#bc this is just another aspect to the whole rewind thing

[hawkinslibrary]

someone pointed out that they’ve been changing the quote in their bios once a day leading up to st day. the demogorgon. it got me. (s1) -> bunch o’ nerds (s2) -> max has dumped me five times (s3). tomorrow should be a s4 quote

[charliesinfern0]

i would like to hear about your aus

alright, so you already know about citrus (homestuck but my ocs are in it). very standard for what i normally do, but then i finished reading homestuck and was liek, "..... what if it was good?" (/j i am joking) but i had some ideas of how canon could have gone differently and then homestuck='citrus' was made (originally it was called homestuck='fruit' and...... hm. i mean. yeah??) i also wanted to expand on the trolls' session so hivebent is now called hivebent='blood' because wyllin is a thief of blood. and despite everything........................................ hm wait i dont know if i want to spoil this AAAAUUGGGGGHGHH sometimes i am an open book and i just say whatever but sometimes i think. no i dont want to reveal this bc it would be so cool they wouldnt see it coming. shit. you know what whatever uncle cambell (paul) doesnt get do be an alpha kid because the alpha kid dynamic is already complicated as it is there does not need to be another person in there also hes a thief of doom (he used to be a bard of doom and maybe he still is im not sure actually but hes one of the two) because i had 4 aspects (doom, blood, mind and rage) and 4 classes to pick from (mage, sylph, theif and bard) and i had made page a mage of rage and she COULDVE maybe been a mind player maybe but she wasnt, if she was shed probably be a witch of mind, and wyllin couldve been almost ANY aspect, there are some that i didnt want to touch bc i though they were too important, but i made her a thief of blood despite me now thinking that blood mightve been too important. doom is also a too important aspect but it doesnt matter for paul. (also i came up w other stuff for paul like his chumhandle (cardinalAdrift because fisherman and the cardinal directions and also cardinal as in bird which is like a direct contridiction like what thats not a fish) and his planet (land of vaults and radon (LOVAR)) and his strife specibus (crowbarkind (which is kind of why he died he wouldve broken the session also vaults and crowbars and thief and LOVAR rhymes with crowbar)

anyway i gave page her own classical element (lightning) and associated item (gold) bc im a nerd about that kind of stuff, i came up with a rage denizen for her (marsyas) and her own consorts (chameleons) and also her exile is White King/Writ Keeper because it fits its perfect and he shouldve had more relevance. also that reminds me that on the strife album theres a song for each of the kids (heir conditioning, dance of thorns, time on my side, atomic bonsai) and theres a song on there called Stormspirit and pages whole thing on her planet (land of nod and thunder (LONAT) (nod like sleep because uhhh................. actual spoilers <_< >_> and thunder bc storms)) is that theres a huge storm/tempest thing happening, it just fits.

(and wyllin's planet is the land of pillars and crowns (pillars like the architechture but also like capillaries and crowns because treasure and..... thief. and their denizen is talos)

also its an everybody lives au, i was very much inspired by the crow strider au lol

oh yeah also i wanna do just a bit more with the dancestors' session bc i think it looks cool

also im thinking of changing how the retcon works, like instead of it working like time travel where if you travel back to a time where you exist there will be two versions of you, its more like youre rewinding time from where youre standing, so youre still you but in the past

(also im goiung to do an epilogue because i wanna write everybody living on earth c and just being together and working through things together and being there for eachother and stuff becaus im a sap. yes its called the pumpkin epilogue because i am not original we know this to be true)

[witchylittlefox]

My Thoughts and Feelings About Star Wars as of 2019

I held off sharing my complete feelings on this franchise/fandom because I wanted to wait for TROS to be out. since I have seen it now I’m ready to share how I feel about disney owned Star Wars, the fandom war, reylo, and TROS. Heads up these are my opinions and if we disagree that’s okay! But I would appreciate some respect when it comes to nasty comments because some of the things I’m going to say can be..... controversial in the reylo community.

Preface: I have been a Star Wars fan since I was 4 years old. I somehow figured out how to used a VHS machine and I would insert Return of the Jedi and rewind to watch it over and over again. To this day that movie is my favorite out of all of them. Star Wars was something my brother and I shared together and he would lend me all the EU books. I loved all the stories about Jacen and Jaina Solo at Luke’s jedi academy. I grew up with the prequels and yes, I am a prequel defender but they were corny as hell. So not to toot my own horn but I was very much invested in the lore and commited to the series before Disney bought it.

