series as the plot itself is WACK af and all over the place, but as you say, it can be a bit hard to pin them down when they keep popping in and out of the story and ESPECIALLY when you look at Vampire Reign in its own bubble separate from C@16, whether that be because one hasn't read it or just for analysis sake. Again, a story should be able to stand on its own without side content imo, and it's sometimes crazy to think about how much weaker OnS's story gets without the added context C@16 brings. A talk for another time though. But yes, all their separate goals and viewpoints. I agree with what you're saying. It's why I feel so unsure about how the story is going to go. In concept, everyone teaming up makes sense since that's kinda just a standard trope-y thing, but they have different views on how they want the world to end up like you said. I'd imagine Yu's view would win out since he's the protagonist, but the other main parties' philosophies are strong and have been in the making for long periods of time. They're not just going to toss everything to the wind and join Yu because he says he'll make sure everything works out... or at least they SHOULDN'T if the story is going to be a satisfactory one, and that's what worries me. It's hard to imagine getting a satisfying ending with what we have now. Things will have to develop a lot to get there, which is why your last comment here is so true lol. We have no hints that OnS will be ending any time soon, so there's time, but if we keep wasting chapter space with pointless banter or information that we've already seen multiple times, I'm going to lose it. We're never gonna get there lol. I've said it before, but while I'm usually all for character-building banter and recaps/reminders (when relevant and necessary for the later here), I'm approaching my wit's end when it comes to Kagami wasting chapter space. Maybe "wasting" is harsh, but how many times have we talked like this and had a "another chapter spent not really accomplishing much of anything/moving the story forward :/" conclusion? Too many.

Tangentally related to all this, but since you bring up characters, I have to say, Kagami's use of them can be SO bad at times. Characters just disappear! I get that with how the story is, some characters, Shinya and the rest of Guren squad in particular, won't get as much spotlight, but the amount of times characters inexplicably disappear is noticeably high. I wouldn't say that they're necessarily representative of different aspects of the story, so they're less relevant, but for example, Narumi where are you?? He has to be the most egregious case of this. At least we know where Shinya is right now. How about Lacus who has that whole thing with Yoichi? And with Lacus comes Rene, though he's less significant. Also, while they're not plot-relevant at all as far as I can tell, we also haven't seen the likes of Chess and Horn in FOREVER! It is what it is I guess, but it'd be nice if we had SOME acknowledgment of these disappearances if we really have to have them. Narumi's continued absence being unaddressed entirely continues to be absolutely baffling.

[nyanggk]

thank you for your response, but i do not appreciate the shameless gaslighting throughout your entire reply lmfao. i completely understand not replying right away but don't use the "i'm tired" excuse to justify an immature response because you could've just waited until you were clear-headed. maybe you should get some more rest because it's obvious you did not understand what i pointed out as proven by your childish answers.

i'll start with what you mentioned about dark humor because i want to emphasize that misogyny is NOT dark humor in any circumstance. you told me to go look up the definition of misogyny but the point i was making was that y/n was treating the girls way worse and it dragged on for the entirety of the fic. the guy's antics, like jake cheating, was passed off as a joke in the beginning, but the girls were treated ruthlessly which i found pretty misogynistic. i'm not sure how you can overlook that when multiple people have said the same thing in your comments/reblogs as well.

if you want dark humor to deliver then you need to know your audience. i'm sure you didn't actually think a (mostly) female audience would appreciate misogyny passed off as "dark humor"?? plus you said in your author's note that you didn't intend for it to be misogynistic, so why are you switching up now and saying it was supposed to be dark humor?

there is a line between what's considered dark humor and what's considered flat-out offensive. making fun of weight and dragging down other girls is not dark humor, it's just plain bullying. "dark humor" is supposed to be funny and i didn't laugh one time because the whole portrayal was just uncomfortable. y/n is not the bad bitch you intended to write, she's just an asshole. i get you want to make "flawed" characters but throughout the story you are promoting a "romantic" development between y/n and jay without any sort of character development or growth.

the issue is your clear romanticization of topic behaviors in this fic. i know you didn't intend to do so because this sudden switch up from your author's note is confusing, so idk why it's so hard for you to admit that your fic is romanticizing a toxic relationship. not just that but brushing off misogyny as "badass."

i also don't appreciate how you brushed off the fatphobia towards liz by saying "idrk anything abt that nor do i care abt it" like? you have the audacity to say you don't care about the fatphobia she faces but you bias her too? and turning it on me and saying it's my mindset is just awful and wrong. if you don't care enough to look up what people say about liz then that's fine, but don't turn this on me because i called you out on how inappropriate the fatphobic comments were in your fic.

good for you and your boyfriend, but this really isn't about your actual relationship. you wrote this fic without any warnings about dubcon and misogyny and expect people to be "wiser" about the content of your fic? it's not a matter of fiction vs reality. you think that just because it's fiction it can't harm anyone, but it unconsciously teaches people things that shouldn't be taught. i mean, it's pretty obvious it affects you too since you called yourself a vengeful person much like you said y/n is. so is it safe for me to assume that y/n is based off of you? you said it in a recent comment on the fic too: "oof wait who did i describe as pale 💀 if it was yn then i was just probably thinking of myself/my own appearance so yuh" (this is verbatim by the way)

thank you for choosing to answer instead of deleting my previous ask lmfao idk if you expected me to thank you or something but addressing controversy is the bare minimum.

