#bee52

[joytraveler]

#36: Planet Of Pisces

"Okay, Pisces Playhouse, let's go- ooh look my character's a COOL DUDE! And I'm a firm believer that having cool sunglasses can help you save the universe, which is why I'm going to wear them this episode"

This game-- unlike any other so far-- has an intro! A blue spaceship soars through a sky full of stars, and inside, a boy with a red fauxhawk peers through the window unsurely as his burly, silver-haired father drives with a smile of confidence.

Syrupentine: Santa And Son!

[My father founded the Pisces project.]

[He created the machines that would convert this barren planet into a new Earth, and left them here.]

The screen switches back to the exterior of their ship, which is now skimming over the surface of a lush, green planet.

CRACK! Suddenly, a silver tentacle grabs the ship right out of the air!

aroseahorseboy: AAH FUCK JUMP SCARE

[They have been waiting for us to come back.]

The Planet Of Pisces logo, a pair of splashing blue fish, appears over the scene, as smoke from the crashed spaceship rises into the sky.

aroseahorseboy: Told you the last one was always the best, Bea

"I can't see anything- OH!" She removes her sunglasses just in time. "Daaang, ok I dunno if anyone ever played Xardion but this is what this makes me think of"

Bee52: cool I hope you get to play a robot cat!

When Bea starts the game, sprites of the father and son are standing outside the wrecked spaceship. The father is speaking.

[I'm going to the CPU to find out what went wrong. I'll be back by nightfall. Glem, you stay here and don't go anywhere!]

He walks off screen and the boy sits down next to the ship-- and the sun sets, the moon comes out, the sun rises again. The boy stands up and puts on those cool sunglasses from the title screen.

[I gotta find Dad!]

aroseahorseboy: it's like the Odyssey, gotta find your father Klickitat_Street: "Glem"???

"Glem! From the game over thing?" Bea tries moving around. "I think I've heard of you and uh, it's nice to meet you in person! I dunno, should I tell him?"

DueyDecimal: i thought that was just a glitch! Maybe it comes from this game?

The game begins-- Glem can run and jump, and he's armed with a blue frisbee(?). But this frisbee returns to him like a yo-yo, bounces off walls and ricochets, and if Bea times it right, he can fly on it like a hover board!

"You can't tell but the control is tight, but you can see the sprite animations in this look better, some of these games have been good but I'm already feeling like this one's gonna be special"

This game is DEEP, with every stage introducing a new mechanic that becomes part of your repertoire of moves-- soon Glem is sledding down spikes with his Discus (as it turns out to be called) serving as a sled, pulling off amazing ricochet shots that bring hovering bad guys down to use as stepping stones, and more!

When Bea pauses for a snack, even the pause screen shows a map of the world, and an enemy encyclopedia! The most common enemy in this game is a bat-winged frog creature called a Hopteran, which can fly, swim, or (true to its name) hop; the most frustrating one is the Angul, which appears to be a winged angel made of glowing neon, and always appears to hunt Glem down at seemingly the worst times!

HNV: God, this game reminds me of the first time I ever played Super Mario 3. aroseahorseboy: its more like dkc but yeah! Max_Force: I'm going to be a dad in eight weeks, you guys... I hope there are still games like this when my daughter gets old enough to play.

Bea has been quiet, as she gets when she gets really into a game. "If you're out there, Mr. Or Ms. Joy Traveler development person, please just let me know who you are so I can credit you somehow because this is a gem hidden in a pile of.. Uh well its the best looking game so far lets keep it at that!"

By the time she gets to the last boss-- four and a half hours later-- the adventure has taken her from rolling green hills, to a parched desert, to dripping, foggy cliffs, and finally into this wild technological slime mold explosion, where the machines sprout up from the ground and attack, monitors spontaneously grow out of the walls and blare warnings, and her old friend Angul could be waiting around any corner. She's fought robots, biological hazards, and even what looked like a giant blob of blood gelatin-- but the end of Planet of Pisces is near.

"Okay so this has gone way, WAY overtime but I think I'm near the end here folks, at least I hope so. I would almost say that if you ever find one of these systems, it's almost worth getting just for this one"

aroseahorseboy: hands up if you ordered one while you were watching those! Bee52: me berd_snurglar: you can order these??? Syrupentine: I hope Glem's dad is OK. :( aroseahorseboy: I hope he's not the final boss Bee52: bite your tongue!!!

"Look, I'm not proud of the way I got this, okay? I had to pry it out of the cold dead hands of a little orphan girl and then I had to suck a whole lot of di- I got it off eBay for like 30 bucks. He said he played a few games and decided it sucked. So if you're out there, hit me up for uh, a free t-shirt"

Syrupentine: I'm a Little dead orphan girl, where's my free T-shirt HNV: Dead T-shirt contest, wooooo

"I dunno guys I feel like the dad usually dies in things like these but we'll see, hang on time, gonna farm these spidery things for health real quick and then it's on to the boss..."

She stands before the boss door, readying herself for anything.

Behind the final door is... what looks like a garage, filled with those robots that were attacking, except now they're building a spaceship identical to the one that you came here in. Directing them is – Glem's dad!

"Sure, sure, just do this to me, thats fine. You called it, AroSeahorseBoy. This is gonna be like a Wily fight but really sad isn't it!"

aroseahorseboy: aw, I didn't have to bite my tongue Syrupentine: Aro is so smart, S-M-R-T

Dad sees him and jumps down from the balcony he's on. ["Glem! I told you to stay where you were!"] He takes one step forward and freezes. All the robots stop and look at him. ["YOU CAN NEVER JUST DO AS YOU'RE TOLD."] Dad suddenly rises into the air-- and begins to glow as he changes. He's a Angul! And from the looks of things, the king of them all!

"OK THIS IS WORSE THAN I THOUGHT" shouts Bea while frantically dodging attacks. Of course this is the kind of boss you have to learn the attack patterns of, no matter how much you've powered up. In the end it's come down to raw skill.

"Dad why?? Were you one of them all along? Or not? Or am I, Glem, also an Angul?? Should I try to focus on not dying instead of theorizing right now, OW there goes a third of my health"

The worst part is, no matter what you throw at him, Dad isn't taking ANY damage! In fact, the only thing that makes him pause, as far as you can tell-- is when you accidentally destroy one of the robot drones that's busily building the ship in the background. That makes Dad MAD.

aroseahorseboy: it's a meta boss, great THAT means he has another form berd_snurglar: Aro stop trying to be smart, we already believe you

"Hey daaad, I'm messing up all your cool expensive robots! MMph, yeah, I'm gonna spray paint bad words all over your cool space ship, too!" She takes out another worker bot. "You spat all over my dream of being a world champion CD thrower and now you're gonna pay for it!"

The robots do rebuild themselves after a short time, but when she knocks them all out at once, the fight changes. Dad lands-- and seems to deflate, all the neon and metal flying away and entering the ship!

Dad stands up, looking weak. ["Glem... It's the CPU. It--he--wants to get back to Earth!"]

The ship shudders and begins to collapse-- no, it's changing. The worker robots are reabsorbed as it changes and expands, becoming... What exactly? Ah, of course-- a giant mechanical dragon.

HNV: DUDE TaichoSenseiKun: I want one!

"ME TOO!" Bea's so impressed with the design she barely jumps over the huge, electrified fireball headed her way, the first of many! "Aaaaaah jeez welcome to BULLET HELL, I see! Fuckfuckfuck, string of obscenities!!!"

This takes all her skills and she has to invent some new ones! She can use the snowboard technique to surf over those electric balls, but it's still a bear getting him down, because only one of his heads is vulnerable at any time, and he may have as many as five!

"Aright if you do the ricochet throw it's a little easier to hit him, but you have to get it pixel perfect! And so Herculass (that's me) vanquishes the mighty hydra, at the expense of her damn thumbs but I do if for you guys!" She slips between a rain of laser fire, every move counts and she's gotta think fast, but as the boss starts to flash red, it seems the end may be nigh.

NormalNancy: YOU GOT THIS BEA YOU GOT IT Syrupentine: Iwata-san, lend Bea your power from heaven

"Dude too soon. Ugh doesn't matter its ALWAYS gonna be too soon"

Syrupentine: I was sincere. :(

Whether through her own skill or divine intervention... It works! BOOOM, down goes the dragon in a shower of bubbly explosions, all three heads twisting and screaming!

NormalNancy: YOU DID IT MaxForce: Planet of FUCK YEAH! berd_snurglar: how you gonna get home now, there went your ship

"Am I done? I'm just.. I can't.." Suddenly it all catches up with Bea, she hasn't been this into a game in a while! "I'd give a big victory scream but I don't think I have in meOOOOOOOOOOH IN YOUR FACES, ALL FIVE OF THEM ASSHOLE!"

Glem's father comes up-- it's strange, how strong and burly he looked at the beginning of the game, and how Glem seems to tower over him now.

["You've actually beaten 6R316-UE... Son, I don't know what to say!"] The wreckage of the dragon rumbles. ["CALL ME BY MY NAME... DAD."]

Suddenly the same neon and metal cloud rises from the dragon's heap-- and flies right into Glem!

"Aww.. Maybe his dad really just wanted to- OH NO!"

["Glem! No!"]

As Glem falls to the ground, his father grabs the Discus and tosses it into the air-- where it becomes another cloud and pursues the first into Glem!

"I... I don't know whats happening? Did I do something wrong? Is there more??" She tries tapping the buttons lightly, bracing herself for another boss fight

A new stage starts-- and it's not like any other stage in the game. It's sort of like Tron and sort of like Bomberman; a high-speed chase through Glem's own brain, where you have to use the blue bombs to block off the silver dragon-headed tapeworms and force them to destroy themselves!

DueyDecimal: TAPEWORMS! In this game?? berd_snurglar: it's more likely than you think

"WHAT IS HAPPENING WHERE ARE WE WHY ARE WE WHAT ARE WE DOING?!" Bea says, desperately trying to adapt to the new play style! Suddenly the old rules don't apply! "I'm developing an abusive relationship with this device, in that I think its amazing and wonderful and wants to make me suffer"

Every time she lands a hit on one of the dragons, a text box appears, and some of the dialogue seems a bit familiar.

[MY NAME IS NOT 6R316-UE.] [MY NAME IS GREIGUE.] [BUT IT COULD JUST AS WELL BE GLEM.] [OUR FATHER NEVER NEED KNOW WHO WON THIS BATTLE.][ONE SON IS AS GOOD AS ANOTHER TO HIM...]

"Bomb, bomb, evade, EVADE- ffff!! Wait, no, good, I think I got two at once that time?!" Bea's weary but not beaten. She can't be beaten now, she's come too far! "Get out of my HEAD, Greeg! I'm so pissed I'm not even gonna try getting your name right"

Syrupentine: Greigue? Someone's been playing Earthbound Zero... berd_snurglar: wait seriously the terrible monster we've been working our way toward is called 'greg'? aroseahorseboy: it's either that or "Greg-Ooh" DueyDecimal: Gregory the Terrible Eater! aroseahorseboy: if I didn't know that was a book about cartoon goats, that would sound like eldritch horror

Bea is visibly dozing off as she battle rages on, somehow just barely mashing buttons well enough to stay alive, even if she wanders aimlessly into a corner now and then. "s'gonna be over soon. I can feel it, I will persist, and so on, die already"

NormalNancy: BEA WAKE UP YOUR WINNING MaxForce: This is really creepy! aroseahorseboy: one more one more don't choke

"You guys are gonna have better luck piecing together what's happening than I am, I am- I'm almost dead now" she's down to one health pip!