Disney Star Wars: Disney had absolutely no idea what they were doing with the movies (atleast when it comes to the Skywalkers + everyone related to the OT trio). They spat on the OT character’s legacy. They turn Luke into a character who seems to care nothing about helping his sister. No way in the world would Luke just throw a lightsaber off a cliff. Han and Leia are treated a little better (more so Leia), but Disney is passive agressive with them and make them out to be these horrible parents that decide to send away their son because they’re scared of him. No wonder Ben turned out the way he did. Rey, well......they could of written her better and don’t get me wrong I love aspects of her but this should of been Ben’s time to shine. HE should of been the main character of all the movies. Finn? Would of been cool seeing more perspective from an ex stormtrooper but nahhhh let’s just make him fawn over rey in the first one and then in the second give him this whole arc making us think he’s getting somewhere and then another badly written character ruins it. Poe? Well he atleast got more of an arc than Finn but he’s still so flat.

The Fandom Menace And the Fandom War: I decided after TLJ came out that I was not going to label myself in this fight. It seemed like (or atleast on Tumblr) that you couldn’t be a Reylo if you hated Rian Johnson. Rian was made out to be this “savior” of some sorts, just because he focused the movie to be more Reylo centered. YES he is talented. YES I’m thankful he gave us more of a Reylo plot, But jeez that guy is an ass (I didn’t want to cuss in this but oh well lol). Calling out fans on Twitter? Calling them names? Ridiculing Mike Zeroh? Which say what you will about Mike (not a huge fan of him tbh) but god he’s a fan of the series why are you making fun of him? But those people who are apart of the Fandom Menace are not innocent. A lot of them (NOT ALL, but most) only make videos on Youtube hating on Star Wars because it’s cool. They use the hate to get attention. I’m just not all about that. I agree with them on a lot...but seriously at what cost do we have to allow this. Both sides are annoying and immature and I choose not to take a side. I will like what I want about Star Wars and dislike what I want about Star Wars. I am not going to be a sheep. So yes... I am a Reylo, hardcore since TFA came out in 2015 and yes, I think Rian Johnson is a crappy person and I won’t be seeing any of his movies ever again (besides rewatching TLJ) because I don’t want to give money to someone who fuels the fan war. That being said, I dont support (whether that be my viewership or money) anyone who is in the “Fandom Menace” and does the same for the other side.

Reylo: The only thing I really cared about in this sequel trilogy was Reylo. I honestly started to care less about the other characters like Finn and Poe, which in my opinion is sad and just goes to show how bad Disney was at writing these characters. What got me so choked up about their relationship was how raw it was. It wasn’t some unrealistic clean romance. There was no love at first sight (at least on Rey’s end.. can’t say for Ben). It felt so real to me. They reached a level of intimacy that honestly in my opinion reached higher than sexual intercourse. Unconditional love is something that I hold close to my heart, it may be because of my faith, but the fact that Rey saw through Kylo and could see that at his core he was just Ben, emotionally hurt and lost, just wanting someone to believe in him. And she did! she believed in him when his uncle and mother easily gave up hope for him (again horrible character writing bc uhhh sry but isn’t hope supposed to be a theme with them???). And Ben loved her in return!! He protected her and not this stupid patronizing crap that Finn does (Which side note: THAT PISSES ME OFF SO MUCH LOL. John Boyega was wasted with this stupid character). Ben knew her strength and worth and only did what a man should do in a relationship, not overstep, not take control but add his part to the relationship, creating symbiosis. If you look up the meaning of “Dyad”, this comes up:

specifically, sociology : two individuals (such as husband and wife) maintaining a sociologically significant relationship

They are equal. No one is better than the other. They are two sides of the same coin and they complete each other.

And at last....

