#been weirdly anxious and nervous and want my emotional support plant

[merbear25]

I feel like Vash's hair is super soft. I'd love for him to put his head in my lap and let me run my fingers through it. I'd give him gentle scalp massages. Wanna make him feel at ease and at peace for once.

I want to just enjoy his company and be able to look down at his face and see how lovely he is. Knowing how Vash would feel about compliments, the moment would be shared in a comfortable silence so as not to accidentally make him recall his past regrets or cause any self-loathing to resurface.

Vash is so wonderful and it hurts that he cannot even bear to allow himself to be open to the idea of that. The idea of being cared about and appreciated is an unattainable desire of his.

This is why a moment like this is okay to savor with only quiet breaths, slow blinks, and warm touches. If I can't tell him how much he means to me, I want to show him.

[lovetenya]

𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬: 𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐧

pairing: tamaki amajiki x gn! reader

warnings: pretty angsty, relationship anxiety, fear of abandonment, descriptions/imaginations of choking (it’s figurative and imaginary, it’s demonstrated with snakes), hurt/comfort, reassurance, worrying, ???, ENDS IN FLUFF I PROMISE!!

word count: 1.7k 

author’s note: okay OKAY I’m sorry this took so long, i’m now onto the ones that i’m coming up with completely from scratch, because i’m not writing them from outlines. as always, this is all over the place bc i love inserting 294848 different scenarios into one work. someday, maybe, i will focus on one plot line. today is not that day. ALTHOUGH THIS ISN’T THAT BAD BY MY STANDARDS, I’M SORRY TAMAKI, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

being in love with tamaki amajiki is green.

it’s the small, fragile beansprouts he grew from the tips of his fingers at lunch time when you were kids, and he was trying to show you that his quirk was nothing to be afraid of. the other kids didn’t talk to him because they thought his tentacles were scary, but you just thought they were neat. 

he knew you before he knew mirio, and you were the reason he even considered talking to the loud, sunshine boy in the first place. you gave him the confidence to try to make new friends, to try to choke down the green of the nausea that comes with uncertainty.

“maybe not everyone is going to be mean to me,” he thought, slightly emboldened at the fact that he had a friend now. ‘y/n,” he thought. “they’re my friend now...”

it all started years ago in primary school when you noticed how he sat alone at his desk, drawing pictures of animals while the other kids played. his crayons never seemed to stop moving, and the green jungles he colored were detailed with a wide variety of wildlife and plants. 

he liked to be alone, where it was quiet and safe, and nobody would pick on him or ask too much of him. everyone knew that the tears that formed on his lashes were a common occurrence, so they tried to avoid pressing him too much. his peace usually remained undisturbed, until there was you. 

you walked up to show him a drawing you made of a spider. he jumped in fear, both at the drawing of a weirdly-realistic spider, but also the fact that someone was talking to him. 

“why don’t they know to just leave me alone?” he thought, already shaking in his seat. his blood ran cold, spit filled his mouth, and a bright green nausea overtook all of his senses. he looked up at your face, wincing and bracing himself for a playground insult. kids were creative, and he knew that all too well. 

“hi.. amajiki. i like your drawing. do you like animals too?”

“mm-hm..” he softly replied. this was new.

“what’s your favorite one?” you knew to keep it simple, because he clearly wasn’t comfortable speaking. he never raised his hand, even when his favorite subjects were brought up in class or when everyone was encouraged to participate. this time, however, was different. this time, there was you.

where mirio was his sun, you were his stars.

where mirio loudly encouraged him, you provided your gentle, guiding support, and always proved to be a perfect shoulder to lean a head into.

“i.. i like butterflies a lot.”

and so it began.

—

since you met, there were many periods of closeness and distance between you and tamaki, which is typical of childhood friends. you could go weeks without talking and then come right back together, making each other giggle with your newest ideas about the funniest things tamaki could do with his quirk. 

one day, you joked, “what if you ate a clam, manifested the shell, and then just knocked somebody over the head with it??? the guy would fall down like blehhh and that would be so funny!!!”

he laughed a little, before deadpanning. “wait a minute.... i think.. i think you might be onto something.”