Finally, there's only one dragon head left, chasing Bea's glowing avatar (Glem's soul?) through the maze faster than ever. All it takes is one well-placed bomb, that spins the walls around and captures the dragon in a cube, making it spin faster and faster and finally swallow its own tail!

[NO! NO! I WAS FINALLY! SO! CLOOOSE!]

[JOYRIDERRRRRR!]

The whole screen erupts in digital explosions, and fades back to the workshop, where Glem's father is holding his son, head in his lap.

NormalNancy: YESSS NormalNancy: Way to go Bea! Bee52: wait, joyrider? Wtf?

Bea actually slumps out of her chair for comic effect, but then falls on the floor for real. (THUD)

"OW! Shhh... I'm fine, just.. Not gonna do that again" (at least she's awake!)

The story plays out on the screen as Glem's eyes flicker open, his father hugging him tightly.

[I should have trusted you. You haven't just saved me-- you saved this world I built for us.]

[I've recovered control from 6R316-UE. The machines can rebuild the ship for me in just a few hours. What do you want to do?]

Now the game presents Bea with a final choice:

<I want to go home to Earth.> <I want to live here.>

HNV: it's a trap Klickitat_Street: I don't feel like we got enough input which would be the correct choice. aroseahorseboy: don't give up on earth! Syrupentine: No, stay, you put so much of yourself in this planet NormalNancy: KILL ME NOWWWW

"We know they were going away from the earth, we don't know why though! Is it bad? Do we really want to stay here and chance it with the crazy machines? Uugh.. I dunno."

"Whatever, doesn't matter what I choose, I can always come back and see the other one, can't I?"

"She said, tempting fate"

"Know what? somebody's gotta keep an eye on this place or things just go cray cray so.. all right, dad. We'll stay here, together. And have a cool robot family! I hope. Do you think we could rebuild Greg and make him nice? I feel kind of bad for him"

[I want to stay here.] [After all I've put you through here, you want to stay?] His dad hugs him tight. [The ship launches in three hours... But we won't be on it.]

The scene cuts to Glem and his dad watching the ship sail into the sky... And fades to black.

The torn and tarnished landscape reappears, and the cast roll begins-- all the monsters and meanies Glem fought pass by and are named, from Hopteran to Angul and even some Bea missed (what in the world was Wuggykins?). As the cast rolls by, the landscape slowly heals, going from brown and parched to green and welcoming, and crops and buildings start to appear. Even the sky goes from yellow to blue.

Syrupentine: Awww aroseahorseboy: Bea you totally made the right choice

"I sure hope so. I have a lot of questions but, all's well that ends well, I guess!" She leans back in her chair as she watches, a smile creeping over her face. "This is the kind of game I didn't WANT to end, in a way. This deserves a sequel!"

Finally the five faces of 6R316-UE appear, and cackle cruelly as the characters in its name change one by one to GREIGUE.

The faces disappear one by one, as do the letters... And when the word says GRE_G__, the dragon face looks sad as it disappears.

Llord_Kuruku: nickname Greg confirmed Bee52: Poor mecha dragon

"Thanks, rub it in, game" says Bea with a frown

Then a speck appears in the sky. The ship has returned! We fade back in on Glem and his dad as they watch it land...and out comes the whole family.

Names appear over everyone as they run out and hug Glem and his dad: RIKEL, a tiny little girl who falls flat on her face as she runs for Daddy's arms. ZORK and MARG, twin boys who grab each other and start wrestling before they can even join the family group. RENK, a boy who looks close to Glem's age who runs out to hug him first. And finally out comes...

Syrupentine: REDMOM!!! Klickitat_Street: I knew we were calling her Mom for a reason!

Bea screams! "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Sorry it's just, there she is! And the kids! So, everything was leading up to this game?? And the kids, too! Even if she named them weird!"

"I mean we shouldn't assume but she always did look like the mom type. Mom type Pokémon"

Redmom runs up to her husband and they embrace as their names appear: JOYRIDER and JAYWALKER.

Baconnaise: apparently weird-ass names are a family tradition??? aroseahorseboy: the computer knew Glem's mom??????

She sees the names. "Nnnnnnnng, 'Jaywalker'" she massages her temples.

HNV: Luke Jaywalker

"Ok, so, at least some of these are our mascot characters? I know two are, some of the kids have appeared in game, I know the twins from Beware! Kitchen, I don't think I've seen the others? This is adorable though, you don't usually get a game starring a whole family.. Or a series of games I s'pose"

DueyDecimal: A whole family of mascots reminds me of Doki Doki Panic! And Legacy of the Wizard if anyone remembers that!

The words The End appear in the sky as the family embraces in their new home, and the screen fades to black... But before it restarts, the sad dragon face appears once more with a message:

[IF ONLY ANY STORY COULD TRULY END SO HAPPILY.]

NormalNancy: whaaat DueyDecimal: Oh God this had better not have all been a dream!

But it doesn't seem to be-- Bea is returned to the title screen after a few tense moments.

"Man here it comes! I knew there was gonna be some bullsh- oh"

Bea looks into the camera. "SEQUEL HOOK!"

Bee_52: is there a Joy Traveler 168, please say yes Llord_Kuruku: just skip ahead to Planet of Pisces 2! aroseahorseboy: does ANYONE have a ROM for this???

"Wait, there IS a sequel? I musta just glossed over it, I couldn't have known! And I don't think there's a rom, I don't even know if there's another Joy Traveler of THIS model in existence!"

MaxForce: the one I bought was just Joy Traveler 67, it has 100 less games. :( aroseahorseboy: does it have POP though?? MaxForce: dunno, I ordered it an hour ago!

"You did whatnow??" "I mean cool but, I didn't know you could!"

MaxForce: yeah Bea! If it's got different games I might do my own LP of it and if not, AWESOME

"It could have totally different stuff but I hope you get to play this, the world must know! Now I need to recover a little so, gonna end the stream now, it's been a hell of a ride. Thanks for joining, my bees! Til next time, your queen bids you adieu!"

She doesn't turn it off right away, though. She lingers, thinking over some of the things she's seen. Is it more than just a bunch of recurring characters that show up through these games? There has to be more to their story, but maybe for another time.

[herosone111]

FC(NES)感觉值得玩的游戏，因为我是做游戏的，所以这个榜单是根据“游戏类型”分类的，所以一个类型的游戏一旦出现一个，其他可能就不会出现，所以假如出现“迷糊蛋”就不会出现“银河战士”。或者后面有MOD画质增强版就不收录了。

❶Super Contra(超级魂斗罗)

❷热血时代剧(ダウンタウンスペシャル くにおくんの时代剧だよ全员集合)

❸赤色要塞(Jackal)

❹忍者神龟3(TurtlesⅢ；日版是忍者神龟2)

❺帝国战机(Crisis Force)

❻Summer Carnival '92(烈火92)

❼Bram Stoker's Dracula(德拉克拉伯爵)

❽小美人鱼(The Little Mermaid)

❾脱狱(Prisoners Of War、P.O.W)

❿龙珠Z外传-赛亚人灭绝计划(ドラゴンボールZ外伝 サイヤ人絶滅計画)

⓫孤独战士-惑星戒严令(Isolated Warrior、Max Warrior)

⓬怪鸭历险记(Dark Wing Duck)

⓭西游记世界Ⅱ天上界的魔神(西遊記ワールド2天上界の魔神、Whomp 'Em)

⓮打砖块(Arkanoid)

⓯Jurassic Park(侏罗纪公园；英文，很难)

⓰雪人兄弟(Snow Bros)

⓱敲冰块(Ice Climber)

⓲松鼠大作战(Chip 'n Dale Rescue Rangers；有一代二代)

⓳气球大战(Boalloon Fight)

⓴Snake Rattle 'n Roll(双蛇城)

㉑航空小英雄(Tale Spin)

㉒忍者神龟2(TurtlesⅡ)

㉓三目童子(三つ目がとおる)

㉔Solomon's Key(所罗门之钥)

㉕七宝奇谋(The Goonies)

㉖迷糊蛋(へべれけ、HEBEREKE、Ufouria:The Saga)

——

画质好的任天堂卡带和MOD，其实这里开始就不按游戏好玩程度了，而是按卡带和游戏技术排列，也就是没有排列。

㉗Cosmic Epsilon(宇宙战机)

㉘Hard Drivin'(超级赛车)

㉙Bill Elliott's NASCAR Challenge(比尔艾略特之云斯顿赛车锦标赛)

㉚RESCUE-The Embassy Mission(救援-大使馆任务)

㉛無賴戦士(Burai Fighter)

㉜口袋里的魔鬼(Monster In My Pocket)

热血系列，很多汉化版，游戏太多无法一一介绍。

㉝邦夫君的热血足球联赛(くにおくんの热血サッカーリーグ；热血足球3其实是2，热血足球2其实是1代的国际版)

㉞热血格斗传说(熱血格鬥伝說)

㉟热血新纪录(びっくり热血新记录 -はるかなる金メダル、Crash'n The Boys Street Challenge)

㊱8 Bit Music Power(8Bit音乐力量)

㊲奥瓦的觉醒(Alwa's Awakening)

㊳Splatter House(腐尸之屋)

㊴魂斗罗力量(Contra Force)

㊵恶魔城传说(Castlevania III - Dracula's Curse)

㊶Solomon's Key Fire 'n Ice(所罗门之钥火与冰)

㊷魂斗罗(Contra)

㊸大金刚JR(Donkey Kong JR)

㊹忍者茶茶丸(忍者じゃじゃ丸くん、Ninja Jajamaru Kun)

㊺猫捉老鼠(Mappy)

㊻超越地平线(Over Horizon)

㊼突袭班戈灵湾(Raid on Bungeling Bay)

㊽Fire Hawk(火鹰)

㊾碰碰车(City Connection)

㊿双截龙(Double Dragon；有一代二代三代)

51 Cabal(勇士们)

52 Bee52(小蜜蜂52)

53 Commando(戰場の狼、战场之狼)

54 Kickle Cubicle(迷宫岛；推冰块)

55 Super Mario USA(超级马里奥USA、梦工场ドキドキパニック、Yumekojo DokiDoki Panic)

56 Super Mario Bros3(超级马里奥兄弟3)

57 月宫桌球(Lunar Pool)

58 天使之翼2(キャプテン翼Ⅱ Super Striker)

59 冒险岛(高桥名人の冒險岛；有一二三四代，有的有汉化版)

60 アルマジロ(Armadillo、仙人掌)

61 Startropics(热带之星；游戏内信件密码747，有一二代)

62 Metal Slader Glory(メタルスレイダーグローリー)

63 火炮(GUN-DEC、Vice: Project Doom)

64 重力装甲(Metal Storm、重力装甲メタルストーム)

65 Bat Man-Return Of The Joker(蝙蝠侠2)

66 剑王(Sword Master)

67 圣铃传说(聖鈴伝説Lickle、Little Samson；密码5555)

68 Power Blade2(Captain Saver)

69 忍者蛙(Battle Toads)

70 蝙蝠侠(Bat Man)

71 Dragon Fighter(龙战士)

72 Zanac(银河号)

73 加纳战机(GUN-NAC；在片头长按AB键进入作弊模式)

74 Q版沙罗曼蛇(Parodius)

75 鳄鱼先生(The Adventures Of Bayou Billy)

76 赤影战士(KAGE、Shadow Of The Ninja)

77 忍者猫(キャッ党忍伝てやんでえ、Samurai Pizza Cats)

78 炸弹人(Bomber Man)

79 B-Wings(B计划)

80 Mappy Kids(少年快乐鼠)

81 The Lone Ranger(独行侠、长枪手传奇)

82 Felix The Cat(菲力克斯猫)

83 双翼人(Legendary Wings)

