#beard has issues!!!!!! He’s so dependent on ted!!! He loves ted!

[coachbeards]

imagine telling your boyfriend that you don’t trust his boy best friend and you don’t like how close they are and then you find out he still hangs out with him and also wears a little apron to cook him and his son breakfast 💀

[antitheticallyargumentative]

what do you think about ted lasso being mainly viewed through ted’s perspective? in short glimpses like jamie’s pov in lust conquers all and beard after hours, we can feel the tone shift and i wonder how the tone and themes of the show would adjust to an entire season with the absence of ted?

ooh, okay! i love meta. this is a really interesting question.

i think, personally, that the main reason ted lasso was such a comedy was because it was through Ted's POV, and Ted is a guy who has basically superglued rose-coloured glasses over his own eyes. Sure, we got serious topics brought up and sad moments, and I actually really enjoyed the way they were able to do that while still keeping it a comedy show. BUT. I think that without Ted as the pov character, there would be an opportunity for the show to get a bit more grit under its nails. It does have to go full serious. I don't think it should, honestly. Part of what makes it so amazing is the humour, and all the characters are quite funny in their own right, even without Ted. I just think that Ted as a character was so laser focused on forcing himself to be positive and happy, that he was truly horrible at handling conflict and actually letting problems and emotions process and all that. So without him, I could see the show drifting a little more towards exploring those deeper issues of mental health in sports, and letting characters actually struggle realistically for longer than a single episode arc, because that did seem to be an interest of the writers. Even if they didn't always... handle it great. Or maybe that's just what I'm interested in, but.... oh well.

It also depends on who they pick as a new POV character. Because I show through Roy's eyes versus Keeley's eyes versus Beard's eyes versus Rebecca's eyes, etc (you catch my drift) all look very different.

(I could also maybe see it becoming more of the football show since Roy, an actual footballer, would be the manager, so more focus on the actual sport would be possible.)

[theheroheart]

Ted Lasso predictions

Ok so I was gonna write this before season 3 started, but then the internet lied to me about exactly WHEN that would be, so now episode 1 is out, and I haven't written it, so I am showing SOME INCREDIBLY RESTRAINT in writing this now, before I watch.

I have a bajillion thoughts, and I want to write them down so I can go either "I told you so" or "wow I was way off base", depending.

Okay let's go.

The biggest question I struggle the most with is whether Ted/Rebecca will be a thing.

The show has consistently built them up as soulmates, showing us the connection between the two. I could point to a million moments of foreshadowing. Jason has called them soulmates. But will that be romantic? I would honestly love it either way. I'd love to see the two of them romantically together, but I'd also love for some a big influential show to keep them platonic and show that that's how they are.

What I do know more or less for sure, is that come 1/3 into episode 11, there will be some big revelation between Rebecca and Ted, in Ted's office. This one has been foreshadowed SO heavily.

And it just seems like they both have had all of the character development to be ready to be together. Rebecca saying she needs to let herself be loved by someone wonderful - but she wasn't able to with Sam so now she's still trying to figure out why. And Ted of course dealing with his emotions and his problems, making him a much healthier partner to be with.

The main thing that stops me from thinking it'll be a thing is that I don't think Ted will stay in London. He needs to go back to Henry.

I already thought that, but couldn't necessarily point to something big, but then Brendan mentioned in an interview something about how Beard has immersed himself in local culture, while Ted hasn't. Which yeah - he's barely changed a single thing in his apartment, or his clothing style, while Beard clearly has. Ted isn't making a long-time home, it's like he's living in a motel.

Also references to Wizard of Oz and the red shoes. "There's no place like home." to mirror "I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore" in the pilot. (Rebecca is shown with the red shoes. Does that mean she'll come with Ted?)

Nate saying "back to Kansas, where you belong, with your son" and it clearly hits Ted. The phone call where Henry forgot his lunch, and Ted looked devastated to be ocean away. Whatever happens, Ted needs to be with his son, he needs to be a better dad than his own dad was.

I think/hope we'll see Ted's mom. There's only minor things that have told me that might be happening, but nonetheless. Ted making a point of "and my mom" whenever he talked about his dad's suicide. Ted saying "I love meeting people's moms." And there's some filming pics that shows an older lady with him, with a suitcase.