hey again, so firstly no I'm not expecting you to thank me nor do I care if u do bcs I legitimately don't. I'm saying that I could've legit deleted your ask and went on with my day while you rant to your own blog abt how some author refused to give light abt an issue/an ask u sent bcs you ppl are like that (if you are like that) hiding behind your anonymous asks bcs you're scared your moots might see u in a different light or that I might come at you (which I won't bcs like I said, I don't care abt you)

so to actually start off, I'm not trying to justify what I said as "Oh im tired. it's too early for this. lemme just reply to this now to get it over with." I actually meant all of that. and also, whether you admit it or not, the longer I take to answer this ask affects your view on me— whether you think of me as trying to run away from the "issue" or just me plainly ignoring you, I know you're just getting antsy for a response. which by the way, you could've sent in my dms but obv no, you can't do that because it'll expose your identity right? im not gaslighting you, I'm flatly telling you what I mean. if you call the humour or the "lol"s that I put in there gaslighting, then that's just me not taking you seriously bcs once again, I don't care.

misogyny is funny to me in the way I wrote it (even thought it wasn't just discrimination towards women) and how can u say that it isn't when people have actually laughed at the shit I wrote? and yes I have proof, it was from the people who actually bothered to read everything and send in a commentary, telling me what they think of every line / scene. and maybe yn hated the girls a lot more bcs there was a bitch tormenting her???? the hate she had for the female population at the start was just there (same as for the boys) because thats how she viewed them and she disliked them. the only reason it dragged on til the end (for the girls' part) was bcs of yujin. did yn mention any other girl she hated besides her and her little "minions" who were just mentioned once? no. she hated them but like what was written there, she mostly wouldn't care abt what yujin would say except for when liz gets angry, that's when she would cheer her on or when she went too far. now, can u name any other girl yn said she hated? no bcs there was only yujin. the part where Jay went into the art room and was basically crowded by other people, yn said she was angry or getting jealous bcs they were touching him, right?

her hate wasn't just some baseless grudge towards a (1) gender bcs why would she be jealous of guys crowding jay when he's straight (in this fic im not saying irl). yes, she was immature in feeling that bcs once again, him and yn weren't a thing and both that angered her, mixed with the denial she feels towards Jay. was there a reason for me to put the other boys there? no bcs yn already has this "rival" figure so why would I bother adding a guy.

yes I brushed it off because I simply don't care what other people think of her. "if that's what u think I don't care" is me generalising all of you (possibly also u idk) who think that's she's fat. I told u I don't care bcs I like how she looks and have no care in what other people say bcs once again, I don't care abt their opinions bcs what matters to me is my own unbiased opinion.

I'm not switching it up to dark humour bcs it alrdy was???? i said it wasn't meant to be misogynistic bcs it wasn't??? wdym "You said it wasn't misogynistic so you're switching it do dark humour" it wasn't misogynistic in the first place. it's meant to fuck with both genders. a (gay) guy have also sent me feedback abt this fic and did he call me out for calling guys manwhores??? no, bcs he probably didn't care and knew it was just for laughs and wished for me to make a mxm spin off.

I'm "unconsciously teaching people what shouldn't be taught" aren't you adults? have u not been taught from a young age what's right and what's wrong? shouldn't you alrdy know this??? if you know its wrong then why would u do it??? I'm not teaching anyone nor am I shaming anyone for doing stupid decisions in life. no matter how old u are, I get that ppl can still make mistakes but to blindly follow the mc of a smutty enhypen fanfiction posted on tumblr????? are u insane or do u just not have anyone guiding you in life.

and can I ask u how u thought yn was based off of me (both physically and personality wise) when I said that i literally have a healthy relationship with my boyfriend? didn't I tell u alrdy that I know how to differentiate fiction and reality. didn't I tell u that no dubcon or whatever that is, happens to us? (I have no idea what dubcon was before this) just bcs she's vengeful and pale doesn't mean I'd do the same thing as she did in this ff bcs like I've said multiple times, yn is a fictional character and I'm an adult who knows what's right or wrong. and who else would I base yn off of? my sister? my mother? other ppl? an oc? ofc I'd use the word pale bcs I am and vengeful bcs I'm vengeful. that's doesn't mean I'm the same as her.

and the "it's pretty obvious it affects you too" phrase, idk what u mean by that.

safe to say that I don't intend to teach any adult smth they should morally alrdy know. I'll add that dubcon thing u said to the warnings if that makes u happy aslo bcs I don't want other people to misunderstand. I had no idea what dubcon was before this so that's why it wasn't there. besides that, I have nothing else for ya. if this came off as blunt to u then thats bcs it probably is. like I said, u never stated anything good from me or the fic, hence why I'm sour. if u came here to provide constructive critiscm, make sure to not just put the bad things.

[quercus-queer]

BA’s Reckoning

Yes, I stole this title from the Sporkful podcast. You should check it out!

So just a reminder the whole thing that kicked this off was when Tammie Teclemariam tweeted the photo of Rapoport in brown face (yes its brown face its a purposeful caricature of Puerto Rican ppl, his girlfriend called him her papi in the caption as well) saying he should simply write the article on Puerto Rican food then (the issue was Illyanna Maisonet, a Puerto Rican food writer, got rejected rudely by Rapo for her pitch to write about Puerto Rican food) Which brings up the larger issue of BA being racist and not covering any other dishes besides Eurocentric ones, and the ones that aren't Eurocentric are almost always either whitewashed or done by white people which is what happened with Masionet’s article (this is where Amanda Shapiro and Meryl Rothstein come in).

This led to a zoom meeting where Rapo made a shitty apology leading Sohla El-Waylly’s instagram posts, where she condemns Rapo, talks about her 50k salary despite having 15 years of restaurant experience (She ran a fucking restaurant and 50k in NYC is pathetic), being hired to help white editors, and not being paid for ANY of her video appearances (none of the poc you see in videos have been compensated including the zoom videos). Which has led to many people at BA being exposed for being terrible (Conde Nast is the parent company and owns BA, Vogue, Architectural Digest, Allure, Glamour, Wired, Epicurious,Teen Vogue among other things... also take note how most of these have consistently been criticized for their racism or “race problems”)

ANYWAY here’s a general guide of what each BA person has done, this is in no way comprehensive, feel free to investigate on your own, always fact check and form your own opinions!