84 特救指令(Shatter Hand)

85 马里奥拆屋工(Wrecking Crew)

86 Rampage(大猩猩拆楼、怪兽拆楼)

87 SD快打旋风(Sd Final Fighter、Mighty Final Fight)

88 星之卡比梦之泉的物语(星のカービィ_夢の泉の物語、Kirby)

89 Chack'n Pop(拯救爱心、流行恰克)

90 ELITE(精英、银河侵略者)

91 彩虹岛(Rainbow Islands)

92 泡泡龙(Bubble Bobble；有一二代)

93 Double Dribble(二次运球、篮球)

94 迷宫组曲(Milon"s Secret Castle)

95 杀戮战场(Combat)

96 超级中国人2龙之子(Super Chinese 2: Dragon Kid、Little Ninja Brothers)

97 弹珠台(Pin Ball)

98 Batman Returns(蝙蝠侠3)

99 Thundercade(雷电节奏、摩托车特殊部队)

100 影子传说(影の伝説)

101 Flappy(顽皮精灵、フラッピー)

102 Paper Boy(送报童；有一代二代)

103 ココロン(Cocoron、魔法世界)

104 唐老鸭历险记(Duck Tales、わんぱくダック夢冒険；有一二代)

105 超惑星战记(超惑星戦記メタファイト、Blaster Master)

106 踢王(Kick Master)

107 龍牙(Ninja Crusaders、龙牙)

108 激龟快打(Turtles Tournament Fighters)

109 上尉密令(Captain America and The Avengers)

110 红巾特攻队(Sky Destroyer)

111 梦之勇士(Little Nemo - The Dream Master)

112 Rock man(洛克人、Mega Man；有1到6代)

113 Exerion(火凤凰、凤凰战机)

114 Silk Worm(中东战争、联合大作战)

115 前线大作战(Front Line)

116 CLU CLU LAND(金鱼、克鲁克鲁世界)

117 魔法门之英雄无敌(Heroes Of Might & Magic)

118 嘉蒂外传(The Guardian Legend、ガーディック外伝)

119 绘描衛門(描绘卫门)

120 Super Spy Hunter(超级间谍猎人)

121 Devil World(恶魔世界)

122 重装机兵(Metal Max)

123 阿尔戈斯战士(Argos No Senshi、阿格斯战士、未来战士)

124 忍者龙剑传(有123代，很难)

125 希特勒复活(トップシークレット ヒットラーの復活、Hitler no Fukkatsu: Top Secret、Bionic Commando、生化尖兵、希魔复活)

126 魔道士阴谋(リトルマジック、Little Magic)

127 龙珠英雄(半熟英雄)

128 天神之剑(God Slayer - Haruka Tenkuu no、Crystalis)

129 WILLOW(威洛之旅、风云际会)

130 Daiva(DAIVA Story 6: Nirsartia no Gyokuz、超人迪瓦)

131 Shadow Gate(暗影之门)

132 Joy Mech Fight(快乐机器人)

133 ミッキーマウスIII 夢ふうせん(米老鼠3梦幻气球、Mickey Mouse III - Yume Fuusen、Kid Klown in Night Mayor World)

134 外星战将(Bucky O'Hare、バッキー オヘア、宇宙野兔）

135 G.I. Joe - A Real American Hero - The Atlantis Factor(特种部队2亚特兰蒂斯行动)

136 特种部队-一个真正的美国英雄(G.I.JOE - A Real American Hero)

137 Puzznic(连锁方块)

138 成龙之龙(ジャッキーチェン、Jackie Chan's Action Kung Fu)

139 Wizards&Warriors(巫师与武士、巫师与战士；有多代作品)

140 Gimmick!(吉米克)

141 Star Soldier(星际战士)

142 双鹰-乔兄弟的复仇(Twin Eagle-Revenge Joe's Brother)

143 The Flintstones(摩登原始人；有一二代)

144 六三四の剑(六三四之剑、Musashi no Ken-Tadaima Shugyou)

145 AbadoX:The Deadly Inner War(阿贝道X)

146 Terra Cresta(神鹰一号)

147 The Immortal(不死传说)

148 えりかとさとるの夢冒険(Erika To Satoru No Yume Bouken、绘里香与悟的梦冒险、少年梦冒险)

149 Ikari Warriors II - Victory Road(怒2-胜利之路)

150 西武ロードリスト蘭のチップチューン地獄(Seibu Roadlist Ran no Chiptune Jigoku、Seibu Roadlist Ran's Chiptune Hell、Run's Chiptune Hell、Chiptune Hell、西武大道_清单兰花之芯片音乐地狱、西武路单兰奇普顿地狱、西武路清单兰花芯片地狱；日文。有体验版(Trial版)但未找到正式版ROM，出品公司ProgressiveGames)

151 Iron Tank:The Invasion Of Normandy(Great Tank、铁坦克:入侵诺曼底、铁胆坦克)

152 Nespeccy(演示DEMO，用点的改变做出方格旋转)

153 Tokumaru Raycaster01(演示DEMO，可控制，德军总部)

154 Heoh Demo(演示DEMO，做假旋转场景）

155 High Hopes By Aspekt(演示DEMO，多种效果，模拟器未必支持）

156 AxelayNesMusic(256ko)(演示DEMO，假地平线扭曲)

157 BladeBuster(刀锋战机)

158 Race America(上下分屏双人赛车)

159 Bio Force Ape(生化猿人、生物力量猿人)

其实还有橄榄球之类但是不知道怎么玩，很多没有排列了。

——

MOD(改版)或玩家自制，这些是个人独立作品，不是系列，所以会收录。

Celeste Mario(蔚蓝马里奥)

RockMan 4 Voyage(4代之前没充分使用FC机能所以123代claw和2Bm和7Ep都不收录)

RockMan 4 Miuns Infinity

RockManCX_ワィソー課長の挑戰

RockMan 4 Burst Chaser X Air Sliding

阿拉丁

Blazing Blocks(炽热方块)

東方老桜夢

1944(1943的改版)

烟山坦克(有多个版本，福州烟台山16中学傅瓒制作)

导弹坦克(福州烟台山16中学陈天明制作)

Salamander_Arrangement Chronicle(沙罗曼蛇高画质版；是日版，日版有三个子机，美版只有两个)

Gradius_Arrangement Chronicle(宇宙巡航机高画质版；有一代&二代)

魂斗罗2019空神贺岁版

Prisoners Of War-2Players(脱狱双人版)

BöBL

Jewelry(魔法宝石、宝石方块；有一二代)

blockage-0.3.2(球与方块与洞)

NESertGolfing(dgolf、瞬间高尔夫)

Gruniozerca2_NesDevComp(搭桥狗)

thwaite(高射炮挡陨石)

SolarWars2001(太阳系战争2001；类百战天虫)

◇〓坦克大战过关版4.0_Zeng Ge Hack 2012.12.24

〓Binary City(坦克大战双子星_2009_Shederv.Org.Ru)

Rockman 6 Unique Harassment(洛克人6稀世侵袭)

Over The Moon(月亮之上、非常高兴；银河战士改版)

〓Balloon Fight-4Players(气球大战四人版)

◆重装机兵_最终明奇

〓Super Mario Bros-2Players(超级玛丽奥兄弟双人版)

Bad Apple(演示视频，作者未知)

〓BattleToads-DoubleDragon4Players(忍者蛙与双截龙四人版)

〓Battle City 4Players(坦克大战四人版)

〓Chip 'n Dale Rescue Rangers 2-4Players(松鼠大作战2四人版)

◆生化危机(精卫填海、Bio Hazard；从Game Boy移植并修改剧情为1代)

Gemini Wing(捉虫敢死队；盗版商台湾人从街机移植，Rom已遗失，特色是拿到的炸弹都拖在机尾，还可以互相飞过自己或敌人机尾截获对方拖着的炸弹，FC版没大威力炸弹还只能带三个炸弹，不好也不可玩)

〓Street Fighter Zero 2(StreetFighterZero97 2、少年街霸2；)

〓Sterrt Fighter Ⅲ(街头霸王3、九人街霸)

◇快打旋风3(Mighty Final Fight 3)

Street Fighter2010(街头战士2010阿木一坑改版)

天王降魔传(国产抄袭变身忍者的游戏，→→A冲刺，↓→A发波，AB必杀，近身AB变敌人)

Sonice(索尼克、超音鼠)

Hell Fighter(地狱战士)

〓JupiterScope2(土星分数2)

we_are_hejickle_v3(希腊地牢)

LoveStory(奇爱冒险)

MelanchonyOfExistanceChapter0(方块头探索)

Auge(横版飞机)

JamminHoney(吉他甜心)

ChickenOfTheFarm(田雞、田鸡)

wolfling(狼的逃脱)

robo-ninja-climb(忍者爬墙)

squish(喵喵冲刺)

nebs-n-debs(半空冲刺者；目前还是DEMO)

f-ff_v1(3D赛车)

super-homebrew-war(宅天堂明星大乱战)

InherentSmile(3D假笑迷宫)

Function(编程游戏)

SaveTheKuin_v01(RPG拯救坤坤)

〓Super_Tilt_Bro(测试乱斗)

〓WreckingBalls_alpha1(四人炸弹人)

240pee(电视测试)

sfx(音效测试)

theremin(音效测试)

full_palette(色彩输出测试Demo，发色数极限为(2灰度颜色+12颜色)*4亮度*8强调色)再减去一些重复的颜色大概为410种颜色。

RockMan5YH(洛克人5YH；只是改得有意思)

洛克人3キノコ王国的末日(洛克人3蘑菇王国的末日)

Rockman6 Spirits Of Hackers(洛克人6黑客精神)

Rockman Install Metal(洛克人5安装金属)

Megaman In The Mushroom Kingdom(洛克人在蘑菇王国)

SteinsGate(命运石之门，Steins Gate (U) (IRQ scanline fix)；英文版，修复IRQ问题，让实机游戏中对话框不再随着DPCM鼓点抖动，这是因为DPCM的DMA会占用CPU周期，以及将PPU帧中写入调色盘的操作带来的杂信尽量移动到屏幕边缘)

[zivivientertainment-blog]

NES games with shiny cartridges similar to Zelda! #nes #nintendolife #nintendo #gamecollector #gamecollection #retrogames #retrogaming #videogames #bee52 https://www.instagram.com/p/B06BP_UAdTb/?igshid=2p8abb6p9byv

[joytraveler]

"......." Bea takes a little shot of honey bourbon before this one. "LLLGRrkk... wow, that's horrible. Okay, we're doing this. A lot of you weren't here for BB but it was.. yeah, y'know, weird and kind of threatening. At first! But the next time we met, I think we made friends!"

Baconnaise: Hellbaby thinks Bea is mum TaichouSenseiKun: We'll make it a new mom, with ParentBuilder 2 DueyDecimal: Is that a game on this too? TaichouSenseiKun: Not yet but we rule nothing out anymore


#72: BOX BABY 3

This game has a graphical change from the first two. The wrapped gift is now on the left side on the screen with the 'astronaut' on the right. The 'astronaut' is also wearing a blue suit rather than the original yellow. Also, the dialogue is in capital and lowercase letters, rather than all caps.

[Hello there.] [I know you can hear me.] [I know you can understand me.] [...] [I also know you don't like me.]

"Who told you that?" She frowns. "I mean, we got off to a rough start. Are you feeling okay there? ...Bea Talks At Games, The Show.."

HNV: Hey, at least you're not as bipolar as the box.

