#bcs they deserved to rest so much but god it hurt god it rly did

[rosemary-bells]

so as the world caves in (matt maltese) IS a ranwan song and no i will not elaborate i don’t NEED to,

[dauntingday]

book asks #1-4, and 19 (again)(keep being a hater pls there’s GOTTA be more than just the one)

1.book you’ve reread the most times? definitely dream thieves <3 worth the damages every time. which actually makes not finishing trk even funnier

you get a cut bc i got TOO excited about the rest of these

2.top 5 books of all time?

(1) raven cycle (as a series, as they god damn deserve) (2) soc duology (also as a cohesive unit sry my ask my fuckin rules) (3) the darkest powers trilogy by kelly armstrong (i haven't thought about these books in? probably ten years? but i was trying to think of books and the memory of this series slammed itself into the top three slot that's how obsessed i was with these books as a child. no fucking clue if they hold up. don't care. i stand by this choice.) (4) prisoner of azkaban (if i think about how much they left out of the movie i WILL go insane (derogatory)) (5) looking for alaska (the most shameful thing about me is actually that i fuck with most of the john green books. but this was the one i read in my formative years)

3.what is your favourite genre? i guess ?? YA fiction?? is that a genre?? i like it when teens smoke cigarettes and sit in cars. maybe sometimes there's magic/magic adjacent shenanigans involved. whatever genre that is

4.what sections of a bookstore do you browse? this is such a cop out answer but i'm actually terrible at reading things unless someone's specifically told me it was good bc i do not like to expose myself to HURT so if i do go to a physical store i'm usually just there to browse music. however !! recently (the past like two years rly but i don't go out much) i have been getting into graphic novels so i think those would be fun to browse irl. one time i was in a vintage/antique shop and they had a little stand with comics and they had some issues from the 90's stormwatch run (my favorite dc comic of all very time) and it was the most exciting thing thats ever happened to me i think? so yeah if that happened again i would lose it probably !!

19.most disliked popular books? okay this is actually unreasonably petty of me but whatever we ball. i have absolutely DESPISED ender's game,,with the vital caveat that i haven't actually read it. when i was in high school our english class had to read THE ENTIRITY OF THE FUCKING ODYSSEY. WE WERE LIKE 14. IT TOOK SIX MONTHS. meanwhile the OTHER english class got to read the cool space kids war book. i was SEETHING in jealous rage. i still am actually why the fuck did they do this to us.

[cantalooprat]

Asteroid

What I Liked

first of all: i was songbaited---时差 and 在你之后 r just godly ost that drew me in even before i knew what asteroid was all about. i remember the first time i saw the thumbnail for 时差 on yt n clicked on it out of curiosity not expecting anything n was just simply captivated by how lovely it is. and i initially didn't quite like 在你之后 but it grew on me so so much and now it's one of my fav danmei audio drama osts, literally can just loop it, it's so tender and bittersweet.

second of all: i was artbaited, bc the audio drama art is also v v nice

and now actually talking abt the plot: wow i actually love ling che as a gong. idk what it is exactly abt him that i like so much. the tsundere-ness? how between-the-lines his romantic actions are? that he wrote so many songs, all for xu tangzhou, and says so confidently that he only falls in love once? this author rly has a way of writing devoted gong types.

and xu tangzhou hhhh so selfish this little guy, lying to ling che to keep the alpha by his side, but like, the poor guy has it hard too, with neglectful parents and his mom straight up threatening to kill herself if he doesn't break up w ling che like wtf? but i love that he remains strong throughout, and that gap moe between his icy-seeming exterior and his sillier, naive side, like he rly didn't expect to get pitted by ppl around him, poor guy

lu chengan and mi fei, god, actually, all the side ships r so good, but these two in particular… when lu chengan met his "high compatibility omega" and chose to hurt himself to keep himself sane, and only sought for mi fei, and how mi fei was just, kind of resigned that ah in the end this is what AB love amounts to, but then he hears that lu chengan is calling for him… now that's true love.

ying chen and qiu yin too wow i loved that little extra about them, how Zero EQ Qiu Yin was "tricked" by ying chen n like he didn't rly express it explicitly but he did seem quite sad when ying chen disappeared for a while haaaaa i want more ultra-rational cold shou like him

qin bao and feng chengyu too, like theyre super… tbh i was more invested in qin bao than their actual relationship but it's interesting too???

the sheer Emotional Turmoil i Felt in the first 20-30 ch when ling che was in Pain bc he thought his ex is back n is acting super unfamiliar w him even though he's still hopelessly in love, and xu tangzhou is just ??????? why is ling che being mean QAQ n then i felt More Turmoil bc xtz started lying n lying bc he wants to keep ling che by his side

tbh i actually like it a lot that the chars aren't rly… perfect. like. these two act kind of like in a dogblood drama (evil parents, train accident, amnesia…) but i am also gharbhooge for liking this sort of mildly dogbloody drama plot

What I Disliked

sad that if they rly went w full fairytale 100% pheromone match end, i wish xu tangzhou's amnesia would also be magically cured when his head got hit. but that's fine, i'll just headcanon that he slowly remembers things as time goes by, and he spends the rest of his life sweetly w ling che

lu chengan and mi fei also deserve an extra, authornim!!!!

Notes

it is cheating that i wrote this before the others but its ok anw i should start like recording when i finish reading these things, 221011

will prob reread when the tl is eventually completed if im still into danmei by then

[i8jisoo]

𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐘 𝐊𝐈𝐃𝐒 ⇉ skz with pregnant!reader 

changbin x reader | part three of dad!skz

↬ genre; fluff & angst for a lil bit woo

↬ warnings; talk of perinatal depression, cursing, n labor 

↬ notes; changbin babi 🥺  ALSO ITS CHANGBIN DAY WOOO ITS MY BABYS BDAYYYYY SO I HAD TO POST THIS |

u two had just freshly started an official, public relationship

ofc changbin was freaking out while he was chilling in the bathtub behind the curtain so u could pee on the test already

u two were looking at the line coming in, praying that there would be only o n e 😳

slowly the other line comes in, dark blue n clear alongside the other one

“holy fuck—“

“what do we do?” you asked, your voice wavering while setting the test back down

his hands cupped your face, giving u a soft kiss n hugging you

“we got this, we’re having a baby, baby!” he started to joke and yall burst out laughing while crying in the bathroom

the first few months were amazing

ur lil bump sprouted out n u two were so happy about it

changbin is just so attentive and excited about this pregnancy and his first born

u really couldn’t have been better with ur lil family that was starting to become realer with each day

u two r such bullies yall r like

“what happened? ur a softie now binnie!!”

n he’d say shit like, “well at least i don’t pee every hour on the clock!!”

he makes u cry one time n u use that against him everytime u want something bc he feels guilty >:)

cute lil things like asking the baby what they want to eat or talking to it before the bed

(changbin reads the baby goodnight moon one time and ur just so in love like wow 🥺)

he secretly talks to the baby when you sleep every night because hes waiting for when ur little bean will reply back with a kick or a hand

he is W H I P P E D for u n ur baby bump

nursery is already done at five months

he needs all of the boys to come over though to help him figure out the instructions 😳 these are co nfusi ngg

they notice how smiley n giggly he is when he talks about u two and looking at the finished crib hes just so proud

yall r so happy and content with ur baby that was an accident, but u guys are so happy this happened

but something changes within u

changbin notices your lack of interest in the pregnancy during ur sixth month

ur sleeping pattern was off n u would sleep for hours during the day and night

u were very irritable, not wanting changbin to cuddle with u or kiss u like he did everytime he came back from practice :(

u were always unhappy and always so moody, he just wanted u to be happy 🥺

he is so confused and worried ab u, some days ur not eating or some days u don’t even wake up in the mornings like u used to

sometimes— just sometimes he’d come back home to find u in the same spot, asleep

he’s so fucking scared when ur around seven months that he can’t hold it in anymore

“are—are you okay?” he questions u from the doorway, making u stop to look at him in the mirror

ur eyes were cold, setting down the towel u were drying ur hair with and leaving him by himself while heading into ur bedroom

“don’t you dare fucking walk away from me.”

ur s h oo k

he was really nice during the pregnancy everyday, super bubbly and kind so u were shocked to hear his upset tone

“i can and i will, i’ll just go sleep in another fuckin room.” u mumbled, changbin grabbing ur hands and turning u around to face him

u struggle for a bit while ur arguing with him and telling him to let go so u could go to sleep

“stop! i am your boyfriend, i am the only one who is going to care for you like this. i am the only one who is dying, seeing you like this. do you understand? we’ve been through seven months of this together, it was fine for awhile and now you’re fucking turning me away?”

hes shouting at this point, hes just so pissed after three months of not having answers and your attitudes and arguments, he cannot handle it

u start crying

hes quick to hold you, pulling u down to the bed so u don’t have to stand on ur tired feet anymore

“i don’t know what’s wrong with me.” 🥺🥺🥺

he insists u two will find out n u both will get thru this rough patch together

perinatal depression, they diagnosed u

changbin is so upset when he hears the doctors tell u

everything is making sense to him and he’s just so heartbroken he didn’t put two and two together earlier

he takes time off for the time being to make sure ur taking care of urself

hes watching u like a hawk but trying not to make it evident

the first time u ask him for a kiss, he gives u dozens

he hadn't been asked for kisses in so long he was so relieved 🥺

he’s constantly telling u how beautiful u r and talking to ur bump about how they have the best genes and their uncles

this man is a father already it seems

he is ur #1 face mask partner cause he buys the cute ones only because u deserve the cute ones that r ur favorite ◝(ᵔᵕᵔ)◜

cooking together is something that happens, not often but every once in awhile he will let u do small things

cut up some lettuce? sure! pour in the soup broth? of course u can! taste test his food? always.

he wants to make sure ur comfortable with him touching u or kissing u or what hes saying

“i love you.” he’s mumbling, quickly placing a kiss against the fabric of one of his own shirts that was worn by u and fit u like a dress still

he then goes up to ur cheek n presses a kiss to it, ur hand cupping his jaw and letting him kiss ur lips >.<

also u guys let out a quiet talk of pregnancy to the public, letting jyp release a notice on changbin’s absence from live-streams and posts with the boys

u two received a lot of positive feedback which changbin let u read the positive ones n loved when u smiled at each one

u were overdue by a week which was the worst, ur back hurt and u had migraines

u also were put on bed-rest for the next week before u could be inducted

u guys waited out the week and u got scheduled for an induction

the labor was really slow which sucked because u just wanted to hold ur baby already :(

rly intimate moments like chan just holding u n rocking u like a baby

u guys are given this position to move the baby down, your knees on the ground so u could kneel against the bed and changbin would hold ur hips n rock them

he just feels so bad he can’t do anything to help u with the pain 🥺

yall kinda vibing with the hospital food (idk bout yall but some food from hospitals smack chile)

“i just want to go home.” :(

u bet ur ass he scoots into ur hospital bed, holding ur hands n u just cry into his shoulder

he feels like his heart is being torn to pieces when he listens to u cry out of pain

his free hands holds your jaw, making u look up at him

“we’re almost done baby, okay? i know it hurts, if i could i would take your pain in a heartbeat. you are incredibly strong and i’m so proud of you. you just need to hang in here for a few more hours, yeah? you think you can do that?”

u give him the weakest smile ever but its better than nothing

u reach 10cm!!!

now the part that wasn’t fun was the pushing :/

u were hurting, u were tired, and u had been promised almost seven times that all u need was one more push but no matter what, it seemed like the baby wasnt budging

“the cord is wrapped around the neck, we need you to stop pushing. okay?”

ur too tired and stopping the pushing sounded good so u did as they said but when they told u they needed to actually reach in and unwrap it ur blood ran cold

u both were worried about how much u could take

u screamed, god it hurt and it felt like hours of them twisting but it was a mere minute

the labor progressed n there it was

“a girl!”

u two are like faucets or waterfalls

shes literally the perfect mixture of u both 🥺

he washed her hair n helped wrap her up in a blanket, giving her over to u for the first time

u both were just in love with her, she was absolutely perfect

he’s obsessed with her, taking in that baby scent, the scent of the light baby shampoo and the bit of baby powder that lingered throughout her onesie

her hair wooooww its so soft n fluffy

her little baby pout and her puffy cheeks

i can see him calling her bunny for awhile as a childhood nickname

he’ll just be like

“oh that’s my bunny!!”

weird look from u but ur heart melts while he bounces her in his arms n gives her some kissies and running his fingers thru her hair

he’s also rly soft, i don’t see him singing but i see him definitely whispering to her about how she’s gonna grow up and have the best life because thats his little girl

“ur gonna have eight uncles, they are crazy but it’s okay. u definitely lucked out on fathers though, i’m pretty good at lullaby's. u did get great genes too, u have a handsome daddy and a gorgeous mommy. we worked really hard on making u, please don’t hurt ur cute little face. u also have a storm coming, there’s a thing called stays, they are gonna adore you, i promise.”

omgomgomgomg jejejejeje im blushing at the thought of this i just adore dad changbin 

u guys may or may not be planning for another but it definitely would happen in a few years

©️ maysdiors 2020 :: all rights reserved. do not repost my work on tumblr or other platforms.