TROS: Well crap. This movie was...... not amazing. I will have to say that I have only seen it once at this point and may make an edit to it if I change my mind. Honestly though... I can’t see myself changing my opinion but it may happen after a second viewing. I had been following the leaks and yup pretty much all true. And yep... Ben dies. Not only does he die but he barely gets any time to shine when he is redeemed. I am grateful we finally got the Reylo kiss we all waiting for but did he really have to die??? I know lots are saying he didn’t die because we didn’t see him show up as a force ghost in the end but obviously there is no confirmation from Disney on this. The fact that he died for her to live just supports everything I have said above. But where was her emotion? I expected her to be crying? it seemed to appear like she couldn’t care less, yet she was the one who went in for the kiss first and then she seems to be fine when everyone is rejoicing and hugging in celebration? Why didn’t they add him in as a voice in her head or something (ooh fanfic idea! :) ) Why did Rey call herself Rey Skywalker?! I’m sorry but she DOES NOT desserve that title plus she is still a Palpatine! That does not change anything. Don’t get me started on Palpatine.... bringing him back was the dumbest decision ever and undid everything that Anakin did. Now I would of been slightly okay with it if they got Anakin in to help to defeat him but we only got his voice and a bunch of other jedi’s voices sharing words of guidance (which ngl it was nice hearing Ahsoka) but holy heck you could of atleast added ben to the mix. They could of both heard the voices and ended Palpatine together? Also what happened to Rey and Kylo fighting through the various scenes of the past movies? I thought that was a leak? They did absolutely NOTHING to tie up the OT and PT. It has no ties to PT, besides Anakin’s voice and some of the other jedi in the mix (Mace Windu, Ayala Secura, Yoda, Ahsoka Tano, etc..). I know I’m nitpicking but I am atleast grateful we got their voices I just wish we actually got to see their faces. That’s a lot of negatives though so here is what I did like:

Babu Frik.

Rey’s kind heart ( you see that when she greets the little girl on Pasaana, helps D.O. and the snake creature)

The banter between Finn, Poe, and Rey

C-3PO ( they really did him justice)

Ben (just all of him everything about him)

Lando was pretty good

Seeing Wicket at the end with his child ( I think that’s his child?)

Wedge Antilles showing up for like one second ( although that could be a negative because I thought he was going to be in it more because of the book Resistance Reborn. WHICH OH YEAH..... this movie retconned that book btw! So not only was it a horrible book but everything in it doesnt matter)

Conclusion: So yeah, I am not happy. But in the end I will always love Star Wars no matter what. This franchise has taught me so much about hope, love, and even redemption. It was such a fun ride on here. There were ups and downs ( anyone remember that Reylo discourse a while back lol) but we made it. Even though as Reylos, it didn’t end the way we wanted it... we still were proved right. We fought hard against the antis when they kept trying to tell us Reylo wasn’t a thing and boy were they wrong..... they were very wrong. I don’t know what the future holds in store for Reylo’s story or even Star Wars but all we have to do is look forward and have hope for Ben because just as the great Jedi Master, Luke Skywalker once said:

"No one is ever really gone."

May the Force be with you all.

[bufflessbodney]

PS

Hi I just have a few followups to my letter I would like to bring to your attention.

One, probably the main, reason I do not feel bipolar and also really feel that medication is also therefore not the solution is that my mind is so nuanced and I am very aware of its aspects or components or whatever but that medication dulls those connections. So it has been extremely difficult to draw them all back together which I have been actively doing for these past five years. It is more than that though; during my 18 year stint as a single mother it's like my mind was on reserve/plateau(x) cuz everything was routine (and rather the attempts at making a worthwhile routine I could stick to but I like to change things up and learn from things, so it varied somewhat, but I was aware and purposeful with it, blabedee blah) and I was so distracted by it and my children's needs. However I learned how to multitask like a madman and that counts for a hell of a lot. I do not know the 'science' of it but I suspect it has to do with neural groove thingos.

So yeah basically what I am trying to illustrate is that I am capable of maintaining many disperate but interdependent thoughts and when I stopped sleeping, eating and lost my routine everything went haywire for a lil while.

It has been settling and reconfiguring and coming back together very peacefully and sympaticoishly since coming off my injection. I am not 100% sure I am not bipolar, and I don't entirely refute the definition as I know it serves a purpose, however, I believe in my case there is more to it. Well there is always more to it it's just that I am very self aware and sensitive and proactive and so can speak to the process from within.

