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#because it’s not. it’s not fair to foist that onto people who didn’t enter that knowingly. I don’t
fellhellion · 1 year
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🚬….
#am going to exhibit mental illness in the tags as heads up shdhdjfjf also dw none of what I say is#abt or concerns folks here but#yeah. as a tldr very Gabrielcore of me haha but yeah#I wondered for a long time how I could go years without#when a crumb here awakens a voracious hunger in me for affection and approval#and there is simply an element of ego to it - to enjoying the idea that those I admire like what i say#but I think the larger part is simply that I’m myself here#in a way I’m not irl. I’m not…I can’t be vulnerable to people. I can’t let them see me. I don’t want to be rejected I think#but here I am simply. unaware to people who don’t click with me. no one interacts w me unless they’d like to#and there’s a certainty to that which just isn’t quite present irl#so I think the reason I get so easily attached IS because it’s me. because it’s my true self. and I don’t. I don’t know how to not want that#approval and affection beyond just letting the feeling fade with time. beyond removing myself from spaces where it occurs#because it’s not. it’s not fair to foist that onto people who didn’t enter that knowingly. I don’t#I don’t want to be too much. I always feel like I’m too much. too serious too intense feeling too deeply and on and on#I m want to be just enough. not too little or too much.#and yet that’s not healthy nor is honest to those you want to connect w#and people aren’t obligated to connect w you - it’s egotistical to simply think you can correct social step your way into someone’s regard!#but ah I don’t know. it’s been a night. I just wanted to say it plain and honest and finally get it out#but this isn’t like shdhdj asking for pity and such. I’ll be okay it’s all just part of it#vent.txt
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Royal Growing Pains - Chapter Thirteen
Warnings: Homophobia, transphobia, misgendering, sympathetic Deceit
Royal Growing Pains Tag
They snuck the bowls back into the kitchen and then wandered the halls somewhat aimlessly for a while. Roman didn’t mind, though. Damien was good company, even when silent, and walking side by side was proving to be quite relaxing. “Do you wish to go back to the ballroom?” Damien asked. “We could practice dancing more.”
“Sure, why not?” Roman replied. “Will anyone look for us there?”
“Oh, eventually, but we’ll have time,” Damien said.
“Time enough to run if someone wants to lecture us on our behavior?” Roman asked.
“Well, I suppose that depends on how much time we spend dancing,” Damien said, leading Roman through the corridors to the ball room.
Roman sighed. “I wish we could just...do whatever we wanted during this week. That we didn’t have to do all the planning and talking to ambassadors and meetings and...everything that we have to do. It’s just...so overwhelming!”
“I know,” Damien tutted. “It’s a lot for anyone, even people who are voluntarily getting married. When it’s just foisted upon you...it’s even more to deal with, considering the emotional turmoil.”
They entered the ballroom, and Roman felt that guilt gnawing at him again. “I’m really sorry we’re stuck marrying each other,” he said.
“Roman, if I had to be married to anyone without my say in the matter, I’m happy that at least it’s to you,” Damien said, and his sincerity was almost scary.
“Why? Why me?” Roman asked. “Is it just because I’m a man?”
“Well, that doesn’t hurt,” Damien said with a dry smile. They started to dance and Damien sighed. “In all honesty, I just think that in another life, we may have had a chance to fall in love naturally. We get along well, we trust each other, and our orientations line up so that we have the potential to be interested in one another. We never got a good chance to socialize with each other before this week, true, but I think if we had...there could have been a natural spark there. Of course, I could just be making things up, but—”
“—No, I can see that being a possibility too,” Roman said softly. His cheeks were on fire but he forced himself to meet Damien’s gaze. “If we took away our parents and everyone’s expectations from the equation, I could almost see...” he trailed off. How much could he say without revealing his crush?
“You could almost see...what?” Damien looked...hopeful?
“I could almost see us getting married anyway, of our own volition,” Roman said. Damien grinned and Roman giggled a little, ever-so-slightly nervous. “We’re both horrible messes,” he said with a laugh.
“Completely hopeless,” Damien agreed, chuckling as well.
They continued to dance, unable to stop laughing, but Roman didn’t look down at his feet once, keeping his eyes on Damien as he tried to contain his laughter. Damien was biting his lip and his shoulders shook, but he was still helplessly snickering. It made Roman laugh himself, seeing all that effort with no success over something as easy and as difficult as stopping laughing.
