#bellamy's relationship with o & clarke right before he leaves | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

slytherinbarnes · 3 years

Text

Sub Rosa [80]

ix. what you take with you

Pairing: Bellamy Blake x reader

Word Count: 4.2k

Warnings: mentions of blood, violence, fighting, language.

Summary: Two unexpected people join you in your captivity.

a/n: NUMBER 80??!! HOW DO WE ONLY HAVE 20 LEFT???? LIKE W H A T? also this is one of my favorite chapters so I’m excited to share it with you!!! the taglist for this series is open! I hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think!!!

previous chapter // season masterlist // series masterlist

Time passes in the cave slowly as you wait for something to happen. Anything really. But your captivity is largely uneventful after your initial escape. Most of the Children of Gabriel ignore you as they go past, moving in and out of the cave, and only once does one of them interact with you, a few hours into your captivity. She grabs your head and tugs it forward, checking for a mind drive scar, and when she finds none she informs the others and leaves you alone again.

Sometime after dark, something finally starts to happen.

There’s a commotion in the cave, and people rush past you and towards the door, some of them talking about new hostages as they go. You stand, moving as close to the door as you can, eyes trained on it as you await the arrival of whoever else they found. You finally see movement towards the entrance to the cave, and you watch two people being led inside, bags over their heads. You feel your heartbeat quicken, wondering if you know who they are, but you don't have to wonder for long because the taller of the two figures mutters, “I need to see Gabriel.”

You feel a rush of relief, and worry, at the sound of your boyfriend’s voice, and you call out, “Bellamy?”

He calls your name back, and then the bag is pulled off his head, the two of you looking at each other in shock. Bellamy’s face drops when he sees the blood smeared on your face, and you shake your head a little trying to let him know that it’s nothing to worry about. You tug against your chains, trying to reach him, and he launches himself towards you, slipping from his captors grip. He rushes across the cave to you, his arms wrapping around you for half a second before he is yanked away and you’re rewarded with a hard slap. You let out a sound of pain, groaning at the familiar metallic taste washing over your tongue, and you turn and spit the blood from your mouth, before looking up with a glare, eyes landing on the person who slapped you.

You almost roll your eyes when you realize it’s Asher, who now has black warpaint smudged around his eyes. He smiles at you, clearly enjoying his torment of you. “What? Do you have something to say?”

You let your anger get the best of you and you search your head for the nickname used in Sanctum that you’re sure will hurt him, coupled with a reminder of the insult he threw your way before knocking you out. “Yeah, how’d a Null get past the radiation shield anyways? Your red blood isn't good for anything.”

The insult hurts him, as intended, but it earns you another smack, this time accompanied by Bellamy’s struggling cry of protest. You keep your sound of pain at bay this time and turn your glare back to the man, who smirks at you. “I slipped out the same time your boyfriend did, he was just too busy to notice.”

You look at Bellamy, who looks like he has a million things he wants to ask you, but you’re cut off by a voice muttering, “Ew, what’s that smell?”

You look over to the second hooded figure, and watch as they tug the bag off Josephine’s head. She looks around in disgust before her eyes find you, taking in your appearance, and she scoffs, “God, you look like shit.”

Josephine’s presence seems to remind Bellamy that there is more at stake here, and he looks at the man standing beside you. “Which one of you is Gabriel? We have information critical to your cause.”

Josephine laughs, “Their cause is a joke.”

“Quiet!”

But Josephine doesn't stop, she just continues her taunting with a smirk. “Do you think that dressing up in scary costumes helps your cause? We laugh at you in Sanctum.”

“Why aren't you laughing now?”

The same woman from the alleyway, a blonde with warpaint, pulls out a sword and points it at Josephine. She doesn't flinch, but you can see Bellamy start to worry, and he calls out, “Just wait. They can make hosts, as many as they want.”

Asher turns to look at you in shock, Bellamy reiterating the same information you initially offered him, verifying it before your 24 hours is up. You smirk at him a little and mutter, “Told you.”

He glares at you before turning to look at Bellamy. “Details, or your rude friend dies.”

Bellamy shakes his head. “I don't think so.”

The man pulls out your Grounder knife and holds it to your throat, giving Bellamy a sinister smile. “Something tells me we could make you talk.”

“Touch her, and I'll tell you nothing.” You can see Bellamy fighting against his rising anxiety, trying to seem like the one in control, despite the fact that all of you are restrained and you have a knife at your throat for the second time in the last few hours. “You don't have long before the 12 Primes are back. Gabriel gets the details, no one else.”

The man grinds out, “There were 13.” He tosses you to the ground and yells to the others, “Chain them up! If the old man doesn't respond, you die.”

They chain Bellamy to your left and Josephine to your right, and all of you watch as one of the Children of Gabriel grabs a radio and starts to speak into it, walking out the cave as he does. “Jericho to Providence. We have a prisoner that claims Primes can now make hosts. If you're out there…”

You don't hear the rest, the man now out of sight, the rest of the children dispersed, the three of you now alone. You look to the entrance of the cave in confusion, thinking of the failure all of you have had with radios up to this point, a fact that you are well aware of, despite your limited time on this moon. So how come people born and raised here don't know the same fact? You look over at Bellamy, who looks equally confused, and you voice the question you're both thinking. “Radios don't work on this moon, how could they not know that?”

“They work in one place.”

You and Bellamy look over at Josephine, catching onto something in her tone. She leans her head back against the wall, eyes on the ceiling, looking anxious and afraid. “What is it?”

“If they're calling Gabriel, that means he's alive.”

Bellamy, sensing a deeper history, asks, “What's the deal with you two?”

“What? Are we gonna be friends now?”

He lets out a soft snort of laughter, “Doubtful.”

She glances at both of you, taking you in, before she turns away again, focusing her gaze on the wall in front of her. “I've been in love with Gabriel for 236 years, the last 70 of which he's been trying to kill me. You know, relationships.”

You and Bellamy share a look, glad that your relationship hasn't featured any murder attempts. Well, there was an attempt during the eclipse, but that’s not the same thing. You look back to Josephine when you hear a strange tapping sound, your eyes falling to her finger, tapping Morse Code against the cuff. Bellamy and Josephine notice too, and she nods, “Morse code, huh? She's crafty, I'll give her that.”

She focuses on the Morse Code, spelling out the translation as her finger moves. “B-o-o-h-o-o. That's harsh.”

You smile at your twin’s quip, until your brain starts to realize something. You look at Josephine with curiosity, aware that if Clarke is cracking jokes about Josephine’s love life, then she can hear Josephine talking about her love life. “She can hear us?”

“It would seem so, which means the wall separating our minds is almost gone. When that happens, she'll stroke out, I'll download, and you can say goodbye to your genocidal twin.”

“Let me talk to her.”

She gives you a condescending look, “I'd have to give over control for that, so no.”

“But she can hear me?”

“Yes, she can hear you.” She rolls her eyes at you and the hopeful expression on your face. “For God's sake, just say what you want to say.”

You think of all the things you want to say to Clarke, all the things you want to tell her in case you have to say goodbye, but then you realize you don't want to say goodbye. You can’t say goodbye. No matter what it takes, no after what you have to do, you will save your twin's life, the way she has saved yours and countless others on multiple occasions. Which is why you settle on, “I won't let you die.”

You’re serious when you say it, the words a promise to the Universe that you will do what needs to be done. Josephine seems taken aback by your fervor, maybe even a little jealous, but you see her hand absentmindedly rub her wrist, the same wrist that usually holds your twin’s bracelet. You smile for a second, but then the bracelet reminds you of Madi, who is supposed to be here right now. You turn to face Bellamy, fighting back your worry. “Wait, where are the others?”

“Back in Sanctum. Josephine cut Murphy so Emori stayed behind with him, and Echo stayed behind to make sure the others are safe. We never found Madi before we had to leave, and Jackson, Miller, and Jordan were late. We didn't have time to wait because the guards were closing in, so I grabbed Josephine and we escaped.” He moves closer to you, his chains reaching yours, thankfully, allowing the two of you to sit close. His voice drops to a whisper as he lifts his hands to caress your face, finger running across the dried up blood, brows furrowed with worry. “I didn't want to leave you behind, but when you didn't show up and the guards were about to grab us, I thought about what’s best for everyone and decided that saving Clarke is important.”

You smile at him, letting him know you aren’t upset that he left you behind. Because technically you were already out of Sanctum. “You’re right, saving Clarke is important, and it’s exactly what I wanted you to do. Clarke’s trapped in her head and her body is a ticking time bomb. I can take care of myself.”

He smiles at you, eyes falling on the blood again, its presence only further convincing him of what you're saying. “I know you can, because you’re strong. Stronger than any of us.”

The two of you kiss, his touch light and affectionate, but you pull away when someone behind you exclaims, “Oh, barf. Get a room.”

You roll your eyes at Josephine and mutter, “Go float yourself.”

“Funny, your sister said the same thing to me when we first met.”

You ignore her and slide down to the ground, leaning against the wall, and Bellamy does the same, the three of you sitting in silence for a few hours. You see no one in those few hours, and eventually the three of you fall asleep, resting the best you can on the cold hard ground of the cave, with you and Bellamy huddled close to fight off the slight chill in the air.

You wake a few hours later, sometime after sunrise, according to the small amount of light filtering into the cave, and when you open your eyes and look at Bellamy, you find that he’s already looking at you. Despite your circumstances, despite the possibility that you, Clarke, Josephine, and Bellamy could possibly die in a few hours, you feel a rush of peace looking up at his face, and the distinct feeling that everything is right in the world. Bellamy must feel it too, because he leans in to kiss you, soft and sweet, reminding you just how much you love his morning kisses. And his afternoon kisses, and his evening kisses, and his happy kisses, and his sad ones, his comforting ones, his passionate ones. Every kiss from Bellamy is better than the one before it, and you’re sure you could spend your entire life doing nothing but kissing him and you’d still die happy.

Bellamy pulls away and looks down at you with a smile. “To other people, you are the moon. The radiant natshana that lights up even the darkest of nights, but to me, you’re everything. The moon, the sun, the stars. You’re the air I breathe and the love in my heart. You are every leaf, every tree, every moon, planet, and galaxy in this endless Universe. You are everything to me, and you have completely captured my heart from the moment that I met you, though I tried to deny it at first.”

The two of you laugh softly as you remember the animosity that you shared in the beginning. Bellamy starts to sit up, pulling you up with him, both of you turning to face each other as you do. You can tell he has more that he wants to say to you, and though you don't understand why you're getting this declaration of love now, you accept it with a smile. “I have never been loved by someone the way you love me, and I know I’m incredibly lucky that I get to have this. That I get to have you. You have loved me at my best, and you have loved me at my very worst, and even when I am lost and struggling, still you’re there, loving me through it all. You have the biggest heart, one that is so full of love that you are so eager to give, and I love you for that. I love your strength, your vulnerability, your kindness, your beauty. I love everything about you, and I just want to give you the world. I want to protect you, and love you, and make you happy until I draw my last breath. And I’ve been waiting to tell you all of this, waiting for the perfect moment during our new life of peace, but I’m starting to worry that I won’t get that chance. I can't tell you how many times I’ve seen you laying beside me, injured, looking like you’re on the brink of death, and when I couldn't find you yesterday, I nearly lost it. So I’m going to do this while I can, while you’re in front of me, alive and okay.”

He reaches up to push your hair away from your face and you close your eyes and lean into his touch, smiling. When you open your eyes again, his hand is extended between the two of you, a small ring held out in his palm. It’s beautiful; a small round sapphire surrounded by a perimeter of tiny diamonds, all situated on a thin gold band. You look up at Bellamy in shock, his expression one of complete adoration as he whispers, “Will you marry me?”

You look between him and the ring, wondering if he’s joking, but when you meet his eyes again, you can see that he’s completely serious, and still anxiously awaiting your answer. Your face splits into a grin and you practically lunge towards him, pulling him into a hug before peppering kisses all over his face. He laughs, one of those bright pretty ones that you wish you could capture in a bottle and keep forever, and his voice is light with happiness when he says, “I’ll take that as a yes.”

You kiss him softly on the lips, pulling away just enough to whisper, against them, “Yes.”

His smile gets even wider, and he pulls you in for another hug, before leaning back and holding up the ring again. He takes your hand and slides it onto your left ring finger, both of you marveling at the perfect fit. You admire the ring, and the way it looks on your finger, and he whispers, “It was my mother’s.”

You look up at him, your eyes growing wide. “Oh, Bellamy.”

But he smiles, sadness unable to reach him in this moment. “She gave it to me before she was floated, told me to give it to the girl that captures my heart. I didn’t have it when I hopped on the dropship, but when I went back to the ring with the others, I went looking for it. I’ve had it with me everyday since I left you on Earth, carrying it with me to remind myself of the girl that captured my heart.”

You feel tears well up in your eyes, and you start to lean in for another kiss when a voice behind you stops you in your tracks. “Ugh, again? Are the two of you capable of keeping it in your pants long enough for us to get out of here?”

You and Bellamy both cut back, “Shut up, Josephine.”

She holds her hands up in mock surrender before sitting up from her sleeping position, resting her head against the cave wall again. You see a smirk pass over her features and you give her a questioning look. “What?”

“My father was a fool for letting you people stay. All that time spent building a sanctuary for the human race, and he destroys it because of the most human thing of all...love.” She shakes her head before she smirks again, “I mean, who can blame him? I am awesome. It's just…”

She trails off, looking at you and Bellamy, still pressed close together. “Well, one look at the two of you, and he should have known how this would end. Guess I'm just saying all this because I know so much about both of you now.”

You nod your head, giving her a sarcastic look. “Oh, you do, huh?”

She hums in agreement, looking between you and Bellamy again. “Take the three of you, for instance. Now that's a weird relationship, isn't it? First, the twins hate each other when they land on Earth, and then Bellamy wants to kill both of you just to save his own ass, even though it means the genocide of your own people on the Ark. Then you two shack up, and Bellamy and Clarke become besties, all of you bonding over the actual genocide at Mount Weather.”

She lifts her hand, pretending to push a fake lever, “Together.”

You roll your eyes as she continues on, “Bellamy locks her up, she locks you both up, he leaves you and Clarke on Earth, she leaves you both to die in the fighting pits. I mean, it's exhausting, frankly.”

You snort, “Tell me about it.”

Bellamy leans his head against the wall, turning his gaze away from her. “You're wrong about how this ends, by the way. First, we get you back into your mind drive, and then we'll use it for a peace deal with your father.”

“Your belief in yourself is cute. But unfortunately, putting aside about a thousand variables, chief among them Clarke's newfound evangelical, do better-ism, making it impossible for her to accept a peace deal with those awful body snatchers, all four of us are gonna die in this cave.”

Bellamy nods, convinced that this is not where your story ends. “Yeah, okay. We'll see.”

She turns to glare at him, “Okay, now your confidence is just pissing me off.”

Bellamy looks at her like he’s about to respond, but suddenly the energy in the room changes. Seconds later you can hear the sound of approaching voices, and all three of you stand, looking towards the entrance to the cave. Asher comes in first, leading the rest, and he points his sword at you, commanding, “Gag the prisoners.”

He yells into the cave, for the others hidden deep inside, “Everybody up! The Sanctum riders are coming!”

You and Bellamy exchange a look as a few of the guards walk over to you, ready to gag you. They head to Josephine first, grabbing her harshly to hold her still, but she fights against them, yelling, “Get away from me!”

One of the men hits her hard and she falls to the ground. When they pull her back to her feet, a small line of black blood drips from her mouth, giving her status away. You whisper, “Shit.”

Chaos erupts after that, and the blonde woman starts to yell, “She's got the blood! She's got the blood!”

Asher comes over and looks at Josephine, eyeing the blood dripping from her mouth. “Put her on her knees.”

You know what’s gonna happen next, because they did the same thing to you hours ago. You look at Bellamy in alarm before turning and yelling, “Leave her alone!”

They force her to her knees and lift her hair, revealing the short scar on the back of her neck. Your stomach drops as they announce to the group, “She's a Prime! Unchain her, put her there.”

Asher motions to a flat rock nearby, and they unchain Josephine and drag her over to it, ignoring your begging, “Don't do this, please!”

Bellamy adds, “The drive in her head, it's Josephine!”

The name seems to make things worse, because the guard at Josephine’s back shoves her forcefully down, pressing her face into the rock. She mutters, “Not helping.”

“Think! As long as she's alive, you have leverage over Russell!”

Asher looks at Bellamy, his expression neutral, clearly not swayed by the thought of leverage. “This is not a negotiation, it's a war. The answer is Death to Primes!”

You and Bellamy watch in horror as he lifts his sword, fully intending to bring it down and chop off your twin's head, killing her once and for all. You rack your brain trying to think of anything to save her, and as you watch the sword start to lower, Josephine yells out, “Wait!”

The sword freezes in midair, and she exclaims, “Gabriel loves her. Is this what he would want?”

Her? The word hits you like a freight train, and you look at the blonde on the rock with a smile, hoping that the hunch you have is correct. You watch as she turns and kicks the leg of the man holding her in place, breaking it in half. He cries out in pain and releases her, giving her just enough time to dodge the sword that comes down onto the rock, missing her head by inches. She uses Asher’s surprise to grab him and swing him towards the rock, slamming his head into it and dropping him to the ground. Then she takes his sword and kills the man that is running to meet her, leaving only the blonde woman that you first met in Sanctum. But she makes quick work of her too, slicing her throat with the sword, stepping around the fallen body to look at you and Bellamy.

You look at her with a smile of realization, recognizing your twin anywhere. “Clarke?”

She smiles at you, “La lune.”

She bends down and grabs a set of keys as Bellamy looks at her in shock, “She gave you control?”

“It was either that or get her head cut off.”

She runs towards you, fumbling with the ring of keys, trying to find the one that fits your restraints. Deeper in the cave, the other Children of Gabriel have been alerted to your attempts at freedom, and you all look towards the sound of the approaching voices, watching shadows as they bounce off the wall, running closer. “I heard something! This way.”

You close your hands over Clarke’s, stilling her movements, “We don't have time, you have to run!”

“No!” She shakes her head hard, her expression pulling into one of desperation. “I'm not leaving you.”

“You have to! We’re running out of time. Go find Gabriel, we’ll come find you.”

She looks like she wants to argue, but the approaching voices continue to grow louder, and she knows you're right. She slips the keys into your hand, before wrapping one hand around yours and reaching out to wrap one hand around Bellamy’s. “Congratulations. I love you both.”

You smile at her briefly, the expression dropping when the voices are right around the corner, “Go! Now!”

She nods and gives you one last look before turning and running away, straight out of the cave and into the woods. Seconds later a group of people runs past you, heading outside as Asher yells at them, “It's Josephine Prime. Kill her before she gets to the rise. Do not let them get her back to Sanctum! Go!”