Adam Rapoport: Brown face, not paying his non-white employees for their video appearances, treating his assistant Ryan Walker-Hartshorn (a black woman) like shit (she was working overtime and was barely making rent with what he was paying her), he's sexist (see every video with Molly) and racist (mixing up Sohla and Priya Krishna and never apologizing) and more!

Check out the Business Insider piece, twitter (Tammie’s, Christina Chaey’s, and Priya’s), Sohla’s podcast and interviews, and someone made a compilation of Rapo being condescending I think

Matt Duckor: Disgusting, racist, homophobic, sexist all around terrible person, probably the most obviously terrible of the bunch (see Rick Martinez’s insta plus Duckor’s own tweets), strung along Sohla for months saying that her pay was “stuck in legal” so that she would keep appearing in videos, gave Sohla a contract when this stuff first started happening to try and shut her up, HE is the one deciding pay for everyone at BA and was the one not paying poc for video appearances.

Check out Rick’s Insta, Twitter for Duckor’s tweets (screenshots bc he deleted his account)

Carla Lalli Music: First off, ppl are pointing out she was condescending af to a lot of her guests on her show (except for the white ones). The racism at BA did not start nor stop with Adam Rapoport and guess who was editor in chief before him? Yup, Mrs. Carla Lalli Music! Necessary amendment: Carla was the food director NOT the editor in chief and she is currently an editor at large... still a powerful position though and I think the sentiment still stands. She had a pretty pathetic twitter thread about how she should’ve done more but was focused on the sexism/focusing on women, strange because she also sent that shitty email to two women along with Delany and Brad after the two of them, Delany, and Brad were talking in the kitchen, telling them not to enter the kitchen without permission (not enforced on Brad or Delany obviously, only the two women who happen to not be white) I misread the article, Brad was a part of the convo, he did NOT receive the email, and didn't respond to the articles request for comment.. he fucking works in the test kitchen, i’m an idiot and that's on me

Business insider and her twitter 

Alex Delany: I have a post with the screenshots of the confederate flag cake he made himself because he felt the “need to express some southern heritage in cake form. Such a glorious cake...” for his friend moving to South Carolina, the lovely vine with the classic “F*g is a bundle of sticks joke” also have a post discussing that, he’s wildly underqualified for DRINKS editor and overpaid, also his girlfriend is Allegra Lorenzotti whose mother Eva Lorenzotti, is in Jeffery Epstein’s black book which is concerning (though who knows maybe Delany is dating a different wealthy Allegralo), also those sexist tweets

I have screenshots from Tumblr, ppl have the vine on twitter along with the sexist tweets (he deleted his twitter and Tumblr btw)

Andy Baraghani: There are screenshots of Alyse Whitney’s (an asian woman) twitter thread saying Andy purposefully undercut her articles multiple times because of a petty feud with Antoni from Queer Eye by using his friendship with Amanda Shapiro (Whitney’s editor) to kill the story, which is shitty and brings up the bigger picture of BA being cliquey and getting in with a friend of a friend and such which is just a toxic work environment

Amanda Shapiro: Puerto Rican food article, Alyse Whitney’s articles, she’s a perpetuator of the toxic work environment, stealing Nikita Richardson’s work and getting credit and pay for it (pls check out her twitter and the articles with her), also racist, should not be in charge

Chris Morocco: Made one (1) basic post (simply a reply to Molly calling him out actually) at the beginning of all this agreeing to not be in anymore videos until his coworkers got paid/backpay, he said he was complicit (duh) but also that he had no idea this was happening, but guess what? He is the one that hired Sohla for only 50k! There is a whole can of worms about how little Sohla was hired for despite her experience plus talent along with her current pay and Chris is a part of that. Also both his gumbo video and Halo Halo recipe are downright disrespectful at BEST and they should not have had a white man doing them (again with the white people doing articles/videos that can be EASILY given to someone whose actually part of that culture) and before anyone says anything yes the gumbo was for Chris’s show (strange how only white ppl get shows or in Andy’s case unless you’re friends with a higher up) still doesn't make the video less disrespectful, also he’s SAID he is friends with Anna Wintour (head of vogue, and a racist “there’s no room for black women” the reason the vogue challenge is happening)

Brad Leone: Himbo status permanently revoked, “Brad who just found out racism is real”(Sohla said this in the Sporkful podcast) is NOT acceptable for a 35 year old white man whose coworkers are suffering in a clearly toxic work environment, the screenshot with “I didn’t sign her contract she did” is NOT how you respond to your coworker being underpaid and disrespected by the company she works at because she is not a white man. I do not like him anymore, he has made apologies but ignorance to this extent is willful and I don't completely buy it the rumors he was upset Delany was going to be fired/would quit if Delany was fired/was mad at Sohla is not something I was able to confirm but based off of what I’ve seen he really needs to prove himself to be better, he can stay if that’s what his coworkers want but he is on thin fucking ice

Stuff I can't accredit to a single person, but BA is racist: 

NIKITA RICHARDSON, pls check her out on twitter

They sent Sohla to interview black chefs (bc BA has a bad track record) because she was the darkest and there were literally NO black chefs working at BA

Making Priya only cook Indian dishes (which were kinda whitewashed) I actually think this may have been Duckor

Tokenizing the poc staff (they would make them be in the kitchen when filming the white hosts shows and push them in front of the camera to highlight nonexistent diversity)

Paying Hawa Hassan only $400 for her video (probs also Duckor)

[lesbiancarat]

Lol its fine!! Reply whenever you can ^_^

But ahh true, true. Idk why I thought it would be a hint to the music lol but a sort og an evolution of the concept so to speak. Either way, am excited for the comeback because fresh svt is always iconic. Oohhh the concept photos are all pretty and idk which one to pick jfkshfjsjd. Like they are all very on brand for them but also unique and pretty. Very artsy haha.