[lesbianrobin]

Robin 🥺

yesss let’s GO baby!!

favorite thing about them

i think my favorite thing about robin is just how earnest she is!! she gets so unapologetically excited about cracking the russian code, she’s so affectionate with steve, and when el’s hurt she’s trying so hard to help even though it’s not remotely helpful. she just... never really tries to hide how much she cares about things, yknow? she just cares!! and it’s nice!!!

least favorite thing about them

hmmm i’d have to say like. that moment down in the russian base where she and steve were tied up and presumably Trapped Forever and steve had literally Just woken up from being literally beaten into unconsciousness and he was like “robin please don’t cry i’ll think of something i’ll get us out of here” and she was like yeah this is a great time to tell him about how he was a dick in high school. like come on baby read the room. i know i JUST said part of what i love about her is how she’s genuine but come on skjcndkn

favorite line

this is emo and i should probably choose a funny one bc she has so many funny lines like “we all die my little child friend it’s just a matter of how and when” or her whole “we sold so much ice cream they had to get a second shipment in from michigan. goddamn MICHIGAN, keith!” sales pitch or even something from the bathroom scene but like. when steve was unconscious and she was just shouting “what did you do to him? what did you do??” and her poor little voice was all raw and tremulous... that shit will be with me for the rest of my goddamn life. so that one i guess

brOTP

do i even need to say it

OTP

i ship robin with being a single little virgin well into young adulthood bc if that isn’t the true nerdy weird lesbian experience idk what is <3

nOTP

obviously steve/robin skjdnckmn like god can u imagine... vomit!

random headcanon

this is kind of canon but robin has absolute dogshit taste in girls. like she’s the fucking WORST sure sometimes she crushes on the cute goth chicks but most of her big crushes are just the STRAIGHTEST bitches of all time. she’s been invited to youth group with like three separate girls and every time she has a new crush she just knows steve is going to roast her to hell and back because it’s always terrible.

unpopular opinion

i already said this but i rly don’t think robin should get a girlfriend... i don’t mean like. she deserves to be alone or whatever. i just think it’s really unnecessary and i’d rather her be single than be in a rushed relationship just for the sake of being a relationship yknow? they’ve already paired off literally every single character in the show besides her, erica, will, steve, and murray. and erica is a child and murray is murray. 

i also think people have this tendency to like... not really count lgbt rep as being “real” or “good enough” if there isn’t a ship involved which is just lame!! and i want people to really appreciate robin and her identity and her experiences as a lesbian without needing a ship to do so.

song i associate with them

rainbow by kacey musgraves <3

favorite picture of them

evil of u to ask me to pick one but...

sob... god just LOOK at her i’ll cry right now!!!

[impulstor]

explanations behind my song choice for my 3lsmp playlist under the read more! keep in mind, some of these songs don't really have a reason beyond just... vibes. and that some ideas have changed over time. anyway!

playlist here

anti-hero — originally added as an etho song, and still applies. with him being prepared to fight & kill for ren + the rest of the red army. also, he tends to be a bit unpredictable and has a very different moral standing from someone like, say, martyn.

kill the sun — fits with the series as a whole, with shifting alliances and friendships, and with people killing and being killed by one another.

special — this ones for all the mfs who didn't pick a side until really late, or were bouncing between factions for a while 💪. especially for tango, as an example, making friends with someone who he can also consider his enemy, and being completely unsure where he stands in any group, though he wants to have their faith.

villain — this song is just really good for making a mental amv for lmao. it's good for demonstrating differing alliances n sides, n of course that applies here.

oh, death — not a lot of specific thoughts for this, just. yknow, death, vibes, dying for someone, watching your friend die, etc.

6up 5oh cop-out — first of all, I'm just a slut for will wood sometimes. second, a lot of the lyrics on their own could 100% be applied to events in the series (I mean I did use some from it for my etho n tango drawing for funsies) so. it's a strange song but the vibes fit well, in my opinion :]

kill of the night — a bit self explanatory, I think. in a series about trying to outlive, and to eventually kill your friends? no doubt you're going to end up hunting certain people down, hmmm? revenge, n all that. works well for multiple characters, really.

you're gonna go far, kid — impulse. just like. tango, or maybe etho, at impulse. "with a thousand lies and a good disguise, hit em right between the eyes" I meaaan 🤔 how is it NOT impulse lmao

kill the lights — once again, killing, death, murder, yknow. good vibes. also people lying and betraying one another, and watching as their friends and enemies die in front of them, people being changed by the events that transpire.. also technically they ARE actors sooo. kill the actor, yknow

mad IQs — mostly this song just slaps (thank you eexer 🙏) but also the lyrics fit well with the events! death, murder, killing your friends, burning. there is a lot of fire.

go get your gun — works very well for the whole war goin on. one side vs another, fighting and losing allies, fighting to win for their fallen allies, cheating fate if they DO win. also the line "when this is over, we'll raise a glass straight up to the sun" could be seen as like. everyone coming together to be friends once it's all over bc they are!

c'est la vie — it fits well. bad things happen, you lose people, you hurt, karma kicks your ass, but that's just life, and that's the game. c'est la vie.

i'm gonna win — fits for how they're all fighting to be the last one standing. and also with having to work through literally dying and to not give up, if you want to win.

mr capgras... — once again, I just like will wood. also fits well with people fighting each other, mostly with the chorus. "you'll never take me alive" / "you better pray that I die" likjkeeeee 👀 you could make art fitting those lyrics tbh

curses — red & green duos (at least. when they were intact :/) sticking together, taking care of one another when everything is going to hell, people are dying, and it's getting intense. they trust each other, at least.

under the pressure — don't really have something specific, it just fits well, with the lyrics. honestly this one fits well as a skizz song, now that I'm thinking about it. he went from trying to be friends with a lotta people to taking two out for good and went out in a blaze of glory. yea. that's what I got lol

everybody wants to rule the world — I dont think I really need an explanation for this one. it just fits well with everyone trying to win the whole game, and with everything slowly ramping up in intensity

rebels — for scar and grian being crime bros for the first while :] everything IS burning, good for them!

outrunning karma — impulse once again. playing everyone, playing to everyones good sides as much as he could, until the act didnt matter anymore. but karma might really kick him in the ass, if he ends up as one of the last survivors, and others turn on him for betraying everyone earlier on.

you're nobody til somebody wants you dead — shrug emoji. just fits well mostly. friends fighting eachother, betrayal, yadda yadda.

thanks i hate it — mmm,, tango? idk, im just a tango enjoyer, and he has spent quite a bit of effort trying to please certain groups to like. no avail. especially team crastle. like tbh he was solidly on board with em for a while, and mightve gone back to them on his own. but cleo blackmailed him anyway. rip tango.

the riddle — ALL OF IT. the whole series. it fits

crazy = genius — i dont rly like brendan urie like at all. so i might remove it from the playlist at some point. but it does fit with scar and grian being villains.

icarus — mmm fits well with grian. with the wing imagery, and with the fact that he made SO many enemies by working with scar. and he never reaallllyyyyy apologized, did he? he's walking a dangerous line, with few allies,

cradles — idk lmao. vibes only.

wolf in sheeps clothing — impulse again mostly lol. sung by skizz or etho probably. betrayal <3

how villains are made — again, for those neutral parties that had to choose a side. its about being torn between two sides & having to choose. honestly, I could see it fitting bigb, if he does some funky villain stuff next session. he deserves it I think <3

killing butterflies — trauma, ouchie, angst, murder your friends. everything hurts.

king — ren!! that's it.

little lion man — bruh if ren dies and leaves martyn alone.... ghost ren to martyn.... ouch.

gives you hell — red army @ sand people. specifically etho and ren get to be petty at scar i think

wine red — [gestures vaguely] all of it

i bet my life — red and green duos again. though it could be after some of them permadie.

miss missing you — (thanks again eexer this one also slaps <3) ouch impulse and tango angst. or impulse and etho angst. OR etho and tango angst. THEM. :(

youth — all of it but like. after it's over. just like going back and looking at how it all went down.

a gorey demise — i just think it would be fun to animate everyone's different deaths to this song tbh

another one bites the dust — they are once again Dying. but it's not angsty and dramatic this time.

god rest ye merry gentlemen — 😔 the whole thing again. pain

[seoafin]

jjk & tower of god chapter on the same day,,, i spent all of my brainjuice talking abt tog w some friends + working on my wip so this one might be incoherent LMAO but nsjdhfjd this my 2 cents for the chp (1) - 🐱

first of all, the zenins shld just eat shit 🥰 the bar is just nonexistant now 😭😭😭

also maki’s mother said sth that hits way too close to home for me too🥴

the maki & mai, megumi & tsumiki "make a place where they are happy” parallels...mai,, maki wanted a place where u'd be happy!!! 😭😭😭 good points abt any interesting nuances the original jpn might have had though

ALSO MUSCLE MAKI IS HERE

and lmao megumi's "ew no" face ,,, i didn't think he could make a face like that JDJJDJD ,, once again i think his outsider-insider status is interesting but the amount of ppl counting on him/leaning on him bc of strategic position is a lot. ig this is what kamo meant by supporting the 3 families,,,, gojou indeed is playing the long game. megumi in the meantime, very persistent in not getting more involved in clan politics, not using power that is offered to him, or leveraging it - in a way it is good, and it also makes sense with "stress is other ppl" but is interesting from a structural pov. megumi may not rly give a shit abt the rest of the jujutsu world. if the ppl close to him are affected, then he cares. otherwise, forget it.

also im interested in power implications here bcs it sound a little like there’s a slight split b/w leadership and everyday zenins and im curious what it's like if u have no connection to the top of the clan,, and again higher ups being unaffiliated with the 3 clans so they have to appeal to them. curious what other talents the gojou clan have and what they're known for bc clearly it's not just gojou, they still have power without him and still have a stake in the shifting power structure. kamo must be busy too...

MAKIIIIII ,,, honestly my heart hurts a little seeing her getting beat up in recent chapters. but i’m rly happy,, shes FINALLY getting the focus she deserves and i’m confident she will make a recovery and she IS in fact the one leading efforts on the zenin side. im rly hopeful she can take over the clan one day and no longer say she's not good enough

that stomach wound is bad news though so im wondering how she will come back from that,, that she didn't know her own father's abilities says a lot, too. i wonder if she could see the extension of his blade, or if she hasn't been able to see/understand many ppl abilities

im hopeful for next chp now. u can do it maki!!!!

flashing back on these bits, it makes more sense now why megumi wasn't melting down post-shibuya,, seems most information came to him in a sort of timely and calm way? also i rly have to wonder if gojou did not spend a decade plotting in front him bcs he's done it before,,,, like the whole clan head scene in megumi's middle school years....in a way i imagine he wouldve seen that gojou come out of the high school and watch him get more serious as he acquired even more skin in the game

all the time though i wonder abt megumi's tendency toward inertia and nonaction to things that would seemingly give him power and trying to understand it and that IS him being selfish and that IS,, imo the biggest indication of what he actually does or doesn't want. he wants it, he will act and work on it immediately himself. he doesn't like it? act like it doesn't exist. it make me want to shake him around like NO!! megumi pay attention!!! But his reaction to this clan stuff is a contrast to his behavior in recent chapters imo

and more mahjong references,,, between this and yuuji’s pachinko,, i wonder abt the undercurrent of gambling haha. a gamble for the shaman world and who will come out on top? a contrast to the flowy ocean imagery that connects shaman stuff out to the rest of the world

also this ,,,, there's that one jp tweet (i cant find it again😞) that talks about how toji, as the point of distortion, created megumi, who is currently playing a potential convergence/healing/uniting role (if he actually takes it on as a responsibility lol) and connects this back to the medicine buddha,,, whose mudra (hand sign) is used for chimera shadow garden. with the commentary abt ppl with heavenly restriction needing to know what to throw away in order to become strong or tap into their full strength and toji’s commentary at the end of fight with gojou,,  i actually always felt that toji died not having been entirely resolved with himself bc he talks abt going against the self that decided to forget abt self-respect, to live without thinking abt himself or others,,, in a way, living selfishly, for himself, by ignoring anything immediate and i think he succeeded for a while bc he didnt even remember megumi's name. he remembers it when he talks to getou abt him being thankful for toji not killing him bc of potential drawbacks

and at the very end he thinks of megumi again and that last act does think of someone else, like a "life before your eyes" moment where toji thinks about how the zenin's treatment of him led him there or how his return to shibuya ends with him remembering how he gave megumi back to the zenin,,, i think atm of his death he was starting to think he did want to care, in a different way, or that he needed a different paradigm. or,, maybe he was just starting to realize how far the zenin thinking had set into him

so we dont rly talk abt that being an enlightenment moment for toji but i kind of think it was. that megumi has the potential to become a pivotal piece as a legacy of distortion is interesting. i dont actually think toji set up everything intentionally bc he didnt know megumi's ability, and i dont think he wouldve thought that far. i think a lot of the heir and inheritance stuff is sth naobito set in after seeing megumi's development under gojou. it's clear now everyone has been keeping eyes on everyone else

at some point there's some interesting discussion to be had abt megumi and privilege - i'm surprised the canon characters dont hate him more for having stuff just fall into his lap, and so i liked that maki pointed this out that he could use this and he shld bc theres a frustration there - and yet at the same time megumi himself seemingly feels very little attachment to the zenin and the shaman world still. he just cares abt his little circle of people, and it's a very intentional choice, based on his good/bad ppl thing

u cant really affect the entire world, but u can assert urself on the environment around u and decide what u do and dont act on. this part of megumi is more teenage boy and kind of toji-like, i think,,, hence the emphasis on action

u express ur effect and existence through action, who u kill or who u save. toji having very little, while so much falls into megumi's lap while he doesn't want it, doesn't want to acknowledge it, likely doesn't want to take part in a system he doesn't like or, having been raised under gojou's wing, resents or finds corrupt or useless, or doesn't even think on bc he thinks its above his pay grade and gojou's there - this is also megumi's moment to solidify his own direction and commit to working in the system or out of it

the "not caring" is a defensive measure in a way too, i think. i dont think megumi is Big Good and wants to save everyone and everything and the world to be good and pure, i tend to think of him as a resigned chaotic neutral, who wishes he could be good orz