[...] [I'm right, aren't I?] [It's okay to say so. (Y/N)]

"No no no, don't be that way, we's cool! Right? Give Beas a chance?" [N], hoping it means no i don't dislike you and not no i don't like you..

>aroseahorseboy has entered the chat. aroseahorseboy: we're cool i'm sorry i made drama there guys. Klickitat_Street: Uh, she meant the game? But we're glad you're OK now.

"Heya seahawse, we're talking to BB again! Let's all BEE on our best behavior!"

HNV: I told Aro we were playing BB3 and he perked right up

[Come on, let's be honest with each other.] [I know I'm not the one you want to talk to.] [...I haven't seen her lately.] [That was going to be your next question, right? (Y/N)]

"Her? Who her, Redhead Mom? No.." [N] "Haven't seen her in a while, actually, but you must know each other, right?"

TaichouSenseiKun: Are we sure this is box baby we're talking to pigbarrel: Of course, it's the same beeping noise as it types out its text as last time. that's like the voice of a game character that doesn't talk aroseahorseboy: no no guys i figured it out WE ARE THE BOX Glockroach: you're a idiot, get out pigbarrel: we are each a dot on the box.. a speck in this great universe...... Baconnaise: This planet of Meat

[She hasn't come back yet.] [...] [It's you and me now, you know.] [Whether you like it or not.] HNV: Whoever's talking, they don't have as many questions this time

"I think someone switched boxes on us between games here. Get a box that isn't full of Jerk, please"

"Maybe it's the Monsters Inc. HazMat guy on the side there, what's your deal? I like the blue actually, you look less like a Neptunian"

[I like you. ] [No, really!] [Well, I like you better than the others do]. [They're afraid of you, aren't they? (Y/N)]

Bea makes the scariest face she can into the camera. "WELL?? ARE YOU???" she hisses

aroseahorseboy: aaaagh cringe HNV: I fear and respect the B-box Bee52: the Bea box! Glockroach: Bea-elzebib *bub TaichouSenseiKun: that's the bib she wears as she eats your soul

"Yeah gonna go with No on that one"

[You're not fooling anyone. You know they are.] [Because they know what you can do.] [Especially the big one.] [He's the one who wants to change you.] [Me?] [I'm the one who wants to be your friend.]

Llord_Kuruku: yeah, that's me, I'm The Big One

"Maybe the box has six personalities, one for each side, depending how it got flipped over that day.. I wanna be friends too but you gotta be good, okay?"

DueyDecimal: Cool, the box is like the Dodecahedron from The Phantom Tollbooth (a book you should all read)!

[...] [Her?] [Well, what about her?] [Don't you think that if she wanted to see you...] [She'd have come by now? ]

HNV: Wow, the game is as curious where Joyce went as we are

"Start talkin', Boxy. Tell me what you know and I won't let the dog have you"

[...] [You see what I mean.] [I'm the one who can protect you from him.] [I'm the one who's taken her place for you.] [...] [I'm the one who decides whether or not to let you out.]

TaichouSenseiKun: Again, who's talking here aroseahorseboy: kinda wish I was wrong but I called it

"Yeah and who's "him"? Did you do something with my horrible scary square child??"

[...] [No, I'm not kidding.] [Don't try to tell me you'd given up on that.] (Y/N)

"No, not giving up but.. I dunno, am I the bad guy here? What's happening? If that's true why am I a weird jerk.." she frowns.

[I thought not.] [Do you want me to let you out?] (Y)

There's no "no" option for that one.

"That would be nice, please.. " she says quietly as the horror washes over her. "Watch, I'm gonna Game Over myself in a second here"

HNV: Maybe there'll be a new death animation at least?

[Good.] [But it's not just that simple.] [I know what you can do for me in return.] [Do you remember what you told her you'd do for her?] (Y/N)

aroseahorseboy: is there going to be a quiz? DueyDecimal: I remember! A computer the size of a sesame seed!

"Ulp... yyyeah? I am a Bea of my word, even if it gets me in trouble.. I'm not gonna betray Joyce though, I can't do that!" [Y]

[Don't sound so surprised-- we were recording everything.] [That's what I want, you see; the things you promised her.] [All of them.] [Can you make me rich beyond my wildest dreams?] (Y/N)

"Sure, you can be my treasury secretary. No, I don't think I can do that but what the heck do I say??"

Glockroach: Bilk 'em for everything they got DueyDecimal: That was something the box offered Joyce before, do you think it was lying?

Bea is still weirded out and confused, but her fingers eventually find their way to [Y]

Syrupentine: (COVERS EYES)

"I don't know if I can afford to say no..." She grits her teeth and awaits the worst! Looks like that was the correct answer, though, there's no Game Over message.

[That computer the size of a poppyseed-- can you make that for me?]

"If I can't I'm sure we can figure it out! Any tech geniuses in here? Anyone? Duey?"

DueyDecimal: Iiii'm afraid I'm more of the sociological kind of genius... but saying yes seems to be your best bet?

[Real friends, you can get me those? The ones who won't abandon either of us.] (Y/ N)

"Sure can, on today's episode of Bea Lies Her Ass Off! Well, maybe I can get them to join my fandom!" [Y]

Box_Baby_420: You know i love you Bea

[Can you change ME, though? Make me handsome? Tall, even?] (Y/N)

HNV: UH-oh, someone has short man's disease and needs a Box Baby Aspirin

"I think we have a rack somewhere, we can stretch you out Gonzo style. Handsome, can't help you there. Have you tried not being a giant creep yet?"

[You said you could make her famous, too. I don't want that, though.] [Can you make me unfindable?] (Y/N)

Syrupentine: Yes, blue creep, disappear

"Sure, like I said, join the beehive! Then nobody will want to talk to you!" [Y]

DueyDecimal: ...Ouch, Bea. :S

"I"m sorry you know I love you guys more than anything, honest"

[And I mean untraceable.] [Invisible.] [Well, not literally invisible. You know what I mean.] [Of course you do. You understand idioms.] [You know she's not really your mother, for example.]

"Oh I forgot for a while, I thought I had been birthed from a video game! Er, no offense."

pigbarrel: bea you can't have two moms, don't be a mom-hog

"Like hell I can't, this is America!!"

[...No, you're not a real baby.] [We never feed you. You never sleep or laugh or cry.] [...] [Oh? ] [And what do you look like when you cry?] [Do you want to see what you really look like?] (Y/N)

Klickitat_Street: .......I am curious.

"I'm not, can we stop? We got more pages we can play!" She finally hits Y after the room starts getting impatient. "We are going to be a beautiful child, and don't try to convince me otherwise!"

aroseahorseboy: box needs a mom. everyone needs a mom. glem needed his mom too. Glockroach: Dammit seahorse, my old wounds Baconnaise: He's right, though aroseahorseboy: i'm aromantic but that doesn't cover moms

[Do you want to see her again?] (Y) [There isn't a 'No' option for this question.] [Are you going to give me the things I asked for?] (Y/N)

"I think you're going go be disappointed, but, you've got it, dinglenuts. If you did anything to Joyce or.. Royn or Crom or any of the others, I will hack you so fast"

HNV: do we have the chance to jump out of the box and grab this guy's mask off?

"I know how to hack. You dopple down into the mainframe, then defeat the enemy core"

Baconnaise: There's usually a dungeon involved

[Don't forget who did this for you.] [It wasn't her. It was me.]

The lid of the box opens, and the screen fades to black.

Syrupentine: Can I look now? aroseahorseboy: ...ominous

"SO! How we holdin' up, I'm great, no prpbleems wif meee nop." Bea has melted down into her chair a bit.

aroseahorseboy: maybe i don't feel better yet but you don't look good either Syrupentine: You're amazing, Bea, I couldn't handle something like that game HNV: Seriously, I can't believe we're almost half done! It felt like this took a year!

"Yeah HNV, and these are getting intense, right?? I feel like I had an actual baby."

Baconnaise: Bea, no, you have no idea aroseahorseboy: and you don't even get a baby as a reward actually maybe your reward is that you don't have to have a baby

"We better at least get to meet Boxy in person after all this! I'm really kind of worried about them now, anyone else?"

Glockroach: Kid owes you a good whuppin' for setting him up with that freako

"We don't even know for sure what that was! Coulda been another box, another baby, another, eviler mom"

DueyDecimal: So! Does anyone want to hear my theory on Box Baby's true identity? Because here it comes! TaichouSenseiKun: It was me, sorry I'd been meaning to tell you aroseahorseboy: what did you see in the box??? TaichouSenseiKun: Dark HNV: How dramatic DueyDecimal: I think what's in the box is the Joy Traveler itself! It's telling us its own story! DueyDecimal: Yes, I have absolutely NO evidence for this and am completely pulling it out of my ass, but I stand by it!

"It did come in a box. It COULD make someone's dreams come true, provided they're game related. We've seen the tools ourselves!"

aroseahorseboy: oh shit yeaaah! Klickitat_Street: Bea, were you going to do a stream where you play with the game maker more?

"I"m going to dedicate a whole stream to that somewhere down the line, maybe sooner than later. We could use the unwind, and yet we all want to keep going, don't we"

Syrupentine: Do we get a preview of screen 7? Or are you keeping us in suspense all week...

"Hey how do you keep a bunch of nerds in suspense?" She gets up and goes off for a glass of water!

"Okay, sorry, sorry, here we go"

HNV: BEA YOU MONSTER aroseahorseboy: just for that i'm naming my baby after duey instead

Screen 7 shows an image of a car driving down a long driveway to a house; the car has a big JUST MARRIED message written on it, and cans tied to the bumper like in the cartoons!

"What?? JOY in Joy Traveler, what's happening here??"

pigbarrel: soon they'll change it to "just buried"

The menu shown in the sky shows 12 more games:

73. Felinja

74. Super Water Polo

75. Kwaseed

76. Foot War

77. Party On, Planet of Pisces

78. Insecticide

79. Death Master II: The Lord Of Death

80. Freak Show Starring The Hero

81. Run The Gauntlet

82. Imagination: The Game

83. Box Baby World

84. Make Your Promise

DueyDecimal: Finally, they made a game about your imagination! Llord_Kuruku: wait, is that like the prequel to Keep Your Promise?

[joytraveler]

Syrupentine: Bea I know you've had enough feels for the day but... DO YOU SEE WHAT'S AT THE BOTTOM

"Nope. Nope. Not doing it. Nope. Nope." She looks.

Baconnaise: she's gonna- yep Bee52: DON'T DO IT HNV: <palpatine voice> DEWWIT TaichouSenseiKun: play more plant of pickel ButterflyDefect: Bea did you hear about undertale Lolrandom1: does anyone have nudes of bea

"Yeah but you ain't gonna like em, it's all kinds of gross down there you don't even wanna know"

"Sorry but he asked for it" She goes back to the game... What doth it say?

48. Box Baby 2

Like Box Baby 1, the game has no title screen. The astronaut and the box are still in their same places. The gameplay is again limited to answering yes or no questions.

[YOU'RE BACK.] [THAT'S GOOD.] [...]

"Hello, horrible cube thing." She groans. She really doesn't like these ones but might as well get it over with. "Seen these astronauts before too, I think that's what they are. Or chibi Moltars from Space Ghost."

[I KNOW YOU DON'T WANT TO LET ME OUT.] [I UNDERSTAND WHY NOW...] [AFTER WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME.] [...]

"Last time? The million game overs?" She searches for the Y/N command, prepared to deny the box!

[I WANT TO COME OUT SO MUCH.] [BUT YOU PROBABLY HAVE A GOOD REASON TO KEEP ME HERE.]