—

tamaki remembers that the most nervous he’s ever been was while your relationship was still green. the two of you took a walk through a community garden after grabbing a quick dinner with mirio and nejire, and the two of them mysteriously had to leave at the same time, leaving the two of you alone. (the return of ultimate wingmen, mirio and nejire!) 

normally, he’d feel anxious about being in public, but he was okay because you were right there with him. you were here, walking shoulder to shoulder with him, through a garden full of butterflies. what more could he ask for? 

he didn’t have to worry about being judged or being teased, because it was you. the leaves surrounding you felt like nothing more than company. as you made your way through the beautiful maze of plants, flowers, and stone statues, it was just you two in the whole wide world, taking it all in and enjoying each other’s company.

although he hadn’t always known what his feelings meant, he now realized that he’s a crush on you for as long as he could remember. while mirio had several different flings, tamaki always had his eyes on you. nobody was as understanding, as considerate, and as perfect as you. he didn’t want to be like this with anyone but you.

his hand twitched toward yours, but he didn’t dare. he couldn’t risk the pain of rejection, he wouldn’t risk it. if it meant he could possibly lose you, it wasn’t worth it. luckily for tamaki, you didn’t share the same fear, and slowly took his hand in yours. he harshly avoided eye contact, desperate to not let you see his crimson red blush. you knew he had a hard time telling people what he really felt, but he wasn’t usually this quiet with you. 

“tamaki, is this okay?” you questioned.

“yeah. it’s.. good. i like it.”

—

green is the matcha-flavored boba tea that tamaki sips on while you’re on a date. he asks, “y/n, do you like seafood?” before he balances a boba pearl on the tip of his tongue and laughs. what a dork, you think, and then balance a pearl on yours. this is what tamaki needed sometimes, normal moments of relaxation, and you’re more than happy to provide him with it.

—

however, being in love with tamaki is also loving him through the moments that are hard, and when you can’t lean on each other, because it’s all too much. the moments where the problem is between you, and isn’t easily defined and solved. these are the moments when he’s green with envy, or sick to his stomach with worry, or overrun with anxiety at the most simple things. 

these are the moments where you’re tired, or overwhelmed, or you just can’t handle his emotional intensity today, even though you wish you could. you love him, of course you do, there would never be a moment in time where your heart wasn’t bursting for him, but every person has their limits.

these breaking moments are the ones where one of you blurts something you don’t mean in a moment of anger, cracking the meticulously constructed façade, which is in place to spare the other’s feelings.

they’re the moments where your mind goes blank, and all you can think of is, “i’m sorry. i’m sorry. i’m sorry. i’m sorry. i’m sorry. i’m sorry.”

they’re the moments spent frantically comforting, speaking through tears, words spilling out. they’re the moments where his head lays sobbing in your lap, and his arms circle your waist, desperate to hold onto something, anything. desperate to hold onto you, so that you don’t leave him. your words come out shaky, because even they aren’t really sure how to make this all better. how can you fix what was never meant to be broken? it’s uncertain, but you can’t ever finish if you never begin. you reassure him as many times as he needs to hear it.

