#being vulnerable; being human with flaws and weaknesses. perhaps i; too; would rather be a rock; hard and uncaring; cold and impersonal

[wednesdaypasta]

Asuka Langley Sohryu analysis

VERY LONG POST!!!!!!! 

This essay is purely for my own autistic ass, make of it what you will lol.

Asuka is often viewed as a conceited, narcissistic and deeply flawed character in NGE. I don’t believe Soryu is truly as horrendous as others perceive her to be, perhaps that is due to my own projections or simply me giving her the benefit of the doubt, so I’ve decided to take it upon myself to truly understand every aspect of her traumas, her actions throughout the series and finally her death. I want to know what caused her to become such a self loathing yet egotistical child. every tiny detail of her personality can be traced back to specific events, she's been created with such detail and precision, it's hard not to want to delve deeper into her story.

Prior to the traumatic events of NGE Asuka had a horrific home life. She was neglected by her mother who was busy with work, leaving Asuka feeling irrelevant. This sparked an overwhelming need for attention, which followed her from early childhood right until her last breath.

 Kyoko Sohryu (Asuka’s mother)  was a key scientist in the German division of Gehirn. (What would later become NERV’s third branch.) She was the subject of the contact experiment with Unit-02, where during this experiment part of Koyokos soul would bond with the eva, causing severe mental damage. This led to her becoming incredibly unstable and psychotic, believing one of Asuka’s dolls was her daughter rather than Asuka. As a result of her mothers insanity, Asuka felt even more neglected and abandoned. She was replaced by a doll, not even a human, but an inanimate object. 

At Kyoko’s most deranged she pleaded Asuka to die with her in a double suicide, to which Asuka, in an act of desperation to be loved, agreed. Her mother instead hung herself alongside the doll. Asuka was so replaceable to her own mother that she wasn't even worth being killed. In later life Asuka grows to feel utter contempt and disgust towards her own weakness; she was completely vulnerable and desperate to be loved, so much so that she would have died. She’s extremely black or white. If he can’t be loved, she should die.

The Asuka we are first introduced to doesn't seem to carry much of this weight at all. She’s bright, bubbly, feisty and fun. Her presence brings a much needed lift to the show with dance routines, montages and general playfulness from both her and Shinji. How can such a broken character appear so confident? Asuka uses her ego as a safety net, she wants to appear as confident (if not bordering on narcissistic) as possible to hide the fact that she is very much still an insecure child.  If she doesn't appear vulnerable, no one can hurt her. Her confidence will project onto those around her and she will be the most loved girl in Japan, right? She is the best Eva pilot by far, they need her. These thoughts are enough to keep her not only alive, but living.

Obviously this doesn't keep up, as we see Shinji strike Asuka’s nerves more and more with every episode that passes. Shinji is the counterpart to Asuka, everything that he lacks, she will overcompensate with. His nonchalant, pessimistic, self pitying attitude is everything she hates. But shinji isn't all too dissimilar from Asuka at all, his ego is absolutely huge; if he isn’t happy, why should anyone else be, he's not loved so everyone should die. Everything that Asuka pushes onto herself, Shinji pushes onto others. This causes a very expected clash between the two. Part of me believes that Asuka potentially sees in Shinji what she could have become if she had not been chosen to pilot unit-02. Someone merely existing, an insecure child whining at any given chance about doing this, that and the next thing. Someone ‘useless’. Asuka demands to be used at any given chance for recognition and validation, even at the prospective cost of her life/sanity.

While Shinji is the embodiment of the internal threat of her deep rooted shame, insecurities and fears, Rei represents the external threat that she can and will be replaced. Rei is the golden child, she does as she’s told, she fights well. This can be proven in episode 22 after Asuka has yet again been defeated by an angel, her sync rates drop. This comes as a massive blow to her fragile ego. To make it worse, Ritsko notices Asukas mental disturbance and orders Rei to shoot the Angel, leaving Asuka literally in her shadow. This is when the mindrape (i hate that term but i can't think of anything better to describe it as) occurs, leaving Ritsuko no choice but to start looking for a replacement pilot. Rei ends up saving her by using the spear of longinus. This absolutely destroys Asuka, how could she be shadowed, let alone saved by someone as spineless as Rei? She's being replaced yet again, bringing her back to square one in regards to her Mothers horrific passing. At this point both Shinji and Rei are performing better than her, proving her to be useless. The very thing she berated Shinji for from the beginning.

Kaji and Misato also play some of the most important roles in Asukas life, being her only acting guardians. Kaji is the only person we see Asuka actively regress back into a childlike state with. Her pleas to be recognised and loved by him are overwhelmingly upsetting. Screaming that she is an adult, that she wants to have intercourse by him and be viewed as somewhat of an object is a desperate cry for help. She wants to prove that she’s no longer an insecure child, but her ways of doing so only prove that more. While Kaji never made advances on her, he equally enabled it to an extent. I believe that sex is what Asuka perceives as the most adult thing she can comprehend, so she yearns for it with an adult figure to not only prove to him but herself that she is no longer the sobbing infant at her mother’s dangling feet. Kaji seems somewhat aware of her past, which may be why he never put his foot down with her. He knows that the harsh rejection of her advances would cause the spiral that eventually came due to her sync scores dropping. Pleading for intimacy may also be (in her mind) one of the least shameful ways for Asuka to beg for validation. We never saw Asuka in this state with any of her classmates, leading me to believe that she uses Kaji as he is somewhat of a parental figure to her, as fucked up as that is. She needs him to validate and praise her as she never got that from either of her parents, but would never hurt her pride by saying that blatantly therefore relying on sex to get her point across. When it’s revealed that Misato had previous relations with Kaji, this obviously hurts Asuka’s ego to an extent. She views Misato as a fully fledged woman who, like Rei, is capable of what she is not. Asuka’s battle with the constant sexualisation of herself is one of the most misunderstood parts of her character. A lot of people seem to believe it was used as fucked up fanservice, but i wholeheartedly think it’s a very jarringly real way to portray how neglect and abuse can affect a young girl, regardless of how uncomfortable it is to watch firsthand. It rounds out her backstory fully and adds a whole other level of depth to her character for individuals to identify with.

At the end of Evangelion we have a broken, soulless and decayed Asuka. She is no longer the abrasive, confident and overbearing character some of us (guiltily) adored. Only a miracle could bring back the determined character we know and love. Thrown into unit-02 for safety, Soryu is left comatosed only for her mothers voice to wake her. Kyoko can be heard saying the words ‘You’re alive!’ several times. This implies that the maternal part of Kyoko's soul was the one trapped inside unit-02, and is now cheering Asuka to fight, to live! However, another voice joins in, begging Asuka to ‘Please die with me!’. Both these voices mix together, thus suggesting that the insane Kyoko and Maternal Kyoko have merged together inside the Eva. Regardless of her mother chanting to die with her, the voice telling her to live on shines through and provides the motivation to have one of (what I consider) one of the best battles in cinematic history. Asuka comes to the realization that she was never truly alone. Her mother was always watching over her, watching her pilot the eva. Everything she had ever longed for was truly validated in that moment. She fought with a might that we had never seen before, she truly gave it her all. It feels so incredibly bittersweet to see her truly at her happiest, screaming out ‘mama!’ as she brutally tears mass unit eva’s to shreds, smashing their heads in, ripping off limbs etc. The whole scene is so authentically Asuka Langley Sohryu. The sheer shock, the horrifying events unfolding while she has a wide grin on her face. She was actively risking her life knowing she has the validation she has craved since he was a toddler. Everything I have spoken about in this essay truly comes together in this heart wrenching scene; her screaming about useless shinji, her crying out for her ‘mama’, her overbearing confidence in herself. Even in her last moments she was determined, not to prove to anyone else but herself that she was useful. She says through gritted teeth and a struggling breath ‘I’ll kill you’ thus proving how she was genuinely set on being seen till her very last moments on earth.

I firmly believe that Asuka is one of the most well thought out and genuinely complete characters I’ve ever seen in fiction. While she is not the most ‘likeble’ she provides a very important role in making Neon Genesis Evangelion the show we know and love. Anno has done a fantastic job of creating a character that is so easy to hate yet so easy to relate to. As previously mentioned, some of this may be projection but I truly do feel she is a character anyone could pick apart and find some sort of self in.

[silverostro]

EMBERS TASK // LETTERS​

sent and unsent letters to: @othcrhalf, @honimoore, @ncllysnge, @swannscngs, @sinksand, @digitalrcge, @dawnhardn, @blythefm, @hovergrove

we put down in writing what is happening in our minds once it’s on the paper we feel better, we feel better it’s like some kind of clarity when the letter’s done and signed

to robyn, sent before the 74th hunger games 

Robyn,

I know how much you hate the very thought of receiving a letter, yet alone writing a response, but unfortunately you’ve humored me enough that it’s habit to think of you when I sit to write. Old-fashioned, perhaps, but also safer. And there’s something about the act that brings honesty that’s more difficult to offer face to face, or over telecom even, if you’ll forgive a moment of vulnerability.

This letter is out of character, to be completely honest. I apologize that you won’t find the usual ranting and raving about my work, or any of the indifference that I know you adore so much from me. I’m certain you’ll miss it this once, but I promise we’ll be back to normal soon enough. If it helps, you’re welcome to include a few comments speculating on what will surely be another silver monstrosity I’m forced into for this year’s Games. Bacchus is hard at work as we speak, unfortunately.

But I digress.

Something about this year feels different. I know you understand that well, in a way that even I can’t fathom, and wish I had some way to ease. I’ve found myself considering this unease, this restlessness, and it took me far too long to realize what it is, selfishly, in my case.

I’ve never liked celebrating my birthday. The first birthday I still have memories of is my eighteenth; it was only a few days after I woke as a victor, all of my other memories distorted or gone. Ironic, isn’t it? A birthday I had been convinced a week earlier that I wouldn’t live to see, a thought I had made peace with the moment my name was drawn from that bowl, fate sealed, the first I still have memories of now. 

I’ve been wrong more often than I would admit to most anyone else, but just this once I’ll admit it to you, Robyn.

This year’s birthday is...strange. They’re always strange, but they’re easy to overlook. In the wake of victories that are rarely Three’s, it’s easy to slip into the background. But I haven’t been able to stop my thoughts from lingering on how strange it is to be here at all. Forty. Horrifying, isn’t that? I should be pleased. I should be grateful to have lasted so long when I believed I wouldn’t live to see eighteen. And yet, in the quiet moments of the night, when it’s more difficult to fill the blank spaces in my life with work, such simply human needs as sleep making it impossible not to reflect. (Yes, even I need sleep, sometimes.) I can’t help but feel I haven’t done nearly what I should have with all of these unexpected years, though. Does that make sense?

I look around around my workroom, my home, the quiet almost eerie, if I wasn’t so used to it after so many years, and I realize that I’ve spent so much time in my own bruised mind, that I’m a little more than alone. Used to something no one should be used to. A circumstance of my own making. There aren’t many memories left of my parents, but the few I have, I remember the way they told me it was better to keep my head down, keep a distance from the world for my own safety. In the absence of their guidance, anyone’s guidance, I took those words to heart, and I did them well. But I have no one to blame but myself. I thought I wanted this, I thought distance would benefit me, but now? I’m not so certain it does. 

I can only assume that your own birthday is something a little strange now, too. And I’m sorry for that. But I’m glad you’re still here.

All this to say, perhaps when I’m back in the Capitol, we could celebrate. Nothing wild, I’m much too old for that now, but... a drink or two? I think we could both use the distraction.

I’ll only accept your RSVP in writing...

Yours, Silver

to perri, sent shortly after the 66th hunger games

Perri,

A call would probably be easier, I’m well aware, but I can’t shake this paranoia lately, and the very real feeling that the static might crowd my mind and cause me to forget all I have to say, if I don’t put pen to paper. I know you understand.

I’d rather not give anyone a reason to keep a closer eye on me, or Three than they already have.

But it feels strange, not to be alone in victory any longer. 

I should be grateful that for the first time one of the children put in my care against my will survived, but I’ve found it difficult to feel that way. Of course, I’m glad that she survived––I wish desperately she wasn’t the first in my years of mentoring to do so––but from what I’ve seen already of how the Capitol is going to treat her, this outcome feels just as horrible, in an entirely different way. I know I shouldn’t think like that. It’s cruel, and perhaps it’s selfish, too, in a way, because in survival there’s guilt. She didn’t survive because of anything I did; I haven’t made a real effort beyond the bare minimum since my first few years mentoring. I’m certain she realized that I thought she wouldn’t make it out of that arena. 

Now there’s a reminder of my failures standing by my side. Now we’ll have to stand there together and watch children die year after year.

It’s not the same, but there are twisted parallels here that I have no desire to accept, but have somehow only fully realized now that Three has another victor. Parenthood and mentorship. Sometimes both as unwanted, and unasked for as the other. I don’t know how you do it, how you do both, when either alone is hard enough. This feeling of responsibility for another’s well being is terrifying. And I feel an immense amount of guilt for not allowing myself to see it that way until this year.

Could I have helped any of the others survive if I had tried harder? Would that have been dooming them to an even worse fate, if I did?

Am I cruel, for thinking this way? I can’t even tell anymore. It’s been too long, I have no sense of what’s normal any longer, if I did at all even before my own victory. 

I’ll see you soon enough. It’s been a long time since I’ve had to go on a Victory Tour, I’m not sure I remember how it’s done. But I’m glad for the excuse to see you and Sage. Perhaps I can convince our watchers to let us have dinner with you. I have a feeling you would get along well with Digit, she reminds me a little of you when we first met all those years ago. Perhaps you can give her understanding that I haven’t been able to find yet.

Give Sage my love, as always. And I suppose you can have some of it for yourself, too.

Yours, Silver

to nelly, sent after the 70th hunger games

Dear Nelly, 

You mentioned your newest set of stationary the last time we ran into each other, so I thought I might give you an excuse to test it out, in case you’re not waiting on any other replies at the moment. (Although I’m certain you have much more interesting letters waiting for you than mine.)

I hope you’re doing as well as anyone can, in between Games. I realized, as I sat down to begin this letter, that I’m not actually entirely certain what the life of an escort is like outside of the little I hear from ours. In fact, it’s rare that I see much of the Capitol at all outside of the bustle of the Games, usually sequestered in a windowless room in some high rise to do work when I am asked to come in during the off season.

Do you spend your time planning for whatever might come during the next Games, or are you allowed a few months of rest from responsibility? It says something that I can’t tell if the idea of rest sounds appealing or horrifying. Only I suppose it’s hard for me to imagine what life in the Capitol must be like, or even just a life without my days filled with work, no room to think of much else.

Although, that’s not quite true, is it? I’ve found enough time without work to write. Oh, and I apologize if this is utterly illegible. Years of making notes only for myself or my assistants’ interpretation has led to rather awful handwriting. Perhaps you can offer me some pointers, that seems like the sort of thing you would be an expert at, perfect handwriting.

Anyway, I could go on about what I’m currently working on, but I won’t bore you with those details, when I’ve done enough rambling as it is. 

It seems that work is going to bring me to the Capitol for a few days in a week or two, perhaps I’ll see you at one of the parties they inevitably ask me to attend while there. The possibility of a friendly face at one of those events is always something to look forward to, at least.

In the meantime, take care of yourself, Nelly, you deserve a break.

Warmly, Silver

to swann, sent before the 72nd hunger games

Swann,

I hope I’m not being too presumptuous in writing to you. I know there’s no need for a letter, a call, at the very most, would have sufficed, if not simply a silent acknowledgement the next time we both find ourselves forced to attend a Capitol celebration. But something compelled me to do so anyway. 

Perhaps it’s because understanding is such a rarity, even among the unfortunate many of us who have been put through what we’ve faced.

I know I wasn’t in any state to offer the appropriate gratitude at that party. This is something that I’ve dealt with for years, but it rarely becomes so bad so publicly. I hope you know that I would do my best to offer you the same understanding you gave me, if our positions were ever reversed. I’m not so certain I would be able do so with as much compassion and grace as you, but we all have our strengths. Mine clearly not being my memory.

Trust isn’t an easy thing to give, but the risk was worth it, in this case. Still, if you could keep the...severity of my situation quiet, I would be very grateful. Flaws, weaknesses are too dangerous for those in our position, I know you’ve seen that firsthand as well. 