[...] [I HAVE AN IDEA.] [CAN WE PLAY A GAME?] (Y/N)

"Aw, hell. Really? I don't trust you ONE INCH. But I have to play something or it isn't much of a show." She hovers back and forth between options... Before choosing Y. "Y, as in WHY are you so weird and ominous"

[I'M GOING TO ASK YOU TO LET ME OUT AGAIN.] [YOU DON'T HAVE TO ACTUALLY DO IT, THOUGH.] [I JUST WANT YOU TO SAY 'YES'.] [ARE YOU READY?] (Y/N)

ButterflyDefect: <picture of Admiral Ackbar> DueyDecimal: IT'S A-- damn you beat me pigbarrel: no, all you're saying is whether you're ready or not, so it should be okay...

"This is gonna go sidewaaays.." She narrows her eyes at the box, but agrees.

The ellipsis takes a long time to type... The box seems to be deciding whether it trusts her either.

[...] [WILL YOU PLEASE LET ME OUT NOW?] (Y/N)

HNV: oh shit do or die time

"Well let me think it over NO!"

GAME OVER. The image this time is different, though-- the box itself has turned black and collapsed, like a rotting jack o' lantern.

"OHTHATSSOMEBULLSHIT!!!!!"

Baconnaise: Jeez that almost blew out the speakers aroseahorseboy: you can't go changing the rules like that! ButterflyDefect: it DID say it was just pretend though Baconnaise: (not the speakers, you know what I mean) Glockroach: you hurt the box's feelings, you monster

"Oh no, it's dead?! ...Good." Bea's got an evil grin. "Wait, so is it game over for me, or the box? Let's do this again, see if it's really switched up."

She tries to go back to start the game over, if she can? It starts right over-- looks like there's no quitting out of this one, just like last time.

[...] [WILL YOU PLEASE LET ME OUT NOW?] (Y/N)

When Bea answers yes (since there's no other option), there's another long pause, so long that she begins to wonder if the game has frozen. But finally...

[...] [FOR REAL?] (Y/N)

aroseahorseboy: let it out bea it is a fremb HNV: are you saying for REAL-real or pretend-real? Syrupentine: It's gonna be Thing 1 and Thing 2 MaxPower: I'm-a livin' in a box, I'm-a livin' in a cardboard box

"The TENSION! Can even a box like this change its ways?" >YES "Hell maybe it's learned it's lesson, but I doubt it. Anyway the rules are reversed

now!" YOU'RE NOT KIDDING? (Y/N)

YOU'LL REALLY DO IT? (Y/N) aroseahorseboy: omg box is SO EXCITED Glockroach: Just like the other one, this isn't much of a game, is it? I could make a better game than this

"Yeah fine, fine. This still feels like a trick but I'm placing the blame firmly on you guys, you ALL wanted me to play the box game... No you want me to play Super Tuna Adventure 2, blame reverting to me"

[...] [I'M SO HAPPY.] [I'M GOING TO GET TO SEE THE OUTSIDE NOW.] [JUST THINKING ABOUT IT MAKES ME WANT TO CRY, I THINK.] [IF I CRY, IS THAT OKAY?] (Y/N)

"HELL NAW, you gotta be a hardass mean sumbitch like me and punch kittens. Yes dude you can cry, just don't melt your box again huh?"

"Jeez, this poor thing.." She says quietly, briefly slipping out of 'entertainment' mode.

[...] [WILL I GET TO SEE YOU ON THE OUTSIDE?] (Y/N)

ButterflyDefect: I want to see it, what's IN this box???

"Me too! It feels like we're old friends no, in a weird way. Frenemies!"

Baconnaise: Didn't it say it would murder you last time berd_snurglar: but you're playing a game this time! In a game... HNV: this is not a game. This is the work of the devil!

I DON'T KNOW ANYBODY ELSE, YOU SEE. CAN WE BE FRIENDS? (Y/N)

SugahGlyda: no, be frembs

"Box Baby, it's been a rough road but I'm glad you're opening up to me like this" >Y

Glockroach: HES GONNA PULL SOME SHIT I KNOW IT

WILL WE STILL BE FRIENDS IF I MAKE A MISTAKE? (Y/N)

aroseahorseboy: oh god here we go, what kind of mistake? aroseahorseboy: maggots in the eyes kind of mistake? bonsleydale: Maggie is my fav, prfct baby

"We all make mistakes, I can teach you my box child. Or I would if you were real" 

WHAT ABOUT IF I DID SOMETHING WRONG ON PURPOSE? (Y/N)

berd_snurglar: okay back in weird and ominous town

"No, that is uncool li'l bab." She hovers over N, before selecting Y. "I get the feeling I'm not going to have much say in the matter.."

...THAT'S NOT OKAY, IS IT.

ButterflyDefect: hey, you're learning! SugahGlyda: good box!

WHAT IF I DID GOOD THINGS FOR YOU? TO SHOW THAT I WAS GRATEFUL? NOT JUST FOR LETTING ME OUT, BUT GRATEFUL TO HAVE A FRIEND? IS THAT WHAT OUTSIDE PEOPLE DO? (Y/N)

"That's right, he CAN be taught! I still hope it's something actually nice and not just something it thinks is nice?"

Glockroach: There's going to be a nice bomb in it

... PEOPLE ON THE OUTSIDE AREN'T ALONE LIKE THIS, THOUGH. THEY HAVE OTHER PEOPLE TO SUPPORT THEM. FAMILIES. WILL I HAVE A FAMILY OUT THERE? (Y/N)

Baconnaise: Yeah a whole warehouse full I'll bet ButterflyDefect: Box, you aren't going to have more boxes, are you?

"I'll be out with a box full of little boxes in a week, given them away to good homes." >Y "Knows quite a bit for being stuck in a box all their life!"

ARE YOU IN MY FAMILY? (Y/N) 

ButterflyDefect: UH-oh, Bea

"Bea no likey but Bea agree.. I can't finish this unless I agree, remember. And there's no going back." >Y

berd_snurglar: what if you just walked away and left it like that

... I THINK I KNOW WHO YOU ARE NOW. DO YOU THINK ABOUT WHAT'S BEST FOR ME? (Y/N)

"Yyyyyyeeeah? Bees, help me?" >Y

berd_snurglar: yeah, you say things just to keep it from rotting!

"Right but what am I getting myself into here? Is this going to be like a scary digital pet?"

MaxPower: Bea we're gonna throw you a shower. A box shower Baconnaise: I'd never have guessed, you're hardly showing

"That's not funny. But if I was it'd be all square..."

aroseahorseboy: fan art time!

DO YOU CARE ABOUT MY WELFARE? (Y/N)

Bread_smuggler: welfare, why ya got get political

"Hey, no! Not you, BB, you're cool. Yes I care about your- dangit SpanishRye I was gonna say that, bad bee" >Y

DO YOU EVER MAKE HARD DECISIONS FOR MY SAKE? (Y/N) 

aroseahorseboy: well theres a big f-ing yes

"I'm playing your game, ain't I? I swear this had better be worth it.. I want this game machine to dispense some onion rings, if you want to get me something nice, boxy!"

... ARE YOU MY MOTHER? (Y/N)

Bee52: Shit gettin fruedian now aroseahorseboy: box we were literally just talking about this five minutes ago Bread_smuggler: you're looking pretty square in the middle there, Bea

"I'm gonna square you in a minute. Then I'm gonna divide you" Here goes... >Y "

...

I KNEW IT.

Bee52: ???

... [IF I GET INTO TROUBLE, WILL YOU SCOLD ME?] (Y/N)

"Anyway, what was I saying? Oh, YES, box, yes, we can be creepy weird family together, right?"

HNV: Bea, you'd be a great mom! berd_snurglar: especially for an immobile box

[IF I DO THE RIGHT THING, WILL YOU PRAISE ME] (Y/N)

"I couldn't keep a tamagotchi alive, how am I gonna deal with a box devil spawn?!" >Y

[IF I AM SAD... ... WILL YOU HUG ME?] (Y/N)

"Possibly very hard, yes. Crushingly hard"

aroseahorseboy: I'll hug you box!!!12 ButterflyDefect: never mind shirts I want PLUSH box now

[... I WISH THAT WERE TRUE. ... ... THANK YOU FOR PLAYING MY GAME WITH ME. MAYBE I CAN'T COME OUT OF THIS BOX. MAYBE YOU COULDN'T HUG ME EVEN IF I DID.]

SugahGlyda: box is depressed, hug it now!

"Box Baby? You feeling alright? This really is a whole different side of you. I may eat my words but I think it's being.. sincere."

YOU MEANT SOME OF IT, THOUGH. DIDN'T YOU? (Y/N)

"Yeah, I guess I did. A little here and there. You're a good kid, Charlie box"

There's a very long pause in the action, which seems to confuse Bea.

"or a good box charlie kid, as the.. Case may be. hello? game?"

[. . .] [I LOVE YOU.]

Bea just makes a pathetic whimpering noise. "Yeah, that was more feels all right but not what I expected. all right, I'm just going to do a couple of these goofier ones now. That was intense! Even though it was clear what to do it's the kind of game that makes you think a little. Having said that.. I didn't have any choice this time either, just like the first."

aroseahorseboy: but it's got a contagious disease or something and you can't hug it TaichouSenseiKun: pretty big vocabulary for a baby ButterflyDefect: Nothing to do in there but study!

[joytraveler]

29. Theoretical

A strange game. There are multiple colored cubes. You can move two at a time. It seems like you want to get as many into one spot as possible, as they can "stack". Sometimes symbols on the ground seem to want you to form a specific pattern. This seems to happen at random; otherwise there are no stages, score or time limit and you can play with your "blocks" all you want.

"Theoretically this should be a good game! As it is I don't know why I'm doing this. Is there a Vs. mode?"

HNV: Open source Tetris has gone too far. Glockroach: so a puzzle game with no point to solving puzzles? TaichouSenseiKun: You don't get a reward for doing a jigsaw or a sudoku either, sometimes its just fun to puzzle your brain DueyDecimal: Are you building something? There's some kind of pattern but you only find out what it is once you've made it! Bee52: wait this is about learning a new language!

"It's a what now?" She takes a closer look at the patterns as they appear.

Bee52: for real! i only knew Portuguese until i was 9 this is really how it felt to learn english for me. like feeling around in the dark till you found a word. aroseahorseboy: what language is this though? blockese? DueyDecimal: Maybe it's programming language-- assembly!

"A game to teach programming language in the simplest easiest form. Dang, where was this my whole life?"

"I mean, I don't think you guys want to see a grown-ass woman play with colored blocks for several hours. Maybe do an educational session!"

Syrupentine: Great! I keep trying to get my little girl to watch your show but she’s more interested in chewing on blocks

[joytraveler]

Death Master 2 (concluded)

The trek into the glowing valley begins, a valley seemingly overgrown with organic polyhedral shapes, like crystals but throbbing with juicy flesh. This area seems to teem strangely with life-- John Brown called it "devoid of death", which seems accurate. Even the rocks crack and bleed like snail shells.

"Ewww, most of these are really terrible but there's a few I would want to pluck off and eat. Like this one, ooh yeah gonna cut it down and save it for later!" No enemies have shown up yet, until she destroys one of the "crystals". What are they..?

TaichouSenseiKun: It looks like they didn't finish designing those ButterflyDefect: Let's assume they just look like that, its even creepier :O

When Alonzo breaks one of the crystals, something comes out, that seems to be gasping for breath, but neither Bea nor her guests can fathom what it's supposed to be.

HNV: Rock wombs???