They all file out of the cave, leaving their injured leader behind, and you turn to Bellamy, who is looking at you with worry. “What now?”

“Now,” you open your palm, letting the handcuff keys hang down into view, giving him a mischievous grin as you do, “We get the hell out of here.”

He grins back at you, ready to raise hell with his fiance, ready to escape this cave and make things right.

Ready to show the Primes, and the Children of Gabriel, that they picked the wrong group of people to mess with.

next chapter

#the 100 #the 100 rewrite #bellamy blake #bellamy blake x reader #bellamy blake fanfiction

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atdamnbraina · 3 years

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okay but because we're talking about 1x11 today: in that scene, raven says that she's only ever been with finn. then she sleeps with bellamy. and in s2 she sleeps with wick. how does she contextualize her thing with wick within her grief over and love for finn? since they are close in the timeline (unlike shaw, but if you have thoughts on that too pls lmk!!!)

０１. 𝚋𝚎𝚕𝚕𝚊𝚖𝚢

first of all, i want to mention that it’s not revenge sex, it’s not hate sex, it’s not oh finn’s probably screwing clarke right now & i’m going to go screw someone. regarding my portrayal at least. i base this exactly on the line that she’s never been with anyone but finn. that’s the only moment she lets her guard down in front of bellamy & looks at him almost pleading. she doesn’t expect that sleeping with one person will erase finn. she sleeps with bellamy because she doesn’t want finn to be the only one to have touched her. it’s a moment of gaining herself back, her body back. finn has been written with capitals letter in every aspect of her life. it’s an attempt to take away his special place in her life, in her heart, in her body. obviously it doesn’t help but she doesn’t regret trying.

the reason she chose bellamy is fundamentaly trust. trust that he won’t ask anything from her after, trust that he’ll help her, trust that he won’t speak of his conquest ( as she expects most teenagers in camp would ). which emphasizes why this is about herself & not finn or making him jealous.

also something i talked with kari about was that while he had been to that point more dominant, he let her take the lead & control in this because she was in a vulnerable state. & that while his words were dismissive and saying he didn’t care, he gave her a way out & only started touching her after she kissed him and proved that she wanted to do this. that trust she placed on him was both returned & proved a right decision, and from that point on they’ve always been a team working together.

０２. 𝚠𝚒𝚌𝚔

with wick, it was because of her grief and trauma. she was in a very complicated headspace in season two. with mixed feelings about finn, & the grief of losing her leg and losing finn, and clarke’s betrayal. but she needed to do her job, from like day one post her surgery and she had to bury those feelings. and with the tensions high of them about to go to war, she needed a release. she wanted to feel alive right before they risked their lives. but also at that time period, because of her leg & her grief, she felt broken and she wanted to both feel good about herself and feel a temporary high. it didn’t work either and she felt even worse after. wick says she shut down on him after. because the high was temporary and then she crashed hard in reality.

she placed the same trust on wick too, but he wanted more than she could give him at that time. she couldn’t be in another relationship so soon. not with her hard edges and overwhelming emotions. she felt bad for being implusive about this, for starting this when she wasn’t ready yet for something more. & honestly she felt a bit like her mother, using sex not to get favors & moonshine, but to get just a brief peace of mind from suffocating emotions. obviously that’s not fully true, she never intended to use anyone, she just wanted to feel good for once. but she’s in a complicated headspace as i stated before.

０３. 𝚜𝚑𝚊𝚠

with shaw with have yet again, a raven in grief. she just lost monty & harper and that loss combinined with the anger of them leaving her is again overwhelming. she’s very much in tears as she stomps out the hallway when shaw follows. difference is this time she says that she’s not okay when asked. his line about sounding good to him to spend the rest of his life with someone he loves while directly looking at raven gives her the final push. but at the end of the day, even if she wants this, it is once again stifling her pain & anger & grief with pleasure. this is the only time it helps somewhat, and distracts her from her pain for a short period.

there’s a pattern here, everytime she sleeps with someone she’s in a complicated or vulnerable place emotionally. ( this applies even with finn in s1 ) but ultimately her desicion is based on wanting to make herself feel good or better than before. she can’t bring herself to regret any of her decisions but none of them had been out of love. attraction ? yes. but not quite feelings yet or at the very least deep ones.

＆ 𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚎: �� raven never deals with grief well. most of the times her grief or hurt is expressed with anger. and a way to release exactly that anger is sex.

#azgedaspy #( “ the youngest zero g mechanic in 52 years ” &. study ) ;#( “ she keeps choosing life despite all the pain ” &. hc ) ;#i'd love to hear your thoughts on this !#whether u agree or disagree

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love-a-little-less-archived · 3 years

Text

pause to ponder the miracles

a holiday secret santa gift for @hyperion-moonbabe-art3mis

“Is me not liking you a problem, Princess?”

Clarke shrugged. “It could be.”

“Why?”

“Because I was planning on inviting your sister to come up with me for Christmas, and thought maybe, if you weren’t an ass about it, I’d invite you, too." Bellamy opened his mouth to say something but Clarke barrelled on. "So are you going to continue to hate me or can we get along? Because I know O wouldn’t want to leave you here alone for Christmas.”

Bellamy pursed his lips. “Yeah. Okay. We can get along.”

Modern AU where Bellamy hasn’t truly celebrated Christmas in years, and with the help of his sister’s university roommate, maybe this year can be different.

Rated teen+ for language

[ read on ao3 ]

So!! I don’t think anyone else has posted their fics for this event yet but I figured I had it done, might as well be the first. So a little backstory on this fic: I had originally planned out something entirely different. I was trying to stay in canon-verse but honestly I was having enough trouble with the holiday theme anyway so I gave it up and moved it to modern-verse. And the first couple things I drafted up I tried to make more focused on the group rather than one person but that also didn't work very well so I decided Bellamy might be a good pick for you. And as much as I tried to not make it romantic I- kind of failed. As you’ll see.

Anyway!! I hope this is holiday-themed enough for you!! I’m actually considering maybe writing a second chapter to this because I did really enjoy typing this out, but that’s iffy.

Merry christmas, dear!! I hope you like it ♥

@johnmurphyisqueer

( I’ll post the whole thing below the cut, but formatting is probably better on ao3 )

“Christmas is like softly-falling snow that covers the world in a blanket of white so flawless and brilliant as to make us pause to ponder the miracle.”

― Richelle E. Goodrich, Being Bold

Bellamy had never had much of a Christmas.

Before Aurora had passed, they’d bake cookies and buy gifts and string lights on the walls, but after, it had mostly stopped. Bellamy was too focused on providing for himself and his sister to worry much about holidays. Sure, he’d buy Octavia a few small gifts, sometimes they’d go walk around neighborhoods and look at the fancy light shows some houses boasted, but it was never anything big for them.

This year was different.

It started like this: Octavia had just begun her first year at university, courtesy of years of saving up for it, and when November rolled around, Octavia came home to him for a few days. She brought a friend. Clarke Griffin, her roommate, who looked like she’d never struggled for a day in her life. Bellamy immediately disliked her. But for Octavia’s sake, he tried to mask it.

“So, Clarke,” he started, the three of them lounging in the living room, Octavia and Clarke with a bag of chips between them. “What brings you down here?”

She shrugged. “My hometown is more than a few hours drive from campus, didn’t feel like making the effort. Octavia invited me along when she figured out I wasn’t going anywhere.”

He raised an eyebrow. “You didn’t feel like going to see your family?”

“Nah. The only reason I’d want to go down would be to see my old friends, and not all of them would even be around. My mom and I don’t have the best relationship.” Clarke scrunched her nose. “ And I’d already told her I’d come see her for Christmas, so no reason to make the drive.”

Bellamy huffed. Clarke raised her eyebrows. “Something funny?”

Octavia was glaring at him, so he just settled back. “Nope. All good, Princess.”

Clarke didn’t seem to believe him. Octavia stood up, tugging Clarke with her. “Come on babe, why don’t we go hang out on our own?”

Clarke and Bellamy avoided each other for the rest of the day. And the day after that.

It didn’t last.

It was early, early enough that Bellamy expected to be gone for work by the time the girls got up. But then Clarke strode into the kitchen and rested her hands on the counter, hard eyes locked onto him. “Why do you hate me?”

And Bellamy, not at all prepared for that, just stared at her for a few moments. “What?”

“You heard me. What’s your problem with me?”

He turned around, taking a sip of his coffee. “I don’t know what you mean.”

She growled. He heard her shuffling around, and suddenly she was right in his face. Bellamy jerked back, almost spilling his coffee. So maybe he didn’t like her, but her glare was downright terrifying.

Bellamy clenched his jaw. “Is me not liking you a problem, Princess?”

She shrugged. “It could be.”

“Why?”

“Because I was planning on inviting your sister to come up with me for Christmas, and thought maybe, if you weren’t an ass about it, I’d invite you too.”

Bellamy’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “What? Why?”

Clarke sighed. “Because I like your sister, and I know she’s never had much of a real Christmas. And because I’m nice, I was going to invite you so you could not be a sad person who spends Christmas alone.”

The only thing he could say to that was “oh.”

Clarke didn’t seem bothered by it. “So are you going to continue to hate me or can we get along? Because I know O wouldn’t want to leave you here alone for Christmas.”

Bellamy pursed his lips. “Yeah. Okay. We can get along.”

Clarke grinned. “Great! I’ll bring it up to Octavia later today. Now tell me if you have anything other than that straight black coffee you’re drinking-”

And despite himself, Bellamy could tell she was already growing on him.

︵‿︵‿୨✼୧‿︵‿︵

Though Bellamy offered to make the drive alone, Clarke insisted that she come and pick him up. Said it wasn’t too much of a detour. He knew it was easier to just agree. There was no arguing with Clarke.

And so that was how Bellamy found himself draped over the backseat of Clarke’s car, the two girls chatting enthusiastically in the front seats.

“Bell, are you excited?” Octavia asked, turning around. “We’re going to have a real Christmas! With a tree and presents and lights and cookies!”

Honestly, he was more nervous than excited. He wouldn’t know anyone there other than Octavia and Clarke, and the latter he still didn’t know very well. But he let Octavia’s joy seep into him, smiling back at her. “I am.” And because he was far too polite, he addressed Clarke too. “And thank you, Clarke, for inviting us.”

She waved him off. “Oh, it’s helping me too, don’t worry. Hopefully it’ll get my mom off my back about how I need to expand my social circle now that I’m in uni. She’s been bugging me about it forever.”

He hummed. “What year are you?”

“Sophomore. Majoring in creative arts, minoring in a couple medical classes. Mostly because of my mother.”

He raised an eyebrow, though she couldn’t see. “Sounds controlling.”

“Ugh. Very.” Clarke clenched the steering wheel tightly. “She was so angry when I said I was majoring in the arts. Said it wasn’t a career that would get me very far in life. She’s always wanted me to be a doctor like her.”

He chuckled. “You don’t strike me as very doctor-esque.”

“Oh, she’s better than you’d think,” Octavia butted in. “I got sick for a few days in the first weeks, and Clarkey here had it down. I barely even had to do anything.”

Clarke shrugged. “Not a bad skill to have.”

“I probably would have died without you.”

“It was a stomach bug, O.”

“Still!”

And suddenly he wasn’t as worried about the trip as he was before. Not if it was going to be like this.

︵‿︵‿୨✼୧‿︵‿︵

Abby Griffin was a very intense woman.

She and Clarke exchanged quick hellos, Abby going to hug her daughter, but even Bellamy could tell it was awkward. When she addressed him and Octavia, it was very stiff, professional, and Bellamy could see why she and Clarke didn’t get along. The two women were opposite personalities, sharing the same stubborn streak that likely played a big part in their strained relationship.

Another thing he noticed that was very opposite to Clarke was the house. From what he knew of Clarke, she was not a very organized person. Her car was a bit of a mess, a lot of her clothes were stained with paints, and she didn’t put much effort into her appearance. Abby’s house was huge and pristine, everything sparkling clean, the house itself matching Abby’s intenseness.

The woman sat them on the couch and went to get them drinks. Bellamy looked around the huge living room. “This where you grew up?”

Clarke shuddered. “God, no. My mom moved in after my dad… died. He never wanted anything big or fancy. I lived here for about two years before moving out. Though honestly I tried to spend as much time out of the house as I could. It’s almost too much.”

Octavia leaned closer, keeping her voice low. “You didn’t tell me your mom was rich!”

“She’s a world-class surgeon, I thought that was a given.”

“I didn’t expect this!”

“Yeah, yeah.” Clarke shrugged. “I wasn’t planning on spending much time here anyway. We’ll probably spend Christmas day here, but the real fun will be on Christmas Eve. One of my high school friends is a master at throwing parties. You’ll have the time of your life, trust me.”

Neither Blake could reply as Abby walked back in with drinks for each of them. Bellamy wasn’t sure what it was, but it tasted fancier than anything he’d ever had.

“So.” Abby sat down on one of the plush chairs across from the couch. “Why don’t you two tell me about yourselves? Clarke doesn’t talk much about school.”

Octavia spoke up first. “I’m her roommate. Majoring in video production.”

Abby nodded, not seeming very impressed. “And you?”

Bellamy shifted. “I’m Octavia’s brother. I’m not in uni.”

“Oh?” Abby’s face shifted a bit at that. “Did you graduate?”

“Never went.”

“I see.”

“Okay!” Clarke interrupted. “O, Bell, how about I get you two set up in your rooms and we can go out somewhere?”

Octavia jumped up, eager to get out of the room. Bellamy nodded, taking one last sip of his drink. “Sounds good, Princess.”

Abby’s scalding gaze fell onto him as the nickname fell from his mouth, but he couldn’t care less.

︵‿︵‿୨✼୧‿︵‿︵

“So where are we going?”

“To a local diner,” Clarke said. “I invited some friends, too. Hope you don’t mind.”

“Clarke, I have been dying to meet your friends after all the stories you’ve told me,” Octavia responded. “Which ones?”

“Raven, Murphy, and Emori.”

Octavia clapped her hands together. “I am so excited to meet Raven. She sounds like a badass.”

Clarke laughed. “Oh, she is. I have no doubt you two will get along like a house on fire.”

And after meeting her, Bellamy knew they would.

Raven was full of energy and possibly the most sarcastic person ever. She had a brace on her leg, but it didn’t stop her from bowling Clarke over with a hug when they met outside. “Clarke! It’s been so long!”

“Hey, Rae!” The blonde laughed. “It has! How’ve you been?”

“Fantastic. Who are they? Friends?”

Octavia was practically beaming. “I’m Octavia! Clarke’s my roommate. Heard a lot about you.”

Raven preened. “Of course you have, I’m awesome.” She leaned over to Clarke. “Why didn’t you tell me your roommate was this hot?”

Clarke chuckled. “Jealous, Rae?”

“Of you? Never.” Raven reached out and took Octavia’s arm. “Come on, hot stuff, let me buy you a drink.”

Bellamy was smiling widely at how happy his sister was. Clarke bumped his shoulder, making him look down at her. “Come on. Your sister will be fine with Raven for a while. Come and meet Murphy and Emori.”

He couldn’t help the surprise that shot through him. “You don’t want Octavia to come with us?”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “When will it get through your thick skull that I actually like you? Come on!”

Bellamy flushed at that, trailing after Clarke into the diner. She didn’t even have to look around, heading straight towards a table in the far corner. There were two people there, a man who looked like he wanted to murder everyone in sight and a woman with kind eyes and a tattoo covering half of her face.

The woman lit up as she saw them approaching. “Griffin! Damn, it’s good to see you!”

“You too, Emori,” Clarke said, leaning down to hug her. “You and Murphy doing well?”

Emori’s smile split her face. “We just bought an apartment together!”

“Oh, that’s great!”

“Girls, if you could stop being sappy for one minute,” the man, most likely Murphy, butted in. “Who’s this bitch?”

“Oh!” Clarke grabbed his elbow, pulling him to sit down beside her opposite of her friends. “This is Bellamy. I invited him along for Christmas.”

“Guess I’ll be stuck seeing you around then.” Murphy looked him up and down. “He your boyfriend or something?”

Bellamy blushed, and Clarke sputtered. “What? No! Honestly, I barely even know him that well- he’s just my roommate’s brother.”

And it shouldn’t mean anything, but Bellamy feels disappointed anyway. He’d hoped they were friends on their own now. He thought that was what Clarke had meant outside. Apparently not.

“Roommate’s brother, huh?” Murphy just nodded. “Kinda disappointed. Dude looks like he’d be great in bed.”

Emori smacked his head, both Bellamy and Clarke going red again. Murphy just cackled. “What? You gonna tell me that’s a lie?”

Emori huffed. “You need to learn decency.”

“If you expect decency from me then you don’t know me as well as I thought you did.”

“John.”

“Okay, okay,” Murphy raised his hands. “Have it your way.”

“Great,” Clarke interrupted, her cheeks still flushed pink. “How about we get some food and we can catch up?”

Emori elbowed Murphy before he could say anything. “That sounds wonderful, Clarke.”

︵‿︵‿୨✼୧‿︵‿︵

Bellamy had to admit, Clarke’s friends were growing on him.

“Bellamy, man, back me up here,” Murphy insisted. “Tell these two gremlins that their movie taste is shit.”

“Says the man who likes to watch slasher films in the middle of the night!”

“It’s better than the comedies you like to watch? In what way are those entertaining?”

“In what way is watching people get their brains ripped out entertaining?”

Beside him, Clarke giggled, nudging him with her elbow. “Whose side are you on?”

Bellamy just scoffed. “Neither. Both genres are mediocre at best.”

Murphy turned to him, slapping his hand down on the table. “Oh, and what do you watch? Fucking documentaries?”

...he did, yes, but he wasn’t going to admit that now. “Just saying, if you like horror, psychological is better. Slasher films are just blood and guts. No suspense.”

“Suspense is bullshit, who needs the creepy buildup? Just get right into the action!”

“Glad to see you boys are having fun.”

Raven slid into the bench beside Emori, Octavia dropping down beside Clarke, who gave her a smirk. Leaning over, Clarke said to her, loud enough that the whole table could hear: “have fun on your date?”

“Our date was definitely more enjoyable than whatever you idiots got up to,” Raven responded for her, wrapping an arm around Emori. “Bet you were wishing I was here.”

Clarke snorted. “Never any fun without you, Rae.”

“Of course not, I’m the life of the party.” She took a sip of Emori’s drink and crinkled her face. “You losers didn’t even get good drinks.”

“Just because Emori is boring doesn’t mean the rest of us are, Reyes,” Murphy said, earning another elbow to the ribs from his girlfriend. “And who are you to judge us? You drink pepsi.”

Bellamy watched as the two descended into arguing, as seemed to happen often with this group. And even if he was a bit excluded, he still found himself having more fun than he’d had in a while. It was nice, being a part of something again. Hanging out with friends. He had never had much time for that, between working and taking care of Octavia.