ANYWAY i think there's some interesting juxtapositions with the whole toji > megumi thing, that someone who is born without, restricted, births and creates someone full of blessings. its very shaman-like, action then reaction

AND i wish u luck on ur final paper (bless ur eyes to see incels bc i’ll just log off for the day when i saw one (1) of them on the net) AND DONT FORGET TO TAKE A REST,, the self care is much needed me thinks <333 (2) - 🐱

i love u 🥺🥺😭😭😭 you take care of yourself too!!!

also ur right...all this political intrigue im so curious i need to know how the jujutsu world is structured in terms of the higher ups and the clans. like i assumed that the three clan elders WERE to some extent also part of the higher ups???? but now it seems that the higher ups are a separate entity altogether, so like checks and balances i suppose. except both the higher ups and the clans are corrupt so no balance there 😭

the chapter implied the zenins are losing when it comes to the power struggle between the three clans. im interested. i want to see them all rot!!! like i also said though it’s going to be interesting to see the state of the kamo clan though, considering “noritoshi kamo.” like what do you even say to that???? im going to be surprised if it doesn’t affect their standing in the jujutsu world but then again the kamo clan IS one of the big three.

megumi really is a character that was blessed in all regards but like. doesn’t want anything to do with it LOL he really said ‘this is a pain no thanks.’ like gojo like megumi i suppose. i agree with u the whole toji and megumi set up....genius....i also love their juxtaposition. it’s so interesting and another source of irony.

[ziracona]

so can u tell us a little about ur characterization of Lisa?? What's she like inside and outside of trials? Does she have a lot of lucidity, what were her relationships with others like, would she ever get better, do you think? ( im SAD.) Just. What's she like!! Also, same for Sally? Oh! And I'm rly enjoying two songs by Meg Myers which maybe you'll like? Running up that hill (Cover) and Desire. Maybe check em out? :3 - Sleepy

Sure!

My Lisa is from a bit before the archives for her placed her (early 1970s), because I wrote ILM back when there was no date given for many killers or survivors, so I just hoped they were historically accurate with the things they did mention & went through a fairly exhaustive list of drained swamps in the Southern US & paddleboat makes & placed her according to that data (it’s been a bit so I don’t remember the exact date without looking up my notes) in the 1920s-1930s, I believe? And in her early 20s, since she’s described as a girl & young woman, which DbD usually does only for characters in their early 20s. (Which I’d still assume is her age, bc even though her archives, if you go by them, have her in her teens, they’re not connected to the events of her disappearance/definitely happened before them.)

In trials, Lisa has like 0 lucidity. I talk about this some in chapter notes, so I’ll try to give a quick overview instead but sry if I restart myself. She’s so starved that any time she sees a living being, she is just completely overcome with hunger and can’t do anything but operate on it. Very scary. Feral. Like being attacked by a starving animal. She’s super out of it, and is completely wild and violent and has no control, only the need to eat. Outside of trials, if no one is around, she’s lucid again, but will remember trials and what she did to people, and spends that time in horror and despair. She’s tried to kill herself before, because the last thing she ever wanted was to become the thing she swore vengeance on (the Entity’s a real cruel motherfucker. Did the same to Rin, to Philip, to everyone it could. Likes to really twist decent people into what they would most despair to be), but in the realm, she’s stuck as it. She’s not really aware for trials, but remembers them with decent clarity, and is in constant agony over what she’s done. Unfortunately, suicide does not take in the realm, and every one of her attempts failed, just like her attempts to maim or tie herself up so she wouldn’t be able to hurt people did. She’s horribly alone and despairing, and also in physical agony. She’s at the worst end of what a human can be at as far as emaciation and starvation while still being alive goes, and that’s physically awful. It fucks up your brain chemistry too, and everything is just really fucking miserable all the time. It hurts to move, it hurts to breathe, your breath smells tastes like rotten fruit but in a way that’s so much worth than that can sound. She’s so hungry, her addons are things like dragonfly wings consumed to give her extra stamina. That’s the kind of bare sliver of relief she ever gets. God, poor Lisa’s life is hell. She’s completely heartbroken and isolated and almost dead. As far as relationships go, she didn’t have any for a long time. No one can really interact with her, because she goes feral at the sight of food. She’s kinda utterly alone. But briefly, when Alex, Philip, Vigo, Benedict, and Sally were a group, she kind of got stumbled into, and after a kind of nasty first encounter, was able to regain lucidity around other people, and had a truly sweet and memorable and invaluable bit of time with love and friends and other people. She was kind of in love with Sally, who did her hair for her and was really kind to her, and Sally liked her too. They were close. Lisa was close with all of them. But when things ended the way they did, the Entity took that away. Lisa remembers it, but she could never get them or it back, and was cast aside and left behind until the end of ILM, when she finally got peace and found happiness in finally getting to be at rest in the arms of a friend. Overal, she’s a fairly young and wide-eyed, bright, cautious, fun and sweet girl by nature, now massively traumatized and hopeless and broken, but still with a truly incredible amount of that kind nature retained. She would have really loved reading fantasy novels aloud and exploring the worlds of lore and history, travelling, seeing other cultures and geographic features and animals. Enjoys fashion too, and has a heart for designing and making cool, personal and cultural and symbolic tied designs, and would have been both great at that and loved it if she’d lived long enough. (Shoutout to @artianaiolanthe who inspired the fashion take & it is so suited to her I love it). A little shy, but an extrovert at heart under it, just a nervous one. Loved people. Liked climbing trees and fording brooks and baking bread and throwing rocks and baseballs to knock a target out of a tree and win a prize at little town fairs. Didn’t get the length or quality of life she was owed, and it’s just not fair or okay at all. Liked to watch the stars.

As far as getting better goes, mentally, totally. If they could get her out of the realm or break the Entity’s connection, she’d immediately stop killing. She has never done it of her own free will. She’s a sweet small town kid who was just trying to live her life. As far as physically goes though, Lisa is in one of the worst possible spots. Unlike say Amanda, who was on death’s door but healed by the Entity, or the Legion, who weren’t injured at all, Lisa was on death’s door and like Adiris, did not get healed. Just preserved in that near-death state and forced to work in it. Honestly, it’s possible she could survive long enough to get to a hospital and be saved, but at best, she’d probably live another year. When you starve, your body begins to catabolize/eat your own tissue to save itself, starting with fat, and ending with muscles and organs, which, when it reaches the heart, kills you. Lisa was so close to dead, the organ damage was probably awful, and would leave her with complications that would take her very young. The most likely thing, since she was saved literally seconds before death, would be for her to step outside the realm and immediately die. However, it’s possible she got lucky on body damage and could be saved—kinda up to interpretation—and if say, she was around for Quentin’s Vigil going healing batshit, and got some organs repaired that way, she’d have a real shot. (I also am sad. Lisa was actually the only determinate character in ILM to me/that I wasn’t sure the ending for, and while I am very happy with what ended up being her closure, I also would like to see her live for even more love and peace TuT. Lol, if I ever end up doing my goddamn four fate route fics like I’ve joked now a truly dangerous number of times about doing [>.> me @ me] then maybe she will get a variety of lives in the end). I’m glad you wanted to know! I really like and pity her. This poor kid really did nothing wrong, much like Rin, and just got eternally tortured for asking for help and justice against the monsters who took her life so violently. Fuck Brittany. (Read: the Entity.)

Ahhhh Sally. My sweet, sweet girl. Uhhh, not sure which of the Lisa questions you meant for her too, so I’ll try to speed-answer them all? Sally’s intelligent and understanding and thoughtful, patient, polite, almost elegant despite how impoverished she spent most of her life—she just tries to act like a lady and treat people with as much respect and esteem as she can (unless they suck lol). She’s also very mentally damaged and not there though, and has extremely unstable mood swings, especially into despair. Her relationships with the other killers were limited. She talked to & was on polite terms with any who would talk to her and not be condescending or a dick so openly she’d pick up on it (so like, on cordial terms with Evan, Herman, Caleb if she’d been there that long, but not like, Kenneth or Freddy or someone who wouldn’t bother to put up an act). But mostly, after figuring out she wasn’t really of any use to them, they quit communicating with her. Sally has been extremely isolated since shortly after being taken. She believes that the survivors are innocent and suffering and knows that they don’t deserve the hunt, but has no way to stop the whole system, and has been convinced by the Entity that if she does a good job and earns moris, the ones she strangles to death get to stay dead instead of coming back after death to suffer endlessly again, so she works very dedicatedly and slowly trying to earn kills to save them. It took her physical eyes when it got her and lets her see through it’s powers, and uses that to randomize what survivors look like in her memory so she doesn’t catch wise it’s the same people over and over and she’s not saving them at all. It’s extremely tragic. God it’s one of the most cruel Entity tricks, which is saying a lot. Poor gentle woman is Sisyphus pushing a boulder up a hill day after day year after year and she doesn’t even know how hopeless and meaningless it all is. : (

When the Vigo-Philip-Alex-Benedict team was going, though, she met and attacked, then was convinced to instead befriend them, and quickly became very attached and well liked by them. Met Lisa while with the group, and became extremely fond of her and loving towards her and was truly, truly happy for a brief period of time. Still remembers her, even as lost as all her memories are. Not her name, but what she looked like to Sally, and how her hair felt, and how nice it was. Sally would have considered everyone in that group a dear friend, and in ILM, Philip most definitely becomes her deepest, closest, and best friend, just like she does to him. She’s a very faithful woman to her soul. Loved her family, loved her husband and mourned him, worked as hard as she could. Cared for her patients, and did her best in that hell until the Entity slowly whittled away at her sanity until it broke her mind and left her convinced the only way to end their pain would be to give them death, and she had to do it to save them. Sally loves little pretty things and neatness and collections. Flowers, bows and ribbons, china and colored glass. She would have treasured gifts like decorative holiday cards and carved animal figures and left them on her mantle or carefully tucked in lovingly organized and decorated books she could open to revisit the memory. Likes dresses and skirts and the way the wind feels. Hopeful and very enduring. Loving. Had a mom heart, and will never really get entirely over the loss of her children, but is strong and kind and will find new love that makes life still worth living in other people. Will remember both kindness and cruelty a long, long time. Loved Quentin from the second he gave her flowers (Dwight: Quentin, why did the entity let you have three moms? Quentin: Because I fucking earned it >:[“ [author’s note: he did. God that poor kid...]). Loved Kate from the day she sat with her in a hospital and held her hand. Is like that. Remembers small kindness and treasures them.

Sally could definitely recover. Not all the way probably, physically or mentally, but by far enough to be complete and happy and realized and who she wants. She never meant to hurt people, so she really just needs some stability, and I think she finds that with her new family. I mean, it is a lot to adjust to. It’s been like nearly 100 years. The Entiry broke her mind, and she’s got some damage that just probably can’t ever be fixed, but a lot can be, with drugs and treatments and therapy and kindness and a good support system, and honestly, the biggest things she needs are people to keep her memories together and herself present, and influences to protect her from being manipulated and controlled now that she’s so suggestible and easy to hurt, and she’s got that. I am 100% certain that while some things—the scatteredness, the ease of slipping into other moods especially deep sadness, the different way of thinking altogether—never leave her, she gets better in the most important ways and is truly happy and quite functional and what she wants to be. While there’s no way (yet anyway lol. Cybernetics that good when?) to give her new eyes since the Entity ripped hers out, and she’s blind now, and can’t be changed, her seeing eye dog does a great job for her, and she’s very happy and adjusts well. She has a lot of friends to be her eyes, and learns to lean into what she can do and has a quite fulfilling and blissful life outside the realm in ILM.

