#because ya you can program a robot to do a lot but teaching common sense IS HARD | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ecotone99 · 4 years

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[SF] The 3 Shlicks

(Warning: Swearing, suggestive themes/languages)

Inspired by Rick & Morty

SETTING: Inside a spaceship

Skinblob: (in his bunker, sadly scrolling through all the bulk men on the socials)

Nether: (stretches, walking in) "Welp, I jizzed in the robot's tits and ready for bed!" (pounces in his bunk)

Cerine: (dispenses a napkin and wipes the cum from her chest)

Skinblob: "H-hey Cerine...I was wondering...well...do you think I'm good looking-?"

Cerine: (sharp, robotic responce) "No." (programmed smile)

Skinblob: "OH! OH...well… I was...I...c-can I get like...a hug, a hug from you"

Cerine: "No, you flappy foreskin."

Skinblob: "Oh…" (lays sadly, back to his phone)

Nether: "What else are we gonna do to pass time around here, huh? Be sad and look at others people's lives?"

Skinblob: (slowly puts his phone under the pillow)

Nether: "We're stuck in this pod for like...what, Cerine?"

Cerine: "28 days and 17 hours-."

Nether: "28 goddamn days!! Until we reach that pathetic dry ads9 planet full of life called Earth!" (licks his paw, studies the taste, realizes he hasn't washed it)

Oh yeah, I wipe with this hand. Anyways, while being quarantined in this ship deck, we're going to have to manage our boring, introverted asses into self-entertainment, self-improvement, and self-pleasuuure~.

(takes a sip of his soda)

Unlike being like Mr. Sad shit over there, being bummed by others who peaked."

Skinblob: 😭 "I-I have low self-esteem!!"

Nether: "Not as low as that face on your bald head, heyooo!!!"

Skinblob: "S-Shut up!!!"

Cerine: "My system detects the final minutes of fully-baked hot pockets."

Nether: (pounces out of bed) "Thank goodness, I'm starving. Hey Skinhead, you gonna eat or wha'? (throws empty can at him)

Skinhead: "Ow!! I'm coming already!"

SETTING: Main kitchen deck

Skinblob: "Please stop talking bad about me, I have anxiety!"

Nether: "If your anxiety was that bad, you wouldn't be caring about what others look like." (pops another soda)

Skinblob: "You don't understand, look at me!" (stretches his arms and skin to superhuman lengths)

Nether: 😑 "Yeah, you're a walking flesh blob alright."

Skinblob: (whiney, grown voice, flayering his arms around) "I don't want to be all stretchy and saggy! I want to be buff and ripped!! I-I'm like an old man's ballsack with no balls!"

Nether: "Look on the bright side, you can smack bitches from a mile away with your elastic abilities. And you shouldn't care really, I mean look at me, I'm not buff, there's more meat in you than me."

Cerine: (passes out the hot pockets on plates) "I appreciate Skinblob's appearance, no matter how pathetic he ages throughout time as a sack of shit."

Nether: (burps) "That's right, but hey if you really care, you can take this sweet time in and work on yourself. Build yourself with exercise and working out, and all that human male testosterone bullshit." (eats hot pocket)

Skinblob: (enlightened) "Wow, you're right, I could totally do that now!! You're a genius" (dashes to the yoga room pod with food)

Nether: "Fuck yeah I am."

Cerine: "I though I was the genius around here."

Nether: "You too, but I like getting hyped up, majority of the time, ya know, really keeps me going." (consumes drink)

Cerine: "It was also very hypocritical of you to talk about his self-esteem; yours isn't as strong as you think it is."

Nether: "I know, but hell, who else is he going to listen to, a walking toaster?"

Cerine: "Whatever, are we going to watch that movie or what?"

Nether: "I was hoping to smash your tits again, but sure whatever." (burps)

Skinblob: (practicing different stretches and excersices) "C'mon, I can d-do this!"

Nether: (sitting in the living room deck, watching TV with Cerine) "I never got to know your past either, where the fuck did you came from?"

Cerine: "I have no past, just birthed from recycled plastic power."

Nether: "Deep, you're the lucky one, you don't have any traumatic experiences that hold you back or makes you do stupid and regrettable shit."

Cerine: "You kidding? I just wished I had memories...something to think about when I'm just to myself. I wish I can daydream, all I can ever do is focus on the present and future...it's monotonous."

Nether: "Cerine, don't be a stupid bot. If you had to live on a planet where all you had to be was an alpha beast defending it's shithead king and it's kingdom, facing years of trial and gut-wrenching training, and living a constant dog-eat-dog world or else your nothing, you wish you could erase it from your damn cranium to the fucking trash bin like you can!

I never want to go back to that Hell planet ever again, I'd burn it to the ground if I had a choice."

Cerine: "You don't have to give up to let go "

Nether: "Huh?"

Cerine: "I said, you don't have to give up to let go."

Nether: "...the fuck does that mean? It's that some type of ancient proverb you generated just now?"

Cerine: "It means, you don't have to give up everything to let go of what's holding you. You don't have to hate your entire past just because there were a handful of bad experiences.

Common intelligent life forms have bad traits of letting go of everything in a spiral rather than accept their flawed atmosphere and individuality, you cannot control an imperfect world to expect results of a perfect life overall.

You must accept faith in order to understand your destiny.

Once you accept the imperfections of life, you can understand yourself more and receive realistic expectations from the world around you. Be honest with yourself, you don't hate your planet that much, do you?"

Nether: (folds himself) "Yeah, I do."

Cerine: "Well, even if you do, you still had great memories there, right?"

Nether: "I don't remember."