As for Roy/Keeley, I feel like they're gonna break up. There's a lot of build-up to it. The issues between them. Ms Bowen. Jamie still being in love with her. The question is whether it's gonna be forever or not. I have a vague feeling they're the kind of people who come into each other's lives to make each other better - that they're transitional. They both very much needed to date someone like the other one. But that doesn't mean they're destined to be together forever. Could go either way though. We'll see.

And it depends on what they decide to do with Jamie, which I actually don't necessarily have any predictions for. I've loved seeing his himbo development. And I find it deeply interesting how much Ted thinks about him, how he seems to feature in Ted's panic attacks.

And what are they gonna do about Nate? Well, obviously Ted isn't giving up on him. I've read a lovely post about how it's not going to be one big redemption, and I agree. I think Nate has to crawl himself out of the hole he's dug himself (emotionally), and I hope he does that. I hope it takes effort, but I hope he makes it. Whatever his flaws, he does deserve happiness, and deserves a chance to be a better person.

I also think the show is finally gonna dig into homophobia in football. AT LEAST I PRAY. I've been wanting this for so long, and obviously the show is pro-queerness.

So, how? Trent Crimm doing something more meaningful. He's heavily implied to be gay (based on that one pub scene), and he cares about sports, and he cares about major issues. (Everyone and their mum has predicted he'll write a book about the team or about Ted.)

There's also Colin, implied slightly subtler to be gay. ("Like Grindr.") Plus on red carpet a week ago, his actor implied love would be in his future, and he also said something about getting a storyline you can sink your teeth into, and about Colin living his best life. I already thought this might be a thing, but the interview kind of confirmed it.

What about Dr Sharon? Not sure what role she has to play, if it's important or not. Is she involved in the whole gay thing? Does she go work for Rupert? Who knows trtbh.

Also apparently we're getting a new player called Zava, who Dani adores. How will this play? No idea but I'm excited to see.

Sam? Well, he's got the restaurant plot. Making a safe space for his team, because that's what he needed when he got there. It kind of sounds like that's his main plot this season. (I don't think him and Rebecca are getting back together.) Is the restaurant called "Ola's"? That's supposedly the name of an episode, and it's a Nigerian name, so.

There's a new character named Jack. She's described as a charming venture capitalist, so I assume she wants to work with Keeley. The fact she's charming and played by a queer actress makes me think Keeley is gonna dip her toes back into the lady pool, or at least be tempted to.

OH!! And for the love of god, please give us a fucking musical episode. Almost everyone in this show can sing, for fuck's sake.

Uhhhh I think that's it. I can't think of anything more off the top of my head, or looking at the character list and such.

SO NOW I'M GONNA GO WATCH THE FUCKING EPISODE.

[hacash]

you can't say that about the team's relationship with nate vs nate's relationship with the team and not expand!

Ok yes let's do this

So first off, the Beard vs Richmond Himbos discussion: I think it's obvious that Beard does like Nate and get along with him in S1 (he called him a good kid and they hang out in the Diamond Dogs, etc.) However, it feels like a lot of that relationship is dependant on Ted - you know how you can have a trio of friends who only seem to hang out because of that one connecting friend? And with Ted withdrawing in s2, the Beard/Nate relationship seems to have thinned out. A lot of people have noticed that while Beard has noticed Nate's sliding behaviour over s2, he's never actually asked what on earth's going on; he doesn't seem concerned that Nate's behaviour might be part of a larger problem. Nate and Beard's friendship seems to function as a part of the Diamond Dogs, or the Beard-Ted-Nate trio - I think before Nate's slide Beard clearly likes Nate, but they're not exactly close.

The Richmond boys, however, clearly adore Nate.

@kalinara pointed out on another post that Colin doesn't reluctantly forgive Nate for his words in Headspace, he does it enthusiastically; and once he does, the entire team piles in with the group hug. They present him with that lovely but ultimately misjudged Wonder Kid jersey on the same day (two days after the match - they really must have wanted to celebrate Nate's success!), so clearly there are no lingering hurt feelings there. In Make Rebecca Great Again we see Colin and Isaac encouraging Nate to party with them in the karaoke bar, and when Nate is nervous about delivering that infamous pep talk before the game at Liverpool, the entire team sense that nervousness and encourage him. The joy they take in celebrating Nate's promotion in the S1 finale is self-evident. And for all that different folks in fandom take Nate's 'inspirational insults' in different ways, to me the reactions from the lads towards the pep talk and the 'I sat you down at the Tottenham match' jibe seem to me to be very, very approving. The lads like it when Nate snarks along with them. They love him.

