#i think they might have also used the ‘return to stranger’ before the s1 one maybe ?

[hawkinslibrary]

someone pointed out that they’ve been changing the quote in their bios once a day leading up to st day. the demogorgon. it got me. (s1) -> bunch o’ nerds (s2) -> max has dumped me five times (s3). tomorrow should be a s4 quote

[teambyler]

Stranger Things 5 speculation based on the episode titles and what we know from D&D

Vanishing of Holly Wheeler?

I already shared that I think Episode 2 is Holly Wheeler: "IF this information is accurate, I'm guessing the missing Wheeler is Holly. They have a new actress to play her. I think they're returning to s1 themes and the horror of a child being in danger is one thing they might get back to. The 1st episode would give them time to make her a character we care about. (And probably stabilize the situation at the end of s4.) It would also consume the entire Wheeler family into getting Holly back. Karen will be beside herself. Nancy will be tough and take charge. Will will have to unearth his memories of the Upside Down, and possibly use his connection, to help MIKE and NANCY get back their little sister. One possible road to BYLER is Will having to reexperience his trauma and possibly sacrifice himself to help his best friend."

Camazotz

I see a LOT of interest in episode 6 title "Escape from Camazotz"... I think for ANY speculation we HAVE to go to where our D&D nerds would go, which is the Dungeons & Dragons sourcebooks in the 80s. Camazotz was published in Deities & Demigods for Advanced Dungeons & Dragons (1980). It is the "bat god," so we're probably going to see it tied to the demobats.

We learn from Deities & Demigods that the Aztec and Mayan gods have "inscrutable motives"... which is ON BRAND for the Cthulhu inspirations of Stranger Things. These gods come from a "parallel universe." Clerics "are the elite of the populace," and are able to cast "commune or gate spells" to connect the planes together. ("Will the Wise" has been the cleric of the party... perhaps he is a cleric?)

Also, these gods "unusual nature makes it impossible for them to travel on any planes but the ones that they have worshipers on." Maybe Vecna needed to have a host on the "Right Side Up", to take form here, which is very consistent with the s2 and s3 plotlines.

The clerics perform human sacrifices... maybe another theme in s5??

But perhaps JUST as important, the adventure D&D module Hidden Shrine of Tomoachan (1980) involved an ancient temple dedicated to Camazotz. Odds are that our heroes will be trying to escape from a "temple" within the Upside Down. According to the Wikipedia article about this adventure, it is "full of tricks and traps".

As a "tournament module," meaning for competition purposes, and it was EXPECTED that heroes died in it because it was so deadly. The goal "is to get out of the ruins before time runs out." The lower levels (where the heroes begin) have a poisonous gas that slowly kill them. Also it is very unstable, spells will cause a collapse. If El were caught in it, it might be dangerous to use her powers.

This adventure debuted the gibbering mouther, a very distinct D&D monster that is VERY reminiscent of the s3 Flayer and would be VERY on-theme for Stranger Things:

The Sorcerer

Also, Episode 5 is titled "The Sorcerer." Sorcerer was not a class yet in D&D in the late 1980s. (The idea that Sorcerers have innate arcane power versus Wizards who study magic, was not invented yet until 2000.) Sorcerer was one of the many titles that Magic Users had (next to Wizard). Sorcerers had less power than Wizards. They were 9th level, while Wizards were 11th level:

It is already established that El is "the Wizard." Maybe there's another person with powers in season 5 which are less developed? If so, the most logical choice would be Will. It's confirmed that this season will focus on him. Although he's a "cleric" in their D&D game, maaaaybe he finds out he has new abilities. There was a reason Vecna didn't kill in season 1, and who has had "truesight" since.

That's what I can find for now! There's a lot of interesting traps and puzzles, with illustrations, from the adventure. But it's hard to predict what else (if anything) they might borrow from it! The aspect of escaping, and the poison gas and the timer, are probably what we can most rely on!

P.S. I mainly blog about Byler, but I thought my D&D knowledge would be useful for this one. If interested, follow and read my blog! I have so much to say!

[tomfoolies]

clandestine meetings

ship: corporate affairs words: 1517 a/n: behold, a TOMJA FIC!! AT LAST!! this is s1 ep8 in the tomja timeline as i previously said in my little teaser post.... i hope y'all like it, because it's one of my fave things i've written in a LONG time >:3333

--

She stands out to Tom from the crowd, standing with a group of people he doesn’t know. Her silhouette is distinct, her disposition imminent, her signature dark pantsuit immediately recognisable. He stalks closer, taking his time just in case it’s not her, but the closer he gets, the clearer she becomes to him in the dim flickering lights.

“Sonja..?”

Visibly startled, she turns around. Her usually sleek hair is curled, and controlled yet haphazard strands of dusty golden hair frame her face. The small gemstones hanging from her earrings move and dangle when she tilts her head. Her confusion softens in a single glance. 

“Tom!” She looks so pleasantly surprised to see him, blinking at him like she doesn’t quite believe he’s there. It elicits a flutter beneath his sternum that he does his best to ignore. “What are you doing here?”

“I was going to ask you that!” 

She gives him a look but then indulges him, and his focus shifts to the people that he’d already forgotten about. They’ve all fallen quiet, and seem to eye him either with suspicion or curiosity. 

“A friend knew a friend, you know how it goes.” She turns to her acquaintances without introducing him, showing no remorse or sorrow for having to leave the conversation. “I’ll catch you guys later, alright?”

She doesn’t wait for a response, and gestures Tom to follow. They make their way across the room to an unpopulated corner. The night has taken a turn he wasn’t expecting, so everything feels a bit hazy and unreal, like a dream. At the same time it feels exactly like how things were always meant to go; meeting her here now seems inevitable. 

A waiter passes by, and she switches her empty champagne flute for a new one. He gets one as well, and tries not to get distracted by the way she smiles at the waiter as a silent show of gratitude. Her fingers drum against the glass, at first without aim, but then the song changes and she finds its rhythm quickly. 

Something about her sharp attunement to the world around her has always made him feel more grounded in her company. This moment is no different; his surroundings sharpen, she becomes the focal point. Or maybe he’s just sobering up. Bad time for that.

“Honestly, you saved me there. Don’t know how much longer I could’ve lasted.”

“Oh, I’m just happy to help. But they might now think I’m like… your potential hookup,” he says, half-serious, sparing a look to the group to see that it’s disbanded. As if she was the glue holding it together.

“I mean, they wouldn’t be far off,” she says with a playful nudge of her shoulder against his arm – that makes his suspiciously situational heart palpitations return – and takes a sip, observing a stranger pass by before speaking again. “I thought I saw Roman here earlier." 

“He's the one that invited us, actually. The Roys boys are all here, even Connor. Greg’s also somewhere, I think he’s trying to babysit Kendall…?”

Sonja’s eyes widen and then she laughs, half embarrassment, half epicaricacy – her trademark blend of emotions. “Okay, we have to find them at some point. I need to witness that.”

They conversate with the most casual abandon, amicable acquaintances to outsiders, perhaps close friends to some. She laughs at something he says, more than once; a small thing he takes great pride in. Occasionally she learns closer to speak, just so nobody else hears what she’s saying. In those moments he can observe her up close, catch the glare of the light in her glasses, smell the sharp floral notes of her perfume that still lingers.

Their connection hangs heavy, invisible yet tangible. A tether curling between them. She could easily tug on it, bring him towards her. 

After their previous night out, he’s kept his distance. Because once he became aware of his gnawing want, with it came the dread. It’s not smart; wanting more from her feels like a death sentence when he’s gotten so far and still has work to do. He can’t throw everything away just because of her – his whole life would inevitably change into something completely different if he did what he stupidly longs for. And yet… This is the most fun he’s had in weeks. Just being with her, enjoying her company, her honest and easygoing demeanor. Going home for the night looms in the not-so-distant future, something he tries his hardest not to think about. 

He knows hope is the vilest thing to have. He despises himself for feeling it in her presence; the hope that things could be different.

She’s gotten close again, gossiping about someone that just walked in, a person she apparently knows, but honestly, he’s not listening right now. Because this time she’s set her hand on his shoulder, and when she’s done talking and she should offset their closeness with appropriate distance… She clings on. Runs her thumb along the shoulder line of his suit, just once, before slowly sliding her hand down his arm. Not the first touch between them, but definitely the most unnecessary one. 

His eyes meet hers, ochre-flecked green and deceptively demure. He is struck by the way she studies him, curious but inscrutable. He tries to imagine what she’s seeing. Maybe something he doesn’t. Or are they looking at the same thing? 

“So… What do you think?”

He blinks at her, chastising himself for getting caught. “Think about what?”

“I had a whole monologue going on just now and you didn’t listen any of it?” she gripes, eyes sharp and voice stern, but her heart isn’t in it. “I’m trying to keep up a conversation here. You’re making it very difficult.”

Only because you’re making things difficult, he thinks; she’s still touching him. But he hasn’t moved away either. 

”Sorry. I’m just surprised you’re spending your time talking to me instead of… Literally anyone else,” he says, partly because it’s all he could come up with, partly because it’s exactly what he’s been wondering. It's definitely way too honest, and embarrassment follows immediately.

”Why wouldn’t I? Tom, you’re the only person I wanna be talking to right now. I was so painfully bored before you showed up.” 

Something on her face shifts, she furrows her brow and blinks sharply – a flash of clarity, a realization – but it’s gone before he can process it fully. 

”Which is wild to say when…” she continues, gestures around. 

He chuckles, trying his hardest to keep it together. The anticipation crawls up his spine in a languid shiver. He can’t look at her in the eyes. “It is. But we all have our preferences.”

“What I mean to say is… I just like spending time with you, alright? You’re really great company. I’m glad we bumped into each other tonight.”

If everything felt unreal before, he’s sure he’s in a fever dream right now. Her words have taken him off guard, and he feels dizzy and flushed in a way that’s not just from the alcohol in his system. Painfully aware of himself, he feels like something bright and loud and far too conspicuous, and he thinks that everyone can tell – especially her. 

“The feeling is mutual,” he manages to respond. But it seems to be enough for her, and she gives him a small smile. 

That’s when he sees himself in a different reality, like getting a glimpse through a blurry window; viewing the distorted yet clear reflection in a puddle. A reality where he lets himself have hope, have the courage to make that choice. 

He’d be leaning closer just like she did, with the very same intention to touch. But this time it’d include a quiet question, one she’d reply to by pressing her mouth on his. He’d taste the lingering champagne, she’d pull him closer by his collar. He’d finally get to touch her like he’s wanted to. Making good use of the other guests, they’d blend into the crowd of ridiculous horny people pretending to be sophisticated. Eventually he’d take her hand, eager to see where she’d lead him so that they could–

The thought shatters, leaving only the truth in front of him. Distance, a line he shouldn’t cross, cannot cross – though he desperately wants to. And that knowledge is devouring him from the inside out. 

She nods as if he’s said something, none the wiser to what’s just played out in his head. Finally letting go of him, she takes a step back. The absence of her touch makes him recoil.

“C'mon, let's go find Greg,” she says conspiratorially before glancing around, already seeking out the aforementioned man much to Tom’s disdain. “I think we could use a bit of entertainment.”

He can take his frustration out on Greg. That always makes him feel better, and even more so whenever she finds it amusing as well. 

”Lead the way,” he says, ready to follow her.

He might be stuck, he might want things that are impossible. But at least she wants him around – it’ll have to be enough.

tagging @isabelinlove because i've promised her to post a tomja fic for like. the longest time...😝

[incubum]

okay so hear me out -

one night (post-s1 pre-s2) richie is sitting in a bench down by the pier having a teeny tiny existential crisis reading the book he told carmy about in ep1. a crying or maybe cried-out woman comes to sit next to him and after couple minutes of very awkward silence he asks her if she’s doing okay and regrets it very quickly because she is/was crying for fuck’s sake obviously she’s not okay. fortunately the question doesn’t backfire and she’s actually grateful cause she’s got so much bottled up so everything just sort of spills out. at the end of her rant she’s kind of embarrassed that she’s bothering this complete stranger with her whining but richie, who was also having a night full of self-pity himself, is feeling rather sympathetic and takes a chance on this strange woman and trauma-dumps in return. they spend the night wallowing and eventually end up feeling the tiniest bit better by morning once they get everything out there. surprisingly, a pathetic night turned out pretty good after all. eventually once the morning comes she has to leave to go to work. they exchange “see you later”s but forget that they haven’t exchanged names or numbers but this only hits richie later on when he goes to pick up his phone to talk to her and tell her something funny he’s heard that he thought she’d crack up at. which throws him back to square one, all sad and shit. a few days later they cross paths and richie thinks he has used up all his luck in the world on this moment, finding the one person he wanted to see again despite how fucking huge and crowded chicago is. this time they exchange names and numbers and it eventually turns into something serious. she travels a lot due to work so they’re always either texting or talking (mostly talking because richie doesn’t quite get texting). she texts him a photo of herself in his devry university sweatshirt that he left at her place and he makes it his lockscreen because that’s the sort of thing I KNOW he’d do okay don’t judge me. one day carmy sees his lockscreen and he goes “richie why the fuck is (character’s name — let’s call her roman roy because that’s the sort of thing i had in mind) your lockscreen?” and richie is so confused because although he has talked about her before he never gave them her full name so he says “how the fuck do you know jesse?” and carmy just laughs and goes “cousin that’s roman fucking roy she’s that asshole logan roy’s daughter, she’s a fucking billionaire” and richie is just so fucking shocked but obviously he dismisses carmy saying “why shouldn’t i know roman roy” and trying to act chill but the second he’s gone he’s immediately googling roman roy and his mind gets sooooo fucked and calls her a bajillion times while she’s in a meeting

okay that might be absolute crap but i was thinking abt succession and the bear happening in the same universe and this came out — it’s totally self-indulgent but i kinda wanna write it and see where it goes??? idk you’re my favourite richie writer and i guess i just wanted to tell you about it

never seen succession but i finally sat down and read this ask and i was vibing and jiving with it the whole time. you should DEFINITELY write it my dude

[mothmage]

20 Qs for fic writers

Tagged by @monstersinthecosmos , thank you!!!

