#but I think the larger part is simply that I’m myself here

[fellhellion]

🚬….

[nahoney22]

I have a request! Works been rough lately, can I get a fem reader/Crosshair with “let me distract you” when he visits her during a tough shift? Love your work, thank you!

-dumfanting

The Perfect Distraction*** 🌊

🫧 Pairings: Crosshair X Female!Reader

word count: 2.6k

Prompts:

• “Let me distract you.”

Plot: When work is non-stop, you feel yourself overwhelmed and in need of a break. Luckily for you, your other half came at the right time.

Authors note: sorry that work has been tough lately @dumfanting 🩵 hopefully things have gotten better. If not, here’s some soft Crosshair to make your day better. (Sorry for the wait)

warnings: NSFW, 18+ only. Explicit Sexual Content and Language. Female Reader, Work Stress, Light Angst, Established Relationship, Massage, Soft Smut, Vaginal Sex, Cunnilingus, Aftercare, Comfort, Kissing, Neck Kissing and Sucking.

A neon sign by the door flickers, glowing with a dim "OPEN" that buzzes faintly in the background. It’s barely holding on, much like you are at this point.

Your shop that you owned for a few years is - to be blunt - a mess. A current maze of half-disassembled speeders and crates of mismatched parts, with wires and hydro spanners scattered across every available surface. The usual hum of machinery sounded through the space, barely masking your own frustrated grunts as you try to wrangle yet another malfunctioning power converter back into shape. But no matter how hard you work, it feels like the pile of jobs only grows larger, while your supply of critical parts dwindles.

Then, you hear the familiar irritating buzz of the door, followed by heavy footsteps. You grit your teeth, already bracing yourself for what’s coming.

A burly customer storms in, his face flushed with anger. “This is ridiculous!” he snaps. “You said my speeder would be ready days ago! What kind of operation are you running here? I’ve been waiting long enough!” He throws his arms up in frustration, knocking over a pile of circuit boards in the process.

You open your mouth to respond, trying to keep your tone steady despite the stress bubbling under the surface. “Look, I’ve got a shortage of parts. I’m doing everything I can—”

He cuts you off, voice rising. “I don’t want excuses! You’re supposed to be a mechanic, not some scrap peddler! If you can’t get it done, I’ll take it somewhere that can.”

Before you can get another word in, a cold, measured voice slices through the tension. “I think you’ve said enough.”

The customer whips around to see Crosshair leaning against the wall, twirling a familiar toothpick between his lips. But there’s nothing casual about the deadly look in his eyes. He straightens up, moving to stand between you and the customer, his hand resting near his blaster as if daring the guy to push his luck. “Back off and leave the lady alone,” he snarls, tone voice dipped with venom as he flicks the pick at the customer's chest.

Their bravado is quick to vanish. He stammers, trying to recover some of his bluster, but it’s clear he’s rattled. “I—I just want my speeder fixed…” He takes a step back, bumping into a tool cart and nearly knocking it over in his haste to retreat.

“Then take it somewhere else,” Crosshair replies coolly, his eyes never leaving the man. The customer mutters something under his breath and stumbles out of the shop.

For a moment, all you can do is exhale, letting the tension drain from your shoulders. You shoot Crosshair a look—half-irritation, half-gratitude. “Well, there goes another job. Not that I’m upset about it,” you mutter, rubbing your temple. “But still, I don’t need to be losing more credits.”

Crosshair simply shrugs, clearly unconcerned. “Credits won’t matter much if you’re burnt out.”

You huff, feeling the exhaustion catch up to you. “Burnt out is putting it lightly. It’s been one thing after another all day. Parts shortages, broken motivators, customers demanding miracles. I’m running myself crazy, and no one seems to care that I can’t fix what I don’t have.” Your voice wavers slightly as the frustration spills over. “I’m one person, Crosshair. I can’t keep this up.”

He listens quietly, his sharp gaze softening as he takes in the stress etched on your face. Without a word, he steps over to the door and flips the neon “OPEN” sign to “CLOSED.”

When he turns back to you, he’s closer now, his tone gentler. “What can I do?”

You look up at him, feeling a lump in your throat at the kindness in his voice. Before you can answer, he pulls you into his arms, wrapping you in a secure embrace. You really needed this.

The warmth of him, combined with the rare tenderness in the way he holds you, makes your chest tighten with relief. You let yourself sink into him, closing your eyes as you take in the steady rhythm of his breathing. For a moment, the clutter of the shop and the never-ending to-do list fades into the background.

“Just this,” you whisper, feeling the weight of the day lift ever so slightly. “This is enough.”

Crosshair’s hand moves in slow circles on your back, offering a silent comfort that says more than words could. His eyes then move toward your cluttered office tucked in the back of the shop. “Why don’t we head to your office? You could use a break.”

You nod, feeling a wave of fatigue wash over you. The office is far from tidy—tools, spare parts, and datapads are scattered all over—but there’s a worn couch in the corner that’s always offered a bit of comfort when you need a breather. Crosshair leads the way, and you follow.

You sigh heavily as you begin pacing in your cluttered office, not being able to help but continue venting your frustrations. “It’s like everything’s falling apart at once. Staff keep canceling their shifts, leaving me to pick up the slack. I’m drowning in work with no one to help, and my orders for parts are delayed again! I can’t catch a break, and I’m starting to think I’ll never dig myself out of this mess.”

Crosshair moves towards the couch, slouching back in his usual relaxed manner and his sharp eyes follow your every move. He doesn’t interrupt, just lets you get it all out. When you finally pause to catch your breath, he speaks, his voice calm and steady. “Come here.”

You look at him, still frazzled, but the calm assurance in his tone pulls you toward him. You sit beside him, and he wastes no time, guiding you against his chest as he wraps his arm around you. You lean your head back against his shoulder, trying to let go of the day’s weight.

Crosshair’s fingers trail lightly along your arm, his presence grounding you. He leans in close, his breath warm against your ear as he murmurs, “Let me distract you.”

You hum softly in response, your lips curling into a faint smile at the suggestion. “You think you can really take my mind off all this?” you ask. Oh you definitely know he can.

Instead of answering, he starts massaging your shoulders, his touch firm and soothing. His skilled hands work out the tension, moving slowly, melting away the stress you’ve been carrying. As his fingers glide over your muscles, your body begins to relax, the tension easing with every pass. His thumbs press into the knots with just the right amount of pressure, and you let out a quiet, contented sigh.

“See?” he murmurs against your neck, “You’re already feeling better.”

His hands continue their path down your back, trailing lower before slipping back up along your sides. His touch is tender, coaxing you into a calm state that contrasts with his usual intensity. Crosshair is rarely gentle, but right now, it’s exactly what you need.

The atmosphere shifts, the tension turning into something else entirely. He pauses, and you feel his lips brush the shell of your ear as he whispers, “Is this how you wanted to be distracted?”

The teasing lilt in his voice makes you bite your lip, your pulse quickening. “Maybe… but I think you know what I really need,” you reply, your voice breathy as your desire begins to build.

Crosshair chuckles, clearly pleased with your response. His hands drift lower, sliding over your hips and down your thighs before slipping back up. You feel his fingers hook into the waistband of your pants, tugging them down just enough to grant him access. Your breath hitches as his hand dips beneath the fabric of your dampened panties, his fingers brushing against your already slick folds.

“Is this what you had in mind?” he asks, his voice a low rumble against your ear as he begins to tease you, his touch feather-light and maddeningly slow.

A quiet whimper escapes you as his fingers trace gentle circles over your clit, his touch skilled and precise. “Crosshair…” you breathe, a plea hidden in your tone.

He smirks against your neck, enjoying the way you’re beginning to unravel in his arms. “I thought you needed a distraction,” he murmurs, sliding a finger inside you, teasingly slow. He works you with agonising precision, each movement calculated to draw out your need.

You arch against him, gasping softly as his fingers press deeper, his thumb maintaining a steady rhythm against your clit. “This what you wanted?” he taunts, slowly adding a finger inside you, curling them just right and hitting that perfect spot.

Your body answers for you, a shuddering moan escaping your lips as you grip his arm, your hips moving in time with his touch. The stress, the tension, everything melts away under his skilled hands, leaving only the building pleasure that threatens to tip you over the edge.

Crosshair’s free hand wraps around your waist, holding you steady as he continues to work you with an almost unbearable precision. “Let it go,” he murmurs against your neck, his voice velvet and commanding all at once.

And you do, falling apart in his arms. The pleasure crashes over you in waves as his fingers carry you through your release. He doesn’t stop until you’re trembling, spent and breathless against him.

For a moment, the world narrows down to just the sound of your breathing and the warmth of his arms around you. Eventually, Crosshair withdraws his hand, holding you close as you come down from the high, pressing a tender kiss to your temple.

“Feeling better?” he asks, his voice smug but laced with genuine concern.

You manage a tired, satisfied smile, still basking in the afterglow. “A little, yeah,” you whisper, sinking deeper into his embrace.

“Only a little?” He asks with a raised brow. He shifts positions, taking your waist and gently lifting and then laying you flat across the couch, crawling over the top of you. “That’s not good enough, is it?” His breath is warm against your skin, his eyes darting from your eyes to your lips.

You find yourself grinning, completely obsessed with your boyfriend. “I suppose it isn’t,” you gasp the second the words leave your lips, his mouth on yours with a tender, slow and sensual kiss.

“Let’s fix that,” Crosshair’s lips press a final kiss to your neck before he slides lower, his gaze never leaving yours as he settles between your legs. You’re already breathless, anticipation tingling through your veins. His movements are deliberate but unhurried, as if savoring the effect he has on you.

He hooks a finger around the side of your panties, pulling them aside with a casual ease that sends a shiver up your spine. His eyes darken as he takes in the sight of you, his usual sharp demeanor softened by the affection in his gaze.

“Relax,” he murmurs, his voice a low rasp as he leans in closer. The word is both a command and a promise. Then, without breaking eye contact, he dips his head, his lips brushing your inner thigh before his mouth finds exactly where you need him.

His touch is slow, precise, completely different from his usual rough and demanding approach. The contrast sends waves of pleasure through you, and you can’t help but melt into the couch, your body responding eagerly to his attention. He takes his time, his tongue moving in smooth, deliberate strokes that drive you wild while keeping you tethered.

You gasp softly, arching into his touch, your fingers tangling in his hair as he continues to work you with a patience that’s almost agonising. “So, beautiful.” He moans into your clit.

He seems completely focused on drawing out every bit of tension, coaxing your pleasure higher and higher with each careful movement. Every kiss, every flick of his tongue is calculated, designed to make you feel like you’re the center of his world.

Unable to resist the pull, you reach for the hem of your top and tug it off, tossing it aside. Crosshair doesn’t miss a beat—his hands are quick to slide up your torso, fingers grazing your sensitive skin as he cups your breasts. His thumbs brush over your nipples, sending electric sparks of pleasure through you as his mouth continues its unhurried rhythm below.

You moan his name, your voice laced with both need and admiration. He hums against you in response, the vibration adding another layer of sensation that has you clutching the couch cushions, completely lost in the pleasure he’s giving you.

After what feels like an eternity of bliss, he finally shifts, moving back up your body with slow, languid kisses, each one lingering as if he’s savoring your taste. He presses his lips to yours, letting you taste yourself on his tongue before he whispers against your mouth, “I told you, I’m not done yet.”