The stoney, un-living thing is difficult to kill, and Bea tries to avoid breaking any more 'rock sacks' for the rest of the stage.. "Did anyone have that colorful sand crystal stuff as a kid that you would grow in water? Know what I mean? It's like they made one of those a stage and said 'Hey how can we make this disturbing cuz that's what we do here at JT industries!!"

john_brown: no lie, my first published work was an article about those for Buzzfeed this is like coming home

There are surprisingly few enemies to fight in the evil valley, and the ones that are there, shambling zombies, only seem to attack if Alonzo attacks first. In fact, they don't do damage on contact, you can walk right by them! But the valley goes deeper and deeper, forming what looks like a natural amphitheater for what can only be the final encounter...

TaichouSenseiKun: Bea power up your thing SugaGlyda: Yeah Bea, don't mess this up! THE WORLD IS WATCHING. no pressure! The_World: We're just observing, Bea. ButterflyDefect: Eee this setting is great, it reminds me of Robert Scarfe a little, his more fleshy stuff DueyDecimal: I was gonna say Andrea Hasler, Butterfly. But him too!

A flash of black, and the purple-cloaked, jester-like figure who kicked you off the mountain is standing before you! Except he's not standing; he seems to be dead. LONG dead, at that-- his bones scatter when Alonzo curiously pokes at the body with his axe.

Alonzo stands and broods, and his thoughts appear in text over him: [WHO KILLED THE LORD OF DEATH?]

Bea grimaces and slowly raises her hand. "Mmmeeee....? maybe? Maybe he died of boredom waiting for me to get here, to which I say a victory is a victory!"

pigbarrel: final battle: press B rapidly to poke corpse

Just when it looks like this is a strange way to end the game-- SLASH! The old bones go flying, and there's the new Lord of Death who threw you from your mountain, spinning your scythe cockily-- except now you can see the interloper better, and it's quite clearly a Lady of Death!

"OH MY GOD, ITS... who is this, did we meet?? Hi The Mistress of Death, can we not fight? It's been a rough level, maybe we can just get to know each other and you can tell me who you're supposed to be??

SugaGlyda: She's clearly your Rule 63 evil rival HNV: Are we supposed to be blown away by a female character? Is this like those old brainteasers like "Mr. Johnson is brother to a famous scientist, but Mr. Johnson has no brother"?

The battle begins, and it's like fighting your shadow! Everything Alonzo can do, she can counter, and you've got a counter for all of her moves too-- you just have to catch it in time. Your weapon isn't as long as her scythe (that she stole from you!), but hers is too long for her, which can trip her up to your advantage!

"Good. Good. Good. BAD! Good.." Bea stays heavily focused as she carefully learns when to strike. She's most vulnerable just after a powerful overhead scythe-smash that momentarily splits the floor! "I feel like Daffy Duck as Robin Hood, thrutht! Parry! Thpin!!"

john_brown: when I watch people play these games I'm always reminded of how literally bad at video games I am you sailed through this game in just a couple hours and I've never won anything harder than Wheel of Fortune

"I don't even feel like I'm that good, I usually just get by on persistence and motivation from sheer annoyance. Sometimes you want to beat a game cause it's fun, sometimes out of spite!"

"Spite for myself, this is still really hard." She dies after making some progress, this could take a few times. "Like, now I've come too far, I have to see Al through this mess in spite of wanting to kick and scream"

pigbarrel: bea is a paragon of maturity

Inch by inch, death after death, Bea is getting better and wearing down the boss, until finally Alonzo lands a blow that knocks the spinning scythe out of the boss's hands and she falls to her knees, defenseless, waiting for the killing strike. It's up to Bea: disarm, or finish it?

SugaGlydah: Can we just give her a noogie and call it even

"Jeez, I don't know guys. What do you think?"

pigbarrel: on the one hand she opposed everything we stood for, on the other she's pretty cool HNV: This is such a loaded question, of course you WANT to spare her, no one’s getting off on executing a disarmed and surrendering opponent Bee52: FINISH HER! Syrupentine: Oh crap, Bea, don’t hesitate, kill her! Remember how the last game ended??

"I don't know if I trust her really, but I'm afraid of what might happen if I... Ohhh, frick it." She chooses to set down her blade. "Maybe she did it cause she had someone she cared about, too.. I'm sorry guys I don't have it in me"

Glockroach: then she just punches al in the dick and runs

Alonzo walks toward the helpless figure, extending a hand of friendship... and just when he's about to take her hand, that's when the scythe she tossed away comes down... on her.

john_brown: oh christ, brutal!

"What even for??" Bea gasps out. Alonzo jumps back but again rushes to her side, though it's too late now.. "Who even were you? My wife? My mother? My father? Christopher Lloyd in a human suit??"

The harlequin mask comes off-- it really was his wife! Even as her body turns black and begins to crumble, she reaches to take his hand. A message box appears.

[IT WAS WORTH IT TO SEE YOU AGAIN... ALONZO]

"H-hey, so I was going to play more games but I'll need a trip down to the crying pit first, methinks"

Baconnaise: Wait I remember we couldn't bring back his family in the first one, right? So..how. Syrupentine: I knew it... you should have killed her, now you can't bring her back... aroseahorseboy: um bea did this game have a name entry screen???

"I didn't see one, I.. oh. Well that's weird as fuck.. I've been calling him that so long I hardly noticed!"

HNV: Super sad Bad End... slightly mitigated by incredible coincidence

"Well I guess I have to get the other ending too, I can't leave it off like that. Maybe we'll come back at the end of the page. Crap.. I feel dirty, anybody else"

john_brown: that was awful and I hate it but I’m still glad I came because these are just so different pigbarrel: they make little sense but in very fun ways aroseahorseboy: IKR? they’re so good except when they’re so awful it’s funny Glockroach: And if that's not to your liking there's always bedbugs DueyDecimal: it really does feel like there’s a message here! Somewhere...

"Maybe just that there are some mistakes you can't undo." Bea lets out a long sigh. "Aaaaaanyway.."

[joytraveler]

73: Felinja

Another sequel: this time to Cat Rate, surprisingly. Bea didn't play the ninja cat in the last game, but he seems to be the star of this one!

Instead of a sports game, it's an action game, where your ninja cat can climb walls with his claws and hide in the shadows to avoid invincible dog thugs. Most of this one is just Bea making happy, high pitched noises, occasionally pointing at the screen when a new cute thing shows up!

aroseahorseboy: who made this cuteness for us and when is it going to get horrible HNV: Don't look a gift kitty in the meowth!

"I wonder if there's a whole Catverse? I sure hope so, this rules- Hey good I'm dead! I keep dying cause everything is so delightful that it just kiiiiills me! Oh, I have- I have six lives, down from- OH I STARTED WITH NINE, OF COURSE, THAT'S ADORABLE!"

DueyDecimal: One hit and you're dead, but ninjas aren't exactly known for their resilience, I guess! Bee52: especially against cars SORRY SORRY DueyDecimal: ...Oh, you meant cats. How charming.

"Many ninja kept unfoldable bamboo cars with them to escape after their mission, of course now and then you crash into other ninja, it does happen." She picks up a dog biscuit power-up that can lure the guards away, or bonk them into each other if they try to go for the same one at once!

Once she's lured the guards away, a big mean dog with a spiked collar shows up and starts patrolling; the object of this boss fight turns out to be luring the dog into attacking you so he gets barrels and crates stuck on his spikes!

"And now I can stand on him! The ultimate goal of any cat, to be on top of something taller than yourself.."

pigbarrel: a dream we all share HNV: I hope there isn't a basset hound bad guy, Bea will be mad Baconnaise: And then they jump and destroy the christmas tree Glockroach: Our cat mauled the hell out of Santa one year, it was a mess. jelly everywhere

The dog goes crashing through the wall in panic, and a sack on a chain is lowered from the ceiling-. There's a tiny calico kitten in it! Apparently Felinja is a daddy looking for his family-- the silhouettes of six more kittens appears on the Level Complete screen.

aroseahorseboy: oh thank god it wasn't creepy or some kind of awful metaphor

"No these are the seven kittens you slew in betrayal to your clan, you're just collecting their vengeful spirits so they can- BIRD NINJA! BIRD NINJA CUTE LITTLE BIRDY NINJA!"

TaichouSenseiKun: Bea, we need you, come back to us HNV: I think this game is TOO wholesome! pigbarrel: that's the twist Syrupentine: This game is far too kiddie to be on the Sega Genesis, which is far too graphic for tender young minds. aroseahorseboy: okay bea, seriously, do something else with blood and nightmares i can handle all those as long as they're not happening to cute kitties

[joytraveler]

68: Hungry Hungry Every Day

This one starts with a dark title screen showing a hypodermic needle and a stethoscope: a medical theme is apparent.

When Bea begins the game, there's a few lines of text:

[A NEW DISEASE IS JUST BECOMING KNOWN.]

[DIAGNOSE EACH PATIENT AND DETERMINE THEIR SYMPTOMS.] [THE REAL PATIENTS ARE VERY HUNGRY.]

"No... no, I don't think so" Bea tries to exit but the chat explodes in protest!

"Fine, the sanctity of my stomach is clearly not important to any of you, let's move on!"

DueyDecimal: Finally some answers about those worms!

Syrupentine: Bea I'm with you on the gross thing but just a couple minutes okay?

Glockroach: Suck it up, soldier

The game itself is quite simple: a line of patients passes across the screen, one at a time per screen, and the player must choose what treatment to give them. If they're coughing, you give them the cough syrup; If they have spots, give them the hypodermic needle.

The danger is that you have to look away from the patient to look at your clipboard, and when you look back, sometimes the patient has different symptoms you hadn't seen before!

"Seems simple enough... Ok ma'am you look like you just have zits.. wait, no!! she wasn't coughing before!? did I give her a wrong thing??"

TaichouSenseiKun: She looks more pale than before too

Bea you don't have a green thumb at all!

After the third person Bea treats, the first person returns: looks like Bea did her good, she gets to stamp her with a clean bill of health! That's a big points bonus, too!

The fourth person, however, is extremely pale, and shivering, and the speech window says:

["Got anything to eat?"]

"It's okay Taichou you can kiss my butt later! We gotta worry about this guy. He's hungry! we should give him a tasty helping of WORM DEATH!" Where's the right medicine! or the right procedure..

Once you check off all the symptoms on your clipboard, the letters turn red and the message appears: QUARANTINE.

"Oh... all right, well.. off with ya then!"

Baconnaise: Great beaside manner, bed

Two people dressed in hazmat suits come to take the frightened patient away! The next one to come in looks scared too-- she must have seen what happened to the last one.

In fact, once Bea checks her clipboard to check off the symptoms, she's gone by the time you look up!

"This is obviously going to get more difficult... Hey!! I... I mean I don't want to send her off if I don't HAVE to, but if I don't.."

The next one that seems unwell, she just checks all the symptoms off as quickly as she can!

"Oooo i done bad.. I done really bad.."

berd_snurglar: nah he looks pretty sick. a nice healthy pink sick

Next one up is the second one you treated, who looks familiar... and not just because you've treated him before. That rictus grin, those unfocused eyes... the blue tinge to the skin.

Glockroach: Real good Bea, you made a Spumco out of the man

"I thought I sent him to be unwormed!! What do you want again, horrible zombish man?!"

The text in the speech box is jiggly and hard to read:

["TELL THEM I'M NOT SICK."]

pigbarrel: a spanko. spank him for his lies

Bea tries to have him sent back to quarantine! Oh, here's the third patient again...

This one looks fine! Pink cheeks, big smile... but something's squirming under its skin.

HNV: I don't think that's something you can check off-- oh wait there it is.

"I long for the charm of Surgeon Simulator.." says Bea, getting visibly uncomfortable! "Uuuugh come on guys you know I can barely do Trauma Center!"

berd_snurglar: the pixels make it better

"THEY MAKE IT WORSE!!"