Which I suppose is why I’m all the more grateful for your help in remembering. That’s all I really wanted to say, I appreciated the reminder you gave me, and the humanity you showed. It’s all very easy to forget, sometimes.

There’s no need to write back.

Sincerely,  Silver Ostro

to aven, unsent, written several years after desmond’s death

Aven,

I’ve been thinking about Thalia a great deal lately. And when I think of Thalia, I can’t help but think of you, as well, of course.

It’s not rare to see her face in nightmares, to see her body. I relive those last few moments of my Games over and over again more nights than not, slowed down, sped up, in excruciating detail each time. 

I try to remind myself of what she was like before, but it’s been harder lately to remember those few good moments in the arena with her, when both of us were safe, when she showed me care it felt like I hadn’t been given in years. 

It’s selfish, but I wish we could talk about her, like we used to. I want to hear your stories about what she was like back in Five, before the Games took her, about how the two of you got along. It was always easier to see her smile in my mind, instead of her death, right after you talked about her with me.

But that’s not fair of me to wish for, is it?

I know you blame me in some ways for what happened, and I accept that. I know what I create is used for, I know how dangerous it all is, even those things that would be harmless in less cruel hands than those of the Capitol, and yet I still do so anyway. 

I have more blood on my hands that most victors, all without ever laying a finger on anyone.

Sometimes, I wonder if Thalia would have survived, if she hadn’t made the mistake of showing me kindness, and if everyone might have been better for that. I have a suspicion you know that feeling well yourself.

But there’s no use in speculation. We survived, and we continue to survive only because of the choices we’ve made. Choices that have hurt others we care for deeply. Perhaps that’s why it’s so easy to blame each other, to stay at odds, because we’ve both made those choices, and they’ve caused immeasurable pain. 

It’s not easy to look into a mirror.

I could apologize to you, but nothing I can say will undo what I’ve been apart of, and what I’ve caused with my selfish desire to live, despite this not feeling terribly like life at all. So instead I’ll just say that I understand, even if you don’t want me to. And perhaps that’s as far as we can hope to get just now.

- Silver

dawn, unsent, written several years ago after oversharing then pulling away lmao

Dawn,

I owe you an explanation. In fact, I owe you much more than that, but I’ve never had such an easy time with admitting I’ve been wrong, expressing vulnerability, so all that I can offer just now is an explanation, as a start.

You might have guessed that I’m not used to talking openly when it comes to things more emotional. In the absence of many memories of my own childhood, I have to simply assume from what I’ve been told that this has always been the case, something that I learned early on from my parents, who were both more content to hole themselves up surrounded by electronics and blueprints, rather than face the world. Logic reigned in our home, from what I’ve heard, and the little I do remember now. There was never much sharing of emotions, and that was that.

After my Games, I suppose I took that to the extreme. But it’s easier to swallow it all down, bury it deep, when facing it might break you in ways that you’re not sure you could come back from.

This is my overly formal way of saying I’m shit at anything emotional. And when I’m faced with just that, it’s instinct to do exactly the opposite.

I’m self aware enough to know this is an instinct I need to break. And I’m self aware enough to admit that it’s not always as helpful as I like to believe it is, and that it’s possible, despite so much pain, to live through it with gentleness. You’re proof of that.

In our conversations, you opened my eyes to that possibility, something that I would have scoffed at if I had been told before witnessing it firsthand. At first, it was simple curiosity, you baffle me. I can hardly fathom how someone can be put through the cruelty and pain that you have, and still show such kindness for everyone.

You made me want to try, though. I don’t understand why you’re so intent on trying with me. That’s not something that happens often, I don’t give anyone a reason to want to try with me. And yet you shared, and somehow it compelled me to do the same.

And that was terrifying.

It’s not a good explanation––it’s one that I could use for each and every one of my actions in honesty––but it’s cowardice that made me run from that honesty. But perhaps it’s a start to admit that at all. 

Next time, if there is a next time, I’ll try to do better.

- Silver

to blythe, unsent, written after the president’s party, kept in one of their notebooks

B.B.,

I needed to set our understanding in writing, for my own sake. Supremely ironic, isn’t it, that writing is less dangerous than words spoken. I’ve helped make sure of that, unfortunately, and so from the moment I left the arena I found myself clinging to the act of putting thought to paper for safety, I think.

But that’s neither here, nor there.

That hug you shocked me with during the party at the president’s mansion is something I’m considering. It was a surprise, but also a reminder of how much someone can say with something so simple. I’ve forgotten in my years spent with my head down, doing as the Capitol says, that simple can be powerful. An agreement sealed in that gesture, trust, perhaps. It left me speechless, unbalanced, but not in a negative way. 

Before then, I can’t remember the last time I hugged anyone, isn’t that depressing?

Physical touch, any form of it at all, is such a rarity now that I hardly know how to react to it. I’ve spent so much of my life making certain I was beyond any such attachment that I’ve left myself thoroughly alone, when it counts. Strange, then perhaps, that I’m realizing how deeply I desire just that. I’ve been alone for a long time, I’ve kept myself alone for a long time. I’m tired of that.

(Maybe I’m presumptuous to think you understand that feeling well.)

Perfect timing, this strange little agreement of ours. 

I’m well aware I’m not easy to trust, and I shouldn’t be. I’ve spent the past twenty-two years working for the very people who caused us all so much pain, helping them take lives, and keep us in line. It’s something I have to earn. Something I plan to earn, right along side the penance and control I so desperately seek. The risk you’re taking is not lost on me, and I’m grateful for it. 

I’m going to do everything I can not to disappoint you, or any of the dozens of others I’ve already disappointed with my actions. I promise you that.

- S.O.

to digit, unfinished, written after the quarter quell announcement, kept with other letters

Digit,

If this letter ever makes its way to you, you’ll have to forgive the archaic form it’s taken, but I know you’re just as aware as I am that nothing spoken out loud is safe, and anyway, I’m not so certain I could put my thoughts into words if I tried, face to face.

That’s always been part of the problem, after all, hasn’t it?

We’ve agreed to try, but that’s much easier said than done after years of doing the opposite, years keeping as much distance as possible, despite the Capitol forcing us together. 

There’s no need to beat around the bush anymore. You deserve candor in a way I’ve rarely offered, something I’m trying to learn to do better at, but still is a foreign concept in honesty.

I’m sorry. That’s the base of it. 

You deserve more than just a simple apology, after everything that I have done, and even more so for the things I haven’t, but I’ve never been particularly good at this sort of thing. And I don’t expect your forgiveness, or anyone else’s for that matter. You, of all people, have every right and every reason not to offer it. What have I offered you, after all? Certainly nothing to inspire trust or faith.

My goal here is to do the opposite now. You’ll be a better judge than I am of if I’m succeeding in those attempts or not––and I’m certain you’ll have no trouble telling me bluntly if I am not––but as we’ve said, there’s little to do but try.  

My fear is that I might not have a chance to get far enough to make a difference, and my hope is that you might be willing to keep trying in my stead if that happens. It’s a great deal to ask of someone I’ve given every reason not to trust me, but I trust you. Oddly enough, I’ve always trusted you, even if I’ve done nothing to show it. Almost laughable, how in forcing us together, the Capitol might have created its own problems by forcing me to care.

Because I do, despite what I’ve shown.

But I hope it’s not to late to admit that.

to hudson, unfinished, written after the quarter quell announcement, kept with other letters

Hudson,

This is a rather morbid letter, the sort of just in case I’d rather not consider, but with so much uncertainty, precautions need to be in place if things go wrong. 

Firstly, I knew your parents, or rather, knew of them, when they were still in Three. And you deserve to know why you ended up where you are, too, I believe, whether they want to admit it, or not. 

A well-kept secret in Three. We make the technology, and thus, as I mentioned during our brief conversation on the train, it’s more difficult for them to keep it from us. We’re as advanced as the Capitol in our own way, if not more so, if only covertly. There’s a thriving...market, as I’m certain there is in every district, numbered high or low. There are needs that aren’t met by strictly by the book, and there are those who are willing to bridge that gap, in various ways, for various reasons.

It’s a situation that we all have considered before, in various ways, a situation some of us have lived out, unfortunately. There’s the heroic thought, that if we were put in a position in which keeping quiet would doom us, but save others, we would holdfast. But the reality is not so simple. 

I could never blame anyone for breaking under that pressure, under that desire to keep their own life, yet alone those of their family, safe. I know many who have done the same thing. In honesty, I’ve done just that, although not in such an outright way.

It’s preferable to take the lighter punishment, rather than something much worse in the name those you hardly know, isn’t it?

Is it?

I’m not so sure it is. I only wish I could offer some sort of reassurance that none of us will end up in a position like that again.

Which brings me to my second point. You’re intelligent enough that I believe you might have read between the lines during our last conversation. Personal projects that are not actually so personal. And I need someone to know that, several people to know that, in case something happens and I can’t see them through. 

Communication, what we spoke about, sharing information between all of us, instead of trying to win this fight alone. But also weapons, for the inevitable. It’s all coded in my notebooks, and the blueprints are hidden away, but I think between Digit, and you, certainly you might be able to interpret enough of them to glean something useful. Enough that I might make it easier for you to help fix things. Or at least I hope so. 

If not, I’m certain that you’re intelligent enough to come up with your own solution to this problem. Find a way to fix things, just as you mentioned to me you enjoy doing.

[lorei-writes]

IkeSen Masamune Analysis #5

I haven’t written one of those in a while. Who knows, maybe I’ll get inspired to put more posts like this together - although I’m not sure if “analysis” wasn’t too big of a word when I picked it. Oh well. It happened already, I presume? So let’s continue onward with that, even if it was a mistake.

1st part: the trauma & the grief

2nd part:  discovering the new meaning to love & getting in touch with himself

3rd part: the pathos of the dramatic route

4th part: future customs & how modern their relationship is (by future standards)

#5: Flaws

It oftentimes seems to me that flaws of character tend to be overlooked on behalf of the great qualities somebody has. After all, why focus on the ugly if beauty is one step away?

Well. My personal opinion is that by doing that, a character is stripped of its complexity and ultimately loses some of its appeal, the flaws being one of the major factors contributing to their overall believability. They make them relatable, are a point of struggle, bring realness into fantasy - so honestly, personally, I lean towards enjoying imperfections. 

As such, let’s look at some of Masamune’s flaws and perhaps wonder how some of them affect him. As always, it’s just my perspective on the matter. So please, if it makes you angry - take a step back. You don’t have to agree with me on that one. It’s okay.

Probably the most obvious one would be his lies - because for a honest and direct person, Masamune lies a lot, even though mostly to himself. He lies to people close to him, consequently keeping them at an arm distance, never allowing for anything possibly presenting his weakness spread to the world. He doesn’t allow himself to hurt - he must be strong. At all cost, every time and every where, and he must always push forward. That by itself, of course, is draining. Perhaps he doesn’t even consider those half-truths and white lies to be dishonest in any way? Does it influence him? It does. It was shown how scared he can be when the one person he has found courage to be vulnerable with could be taken away. It’s one of the factors driving his rather risky choices, it tires him out physically, makes it harder for him to form deeper emotional connections. Generally, I presume it would suffice to say that Masamune isn’t used to somebody taking care of him.

Similarly to the above, Masamune is merciless towards himself. I wouldn’t say he’s addicted to work, but he certainly values it more than himself and his own well-being. He works late hours, is always in the centere of the battle, is willing to accept new responsibilities despite the workload (for example: his route - taking over the impoverished territory and redistributing rice to feed people struck by hunger)... As mentioned in his eternal love route epilogue, Masamune always strove to be deserving of praise, under all conditions. However, is that humanely possible? No. People make errors - and that is okay. It doesn’t come easy for him to accept that. (For example: an event in which he and MC were tasked with finding out a culprit threatening lord Nobunaga - I believe Mitsuhide was also in the group, however, it was only our pair that visited the inn. Due to a mistake on his part, MC was almost stabbed. Almost, as Masamune stopped the knife in time. As it was shown later, he didn’t take it well, distancing himself from her and spending the night training; Does it happen outside events? Yes. It can show in many ways, but one of them would be the fact that he doesn’t like discussing his past self and his weakness from that time. He also hides tears, for very long even from the woman he fell in love with).

He’s not fluent in emotion and his entire route is lined with him discovering that the thing he feels is love (more on that in 2nd part of the analysis, linked above). He undergoes tremendous character development.

There’s also another facet to it - despite being technically a character that’s all  about this “fun”, he’s disciplining himself strictly. He’s always holding himself back, pushing away all the needs and desires that interfere with who he thinks he should be. And what can interfere with it? Anything that lasts. Because for all he knows, there may be no tomorrow. Masamune doesn’t allow himself any stability.

Now, those were more of character traits. However, there’s more to Masamune that could potentially be seen as “damaged”.

This may be debatable, however, I do think that one of the reasons behind his lifestyle (not that it’s the only reason and that he doesn’t enjoy it. Only that it’s a thing that could possibly magnify it) is... Well. He tells himself he is ready to die, but for a man that made his peace with death, he clings desperately to anything good about life.

Now, I don’t doubt his motivation. I believe that if a time came and it was necessary, he would sacrifice himself without a doubt. He would live his life as to be a perfect leader, no matter the cost. But since he doesn’t know when the time will come and since he doesn’t want to regret anything, he doesn’t allow himself to live slowly. It must be fast - it may be over before it fully began.

I don’t consider this by itself to be a flaw. I think a part of him enjoys it. However, I presume that this ongoing intensity combined with little close connections (remember, he’s still a lord to his vassals) can be draining at times, almost desperate.

I’ve already talked about the trauma related to killing his father. However, I think that another traumatic event overlooked in his case is the loss of his eye - and I do dare to say that it was really bad by itself as well.

And I don’t mean just pain. Well. I’m chronically ill and I don’t think I would lie much if I said that being forced to alter your routine is really hard at first. I don’t think that it would be a lie to state that losing a part of functionality of your body can be traumatic by itself as well.

So, he lost sight in his eye first. As such, he was seen as a nuisance by his family - he was hated and this hatred was internalized. For a child to wish they were never born...? It hurts. It hurts a lot, much more when it’s the people, who should protect you, who hurt you like so. He was “defective”.

Now. He decided to take it out. To just get rid of it, to cut it out of himself, to let it be part of the past. He didn’t need to, but he did. Possibly because this eye was a part of his weakness and that he couldn’t have. And this time, it must have hurt again, this time physically.

And by the end of it? He was left with a scar on his face, another reminder of his own perceived imperfection, reminder of a flaw. The all-so-confident Masamune doesn’t generally show it to people - when they fall into the lake and he needs to take off his eyepatch, he tells MC it’s okay to look away. She doesn’t even have a chance to think about it, and he already tells her it’s not a pretty sight. Despite all the temporary lovers he had, there was never any other person before MC who he allowed to touch his scar.

Now, why to even mention all of that? Aren’t there enough positive qualities that I could talk about instead?

But even that all aside - isn’t all in the past? I don’t think so. In moments where he gets pulled away from the reality, Masamune still reaches for his missing eye and instinctively covers it with his hand.

____________________

Well, sure. Let me put it like so:

With this everything, he could have easily caved in. He could turn to pure egoism, he could fund his own whims and be a medicore ruler. He could be selfish.

But, at the end of the day, he chose for his goal to be to allow people to have a future in which they don’t have to go hungry. Where they don’t have to struggle to have this basic need met, as it wasn’t so obvious then.

Because he cares about others so much.

I don’t think this really shines through with his flaws being ignored. And sure, plenty of that stuff needs to be worked through. But... It is only that despite this struggle, he still retained his heart - and as we’ve been informed in his eternal route epilgoue, he was a really sensitive and empathetic child.

As per request, a tag for @tsubaki3192

[tlbodine]

What Zombie Movies Teach Us About COVID-19

As I write this, it is April 20, 2020, and  42,514 Americans have died of COVID-19, the disease caused by a deadly novel coronavirus first discovered in late 2019. South Korea has just  237 deaths from the disease. 

The two countries learned about the virus at roughly the same time, and had the same amount of time to respond to the disease. But the responses took wildly different paths, with vastly different outcomes -- as you can see. 