Your breath hitches as he pulls back just enough to reach down and free himself. He takes his time, positioning himself between your legs, his hands sliding up your thighs to hold you steady as he aligns himself with you. But before he moves, he locks eyes with you, his gaze filled with an intensity that makes your heart race.

“I’m going to take all that tension away,” he promises, his voice rough with desire, but there’s a softness there too—a genuine care that makes you feel cherished, not just desired. “Just let me take care of you.”

As he slowly enters you, every inch deliberate and controlled, you feel the world narrow down to just this moment—the warmth of his body, the steady rhythm of his breathing, and the way he fills you completely. His movements are slow but powerful, every thrust purposeful, designed to make you feel every bit of him. It’s intimate, soothing, and completely overwhelming in the best way.

He keeps whispering soft praises, his voice a rough murmur in your ear. “That’s it… just like that… you’re doing so good for me.” His hands roam your body, caressing your skin as if he’s grounding you in the here and now, making sure you stay connected and completely focused on him.

His pace is steady, as if he has all the time in the galaxy to show you exactly how much he cares. The dirty talk flows naturally, his words laced with affection. “You’re perfect like this… so beautiful when you let go.”

The way he moves, the way he speaks—it’s all meant to draw you further into this shared moment, making you forget about the stress and exhaustion from earlier. The tension in your muscles, the weight on your mind, all dissolve under the weight of his attention.

As the pleasure builds, you can feel yourself falling apart in the best way, and he’s right there with you, guiding you through it with whispered reassurances and gentle touches. When you finally reach your peak, he’s watching you with a look that’s both possessive and full of awe, like he’s proud of how you’ve given yourself over to him completely.

“C—Crosshair…mmm, I’m goin’ to cum.” You rasp, your back arching into him as stars begin to blur your vision.

He doesn’t stop until you do. Letting you ride out your orgasm on his cock until you’re fully sated. He reaches his own high, panting your name softly before he pulls out and spurts his velvet white seed all over your stomach and breasts.

As your body relaxes and becomes loose in his embrace, he leans over you and places a tender kiss to your lips as he holds you close, letting you bask in the aftermath.

When you finally catch your breath, he gives you that familiar smirk, his voice filled with smug satisfaction. “Now… how’s that for taking the tension away?”

You can’t help but laugh softly, feeling lighter than you have in days. “More than enough,” you whisper, still wrapped in his arms, grateful for the way he always knows exactly how to care for you.

That is the distraction you definitely needed today.

Tags: @littlefeatherr @kaitou2417 @eyecandyeoz @jesseeka @theroguesully @ladykatakuri @arctrooper69 @padawancat97 @staycalmandhugaclone @ko-neko-san @echos-girlfriend @fiveshelmet @dangraccoon @plushymiku-blog @pb-jellybeans @nunanuggets @sleepycreativewriter @erellenora @zippingstars87 @ezras-left-thumb @the-rain-on-kamino @lamiliani @imalovernotahater @sithstrings @lulalovez

@tentakelspektakel @tech-aficionado @grizabellasolo @therealnekomari @tech-depression-inventory @brynhildrmimi @greaser-wolf @kaminocasey @marvel-starwars-nerd @ladytano420 @ladyzirkonia @thesith @raevulsix @cw80831 @knightprincess @crosshairlovebot @whore4rex @imperialclaw801 @temple-elder r @mysticalgalaxysalad @yunggoblin @photogirl894

[lyriumlullaby-ao3]

alright listen. i have a Take. it is super inconsequential but i Have It.

ppl who don’t like the halla imagery for Lavellan, esp a Solas romancing one (wolf and halla stuff) are super valid! there’s reason to feel icky about it!

but i definitely find myself giving that a read that… seems at least to be far more balanced. i’m from a part of the world that still has most of its large ungulates, and i gotta tell you, those things are far scarier than the predators in the forest, and here’s why:

a predator fights for a single goal: to eat. fighting takes a lot of energy, and so unless it seems like it will pay dividends—either by landing you a tasty meal or by getting you out of an unavoidable fight with another predator alive—they avoid it. it’s why there’s all these tips for how to handle being stalked/attacked by any given large predator in the area i’m from.

but prey species? if they’re in a fight, 100% of the time it is a fight for their very survival. for a deer or an antelope or an elk or a moose, it is fight and win, or die trying. as a result, the stakes are higher: a predator can walk away from a fight relatively unscathed if the benefit of it (a meal) no longer outweighs its costs (getting your skull smashed open by a moose). a predator can simply find an easier meal. prey species don’t have that option. the stakes are MUCH higher.

(also note that if an ungulate is hungry enough, they will attack, kill, and eat smaller animals like birds and rodents. they’re just all around way more metal than common conception gives them credit for. i’d rather meet any large predator while alone in the woods than a moose, just to toss in my two cents.)

so! not an attack of the “i hate wolf!solas x halla!lavellan imagery” position, certainly. just a defense of that dynamic here.

in my view, they’re both fighters, both survivors, just employing different strategies. the “halla” figure here is surviving through support of community, working and fighting to keep everyone safe, because there is strength in numbers. but fighting does happen, and it is brutal—for the “halla” figure, victory is the only option.

the “wolf” figure—a “lone wolf,” in this case, and that matters—is surviving at the cost of others. there is strength in numbers for them, too, but they are without that support. if they are spotted or found out by the community they are “preying” upon, they risk being killed by that community for the sake of its survival. but importantly, as long as they can get out of this alive, they can try again if this fails. they can find a other meal ticket.

i just think there’s room to read it as a far more balanced dynamic that just predator and prey. there is that element in there, and that squicks some people, and that’s fine! but there is also the element of a lone predator, one that would typically be a part of a larger, stronger pack, preying on the entire community. there is vulnerability and fear to be seen on both sides. so anyway, i just think it’s far more balanced than a lot of takes i’ve seen on it! that’s all i wanted to point out. ☺️✨

[slavghoul]

Slav, do you ever just get the feeling that Ghost is getting turned into everything it shouldn’t be? I have always frowned on gatekeeping things and exposure is good for a band’s success etc but it’s putting me in the mind of all of the various things in the world that were ruined by too many tourists. Like national parks getting trampled or famous statues being discolored after everyone needed to touch it. You know? To be fair I’m a chronic overthinker but I can’t help but feel like I’m witnessing it (the fan side, not the music itself) being twisted into exactly what Tobias would hate.

This response came out VERY lengthy, I apologize in advance.

To answer your question shortly: yes, I do feel that way sometimes. However, I would be hesitant to involve TF in this discussion because I don't know him on a level that would allow me to gauge his true feelings on any particular matter. If I were to say "I hate it when Ghost fans [blah blah blah], because he would hate that!" it would only be an attempt to justify my own opinion about something, not a genuine concern for his feelings. Implicitly, I would also be shaming other fans and making them think that they are enjoying the band "the wrong way" when in reality, they simply enjoy it differently than me. That's unfair because I have no right to dictate how others should perceive Ghost. Everyone's experience with the band is unique and personal to them, and I have no authority to infringe upon that.

I think the sort of disillusionment that you describe is a common experience when you're a fan of virtually anything and it evolves. There's no solution for it. It just is what it is. The question is, to what extent is it a result of the band "being turned into something it shouldn't be" and how much of it is simply due to our own personal sense of nostalgia?

If you became a fan of the band several years ago, you'll likely always look back on those times through rose-tinted glasses. No other experience will ever compare to the emotions you felt back then, because they were formative and unique to that time in your life. You may continue to enjoy the band, but it's unlikely that anything will be able to replicate the same level of excitement and anticipation you felt when you were first introduced to them.

Of course, it's true the band has evolved and there's no denying that the community has undergone a significant shift over time. If you had seen them in concert a decade ago, the majority of the audience were people in their 20s and 30s. You had an odd kid here and there and the occasional, let's say, 'senior citizen' headbanging, but majority were young adults. It made for a very different dynamic which was also reflected in online spaces in terms of what was being discussed, how it was being discussed, and what the focus was on. These days, Ghost attracts a much wider age range with a significant portion of their current fans being on the younger side, pre-teens and teenagers. That's fantastic actually, I am very happy that is the case and I welcome them all. However, being 30-ish myself, I simply don't enjoy things in the same way they do and I don't focus on the same things they do.

It's very easy to become jaded when that's the case because you start to feel like you're no longer part of the target audience, and that can be disheartening. I make a conscious effort to prevent that from becoming an issue for me because I love Ghost dearly. At its core, it is still the same band I fell in love with. TF is doing exactly the same thing he has always done, but now on a larger scale, obviously. It's not being transformed into anything it hasn't been before. It's a bit more commercialized, sure, but that's not a crime.

Basically, it's up to us to decide how we want to engage with what is being offered. You need to find a way of consuming Ghost in a way that is comfortable to you or else you may get disenchanted very fast.

At the risk of sounding like a giant dick, I will admit that I intentionally stay away from the fandom and don't follow anyone because.. man, it's actually impossible to say this without sounding like a dick.. because I don't see eye to eye with majority of other fans and it taints my experience if I see too much of what others are saying or doing. To reiterate the point I made earlier, it doesn't mean that others are doing anything wrong and I'm doing it right; no, we are simply doing it differently. I made peace with the fact that I can't control how others act and that's completely fine. I live in my own little Ghost bubble, which, although solitary, is a tranquil place. I decide what I want to see and what I want to share, and who I want to talk to and about what. That's my way of remaining levelheaded and keeping the thoughts you describe at bay.

Apologies for crafting a whole ass high school essay on this fine Friday evening.. if you know me you know that I think and talk a fucking lot, hehe. I don't even know if anything of what I said makes sense, probably not. If you're still reading, thank you and sorry!

[allaboutlov3]

marylily the confession part 1: equals (442 words)

“Ughhhhh, I am in love with you, you complete moron. What do you think I am doing here right now? What did you think I was doing up until this very moment?”, Mary shouts annoyed. Then she takes a deep breath and continues: “I have loved you forever. Since the beginning of time really, but especially since you disagreed with me for the first time. I don’t think anyone ever did before. And you didn’t stop, too. You had your opinion and I had mine. And you simply accepted that as a fact. You didn’t want to change mine as much as you didn’t want yours to. I still get this feeling whenever I see you. This queasiness or something. Maybe its romantic butterflies or simply my nerves which make me nauseous. Cause I’m not enough for you. I don’t have any idea who I am or what I want like in a larger sense. I’m too reckless, too stubborn, too indecisive. I can’t keep up with your kind heart in the slightest. I’m not your equal. How should I ever challenge you like this? I can never be a true companion if I can’t keep up with you. And despite this - or perhaps precisely because of it - I have fallen in love with you. You make me want more in life. You make me want more from myself. Being kinder, softer, more honest, more vulnerable. And in a way I am. Honest and vulnerable that is. Its why I’m here today. Telling you all this. I love you. There is no point in denying it any longer. I couldn’t. Even if i wanted to. Even if it was better this way. Because I’m certain it would be. Better for you not to know. Cause I don’t want to drag you down with me. I don’t want to corrupt your beautiful, kind soul. You deserve so much more than that. So much more than a partner you have to carry all the time. Than a partner who cannot handle their own emotions and shit. Who needs you far too much and can never truly give you back anything of equal value in return. So, there’s not much I can offer. But I promise to work every day to prove you that I can be worthy of your love. And maybe, with time and effort and if I’m blessed with enough luck, Ill eventually be one day.”