However.

The show's not touched on it yet - and might never do so, although I hope they do - but I think the boys' affection for Nate does carry with it a slightly clumsy thoughtlessness. (Which I'm not saying means they're acting awfully - but these are Premier League footballers whose status is akin to those of minor gods; they're good hearted, but it makes sense they'd occasionally be a little clumsy with how they treat other people.)

I've rambled before about the fact that it's notable that we've never seen a single Richmond player apologise to Nate for the events of s1, where (with the exception of Roy and Sam) we repeatedly see the teammates either messing with Nate or laughing in encouragement. Jamie apologises to the entire team but not Nate, and while Colin and Isaac lay off him, they don't admit any wrong-doing: they explicitly say it's because they don't want to get another pasting from Roy. And considering the show is so conscientious about showing apologies when they're needed, I can't help wonder if that was done deliberately, and that it's being saved up for some big emotional moment in s3.

Because I can imagine the lads on the team thinking that everything's fine, they get along with Nate now, all's well that ends well, and no hard feelings, right? But that's almost coming from a place of privilege, because I can also imagine that it must still be an issue for Nate. As an audience we fell in love with the himbos in season 2 and so we would automatically think that Nate should love them as much as we love them...but that’s forgetting how much hassle got at the beginning of s1 (and presumably prior to s1), from some of our Richmond faves no less! So I can imagine that how the team as a whole sees their friendship with Nate must be a hell of a lot less complicated than how Nate sees his relationship with the team.

For someone in Nate's shoes - who we see in s1 genuinely pleading Colin to let go when he's got him in a headlock, and asking Colin and Isaac to 'get him twice' rather than screwing with him at the gala - things like that would fester. I don't know what it's like to deal with long-term workplace bullying, but I can imagine that to go from that level of harassment to that level of friendship without even an acknowledgement that past behaviour was wrong must needle you. It must be galling. And we've all noted by now that of all the players to pick on and take down a peg, Nate ends up zeroing in on Colin. Because Colin's canonically insecure and an easy win, yes - but let's be honest, in a horrible sort of way it must have felt good to see Colin flinch from those words, when this was the guy who used to regularly hassle him up in the locker room.

The little snippets of Nate with the team (the celebration of his promotion, the night out at karaoke) suggest he does have affection for them - at least until his ego wins out at the end of s2. I think he does like them. But I think there must also be some lingering, galling resentment that all that bullying happened and was then just swept under the rug; even if the boys don't realise it's even still a problem. And I think that no matter what happens redemption-arc-wise with Nate, that lingering resentment is going to impact Nate's relationship with the Richmond players until everyone sits down and hashes everything out once and for all.

[keanuquotes]

HOW MUCH IS A PINT OF MILK?

Empire (UK), October 1995

He's the bodacious star of the Bill & Ted films, the hunksome hero of Speed and a romantic GI in the forthcoming A Walk In The Clouds, but does Keanu Reeves know his fresh from his powdered?

by Jeff Dawson

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE NAKED IN THE OPEN AIR? Do balconies count?

DEPENDS WHETHER IT'S GOT AN AWNING... I guess it was a long time ago. I can't remember.

SKINNY-DIPPING? Nope, not even skinny-dipping.

CAN YOU ALWAYS GET A TABLE WHEN YOU GO TO A RESTAURANT? No, it's a drag. I might even have to do Speed 2 so I can. People will say to me, "Why did you do Speed 2?" And I'll reply, "So I can get a good table in a restaurant in LA."

WHAT'S YOUR IDEA OF ROMANCE? Well, there are so many, aren't there? Romance is giving joy to someone you love, and giving them something you know they love as well. A moment's gesture, giving your love, giving your feeling. The romance is the specialness of the moment and the event and the gesture.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE TV PROGRAMME? I once saw a documentary by Brunowski, The Ascent Of Man, which was beautiful.

