#because of that i havent been able to talk with friends online in vc even though id love to

[terramassakin]

...

[pinksparklelps]

I just

Cant

Rant under cut cuz im probably gonna just go off once i start

I’ve been having fun with ff14, promise, but im just,,, so tired

Ive been playing for 4 hours with boring fetch quests that i hardly can pay attention to. There were too many people for me in one vc and too much talking that was way too loud for me to focus properly. Doesnt help that i was using my osia so they were LITERALLY in my head. I’ve barely had a chance to explore, to do things on my own and see the new world ive been ceremoniously dropped into. And to add onto having to so the same thing over and over for hours Ive been distracted and brought off track by being asked to look at new things, just wait a moment, wanna do this thing? And I just… how can i get past “the most boring part of the game” if i cant even do one quest without being shown 3 different birds and a couple of emotes. I like the help, i like my friends, i like not being alone in a new environment, but i just feel like im being weighed down by not only people around me but by the game itself. I want to keep going but I already feel burned out despite enjoying my time online. I havent been able to focus at all for these past few hours because so much was happening all at once and i was never given a single second to process a thing. The only thing i really remember is naming one guy garfield and hitting stone thousands of times.

Its almost 3 am now but i dont think ill be able to sleep despite how exhausted i am from hours of overstimulation

[ilajue]

dear ila,

HELLO!!! since when have you had little hearts around your name in the heading thingy :O anyways blah blah I was having a crisis about internet friends blah blah I got sentimental and emotional and i realized I havent talked to most of my mutuals in a while cause of school n stuff, and it would be nice to send you a normal ask, but theres no fun in that, so youre getting a letter :D

okay!! thank you for being one of the best people i've ever talked to :D youre one of the first people on tumblr I actually felt comfortable being myself around and in general I just really. enjoy being around you. I like how from the very first interaction we ever had you've just always been. you. youve been nice and you make me laugh and I appreciate you :D you n all of lemonblr made quarantine bearable and decent even just by talking to me and I just wanted to thank you for that :D (without you guys I dont think. I could've survived quarantine honestly. so uhh yea)

I hope you know that youre really cool :D n youre really funny :D n im not leaving or anything!! I just. wanted to tell you all that :] thanks <3

love,

milo

(p.s. I dont have that many things I wanna do when I move out n stuff! like a bucket list or anything. but I think the one thing that keeps me going is the thought that one day I might be able to meet you :D n give you a hug!! like a physical hug. was that creepy? I think it was. anyways, yea :D thanks)

Dear Milo

I had to add the hearts around my name because on desktop my theme is kinda broken jfkdkd I have to have a specific number of characters in each heading so that it doesnt get jumbled. I also have been missing a lot of my internet friends school and sports and family stuff and work have been kicking my ass and take up so much of my time 😔 I just got accepted into a very cool internship program where I get to do historical media analysis and learn critical race theory and travel and stuff like that but it's another crazy time commitment that I wont be able to use to draw and keep in touch with everybody ):

I am uno reversing your thank you! I was in vc with mello, cey and ender the other day and we realised that you where litterally the glue that put together lemonblr. I would have never gotten to know anyone if you hadnt been kind to me and engaged with me and I'm so grateful for you. you are so sweet and lovely and you make me want to love life and love humanity. I've never had any sort of online friends to this extent before but genuinly you and beyond that all my lemonblr friends are the reason I've gotten through the past year.

over quarantine, on top of obviously covid I had some very heavy family problems and mental health issues and while I am still dealing with and recovering from them, knowing that I had an escape in you and my other lemonblr friends made it survivable. like ik it sounds a bit pathetic but knowing I had people who cared was what made me be able to get out of bed and eat on some days. you have always been kind and genuine and I am so grateful to have met you. and one day I desperately want to give you a real actual hug like in person <33 (it's not creepy dw jgkdk) thank you for being my friend

love Ila

(ps yes one day I promise we will meet eachother in person and I will make you an apple pie)