Lily doesn’t know what to say. What is there even to say after hearing something like this? She knows that it was meant to be sweet. Or thoughtful at least. But frankly, she’s pissed.

marylily the confession part 2: technicalities (596 words)

[sssammich]

💖

i’m starting with one even though frankly i want to send you all of them

i'll send you a document with a response to all of them how's that

💖: What is your biggest unpopular opinion about the series?

god where would i even start

well i guess i'll pick one

personally, as in my personal opinion, i just don't believe in kara coming out as somehow the next best step for her. this matter of being your 'full self' just screams 'nobody knows what work/life balance is' lmao. this is what we call 'vocational awe' in libraries LMAO i get what it's trying to do in that this has been the series-long crusade for kara. who is she? kara danvers? or supergirl? and i have posited elsewhere that kara danvers is her default setting, not supergirl. so supergirl's role in kara's entire life is a cape/persona she dons...and then takes off. so i think the bigger identity reconciliation should be between kara danvers and kara zorel, not the hero but the alien. she's superpowered because she's alien first, etc etc. but idk how to explain that without writing an essay right now so i will withhold.

the point is i just didn't think it was a satisfying end for her to come out as supergirl to the world to satisfy the juggling of her two identities. i think she should have just done a better job juggling them LOL like i think it's important to determine how to be your most authentic self but i don't know if it needed to be done at the face of revealing your alien identity. because i still think that the target on her back just gets infinitely larger??? what's the point of keeping 4 years of secrets to lena at that point? couldn't she have reached that conclusion sooner if that was the case? i think she could have expressed her authentic self by marie kondoing what's the most important parts of her life and how to let the *right* people in, not *every single person* in. also like idk from a logistics standpoint, kara should have just hired a fucking assistant for herself to keep things organized. the issue here is that she keeps working 40 hour work weeks for both jobs. and also to accept editor in chief? like those people leave work early. the solution was for kara to have hired an assistant, maybe 2. like the reason why she's conflicted is that she's working 2 jobs? she doesn't need to combine those 2 jobs and announce to the world that she's doing them as 1 big job. ETHICALLY she was citing herself???? god the integrity of everything should be put to question lmao

what would have been more compelling to me myself and i is if she really took a look at her time as supergirl and wondered if she should maintain the cape or not. like did she do as much good as she hoped? what about the people who had died or who had gotten hurt or whose lives and situations were otherwise sacrificed on her behalf? is this the life for her? is this something she wants to keep doing because she wants to or because she feels she has to? she feels a responsibility and i think that's fascinating for a character, and she thinks that there's a duty to uphold to the humans of national city because she has these gifts. but i think the ending should have been kara determining the future of supergirl, the superhero, and not how to mix the two and count that as authenticity.

tangentially, it is oh so interesting to me that this authentic speeches comes from cat and lena to be the ones to convince her to stop hiding herself? two people who are notoriously private people???? who are essentially living private and public lives??????? funny how that goes i guess

anyway it's fine obviously and if you liked it then that's also great and it's an intentional high note feel good ending yes yes good great. i am not trying to yuck your yum at all, but based on how i have since engaged with the show, it's pretty clear the writers and i simply did not share a vision lmao

ask game

[winged-cries]

Hello. I’m a woman of color (Black American) who writes and reads dark fiction. I’m in my mid twenties but all my life I’ve been interested in the macabre and grotesque. Since I was a little girl. But lately I’ve been in this mindset of shame and guilt. Maybe because I know that it’s not normal to want to read or write about those things. I feel embarrassed any time someone asks what I’m reading or writing. I guess what I’m trying to get at is…how do I let these feelings go? I know I’m not harming anyone and it’s just fiction but people can be so judgmental and cruel. Sorry if this is a lot but this has been weighing on me. Thanks and I love your blog.

i'm so sorry that you're going through this, no one should be made to feel shame over something so harmless. which is what you should consider -- what harm are you causing?

it's actually very normal to want to read and write about pretty much anything. i'm not sure what "dark fiction" means for you, but there's no topic that i would ever consider harmful in itself. it's one of the issues i have with this term actually; it's very vague and everyone has different ideas of what would be considered "dark". a lot of people watch violent movies that depict murder but few people would consider them "dark fiction". there are ways of depicting violence that are socially acceptable, but it's not necessarily because they're less harmful than others.

i do think fiction can cause harm in the sense that art both reflects and impacts society, but this is a very nuanced and complex topic, and i absolutely do not believe that there's anything one can't write or read about. i'm sure you agree with me on this though, but still can't help feeling shame and guilt. i used to feel guilty too and i'm not sure how i overcame that. i guess by having this discussion with myself and with others, and by talking openly about my interests (at least online). i remember being a kid and looking up "movies about rape" and "movies with extreme rape scenes". it's pretty disturbing to think about a child doing that but i can honestly say all it ever did was help me.

of course one might be interested in a number of violent or othewise controversial themes without having had any kind of personal experience related to them. it's simply a personal interest and there's nothing wrong with that either. some people like romantic comedies, some prefer rape & revenge. i don't think either of these people are doing any kind of harm, even though i can be critical of both genres (and enjoy them too).

the macabre and the grotesque are part of the human experience. "dark" themes are as much part of life as any other. it's fine to be interested and it's fine to write and read about whatever interests you. my only advice is to respect your own limits, and always be critical of everything you consume, whether or not it's considered "dark", morbid or deviant.

i unfortunately don't have any other advice. i wish i could help you get rid of this shame, but i think it's something only you can do. it's a processs, and it involves self-knowledge and open discussions. i hope you'll get there, as i have, and feel comfortable with your interests and your choices.

like i said before, there is a larger discussion to be had about how fiction impacts us individually and as a society, but i don't think that's relevant here, as it applies to "ligther" themes as much as to whatever is considered "dark", morbid or grotesque.

[countrymusiclover]

26 - Playing the Game Now

Part 27

The Lion Knight and Dragon Princess

Tags- just send an ask to be added @cdragons @kmc1989 @starkleila @noirrose21-blog @lover-of-books-and-tea

Jaime and I were escorted by Waters to a larger stone building that was concealed within the heavy forest tree line basically out of sight, especially if someone flew over on dragonback. Entering the large main room there was a stone table in the center that reminded me of the one back at Dragonstone. There were some burning flames underneath lighting up the entire stone table. “Quite a formal table for a simple discussion, Lord Waters. I’m used to having battle discussions mostly.”

“Please don’t call me a Lord. Aurane is perfectly acceptable to call me. How did you come to have battle experience, Lord Jaime?”

“I was formerly a member of Aerys II Targaryen’s kingsguard until Robert Baratheon removed me of my vows so I could marry. Speaking of swords, my lady wife is rather good with one herself.”

The two men shifted their gaze over to me while I simply ran my fingers over the rocky stone table just lost in my own thoughts. “Your Grace.” A guard outside called for my attention but I didn’t respond.

“Vaella.” Jaime called my name touching my shoulder where I raised my head up.

“Sorry, I was just thinking. What do you wish to tell me, Ser?”

A Lannister knight bowed his head standing between the two other men. “The other Lords are ready to give you counsel and for the meeting to begin.”

“Thank you for informing me, Ser. Now please keep an eye on my children. If any harm comes to them then we shall speak later.” I sent him a slight glare before he bowed, exiting the room with the other Valyria houses came through the large double doors and rounded the table.

Jayse Quherys lifted his eyes up at mine. “You told us we had things to discuss. Does that mean you’d like to lead us into war to get the throne rightfully back to your former house?”

“No. When I came across the Summer Sea that was never my intention.”

Garrel of House Macklyn raised a brow in my direction. “Why isn’t that your intention? You are a Targaryen. We all followed the dragon rulers.”

“I don’t want the throne, my lords. One of the main reasons I don’t want it is because in my experience everyone who goes after it turns the fight for it into a war.” I clasped my hands together in front of my chest feeling extremely nervous.m

Jaime glanced in my direction, keeping one hand resting on his Velaryon steel sword. “Your Grace, if you could sit back on the Iron Throne without using dragons would you become the Queen of the Seven Kingdoms?” Tymber Barlaeries tilted his head to the side, respecting what I was saying to them.

Nodding my head to the lord I answered his question as true to myself as I could. “Yes, my lord. One day I might make my own claim for the throne. But right now I want to be a mother to my children first and foremost.”

“Then our next business is giving you a title worthy of your name. Do any of you lot have any ideas?” Kavvin Valtigar questioned his fellow lords and that was the first time I truly wished I was more like Tyrion when it comes to judging people’s character.

“Let’s play a game. Do you enjoy games, princess?” Tyrion asked me sitting down a pitcher of wine he had just paid for to the tavern owner.

Laying my head on my arms that were laying on the round table we were sitting at. The wedding of Cersei Lannister and Robert Baraethon was soon to take place in the coming days and I wasn’t feeling myself anymore. “I’m not in the mood for games tonight.”

“Oh, come on. What shall a little wine hurt you. It could improve your mood in my opinion.” The dwarf asked, pouring me, his brother and himself a cup of wine and sliding them to each of us.

Jaime picked up his cup while taking a drink. “What do you suggest we do while drinking hmm?”

“Here’s how my game works. I make a statement about your past, I’m right you drink and if I’m wrong you drink. And no lying I’ll know if you’re lying.”

Playing with some strands of my hair I responded to him. “I’m intrigued and terrified by this game.”

“You shared your first kiss with my brother.” Tyrion began the game.

Hitting my hands on the table I wanted to throw my cup at his head, taking a drink from my cup. “You told him!”

“You once attempted to dress Viserys in a dress when he annoyed you growing up.” Jaime focuses his gaze on me.

Tyrion was taking a drink and he almost spit it in my face. “Are you serious? - go again brother.” I took a drink answering his question feeling my face slightly going red.

“Why is he going again?” I raised my hands in the air knowing he would keep making me drink rather than pick on his brother.

Tyrion leaned forward on the table. “Cuz it’s my game.”

“You have rode a horse like a cowboy and not a side saddle.” Jaime spoke.

Shaking my head no he hit his hand on the table taking a drink since he was wrong. “My turn, Tyrion. You were married before I met you.”

“Drink,” Jaime poked him in the chest with his index finger.

Tyrion took a long drink, finishing the entire thing inside his cup and having to pour more into it. “Fine, fine. I’ll get you back for that later.”

“Oh yeah and how would you do that, Lannister?” I challenge him by sitting my cup down laying my hands down on the table.

He smirks back at me. “I know how to play the game, princess.”

“The game?” I wasn’t exactly following him.

His brother saw the confusion on my face. “Playing the game means him tricking others until you get what you want.”

“You need to know as many people as you can. You’ll never know which person can be valuable to you.” I really wished he would be there with me when I had to make those tough decisions. But he wouldn’t be so I’d have to do my best to be like Tyrion and know everyone.

Getting drawn out of my thoughts my husband was the one who had spoken up. “Queen Vaella Lannister, first of her name, formerly of House Targaryen, Lady of Casterly Rock, adventurer of the Summer Sea and Sothoryos, lady of The Dragon Island.” Whipping my head around I felt my shoulders. I heard Jaime deliver a new declaration of my name to the men in the room.

Playing with the fabric of my gown I closely watched my lover take something out of a crate that one of the Lannister men had brought inside at his request. “Jaime, what are you doing?”

“You can’t truly be a Queen without a crown upon your head.” He smirked proudly down at me, holding the crown that had been formed from Joffrey’s sword above my head.

I giggled not imagining him to bring it all the way from the Rock and across the sea with us. “Jaime..”