WHAT ELSE? Monty Python.

IS IT TRUE YOU DON'T HAVE A HOME BUT JUST LIVE IN HOTELS? I've been in Los Angeles for about 11 years and I've just been working and travelling so I haven't had time to find a new place.

SO YOU'RE ALWAYS ON THE MOVE? Yeah, but it's not like the Bohemian Gypsy thing - "I need to be free, I don't want any roots." Well, okay, there is some of that going on.

DO HOTEL STAFF WIND YOU UP? Only in Europe. At a hotel in London many moons ago, when I was doing Dangerous Liaisons, I walked in at 1:30 in the morning. I'd been visiting some friends and was probably smelling a bit of the pub, and this man puts his arm on me and says (affects English accent), "Excuse me, sir, are you staying in the hotel? Can I see your key?" So I show him my key. Then I get in the elevator and this girl asks me if I want to party. She was a prostitute. I just thought that was funny. They're trying to kick me out, but I get in the elevator and there's a prostitute in there.

CAN YOU LIVE OUT OF A SUITCASE? Yeah, when I went to Minnesota for the film Feeling Minnesota, I just had one bag. I'm getting very good at it.

WHAT DO YOU ALWAYS TAKE WITH YOU? Seven T-shirts, seven pairs of socks, seven underwears, three pairs of pants, one suit and a jacket. Running shoes, my hat, boots, and a couple of books.

WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING AT THE MOMENT? I just got back into fiction. I hadn't been reading fiction for a long time. And I just read this great book called The Mysterious William Shakespeare, concerning the authorship issue.

SO WAS IT SHAKESPEARE OR SOMEONE ELSE? It's not Shakespeare, man. Edward De Vere, the 17th Earl Of Oxford, he's the author of the plays.

I HEARD IT WAS FRANCIS BACON? No no no no no. Not Bacon. Not Marlowe.

WHEN YOU PLAYED HAMLET IN CANADA, DID YOU GET TO WEAR TIGHTS? And the codpiece, the old codpiece. Got to wear the big cod with the studs, cause I'm a prince, hahaha.

IS GOD A MAN WITH A BIG WHITE BEARD? No.

WHY ON EARTH DO SO MANY ACTORS FORM BANDS THESE DAYS? Johnny Depp's got one but he started in rock 'n' roll. I hear Brad Pitt has one, and Kevin Bacon's in a band with his brother. My band, Dogstar, just got back from Tokyo. I play bass, we do it for kicks.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE SANDWICH? I have a couple: a toasted baguette with peanut butter and apricot jam with really cold white wine. Mmmmm. Philadelphia steak sandwich is really good. Oh, and a really good Italian sausage sandwich. But then you can't beat toasted Swiss and tomato with a little mustard on. Ooooooh, or Black forest ham with German black bread. Oh my god, and coleslaw and Swiss cheese with Russian dressing.

SO YOU'RE A MAN WHO LIKES A BIT OF MEAT? Hey, there's a tomato in there, c'mon.

DO YOU DO YOUR OWN SHOPPING? Yes.

HOW MUCH IS A PINT OF MILK? I don't know. I haven't done it for a long time.

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A CARRY ON FILM? Yes.

WHICH ONE? They were in Africa.

CARRY ON UP THE JUNGLE? Yes.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE JOKE? Hahahaha. It's not my favourite, but I heard a good joke recently. I don't come across jokes often.

WHAT WAS IT? Little Red Riding Hood was about to go to her granny's house and her mother says, "Here, take this gun, in case the big bad wolf comes to eat yer." So she's walking to her granny's house and the big bad wolf jumps out in front of her and says, "Show me your titties." And Little Red Riding Hood pulls out her gun and says, "No, motherfucker, you're going to eat me just like the story goes..."

[wiremagazine]

A CHAT WITH TED ALLEN: THE 18TH ANNUAL FOOD NETWORK & COOKING CHANNEL SOUTH BEACH WINE & FOOD FESTIVAL, LIFE ON TV, FOOD, COOKING & MORE

By Rafa Carvajal 

Many Wire Magazine readers will remember Emmy-award winning author and television personality Ted Allen as the food and wine specialist on the very popular television series Queer Eye For The Straight Guy. Ted is the host of three shows on Food Network, including the long-running hit series Chopped, the guide to classic foods across America Best. Ever, and the competition for amateurs All-Star Academy. Ted was also a judge on the first four seasons of Bravo's Top Chef and Food Network's Iron Chef America. 