Maybe he could find that again.

︵‿︵‿୨✼୧‿︵‿︵

“So did you have fun?”

Bellamy looked up from his spot on the couch to see Clarke wandering over to him, dressed in pajamas, hair dark and damp. She looked adorable. Not that he’d tell her that.

“Yeah, I did. Your friends are an interesting group,” he said as Clarke sat down on the arm next to him. From the sound of running water, he guessed Octavia had hopped in the shower after Clarke. Abby was gone when they got back, most likely at the hospital, but nobody was complaining much. “You grew up with them?”

“Kind of. We all got stuck together in high school, and we just clicked. Before that, I’d only had one friend. His dad moved though, and I never found out where to.” She had thrown an arm over the back of the couch so she could lean back, and her arm pressed against his shoulder. He could smell the shampoo she’d used. Clarke didn’t seem to notice their proximity, but he was hyper-aware of it.

“You seem to work well with them. You’re all very rowdy. Very fun. You seem like you would’ve been a trouble-making group when you were teens.”

Clarke chuckled. “Oh, we were. The friends that’ll be hosting the party, Jasper and Monty, they were always sneaking drugs and alcohol for the rest of us, and we’d always get into trouble with them. Maybe it was that common factor that had us all getting along.”

Bellamy huffed. “Honestly? When I first met you I thought you’d be a goody-two-shoes.”

Clarke laughed. “God, no. Maybe when I was younger I was. But after my dad died, my mom started getting on my nerves, trying to control my life, and I wanted to be rebellious. So I did everything I could to piss her off. I still kind of do, to be honest, but I’m trying to get better about it. I don’t want to hate my mom for the rest of my life.”

Bellamy was silent for a moment. “You want to know another thing I thought when I first met you? When you said you had a bad relationship with your mom, my first thought was that at least you still had a mom.”

Clarke’s face fell. “Oh, Bell…”

He shrugged. “I hated you because you seemed like a privileged princess. And I guess in a way, you kind of are, but you’re more than that. You have your own problems too. It’s not your fault your mom is rich.”

Clarke offered a small smile. “I don’t blame you for thinking that. With how you grew up, you have every right to hate me for the way I live. For how lucky I am.”

He shook his head. “No. You didn’t choose your life any more than I chose mine. We didn’t choose the family we were born into, but we can choose what we do with our lives after that.”

Clarke moved her arm to wrap around his shoulder, pulling him to lean against her. She rested her cheek on top of his head. “I’m glad you don’t hate me. I’m starting to like you.”

He chuckled. “I’m starting to like you too, Princess.”

She sighed. “That’s sticking, isn’t it?”

“You bet it is.”

They laughed together, and Bellamy could feel something warm bubbling inside him. Maybe he was starting to like her a bit too much.

It was only a few more days, though. He could bear it.

︵‿︵‿୨✼୧‿︵‿︵

When they pulled up to the house, Bellamy could already tell he was in for a ride.

It was decked out in crappy Christmas decorations, blow up characters, window stickers, hell, there was even a garden flamingo with a santa hat on it sticking out of the snow by the mailbox. Octavia was out of the car barely a second after Clarke turned it off, and Bellamy laughed at her eagerness. Clarke smiled back at him, pushing open the car door.

“Look who it is!” Someone cheered when Clarke opened the door. A scrawny dude bounced up to them, wrapping Clarke up in his arms. “Missed you, Clarkey!”

“Missed you too, Jasper.” Another guy came up and hugged her, looking like possibly the sweetest person Bellamy has ever met. “Hey, Monty!”

“I’m so happy you’re back!” Monty beamed. “Oh my god have you heard the news?”

Clarke beamed back at him. “What news?” “Harper and I got engaged!”

“Holy shit, really?” Clarke hugged him again, squeezing hard. “I’m so happy for you! I’m invited to the wedding, right?”

“Of course you are!” A woman walked up to them, pulling Clarke away from Monty. “We’d never leave you out.”

“So who proposed to who?”

Monty blushed. Harper just laughed. “I proposed to him.”

Meanwhile, Jasper had made his way over to where he and Octavia were hanging by the door. “Clarke! You brought new people!”

Clarke perked up, moving back to grab both Bellamy and Octavia by their arms and drag them forward. “Yeah! Come on, I’ll introduce you to the group!”

The main room was already a bit of a mess, a poorly decorated Christmas tree tucked in the corner. Bellamy saw the familiar faces of Raven, Murphy, and Emori, who waved at them eagerly. Raven hopped up and sauntered over to Octavia, slinging an arm over her shoulder. Octavia grinned. “Hey, bitch.”

“Okay!” Clarke let go of Octavia as Raven pulled her over to sit beside her, instead wrapping both hands around Bellamy’s arm. “Guys, this is Bellamy, and that’s his sister Octavia. They’re friends from uni.”

There were a few choruses of ‘nice to meet you’ thrown out. One dude came up and extended a hand to him, which Bellamy took. “Hey, I’m Nathan Miller, but most people just call me Miller. It’s nice to see a new face around here.”

Bellamy shook his hand. “Happy to be here.”

“Kind of surprised Jasper hasn’t broke out the alcohol yet,” Clarke, still wrapped around his arm, commented. “He’s usually way too excited about it.”

Miller just chuckled. “Yeah, Maya’s been keeping him entertained. She’s his new girlfriend, by the way. A sweet girl. I’m not sure how she and Jasper work romantically, but they seem to have a good thing going.”

Clarke raised her eyebrows. “Really? Well, I’m happy for him. I haven’t seen him in any serious relationships since- ever, I think.”

“Well, he’s a bit intense, takes someone special to handle him.”

Bellamy snorted. “No offense, but everyone here is a bit intense.”

Clarke huffed out a laugh. “Think you can handle it, Bell?”

Bellamy made an unsure face. Miller slapped his arm. “Don’t worry, man, we aren’t that bad. It’s a bit overwhelming at first, but you get used to it. If you can handle her, we can’t be much worse.”

Clarke snorted. “What are you implying, Miller?”

He raised his hands up in surrender. “Nothing bad.”

“If you say so…”

“You know what we should do?” Jasper stood up from the couch beside a timid-looking woman. “We should go outside!”

Raven wrinkled her face. “Jas, it’s like, supremely cold outside. There is snow on the ground.”

“Exactly! Come on, where’s your inner child? Don’t you want to go play in the snow?”

Raven grabbed her thigh, lifting her leg. “You see this brace? This thing gets insanely stiff in the cold. I’m not going.”

“Come oooooon,” Jasper whined. “Stop being such a party pooper! Where’s your sense of fun?”

Octavia grabbed Raven’s hand, pulling her onto her feet. “I think it’s a great idea!”

Raven made an incredulous sound. “This is betrayal!”

“You coming or not?”

Raven glared at her before sighing. “Fine.”

Jasper whooped. “Yes! Octavia, I love you already!”

The group laughed, all seeming to have been spurred on by Jasper and Octavia’s eagerness, and Clarke pulled Bellamy towards the door, neither having shed their coats or boots since coming inside. He stumbled along behind her, laughing, and though the chill was sharp, he was warm with happiness.

The rest of the group piled outside behind them, and Jasper and Octavia immediately set to work rolling a snowman. Bellamy and Clarke began to roll another section for the snowman when a snowball hit Clarke in the back.

They both looked back to see Raven cackling at them, a cocky smirk set upon her face. Clarke scooped up a wad of snow, throwing it back, but it went awry and Raven just held up a middle finger.

Bellamy crouched down to make his own snowball, and with Raven distracted by Clarke’s efforts to hit her, he threw. It hit Raven right in the shoulder, and she let out an indignant cry. Clarke cheered before Murphy came up behind her and shoved snow down the back of her coat.

And suddenly everybody had been sucked into the game.

Octavia hit Bellamy on the side, and when he went to retaliate she darted behind Emori, who Bellamy then hit in the stomach with a snowball. He got pelted with so many snowballs, but he threw at anyone who was in range, and Bellamy felt happier than he had in a long time. He and Octavia would do this sometimes when they were younger, and it reminded him of that. He couldn’t stop smiling the entire time.

Eventually, it died down, and though by now they were all thoroughly soaked, they still attempted to finish the snowman that had been started before Raven made the first attack. Even with so many people working on it, it wasn’t the best, especially not when no one had bothered to get supplies from inside, but they gathered some little rocks to use as the mouth, eyes, and nose, and it was good enough.

So after they all wandered back inside soaked and shivering and promptly collapsed in the main area. Bellamy fell onto the floor in front of the couch, leaning back onto Clarke’s legs. Emori plopped down next to him and flashed him a grin, eyes flickering between him and Clarke. Her implications were clear. Bellamy shook his head, and Emori rolled her eyes.

Jasper, still somehow bouncing with energy, declared they were going to have a Christmas movie night. “You came on a good year,” Emori said beside him. “Usually Christmas Eve is a lot more chaotic than this.”

He chuckled. “Miller said the same thing. He blamed it on the new girlfriend.”

Emori snorted. “Maya? It could be, yeah. I think Jasper’s trying to impress her.”

“I can’t imagine him being any worse than this.”

“Oh, god, this is probably him at his best.” Emori nodded to Monty. “Monty used to be the same way, until Harper. The girls keep them reined in most of the time. They probably would’ve accidentally blown themselves up by now without Harper.”

“That’s more Raven’s thing. They’d end up getting arrested for theft, probably.” Clarke leaned down behind him to enter the conversation, and he could feel her hair brushing the top of his head. “How many times has Jasper shoplifted?”

“Every time he goes to any store.”

Bellamy laughed with them, once again feeling intense gratitude to Clarke for inviting him.

“Okay okay shut up! We’re watching a movie!” Jasper yelled. “What’s a good Christmas movie?”

“Home Alone!”

“Fuck no!”

“What’s a Christmas movie that isn’t a comedy?”

“Literally none of them!”

“There are some!”

“Like what?”

“Oooookay, I’m deciding!” Jasper declared, picking up the remote. Everyone grumbled at that, but Bellamy was just amused. He felt something tap the side of his head and tilted his head back, seeing Clarke grinning down at him. He smiled back, face bright with happiness. This wasn’t like any Christmas he’d ever had, but it was his favorite already.

Jasper turned something on, Bellamy wasn’t really sure, and then he and Monty went into the kitchen to get everyone drinks. In true Christmas spirit, Harper yelled after them to make hot chocolate and not just grab some alcohol. Murphy huffed. “You really trust them with a stove?”

“They’re grown men, Murphy.”

“They don’t act like it.”

Maya trailed after the boys into the kitchen, and a little bit later they came back with cups of hot chocolate for everyone. Bellamy took a sip, the scalding liquid instantly warming him up. Someone turned the overhead lights off and the holiday lights on, illuminating the room in red and green. This was truly Christmas.

Bellamy wasn’t paying much attention to the movie, more to the quiet conversations that were constantly going on, whether it be Raven and Murphy arguing over something or Jasper making snide comments, but there was always the low buzz of talking, never silence. Not that he would have expected it from them.

A hand wove into his hair, and Bellamy turned his head to look back up at Clarke. She had a blanket tucked up to her chin, her mug held tight in one hand, and her eyes shone. She looked so content and relaxed, snuggled up on the couch, a hand combing idly through his hair.

“You look happy,” she murmured. “Happier than I’ve ever seen you.”

He smiled. “I am happy. I’m glad you invited me, Clarke. This is amazing.”

“This is the best Christmas Eve I’ve had in a long time,” she sighed. “You should come next year, too.”

Bellamy blushed. “You want me to come back?”

“Of course. You’re fun, when you aren’t hating me.”

“I don’t hate you anymore.”

“Good. I didn’t like it when you hated me.”

Bellamy let himself indulge as he grabbed her hand from his hair, tangling their fingers and pressing a kiss to her cold skin. She giggled, and he looked back up at her, cheeks hurting from smiling so much.

He hoped he could come back next year. And maybe every year after that, too.

#hma 2020 secret santa #love.hma #love.hundred #love.mine #the 100 #the 100 fanfiction #bellarke #bellamy blake #clarke griffin #bellamy blake fanfiction #bellarke fanfiction #secret santa #fic exchange

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thetravelerbewithyou · 4 years

Text

I Knew Love’s Perfect Ache

Read on AO3 // Read from the beginning

Chapter 9: I’ll follow you then.

Clarke had known there was a possibility for Bellamy and her to fix things between them, but she had not allowed herself to be hopeful about it until the night she confessed to Bellamy why Finn was here.

He had been so understanding, so much his caring self, always the protector, it had made something inside her burn and flutter. As hopeful as she was, she was scared. Terrified actually, for Finn to ruin things, for her to be too closed off, because she was still quite weary of the Club and their way of earning money. Though every time she now saw Bellamy waiting for her at home after a long shift, or in Madi’s room, all her fears disappeared. She yearned to touch him, when she was close to him, to snuggle herself into his strong arms, when he was sitting on her couch, telling her about his day.

He had been over to her house almost every single night. Keeping her company. It was almost like in the old times, when they just were friends. However, there was a twinkle in his eyes now, every time he looked at her, as if Bellamy could sense where this could be going.

His gaze was so intense sometimes, she squirmed in her seat, turning away from him.

The memory alone made her blush and grin like a little school girl, while she walked through the halls of the hospital.

“What’s so funny, there, Darlin’.” Bellamy’s voice ripped her out of her daydream and she almost stumbled out of surprise.

“Bellamy, I didn’t realize you were coming in today.” He had told her as much a few days ago, if she remembered correctly.

“I wasn’t, but things changed and I wanted to see my favourite girls.” He smirked and Clarke’s blush returned as Bellamy went in to hug her tight to his chest. Her eyes fluttered close, as she breathed in his scent. Their embrace being too long to be interpreted as platonic. Out of the corner of her eyes, Clarke saw two nurses, watching them, giggling, so she pulled away from Bellamy, although reluctantly.

“So you are here to see Madi,” she inquired, standing close enough still, to see her favourite constellation of freckles.

“I already have.” Her eyes followed his right hand, as he raked it through his wild curls. “I’m here to take you home, if you want. We could watch a movie or something.” It was really cute how flustered he was all of the sudden.

“That sounds lovely, Bell. I can’t ride with you, though, because of my car.” He nodded, understanding.

“I’ll follow you then.”

Together they walked to the parking lot, their shoulders occasionally touching each other. When Clarke got to her car, she stole a last glance at Bellamy, as he mounted his bike, which was parked on the opposite side of the lot.

She noticed how controlled his movements were, as he threw his leg over the seat, how his jeans stretched over his muscled thighs. Clarke felt the need to swallow, her mouth suddenly dry. With a light shake of her head, she tried to pull herself back into reality and got into her car.

The way they had walked out together of the hospital and how she had stared at him from her car, were unacceptable. How could she do this to him? TO HIM. Finn’s knuckles turned white as he gripped the steering wheel of his car tighter. His breathing came faster, as white anger took over him. Blake was probably following her home, as he had the last whole week.

All of this was getting out of hand. Blake’s constant being there kept Finn from knocking at her door and confronting her. It probably wasn’t his smartest move, but he needed to talk to her again to see how far she had fallen for that filthy criminal, so unworthy of her.

The files he had ordered weren’t helping him as much as he wanted. There were no new leads, nothing he could pin on Blake - for the moment. He would find something, anything, to get the man out of the picture. He and Clarke would be happy again, Finn was certain of it.

Slowly and with a respectable distance he followed her car and the bike, accompanying her.

Marlise Griffin’s old house had not changed, despite Clarke living there for several weeks now. It kind of smelled like the old men still. Here and there she had given it her own touch with pictures of herself and her mother. Abby Griffin had been a bitter woman, after her husband had died and her daughter left town.

Bellamy never liked her, if he was being honest, but he respected her. The photo he was looking at, pictured a younger and softer version of the hard woman she had been, with Clarke on her hips, both of them smiling at each other.

“I miss her sometimes.” Clarke voiced right behind him, so he slowly turned around. She was wearing a soft t-shirt and black leggins now, gone were her scrubs and the all professional exterior.

“I miss my father sometimes, too.” He confessed. Bellamy never really talked about his father. Did not see a point in doing so. Especially because he had Charles, who had stepped in. He trusted his step-father, respected him, so it felt like a betrayal talking too much about his own old man.

Clarke acknowledged his admission with a quick nod.

“Do you want to order something to eat? I’m feeling like seafood pizza.”

An hour later, Bellamy was seated very comfortably on Clarke’s couch, the blonde right beside him, not quite touching, when he heard the delivery guy approach the door. Before Clarke could even move, he got up, signaling her that he got it.

One of Raven’s little birds was delivering Pizza today. It was a good way to keep track of the people living in Arkadia, when you had the food delivery drivers in your pocket, without the people actually knowing. So Bellamy smirked at Fox, who turned a little red.

“Thank you for the tip, Bellamy,” she said after handing him the carton. “I might have information for you.” Bellamy’s eyebrows shot up.

“What kind of information?”

“Well, Raven said to keep a lookout on a silver Prius, and there is one parked a couple of houses up the street. It seemed worth mentioning.” With a nod he thanked the girl and went back inside the house, locking up the door behind him. Either Collins was not done stalking Clarke or he was observing Bellamy. In the end it did not matter. If Bellamy were to test out which of the two options it was, he would have to leave Clarke alone and that he would not risk.

Back in the living room, Bellamy sat down the pizza on the coffee table, and peaked out of the window. Fox had been right. The car was parked not far from the house. Worry and the need to protect Clarke filled him.

“Everything okay, there Bell?” Clarke asked, as she came back from the kitchen with two plates in her hand.

“Collins is watching the house.” He watched her carefully and if he didn't know her as well as he did, he would not have noticed the change in her body. How she suddenly seemed smaller, more unsure and afraid.

“I’m afraid of him, Bellamy. And not just a little and I really don’t want to feel this way but I can’t help it.” Clarke’s voice was quiet and shaking.

Within seconds Bellamy was in front of her, taking the plates out of her hand, and grabbing her shoulders in his hands, gently forcing her to look up at him.

“Nothing is happening to you, Princess. Do you understand? I will not let anything happen to you. He will not touch you, or threaten you. I will take care of him, if he dares to come too close to you.”

The insistence in his voice must have calmed her down, enough, as she nodded.

“I trust you. But please don’t do anything he can use against you, because he will,” she said with a slight panic in her voice. “He is capable of so much, Bell. Please do not underestimate him.”

Bellamy nodded.

“Alright. I won’t do anything you don’t want me to. But I think it would be safer if I stayed on your couch tonight, that alright with you Darlin’?”

With a deep, calming sigh, Clarke agreed.

The next day, Bellamy drove to the clubhouse after having breakfast with Clarke. Seeing her in the morning, all adorable with her bed hair and bad mood, just made him wish to wake up next to her instead of her couch. He missed sleeping beside her, missed the intimacy of it.