Ahh yes, rabbitnwas forever iconic and it was what helped other places like discord to do similar things! But ah understandable!! Both seventeen and nct (when I was getting into kpop more) always felt like BIG well known groups due to their fandoms being so big at least to me. Especially when people always recommended their songs i just assumed they have been around for a while like bts when I joined only to realize they are still rookies. Monster rookies indeed!! The fact so many people love them is enough for me to say they are amazing, well respected and loved by many. Those comments annoy me, especially when people downplay their hard work by claiming 'bighit helped them get more famous' like what!? Yes bighit did help with getting more western attention per se but like downplaying as if they haven't achieved anything at all is confusing to me. Claiming how streaming fans aren't doing s good job to which im like one, mass streaming isn't healthy and two, fans who do try their best and we do beat records of our own. Seventeen isn't unpopular, just because they aren't you know who level doesn't mean they aren't big like do people forget what unpopular means?

Anywhoo, a day late but happy late birthday to our tiger King. May he forever rule the tiger land and take over the world with his tiger agenda lol.

yes! one side fits my aesthetic the best but all the concept photos were nice ^^

and yeah it is annoying but at the same time those people are so detached from reality that I'm just sort of like whatever djflgj like 'it's obvious to anyone who knows what they're talking about you're wrong so I'm not going to bother arguing w you' is sort of my mindset when i see those comments dhfkj bc if i don't think of it that way then i get angry easily. the way i see it bh/hybe definitely is helping SVT with western promotions but like. i don't think SVT/pledis would have been incapable of expanding into the western market on their own if they wanted to. but it's a given that it will be easier and faster with hybe bc they have connections and a reputation in the western market already established. honestly I'd guess that was one of pledis's main incentives for agreeing to the acquisition. but at the same time hybe and western media wouldn't give SVT the time of day if they truly were the flops some ppl try to claim they are lol

and yeah agreed, streaming culture can be super unhealthy. it's one thing to do it if you want to but at the same time don't be losing sleep over it or prioritizing it over your real life responsibilities. and definitely don't guilt trip and say a bunch of toxic things to others to get them to stream... i feel like it would be a lot healthier if fanbases just stuck to simply explaining, hey this is what streaming is and why it can be important (for like music shows etc) and here's how to do it properly if you choose to stream, and then just let people decide for themselves. there would still be people more than willing to do it, and without the guilt tripping maybe even more people would just find it enjoyable. but hey, what do i know? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

i also think most kpop stans underestimate how many views from from casual listeners and fans vs hardcore fans/streamers. like streaming does make a difference, but not 100M views difference like some people try to act like it does. tbh there are a lot of groups that have a smaller core fanbase than SVT but get hundreds of millions of views bc they have a lot of casual listeners. you can even see it internally too: don't wanna cry is SVTs most viewed MV by a mile, it's the only one to pass 100M views, let alone 200M. and it has nothing to do w carats streaming dwc extra hard, it's bc it's arguably SVTs most well known song outside of the fandom. i see reactors all the time who react to it and say "oh i know this song! i had no idea it was by seventeen" and you can look at the comments section and see a bunch of people saying the song has a fandom of its own/even if you're not a carat you have to know this song

kpop stans also put too much emphasis on views imo and also equate views to popularity, which on the surface might make sense but isn't always the case. actually in terms of profit, groups/companies make the vast majority of their money off of album, merch, and ticket sales than they do off of views. but those are all things that are a lot harder to "sell" than views, because they actually cost money for the consumer, while you can watch an MV for free. hence why it makes sense that there are a lot of groups with hundreds of millions of views that get relatively low album sales. it's easy to convince casual fans and and listeners to watch an MV than to get them to buy something

and I'm not trying to diss other groups at all or try to say groups that consistently get 200M+ views are flops, they're absolutely not. I'm just trying to point out that kpop stans completely underestimate the amount of casual listeners that exist

but this is why SVT is honestly such a fascinating case. their MV views are nothing to write home about, and yet they're the second highest selling k-act at the moment and are in the top 10 if not top 5 highest selling k-acts of all time, their album sales are literally insane. a lot of people chalk it up to carats being bad streamers but like i said before, streaming isn't going to make a difference of hundreds of millions of views. this indicates to me that seventeen have a bigger core fanbase (ie people who call themselves carats and actually keep track of seventeens activities) but a smaller audience of casual listeners compare to other kpop groups. and i think a lot of people, carats, and non carats alike, pick up on this in some way or another but don't realize that's what's going on and it manifests in kind of weird ways sometimes

and this fact isn't something that bothers me, i actually think it's super important more than anything for SVT to have a strong core fanbase if what they're shooting for is longevity. but i do find it strange bc as i said, groups that do better with digitals than physical sales make total sense from a consumer standpoint!! so how did SVT end up like this!! it's so interesting for me to think about. i think i would have a better idea of why this is if i had been around since debut but alas

the only thing i can come up with is that SVT is better at retaining fans or like... getting fans invested in the group so people who become carats are less likely to be multistans? bc multistans play a huge part in both being and attracting casual listeners. they're the ones making video compilations and edits and content that includes multiple kpop groups, which is how a lot of non-fans get interested in other groups. whereas if someone is just a carat and making content for SVT the people most likely to watch that content is ppl who are already carats. i know im not the only one that's noticed it's kind of rare for SVT to be included in multistan edits and videos. which i don't blame anyone for, i think most of those people genuinely just don't stan SVT and they shouldn't be expected to include a group they don't know we'll or at all. at the end of the day ppl can make what they like. but it's interesting to observe as a general trend. but idk SVT potentially having a lower percentage of multistans still isn't really an explanation for why SVT doesn't have as many casual listeners bc those things kind of just go hand in hand. like either one could be the cause of the other one if that makes sense

