#because I've always made this little mental connection between them because of their prose

[eppysboys]

A letter from Stuart Sutcliffe to his young sister Pauline, describing the early days of The Beatles’ experience in Hamburg.

Dear Pauline,

I didn't really expect to have to write a letter 'a ma petite soeure' but I find myself about 800 miles from home, with a letter from you in my pocket and the prospect of replying to it. I hope you don't mind if its a bit ragged, but I'm trying anyway.

It's about 5.30pm at the moment on a cold, very bleak October Saturday. Rory Storm is on the stage doing his act. I'm afraid he hasn't fooled anybody here and he must be very frustrated by the cheers which greet us most of our numbers! We have improved a thousand fold since our arrival and Allan Williams who is here at the moment, tells me that there is no band in Liverpool to touch us.

We have signed new contracts ??? the 31st of December, and we are supposed to be going to Berlin on the 7th of January, I don't know how long for but it will probably be about a month, so you won't see me till about Feburary - if then.

While writing, my mind is filled with the letters I will shortly have to write, one to my mother and one to my father. This will be the difficult one, particularly as I have made no contact with him for over a year and in view of my, what must seem to him, imbecile choice of coming to Hamburg.

As far as the latest records go we are completely out of touch, and such numbers as 'So Sad', 'Walk Don't Run', 'Nine Times out of Ten' etc are completely foreign to us except for a bastardised version of 'Walk Don't Run' which the Hurricanes do we haven't a clue. We assume that their version is distorted after listening to their 'Aparche', which we have made popular here. Allan leaves on Monday and I will try and get him to take O Sole Mio home for you, depending on whether he leaves late or early, as I have sent my copy to ???. I shall probably give him these letters to take home as well. The 'Hurricanes' have just done 'Shakin all over' another number which we have made popular. Our biggest numbers being 'What'd I say', 'Tutti Frutti', 'Long Tall Sally', 'Lucille', 'Sweet Little 16', 'Johnny B Goode', '3 Steps to Heaven' and quite a few more. All the singers have lost their voices at one time or another except Paul, at the moment George is out of action, but hopes to be singing again soon.

As far as girls go, they are many but none of us can be bothered, we all have one girl which we speak to, apart from that we don't have anything to do with them, for your curiousity I enclose a photo of a girl called Ca??? who has fallen for me, this is unfortunate as I can't be bothered much, she has a very striking face and figure but speaks no English. So that she is out of the question, her age is 17.

The Elvis L.P will be in the Jacaranda and you will be able to collect it whenever you like. Any other records ??? will be in the care of John's girlfriend.

Our time here is spent between bed, work and the resturaunt where we eat, except for occasional excursions to town for any odds and ends that we need. During the last few weeks I've been reading furiously, from the ??? to François Mauriac, which I found in a second hand book shop and bought for 50???. I've also read 'Lolita' from which the film is being made and which has caused so much discussion, unfortunately I think the book has little literary merit.

Of the love I send, give a fair proportion to Joyce and my mother, and if my father is home him too.

Lots of love,

Stuart xxxx

[nihilnovisubsole]

Hey man, do you have any advice for describing body movement? I remember your Crowley and Agent 47 (using them as examples that stand out) both had very expressive and true-to-character body language, and I've honestly been killing myself for the past 2 weeks trying to figure out your style, but I either focus on the wrong body parts or choose wrong words - what do you consider to be focal points in mannerisms.. or maybe words/phrases to think about when describing a character's body language?

sorry to hijack your question, anon, but a quick order of business: i’ve noticed something about how i’ve been receiving asks lately. i only tend to get them directly after i post/reblog stuff, like people aren’t sure whether i’m around or don’t want to bother me [which some of them have said outright]. don’t worry about it! trust me, i lurk on tumblr all day. i’ll see it. i’m grateful for the distraction. just because i don’t hate writing doesn’t mean i don’t love to procrastinate.