1. How many works do you have on A03? 31 (and a few anon, i think 2 or 3. idk, when i post a fic on anon i forget about it forever)

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count? 446,135

3. What fandoms do you write for? currently/primarily vc, iwtv (amc), star wars, and merlin (bbc)!

4. What are your top five fics by kudos? A Lovely Little Normal Life (which, honestly, kind of annoys me lol. i know it's just bc it's a huge fandom, but really? the stupid little 12k harry potter fic i wrote in two days is my most kudos? please...); Arthur Pendragon, Long May She Reign (forever pushing my lesbian genderswap agenda); The Face of God (les mis slightly canon divergent javert character study); The Odyssey of Recollection (amc iwtv s1 pov armand); Away From Stranger Tides (potc philip/syrena fic i started ages ago and never finished, lol)

5. Do you respond to comments? yes i love talking to people in comments!!!! i've made a lot of friends through comments!!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? omg. umm. merthur fans don't know this yet bc i havent finished posting but it's arthur pendragon long may she reign (BUT it's part of a series, so it's literally fine). idk, i dont tend to write long fics that end angsty. but my angstiest fic in general is probably Hollow-Boned Boy (armand contemplating his human life in the early CoD era) or Vision of the Damned (daniel's turning from armand's pov)

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? i love a happy ending!! my series Odysseus in White Silk is probably the happiest ending, and in such an undeserved way hahaha it's so very AU because i was sad after s1 of the show and just wanted them all (and armandaniel) to live happily ever after

8. Do you get hate on fics? i dont think i ever have, but i tend to read comments in good faith too, so maybe someone out there is annoyed that i interpreted their vague dislike comment as a genuine comment or something, idk. in general though, i'll say no

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? yes but i dont post that often, idk if there's a particular kind, but generally it tends to be a little rougher than is probably appropriate without discussion in real-life situations, but also very...idk my friend described it as very tender, like theyre very clearly in love. which is so funny considering that that kind of tenderness irl gives me fucking hives lmfao

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? oh wow, not in a long time. i do have a wip sitting around rn that's a crossover between london spy and cloud atlas, which is really crazy until you remember that ben whishaw is in both london spy and the cloud atlas movie lol. and cloud atlas is already about weird reincarnations and parallel worlds and stuff, so it isnt too out-there.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? i dont think so!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? yes!! The Face of God was translated into Korean by ao3 user Crescent919 !! i've had a few comments on other fics asking to translate for personal use (always yes, of course), but no one else has asked to share a translation publicly

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? no!! i've been thinking about it lately though

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? all-time? probably merlin/arthur from merlin (bbc). it's the whole fate-destiny-choice thing, it just compels me like nothing else

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? hmmm, i would like to finish Roswell -- well, kinda (agent carter farm girl / alien crash landing au) because i still have all the original notes and outlines and stuff. i also made a shitty conlang when i was first writing it, which is crazy lol. but it would need some pretty serious revisions, and i would definitely rewrite the first few chapters that i posted years ago. i just kind of lost the agent carter bug, but i might return to that fic if i ever get in the mood for it again.

16. What are your writing strengths? ooh, i'm not really sure! i get a lot of comments mentioning characters' voices and/or personalities, so i would say maybe that!!! i also feel that i'm fairly good at mimicking an author's writing style when i want to (notably, i do not mimic anne rice when writing vc fic, lol)

17. What are your writing weaknesses? editing for sure. i have at least a hundred fics sitting on my hard drive fully or almost-fully written that i just need to edit. but i would simply rather die than do all of that. it's also why my whole merlin fic got put on pause while i went down the vc rabbithole, because i just can't bring myself to go edit the next chapters lol

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? hmm, i think it's usually unnecessary and comes off as a bit silly. that said, i did do it once (maybe excessively) in Daniel Molloy, Time Bandit (1984 daniel ends up in 1794 theatre des vampires, it's more of a character study than a time travel fic) BUT, let me defend myself -- i did it because daniel doesnt understand french, it's his pov, and he's incredibly confused and distraught for most of the fic. i felt like the dialogue being in french conveyed this sort of "daniel does not belong in this time/place" vibes. but, also, my french is...a little rough. so i'm sure it's an annoying fic for french readers lmao

19. First fandom you wrote for? warriors cats, a million years ago hahahah

20. Favourite fic you’ve written? ok, i have three different answers for this. the fic i think is the best, objectively, in terms of writing and content: The Story of Dani [...] (r63 devil's minion from armand's pov, starting with lestat's house). the fic i am the proudest of, mostly because it was my first "big" fic (it's funny now, bc it's only 41k) and i feel like i grew a lot as a writer while working on it, and i'm still happy with it: The Face of God (les mis pov javert, character study from childhood). the fic i have the most fun with and think about almost 24/7: Arthur Pendragon, Long May She Reign (r63 merthur, canon divergence, this is like a 4-part series that's currently over 300k lmao)

no-pressure tagging: @aunteat @leslutdepointedulac @butchybats @graygiantess and anyone else who wants to!!

[freckledjoes]

how do u think st5 will end? i think eleven will sacrifice herself for will, before he dies, probably mike dies?? her powers would be strong enough to sacrifice and save hawkins. nancy stays single and travels away for a job/collage or something, steve gets himself a girlfriend, finally. please. he wants to be the stay at home mom with his kids. nancy clearly didn’t look like she wants that life cause she doesn’t, i really don’t understand why he’s still stuck on her even after so many years after their breakup, it’s silly. max wakes up. jopper will get married!! pls i need that to come true.. dustin survives vecna’s curse, idk will nancy get possessed too? and who’s the new lady that’s been introduced as a new character?? steve’s mom maybe?? or the mayoress of hawkins?? i want all the town to help the main group but still i don’t want it to be the second avengers endgame pls… omg could vecna possibly use his victims against our main characters? alsoo, i don’t want the ending scene where nancy and steve are in the car saying we’ve seen stranger things, it’s too corny for my liking pls no… and i like the time travel thing idea.. (going back in time so vecna would turned on his dark side.. this would be really easy way out, tho i hope it won’t happen lol?).. i’d really want eddie returning as a vampire, not really like coming from the dead, that would ruin everything probably (even tho i’d wanted it in heartbeat) buuut yk what i mean right? something like billy came back in max’s visions so eddie would come like this to dustin’s visions. the worst possible ending, is blood bath, there’s been a lot demand for a body count. i feel like modern audiences are more into stuff like game of thrones, walking dead.. stuff like that… killing characters casually. i’m not saying i don’t want a character or three dying tho! i’d be happy if they’d killed off two or three of the main characters finally, they always kill a new character that the audience like and then the audience is always mad. why is that?? we’ve already lost bob and eddie. should it be that way?? i’m really scared steve is going to die bc he was supposed to die in s1, if he does die i’m gonna riot against their stupid writing (that brings me getting stancy back together again). pls get him a girlfriend, a happy life he dreams about and don’t let him hang up on nancy anymore, he deserves better.. he’s changed.. also it needs to stay to the 80s show vibes and has the happy ending as well.. what do you think?? what are your thoughts? :D

I had to write down all your thoughts as bullet points so I could acknowledge them in my reply lmao. Loving this elaborate thought blurb! Alright, so I do think there will be some sacrificing going on, I'd see either Will or El doing it for Mike. Part of me thinks one of those two might die, but on the other hand I don't see them doing it. Why? 'Cause it would fuck up Jopper. And they spent a lot of time on Jopper. Hopper can't lose another kid and we've seen how Joyce handled Will's missing. Not saying this is logical, but it's what I think anyway. Maybe an almost death. Like one of them going in knowing they will probably die and saying goodbye- maybe, and then surviving. I feel like Max might get a more important role than we anticipate. Something about her showing up for El at the moment she needs her the most. Like in the mind thing. I'm worried for Lucas, that poor boy is suffering. :( Assuming Jopper survives - which I do think they will - I wouldn't be surprised if we get a Jopper wedding as a way of a corny happy ending. I don't expect anything mindblowing if I'm very honest, the fan theories have been so good that I fear disappointment for most of us lol. And well, considering many things - I also don't really care if it flops. I'll just enjoy seeing some of my sweet characters one last time before their actors go off into bigger and better projects. <3 Anyway, back to it. If they bring back Eddie, it's definitely gonna give us more pain than gain. He'll hurt Dustin, bet. As wonderful as the Kas ideas are, I don't see it happening considering what I mentioned in the previous paragraph. It's too good. I either see him show up in a Vecna vision or some kind of undead army thing. Both will suck. Imagine Dustin, who is literally embodying Eddie right now, is face to face with his dead friend. Yikers. Idk about the new lady, I'm honestly bored out of my ass that they added a new character for the last season. "Here's a new character to care about - or not - but they're gonna die once you get attached!" - so yeah, not many thoughts there. It'll be too brief. I don't see the town doing anything other than vandalize Eddie's grave and somehow find a way to blame the goddamn earthquake on him honestly. Steve and Nancy... fingers crossed it doesn't happen. For me anyway! For those that ship them, good luck getting it your way~ But yeah, I don't see the appeal, but I do feel how they're pushing it onto us hard. It wouldn't surprise me if Steve dies trying to protect Nancy and that we'll get a stupid nugget speech similar to Eddie's sheep speech. I really need that all to not happen. But don't wanna get too deep into ships, I just don't think that outcome would be sensible for either character. That said, Steve getting a partner (an unknown character) would be nice, but if I'm really honest I'd much rather they all leave it open to our interpretation. If we're getting a cliche ending of some future thing, just throw me the Jopper wedding or Steve and Robin (platonically) moving out of Hawkins together, away from that hellhole. This has become a mix of what I think might happen vs what I want to happen I guess, but these are my thoughts! And anyway, no matter what happens, we will always have a 1000+ fixit fics :)

[ridiasfangirlings]

What if kusuhara lives like he was in coma or something now he comes back to s4 and for some kind of Circumstances there is no empty or shared room for him to use so he share with fushimi what do you think will happen will we se knives flaying or surprisingly they will get along

I think they might get along actually, or at least Fushimi would find himself surprisingly ‘not hating’ Kusuhara. Imagine this happens like pre-S1 or at least pre-ROK so Fushimi’s still pretty prickly too, which makes it even more surprising. Say Kusuhara was just badly wounded by the gunshot and in a coma, S4 of course got him the best medical care they could but no one knows if he’ll ever wake up (also imagine Hidaka spending time by Kusuhara’s bedside whenever he’s in a melancholy mood…and maybe at least once he runs into Munakata already there, who only smiles at him and takes his leave). Then one day unexpectedly Kusuhara’s vitals start acting up and he suddenly wakes up. Of course everyone’s excited to hear Kusuhara’s awake, Munakata goes to see him and offers to let Kusuhara return to working for the police if he wishes. However Kusuhara wants to continue working with S4, even after everything he still strongly believes in Munakata’s ideals.

Munakata intends to have Kusuhara brought back into the fold right away but as it happens they’re low on rooms, maybe a pipe burst in Kusuhara’s old room or something and they hadn’t bothered to fix it. Hidaka offers to have Kusuhara stay with him and Gotou but three to a room would be tight so Munakata has a better idea and suggests Kusuhara stay with Fushimi. Kusuhara doesn’t know much about Fushimi other than that young member from Intelligence he ran into that one evening, he’s very impressed to learn that Fushimi is now third in command (imagine Hidaka is present at this conversation too and keeps making desperate ‘don’t do it’ signals with his hands that Kusuhara totally misses). Fushimi obviously scowls and clicks his tongue when Munakata tells him, complaining that he won’t have a roommate and he’s already told Munakata this, he can’t sleep with a stranger in the room. Kusuhara continues to miss the signs and happily says that they aren’t strangers, they’ve met before isn’t that right Fushimi-kun — ah wait, it’s Fushimi-san now. Fushimi gives him a glare but Kusuhara is perfectly good natured about this and finally Fushimi sighs and says fine but it had better be temporary.