He had not even parked his car yet, when Raven came out of the house, walking right towards him.

“Bellamy. Didn’t see you at breakfast. You finally convinced the Doc to let you warm her bed again?” She sneered.

“Petty and jealousy does not suit you, Rave,” he replied. “But if you have to know, I was at Clarke's. That asshole Collins was parked at her house last night.”

“You sure she isn’t in cahoots with him?” Bellamy made a beeline towards the house, Raven not leaving his side.

“Fuck yes Raven, I’m sure. And my word should be enough, don’t you think?”

“Maybe, but Octavia had a point last night.” Bellamy stopped in his tracks.

“What did she say now?”

“First, your mom told us about her run in with Clarkey and the ATF idiot in the supermarket and Octavia did some digging last night. Did you know the princess was in a lovey dovey relationship with him? She probably transferred here, to make you fall in love with her again, to gain your trust and then sell you and all of us out.” Raven started gesturing widely, her voice raising. “You should not trust her, Bellamy. I certainly don’t, Octavia doesn’t either. And you mother…”

“My mother,” Bellamy interrupted his friend’s tyrade. “does not know everything. Neither does Octavia, nor do you.” Raven just stared at Bellamy with hard eyes.

“Tell me then, what I don’t know.”

“Collins is here for Clarke. Not us - we are just collateral damage, a way for him to get her back.” He would have to tell Clarke that he had to tell Raven and in extension the club.

“Why would he want Clarke? No offense Bellamy, but she’s just a Doctor.”

“Don’t talk about her like this. O had it right, they were together when she was in Boston. However the relationship turned sour, he even locked her inside her apartment. I don’t know what else he did to her. He has been stalking her since - that’s why she left Boston and came back here. Because she is afraid of her life, Raven.”

The woman before him, turned white, knowing he was telling the truth.

“That does change the situation.”

“I don’t know how to handle this, Rave. I want her safe, but I cannot do anything, like I want to, because he would use it against me. Even Kane couldn’t help me, if he arrests me. That goes for all of us. My hands are fucking tide.”

In his desperation, Bellamy kicked one of the barrels next to him, startling some of the other members sitting on the picnic table 15 feet away.

“We’ll find a way to keep her safe. But you should tell you mother and Octavia. Hell you should inform Pike about this situation. We all need to know what we’re dealing with here.”

“I know. I’ll talk to them. Do you know where my mother is by any chance?”

“She said she was going to your house to oversee the renovations.” Bellamy nodded in thanks. He had completely forgotten that his mother had his house done up, so Madi had a home to come to, when she was released in a couple of days.

With a last thankful smile in Ravens direction, Bellamy headed to his room to change his clothes. He would talk to his family. And Raven was right, they would find a way to keep his princess safe. There was no chance in hell, he would let that rat hurt her.

He had stayed the night at her place. Slept in the same house, used the same shower, ate at her table. Blake had not understood the rules. So if he wanted to play dirty, Finn would too.

I’m just tagging some people because I haven’t updated in forever: @carrieeve @junebugninja @justalittlebluetiefling @bees-for-the-wildmother @captainmmarvel @parapluiepliant @thelittlefanpire @nvermindiseeyou @lunakom-floukru <3<3<3

#bellarke fanfiction #my idiot writings #bellarke #bellarke fan fiction

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sableu3 · 3 years

Text

Day 42

100 Days of 100 Prompts

Rated M

S1-2 AU/fix-it

Clarke is stressed and trying to get herself off but she’s too wound up and can’t. Bellamy walks in on her and offers to help. She scoffs thinking he’s just being a man whore again but he’s serious and says she needs to loosen up before she burns out and he can help. This will just be about her. She’s so desperate at this point that she agrees and he gets her off but the first time is too fast so he coaxes another out of her and when she asks about him he reminds her that this was suppose to be about her. So she asks what if she wants to fuck him and he laughs wryly and says he’s not going to stop her so she rides him and it’s the best sex either have had. Woohoo. Lol But Clarke is scared to get too attached because of his history with the girls in camp. She doesn’t think he’d have actual feelings for her and want a relationship not to mention they don’t exactly have time for one what with the grounder attacks. Bellamy however is smarter than the average bear and figured she would react like that and doesn’t take offense. He just offers to help her out every now and then, reassuring her he’s not helping anyone else out like this and hasn’t been for a while. He tries to appeal to her pragmatic side and says it just makes sense for them to help each other out. She agrees so they carry on. But then the attack happens and she has to close the door on the drop ship and it almost breaks her. She realises she loves him. Mt. Weather. She finds out she’s pregnant after they ran a bunch of blood tests. Escape with Anya. Return to camp Jaha. Anya is killed, Clarke is shot and knocked out. Bellamy! Hug! She tells him she needs to talk to him and drags him off. She tells him about mt weather and Anya and what happened. He processes. Then she tells him one more thing. When mt weather were doing their blood tests…turns out I'm pregnant. Bellamy is shocked. What about her IUD? She shrugs. It might have malfunctioned or run out early or something. She had them remove it at the mountain but they don't know what went wrong. Then he remembers that she was shot and FLIPS OUT. She holds on to him long enough to calm down and he says that no one is going to hurt his family ever again. Family? She asks. He looks at her like shes stupid. Clarke, of course you’re my family. And now its going to get bigger too. So she kisses him and they have a relationship talk. So they get in touch with Lexa. OH and the Finn thing never happened because it was so obvious she was with Bell and he didn't stand a chance so he wasn't AS obsessed and no killing spree. So Lexa. They get their alliance and Bell offers to go into the mountain which freaks Clarke out. What if something happens to you? What am I gonna do then? We can’t lose you. Lexa tells her shes being weak and Clarke tells her to fuck off, its not weak to want the father of your child to live. Which shocks Lexa. But Clarke also cares about her people and talks it out with Bell and eventually agrees that if he thinks he can do this then she can support him. So the bomb thing happens but Clarke warns Kane and Indra on her way to tell Lexa and they manage to get most people out. Shes not intrigued as much by Lexa so doesn't go to her first. She doesn't want to have to tell her child that she let a bomb drop so does the right thing. They find the shooter. He just told them that something was going on because the grounders had scattered. They don't know why though. Maybe they just think its grounder politics or they hijacked their radios or something. Maybe they question the kids. But it doesn't occur to them that there’s a spy. So things go about the same. Lexa still betrays them, Clarke goes in and tries to talk to Dante. She begs him to let her people go. Tells him she doesn't want innocent blood on her hands but to protect her people she’ll do what she has to. And Dante knows shes pregnant and will. Shes in full mama bear mode. He tells Cage to stand down but Cage doesn't. They wait just long enough that jasper stabs him and kills him and Dante immediately gets on the intercoms and tells everyone to stand down. To leave the grounders and sky people alone (grounders bc of Octavia) so O runs out of the dinning hall with Maya and they make it to the dorms where Jasper is held at gunpoint. O disarms the guards and releases their people and Clarke cries in relief. Hormones you know. So they get their people and head out. After Abby and Kane talk to Dante and reach a reluctant truce. They agree to ask their people back at camp to donate bone marrow in exchange for peace and access to the facility and equipment. They agree to stay in contact with radios and mt weather turns off their jamming devices. So Bell and Clarke make it back but then Clarke passes out due to stress and exhaustion. Bel freaks out and Abby takes her to medical. Bel asks if she and the baby are okay and Abby freaks out since no one had told her yet lol But then they live HEA. No Wanheda, no Alie, no Praimfaya.

#the100 #bellarke #fanfic #prompt #100daysof100

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sometimesrosy · 4 years

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Bellamy and clarke separated but finding some hapiness and peace, after they confess their feelings for each other. Would it be a bittersweat ending? They know they love each other, but they can't stay together. Would it feet the narrative being told? Like a season 4 ending, but they confess their feelings and can comunicate via radio

It might tell the narrative, but I believe it would be a tragic ending, no sweet, just bitter.

To have that epic, soulmate love, but to be separated from it forever?

Yes, it would be epic. Yes, it would fit some of the symbolism and metaphors (like sun and moon, never to meet,) but I don’t think it follows the characters to their personal character journeys.

It would be an ending that reinforced the need to sacrifice the self for the greater good. And it SEEMS like the story, since s5 at least, has been telling us that it’s not just about surviving, not just about saving people, not just about doing it for your people, but ALSO about believing you deserve happiness, you deserve a chance to live, everyone deserves to try for that good life, even when they are bearing the burden of taking care of their people. Actually, that’s been a theme, often unaddressed, since season 1. They were UNABLE to do that in their traumatized lives. So as we’ve seen them heal, we’ve seen them start to take steps towards living the life that is right for them... like Monty and Harper.

From the beginning, “Together” has been really important for not only Bellarke, but also the entire show. But SPECIFICALLY for Bellarke, or reuniting them wouldn’t have been the central plot line in season 5.

IF Bellarke gets to be together before the finale, but doesn’t either live “happily” ever after or DIE together, but rather is separated forever... I think that would be backtracking on the personal development of the characters and the concept that you can’t live your lives for other people. It would be reinforcing the toxic and incorrect concept that they “bear it so their people don’t have to.”

Now both Clarke AND Bellamy tend to be self sacrificial and willing to die to save their people, and that’s part of what makes them heroes, but this has turned out to be TERRIBLE for them. And separating would be them sacrificing THEIR happiness for their people.

Happy for their people, tragedy for them. I suppose that could be the bittersweet. Like Pirates of the Caribbean where Elizabeth and Will are separated and can only meet once a day every year or some such. Or even Titanic, where Jack sacrifices himself so she can survive on that door, and she lives and he dies and they are reunited in death decades later. It’s a trope. It happens.

Could it happen? Yes. Will it happen? I don’t think so.

Ok. Thinking back to past story.

Deleted script when Bellamy asked Clarke to run away with him from s1/day trip

Closing the drop ship door on B and F, then B telling her it was the right thing to do at the campfire.

We’re all safe here in MW. “not all of us.” no B or F

“I can’t lose you too/It’s worth the risk” when B went into the mountain and I maintain is where their relationship broke. As B thought C didn’t care and C became desperate to save him.

“Together” pulling the lever at MW

B’s desperation to save Clarke in wanheda (can’t lose her!)

“Together” again when they drank floukru’s poison. Live or die together. Almost an oath.

Start with Bellamy Blake

“If I’m on that list, you’re on that list.”

Jaha questioning B about who else he needs to save in order to feel worthy, and the way he looked at Clarke.

C giving up half of Arkadia’s spots to save B.

C not being able to sacrifice B for the sake of humanity.

B being traumatized by leaving C to die in praimfaya (trauma which lasts 6 years. Reinforced in s 5 and 6 with how he CAN’T do that again. Can’t leave Raven behind, can’t sacrifice E for O, can’t let O kill C, can’t leave Murphy, Emori and Monty to die, WON’T let Clarke die in Sanctum.)

NOW, Clarke has been willing to let go of her claim on Bellamy because she believes he loves E, and also she would never go against his will and his choices for his life. Bellamy wouldn’t let Clarke sacrifice herself although he did in perverse instantiation, he was “still with her” by fighting to keep her safe (maybe that was the hand hold metaphor there. they were in it together.) They’re BOTH willing to sacrifice themselves for the safety of their people but they are NOT willing to sacrifice the other. They have in the past, (MW and Praimfaya) and it was not worth it.

I think it might seem like one of them will sacrifice themselves to save everyone... and I’m betting Bellamy, who will probably be “the key”... but I think that at the last moment, Clarke will NOT let him go alone, even though they only need one person. If you’re on that list, I’m on that list.

What if that scene at the tree in Day Trip was meant to be distant foreshadowing for them “running away together” at the end of the story, but it turned out to be too romantic for that early in the narrative so they deleted it? Hmm.

Anyway. That’s my ending for Bellarke. They die together, because one won’t let the other sacrifice themselves without them. (and then I think they get a happy ending isolated and separated from their friends, a soft epilogue outside of the story, like Marper.)

But could they become romantic and then get separated? Yes. It fits the larger narrative. And I think it will seem like that’s going to happen before we get an “I jump you jump” moment (another titanic reference. the tropes fit.) Because letting one sacrifice themselves no longer fits the Bellarke narrative. They’ve gotten to the point where they can’t do that anymore. BTDT, and not again.

#the 100 #bellarke #bellarke endgame #together #the list scene #i can't lose you #marperly ever after

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sammansonn · 4 years

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My Thoughts on the 100 7x10

Okay y’all this was a Time and i am Still Reeling

lets start with sanctum because i am Still processing the bardo plot

i’m so sad madi doesn’t have clarke rn and even though i know clarke has other things to do i Wish she could just protect her daughter rn

jr bourne is Such a good actor and i am Terrified of Sheidheda especially with that eye scar

the more scenes i see with murphy being cute with kids the more i’m leaning towards believing the theory that emori is pregnant 👀👀

during the fight with indra and sheidheda i was Really hoping murphy would just show up and shoot a bullet into sheidheda’s head because he Deserves it

honestly so proud of madi for Slicing that dude but also my poor babie girl you need to be Careful you almost Died Again

just generally concerned for sanctum as i usually am

okay now lets Get Into this bardo plot which is Taking me places

first of all after watching that prequel episode about the shepard i’ve decided i hate him (and anders) more than sheidheda

i think it’s similar to the umbridge vs voldemort becuase one Knows theyre evil but the other genuinely believes they’re doing the right thing which makes them Worse

very glad echo wasn’t actually brainwashed like sorry bb i was just worried should’ve known

but also... Echo...what the Fuck are you up to

the hug with octavia and clarke Genuinely made me tear up i love those women so much and their literally sister in laws so im glad they’re good now because they deserve it

i’m Very Upset echo hurt Levitt like that bitch be Crazy rn

watching Octavia leave levitt fucking Hurted even though i know its what she should've done but looking at their faces in that scene like my poor babie boy😭

see at first when thinking about echo killing all of bardo it obviously reminded me of clarke and bellamy killing everyone in mount weather but like echo Literally said, clarke and bell did that to save their people, whereas echo was acting out of pure vengeance which is a Shitty thing to do

listen, i genuinely like echo most of the time, she’s not my favorite character but i definitely don’t hate her but girl needs to get her shit together

you can see in some of my other thoughts for this season i understood some of her actions because i Get her trauma and why she behaves certain ways

and while i Get why she did what she did this episode, that doesn’t justify it

everyone in this show has been traumatized and abused and is generally fucked up, but at some point they’ve all been held accountable for what they’ve done (clarke and octavia especially, i feel like sometimes bellamy is held Less accountable but whatever)

i've said before that echo and bellamy’s relationship is Not Good, and not because i ship bellarke but because its just Not Good and you can see that in this episode as echo has a fundamental misunderstanding of what bellamy would want and who he is

i really think echo should be held accountable next episode because this shit was Not Okay

also speaking of echo that “emotional” talk between her and raven? i didn’t feel a Thing

like i know i’m Supposed to be emotional about it but i just Wasn’t

i don’t see them as “sisters” because we didn’t Fucking see them on the ring together

last season there really should been one episode following spacekru (like there was one whole episode for clarke and one for the bunker) because not Only is it hard to understand becho, but relationships like raven and echo just Don’t make sense

also because i cannot remember the last time i’ve seen them interact on the ground, like even without seeing spacekru i can see the love between emori and raven but i just Cannot see it with echo

honestly i feel like echo’s character Could’ve just been better, like they shouldn’t have put her with bellamy (because there are some bellarkers who Just hate her for that) and she should have had some Actual character development so honestly i blame the writers more so because echo Could’ve been good

okay back to actual plot and less analysis

even though i don’t Love jordan he did come in clutch for this episode and if clarke Isn’t the one taking the test to save humanity?? what has this show even been about, ya know?

also really like niylah just being surrounded by dummies love that girl (wish we knew more about her, she deserves more screen time)

the scene with the shepherd and gabriel was interesting idk it just really emphasized my hatred of the shepherd but i laughed at the fact that they were drinking kombucha

when hope sliced anders neck i Literally stopped breathing, i just gasped and forgot to exhale for a solid minute in Shock

that whole final 5 minutes Broke me

Dioyza Deserved Better and i’m Sad

like hope Really fucked up

i’m worried because I (and a lot of other people) really liked hope at the beginning, and i still like her but she needs to be told to get her shit together because (just like echo) you can’t always be trying to get revenge it Doesn’t Work

she’s just being a dumb bitch honestly and Aunty O needs to slap some sense into her, but maybe losing her mom will help her realize that she's Fucking Up

but also i’m still so upset about diyoza like i think i’m partly in shock because WHAT ya know

so next week is the bellamy episode and i am Excited and also Nervous because jason ya know he be fucking shit up sometimes but also i’m just generally excited to see my boy i miss him so much

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lingeringscars · 3 years

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bellamy’s mindset through the show can basically be broken up into 3 parts: we save who we can save (s1-4, 6), the ends justify the means (5), and sacrificing the few to save the many (7). there are caveats to all of this: in s1-4, bellamy will put the life of octavia over everyone else. in season 5, spacekru is where his loyalties lie and who he is willing to protect above all else, but only after his relationship with both octavia and clarke is severed. in season 7 this just isn’t true anymore. he’s trying to save everyone, not just his people, and he isn’t willing to run into situations that would get himself killed to save them anymore. it was the start of him learning how to balance himself and what he wants/believes in ( for once ) with the interests of the people he loves. for the first time ever, the few include his family. prior to that, he was willing to do anything for them, willing to die and kill, and it was just what could have been a conclusion to his arc because finally finally finding self love and not putting everything he is in others. that’s all i’m gonna say about s7 bc .. yeah.

in early seasons, he also focuses more on protecting his people as a way to justify his choices. i once read a post talking about how bellamy says protect and clarke says save, and I think that does a good job at hinting where his mindset is. bellamy takes preemptive action as a way to try and protect his people. he can’t see 89 steps ahead of him, he only sees what is directly in front of him. this inability to look ahead and focus on saving who is in front of him has indirectly caused the deaths of multiple people -- and because it’s bellamy he of course blames himself for them too but it’s not something he thinks of until confronted with it.

season 1

i don’t really have a lot of examples for s1 because it’s really .. a lot of protecting octavia & himself

hanging murphy is one though. when they discover murphy’s knife, i do believe bellamy put the pieces together before everyone else. i’ve talked a bit before about that and how based off what’s been shown, i think he was going to talk to murphy when they were alone instead of outright. this is also one of my examples when i think about how bellamy & abby have a similar leadership style. he’s more willing to keep that a secret because he understands how people will response - and he ends up being right. instead of blaming himself for this though, he transfers the blame onto clarke because he didn’t want people to know for this exact reason. he at that point had also put trust and faith in murphy and would have wanted to protect him from that, but by the time he hangs him, he has to choose between murphy and the rest of the delinquents. the delinquents are more important to keeping octavia safe if they’re on his side, and he has to go through with it. flash forward, and his relationship with murphy becomes increasingly contentious because murphy then leads the manhunt against charlotte. charlotte, to him, is just an innocent kid and he can’t handle murphy being willing to go after a child ( basically insert misplaced big brother feelings ). he feels the intense need to protect charlotte, even when it comes out that she’s guilty, and that goes first.