So I dunno if it is 'synesthesia' or a 'photographic memory' or what (I had thought of it as the latter as a child) but when I was a kid I could remember all events for weeks, in order, down to every detail observed, like in rewind (or ffwd). That stopped when I started smoking pot, just went away. Anyway it's starting to come back.

I have theories and stuff but I do wanna keep some stuff to myself cuz I am an artist and writer, but I thought you might enjoy that relevant information.

And with it expand your knowledge base for its correct application

Also, having so much time and space on my hands, and its intelligent use (in my opinion) grants me the luxury of arriving at conclusions I can find satisfaction with which I was not able, simply to ..uh, do when I had kids or was on constant guard as a child in my home against my mother’s daily attacks. I’ll put it another way: at the age of 8 I decided that ‘weird’ was my favourite word because it represented what people were confused about and\or feared and thus did not typically investigate further. I chose the other path (of investigation). Thus I have made many connections others simply don’t and cannot. And then somewhere in my early twenties 'context’ became my favourite word. I haven’t had a favourite word in a while but one of the reasons in my first email I use so many ’s (and as opposed to “s) is to disempower words, at least temporarily, to remind us that they only have the power we give them, and to question why we do. Etc. If I have a point which is besides the point it is that no one actually knows the truth (hey check out that album by Harry Nilsson called 'The Point’ especially if you have kids: sooo good) and that we are just too busy and disorganized as a 'whole’ to apply what knowledge and wisdom quite right or yet or whatever, but I do believe in God’s plan, so I’m not worried. I just cannot sacrifice myself in any way to the process for any incorrect reason.

I also realize to you my words might seem 'grandiose’ or something, I guess, but I have a 'grand’ view of most things being as I have Venus at the last degree of Sagittarius in my first house on the ascendant (furthermore, I know what it means; its Sabian Symbol has to do with faith which I have always had in abundance, 99.9% of the time, and Sagittarius is concerned with truth and is of a very buoyant and cheerful temperament and in the element of fire has an endless amount of energy. Being at the last degree is the culmination of the sign, and so, essentially has evolved to its utmost. Meaning, I put my concepts and beliefs into action, and with my tight, uncompromising stellium in Aquarius, I at least believe I know what those beliefs are, because I believe so very little. I am a highly skeptical person and rigorous with information and its effect).

Having so much faith is a result of testing it, often involuntarily, and finding the cause was there. It is that simple and it is worth losing it for 00.1% of the time.

The other thing I wanted to say is that I realize your circles and mine would probably rarely interlap however even most people in caring professions took a holistic view in my experience in BC so to me it really is second nature.

Thank you for reading, J

[kaw-aakari-blog]