Damien misstepped in the dance and wound up crashing to the floor, taking Roman with him. Roman shrieked before laughing as he fell on top of Damien and he pushed himself up on his hands and knees shakily. “Are you okay?” he laughed.
“Fine, my dear,” Damien said, resting his head on the floor with a sigh. “That certainly took me off guard.”
Roman laughed. “You yanked us both down onto the floor and that’s all you can say?”
“My dear, I am what you might call ‘extremely exhausted.’ Give me a break,” Damien grumbled.
“All right, all right,” Roman said, moving off of Damien to sit next to him. “Although our laughter may have alerted people to our presence.”
“True,” Damien sighed. “But the sun has pretty much set, which means I can show you a nice perk about living on the top of the mountain, away from the town below.”
“Which would be?” Roman asked.
Damien stood and helped Roman to his feet as he said softly, “The roof is perfect for stargazing.”
Roman’s eyes lit up and Damien laughed, leading Roman through the halls at a speed just under a run. They climbed up staircase after staircase, and soon enough they reached a door that, when opened, led them to the roof of the castle. Roman looked up and gasped. There were so many stars! It was like he could see the entire Milky Way from here!
“Like it?” Damien asked, closing the door behind them and leading Roman further out onto the roof.
“I love it,” Roman said, never tearing his eyes from the sky.
Damien laughed next to him. “The guards would use this space to defend the castle in the old days, but now there’s not really a need for that, and they’ll occasionally make their rounds up here, but for the most part, you could stay out here all night without being interrupted.”
“This is amazing,” Roman breathed. “I don’t know a whole lot about constellations, but I never cared about finding them much when I was a child. I just liked watching the stars themselves.”
“Stargazing is rather relaxing, especially when you’re not worrying about what constellations you can and can’t see,” Damien agreed. “Shall we sit down, or lie down? So you don’t have to crane your neck all night?”
“Hm? Oh, sure,” Roman said.
Damien laid down on his back and Roman followed suit, lacing his fingers over his stomach. He looked up at the stars for a while, before glancing over at Damien. Damien looked back at him and quirked an eyebrow. “Something on your mind?”
“You didn’t have to defend me at dinner,” Roman said. “And you talked about having the option to marry someone you love ripped away from you, but you included me in that speech as well. You said that it applied to both of us.”
“It does apply to both of us,” Damien said with a frown.
“Yeah, but...but you have every reason in the world to resent me. But you defended me anyway. You stayed on my side, even though I’m part of the problem. I’m the reason we’re in this mess in the first place.” Roman shook his head. “But you still defend me.”
“Of course,” Damien said. “It’s not your fault we’re here. If you’re going to blame anyone for that, blame your parents. You’re just as much a victim to their bigotry as anyone else. Moreso, in fact, considering your identity.”
Roman sighed. “It’s not fair,” he said. “And I know that most people would just respond that life isn’t fair, but why not? Shouldn’t life be fair? Shouldn’t everyone have their own chance at happiness, if it isn’t hurting others?”
“It really should be,” Damien said softly. His head turned towards the door and he hissed. “I hear people approaching. How well can you feign sleep?”
“Reasonably well, why?” Roman asked.
“Because if you pretend to be asleep, not only will any ire be focused on me, but people are less likely to shout,” Damien said. “Are you willing to let me take the blame for this one?”
���No one should take the blame,” Roman said.
“Agreed. But someone has to. So will you allow me to take the hit this time round?” Damien asked.
Roman sighed and nodded.
“Close your eyes,” Damien instructed.
Roman did so with a sigh, and no sooner did he do so than the door opened and footsteps approached. “Damien!” Virgil exclaimed.
Damien shushed him. “Quiet,” he said. “My fiancé is sleeping.”
“Oh. Just as well. His mother’s on the warpath,” Virgil muttered. “And her and your mother are both on their way up.”
Roman almost startled as Damien brought his hands under Roman’s knees and upper torso, but instead merely shifted as Damien brought him close to his chest. “I will not allow Her Majesty to wake him up. He needs rest,” Damien murmured.
More footsteps, and Virgil replied, “Agreed, we won’t wake the princess for this conversation. She was merely following your lead anyway.”
“I merely asked if she wished to eat somewhere else, is that such a crime?” Damien hissed softly.
“That is not. The way you treated our other guest is debatably so,” the Queen said. “Damien, I’m surprised at you. You never act out, and especially not around guests.”
“Well, I couldn’t just let that conversation continue,” Damien said. “It was clearly distressing for all parties.”
Roman’s mother scoffed, and Damien held Roman close. “You really need to reconsider how you treat houseguests, if you think that suggesting that I was hurting my own daughter is acceptable.”