As soon as Bea looks down at her clipboard, there's a red POP effect from above. "I'm gonna switch views again and squint through my fingers and you guys can give me the details.."

Syrupentine: STOP PLAYING THIS GAME. >____<

When she sees something is still moving on screen, off the game goes!!

HNV: Well, the good news is, that was a game over…

DueyDecimal: Thanks for being brave for us, Bea

Bee52: but you're probably glad you didn't see that

Baconnaise: She'll have to edit this later. there is no escape bea

"Maybe not but there's deep denial and I'm going with that for now, NEXT GAME!"

[joytraveler]

37: SUPER BOXING

Exactly what it says: it's boxing, and seems to be super. Instead of an over-the- shoulder view like in Mike Tyson's Punch-Out, this game gives you two boxers side by side, and your main playable character has a huge, impressive Afro. Round one, touch gloves and come out fighting!

"This man.. who IS this wondrous man with an entire sheep for hair! He's awesome but the whole audience behind him can't see anything." Bea throws a few punches. "And it controls weird!! And I can't configure it of course but the directional pad is to block in different ways, you have two punches and use the other primary buttons to move."

ButterflyDefect: Just like real boxing! Knock em out the box, bea

Eventually the controls become a bit clearer and Bea stops being battered back into the turnbuckles. She even gets the opponent with a good shot in the mouth, making pixelated blood drip down his chin!

"Oh. Ow. Okay I'll just pummel your stomach for a while. You really can't give ANY leeway or you'll get hit, and of course it just throws you in like this because why not!"

"This needs cheats. And by cheats I mean foot stomping and groin clobbering"

The body blows help, but the opponent's muscular shape is getting more defined-- he's not getting stronger, though, he's got blood running down his six-pack now.

"You ain't even seen my Super Smashfro Sugar Punch yet!!"

ButterflyDefect: Jeez this game's.. kind of brutal SugaGlyda: yeah D: HNV: They really should test these boxers for hemophilia before they let them in the ring!

"Maybe bleeding a lot is just his gimmick, like how Great Tiger can teleport for some reason"

berd_snurglar: its not SOME REASON, it's secret technique passed down through hundreds of generations of stereotypes

At that moment, the opponent lets his guard down. Bea gets in a good body blow-- and her opponent's right pectoral muscle falls off, revealing white bones underneath.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUGH....uuuuGGGHHHHhhh....hhhh...hhhhhhhhhh...ffpptptt.. DOES THAT HAPPEN??"

SugaGlyda: Whoooakay i think i need to sit out this'n, sorry guys aroseahorseboy: jesus christ it's still sitting on the floor!

"Can't I just kick it away? Just a little nudge"

HNV: Even Mortal Kombat never had you break your opponents up like a freaking chocolate bar! Llord_Kuruku: what a fucking gross out... hide this game from your kids, they'll love it

The opponent keeps coming after Bea despite his grievous injury; her next counterpunch knocks his bicep off and it lands next to the pec, forming a growing pile.

Syrupentine: ...wait, I just realized there's no health meter in this game...

"No, no there isn't, you're just literally expected to punch your opponent into chunks" Klickitat_Street: Super Dog Food Boxing.

"Which raises the chunk-o-meter, which it how you win!" she tries to punch the opponents arm, seeing if she can get some of that muscle off

Baconnaise: Riki-Fro

That's a good hit, it doesn't just knock off the muscle but his whole lower arm! Now he can only punch with one hand and a stub!

HNV: Monty Python's Black Knight Boxing.

"There now they can call you... Stub Joe. Gabby Bonesplinter. Dead Steve. Chunks McGullicutty."

ButterflyDefect: Meat..... Bob. Bee52: We got a winner!

[joytraveler]

#38: Humor!

The title screen shows a brick wall, suggesting this might be a stand-up comedy game? But the interface is very strange: an abstract, neutral-looking face staring at the player from a black screen, and a selection of words to choose from at the bottom: How? Why? What?

When Bea chooses one of the words, it flies above the face, and more words appear that could follow it. The object seems to be to build a sentence.

'I' 'Like' 'to' 'kiss' 'bottom' is the first thing Bea enters, paragon of maturity that she is.

The face makes an expression of abject horror at that statement!

"Sorry if my humor is a little too saucy for you, faceperson.. Okay, um, actual jokes.."

Glockroach: You can't even curse, fuck that. i'll say stuff like "poop" whenever I please, thanks Bee52: Maybe ask it "How do I play this game"?

"Yeah, good question.." she tries putting that in next, to see if she's even doing the right thing here

That one gets a big smile from the face and a laughing animation, but there's no sound. It now looks less neutral and more expectant, like you might be doing the right thing?

TaichouSenseiKun: Bea, I think you're maybe supposed to just talk to it

One problem with the interface is that only so many words appear to choose from, and you can't type new ones in. The words that the face likes, though, seem to influence the next ones that come up: the next selection includes more words like "game", "points", "score", etc.

"How do I score points?" she asks it next. It seems to think this question is hilarious as well!

"Knock knock, who's there, orange, orange who.. wait I didn't finish!" too late, it liked the unfinished one too!

HNV: Are certain words worth more points? I wonder how it would react to something random. DueyDecimal: You can't put in anything very random, though, it always follows proper word order... or at least joke format? Syrupentine: Guys guys guys: Twitch Plays Humor!. Huh? Huh?? aroseahorseboy: okay I got one, see if it'll let you ask ARE YOU THE BOX

[joytraveler]

7. Cassowary Attaaack!

The game starts with an animated cassowary (looking more like a blue chicken) screaming as the logo drops down over it.

"The Cassowary! Nature's awful hell-bird, now we added fire breath because they weren't bad enough already?"

When Bea starts the game, she's launched right into the action abruptly-- apparently this is a shmup, in which you're a person riding a giant cassowary!

"Remember kids, large birds can be very territorial, Big Bird would just wreck your shit in real life if you came around his nest, just kick you all the way to Poppyseed Way"

Llord_Kuruku: in real life they have claws that shred everything in their path-- er, like those, yes

Unlike many shooters, the cassowary actually has a melee attack! Bea can do several moves, including spinning attacks and a kick that covers half the screen, but overusing them tires the bird out.

"HYAA! The Cassowary Crescent Kick, passed down through the family for generations.. Now once again I don't really know who I am or what I'm doing or why but, I'm suuure everything will be answered in this gripping tale.."

Plot is not exactly forthcoming, but you're running across the veldt(?) battling geometric-looking robots that seem like they should have come from another game, and sometimes other cassowary riders, who look like ninjas in motorcycle helmets. But the first boss is very cool, a super ninja riding upright on two cassowaries that he can launch at you!

"Okay look at this if I time it right, my cassowasy can kick his callowary back at him.. can't talk, gonna die!"

aroseahorseboy: i guess "emu attack" wouldn't have been as eye-catching Baconnaise: Super Bird Wars Llord_Kuruku: Ostrich Of The Imagination? CassowaryEmissary: Ah my people. See our glorious neck waddles

Finally the boss blows up! Very literally too, the ninja and the cassowaries all burst into red pixel gore.

"Wow what the f-" Bea bursts out laughing mid-curse. "rated M for wow thats a lot of Meat they turned into"

"Oh.. I can get some of it for health, yay?!"

HNV: This was an intentional gross-out, but at least they're not pulling punches about cassowaries being badasses! Bee52: maybe this was made by a fourth grader as part of his school project on cassowaries berd_snurglar: i want to see more games with obscure birds Syrupentine: There WAS a stork on the title screen, I wonder...

[joytraveler]

21. Blasting Machine

The title comes up from the bottom of the screen in huge letters, and explodes to bits as soon as Start is pressed.

"Oops I'll clean that up, s'fine"

aroseahorseboy: good going! think you can cause any more damage in ten seconds?!

"I just tapped it! Some shoddy construction on this thing, I'll tell you what"

Bee52: You gon tap dat logo or what

The game is a top-down exploration game, like the original Zelda but with a pickaxe instead of a sword. The first screen is dominated by a huge machine, some sort of giant smelter? It looks like you can put things into it via a conveyor belt, but Bea doesn't have any items yet.

"WITH MY FACTORY. I CAN MAKE ERASERS. THERE ARE MANY THINGS THAT NEED TO BE ERASED."

berd_snurglar: bea don't do that voice again ever ok thx DueyDecimal: Little Queen Bea is a horrifying thought No offense to Bea!

Bea searches around, smashing rocks with the pickaxe for hunks of ore, and often just picking up junk on the side. Lots of old appliances, enough that she has no room in her inventory for the busted TV set when she finds it!

"Ohohohoh, I'm coming back for you baby! I think I know where this is going and the kid in me is real excited to blow things up!"

HNV: Pickaxe? Collecting and scavenging? Did someone invent Minecraft back in the 80s and now Notch owes them his fortune? Llord_Kuruku: if yes: good if no: we need a yes because that would be good

Even with the inventory full, Bea can still inspect things, and there's plenty of appliances left. Surprisingly, all of them have their name brands intact: Instant Pot, Sunbeam toaster oven, Whirlpool washer/dryer.

Syrupentine: This game reminds me of the Sears Wish Book for some reason

When she returns to the machine, sure enough, it's time to start blasting! You get a close up of each object as it's sent down to the blasting chamber to be hit with a beam of heat! The ray intensifies and the player is treated to a spectacular exploding (or melting) of pixels!

"WOOOOO, BLASTING MACHIIIINE!" Bea kicks up her legs, then scrambles as she almost knocks down her setup

"Is this all you do? I'd be pretty content about that actually"

DueyDecimal: It's very elaborage for a game where you just blow up old stuff! aroseahorseboy: what about those ore chunks you collected, can you blast those, or trade them for something?

"Looks like there might be some recipes? Not recipes, blueprints. Nothing I can do yet, but- oh." Blasting some objects yields bits of metal she can collect again. "all right, and it looks like I can upgrade the machine too! I dunno what bigger things I need to be blasting?"

TaichouSenseiKun: Blast your neighbor's car into several bicycles. It will be impossible to ride them all!

Bea's on her way back to get the TV set when something slithers across the screen quickly. "Whoo, okay, anyone see that? I am now worrying"

Syrupentine: We got so used to it being a sandbox game we forgot that there might be a plot!!

"Maybe if we don't move the plot won't be able to get us.." She warily walks to some bushes where the thing went and hid..

aroseahorseboy: please be a cute harmless friend please please please

[acquired GARTER SNAKE]

"Our first party member!"

Klickitat_Street: Oh, it’s an item. IT’S AN ITEM??

"Why is it an...........................Oh, you're not serious."

HNV: Deeply Disturbed Child Simulator 2015

Indeed, you can catch frogs down near the river, a bird if you're fast enough when it lands. A cat wanders about on one of the further screens but Bea just goes for the TV set.

"This is really, really kind of not okay with me?" She giggles painfully as she makes her way back to the machine. "Can I just keep them in my inventory and we can ignore the implications.."

aroseahorseboy: this is a long shot but maybe you’re supposed to fuse them with the ore chunks to make cyborgs or something I HOPE

"all right, let's.. let's try this one.." Bea groans. "Snake plus Three iron ingots.. I really hope this isn't gonna be that bad"

aroseahorseboy is just barely peeking through his fins to watch TaichouSenseiKun forces aro's fins apart aroseahorseboy has sunglasses on underneath HAH TaichouSenseiKun pulls them off aroseahorseboy: Ah. I see my plan has hit a snag HNV: I couldn’t even play Pikmin, what is with these games where you’re forced to harm little animals?