“My Queen.” He whispered, setting the crown upon my silver hair, lowering himself down on one knee causing the other Lords to do the same where all I could picture was my brother Rhaegar thinking I was always meant to be Queen.

[esther-dot]

What upsets me the most about the dumbass Sansa vs Arya thing (other than it only existing because antis hate Sansa that much) is that... what does it add to the story? This isn't fandom stuff, this is something antis genuinely want for the story, but what does it ADD? What is the POINT? What value does these 2 siblings fighting against each other would give to the story? To the message and theme? It's even more worthless than the boring Cleganebowl shit.

Sansa and Arya, two siblings from the main family of the series that the story centers on, fighting and hating each other is detrimental to literally EVERYTHING. ASOIAF is LOADED with family dynamics that are actually toxic and destructive to the members. We have the Targaryens, we have the Greyjoys, we have the LANNISTERS. Westeros is so bereft of families that love each other, making the ONE family that genuinely love each other and doing their best to reunite hate each other is so... just spit on GRRM and the effort he put into House Stark, why don't you?

I don't want to sound like a pretentious ass, but these people should not read a series like ASOIAF if they're gonna let their petty feelings and opinions impact the series as a whole. They can hate Sansa, but if they hate her to the point where it impacts their reading of the series, then put it down and go read something simpler. Or just stick to fanfics because their disturbing hate fantasy will never be canon, sorry antis

(about this ask)

I talked about this before and now can’t find the post, but Arya and Jon fans who hate Sansa are holding her responsible for the problems with society that Martin is criticizing. They are missing that society is being criticized from different angles to allow us to see all the ways it’s hurting people. Rather than realizing it isn’t the little girl who caused their pain, with them we are getting two critiques (coming from different directions) of their world. Jon is excluded, Arya is expected to conform.

Jon wants in, Arya wants out.

And of course, Sansa suffers as well. She may fulfill the ideal in a way that Arya cannot, but that doesn’t save her. We have Elia and Lyanna which is another picture of conformity/non-conformity —both of them die. There is a much larger part of the story here that is the driving force of what these characters suffer, it’s a shame to dismiss all of that in order to hate on Sansa.

I have no gatekeeping instinct. I’m happy to read different takes (within reason — absolutely no Sansa hate which is why I don’t do much with anyone beyond our corner), I have read and written Martin critical stuff, I don’t mind people coming away with different interpretations. I enjoy that (within reason), and that’s a part of who I am beyond fandom so that isn’t gonna change. I simply decide, “well, I certainly never want to hear from that blogger/that part of the fandom again,” but as far as I know, they’re an angry 13yo who will reread the series in a year or two and realize, oh, the Sansa and Arya conflict is created by external forces, and actually, they can understand the pressures Sansa struggled with as well. I’m a big fan of leaving room for growth, and literature has a special way of allowing us to see things in new ways and helping us evolve as I individuals. I’d never be in favor of taking it away from anyone no matter how much I think they misunderstand it. You never know what the future holds and if one day, they’ll get it.

Also, I don’t have a perfect grasp on what Martin is doing myself. The endgame of some of the characters strikes me as….uh, less realistic, and more, whimsical, so unless I’m gonna throw out my books, I’m not gonna pretend to be more deserving than any one else. I will filter and block though because when it comes to Sansa haters:

making the ONE family that genuinely love each other and doing their best to reunite hate each other is so... just spit on GRRM and the effort he put into House Stark, why don't you?

So, uh, not to annoy you further, anon, but I didn’t call what I had written “wish-fulfillment” for nothing. 😬 I definitely think expecting the Starks to kill each other is absurd, but as a Jonsa, I’m not sure how Arya would be able to accept that relationship, and I do wonder if it’s Martin’s way of allowing tension and conflict within the Starks even upon their reunion. Maybe I worry for nothing, but Jon is Arya’s person, he made her feel love and accepted, for him to be in love with Sansa…I worry that Arya would feel displaced, and how quickly Martin would find a resolution there.

Many others have previously looked at how Martin seems to have no problem writing brothers / guys having healthy relationships, but likes to have sisters at odds. There’s a dearth of healthy female relationships, so it’s an opportunity for him to break that pattern, and if Arya was accepting of it I suppose it could be a contrast to the Cat/LF/Lysa mess. That may be the goal he’s working towards, and to your point, that adds to the story in sadly lacking area. All the same, while I do think the Starks love and will be loyal to each other, I’m not sure how warm and cozy things will be on the page? I have some concerns about what he’s making room for. But that is the benefit of being in a fandom with so many emotionally mature fic writers who value and prioritize female relationships. I get to read healthy relationships either way!

[tsunael]

fic authors self rec

When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Spread the love ❤️

I was tagged by @myreia !! I don't have any published fics because I can barely call myself a writer. I just have endless wips that go nowhere.

If you're a writer consider yourself tagged.

—01. Something About Fray.

FFXIV | Tsuna + Fray Mature | body horror, gore.

-> Part of a HW fic that would include Tsuna letting go of inhibitions, and learning of the nature of her Fray in the process... and how he was never really there to begin with.

The pain in her head had moved southwind to burn a hole into her breast, as if her own heart had set itself ablaze square between her ribs and fanned itself with every breath. Weakly, she lifted her head to stare into the abyss.

—02. Peaches.

FFXIV | Tunasan Explicit | a rat eating a piece of fruit fucknasty waxing poetic style

-> A part of a much larger fic about the months Tsuna spent recovering in Sharlayan, and how they can't quite seem to stay away from one another now that it's all said and done.

She tittered behind her hand. “You would simply come through the window again regardless.” “– And you would do well to keep it locked, else a thief in the night may just steal you away.” He brought out her smile, though it fell rueful as her voice went soft, marred by a cynical edge that did not suit her. “After all that has happened…” She drew out a deep sigh before craning up to look him, her eyes, searching. “… I would welcome it.”

—03. Onto death.

Persona 3 | Akihiko Sanada + end game character Everyone | major spoilers for P3 -> Once upon a time I used to RP Akihiko.

“ I’m not afraid, ” he says onto death, softly, kindly.

—04. La bise.

Persona 3 + Persona 5 | Akihiko + Haru Okumura. Everyone | Spoilers for both games.

-> A hypothetical... time-skip situation that I used to enjoy thinking about a lot.

“ You look like you don’t belong here, Okumura. ” His words betray his expression, still rueful of this hypoxic environment.  “ ‘Guess that makes two of us. ”

—05. Rumour.

FFXIV | Tunasan + Aymeric mention. Everyone | haha yay🌈

-> The most guilty pleasure, self-indulgent GARBAGE of a fic that I would love nothing more than to read but I'm not talented enough to continue. Something about Tsuna getting invited by Aymeric to some ball.

Would totally include Tunasan being bitter, jealous exes, spiteful corset tightening, and height differences that are so ridiculous that dancing is actually impossible. Tataru (yay) and Emmanellain (derogatory) are also there.

“Jealousy, is it…?” Her painted lips hissed about the word but her resulting smile was sour at the edges. She slowly tilted her head sidelong in mute challenge. “How many years has it been, Thancred?” He licked his teeth as his eyes flickered at the corners. A mad glance at the wall told her all she needed to know. 

[cookiecomics]

Anonymous Coward asked: sometimes it’s not even just whiteness (referring to a tweet of yours) but just like how pervasive every part of it can be. ignorance of culture, policing and harassment of others, assumptions about what everyone else’ experience should be. Like sometimes it isn’t even visible but you can just… tell???? how much a space is affected by whiteness as a concept (idk if im making sense. anyways)

No, you get it lol. It isn't something you can see if you're not outside of that bubble, but you can feel it and at times it's very unbearable. White people a lot of the times do not notice how white a space is and how it trickles down to accepted idea, accepted faces, perceived kindness and grace. But I also cannot understate how people don’t find it odd how hard it is to find black folks in the same fandom spaces as everyone despite us being huge nerds just like everyone else and folks don’t think about why that is you know? They don’t see a server and ask if it’s safe for black folks, they don’t wonder these things because they feel comfortable and that’s what matters. Honestly, being in fandom feels like that time I went to a karaoke party and I was the only black person there and everyone was playing songs I had never heard in my life.

 I couldn’t relate, I couldn’t engage, I had to smile the whole time because I need to be having fun right? Even when given the power to pick a song, to play a song I know that no one else can relate to would kill the vibe. There’s always this element of ‘you compromise not us’. At that same party a song with slurs was put on and there were yt folks singing at the top of their lungs. The other half were not or skipping the slurs when they show up and they thought that was enough. They thought not being racist themselves was enough. No one asked how I was doing because I have to be fine lmao. Anyways, that’s what it’s like to be in fandom where you can hardly find people that look like you or understand you experiences while everyone else is having fun. I’ve been sitting here wishing I could talk about specifics (I do have them) but unfortunately, I do not think that’s a good idea and the last thing I want is negative attention rn, so I’ll try to be as vague as possible. 

Plus people would hella disagree with me lmao. The safest example I can talk about isn’t even p5 specific, but I spoke about this with a friend on why Geto isn’t one of my favourite characters or more broadly why I don’t ship satosugu. I like Geto just fine mind you! I think he’s cool. And I think Satosugu is a great ship. However. I invite you whoever is reading this to imagine why I, a black person, may not exactly jive with a character whose favourite insult and dehumanizing phrasing is to call people he sees as beneath him as a monkey. I’ve never even touched satosugu fic lmfao because dear lord, I couldn’t in the manga and I wouldn’t willingly subject myself to that. 

Not saying it happens, but to be in character, I imagine it would lmao. And the same goes for Morgana! I saw a tweet the other day like “I don’t trust people who don’t like Morgana.” And I see this tweet like twice a week, (different people mind u) And every time I’m like, I simply did not enjoy Morgana calling Ryuji a monkey. It made me uncomfortable, (it’s not gonna make every black person uncomfortable but I know Plum was at least taken back by it) but to open up that discussion would make me look aggressive wouldn’t it? ESPECIALLY again, Ryuji is very black coded but I’m not touching that topic with a ten foot pole. People don’t really think too hard outside of their experiences and it’s alienating. Not to mention when I brought up a conversation about experiencing micro aggressions the overall response despite having a larger account at the time was silence and disappointment, by people I thought I was closer with than that too. 

It was a wake up call and I haven’t been able to feel right in the fandom since. Absolutely nothing would happen or something minor would happen (like Hazbin releasing a fucking Slurs shirt which thanks Viz. And this is coming from someone who laughed at the joke in the show because it was *just* the show) and it would dredge all this pain up all over again. Anyways, that’s my ramble, it sucks fandom is like this but I don’t see that ever changing because as I told Plum, bringing up race in their spaces is something yt folks do not like to do so

(https://retrospring.net/@CookieComics/a/112944476253264310)

[audrey-carr1]

The Heiress and the Lady of the House (part 3)

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

A/N: I have been wracking my brain trying to figure out where I want this story to go. I think I have an idea now. I have also decided to switch to first person, I find it way easier to write that way and hopefully you all find it easier to read. I am going to switch over the other parts as well. We even have two new characters to join the fun!

word count: 3k

warnings/tags: fem!reader, original characters, usual shenanigans, mentions of hetty/trevor

End of November- end of month 1 

Hetty's been avoiding me. It's been two weeks since we danced and kissed, and she hasn't spoken a word. Now she'll barely look at me, and if she does it's like she sees straight through me. I notice her hang around Trevor more. Whilst at first, I thought it was Hetty being her usual cryptic self, I notice that her touches on him linger more than she usually does. Recently, thought I saw Trevor checking her out. Yet again it’s Trevor he checks every girl within the Woodstone property line out, so I’m not sure I can look into that entirely. 