Also: thanks for the recs! I’m going on a run soon, and I’ll add those to my iPod and give ‘em a listen if I can. Hope this answered what you wanted to know! ^u^

[icyhotexplosionwritings]

Okay, so I actual don’t write angst scenarios (bc I’m a baby and I am way to emotional invested in my own writing orz) and THAT is why this could have been WAY angstier than it is right now and I know out there are literal ANGST MASTERS who probably would have done way better with this request than me, b-but… Even though it is not THAT angsty(some of you guys are probably like, pf, angst? Have you seen angst before, Celine? This is puppies and rainbows compared to some real angst; and I know... I am just rly bad with angst so it is rather... a little drama and then happy end? XD); Though, I was super happy I could write for my owl son Bokuto; I am just bad at refusing a request and I actually quite liked the idea, actually; ugh I hate letting you guys down, sorry anon, but I hope you can still enjoy it a little ;A;

----

No. No please. This couldn’t be happening right now. Looking at the pregnancy test between your fingers you started shaking, trying hard to not start crying. How could this have happened, you were always using a condom, since most of the birth control pills you took affected you negatively.

Reality hit you, it probably broke a few weeks ago, that was the only logical explanation, but this… this was not the right timing. You were only 20 and your boyfriend had a very promising volleyball career he had been working on ever since you knew him.

Right now, you were glad that Bokuto was at a meeting with his team, because you couldn’t help but cry, however you also made a decision, a decision that would be hard, but would save his career, because you didn’t want to be the one ending everything for him.

You knew Bokuto, he would take responsibility, he would be there for you and that is exactly why you wouldn’t tell him, because you wanted him to chase after his dream and not be worried about you and your child.

....

“You’re acting weird, F/N…”, Bokuto’s curious golden eyes were examining you. You jumped a little. “What? No, Kou, you are only imagining things, I guess I am just tired.” You tried your hardest to distract him with something else, talking about how his training was going. It had been two weeks since you found out you were pregnant and slowly you knew it was showing that somebody was growing inside you. You couldn’t run away any longer, today it had to be done. Just hearing how excited your boyfriend was, hooting like a little kid who got a candy he was talking about how he felt spiking the ball, having a professional team behind his back. You only laughed, you liked hearing him this excited and it made everything a little bit easier.

At night, when Koutarou was sleeping soundly beside you, you gave him one last kiss, his cute little snort making your eyes all watery. “I love you, Kou, so much, please forgive me for being selfish.”, whispering you combed through his freshly washed hair, before you carefully removed his arms around you, not waking him up.

You kissed the envelope one last time, a tear dripping down on the paper, before putting it down on the kitchen table so your boyfriend, no, ex-boyfriend, could see it when he would wake up in the morning- thank god not even an apocalypse could wake this man. Wiping away your tears, you took your car keys, since you had packed your suitcase yesterday, knowing that today would be the day, and you hid it inside your trunk, only taking the things that were most precious to you and you needed for a new start.

Looking back one last time you rested your hand on your growing belly, softly stroking it, whispering, “I’m sorry you won’t meet your Daddy, but I’ll make sure to tell you about him, I promise little one.” Turning away, you started your car, leaving your current life behind.

…

The next morning, Bokuto was waking up, but you were not in his arms, which was a very rare occasion. No, rather, your bedside was cold as if you hadn’t even been sleeping here tonight and soon, the worry hit him. You had been acting weird the last couple of days, he could see and feel it, so this worried him. Quickly jumping out of bed he rushed through your apartment, opening every door, calling out your name with his typical boisterous voice. “Where are you, F/N?!”, he bit his bottom lip when he entered the kitchen, searching for you, but you were nowhere to be found.

When he saw the envelope he could feel his stomach turning. This was not true, right? This was just a letter, you were probably just shopping, right? He didn’t have to worry, right? He was this close to falling into one of his depressive states, before even reading the letter, so he tried his best to get it together, as he reached for the envelope, opening it and reading what you had left him.

Dear Koutarou!

I know, when you read this you probably know what is going on but are in denial.

I am sorry, I never thought I would one day have to write a letter like this to you. Kou… I am gone. Please don’t look after me, you won’t find me.

It’s childish, right? I couldn’t even be adult enough to talk about it face to face with you, because I knew you would have tried to stop me and me being weak when it comes to you, I probably would have given it. But Koutarou, I had to make this decision.

I know you probably overthink everything, now. If you did anything wrong, but let me tell you – no. You did nothing wrong, you were always there for me, I had so much fun being with you and I felt loved and I loved you too, Kou, there is no one on this planet I love more than you, please don’t think this was easy for me, but some decisions in life hurt us deeply, this is one of them.

Kou, please don’t think about me too much, concentrate on your career, I want to see you on TV, so don’t ever give up. Be happy again, find someone who can make you truly happy.

In love, F/N

His knees were weak, his legs shaking, gripping the letter tightly some tears made their way down his cheek. “But, F/N… no one can make me happier than you…” and that’s when he broke down on the kitchen floor – sobbing.

Of course Koutarou tried calling you, but you had changed your number and even though you said not to search for you, he tried, he tried to find you, but you were gone, like you said.

….

Months went by and one hot summer afternoon a scream echoed through the hospital room. You had a lovely little baby girl, naming her Natsuki and she had the same sparkling gold eyes as her father, well… to be honest, the only thing she had from you was her cute little nose and the shape of her eyes, everything else was Bokuto – and it hurt. But it also made you happy.

Years went by and you tried dating, but no one ever made you as happy as him, so after four dating fails, you decided to stay single for a while, dedicating all your love to your little Natsuki and whenever her Dad would be seen on TV you made sure to tell her; you wanted her to know and whenever she would ask why Bokuto was not with you two, you just told her, “I’ll tell you when you are older, Natsu, I promise.”

Bokuto himself also tried to go on with his life. Even though it was hard, he knew there was nothing he could have done to prevent this, you made your decision to leave him and he had to accept it. At the beginning he felt a lot of hate towards himself and it affected his performance, however he made sure to not let this chance of being on the national team slip, so he got himself together again, thinking “Watch me, F/N!”

…..

It was pure coincidence. His team came back from China and they all finally deserved a holiday after fighting with everything they had, getting them the silver medal. He was alone when he traveled all the way south to Okinawa-Islands. He needed to just do nothing for once, so this was perfect, however he didn’t think this would happen.

It was the third day after his arrival, he was just walking alongside the road, the beautiful ocean sparkling in the background, when he heard something. It was a laughter he hadn’t heard in over 7 years. Wait, this couldn’t be it, right? Ah, but there it was again and this time, there was also your voice, “Natsu! Don’t run, you’ll trip!”

On the other side of the road, there you were, a grocery bag in your hand, the other covering your mouth a little. “F/N.”, it was not really loud, but it was enough for you to halt for a second and look to the other side and there he was. “Kou…”, the bag of groceries fell out of your hand, your eyes wide, he still looked like before, only a little bit more mature. “Mommy, what is it?”, Natsu grabbed your hand, concern in her golden eyes, before she also looked across the road, curious as to what you were looking at, or better who you were looking at…

Natsuki had seen her father multiple times on TV, giving interviews and playing on the court, so when she saw him, it was crystal clear to her, that this right here, this was her father. Her face lit up and even though she was a very well behaved and raised child, right now she just sprinted full force over the road, without thinking or looking. “DADDY!!!”, screaming, she didn’t see or hear the car coming down the road.

Bokuto couldn’t believe it, there was a little girl by your side calling you mother and she looked… so much like him. So, you were pregnant? You had raised a child all on your own these past 7 years. Why? Why didn’t you say anything, he would have taken responsibility. Shocked, he couldn’t move at all when the little girl screamed, her arms wide open, running towards him, when he suddenly heard a car and as he slowly turned his head, it started honking and a terrible squeaking sound was heard from the friction of the stopping wheels on the road, your scream in the distance, “NATSU?!?!”

Thankfully his legs were reacting way faster than his brain was, because if he would have waited any second longer… He started dashing too, grabbing the little girl under her arms and only centimeters away from hitting the side mirror of the car, he wrapped his arms around her, stumbling to the other side of the road, before completely falling down on his knees, kneeling in front of you know.

You were shocked, your knees were weak and you thought your heart was about to stop beating. Tears were trickling down your cheek, you thought that was it. When the car came to a halt, the driver screamed through the open window, before driving off again, but you couldn’t care any less, right here, right now, your daughter was save and the one who saved her was no other than her father himself.

Bokuto was the first to react, he rose from his position, now standing in front of you, Natsuki clawing at him like her life depended on it, she was clearly shocked too and before anyone could have said something Bokuto was raising his arm and only a second later he also pressed you against his chest. “Kou…” You didn’t want to, but you couldn’t hold back and started sobbing, clawing at his shirt, the other hand holding onto your daughter’s hand, gripping it tightly.

Natsuki looked up, tears streaming down her face, before she reached out to touch Koutarou’s cheek, making him jump a little before turning his head to look at her and even though she was crying, she had the most radiant smile on her lips that he had ever seen. “You are finally here, Daddy…”, before breaking down completely, crying and sobbing, she buried her head into his chest.

Bokuto was almost crying himself, all those years, he never knew about his little family, but now that he held you both in his arms, he knew one thing for sure, “Yeah… and I’m never leaving again, little owl!”, because he would never, ever let you go, not after finally having you in his arms again.

[jongmininii]

ex_o doesn’t work this hard and go through so much stuff to be called a crash course, or reduced to be the ‘other team’.

the thing that made me iffy abt sperm from the get go is how they always say that they are made up of ‘the most talented and popular of their groups’, the dream team, the all star. isn’t it diminishing the rest of the members? nice to hear that the other members are just backup this whole time.

i love jongbaek to pieces but sm is rly playing with fire here with the constant disrespect. it wont be long until ppl are choosing ex_o or jongbaek. i have seen some kr fans calling them traitors ffs. and i cant rly say much bc i can see from their perspective.

with them constantly boasting ‘we can do what we can’t in our group’ (most likely the agenda and script they’re forced to say) it can make ppl question ‘so you feel like ex_o is a burden? ex_o stopped you from doing what you want’? and suddenly this group came and you can be more ‘loose’ and GROW (is2g that rolling stones article is pure garbage) while also using ex_o’s achievement to imply how impactful you are already when lets face it sperm still has nothing on its own.

again, i love jongbaek but this group being made in a critical time for exo is doing nothing. ex_o can still work with 6, but 4? they all better focus on their solos and units at this point. jongbaek doesn’t feel like ex_o with the constant sperm down our throat (lol). and them begging ppl to buy the album to get the billboard chart? (Oh i got the email from sm’s global shop with the subject : please help sperm got number 1 on billboard) asking ppl to buy through ig lives? never in my life i saw sm forcing ex_o to do that, and they themselves wants us to just buy more important things (and we didnt listen). they treat ex_o like a side project they will do, they will attend concerts, record songs, and go with sperm for tour, tv shows, interviews etc. ppl invests on ex_o with buying albums and breaking records with the expectation ex_o would be treated better, seeing all their hardworking is plastered on another group while ex_o is still getting crumbs is frustrating.

and with the constant “arrogance” (in quotes bc i know its probably the image they’re forced to have) from the group as if they’ve actually achieved something while piggybacking on mostly ex_o’s achievements, im just scared ppl will have this mindset to just push jongbaek out of the group entirely bc ppl are tired of constant disrespect and crumbs that they don’t deserve. at the end it will be 7 vs 2, and at some point i don’t feel like we’re one anymore. it hasn’t feel like that for some time but now its more jarring. ppl dont wanna admit it but it really is at the end : my bias vs everyone else.

and good god my faves are in the military, and the other is in this circus. im tired. and tbh i just saw someone said “what bars did you raise when even all these years of training you can’t raise your vocals for even a bar” to ji in regards of what he stated in the rolling stones of ‘raising the bar of kpop with sperm’.

did y’all see this. and i cant even recite the ones talking abt wanting b_aek just be the leader of sperm and not come back to ex_o.

sm is trying to break the trust between the fans and jongbaek, by making ppl wonder ‘do they rly love to not be in ex_o anymore? ‘ or the attachment of jongbaek stans with ex_o by making them getting lots of things for their faves to do

and its fucking terrifying.