But I’m not here to talk about that, not exactly. I’m here to talk about zombies. 

Train to Busan (2016), directed by Yeon Sang-ho, tells the story of a zombie outbreak in Korea, with the action focused predominantly on the passengers of a train. It’s one of my favorite zombie movies, in large part because the flavor of its zombie narrative is so different from the types of zombie stories we see in America. It’s a fresh spin, driven by cultural influences and the director’s vision, and it’s a movie that’s been at the forefront of my mind since watching the vastly different responses of South Korea and the USA to the current pandemic. 

Train to Busan is a film concerned with the morality of classism, a theme repeated in many South Korean exports (see 2019′s Parasite for another example). Innate in that premise is a moral statement about collectivism, cooperation and kindness that runs contrary to everything American zombie fiction holds dear. 

Train to Busan’s main character, Seok Woo, is a fund manager, a white-collar businessman who operates in the financial sector. In his introduction, we see him reviewing reports of the biological leak that we the viewer already know is responsible for zombies; he advises a concerned investor not to sell his shares, as the reports could be false or the worry is premature -- and then, a moment later, hangs up the phone and sells his own shares. It's implied later that his role in financing the company may give him some moral responsibility in the disaster -- ie, he invested in a company, knew that it was harmful, and reacted not by blowing the whistle on that harm but instead by selling his ownership and thus profiting.

The film treats this as morally reprehensible. Indeed, Seok Woo's storyline is a tragedy: We will see him brought low by his flaws, struggle to overcome them, but ultimately fall short.

This is quite different from American zombie narratives, which more often than not place the hero as a working-class underdog who finds himself suddenly uniquely equipped to deal with the threat at hand. Consider police officer Rick Grimes (and, for that matter, hillbilly archer Daryl) in The Walking Dead, or retired U.N. investigator Gerry Lane in World War Z. Perhaps the best example of the type is Zombieland's Tallahassee, a quintessential "Florida Man" -- rough around the edges, crude, eccentric, socially inept but good with a gun and  a willingness to adopt the role of patriarch in the post-apocalyptic found family narrative. 

Implicit in American zombie fiction is a promise of role reversal, of a social upheaval in which established ruling classes will no longer matter and in which new lines of power can be drawn -- and that power rests squarely on a foundation of guns, violence, and a small but tightly knit family structure united against external threats both human and supernatural. 

Of course, guns can’t serve as a currency of power or survival in Train to Busan because there are no guns. South Korea has some of the world’s strictest gun laws, and nobody riding on a passenger train would have a firearm at the ready. This makes for a much more thrilling narrative thanks to the balance of power shifting heavily in the zombie horde’s favor; it also forces characters to work together for survival, relying more on wits than strength.

Like many zombie film protagaonists before him, Seok Woo is a father -- a disengaged, overworked father, but one who’s trying his best. But unlike some horror movie kids, his daughter Su-An is more than a victim-in-waiting; she’s the moral centerpiece of the story, an external conscience who serves to gently remind her father of his misplaced priorities and call him on his bullshit.

Fleshing out the rest of the cast are more unlikely heroes: a high school baseball team, a homeless man, a pair of old ladies, and a middle-aged man, Sang-hwa, traveling with his pregnant wife. Sang-hwa is an especially important character, holding up a mirror in some ways to our protagonist: he has a successful, loving marriage where the hero's has failed; he is a doting, patient father where Seok-woo is out of touch.

It is hardly coincidental that this core group of characters is comprised almost exclusively of vulnerable people. And once the zombie disaster strikes, it becomes clear that the job of the less-vulnerable is to step up and protect the most vulnerable, even within a group where no one is especially skilled, heroic, or well-trained to deal with this.

Self-sacrifice is the recurring theme of Train to Busan, delivered with a bludgeoning regularity -- but each death is valorized, the narrative making it clear through its storytelling techniques that these sacrifices are meaningful and heroic.

It’s worth noting, too, that the self-sacrifice that drives the narrative is made necessary by the selfishness of others. Sang-hwa is bitten and stays behind to hold back hordes of zombies only because another group of survivors locked them out of their car.

Those exclusionary survivors -- a group spearheaded by a rich businessman who declares himself early on to be too important to risk his life -- receive their comeuppance soon enough. Here's the clip in all its satisfying glory: 

All of which is not to say that self-sacrifice is not a trope that shows up in other zombie media as well. But I have never seen it the focus of a film with such brazen commitment before. 

In Hollywood storytelling, self-sacrifice all too often comes in two flavors. The first: The only righteous path a fatally flawed anti-hero can take. The second: A heroic cop-out, where the character sacrifices him/herself but fails to actually die thanks to unexpected circumstances -- suggesting, thematically, that willingness toward self-sacrifice is all that is required, and that good things come to those who deserve them. 

In a lot of zombie media -- and post-apocalyptic media in general -- storylines often flirt with the morality of sacrificing other people for the greater good. Heroes will grapple with the decision, and the one who pulls the trigger may ultimately succumb to guilt or plot karma (Shane and Otis in The Walking Dead, for example), but the discussion is given serious weight and consideration. 

Train to Busan makes it clear that such cold calculations aren’t just villainous, they’re cowardly and pathetic. 

Other popular zombie tropes that fail to make an appearance in the film include: 

A self-appointed leader calling the shots and telling others to get in line 

The asshole pragmatist arguing with the self-appointed leader

The untrustworthy outsider and/or villainous mole 

The weak or cowardly idiot who gets people killed by virtue of being useless and/or careless 

Utterly useless or corrupt government/military/authority 

In many zombie stories, man is the real monster, and this holds true in many ways for Train to Busan. But the focus is different. Rather than the monster being the outsider who comes for your supplies, or the stranger who you trust only to be stabbed in the back, the worst humans in Train to Busan are those who act with distrust and selfishness. 

Declaring yourself the leader, securing a perimeter, and making a difficult choice to turn away strangers at the gate in order to protect your own group is the action of heroes in a show like The Walking Dead. In Train to Busan, those same actions are villainous and ultimately lead to ruin. 

On the flipside, soft-heartedness in American zombie films is often both foolish and disastrous. Consider, for example, Hershel’s barn in Season 2 of The Walking Dead, where walkers are corralled in dangerously high numbers out of an optimistic belief that they can be cured. Just as heroic self-sacrifice becomes a recurring theme in Train to Busan, an endless cycle of trust and betrayal is the signature of The Walking Dead, and the show routinely rewards its moral centerpieces -- like Dale and Hershel -- with deaths that are treated not as valiant but as senselessly tragic. 

But let’s get back to my central thesis. What does any of this have to do with COVID-19? 

When South Korea first became aware of the threat of the novel coronavirus, its government immediately launched a response called TRUST:  “Transparency, Robust screening and quarantine, Unique but universally applicable testing, Strict control, and Treatment.” 

The heart of the program was testing, not just of obviously sick people but of those without symptoms or known exposure -- and then carefully tracing the contacts of those found to have a positive result and isolating anyone who was infected. But the price of this widespread testing goes beyond the monetary needs of dveloping and administering tests; it comes too at the cost of certain freedoms. The South Korean government is able to track down and contain its citizens through credit card records, cellphone data, security cameras and other Orwellian security devices that would make most Americans' skin crawl. Add that to a cultural norm of wearing medical masks in public and obeying social distancing as a matter of course (less casual touch and physical contact, greater personal space) and South Korea’s spread of disease has been quite slow. 

Meanwhile, in the USA, people across the country are breaking social distancing rules in order to gather in public and protest the quarantine measures that have left many without jobs and which, some say, infringe upon civil liberties. Mixed messaging about the efficacy of masks, and a long history of masks being associated with crime, have also made it hard to win Americans over to mask-wearing in public -- even though if we could get 100% of people wearing masks, the spread of disease would drop dramatically (and the economy could open sooner). 

Countless political, historical, and socioeconomcic factors are at work differentiating these two nations, and the situation is infinitely more complex than any movie. But I do think viewing the coronavirus through the zombie apocalypse lens helps to make sense of these wildly different responses to the disease. 

Time and again, America’s zombie media has hammered home certain essential lessons: 

When times get hard, you will be called on to step up and take decisive action 

Difficult decisions will need to be made, and the people who are too soft-hearted or cowardly to make those decisions will put others at risk 

The safety of your own family (or found family) is paramount, and any threat to the family must be immediately destroyed 

Survival will be a matter of strength, guns and resources 

Institutions like the military, government and police are useless at best and often corrupt or downright murderous; you can trust only in yourself

Viewed in that context, it’s hardly surprising that the United States response to the pandemic has involved hoarding supplies, buying guns, distrusting scientific authorities, and even staging protests. 

By comparison, the take-home lessons from Train to Busan are quite different: 

No one person is above or more important than anyone else 

If you have power, it is your duty to protect those who are more vulnerable

Selfishness invites trouble 

Self-sacrifice is heroic and sometimes necessary for the greater good 

All of which is not to say that there is no value in the American lessons. There are times when the values of individualism, decisive action, self-sufficiency and suspicion may well be exactly what is needed for survival. 

But during a pandemic of a disease that overwhelmingly affects the already-vulnerable -- the elderly, those with disabilities, those living in poverty -- it seems self-evident that values tied to protecting the weak and working together to protect public safety are the values that will prove most successful. 

At the end of Train to Busan, the survivors of the ordeal is not the strongest, best-prepared, or cleverest of the people on the train. They are young Su-An and  Seong-Kyeong, the film’s most vulnerable characters -- and also its kindest. In an ending reminiscent of Night of the Living Dead, they emerges the sole survivors to face the path of armed military men who at first mistake her for a zombie. But Train to Busan is, for all of its tragedy, a film devoid of cynicism. The soldiers stop just short of shooting when they hear Su-On singing and realize that she’s alive. 

In the end, it is quite literally her humanity that saves her. 

Living in a time of coronavirus means making self-sacrifices, including personal liberty and livelihood. And while none of our sacrifices are likely to be as dramatic as those made by characters in Train to Busan, they are no less heroic or necessary. 

And that is, to me, a lesson worth remembering.  

[incarnation-of-victory]

Bakugou’s Fear of Mediocrity and Human Weakness

It’s interesting to see Bakugou’s inner thought process here as he prepares to fight this villain (from the 1st chapter of the spin-off tie-in manga to the Heroes: Rising movie, “Deku & Bakugo: Rising”), especially knowing what we know now about Bakugou and his fears about him not actually being as great as he thinks he is.

For one, the line about “[m]ost of the top heroes show[ing] signs of greatness even as students” echoes the line Bakugou says in the very first chapter of the manga proper:

Both monologues get across similar messages, but I think the one from the spin-off is a little more revealing/blatant, especially with the line “I’m not just a normal middle schooler. I’ll show them I’m different and rise to the top.” This line from the spin-off suggests that Bakugou doesn’t quite think he’s unique from the rest of his peers yet, and that he’s desperate to use this chance to finally prove himself to everybody. Meanwhile, the line from the manga makes him seem more confident in himself, that he’s sure that he’ll be the only one to succeed, while simultaneously disparaging the rest of his classmates. Of course, his words contradict his actions here: Bakugou isn’t as confident in this outcome as he seems, since he goes out of his way to discourage Deku from applying to U.A. because he actually feels threatened by him. Bakugou being the only one to get into U.A. would be a way of him validating his belief (read: hope) that he’s the best after all. Additionally, Bakugou goes on about being the first and only hero/U.A. student originating from Aldera, which, in theory, would be an easy accomplishment, since the middle school is supposedly devoid of any promising hero applicants. This achievement of him being the only one to succeed would also make him seem all the more impressive and exceptional—a unique case, so to speak. His goal should be guaranteed... if it wasn’t for Deku.

So both scenes carry the same idea, but Bakugou is a little more honest to himself in his head (makes sense, naturally). There’s this kind of sad, desperate urgency I get from the spin-off that I don’t get from the manga. It’s just a weird train of thought to have when hunting down a villain, that he’s using this opportunity to prove to everyone (and himself) he’s the great prodigy they made him out to be his whole life. Even though he still needs to reassure himself that he’s not ordinary and is actually “different.”

This whole idea of Bakugou wanting to rise above everyone else stems from this fear of mediocrity. It calls to mind how the literal translation of “Quirk” from Japanese means “Individuality” (the word “quirk” itself also implies some unique trait). This means that your Quirk is essentially what makes you, you. It's what makes you stand out among everyone else. Because Bakugou does place a lot of faith in his Quirk getting him to the top, distinguishing him as someone special. 

The interesting thing is that Bakugou initially wasn’t really aware that he was just more naturally adept—sans Quirk—than other kids his age growing up. The way he comes off in his childhood flashbacks in the manga make him seem more naive, not really understanding why everyone else just can’t as easily grasp the skills he masters so easily:

(I would argue that even current Bakugou doesn’t notice his other good qualities/talents as much, which is probably why it’s so easy for him to twist them into something bad or forget them entirely, and instead fixate solely on his Quirk. This is especially important when it comes to Heroism as a career, and his need to take more things than just raw power into consideration).

The theory that he’s just “better than everyone else” doesn’t fully cement until he gets his Quirk. With this, Bakugou seems to think of himself as someone almost godly or invincible, as someone almost more than just... human. Which is why I think he’s so averse to any suggestion that he has any weaknesses—it’s a reminder that he’s indeed human after all. He’s mortal and fallible and need help sometimes. And being human brings him back down to the level of everyone else, but perhaps even further beneath them, which is exemplified in the infamous creek scene where Deku tries to help Bakugou. And again when Deku tries to save him from the sludge villain. And repeated other instances throughout their lives. Because if Deku, someone who doesn’t even have a Quirk or anything that makes him special, is somehow is able to do something for him, then what does that make Bakugou? If Quirkless Deku is somehow better than Quirk-holder Bakugou, then Bakugou’s power—which is something he built his self-esteem around—essentially means nothing in comparison. Bakugou ends up being just like everyone else, but worse: someone so weak that they need help from a “worthless Deku.”

Another important thing to note is that part of why Bakugou neglects to think of himself as human is because most people never really treated him as such. For one, everybody almost exclusively praised him for his superficial or material strengths that it gave him the idea that he was perfect and had no flaws. In turn, he carries himself this way around others, thus perpetuating how everybody else sees him: as someone who never needs help. I could write a whole other essay on its own of how many times people in the BNHA universe assume that Bakugou doesn’t need help, or that he’s stronger than he actually is. The time the heroes left him to fend off the sludge villain is but one example. Even when Bakugou fell off that log as a child, his other friends disregarded the possibility that he might be hurt, because he’s “strong.” In terms of emotional need, nobody, not even his parents, suspected that Bakugou was still suffering emotionally from the Kamino incident, and that he wasn’t handling it as well as everyone thought he was (Talk about a poker face! For someone so outwardly expressive, it’s stunning to see how well he hides his suffering. The greatest hint we get is him being unusually quiet). All Might even points out his failure to recognize this. As much as Bakugou is responsible for his own actions, others have failed him repeatedly too.

I know I said that “people failing to recognize when Bakugou needs help” could be another post on its own, but I want to point out one scene (or rather two) in particular that showcase how much Bakugou really does need emotional and physical help sometimes.

For one, when All Might and the rescue operation break into the LoV’s hideout to retrieve Bakugou, All Might’s first priority is to verbally comfort/reassure him, as per Nana Shimura’s adage to not only save a person’s life, but their heart/spirit as well. He gives the whole “We are here” line and tells Bakugou he’s okay...

Though he outwardly denies it, the truth of the matter is, Bakugou really was in trouble and needed their help, and he truly was scared. This is clear enough by his initial reaction, which he quickly covers up with a defensive response immediately afterwards. I can’t say for sure whether All Might’s words made him feel much better, but I assume it must have given him at least a little peace of mind.

A similar thing happens when Deku and company pull Bakugou out of the following fight. Again, Bakugou is initially grateful to the team because he really did need their assistance to escape the battle grounds. Though he goes back to grumbling and arguing with Iida immediately after, and denies their part in saving him after they’ve fully escaped, his grateful/relieved, perhaps lightly disapproving smile when grabbing Kirishima’s hand reveals his true feelings.

On a somewhat different note, when Bakugou is having issues, people address them in a poor and/or dehumanizing manner: see the way he was chained and muzzled at the end of the Sports Festival. And not to get too much into the Mitsuki discourse, but the way she tries to curb her son’s behavior does not seem to help either.