destroying the radio. this was a big protect himself ( and therefore protect o because he still believes he’s the only one that can ) moment. if raven could contact the ark and let them know that they’re all alive, then he’s as good as dead. he doesn’t know about the culling of the ark, at least not that it’s happening now. even still, clarke saying that it’s his people ( factory station ) that will die... isn’t on his mind. he knows that’s true, knows that it’ll be his people and not the elite. the beginning of s1 is rooted in his focus on the power dynamics on the ark in this way and it’s how he connects with the delinquents. by destroying the radio, he effectively signs the death warrants of 300 people. while he does try to stop this by showing them where he threw the radio and working on setting flares off, it’s another way that bellamy indirectly kills people because of his desire to protect (himself and) octavia.

focus on the number dead vs alive. this is just a big bellamy thing especially earlier on. bellamy focuses on the number dead when they’re leaving camp, and clarke has to correct him to the number that are still alive. the delinquents at this point are his people, and he has felt every death ( she only came because of me ). his focus is on the people he couldn’t save, and that continues going into season 2

season 2

mel. when faced with mel, bellamy says that they don’t know how if their people are still alive, but they can save this one girl. this really begins his we save who we can save today mindset, and he focuses on the fact that they can help her when the odds are insurmountable.

infiltrating mount weather + protecting echo. the 100 are his people; it doesn’t matter what the risks are because he’s doing what he can to bring them back and get them out. while in mount weather, other people become his people, such as maya. it’s also another moment where bellamy has to kill someone in order to escape the cages ( a direct threat to himself and others there ). bellamy has no reason to trust or protect echo at this point because he’s just come out of the war with the grounders and still prejudiced against them, and yet when they come at her, he makes noise so they take him ( the strong ) instead. he does what he has to to ensure that she’s protected for the time being, and then she helps him in return. killing the mount weather guard didn’t completely hit him until he saw the son of the person he killed, having to confront that there are children in mount weather and that the person he killed had people that needed him.

pulling the lever. bellamy focuses on the people that have helped him and the children in mount weather as people that need to be saved too. they helped him so there has to be another way. it’s hearing raven being tortured and seeing that octavia will be too that makes him change his mind and help clarke because he sees that they don’t have time. as much as the other’s have helped him, they aren’t his people. octavia is his responsibility and he needs to make sure he protects her first.

season 3

the massacre. i’m only going to focus on this here because it’s really the main thing but also brings him back into the we save who we can save. he asked gina to stay back to protect her, thinking she’d be safer there. he spent early s3 focused on finding and bringing clarke back as well. bellamy is also still recovering from having to kill people in mount weather because of lexa’s betrayal, and because of his prejudices, he lumps all grounders into one and is unable to see that azgeda blew up mount weather, not trikru. when lexa sends trikru warriors to protect them, he doesn’t believe the intentions because the last time they were there to help them, they made a deal with the enemy and turned their backs. they’re always going to put their people first. so is bellamy. the entire time he backs pike, it’s focusing on protecting their people. he doesn’t go into the massacre thinking that he wants to kill people, tries to get pike to spare the women and children and does convince him to spare indra ( i honestly don’t remember what the reasoning was but i think it has to do with her importance to octavia and at this point lincoln too ). he thinks that he’s protecting his people before they can get killed. this is a shift from the past two seasons too, which obviously influence this because he didn’t strike first in season 1 or against the mountain men in s2 and it led to the deaths of some of the delinquents and torture of raven. act first and he doesn’t have to live in fear of them attacking first, and thus convincing himself that he’s protecting everyone.

season 4

blowing up the hydrogenator. this is one of the best examples of bellamy being unable to think ahead. outside of his intense faith in raven, he thinks they have six months to figure something else out. he sees the suffering in those people now. he can’t do anything about praimfaya, but he can save the people here. they’re being forced to work, they’re going to be moved, and a little girl tells him all of this. he sees the suffering and has to act ( how many people do you have to save before you forgive yourself ). these people had one day, but by saving them, the skaikru survival number has gone from 500 to 100. raven and clarke are able to see that he just sentenced all of these people to death, but bellamy sees that he gave them another day to live.

opening the bunker. octavia above everyone else. clarke is telling him what the consequences of opening the bunker would be, but he can’t focus on that because octavia is on the other side of the bunker. it’s not just octavia though because kane is out there too. by opening the bunker, bellamy is again sentencing 400 people to death, and he again doesn’t view it this way. he sees that octavia and kane will die if he doesn’t. by doing this he also inadvertently saved 600 more people, which matters after the time jump.

protecting echo. this !! is the moment that sparked this entire thing. it’s so subtle but when emori’s suit breaks, bellamy steps in front of echo and stops murphy from taking it. it’s another one of those moments where by doing this, he effectively sentenced emori to death. it’s not that he was trying to do this, and while i also use this moment as a way to show that b/echo always had a foundation even if bellamy pretended like they didn’t, it’s also just that he knows echo. anyway, if murphy takes echo’s suit, echo will die. bellamy steps in front with that mindset, not that by not letting murphy do this, emori dies.

season 5

threatening the lives of 300 inmates. not much has changed huh. bellamy threatening 300 people for the life of 1 ( who it’s important to note he originally thought was octavia ). octavia still comes first even after six years in space. upon finding out that clarke is alive, he doesn’t change his strategy because ... well.. she’s alive. he then uses this as leverage to save the rest of his people -- which at this stage, now includes wonkru just not in that train of thought. when it comes to saving the people in the bunker, he wants them all saved. even if o is still the priority at this point.

killing kara. ends justify the means. taking lives to save them. the difference is that now bellamy actually views it this way. it isn’t just about protecting his people, he’s acknowledging that he is killing them. he is sacrificing the few to save the many. the only reason why he isn’t completely in this mindset is because he’s trying to save octavia from herself. it’s the beginning stages of sacrificing his own people though, which was never an option prior to season 5. he was willing to do anything for those he had promised to protect, and kara was originally skaikru. now, she was completely wonkru but bellamy didn’t want to believe that wonkru was completely the enemy and that his sister was still in there somewhere ( this didn’t change until after she burned the farm because he would never be able to forgive her willingness to sacrifice her own people when there was another option. when peace was an option. he is entirely unable to see octavia’s perspective and why she needs to be out of the bunker. he’s had peace the past six years, even if not peace of mind, unlike octavia and so he only sees that there is another way ).

poisoning o + putting the chip in madi. prior to s5, he never would have poisoned o. he always thought that she would wake up and that they would have peace and she would understand. honestly prior to s5, putting the chip in madi probably also wouldn’t have been an option because of her age. this time he actually can see ahead more than he could before space, but he still doesn’t anticipate what does happen. he’s willing to betray clarke because honestly he thinks she’s overreacting. he still doesn’t think octavia will harm madi and he believes this is the only way to save them all. he’s terrified when it looks like madi might not wake up / take to the flame. ( and honestly part of why he can forgive clarke quickly is bc of this - he put her daughter in danger and he once upon a time would have done anything for o. ). putting madi at risk was a necessary risk to him though because it meant that all of their people might survive. he knows that the rest of his family is in danger if this doesn’t work, so it’s also putting spacekru above everyone else, and in the end he does decide them over o and clarke.

season 6

casting octavia out. while in s5 he had decided that his people specifically were spacekru, casting octavia out was because she was a threat to all of them. she had walked them into a war that destroyed earth, and after monty and harper died, he takes doing better to heart. he hasn’t forgiven himself for his actions on earth, many of which were to protect octavia, and his first action on sanctum is deciding that octavia is a threat that needs to be contained. she isn’t someone he knows anymore, and she is a threat to his family and everyone else. it’s not an easy decision, but he is deciding that she needs to go to keep everyone else safe from her. if octavia had died, it would have been another indirect death as a result of his actions, which i think he knows. i also think he blames octavia for monty & harper because if she hadn’t forced them into war, earth never would have been destroyed and they wouldn’t have spent their entire lives trying to find a new home for them. he isn’t going to let octavia threaten what monty and harper left for them.

clarke. i don’t remember a lot of s6 but he does backslide into putting one above all. he does try for peace prior to finding out clarke is alive, but clarke brings up all of these feelings in him about protection in general. he’s already cast out octavia, lost harper and monty, and he’s grieved clarke before. he can’t go through that again, so they come up with a plan. when it goes south, he still looks to echo for confirmation that she can handle it. when she gives him permission, he leaves. he no longer thinks about the people he left behind because all he can see is that clarke will die. if he doesn’t take action, she WILL die. he believes in echo and thinks that she can handle herself and so the people he left behind.. they’re safe in his head but clarke isn’t. he also partially blames himself for this because he should have known clarke would be a target and didn’t do anything. clarke is the person that needs to be saved and the one he knows that they can. when he finds out that that aren’t safe, he works to make sure that they will be.

#long post #long post for ts #do i ever shut up? no.#i've thought about this for Months and just had to get it down #there are so many more examples these are just the ones that stood out #ask to tag #muse: bellamy blake #meta: bellamy blake #in case anyone forgot i am a bellamy blog first and have spent tooooo long analyzing his headspace #i've seen the first 4 eps of this show 4 times and then ep 5- 5x09 twice and then 5x10-7x13 once #a lot can happen in one queue

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kilibaggins · 4 years

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John Murphy Comes out- Part 1 ~ Clarke.

This is part 1 in a series of, idk how many, where Murphy Comes out to people. This fic is.... Clarke!

Warning: Blood, Torture Mentions, Sickness Mention, mean Bellamy, and mentions of homophobia.

Oh, also, Mbege is mentioned, but he is dead in this fic.

••

John Murphy is Bisexual. He figured this out when he and his best friend, John Mbege, experimented with each other to see if it was "their thing".

Well, turns out it was. It was VERY much their thing. And now that he looks back on his life, Murphy supposes his love for Mbege was a little more than it should have been if they were "Just Friends". After their expierements with each other, it turned into something a lot more, going into a full blown relationship that lasted until Murphy's banishment or, more accurately, Mbege's death.

It hurt. The last time he had seen Mbege he was leaving him behind in the woods, and honestly if he had tried to stay with him, he would have forced him to go back to camp. He had held out from telling the grounders about the camp for him. When he gets back to camp and gets told, his heart breaks.

He talked to Clarke first.

Now, don't get the wrong idea, it wasn't because he liked her, or because he wanted to specifically tell her.

It was more because he just needed to cry, and she was there... And she wouldn't judge him.

"Mbege... John, where's john?" Murphy mumbles, his hands shaking and his face bloody and bruised. Everyone goes silent for a few minutes and he looks up into Clarke's eyes, and the watery look in them is enough of an answer. But Bellamy seems to want to answer anyways.

"Dead. Good riddance." Bellamy growls out and Murphy looks at him, more like glares at him, and clenches his painfully bloody fists.

"H-he did everything for you, you fucker!" Murphy growls out and Bellamy steps forward in anger, gun in his hand. Clarke stands in front of Murphy with her hand out.

"Stop. Bellamy, go." Clarke says, pointing to the door. Bellamy scoffs and leaves, gesturing for a bunch of the others to follow him. Once almost everyone is out of the room, Clarke turns to Murphy and frowns. Murphy's glaring at the ground, his body wrapped up tight. Clarke kneels down next to him and softly takes his hand, cleaning it. He turns his head to the side quickly, coughing hard. Clarke sighs softly.

"Y-you should go. You'll get sick." Murphy says, his voice hoarse. Clarke doesn't even want to know why it's so hoarse...

"If I'm going to get sick, it's already too late. I've been with you too long." Clarke says softly, and Murphy nods. Clarke goes back to work on his hand. In a few minutes she looks up to find Murphy crying.

"Murphy, Wh-"

"Don't. Please, don't." Murphy grounds out, his voice becoming sad and teary. Clarke looks at him in a way she hopes shows forgiveness.

"Murphy, I won't make fun of you." Clarke says softly, grabbing his other hand and cleaning it as softly as possible as to not hurt him. She hears his breath pick up and she peaks up to see tears falling down his face.

"He's gone." Murphy says, his voice cracking and Clarke listens. She listens harder than she has in years, and cleans his hand up as he cries.

"H-hes dead. The guy I loved is fucking dead, and-" he cuts himself off and sobs out he raises his clean hand to his face and covers his mouth, and rips his hand away from her, and backs himself up. "I- forget I said that, please, I don't want- i-" he starts freaking out as he moves farther away. Clarke holds up he hands and rushes to council him.

"Murphy! Murphy, it's okay! It'e okay, you're safe with me." Clarke says softly, and Murphy looks at her and stays ways before slowly relaxing and moving closer. She softly places her hand on his, and he sighs softly.

"It's just... Not everyone's been accepting." Murphy says, and he looks down at his shoes. Clarke sees tears start to fall again, and it breaks her heart.

"Well, want to know a little secret? I'm Bisexual." Clarke says, her hands slowly working their way over his arm, cleaning the cuts there. Murphy smile softly.

"Yeah? Same." Murphy says, and he feels a weight lift of his shoulders. He sighs in relief and lays his head back against the wall. Clarke smiles.

"Feels good to talk about it, huh? I remember the first time I told anyone. It was terrifying, but I got through it and in the end he was supportive." Clarke says softly, and she moves up to his face, softly wiping at the blood and tears there.

"The first person I told started calling me slurs." Murphy says, his tone sad. Clarke frowns and nods. "But you're right. It feels good. It's great to o be open about myself to someone."

"Yeah... Murphy, I'm sorry for your loss." Clarke says, her voice completely genuine. Murphy look Sher in the eyes and nods. She smiles and keeps bandaging him up.

Murphy didn't mean to tell Clarke first, but he supposes she was as good as anyone to tell. Maybe even Better. But he'd never admit that to her. Ever.

#the 100 #john murphy #the 100 fanfic #john murphy fanfic #john murphy is Bisexual #mbege x murphy #murphy x mbege #clarke griffin

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travllingbunny · 4 years

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The 100: 7x02 The Garden

I love this episode. Mostly for the beautiful and emotionally complex Octavia-centric flashback story, for all the exciting revelations about the nature of the Anomaly and time dilation and the overall story of this season (all the exposition was done in a surprisingly natural way and never bothered me), and the way the two timelines were interwoven. It says a lot that I wasn’t even bothered by the lack of Clarke or Bellamy - or the fact that this episode featured only 6 characters (plus some extras in suits), one of which was a deranged minor character we’ve never seen before. Episodes focused on a small number of characters and plots often feel more coherent.

Comparisons between The Garden and Eden are obvious, the two even have basically the same title, and many similarities and contrasts, so I rewatched Eden yesterday, and I’ll be writing a post about that episode soon, too. I rewatched the entire show just before season 7 started, but season 5 is the only one I’ve never written reviews of, so this seems like the right occasion. it will also be interesting to rewatch Red Queen after this.

One of the things that I noticed rewatching season 5 is how well the cinematography has been used in seasons 5, 6 and 7 and how it differentiates different worlds. The ruined Earth in season 5 was mostly in sepia, yellow and grey tones, looking like a gloomy desert - except for Eden, which had normal colors. Sanctum has bright colors - it’s beautiful, but a little too colorful, almost psychedelic, dangerous. Skyring in this episode mostly seen in soft light and blueish-green colors - a peaceful paradise.

Or is that a prison? A solitary/house arrest? I love this duality - it can be both. The most beautiful place can be a prison that drives you insane, if you’re all alone.

One garden, two serpents

Isolation is a theme we’ve seen on The 100 with many characters: Clarke was in a solitary for a year, distracting herself with drawings, then alone roaming around for 3 months, then forced to spend 6 years on a deserted planet, but she was only completely alone for the first 2 months, when she was fighting with nature and lack of food and water as much as with loneliness, and she was talking to Bellamy every day - who couldn’t even hear her - and hoping to see him again. Murphy was alone for 3 months in a fully stacked bunker on Becca’s island, but comfort is no help when you’re all alone, only have one and the same videos to watch and music to listen to, and you don’t know if you’re getting out. Octavia was the Girl Under the Floor for 16 years, and she had her mother and brother, but no one else; then she was locked up for a year; and after all the fighting, including the 6 years in the bunker with 1200 people she ruled over (which was maybe the time when she was more lonely than ever!), she ended up spending 10 years of her life on a planet with a family of two people - again - and no one else, and - just as when she was a child - with little hope that she will ever have a chance to meet anyone else. And here we see the effects of a prolonged isolation from everyone else, with poor Orlando (that’s what he’s called in the end credits), the prisoner who dug out dead bodies and used a creepy doll just to have an illusion of friends.

Unlike Clarke in 5x01, Octavia did not have to struggle with loneliness or fight to survive, but the paradise in which she had accidentally ended up in was also a prison of sorts, since she could not get out of it and was likely to spend all her life there, without ever seeing her brother or any other people, except for Diyoza and Hope. Like Clarke, Octavia found a family, and a child to take care of, but unlike Clarke, Octavia did not become a little girl’s adoptive or substitute mother.

The title evokes Diyoza’s line from 5x13: “One garden, two serpents. Eden never stood a chance.” Instead, they got to have their paradise here, until Octavia’s attempt to send her brother a message brought the Disciples from Bardo there to capture them. I’m not sure if that was a bad or a good thing - since that was probably their only way out of Skyring.

(There’s also a literal garden in the episode, and this was the first time we saw Octavia farm the land since 4x09, when she learned how to do it on Ilian’s farm. That was the last time Octavia tried to escape her darkness by having an idyllic farm life and a relationship, at least for a few days before the end of the world comes, but her past came back in the form of those people who recognized and attacked her - and she realized she wasn’t cut out for peace and rode into Polis looking for a war. She wasn’t ready at the time to give up violence. In season 5, she insisted that “Farmers won’t save the world, warriors will” - which Monty proved wrong. And now, Octavia has become a farmer.)

But Octavia’s paradise was forced on her, and it was clear that she and Diyoza didn’t really feel the same about living the rest of their lives on Skyring. The difference is, Diyoza doesn’t have anyone else in the world she cares about - everyone she once cared about has been dead for centuries. and she has given up on trying to change the world. She obviously wanted to do it once, when she was fighting “the fascist government who tried to take my home” and blowing up buildings, but she’s now tired of the violence, after being a terrorist/rebel, then a prisoner of a big corporation, again a rebel fighting against that corporation to save prisoners from being left to die just because they were deemed expendable, then she led another war - which ended with her baby-daddy destroying the Earth, and now she’s tired of the violence and wants to have a different life in peace with her daughter, who she didn’t even want to teach fighting of any kind. She’s also content to live without ever reuniting with the rest of the human race. Maybe partly because she was quite hurt to learn that she was supposedly in history books as one of the worst people ever. (Which she really shouldn’t have taken seriously - since it was Russell who said it, so these “history books” can only be Sanctum history books, written by Russell or his family members or other Primes. They left Earth around the time when Diyoza was just arrested, so it’s unlikely they even knew what history books said about her in the next few years - and even if those history books said so, they would be history books written under the same government Diyoza was fighting against.)