OMG LOOOOOOOOL imma post this on here bc I literally give 0 fucks anymore, brace yourselves: So. I was with someone for eight months (turns out they WERE NOT the person I thought they were at all) and yeah I was happy ish I guess, like happy with them but my life was falling apart in other aspects of my life like grandad dying, the past catching up with me, my home life being shite etc. Anywho I tried to forget that aspect and try and focus on my relationship to try and be happy for the first time in my life. Things were going swell, it took a lot for me to say yes to being his girlfriend bc like i hate relationships and commitment and people always hurt people and that's just life blah de blah de blah. But I did. We did things like go to the beach, go out for dinner, london, camden, museums, london eye etc etc. I was happy with him. Rewind a tad: I introduced him to my best friend (at the time, we weren't as close when we left college) and we went to camden, me him her and another friend from college. Was a great day except the fact it was a week or so before the 1 year anniversary of my friend's suicide (she jumped in front of a train which made the day harder seeing as we were travelling by trains all day but i managed). The morning i picked my ex up i had scratched all my hands up bc i literally needed to feel SOMETHING. And he saw but never really asked bc i said i didn't wanna talk about it. But yeah anyway went to camden, kept burning myself with cigarettes just to get through the flipping day (which apparently meant i was ruining the day for my ex boyfriend- hold this thought bc it becomes relevant later- so i tried my hardest to stop). Anyway after camden market me, my old best friend and him went back to mine (they were both staying over as we were drinking) and the other friend went home bc she had work or something the next day i can't remember. We watched some shitty movie which had a lot in it about sexual abuse (think it was one of the human centipede movies? Might be wrong) and pair that with my friend's anniversary of passing away coming up, I lost it. Like literally broke down in my kitchen (tho my bf was more concerned about helping this other girl bc she was feeling low too which somehow gave her the excuse to literally lean on him the whole movie?) but eventually he came into the kitchen and took me upstairs to someone to talk things through. Felt all horrible after my breakdown/crying session so decided to go take a shower to go cool off. Went into my room to go and get my towel and they were in? bed? together? like not sexually or anything, tho topless, but still? So I went downstairs and broke down again. Eventually he came down and was like "we were just trying to get some sleep", yeah, in the same effing bed? My bed? So I said to him "how would you feel if" and reversed the situation with one of our mutual male friends and me. He said he'd hate it and wouldn't be happy- point proved! So yeah the night carried on, those two woke up feeling ill bc they had pizza that was dodgy so i took my ex home and she made her own way home. So they started speaking over fb ALL THE TIME. Like literally. And he wouldn't "vent" to me and neither would she but they would to each other? And according to him she said she was closer to him than me- fair enough but like that's your mate's boyfriend????????? Anyway we had an argument (me and my bf), don't actually remember what it was about but it must have been her bc he promised (i never ever asked him to) that he would stop talking to her, so i was like do what you want. Time went by, he messaged her bc he felt low. The fact he messaged her did not bother me, the fact he BROKE A PROMISE bothered me. So again, without me asking him to or even mentioning it, he took it upon himself to block her. Fair enough, I'd blocked loads of people to stop him overthinking. Anyway he'd bitch about her all the time and say things about her etc. Me and him broke up shortly after bc i got myself in this massive hole and i just didn't know what was up or whatever. So i ended it bc i thought he deserved better. Anyway went to uni the next day (where my old best friend goes) and my friend said well you may work things out you may not but i am always here for YOU, you're my "insert nickname here". We did sort things out and me and him got back together that day. Okay, so me and him went to my christmas works do. He totally ruined it. Like totally. Was miserable the whole night after literally saying he soooo wanted to come. I tried talking to him, told him we could leave if he wanted- he said no. So we stayed and he was miserable the whole night. I ruined the camden trip according to him, yet when i said he ruined my night out- that was wrong bc he has bpd???????? Ok. Anyway went on for a while and then we broke up for good this time. Basically him and my old best friend (notice how all arguments are bc of her?) had been sharing info about me to each other that is VERY personal and not their place to tell each other. What i tell people is what i choose to tell people, bitching about me behind my back makes you a twat. She made him promise that he wouldn't tell me (according to him) what she had told him. He promised. It came out on the day we broke up, the reason i ended it with him was bc he kept it from me for eight months. Note how he could break a promise to me but not to her??? Anyway he asked me what happened to me in my childhood after we broke up, said that it didn't matter now i may as well tell him bc he's always wanted to know and i can trust him. So i told him and we went our separate ways. He told me to keep in contact with my old friend so i said i would. Anyway a week or so goes by and i am doing what i said, keeping in contact with her. But then i see on my fb timeline her tagging him in stupid memes on fb? Well that was it i just unfriended her. Hilarious how he'd go back to the reason for 90% or our arguments and our break up (which btw he asked me to tell people was a mutual decision). Clearly didn't mean anything to either of them tbh. Just got on with life really. Anyway found out a couple of weeks later that my ex had told a mutual guy friend of ours (that i work with btw) everything about my childhood- awesome, guess i couldn't trust him after all. Thennnnnn today someone messages me telling me my old friend and her boyfriend broke up (coincidence that it's literally less than a month since me and my bf broke up? Probably not) but yeah, in short that's everything. I literally give 0 fucks anymore. They're both liars, both horrible people and I can't believe they would do this to me. My old friend openly admits she's a cunt so fair but my ex bf literally preaches about how he's a good person???? LOL. Wouldn't of expected this from him but there we go. You truly cannot trust anyone. Never will I trust anyone again tbh. But life is good other than that (like i mentioned in my previous post). But yeah nice to type this all out tbh and i've also asked people about it thinking i was just being jealous/overreacting and nah everyone i spoke to says that they agree and i could do better anyway (not true but yknow) congrats if you made it this far😂