“Your Majesty, all due respect, but I’ve learned more about your daughter over the past two days than she has probably told you in months. She trusts me, and we understand each other. I will not sit by and watch Veronica get more and more frustrated because her own mother refuses to listen to her!”
Roman’s mother snarled, and Roman’s stomach sank as she asked what he feared she would. “Do you agree with her?”
“Pardon?” Damien asked.
“Do agree with her? That she is actually a man?!” Roman’s mother demanded.
“I hardly see how that is important to this conversation; I was under the impression I was being told off for being impolite to you, no one else,” Damien dodged.
“That is not an answer to my question!” Roman’s mother pressed.
Damien growled and it took every fiber of will in Roman’s body to keep relaxed as he pretended to sleep. “I do believe that transgender people exist,” Damien said. “I believe they have the right to transition, and go by whatever name and pronouns they wish, and they don’t deserve to be degraded, humiliated, or shipped away simply because of who they are. Whether Veronica is transgender or not is not for me or you to decide.”
“If it is not my decision, whose is it? I’m her mother!” his mother snarled.
“It is no one’s decision. Because it’s not a choice. But if Veronica would rather go by a male’s name, and use he and him pronouns, then by all means, I would respect that. As of yet, she has not told me any such thing, and therefore I will treat her the way I have treated her thus far,” Damien said. “Why are you so against transgender individuals? The vitriol you’ve had towards the notion that Veronica may be transgender is very telling.”
“I do not—”
“—You do,” Damien interrupted her, standing. “You have so much hatred in your tone, and Veronica has informed me that I’m being used as a chess piece to ‘set her straight.’ I can only assume she was experimenting with her gender identity at home. Was there a name she wished to be called during all this?”
“That’s not—”
“—Was there?!” Damien seethed.
Roman’s mother was silent for a whole minute. “Roman,” his mother sighed.
Damien murmured, “Roman?” to him and Roman slowly cracked one eye open. “Do you wish to go to bed, Roman?” Damien asked.
“Mm. Mhm,” Roman hummed.
Damien looked back at Roman’s mother with a pure red hot fury. “It appears that he responds faster to that than he responds to your name for him. If that isn’t telling, I don’t know what is. I will be taking him to his chambers. You can decide what you wish to do to punish me tomorrow morning. For now, Roman and I both need our sleep.”
“Her name is Veronica!” Roman’s mother spat.
Damien shoved past her and turned over his shoulder as he said, “All due respect, Your Majesty...you’re wrong.”
At which point Damien fled down the steps, Roman holding onto Damien’s shoulders tightly, praying that Damien wouldn’t trip over his own feet.
Miraculously, Damien went down the stairs and dodged people in the halls with a precision that Roman envied. When they got to Roman’s room, Damien wheezed. “That was not wise,” he said, sounding borderline hysterical. “I couldn’t give less of a damn, but that was not wise. The fact that I didn’t hit a single person proves my fight-or-flight is in full swing and I’m close to panicking.”
Roman gently climbed out of Damien’s grip and gently guided him into Roman’s guest room. “Your Highness, maybe you should take a seat,” Roman said softly, closing the door behind them with a soft click and guiding Damien to the bed.
“I screwed up,” Damien breathed. “I screwed up and they’re going to send you away, and you’ll be in deeper trouble than when you were brought here.”
“That’s not true,” Roman said. “At least, you didn’t screw up. You did exactly what you thought was right. Sure, your parents may have some explaining to do, and we might have to work harder to keep me in the closet, but I don’t doubt that my parents would be reluctant to set this up somewhere else, not the least because news has already come out about my marriage here. They don’t like it when people ask too many questions, and they’ll want to keep this as much on the down-low as possible.”
There was a knock on Roman’s door, and Roman and Damien shared a glance. “I don’t want to answer that,” Roman said in a low voice.
“I don’t either, but I’m not sure either of us have a choice in the matter. Virgil has a skeleton key so even if we locked the door, it wouldn’t stay that way for long,” Damien said.
Roman sighed and laid back on the bed, covering his eyes with an arm. The person knocked again. “Damien, I know you’re in there,” the Queen said.
Damien sighed, and went over to answer the door, and the Queen and Roman’s mother walked in. “Damien, your behavior tonight has been completely inexcusable. Normally, I would give you a warning, but considering that you have done nothing but antagonize Diana since dinner, something must be done to teach you a lesson about manners.”