Octavia, on the other hand, still has other people she cares about in the world, most of all her brother. Not only did she leave a time when she knew Bellamy and others are likely to be in danger from the Primes - and she had no way of knowing they had learned the truth about the Primes by themselves - but they parted on bad terms and with unresolved issues and with no catharsis, and Bellamy would probably be left thinking she really died when he left her on Alpha - instead of learning that she did resolve her issues and find peace. She didn’t know that her attempts to get back the way she came, through the lake, would never work - if she had succeeded, she would have probably ended up on Bardo instead. Ironically, only when she made peace with the fact she couldn’t go back and sent a letter in a bottle, it ended up alerting the Disciples - but it all eventually resulted in Octavia ending up back on Sanctum in the same place she left (whether she escaped and came back from Bardo or through some other planet?), and got the chance to tell Bellamy in person that she understands him now.

There’s some ambiguity about Octavia’s relationships with Diyoza and Hope - at times it seems that Octavia is Hope’s co-parent: she lives with them and is closely involved in raising Hope, after all - not exactly like an aunt who just occasionally visits and plays with the kid. All three of them are shown as a close family unit. However, Octavia does not see herself as Hope’s mother - nor does Hope see her that way. She is “Aunty O”. Hope has a mother, and not an absent or inattentive one, but someone like Diyoza, fully focused on raising her daughter. Octavia and Diyoza may be seen as sisters - with “Aunty O” and Octavia telling Bellamy in the letter that she loves her like she loves him even though she’s a ‘pain in the ass’. Or they could look like “an old married couple”, as Diyoza called them back in season 6 when they were finishing each other sentences.

(But if we’re supposed to think that Octavia’s and Diyoza’s close relationship never got sexual in any way, in spite of the fact they lived together for 10 years without any other adults around and with almost no hope they would ever see another adult, then I guess one or both of them is really extremely heterosexual, real 0 on Kinsey’s scale. If we’re supposed to think that. Technically, we don’t know for sure.)

Anyway, this ambiguity of whether Octavia was a co-parent to Hope or not has caused some debate on Twitter about what degree of responsibility Octavia exactly had towards Hope and whether she was allowed to leave her. But even if Octavia is seen as a co-parent, I don’t subscribe to the idea that every adult, especially a woman, who comes into the situation of taking care of a child must immediately forget about all other relationships, concerns and desire and subjugate their entire life to taking care of that child. Especially when it also means that the child will be isolated from the world at large. I didn’t think it was healthy when Bellamy’s whole life revolved around protecting Octavia, either, or when Clarke, after escaping Polis in season 5, thought for a moment that her and Madi living all alone, as they did during those 6 years, would be an OK future for either of them.

Octavia may not have thought the whole time dilation through (yes, it’s quite likely Hope would be old or die before she returned from Sanctum with the other people, since she’d need time to find Bellamy and others, explain things to them and back them go back, but she still had hope (no pun intended) that both she and Hope could have more of life than and was still fighting to make contact with her people on the other side. Diyoza may have been right about the time dilation, but how did she imagine Hope’s life was going to be in the future? Yes, if Octavia left, Hope would end up alone after Diyoza died. But if Octavia stayed, Hope would still be left all alone after Diyoza and Octavia died, and never got a chance to meet anyone else, have any other kind of life, be a part of the human race.

One may argue Diyoza was being selfish, trying to keep Octavia there, and she certainly did take away Octavia’s choice and forced her to stay. Though, in her defense, she thought she was saving her life - but it was still was one of those “I’m making choices for you because I know what’s best for you”. And it wasn’t her whole motivation - it was mostly about wanting to keep Octavia there as a part of their family unit. Octavia called her out on the fact that it wasn’t all about Hope, it was about their relationship, too. Which certainly seemed emotionally intense, with Diyoza being hurt and sort of jealous at the thought that Octavia would leave her and Hope and that she may love her less than she loves her brother.

The episode played a lot with the parallels between Octavia and Bellamy, with O using what she had learned from Bellamy to take care of young Hope the same way. And the parallel between Octavia and Hope as “Girls Under the Floor” were even more obvious, even before Hope literally had to go under the floor to hide from the Disciples. That would put Diyoza in Aurora’s role and Octavia in Bellamy’s. It’s not a perfect parallel, as Bellamy didn’t have any other strong attachments to anyone or any other family while Aurora was alive. But, while Aurora seemed to have no other vision for the future except focusing fully on hiding Octavia, Bellamy tried to give his sister an opportunity to meet other people and live a life - by taking her to the dance - and Octavia was similarly the one who wished to bring other people to Skyring and was giving Hope the hope (!) she would meet them.

The Three Stooges and the Anomaly

(Thanks @jeanie205 for that moniker LOL) The one thing that brings down this episode (I’m taking away half the point from it) is the very unlikely degree of plot-induced incompetence that the trio of Hope, Echo and Gabriel displayed throughout this episode - so they could get stuck on Skyring, maybe for 5 years:

Hope knew the bridge was under the lake - she should have known the note could get washed up!

How come Hope didn’t know there was more than one door to the cabin? Or if Orlando built the other door, or someone else who was there while she was away, how come none of the trio noticed that other door?

Even the windows looked big enough for someone to come in. Why didn’t at least one of them stand guard in the cabin? Or at least somewhere close where they could see what’s happening in the cabin? Why were they both sitting somewhere outside? They weren’t even close to the door. Did they think Orlando could only come into the cabin from one direction?

Why didn’t Gabriel take the memory viewer with him when he ran out? Come on, dude, that’s one of the most important things you have there, and you know there is a deranged guy outside, and you just leave it there?

Still, I enjoyed this part of the story, too, especially with all the new info we got - which got me speculating the whole week - see my theories here.

Gabriel is so adorable as an old man scientist in a young body and even the fact he is more interested in the Anomaly than in any living human is kind of endearing. We also got a glimpse of the nerdy young doctor who was once crushing on Becca before going to the mission and meeting Josephine.

Echo is finally starting to justify her main character billing this season, getting an actual storyline rather than tagging along around Bellamy, and she is already a much more enjoyable character. She hasn’t actually changed much yet - but she’s now put in the position as an audience surrogate, wondering what the heck is going and asking question like “Where is Bellamy?” while Hope and Gabriel spout exposition (they do it so well though that you don’t even mind it). It helps a lot that she’s not around any of the Spacekru, so we don’t have to deal with the forced “we’re all close family due to the 6 years off-screen, which we spent in utter boredom and without any actual dangers we’d have to deal with” dynamic. Instead, now a character she’s interacting with (Hope) and Echo’s own hallucinations are constantly calling her out on her past actions, which helps fix the issue that season 5 created - the impression that Echo is the one character who doesn’t have to deal with the consequences of her past actions, with her past being simply waved away with “they spent 6 years with her and she’s now one of the good guys” (Although, while I like Hope calling Echo out, Hope got it wrong - Echo didn’t kick Octavia over the cliff after stabbing her, Octavia tripped and fell. But that’s not the first time in the show the writers Octavia has misremembered an event.)

This will be the second time Echo is stuck somewhere in a peaceful place with just a few people for 6 5 years. How much of this will be off-screen? It certainly helps that we’ve already seen her interact with Hope and Gabriel in two episodes, and the dynamic between Hope and Echo is developing, with Echo starting to comfort Hope when Hope showed vulnerability behind her fast-talking snarky exterior.

Echo still doesn’t seem ready to “face her demons”, since her reaction to her own hallucination telling her she’s still just a killer and asking her who she is if she doesn’t have someone (Bellamy) to follow, was to ignore it and try to kill people and now swear she’ll kill everyone she needs to in order to get to Bellamy. But I assume this is just the beginning of her long overdue character development.

Was there significance to Echo plucking the flower and then looking at the sky? Was it simply her starting to appreciate the beauty of the planet? t It reminds me of how Clarke was touching the flowers in Eden in 5x01.

Other observations:

Technically, I guess this episode was really Hope-centric, since she was the only character in both timelines.

I’m not sure what exactly the scientific explanation is for Octavia’s arm healing the moment she got to Skyring. How does the whole temporal flare thing work?

"What is it about Bellamy that makes otherwise sensible women willing to die for him?” - I see what they did there. I bet this is a hint about what the focus of a lot of this season is. Hope meant Echo and Octavia, but we know that Clarke’s storyline will also soon become about looking for Bellamy “her missing people”, “her family”, “people she loves”. On the other hand, I’m not sure how much it makes sense for Hope to ask that - she must have heard Octavia’s stories about Bellamy, so she’d know what it is about him that’s so special - his devotion to those he loves and how ready he is to do anything for them. But maybe Hope felt some of that same jealousy Diyoza did, or her mom’s jealousy rubbed off on her, because Octavia kept trying to get back to her brother.

It’s interesting that Octavia named “Bellamy, Clarke and Madi” as the main people she wanted to bring here. She didn’t mention Raven or Miller (as she would if she was talking about the Delinquents as a family going back to season 1, or even her mentor Indra, or friend Niylah. Just Bellamy and Clarke and Madi - as a part of her family she wants to bring. There’s no reason why she’d see Madi as her family but not Indra, so this definitely seems like Clarke and Madi are seen as Bellamy’s family and a package deal in Octavia’s eyes. (And that’s before she even witnessed what happened in 6x10.) Not that surprising considering Octavia’s “another traitor who you love” comment from 5x08 and her dislike of Echo. Ironically, almost killed all three of them as Blodreina, which is maybe also a sign of how much she’s disconnecting from that role - even though she hasn’t gone through her 6x09 Face Your Demons hallucination yet.

It turns out Octavia was older than Bellamy in 6x09-6x13. The green box was probably her peaceful life on Skyring that she did not remember. But the red box was the unfinished business with her past. It seems that she was changed psychologically by her time on Skyring even without remembering it.

Hope is now the third child raised on stories about the Delinquents. Little Hope liked Murphy, just like Jordan did during his “rebellious phase”. Madi, however, was an Octavia fan.

I guess Orlando saw Hope’s name written on the door, since it doesn’t seem they ever met before. But where did the creepy doll come from?

If prisoners all end up insane as he did - and they probably do, after such long periods of complete isolation - that’s a really messed up way of making people into “true believers”, by breaking them completely. A solitary confinement that’s years long? Cruel.

The Bardo symbol (Phoenix) was seen in the bucket and bottle Octavia was using, which proves that the Bardo people had already been on the planet before Octavia and Diyoza ended up on it.

If Orlando had no one else to dig out, I guess they always make sure to bring the prisoners back after they’ve served their sentence. But they probably killed Dev. I hope we get the story about Dev and Hope in flashbacks. Seeing what his facial expression was at the time of death, that guy certainly didn’t die a natural death.

The Becca cameo was cool, and this was a whole new face of Becca, kind of cheeky and funny. But her comment that time dilation is “sexy as hell”... um, OK, Yeah, how lucky you get to “get to the future faster” and possibly die before getting a chance to ever reunite with anyone else you know? To be fair, she did not expect all the others in the mission to die and leave poor Colin on his own.

Gabriel “had to be sure she (Josephine) was really gone”. But maybe a part of him deep inside hoped she wasn’t..

So the Anomaly was already there when Colin Benson crashed on the planet. Hmm... that seems to go against my theory that the Anomaly Stones were made by humans at some point during the previous 230 years, but I’m still not giving up on it. Eligius 3 must have travelled longer to Skyring, if it is so far away from Earth and Sanctum, I don’t think that “Beta” meant that Skyring was the second stop of Eligius 3 - maybe the planets were graded by how good conditions they had for human life. Which would put Sanctum and Skyring at the top, but Sanctum was closer. And with all sorts of time shenanigans going around, maybe there’s some way that the Anomaly Stones could have been placed there by humans. I just can’t believe that it was really some alien race millions of years ago, especially with the Anomaly symbols looking like Greek letters, many of those used in physics or math, the gender symbols, and the infinity symbol is there, too.

This was one of the rare episodes of The 100 where no one died. Though we did learn about some people’s past deaths.

Rating: 9/10

#the 100 #the 100 7x02 #the garden #the 100 season 7 #octavia blake #charmaine diyoza #hope diyoza #gabriel santiago #octavia x diyoza #echo kom azgeda #bellamy blake #madi griffin

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topazy · 3 years

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Silent bloom

Pairings: Finn Collins/reader

Warning: mentions vomiting blood.

Chapter: 1.10

"The Exodus ship?"

"Wait. Something is wrong."

"Clarke shouldn't be out here."

You nodded in agreement with Finn. Looking at the hazardous destruction in front of you, it wasn’t surprising to find there were no survivors. You know that, but a couple of kids back in camp had false hope that someone would have survived.

Raven turned to face you and Finn. "Her mom was on the ship. She's looking for answers. You want to help her. Find me the black box, hard drives, anything that will explain why this ship crashed."

Raven walked off to look among the rumble, while you looked around, concerned that you were being watched. "What’s wrong?"

What wasn’t wrong? Clarke was falling apart, Raven hated you, and Finn refused to talk to you. Now Bellamy was staring at you with a worried look on his face. "I don’t think we are the only ones out here. Think how loud that explosion was. No way were we the only ones who heard it."

Bellamy gulped down, and looked at the group behind him. "Stay sharp. Grounder retaliation for what happened on the bridge is coming, just a matter of when."

"Can you blame them?" Finn scoffed.

As Finn and Bellamy started bickering, you wondered off, not having the energy to listen to them. You walked past Clarke and gave her a sympathetic smile before spotting something interesting. It was a pink, smelly liquid. You stepped closer to it when the shouting stopped you.

"Daisy, stop!"

Raven rushed over to you, "is it rocket fuel?"

"Hydrazine," she replied. "Highly unstable in its non-solid form. If this stuff meets fire, we're all pink mist." Raven picked up a large stone and threw it into the liquid, causing it to make a small explosion. "We need to clear this area!"

"Okay, then." Bellamy stepped forward. "We move in formation, no straggling, weapons hot. We gotta get back before dark."

—

The walk back to camp was mostly in silence. The only occasional chatter was between Raven and Clarke. A sigh of relief passed your lips when you saw Monty running to meet you at the gates.

"What’s wrong?" You asked, noticing the expression on his face.

"Murphy, he’s back. He’s inside the drop-ship."

Bellamy, Clarke, and Finn rushed towards the drop-ship, while you and Raven stayed behind. The brunette was carrying samples from the crash site, while you just needed a moment. You pulled Monty into a hug, and squeezed him tightly. Pulling back, you smiled. The past couple of days have made you grateful for the people you care about still being alive.

As you walked towards the drop-ship, you could hear Bellamy’s voice getting louder. "Help us? We hung him. We banished him, and now we're gonna kill him. Get the hell out of my way."

Bellamy stared at you when he noticed you walking towards them. You expected him to say something, anything to explain why he wanted to kill Murphy. You shook your head in disappointment, "you can’t be serious? We don’t kill our own."

Clarke stepped beside you, "Finn and Daisy are right."

"Like hell they are," Bellamy snapped back. "Clarke, think about Charlotte."

"I am thinking about her, but what happened to Charlotte was as much our fault as his. He's not lying. His fingernails were torn off. They tortured him."

As Clarke spoke, you kneeled down to see for yourself. Unlike the others in the room, you felt sorry for Murphy. He didn’t deserve to be tortured. His fingernails had been pulled off. How cruel. To your surprise, Murphy spoke to you in a low voice, "I-I never tried to hurt you."

"I know," you sighed. "I was Charlotte."

Being so focused on Murphy, you nearly missed the conversation happening behind you. "You and the Grounders should compare notes."

Rolling your eyes, you stood up again. "Not now Finn, we don’t have time for this. The grounders are coming and arguing among ourselves is exactly what they want." You ignored the glare Finn shot at you. "I’m going for a walk. You guys are giving me a headache. Murphy better be alive when I get back."

—

"You know what? This is my tent, okay? Bellamy gave it to me, and if you have a problem with that, maybe you should find somewhere else to sleep."

The venom in Jasper's voice took you by surprise. You had never heard him argue with anyone before, let alone his best friend.

"Maybe I should."

You cleared your throat to alert them to your presence, before opening the flaps of the tent. "Hi guys, either of you care to join me for a walk."

Monty was still staring at Jasper, "I will."

"Good."

—

You and Monty walked around camp four times before he told you what the argument with Jasper was about, and truthfully, you were pissed. Jasper was changing and not for the better. You had a theory that his referring to Harper as' ‘low hanging fruit’ offended Monty.

"Is Finn talking to you yet?"

You shake your head, "nope. I did it to protect him and Clarke, but he didn’t want to hear it."

"Well... maybe it’s for the best Daze. I mean, he slept with you while still dating Raven." You stopped walking and faced him. Monty was one of your closest friends and would never tell you anything out of badness. "I just mean you deserve better Daisy. He’s still with Raven, and flirts with Clarke. The distance might do you some good."

You smiled, "you're so sweet, you know that? I hope the girls here get over Jasper acting like a jackass and realise who the real hero is."

Monty opened his but froze and pointed at your head. "Daisy your ear, it’s bleeding!"

You cupped your ear and felt the warm liquid against your palm. Oh shit.

"Do you still have a headache?" You nodded. "We need to find Clarke."

You started to walk towards the drop-ship and noticed how busy it looked. The sudden feeling of nausea washed over you, as your chest became heavy. Your coughing became worse before you started to throw up blood. Everything started to go hazy, as the only thing you could make out was yelling around you.

"Finn, don’t touch her!"

—

You awoke to feel a hard thumping on your back, as you lay on your front. "Wh..what..." you struggled to talk. "Where am I?"

The thumping stopped as Octavia quickly appeared in front of you. "You're in the drop-ship. Murphy turned you over because you were choking."

"Choking? On what?" You asked groggy.

"Blood," she squeezed your hands. "You passed out and Finn carried you inside before leaving to help Raven blow up the bridge."

You closed your eyes and were too exhausted to reply. Octavia said she and Murphy would keep an eye on you. Hours must have passed when you woke up. You sat up feeling slightly better.

You glanced across the room to see Murphy trying to offer Bellamy a drink of water. "Bellamy, you're sick, okay? I'm just trying to help. Here."

You sighed and walked towards them. You do your best to ignore the terrible smells and blood around you.

"When I get better, if you're still here-" Bellamy frowned when he saw you. "Why are you up? You should be resting."

"I’ve got this one Murphy," you smiled and took the cup from his hand. "Thanks for saving my life and all that."