“What is wrong, you have long face like horse,” Thor asks.

“Oh nothing, just silly girl stuff,” I say 

“Would you like to talk about it? Thor really good at listening and giving advice. If you have enemy, I show you how to crush skull. Very easy,”

“She’s not having enemy trouble, she’s having love trouble.” Sass interrupts

“Shush!” I say hoping he lowers his voice. 

“Am I wrong?” Sass says with a know-it-all all smirk.

My lack of answer causes his smirk to grow into a smile. 

“I appreciate the concern, but I feel like I should talk to Het-” I catch myself, “I should talk to the person who is giving me a long face before I go sharing my feelings,”

“Nice save,” Sass says before leaving with Thor. I groan inwardly. 

I don’t have much time in the day to talk to Hetty as I'm constantly tied up with guests. The upcoming holidays have brought a larger amount than what I had initially thought, so I feel like I’m being pulled in hundreds of directions. I barely have time to spend with the ghosts, let alone any time to myself. Thankfully Sam and Jay had the insight to allow me to hire a little holiday help. A couple of friends from university have been wanting to meet up with each other, so I offered them seasonal positions. It’s like killing two birds with one stone. Before they arrive, I sit the ghosts down to tell them of the upcoming changes. 

“Everyone I want to let you know that I will have a couple of friends helping me to keep this place running. They do know that I can see ghosts, and they as of recently know about you. They will only be here until after the New Year, then it’ll be just us all over again,” I explain, “My friend Nadine is going to stay with me in my room while my friend Riley will be staying at my house. This way we don’t lose any rooms, and I do not have to have any shenanigans from trying to bunk you people up. Nadine is a chef, so she’ll help me with the cooking. Riley is my jack of all trades so he’ll do anything I ask.” 

The ghosts nod their heads in agreement and simply go about to milling around as they usually do. 

“y/n can we help with decorations? Now that we have you around, we can help get the house all festive since we can touch things!” Flower suggests.

“I love it! That’s a great idea Flower!” I say.

“What is?”  Flower questions

Oh, Flower. “Alright, I should have expected that,” I say before going off to the basement.

Soon the ghosts and I begin to bring out the holiday decorations. Instead of putting up a commercial tree, Thor and I went out to the forest to cut down a pine on the property and brought it back to the house. Pete and Trevor string the lights while Flower begins to sort through the ornaments under the guidance of Sass. Alberta and Isaac string together the popcorn garland, and Hetty oversees the entire operation. 

“Aren’t you going to help Hetty?” Isaac asks

“As Lady of the House, I am helping! By supervising,” Hetty says nose slightly in the air

The front door chimes before a familiar voice yells out “Hello!” 

I gasp, quickly leaving my post at the popcorn bowl to go to the lobby. 

“Nadine! Riley!” I practically squeal. 

I first run to Nadine, we exchange kisses on the cheek before embracing in a hug. Then I go to Riley who picks me up and spins me with ease. 

“Oh, it’s been too long!” He says squeezing me in his arms. 

“Alright, you can put me down, stronghold,” I laugh as he places me back down on my feet. As he puts me down, I happen to look in the direction of the room I just left. I see the ghosts peering their heads around the corner like children before quickly going back into the room. The only one who does not move positions and stands in full view is Hetty with an unreadable expression. I assume it’s Hetty being curious, and I shoot her a wink before I take Nadine and Riley into the kitchen.

“How have you been since graduation?” Nadine asks while she and Riley sit at the table

“The same, honestly just trying to find my place in the world. Now that I’ve become a heiress, I feel as if I’ve been operating on autopilot,” I reply. I grab a snack tray from the fridge before making my way to them

“Yeah, how come you never knew your grandmother was super loaded?” Riley questions before popping a grape in his mouth. 

“Honestly, we never talked about it. She always made sure I knew the importance of hard work probably so when I became an heiress I wouldn’t act like an entitled one. My parents said they saved for me to go to any school I chose. The money I received from their death went to an account I only used to pay for my car and rent. Now I work to keep myself busy, and this isn’t bad gig. I have 8 forms of entertainment plus guests to keep me busy ” I say

“Speaking of 8 forms of entertainment, what about that ghost you said was cute,” Nadine asks.

“Can you keep your voice down? They’re dead, but they hear everything. They would never let me live that down if they found out,” I say feeling a blush on my cheeks.

“Have you told them how you can see them yet?” Riley asks.

“I haven’t spoken to anyone about it, besides my two trusted friends,” I say referring to them. 

“They don’t ask questions?” Nadine questions

“Oh they are plenty curious, but I tend to avoid the subject as much as I can. We just figured out that I can do more than see them. Anything I touch, they can also touch,” I tell them. 

“Oh, so they can eat and drink now?” Riley asks now sitting up in his seat. 

“Not necessarily. We tried that, and it ended with a lot of food ending up on the floor,” I say remembering the memory of Sass trying to eat pizza and failing miserably. 

“I guess you can say it goes straight through them,” Riley says knocking his head back in laughter. Nadine and I look at each other and roll our eyes. 

“Oh come on guys, that was funny!” Riley says trying to get us on his side. 

“Sure it was,” Nadine mocks. 

“But back to before, how is it exactly that you can see them? We know that you had that drowning incident, but that doesn’t really explain how you can see them,” 

“Well, it’s not like exactly read up on it. I just know that I had a near-death experience, and I guess since I was in between two worlds, I can see both sides,”

“Yeah, but you’re saying only the ghosts have powers. Your boss Sam sees ghosts, but she doesn’t have a power,”

“She was only clinically dead for 3 minutes. I had a full-blown Meredith Grey incident, and I was dead for a while,” I say. 

“Well “Meredith Grey” maybe a part of you is still trapped on the other side, you never fully returned,” Nadine says

“I don’t know Nadine, like I said I don’t really read up on it. I just accepted that it happened. In fact this is the longest I’ve talked about the incident outside of therapy,” 

“Sorry, we don’t mean to push,” Riley says putting his hand on mine

“No, I understand, I would be curious too,” I say turning my hand over and giving her hand a squeeze. 

“Are any of them in the room now?” Nadine asks looking around for a sign of them

“No, in fact, I don’t hear them either. Let me check that they haven’t fallen in some hole or have been ghost-napped again,”

“Again?” Riley asks.

“Long story,” I say getting up from the table.

I turn the corner exiting to be met with 6 guilty faces. It’s like watching children getting their hands caught in the cookie jar.

“Oh, this is the kitchen guys, not the living room. Onward men…and women,” Isaac says as they hurriedly leave. 

“I thought we were going to the kitchen to eavesdrop on the living to see if we could get any hot gossip,” Flower says before Alberta drags her along with the rest of the group. 

“They were eavesdropping weren’t they?” Nadine asks.

“Oh most definitely,” I say chuckling to myself.

“Were they all there?” Riley asks.

“Most of them, Trevor and Hetty were missing, but they tend to go off a lot more often as of late,” I reply walking back to the table.

Riley and Nadine share a quick look before quickly returning their gaze to me. 

“How about I give y’all a tour?” I ask. 

Beginning of December - month 2 

I turn the corner to go towards the lobby, and I almost trip over a left-out decorations box. Before I fall to the floor, Riley is there to catch me. Thor was right, I really need to watch my step around here. 

“Watch it, Princess, would hate to break the merchandise,” Riley laughs as he steadies me on my feet.

“Oh, you two get a room already!” Nadine teases from the top of the stairs having seen the scene from the top of the stairs. She descends the stairs and goes out the front door. No doubt going on her morning run. 

“Oh my knight in shining armor, you couldn’t afford me if you tried. I’m quite expensive with the most expensive tastes,” I tease back. 

“Oh you wish,” Riley says picking the box and taking it to the basement. 

I roll my eyes. “Oh, I most definitely do. I’d take a night with those muscles any day,” I say before he’s out of earshot. I turn back to my task, and I see Hetty.

“Hey Hetty,” I say giving her a smile.

“What is the relationship between you and this Riley?” Hetty asks looking me in my eyes. 

“Um friendly? I guess,” I say raising an eyebrow in confusion.

“You guess?” Hetty’s eyebrow also raises in question. I try not to focus on the warm feeling I get when she looks at me like that. 

“Riley and I are just friends, and we have been since my freshman year of university,” I tell her. 

“So you recently saying you "wouldn’t mind a night with those muscles" meant nothing? ” Hetty questions

“Meant nothing,” I assure Hetty. 

Hetty purses her lips, pondering my answer. She lets out a “hmph” before going on her way. 

“Hetty?” I ask before she leaves completely

“Sorry, I have to meet with Trevor,” Hetty says without missing a beat

“Oh, I was going to ask if you wanted to go for a walk. The guests don’t check in for another couple of hours and-” I begin. 

“Sorry dear, I simply must go,” Hetty says before trotting off. 

I try to ignore the burn in my throat. I shake my head at the feeling of loss and jealousy. 

I try to keep my mind focused on the guests and running the B&B as efficiently as I can. “No use crying over spilled milk,” I tell myself. 

Riley, Nadine, and I work quite well together. Riley is a great fit at the front desk charming the guests as they check in. Nadine has been a great help in the kitchen, she always seems to know exactly what it is that I need. I dip my tasting spoon into a new pasta sauce recipe I’ve been wanting to try. 

“How does it taste?” Nadine asks

“It’s fine, I think I’m missing something,” I say. 

“Here let me taste,” Nadine says. I hand her the tasting spoon. 

“Taste like you need just a pinch more garlic and maybe a dash more of the red wine,” Nadine says handing the spoon back to me

I do as she suggests, and I moan in delight as I taste the now-perfected sauce.

“Oh this should be bottled,” I say. 

“The heiress is going to start a sauce company? What will Ragu do?” Nadine laughs as she finishes dipping the dessert fruit in chocolate. 

“You want some of the leftover chocolate?” Nadine asks dipping her finger into the bowl. 

“Is the sky blue?” I ask turning my sauce off and putting it off the heat. I wash my hands and also dip my finger in the bowl. As I bring my finger to my mouth, a bit of chocolate falls on my chest. Before I can get to it, Nadine has reaches her finger over to grab the missed chocolate and brings it to her mouth. 

Hetty enters the kitchen at the exact moment Nadine's finger swipes the chocolate from my chest and to her lips. 

“Oh I see we just let everyone eat off of each other,” Hetty says in annoyance before exiting the kitchen. “She might as well just lick it off you the next time,” 

“Nadine, excuse me for a moment. Ghost duty calls,” I excuse myself placing the dish towel in my hand on the counter. 

“Oh yeah, of course, I’m going to finish putting up the small decorations if you don���t mind,” Nadine says untying her apron. 

“No you go ahead, I’ll finish in the kitchen once I’m done,” I say leaving the kitchen to catch up with Hetty. 

“Save me some chocolate!” Riley calls from the lobby.

I find Hetty upstairs living room. 

“Hetty, what is going on? Your temper with me seems to be at a short fuse,”

“It has not,” Hetty says avoiding my gaze. 

I hear Riley call for me, and I wish he had better timing. 

“You might want to go see what your muscled desk boy wants,” Hetty says. 

I nearly scream in annoyance and frustration, but I decide not to.

“This conversation is not over,” I say before I storm past Alberta heading down the stairs. Alberta heads into the living room with Hetty and blocks Hetty from exiting. 