(pic attached of someone’s tweet im fucking stressed this is kpop shouldn’t be this heartbreaking. the other’s are more confused and hurt but this one just wanna make me hit someone)

[tayegi]

THANKS FOR JUST MURDERING MY HEART WITH THAT UPDATE LEMME GO CURL UP IN A HOLE AND DIE jk ily but my heart man

Anonymous said:All these theories hurt my head 😭😭 lu I love and I hate and I love how invested you get us with your writing and your characters and honestly no one writes stories like you do and a lot of the plots are so different and just aaaahhhhhhh luuu my heart is bursting from the amount of love I have for you and your writing 😭😭

Anonymous said:Wow, I've never felt so many intense emotions reading just one chapter alone. Phew, that was a rollercoaster of feels 😪 Anyways, I just wanted to thank you for taking the time to write/update stories despite your busy schedule 💘 I really love your writing style and the subtle development between each character. I just came back from reading NR & was listening to "Why - Shawn Mendes" and I think it really fits for the conflicts that the OC & JK are facing. Please check it out! 😌

Anonymous said:I really love OC, Lu. It’s so heartbreaking the reality of life she goes through but that’s what I love !!! How realistic your fics can be. And god my pussy hurts!!! How OC finally opened up - finally feeling like she discovered that fairy tale romance every girl dreams of w/ some1 who understands her but is brought down to reality bc like ,, it’s not what either of them signed up for. The feeling of being unwanted was palpable it fucking hurts man. Great job, can’t wait for more ❣️❣️

Anonymous said:Oh man, that chapter hit me hard. These two have both suffered emotionally and hide behind barriers - understandably. They both have so much to offer, and yet the oc struggles to believe others could appreciate that. It was so nice to see them be vulnerable with each other, but it was bound to happen that they would step back - it was so sudden. I'm terribly curious to see what JK's story is, and where they'll end up. What does he associate "relationship" with? -Mul

bekzzz said:What the fuck..... what just happened in chapter 9 of new rules?! How can he just... what the flying feathers. Urghhhhhhhhhhhh..... stupid Jungkook. How can he just... cruel, heartless... just when Y/N has made progress with her feelings. And the skating... how is he all of a sudden a great skater. You know what... screw him. She deserves better! Okay... I'm done :) xo

bekzzz said:Also... I really love the complexity of New rules. I didn't mention it in my last ask. But it really is conveying the realities of insecurities and young love. Especially after traumatizing experiences in relationships.

Anonymous said:hi Lu!!! i just got from reading Equilibrium and WOW... ur writing rly blows me away.. i was bawling like crazy... my heart feeling the pain and frustration... like i really felt like i was the oc, it rly felt like i was living as her. I'm soooo curious as to how the next part is gonna be like, since we never truly got jimin or jungkook's actual thoughts & feelings, only limited to oc's pov. Will we be getting more insight to jungkook's pov? jimin's pov??? UGH its my fave fic ever. THANK YOU LU!

Anonymous said:The last scene of new rules chap 9 teared me up. I'm very curious about how jk's relationship was like with his girlfriend in high school. I feel like that has really impacted his views of relationships or maybe I'm just thinking too much. 😅 this story so far is really well thought out. I love how your writing has hidden messages with a deeper meaning to it. These kind of stories really help me grow & learn as a person tbh. I wish more readers would see these deeper meanings.

jiminicriket said:I'm so overwhelmed every time I read NR and this chapter was a rollercoaster for sure. The beginning had me giggling like an idiot so I was heartbroken at the end but I know it fell into character for them both. I have been reading carefully and I just love how much life and depth you have given your characters. I could write an essay about the progression of their growth and the plot. God I have about a million things to say D: Curse this limit but like thank for updating!

Anonymous said:NOOOOOO!!!! i was so excited about how mature their relationship was and how they were getting better at opening up and sharing their feelings but nOW THIS??? WERE BACK TO BEING HELD BACK BY EXES AND JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS??? THIS IS MY PERSONAL HELL (i gueSS i have to say you did a really good job for keeping it realistic with complex emotions and obsticales but real life suCKS I JUST WANT UNREALISTIC IMMATURE FLUFF IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK FOR)

Anonymous said:you’ve outdone yourself with this new installment of nr lu :”)) ik i probably should’ve expected the ending but it still broke my heart nevertheless bc rejection and unrequited love are still rejection and unrequited love at the end of the day (i forgot all about them only hooking up with each other but ig that is part of the problem with hookup culture—you forget that the relationship is what it is and get hurt as a result). i’m super excited to see how the rest of nr plays out now !!

Anonymous said:man the oc just cant catch a break can she i feel so bad for her even with how hard she tries to protect herself she still gets burnt and thats so true to life man, feelings are feelings and you cant just force yourself to head down a 1 way path and it feels like the oc is just in a constant maze and i feel so bad but at the same time wow thats so damn accurate

Anonymous said:I cried while reading last sentences of new rules and im so not ready for future updates :')

Anonymous said:“don't worry; I know my place” i felt that 😩😭

AKSLDFJLDKSF it’s still so amazing to me how ppl can related so strongly to my fic and have such empathy for the characters. you guys are the real super stars, and nothing makes me happier than reading these asks. THANK YOU MY LOVES

[saveme-ruinme]

Boyfriend Wonho

A/N: this wasnt supposed to be this long but whatevs also wrote this on mobile will sort out the formatting later. some smut in there just to warn you

is too good for this world, too pure

LOVES you

Like would give anything for you Honestly thinks hes the luckiest person in the world for having you and is always sure to remind you of that all the time

Big soft baby with a heart of gold so you gotta take care of him and make sure hes always happy

Its that thing where he is so big and physically intimidating but is actually made of rainbows and sunshine

Where you are tiny and not intimidating in the least and ready the fight e v e r y o n e

And you will. You would fight any and everyone for shin hoseok you dont care anyone hurts your soft boyfriend they better be ready catch these hands

Hoseok knows too so everytime you gettin ready to throw hands he will pick you up throw you over his shoulder and leave while apologising to whoever you were tryna fight

That being said, you turn into goo around him

Its hard not to really because like have you seen his smile?????

Everytime he smiles at you or you make him laugh your heart grows three sizes and your life expectancy is lengthened by 3 years

Hoseok an actual angel tho omg

Willing to do anything for you his bby

Cries at the sad parts in movies

Like that sad part in Up made him bawl so hard that you had to ban him from watching disney/pixar movies

Mostly bc seeing him cry made u cry

You guys are on the couch watching a kids movie and ugly crying against each other

Its a Mess™

Feeds you all the time

Hes a big dude and hes thick af so boy has gotta eat so hes always suggesting going out to eat for date ideas lmao

If u try and tell him youre on a diet he will refuse and practically spoon feed you no diets are acceptable with hoseok around

Doesnt matter what you look like he doesnt care he just wants you to be happy and healthy

That being said if u rly did want to diet to get healthy and fit will make sure you do it properly with a nutritionist and planned balances meals and going to the gym and eating good food

Bc he’ll be damned if hes gonna watch u suffer and starve through shutty juice cleanses and no carb diets like no honey

is 1000000% supportive of you no matter what

Will try his best to support you in absolutely everything

Hug Machine™

Always down for hugs and kisses basically all the pda he does not care he just rly loves you

Tends to pull you onto his lap and wrap his arms around you

Probs doesnt even realise its pda hes so casual and liberal with physical affection that sometimes you go the whole day feeling wrong for some reason if wonho doesnt give u some type of lovin

Speaking of some type of lovin

So goddamn giving that it sometimes makes u feel bad if u dont return the favor

Like if he knows u had a bad day will just super casually eat u out til ur shaking and trying to push him away bc its too much

Doesnt let you return the favor either bc ur upset even if hes got a raging hard on will just be like ‘shhhhh no its fine drink some water i will make u food now’

And ur like hoseok what about u??????

He just laughs and walks away

Feel like sex will be playful

If its not super intimate and romantic then hes probs trying to make u laugh

Not all that adventurous just wants to please you and make you cum

Gets whiny and flustered when you tease him

Most likely to watch you in awe when you do suck him off

Honestly just super comfortable about sex tho hes chill about it

Its nice to do but not essential to your relationship like he’d be cool if you were asexual or hypersexual its no big deal to him

Also lowkey the jealous type

Not the angry/assertive jealous type more like sees someone tryna put the moves on u will slink over and throw himself all over like heeeeeyyyyyy my lovely girlfriend whom i love most in the world bc we are def dating and im your faithful boyfriend

Youre just standing like laughing bc this guy was pissing you off tbh and you were to slap someone and then he comes along like this wrapping you up in his huge arms being ridiculous

You love it tho

Gets giggly and blushy when you kiss him

Loves it when you backhug him tho he will unwrap your arms to pull you around and hug you properly

Always knowing how hes feeling bc he wears his emotions on his sleeve so be prepared for that

But him being so emotional makes you comfortable about expressing yours since he wont ever judge you about it even if you had a nervous breakdown about it

Wont push you for it either he will wait for you to open yourself up and is ready to open his big arms to you when you need it

Hes an actual literal teddy bear bc he loves cuddling dont try and fight me on this hoseok looooooooves cuddling

His favourite part of the day is bring close like that to you

Any cuddle position is a good cuddle position

You know that one photo where hes asleep on minhyuk on that couch where his head and arms are resting on minhyuks back and hes got one leg thrown over his

Thats what i imagine sleeping with hoseok is like hes always pressed up close to you

Sometimes slightly suffocating bc of his large size but tbh you would die happily like that

Has some big ass clothes for you to drown in too

I imagine his shirts and hoodies to be hella big which means you could wear them and have maximum comfort

Does not mind at all if you steal his clothes highkey loves it and has a folder on his phone dedicated to pictures of you wearing his clothes

Actually has a number of folders dedicated to you most of his camera roll is you

Gets whiny when the members tease him about you he will get all blushy and tell them to stop teasing him

Exactly no one listens and does it more

So youre like lmao ur just jealous and straight up make out with hoseok on the spot

Which will make him flustered and embarrassed but also get smug when the members are yelling at you guys to get a room

No one in this world deserves him like honest to god he is the the best person on this cruel earth

ANYWAY IF UR GONNA DATE WONHO MAKE SURE YOU MARRY HIM BC HES PERFECT AND SOFT AND WILL TREAT YOU RIGHT

PROTECT WONHO THO HES TOO PURE FOR THIS WORLD LOOK AFTER HIM RIGHT PLS

[ecl1pse]

i’m finally watching last night’s mama performances n miss boaaaaa. she truly never disappoints. her intro for better made me EMOTIONAL. taemin in the bench with the flowers 😢 n then performing only one with her 😭 funny how only NOW are people catching upwith what she has been doing for 20 years. queen of k-pop indeed!!!!

taemin’s performance of criminal + heaven + idea was so delectable. altho i wish he had performed the entirety of heaven. or at least a full verse! this was his show, bitch was fucking flying on stage n singing. perhaps angels are real.

twice’s cry for me was so immaculate!!! i wish their more & more + i can’t stop me stage had been THAT good, bc even tho their performance was pique, the stage outfits were kinda ugly n the transition from one song to the other was lil awkward imo. but cry for me??? perfect. even the graphics worked perfectly

on the other hand watching got7’s performances was frustrating. again, the guys did an amazing job, like, perfect. award worthy. but the outfits looked kinda cheap imo n yet again jype deserves jail for not capitalizing on their talents. the graphics were much better in not by the moon than i can’t stop be tho.

monsta x performing love killa on those suits was 👌👌👌 but suffocating at the same time omg. i cannot imagine how one must feel after dancing n singing like that in a thick three piece suit.

all of the nct performances were great but i fucking KNEW resonance was just a mix for mama. no fucking clue was sm decided to release it on its own. wayv dancing in the rain?? amazing. watching jisung sitting by the sidelines on his own lil bike during ridin’ hurt, i won’t lie 😭 i hope his recovery is going well. marky in his solo during kick it....damn, he really does fill that stage on his own. taeyong fucking FLYING?! performers. they are performers, all of them perform. we will not be speaking about johnny being shirtless on stage again, but thank you for contributing to the free the nipple agenda, sir. jungwoo absolutely owned his part lil solo in resonance!! i’m so proud of how good he has been doing despite taking a long hiatus last year. i’m saving the from home performance for alter bc i know that shit’s gonna make me cry 🥲 i already saw a few clips here n there n i know i’m not ready

those are the only performances i’ve watched so far bc i’m not that interested in the rest. there were too many biy groups n not enough girl groups imo. where were apink to perform dumhdurum??? one of the best come backs of the year??? what about ITZYYYYY??? do you know how good the wannabe stage wouldve been?? IMMACULATE!! no gfriend either!! a mago performance would’ve been so magical!! y’all could’ve done a miley cyrus w a discoball like in the mv 😒😒 instead they had (from what i’m seeing) oh my girl n g idle perform summer songs. during winter!!! g idle couldve at least done oh my god, their better release this year. also, no chungha or sunmi?? no loona to pump it up!! n ooh la la a wae a wae a wae. this is why i didn’t stay up to watch y’all’s six hour music show. the lack of red velvet rly shows too. like, ik wendy is mostly out of commission still, but seulgi has been doing a great job of covering her parts!! or they could’ve worked something out like they did with nct dream!! at least have irene & seulgi perform monster / naughty.

but i the again...mnet is so shitty n mama so rigged. i get why none of them would want to show up n give them otherworldly performances only to be paid dust 😑

also also!! i heard that behind the scenes the whole thing was a disaster of its own w the artists not getting their own waiting rooms n having to wait on the parking lot?!?!! bullshit!!! were they left that poor by the whole produce scandal that they couldn’t afford some dressing rooms or trailers OR ANYTHING?!!!?? 😑😑 i hope no one relevant shows up next year or the next until they get their shit together

[moonraccoon-exe]

Papa Ravus and twin daughters -3-

Hello and sorry for taking so long! Hope you understand it’s taken me a while.