There's a tense, disturbing moment as the snake begins to rush around the blast chamber.. but the blast is just a big bright flash.

[Made SNAKE CHAIN lv.1!]

The new weapon is a scaly looking length of chain with a fanged tip. It can be used as both a whip and a grappling hook! "Whoah.. Oh this is kind of neat is it wrong I feel that way? Is this how it feels to be Dr. Robotnik?"

Glockroach: yeah cool but its still dead. I think? Syrupentine: It hisses when you swing it? I’m hoping that means it’s still alive... Baconnaise: Bea you did this you take good care of that snake chain try a bird next, everyone hates birds SugaGlydah: ;n; I like birbs but i get they're not for everybody Glockroach: Thank god, Sugar is here. Now run. SugaGlydah: why what- OH aroseahorseboy: that’s what my older relatives all want to do with my bird “that’s no pet that’s DINNER, guffaw haw haw” having them threaten to turn it into a gun or something would be better!

"Like this?" BLAST!

[Made CROW BAR lv. 1!]

"Oh, it's a tool, I guess. And a bad pun. Well, who could resist?"

DueyDecimal: I bet if you put them together it becomes a NUNCHUCKATRICE! HNV: So are you making weapons just to stockpile, or is there something you can do with them?

Two frogs can make a pair of boots, though, that let you hop over small gaps. And the TV, broken down, can be remade into a set of body armor! "I guess that's a good question, we should go back to see what we can do now!"

All around the machine are barriers that Bea can now overcome with her new tools: the Crow Bar lets her open up a boarded-up door in a decrepit house, and there’s a crevice west of this screen that can be jumped with the frog boots.

When the door is opened, monsters start to stream out— gray zombies with broken TVs for heads!

SugaGlydah also screms because good lord Baconnaise: That was some real terror right there Bea HNV: Watch! Yourself! Don’t fall off of the shelf!

"I'm, I'm-" She runs away as quickly as she can to the point she can hit them with the snake chain.

It’s not a strong weapon at all; one of them goes down after five hits, but there’s still six crowding around her!

DueyDecimal: What kind of animal can she turn into a shotgun?? Glockroach: Just smash two normal guns together, boom, shotgun

"Actually my pickaxe is better agains them than anything, oddly. However I am going to be dead soon I should probably flee"

HNV: Catch a bird, birdshotgun

One of the zombies gets a little running start and dashes at Bea's character, tackling him to the ground!

SugaGlydah: D: Baconnaise: Well crap Maybe they just want a hug Bee52: Dogpile on Bea! That's Dog + Atomic pile + Bee

Three more zombies launch themselves into the pile, and Bea's character is now being carried by the four of them-- not back into the house, but toward the spawning area, where the machine is located.

"HEYYY everyone! No hard feelings, right?? I mean how could I have known I was blastin' one of your heads before, ya know, we all make mistakes and if we fry we can never correct 'em!"

Baconnaise: I think maybe you were supposed to put the TV on your head to disguise yourself? Just a thought aroseahorseboy: wow this is Sierra Game brutal

Back at the Blasting Machine (as one would assume it's called), the zombies hold Bea's character in the air as one of them rummages through the junk heaps and finds yet another TV; then they load the player character and the TV onto the conveyor belt.

DueyDecimal: ONE OF US! ONE OF US! ONE OF US!

"Y'ever been really impressed by something and also hated it? HAAAAALP!!!" She's been jamming on buttons all this time, but it seems to just be a cutscene. "We can reset now right? All I did was make some hapless animals into implements of destruction, is that really a crime?"

burd_snerglar: i mean it depends on the state or province aroseahorseboy: if this is trying to make a point against body modification then I don’t appreciate it. if it’s making a point against having a broken TV for a head though... well i guess i have no argument there. Glockroach: Speak for yourself, kiddo. I still get three channels

The Machine activates, and Bea's character pops out as another grey-skinned zombie... and shuffles off with the rest.

There's no 'game over' screen, though; the game simply starts again, with a new character sprite entering the junkyard! This one seems to be a female character, or at least has twin ponytails.

"This has been really. Hm. It's really BEEN, hasn't it? It sure has been here and existed for us to see it. I hope. And I think it deserves a whole nother session to itself because it looks like there's a lot there, but DAMN."

aroseahorseboy: O!~! I get it i thought it would be a shooting game but it's BLASTING as in a BLAST FURNACE HNV: well, you know what they always say he who dealt it, smelts it

>Bea has left the room.

SugaGlydah: Bea wait! Glockroach: she's just going to take a shot I think HNV: I’d apologize but that’s kind of an accomplishment on my part

aroseahorseboy: dude I fcuking PITY whatever comes next, blasting machine rips

[joytraveler]

64. Spacial Delivery

The title screen shows a stork perched outside a tiny house, atop a tiny planet! When Bea presses start, another stork pokes its head out of the bird-house and hands the first a bundle!

"Oh gosh I love their little bird space helmets. Uh, what about the baby, though?"

pigbarrel: babies don't need air. a common myth! aroseahorseboy: baby asteroids on their way to the Oort Cloud aroseahorseboy: wait that’s comets aroseahorseboy: ok I admit it I just like to type Oort cloud

Your stork picks up the package and flies through space! You have to dodge asteroids and UFOs (which try to abduct the bundle!) to deliver it to an asteroid(?)

No, a martian pokes its head out of a crater. The bundle opens to reveal a baby martian!

"Oh. Congratulation Mrs. Mars, it's a.. well right now it looks like a your head but with legs, but I'm sure they'll grow up just fine!"

Baconnaise: don't you insult that beautiful child HNV: Can I be godfather? I want to teach him how to ride his first tripod! Syrupentine: aaaah this game is so so so cute

Round 2 starts with picking up two bundles! There’s more UFOs this time, including a bigger one that spins like a buzzsaw to take up a quarter of the screen at once, making it a complicated dance to keep the babies asleep!

"Hey, if I switch directions back and forth I can rock them back to sleep again!" She drops the baby off.. but this one gets tossed back in her face! "H-hey!!"

DueyDecimal: Wrong planet! What point do purple babies with three eyes go to?

"I dunno, Jupiter? Oh, that's right next door! Solar system?? Haha how does that work..."

Klickitat_Street: My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine Pies. aroseahorseboy: there’s a big freaking asteroid belt between your mother and Just, though berd_snurglar: isn't it supposed to bigger? way bigger? TaichouSenseiKun: bigger LIKE MY DICK

"Yeah with a big red spot like that too"

Syrupentine: it’s okay, the baby can sleep in a drawer

"Okay, bye baby gas cloud. Uh.."

ButterflyDefect: Was that a little baby jupiter??! HNV: Congratulations, Jupiter! You weren’t showing at all!

"And now a robot baby. Oh, my heart! Hello baby booper!" This one just goes to the moon, it's actually a baby rover. "You gonna be the best on the moon, yes you are! I hate to part with that one"

HNV: Baby Transformer! Instant fave

Another couple rounds, but soon it would seem all the babies are delivered. But stork #2 hands over one last bundle. Good thing it doesn't have to go far, it's a baby stork!

Syrupentine: AAAH AAAH Bee52: fuck this game is just pure cuteness concentrate

"Awwwwwww man! I'm crying a little cause of this and cause there's a joke I don't want to make to ruin it.. Way to go storks! On stork planet. Which is a place, we know now!"

berd_snurglar: so wait did ms stork get it on with everyone and that's why all the other babbies

"That was it.”

aroseahorseboy: well, sign me up

[joytraveler]

#28. My Life As A...

DueyDecimal: As a what? Syrupentine: Your life as a what? A dog? TaichouSenseiKun: As A Frog HNV: My life as a stapler? A union welder? A what???

"As A! Featuring the Letter A, the best of all letters because it's the first. It's kind of self-important really, not my favorite vowel"

pigbarrel: you can be anything you believe you can be. a barn.. a lizard.. anything!! TaichouSenseiKun: I want to be three different robots, do you think i can make it work

Well, it's none of those things, perhaps no one could have predicted the final part of the title as it pops up on the title screen: MY LIFE AS A PINBALL!

pigbarrel: oh it's a vision of hell HNV: First-person pinball?!?! LET'S DO THIS TaichouSenseiKun: is this gravity falls

"The worst part is when they put you in the machine and crush you down into ball form, but when you get over that it's great!" Bea fiddles with the options and turns up the surprisingly good music, bobbing her head

It's not quite first-person, but you do in fact play as the pinball and try to avoid being rocketed around by the flippers and bumpers! The pinball has a little face with a constant expression of horror, and two little cartoon arms it can use to grab things and swing around. The idea seems to be to score a number of points on your own, without being launched, in order to open a ramp to the next level!

aroseahorseboy: this is like clu clu land except good

"Now's the time for Dewey to read into this about how the ball revolting against the rules of the machine is a metaphor for something serious about society" Reverse-pinball is almost as hard as normal but a lot more fun!

DueyDecimal: Well, I WAS going to say it reminded me of the endless trap we fall into thanks to the corrupt student loan machine, but maybe I WON'T tell you now... Bee52: omg I love the way the bumpers snicker as they whack you back and forth

"Yeah everything is out to get this guy.. That's sort of the way of video games but I never really thought about it before!" The obstacles are getting more tricky with each new board. "Why do the paddles have spikes now, what's the point even??"

Baconnaise: Painball HNV: Well, at least you're made of metal...

Less than a second after that is said, Bea's ball is spiked by the paddle and goes whizzing around, deflating like a balloon!

Syrupentine: Did you see that, it said it again for a sec! Who's "Glem"?

Aww, game over already! But at least Bea gets to put her name on the high scores list, above RNK and ZRK but below GLM, MRG, DAD, MOM, and GRG.

"FUK"

Baconnaise: Wow real mature bea DueyDecimal: Bea is twelve and I appreciate that.

"I may be a little older than some of you but I make up for it by being very immature!"

HNV: Yeah, so no flirting with Bea unless you too are immature and have your own show Syrupentine: brb buying webcam

[joytraveler]

#26: In The Name Of The Law

This looks like an 8-bit beat-em-up in the family of Double Dragon, but instead of a scrappy street fighter, you're a cop yourself! You also don't punch or kick; rather your weapons are to grab and throw, tossing bad guys into other bad guys.

Bee52: it's like SMB2, but this is the mean streets where Mario doesn't go

"Mushroom Kingdom P.D. Which is probably a real game, one I could be playing instead of this." Boop boop, she tosses one hooligan into another, knocking them both into a mini-boss for double damage! Said mini-boss is an angry fish merchant wielding a pair of lobsters

DueyDecimal: A fishmonger? I'd thought it would be a fruit cart guy angry at you for knocking it over during a chase scene...

"This is the wharf area I guess, that'll be later. We're just gonna wreck everything on the way to the donut shop!"

"Oh yeah I went for the donut joke. Sorry if this show is getting a little edgy for some of you guys!"

Bea picks up a 'hand' icon that comes out of a trash can, and now the cop character has a longer reach-- he can stretch his arm like taffy!

aroseahorseboy: it's making me want circular pastries OH HOW pigbarrel: Yes... the long, elastic arm of the law HNV: Now you can take a bite out of crime! With, um, your arm. DueyDecimal: This would be a great way to fight crime, but... are there any criminals here? These people look like shoppers?

"I dunno, I didn't think much of it.. I mean in these kind of games, everyone wants to beat you up anyway.." They don't even seem to attack much, if at all. "Maybe he's gotta make sure the stores get fed, don't nobody run off now!"

Some people do attack, but they're either using their bare hands or improvised weapons: one that gives Bea trouble is an apron-wearing shopkeeper puffing a fire extinguisher!