“Hetty what is going on?” Alberta asks

“I haven’t the slightest idea of what you’re talking about,” Hetty says 

“You are driving that girl up a wall, and not in a good way,”

“I have not. I have been simply-” Hetty begins.

“Ignoring her,” Isaac says cutting Hetty off as he enters the room. 

“Oh great another gossip,” Hetty says as she sits on the couch,” Please tell me what my other grievances are.”

“Hetty we are worried about you. When she first got here, you were so excited to have as you said “another woman of high status” to join you. Then you walked around like the cat who got the cream once you finally kissed her,”

“I did not,” Hetty says fidgeting with her hands. 

“You most certainly did!” Alberta laughs, “ She must be some kisser because it was almost as if you sat on the washing machine again. 

Hetty blushes at the memory, she hates her how her friends can see through her facade.

“Hetty what is it that makes you act like this?” Isaac says sitting next to Hetty

“That’s the issue, Isaac. I do not know! I haven’t felt like this since I tried to run off with that painter,”

It dawns on Isaac,” Hetty do you know what it means?”

“Obviously not,” Hetty says waiting for Isaac to enlighten her. 

“Hetty, you two were practically inseparable. The two of you were practically finishing each other’s sentences, going on walks, and having movie dates,”

“Oh remember when you told me that you enjoyed how the sun made her eyes sparkle on your walks,” Alberta chimes in. 

“Remember that one time, we caught them cuddled up watching Bodices and Barons?” Isaac adds.

“Oh, how could I forget they looked so cute! (y/n) draped over Hetty with Hetty’s arms possesively wrapped around her,” Alberta says. 

“The both of you are absolutely incorrigible,” Hetty says in defeat.  

“And you’re blushing and in love!” Isaac says kicking his feet in the air. 

“I most absolutely am not,” Hetty says snatching her hands away. 

“Hetty and (y/n) sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G,” Alberta begins to sing. 

Hetty simply puts her face in her hands. Hetty was so out of sorts even her mannerisms were becoming too unladylike for her. Hetty decides it’s time to grab the bull by the horns.

“If you two are done acting so childly, I am going to go and find and talk to (y/n),” Hetty says rising from the couch. She blames the butterflies in her stomach on the sudden change of posture rather than nerves. 

“Finally! Have fun and don’t come back until you look like you’ve had fun with the washer,” Alberta calls. This sends Isaac and Hetty in a fit of laughter. 

Hetty leaves the room and goes to enter your bedroom. Hetty begins to debate on whether she should enter or not, and then on a whim decides to enter the room. Upon entry, she has to fight to keep down a gasp as she watches Nadine kiss you. She quickly leaves the room and feels the butterflies in her stomach turn to lead.

[safety-pin-punk]

FYI: the author of that ""they deserve to die" is something you should never hear a leftist say. if you do, run" post is a Zionist. I guess that mindset doesn't apply to brown people, huh?

But also, you should consider that this is an extremely shallow view of leftism and violence as a tactic. What, you're a "punk" and you think any punk space got safe without a few nazis getting their teeth kicked in? They didn't. Sorry.

I hope you develop a punk mindset that's a little less about shitty bands and an aesthetic and a little more about having firmer political opinions and not agreeing with Zionists.

Your concern in the first paragraph was addressed in a previous post I’ll link to here.

Going off of that, I’m not sure what on my blog, besides the controversy surrounding this specific post (which again has already been addressed), would ever make you think that I would exclude anyone from the statement of ‘we shouldn't say anyone deserves to die’??? I simply. Do not think humans should be killing other humans. At all. Anywhere. On either side of any war. Like. One human should not be granted the power to decide the lifespan of another in my opinion

On that note, being anti-war is actually both a very punk stance AND a left-wing movement. Though I agree, it is a shallow view of leftism. Because leftism is SO much more than a single movement (like the civil rights movement, the feminist movement, the LGBTQ+ movement, the environmentalism movement, anarchy, socialism, the labor movement, and GOD the list goes on). But also. It *does* include being anti-war and anti-'they deserve to die'.

As far as Punk being anti-war and taking non-violent approaches to the larger socio-political changes in the world, I'd recommend looking into Peace Punk. It was very popular in the 70's and early 80's with bands like Subhumans, Zounds, and The Mob. Here's a great beginner article on it!

As to your point about nazis. I promise you I'm not oblivious to the history behind the phrase 'Nazi Punks Fuck Off'. I also would have hoped that someone would be able to see nuance in a statement that say 'lets not say everyone deserves death' and not read it as 'we should let nazis do what they want'. Because that would be stupid. And if you've interacted with my blog for any real length of time, then you would know that I ALWAYS support punching nazis. But evidently that must have slipped your brain.

Now as far as this part of your ask: "I hope you develop a punk mindset that's a little less about shitty bands and an aesthetic and a little more about having firmer political opinions"

First of all buddy, I think I've already demonstrated that my political opinions are pretty firmly set (and that someone hoping on anon isn't going to change them). Personally, I don't feel the need to scream about my political stances every second of the day to make myself feel validated and like a good person. Because I have a life outside of the internet. But you do you I guess. I would however say that its kinda a dick move to just assume that others aren't well educated or have developed opinions when you've evidently only looked at a single post on my blog without actually looking at my blog. Otherwise you would have seen the EXTENSIVE amount of research and punk culture that I've written about or collected either on my own or in collaboration with others.

Really its either that you just didn't look, or because you didn't immediately agree with me, that you decided that my political views had a very shaky foundation. In which case, please do grow the fuck up and learn how to deal with people that have differing opinions than you without being a bitch and ranting about it on anon thanks.

Also. I like my 'shitty bands'. Get over it (Also like. Punk is inherently connected to music and shitty bands? Do you not know that? Do you understand where punk even comes from? I'm all for not needing to listen to punk music to be a punk as long as you align with other facets of the counter culture, but being told NOT to focus on music that is politically charged and full of punk values and history. Well that's a new one lol)

And lastly. Dude if you don't like me, you don't have to be here? You can leave? No one is forcing you to read anything on my blog??? Bye???

[browneyedgirly93]

When Spring Turns To Night (Part Two)

Summary: Az is on his regular rotation of the Spring Court when he stumbles upon a battered young female running through the forest only to learn that this female is his mate, but the bond only snaps for him.

Azriel x Reader

Warnings: None that I can think of, please let me know if I missed anything.

Word Count: 2214 A/N: Thank you all so much for the love on this! Honestly, I am blown away and cannot wait to add to this story! I am hoping to have another 1 - 2 parts out next week but we shall see!

(Masterlist)

(Part One) (Part Two)

Part Two

He pulled me into a tight hug and I winced, he immediately stepped back holding my shoulders and looking at me. I stood completely still, I was shocked to see Lucien of all people here. 

“What happened?” he said sternly.

“My father” I whispered feeling ashamed, I looked up to see the concern on his face. “I’m okay though” nodding he dropped his arms back to his sides. “What are you doing here?”

“It’s a long story, I’ll fill you in later” he smirked and looked behind me, I turned to see Rhysand and Feyre watching me quizzically. My eyes landed on Azriel and his face was completely blank while he watching me, his shadows were swirling around him in an agitated manner. 

“Lucien and I go way back, I come from a wealthy family in the Spring Court and my father worked closely with Tamlin” I explained simply not wanting to get into all the details in front of everyone else.

“Shall we head to my office then Y/N?” Rhysand announced and I nodded following along behind him with Feyre and Azriel in tow. We approached large double doors and stepped into an office, a large oak desk was in the middle with a large leather chair sitting behind it and two smaller matching leather chairs sitting in front. I watched as Rhysand and Feyre headed to the larger chair, he sat and she placed herself gently on his lap. I took a seat in one of the smaller chairs while Azriel took a seat in the other one, I looked at Rhysand unsure of where to start.

“What happened?” Feyre was the one to ask with such concern on her face.

“This is going to be a long story” I sighed. “My father owns the Tavern in the village closest to the Manor, I’ve been working there for as long as I can remember and that’s how I met Lucien.” Pausing I watched Feyre processing this.

“That means you’re part of the Y/L/N family?” she asked shocked.

“Unfortunately” I looked down at my hands. “My father was trying to find me a husband and someone to take over running the business because he is getting too old to run it alone.” 

“Why not give it to you?” Rhysand asked.

“He does not believe a female should own a business, he thinks females are only good for producing children and taking care of their husbands and children. When I refused he got extremely angry and took his anger out on me. That’s when I used my powers to distract him and I ran. I hadn’t gotten far when Azriel found me.” I said looking at him, he was seething with anger his shadows were thrumming around him.

“That’s terrible I’m so sorry” Feyre said gently watching me closely. 

“That is an awful way to treat your own daughter” Rhysand stated and then asked, “what sort of powers do you have?”

“Air manipulation” I stated with a flick of my wrist the room was filled with a gentle spring breeze that smelled of fresh flowers. “I can also alter the growth of plants, I mostly use that to keep the flowers I collect alive for longer” I laughed sheepishly, Rhysand and Feyre nodded thoughtfully while Azriel’s eyes never left my face. 

“You are welcome to stay in Velaris, Azriel will show you to the townhouse where you can stay. I doubt you will want to stay up at the house and rely on Azriel, Cassian or myself to fly you to and from.” Rhysand lifted an eyebrow in question and laughed as I shook my head. “I’m sure Az would be happy to stay in the Townhouse with you” Rhysand smirked at Azriel causing him to fidget in his seat and the slightest blush crept over his cheeks. 

“Only if that’s something you want Y/N” Azriel said not taking his eyes off me studying my reaction.

“Of course” I blushed looking at Azriel and he smiled. I turned back towards Rhysand and Feyre “Thank you, but I have nothing to give you in return” I sighed as the realisation of what I had done hit me, I had left everything behind.

“Don’t worry about that, please just rest and heal before even entertaining that idea” Feyre said as she smiled at me, I couldn’t help but smile back. I felt calm and safe for the first time in a long time.

“Would you like me to bring you to the Townhouse?” Azriel asked.

“Yes please” I said while yawning. He smirked as he stood up from the chair, I followed him and said goodbye to Rhysand and Feyre. 

“Don’t forget Az, you’re supposed to go to Windhaven with Cassian tomorrow?” Rhysand said.

“I haven’t forgotten” Azriel said in a clipped tone and stalked out the door, I gave Feyre a confused looked and she just shook her head as if to say He’ll explain later. I nodded and followed behind Azriel waving goodbye to everyone in the sitting room and stepping out the front door. “Did you want to fly from here or walk around Velaris a bit first?” he asked watching me carefully.

“Let’s walk, I wanna see my new home” I smiled up at him and he began leading me along the river while I looked around taking in all the lights and noise and happy people. 

“This is the Sidra” he motioned towards the water. I couldn’t help but stare out at the open expanse of water, I had never seen anything like this before. It was breathtakingly beautiful and I was in complete awe.

“It’s beautiful” I whispered quietly not removing my eyes from the view in front of me. 

“One day if you’d like I can fly you above it, it’s even more beautiful from up there” he said looking up at the sky and smiling.

“I’d love that” I smiled up at him, and I saw the corner of his mouth twitch up slightly. “Azriel?” I asked.

“Mmm?” was his response, he seemed to be lost in thought.

“I just wanted to thank you, for everything.” I paused and watched as he turned his full attention to me. “I honestly don’t know what would have happened to me if you hadn’t found me” I shuddered at the thought and he stepped closer to me. “You saved my life.”