Murphy grumped out a ‘no problem’ before walking away.

You sat down next to Bellamy, as she pouted. "What are you doing now? His best friend? After-"

"Murphy is an ass," you cut him off. "But he never hurt me, and I believe in second chances."

Bellamy took a drink of water before you started wiping some of the blood off his face. He stared at you so intensely that it made you almost uncomfortable. You could have wanted to say something but were holding back. "Something you want to talk about?"

"You and Finn-" He was cut off by a loud noise from outside the ship. Bellamy sat up as Clarke ran into the room, "They did it."

"I am becoming a death destroyer of worlds." You raised your eyebrows listening to her talk. "It's Oppenheimer, the man who built the first--"

Bellamy stood up, "I know who Oppenheimer is."

"Who cares about him?" you interrupted. "I want to know what the hell caused the explosion."

"Raven..." Bellamy glanced down at you. "I thought O told you? Raven and Finn went to blow up the bridge to slow the grounders down."

Oh. The plan sounded extremely reckless and dangerous, but if anybody could pull off a stunt like that, it was Raven Reyes.

—

You stood outside Raven’s tent pacing back and forth. Your relationship with the brunette wasn’t good, but you were friends once, and you hoped overtime she would forgive you.

"What?"

The sound of Finn’s voice caused you to freeze on the spot. You didn’t realise he was inside the tent as well. Trying to fix things with her suddenly felt so wrong.

"When Bellamy asked who was gonna take it, you hesitated."

"It's what people do when they're considering something that might blow them up, right?"

You turned to walk away, not feeling right about listening in on a private conversation, but stopped when you heard your name being said.

"Daze...You didn't hesitate when she was falling. You knew she had the virus, but you caught her, anyway."

"Raven..."

You could hear the break in Raven’s voice as she spoke. "You didn't hesitate."

"Raven, I love you."

Hearing Finn say those words to someone else made you break inside. Tears spilled from your ears as you clasped a hand over your mouth so they could hear. He wasn’t yours to love, but you still did. And you hate yourself.

"Not the way that I want to be loved." Raven continued. "Not the way that you love Daisy. It's over, Finn."

You walked backwards, being careful not to trip over any of the ropes stuck in the ground. You put your head down low when you saw Bellamy walking towards the gate. You prayed he hadn’t noticed you. The last thing you wanted was for anyone to see you cry.

The minute you entered your tent, more tears began to spill down your cheeks. You jumped, feeling a pair of arms wrap around you, "O?"

"I overheard them as well," she confessed.

"Raven was my friend...Now they have split up, I have no idea how to fix it."

Octavia sighed, "regardless of how this works out, you always have me, you know that?"

You nodded, "I know. And I’ll always have your back O, no matter what."

Season one

#the 100 #finn collins #Bellamy Blake #finn collins/oc #finn collins/reader #finn collins x reader #slow romance #slow burn #bellamy the 100 #the 100 fandom #the 100 fanfiction #clarke griffin #octavia blake #grounders #monty green #jasper jordan #raven reyes

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slytherinbarnes · 3 years

Text

there are ghosts in the sky, iii

iii. but can you save a dying sun?

Pairing: Bellamy Blake x reader

Word Count: 15.0k

Warnings: angst, fighting, violence, death, anxiety, mentions of nausea/puking, language.

Summary: a battle for your body and a battle for Sanctum results in shocking causalities, both battles ending in a way you could have never guessed.

a/n: here it is!!! part 3 is here, this au is finished!!! this marks the end of the sub rosa universe (for now), and I have a lot of feelings about that. mostly I am just grateful to all of you, and I hope you’ll stick around to read my next series/other new works! if you would like your sub rosa tag to be converted to a general bellamy blake x reader tag, please let me know!

p.s. sorry for the late in the day upload today, life has been crazy and the day got away from me!!!

au series masterlist // sub rosa masterlist // full masterlist

You only catch bits and pieces of what’s happening outside of your body, but as the barrier between your mind and Josephine’s continues to break down further, you’re able to hear more and more of the outside world. In between catching information from outside of your body, you keep yourself inside Josephine’s side of the mindspace. You know that it’s only going to break down your minds faster, but you’re desperate for information you can use against her later, so you use your downtime to scour through her memories in search of something useful. By the end of your research, the only thing you know for sure is that Josephine is awful, and she doesn’t deserve your body, let alone to resurrect again.

You can tell a few hours have passed since your initial Morse Code attempt, and you weren't sure at first if it worked.

That is, until you heard Josephine begging someone to kick you out of your own head. There’s not much you can do other than wait around and hope that someone is trying to save your life, and you finally get that confirmation later on when you catch onto the tailend of a conversation between Josephine, Clarke, and Bellamy. You’ve gathered enough bits and pieces to know that all four of you are currently being held captive by the Children of Gabriel, and the other three are using the time to ‘bond’, if you can actually call it that. Josephine is moaning about the tragedy of her relationship with Gabriel, and you push the stack of memory books out of your lap and to the side, running from the memory space and into the hidden diner.

You ignore the patrons and head straight for the Christmas lights again, tugging them down and calling out, “Monty!”

He runs into the diner, looking at you in alarm. “What is it?”

“Morse Code, I need your help. How do you say boohoo?”

His nose scrunches as he looks at you in confusion, “Boohoo?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“It doesn't matter why, just please tell me what it is!”

He shrugs and grabs the paper and pen you’re holding out to him, thinking for a second before he quickly writes out the message. When he passes it to you, you give him a smile of thanks, listening as Josephine mutters, “I've been in love with Gabriel for 236 years, the last 70 of which he's been trying to kill me. You know, relationships.”

You start working on your light, signaling out the code Monty gave you.

—●●● B

— — — O

●●●● H

— — — O

You can hear Josephine translating the letters for Clarke and Bellamy, before she ends the quip with, “That's harsh.”

You can catch glimpses of your twin’s broken voice questioning the woman who stole your body, hope entwined with her words. “She can hear us?”

“It would seem so. Which means the wall separating our minds is almost gone.” You look around you, at the diner in Josephine’s mind, realizing that parts of it are already starting to fade. Panicked, you run out of the room and back to your side, slamming the red door behind you as you go. “When that happens, she'll stroke out, I'll download, and you can say goodbye to your genocidal fiance and sister.”

You can hear Bellamy’s voice next, thick with emotion. “Let me talk to her.”

“I'd have to give over control for that, so no.”

“But she can hear me?”

“Yes, she can hear you. For God's sake, just say what you want to say.” Josephine sighs, seeming to sense that Bellamy has something he wants to say to you. You stand waiting and listening, eager to hear his message to you.

His message hits you harder than anything he’s ever said to you before this, his voice so broken and mixed with hope when he answers, “I won't let you die.”

Tears instantly spring to your eyes, and you collapse to the floor of the Ark, letting the tears fall down your face as you process Bellamy’s message to you. I won't let you die. You know he means it, and you know that your odds of survival are good with both him and Clarke on your side, both of them desperate to save your life. The moment fills you with hope, and you sit crying alone in the Ark, waiting for your family to save you.

Everything seems fine until it’s not.

You can tell that something has changed, sensing the stress within your own body, accompanied by the overlapping din of voices above you. You can't make out any of the words, but you don't have to wonder for long, because as you sit in the hall of the Ark, Josephine suddenly bursts through her red door and heads straight to you. She looks panicked, her eyes wide, and you pull yourself to your feet quickly as you sense the incoming danger. “What? What is it?”

“They’re about to chop our head off! I need you to take control so we can live.”

You don't have time to answer her, because she turns to her right and types in a code for a locked door, before grabbing your arm and shoving you through. As usual, you are blinded by a flash of white light and then your eyes open and clear, locked on a gray stone wall. Your heart rate picks up when you realize that you’re back in control of your own body, but you’re also dangerously close to losing your life. Your head is being pressed into a stone, and your hands are being held behind your back, and as everything comes into focus, you hear someone say, “The answer is death to Primes.”

You sense movement to your right, and you call out, “Wait!”

You can tell that the person to your right, the one who intends to cut off your head, freezes, and you work on buying yourself some time. “Gabriel loves her, is this what he would want?”

Your words seem to be the wrong ones, because the man yells out, “Don't you use his name!”

And then you sense his movement again. This time, though, you’re ready for it. As he lifts the sword and swings it around to cut off your head, you kick out at the man holding you in place. Your foot connects with the space by his knee, and you can tell that his leg is broken by the sound alone. He releases you, giving you just enough space to avoid the sword that is coming towards you, which clangs against the rock instead. The man looks down in shock, and you use that to your advantage, grabbing his arm and his other shoulder and pulling him down, smashing his head into the rock.

You grab his fallen sword and turn and swing at the man with the broken leg, cutting his throat, and as you look up you see a final person coming towards you. The woman moves towards you and you stalk over to her, swinging the sword out and cutting her neck before she can even comprehend your movements. She hits the ground and you stand in place for a second, panting, trying to catch your breath, brought back to reality by your fiance calling your name.

You look up and meet his eyes, his expression so hopeful, and Clarke watches on, equally as full of hope. You drop the sword and run across the room, grabbing his face with both hands and pulling him into a kiss. You pull away, both of you with tears in your eyes, before you step over to your twin and pull her into a hug, the two of you laugh crying with relief. You only pull away when you hear the sound of approaching voices, and you spin back towards the man who was going to kill you, grabbing the set of keys off of his belt before running back to your fiance and twin.

You quickly try to uncuff them both, but your hands are shaking and anxiety is pulsing through you as the voices grow closer. Bellamy and Clarke are both watching you closely, and Bellamy puts his hand over yours to still your movements. “We don't have time, you have to run!”

You look up at him in alarm, shaking your head sharply. “No! I’m not leaving either of you.”

Clarke reaches out for you, her hand grabbing your wrist, encouraging you to look at her. “Bellamy’s right, there’s no time. Go find Gabriel.”

You look between then both, panicked, but the approaching voices only grow closer, signalling your ticking clock. And you hate that you know they’re right, and you hate the idea of leaving them both, but you know all of your odds are better if you do. Which is why you give them both one last look, the voices just around the corner now, before Bellamy panics and pushes you away, “Go!”

You leave the keys in his hand and you take off running, pushing hard to outrun the voices that seem right at your back. You tear through the woods, leaves and branches smacking you as you go, but you ignore them, trying to put as much distance between you and the Children of Gabriel as you can. You can hear them closing in on you, led by the man that nearly killed you, and you pause and duck behind a tree, trying to catch your breath. You start to run numbers in your head, wondering how many you can reasonably take out before they take you out, and just when you deduce that there are too many of them and not enough of you, you hear the roar of a motorcycle, signaling Sanctum’s arrival.

You look up, watching as the bikes weave between the trees, and you take off running again, choosing the lesser of two evils, heading straight for the riders. As you move, you scream at the top of your lungs, “Here! I’m here!”

The Sanctum riders fly towards you, pulling up to a stop and grabbing their guns, aiming at the group of people right behind you. As you grow closer to the Sanctum riders, the Children of Gabriel grow closer to you, this game of cat and mouse getting a little too close for your liking. When you’re within a few feet of the riders, Jade, Josephine’s guard, yells out, “Down! Get down!”

You drop to the ground without hesitation, covering your head with your hands, hearing bullets whiz by over head. Someone drops to the ground behind you, landing on your legs, but you don't dare to move until you hear the shooting stop. Finally it does, and you hear Jade shout orders to the others, “I’ve got her, you get the rest!”

You hear three motorcycles drive off, leaving you alone with Jade, and you almost shake your head at how perfect this is starting to play out for you. Because when Jade grabs you and helps you to your feet, you lift a large rock and bring it with you, turning and knocking her out before you’ve even stood to your full height. As you drop the rock, you nearly jump out of your skin when a voice behind you mutters, “Really? She just saved your life.”

You spin around quickly, locking eyes with Josephine, who is standing feet from you, a look of disappointment on her face. But you ignore that and focus on the fact that she is standing right in front of you, outside of the mindspace. “Why can I see you?”

“Because it's getting worse, like I said it would. Look, what you did back there was awesome, but don't let it be for nothing. Give me back control.”

You ignore her, knowing damn well that you have no intention of giving your body back to her. Because it is your body. And despite the panic that courses through you as you realize that you are likely nearing the last few hours of your life, you turn away from Josephine and grab the radio off of Jade’s side. Josephine mutters under her breath, “I'll just get it anyway when you fall asleep.”

But when she sees the radio in your hand, she looks at you in confusion. “What are you doing now?”

You continue to ignore her and lift the radio in your hand, remembering one of Josephine’s memories that you discovered earlier in the evening. Josephine sits in front of her father, anxiously twirling her hair. Russell cuts her a look, but lets the habit slide as he delivers the news. “Spies from Sanctum discovered a camp, just on the verge of the anomaly. There’s a sculpture of radios, which they suspect is how the COGs get messages to Gabriel.” You press the button of the radio and keep your eyes locked on Josephine as you say your name and add, “Gabriel, you don't know me, but I need your help. Josephine Lightbourne is in my head. If you can hear this, we're coming to you.”

You stalk past her and head back to the bike, and she follows you the entire time, pleading to your back. “This is insane. He didn't respond to their call, he's probably dead. Please, let's just go back to Sanctum.”

You grab Jade’s discarded helmet and lift the motorcycle, as Josephine crosses her arms and glares at you. “I'll drive. But for that, you do have to give me back control.”

You swing your leg over the bike as she protests, “You don't know how to-”

You cut her off by starting the bike and revving the engine, another useful memory you have stolen from Josephine’s head. Her glare gets angrier as she watches you, “What else of mine have you stolen?”

You smirk and answer her in Mandarin, “Sucks, doesn’t it?”

And then you pull the helmet onto your head, and drive off, leaving her behind in a cloud of dust.

You drive for a while before crashing, thanks to Josephine, destroying your radio in the process. Lucky for you, Josephine knows a place for you to hide, leading you to a bunch of old research outposts nearby. Unlucky for you, you have a seizure almost as soon as you climb down into the outpost, your brain struggling to keep up with the data from two minds.

You have never been more disappointed to wake up in your mindspace, though you’re not sure if that's because of the small taste of control that you got to experience, or the fact that your mind is clearly in disarray. You wake up in your room, surrounded by memories stashed inside of books, but none of them are yours. And as you wander into the hallway, you see that it’s much worse than that. Books are stacked on nearly every available inch of flooring that you can see, and projections from Josephine’s memories wander the halls in various emotional states. Some are angry, some are sad, some are distressed, but all of them are a problem.

You find Josephine not long after wandering from your room, catching as she walks past you absentmindedly. With the two of you reunited, you briefly consider killing her and ending all of this once and for all, but her response makes you pause. She glares at you, just as annoyed at this entire situation as you are, before she bites back your earlier words to her, “Go float yourself.”

The words give you an idea, a way to save the two of you from your approaching destruction, and you and Josephine run around frantically, trying to float her memories to hold off the impending demise of your brain. You only do a few at first, allowing her to pick the memories that she wants to lose, but soon that has to be abandoned in favor of an all out destruction of property. You rig up the outer doors to vent everything in ten seconds, Josephine’s memories now heavily integrated into your own at this point, both of you well past the point of no return.

You and Josephine head back to your room, into the place you shared with Bellamy, the only room safe from the venting into space that is occurring outside your door. You know it works when Josephine disappears, leaving you alone in your mindspace again. You start to panic, wondering if this is it for you, if Josephine really will make it out of here with control of your body, leaving you to truly die. Just as you really start to spiral into a panic, you catch a pair of voices outside, one familiar, one not.

Josephine refers to the unfamiliar voice as Gabriel, and you almost cry in relief when you realize that somehow he found you after all. He's not dead, and he’s here to get his ex lover out of your head. Josephine confirms the familiar voice seconds later when she greets Blodreina, and you smile at the fact that somehow Octavia is alive and she’s here to help you.

Of course, chaos reigns supreme on this damn moon that you hate so much, because as soon as the four of you exit the research outpost, Josephine calls out for the Sanctum guards nearby, begging to be taken back to Sanctum. Gabriel argues and says that Josephine's body, your body, is on the brink of death, and he has to save you now, because neither of you will make it back there. But of course, the guards don't care, and just when Gabriel and Octavia are on the brink of death, they are saved by Bellamy and Clarke, a turn of events that leaves you incredibly thankful to have them in your life.

Unfortunately, Gabriel’s prediction about your impending death is correct, because Josephine collapses, your legs going numb and giving out beneath her, and Gabriel catches her and whisks her away back to his camp. Clarke, Octavia, and Bellamy follow, and before you know it, you can hear the steady beeping of a heart rate monitor, along with the increasingly clear voices outside of your head. Josephine makes a last ditch plea to save herself and wipe you instead, but thankfully Gabriel ignores her and stops your heart.

They quickly work to remove the mind drive in your head and then restart your heart again, which should put you back in control. You see the door to Josephine’s side crack and explode, the wall now turning into just another wall of the Ark. You wait patiently, knowing that means that the mind drive is gone, but instead of waking back up in the real world, you remain trapped in your own head. You look around in confusion, wondering why your heart is still stopped, and why you’re still staring at the walls of the Ark. “Wait. Why am I still here?”

“Because I'm still here.” You turn around in confusion, now facing Josephine, and you have a split second to register the axe in her hand before she swings it towards you, cutting your neck. You reach up and grab your wound, light shining between your fingers, as you shake and gasp and watch the enemy in your head. She drops the axe and it tumbles and lands near your side as she mutters, “Sanctum is mine.”

She looks down at your struggling form with a smirk. “I used the surgical mesh. I'm sorry about the whole working together thing, but I know you, Wanlida. If you came back, you'd kill everyone inside Sanctum. It's what you do.”

You struggle to focus on her words as you realize that your version of bleeding out in your mindspace is visually a lot different than bleeding out in the real world. But the pain and the struggle and the suffering, those are all just as real as the world outside of your head. Josephine kneels down across from you, still smirking, watching as you quickly die. She only turns away when another voice outside of your body, Gabriel’s, tells the others, “I'm sorry, but her brain can no longer support two minds.”

You can hear a counter protest, though your mind struggles to decipher the words, only able to unilaterally focus on the pain radiating out from your neck. And as you sit there dying, you can't help but think about how cruel this is. You survived your initial attempted murder, only for this to be the way you go out? In your own head, and watched on by your body snatcher, no less. But as the seconds pass by and you wait for your death, you realize that at least one person is unwilling to let you go. Clarke’s voice reaches you from outside of your mindspace, calling your name, her voice broken and hurting and desperate. “I can't lose you again, la lune! I need you. Bellamy needs you. Madi needs you. Mom needs you. Now wake up!”

You listen to your twin’s broken cries, quickly replaced by the broken cries from the love of your life as he begs you to fight for your life. “I should have fought harder for you. I should have burned Sanctum to the ground and killed everyone that got in my way, but I’m fighting for you now, god damn it! You're a fighter. Now wake up and fight!”