“god, i’m so sorry, tamaki, i didn’t mean it, i promise i didn’t mean it.”

even though he says he forgives you, that it’s over with, you know he’s replaying every lilt of your voice, where it broke when you were angry. 

you know he’s feeling more than he lets on, but doesn’t share those intensities because he doesn’t want to come on too strong. you know better than to trust a simple “i’m fine, y/n. really.”

he’s not lying just to lie, because he’s never felt anything truer than his love for you. he’s doing it because he doesn’t want you to understand the heartbreak that often comes with love. he doesn’t want you to feel suffocated, or like you’re being strangled by thousands of emerald green scaled snakes. 

he doesn’t want you to feel their bodies coiled around your throat, like he does. 

he doesn’t want you to feel their scales: cool yet burning, smooth yet slicing, glide across your skin gently, intending to strangle. 

he doesn’t want you to feel their eyes boring into you, threatening under the ruse of being calculating. 

he doesn’t want you to feel what he does, so he hides it. even though he knows he shouldn’t, he can’t help it.

he can’t help how much he loves you, how afraid he is to lose you, how scared he gets whenever mirio and you are paired up together for a class.

he can’t help that he feels like time is running out, your life together is wilting away, and that you’re slipping through his fingers like fine sand.

but you know, truly and wholeheartedly, that his insecurity didn’t deem him invaluable or unworthy of love. his fear and his worries didn’t take away your love, and they never would. every moment spent reminding him that i’m not going anywhere, was worth it. because he’s worth it, and this was something worth fighting for. he’s worth the fighting and the courage it all takes, because he is what makes you whole. he, and everything he is, is worth loving, because there’s value to the things that break us.

--

being in love with tamaki is grassy green countrysides and wildflower stems, and finding little adventures in every single day. it’s reassurance through the irrational, it’s validation through the pain. it’s not loving despite, it’s loving because.

loving tamaki is green in its youth, in its freshness, in its refreshing reminder that you are loved. you are loved so vividly, so intensely, so naturally. 

tamaki loves you, and you know that, because he wouldn’t be able to muster the courage to let those words spill unless he really, truly meant it.

with you, tamaki can let a little loose, a little bit wild. he can let the vines restraining him wilt away into nothing.

because no matter what, it’s all worth it in the end.

—

thanks for reading! love, tj 🪶

color series masterlist

main masterlist

[theobsessor1]

Shedding the truth

Summary: Deceit should know better, going through with another one of Remus’s ideas. He thought it would have been a one time deal, just something for them that night to experiment with his more reptilian side. But he’s starting to regret it with the growing nest of eggs, and horrible uncertainty of feelings swirling in his chest…he might be in some trouble here.

Pairings: Loceit, Demus, Intrulogical, intruloceit

Warnings: None (let me know if i need to tag anything

Word count: 1,926

previous chapters ch.1, ch.2, ch.3, ch.4 (read on ao3)

(wish to support me buy me a coffee :3)

Chapter 5 of “Say Something” series

Logan has been acting strange and Deceit can’t put his finger on why.

The logical side has made him breakfast on occasion, invited him to his room to read together or even for him to join Remus and the side in activities. Giving compliments and shy words sometimes.

Something must be going on here, the bespectacled side must want something from him. Another night together maybe? Why else would the side be acting so weirdly nice to him?

A trick to get something? Or maybe just to be on his good side since Remus and him have finally confessed to one another.

He’s not sure about the motive but it’s obvious something is going on...Whatever the motive it is...a bit nice having the extra attention.

Knock Knock

Scratch that...it’s annoying.

“Deceit please, you have hardly come out of your room, Remus believes you are ill, Let us in to help you.”

Deceit huffs curling up tighter in his bed under his several layers of blankets, he hasn’t bothered to put on his heat lamp. Every time he turned it on he felt like he was boiling, but without it he’s freezing, a horrible conundrum.

Even with all his fluffiest, softest, warmest blankets he can possibly bundle up and burrow in he’s left with the shivers.

He just wants to be left to sleep, all he needs is that precious sleep. Any illness can be cured with rest, but of course that is if he can get any.

Besides he can’t let anyone come in here. He hasn’t moved the eggs yet, they’re still the nest in the corner of his room. The number is officially up to three eggs now. A deep blue egg patterned like it is made of stones that he laid soon after Logan and him had...we...Getting sick has gotten in the way of moving them.

He can just push through this illness like he does with all the others.

“Deceit I respect your space but I must insist I come in. I made soup. Remus has shown me how to make your favorite.”