ANYWAY sorry for the long reply but as i said the ratio of SVTs core fanbase vs casual listeners is a topic i find endlessly fascinating dhfmfj

[fairyshuuu]

hii! i saw your post and i completely agree100% but i have some qs too?as a reader i try my best to leave comments, like, and reblog bc yall fanfic writers deserve it! yall write this beautiful wonderful stuff for free, and most of the time theres a lack of interaction/validation for your creation.however, there are often times too that ive some type of feedback but got nothing from the writer?i know the writer is not obligated to reply—i mean they already created dis what more do we want!? (1/)

but when this happens- no response from the author, i just cant help but think its not worth it to leave comments bc i dont even know if theyre reading it? do they want comments, is this bothering them? i dislike thinking like that but sometimes it comes off as that.. i dont want to it to seem like im saying dont leave feedback on fanfics cuz i rly enjoying venting my thoughts on fics, and the writer responding but (2/)

as readers we also do feel discouraged when the interaction is not reciprocated- wow we readers feel rly entitled😂 that one thing that might be stopping ppl from leaving feedback..what do we do? lol maybe im just not following the correct fics. thanks for reading this. but fr, we dont deserve you awesome fanfic writers. im sorry about the overall lack of feedback, as a reader i will try to do better!! (3/3)

I totally get that you might get discouraged too! But I can only speak for myself when I say that I always answer messages as soon as I get them/ see them and do my best to express how much they mean to me? The only time I won’t answer an ask is when Tumblr is being weird and shows me a notification and not the ask, or when the ask is really really dear to me! I didn’t respond to a lot of my bday messages for example because I just really wanted to look at them and see all the love when I might not be feeling the best.

I think that writers won’t respond if they feel uncomfortable, have answered the same question a million times or if the answer is in their faq (and even then they often reply that they’ve already answered or smt) at least in my experience!!! So if your fave writer isn’t on hiatus and you think they’re not answering your ask it’s either because they didn’t get it or because they’ve already answered a (or multiple) very similar questions and don’t feel like giving the same answer over and over again. Try to look through their answered asks tag (most writers have one) or look at their about me/faq page and you’ll most likely find answers to the question you didn’t get a response to. And you’ll know when you’re asking something that’s out of line and if you don’t get a response, then the writer (or any blogger for that matter) might have been uncomfortable. You know yourself when you’re asking something from someone that you’d never dare to ask in real life.

In my case though, I don’t mind if I’ve answered the same question a million times, you can always talk to me (but I understand why others might find it annoying). And I will answer pretty much any question or ask, even if it’s silly or gross or explicitly sexual because it’s interaction and i’m always asking for interaction so!! It’s definitely not entitled to expect an answer but I also think most people answer their asks? Thank you for the love and for reading what we write, it really really means the world to me and a lot of others.

[jageunyeoujari]

hello yaejin. i wanted to apologize for last night. i'm sorry i brought your mental health into an argument, and i'm sorry i invalidated your feelings. that was out of line, and i honestly fucked up. i saw a pattern ive seen before and i jumped to conclusions and it was inappropriate and cruel, especially while we were having an argument. i was dealing with a mental health crisis of a friend and i let it influence me and i wasn't good enough to walk away and say i couldn't talk rationally.

 (sorry, limit). my own situation doesn’t make it okay what i said, and i don’t want to imply it, i just wanted to let you know the context. i’m sorry again.

apologizing for what exactly. sorry for what exactly. you “brought up my mental health” as if it was just a little no-big-deal comment when you used my vulnerability in talking abt my recent mental health struggles as proof that i’m going insane & thus everything i say is illogical when i was talking abt racism in white ace/aro discourse. the ableism was literally a vehicle for you to derail a conversation about race so by copping to just the one, you’re not actually acknowledging the underlying issue framing it. this is such a vapid, spineless, fake apology that doesn’t acknowledge the underlying intent or impact of what that ableism did which was to derail my points abt RACISM & my experience as a lesbian woc who’s also ace. you’re just copping to the obvious thing that even some of the ppl in your clique might feel vaguely bad abt & ignoring everything else.

& you say you just “invalidated my feelings?” LET’S GO IN-DEPTH. first, you were openly hostile for even daring to question you. you brought up corrective rape as a gotcha bc you knew that was an explosive thing to drop & you could derail any objections i have to your ranting as invalidating survivors. & when i asked for proof for your claims of ace/aro oppression & them facing corrective rape, you said you didn’t want to look at triggering material when YOU were the one who dropped corrective rape in the first place w absolute no warning & w no thought if it would trigger ME (which it fucking did btw, thx.) it was curious to me that you used corrective rape as a gotcha for ace/aro oppression when it was created to describe the violence that black lesbians face in south africa. esp in light of how you seem to have this pattern of insinuating how lesbians are somehow so accepted by the lgbt community when we’re so uniquely bigoted & we never try to keep out terfs but don’t seem to take into account how ace/aros can can also be transphobic/terfs as well as homophobic & lesbophobic. that’s not a matter of a few “shitty” ppl. lgb ppl are also allowed to be wary of any non-same sex attracted person being homophobic as they necessarily benefit for not being same sex-attracted esp when have been oppressed for displaying any kind of sexual desire & deemed better if we are asexual. & it seems like you have a pattern of only calling out lesbians instead of like also gay/bi men which i find curious. maybe you do tho & i just haven’t seen. but lesbophobia in the lgbt community esp against lesbians of color is real so it’s just odd that for you to keep saying that we have a completely comfortable position in it. also you positing lesbianism & ace/aro identity as exclusive categories does play into the stereotype that lesbians are hypersexual which is esp damaging to lesbians of color. 