“You do not need to thank me Y/N, I’m just glad I was there and that I have the opportunity to get to know you” he smiled down at me opening his arms and offering me a hug, I stepped into his arms wrapping mine around his waist. His strong arms pulled me closer to him as I was met by the scent of night-chilled mist and cedar I smiled and nuzzled my head closer into his chest.

After a few seconds, I could feel my hair shift realising that his shadows were also wrapping themselves around me flittering through my hair and along my arms. The smile that was on my face grew bigger as a feeling of rightness fell over me. We stood like that for a while before he pulled away from me. “Shall we continue on?” I nodded and felt him place his hand on my lower back guiding me along. We continued walking through the streets of Velaris, he pointed out different locations that he enjoyed like his favourite coffee shop as well as a place called Rita’s where he and his friends go for drinks. We spent the walk talking and laughing with each other, stealing glances and brushing our arms against each other. We finally arrived at the Townhome and he opened the door for me, I stepped inside looking around it was styled very similar to the House of Wind and the River House, it was very warm and welcoming and I couldn’t help but smile. He showed me around the place, we stopped in front of a wooden door.

“This will be your room” he said opening the door for me, his shadows entered the room before I could even step through the threshold. I looked at him in question. “Sorry they sometimes have a mind of their own, they wanted to check that the room was safe.” he ran his hand through his ebony hair nervously. 

“That is very thoughtful of them” I smiled at him placing my hand on his arm and stepping through the door. I stood watching his shadows search the corners of the room, as a few of them wrapped around my ankles and wrists and I held out my hand as one slithered its way to my palm and danced around my fingers. “Thank you for protecting me” I spoke to the shadows and they all seemed to move quicker in appreciation. 

“No one ever acknowledges them” Azriel remarked while studying the way I interacted with them.

“Why?” I simply asked not moving my eyes from the shadow. 

“Honestly I think most people are afraid of them” he said sadly.

“Well, I’m not” looking over at him I grinned.  “I find them fascinating.”

“The feeling seems to be mutual” he laughed as more of the shadows began swirling around me and I couldn’t help but let out a giggle as they tickled me. Once they began to settle, I looked around the room and saw two doors Azriel had followed my line of sight and said. “That’s the bathing chamber” pointing to one of the doors “and through that door is the closet which should already have clothes in it for you.” I nodded and let out a small yawn. “I’ll let you get some sleep.”

“Thank you again Az” I smiled up at him and could have sworn his cheeks were flushed.

“I will be gone for most of tomorrow, but I’m sure Feyre will stop by at some point” he said smiling. “Have a good sleep Y/N and my room is just down the hall if you need anything at all!”

“Sleep well Azriel” I smiled at him as he left my room, his shadows trailing behind him. All except for the one still in my palm I watched as it gently warped around my wrist like a bracelet. “Thank you for staying with me” I whispered to it and it spun around my wrist a few times which I interpreted as its way of saying you’re welcome. I changed into some sleep clothes I found in the closet and crawled into bed falling asleep instantly. 

“Y/N?” I heard Azriel’s voice as I opened my eyes looking at him confused. “It’s okay, you were having a nightmare” he says gently as he pushes the hair from my face.

“Wh…what?” I croaked as I tried to process what was happening. 

“I heard you screaming and came in to find you shaking and crying in your sleep” he said and I lifted my hand to my damp cheek.

“Oh” I mumbled feeling embarrassed. “I’m sorry I woke you.”

“Don’t be sorry!” he said sternly. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I was back there, my father was so mad” I sniffled as I pulled my knees to my chest wrapping my arms around them. 

“Oh Y/N I’m so sorry” he sat beside me on the bed and opened his arms for me and I crawled into his lap as he held me close running a soothing hand up and down my back. 

“He hated me, he probably hates me even more now. Or he’s hoping I’m dead.” the words tumbled out of my mouth before I could even realise I was thinking them, and more tears stung my eyes and began pouring down my face. Azriel pulled me closer to him and began running his hand through my hair. He didn’t say anything, he didn’t need to. He held me until we both fell asleep and when I awoke the next more he was gone. I found a note on the pillow next to me.

Y/N, I’m sorry I couldn’t be there when you woke up. On a short mission for Rhys. Feyre is stopping by in the morning to show you around Velaris some more. I’ll be back later on tonight, have a good day!  - Az

I smiled as I pushed the blankets off me and headed to the bathing chamber to get ready for the day. I took a quick bath then headed into the closet and pulled on an outfit similar to what I wore the day before.

There was a knock at the front door, opening it I found Feyre standing there smiling at me.

“Good morning Y/N, I brought breakfast” she said holding up two cups of coffee and a bag of something, letting her in we headed to the sitting room and sat down.

“You didn’t have to do that” I said smiling at her.

“I know, but I wanted to!” her eyes sparkled and I couldn’t help but smile at her, we spent the next hour getting to know each other over coffee and breakfast. She told me all about her life as a human and I told her all about growing up in the Spring Court.

Tag List: To join the tag list comment on this post asking to join or comment on my (master list)!

Theravenphoenix26, baebeepeach, esposadomd, Maddietheshoe, Mali22, Sydneyhasdepression33, judig92, highladyofillyria, We-were-beautiful, piceous21, his-sweet-nightmare, crimsonandwhiteprincess, famousbasementpainter, toobsessedsstuff, sstanbarnes, brekkershadowsinger, highlady-ofillyria, reiincarnatiion, starswholistenanddreamsanswered, azzydaddy,  

[payservewomen]

I’m tempted to say “I’ve hit a new low”😔 but in reality, I’ve been at rock bottom for…a very long time. Years I suppose.

But at least a few years ago, I interacted with women outside of work. But now? I don’t even leave my bedroom on my days off from work.

I sit on my bed, watching humiliation clips; calling ignore phone lines; taking embarrassing photos of myself; edging myself, oftentimes for many hours(almost never less than 4hrs. up to 12hrs)

The one newer development is- I’ll edge for a while, but then the sadness/anxiety makes me go limp….or i’ll be semi hard but my loser penis only grows slightly larger.

It’s like i’m trying to keep in as small as possible, because I know it should be teeny tiny. It CAN grow to 7in but considering how pathetic I am, part of me wishes I had a microdick. Then I could forget these thoughts i have of becoming a normal person again.

Then I could search 24/7 for a superior woman who wants to use and abuse me.

I fantasize about meeting a woman and dating….Getting comfortable with her to the point that I’m able to do the best I’m capable of in making her orgasm…. But then we open up and share kinks etc….and i know as time goes on, there will be many times my dick doesn’t work.

Slowly over time, she realizes just how much of a beta i am, and begins flirting with real, confident men.

By this time, we’re living together; Maybe one month she asks me to cover all the rent, then bills and spends her money on going out….Then a “friend” of hers(maybe with a unisex name that’s usually a woman’s name)is coming into town; she offers our place to stay….Tells me to make dinner etc saying “ali loves lobster tails and filet mignon! I know ur low on money, but it’s ok! I’ll still have enough left until ur next paycheck! Thanks sweetie! Maybe we’ll meet at the airport, then I’ll let you know when we’re on our way, flight gets in i think about 5pm but who knows if it’ll be on time”

I get off work, begin prepping everything….texting her asking if ali’s plane arrived at 5:30….”it did but we’re tryna find the luggage etc. With traffic it’ll take quite a while, plan for a late dinner!”

By 6:30, still nothing, so i text then call to find her phones off.

I figure she’ll probably be walking in any minute….So i check the “find my iphone” tryna be extra sweet and have everything timed perfectly. I see it moved from the airport towards home and begin making dinner….Until i realize another hour has passed. I check it again to see it’s been somewhere between home and the airport for 2 hours now!

Next thing i know, it’s 10, then 11, then 12 midnight!

I’m dozing off and finally see a text “Omg babe i’m sorry! I lost track of time! Ali said getting a hotel room would be easier, and we’ve just been catching up but ugh it got so late and you know how i don’t like to drive at night anyway, so I’m just gonna stay here tonight, see ya tomorrow!”

I just fall asleep, and wake in the AM to see several weird video texts from a number i don’t know….I hear giggling and a man’s voice….almost seeming like someone’s trying to record something and my gf saying “no stop don’t! that’s mean ali!” There’s at least 4-5 clips like that, the last one ending with my girlfriends sexy belly on the screen. I figure ohhh they’re just having fun i guess? But it did give me a bad feeling in my stomach….

Those vids were sent at about 1am. Then at 2am, just a close up of what i’m sure is my gf’s skin, but i can’t tell what part of her body…..but the audio on it was simply my gfs voice sounding like she’s whining or moaning or something? and saying “mmmmm ohhhhk fuck it”

Then 30mins later the clip begins blacked out, but with clear audio…just sounds like licking and slurping….Then a man’s voice “yeah worship it bitch. Now, say it” then the phone moves, showing an arrogant looking man smiling, then it slowly pans down over his entire perfectly fit muscular body….very slowly, stopping on each part of his stunningly perfect body….i mean this guy had an 8pack! Absolutely chiseled in every way. Then it stops to show his abs and v-lines, and then slowly shows his balls…I didn’t know balls could actually be that big!

Then slowly as possible, the camera moves to show the thickest cock i’ve ever seen!

Then the vids stop…but there’s a text at 4am with only an address….my gf knows i wake up for work at 4am…

i call and text her but her phones off ofc. I go to work, and finally around noon, my gf calls saying she’s going shopping with Ali, saying she didn’t bring any of her credit cards asking if i’ve got any money left…i tell her i’m not sure how much, but i’ve got $500 in a sportsbook app from winning the night before…”omg babe that’s perfect! Don’t worry i can move it from there, is it your normal password?” I answer yes, and ask her just to leave at least $100 or so….

And ask if theyre gonna be having dinner tonight…”yeah sweetie we are! I’ll let you know when we’re on the way”

I ask her wtf all those vids were. and who that guy was and she replies “huh? Wait what? You’re telling me you got videos from a random number?! And it had a perfect man’s body with a horse cock?! Lol babe i dunno what websites you’ve been visiting but i’d imagine it’s something to do with that!🤣 What?! u think i’m cheating on you with an old friend or something?! jk! Love u babe”

I hang up the phone and immediately get the same text with the same address, i look up the address to find a really really nice hotel is there. Then another text comes through simply saying “penthouse suite, beta cuck”

Then another text….just a screenshot of a receipt from stub hub for tickets to the nuggets game that night, 5:10pm. 2 tickets, $250 each, wow, better than i’ve ever had for sure.

Then one more text again with the hotels address, saying “ur welcome to stop by whenever, but i suggest you either wait for us to get there or something. not getting up to open the door if we busy fuckin. Can’t wait to see your bitch ass cry🤣”

This one hits me like a ton of bricks and it’s feeling more n more that it’s gotta be exactly what it seems….but no way she’d do this to me!

The great part of our relationship is complete and total honesty and openness! My gf, allison is kinky and loves to be a dirty slut, and we have talked about her fucking others, maybe even a gangbang!

But we’d only done a handful of super kinky things….we’re both submissive so it’s kinda hard to push it and try really crazy n kinky things….we both need that more aggressive attitude!

But i know she loves me deeply. We’ve such an intensely strong emotional connection, more than either of us ever have!