anyway, body language. i think, without having seen your writing, you’re probably being too hard on yourself. if you’re for-real-for-real using my writing as a style reference, i’m very flattered. if you message me off anon, i’d be happy to chat about it. let’s also not rule out that my style might just be nonsense and you’re struggling to figure it out because it’s, well, nonsense. let’s not forget we’re human here.

but in general, it’s an inexact science - like many things with writing, you kind of just have to feel it out. i don’t follow any body language rules that i don’t make myself follow with the rest of my narration, too. “stay in active voice,” “stay in third-person objective as much as you can,” and “use a verb only once per scene unless you’re really struggling.”

if finding focal points on a character’s body helps you, let’s look at it that way. which body part is changing? what were they holding still, but are now moving? which part of their face is communicating their expression the most? i notice that people emote a lot in their eyebrows, which may be where eyes get their reputation for being “windows to the soul.” some people talk with their hands or interact a lot with the furniture around them. some people are more self-contained.

more importantly, what do you notice? what do you like to think about? your sense of human observation is what will make your writing yours. do you find yourself paying attention to people’s hands a lot? or maybe their posture? you’re not doing it wrong if you’re not doing it exactly like me.

if you want some more detailed thoughts, i’ve included one of my usual tl;drs below the cut. these are less a direct answer to your question and more ideas i have about writing body language in general.

1. acting helps

if you’re writing a character that somebody has portrayed onscreen, you’ll have a big advantage when you try to write how they move. skilled actors are able to give their characters a distinct physical presence, and it’s all just sitting there for you to study and work from.

this is the big reason i like modeling my characters on famous people. i mean, well, mainly i just love movies and daydreaming about what filmed versions of my stories would be like. but when you have that base, you can look up videos of them and analyze everything from their physical habits to the cadence of their voice. how do they sit? what kind of roles have they performed well in? certain people just fit into a time period or aesthetic like a glove. i was completely lost with marcus until i made the connection between him and henry rollins, and then it all fell into place. that stiff, over-disciplined posture and tamped-down nervous energy were perfect for a career military man with a lot of inner turmoil.

in crowley’s case, david tennant is a very physical actor. anyone who writes good omens fic has a treasure trove of lanky, rubbery body language to work with. [aziraphale, my favorite, is kind of the underdog here. i love michael sheen’s performance, but aziraphale’s whole thing is restraint, so i guess crowley ends up being the one who jumps off the page.] on the opposite end, agent 47 is extraordinarily still, with bursts of extraordinary brutality done with extraordinary precision. where crowley is swooshy, 47 is about no wasted movements. his body is wired to be a predator even when he’s off the job. i know it’s weird to compare a video game character to a live actor, but i assume 47 was mocapped, so just… bear with me.

once i have that frame of reference - or i don’t, and i have to come up with my own - i start to act out the character myself. i’ve talked about this before: i feel more comfortable writing a character when i can “embody” them, imitating their body language as i read their dialogue. i must look pretty eccentric when i do it, but it works.

P.S: of course you don’t have to limit yourself to trained actors. you can just as easily reach into your personal life. a lot of authors get incredible results from going back to their mother, or a friend, or some tragic first love.

2. simple, but specific verbs

i’ve heard that a lot of creative writing teachers find their students are timid about the strength of verbs. they’ll bend over backwards to “soften the blow” with gerunds or other unnecessary clutter because they’re not confident that they’ve chosen the right one. “he was sitting on the stump and starting to carefully carve a bar of soap when she came over and he pressed a kiss to her hand.” that kind of thing. my preference is, own it. choose a good verb and leave it naked. let it speak for itself. be declarative. be more forceful in your personality. fight. WIN!

for the record, i’m not averse to using a thesaurus. i think they get a bad rap because of writers who shoehorn in SAT words to make themselves sound more intelligent. did your character walk across the room, or did they pace? did they stroll? did they stride? did they lope? did they run, or dash, or scamper, or bolt? they all feel different, don’t they?