The alphabet boys are all worried about Kusuhara, like how is he gonna survive rooming with Fushimi-san until they get him somewhere better. Kusuhara thinks it can’t be so bad can it, Fushimi’s younger than him so even being in such a high position he still might need some support. Fuse thinks Kusuhara must have really hurt his brain if he thinks he can get along with Fushimi but Kusuhara doesn’t think he’s so bad. Imagine Fushimi trying to be cold to him but somehow Kusuhara keeps getting past his walls, like the first night Fushimi does actually have trouble sleeping knowing that Kusuhara is there below him. He wakes up from a nightmare and looks below without even realizing it, when he sees Kusuhara looking back Fushimi clicks his tongue and quickly pulls his own covers over his head. He keeps waiting for Kusuhara to mention it but Kusuhara doesn’t, just smiles at Fushimi the next day and says he’s heading out to the office. 

Also Kusuhara starts unexpectedly being someone who can help get Fushimi to fix his bad habits. Like Fushimi tries to stay awake super late and Kusuhara just expresses amazement that Fushimi is such a hard worker. Fushimi grumbles that he doesn’t need praise from someone like Kusuhara and Kusuhara laughs sheepishly and says he supposes not, Fushimi has such a high rank after all. Still, Kusuhara is very impressed with him and adds that Fushimi can leave the light on if he wants, Kusuhara can still sleep like this. Fushimi says he didn’t ask and Kusuhara just goes to bed without complaining, Fushimi stares at his computer for a few minutes but somehow he can’t concentrate now and finds himself going right to bed himself.

[spacecasehobbit]

Yet more Zuko meta

In which I tackle Season 2 Zuko! (My S1 Zuko meta can be found here and here, for those who are interested.) I'm starting S2 with another episode that's been subject to its fair share of meta by other people, because as usual I have Opinions about it that I want to share.

Season 2 - Zuko Alone: In which Zuko, having tried doing the right thing by his crew (keeping them safe) and losing them all to Zhao's plan and the Avatar/La's vengeance at the North; having tried doing the right thing by his father/Fire Lord (capturing the Avatar) and wound up not only with no Avatar, but also labeled a traitor by his father and hunted by Azula; having (kind of) tried to at least do right by his Uncle (stealing to provide for them, now that they are penniless refugees) and gotten only more lectures on who he's supposed to be couched in "questions" about who he wants to be (questions that always come with a clear "right" answer in Iroh's mind), has finally had enough and decides to set out on his own and find out for himself who he is, when he's lost everything that he used to think defined him.

(also, uh, this one got... long?)

We'll go ahead and get this out of the way first: Zuko starts off Season 2 in a pretty low place, and his behavior reflects that. He's rude and dismissive to Iroh while lacking much of the subtle fondness he used to bury under a gruff exterior, he displays some of his most verbally/outwardly entitled behavior, he steals shamelessly from anyone who has more than he does and takes things he and Iroh don't even need but which might make their lives a bit easier. One of his lowest points comes just before Zuko Alone, when he steals Song's ostrich horse right after she and her mother have offered medical aid, food, and shelter to Zuko.

Zuko has just had a series of harsh lessons on how little ability he has to care for "his" people - his crew were taken from him and now they're all likely dead, he feels like he dragged his Uncle down with him as a traitor after his Uncle already spent 3 years traveling with Zuko in his banishment when he likely didn't have to, and then Iroh poisons himself while trying to make tea and would have died without the help of a kind stranger. So when he gets that help from Song, and then gets further generosity from Song and her mother in the form of food and pleasant company that his Uncle clearly enjoys, he lashes out. In spite of the fact that she is also poor, in spite of the fact that she's been hurt by the Fire Nation already (Zuko's people, who hurt her even though she is kind and compassionate and good; Zuko's people, who hurt Zuko because he lost his honor and apparently does not deserve his father's compassion or care), Zuko adds to that harm by stealing her ostrich horse.

It's a low point for him, there's no denying that! Even Iroh gets frustrated by Zuko's behavior. It's selfish, it's reckless, it's disrespectful, and at points like with the ostrich horse it's outright cruel. Through the early episodes of Season 2, we also see a rift growing between Iroh and Zuko that hasn't really been there before. This rift eventually builds to the point where, in response to Iroh's growing frustration, Zuko chooses to part from his Uncle entirely and sets out on his own.

Ultimately, this parting does wind up being a healing and positive journey for Zuko, if not a very pleasant one for most of it.

Instead of stealing his way across the Earth Kingdom for most of Zuko Alone, he starts taking odd jobs from residents of the small towns he's passing through and begins to work his way across the Earth Kingdom to survive. Finally, he winds up in a small town that's been ravaged by the war and is, at the time Zuko shows up, being effectively run by Earth Kingdom army bullies. This town provides Zuko with an opportunity to reaffirm for himself who he is and what he values, though it winds up not being sufficient in the end to break him away from his goal to one day return home with Ozai's approval.

I see discussions sometimes that question why this journey was not enough for Zuko to choose the Avatar's side by the time he and Katara talk under Ba Sing Se. What I think is important, even if we don't really hear Zuko verbalize it until later in Season 3, is that Zuko still has years of propaganda to unlearn. Propaganda that was taught to him throughout his childhood, about the greatness of his nation and the honorable intentions of his people in the war. He has been taught that the Fire Nation is trying to help the other nations by spreading "civilization" to people who lack the same innovations and resources as the Fire Nation, spreading their "glory" to the hapless ignorant hoards that populate the rest of the world.

It's an ugly narrative for sure, and most viewers (with the benefit of narrative framing and other characters' stories that Zuko doesn't have) rightfully recognize it for the imperialist nonsense that it is. Zuko, however, is still fairly young and until very recently was still very immersed in the Fire Nation rhetoric. During the three years he spent on his ship, his crew consisted entirely of Fire Nation soldiers. Even when he would have stopped at ports, there is little evidence or reason to believe that he would not have chosen primarily neutral ports, colony ports, or other ports dominated by Fire Nation peoples.

At the start of Season 2, Zuko also very likely has very recent memories of watching the Avatar, while merged with La, slaughter a significant chunk of the Fire Nation navy in vengeance for what, to Zuko, would have looked like the plot of one corrupt naval officer. As he travels through the Earth Kingdom, he sees how the war has negatively affected these towns, but he also sees cruel, petty, and dishonorable behavior from Earth Kingdom soldiers (realistic behavior, given that the Earth Kingdom is itself a major world power initially built through imperialist conquest, and given that human nature has plenty of examples of people who get a bit of power over others and immediately proceed to abuse that power for their own self interest no matter where they are from), who choose to bully and steal from their own people.

Zuko's travels do help him heal from the trauma of losing his crew, losing his ship, and the latest rejection from Ozai in the form of being declared a traitor to his own people (plus, the likely additional heavy trauma of having to raft through who knows how many days worth of the bloating corpses of Fire Nation soldiers left behind by La's rampage, as he and his Uncle starved on their tiny raft while fleeing the North Pole massacre). Up to this point, Zuko's compassion and empathy has been largely buried - by the trauma from his father in his Agni Kai, by the stress and desperation and anger he used to fuel himself during his 3-year Avatar hunt, by the slaughter he witnessed at the North Pole and the further rejection Azula delivered on Ozai's behalf afterwards (just when he thought he and his Uncle had escaped the North and made it to safety).

His travels alone through the Earth Kingdom show Zuko certain limits to his own capacity for selfishness and cruelty, however, even when he is at one of his lowest points in the series. Choosing not to steal from the young, pregnant couple marks his first major turning point, where he realizes that even if he has nothing and is nothing (nothing but a traitor, expected to act without honor) in the eyes of the Fire Nation, he still desires to act with whatever honor he can when the choice belongs to him anyway.

It is after this point that Zuko stops stealing and starts finding jobs to earn money/food/shelter each day. By the time he reaches the last small town in the episode, he is able to interact fairly kindly (if not warmly, though Zuko is frequently shown to be awkward in social situations of any kind) with the young child of the family he finds work with, when the kid starts following him around and asking him questions and making it clear that he looks up to Zuko due to an act of kindness Zuko committed earlier on the kid's behalf. Zuko even gives the kid his knife, one of the few things he has left of his old life, and something he had treasured enough to take with him from home when he was originally banished.

Spending time with the Earth Kingdom family and interacting with this young kid helps Zuko heal enough to bring back forward his innate desire towards protecting and caring for those who could reasonably be seen as "his" to care for (the same drive, arguably, that lead him to save the crew member who nearly died during The Storm in S1, and ultimately lead him to temporarily give up chasing the Avatar and prioritize his crew's safety at the end of that episode; the same drive that got him challenged to an Agni Kai, burned, and banished at 13). When the kid is directly threatened by the Earth Kingdom soldiers who have been bullying the townspeople, Zuko's core of compassion trumps the more selfish front he'd been trying to put forward in order to protect himself up to that point. He turns back to the town, fights the Earth Kingdom soldiers to save the kid who had looked up to him, the child of the family who had given him work and shelter while he was there, and eventually he reveals his true name and title as he achieves victory against the soldiers with firebending, while remembering his mother's last words to him to never forget who he was.

It is, briefly, a moment of triumph for Zuko. He has objectively done the right thing, he has acted with compassion and used his strength to help those in need rather than to cause harm, and he has owned the truth of who he is without shame.

And very rapidly, his moment of triumph turns to yet another painful lesson on how other people see him, not for what he does but for who he is. It is understandable for the townspeople to reject Zuko here! He's just admitted that he's not merely a firebender, he is also the son of the man who is currently leading the nation that started the war and is still perpetuating atrocities against their people. He is the crown prince of the nation responsible for all the loved ones whom these townspeople have lost to the war. He could not have more clearly announced himself The Enemy if he'd tried!

For Zuko, however, it still means that he tried to find acceptance outside of his home, acceptance that was not dependent on his lying and hiding who he was, acceptance through doing something good for this town of mostly strangers, and he was told that he could not both be himself and also seek acceptance in another nation. Regardless of his father's rejection, he is a Prince of the Fire Nation, and that means in the eyes of the world that he bears at least some responsibility for his nations crimes. He is rejected, here, even by the very child whose life he had just saved. A rejection that is made clear and absolute when the child refuses even to keep Zuko's knife.

The message is clear: he is not wanted here; he does not belong.

His travels have brought him to a place where he wants to be accepted again, however. He wants to have a place where he belongs, a place where his contributions and his care are both accepted and appreciated, without having to pretend that he is someone he isn't.

And so, having been rejected by these Earth Kingdom townsfolk for revealing himself, Zuko returns to something he knows, a mission that he had already spent 3 years convincing himself would earn him a way back to the place and acceptance that he most desperately craves - he returns to hunting the Avatar and, with it, the dream that he can one day earn his father's approval and go home.

[beepboop358]

A Prom in S4 Theory & Music Coding Predictions

Some leaked set pics indicate that there MAY BE a junior/senior prom at Hawkins High, which they are calling the "Lover's Ball". It's unclear if this prom will be included on screen, or if it will just be mentioned as an event coming up at Hawkins High because this flyer could just extra set decor. Regardless if the prom happens on screen or not, there will probably be some tension about 'who's asking who' to the prom that we will see in s4. Given that this picture was just leaked a few weeks ago, it probably falls closer to the end of the season sequentially.

Having a big school dance in s4 is suspiciously close to how they had the Snowball scene in s2. This would certainly follow the even/odd season patterns, (and actually add to the list of the patterns), which kind of makes me think we will see this prom on screen, or at the very least it will be mentioned in the course of the season.

The Duffer Brothers love Steven King and reference his work and especially 'IT' a lot in the show, but they haven't done anything with Carrie yet so maybe we will get a Carrie moment this season at the prom...

Carrie was on the video store fridays movie inspiration board for ST4.

At the "Lover's Ball", there will be definitely be some music coding relating to Byler. Since music coding is kind of a key thing in the show, I've been rifling through 80's songs to try and find some that may fit with s4's themes/character storylines (and I may do a seperate post about that later), but for this post I'm just gonna focus on what they might use at the prom for relating to Byler.

Since the season is most likely going to take place in 1986, I only selected songs that had a compatible release year so it would be historically accurate. (these songs would also be great for a byler playlist!)

Some strong contenders for the songs that might play at the prom to reference Mike and Will's relationship could be:

"True Colors" by Cyndi Lauper (1986)

This song is honestly too good of an option for them not to use. I'm reallllyyy crossing my fingers for this one.