Still no word from my gf and it’s 8pm. At 9pm she finally texts me but it’s the exact same as from the other phone number and it’s just the hotel address and room number…..I call her back, and it rings and rings until going to voicemail. Maybe she didn’t hear it, i call again…it rings 3-4times, less than the last time, then goes to voicemail. I try again and it rings twice then voicemail….Again, same thing. I call yet AGAIN, prob the 6th time and it goes straight to voicemail!

I check the phone locator app and see her phone was at ball arena(nuggets play there)the length of the game….and moved to exactly where the hotel is.

I get dressed, now fearing the worst, but thinking “ok this makes no sense! Either she’s playing some joke on me; something weird like that or some surprise for me?”But i do realize that the most likely thing is…maybe she’s been partying with her friend, she cheated and isn’t sure how to deal with me…..But what’s up with the pics etc? ofc she’s aware of my pervy kinks etc, and she’s prob making it seem like she’s cheating on me, i’m hoping!

I walk to the light rail station, and get on the train….Ugh yeh don’t have the money to get an uber…i checked my bet365 account to see its at zero!

Wtf?! I had some futures bets….ones i could cash out for about $250 total, but they were all just cashed out! i’ve not one bet at all and no money here!

I see that $800 was withdrawn and my bank account was credited $800! But $500 used for the tickets, and $300 spent at some weird fancy store downtown.

Ok that’s it i’ve gotta see what’s up as i’m sitting on the train, mind running wild. Fuck, i gotta get off and walk 20mins, then get a bus!

I get off the train, walking to the bus stop…..Bus finally comes and oh fuck, as i’m tryna buy a bus ticket on the app(for $2.75) It dawns on me “fuck i don’t have enough money in my account” i look at the driver and say “i’m not sure why it’s not working” he looks at it and says “yeah cuz you’re card is being declined, sorry” and closes the doors.

I’m defeated and want to cry. Looking at google, i see it’ll take 2.5 hours to walk there….

It’s now almost 10pm and i consider going back home, but then wtf?! I can’t just sit at home wondering wtf is going on!

So i walk and walk…i watch the clip again and again of the perfect man’s body, fantasizing that the woman i’m in love with is cheating on me in the meanest way possible….Finally, it’s after midnight and I arrive at the hotel….I ask the front desk how to get to the penthouse, and she tells me “the elevator is right over there, but Sir, there isn’t anyone staying there right now”

I thank her and walk away tryna figure out what to do.

I text my gf asking why she texted me that address. she texts back right away with another address! I lose it and call a few times, each time it’s sent to voicemail. I text her back yelling “OK WTF is going on?! What’s your problem? Tell me what’s happening right fucking now!”

She texts back “i’m sorry sweetie, i didn’t mean to upset you! Just having fun with my friend, sorry guess i didn’t realize….I’ll be home tonight, but we’re out, omg babe i’m so drunk! I’ll see you at home, probably late!”

So i begin to walk back home…and remember the light rail isn’t running anymore….Now, I’ve got a 3.5 hour walk!

Finally i arrive home, it rained a little and i’m soaked, socks wet, and miserable and exhausted….

I open the door and hear slurping sounds and my gf giggling. My heart sinks and i already know what’s happening….I yell “wtf are you laughing about?! The fuck is wrong with you, ur being a fucking bitch!”

And i see the same man from the clips emerge from my bedroom, butt naked….he’s holding my favorite shirt, sweat dripping off his immaculate body and he wipes it off, then wipes his asshole with it, now it has skidmarks and throws it at me, saying “wtf did you say bitch?”

I ask who he is and what he’s doing at my place he replies “whatever tf i feel like doing faggot!” I say no it’s my place, and no i’m not gay” i emphasize gay, since i’m not a fan of bigotry and homophobia…”yeh didn’t say your gay, but you ARE a bitch ass faggot! Wtf you gonna do about it, huh? that’s wtf i thought, now, on your knees…obey or i’m gonna beat you up so badly….maybe you’ll get outta the hospital by the time i get out of jail, but it’s your choice” while making his pecs bounce in a very intimidating way. he walks up to me cracking his knuckles saying “ya know, i really DO hope you put up a fight; nobody ever wants to fight me” I look him up and down, knowing he’d kill me quickly….He’s gotta be a foot taller than me….im 5’9 and he’s gotta be at least 6’6!

I ask if i can take my shoes and wet socks off first and he laughs then slaps me in the face, open handed but hard, immediately followed by a left handed slap, i lose my balance and stumble to my knees, then i say “ok ok” on my knees looking up at him.

“Thank me for bullying you. Do it bitch” i thank him, he laughs, spits on me and gives me a wedgie….i make noise indicating it’s hurting, and he proceeds to give me an atomic wedgie…laughs then demands i take my clothes off but keep my wet socks on….

He laughs hysterically at my dick and shouts “baby, how tf were you actually fucking THIS?! omfg, ok come on slut”

And i see my love…she’s crawling on all fours..crawls up to this greek god and begins kissing his feet. She works her way up his legs, as she kisses and licks literally every inch of his perfect body.

Ali then says “ok now, don’t make me tell you again”

She looks me directly in my eyes “Bobby, keep looking in my eyes, ali says we must keep eye contact and he’s in charge here, ok? Please listen to what he says, i don’t want you to get hurt, i really don’t…not physically anyway. I say that because i i i DO want you to get emotionally hurt. I am sorry but when Ali told me he wanted to fuck me, i told him about you. Over months he kept teasing me for fucking such a loser; i love you but you are a loser. He’s been sending me pics of him, and the girls he fucks and omg babe, they cum so hard, and I fondly remembered being fucked by ali. I broke up with him cuz he cheated constantly and i thought that wasn’t ok, Now i realize how superior he is. It’s a small price to pay to be allowed to touch a superior man, im sure you understand. After i admitted how badly i wanted him he began insulting you and making fun of you. He made me take pics and record our sex, and that’s why i haven’t cum in so long, he said i wasn’t allowed with a loser like you. Ali is a sadist, he loves to make women worship him and loves nothing more than breaking beta men like you. That’s not an insult; you’re a beta, he’s an alpha, ya know?

He’s been planning for months to do this….it’s his masterpiece of destroying a loser!”

By this time i’m crying, tears streaming down my face…

“now bobby, we’re recording all of this and you’re now going to thank ali for making your fantasies come true. I know it hurts; the goal is to break you. Ali and i will marry, and you will work for us and live in a tiny room in the basement. U will be used and abused. I know it hurts but this is your new life now. Sure you can run away or something, but then ali will send all the vids and clips to your entire contact list.

But right now you’re going to beg ali to let you eat his sweaty asshole, do it you fucking piece of shit!” By this time ali is rubbing her pussy with his foot and it’s making her horny af….mmm fuck, i fucking hate you loser!” And she spits on me, confusing and hurting me.

I begin to beg to eat his asshole….

And wow, I began this planning on just whining about being so sad and pathetic but then wrote all this…wow i’ve got issues

[the1975attheirverybest]

A Theatrical Performance of An Intimate Moment

A/N: okay, so, this isn’t exactly fanfiction, lol. It’s simply me rambling on about my thoughts on atpoaim. I’ve been seduced by the series and I can’t help myself. I also just wanted to use it as a thinking exercise to reflect on where the band is at, what they’re currently doing artistically, etc. So, I totally understand if you decide to skip reading it. But I would love for this to be an opportunity for those who are interested to share their thoughts as well. It’s basically a bunch of questions I’m wondering about! So come talk to me about it if you’d like cuz I’m a nerd for this kind of thing!

Warnings: hella pretentious. I’m a PhD student in English Literature. Pretentious is my middle name.

The Title: the series title presents us with our first paradox. How can something intimate become theatrical, let alone a performance? Intimacy usually implies authenticity, genuineness, connection. Whereas theatricality is often associated with artifice and drama. The 1975 attempt to bring the two together, but is that even possible? Also, how is labeling this series as a “theatrical performance of an intimate moment,” change our perception of it? Like, is it different from watching a vlog? If Matty had announced this as a “behind the scenes document-series” or a “day in my life” we wouldn’t have the same level of distance and suspicion of what we are seeing on screen as we do now. What’s the purpose of creating that kind of experience for the audience?

The cinematography: the way that it’s filmed does two primary things for me: first, it emphasizes artificiality, I.e. constantly reminds us that this is a curated piece of media, edited in such a way that presents us with only PART of the truth (which, again, creates tension with this idea of ‘intimacy’). Through the black-and-white aesthetic that it’s referencing and using, through the humor, through the way that it’s cut and edited. So, what’s it saying to us? That Matty has to perform a certain version of himself to the cameras? If so, why do it at all? What is this series trying to accomplish?

The Performance: while I think that Matty is, here, building on the themes of BFIAFL, he seems to also be interested in exploring larger questions about art/ identity. We could see this as an extension of the mission of ATVB. His onstage persona shares some similar characteristics with the atpoaim series. He’s exaggerating, performing, pretending to be a version of himself to critique certain aspects of culture, consumption, our relationship with art and entertainment. It’s one thing to do so onstage as part of the gig because it offers us a “frame” to view the music/ concert experience. It’s another thing entirely to extend this into his personal life. What’s he saying about identity? That when get so used to performing a version of yourself to the world, it gets so stuck with you that you can’t quite shake it off even when you are alone? That he is constantly trying to mediate between his “real” self and a version of himself that he strives to be? And, of course, the age-old question: if he’s performing all the damn time, doesn’t that performance, at some point, BECOME the real him?

The Time Line: just a quick note that, in typical post-modernist fashion, the series is non-linear in terms of time. It seemed like the first episode was pre-SNL. And it dropped right before SNL so it made sense. Created this illusion of immediacy. We’re seeing things “in real time” if you will. BUT episode two was kind of vague. We see him watching SNL at on screen, so clearly it’s supposed to be AFTER, right? Except that mirror scene might suggest otherwise. He’s practicing “thinkin’ this through” so it might be that he’s preparing to do SNL? Or it could be a clip from episode 1’s mirror scene that is inserted into episode 2. Meaning, it actually happened BEFORE we got to see it. Of course, he’s picking up on the fan jokes that he said “finkin this frue” on SNL, so he’s reacting to something that happened AFTER. Also, as this anon has pointed out, it’s in the context of wiping the mirror, and perhaps suggesting that he’s perfecting an exterior version of himself/ working out flaws.

The Episodes: the first one seems to be primarily about establishing expectations with the audience while the second one is about undermining/ ruining those expectations. Ep 1 gives us the sense that we are getting a glimpse of what Matty is ‘really like’ behind the scenes as he goes about doing mundane things that we all do in life. We might not all be stopped on the street for selfies, but we all have to perform a certain version of ourselves for the world. Ep. 2 on the other hand, highlights the difference between performance and reality when Matty gets caught up in the celebrity status and does ridiculous things such as hide in a suitcase, etc. the definition of “taking the piss” lmao. Also, I couldn’t help but note the ending of episode 2 where Matty meets with an artist who does the same thing but to a ridiculous extent. They have that debate about “what’s more important? Art or people?” Matty seems to come down firmly on the side of people. Is this his ethos, so to speak? Is this a reaction to the way he’s publicly perceived and criticized? Is this him saying that art has limits? If so, what do these limits mean to him as an artist? And how does the fact that this conversation is, in itself, happening INSIDE a piece of art affect its meaning. Like, is that also a performance? Is the conversation about art also art? What’s he trying to say?

That’s all for now….LET ME KNOW WHAT YALL THINK, IF YOU HAVE ANY THOUGHTS ON ANY OF THIS / HOW YOU INTERPRET THE SERIES!!!