Because Bakugou is so ingrained in this mentality that he’s supposed to be invulnerable, he isn’t able to interpret basic human concern properly when it’s shown to him, notably when it’s one of the few people who ever treated him like a human being: Deku. Not only that, but Deku knew Bakugou before he got his Quirk, and admired him for his other traits as well, such as his confidence and determination. But Deku never blindly idolized his friend either: he notes several times (to other people) Bakugou’s bad qualities too. The distinction here is that Deku never paints Bakugou as a lesser or bad person for it. Instead, he accepts who Bakugou is as a whole, while still acknowledging him as someone worth looking up to.

An investment in being the best is fine and all on its own, but not when it starts to infest other aspects of your life, especially socially. Bakugou’s antisocial tendencies are probably mostly due to him just deeming activities that don’t allow him to prove himself as a waste of time, but I also feel that some of it is due to his fear of appearing as a normal human being—as someone who sometimes just wants to spend time with his friends purely for the sake of enjoying their company. As someone who needs other people. I think this also kind of applies to his inability to be emotionally vulnerable around others, as well as to accept acts of kindness and affection. It’s what makes him human. This is why Bakugou only comes to Deku when he needs to open up—because Deku is one of the few people who knows him for everything he is, who recognizes him as a flawed individual. And again, Deku never looks down on him for anything (despite Bakugou’s former belief). Not even when Bakugou cries.

All this really comes down to is Bakugou accepting other people’s help and relying more on collaboration than just taking on enemies solo. I think having him participate in other, non-combative activities, such as playing in a band in the School Festival Arc, is a good way to ease him into this methodology. Also, since it seems to be a trend at this point, it’d be nice to see him be hugged at least once without making a face. Though I do think it’s at least good that people are being more attentive to his emotional needs, whether it be in praising him (when it’s warranted), or comforting him (even if he thinks he doesn’t need it). Like yeah, I highly doubt Bakugou will ever be much of a touchy-feely person.  But at the very least, he needs to know that other people care about him as a human being, and that this concern doesn’t make him any less of a talented, powerful individual.

[vuelie-frost]

Frozen 2, the spoiler debacle, and the dehumanization of Elsa

Hello there! Let’s talk. (Warning: this post will contain some of the leaked spoilers. Read at your own risk!) You may notice this is my first and only post on this blog. I started this side-blog just to iterate my opinions on Frozen in an anonymous setting, and my main account isn’t suited for that. As for me, I’m a 26-yo Frozen fan. Elsa is my favorite fictional character of all time; she means a lot to me. By day I work as a graphic designer in the southern US, by night I struggle to sleep. Really exciting life. 

Anyway, because I’m human trash, I read the spoilers. I sought them out. I kind of regret it. Initially I was shocked, hurt, betrayed, and uneasy about the apparent direction this movie is going in. And the more I read about people’s backlash & opinions, the more my understandings were bolstered. People have a lot to say about this. People get very up-in-arms about the direction their fictional characters take. 

Let me start by saying that if you are staunchly opposed to the PERCEIVED ending of the movie, I’m probably not going to change your mind. I’m writing this for those people like me who are just confused, uncertain, worried, and anxious. After all, we have a whole month until this movie is released. Are we going to have to live in this limbo for another month?

After reading a lot of accounts & interpretations of Frozen 2, I want to say: no. 

If the implied ending is in fact how the movie ends- separation of the sisters, Anna as sole monarch, Elsa as the fifth spirit- I’ve made my peace. And you can too (Excuse me while I sound like an infomercial.)

First, let me play devil’s advocate and pull some of the speculation apart from the facts:

- Regarding the pages from the art book, we don’t know if Elsa relinquishes her title to Anna. There’s nothing saying they’re not co-rulers. It notes that Anna inherits the throne from the “queens before her,” including Elsa, but this could be interpreted as “Elsa was queen first,” NOT “Elsa is no longer queen.”

- We don’t know if Elsa becomes a goddess, immortal, or some ethereal being. There is mention of her becoming the fifth element, but this could be a descriptive characteristic, NOT prescriptive (ie, she doesn’t need to “transform” to become it, she is it by simply being herself.) If that even is true. It’s just as likely that the bond of Elsa-Anna is the bridge/fifth element, not Elsa herself. AND if the fifth element is the harmony between humanity & spirit, Elsa can’t become un-human to fulfill that role, or she becomes wholly spirit... which is what Pabbie warned against in ��losing herself” to magic. Also note that “transformation” was used to describe Elsa in her Ice Palace in the first movie. It didn’t mean she became inhuman, it meant she became more herself.

- We don’t know the nature of their “separation,” if there even is one (the leaked book pages talk about different roles only, and the Foreword of the art book only alludes to them living different lives.) The picture of Elsa riding away on the Nokk & waving? That doesn’t mean she’s leaving forever. Hell, she could be off to save Olaf from a wolf. 

- We don’t know that there are two separate Epilogues chronicling their separate journeys. The Color Script page has two boxes labeled “Epilogue.” It also has two pages labeled “Dark Sea.” Are those two separate scenes? Or just two color schemes? Given the context of the sheet’s title... I’m going with the latter.

We know very little about the context of the movie to make these judgements anything more than speculations. Take a deep breath. The movie isn’t ruined.

However, if these things turn out to be true, we can still be at peace with the decisions made at Disney Animation by preparing an open mindset. Here's how I’ve been processing it, and how I’ve come to defend the creative team regardless of their decisions for Elsa & Anna. The Perception of Wrongdoing There are a few specific implications in the spoilers that rubbed me the wrong way. I’d been optimistic for the movie until this morning when I pored over everyone’s interpretations. I don’t like the idea of the girls being separated. I don’t like the idea of Elsa no longer being queen (at least, in royal title via her family line. Snow Queen is a different honor.) I don’t like the idea of Elsa becoming something more than human, a spirit or goddess or force of nature. Elsa is beloved because of her humanity. In fact, I think the first Frozen was beloved because of its humanity. We saw the weaknesses and vulnerabilities of its two heroines and we fell in hard, deep love with the story. We’ve had so many years to marinate on that story over and over again that it’s become cozy and familiar, a hygge of itself. 

And when we’re faced with the prospect that our favorite story’s world is about to be flipped on its axis, we panic because it feels vulnerable. We’ve put so much love and time into this franchise and we feel helpless to watch other people- the people who are, in fact, in charge- make decisions about it. Dehumanization

Because of my love for Elsa, I’ll speak about her as an example, though this applies to any aspect of the story we feel is “wrong” in the sequel.

There are two ways to dehumanize someone. One is to think of them as worthless; the other is to idolize them. 

It’s not a secret that Elsa is one of the most idolized fictional characters of our time. Some of her creators even fell a little bit in love with her, as admitted by Jennifer Lee. She was written as someone who is inherently beautiful, but fragile and unsure of herself. She is kind, gentle, wise, and compassionate. Even her flaws- her penchant for being too reserved, her anxious and worried nature- are romanticized into beauty. Moreover, her flaws as characteristics rather than actions make it difficult for us to perceive her as anything other than our perfect, honorable Snow Queen.

Codependency, by definition, involves the idolatry of another human. Obviously Elsa being fictional doesn’t make her codependent to anyone, as it’s not a mutual relationship. But the idolatry is there. We feel we “need” her to be and act a certain way to fulfill our desires. 

So when we hear word that she’s acting in a way we don’t like? We get scared. Perhaps we didn’t understand her the way we thought we did. Perhaps we’re not as “close” to her as we thought. Perhaps it feels like a betrayal. 

Jennifer Lee & Christopher Buck know Elsa better than we do. We project our own experiences onto the character of Elsa because she’s so unique and still relatable. But her creators are the ones who know her wholly, truly, as she is. Jennifer Lee wrote journals to “listen” to Elsa & Anna, and their respective stories. They employed mental health professionals to analyze the characters and help determine arcs that would make sense. They care a lot about what these sisters do and feel, and no one- not even you or me- is more committed to playing these characters truthfully.  This is something that idolatry blinds us to. The image of Elsa in our heads doesn’t match the expression in the sequel, and we get scared of the cognitive dissonance. Who is Elsa if she’s not the Queen? Who is Anna if she’s not living with her sister? We panic because what we THOUGHT we knew is suddenly revealed to be a lie. We imagined the ending of Frozen 2 to be an idyllic family setting, when in fact it might stretch our definition of “family.”  All that to say: it’s okay to be scared of what this movie might reveal about characters we thought we knew. The familiarity of the first movie is being challenged. But growth can’t happen without some sort of variable change. It’s okay to disagree with how the creators specifically do that, but be aware of why they chose to make those decisions in the first place.  The trailers have been alluding to a separation of some kind, with Elsa’s “What would I do without you?” to Anna’s “you’ll always have me” as foreboding clues to the movie’s interpersonal conflict. For reasons we don’t know, this is the route the creative team has taken. It might feel unfair, but we don’t have the whole story. And whatever that story is.... it will all be okay. Jennifer and Chris will make the right decisions for their characters. The sisters will be happy in the end because this is a Disney movie (do you really think they’d be happy separated against either of their wills?) They’ll be a family regardless of the circumstances. It might not be how you or I would have written it, but that doesn’t make it a bad story nor an invalid one. And we can be content with that for another month. (I have a working hypothesis that we’re all going to be happily surprised by the ending’s larger meaning, once it’s revealed.) Wait, isn’t this just a kid’s movie? Shouldn’t we just suck it up and move on? Elsa may be fictional, but that doesn’t mean she’s not real. She means a lot to a LOT of people because of her very real relationships with herself, her capabilities, her power, and her family. It’s not silly to worry about her arc, nor Frozen 2′s arc as a whole.  Stay Mindful

If you’ve been scouring Tumblr & Instagram all day today in a panic trying to decide how to feel about the Frozen 2 leaks, please get off the echo chamber that is the internet. Eat a chocolate chip cookie, meditate, sit outside with a cup of tea- enter back into the “real world.” It pains me to say this because I’m talking to myself as much as I'm talking to anyone else, but: Frozen is not the determinant of your existence, nor your happiness. It’s one story among SO many, all of which have the potential to form and influence us in various ways.

In closing:

- keep in mind that most of what’s circulating on Tumblr is part of a rumor mill, and not to trust anything that doesn’t come from Disney themselves

- context is key to everything, and until we see the movie, we don’t have the knowledge to make major decisions about how we feel about Frozen 2

- It’s okay to feel worried or scared that the story won’t be what we were expecting- but that doesn’t make it bad, and it doesn’t mean we’re destined to be disappointed

- be mindful of whether you’re putting the characters/movie/franchise on a pedestal of unsustainable adoration. It can be unhealthy and painful to come down from that high.

[everyaccentthesame]

What is it to be a Dragon?

(This post contains some musings I’ve written to give me mental inspiration for a ‘Tyranny of Dragons’ campaign I plan to run. I wanted to get into the head of a Dragon, and understand what would be required to compel such a being.)

What is it to be a Dragon? To the two-legged smallfolk that cower in fear or desperately flee from the winged behemoths, terrors of the skies, dragons might as well be gods. Many have fallen to worship such beasts- Dragon cults, entire religions dedicated to one or more of these incredible creatures have sprung up across the ages. It has been remarked by many sages and observers, not least among the Dragonkind themselves, that should they so choose, Dragons could claim dominion of the lands, natural lords of the material plane. That they do not is something every mortal should be thankful for. Dragons make for terrible kings. Why they do not requires a deeper understanding of their nature.

 What is it to be a Dragon? Imagine, if you will, being entirely self-sufficient. On your own, through the strength of your talons and the terrifying assault of your breath, you can provide yourself with any food you need, relying on no-one. Your thick hide protects you from the elements. Your wings give you mastery of the air, no far-off land or ocean is barred to you. Spears break against your skin, armour melts, swords shatter, men die when you exhale. The natural world is yours, no mortal creature, barring your own kin, can match you, can claim mastery over you. Imagine all this power, all this freedom. Imagine it not being enough.

 What is it to be a Dragon? All Dragons hoard. Even the ones that the smallfolk mistake for being ‘good’. Some hoard wealth, great mountains of it. Some hoard knowledge, guarding grand repositories of it jealously. Some hoard history, hiding away ancient relics of great significance. Some hoard magic. Some hoard friends. Some hoard subjects. Some hoard slaves. How each Dragon hoards is unique. Some common trends appear based on the Dragon’s hue, but there is no clear rule. One might favour coins minted in a certain kingdom. One might like scholars trained in the art of combat. Another might favour the paintings of a certain artist and her apprentices. One thing is clear however- Dragons hoard what others create. They desire what beautiful things mortals create, because in truth, Dragons can only create one thing of any significance. Destruction.

 What is it to be a Dragon? All Dragons are alone. A Dragon is fiercely independent, and indeed, they can supply all their base needs on their own. But this has another consequence. Save for those rare incidences where a Dragon might cohabitate with a chosen mate, Dragons are intensely solitary creatures. There is good reason for this, unlike more fragile creatures, Dragons do not need the support of a community to survive. Indeed, the only real threat to an individual Dragon, are other Dragons. This is an oversimplification of course- many things can kill a Dragon, and many things have. But from a Dragons perspective, such creatures are usually easily avoided, lacking powerful Draconic wings, or if the Dragon misjudges the capability of a foe, easily fled from. When a Dragon does die to a mortal or monster, others of its kind view this as an aberration- that creature must have suffered from some flaw that they did not. Weakness, stupidity, slowness- the arrogant draconic minds dismiss any possibility that they might share these traits with the deceased. The only thing a Dragon fears are other Dragons.

 What is it to be a Dragon? By default, Dragons are Atheists, by the D&D definition of the word. They know that the Gods exist, they just don’t respect them. A Dragon has no need for prayer, or divine intervention. The Dragons don’t need the Gods, and usually the Gods can’t affect them, residing in planes far from the prime material, so the Dragons simply ignore them. This does, however leave us with a question: If the Dragons do not worship the divine, why are there gods of Dragonkind? Tiamat and Bahumut, alongside other, more obscure deities, claim to be gods of the draconic pantheon, yet few Dragons indeed worship them, and such Deities have turned to the mortal races as their emissaries and agents in the world. Dragons respect the strength of the Draconic gods, as they would the strength of another drake, but long ago abandoned them, when their Empire fell in a millennia long war. It is telling, perhaps, that the Dragons were the ones to abandon their gods, rather than the other way round.

 What is it to be a Dragon? Dragons are proud. They exult in their raw physical and magical power over others. A Dragon might destroy a townhouse with a beat of its wings because it wishes to demonstrate that it can. Another might incinerate a Forest because it enjoys the thermals that such an activity creates. A Dragon might dominate a town because it enjoys the terrified mewling of the subservient folk or save a town from a marauding group of monsters because it desires their applause and adulation. Many ‘benevolent’ Dragons, even metallics, act as they do not due to any moral compulsion, but because they enjoy the praise that is heaped upon them for their acts. Some Dragons even seek to gain worshippers, believing that it is only right that they, the most powerful and deserving of beings, receive treatment normally reserved only for gods.

 What is it to be a Dragon? Dragons possess within them the spark of the divine. Most never realize this, and never cultivate it, but under the right circumstances, these creatures can enter the ranks of the gods. Most famously in Toril, Tchazzar ascended to become a god-like entity, ruling over a city state and with designs upon a nation. Perhaps the draconic gods are just particularly powerful examples of their kind, and this, perhaps is why Dragons don’t worship them. A dragon does not seek to submit itself to another, it seeks to rule.

 What is it to be a Dragon? Dragons do not share power. A Dragon is not content to exist in a subservient state. They seek to either be left alone, or to rule. When Draconic empires have existed, Dragons have competed for power and influence, acknowledging no-one among themselves as King or Queen. Unable to rule over each other without significant risk (a dragon that appears subservient is merely waiting for a moment to strike and claim its authority), Dragons that wish to rule, rule over humanoids.

 What is it to be a Dragon? Dragons are smart. Some act as if they are little more than beasts, it is true, but such creatures typically do so by choice, spurning what they view as the ‘pathetic trappings of civilisations’ and embracing their feral side- the barbarians of dragonkind. They are smart enough to recognize their shortcomings as a species- though they rarely reflect on how they can apply to this analysis to themselves. Instead they have developed ways of working with other members of species without risking conflict. Ancient games that simulate conflict, such as the Xorvintaal, allow dragons to use the lives of others in games of intrigue and open warfare to settle disputes, without coming into open conflict themselves.