It's hard to take courage In a world full of people You can lose sight of it all And the darkness inside you Can make you feel so small

"And I see your true colors Shining through I see your true colors And that's why I love you So don't be afraid (don't be afraid) To let them show your true colors True colors are beautiful (you're beautiful, oh) Like a rainbow Oh oh oh oh oh like a rainbow"

If this world makes you crazy And you've taken all you can bear You call me up Because you know I'll be there

"Heaven" by Bryan Adams (1984)

This first verse is literally just the story of Byler... 😭 The rest of the song applies but that verse verse is just sooooo accurate. (I'm crossing my fingers for this one too)

"Oh thinkin' about all our younger years There was only you and me We were young and wild and free Now nothing can take you away from me We've been down that road before But that's over now You keep me comin' back for more

Baby you're all that I want When you're lyin' here in my arms I'm findin' it hard to believe We're in heaven And love is all that I need And I found it there in your heart Isn't too hard to see We're in heaven

Oh once in your life you find someone Who will turn your world around Bring you up when you're feelin' down Yeah nothin' can change what you mean to me Oh there's lots that I could say But just hold me now 'Cause our love will light the way"

"Take My Breath Away" by Berlin (1986)

This song is on Will's Spotify playlist, and I thought it could also be used at the prom since it's a romantic song. I see it as an 'entrance to the prom' moment song, almost like a 'first look' - like the Mike and El moment at the snowball when she first walks in, but with Mike and Will this time. I think the lyrics clearly hint to this kind of 'first look' moment as well.

"Watchin' every motion in my foolish lover's game On this endless ocean, finally lovers know no shame Turning and returning to some secret place inside Watchin' in slow motion as you turn around and say...take my breath away"

Watchin' every motion in this foolish lover's game Haunted by the notion, somewhere there's a love in flames Turning and returning to some secret place inside Watchin' in slow motion as you turn my way and say...take my breath away"

"In The Air Tonight" by Phil Collins (1981)

This song was originally meant to be included in the snowball scene from s2, but it ultimately was not used and "Every Breath You Take" was used for this scene instead. Since it was intended to be a part of the s2 dance, that's why I think it may be used at the prom this season. (you can read the scripts on 8flix)

——— I forgot to include this explanation originally BUT, I think this song might be used to show some anger/resentment between the two, and to show a decent amount of tension, depending on their development this season. Like maybe Mike is kind of leading Will on in private by continuing to initiate intimate scenes between them, but in public Mike is still trying to put on his “straight boy act” and kind of being a jackass about it, and this song could be used to show the tension between them that has caused.

"And I've been waiting for this moment, for all my life, (Oh lord)

Well, I was there and I saw what you did I saw it with my own two eyes So you can wipe off that grin, I know where you've been It's all been a pack of lies.

Well I remember, I remember don't worry How could I ever forget It's the first time, the last time we ever met But I know the reason why you keep this silence up

No you don't fool me The hurt doesn't show, but the pain still grows It's no stranger to you and me"

"In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel (1986)

Some of the lyrics in this song just SCREAMS byler, just look at the 1st, 2nd and 4th paragraphs. I would be suprised if they didn't use this song in either s4/s5.

Love, I get so lost sometimes Days pass and this emptiness fills my heart When I want to run away I drive off in my car But whichever way I go I come back to the place you are

All my instincts, they return The grand facade, so soon will burn Without a noise, without my pride I reach out from the inside

In your eyes The light, the heat (in your eyes) I am complete (in your eyes) I see the doorway (in your eyes) To a thousand churches (in your eyes) The resolution (in your eyes) Of all the fruitless searches (in your eyes)

Love, I don't like to see so much pain So much wasted and this moment keeps slipping away I get so tired working so hard for our survival I look to the time with you to keep me awake and alive

"Heroes" by David Bowie (1975)

David Bowie was bisexual. A cover of his song “Heroes” is used in the show twice already, sung by Peter Gabriel. The song plays when they pull Will's fake body out of the water in season one and Mike cries in his Mom's arms, with some very queer-coded lyrics in the background, and after Hopper's letter in s3 (which is very Byler-centric)

"I will be king. And you, you will be queen 'Cause we're lovers, and that is a fact. Yes, we're lovers, and that is that. Though nothing will keep us together. We could steal time just for one day We can be heroes forever and ever. What d'you say? I, I wish I could swim, like dolphins, like dolphins could swim I, I can remember (I remember) Standing by the wall (By the wall) And the guns shot above our heads (Over our heads) And we kissed as though nothing could fall (Nothing could fall) And the shame was on the other side. Oh, we can beat them forever and ever. Then we could be heroes just for one day We're nothing, and nothing will help us Maybe we're lying, then you better not stay But we could be safer just for one day"

I just thought the above songs might be some highly likely possibilities given that they fit the year of the s4 and also make references to not only love, but the idea of hiding, pain, shame, longing, etc., and can make some (partially stretching here) references to other things in the show such as:

RAINBOWS and TRUE COLORS, SHINING THROUGH (rainbows imagery is always associated with Mike & Will in the show and a is symbol of lgbtq+ pride, True Colors shining through = who you really are on the inside finally coming out)

IF THIS WORLD MAKES YOU CRAZY ("crazy together", "only love makes you that crazy" and references the "world" motif in the show)

YOUNGER YEARS, ONLY YOU AND ME, YOUNG, WILD AND FREE (references "not wanting things to change" and wanting "to make things go how they were" part in Hopper's letter, and the "But we're not kids anymore" comment during the Byler fight)

ENDLESS OCEAN and SWIM, LIKE DOLPHINS (references water's significance in the show)

FLAMES (Will in front of the burning car in s4 teaser?)

LIES and LYING (Mike lying to El about how he feels)

INSTINCTS RETURNING, FACADES BURNING, WITHOUT MY PRIDE, I REACH OUT FROM THE INSIDE (Mike's feelings for Will are his instincts, the facade is the act he put on in s3 to seem straight, burning could reference Will & fire, and I think the last 2 lines of that 2nd verse reference vulnerability- perhaps in an apology/confession)

I GET SO LOST (confusion about his sexuality, feeling lost without the other) and SO MUCH WASTED TIME (known each other since kindergarten but were unaware the other felt the same way/was dealing with same things, they could have been even closer)

KINGS and QUEENS (the d&d game mike wrote where he has king Tristan give him a medal in s1)

STEALING TIME (references "turning back the clock, to make things go how they were" part in Hopper's letter and the time theme in s4 and time is central to the s4 plot)

AND WE KISS - AND THE SHAME (references the shame they both feel about being gay since it was so stigmatized in the 80's)

Byler @ Prom Possibilities:

If Mike and Will did dance together at the prom, they will probably get bullied because they live in a small conservative town. They will probably either run out, upset, or Eleven will step in to protect them which could lead to the Carrie moment.

Or Mike and Will will not dance together in the actual dance room, but instead sneak off to somewhere else in the school and have a private Byler dance moment where they can't be teased and it's just them together.

OR Mike and Will are still acting weird at this point in the season because neither of them is communicating what needs to be said out of fear, or one of them has confessed or done something to indicate how they feel, but the other hasn’t so everything is weird between them. There would be lots of tension from this and we would get lots of longing looks and adoring moments between the two of them from the sidelines. (I think this one is the most likely)

[asexualzoro]

it's my birthday!

I'm 21 now!! i'm doing another Writing Summary for the year! Lew Writes Wrapped, if you will. so, if you'd like to get me a gift, consider reading and reviewing one of these, or reblogging this post!

and if it rhymes, it's true, but i hate poetry (Jan, 3k, TMA, oneshot)

The obligatory sex-repulsed ace Jon fic that every asexual TMA writer tries their hand at eventually.

This is without a doubt the most popular thing I wrote this year, which makes me laugh considering I remember disliking the way I ended it. Still, I appreciate the support a ton, esp bc I'd been sitting on the concept of this fic for months prior. TMA fandom rlly will see an ace Jon oneshot and go is anyone gonna shower that in kudos and not wait for an answer. Love that for you guys.

as long as you can remember (Mar, 3k, TMA, oneshot)

A short horror piece focusing on combining Annabelle's original plan to fill Martin with spiders and the amnesia-inducing effects of Salesa's camera, tied together with narration from MAG 195 in one awful time loop.

I had so much fun with this one!! I loved balancing the spider pinata, amnesiac camera, and typing the start to the ending through use of the statement and repeating the opening of the fic at the end. I also made a lot of ""Martin's"" dialogue mirror lines of his from important JM conversations in canon, and went so far as to research the body temperature of spiders for a line of prose about holding Martin's hand. I'm honestly super fond of this piece because of how much fun I had putting it together.

to be shaped by such strange things (May, 3k, TMA, oneshot)

A piece about how s1 Jon and Sasha are often depicted with glasses, yet NotSasha and late-series Jon are often not, and how losing the lenses through which you see the world really does mean losing a piece of yourself, even if it doesn't seem like it. Or, The Beholding fixes Jon's eyesight is a terrifying and devastating headcanon and I'm going to make that everyone else's problem.

I've needed glasses my entire life and I feel most of the plot points or acknowledgment I've seen about characters' glasses has involved making them not need or not wear them anymore. I'm rather fond of mine, though, and I wanted to write something that reflected that (n pun intended.) That piece is strange things, which I couldn't be happier with, honestly.

Lucid (adj.) (May, 3k, original, complete)

A journal-entry style horror piece about lucid dreaming, trouble sleeping, and the horror that is straddling a nightmare between them. A 'love' letter to the power of an over-active imagination.

I lucid dream IRL, so Lucid (adj.) was so interesting and entertaining to write. I barely ever write original, but I'm so glad I did--this wouldn't have worked any other way. I got to tear into and pick apart a very specific but real fear of mine, based on an actual nightmare I'd had about a month before writing this piece. I'm super fond of this one, so if you like slow-build psychological horror, I cannot recommend it enough!

on a cliche (July, 833, original, complete)

Two strangers meet in a cafe and discuss an age-old question. A piece about whether one would rather to have love and lost.

This might be my favorite thing that I wrote this year? Which is very funny considering that when I wrote it for class, I was sure it was going to be torn apart in critique. Making the setting appear dreamlike without completely tipping my hand was probably my favorite part of the piece. Out of everything on here, this is probably the most sweet/lighthearted thing I wrote/posted this year, so if my writing is normally too depressing for you, I recommend this piece.

my witness brings me into existence (Aug, 4k, TMA, oneshot)

A transcript-style fic about NotJon, and what happens when one lives in the world where they have been forgotten. Archivist Sasha and NotJon returned from the dead, taking place during MAG121. I've read every piece in the NotJon tag on AO3 that I could find and it shows, I think.

God I fucking love this piece. I wrote the first draft of it over discord entirely spur-of-the-moment to my friend @/daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaavid, believe it or not, sitting outside and being bitten my mosquitoes literally the whole time. I actually have most of the next parts of this fic sitting in my drafts, but I've been far too busy to finish them. It also has lovely art from @/macmonky, which I'm still enamored with. I really don't have a bad word to say about my witness, go check it out!

dead and undying (Sept, 7k, DSMP RP, complete multichap)

I spend far too much time thinking about Technoblade's execution and it shows. A fic about Techno not finding Tommy has hidden in his basement to escape exile and speedrunning Doomsday about it. If you like reading stories about stories or think the wither is a terrifying mob you should read this fic.

its my birthday which means i get to be cringe on main and you all have to let me. i really enjoyed writing this one! The execution and revival with the totem is some of the most fun body horror I've ever written, and this fic has very lovely art!

To finish out,

this year I didn't write quite as much as last year, but I also wasn't home all day in quarantine, so I'm alright with that! What I did write (and post--I have a lot of unfinished/unposted writing this year), I'm overwhelmingly happy with, after all! All in all, my posted writing for this year totaled up to 25,000 words!

Thank you, as always, to everyone for your continued support of my writing! Happy birthday to me, and thank you for reading!

(reblogs and/or birthday wishes much appreciated!)

[bennifits]

fuck it.

imma talk about millie im so sorry

- Millie was homeless before the apocalypse. kicked out of her house at 17 for trying weed once. Her mother being more into the idea since she’s more traditional than her father. Her father was military, and used to take her on hunting trips, which is why she knows her way around a gun a bit. She had a younger brother as well who was 6 at the time of her getting kicked out. 

- to earn whatever little money she had, she busked on the streets with her guitar, writing a few songs in her time as well. She made a few friends on the road, but eventually had to move on. With train hopping being her main mode of transport. 

- at time of the end of the world (s1) she was 24-25

- good friends with Jesus, since those two like to bounce around a lot they tend to bump into each other. 

- she uses sound to herd walkers away, she’s read books on how clocks work and made ‘time bombs’ where she winds them up and throws them to draw them away n shit

- more often than not, if she’s out in the wild she’s got a big ass cloak on that’s covered in walker guts. She’s quiet, knows how manipulate sound n shit like that. 

- she wears a bandage or a long sleeve bc aha angst winky face (heavy angst if you know what i mean, hides the scar.)

story:

- first appearance would be in the prison era. (yes i will be talking like she’s part of the show im cringe stfu). Be one of those one off episodes, Daryl goes on a small run, just to case out an area and runs into her. He’s apprehensive of her, seeing how she deals with walkers, but he puts that aside bc a herd comes from nowhere and traps them overnight and tadaaa they bond.

- he offers her a place to stay, after seeing that she’s some what capable with a weapon and knows her way around. She declines, she was never the type to find a group and stick with it, she’d always leave in the middle of the night and strangely, felt like she couldn’t bare to hurt his feelings if they got closer than just strangers to friends. 

- she was in the surrounding area for a little while longer, actually bumping into Glenn, Daryl, Michonne and Rick a handful due to runs. every time they asked Millie to come with them and every time she declined. 