Here’s the first Papa Ravus post, and here’s the “Ardyn with twin daughters” post that seemed to have inspired requester to also drop this one. :3

It’s been a while since we’ve been in Papa mode, but let’s see what happens  (˙︶˙)

Ravus with twin daughters:

Ravus chose to be single dad, romance is not much his jam but he does want to have kids, so he requested to rent a belly/womb.

King Ravus himself went personally with the lady who accepted the offer and he asked her “as a human being, not as your king, if it really is alright with you?”

Ravus asked she was medically tested first just to make sure it’d be as safe as possible for her to get pregnant.

Ravus worries that because of “a tantrum of my own” (which really ain’t tantrum, Ravy, it’s okay to want to be single parent

This man was put through so much pain in so many ways he’s grown a ridiculously huge heart and wants everyone to be okay.

His own cold, blank-faced way, but rly he’s just a cinnamon roll.

I am digressing.

Ravus checked on the pregnancy process almost daily.

You should have seen his reaction when he heard it was twins.

“My, what do we have here? C: King Ravus, it’s a baby girl!”

Ravus’ eyes go wide and he loses his breath and his heart drops to his feet.

“And she’s in company of a twin sister! Isn’t that wonderful, your Majesty? :3″

The doctor requested somebody bring him a chair and some nurse bring him oxygen.

No kidding.

Ravus literally loses the breath at that, he clutches at his chest and a hand blindly looks somewhere for support.

The gods bless there’s a nurse there to help him sit down and help him recover the breath.

“Ohmygod, your Majesty please calm down ;____;”

Eventually Ravus was able to recover the breath.

He’s so pale the nurse isn’t sure if he has to ask the doctor if they should make some blood transfusion

“Are you alright, your Majesty?”

“Yes, yes…I uhm…it was…shocking. It was only the initial shock. I expected a child; two is a surprise. That’s all.”

“A very wonderful surprise, isn’t it!? :3″

Ravus opens the mouth to reply but all that he does is shut the mouth and nod, looking upset in some way nobody can read.

Omg everyone shut up bc nobody’s sure what’s in his head.

Ravus goes back to his blank expression and unmovable attitude for the rest of the appointment and then goes back to his chambers.

Lunafreya is there (nobody died and no years of darkness AU because I need it okay, shut up)

“Brother! How did it go? :)”

Ravus breaks down in front of her.

He just looks at her in total silence some moments, and then his face transforms into a frown of mere pain and sadness.

Ravus stays quiet for some long seconds just looking at her with his ever-second-more-pained expression.

He puts the head down and just starts crying.

Lunafreya approached him, worried, and grabbed his hand to silently guide him nearby a chair. She had wanted him to sit down but he didn’t, he just kept the hands on his face and cried and cried.

She sat instead, and he went down on his knees in front of her and she let him rest his head on her lap, and he cried and cried while she caressed his hair.

He seems so broken omg Lunafreya is EXTREMELY WORRIED.

She’s thinking there were bad news, that they could have lost the baby, that there were complications or something as terrible.

“…they’re twin girls, Luna” Ravus cries out to her, unable to stop crying. “I am having two baby girls…”

Luna takes a moment before she understands and feels great peace in her heart.

Still she doesn’t stop caressing his hair.

“But then why are you crying, brother?  (˙︶˙)”

“…I am just…so happy…”

Ravus is so happy it literally hurts.

This poor creature.

He cried to exhaustion, the poor thing.

He’s impossibly happy, he’s also a bit sad because he doesn’t understand how “after all the terrible actions I did in the past” he “deserves this amounts of happiness and this blessing”, and he’s excited but also a bit scared because he’s going to be a first time dad, and he’s not sure he can handle two girls.

It’s not that he’s scared of not being capable of handling them, it’s that he “doesn’t want to ruin their lives”.

Ravus please you’ll do great just calm down

If you thought him overdramatic by checking on the pregnancy daily, imagine him now that it’s close to the day of birth and that these are TWINS

Omg he read on the net that that’s twice the risks

Ravus, stop reading on the net, it’ll only make you more paranoid

Don’t worry, everything turned out fine when it was the day

Ravus tried to be present during birth but he exited bc he’s so tense and nervous he’s sure he’s going to pass out

But as a dad he’s in debt with the lady that rented him her womb so it’s only right that he stays by her side during the pains and all.

The doctor is sure Ravus passed out at least twice

Nobody can tell because he’s sat on a chair at a side holding the lady’s hand and sometimes he rests the forehead to the bed

At first they thought he was just trying to calm down

Doctor now swears he actually passed out multiple times

Ravus has a poor management of emotions, please comprehend him

When they were born, Ravus refused to hold them because he’s shaking too much

He only looked at them in total shock and when they offered he carried them, he just tried, burst out crying, handed them back and he had to go a long way between crying, exiting for a breath, walking around, crying a bit once more and taking another breath before he was capable of trying again.

Which was good, that gave time for the babies to be with biological mommy (that’s so necessary post birth omg the poor creatures are terrified and need their mom)

Wow I thought I had nothing to say, I’m a deep way into this and the babies are just being born

I hope you’re not bored, anon

Ravus just gives me so many feels, Papa!Ravus skyrockets them.

When he finally held them, he didn’t let go in hours.

He only  let go when the doctor requested it and explained they needed to be looked after just to  make sure it’s all fine.

All the time he held them Ravus was super quiet and he looked between serious and sad, but wasn’t crying anymore.

The next few months, Ravus is switching all his attention (that doesn’t interfere with the most important king duties to attend) between attending the babies and the lady.

Ofc they ain’t married and she’s not gonna be there after she heals, but if she needs recovery that’s bc of pregnancy and she did it so Ravus could have his baby girls,and pregnancy isn’t easy in any moment so he’s in debt with her

That’s a gentleman doing things right, people, attending and being properly grateful

You learn from him

King Noctis sent Ignis and lady Iris his way; Ignis can attend minor royal duties for him and Iris can look after either the babies or the lady.

Not like Ravus doesn’t have his own advisor and attendants, but a little extra help never harms

He’s a king but he’s also a human being being dad for the first time YOU LET HIM TAKE THE CROWN OFF FOR A MOMENT, OKAY!? >:(

Once the lady recovers, he’s dedicated that time for his babies.

You should have seen this man preparing the room for his babies

He was a bossy mess of “BUT WHY THIS TONE OF GREEN, I ASKED EMERALD NOT GRASS THEY’LL BE MY PRINCESSESS THEY DESERVE A PRETTIER GREEN >:(”

“BUT WHY IS THIS CRIB SO FAR FROM THE OTHER- you know what never mind get rid of these cribs I WANT A DOUBLE SIZE DONE, these are TWINS, they HAVE to be together, WHAT WAS I THINKING”

“OHMYGOD I KNOW I HAVE TO BE IN COUNCIL RIGHT NOW BUT IF I LET THE PAINT DRY OUT THEN THIS TONE OF PURPLE WILL BE DIFFERENT TO THAT TONE OF PURPLE, DO YOU WANT THIS ROOM TO NOT BE PERFECTLY SYMMETRICAL!?”

“what if they don’t like green”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT’S PRETTY LIKE THIS, NO, THIS BLOODY PAINT WHAT WAS I THINKING I NEED AN ARTIST I CAN’T DO IT MYSELF”

“what was I thinking this is beautiful but has no emotion”

“WHY DID YOU BRING ME THIS SHADE OF WHITE, IT’S LIKE CLOUDS AND I ASKED PEARL”

“Ravus, you’ve painted this five times already”

“I NEED IT TO BE PERFECT >:’‘‘(”

He still can’t handle his emotions.

But don’t worry this happened long before the babies had to occupy the room so all paint is dry

They stayed there a few hours

then ravus grew paranoid and had their crib be taken to his room

all this effort just so he ended up with them in his room

Ravus is randomly waking up in the middle of the night to check on them, even when they don’t cry

He likes to spend a lot of time just staring at them

Both have his shade of grey on the little locks of hair on their heads

Ravus likes to stare because each time he finds something like a birthmark, the way or direction the hair grows, the shape of eyelashes, little tics, etc

Besides, like in the original post, he’s philosophied so much on the meaning of ‘daughter’ and ‘twins’ that he’s marveled by their presence, and it’s a strange concept and he loves it

Ravus is scared of learning to change diapers

It’s his Magitek arm

He doesn’t want to accidentally hurt neither of them

At first he tried learning with only an arm

He grew frustrated

Look at how adorable of a dad this man is:

Ravus is going to wear a wool glove on his Magitek hand so that it’s soft and warm to the touch for baby girls

He’s grateful for attendants and nannies because having a baby is very time consuming and he has TWO newborns, and he’s in charge of an entire kingdom, but really he wants to learn all that a normal dad and mom learn and spend time with them.

That’s why he’s changing diapers even though in theory he doesn’t even need to

Little girls won’t allow anybody that isn’t Ravus to bathe them.

They’ll complain and cry if somebody tries, and Ravus has to go hold them and do it himself.

Ravus likes to bathe them at the same time, so they spend time together and that way he’s not taking the eyes off neither of them

Baby girls are spending the while together, but really their main focus is given all to Ravus

They’re staring and giggling and making grabby hands at him all the time while he’s bathing them instead of playing together

Ravus isn’t what you call ‘Playful’, so he’s not playing with them; he’s just taking a motherly care of them and worrying

Whenever they make grabby hands at him or seem impatient, Ravus caresses their cheek very tenderly and lovingly, and they either burst giggling or make a baby soundof agreement/pleasure

Ravus is mostly blank faced even now with his kids

Except now it isn’t “I am angry at you, him, her, they, us, it and myself and I hate the world” kind of blank face, but rather “I am calm, a bit worried, quiet”, looking almost sort of naive, even.

Ravus takes his time bathing them.

He’s scared of accidentally hurting or dropping or any accident happening

He’s the silently-paranoid kind of dad

Sometimes baby girls like to splash water on each other; Ravus smiles every time

The babies are a lot like papa, and they aren’t a hyperactive mess, even though they do laugh and giggle and like to play around

When they started crawling, Ravus started crawling with them

He didn’t think about it, he was just sat on the floor with them, and suddenly a baby girl pulled herself on hands and knees and started crawling

Ravus was SO AMAZED

It was like a kid discovering a fairy; he’s all *GASPS* WOAAH .A. and so without thinking he starts crawling after her/at her side, staring as she crawls

Baby girl #2 got inspired by her sister and papa and started crawling too

“*GAAASP .A.”

Please don’t open the door,there’s a .o. faced Ravus crawling after a pair of babies

Ravus likes to put bows on their heads; Baby girl #1 always wears silver ribbons and Baby girl #2 always wears purple ones

Ravus isn’t fan of dressing them the same clothes because he doesn’t want to confuse them

“Why do people do that, anyway? Why do they enjoy suffering finding out ho is who?”

“Ravus, you can identify which girl is which when they’re only in diaper”

“Yes, but what if I see them from afar and can’t tell which is which?”

“Ravus, it’s just cute that they dress the same.”

“It’s ridiculous. Each is an independent and strong baby, each should have her own style.”

“…Ravus they’re seven months old.”

Still, Ravus just doesn’t see the point in dressing them the same

He does, however, enjoy dressing them in something that matches but isn’t the same

Like same design of dress, but different colors

Or one wears Mickey the other is Minnie (can I have Disney in FFXV pls)

Ravus wanted to be the one in charge of teaching them to walk.

The man got extra soft foam mats especifically for this task

If they’re gonna fall, they better land somewhere extra soft

Ravus spends hours just teaching them

He’s incredibly patient, you wouldn’t believe it

Whenenver one of the girls gets to walk some steps, he’ll receive her in arms and cuddle her for some moments, giving encouraging phrases, and then he’ll continue trying so they improve

Even after they master their walking, he’s going to stay there still “teaching them” just for the hugs

The three love them, dammit

Ravus lived a tough military life so he’s not playful, but he tries to have fun with the girls

If they wanna poke him, he’ll let them; if they want to make him laugh, he’ll chuckle; if they want him to chase them, he will..he’s not going to be roaring and making dramatic faces, but he wlil chase after them because he knows they’re having fun

Ravus, his own way, is sort of having fun too

Baby girls are yelping out and giggling when he’s after them

He stays quiet but smiles and chuckles at times

Omg you should see these girls when they think it’s safe, and suddenly Ravus appears by the corner

“AH!!!! AHAHAHHAHAHAHA! o(≧▽≦)o”

Ravus is just there like (˙︶˙)

Baby girls team up to “attack” him

Ravus always let them win

Ravus can hear and sense them when they’re hiding behind something or under something, but he won’t say a thing.