counterpoint: some people add flourishes to their body language so that you’ll really linger on the feature in question. the first thing that comes to mind is romance, where they want you to think long and hard about, i don’t know, the hidden strength in the love interest’s folded hands. this is… i feel… a matter of artistic discretion. it’s not my thing - i prefer to describe more neutrally - but many people love it. it’s something my producers at voltage lovingly bap me on the head about, because lovestruck games are all about zesty High Romance™ and i always wish i could play it down with my plain, unromantic prose. i used to rail away about it in other people’s work. now? whatever. i’m not here to judge you. writing is hard.

3. on the other hand, don’t be afraid to get colorful

if, in the process of writing, you discover some quirky figurative twist that nails dead-on what you’re envisioning, i say go for it. especially if you’re not trying to be wholly detached as a narrator. if i tell you a character “scooted across the bed like a seal,” it gives you a pretty clear mental image, doesn’t it?

if you have a distinctive voice - and i’m sure you do - i think these are the times where you, the writer, as a character are really going to come out. the reason we keep coming back to, say, mark twain is because nobody “prose talks” quite like he did. whether you like it or dislike it, it’s unique.

full disclosure: this is a potent spice, so you may want to use it in moderation. the most fanciful comparisons may work better in comedy, when you have a little more room to be out-there. my mother defines humor as “associating two unlike things in a way that highlights the absurdity of how similar they actually are.” it may not be a coincidence that a curious case of miracles and death and orchids are less serious stories, so i felt comfortable being sillier with my figurative language, and that may have made crowley and 47 seem more expressive. YMMV!

[only-1-a]

The Saddest Thing I've Ever Plotted

In which everything is terrible and only goes from bad to worse. I've thought about this too long and hard to not share it. Lots of triggers including death, suicidal ideation and downward mental/emotional spiralling. I'm too lazy to actually write this, but I figured it had been long enough now that I could share this character study on Alec and Jace if Magnus hadn't made it out if the Institute before the Sword was activated. Long purple prose ahead. 

 To start, what if Magnus didn't make it out in time? What if Alec is running all through the Institute, and then at the far end of the hall upstairs he sees someone familiar collapsed on the floor. He runs over and he honestly doesn't know if he's thinking or saying "Nonononononononono" up until he reached Magnus. He can feel himself panicking, and his chest hurts. He's not even sure if he's breathing. Without thinking, he grabs Magnus' shoulder, hoping that Magnus will flinch, turn over, open his eyes, ANYTHING! Instead, Alec turns Magnus over, and he doesn't even need to feel Magnus' pulse to know Magnus died in that blast. What makes it all worse is looking down and seeing Madzie lying dead beside them. This little girl who shouldn't have been involved in this at all. This little girl who saved him twice. Magnus was on top of her which can only mean Magnus was trying to shield her. And what for? Now they're both dead, and Alec can only curl himself around them. 

 He doesn't know how long he's up there. Raj comes up, and stops short seeing Alec running his fingers through Magnus Bane's hair, and his other hand resting over the eyes of a little girl who can't be more than ten. He came up here looking for more Shadowhunters to help with clean up as well as to take count of the dead. That's all any of them are doing, and there's so many dead, Raj has honestly lost count. He hadn't liked Magnus Bane. He had been upset the Warlock had interrupted his three way line up. He didn't like that he was a Warlock. He didn't like the way he left glitter everywhere and always seemed to be around. But Alec. Alec looked at Magnus like he hung the stars. Alec looked happier than Raj had ever seen him, and if anyone deserved happiness it was the eldest Lightwood. Alec probably loved the Warlock, as much as that went against all their training. And now the High Warlock of Brooklyn Magnus Bane was obviously dead and what could he possibly say to Alec? He certainly couldn't ask Alec to help in the search and count. So he just squeezes Alec's shoulder and says "I'm sorry Alec." Alec doesn't reply, but Raj has to ask, because he knows the Lightwoods. "Do you want me to tell Jace and Izzy where you are?" Alec flinches at that, as if the words bring him back to a reality where Magnus Bane is no longer alive. "Tell them I'm okay." Raj nods and walks away. 