- in the sick arc of the prison era. a mysterious sack of medicine ends up at the front gate in the middle of the night. with a note saying “stay safe D” - Mills. 

- she leaves and heads towards the kingdom after that. on her own right up until...

- until she meets Ezekiel.

- They met as she was walking the road, going through buildings to look for food when he and a group got trapped in a building. So with nothing really to live for, she started playing a song to lure them away to give them a chance to escape. 

- she rounded back to check on them. Ez promised her a place to stay in exchange for her services. (Jerry was very into her using sound and calling it badass)

- it’s not a good first impression really. She’s covered in head to toe in blood and guts from covering her smell from walkers, she’s smelly and just horrible looking. 

- the kingdom took her under his wing, showed her how to trust someone. 

- she was dubbed the court’s bard / king’s bard / whatever

- she hones her skills, becoming an incredible shot with a bow and honing her skills with her bat with melee. She turns into a type of scout, keeping tabs on alexandria and helping make relations with other communities

- shiva took a particular liking to her music. 

- for some reason she ended up saving ezekiel’s life more than once. he can’t really find a way to return the favour, every time he brings something up she just tells him

-”being able to stand by your side and have a roof over my head with a hot meal at any hour of the day is all that i need your majesty”

- she helped him negotiate terms with the saviors. the one they have with the once a week drop off thing

- she went out on recon, looking for places to hit with supplies when she gets injured in some debris under a collapsed part of a building. Lucky for her, she doesn’t die, hearing voices.

- and she wakes up in Alexandria. 

- she has wounds and cannot return to her group, she doesn’t tell them about the kingdom because she simply doesn’t feel like it would be useful info.

- eyyyy then the gang shows uuuup

- reunited with the walking gamers. 

- she assures them it’s somewhat safe, they’re all stupid and don’t know how to fight walkers. She’s happy to see everyone beyond comprehension, like they’re long lost family or something.

- she finally and formally meets everyone, actually introducing herself as a travelling bard

- bonding with everyone ensues. Deanna thought she’d be a permanent resident, but after she’s all healed up she immediately bounces. (right before rick goes coo coo and and bloody and michonne bonks him on da head)

- leaves a note and present for daryl, a basket of flowers with a smiley face. she also kinda left bc she realised she might have caught feelings,,, and she’s afraid of that shit

- goes back to kingdom people are like ‘sick she’s alive that’s epic’

- time passesssssssssss

- She’d have been there for a while. Meeting Carol for the first time. Feeling drawn to her even after she left, she would often visit her while in that little cottage. She remembered the name, so she asked about the group, saying they were okay. Millie felt relieved, wanted to go out and look for them to reconnect but didn’t wanna do anything to jeopardise the kingdom.

- then the group came for help. Strumming away at her guitar when they wander in. 

- “holy shit is that you D? Oh hey Jesus”

- was like a small mind blown, two worlds colliding. 

- When daryl had to stay behind she followed him around everywhere, thinking it was a sign or something like damn 3 times she’s run into this group that’s gotta mean something. She even showed him where Carol was, and escorted him back to Hilltop

- “Don’t gotta babysit me”

- “Can’t have you being found by the saviors. that would suck”

- sticks with him right up before the big fight at the season finale where she goes back to the kingdom to relay the message and helps keep alexandria safe in the fight.

- that’s kinda all im up to atm in the series n shit im currently watching the episode titled ‘Mercy’

[dolhouse]

DOLHOUSE.  amity ‘amma’ crellin from sharp objects put into the stranger things universe. written by aurora, 21 and she/her. (muse info below cut) main blog.

disclaimers: (1) in her canon, amma displays implied incestuous behaviors towards her half sister camille. i will never write out incest, and i have always interpreted the way she behaves as a longing for camille to like her, but not romantically or sexually. she cycles through her different facets that people normally like (ex: mama’s little amma, the amma she is with her friends, a sexual/seductive amma) (2) considering her age, the same as the party throughout the seasons, i will never smut or mention anything mildly nsfw on this blog. in her canon, amma acts sexually when she thinks she needs to in order to get what she wants. there’s also implied sexual content when she mentions her relationship with boys in general and how she lets them do the things they do to her so she can maintain control. i might mention these behaviors as they are important to her character, but never detailing what she does/what happens. (’the sex part’) (3) lastly, amma is a killer. she kills ann nash and natalie keene and mae, three young girls she had been friends with prior to their deaths. i will never excuse her actions or try to brush them under the rug, but at her core, amma is a traumatized little girl who has been victim to her mother’s abuse since she was young. i am not, or ever will be, saying it’s ‘okay’ to kill people, obviously, or excuse anything else. amma is cruel and claims to like violence as well as being a bully.

family history. (things your muse will know)

adora preaker is the matriarch of the wealthiest family in hawkins with a carefully crafted ‘southern belle’ image. she is also the owner of one of the town’s major source of profit, a large hog farm, and it gives her a kind of immunity to scandal. when she was a teenager, despite the societal norms, she had camille preaker and married alan crellin. now adora crellin, while the preaker name is still the name on her farm, she has her second daughter, marian crellin. marian is a sickly child, and dies when she and camille are both children and the two had been very close. after marian dies, camille is traumatized by the loss of her sister, and becomes further estranged from her mother, leading to her eventual departure from hawkins. while camille and marian had been relatively close and age, it is much later when she has amma crellin, leaving an age gap of nearly 20 years between the two in present day. amma is a sick child similarly to marian, and even as she grows older, she never quite grows out of her sickness. when amma is 15, camille returns to hawkins due to the rising story of missing children, ann nash, will byers, barbara holland and natalie keene, because of her job as a reporter for the newspaper.

family secrets. (things your muse will NOT know unless plotted)

adora was raised by an abusive mother and is suffering from those effects still.

adora killed marian, sickening her through years of poisoning as a result of munchausen by proxy syndrome. when marian dies, she does the same to amma and uses her as a replacement, but altering her dosage of poison so she doesn’t die.

amma killed ann nash and natalie keene because she was upset that they were taking her mother’s attention. and not only that they were taking her attention, they were not nice to her like amma is. they were wild little girls, and that broke amma and adora’s ‘agreement’ that there would be no more little girls. ann even bit adora, which led to amma’s obsession with taking out their teeth before she killed them. her friends jodes and kelsey helped her kill them.

amma’s involvement in the seasons.

s1: ann nash + natalie keene deaths, camille comes to write about them and the other kids that go missing. ann’s body has been found before camille arrives by a creek in the woods, natalie’s body is found later the day camille arrives in an alley. they both have missing teeth, pink painted nails (notably unlike them), and appear to have been strangled.

s2: soil samples are taken from bob nash’s (ann’s father) tires, john keene (natalie’s brother) is fired from his job at the preaker’s farm because of his reputation. camille writes an article about the murders which is discovered by amma and adora. while at a town celebration at the crellin’s house, a drunken bob starts a fight with john under the belief that he killed his sister and bob’s daughter.

s3: ann’s bike is found in the lagoon by preaker’s farm, and someone that works at the farm later identifies john keene as the one that put it there. a detective that camille had been in a romantic relationship with discovers that marian, camille’s half sister, had been poisoned by adora while investigating camille’s past. adora begins feeding the same medicine to amma under the pretense of a hangover cure. john keene is arrested by the police for the murder of ann and natalie. camille learns about her mother killing marian from a family friend, and also that marian’s body was cremated to avoid suspicion. with everything that she’s learned and knowing that amma is now sick, she goes to confront her mother. as adora begins to take amma upstairs, camille fakes sick so she will poison her instead. richard goes to confront adora with the police, and when he does he finds that his suspicions are true. amma and adora are hospitalized and adora is arrested, both for poisoning her daughters, marian, and for the murders of ann and natalie after plyers are found that match the marks on ann and natalie’s gums.

s4: amma and camille deal with the aftermath, and they live together in an apartment in hawkins. amma visits adora in jail, but she’s also growing and has made a new friend named mae who lives close by that seems to be a better influence on her than jodes and kelsey, the other two girls in her mean girl troupe. 

??: mae is found dead with painted nails, missing teeth, and having been strangled.

??: amma is arrested for the murders of ann, natalie, and mae after camille finds their teeth in the floor of amma’s dollhouse.

other tidbits.

tbd ✨

[scythe-of-house-aurkus]

Starting to think about who the main cast might be chilling out with us in Cantha! We know it will be likely be some characters we're familiar with, some new Canthans, and that they have some more freedom with the core cast:

Gonna throw this under a cut. It got long. I ramble, sorry.

So let's start with our most frequent compatriots, Dragon's Watch:

Taimi - Whether it be in-person or through comms, I feel like this is a gimme. She's our resident dragon magic expert, so ofc she's got to tag along in some capacity as we somehow tackle the dragon problem for the last time. Plus it's about time to make good on the S4 revelations with her illness no longer being in remission. (Also I think we'll see Gorrik, but he'll be with Taimi. Though there are beetles in Cantha too!)

Kasmeer - Likely, but I'm also a little torn on this one. We definitely need more Kas and Jory time (and not just as a unit). Anet didn't really get the chance to make good on their plans for the two in IBS, but Kasmeer was also with us in PoF. Will they double up on expansion exposure time? I think she will make an appearance but may spend a good chunk of that time doing her own thing. (I will say this: if we get a status update on the Kasjory situation as they like to do, it better be invitations to the wedding. Let them be happy ffs)

Marjory - This is a given, and not just bc Marjory's of Canthan descent. Ofc she needs more screentime and a dedicated character arc. We gotta deliver on the whole "my dead sister is inhabiting my sword" thing . And if there's weird stuff going down in Cantha? We're gonna want our detective friend with us. She's also got some potential family stuff that can be brought up with it being mentioned in S2 that her mother isn't very trusting of strangers. Why is that?

Rytlock - More a maybe, venturing into unlikely. His story reached its head in IBS, and it ended in a natural stepping off point. He's literally had more screen time than any other member of Dragon's Watch, bar maybe Taimi if you count comm chatter. I think it's likely he'll be spending more time in the Homelands instead of traipsing around with us. BUT he's also basically the game's mascot, and he was with us in both HoT and PoF in significant capacities. Will EoD follow that trend?

Braham - Also a maybe. I flip-flop constantly with this. His arc also reached its close in IBS. He had a lot of dedicated growth in S4 even before that. But there are things that make me think we may see him in EoD or at least in post-EoD story plans: a) being distinctly not dead after the IBS finale and b) the story potential there. Now that he's free from his mother's legacy and the choking reins of prophecy, there's room to explore what he does now with that freedom. Where does he go next? (On a side note, in the Sunqua Peak fractal there's that 'very tall and strong' character Hyo-Sonn introduced that is speculated to be a norn. Could be our in!)

Rox - Highly unlikely at this point I fear. However it was executed, her arc was clearly done in S4. She appeared for one DRM, but if we ever hear from her again, I'm pretty sure it will just be another cameo.

Now onto core characters that would either be new, or in one case, very recently introduced to us:

Jumping off the Braham bullet point, I think we're going to be dealing with some kind of isolated Norn community from the teases in Sunqua Peak! Norn are naturally loners that wander, so it kind of makes sense to me that a group might have found their way to Cantha at some point in history. Did they go so far north they wrapped around the pole and circumnavigated the globe to Cantha? Does that mysterious hole in the Far Shiverpeaks lead to Cantha? Dredge tunnels?? Regardless of how they got there, we'll probably have a representative from them with us in some capacity. They've just got to be careful to make it feel not too much like an Olmakhan situation.

Canthan character(s). Duh, this is a gimme. We're going to need some local friends. We know this lady from the concept art shown so far will be a character. Going off of art alone, I'm speculating she has some sort of ties to the Jade Wind and/or Sea. We shall find out! Beyond that, I don't want to speculate too much since so much of Canthan culture has likely changed since GW1.

And then the one we just met, Kalidris Sparrowhawk - Oh you know, the Tengu have beef with Cantha. If they're reopening their borders in any capacity, something's going to happen there. Kalidris stood out too much to be a one-off character in a DRM, and it sounded like she'd earned a bit of prestige for her actions there. Maybe she gets sent with us as a Tengu envoy of sorts? Either way, I feel like we're definitely getting the peppy birb.

Bonus round: cameos! Characters who I think will not be part of the core cast but may show up in some extremely minor way:

Faren - It's tradition at this point. If he doesn't show up out of left field doing something you would expect Faren to be doing, well, that'd just be sad. He'll probably appoint himself Kryta's ambassador to Cantha or something.

Canach - Another out of left field one. He's done adventuring with us, but I don't think he's gotten over that gambling problem. We'll probably find him in some shady betting ring in the dank depths of Kaineng City. And once EoD wraps up, he'll take his winnings and buy up all of Tyria. The reign of Canach begins.

Bangar - Hear me out. He's another case of "oh, he's not dead? interesting." Which means we have the melted snowcone available for comedic relief over comms. What do you think it should be? Snargle Goldclaw reading his latest novel out loud to an unwilling captive audience? It's what he deserves.