He’ll even get in a vulnerable spot and position on purpose, so that they can jump onto him.

“Oh! Oh no, you have got me! Oh, no, you are so strong, I cannot stand back up. Oh, no. The pain. I surrender; I surrender, my princesses.”

Ravus is a bad actor

But baby girls don’t know that and they’re SUPER PROUD OF THEMSELVES AND THEIR SISTER OMFG THEY WON AGAINST DADDY! ( ´ ▽ ` )

Baby Girl #1 likes to chew on his ear when he’s down there being attacked.

Baby girl #2 likes to smack his back

Baby girls, ever since they were tiny, like to takea cloth and rub on papa’s Magitek arm for some reason

They want it to be SHINY 

Ravus let them

Ravus was very wary of letting them nearby his arm, but he’s picked them up with it, has changed diapers, bathes them, and he figures he’s got no reasons to worry; it’s metal, but it’s his arm, after all, so he controls it and he would never do any harm to his babies

The babies may be quiet like papa, but they’re still incredibly curious

They’re trying to grab everything

Ravus used to be a paranoid mess

He got used very quickly to the girls’ constant attempts of grabbing everything that he’s mastered the technique Catch Them Without Looking

Baby girls trying to take the sword, he’s calmly taking it and putting it away

baby girls are trying to undo the belts of his boots, he’s reaching down to put them away

Baby girl #1 is trying to grab a glass and Baby #2 tries to grab a coin, Ravus keeps talking with Accordo’s first secretary without taking his eyes off her and grabs both babies without moving from his chair.

Baby girls like to play with his hair

Baby girls, when they grow to like 4 or so, start refusing to sleep until Papa goes say goodnight

Baby Girls call him “Dadvus” for quite a long while

Ravus isn’t sure who gave them the idea, but he’ll find them and probably smack and thank them at the same time

Ravus thinks art is very necessary in life, especially as a child, so he’s taking them to so many orchestra concerts and plays and dance performances.

Baby girls love it and always are a mess of clapping and cheering

Baby girls are performing their own dances in their room

Sometimes Ravus joins

Usually he just has to stand there and move the arms a little while baby girls dance around them

Lunafreya says it’s like a daemonic ritual and they’re sacrificing him to the gods

Ravus is also trying to get them into literature

He’s bought so many children book, he could make a library out of them

He does, actually

He gets an unimportant small room of the palace and asks it be turned into a library for his kids

As ages go it turns into the girls’ safe heaven

Every time Ravus knows one of them is sad, he’ll go to the little library and she’ll probably be there

Ravus is the best at comforting

Ravus understands pain very well, so he understands that it’s not about  making them laugh; he’ll sit with them or lie at their side (Girl #2 particularly does lie on the floor when she’s sad) and he’ll just stay in absolute silence all the time

Usually baby girls end up crying and climbing onto him or snuggling at his side

That’s when Ravus hugs and kisses their head, but still says nothing

Curiously, it’s that he never asks what’s wrong and only offers his company what makes the sisters grow confident and trusty enough to tell him without being asked

Ravus likes reading to them when they still don’t know how to

He’ll sit with both on his lap and the book in front of the three, so he reads and teaches them like that

Ravus won’t skip the page if a baby girl insists she reads it until she gets it just fine

Ravus can spend an hour in the same page just to let them stare at the drawings and repeat the same words

(sometimes they get so excited they read an entire sentence they’ll repeat it over and over)

Ravus sits at a side of their bed (the girls still want to share bed) to read them bedtime stories

When they were like 5 they asked him to do it but lie in bed with them

Ravus doesn’t get the point of holding a book above his face , it’s tiring

He’s not complaining just because each twin is snuggled to each of his sides

Sometimes Ravus doesn’t bring a book; he’ll just lie in bed and tell them stories

At first he was telling them stories he had heard or learned or that he remembered (maybe sometimes altering a few facts, bc it may be too explicit)

He soon starts inventing his own stories

Papa Ravus has more than once fallen asleep there telling them stories

The twins’ even breath, so calm and peaceeful, and both so warm snuggled at their sides, it’s very soothing and he just…falls asleep

If King Ravus isn’t in his bed at morning, he’ll be at the girls’

Ravus has FAR MORE THAN JUST ONCE

as in SO MANY MORE TIMES

SO MANY TIMES

woken up with rainbows and other things drawn on his face

Seems like it’s a genetic thing bc baby girls are showing themselves to be early wakers, except they’re still kids so they wake up even EARLIER than Ravus himself

Thank the gods Ravus always showers before starting the day or he’d have….

….well it DID happen twice or three times, in his lazy days, that he went to have breakfast before showering

He’s got moogles drawn on his face

He’s going through the hallways of the palace greeting everyone, with moogles drawn on his face

Speaking of moogles, the girls love them

SO MUCH

It’s from the days Iris spent as temporary helper in the Fleuret palace, and once the babies were crying so much but they weren’t hungry or sleepy or dirty, so the only thing Iris thought about was to give them a moogle plush toy

Ever since then, the girls want EVERYTHING moogle themed

The room is moogle themed; walls and bedsheets and plush toys and their old onesies and their pajamas

Ravus has sworn to Lunafreya he will burn the room as soon as they grow tired of it

“Why do you hate moogles?”

“I don’t have them. But they are obsessed. I’m getting tired of seeing so many moogles.”

Ravus once held a moogle plush in hands and glared at it

“…of course it had to be. My curse, set by an Amicitia. Bloody Amicitias.”

Ravus had to agree once to dressing like a moogle mascot for his kids during winter celebrations

How can anybody say no to those sparkly, huge, beautiful grey eyes?

Ravus is not going to repeat that

He would have, if Lunafreya hadn’t taken photos of him

King Noctis has been sending him moogle memes ever since that day

Speaking of eyes

Each baby girl already claimed one of their father’s eyes

Ohmygod that sounds so creepy 

Baby girl #1 says that the silver eye is hers, and Baby girl #2 says purple one is hers

(see what I did, it’s like the colors of their bows)

The girls aren’t allowed to touch the eye that isn’t their own

Because Ravus lets them touch his eyes

They are obsessed

“They are so pretty, papa, you don’t understand(」°ロ°)」”

Little girls are following Ravus everywhere, in a line, like ducks or chocobos

Ravus is mama hen

He’s going places and the twins walk in a line behind him

Whenever Ravus turns to face them, they’ll just look up at him and smile and say nothing

Ravus won’t question them

Ravus is letting them walk into the Council room and everywhere else except the bathroom

As they grow and Ravus starts attending his king duties with the time they require, baby girls start following him even more

Sometimes when they are “playing” (Ravus still plays in his strange style) and Ravus is called somewhere else, the twins will tackle or throw themselves to him screaming “NOOOOO” and try to stop him

It always worked when they were tiny, they landed on him and he was thrown on the ground helpless, right?

Nope ahahaha

Ravus is standing up with the girls hanging from him and going where he’s needed

There’s king Ravus, with a girl hugged to his back and the other hanging from his magitek arm

They’re biting him

Ravus is so strong and big he can just grab them by the back of their shirt or dress like they’re lion pups and put them down and away

Baby girls are waiting outside the council or throne room, sat in the hallway, arms crossed and refusing to leave until papa comes out

They’ll leave if Ravus, before or during or after his duties, gives them The Stare

It’s not mean or aggresive, it’s just a stare with a slight raise of the eyebrows and a slight tilt of the head that says “Baby girls, this is not right and I ask you to be good, please.”

Baby girls usually understand and stand up and behave really good with the nannies and allow them to walk them back to their room or the little library or the gardens while papa does his stuff

Ravus was put through such a harsh training and education when he was taken by Niflheim that he’s grown very wary and a bit terrified of nagging, and that’s why he sounds so soft with his girls

As in, he doesn’t like raising his voice at them or frowning or nagging them as normal

He’s trying to raise them in a way so that he can have soft but firm conversations and interactions with them so they don’t grow too pampered but also so he doesn’t have to raise his voice at them or anything

He’s just….so affected after Niflheim, that when he raises the voice just a notch at them and he sees their big and innocent eyes, he feels like he’s torturing them or something and he doesn’t want to be the bad guy :(

Ravus is raising them the “let’s express our feelings” way

“Clean your room, please” instead of “Look at this disaster”, “It’s time we go; say goodbye” instead of “how long are you going to make me wait?”, “Do not leave my side, okay?” instead of “where do you think you’re going?”, “Listen to me, please” instead of “I’m talking to you”, etc.

You thought Lunafreya could make a big change in his personality?

Pfft. She ain’t gotten nothing compared to his daughters.

The girls like to cling from his legs

There goes king Ravus through the hallways of the palace, with a girl hugged to each of his legs

Ravus is very strong and they weight nothing, so sometimes he literally forgets he’s got these pair hugged to his legs

He once walked into an important reunion with Niflheim’s Chancellor (a good one now that everything is peace, fight me) forgetting the girls were clinging to his legs

Remember how Ravus is grateful for nannies and such but wants to learn all that other dads and moms learn too?

Ravus asked Lunafreya to teach him to braid hair

The girls behave a lot like fairy tale princesses so they like to wear pretty hairstyles, and Lunafreya’s attendants or Luna herself always comb their hair as they want

Well Ravus wants to do it too

It feels important

Ravus was actually very slow at learning

It was already rather difficult on him, a Magitek hand isn’t much help

Ravus is practicing with a wig, and the hair sometimes gets stuck between the articulations of his metal arm

The poor thing isn’t giving up

He wants to be able to do this for his daughters

Ravus is going to practice every single day :’)

It took five months  before Ravus dared try on Lunafreya

Ravus is the slowest person to braid hair

THE SLOWEST

He’s still scared of causing any harm and he’s nervous, so he’s doing it very slow

Luna’s neck and back hurt after sitting wtill and tense for so long but she’ll say nothing on it

Ravus has self-esteem but after Niflheim it’s incredibly fragile, so he needs this confidence

It takes him another 5 months of practicing with Lunafreya before he dares try with his daughters

King Ravus is always late to his duties from then on

“What were you occupied with, your Majesty?”

“My daughters wanted a double braid.”

His daughters are more important than his kingdom most days FIGHT HIM

During royal balls, Ravus will always ask his daughters for a dance

He carries both and dances with both at the same time a song, and then he’s dancing with each one individually

It’s super adorable

He does that ever since they were babies and couldn’t even speak yet

When they were babies, Ravus would carry them and dance himself

When they grow and can walk no troubles, it’s even more adorable because Ravus has to bend down (unless the girls ask him to pick them up)

Giant Ravus bent down and reaching the hands down so baby girl can take them and they can dance

Ravus was very moody when they started going to school outside the palace

“How can you all trust your child’s education to absolute strangers?”

Ravus, that’s….that’s your Tenebraean people, you should trust these teachers

Ravus never had anything against school until his daughters started going

Don’t worry he’ll grow used to it

Ravus is secretly sending undercover guards to make sure the girls make it safe to school and back

Like they don’t already have the man that picks them up

Ravus has tried going himself but #KingDuties

“Fuck being a king ヽ(`⌒´メ)ノ“

“RAVUS! Language D:”

“…gently fuck being a king.”

Don’t worry he doesn’t really hate it, he just gets moody lapses

Little girls still enjoy wearing their bows

Ravus now can braid their hair and decorate it with bows

He actually enjoys doing that

It’s very relaxing and he spends time with his daughters, so

He’s fan number 1 of braiding their hair

He lets them braid his hair

He’s letting them put bows on it, too

Whenever he’s in front of the media, Ravus is going to ask each of his daughters if she wants to stay 

All the flashes, so many people, and all that noise can be overwhelming, so he’s not forcing them to stay if they don’t wanna

(I stole that from Britney Spears,omg, that’s a good mother)

Ravus is going to watch all the kid movies that the girls want to watch

Ravus will agree to dressing as the prince or hero of the movie for them

King Ravus is enemy number one to King Noctis on the social sites of internet during Night of All Saints (All Hallow’s Evening equivalent of Eos that I just impprovised); who’s got the best costumes, the Lucian king and his companions, or king Ravus, his sister and the little girls?

It’s almost always a draw

The girls behave like fairy tale princesses

Fairy tale princesses that love playing in mud

Some of Ravus’ clothes have had to be thrown because the girls always rush to hug him when they see him and sometimes they’re covered in so much mud, Ravus’ usual white clothing gets eternally stained

The only thing Ravus isn’t willing to do is cut their nails

He gets very nervous

Perhaps it’s a subconscious reminder; Niflheim gadgets, torture tools, all the weapons he saw, etc., so it just makes him very nervous to get something that he knows works to cut nearby his daughters

Ravus and his liking for art and how important he considers it to be lead him to teach music to his daughters

Except it’s been so long since he last had any music lessons himself

Niflheim and a war got in the way so

He’s re-learning with them

Ravus used to play cello, but he hates the sounds he’s making now due to his metal arm on the strings and the different sound it cause

So he’sp icking up flute

Metal against metal too makes sound, but what maters is what comes out of the air not the fingers

this isn’t an excuse for flute player moon raccoon to force flute onto one of its fave characters

Twin girls are picking Viola and Cello duo

Twin girls team up to still attack Ravus

Ravus now is showing “resistance”

Really he’s not fighting, just catching them beforre they land on him

Ravus will teach the girls into self-defense arts and the use of rapiers

Twin girls are going to grow becoming AMAZING fighters

Another thing similar to original post happens:

“Papa, can we get our own Magitek arm when we grow up, too? (ノ*°▽°*)“

“No.”