Eventually they find Alec. Eventually Alec has to let go. Eventually a tall woman with blue skin, long braided hair, nurse's scrubs and tears in her eyes comes, and takes the mantle of High Warlock as well as Magnus' and Madzie's bodies. 

Life goes on. Alec is struggling to remember his parabatai is not to blame. Jace is struggling to believe the same thing, so Alec has to say it enough for the both of them. "It's not your fault. You aren't to blame." It doesn't help that they can feel each other's hurts. Jace can feel Alec's loss, it feels like he's been gutted. Alec can feel Jace's guilt at all the lives that ended because of him. He can feel Jace's guilt for killing Alec's first great love, and their pain only feeds greater pain in each other. 

 You ready for more?~ (general trigger warnings ahoy) Alec and Jace already both struggle with self harm and suicidal ideation. Alec already jumped from the ledge once. All eyes are on him in particular, while he's in mourning. Warning signs and red flags that were easy to ignore before are suddenly much more obvious. When Alec trains too hard, past the point of hurting himself, someone whispers. When Alec throws himself recklessly at a demon, without a weapon, someone writes a report and can't look him in the eye. When Alec almost gets himself and an entire team killed in a Rogue Vampire den, whether it was an accident, or not, Alec's emotional state is considered dangerous. This time when Victor tells Alec he should have a psych evaluation, he isn't suggesting, and Alec doesn't have a choice. 

 As is to be expected, Alec fails spectacularly. Alec isn't the first Shadowhunter to deal with loss poorly though. Alec isn't the first Shadowhunter to hurt himself after the death of a loved one. Some soldiers break. So they sedate him, and Robert and Maryse pull some strings to get their son the best help they can. They know he can get over this. Maybe not right away, but he will heal. They keep him close to the Institute. They have him go to healers and therapists. Jace and Izzy stay as close to him as they can, even while struggling with their own hurts (addiction, withdrawal, heart ache, guilt). 

No one thought to look at Jace's actions, until they saw what became of his parabatai. When Victor said they should keep an eye on Jace too, they only thought Victor didn't know Jace the way the rest of them did. Jace had always been a flirt, sleeping around was just in his nature. Jace had always headed into battle head first. Jace had always been an orphan so why should finding out he had no family affect him so much? But suddenly Jace's actions look familiar to those who had seen Alec locked up. Jace's rash behaviour in battle looks like the terrifying suicide mission it is. Jace sleeping around looks like he's trying to hurt himself, physically or emotionally or both. Everything he does is suddenly painfully obviously a punishment. As if by hurting himself he can atone for all the loss he caused. As if he could ever make up for hurting his brother the way he did. Everyone sees it and no one can tell where these self harming tendencies begin and end. There is one way to find out though.

 There's so much pain, and it can only be feeding back into itself in a constant feedback loop between them where their souls connect. If they can just stop that, then maybe both Jace and Alec will have a chance to heal, and come back together. It's left up to the Lightwood parents to tell their sons. 

Maryse goes to Alec in his quiet healing room they rarely let Alec out of. It's nice for a cell. Maryse tells Alec they're worried about how much longer than average it's taking for him to recover. She tells him that mourning Magnus Bane would be one thing, but this is starting to affect how people think of the Lightwood name. She tells him all the things she doesn't want to say because she has never been good at being soft, and her son has always been good at being hard on himself as a motivator. None of this gets through though. So she tells him the truth. She tells him there's concern that him and Jace are negatively affecting each other's emotions through their bond. She tells him about the destructive behaviours Jace has started displaying. She doesn't need to elaborate, because Alec can read between the lines. 