EDIT: smh I forgot to add a potential returning character, and it's a big one - Mai Trinn. It's a mystery where she went at the end of S1. There are Aetherblade teases in the trailer. She will probably factor in.

[pondermoniums]

A Rant Nobody Asked for About Stranger Things season 3.

feat. my personal pet peeves.

Disclaimer: when I first watched Stranger Things 3, I massively enjoyed it. I thought it finally captured the 80s aesthetic and vibe with the colors, the neon, and music. I even enjoyed it the SECOND time I watched it, although I was officially aware of some major flaws by that point.

1. The Coca Cola flex.

CocaCola has been all over this show ever since Tommy handed Steve one as a makeshift ice pack after his fight with Jonathan in s1. And then by season 3 it’s just....obnoxious???? And so unnecessary??? Karen Wheeler’s drinking one by the pool in episode one. Billy knocks into someone during his first day being flayed, and a coke rolls over the concrete.

LUCAS DOES AN ENTIRE MONOLOGUE ABOUT NEW COKE.

I mean, Jesus, we get it. CocaCola basically owns Georgia, where a lot of American TV shows are filmed.....but......you’re literally CocaCola. This kind of flex is entirely unnecessary and therefore pathetic.

2. Karen and Billy

Okay, listen. I thought their interaction in season 2 was H I L A R I O U S.  But I’m someone who has looked 21 since I was 14, thanks to being an early bloomer. I get it. The cocky prowess of looking older than your peers. Getting to look adults in the eye and get that tiny bit of respect with nothing more than just looking like they do. And, as a writer, the contrast between thirsty, older Karen with young and equally thirsty Billy is an odd pair of puzzle pieces that fit really hilariously - largely because it’s so unexpected, maybe. And frankly, I think it’s one of the first scenes where Dacre’s acting really made my eyes fall out of my head, he did so well.

But it should have ended there.

I’ve been to a LOT of public pools in my day (I’m 26 but hush), and I have NEVER seen older women thirsting over the lifeguards. Ever. It’s predatory - an attribute most women understand all too well - unprofessional, and just downright gross. Their whole interaction in s3 is for “the male lens,” which Hollywood really needs to figure out by now is outdated, predatory, disgusting, and not good writing.

3. Glossing over Billy Chugging Chemicals

Bouncing off of #2, is Karen’s total negligence of Billy’s condition. Many people have pointed it out before, but a row of mothers being completely ???? about Billy’s condition is a raging red flag of bad writing.

(Also that it was written by men, because women are hard-wired to be super aware of other women - a tactic of living on guard in a man’s world all the damn time. So you can always count on a mother, grandmother, or a brave teen/20-something to be the one to walk up to a person who doesn’t look well in order to check on them, even if you’re complete strangers. It’s happened to me, and I’ve done this for other people.)

These women literally stare at him for every shift of work he has, and they.....don’t do anything????

Karen WALKS IN ON HIM DRINKING CHLORINE. It actually took me the second watch-through to realize what he was doing in that storage room, and god, my heart just broke. It’s the only time we actually see a glimpse of Billy making himself flayed like the others. It’s so fleeting (maybe because we already get so much pain from his plot, and we do see what happens with the other flayed people) but it’s also one of the reasons, I think, that we have a whole fanbase ready and eager for his return.

We didn’t get a good glimpse of him poisoning himself to the point that he has to rely on the MindFlayer to stay alive. I’m not saying any of us want that, no way, but that’s my personal headcanon: in s2, Will was super protected and therefore capable of being separated from the Flayer. All of the Flayed IMMEDIATELY low-key drowned themselves in ice water to lower their temperature, and then chugged chemicals. They all die twice.

4. Billy. Just......Billy.

This poor boy’s plot was so pointless. It’s a special thing: creating such a good character and then doing fuck-all with him. The moment you realize his only purpose in season 2 was an introduction is....the beginning of a lot of disappointment. And no, he DIDN’T serve as an antagonist for Steve, because what happened? He slowed Steve down.

That’s it.

He doesn’t keep Steve from helping the kids in the tunnels. He doesn’t break him and Nancy up. He doesn’t gloriously out Steve’s bisexuality to the town by being his shameless lover.

He literally does nothing except just......be there? Looking gorgeous and providing a juxtaposing characterization for Max. That’s all. Billy’s treated like an accessory.

Then we arrive to season 3 and....I guess the only justification for his plot is sort of classic Greek tragic hero. He’s the new Keg King whose hubris makes him stand too long outside the warehouse, and thus, his downfall.

But here’s what’s wrong with that: Steve Harrington.

We were so spoiled with good writing for Steve. Steve had an incredibly refreshing and valid character AND redemption arc. Frankly, all the good writing goes to Steve in this show, so we expected the same writing to go to the other douche bag king of the show.

And we didn’t get it.

5. 80s Bullshit vs. Modern Audience

You can tell they’re trying to straddle the line between, “this is how people talked back then,” and, “this pertains to a modern audience.”

Example: Mike saying to Will, “It’s not my fault you don’t like girls.”

I know they did multiple takes of this scene with different variations of this line, and that’s the one the editors settled with. Regardless, I know I am not the only person who screeched with rainbow pride for Will’s sake. And it’s not the first time they’ve touched on very hot modern topics. Hopper touches on homophobia in season 1 - a fact I completely missed until I read an interview where the actor, David Harbor, mentions it, himself. Then I rewatched season 1 and realized, sure enough, he reacts poorly when Joyce tells him that Lonnie calls Will a f*g. It’s not even fatherly, “that should be my son, how dare he.” It’s straight up, “this kid might not be worth finding if he’s gay.”

Of course there’s the more obvious occasions where Steve calls Jonathan a queer and Neil Hargrove should come with his own neon trigger sign. Slut is a term that’s carelessly thrown around (as high schoolers are wont to do, sure).

But the thing that’s bothered me the most is Steve saying to Billy, “Were you dropped too much on your head as a child, or what?”

Maybe it’s just me being extremely sensitive to mental health stuff (also, WHY does Steve ironically get all the triggering lines? lol), plus he says it very soon after we finally know why Billy behaves the way he does. Just.....*long sigh*. I hurt, okay. Some parts of this show really hurt, and I don’t like “it was the 80s” as an excuse.

6. Lucas and Kali or, the Diversity Check Marks

One black kid. One. Then they gave him a sister. Cool. Somebody give these people BLM awards.

*eyes roll so hard my cat chases them across the floor*

You know what this reminds me of? The East Asian actor who trended in movies like The Goonies and Indiana Jones.

The only thing that even remotely makes this small drop of diversity okay, is that they made Lucas a major player in The Party, and cast a dope actress to be Erica Sinclair, and likewise made her a linchpin in the Scoops Troop plot.

But touching back to #5, you can’t use “it’s the 80s” as an excuse, nor can you say, “it’s white bread Indiana.”

BUT but but but Kali!!!!

You mean the character in one episode? Two, if you count the opening of season 2.

Listen. For all the bipoc folks who wonder, “Do white people realize how.....WHITE everything is?” as a white person, I can absolutely say: 

Yes. We. Do. Fucking. Notice.

• • • • •

Well. That’s all lol If you made it this far, I’m sorry and thanks lol 

Tip your artists and comment on fics because lord knows that where my seratonin comes from.

[allkinds-oftrash]

To Lady Paige, With Love

A/N: Hello everyone! This is my first time writing for Bridgerton and Regency in general so hopefully it's not too OOC and modernized but do let me know if you have tips to make the writing style seem more regency-like.

Main Pairing: Eloise Bridgerton x FemOC! Paige Crane (Past! Marina Thompson x Paige Crane)

Anyways this came to me as an idea because I just could not stand Phillip in the original To Sir Phillip, With Love and big thanks to @ladiesofwinterfell whose Phillip posts only fuelled my need for a new version of TSPWL. So I wanted to try my hand at writing a genderbent version of him who softer and kinder in her approach when with Marina. Instead, I somehow made a completely new character who happens to be his twin sister Paige. I tried my best to follow the book very closely with of course changes to the point of view and how Marina is treated by Paige. Another thing to note is that I used a mix of the show (especially when crafting Marina's backstory it's straight out of S1) and book's background of the characters.

I'm going to stop babbling now, and happy reading everyone!

Content & Trigger Warnings: Mentions/Descriptions of (Postpartum) Depression, Implied Child Neglect, Suicide Ideation, Suicide Attempt, Teen Pregnancy (?? I dunno if this needed to be tagged as tw but Imma add it anyways), Death and Grief.

Part 2 - Chapter 1: Right Where You Left Me

Prologue: Take Me To The Lakes [14th February 1823]

It shouldn’t have been a sunny day. It was far too beautiful of a day for a tragedy to occur.

A tragedy on Valentine’s Day, it was almost laughable.

Paige had asked the servants to open up Marina’s curtains. She knew the sunlight would do her some good. While waiting for the kitchen staff to prepare a delightful breakfast of pancakes - Marina’s favourite - she decided to check on her flowers. She had grown a lovely patch of Eden roses, specially for her best friend.

Ever since her brother Phillip and her were children, they were enamoured with botany. Phil, of course, immersed himself in the science of it. Paige preferred simple gardening. If she needed information on more complex maintenance of their plants, she knew where to find his textbooks. Over the years, Paige had developed a thumb as green as her brother’s. While Philip used botany as an escape, Paige used it as a way to connect. It was the very same type of roses that helped Paige find her way to Marina.

September 1812

Marina Thompson was a sight to behold. Her corkscrew curls were half pinned up, allowing the bottom wave of curls to be free. Paige couldn’t help but be mesmerised at how well suited her hairstyle was. Marina had a side part, almost covering the left side of her face. She donned the most simple of peach day dresses. Yet to the Crane girl, it seemed to be the most beautiful piece of garment she could have worn. To this day, Paige swears she heard music swell around her the moment she saw Marina bent over, smelling the rose bush.

She takes a deep breath. It helped ground her to muster the confidence to approach the beautiful stranger. The Crane twins have always been shy and reserved. It had done nothing good for them. She was tired of letting life pass her by. Philip could hide in the bushes for all she cared. Today, Paige decided to make a choice. A choice that could potentially bring her happiness. She was going to talk to the girl who made her heart sing.

Taking baby steps, she finally reaches Marina and gives her an awkward smile. When she needed it most, words seemed to fail her. Marina felt Paige’s presence hovering and looked up. She smiled kindly at her and handed over a rose she had plucked. Paige looked down at the rose, in a slight panic. She was rooted to the ground, unable to say or move.

“Good evening, Miss…?” Marina kept her eyes trained on Paige. She trailed her greeting off, hoping to get a name. Paige immediately fell for the warmth in her eyes. She felt safe. That definitely helped to ease her up.

“Crane. Paige Crane.” She cleared her throat awkwardly before introducing herself. She takes the rose from Marina and the two girls shake hands. All Paige could think about was how warm and soft her hand felt. Struggling to say more, she turned her focus to the rose. She twirled it around in her fingers and looked at her companion.

“These are Eden roses, also known as Rosa ‘Pierre De Ronsard’ named after the French poet. However, it was far too pretentious of a name for those out of the French border. So it was renamed Eden Climber to convey the idea of paradise was created by the exceptional beauty of this rose.” She was acutely aware she was rambling. It was the way Marina was watching her intently that brought her comfort. Marina gave her a cheeky smile when she was done with the fun fact.

“An exceptionally beautiful rose for an exceptional beauty.” Marina gestured to Paige. The botanist’s cheeks started to turn as pink as the rose.

“Eden roses from the girl who seemed to have fallen from Eden.” She thought to herself...until she heard Marina chuckle. Paige stared at her, horrified. “I thought out loud, didn’t I?”

Marina nodded, laughing with her whole body now. If Paige could have bottled the sound, she would. Marina grinned at Paige as she looped her arm through hers.

“Don’t be embarrassed. That was a lovely compliment. I think we're going to be wonderful friends, Paige Crane.”

They have been inseparable since.

***

With Phillip away on business for the week, Paige made sure to spend extra time with Marina. She carefully cut the stems of the roses to make a small bouquet. She tied them together and brought them straight to the kitchen. She placed the roses by the pancake plate. She picked up the tray and made her way to Marina's room. She balanced the tray on one hand and knocked with the other as she crossed the threshold.

"Marina, are you awake, love?" Paige asked gently. She stepped closer to her and held out the roses. "I brought you your favourite roses too, Eden Climbers. An exceptional beauty for an exceptional beauty." She echoed the line from their first meeting.

It was love at first sight. She remembered how much fun they had together. Oh where had the time gone? She frowned when she noticed the curtains were shut again. She set down the breakfast tray by her nightstand before making herself comfortable next to Marina lying down.

"If you could walk to shut the curtains, you can sit up to have some breakfast. I had the chef make your favourite." Paige attempted to waft the smell of pancakes in the direction of her companion. Marina simply turned away and stared out at the window. Paige reached out to gently stroke her hair.

Marina had her good and bad days come and go. Paige knew she had to give her space and let her heal on her own. It had been 9 years….this was definitely more serious than postpartum. She was sure of it. Paige gave her a few more minutes before digging into the breakfast herself.

