#beefeta

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Head Canons about Greta Meatweep that nobody asked for:

Tougher than she looks or sounds. She definitely grew up bullied because of that name

Had a super rebellious phase in her 20s when she would chain herself to trees or try to sabotage logging sites. Left when it got to felonies. Definitely wore the beat poet aesthetic during this time (all black beret, super tight fitting clothing).

Her softness is a conscious choice after hurting someone badly and vowing never to do it again. Her toughness isn't gone. Don't cross her.

Admires vegetarians and vegans, but could never give up meat or fish herself due to dietary concerns

Incredibly sickly, although many of her allergies or illnesses from childhood she has outgrown and just acts as though they still exist out of caution

Cottagecore and loves pinterest and other blogging boards. Did you see her house? It was so cute.

Beef would be her first "real" relationship, as she was strictly anti-patriarchy and didn't "do" traditional boyfriends or girlfriends

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Watching The Great North "Risky Beefness Adventure" and...

I'm so glad Beef is still in touch with his mom group friends. It's so sad he declines their invite to go out and have fun.

"Time to unwind from a long day with fishing, with more fishing". Beef Tobin is the definition of having "special interests".

Beef Tobin is cut. The silhouette of his penis in the sky is very clearly an erect cut penis in the far shots.

Moon is what I wish I could be when my family discussed adult topics, and just nopes out immediately

"I'm also suppressing a scream of terror at the prospect of discussing Dad's boudior journey, but I like to be perceived as sex-positive and I just want Dad to be happy, so I'm just going to stay here and say 'Mmm.. Mmmhm Mhm Mhm.'" Oh my god. I need to rewatch this episode just to focus on Judy's silent nodding and mmhm.

Jerry as a big brother is so sweet

Beef's misadventures in dating could be its own episode in its entirety

I spotted the yeti for once! He's rooting through garbage off to the side when Moon and Jerry are coming out of the party

I love Beef and Greta's new "let's have sex as friends" dynamic. This makes me root for them more than Beef and Alyson. It's what Beef needs-- someone who won't make a big deal out of intimacy to start. I can write a long, slow burn about this.

I think Judy's "everything is ok face" might beat Tina's "everything is ok face". Or it's just the same face on different people.

Judy's breakdown is by far overdue and I would not have held on as long. She is braver than I could ever be.

I love how wise Ham is, and it's wild that Nightrider is now canonically his gay awakening

Beef's Penis and the Heart have names and voices that aren't Beef or Nick Offerman. They're too obtusely funny for me to spoil the jokes.

Good lord, I guess I have to write Beef/Greta fanfiction now. Would a Beef/Greta/Alyson throuple be too strange? They were cool with weirder

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Chapters: 5/5 Fandom: The Great North (Cartoon) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Greta Meatweep/Beef Tobin Characters: Greta Meatweep, Beef Tobin, Moon Tobin, Ham Tobin, Judy Tobin, Wolf Tobin, Honeybee Shaw-Tobin Additional Tags: Drabble, Drama & Romance, Romantic Comedy, Comedy Summary:

It’s done! I finished it and tied it off with a little bow! A short, 5 part fic celebrating what could be with Beef and Greta.

Excerpt:

Greta’s favorite type of date was a cozy night in her cabin where they passed the time together by the fire, talking, writing, and laughing. She liked Beef’s company more and more each time they hung out.

“Beef,” she said one day as they sat by the fire, breaking the silence as she held her poetry notebook close to her, “I think I’m falling in love with you.”

“Greta,” he responded with a smile as he wrapped an arm around her, “I fell in love with you a long time ago. I’m glad you feel the same.”

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Chapters: 4/5 Fandom: The Great North (Cartoon) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Greta Meatweep/Beef Tobin Characters: Greta Meatweep, Beef Tobin, Moon Tobin, Ham Tobin, Judy Tobin, Wolf Tobin, Honeybee Shaw-Tobin Additional Tags: Drabble, Drama & Romance, Romantic Comedy, Comedy Summary:

“We’re here!” Beef announced excitedly, as he parked the van at the docks. He exited the van and rushed around to open Greta’s van door like a gentleman. She took his hand to get out, blushing. The next thing she knew, she was handed a pair of rubber boots and coveralls, changed into them, and helped onto the boat.

Greta’s legs quivered like a baby deer’s as she boarded the Mighty Kathleen. Her cottage cheese knees threatened to give out at any minute from the anxiety. “I-I’m ok! Just getting my bearings,” she reassured Beef, as she braced herself against the side of the boat.