The snake side hisses a soft breath in response, coughing a bit, feeling ready to just bite something if this keeps up!

“...I’m coming in whether you like it or not.”

Deceit’s eyes widen. No! Mustn’t see the eggs! He launches himself out of his bed tripping over the many blankets he had entangled himself in. Protect the eggs! Keep them hidden! He face plants on to the ground from his efforts to scramble from the bed, hissing loudly as he hears Logan rise up with Remus, no doubt the duke having been dragged into this mess to help logic break into the room.

“Deceit?! Are you alright?”

The concern in Logan’s voice is clear as day as the side quickly rushes to his aid and helps him sit up from the floor. But all the scaled side can do is squirm and hiss, feral thoughts to keep them from the eggs fueling his wild clumsy movements."Stop! Out! Get out!”

Even with his protests the logical side conjures a handkerchief to try and help Deceit’s bleeding nose staying put. “Hold still, your nose is bleeding, and you’re burning up! You should have let me come look after you. You look awful.” Logan’s brows pinch together as he takes in Deceit’s condition, the side only struggling more adamantly in his hold.

“Oooh! You’ve been hiding goodies from us eh? Easter ain’t even here for seve-eah!”

Remus blinks the room suddenly upside down as he lays against a now cracked wall, staring at the spot he’d just been standing at where Dee now wobbly stood hissing at him with Logan shoved on the floor by the side of the bed.

“DoN’t ToUcH!”

Logan huffs dusting himself off as he gets up from the floor, only to pause spotting what the scaled side was guarding over.

There large and distinctly different colored patterned eggs neatly placed in what seems to be a makeshift nest? Consisting of throw pillows and blankets piled in the corner of the bedroom. “Deceit...What are those?”

Deceit hesitates, wincing at the question as his posture stiffens further. “I...Remus had an Idea since I’m partly a snake and I...they’re mine.”

Logan remains silent, staring at Deceit as he takes in this information.

Remus tries again to get near the nest only to get flung back into the wall with several angry snek sounds from Deceit. Nervous about the two finally seeing the nest and their reactions he starts talking again “Nearly every time I’ve slept with someone I’ve ended up laying one about two weeks later. I-I thought it wouldn’t keep happening.” he makes a distressed sound running a hand down the scaled side of his face as he takes a glance at the eggs then back at Logan “I-I was wrong and I-I was going to talk to Remus, I had told myself to but I just-...” he takes a deep breath watching Logan closely, eyes darting over the logical side’s unmoving face.

He can’t stop himself from talking more, panicked that suddenly all of Logan’s niceness would stop, he’d just gotten used to it! He wouldn’t admit it but he doesn’t want to lose the side. Would Logan abandon them both now? Because of this bizarre occurrence

“The green one is Remus’s, Pink and yellow with the speckles is Emile’s and Remy’s, the traits in the imagination..and...and that last one is yours”

He scans over Logan’s face once more. The side’s eyes follow to each egg he pointed to but nothing more.

“Logan?...”

Logan glances to him. He’s unsure what that expression is.

“Well? Use your words instead of just staring at me like-like I’m some freakshow!” Deceit pleads, he shouldn’t care about what the side has to say about it. It’s his eggs. The side’s don’t need to know of them or have an opinion but...Even so it feels like some hand has a vice grip on his heart, ready to squeeze as he prepares for the worst from Logan.

“Please...say something.”

“...How can I help?”

Deceit blinks, all feeling rushing out of him almost dizzyingly, leaving him wheezing “What?”

“How can I help? One of them is mine correct? That doesn’t really matter even if none of them were my children I’d offer my assistance.” Logan clarifies, eyes sparkling behind his glasses.

Deceit hesitates, squishing down that small lift of hope in his chest. He senses no lie, but still. He can’t stop the anxious doubt clawing at his mind “You mean that?” He’s not sure if it’s these unfamiliar emotions building up in his chest or simply him being ill that makes his legs wobbly.