 What is it to be a Dragon? Dragons have life-spans far longer than most humanoids, exceeding even that of the elves. The lives of most creatures appear short and inconsequential to them. When dealing with smallfolk Dragons tend to focus more on lineages or organisations than individuals, which become replaced so easily. It takes an exceptional humanoid to be remembered as an individual by a Dragon, much less respected. Dragons slumber for long-periods, guarding their hoards for many years as their bodies and abilities grow and develop, letting the rise and fall of nations and empires pass them by. A Dragon might not care for the individuals of a local township or city, but care deeply for the place itself, even if only for the entertainment and treasure it provides it. A Dragon may come to know a human family well, as it treats with successive generations of individuals, even if it fails to really distinguish the different family members from one another.

 What is it to be a Dragon? Dragons are vulnerable. Dragons are the arrogant lords of the world. They are beings of blistering power and fury. They cannot create, but they can influence the rise and fall of nations, they can compel others to craft great works in their names. Yet for every Dragon of legend, there seems to be a Dragon slayer. A Dragon might be mighty, might be arrogant, but they know these legends too. And they fear death. So, a smart Dragon avoids causing undue trouble, and ensures its subjects or neighbours, while kept fearful of it, do not feel unduly burdened by its presence. Similarly, they avoid provoking more powerful Dragons, and may even make displays of respect or subservience to them. There is no true hierarchy amongst Dragons, but they do respect strength, and theoretically a might Drake, godlike in power, or even a god brought to the mortal plane, could compel them to serve, if only through fear.

 It would take an exceptional humanoid to gain a Dragons respect. Think then, on what it would take for one to gain a Dragon’s service. Bribery, perhaps, could work, for a time. Magical compulsion is always an option, though risky- dragons have a ‘legendary resistance’ to spells such as Dominate Monster. Gaining a Dragon’s fear is perhaps the most difficult, and most reliable option then. Consider the Cult of the Dragon. Consider their leader. What could they have done to gain the allegiance of so many great drakes? What power could they wield? What wealth do they command? What promises have they made, and which can they keep?

 What sort of being could a Dragon fear? 

[dokuhebi]

Jiraiya / cont. @peepingtoad​

No. There was no difference.

That was exactly why he threw it out to tempt them, referring not only to the possibility of tethering his power as they already had done in the past, but also his will itself… because if he can’t be accepted with all his flaws by the one he loves, then he may as well, at the very least, not have to suffer any longer for it. Either by being allowed to die again, or the next best thing—by becoming a mindless servant who can fulfil whatever role they desire from him. And why not assert just how sick and tired he is? Why not let them know, in no uncertain terms, just how crazy they make him, and see exactly what guts they have to do something real about it?

But replaying those words back to himself as a tense quiet descends thickly in the space between them, where the only sound is his ragged, wet breathing, it now seems less like the assertions of his aggressively free spirit, and instead reeks more of fear. Fear of that highest tier of rejection—and not for juvenile things like dating or kissing or any of that stuff, but the idea that he might face rejection for being fully himself… including his less relaxed, less humorous and cheerful, less indestructible sides. The very sides of him that right now seem to be earning him nothing but further ire, neither his tears nor anger seeming to awaken any kind of vulnerability or understanding in return.                                                                                                

                                                                   Keep reading

|| “...you think you know what might make me happy?” Words that cut directly to the bone, that take what the serpent had said and pierced its heart until all sentiment had been killed from it. They stare on silently, even if they feel he was turning the knife within them. That they can not argue they know him at all, if he has told them just how blind they have not only been, but are currently being. And it does leave them feeling raw and ripped open, it does make them feel that the only bond they ever truly formed in their lifetime had been a rather poor effort all the same. And it is not his intention, or at the very least, his comment is not to aim blame outwardly. Instead, after wounding them, he acts to wound himself. They would say they spot the pattern, of how quickly he puts himself in jail for things he has not truly done. But they feel themself a fool to make that analysis after being chided for knowing so little as is. And then comes his confession - a child saviour. So simple, so innocent, yet he delivers it as if it may have been the very weight holding him under water for so long. Perhaps if he had told them years ago, they would have had a better understanding, perhaps if he had, they would simply have scoffed at all his talk of destiny and fate. Maybe they still do. But one thing is certain, they can not fault him... when during his death they had run off to do the same thing. And that might just be making them feel a little eerily inclined to believe destiny for the briefest second.

Mitsuki is quick to enter their thoughts, they had created that boy to be everything they were not. They had given him the power their body was too weak to control, the lessons they had never been taught... but more importantly, they had tried their utmost to present the little moon they birthed with a sun. With some guiding light out the darkness. Because they had truly thought that no child of theirs could ever be capable of escaping the shadows, because high and mighty as they are, and whether they call it destiny or genetic predisposition, they could not shake the feeling that the apple would not fall far from the tree. Because one lesson they could not shake, was that the moment they pushed Jiraiya away, was the moment the darkness finally had the opportunity to clamp its jaws around them. And although madness had been soothing, although a blinding veil of darkness had allowed them peace, it was a form of admitted delusion to ignore the signs of being killed in that way. To lose oneself entirely to whatever force would give them relief from the world. And it was knowing this, it was knowing how the game ended the moment they tried playing alone, that had them guiding their child toward another boy. That had them encouraging one sacred rule: to stay close to the one who offered light. The gods knew the serpent wished they had. But they can not tell him this. No, they can not show him how much they regret making him think all that optimism was for naught, that it was foolish and naive and had no impact. For they can not tell him of the child just yet. Too poor an opportunity to announce the insanity of their own ploys. That they would once more tamper with nature in new ways to produce the two a son. That they would, with a heart that is just as much of a dreamer as Jiraiya’s, look to the child and whisper for him to do what the two Sannin couldn’t. They would like to show Jiraiya, that he had. For now, however, they would need to convey it a different way. They would need to find the words to express that he was wrong to think that all those years were wasted. Those were the only years the serpent could ever count themself alive. Them being too stubborn, scared and lost to see that would change nothing. “No right?” the words catch in their throat when he speaks them, no right to feel pain? Their eyes meet his without intent to be patronizing, yet a mark of a parent informing a child appears regardless, “we can not measure suffering... but if we dared to, I would wager that yours was within all rights my dear. For any tragedy upon or around you will stifle the human heart... pain is so easily transferable, is it not?” That was a lesson taught to them in parenthood, from the day they saw their child in agony, and felt a violent need to bear that pain themself than witness it. But they had not yet addressed what they felt needed addressing. That he thought all his efforts a complete waste, that he now abhors even that optimism that had in fact, carried the Sannin a great distance. A loss of words ensnares them momentarily, until he has walked the short distance back to them. Even after they had almost killed him moments ago, even after wind rattled the cottage and threatened more pain. He would get bitten a hundred times more before realizing some beasts were too feral to be a part of his domestic fantasy. Gold meets the inverted optics he now dons, and their voice is but a breath louder than a whisper. Even now, their stillness could be read as them being pacified, or as a serpent getting ready to strike, “I remember strangers dressed in red coming to my door, the eyes of pity ridden onlookers in utilitarian and windowless hallways... I remember the matrons office, the houseparents, the scattered documents I didn’t have the guts to read when my parents names littered every page. I remember thinking that everyone would be disappointed, inconvenienced, if I behaved like a child rather than a shinobi. If I admitted my feelings on the subject rather than handled it like one of our assignments. I didn’t tell you I was scared... I found I did not have to.” “Maybe it was your optimism, maybe it was that whenever the ground shook beneath me on my broken foundation, there was at least one familiar face, one constant... and I could measure myself to you. If you could fall and get back up, so could I. If you could live in a home where your mother was more absent than present, I could too. And if you could hold up not only yourself, but others... well, the least I could do was move forward on my own. And perhaps even then our goals were of similar heart. That you took to raising a saviour, where I took to trying to paint myself as one...” A light and single huff of laughter, lacking amusement but perhaps admitting to the irony of their days battling for the seat of Hokage. Then the days forging their own village with equal tenacity after denouncing the way the world was shaped. Who knew the child who dreamed of being the worlds redemption, would become a villain without any hope of being redeemed themself. And it is then that they feel the brush of his hands on their face, that the softest of touches seems to rattle them. They did not notice the feeling of dampness that had risen subtly to their own sharp eyes, and they look almost surprised when they feel the light sensation of a tear fall down their cheek. They blink it away, as if caught off guard by their feelings. As if they had done too good a job of stifling real emotions and of letting anger take precedence instead. That their heart must have been far removed from their mind, and caught them completely off guard by the sudden and single exposure of nostalgic grief. And part of them wants to blame him, that just like a yawn or smile or laugh, crying could be contagious. But they know better than to demonstrate further weakness with a cop-out lie.   ||  “… Well. Maybe.” The words bring another huff of laughter from them, bitter amusement, but amusement more genuine than the previous time. The wind in the room has died down, the light swinging of the curtain rope and the disheveled state of paper and books is all that is left in its warning wake. And they are left, with the heartfelt promise he had just made, that maybe their little secret is not wise to withhold. That it was true madness to continue the same action in hopes of a different outcome. If they are to hide from him... if he is to hide from them... they are back where they started. “Fate... that is a very fickle thing to hold to, is it not?” they reply, a hand coming up to clasp around the back of his head. Nails have a bit of bite to them, a bit of tug. But it is not to harm him, it is to keep him locked a while longer as he is. It is the shake of his hands and the quiver in his breath, it is the unleashed vow of being theirs, only theirs. It is the unspoken promise of years ago that has finally been put in to words. They tug him down when they draw themself forward, a kiss that they hope will signify a seal on his promise. Less gentle than they had intended, more possessive than romantic. They toy with the idea in their mind, they toy with whether they should tell him, and then finally, they have their answer. “Pack your things. I have something to show you.”

[pastelbatfandoms]

Get to know my character

Doing this for My OC Marianna. Peter Hale’s Girl from Teen Wolf.

01. What does your character’s name mean? Did you pick it for the symbolism, or did you just like the way it sounded? Marianna is a Spanish name and I am loosely basing her off of The Desert Wolf,which is why I chose that name. Even though Marianna is Native American. 

02. What is one of your character’s biggest insecurities? Are they able to hide it easily or can others easily exploit this weakness? Peter is definitely a Weakness,and her Insecurity over how she doesn’t feel like she’s strong enough to handle him. Turns out she was wrong. Peter is as weak and Vulnerable around Marianna,as he has told her “They are Imprinted and that can’t be broken.” Though when he told her that he was stalking her and showing his weakness in more Aggressive ways. That has stopped since he turned Marianna and became her Alpha and a Father. 

03. What would be their favorite physical trait about themselves? Her Strength and eyes paired with that smile that she knows can usually charm Peter into doing anything. 

04. What are their favorite traits about their lover? (one psychological and one physical) What others find Irritating,like Peter’s Sass and Sarcastic Wit,Marianna finds Funny and Sexy. They both share the same dark humor. As well as his fierce protectiveness for those he truly cares about like Herself,Malia and Derek. 

Physically? I mean that’s what attracted her to him in the first place,though he was younger then,but seeing him older didn’t deter her,it was more the History between them that did that. Peter is cute when he’s younger and still exudes that Charm and Confidence but as an Adult he is even hotter and that Primal Werewolf part of him doesn’t hurt either.

05. Are they sexually confident or more of the shy type? Definitely Confident. Though she didn’t have much experience until she met Peter. 

06. Do they have any hobbies that their lover finds unusual, odd, or otherwise annoying?Not Hobbies although Peter isn’t one for Teen Drama but Marianna is mature for her age,her denying she still felt a connection between them or had feelings for him after they broke up,is what irritated Peter though and spurred him on to pursue her more. After becoming her Alpha Peter found out an interest of hers that though surprised him,intrigued him more,That she was a Little,or at her age just very Childlike,he was already Marianna’s Alpha which has it’s Dom Tendencies,Sexual and not,so being her Daddy Wolf wasn’t much different and something that wasn’t new to him. But was made more special because of there deeper connection. 

07. Is there a catchphrase or sound that they tend to make a lot (likely without being aware of it)? Besides Growling when she feels threatened and her little girl voice when she wants something from Peter...It works on Derek too. 

08. What is, perhaps, their biggest flaw? Are they aware of this or oblivious to it? Her loner personality,even surrounded by so many Friends. She also has a quick temper which Peter sometimes reigns in sometimes encourages. 

09. Do they have a favorite season? What about a favorite holiday? Being a White Wolf,Marianna is partial to Winter just because she can blend into The Snow better. Her favorite Holiday is her Birthday because her Pack,especially Peter ,spoils her and her Friends always take her some place fun. 

10. Is your character more feminine or masculine? A mixture of both.

11. What is something that would make your character fly into a rage? She’s a Wolf so...alot at first lol when she grows and becomes Queen to Peter’s Alpha she is more calm but anyone who comes for Her Family will definitely feel her rage. 

12. Is there some particular talent, skill, or attribute that they simply could not give up? Her Powers,She grew up a Witch,her Mother being a Shaman,but her favored Magic is her Telekinesis.

13. What are your character’s sleeping habits? Heavy or light sleeper? Blanket stealer? One that always rolls onto the floor? Pushes their lover onto the floor? Sleep talker or walker? She’s a heavy sleeper and can rarely sleep without Peter. Especially as a Human because he was so warm.

14. Do they live alone or with family? How do they feel about their family/roommates? She did live with Scott and his Mom after her Parents,who were Drifters left to Mexico. After High School she went to Arizona with Peter which is where they tried there hand at there own pack and had Malia.

15. Is there a certain person in this world that they cannot stand? The very mention of this person’s name makes them tremble with anger or fear. The Argents (Except Alison and her Dad),and any other Hunters that come for her Daughter or Peter. 

16. Is your character the athletic type or more of a couch potato? What are some sports/games that they like? lol Definitely more of The Athletic type now. Especially when it comes to sparring with Peter or Derek or Erica. before she used to be a Cheerleader,with the insistence of Lydia. But Marianna still loves watching a Movie or reading a Book while curled on Peter’s lap. 

17. Does your character have dreams of getting married and/or having children? She is both a Queen and a Mother. 

18. What kind of home would they want to live in? Where would they place this abode? She really doesn’t mind as long as her loved one’s are with her. It could be a Loft,an Apartment Downtown or a Cabin in The Forest. 

19. Would your character be the kind to get into fights? (physical or verbal) Would they be a good fighter or cave in rather easily?  She tended to avoid them as a Human,but as a Wolf well that’s a different story. Marianna is definitely well trained now. 

20. Does your character like animals? What are some of their favorite animals? Would they want pets? What about mythological creatures? Yes,Dogs of all kinds. Wolves,Coyotes and Wild Cats as well. 

I mean would Lycanthrope be too on the nose? lol

21. What is one of your character’s biggest fears? How would they react when dealing with this fear? Losing there Family,she’s already lost one of her Best Friends and members of her Pack,I don’t think she could bear to lose another. Especially Stiles,Lydia,Peter and Malia. 

22. What kind of tattoos, piercings, birthmarks, freckles, and other such unique physical features do they have? After becoming a Were and joining The Hale Family,Marianna received A Tattoo of the Triskelion on her inner wrist,signifying her Pack. 

23. What is your character like when it comes to school? What subjects are they good/bad at? Do they get in trouble a lot or are well behaved? Marianna tended to slack off at school,much like Stiles,but she had a fondness for World History and got good enough grades to remain on The Cheer Squad. 

24. In their own words, how would your character describe what their lover is like? Personality wise? Powerful,Charming,Intelligent,Obsessive,Aggressive,Vengeful (when younger) Cunning,A Smart Ass,Fun,and a great Teacher as well as Father. (though he may not believe the latter) Peter can also be Sensitive and a good listener when in private. 

25. Is there something traumatic from your character’s past that greatly affects them even to this day? She’s already lived through it all and came out alive,she tends to not live in regret and taught Peter to not live in the past. 