“You know as well as I do that she is wrong,” Damien snarled.
“No,” the Queen said, and Roman flinched, even knowing it was a lie.
“No?” Damien asked incredulously.
“Veronica is not transgender,” the Queen said. “If Diana says that she was merely acting out, then that is what was going on, and encouraging that behavior is not wise.”
“But Roman has clearly been in distress for the past two days, how have you not seen that?! He needs to be himself!” Damien defended.
“Damien,” Roman said softly. “Stop.”
Damien turned to him, a determined fire in his eyes until he saw Roman sit up in bed. Roman was sure he looked every bit of exhausted that he felt. He didn’t want the fighting to continue. If he had to play along with this whole game in order to get sleep, then he would play along for the night. “I just want to sleep. I appreciate you defending me, truly. But...but it’s not worth it. None of it is worth this level of fighting.”
“You’re in distress, my dear, someone has to defend you!” Damien said.
“It’s not worth it,” Roman repeated. “It’s not worth fighting over, it’s not worth dying over. Mother wants me to be Veronica. I don’t give a damn what she wants, I’m going to be who I’m going to be. And I can reflect on who that is tomorrow morning. But for tonight, I just want to sleep.”
“I...” Damien trailed off. “I want you to be free to be yourself, my dear.”
“I know,” Roman said with a soft smile. “And I truly appreciate it. But I had not reflected on who I was for long before I wanted to experiment with my gender. It’s possible I’m not actually Roman. And I don’t want to be pushed into a box in either direction. I’ll find my own way. I just ask that I be allowed the freedom to find that way on my own.”
“Of course,” Damien said. But he looked so heartbroken and desperate that Roman wanted nothing more to hug him and say that it was part of the act. He hoped Damien knew that. Tomorrow, Roman resolved, he would talk to Damien about this. They needed to speak about how they were going to go forward anyway, and clearly, they needed to talk more about that and what lines Damien and Roman both couldn’t cross. “My apologies. I’ll let you rest, my dear.”
“You two have more of the wedding to plan tomorrow afternoon, but until then, Damien, I don’t want you anywhere near Veronica, is that understood? No talking, no texting, no sending any of the workers after her to deliver a message. Hopefully that will be enough to make you realize that your actions have consequences,” the Queen said.
“Mother—!” Damien protested.
“—This is not up for debate, Damien. Say good night to Veronica, and go to your room. Your father and I need to have some words with you.”
Damien turned to Roman, apologies filling his gaze. “Good night, my dear. I hope you rest well, and I will see you tomorrow afternoon.”
Roman offered him a weak smile. “I look forward to it, Your Highness. I will let you know what conclusions I make from my reflections then. Is that acceptable?”
“I look forward to hearing your response,” Damien said, giving Roman a slight bow and swiftly leaving the room.
“I truly apologize for his behavior, Diana,” the Queen said. “He usually doesn’t act like this. He may be sleeping little and eating even less, but that is no excuse for his actions.”
Roman’s mother nodded in that infuriatingly false placating way she always did when she didn’t believe what someone was saying, or didn’t want to show how royally pissed she was. “Of course, I know how horribly children can act up, even when they are supposedly adults.” Oh, Roman was going to kill her. “Will I see you tomorrow morning for breakfast, again?”
“I believe so,” the Queen said. “Just remember that Veronica needs to sleep in, doctor’s orders. We can have lunch, just the three of us, that’s just as good as breakfast.”
Roman’s mother nodded again and the Queen said, “We should probably leave Veronica to herself, now, however, Diana. She said herself she is exhausted, and she was merely following Damien’s lead when she left the dining room. I don’t think she should be in trouble for merely trying to please the man she is about to be married to.”
“I suppose not,” Roman’s mother said, but she sounded reluctant.
Roman said nothing, looking between the two women silently. “We’ll leave you to rest, dear, it’s quite all right,” the Queen said. “Good night.”
“Good night,” Roman parroted, and the two women left the room. Roman got ready for bed and turned out the room’s light with a sigh. Tomorrow was going to be hell.
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thegraydivide · 8 years
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DGM Week || Day 2
Lonely Boy
People were scared of him.  Either they’d been involved in cleaning up the ruins of Lab 6 or they had heard stories from those who had.  Yu felt no guilt in making the fear worse.  He was trapped with these people.  He wanted them to feel caged in with him too.
The only ones who weren’t frightened of him where the remnants of Chan family and Marie.  They just acted sad and guilty and he hated them all.  Marie’s company was the easiest to bear...but once he was rehabilitated, he’d been sent away to fight again.