"Rina, I will finish all of the pancakes if you don't come get some!" Paige attempted to sound threatening but her meek voice did her no favours. She caught a silver of a smile on Marina's face. That was all she needed that day. They just had to get through this one moment at a time.

"I saw that, love. Would it be easier if I fed you?"

Marina managed a small nod. She detested feeling like this. Like she was constantly drowning. If everyone thought they couldn't understand why she was this way, she hadn't had the foggiest idea either. Most of all, she hated how it affected Paige. Marina knew she didn't deserve this. Paige deserved a whole person not the shell of a woman she had become. She let out a soft sight and did her utmost best to sit up slightly so they wouldn't get syrup all over the sheets.

Slowly and surely, one bite at a time, Marina finished a full pancake by herself. Paige beamed at her proudly after she was done. Marina took the moment to relish in her smile. Paige always made everything better. Marina might have been depressed but she was no fool. She knew what Phillip thought of her. Even if she spent most days unable to leave her bed, she saw the way he looked at her. Like she was a fragile, broken melancholic thing. He didn't see the person underneath. He only saw the shell. Paige… She knew Marina before the twins came along. She knew the true Marina. The one who laughed and smiled and had known joy. The Marina Thompson that loved Paige Crane with all her heart. That should be reason enough to work hard to recover. To retain who she once was. Paige should be enough.

The botanist saw her companion's vacant eyes and knew she was gone for the day. Paige smiled at her comfortingly. "I ought to check on the children. I shall leave you to rest, dearest. Do ring the bell should you need anything at all." She pressed a soft kiss against her forehead before taking her leave.

As she stepped out looking for the children, Miles directed her to Phillip's greenhouse. The children loved to make mischief there when their father wasn't there. She popped her head into the Greenhouse.

"Amanda! Oliver!" She said sharply to startle them. Seeing them jump out of their bones, she couldn't help but laugh. The twins turned to her and frowned.

"Aunt Paige, that's not funny!" They pouted at her. She snorted.

"Well it was pretty funny when you did it to me yesterday. I'm simply returning the favour, my dears." She chuckled, pulling them into her embrace.

Just as she was about to suggest playing hide and seek by the lake, Amanda squeals. "Mother!" She pointed behind Paige. Paige simply blinked at her niece before slowly turning around.

Marina? It couldn't be. She caught sight of a flash of red. Red. Paige smiled to herself as she shook her head. It must be her. Red was her favourite colour. Marina always said she liked it because it was a strong colour and it made her feel strong.

Paige was filled with joy. Marina had finally gotten the strength to step out. She grabs the children's hands to bring them over to their mother. It would do them good to spend time together outside of her room. The trio was halfway across the field when Paige worked out exactly why Marina had come out. The horrifying epiphany clicked when she saw Marina slip rocked into the pockets of her dress. She immediately turned to the children. They did not have to witness this.

“Children, I need you to do me a favour.” She put on her most calming smile. She kept looking back at Marina to see how far she was away from the lake. “Could you be dears and please fetch Miles for me? Then I need you to go and play in your room. Your mother and I need to speak privately.”

“Why is she walking to the lake?” Amanda questioned. Paige tried to keep her composure. If the children kept questioning, she wouldn’t be able to reach Marina in time.

“I will explain later, please get Miles. It’s urgent.” Paige sent them off running while she sprinted in the other direction the moment they were out of sight.

“MARINA, STOP!” She bellowed at her best friend. She skidded across the field and fell face flat just yards away from the lake. Marina was completely oblivious, submerging herself into the depths of the lake. It was just her and the magnetic pull of the lake. It was like Paige wasn’t even there. She quickly recovered. She didn’t waste time undressing and dove straight into the icy waters to rescue Marina. She’ll be damned if she was going to let the love of her life go without a fight.

She couldn’t find her. Marina had dropped off to the deep end and Paige felt like she couldn’t breathe. She could never forgive herself if Marina succeeded. A glimmer of hope shone through when she caught sight of Marina’s ruby red cloak floating to the surface. Before it could get sucked into the depths of the lake, Paige screamed Marina’s name one last time as an attempt to snap her out of it. Of course, Marina couldn’t hear her. Paige set her sight on the flash of red and swam to it.

Paige did the math; Marina had been under barely a minute. It was probably not enough time to drown, but every second it took her to find Marina was one second toward her death.

She remembered swimming in the lakes with Phillip when they were children countless times. While he still swam and knew the lake better than she did. She had a vague idea where the bottom dropped off. She felt relief when she quickly found the critical point with swift, even strokes. The main obstacle was her dress working against the drag of the water, slowly her down. She cursed, not having stripped before she went in. She did her best to overcome it. Saving Marina was far too important.

She told herself she could find her. She had to find her. Before it was too late.

She found herself diving further down the murky waters. She struggled to keep her eyes open with some of the sand from the bottom swirling around her. Marina must have kicked it up as she went down. The opaque clouds of sand were making it difficult to see. Eventually, relief washed over Paige again when she spotted Marina’s red dress.

She didn’t hesitate to shoot through the waters, down to the bottom where she saw the red of her

cloak floating through the water. Paige felt her heart slow down the moment Marina was in her arms. While they were both petite women, Paige did struggle initially to swim up with Marina. Slowly but surely, she forged their way to the surface. Once she had pulled her onto the grassy knoll of the meadow, she had already lost consciousness and was nothing more than a dead weight in Paige’s arms. She took a moment to take big gasps to fill her aching lungs once again. She made sure she was okay herself before turning to save Marina.

Paige tried shaking her awake, rather violently to get the water out of Marina’s system. Just as she started chest compressions, Miles came running over.

“What happened?”

“She...fell in.” She didn’t even look up at him. She hated how her voice trembled as she said that out loud. She couldn’t bring herself to admit that Marina had gone in on purpose. Marina had chosen to leave her. She knew it was hard on her love but she refused to think about it presently. She was too busy trying to revive her. When the chest compressions felt like a failed task, Paige turned to mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. She blew the air into her mouth, hoping the water would come up her throat.

“Marina, please.” Paige pleaded as she finished her set of resuscitation. All she could do was wait. She finally turned to look at Miles, “Miles darling, could you help me send someone to fetch the doctor.” She requested, exhausted clear in her voice. He nodded swiftly and set on his task. Just as he turned to head to Romney Hall, Marina coughed up the water and started rasping. Paige gasped and squealed in surprise, launching herself into Marina’s arms. She called Miles back to help her guide Marina back home.

“You came back to me.” She whispered with relief, starting to softly sob against Marina’s chest. Marina was tired and she could barely keep her eyes open. Her head lulled against Paige’s.

“It’s okay, we’re going home.” Paige continued and Marina stirred, frowning.

“No…” Now it was her turn to sob, “Please don’t. Let me go, Paige. I don’t want...I don’t….” She struggled to get the words out. As much as she felt guilty for putting Paige through this whole ordeal, her pain outweighed that. The pain outweighed everything: her love for Paige, the children, even Phillip - as much as he misunderstood her. It outweighed her will to love.

Paige watched her flounder helplessly. She hated seeing Marina in so much turmoil. She didn’t want to say anything to make it worse. She just held her close and brushed her hair soothingly. “It’s alright. Let’s just get you warmed up first.”

“I can’t.” She whispered with the last ounce of energy before passing out in Paige’s arms. Paige looked down at her sadly for a moment before looking up at Miles. She shot him a sheepish look and gestured for help. Miles carried her in his arms easily while Paige just watched her with worry the whole walk back.

Once they reached Romney Hall’s foyer, she instructed Miles to send a telegram to Phillip informing him of Marina’s condition. She also called for their housekeeper, Mrs. Hurley. After she had gotten Mrs. Hurley to help her strip Marina of her drenched clothes, the older woman practically shoved Paige to her own room to change into dry clothes. She argued with her, refusing to leave Marina alone for even a moment.

“Go on, dear, I’ll be with her until you return.” Mrs. Hurley shooed Paige out of the room. She huffed and obliged. She dashed to her room to quickly change out of her own icy clothes.

She found one of her old dresses, it was a yellow floral one that Marina loved so much. Marina used to tell her that it brought out the golden flecks in her brown eyes. Paige never liked her brown haired-brown eyed look and found herself to be plain looking. It was only when Marina came along, she felt seen. Maybe being plain didn’t matter when someone loved you in spite of it. Hopeful the dress would stir up old memories, Paige stepped into Marina’s bedroom nervously. She said a silent prayer for her to be well. That the 7 minutes didn’t do that much damage.

Marina was sleeping soundly when Paige entered the room. She couldn’t help but smile at how at peace Marina looked. At that moment, she understood why Marina spent so much time hiding away and sleeping. This was probably the only place in the house that brought her peace. Sleeping brought her peace.

She had Miles check on the twins before she settled into staying by Marina’s side. She wanted to be there every step of her recovery. Then after, they could get her some real help. The twins were plenty occupied with their playtime for the day. While waiting for the doctor, Paige slipped into the bed by Marina’s side. She cradled her head against her chest and prayed. Even though she was a woman of science and was the type of Christian that only attended church during Christmas, praying was one comfort of her religion she allowed herself. She prayed for all her wishes for Marina. For her happiness, recovery...for the good times to hopefully return. As she wished, hoped and prayed, she found herself falling asleep.

When the night came and brought the doctor along with it, Paige woke with a start at the feverishly warm body beside her. The panic set in and the doctor did his best to soothe her. He coaxed her out of the bed so he could check on Marina. Paige was more than happy to oblige but stood hovering over the doctor’s shoulder the whole time.

When he diagnosed her with pneumonia, Paige’s heart sank. That was definitely going to finish the job Marina set out to do in the lake. He saw her expression and comforted her by saying she could very well recover. Essentially, it was a waiting game. Paige made peace with those odds, she would gladly take all the time in the world with her. She spent the rest of the night and the next three days nursing her. She dabbed wet cloth after cloth against her warm forehead. Made sure she had the fluffiest pillows and duvet. She specially had the cook make all of her favourite dishes to go with the broth Marina detested.

Paige wanted to tell her to fight but she didn’t want to push her. Instead she spent the last few days together, helping Marina remember the woman she once was and could be again. Paige wanted her to remember to fight for herself.

The morning after, she sat by Marina’s bedside and smiled tenderly at her.

“Do you remember our first season together?” She asked, her elbow propped against the mattress, her face resting on her palm.

Marina turned to her and looked straight into her eyes. For a moment, she was lucid. “Of course,” She said, coarsely. Paige smiled, that was the best response she had gotten from her in the last few months.

“Best and worst year of our lives, I’d reckon. I was so certain I finally had the courage to tell you how I felt. Only for me to find out you were besotted with George and was pregnant with his child!” She could chuckle about it now but she remembered feeling so awful.

Paige Crane has always known she was different in that aspect. None of the boys growing up ever caught her attention. When she became a woman, out during her first season, she couldn’t relate to the way other girls had talked about their suitors. Nothing about the male species ever stirred anything romantic within her. They were just really good friends to her. Women, on the other hand, gave her all the feelings the human emotional spectrum allowed. She wanted to love them and worship them forever. When she met Marina at Romney Hall for the first time smelling the rose bushes, it had confirmed everything she already knew. She loved women. A regular Anne Lister.

She spent a few years loving Marina until her father had sent her away to stay with her London cousins, The Featheringtons. When she heard Marina was moving, she immediately sought out her mother.

“I couldn’t bear to part with you so I convinced Mother to let me debut that season in the city.” She chuckled, recounting the lengths she went to be close to her.

“I’m glad you did.” Marina croaked, the water still hurting her lungs. Now that she felt like speaking to Paige, her body was failing her. She managed a small smile and slipped her hand into hers. She definitely remembered their first season together. It was the best time… til everything quickly went downhill with the news of George’s death, being pregnant with the twins and feeling so alone. Paige was the light in all of that darkness, she had helped pull her out of the loneliness.

Paige grinned back wildly. "I think that's the first full sentence I've heard you speak in the last few months." She nudged her teasingly.

"Oh hush." She attempted to be annoyed but started coughing violently. Paige immediately shot up.

"I'm going to fetch the doctor."

"I just need some water, darling." She coughed once more. Then took a deep breath and managed a smile to show she was fine, despite her exhaustion. Paige nodded and went to fetch her a glass.

As Marina watched Paige walk out the door, she thought back to how much everything had changed in the last 10 years. It only felt like yesterday they had debuted and Marina had tried to marry Colin Bridgerton. Oh, what a mess that was. She was so consumed by her love and grief for George, she missed what was right in front of her.

It took Marina a long time to realise it but she loved men and women the same. Paige was definitely the first woman to stir up romantic feelings within her. It also took her a while to realise loving Paige doesn't count the love she held for George. He would always be the father of her children. Paige was the love of her life.

She never expected to be like this. She always thought she would be a good mother, full of life and happy. Happy was such an overrated emotion, Marina thought bitterly. It's not something that happens, it's something you work for. You make happiness for yourself. She knew that all too well. She spent the better part of the last decade fighting off her grief and postpartum with no success.

Paige reminded her to take comfort in the good days. It was rather jarring to Martina how she was experiencing a somewhat good day after all these months. Especially the day right after she made an attempt on her life.