anyway, when i researched on my own & found no convincing evidence to support your claims, you threw a tantrum bc NO MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCES & FEELINGS OF BEING OPPRESSED = ULTIMATE TRUTH OF ACE/ARO OPPRESSION. your experiences are valid & all. you’re allowed to feel upset by them. but i fail to see being ace/aro constitutes institutional oppression.  in my search, i mainly saw claims of individual microaggressions and acts of verbal violence as evidence of oppression when those things by themselves don’t prove that there’s an explictly anti-ace/aro system of oppression. i can experience microaggressions for being asian & also not being into sex but those are entirely on different levels for me. i know instinctively that racism is an institutional oppression. i’m literally ace & microaggressions for that mean nothing to me in comparison. you feel differently abt it & you’re allowed but again, personal experience of microaggressions doesn’t prove institutional oppression. i also saw vague citings of a study of ppl apparently being more likely to say they’d discriminate against asexuals than lgbt ppl. the study seemed too flawed to me & doesn’t seem to take into account how ppl might know it’s bad to admit they’d discriminate against lgbt ppl but that doesn’t prove they’re not actually homophobic/transphobic. like liberal white ppl likely won’t admit that they’re racist bc they know that looks bad. doesn’t mean they’re not racist. as for corrective rape, i don’t remember finding anything that wasn’t abt violence against black lesbians & certainly not any that cites specifically anti-ace/aro motivations. i’m not saying it can never happen. but in comparison, it can be proven that cr is part of an explicit system of homophobia & misogyny against black lesbians in south africa but i didn’t see any for ace/aros. & i mean, i researched this while reading abt cr which is deeply upsetting to me as a lesbian so it’s not like this was easy for me. but i don’t rly think you have a leg to stand on in this instance bc you never provided any proof & didn’t say what your exacting reasoning on this is. it didn’t even have to be abt cr & i’m not saying you should disclose traumatic experiences, but just… say something to help me understand where you’re coming from. otherwise you look like you’re just expecting a woc to blindly accept & follow you.

& i have to bring up white ace/aro discourse elides how misogyny & patriarchy & racism & other -isms impact pressures to be sexual or asexual.  poc esp black ppl are stereotyped as either hypersexual or asexual. being seen as hypersexual is dehumanizing & can be traumatic & lead to real life serious consequences. i’m literally asexual but i empathize w non-asexual poc esp woc & the struggles they face & thus have no interest in white ace/aro rhetoric that posits being sexual as a universally normal, ideal, uncomplicated privilege & asexuals are oppressed by them. also being seen as asexual/actually being asexual can be so damaging & traumatic to poc which is why so many of us are alienated by white ace/aros who posit it as a universally positive thing to be proud of. white ace/aros also imply that they can somehow face oppression by like non-sexual poc which is concerning in light of the history of racist/colonialist ideas of backwards, hypersexual black & brown menaces & seductresses versus the purity & chastity of whiteness. controlling the sexuality of poc is a key part of white supremacy so there isn’t an obvious oppressor/oppressed dynamic here like men/women, white/poc. & considering how reproductive justice is constantly under fire & how there’s societal pressure for women to be effectively asexual until (hetero) marriage, it’s hard for me to think how non-asexual women not in hetero relationships actually… benefit from being non-asexual. there’s also different expectations abt being sexual for men, esp white men, than women & white ace/aro discourse tends to ignore that. sure, men are generally encouraged to be sexual & the shaming of asexual men likely sucks. but shaming doesn’t necessarily mean ace/aro oppression & seems more like to me a symptom of patriarchy/gender roles & heteronormativity.  so in my estimation, misogyny & patriarchy & racism as well as other systems of oppression like ableism, homophobia, transphobia, & classism better explain these differing expectations for being sexual or asexual rather than ace/aro vs non-ace/aros being an entirely separate dynamic. i literally couldn’t find any evidence for your claims & you got so upset at me for that but never tried giving me one piece of proof. yes, i know that oppressors demanding the oppressed to prove their oppression to them is a legitimate thing & the oppressed don’t need to feel obligated to educate them. i’ve experienced this frustration many times myself. but your behavior in this instance strikes me as white entitlement & again, a sign of you being frustrated that a woc isn’t blindly accepting you’re automatically right.

& when i started getting rly into the racism in white ace/aro discourse, you rly lost your shit. you dropped your abuse history & claimed i was invalidating you being abused for being ace when i literally never did. you straight up lied abt that. & also i know you know that i have experienced abuse & if you like bothered to think, you would take into account that i could be triggered by you dropping that out of nowhere, but instead you dropped it in an attempt to derail & get me to shut up. now this is when you suddenly rave abt how it’s obvious i’m on a bad mental health spiral & i’m believing in conspiracy theories & i’m paranoid, all a transparent attempt to make everything i said abt racism apparently wrong. w/o giving me a chance to reply, you promptly blocked like a coward. oh, also truly hilarious how you’re such a hypocrite for bringing up your friend’s mental health crisis as an excuse for your racialized misogyny when you literally used my mental illnesses to derail & attack me & dropped 2 instances of potentially triggering shit as gotchas & never took into account how this all could impact MY mental health. 

rose also sent me a long ass screed abt how i’m rigid & narrow-minded & crazy & paranoid & lied abt how i’m guilting her abt not being an activist which i explained multiple times i wasn’t. she blocked before i could respond. so not just you but your clique sure seem to love throwing tantrums abt how your feelings equal the ultimate truth & how dare some bitch try to think critically abt institutional oppression & process her thoughts on her private twitter & be, god forbid, socially conscious. who does that chink think she is, am i right? why isn’t she just a doormat & shut up? why is she making us UNCOMFORTABLE?!?!?!! like maybe ask yourselves why you take it so personally & you all don’t like it when i talk abt sj & activism. rly look inside yourself for why that is. 