Yu had not been happy when that happened.  Marie hadn’t been a Second Exorcist...but he could have been.  He’d almost been placed in one of the cold birthing pits and that counted for something to Yu. 
He could synchronize with his Innocence, but they weren’t happy about its natural shape and were reforming it into something more ‘appropriate’.  He also had all sorts of stupid and idiotic lessons to learn.  He had to learn a language called Japanese.  He had to learn the customs of the same land the language was from.  When he asked why, they told him it was because his body was modeled to appear as if he was from Japan.  So he had to learn to act like he was from there too.
Yu didn’t enjoy the learning.  Why they thought it was important when he was going to live and die (and revive and do it all over again until his curse failed) on the battlefield and probably never really need to know that much about Japan, he couldn’t understand.  Most days, he tried to learn, because that was the quickest avenue to being able to leave.
Today was not a good day, though.  The Chans had been especially pathetic in their guilt and what little patience he possessed after putting up with them evaporated within the first few minutes of the language lesson being foisted onto him.  He felt cold despite the anger burning in his chest.
He wanted Marie.  He couldn’t have Alma and he couldn’t really have Marie either, but Marie was alive, at least. Alma was dead.  Dead and never coming back and the cold feeling in his chest was too much.
Yu feigned being physically sick (which shouldn’t have worked but the people were idiots enough to forget he couldn’t even get food poisoning) and knocked his tutor out when the woman got close enough to hit.  Then he ran.  He was chased, but few were daring enough to hinder him as he passed.
Technically, there was no where he could go to hide.  The Guardian God of Asia HQ saw everywhere, but she’d let him go undiscovered sometimes. Never for long, but long enough he’d noticed.
Yu managed to get into a darkened lab room before anyone chasing him saw.  He scanned the room and wrinkled his nose at the clutter.  It looked like this was some forgotten storage for random junk.  He hated labs, but they were usually better places to hide because everyone knew how much he hated them.
He cautiously stepped around all the paper stacks and littered beakers and other equipment. Knocking over anything would be a dead give away to his presence.  He opened a cabinet beneath a sink and cautiously removed just enough for him to sit in a ball.  Then he thought better of it and removed everything which could be dangerous.  Which was actually everything.  He doubted extra clutter on the floor and other surfaces would be noticeable.  He could stretch out and not worry about knocking anything over.
He lay there in the dark for nearly five minutes before he heard the door open.  Yu stilled and held his breath.
“Lee?”
Yu’s pathetic imitation of a heart came about close to stopping as it ever could.  Had there been a person in here?  Why hadn’t he noticed?
“Lee!” the voice shouted.  “Wake up, Lee!”
Whoever at the door probably didn’t want to try and pass through the chaos on the floor.  Yu had managed it, but maybe only because he was still small.
There was a muffled curse from the door and Yu heard something being thrown.
“Ow!” a new voice said. “What was that for, Yuen?”
“We’re looking for Yu,” Yuen sounded put on.  “The Second Exorcist.  You’ve seen his picture.  Have you seen him?  He broke his tutor’s nose and ran out on her....”
“No, I haven’t,” Lee replied.  “No one’s come in either.  You can tell.”
Yu stiffened.  This Lee guy would have to know there was a lot more clutter around the sink than there had been before.  Surely, the scientist would realize someone had, in fact, entered the room.
“If you do see him, catch him and bring him back to the library,” Yuen said.
“...I can make the attempt,” Lee said, “but I doubt I’ll see him.  I’ve heard Yu hates the labs.”
“He hides in them, sometimes, but its not often.”
“Well, he can’t be in here.”
“Yeah, okay.  Toss me my shoe back, will you, Lee?”
Yu heard the shoe being tossed back through the air.
“You didn’t need to throw anything at me,” Lee said, voice practically a whine.
“You wouldn’t wake up!”
The door closed, but Yu didn’t relax, because he could hear the scientist moving around.  He’d been too distraught to notice there was someone in the room when he came in.
Supid, he berated himself, pressing his face against his arms.  So stupid.
The footsteps were right outside of the cabinet now.  Yu didn’t want to be caught, not right now.  He could handle the scolding later, but not now.  He felt too awful right now.  Everything was terrible and he knew it would only get worse.
The cabinet door creaked open and Yu tensed, ready for a hand to grab the back of his clothing and haul him out.
Only it didn’t happen.  Instead, something soft was placed on top of his head, the cabinet door closed and the footsteps went away.  Tentatively, he reached up to touch the object.  It was a folded blanket.