Besides his TV career, Ted also works with several charitable organizations, including the James Beard Foundation. He hosted the Taste America fundraising event in Miami back in 2013, as well as the 2014 Beard Awards at Lincoln Center. This year will be Ted's seventh as spokesperson for Dining Out For Life, an annual national fundraiser in which restaurants across the U.S. that donate a portion of their proceeds to HIV/AIDS service groups – raising more than $4 million in a single day. He also supports the Point Foundation, Share Our Strength/No Kid Hungry, the Food Bank for New York City, and the Washington D.C. Central Kitchen, and serves on the Food Council for City Harvest, which rescues unused products from New York restaurants and provides them to families in need. Ted lives in Brooklyn with his husband, interior designer Barry Rice. 

Ted's academic credentials include an M.A. in journalism from New York University, with an advanced certificate in the school's Science and Environmental Reporting Program, and a B.A. in psychology from Purdue University.

Ted Allen will be coming to Miami for the 18th annual Food Network & Cooking Channel South Beach Wine & Food Festival (SOBEWFF) to join 400 celebrity chefs, culinary personalities, winemakers and spirits producers. He will be hosting the Art of Tiki Cocktail Showdown on Friday, February 22 at 10 p.m., which is presented by Bacardi Rums. Visit sobewff.org to purchase tickets for this event and all other SOBEWFF events. This year's Festival will take place February 20-24, 2019, and will include over 100 events spanning Miami-Dade, Broward and Palm Beach counties. "With a variety of new offerings and the return of the specially-curated CRAVE Greater Fort Lauderdale Series, the 18th annual edition of the Festival is our most robust event line up yet," explained SOBEWFF founder and director Lee Brian Schrager. To date, the five-day Festival has raised more than $28 million in support of its mission to "EAT. DRINK. EDUCATE."

Wire Magazine sat down with Ted Allen to talk about his career and preview this year's SOBEWFF.

Rafa Carvajal: Why did you decide to pursue a career in the culinary industry? Ted Allen: I've loved cooking since I was a kid, but never got farther professionally than washing dishes in a French bistro, and making baked potatoes and fries at Ponderosa. In my early 30s, I got a job as an editor at Chicago magazine, which, like most city magazines, devoted a great deal of attention to the city's restaurants. Reading that coverage taught me a lot, and, eventually, I joined the critics' team myself. I find it so, so interesting to think honestly and critically about whether a chef is delivering what he or she is promising, whether it's the finest of fine dining, or a hamburger. 

RC: Why did you choose to go into television media as part of your culinary career? TA: After Chicago magazine, while still based in that great city, I got a contract as a writer for Esquire. When you're working for an NYC-based magazine and you don't live in NYC, it's a good idea to get face time with the boss whenever you can. Meanwhile, I had heard about a casting call for this Queer Eye show, and thought, what the hell? I remember the first day of the casting sessions, in a steamy conference room on 7th Ave., near Madison Square Garden. Lots of recognizable gay faces were in that room. I also remember the moment Carson walked into the room in a blousy pirate shirt, hibiscus-printed linen pants and Gucci slides. He threw his duffel on the conference table and announced, "I think it's hilarious that any of you bitches think you're gonna get my part." He wasn't wrong. We later learned that Carson and I were the first two people chosen for the pilot. We went on to shoot either 99 or 100 episodes, depending on who you ask. And we won an Emmy! 

RC: How did your background as a journalist/writer prepare you for your TV hosting jobs? TA: Journalism is a lot like teaching, which is what we did on Queer Eye. As far as doing TV, I had zero experience, other than appearing on Chicago news shows to promote the magazine. The great thing about my job is that I'm really not performing. I'm just being my dorky self. 

RC: What are you most looking forward to during the South Beach Wine & Food Festival? TA: I don't hate the weather, have to admit – it's 26 degrees outside my window right now. The beach, tasty food, getting to hang with other Food Network folks, and to hang with fans, is always fun. 