She tells him they want to put a temporary block on the bond so that they can isolate and eliminate these destructive feelings, tendencies, behaviours, all of it. That gets the first violent reaction out of Alec since they began his treatment what feels like forever ago. He screams, he refuses, he begs "Nononononono, I'll get better. I promise I'll do better and I'll be good in no time. Anything but that. You can't just cut us off. I promise I'll get better." Maryse hates herself a little for making her proud and strong son crumble like this. 

She hates herself more for what she says next. "You're only hurting Jace. It's only temporary. You'll get better, but you need to protect Jace while you do that. It's only temporary." She keeps repeating that as she holds her son tight and he shakes and shakes and shakes, and he says no until his breathing finally evens out and he says he'll do it for Jace. 

 Robert goes to Jace who is training as if he could somehow undo the past if only he could be better. Nevermind that he hasn't been better since they locked his parabatai up "for his own safety". Robert gets straight to the point. Robert tells Jace they need to put a temporary block on their parabatai bond so they can stop either him or Alec from hurting themselves. Robert knows Jace isn't oblivious to what everyone has been saying about him. 

Jace has never been good at withholding his emotions, especially not when he's angry, and oh he is furious. He shouts. He screams. He swears. At one point Clary tried to come close to calm him down. Izzy had to pull her back when it looked like Jace might take his anger out on her instead. They can't do this! They can't! They're parabatai! They can't block their bond! They keep each other sane and in check through their bond! Jace spits out every reason he can think of. Robert tries to remain patient throughout. He's seen Alec take on the brunt of Jace's anger a hundred times. It's been said to be part of what made Jace and Alec such a good team. He's seen Alec patiently wait for Jace to finish lashing out, before the two of them seamlessly come back together again. Rarely with soft words, but always with worlds of patience that Robert can't seem to emulate even as he repeats again and again "It's only temporary."  

Robert snaps eventually. "It isn't a choice!" And it's not. For all the warning Jace and Alec are getting, neither actually has a choice. The block will be put in place. Jace will calm down without Alec's self harming. Or Alec will mourn properly and the healers can help Jace with his destructive tendencies. Whichever it is, there is no choice in the matter for either of them. "You're only hurting each other with your bond. The parabatai bond is supposed to make you both better. Not drag you both down like this." 

Jace doesn't know what to say about that. He hadn't...he hadn't thought that maybe his emotions had been keeping Alec from recovering. Now he hates himself, and he doesn't accept. He'll never accept them blocking his and Alec's bond, but he does negotiate more time by Alec's side. If they can't feel each other's souls then he at least needs to see Alec and to have Alec know he's okay too. The block is put on their bond and it's not like Alec is dead. Jace just can't feel Alec there. It's the weirdest sensation trying to reach through his soul to the piece he shares with Alec and there's just nothing there. 

Alec isn't faring as well. He was paying more attention last time their bond was blocked like this. This sensation is all too familiar and terrifying for Alec. The last time he'd felt like this, his entire world was tilted, Jace was gone, there was a dead or alive order on his parabatai. He didn't know if his parabatai WAS dead or alive. He almost DIED looking for Jace. Those thoughts only bring back memories of Magnus. 

Magnus helping to look for Jace. 

Magnus guiding him through his apology like he knew Alec needed help with his words. 

Magnus offering help, even when he didn't want Alec hurting himself to find Jace. 

Magnus at his side and keeping him alive when he had inevitably hurt himself looking for Jace. 

And that of course loops him back to the anger and blame he doesn't want to feel. He doesn't want to blame Jace that Magnus is gone. He doesn't want to be angry at Jace who is holding him through his panic attacks and screaming at the doctors asking if this is their idea of "better" and "recovering". But Jace had activated the sword. Clary had explained Jace had been willing to die when he touched the sword, and as if that wasn't bad enough, instead, he had activated the sword that had killed all the Downworlders in the Institute, including Magnus. There are no happy endings here. This is where my story ends for now.