Logan nods lifting a brow at the scaled side, eyes still gleaming almost...excitedly? As he helps Remus from the floor whispering something to him before he turns to Janus again. “Of course. I am fully capable of helping assist you in carrying for your brood as well as helping with whatever may come out. I am responsible for one and as well as I care about you, it would be rather foolish and shameful of me to expect you to care for them all on your own without some help” He steps closer, putting a hand gently to Deceit’s side and guides him over to the restroom where they can see Remus filling up the tub with warm water.

“First thing that needs to be done though is for you to get better. How long have you been ill like this?”

Deceit sputters looking between the two sides “I-I’m not sure, for a while now I suppose?”

Logan nods with a hum, Remus and him working to strip and help Deceit into the tub before the duke disappears back out the room bouncing off to who knows where.

“A nice soak in the warm water should help, you’ve spoken many times of your hard time retaining heat. I’ve done some research in my past time, warm water and heat lamps are most pro-”

“I already have a heat lamp and tried it, I-It was too much.” Deceit interrupts him almost poutily as he melts in the warm water.

Logan nods, eyes scanning over the snake side “Are your scales normally...flakey? When you are sick?” He conjures up a washcloth to soak in the water before using it to gently dab and rub at Deceit’s scales. The scales start...peeling?

Deceit shakes his head “No, they should only be flakey when I’m near my shed.”

Logan hums shaking his head fondly “Deceit...You’re sick because you haven’t shed. I-there are several layers of old scales here. I’m surprised you haven’t caused something worse to yourself.”

Deceit furrows his brows “That can’t be right though! It’s been nowhere near my usual shedding days.”

Logan continues to gently use the washcloth to rub the scales, the skin peeling more as he works, removing the sickly yellowy-green to show a more vibrant almost forest green underneath with of course the lighter yellow accent scales. “Well clearly you’ve missed it several times because you are shedding right now...Could it possibly be from laying your eggs? Most snakes shed when gravid.”

Deceit frowns thinking that over.

There is the sound of shifting wind as Remus appears back in the bathroom holding a large bowl and a pile of clothes. “I brought the soup, and I got more comfy clothes.”

“Thank you Remus, will you set those at the bedside table and assist me in here with Deceit’s shed?”

Remus bounces tho careful not to spill the soup “ooh! Is that why he’s such a grumpy gus! It’s shed time! You should have said something sooner ya silly serpent.” he sets down the items and poofs himself out of his own clothes to hop into the tub with Dee. Earning a few grumbled choice words at him from Deceit for taking up so much room but he doesn’t mind, after all the scaled side just gets himself comfortable leaning against him.

The two sides work for some time to remove the old shedding skin until the snake sides scales are gleaming. Once the side is dressed in comfy soft pajamas they guide him back to bed getting him comfily piled into the many blankets.

Logan moves to pull away only to find a hand latched onto his shirt.

“You...don’t leave. I-I..I would like the company.” Deceit confesses looking to the two sides nervously

The logical side can’t help a chuckle “Don’t worry I’m just grabbing the soup.”

Remus climbs onto the bed cuddling up to Deceit’s side. “You want to pick a movie for us to watch double dee?”

Deceit sleepily nods “Brave, I like the message...and magic”

Remus chuckles, nodding and summoning up Logan’s laptop to play the movie on as the scaled side leans against him resting his head against the dukes shoulder just as Logan gets comfortable on his other side.

The two sides take turns to feed him as they watch the movie, his eyes gradually growing heavy as it goes on.

Drowsy with his head full of cotton Deceit nuzzles Remus’s cheek affectionately before doing the same to Logan. His thanks given he burrows further into the pile of blankets letting his eyes finally close and drift off.

Feeling cared for and that his broos is safe, He drifts off into a peaceful slumber, smiling softly to himself.

Maybe it will be alright.