RC: What is it like hosting three shows on Food Network and what do you enjoy the most about doing so? TA: The best thing about my job is the tight relationships I have with my fellow Chopped cast members, and with other Food Network pros like Sunny Anderson and Jeff Mauro. We've worked together for a long, long time now. We really enjoy each other's' company – which is a good thing; our shooting days are about 12 hours long. That's one episode. 

RC: What was it like being a judge on Food Network's Iron Chef America? TA: That is a job I would definitely recommend! You have spectacular chefs, who are given only one mystery ingredient, never anything gross, and who also have two sous chefs assisting them. Then, they make five courses or so, all of it kept nice and hot. Such creativity and excitement – and then, you have to make an often-difficult decision about which chef's career arc is about to dramatically improve. I loved it. 

RC: How did being the food and wine specialist on the Queer Eye help pave the way for your continued career on television? TA: Well, QE made me well-known enough for Food Network and Top Chef to want me as a judge; I became a regular on both shows. I like to say that every job I've ever had was necessary for the job I have now – it's really true. I don't write the scripts, but I edit them every morning. I interview the chefs much more than you see in the final edit. Along with the judges, I'm explaining cooking techniques and ingredients to the audience. It's not exactly journalism, but working as a journalist is where I learned to do all of those things. 

RC: What did you enjoy the most about being on Queer Eye? TA: I have never laughed so hard in my life as I did when we were shooting QE – much of it from material far too filthy to be usable in the show, or even printed in a magazine! I love those bastards. 

RC: You'll be hosting a tiki-inspired cocktail competition at SOBEWFF. What's your favorite cocktail to enjoy while sitting on a sandy beach? TA: I like simple drinks. Say, Tanqueray, on the rocks with lime and a high-quality tonic. 

RC: Tell our readers about your two cookbooks, The Food You Want to Eat: 100 Smart, Simple Recipes, and In My Kitchen: 100 Recipes and Discoveries for Passionate Cooks. TA: They're both about approachable cooking, using tons of herbs and good olive oil, roasting meats, a little slow-and-low barbecue, some nice cocktails and great sweets. My husband, Barry Rice, developed the dessert sections! 

RC: What motivated you to write them and what was the most fun part of writing a cookbook? TA: For me, writing a cookbook is telling a story about a distinct period in your life, via the food that excited you then – it's a tremendously fun thing to build. It's also really hard – a ton of work – and it's really tough on kitchens, especially dishwashers. The most fun part is when you finally get a copy of it into your hot little hands.

RC: Why is Dining Out For Life such an important cause to help people with HIV/AIDS and what is your involvement with this national fundraiser? TA: DOFL is such a win/win/win for me. Most important, it raises funds for HIV/AIDS organizations right in your own city. It also encourages people to try a new restaurant, which is great for my friends in chef's coats. And it gives regular people who are living busy lives a chance to make a meaningful contribution to the fight, just by doing something you'd have to do anyway – have dinner. 

RC: What advice would you give to a young person thinking about going into a career in the culinary industry and having dreams of being on television someday? TA: Mainly that you shouldn't get into cooking because you want to be on TV; very, very few people ever get the opportunity to do that (and we're very grateful). You should cook because you love cooking, because you have something to say with food, a talent to share with the dining public. 

RC: Is there anything else you would like to share with Wire Magazine's readers? TA: Yes. Come see us at SOBEWFF! 

This was originally published in Wire Magazine Issue 3.2019

[keanuquotes]

Empire (UK), October 1995

HOW MUCH IS A PINT OF MILK?

He's the bodacious star of the Bill & Ted films, the hunksome hero of Speedand a romantic GI in the forthcoming A Walk In The Clouds, but does Keanu Reeves know his fresh from his powdered?

by Jeff Dawson

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE NAKED IN THE OPEN AIR? Do balconies count?

DEPENDS WHETHER IT'S GOT AN AWNING... I guess it was a long time ago. I can't remember.

SKINNY-DIPPING? Nope, not even skinny-dipping.

CAN YOU ALWAYS GET A TABLE WHEN YOU GO TO A RESTAURANT? No, it's a drag. I might even have to do Speed 2 so I can. People will say to me, "Why did you do Speed 2?" And I'll reply, "So I can get a good table in a restaurant in LA."