Yu’s body went slack from the confusion and used the blanket to muffle the confused laughter which came out of his throat.  The laughter dissolved into tears and he tried to silence the sobs.  Eventually, he fell asleep.
He woke up to a door opening later.
“Lee, are you sure you haven’t seen Yu at all?”  Yuen’s voice.  “We can’t find him anywhere.”
“I’ve been in here, with only Jerry for company at lunch,” Lee complained.  “I’m busy, Yuen.  These blueprints won’t draw themselves.”
“I’m sorry, Lee, really.  We’ve even checked the ruins of Lab 6 and he isn’t there.”
“There’s a lot of old, unused tunnels around here though,” Lee said.  “Fou’s priorities are on the inhabited parts, aren’t they?”
“...That’s true...,” Yuen said.  “He’s been told those areas are unstable though.”
“If he was frustrated enough, he might be desperate enough to try down there to find some solitude,” Lee replied.
How long had Yu been sleeping? 
“I’ll suggest it to the others, then.”
The door closed and there was a long silence.  Lee suddenly spoke, “You know, it won’t be much longer before they have Bak order Fou to pinpoint your precise location.”
Which was was true enough.  He pushed open the cabinet door and crawled out carefully, clutching the blanket to his chest.
Lee was a tired bespectacled man who looked around Bak’s age, with long black hair pulled into a messy tail.  He wasn’t looking at Yu, instead he was looking at his work.
“You let me hide,” Yu remarked slowly.
“...You looked like you needed it,” Lee said.  “They don’t seem to give Exorcists much breaks though.”
“Never,” Yu agreed.  In Lab 6, the sync tests had occurred every day for hours and hours.
“I try to work around the clock myself,” Lee said.  He lifted a mug of something to his lips, but grimaced and set it down.  “Doesn’t seem fair otherwise.”
“Why would you care about fair?”
“My little sister is an Exorcist.”
Yu stared silently.  There wasn’t really anything he could say to that.
“If she doesn’t get to have breaks, I shouldn’t either.”
Yu stared some more and then looked to his feet.  He shouldn’t stay here much longer.  And he didn’t know what to say anyways.  He wasn’t any good at conversing with people.
“Go ahead an leave the blanket in the cabinet, if you want.  I’ll just say it was lost to an accident.  Wouldn’t be the first one either.”
Yu’s head snapped up in shock, “Huh?”
Lee looked up at him, a thin smile on his lips.  “Leave the blanket under the sink, Yu.  When you really need it, it’ll be there."
Yu stared at Lee, but slowly set the blanket down into the cabinet and closed the door.  He wasn’t sure he believed the man and he was careful about making his way across the cluttered floor to the door.  He paused, briefly, to look back at the scientist.
Which was when he saw a set of headphones perched on the edge of the desk.  Yu stilled and stared, eyes flickering between the headphones and Lee.  Marie had been given a similar set during his rehabilitation.  They filtered out echos and the like.  Marie had been able to pinpoint the source of sounds even in the big echoing chambers of the Asia HQ with far greater accuracy than before he’d had them.
Had Lee made them?
Yu couldn’t bring himself to ask.  He slipped out the door before Lee could call him on it.  He managed to avoid anyone for five halls before he literally ran into someone when he ducked around a corner.  He let himself be dragged away and barely listened to the lecture.  He apologized to his tutor when they told him but only because he didn’t want to be threatened with worse punishments than a long list of inane chores around the HQ.
Yu decided it would be better to put Lee out of  his thoughts.  He couldn’t afford to trust the man, even if he had a sister who was an Exorcist and even if he had made Marie’s headphones.  He hated scientists.
Despite it all, some weeks later when everything got too much and the weight of being alone seemed like it was trying to freeze him from the inside out, Yu found himself outside of Lee’s laboratory with Mugen in hand.  He had slipped away quietly this time, instead of making a break for it.  He should’ve been in the training room with his Innocence and that was something they usually left him alone for because it was one of the few things he normally didn’t ditch - and why he’d picked up the katana from Zhu Mei at all.  It might be awhile before he was missed.
He slipped inside the room and looked over to the desk.  Lee seemed to be sleeping, head propped up on his hand.  He looked as exhausted as the day Yu had met him.
He crept over to the sink and crawled inside.  It had been padded with more blankets.  There was even a pillow.  Yu put Mugen down, blade edge facing the wall and simply lay there in the dark.
He might have been alone under the sink, but he didn’t feel quite so cold anymore.
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