"Penny for your thoughts, darling?" Paige asked, handing over the glass. Marina gulp it down quickly and set the cup aside.

"Just...how we got here. I thought it would be…" she ponders over the word, "different."

"Hmm," Paige hummed, "You're telling me. We could have had quite the life if I was a man. I could have married you instead of Phillip." She wrinkled her nose. She really does love her brother, Lord only knows. And Paige is pretty sure it's a crime to hate your twin. But she absolutely despised the way Phillip treats Marina. Or rather not - he completely abandoned her in the last few years.

It's no secret that Phillip and Marina's marriage was one of convenience, security and protection for Marina. Of course, Romney Hall needed heirs and so two birds. But, he could at least pretend to care for her.

"I could have become a spinster like you. We could have been the two crazy spinsters that lived in Romney Hall together." Marina chuckled. Paige beamed at her. It had been so long since she had heard that wondrous laugh.

"I'm not a spinster!" She clasped Marina's hands in hers. "We may not be married on paper but I couldn't imagine spending my life with anyone else. I can't imagine...loving anyone else." Paige looked deep into her eyes. Marina shivered slightly. Her lover had a way of looking directly into your soul.

Paige knew what the doctor had said. That Marina could possibly recover but her gut was telling her something else. She was hit with the sudden realisation that she could lose her. The love of her life.

"Please fight this, Marina. I know you can. Look at today, it was a good day. You just need to survive the pneumonia and you can start over. We'll erase the last 7 years. Slowly but surely, we can manage your melancholy. You're so much more than it, my love. You know that. Your children deserve to know that."

Paige didn't realise how increasingly desperate she sounded until she began pleading with her. She found her face wet with fresh tears. Marina reached out to wipe the tears of her face.

"I'll try." She said quietly.

"That's all I ask, thank you. I love you, Marina." She leaned over to kiss her. Kissing her back, Marina sighed against her lips. "I love you too."

That night Marina lied awake, watching Paige's chest rise up and down. Marina smiled at her little snores. Just as she felt a glimmer of happiness laying beside her love, the guilt washed over her. She didn't want to promise anything. While today reminded her of the hope she felt to feel alive, deep down she knew it was temporary. She couldn't see herself living past tomorrow.

Sure enough, she was dead in two days.

****

[Read Part 2 Here]

[i-call-me-clarence]

So @ao3commentoftheday suggested people make rec lists during these trying times and I decided to go ahead and jump on the band wagon. Here is a list of 13 Johnlock fics, sorted from shortest to longest. There’s H/C, PWP, Case Fics, PRETEND RELATIONSHIPS, and some pretty dank AU’s. 

Okay then, onto the tropes!

(fics listed below)

Caught by Salambo06 (AO3) ( @salambo06fics)

Author’s Summary: A hotel room. They’re here for a case, hadn’t planned to spend the night and ended up sharing a room. No, sharing a bed. Suddenly John is very much aware of his own hand closed around his hard cock and the ragged breathing next to him. Closing his eyes for the briefest second, John dares to turn his head just enough to confirm what he already knows.

Sherlock, on his side, watching him.

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 1,859

Tags/Warnings: bed sharing, wet dreams, POV John, Masturbation, Frottage, First Time, First Kiss

A PWP that’s scorching hot. ‘Nough said. (BUTOMG it is REALLY hot, beware reading in public yo)

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Paranoia by Ewebie (AO3) ( @ewebie​)

Author’s Summary: is a description of the rules of the drinking game Paranoia and also too long to put here! But suffice it to say that this fic involves drinking games at the Yard.

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 3,789

Tags/Warnings: Tumblr Prompt, Drinking Games, Silly... no smut but building fun and allusions to upcoming rrrwarr

I love fics where the team at the Yard and the boys all get drunk together. Throw in a drinking game and I’m already hooked. This fic was really funny and cheered me up when I was sick with the flu a while back (perfect time to read it again!)

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Coldness/Heat by agirlsname (AO3) ( @agrlsname)

Author’s Summary: The inn is booked up on New Year's Eve. The train home is cancelled because of the snow. The only option is to sleep in the non-heated guest room of a client, and John and Sherlock are freezing.

You know where this is going.

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 3,790

Tags/Warnings: Fluff and Smut, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Bedsharing, Sharing Body Heat, Frottage New Year's Eve, Cuddling & Snuggling, Friends to Lovers

THERE IS ONLY ONE BED! AND THEY ARE SO COLD! WHATEVER ARE OUR BOYS TO DO?!?!?! Turn it up to 11 in this amazing PWP, that’s what.

---- Stranded by BeautifulFiction (AO3) ( @the-pen-pot ) 

Author’s Summary: ‘Do you think we’re less than that – best friends? Or more?’

John’s head pulled back, and the look he received suggested John was seriously wondering how someone so intelligent could be so stupid. ‘Well, definitely not less.’

 When stranded on a derelict barge at high tide, John and Sherlock reconsider their friendship.

Rating: Teen

Word Count: 5,798

Tags/Warnings: case fic, cuddling for warmth, first kiss

I really liked this fic. It really drew me in with it’s imagery, I could see the scenes as easily as I could see John and Sherlock getting together in this way.

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Azure On Grey by shiplocks_of_love (AO3) ( @shiplocks-of-love )

Author’s Summary: When Sherlock’s transport betrays him and conventional healthcare fails to help, John comes up with an unorthodox solution…

Rating: Teen

Word Count: 8,986

Tags/Warnings: Hurt/Comfort, Medical issues, Kidney Stones, Embarrassing Situations, brief mention of past substance abuse, unorthodox medical treatments, Amusement Parks, Intimacy, hints of romance, Pining John, friends to almost lovers

This fic is a wonderful H/C that features a sick Sherlock who can be exceptionally fragile at times, and a caring Watson. Makes me wish I’d had a John around when I had kidney stones :’(

---- Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder by cypress_tree (AO3) ( @cypress-tree​)

Author’s Summary: John helps Sherlock with an experiment: for an entire month, they are not allowed to touch each other and must remain at least one metre apart at all times. Meanwhile, I conduct my own experiment: how much UST can I shove into a single fic?

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 10,669

Tags/Warnings: Unresolved Sexual Tension, it's for an experiment John, Resolved Sexual Tension, smut

Sexy, silly, amazing.

---- Chaperones by MissDavis (AO3) ( @missdaviswrites​)

Author’s Summary: Right. Of course. Everyone assumed they were a couple and no one would question it. John put his elbows up on the table so he could rest his head in his hands. "You want to pretend to be a couple so we can chaperone a trip to Disney World with Rosie's class and you won't have to share a room with a stranger?"

"Exactly." Sherlock beamed at him. "Don't worry about the cost. The Birmingham case last month paid more than enough to cover expenses for all three of us."

Rating: Teen

Word Count: 34,115

Tags/Warnings: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Sharing a Room, Sharing a Bed. Disney World, Parentlock, Friends to Lovers, Fluff, First Kiss

I’ll just use what I wrote when I bookmarked this lovely fic: I’ve never been more compelled by Disney related things than when I was reading this fic. I’ll never go to Disney World, but I’ll sure as hell read this fic again omg was it good

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The Darkness Within, So Close by shiplocks_of_love (AO3) ( @shiplocks-of-love​ ) ((I hope @ing you twice doesn’t cause any issues! Sorry in advance. Tumblr confuses me))

Author’s Summary: Alec Hardy and Ellie Miller deal with a new string of murders in Broadchurch. Help comes from an unlikely place as Sherlock Holmes and John Watson travel to West Dorset. But when the new crimes open old wounds and unearth the ghost of Moriarty, it becomes clear the game is not over yet.

Rating: Teen

Word Count: 42,312

Tags/Warnings: casefic, Sherlock x Broadchurch crossover fic, Underage Death, Murder, MAJOR spoilers for Broadchurch S1 and S2 and for Sherlock S3, post S3 Sherlock, post S2 Broadchurch, you are MOST welcome to put johnlock glasses on but this is pre-slash okay?, Light Angst, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence

I haven’t actually finished this fic yet, but the characterizations for the characters of both universes are spot on. When Alec Hardy started shouting at the beginning, David Tennant appeared in my room and started reading the fic aloud to me. True story. Also this fic is part of a series, so, like, that’s amazing.

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The Norwood Love Builders by flawedamythyst (AO3) ( Tumblr: https://flawedamythyst.tumblr.com/) ((couldn’t @  you for some reason. Prob, again, because Tumblr makes my brain hurt))

Author’s Summary: Sherlock and John go undercover to solve the murder of Joanna Oldacre, but things are complicated by the many feelings John has been repressing in the wake of Sherlock's faked death and return.

Rating: Teen

Word Count: 47,798

Tags/Warnings: case fic, fake/pretend relationship, couples retreat, bed sharing, therapy (for a case...that’s a weird tag but I read this in fic so often so), pining John, UST, First Kiss, getting together

Amazing fic by an amazing writer. I have a weakness for ‘pretend relationship for a case’, especially when it’s filled with pining and ust. So in other words this fic is perfect. 

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Bridging the Ravine by SilentAuror (AO3) ( @silentauroriamthereal​)

Author’s Summary: Sherlock and John go undercover at Ravine Valley, a therapy centre for same-sex male couples in an investigation into a possible human trafficking ring. As they pose as a couple and fake their way through the therapy sessions for the sake of the case, it quickly becomes difficult to avoid discussing their very real issues. Set roughly nine months after series 4.

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 58,887

Tags/Warnings: post-series 4, Romance, Awkwardness galore, fake couple trope, Therapy, sex trafficking ring, First Times, Massages, wet t-shirt contest, Group Therapy, loss of child (past), Bed-sharing

Pretend relationship for a case, and it’s a really good case too! Plus it’s at a couples therapy retreat, I mean, come on!! And the OC’s, don’t even get me started on them, because I won’t be able to stop singing their praises. This fic was sent by the gods through the blood sweat and tears of the extremely talented SilentAuror. You should honestly just go and binge all of their stuff. What else are you gonna do during quarantine? OH! And guess what??? THERE’S A SEQUEL! 

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Sensory Science by sussexbound(SamanthaLenore) (AO3) ( @sussexbound​)

Author’s Summary: John Watson has been invalided home from Afghanistan and is struggling with anxiety, depression, PTSD and insomnia, when an old friend from med school recommends something that might help: An ASMR YouTube Channel run by a friend.

One session in and John is hooked, not only by the way the ASMR seems to calm him after nightmares, and help him sleep, but also by the mysterious man who runs it.

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 80,017

Tags/Warnings: Friends to Lovers, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, PTSD John, ASMR, first meeting AU, problem drinking, Nightmares, Suicidal Thoughts, Internalized Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Anxiety, Depression, Homophobic Language, Masturbation, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Prostate Massage, Prostate Orgasm, Phone Sex, Mutual Masturbation, Frottage, Coming Untouched, Aborted Blowjobs, Rimming

Amazing fic that really draws you in. Even if ASMR isn’t necessarily your thing, this is still a fantastic read. I mean, it’s by sussexbound, so what else would you expect?

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Rewind by All_I_Need (AO3) ( @the-reading-lemon​)

Author’s Summary: About a month before John's wedding, he and Sherlock embark on one last case together: a murder at a remote hotel in the middle of nowhere. A lot can happen in a week. And a lot doesn't. But what if ...?

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 87,594

Tags/Warnings: Pining, Angst, John is an oblivious idiot, all the feels, Rewind - Freeform, what if, Sharing a Bed, Dancing Lessons, literally everyone sees more than John does, Fake/Pretend Relationship

THIS FIC! This fic!! Let me tell you a thing about this fic: it’s amazing! I haven’t finished it completely, but the unique ‘rewind’ effect is something I hadn’t ever seen before. Interesting concept, pretend relationship for a case, hot, hot smut, AND THERE WAS ONLY ONE BED. What more could you want in a fic, honestly?

---- Out There by DiscordantWords (AO3) ( @discordantwords​)

Author’s Summary: FBI Special Agent John Watson, medical doctor and army veteran, is assigned to assist eccentric genius Sherlock Holmes with paranormal investigations on the X-Files project.

Rating: Teen

Word Count: 131,695

Tags/Warnings: Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Alternate Universe - Fusion, Alternate Universe - X-Files Fusion, Slow Burn, UST, No seriously a lot of UST, This is the X files they basically wrote the book on UST, casefic, Case Fic, Government Conspiracy, Aliens, UFOs, Mutants, Pining Sherlock, Pining John, First Kiss, Coma

The X-files/Sherlock crossover I always needed in my life. I think at least a few other Johnlockers out there (ha! Fic title) have watched X-files and thought ‘holy cow this is so John and Sherlock, I need the AU or else I’ll die’. Well look no further! No need to die! Read and watch as all your X-files/Sherlock wishes come true :D

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And that concludes this rec list! There will prob be a part 2 coming out as I’ve got hundreds of fics saved on this pairing. Also stay tuned for fic rec lists for some of my other fav ships! Spirk, Garashir, Hannigram, Bunny/Raffles, and more!!