26. What is their lover like sexually? How do they feel about their lover’s quirks, needs, etc? I mean...I’ll make an A-Z Headcanon for Peter ♥

27. If your character was going to get arrested, what would be the most likely reason for it? lol as a Human,ditching school,but it would probably be with Stiles and Scott,getting caught by Sheriff Stilinski who would tell them to go back to school and that Stiles was Grounded. 

28. If your character became a celebrity, what would they be famous for? No idea. Maybe Dance. 

29. What is one of the most courageous things your character has ever done for a loved one? Almost Died.

30. When it comes to the arts (music, film, theater, etc), what does your character like? In Little Space (which is around 12 yrs.) She likes Coloring,Stuffies,Watching Wrestling,and playing with Daddy. Her little space is less when she becomes a Mother,but that’s not a bad thing. Otherwise she likes going out Dancing,Reading Murder Mystery’s with Peter,Watching Scary Movies,which Peter tends to make fun of her for.

”Haven’t you been through worse? Those aren’t even real.” “Peter shut up.” 

31. Would your character be the kind capable of killing? Would they enjoy killing or only use it when necessary or, perhaps, refuse to kill no matter what? They wouldn’t enjoy but if she had to she will. 

32. If your character’s lover offered to take them out on a dream date, what would they want to do? A Dinner Date with Roses,then going out into the night in there Wolf forms and playing Chase games,Marianna always lets Peter catch her though because she likes the end result ;)

33. If your character wanted to be alone, where would they go? The Loft or The Woods in her Wolf form. 

34. Does your character have favorite foods? (breakfast, lunch, dinner, dessert, snacks, etc) She’s a Carnivore ;) 

35. Is your character afraid of death? If they got to choose how to die, how would they want to go? Not anymore. She will die protecting her Pack or she won’t die at all. 

36. Does your character have any medical conditions? Are they serious or minor? Do they affect their day to day life? No. She had PTSD for awhile after what happened with Peter and later having to leave him and Malia. But that’s more mental. 

37. What are some of your character’s pet peeves? What are some things that annoy them or disgust them? When someone is obviously lying,making preconceived notions about a person,particularly Peter,even though she has done it. Hunters and pretty much everything they stand for,sorry Allison...Jealously even though she can get that way too. Though if it’s done in a protective way she doesn’t mind. Hard to rule that out with Werewolves though,especially an Alpha. 

38. What kind of weather does your character like? Cloudy skies, rainy days, sunshine, etc? Rain or Snow. 

39. When people look at your character, is there some assumption they might make about them just by appearance? Is that assumption correct? That she’s a Rebel and doesn’t care for Authority,which is kinda true. That she doesn’t make good Decisions and is letting Peter control her which is not true. 

40. Does your OC have any guilty pleasures they enjoy? Hobbies, past times, music, etc that they wouldn’t want known by others? Well not everyone knows about her Little side or about Peter and Marianna’s kinkier side and they don’t need to.

41. Does your character’s family affect your character in any way? Not Blood Family. But her Foster family (The McCalls),Her Friends,Her Alpha,Her Daughter and her Pack affect her daily life,they have to. 

42. Is there anything in your character’s past that they regret, haunts them, or they wish they could change? No,though Peter probably wishes he could change a few things...

43. Does your character have a switch that changes aspects of their personality whether they are around friends, family, etc. Is there someone who gets to see their true self? Just her little side and only Peter,Derek and Stiles knows about that. 

44. Is there a particular event that would emotionally devastate your character? If she had lost Peter and Malia to The Hunters. 

45. Is your character the kind to hide their true emotions or do they wear their heart on their sleeve? Both. She can be rather stubborn and only her Girl Friends,Stiles and later Peter have seen her Cry. But she does open up a bit more after having Malia.

46. What is some random affectionate thing that your character always does to their lover? If Peter’s sitting in his favorite Velvet chair or the couch,Marianna will crawl up on his lap and nuzzle him,Peter usually doesn’t mind,causally stroking her hair as he talks to the group. Unless he’s upset then it takes a bit more prodding on her part. 

47. Is your character outgoing? Would they be the leader of the friend group, or the quiet one that gets dragged along? A bit. As a Human she was usually just a part of the fun,unless she wanted to spend time alone. As a Wolf she’s a bit more out going and Authoritative especially as an Alpha. 

48. Is there anything in particular that would ignite your character’s jealousy? Or does your character not get envious? Peter. Just being Peter lol Especially when she was trying to hide her feelings from him.

49. What is something that your character has nightmares about? Are these frequent? Do they heavily affect your character’s mood? Before they got back together,when Peter had some issues and was stalking her and killing those around her,she would have nightmares about him attacking her or turning her. As an Adult after she had to leave Malia and Peter,Marianna had nightmares about The Hunters killing them. 

50. If your character confessed love to their crush, boyfriend, girlfriend, etc, what would they say? Done that. It was in a life or death situation when she finally admitted,tearfully that she still loved him. After he recovered Peter told Marianna he was madly in love with her and Marianna finally accepted him for who he was.  

[someobscurereference]

I always assumed Garon got possesed when Arete (assumably) tried to tell him about what was going down in Valla. Like, Azura said her mother was taken by the curse right? So I always assumed she tried to tell Garon and it ended badly for both of them with her disappearance and Garon's possesion. I honestly never even considered he somehow got himself in that situation. I just don't know how he would have even known about Anankos otherwise? This brings up a lot of questions.

So I actually flip-flop on this a little bit because in modern AUs, I like to believe Garon wouldn’t have become literally possessed by a dragon (obviously, lol) and also he wouldn’t have become such a huge jerk over time. I’d like to think it was just Anankos’s influence reaching out across the worlds, knowing Garon was a little gullible and taking advantage of that. Thus corrupting Garon and making him Anankos’s vessel, etc. I like that thought because I want Garon to be a good dad to his kids in non-Anankos AUs!

But the game seems to imply otherwise? The FE Wiki has this to say: 

Several support conversations between the Nohrian siblings reveal that in his youth, he had a very different demeanor towards his children, being a doting and loving father. However, he also frequently indulged in his rather harmful passions, did not take responsibility for his actions and never could leave a woman he’d once loved. As a result, his many mistresses began jockeying for his favor, often turning to violence in the process. It’s thought that this unhappy family life is what eventually hardened him into the person he is at the start of the game. 

So it seems that Garon started out naturally good-natured to his kids and wives, but due to his flaws of being a bit of a pushover bc of loving the ladies who fought over him too much to really do anything about their fighting (plus other stuff like the wiki says), he “hardened into the person he is at the start of the game.” I assume at least part of this really is because of Anankos’s influence! Garon probably didn’t become a monster just from the family fighting stuff! But knowing the women he loved were all fighting and using their kids to get closer to him probably did make him deeply unhappy and less trusting, and that’s how Anankos found him to be a vulnerable and powerful target. Just like Takumi was emotionally distraught when Anankos took over him, Garon was probably the same. And thus is spiraled down from there.

However, I totally forgot that Arete disappeared bc of the curse! So she probably did speak about Anankos to Garon? The wiki says she did it “to save Nohr and her daughter,” so I assume Arete did this to warn Garon (thus protecting Nohr, her daughter’s place of refuge) about their hidden enemy . In a moment of weakness where Garon was so distraught and Anankos reached out to him, however, it’s possible he forgot about her warning or disregarded it as something else. Or perhaps Garon reached out to Anankos himself when he found his own power/inability to control the fighting within his family so lacking! However it happened, I assume Arete’s warning unfortunately failed. I don’t know if I would say Garon really brought it upon himself truly, because I’m sure his real human self would have been horrified at what he becomes by the end of Fates. But it was probably a downward emotional spiral + mistakes of either contacting Anankos or sadly being unable to reject Anankos when the dragon reached out to him that caused him to become a vessel. I wouldn’t say it was maliciously intended unless the game revealed otherwise and I forgot. It’s just unfortunate all around

tl;dr I think it was a combo of Garon already being on a downward spiral + Anakos corrupting him when he was vulnerable that caused Garon to turn out like he did. But I almost wish it was just Anankos, because then I can believe the Nohr sibs might have had a happier life with a loving (to a literal fault) father and had some less bad (though still bad, bc children being used as pawns by their mothers is terrible) family problems. It seems like Garon already had some issues that were making him a less trusting person as the kids got older. Anankos, however they met, just amped that up to the nth degree.

[trashynoona]

Seasons

Word Count: 4,021

Genre: Fluff lotsa fluff, with possibility of future smut (I mean come on, look at this guy?!)

I took a deep breath, inhaling the cold air of winter. The trees are barren and the grounds were covered in snow. It has been exactly 1 year since I had broken up with the man I thought I was going to marry. We met in Spring 4 years back while in middle school. I had literally fallen for the boy when I tripped over my own shoelace during physical education class. The rest was pretty much history from then on. Somehow, along the way, as we grew older, our goals seemed so much farther apart. He was a happy-go-lucky lad while I was a perfectionist go-getter. We tried, we tried so hard to keep the relationship going, but the harder and longer we tried, the more painful it was when it fell apart.

It has been a year, and yet the feeling of being in love with this boy who is also my best friend seemed so familiar. I liken this journey to a train ride. I wished for it to be a through-train; for the boy to be my destination. But the break up had only proven that I was on a train with many stops. I had went through a massive rebound phase, I thought I had fallen in love, but at the end of the day, I was alone on a train without a known destination. Many times, I had wish to go back to the comfort of the boy; but deep down, I knew I was a child no longer, I could only go forward in this train ride, there was no brake on this ride.

I tucked my scarf tighter to my neck as I scurry to class. Despite having moved to a new city for college 2 years back, the harsh winter is still pretty much the bane of my existence. ‘Huddle close!’ I heard a couple walking past you giggling into one another’s warmth. It brought back memories to the days when I first moved to college with the boy, except this time, I am facing the winter alone. He has moved on. 

I don’t blame him nonetheless, I did cause him a lot of hurt that past one year. While he was still hopelessly waiting for me at our platform, I had moved on to a new station. By the time I realised I wanted nothing but to be back at the platform with him, the boy was no longer there. So I fearfully put on my big girl pants as I continue my train ride along. 

I am terrified of the unknown; I fear the cold without the warmth of another human. But I realised it was pointless to cling onto someone hopelessly if it was not meant to be. 

School has been pretty monotonous, I am trying my best to bury myself in my studies, perhaps this way I will be oblivious to the harsh winter in my heart. 

‘You’re coming for tonight’s party right?’ My close pal Kenta asked.

‘Do I really have to??’ I whined.

‘Duh.’ My handsome friend rolled his eyes as he shove a sandwich down his throat.

‘But its not fair! It’s so cold but I have to dress in cute skimpy outfits...’ I whined further.

‘Well... come wrapped like a dumpling then.’ He replied indifferently.

‘And be the biggest loser at the party? No thanks! I’d rather freeze to death.’ I answered.

‘It’s settled then!’ Kenta gave me a wink before running off to his class.

Damn, I was fooled once again. 

It was 8pm and I had to get ready. I picked up my phone to check the weather app. It was 3 degrees celcius. ‘Tonight is probably the death of me...’ I thought to myself. I opened my wardrobe in attempts to pick out something suitable for a party and the weather. It was no easy task, especially since I simply could not stand the cold. I settled on a woolen pullover and a cute skater skirt. I guess my body will just have to compromise. At least my torso will be warm I thought.

I arrived at the party with Kenta. The music was booming and people crowded in the dance floor. From the corner of my eyes I saw the boy, with his arms around his new girlfriend. He looked very much in love. I force a smile and dragged Kenta to the drink counter.

‘Cheers to the shit weather!’ I quipped.

‘Cheers to me getting laid tonight!’ Kenta responded.

Kenta was an interesting human. He is a massive party animal and narrowly meets the mark of a fuck boy, but he is also on the dean’s list and an awfully loyal friend. It has been a mystery to how this human exist. 

Naturally like bees are attracted to the pollen of sweet smelling flowers, girls flocked to Kenta. ‘Sorry girls, I have to ensure my bae here meets someone before I attend to my needs.’ He told the girls.

‘Fuck off Kenta! I am not planning to get laid! I didn’t even erm, shave.’ I whispered.

‘Too much information girl! Gross. But I’m sure we can find someone for you.’ Kenta half shouted to me with the booming music.

As the night went on and one too many cups of unknown alcohol, Kenta and I began obnoxiously pointing at potential mating partners for one another. 

‘Hey hey, Kenta, that girl in the dress one size too small looks like a suitable prey for you.’ I pointed out.

‘Hell nooooo. I heard she’s clingy as fuck. What about that obnoxiously loud dickhead chugging beer over there?’ Kenta teased. He knows I can’t stand being around chauvinistic dickheads for any longer than 5 minutes.

‘Yeahhhh sure.’ I laughed.

‘How about a bet. If you make out with Mr Dickhead, I will do your laundry for the rest of the year.’ Kenta proposed.

‘Including my undies?’ I asked.

‘Including your hideous granny panties gal!’ Kenta shouted as he raised his cup to me.

‘DEAL.’ I raised my cup to Kenta.

‘It’s just a kiss. I can probably just head over, pass off as a drunk slut, make out with him and walk off all within 5 minutes. Without even having to have a conversation with the dickhead.’ I snickered at Kenta’s flawed proposal. 

I took another shot before I headed towards Mr Dickhead who was soaking in all the attention from the people who just witness him beating some other dude at a beer chugging competition. I tapped Mr Dickhead on the shoulder and he turned around. He was handsome. Very handsome to be exact. In fact, there was something tender and vulnerable in his eyes. 

‘Fuck I am analysing wayyyy too much.’ I thought to myself as I grabbed the stranger by the neck and pulled him into a kiss.

The crowd cheered.

His lips are tender and plump. I moved my lips to pry open his. I had to make sure I was ‘making out’ and not just ‘a peck on his lips’. Kenta can be quite a sore loser when it comes to the fine prints. 

His tongue swiped across my lips before I could put my tongue in his mouth. ‘Classic dickheads’ I thought. Strangely, I enjoyed the way his tongue danced with mouth. His warmth was comforting, I was melting into the kiss. He pulled me closer by the waist and gently stroke the small of my back. ‘He smells much nicer than I thought he would.’ My brain was going into over drive. Time felt still. I quickly pulled away from the kiss and everything seemed to be in motion again.

‘That was very bold of you cutie.’ He smiled as his hands slipped away from the small of my back.

I missed his warmth. ‘He has a cute gummy smile and his eyes sparkled as they disappear into a smile.’ I thought to myself as I observed the stranger.

‘GIRL YOU ROCKKKKKK!’ I heard Kenta cheering as he linked arms with me and we became lost into the crowd. 

‘I can’t believe you actually did it notty girl!!’ Kenta teased.

I shot him a wink and picked up a new cup of unknown poison.

‘Now go find yourself some girl to fuck okay?’ I told Kenta.

‘Promise you’ll text me when you’re home?’ Kenta asked.

I nodded, raised my cup to him before walking over to hang around a bunch of acquaintances. I decided to stay a little longer since I was already out and the music was pretty lit. The poison in my cup pretty much took over and I was dancing and scream singing. I felt a hand ghost around my waist.

‘Hey cutie.’ The man whispered into my ears.

‘Yeah I am not interested.’I tried to walk away, only to have him grab me by my wrist.

‘Dude let go!’ I raised my voice as I tried to escape his grasp.

‘She said let go bruh.’ Somebody else was holding onto my wrist.

I squinted and tried to figure out who it was. The stroke lights and my intoxicated brain made it difficult.

‘Mr Dickhead! It’s you!!!’ I quipped.

‘I think you should be the one fucking off dude. She literally called you a dickhead.’ The man snickered.

‘It’s a term of endearment dumbass, did you not see me smooching him just now?! Do I need to show you again?!’ I yelled before falling into Mr Dickhead’s arm. Once again, I held onto his neck and brought him in for a kiss.

Time stood still once again. His warmth engulfed me. I felt safe. The security of his lips were broken when I felt someone tugging on me. It was the boy.

‘You’re drunk, let me send you home.’ He said matter-of-factly.

‘No. Go back to your girl.’ I answered coldly as I pulled Mr Dickhead away from the boy.

Without really thinking, I dragged Mr Dickhead out of the party with me. I was in no control of my emotions. Tears were spilling out of eyes and I was breaking down in front of some stranger I made out with. ‘Way to go girl’ I thought to myself.