Cerine: "Well, just because you don't remember doesn't mean you know if it was good or not. And even if it wasn't good nor bad, neutrality is better than bad, right?"

Nether: "I guess, I don't fucking know."

Cerine: "A neutral, boring life is statistically better and healthier than one full of suffering and endless mourning. Most likely when we get to Earth, our lives will be more like that since we have no common enemies or laws that overwhelm us. We will finally have individual and spiritual peace, that's what you want, right?"

Nether: (curls head into shoulder, holds back tears) "I just want to see my mom…I want to see mommy."

Cerine: "Your mother is waiting for us on Earth, be strong for her." (smiles)

14 days left

Nether: (walks in on Skinblob in the yoga room, handstanding)

Skinblob: "Oh, hey Nether!"

Nether: (soda in hand) "Hey shithead. Let me hog the TV, will ya? Cerine must be on one of her robotic periods or something because she's not tolerating any of my shit today." (changes channel)

Skinblob: "Ya know, y-you could show Cerine-chan a little more respect, you know? She does do a lot for us, s-she even was the one who put us on this ship in the first place."

Nether: (changes channel, glued to TV) "Who gives a shit?"

Skinblob: 😠 "I do! And y-you should too!! We wouldn't be here without her, a-and you would have been stuck on that lace planet of yours!"

Nether: (sharply turns to him, defensive) " I WAS JUST JOKING, FUCKFACE!!"

Skinblob: "Huh, funny, y-you have a crude sense of humor, you know that? Funny you go the extra mile for that punchline but can't admit-"

Nether: (growls and fronts him) "WHAT, CAN'T ADMIT WHAT!?!?"

Skinblob: "Can't admit your just as broken as I am!!"

Nether: "I'm nothing like you!!"

Skinblob: "You know what, your right. You were broken like me, but for these past 2 weeks, I've been getting results a-and I've never been happier! Maybe you're just the only one now with low self-esteem!-"

Nether: "HOW DO YOU-!!'

Skinblob: (moves his ears) "My ears can stretch a mile long, bitch."

Nether: (leaps and tackles) "THAT'S IT, YOU SON OF A BITCH, I'M BITING YOU, I'M BITING OFF YOUR FOREHEAD!! YOUR FOREHEAD AND EARS ARE GOING TO BE GONE!!!"

Cerine: (standing at the door, erupted, the loud commotion ruined her TV time)

Nether and Skinblob keep fighting until they notice Cerine behind them.

Both: 😮 "..."

Cerine: (unleashes) "...first off, I've had enough of you!!" (kicks Nether in the corner, goes to him and twist his arms out of place as he squeals, then stomping his throat in)

Secondly, I had enough of you!!"

Skinblob: (backing away) "W-wait, p-please!-"

Cerine: "I had enough of seeing your ugly face!!" (stomps his forehead into skin jelly)

THIS NONSENSE HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR WEEKS! I'm so done with you two's bickering. If we plan on starting together, then you two need to stop acting like a bunch of cucks! BOTH of you are full of cotton shit and eggshells. There, now APOLOGISE!!"

Both: (crippled into submission) "I'm sorry."

Cerine: (walks back into the living room) "If any of you disturb me again I swear I'll throw you into the fucking endless abyss of space!"

7 days left

SETTING: SHIP AIRCRAFT TOWER

Nether: "Look man, I just want to apologize for what happened last week. I understand I can be a pain in the ass sometimes, but that's all I know majority of times.

Coming from that dog shit planet, all they ever do is teach you how to be an asshole alpha male. "

Skinblob: (sighs) "U-Understanable man. I can be a wad too, at times. I shouldn't eavesdrop on you convo like that, that was wrong of me. M-maybe I still do have some things wrong with me

Nether: (looks at the ocean of stars in the sky) "I just want to take it easy, ya know. I don't want to have to keep fighting for an invisible pillar of achievement & dominance, I'm done with that shit.

I just want to go home and see my mom, I miss her. I bet there's someone waiting for you too, huh?"

Skinblob: "Nope, just here with you guys. Heh, y-you're the only family I have."

Nether: (one-sided hug) "Ah, you got the best family on board! We're the unstoppable trio, skinhead!"

Skinblob: "Heh, y-yeah I guess you're right!"

Nether: "Let's settle a truce right here, we'll never fight again, and if we do, we'll let Cerine kick both of our asses to oblivion!"

Cerine: (pops up behind them, scaring them both out their seats) "I forward with that motion."

7 days later

As the ship enters orbit of the green planet, all 3 members pack their luggage and suit into some fresh new clothes. The perspective of a black sky turns sky blue as they dive further into planet Earth.

Earth, the beautiful planet alone being one of the many homes of stable and intelligent life. The luxoruis rainforest to the crystal clear oceans, the bustling breathtaking views of skyscrapers and architectural landscapes accessories as jewelry to Mother Nature.

Millions of beings watched the low-ship pass by, but not in shock, as they were in awe by expecting the first few to many outside lifeforms being the first extraterrestrial crew members.

When they land, they are greeted to the vivid citizens and the president of WT World. Awaiting them are three noble citizenship medal of honors, a contract forming a new law to outside Earthlings, the commission of the CUX World & ARPEGGIO Inc., and the beautiful mother of Nether waiting to see her son.

12 years later

Cerine: (In her signature ship yet again, coming across a red cosmic portal in the void of space) "Huh, what's this? My database tells me it's a Ximer portal, very rare to find them on this side of the galaxy."

(she scans the portal causing it to vibrate and pulse violently)

"..."

(The portal glows a bright sonic blue and explodes into space dust, creating a cloud of plasma opening a white, spacial dimension)

"...the fuck did I just do?"

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