“〣( ºΔº )〣  BUT WHY ＼(º □ º l|l)/“

On their ninth birthday, Lunafreya gifted the twins one of those necklaces that splits in three parts.

The twins didn’t even need to ask, they ran to go gift the third part to Ravus

Ravus expressed later on to Luna that he would have wished it had been four parts because “you’re my family too, and theirs.”

Lunafreya explained that she knows and that nothing can change that, but there’s something very particular and special in the father-to-daughters bond, she wanted them to have something that’s only theirs

Ravus is going to wear it, along Lunafreya’s childhood moon necklace, every single day until the very same day that he dies

Ravus likes to sit at the gardens at night with both his daughters just to talk about anything and everything

He likes sitting among the flowers, not on benches

The three also enjoy of the silence of the gardens.

No matter how busy he is, Ravus will always go say bye and wish his daughters a good day at school before they have to leave

No matter how busy he is, Ravus will always go wish them goodnight

If Ravus can, he will move appointments or duties to later in the evening just so he can have lunch with the girls

Ravus will allow the kids to “camp” at the gardens

He’s also secretly placing a guard for the night to watch on them

“Papa, we want a chocobo :)”

Ravus wil get the damn chocobo no matter if he has to go to Lucis himself

Ravus will ‘scare’ the kids that he thinks are mean to his daughters

Really he just needs to stand there and frown a bit to said kids for them to run away

There’s not another kind of kiss that Ravus loves more than forehead kisses for his daughters

Each morning, each  night, he’ll kiss each their foreheads

He also likes to caress their hair as he does, or when they’re asleep

Even when they’re grown and in separate beds, Ravus sometimes still wakes up in the middle of the night to go check on them

He always tucks them in if they’re uncovered, and give a kiss to their heads

His girls are truly a blessing to him, he still can’t understand how he deserves this happiness and these precious girls, so he may be a bit overprotective and a bit “exaggerated” about loving them.

Ravus sometimes gets poetic with them about it

He has expressed to them about how he “loves them so much, I get frustrated because all the years of my life will not be enough to demonstrate it as you deserve, but if this is the only life I have got to do it, I will dedicate it entirely to you.”

He doesn’t mean that he’s going to gift them every second of his existance, just that everything he does will be done dedicated to them, thinking about them

Which, as consequence, drives Ravus to become a much better person of himself each day, and helps him to be the best version of himself :)

Aaah! Now that was quite a post! ( ´ ▽ ` )

I hope you liked it anon, I put lots of love and time in here so I hope some of that love is visible in there ♡ ～(‘▽^人)

Tell me if you liked it? ヽ(・∀・)ﾉ

[twixremix]

for the ship ask meme bc wynaut: perryshmirtz, voxman

pshmirtz!!!!

• when or if I started shipping it: oH LORD, it was 2008 after i watched “it’s about time.” i remember my 6th grade ass standin in front of the tv in disbelief at how perfect & supportive they are for each other. and then i started editing with them shortly after on my old channel • my thoughts: i could say so much about what these characters mean to me but to avoid getting too sappy on a friday evening, i just want to remind everyone that they’RE COMIN’ BACK NEXT YEARRRR• What makes me happy about them: perry saves heinz daily, both physically from danger and mentally from his trauma/thoughts/loneliness. all 4 seasons do an amazing job handling their bond and how they’re just two dads raising norm and vanessa while also being nemeses on the job• What makes me sad about them: NO HUG???• things done in art/fic that annoys me: a large majority of my art/fic friends came from the pnf fandom so this might just be my bias (it’s just the truth actually) but everything is perfectoooo• things I look for in art/fic: fluff & hurt/comfort are the bees knees• Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: sterry• My happily ever after for them: huge shout out to my guys dwampy for making it canon that they both work together at owca and go on cool adventures. what did we ever do to deserve this blessing• what is their favorite non-sexual activity: @muffdash reminded me (& the rest of tumblr) how much i cherish perryshmirtz naps so that’s gonna be my final answer. p.s. check out muffdash’s art if u havent already

voxman

• when or if I started shipping it: like 2 or 3 days agO UH• my thoughts: i’m so sold on this ship!!!! please god, ian jq, let them go on a date• What makes me happy about them: 2 evil single dads, purple and green combo, one’s small and round and the other is tall and going through his myspace phase. could it get any better???• What makes me sad about them: fink better not be in love with venomous or else we’re gonna have a real problem up in here. also please lord let venomous not be an extremely occasional character to the show, i want to see more of this ship asap• things done in art/fic that annoys me: i’ve only been in this pub for less than a week so i don’t think i have any thing that “annoys” me, everything’s been rly cute so far• things I look for in art/fic: this is a call to action... there are no fics yet as far as i know so please donate to this charity if you can. • Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: no• My happily ever after for them: i mean, i guess dating would be a good first step. and then moving towards jointly conquering the world• what is their favorite non-sexual activity: fighting heroes togetherrr

thank you, home dawg, for sendin’ me the goooooood ships 👌👌👌

[witchofdoom]

can i have 14 for auralia, 1 for chi and can i also like drop the bomb completely and do 8 for ama

Them in an uncomfortable outfit

P a n t s. (God what’s up w/ my ocs and hating pants)

It feels weird having fabric just. SURROUNDING her legs and making it so hard to shift vs like a dress or skirt. Pants in general just feel super restricting too?? Since ~under the sea~ clothing isn’t really a thing since it just gets wet so the more fabric the worse it is minus on the arms. But even then she doesn’t like the longer sleeves either? Mostly tight ones just....get off my skin blease.

Them as a child

I LOVE THAT U SENT THIS FOR HER AFTER I GOT IT FOR AMA JUST....THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE END OF THE SAME BAD HOUSE.....

Chi has always been a go getter, even without the guise of her parents she loves the praise and competition. Not as stoic as she is as a teen/adult tho she would be enthusiastic about new things and learning and just planning so many things for the future...

She was definitely a model student and someone a lot of people looked up and went to for help. She was a bit cold to people but more in the sense of just being blunt with her words. Tho maybe that added to her ~Cool and Collected Senpai~ vibe

But of course with the ever so much a piece of shit bad dad her enthusiasm turned more into doing it for the sake of doing it/being a chore? Like she still liked the praise, still liked pushing herself, still liked learning but when only the best of the best was expected of you it just became....annoying. But she would never dare to say that or go against wishes of her parents because they were her family they were her guardians they were the ones who taught her and raised her they were in the right!!! Right? And. TERRIBLE AS IT IS seeing Ama be more compromised with what their dad wants kind of placed a fear in her to not falter...

Weird thing to mention after that but she enjoyed sports a lot too!! She was in track in her middle school years + some stuff on the side for fun and joined her high school’s gal basketball team when she moved. Ofc she left this behind for the sake of LAW but she’s always been athletic as a kiddo.

Their interactions with their significant other(s), if they have them

Holy shit I. THIS IS REVENGE FOR MY ASK H U H. Alright this is gonna be a long one...

Maybe not rly super on topic but? To start off this long train of rambling to say that. Ama sees Meti as a knight in shining armor is an understatement??? Like even saying he’s that AND her prince charming is not even close to how much he means to her like....in the weirdest of wording he’s just her snuggle bunny....like he’s him and she loves him and u ever think abt someone u love so much u cry that’s her 24/7 probably.

EARLY ON in their relationship/knowing each other in general was?? Awkward. You got shouty mcfight guy and I’m crying on the inside anxiety incarnate but it oddly??? Worked out?? Like maybe it was because shared interests??? Maybe it was how opposite their personalities were they ended up balancing each other out??? Or just how strange their first meeting was??? Maybe how (even if the methods weren’t. SOMETHING SHE CONDONED) she kinda admired people who didn’t take shit or confident??? or even something more!! (Or. something that needs to be specified/worked on more since it was like 6 years ago and stuff changed om g) But it was basically just these two, honestly very broken people coming together to create something new and fix all the cracks in each other along the way, despite neither of them really knowing that they were there to begin with? Or how deep the damages were.

LIKE AS MENTIONED BEFORE Ama was. Not a very social person?? And failed with the interactions that came with it pretty often like hell their first meeting she was probably quiet for 75% of it....And hell even as friends she was super quiet but like she cares for ppl so much it still kinda showed just from her expressions and actions and the few words she DID say. Quiet mom friend. She liked being around him a lot??? Like ofc she enjoyed the company of the rest of the friend group but just....even the simplest of things they did together?? The stupidest of conversations (or i/g early on more like him rambling since...tfw super quiet and also the added fear of not knowing a language 100% and accent) and just him (u kno when he wasn’t. KINDA PUTTING HIMSELF IN DANGER) made her heart go doki doki....Despite her denying and denying like no wtf ur horrible u don’t DESERVE to have friends or even a crush :/// thinking that like he’s gonna like u back smfh :////

After knowing him (+ friends) for a bit she did become a little bit more open?? Like in the friend way tho like she still hid her issues like hell. It was like before where she was empathetic to everyone and stuff just a little more friendly...still like ummmm EVEN IF THEY LIKE U NOBODY (meti) WOULD EVER LOVE U. She did kinda hold back bc of that just umm u wanna lose a FRIEND too u fuck???? (This. Stupid summer child.....u fool....) Once they got together tho she was actually kinda?? The same as before but instead of ummm it was more like AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA///

I think this came?? A little bit after getting together but weird thing w/ Ama is that the closer u are to her the more she’ll actually speak up about things? Like her concern for you grows and she’ll put more of her own issues to stop u from doing fuck shit. So like she was still super caring and sweet but then the Mom Friend Attitude(tm) got mixed in a bit with that since. GESTURES TO METI, WHO FOUGHT PEOPLE JUST BECAUSE. And that probably kinda. opened pantrauma’s box of hell after a while of ‘ur gonna get hurt stop!!!’ just.....‘SOME PEOPLE??? FIGHT PEOPLE TO COPE???’ ‘wait what are u coping for-’ like that kinda showed that?? They trust each other enough to actually talk about this stuff despite not really realizing that?? Like...maybe not the root of the issues but maybe the mentality that lead to it and the start of healing for him?? Like she’s always been empathetic but it was something really new to just....see someone she cared about so much be like this and just wanting to help him....THO SHE HERSELF WAS STILL KINDA CLOSED OFF ABOUT HER OWN ISSUES AND TRIED TO HIDE THEM SINCE SHE DIDN'T WANT HIM TO WORRY AMA WHY...LIKE THIS IS STILL A THING EVEN IF WAY LESS...that sweet sweet abuse trauma I guess. She gets better with later years tho like with her feelings and even trauma at least but u h sweats at the medical issues that’s another story //horrayplz

Tries to....stay more vague tho bc this is getting long but like for the majority/still now she’s always been kinda dotting?? Like maybe not in a mom way now bc that’s weird but like in a spouse kinda way where she just wants him to be happy and safe and she def has gotten way better with speaking and is way more open about her concerns/feelings for him?? Like again with the balancing thing sorta she’s there to hold things back to make sure they don’t explode vs him who protects and maybe has things blow up just a little bit so it’s not brushed under the rug when something upsets her and will cause issues since she’s still super passive to things...But like her concerns come from nothing but a good place and just absolute pure love for him?

Also in terms of like affections she does like. Hold back a bit despite REALLY LOVING IT?? Like tbh it’s kinda rare for her to initiate stuff besides like hugs/hand holding/leaning against him and sometimes cuddling?? Morning/Goodbye/Goodnight kisses are smthing she’s more okay with doing too since it’s just quick and sweet and u don’t usually give a second thought to those....Even then she’s still so easily embarrassed like Ama blease you’ve been together for 6 years and in main verse ur married!!! Also god just in general she just....likes being near him or sitting next to him or laying against him and all that good stuff like her cheeks still kinda go redder than usual (bc fun fact!!! Ama’s cheeks are actually naturally rosy.) but it helps her relax and she feels so safe...HENCE THE WHOLE KNIGHT THING AT THE BEGINNING....

tl;dr bc god knows ppl need it: Ama just....loves Meti a lot. She cares about him so much and it’s a case of these two broken and lost people finding each other in such a cruel world and coming together to help fix each other while making something new along the way. She feels safe with him, she feels at home with him, she feels happy with him. He’s not her knight in shining armor, he’s not her prince charming, he’s not even her soul mate....he’s so much more than that he’s her snuggle bunny.