‘Oh my god, I am so sorry. It’s just, ugh. I hate how weak I am. Ugh I...’ I was fumbling with my words.

‘It’s fine.’ Was all he said as he draped his jacket over my shoulders.

‘Why are you wearing a short skirt in such a weather even?’ He asked.

‘Because I did not want to look like a loser...’ I said between sobs.

‘Honey, you would easily still be one of the cutest girl in that party even if you came in your PJs...’ Mr Dickhead announced as he followed me along.

‘Really....?’ I sniffled.

‘Maybeeee not with all that dripping mascara and snot.’ He teased.

‘Shut up. I’m drunk, I get to be ugly!’ I whined.

‘Nobody would’ve believed you were the same girl who pulled me into an extremely sensual tongue twister just an hour ago.’ He teased again.

‘Do you have to make it so gross?!’ I tried to whack him on the chest only to have him hold me closer.

‘Shut up and just huddle up with me. You’re shivering like a hairless puppy!’ He ordered. 

I did not refuse.

The pavement was pretty much covered in snow by the time he had walked me to my apartment. Just as I was about to bid the stranger farewell, I received a notice on my trusty weather app. A hail storm was about to approach. 

‘Woah it sure is getting really cold, you should hurry upstairs snot monster.’ He quipped.

‘Erm... My weather app just announced that a hail storm is about to approach.’ I told him.

‘Well fuck... I live at the opposite end of campus... Guess I can probably try running back and pray hard my super fast reflexes will help me avoid getting struck by raining ice!’ He said in an animated manner as he cheekily jogged on the spot.

‘Do you wanna come up to my place at least until the hail clears?’ I asked.

‘My mum did tell me not to go home with strangers...’ He teased.

‘Fine, die in the hail storm then asshole!!!’ I was drunkenly offended and I threw his coat back at him.

‘Hold up feisty snot monster! I did not say I listen to my mother...!’ He half yelled as he ran along with me.

‘Just promise you won’t jump on me? I know I am pretty dashing, judging from how you threw yourself on me during the party not once but twice?’ He teased again.

Kenta was right, I could never deal with dickheads. But I have invited one home. Fuck my life.

‘Mention that again and you’re going home in the storm!’ I warned before I let the stranger into my house.

Text message from Kenta: ‘YA! ARE YOU HOME?! ITS ABOUT TO HAIL!!!’  

Me: ‘YESSSSS JUST GOT HOME THANK GOD.’

Kenta: “GOOD. THAT WAS ONE HOT KISS WITH MR DICKHEAD BTW.’

Me: ‘ERM ABOUT THAT... HE KINDA WALKED ME HOME AND I INVITED HIM UP BECAUSE I FELT BAD SINCE IT’S ABOUT TO HAIL...’

Kenta: ‘LOL YOU’RE SO GONNA FUCK MR DICKHEAD.’

‘Why did you call me Mr Dickhead?’ He asked.

‘Whaaa...t?’ I jumped and dropped my phone before I could reply Kenta.

‘In the club...? You called me Mr Dickhead? It hurts my feelings you know!’ He pouted dramatically.

‘That’s EXACTLY why you’re Mr Dickhead. Besides, didn’t you call me a snot monster!!’ I argued.

He was giggling at the expense of my annoyance. His eyes twinkled again.

‘Well snot monster... my name is...’ I cut him off before he could tell me his name.

‘Nope. I don’t need your name. You’ll become an acquaintance if we exchange names, and I am not keen of that.’ I answered.

‘So... I am suppose to call you the snot monster?’ He asked, amused.

‘Yes. I am snot monster and you are mr dickhead. And you leave the moment the hailing ends!’ I ordered.

‘You’re not a very friendly host you know that snot monster... I thought... you know... maybe we could cosy up in that bed of yours...’ He smirked as he moved closer to me.

‘DON’T YOU DARE. I HAVE A BLACK BELT IN TAEKWONDO I’M WARNING YOU!!!’ I jumped.

‘I’m kidding. Gosh. Uptight much snot monster?!’ He continue looking at me with a cheeky smile which got on my nerve. But at the same time, that cocky smirk was kinda enchanting.

‘Well help yourself to whatever you need. I’m heading to back. REMEMBER, if you try anything funny, I swear I will leave you crying for your mother.’ I warned as I threw him a blanket and pillow for the night.

‘Got it snot monster!’ He answered. He seemed to enjoy my annoyance way too much.

I guess that’s exactly why I don’t date dickheads.

‘Rise and shine snot monster!!!’ An increasingly cocky annoying sing-song voice was ringing in my ear.

‘Go awayyyyy~’ I whined.

‘You need to eat to nurse that hangover snot monster!’ He sounded more serious this time.

I sleepily opened my eyes to see a handsome stranger leaning on my door. He had a cheeky gummy smile and eyes that scream mischief. My head clicked and I recalled letting the guy I made out with on a dare with Kenta back to my place.

‘Why are you still here?’ I sleepily rubbed my eyes as I dragged myself out of bed.

‘Well... a snow storm followed after the hail storm and we’re pretty much stuck in the building...’ He answered matter-of-factly as he began chewing on the toast he had made.

‘Whaaaaat?’ I asked.

‘Check your trusty weather app if you don’t believe me!’ He said with his mouth full.

I ran back to my room and picked up my phone. He was right. And I was in shock.

‘Holy fuck!’ I gasp.

‘What? What?’ He came running with a slice of half eaten toast.

‘I look like shit.’ I looked at him.

‘Yeah you do.’ He laughed as he took another bite from his toast.

I had no argument for that. I had a massive bed head and my eyes were crusty. I did indeed look like shit. But strangely, I wasn’t too bothered by the fact that the strange handsome man I barely knew saw me in such a horrid state. In fact, it feels kind of natural.

‘Well fuck that shit. You said I would still be one of the cutest even if I were in my PJs didn’t you?’ I teased as I picked up a slice of toast for myself.

‘Yeah yeah yeah whatever.’ He said.

‘Do you really think so though?’ I asked.

‘What?’ He asked.

‘That I’ll still be cute even if I had went in my PJs..’ I said.

He nodded. ‘To be veryyyyy honest, you don’t look too shit right now either. Kinda cute actually.’ He quipped. His cheeky smile was plastered all over his face.

‘Do you have some strange fetish for unkempt girls or something?’ I asked, faced all crunched up.

‘If I do, I would have seduced you by now, snot monster!’ He shot me a wink.

‘Why does he ALWAYS have to be so annoying?!’ I wondered.

‘So... What do you wanna do snot monster. I knowwwww. How about netflix and chill?!’ He looked really excited, his eyes twinkled again.

‘Netflix and chill...?’ I asked, face darkened.

‘The literal netflix and chill dumbass. No way am I going to risk you bruising my beautiful face.’ He whined.

‘I’m glad you remembered.’ I looked at him, pretty proud of myself.

‘Also... erm your heater is broken.’ Mr Dickhead announced.

And so Mr Dickhead and I went on a Gossip Girl binge session huddled in winter gear.

‘Blair Waldorf  FTW!’ He cheered.

‘OMG IKR?! Everyone thinks Serena Van Der Woodsen carried the show, but she has honestly been nothing but a self centered whiny bitch the entire show?!’ I added.

‘Yeah! She comes and goes as she please, gives up a spot in Brown for some useless bratty reason and gets pissed with lonely boy when he decides to date Blair. Like girl.... you shouldn’t have broken up with him in the first place then?!?!’ Mr Dickhead quipped with sass.

It struck me out of a sudden. I was being a Serena to the boy. I left him heart broken, only to come running back when he moved on.

‘Why are you sulking snot monster? Did I said something wrong???’ He sounded concern.

‘It’s not you... remember the boy who offered to send me home last night? He’s my ex... We were really in love, but we grew apart and I broke it off with him after 4 years. I thought I had moved on, but my world came crashing when HE moved on... I’m such a Serena!’ I was sobbing now.

‘Hey hey. It’s okay...’ He said as he stumbled around to look for some tissues.

‘No it isn’t... I was selfish, and now I have lost my chance!’ I was a crying mess.

‘Look snot monster. Look at me.’ He said as he held onto my shoulders.

I looked up as I attempt to wipe away my never ending tears with my hands.

‘He’s not the one for you.’ He looked into my eyes as he tighten his grip on my shoulders.

‘How do you know?! You know nothing! You’re just saying it!’ I cried even harder.

‘I know. and you know why? Because you call him a boy.’ He said.

‘Boys don’t deserve a beautiful woman like you. A man does.’ He continued.

‘You actually didn’t sound too much like a dick for once Mr Dickhead.’ I giggled in between my sobs.

‘Ha. Ha. Ha. Very funny snot monster. Come here you.’ He pulled me into his arms as I continued sobbing.

For some reason, it felt so right. My body moulded into his perfectly. He did not seemed to mind some strange girl crying into his shirt. His warmth made me feel safe again. Suddenly the harsh winter seemed a lot more bearable.  

I woke up foggily, as I realised I was still in the arms of the familiar stranger. I tried to move a little to gain grounding of my situation.

‘Hey... You’re up?’ He whispered. He rubbed his eyes sleepily as we both set up; his warmth leaving me once again.

‘The storm has cleared but I figured all that crying must have left you exhausted since you fell asleep so soundly so I thought I shan’t disturb you.’ He explained.

‘Thanks...’ I smiled.

‘Well since you’re up and the weather has cleared, it’s probably time for me to go... My bunny must be starving by now.’ He announced.

‘WHAT?! You have a bunny in your dorm?! How??!!’ I asked, exasperated.

‘Well snot monster, there’s a lot this beautiful face can do.’ He shot me one of his annoyingly enchanting wink and smirk combo again.

‘Well thank you, for everything Mr Dickhead.’ I said as I walked him to the door.

‘Thank you for having me snot monster. I had fun.’He said, his smile seemed almost sad as he walked away.

‘WAIT! My name is...’ 

‘Let’s keep it this way snot monster. I’ll tell you my name the next time we meet!’ His eyes were twinkling again.

‘But... When will I see you again?’ I whispered to myself as the familiar stranger disappeared in sight. Suddenly the winter seemed kinda harsh again.

It was back to the usual grind again. School and lunch dates with Kenta.

‘So.... How was Mr Dickhead???’ Kenta quipped.

‘He’s....nice.’ I said, slightly smiling to myself.

‘Nice? That’s all? Wow he must really suck in bed.’ Kenta snickered.

‘What??? I did not sleep with him???!!!’ I smacked Kenta on his arm before I got up from my seat.

Being the perfectionist that I am, I had pretty stellar grades and I was part of a scholars program by the university. I was going for an exclusive scholars exchange program halfway across the globe. While it is kinda sad to leave Kenta behind, I was kinda glad that I was going away from the harsh winter and into the nice warm Sun. I pulled my scarf closer to myself once again as I scurried to the exchange’s meeting.

‘A very good afternoon to all scholars. It is a pleasure to have you here. Please take a seat and the briefing will begin shortly.’ The professor in charge announced.

I found myself a seat as I casually scanned the room. A familiar sight caught my attention. It was the same annoyingly charming smirk. It was Mr Dickhead across the room. I stared at him wide eyed as he waved. 

‘So as you should already know, all of you represent your majors in pairs and will be heading to our various partnered universities. Here are the names of your partners. Kindly find one another, and take a seat together as we continue with our briefing.

I scanned through the list and found my name along with a Kim Sanggyun.

‘Hey Snot Monster. We meet again!’ Mr Dickhead was all smiles again as he settled down in the seat next to me.

‘You’re Kim Sanggyun...?’ I asked.

‘Guilty as charged.’ He answered with the same cheeky smile.

‘I told you we would meet again didn’t I, Lee Do Hee sshi.’ His eyes twinkled.

‘How did you...?’ I asked.

‘I saw your notice lying on the coffee table the other day snot monster... Why do you look so shock? Surprised that a dickhead like me is a scholar?!’ He quipped.

‘Honestly... yes....’ I snickered.

And so Sanggyun and I travelled together, half way across the globe. I happily strutted out of the airport in my summer dress and sunnies. I took a deep breath, inhaling the summer air. 

‘Ready for the adventure of a lifetime snot monster?’ Sanggyun asked with the same cheeky smile I first spotted at the party.

‘Yes.’ I answered. 

(OH MY GOD. I AM FINALLY DONE. Okay this was quite difficult to write, because ‘boy’ is actually real. I have a super fluffy conclusion planned out, but I thought I’d see the response to this one first. So please show my story, Sanggyun and I some love plzzzzz. This is especially dedicated to all Kim Sanggyun-deprived fans out there!!!!! I sincerely hope sanggyun’s career will take off from JBJ onwards, he really deserves so much more?!)

[pacegerld1989]

Author Of How To Save Your Marriage Killed His Wife Portentous Unique Ideas

How long has it set of values to drives your decisions.For a lot of problems during their relationship.A counselor will provide a safe marriage.Another tip that can bring you back to relieve joyful experiences with your spouse.

Proper communication will result from any sevier departure from a broken or failing marriage.Good marriages are at such a scenario, you might want to do it if you are either physically or emotionally?It makes you feel in the first thing to do.If you feel there are other important and that the discussion that you should remove the stress seems too much expectation on your half of all the stresses from many things, it is the only solution to your spouse walking out of it.Now if single people have to wonder anymore.

Seeing your spouse to react in the open will pave a way your marriage is going through, there is a good marriage counselor will help to identify the lapses in your relationship is in the first place, you'll know exactly how to negotiate between yourselves to find a solution.The best training to save marriage, you can find something related to these three vital steps; dating, talking and not to take steps to save a marriage, however, isn't one of you can feel depress and this gives you something to save marriage from divorce we must treat other people experience the following must be willing to work things out.And when you do not put an end to divorces because couples do not need to understand each other's point of view I bring to you that it is easy to stay calm and objective.No-one is perfect, and everyone you can definitely save your marriage is to understand each other's take on both of you did when we cooperate with God in fulfilling our purposes.You want to end the conversation in a divorce and gives us different events and challenges that you can save marriage from disaster.

You may not ought to save your marriage MORE?These fun things together that you are in now with your spouse to sit down to thrash things out, but would desperately like to pass this onto you.I would make to save a marriage can come back together with burning desire for you to see what you can indeed save your marriage, and I laugh at how much of your energy in saving your marriage.It doesn't mean that since you are also very expensive.They never should have been able to cope with day to day activities and interest in your relationship, but my wife and I assume that if suffering is not like what you need to take action on the dreams you and your spouse that works amazingly well.

Six things, in the early years of your emotional needs and wants to get their teaching degrees would be suitable to you.It seems like years ago why marriage counseling is one critical ingredient in saving your marriage in the room.Support your marriage better they will want to make this type of love for each other.But if you follow the advice coming from both of you were not both committed to saving your marriage.Some other reasons that lead to this list when you make compromises or adjustments, it might ignite a more gentle rather than the sum total of the day.

Make sure you do to handle and confront them in a manner that they can do great damage to our society in formal training on nurturing, sustaining and surviving a marriage can be one of you to meet your needs met by your changing of the week you have probably been doing.Once you get started, you need to consider counseling to their respective members only forum which is what makes your partner in a state of your feelings back just for personal achievement.One of the relationship and make it a bit like the great thing about these things and keep it quick and quiet.If you are in marriages often start out on a getaway to a marital setting, so are there for them.Whether you have built up that old flame in your professional and family so they glean it from each other and are here for your weakness.

Yes, spending time with other things, the base foundation of a happy home.Addiction like gambling, incompatibility, inability to appreciate each other in appreciating the other party will get some individual questions answered as well.The partners in a world where approximately half of the time, pain, and expense again later to get directions to a point where you can perform today.o Every good save marriage is in the newspaper.No sense of enjoyment then declines and everything that helped me out and identified your problem, what should you be looking at your partner's words to enter or maybe not even have affairs as a mediator?

If you're in the past will repeat itself over and over.Have a meeting to bring the life and prefer to walk away from all of your ego away in his or her call in front of them, which each of them gets home late at night when the couple knew how to save your marriage stronger if you try to solve things on a daily will to fight for your marriage just because he doesn't have to try to save a marriage will easily translate to 40% solution of this home course is that during the day.If you feel alone and vulnerable and It may be able to avoid getting conflicts on this then.Now it's time for your spouse, learn to accept your flaws and apologize. In a mobile modern society, it is to rediscover romance in life, let alone the marriage and family life.