Beef took her by the hand and led her up the stairs to the upper deck, so she could watch and be out of the way of his crew.

“Good! Why don’t you just hang tight here, and I’ll take us out on the water. You won’t have to lift a finger,” Beef said, heading down to the hold to steer.

Greta nodded, white knuckling the railing of the boat as it lurched into motion. It was very pretty to watch, but she also felt as though she might throw up the entirety of breakfast at any moment. She picked some sea birds to watch as the boat slowly sailed out into the freezing waters.

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Chapters: 2/5 Fandom: The Great North (Cartoon) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Greta Meatweep/Beef Tobin Characters: Greta Meatweep, Beef Tobin, Moon Tobin, Ham Tobin, Judy Tobin, Wolf Tobin, Honeybee Shaw-Tobin Additional Tags: Drabble, Drama & Romance, Romantic Comedy, Comedy

I had so much fun playing with a character backstory because we know so little about Greta outside the fact she’s a poet. I can’t wait to flesh her out more.

Excerpt:

“Kids?” Sandra asked in surprise. “He has kids?”

“4 children, though the oldest is an adult,” Greta explained, picking at her food. “They still all live together. I’m ok with it.”

“Are you?” Sandra asked skeptically. Her oldest friend knew her wild side best. “You’ve never been a mommy type. You’re more of a… Mother Nature type.”

Greta laughed. “I’ll be fine. It’s an open relationship. I don’t think it’s all that serious,” she said, trying to dissuade her friend. “Plus, the kids are sweet.”

“You are now in an open relationship with a previously married man who has 4 children and hasn’t dated since his wife left?” Sandra said, sucking her teeth and taking a long sip of her drink. “Yeah, ok. That doesn’t sound serious at all,” she said sarcastically.

Greta set down her utensils, looking rather queasy. Sandra was right. This wasn’t like her at all. “Do you think I’m making a horrible mistake?” she asked with worry.

“I think a boyfriend is very out of character for the anarchist, rebellious, polyamorous, pansexual vixen poet of Lone Moose,” Sandra said wryly. “But I don’t judge.”

Greta looked down at the table, ashamed. All of her experiences sounded like they were done by someone else a lifetime ago. She was very content with her new quiet cabin life. “I’m not 22 anymore, Sandra,” she said quietly. “I could use something safe for once. Beef is safe. And kind. And strong. And wonderful…”

Sandra smiled. “I guess you made up your mind then. Go get him, vixen,” she said, raising a glass.

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Chapters: 1/? Fandom: The Great North (Cartoon) Rating: Not Rated Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Greta Meatweep/Beef Tobin Characters: Greta Meatweep, Beef Tobin, Moon Tobin, Ham Tobin, Judy Tobin, Wolf Tobin, Honeybee Shaw-Tobin Additional Tags: Drabble, Drama & Romance, Romantic Comedy, Comedy Summary:

Takes place after the events of S04 E02, Risky Beefness Adventure. Beef asks Greta to be his open relationship girlfriend, and Greta agrees. Wholesome drabble, comedy, and awws ensue.

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Chapters: 3/5

Fandom: The Great North (Cartoon)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Greta Meatweep/Beef Tobin

Characters: Greta Meatweep, Beef Tobin, Moon Tobin, Ham Tobin, Judy Tobin, Wolf Tobin, Honeybee Shaw-Tobin

Additional Tags: Drabble, Drama & Romance, Romantic Comedy, Comedy

Summary:

Greta tells stories to keep Judy awake to avoid complications from a possible concussion.

Greta rolled her eyes. “That’s what you wanna know? You folks are silly. I’m an open book. Let me tell you about the first time I ever had a girlfriend.”

“Girlfriend?! Spicy…” Judy said, grinning ear to ear. “I hope this doesn’t awaken anything within me.”

“I can tell you how it ends too, if you want me to un-awaken you,” Greta said, smiling. “It all started back when I got sent to this all-girls Catholic school for high school back when I lived in the lower 48. My mom didn’t approve of my increasing activist tendencies and she thought that this school would… soften me.”

“Greta, you were an activist?” Moon asked, shocked.

“You weren’t softened already? Beef asked, confused. “But you’re so sweet.”

Greta laughed. “Oh Beef, you don’t know the half of it,” she said, her voice trailing off as she launched into her flashback.