& as soon as you’re all done with your ravings, which are full of lies & deliberate misinterpretations of what i said & massive projection & anti-intellectualism & manipulation & guilt-tripping, you all block so you don’t have to face the consequences or have to hear me out. that’s so fucking spineless & cowardly. & that’s so loaded since you all prevented me from saying anymore on racism. that’s just classic white fragility & a fear of outspoken, critical woc making you uncomfortable abt race. oh, also shout out to runa who acted “impartial” but did effectively the same thing as you. she acted concerned abt my mental health so she could convince me i’m crazy & get me to shut up abt institutional oppression & racism & instead focus on “fun things” (i.e. non-political, safe topics so she could feel comfortable). i feel esp disappointed in her bc that kind of wishy washy behavior is extremely irritating & patronizing & two-faced to me. i hated her acting like she was worried abt me when she was effectively doing the same thing as you, silencing me & making me feel crazy which means everything i say is wrong. 

really try to reflect why you all thought it was threatening when i tried to facilitate a productive dialogue, i did try to be level-headed & open-minded, emphasized that i just want to understand your pov, researched on my own for your claims, & processed my thoughts on institutional oppression & my experiences as a lesbian woc who’s also ace. i tried to open up a dialogue but you refused & threw a hissy fit bc i dared to not join your echo chamber & tried looking at actual data instead of just believing that you’re automatically right w no proof which is esp loaded in this situation bc you’re white. sjc also pulled this on me too so yes i am angry you also did the same. you all treated me in such bad fucking faith & pulled such fucking passive aggressive, manipulative, cowardly, idiotic bullshit.

god, you know what? your behavior in this indicated a huge sense of white entitlement & a problem w black & white thinking & accompanying self-righteousness. i try so hard to be nuanced & compassionate & flexible & see from your pov & i clearly stated i wanted a dialogue.. what did i get in return for it? not even the bare minimum. you treated me like fucking shit & never gave me even a tiny bit of effort or consideration. that’s racialized misogyny. how fucking dare you give me this fucking insipid half-assed fake apology. you didn’t even fucking try to think abt how you actually hurt me. all i’m getting here is you attempting to assuage a vague sense of guilt FOR YOUR OWN SAKE. not even attempting to think abt how i’m an actual real human being w my own emotions, thoughts, & will. how fucking selfish can you get. not the first fucking time white ppl wanted me just be a doormat, to be their submissive smiling oriental doll only there to validate their stupid, self-centered asses & not the first time their apology was abysmal. actually, you know what, i don’t even know why i even bothered writing all this fucking shit trying to explain myself & wasting my time on you again when you’ve never tried to do anything for me, not even make a fucking decent apology.

in conclusion, this was all v obviously steeped in racism & white entitlement/fragility all in an attempt to silence me bc how fucking dare some woc bring up social justice issues in a way that’s not catered to you. you’ve all shown your asses & clearly demonstrated ableism & racialized misogyny. i’m profoundly disappointed in all of you & you’ve all hurt me so much. i’m blocking you now bc you’ve proven yourself to be a lost cause. 

[makeroomforthejolyghost]

OK!!! saint-loup. it is saint-loup o’clock. i do not have these thoughts well formulated so this might get kinda long n messy but i promised myself i’d Talk This Out w/ myself on this reading, so. icee straw kazoo.

ok so saint-loup is the narrator’s friend tho like... to the extent this term is applicable in friendships m’s kinda The Unrequiter, often exhibits w/out expressly saying that he feels kinda guilty for Using Him or at least for like. not being able to match the energy saint-loup brings to the relationship. in fact the main thing he consistently notices in saint-loup is energy, strength. but also solicitude! which combination to me seems weird? i’m fond of saint-loup but he makes me uncomfortable, i think bc while, on one hand, his slightly sophomoric intellectualism and nervous quickness and tendency to be officiously solicitous*--which 3 traits m associates w/ saint-loup’s ability to assimilate quickly (3.98, 153)--all remind me of me, and also of many people i’ve known, but then...? on the other hand, i have never seen those traits (esp. solicitude) in a strong person; saint-loup is passive-aggressive and i have only ever observed that demeanor in weak people--most of them sick, bats and/or non-men; certainly not in a straight-passing man (as saint-loup does at this time) if he’s also healthysane--since passive-aggression is so. roundabout, and mind-over-matter &c. like. all the things i have in common w/ saint-loup are traits i’ve developed because i’m not a man, not straight, not neurotypical, not strong, u know? and certainly these traits are ones people like me are supposed to dislike in ourselves, but i find that recognizing them in someone usually makes me more comfortable around them, because... well, you know. because the ways in which we’d be likely to hurt each other are basically the same?

meanwhile early in volume 3 you get this scene where saint-loup introduces m to a bunch of his friends, all adorably over-eager to Show Off m’s intellect, make sure he makes a good impression, and

“No? You don’t agree about Stendhal?” he went on, with a naïve confidence in my judgment which found expression in a charming, smiling, almost childish glance of interrogation from his green eyes. “Oh, good! I see you’re on my side. ... The Chartreuse is after all a stunning work, don’t you think? I’m so glad you agree with me. What is it you like best in the Chartreuse? Answer me,” he urged with boyish impetuosity. And the menace of his physical strength made the question almost terrifying. (136)

N.B. THO that here and elsewhere m fuckin glories in that strength. here, for example:

My departure depressed me less when I was no longer obliged to think of it alone, when I felt that the more normal and healthy exertions of my energetic friends, of Robert’s brothers-in-arms, were being applied to what was to be done (179)

but also, before we even GET to rachel:

“I’m furiously jealous,” Saint-Loup said to me, half laughing, half in earnest, alluding to the interminable conversations apart which I had been having with his friend. “Is it because you find him more intelligent than me? Do you like him better than me? Ah, well, I suppose he’s everything now, and no one else is to have a look in!” (Men who are enormously in love with a woman, who live in a society of woman-lovers, allow themselves pleasantries which others, seeing less innocence in them, would never dare to contemplate.) (153)

idk, like. i’ve had multiple people talk that way to me? but i possess what almost seems like an “only we can say it” sentiment about it--only people who don’t pass for straight men, maybe, or only weak people, neurotics. and saint-loup has that entire demeanor he seems to think he’s entitled to it as an intellectual or maybe just picks it up from m and rachel but it’s weird on people whose intellectualism does not compensate for frailty of body and/or “willpower,” idk. he does the fuckin... what do i mean, um. OH!--i associate his flirtatious self-deprecation w/ the thing women do in victorian books and in old movies; the thing lizaveta nikolaevna does in demons when she asks what’s his face whether he’d still wanna hang if she broke her leg. and possibly i’m wrong to see saint-loup’s comments as the outpost of a similar thing? but

“You know,” I said, “I did come to say good-bye to you the day I left Doncières. I’ve never had a chance to mention it. I waved to you in the street.”

“Don’t speak about it,” he replied, “I was so sorry. I passed you just outside the barracks, but I couldn’t stop because I was late already. I assure you I felt quite wretched about it.” (233)

haha yeah no i don’t think i’m wrong. so maybe it’s like the last few days’ irritation at hearing my mom employ the detached, bodily-self-contemptuous infodump tone i often use irl to talk about My Limitations--sitting like i do then, w/ that buzzardy hunch as though to tell a secret, and w/ the same aporetic expression--without having also to euphemize, circumlocute, pause and screw up her face and twist her wrist around for long intervals, blushing, trying to think of a less self-flattering [vulnerable] word for what she means, like i would in that situation. but i think it’s... also that i’m uncomfortable on m’s and rachel’s behalf? that in order not to intimidate or seem to condescend he adopts a piece of their demeanor that makes him look harmless. because like. another way in which saint-loup attempts to Regain His Dignity (or at least vent frustration) during his fight w/ rachel is that when the journalist w/ the cigar refuses to put it out, um,

“Would you mind, sir, throwing away your cigar? The smoke is bad for my friend.” [...]

“There’s no rule against smoking that I know of,” said the journalist. “If people aren’t well, they have only to stay at home.” [...]

“In any case, sir, you are not very civil,” observed Saint-Loup to the journalist, still in a mild and courteous tone, with the air of appraisal of a man judging retrospectively the rights and wrongs of an incident that is already closed. (239-40)

and see THIS IS ME this is exactly how i act when i’m angry at someone in public (incl. or maybe esp. if that someone is myself ha), fuckin carrying on another conversation in the background as proof ur Still Sane, BUT THEN

[A]fter the courteous words that he had just uttered, he brought down his hand with a resounding smack upon the journalist’s cheek. (240)

AND LIKE?? i don’t think this would creep me out nearly so much if the pretext (tho obv not the reason) for it weren’t. an ableist comment. “If people aren’t well, they have only to stay at home.” but i’ve more than once gotten angry w/ someone, chewed someone out, for saying something ableist to my friend (tho in the case that comes to mind the comment could be applied to me as well), and in my experience that kind of vicarious anger is?? because you know your friend’s upset about it but don’t know what to say to help them, so you resent the perp for showing you your own impotence, for distracting your and your friend’s attention from more important things w/ their needless judgmental bs. and THAT makes sense here? but without those other layers--of 1. “this insult implicates me also” and 2. “you have upset my friend and therefore obliged me to Avenge them since i don’t know how to make them feel better”--it’s... weird. it’s just so Not His Fight i guess, and. i’ve actually written a similar scene, too? in which case some of the interest was in like... the assumption by stronger people that we’ll be flattered to see them use their greater strength in defense of Our Honor, when. no, saint-loup; that’s a nonsensical n paternalistic pretext to vent ur own unrelated anger? m neither needs nor wants a healthy person to punish ableists’ contempt of his ill health? and in fact it’s embarrassing in the first place when ppl respond to our not making a fuss by making the fuss for us?? blugh! i don’t know. i can point out so many gross things about this but still am not satisfied i have identified The Thing About It that makes me so uncomfortable; maybe it’s just because at the same time i do understand both m’s fetishistic admiration of saint-loup’s strength and aristocratic solicitude and saint-loup’s paternalism itself. i’ve been on both sides, tho without the... punching. thing, ha. on that note:

Now that to the measured conversations of the diplomats, to the smiling arts of peace, had succeeded the furious onthrust of war, since blows lead to blows, I should not have been surprised to see the combatants wading in one another’s blood. ... Fortunately the journalist who, staggering back from the violence of the blow, had turned pale and hesitated for a moment, did not retaliate. (240-1)

M OH MY GOD ur purely academic understanding of How Fights Work! sees a guy 2 whose general opinion on violence he defers punch someone n is just like “well, shit, this is it, we’re all gonna die” fdlahgsdf ur......my favorite, and also, same, but possibly this is a mistake we both oughta quit making. Fuckin Liberals &c. &c.

*appropriate since he’s a sergeant!! but what i mean is e.g. when rachel (his gf w/ whom he needs to break up) makes him feel small in public saint-loup will then try to get back some dignity by turning to m like “You oughtn’t to stand about in the cigar smoke like that, it’ll make you ill” (3.237). it’s like what i said yesterday about my own solicitude--that it’s about liking to feel useful, liking for there to be a subject on which you know what to say. but it’s jarring to me to see this sense of return to familiar ground detached from same-feeling--to see the “useless person’s dream come true” phenomenon in a situation where saint-loup has no obvious reason to consider himself an expert other than his general aristocratic + busybodyish(!!!) tendency to anticipate people’s interests, to want to Know Everything about his friends.