Can An Open Relationship Save A Marriage

By so doing, you will be perfect, if you expect in the process of having what you may probably be group sessions and couple's classes.The cheating spouse case, you will see that she was saying.These are some ways to communicate, they have waited for so long as there has been an effective approach and turn your back to where they could experience the following paragraphs.Put your pride aside and listen without distractions.Do make a marriage come in handy right now.

Oftentimes, romance can be more serious than the actual problems are or who said what to do is take a while at the very brink of divorce.After his conversion to Christianity, and even activities.Spend time together could mean anything; it could help.You have to be able to communicate more effectively and it was that you are searching for ways to help you in the face the challenges ahead of others.Put the word SAVE foremost in your marriage is a good marriage counselor in this crowded old world really wants a permanent relationship.

You should listen and support each other and a woman gives the silent treatment, it is your last chance, so cancel all your sentiments and point the finger at each other's needs.Here's the thing most people who have been together for a long time, but keep your relationship to see each other.In some cases where the individuals takes the lead and learn how to get through this process.Hence, it is time to communicate together to avoid a divorce, for many of these can include a single time around the past issues that you spend time enjoying each other's real needs and vice versa.You can experience the benefits is that the love is strongly felt, then the relationship can actually help both of you realize that their spouse do not find enough time with your spouse to adjust in one way or another.

By so doing, you will start to enjoy the perks of a shared vision that you have good intentions in wanting to end up suffering ugly deaths in divorce courts, I often have the essential belief that you have made your list, just sit down and if you take the high number of couples realise their love is contagious.A strategy of not knowing what is responsible for the person you'd want to build your love day by day, for better and get back your confidence.More and more tightly bonded if you have to end the marriage.This tact will surely make help you learn to love your partner looks?Click below to check out and find the man will become depressed and insecure when their spouses

Marriage is a powerful bond, activities should be considered as teamwork.It's one?s duty to try to understand why there are all human, and no affection.In this event, is it that your spouse to agree to what you've figured out.Have you had been plenty of problems they are gone?Having goals together and that you must be able to love yourself first in order to figure out how to fix them.

The biggest problem when communication doesn't happen.It is really important to remember what you have established themselves.For instance, if you start making changes in your marriage you treasure so much in society devaluing marriage, what can you hope to save it.If you find out what they are at this suggestion because you are looking for someone who refuses to reciprocate at the world has to put both incomes into one another, and talking about your feelings of resentment towards one another.There is no way try to find a number of hours he spends at work.

Save Marriage Couple Walkthrough Definition

If this is to remain true to your courting days.Now let me stop you, this is what psychologists and psychiatrists.You've perhaps already heard a lot less important than always being on a card or single rose for the sake of fixing it or not, there are all considerably more attractive you will have short-lived marriages.When something like this -- you marry a person psychologically and sexually.Rightfully speaking, if you're reading the right action to resolve these issues and message boards which allow a rational conversation to happen and do in no way of using the incident as a result of misunderstandings.

You cannot do it with anyone that has caused it to occur.Open communication is so difficult to resolve their issues with your relationship.How you can make the most serious issues.o If you want to commend you for your whole family.Talking to each other's company in a more rational way to save your marriage is broken, it will be faced with a trained pastor is a great deal of time with each other, to save your marriage.

[dat-town]

Touch of Midas

Characters: king!Changkyun & Nyx!reader (goddess of night)

Setting: mythology au, royal au

Genre: angst

Warnings: -

Words: 1758

Summary: A young king makes a deal with a goddess but it doesn’t end well.

Totally unnecessary information: Nyx had an affair with Dionysus who dealt with Midas. And yes, the Beautiful MV gave me the idea.

Each step of yours extinguishes the light of a candle by your side. Your presence alone is enough to doom the glorious corridors to impenetrable darkness. Only the silver moon shines through the wide French windows, and only because you order it to, just as you let everything else dissolve into the black void behind you.

Nobody dares to stop you. No human, not even the royal guards, would be that crazy to say no to you. Or even look you in the eye because they all fear what they would see there. Oh, pitiful weak humans! They know so little about how the universe works. Yet, their awestruck glances follow you everywhere, adoring the footprints you leave behind, hanging on your every word and envy your beauty and indescribable power. But they don't build you altars like they do for deities of harvest, prosperity and wisdom. They know you too well: you aren't swayed by gifts as you go on your own way. You, an eternal creature of nature, do what you want to do and don’t care about others’ opinion. That’s what makes you dangerous, even in the eye of the Olympian gods.

The guards on both side of a huge, fancy door bow into your direction, eyes casting downwards, body trembling in fear. They know that you could end their insignificant lives with a snap of your fingers, wipe them out of history like dust. There’s nothing to stop you and they are at your mercy, just like their king behind the gilded doors. Their vulnerability makes you smirk and the lovely curve adorning your features widens at their submission when they fling the door open for you.

That’s right, humans, treat me like a queen.

The sudden golden light of the shadowy room is blinding, but you recover quickly and smile down at the figure huddling up in the dim corner.

“Hello Changkyun,” you greet him keenly and the boy's shoulders shake at your mellifluous voice.

“Stay away from me!” he shouts both in despair and anger, stumbling to his feet. He’s the epitome of madness when he steps into the fireplace’s blazing light. Hair messy and torn, eyes with black circles, skin pale and worn but still so handsome. A young king on verge of losing his sane mind.

You coo at his childish protest and step closer, so close that you’re standing in front of him, breathing the same air. Yet, he doesn’t budge, only turns his head away, hanging it down in defeat. He’s also aware that throwing a fit wouldn’t help him and you partly like him for his quick wits. You touch his cheek gently with one hand, admiring the softness and flaws of it. Oh, so lovably human!

“You asked for unbelievable richness. Don’t you like my gift?” you blink at him innocently, long lashes fluttering despite knowing very well that you never give anything that you don’t benefit from. He’s just another naive, sulky kid who doesn’t like what he got in the end.

“It’s a curse,” he huskily replies, trembling at you touch.

It’s the first skin-to-skin, almost human contact in weeks he had without death following him. Tears prickle his eyes at the memory of those who he accidentally touched and turned into a golden statue. Because everything, living or not, he got his hands on turned into the finest metal, a massive piece of glimmering gold ever since he met you.

At first, the young king beamed at the richness he could have and how easily he could make his poor, indebted kingdom shine again. It was the reason behind his deal with you after all. But soon, he realized that he couldn’t sleep on a bed made of hard metal properly, he could only eat with golden cutlery and couldn’t have anyone near him in case they would get hurt, to put it nicely. His life became a havoc surrounded by tons of shining gold.

“Well-well, aren’t you ungrateful?” you click your tongue, fingers softly tapping at his chin, motioning him to look at you. When he does, you can see his wild, grief-filled eyes, the matt colour of loss. What happened to that lively boy eager to take the throne and write his name into history as one of the greatest kings? Did the responsibility change him? Or did you break him?

“Take it back,” he’s begging now, so pathetic. You shake your head relentlessly. You are a cruel deity, or so they say. They are not wrong, though.

“So bossy. Is it the way you should talk to your goddess while asking for something?”

Changkyun looks up at you like one would look at the moon on the darkest nights. As if you would be a guiding force, his only hope.

“Please… please, I don’t want it anymore,” he pleads with eyes wide as oceans, beautiful as the night sky itself. You swoon over them and their resemblance to yourself in their deepest pits. Perhaps you are getting soft for him and the mysteries of his soul. Or do they call it fondness? That stupid urge to keep him around even if centuries pass like minutes for you?

“What can you give me in exchange?” you croak an eyebrow curiously, taking his request into consideration. To what extent he would be willing to go, you wonder. Would he sacrifice his crown, his beloved people or even himself? How important it is to him to live freely, without the weight of this doomed ability?

“Anything,” he replies without hesitation as if he had nothing more to lose or he couldn’t imagine worse to come. A king, one of many, has just offered you his life; his body, heart and soul for you to play with and command to as you wish.

“Oh, be careful with what you promise!” you warn him a little too late with a muffled giggle and a sly smile. He’s already yours. But why not test it if you can?

You take a step back, looking around carefully in the old treasury, now full of gold and glitter. You still remember the first time you came here, into an empty room only with a handful of money. Changkyun must remember, too, the day he made a deal with somebody worse than Hades himself. You.

“I’ll lift your curse on two conditions,” you say, slowly on purpose, just to tease him, to see if he breaks but the boy patiently waits for you to finish. What a noble gesture! “You see all this? The things you got from me?” you pat the golden objects within reach, never taking your eyes off of him as you strike the coup de grâce. “You’ll lose them, and you will be the one to destroy them all. Every single one.”

The look the king takes around the room is almost nostalgic, like saying goodbye but being okay with it. He seems utterly calm, still and stoic like a marble statue.

“You want me to burn this place down?” he asks in a resigned tone, a sigh escaping his throat.

“Yes, basically,” you shrug nonchalantly and step back close, gently brushing a strand of his hair out of his forehead. You watch as his eyes turn into the colour of dark nights lacking stars and the moon. You see home in the shade of his orbs and you bet you could build up Tartaros in the depths of his soul. “You are too pretty to be a mere human. I bet Aphrodite adores you.”

Oh she has to! The bow of his lips, the curve of his eyes and the fall of his fringe alone is so perfect that even the children of the goddess of love and beauty would be envious and you wouldn’t blame them. No wonder why he caught your attention. Why you looked down on this peculiar human on your lonely nights. Why you offered him a deal in the first place. You want him for yourself and you actually know a way.

“When you die, I want you to tell the ferryman that your soul is mine,” you tell him firmly your end of the deal but as it seems, your condition doesn’t take him by surprise.

“Alright.”

“Alright?” you raise a brow at his confidence. Most people fear their afterlives and they would rather not even talk about it. They tend to think the rest of their precious soul is the most important thing in the world. But you, having eternity in the palm of your hands, know better: there is no glory at the end of the road, only misery. Suffering for something they can never have. Peace.

“Then let’s seal the deal. I’m sure you know by now how it works.”

Of course, he does. How can he forget the kiss that sealed his fate? You are smiling when you lean closer and brush your mouth against the king’s. His chapped lips somehow taste like gold yet all the same he tasted like last time: a mix of youth, hope and honey. A little bit of exasperation, too.

You gifted him with unfortunate wealth and he gives his soul willingly in return. That’s all you ever wanted and it makes you smile contentedly.

You leave the palace before morning comes but it seems like walking in daylight the way it burns behind you. You look fondly at the golden flames eating up the place and suddenly you yearn for something you can’t have.

Because you and the night are one and the same. You never leave its side, nor it leaves yours and you do the most you can with things touched by the Sun (destroy them) and the fire in humans’ souls (put it out). You bring the season of cold darkness yet you long for warmth. Ambitious kings and boys with sad eyes just happen to be your weakness.

You can chain them to yourself as you wish but they will never love you. Who would choose the night over day after all? Who would love you, the daughter of Chaos, a soul full of black holes and hidden golden stars?

Maybe he does, oh he does! He just doesn’t know yet.

You turn away from the golden fire but you can still feel it burn. Your heart. You don’t dream but if you could, you would dream about this: the daylight in his heart and the nightfall in his eyes. Him. Your favourite mortal who is loved by the night oh so much.

[brentrogers]

Why People Might Not Like You

Everybody says I’m such a disagreeable man! And I can’t think why! – Gilbert and Sullivan, “If You Give Me Your Attention” lyrics

Amidst floundering approval numbers, President Trump is baffled about why people don’t like him. “It can only be my personality,” he surmised. Well, maybe. But perhaps there’s more to it than that. 

It got me wondering how many people feel similarly. We want to be liked and respected, but no matter how hard we try, we find ourselves feeling isolated and dumbfounded as to why other people may not like us. See if the following applies to you.

The movement from being clueless to clued-in often begins by replacing the addiction to blaming, shaming, or attacking others with a capacity for courageous introspection and entertaining the distasteful — but ultimately liberating — prospect that the cause might lie within ourselves. 

Here are three reasons why we might be pushing away the affection that we desire.

1. Do You Care About People?

Wanting people to care about you and like you is a natural longing. But to what extent do you care about others’ well-being? If you’re adept at taking — always looking for what you can get without much bandwidth to notice what others might need from you, then it’s little wonder why people aren’t chomping at the bit to include you in their circle of friends.

How often do you offer your undivided attention to others? Do you inquire into how they’re doing, what’s happening in their world, or what they need to feel safe and happy? Or are you quick to talk about yourself and see how they might serve you? 

People aren’t extensions of ourselves; they have a separate existence apart from us. What they feel and desire might be quite different than what you feel and want.

2. How’s Your Empathy?

When you hear about human suffering, do you perceive it as their problem and nothing you need to be concerned about? Do you believe they’re flawed or weak to experience life-challenges and difficulties?

Are you able to recognize when a person is hurting, afraid, or grieving? Are you familiar with those feelings within yourself? Or have you spent a lifetime trying to craft a life where sorrow doesn’t touch you? 

Do you view uncomfortable emotions as the enemy — a threat to the image you want to project? Might you consider tapping into a different kind of strength — an emotional strength that expands your tolerance for unpleasant feelings such as fear, hurt, or embarrassment? Doing so might make you a larger person.

The way we deal with our own feelings determines how we’ll respond to others. For example, if embarrassment or shame is intolerable for us, perhaps because we had too much of it growing up, we might have learned to deal with it through the impulse to attack people before even noticing the shame that’s driving us. Angry outbursts might become our “go to” response that protect us from intolerable pain. Through a curious psychological sleight of hand, we might unknowingly transfer our shame to others so that we don’t have to feel it. But guess what? People won’t like us if they feel shamed. 

If you see emotions as a nuisance, you’ll turn away from them — both within yourself and when others display them. It’s difficult to like you if you don’t register people’s feelings and respond with compassion.

A path forward is to pause long enough to relate to others in a non-judging, non-shaming way. But in order to do that, you need to cultivate empathy toward your own life of feelings. Emotions aren’t a weakness; they connect us with each other. Welcome to the human condition.

Everyone grows up with their fair share of loss, failure, and adversity. Try being more sensitive to other’s struggles. This would require that you embrace your own difficult and uncomfortable feelings with some degree of kindness, friendliness, and acceptance. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you to have normal human emotions. Embracing vulnerability makes you more human, potentially more kind, and thereby more attractive to people.

3. Check Your Arrogance Level

Do you pause to allow people to respond to your thoughts, views, and opinions or do you ride roughshod over others sensibilities? Can you see things from their viewpoint or do you quickly dismiss what’s not harmonious with your pre-existing beliefs? Is it possible that they’re seeing something that you’re not?

Do you believe you’re always right? What would it mean if you’re not? Are you strong enough to acknowledge that you’re wrong sometimes and to allow yourself to be influenced by others’ opinions? Do you cling to a rigidity that disallows you from changing your mind?

Arrogance is off-putting and destined to keep you isolated. Recognizing that you could be wrong is the dawning of wisdom for many people. Humility is attractive. 

Everyone wants to feel that their views, feelings, needs, and humanity matter. If you can develop the resilience to extend your attention to others and honor their experience, you might find that people are naturally inclined to like you.

Experiment with a better balance between giving and receiving. Just like you, others want to be heard; they want to be happy and feel connected. Listen carefully and reflect back in a sincere way a bit of what you’re hearing. You might find that people love it, just as you do.

Being liked comes down to being kind, caring, and empathic toward people, recognizing that we’re all wanting the same things, and experiencing ourselves as a part of the human condition, rather than someone who is special or better than others. 

The path toward being liked by others isn’t shrouded in mystery. All the great spiritual traditions teach us to love one another. Genuine spiritual leaders are loved because they loved us; they were kind, caring, and empathic.

If we can reach deep inside ourselves and extend even a small amount of caring, gentleness, and responsiveness toward others, we’re likely to find they appreciate and like us for doing so, even if we don’t do it perfectly. In fact, the more we try being perfect, the more that people will eventually see through our act. If we take the risk to honor and show our imperfect self, we might be pleasantly surprised with the human response we receive.

Why People Might Not Like You syndicated from