WHAT'S YOUR IDEA OF ROMANCE? Well, there are so many, aren't there? Romance is giving joy to someone you love, and giving them something you know they love as well. A moment's gesture, giving your love, giving your feeling. The romance is the specialness of the moment and the event and the gesture.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE TV PROGRAMME? I once saw a documentary by Brunowski, The Ascent Of Man, which was beautiful.

WHAT ELSE? Monty Python.

IS IT TRUE YOU DON'T HAVE A HOME BUT JUST LIVE IN HOTELS? I've been in Los Angeles for about 11 years and I've just been working and travelling so I haven't had time to find a new place.

SO YOU'RE ALWAYS ON THE MOVE? Yeah, but it's not like the Bohemian Gypsy thing - "I need to be free, I don't want any roots." Well, okay, there is some of that going on.

DO HOTEL STAFF WIND YOU UP? Only in Europe. At a hotel in London many moons ago, when I was doing Dangerous Liaisons, I walked in at 1:30 in the morning. I'd been visiting some friends and was probably smelling a bit of the pub, and this man puts his arm on me and says (affects English accent), "Excuse me, sir, are you staying in the hotel? Can I see your key?" So I show him my key. Then I get in the elevator and this girl asks me if I want to party. She was a prostitute. I just thought that was funny. They're trying to kick me out, but I get in the elevator and there's a prostitute in there.

CAN YOU LIVE OUT OF A SUITCASE? Yeah, when I went to Minnesota for the film Feeling Minnesota, I just had one bag. I'm getting very good at it.

WHAT DO YOU ALWAYS TAKE WITH YOU? Seven T-shirts, seven pairs of socks, seven underwears, three pairs of pants, one suit and a jacket. Running shoes, my hat, boots, and a couple of books.

WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING AT THE MOMENT? I just got back into fiction. I hadn't been reading fiction for a long time. And I just read this great book called The Mysterious William Shakespeare, concerning the authorship issue.

SO WAS IT SHAKESPEARE OR SOMEONE ELSE? It's not Shakespeare, man. Edward De Vere, the 17th Earl Of Oxford, he's the author of the plays.

I HEARD IT WAS FRANCIS BACON? No no no no no. Not Bacon. Not Marlowe.

WHEN YOU PLAYED HAMLET IN CANADA, DID YOU GET TO WEAR TIGHTS? And the codpiece, the old codpiece. Got to wear the big cod with the studs, cause I'm a prince, hahaha.

IS GOD A MAN WITH A BIG WHITE BEARD? No.

WHY ON EARTH DO SO MANY ACTORS FORM BANDS THESE DAYS? Johnny Depp's got one but he started in rock 'n' roll. I hear Brad Pitt has one, and Kevin Bacon's in a band with his brother. My band, Dogstar, just got back from Tokyo. I play bass, we do it for kicks.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE SANDWICH? I have a couple: a toasted baguette with peanut butter and apricot jam with really cold white wine. Mmmmm. Philadelphia steak sandwich is really good. Oh, and a really good Italian sausage sandwich. But then you can't beat toasted Swiss and tomato with a little mustard on. Ooooooh, or Black forest ham with German black bread. Oh my god, and coleslaw and Swiss cheese with Russian dressing.

SO YOU'RE A MAN WHO LIKES A BIT OF MEAT? Hey, there's a tomato in there, c'mon.

DO YOU DO YOUR OWN SHOPPING? Yes.

HOW MUCH IS A PINT OF MILK? I don't know. I haven't done it for a long time.

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A CARRY ON FILM? Yes.

WHICH ONE? They were in Africa.

CARRY ON UP THE JUNGLE? Yes.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE JOKE? Hahahaha. It's not my favourite, but I heard a good joke recently. I don't come across jokes often.

WHAT WAS IT? Little Red Riding Hood was about to go to her granny's house and her mother says, "Here, take this gun, in case the big bad wolf comes to eat yer." So she's walking to her granny's house and the big bad wolf jumps out in front of her and says, "Show me your titties." And Little Red Riding Hood pulls out her gun and says, "No, motherfucker, you're going to eat me just like the story goes..."