And as soon as he says it, you know he’s right. You told Josephine yourself that you don't go down without a fight, and you meant it. You’re not dead yet and you’re not going to let her win. Josephine seems to listen on with mild amusement, surely plotting the dramatic return she wants to make as soon as you officially die, but unfortunately for her, it's not a return she gets to make. Because you eye the abandoned axe, discarded and sitting right next to you, and you pull one of your hands away from your light bleeding neck and reach for it. The blade scrapes against the floor as you lift it, drawing Josephine’s attention towards you, and this time she’s the one who has a split second to process the current events before you throw the axe right at her center mass, shattering her projection into a million pieces.

And as soon as you do, it’s like a switch flips, because you take in a large, wheezing breath, pulling your eyes open in alarm, feeling nothing but panic. But there are two sets of hands caressing your face, two voices soothing you as you struggle to catch your breath, two familiar faces watching you closely as they look between you. Clarke is the closest to you, and she tentatively whispers your name, searching for any sign that you are really you. And you respond in the only way you think you can by sitting up and pulling her into your arms, holding her tighter than you’ve ever held her before. She’s crying, you’re crying, the Blake’s are crying, and even Gabriel is crying, though for different reasons.

Clarke releases you so Bellamy can grab you, tugging your face towards him and pressing the most loving kiss to your lips, his mouth telling you everything he wants to say to you in the moment. You kiss him back just as hard, incredibly thankful that you won over Josephine, gaining back control of your body once and for all. And though your heart goes out to Gabriel, you can’t help but be thankful that Josephine is forever gone.

In true ‘chaos of Sanctum’ fashion, it turns out that everyone else that you know and love has been left behind in Sanctum and are now likely in danger. And it turns out that Bellamy’s plan to save everyone was to use Josephine’s mind drive to bargain with Russell, using the life of Josephine for the lives of your people. And it turns out that the very same mind drive that was meant to save your people is now empty, because you vented all of Josephine’s memories, and she jumped ship in order to kill you and take your body instead. Too bad for her that you came out on top.

You make the suggestion of going back to Sanctum as Josephine and freeing your people yourself, but you are swiftly shot down by both Clarke and Bellamy. Which sends all of you back to the drawing board, brainstorming ways to save everyone and inflict minimal casualties. That drawing board, however, is taken over by Gabriel’s Children, who all seem a little too eager to kill all of you, with you and Gabriel at the top of their lists. Thanks to some split second decision making on Bellamy’s part, he figures out a plan that gets everyone what they want: you save your people, the Children of Gabriel get to kill Primes, Gabriel gets to save the rest of his people inside Sanctum. Bellamy’s plan, however, gets him and Octavia sent on a supply gathering mission, leaving you, Gabriel, and Clarke behind.

During which time, you propose to change the plan, a little uneager to release a bomb that will get innocent people killed, this new genocide reminding you a little too much of Mount Weather. And Clarke disagrees at first, uneager to see you march right back to the devil’s side without any back up. But it’s easy for you to convince her, because she's your twin, your other half, and she gets it. She may hate every second of it, but she understands completely the fears you posses about having to carry the weight of another genocide within you. More than that, she trusts you. She knows that you can get the job done and come out of the other side unharmed, which is why ultimately, she agrees.

Once the Blake siblings return, Gabriel breaks the news to them about the change of plans. Octavia doesn't seem to understand why this is a big deal at first, but Bellamy catches on right away. He turns to you with a glare, shaking his head sharply. “No. No way.”

You look at him with pleading eyes, trying to get him to understand why this plan has to happen. “Bellamy, it's the only way.”

“It's not the only way, because we’ll use the bomb as planned. Risking your life when we don't have to is just-”

You cut him off, finishing his sentence, “Is how we do better. Bellamy, I know you’re worried about losing me again, and trust me, I’m terrified to go back there and do this, but I have to. This is how we save lives, and prevent innocent ones from being taken. I know you, and I know you care about that too. If I go in as Josephine and shut down the shield, then Gabriel only needs to use enough red sun toxin to trigger the alarms and kill a few bugs. All of those people, innocent people, will be safe.”

He sighs, scrubbing his hands over his face in frustration, before turning away from you to look at your twin. “You’re okay with this?”

“Not really. But it’s how we do better.”

You can tell he’s starting to reluctantly come around, and he turns back to you, his expression serious. “If you fail, if Russell figures out that his daughter is dead, then all of our people are dead too.”

“I won't fail.”

He gives you a look, but he takes note of your conviction, and you know that he believes in you. And just like Clarke, he gives you his blessing, though you can tell that he hates doing it. You all turn to look at Octavia, who’s been quiet during the entire exchange. She looks at you for a long second and then nods, “If we can spare innocent lives, we should.”

You smile at her, nodding in thanks as she agrees with you instantly, and with everyone on the same page again, Gabriel goes back to building the smaller bomb. This time though, he is interrupted by the whine of motorcycle engines nearby. You all look up and at each other in shock, knowing what that means.

Sanctum riders.

Layla and a few other Children of Gabriel storm into the tent, tying all of you up and then gagging you. They spread you out across the room, with you and Bellamy beside each other, Clarke across from you, Octavia to your left and Gabriel to your right. You’re only in there for a few minutes, listening to the fighting outside when you hear a strange scratching sound from the back of the tent. You turn that way, eyes watching as a blade sticks through the material of the tent, dragging down to the bottom, creating a slit in the fabric. You all tense up, unsure who’s about to come inside, surprised when it’s Murphy’s head that pokes through. He steps inside, followed by Jade, a gun in her hand. At the sight of them, you recognize this for what it is: a rescue mission. You know they’re here for you, well at least they're here for your body, and you tense up as you watch Murphy and Jade slip inside.

Murphy steps into the middle of the tent, while Jade sneaks around the back, ducked behind the debris and mess, and once she’s in position, Murphy calls out to Layla, “Hey there.”

Layla spins around quickly, instantly lifting her gun and aiming it at Murphy, but Jade sneaks up behind her a second later and hits her with her rifle, knocking Layla out. Jade grabs Layla’s dropped weapon as she walks past, moving carefully before dropping down in front of you. “Josephine?”

You shift your eyes to Clarke, who gives you a subtle nod of her head, and you know you can't risk looking at Bellamy given his close proximity to you. But you can sense him tensing up, and though you know that he doesn't want you to leave, he’d agree to it too. Which is why you meet Jade’s eyes and nod your head. Jade puts the guns down and pulls the gag out of your mouth, and you make sure to raise the octave of your voice slightly, trying to perfectly capture Josephine’s tone of voice. “Well done, Jade.”

Jade pulls out a knife to cut through the restraints wrapped around your wrists and ankles, and you shift your gaze to Murphy, smirking, “You just can't pick a side, can you, John?”

“The only reason I'm doing this is because Emori dies if I don't.” Murphy turns to look at Bellamy, voice dropping a little. “The others are in trouble too. I promise I'll do what I can for them.”

Jade stands and helps you to your feet, looking between you and Murphy. “Give us two seconds to make sure it's clear, then follow.”

Just then, Layla starts to shift, and Jade grabs and lifts her gun, prepared to kill her. You feel a rush of alarm, and despite the threats she's hurled at you since showing up a few hours ago, you don't want to watch her die. You reach out and put your hand on the barrel, pushing the gun down to lower it, your tone commanding and angry. “No, this one's mine.”

You grab the discarded pistol from the table and aim it at Layla, glancing over your shoulder to look at Jade, who seems content to let you handle this. “Go, make sure it's clear.”

She nods and immediately turns to slip out of the tent, but Murphy stays put, his eyes locked on you suspiciously. “Is she really gone this time?”

“Yes. Boohoo.” You smirk at him, taunting him, using your earlier quip to Josephine and throwing it at Murphy this time. You can see a flash of anger cross his features, but you speak up before he can channel it, reminding him of the danger you’re in, waving the gun slightly. “Now, as soon as I pull this trigger, your little decoy trick will fail. You better run.”

He gives you one last look before he jogs to the cut in the tent and heads outside, and you wait for a full minute before turning back to Layla. She looks up at you with fear, clearly expecting you to kill her, but you surprise her by turning the gun away and then firing a single shot into the floor, keeping her safe. And then you set the gun down and run over to Bellamy, pulling the gag out of his mouth and giving him an earnest look. “I can do this, Bellamy.”

“I know you can. Go get that shield down, and we’ll bring the cavalry.”

You nod and smile, “I love you.”

“I love you more than the stars.” And with that you pull his face to yours and kiss him hard, reminding him of just how much he means to you. You turn and head to the door, stopping in front of Clarke along the way. You pull the gag from her mouth and she whispers, “I believe in you, la lune. Be safe.”

“You too, shining star.”

You give her a quick hug before you stand and look over at everyone one last time before you slip out of the tent and into the cool night air. You look around, eyes searching the woods nearby for any sign of Jade or Murphy, when someone flashes a light at you, signaling their location. You head that way, finding Jade and Murphy waiting for you, and they quickly lead you through the woods and to a pair of bikes hidden underneath a pile of leaves. Jade passes you a helmet before getting the bike upright, and then she waits for you to hop on, expecting you to drive yourself back. You move to straddle the bike, hoping you remember enough to get by as Jade readies the other bike for her and Murphy. And then on her signal, you both fire them up and drive away, heading back towards Sanctum.

You do pretty well on the ride back, and you arrive at the shield of Sanctum proud of yourself, though you can’t show it. As soon as you hop off the bike, it and your helmet are taken by a nearby guard, and the shield is quickly brought down so all of you can enter inside. You are accompanied by no less than 10 guards, all of whom seem wound tight and on edge. And though you feel the exact same with each step that brings you closer to Sanctum, you keep it hidden beneath a casual air of confident arrogance.

As soon as you crest the hill that leads to your first view of the palace, you are met with another group of guards, all standing around Russell. When you catch sight of him, you’re sure you're going to throw up, but you suppress the sensation and look away, pretending to take in the sights of Sanctum. And as a last ditch effort, you reach up and casually twirl your hair between your fingers in the way you've seen Josephine do in the hundreds of memories that you watched. With a small deep breath to steady yourself, you turn and meet Russell’s eyes, which are watching you closely. You smile and quip, “What? No hug?”

“Josephine.” His face breaks into the widest grin when he hears that his daughter is alive, and you’d almost feel bad for him if not for the fact that he's an evil body snatching asshole. Still, he takes you up on your offer and steps towards you, pulling you in for one of the tightest hugs you’ve ever experienced. You’re a little caught off guard by his fervor, but even more caught off by the question he mutters near your ear. “How is this possible?”

He pulls away and you smirk, “It's a long story. Suffice to say, I'm awesome.”

But then you think of the lack of the mind drive in your head and you know that the second he realizes you’re not Josephine you're dead, so you lie and say, “What I'm not, however, is immortal. Gabriel took out my drive.”

Russell’s face falls, but he nods and turns to a pair of guards behind him, motioning to Murphy. “Take him to Emori, and clear the doctor and the rest of their people from the lab.”

Your brows pull together at the mention of your mom and the others in the lab, and the mention of your own mother makes you realize there is another mother missing. You glance around for her and then shift your gaze to Russell. “Where's Mom?”

He lifts his hand, uncurling his fingers to reveal a mind drive, still stained with Nightblood. You do your best to look worried, though you could honestly care less that Simone got what she deserved. “There was an incident, but it's okay. I was just on my way to resurrect her, but that can wait.”

You shake your head, not understanding. “Resurrect her in who?”

He gives you a look, and you remember the bits and pieces you gathered from Josephine before Bellamy and Clarke dragged you out of Sanctum. Your mom, your real mother, was back in space making the Primes Nightblood. “Abby did it. We can make hosts.”

“Yes, but not how you think.” Your stomach drops as he says that, not sure you want to know what that means. But he doesn't notice, and he reaches out and wraps his arm around you, leading you towards the lab. “Come on, let's get you checked out.”

As soon as he starts to lead you away, he asks for a quick rundown of the events prior to this moment. You keep most of the story the same, aware that bits of the truth will make the lies easier to remember. The only thing you change, however, is the fact that you survived the second mind wipe and Josephine didn't. “Anyway, I killed her in the mindspace. Now here we are.”

As you step into the lab, your eyes fall on a small body strapped to the chair in the center of the room, black blood leading from tubes in their arms and into a small bottle. Your stomach drops even further and you pause a little, before reminding yourself who you are and where you are, leading you to quip, “How about next time, we choose a less crowded host, what do you say?”

As you come around the chair and you finally get a look at who is strapped to it, you have to work hard to keep your expression neutral and impassive, because it’s Madi. Your niece, your little sun, is currently being drained for her Nightblood bone marrow, just like the Mountain Men did in Mount Weather. You try to keep your tone light as you ask, “And what is this?”

You turn to look at Russell with a smirk, channeling Josephine’s unhinged ways, and he answers, “This is how we make hosts.”

You don't get to answer, because Madi starts to stir at the sound of your voice, muttering your name before she asks, “Ani, is that you?”

She sounds so small and hurt and broken and it makes you want to save her and break this whole moon in half. But the rest of your people are out there, and they’re still in trouble, and they're relying on you to get the shield down. So you continue the facade and answer, “No. It's not. She put up a good fight, though, kid. Can't win them all.”

Madi doesn't react well to that, and she starts screaming, “We're gonna kill you! We're gonna kill all of you and everything you love!”

You try to hide the emotion you're feeling as you turn and grab one of the tranq sticks behind you before walking back over to Madi and sticking it in her arm, knocking her out. And then you turn to Russell, curious about how much life your niece has left. “How many doses can we get out of her before she dies?”

His expression changes, and you’re worried you've said the wrong thing, that you sounded too worried when asking. So you backtrack and smile, shaking your head and turning away from her. “You know what? Nevermind. It's time for my new drive, being mortal sucks.”

Russell smiles at you and sets up a chair, motioning for you to sit in it, face hidden from view, giving him access to your neck. As he works on giving you another drive, he tells you about the chaos in Sanctum that occurred while you were gone, including the chain of events that led to the death of Simone, your fake mom. You hum and respond when appropriate, though you spend the entire time anxiously worrying about Madi and Bellamy and Clarke and the rest of your people. As Russell finishes up the stitches on your neck, Madi wakes up again, the tranq stick not working long enough. And as soon as she catches sight of you, she starts yelling again, tugging against her restraints as she rages, “We should've killed you first. Once we're free, you will burn. You will all burn! You will not get rid of us! We are eternal!”

We? Us? You keep your mouth shut during Madi's tirade, terrified that your emotions will make your voice quiver and you’ll give yourself away, but you try to use your silence to process her words, trying to figure out why she's talking about herself in a plural sense. Russell finally has enough of Madi’s yelling and he yells for the guards to retrieve the doctors, which only further fuels your anxiety. Because if your mother breaks down when she finds out that you're not you, you’re worried that you’ll break character to comfort her, getting all of you killed.

You don't have to worry about what you’ll do for long, because the moment quickly comes and the door swings open, your eyes catching sight of three sets of legs. Madi continues to yell and fight until Jackson sedates her, a moment which can't come soon enough. You're able to hide your falling tears as your face is hidden, but you know that the moment will soon be up and you’ll have to face everyone in this room and play your part well. Russell dabs at your neck with a rag and then mutters, “There.”

He squeezes your shoulder, letting you know you're good to get up, and you sit up slowly, your eyes landing on your mother immediately as she stands in front of you, watching you closely. You keep your expression neutral, trying to pretend that you have no emotion or feelings towards her, and she must see that, because she starts to cry. It breaks your heart and you have to look away, distressed at the idea that your mother thinks she’s looking at someone else in your body. Russell distracts you a little by asking, “How do you feel?”

“Peachy keen Josephine.” Your gaze falls back to your mother, who is now crying harder, her face scrunched up and tears rapidly falling down her face. You can't take the sight of it anymore, so you channel Josephine and snap, “Oh, stop it. I'm not her.”

Her sadness morphs into anger, and she walks towards Russell, stopping when she’s close enough to get in his face. “I will kill you for this.”

“I once believed that I would never stray from the moral path, and then I killed my family in the first eclipse. I'd have done anything to bring them back, so I believe you.”

And then he turns and holds out a hand for you, which you reach out and take. He leads you from the room, past your mother and your niece and your friends, and you manage to call out, “Toodle-loo.” before practically running from the room. Russell leads you past the creepy army of skeletons that watched over you as you were nearly murdered, before taking you out of the reliquary and up the stairs to the palace. You walk into a large dining hall together, Murphy and Emori already sitting at a table inside, as Russell turns to you, his voice low. “You must be starving, let's get you something to eat. After that, I need you to handle the Naming Day preparations.”

You shake your head, well aware that if you get sucked into party planning, you’ll never be able to get away and get the shield down. But you know you can't say that, so instead you say, “I'm not hungry and I just got back. Get Priya to do it.”

He looks into your pleading eyes, and you know he’s picturing the first Josephine, the one he killed, the one he raised from birth. And his sentiment is enough for him to swing over to your side. “Fine, I'll get Priya to do it.”

“Good. Now, if I spend one more minute like this,” you motion down to your clothes, the ones that you wear daily, but the ones that Josephine seems to despise. “I will spontaneously combust from the shame.”

Russell smiles and nods, “Go get cleaned up, I'll resurrect your mother.”

From the table nearby, Emori calls out, “Wait, does that mean Echo's still alive?”

Echo. She's the next host for Simone. You rack your brain quickly, wondering how you can buy her time before she gets wiped out for good. You decide to continue playing off of Russell’s sentiment, hoping it’s enough to delay Echo’s murder. “Hey, I want to be there when Mom comes back. Wait for me?”

Lucky for you and for Echo, Russell smiles and nods his head again. “Of course, sweetheart. Be quick.”

You nod and turn and walk out, Jade following you as you go. You almost roll your eyes but you refrain, already working on how to get rid of her. As you reach the doors of your room, she takes up her post outside, and you stop and look at her before you step inside. “I’m gonna get cleaned up and take a shower. Don't wake me for a few hours, I had a long night.”

She nods once, letting you know she understands, and then you turn and head into Josephine's room, closing the door shut behind you. You head straight for the bathroom and turn on the water in the shower before stepping over to the mirror and looking at your reflection. You don't have time to actually shower but you look like hell, and there's no way Josephine would be walking around like this. So you quickly clean your face off and fix your hair, before raiding Josephine’s closet for an outfit that is nicer than your own, but practical enough that you can kick ass in it if you need to. Once you look presentable, you turn off the shower and throw your clothes in the trash, thinking it’s something that dramatic ass Josephine would do.

You ruffle the sheets to make them look slept in, just in case someone walks into this room, and then you head to the window and swing it open to look outside. There’s nothing beneath your window, but there is a series of balconies that zig zag along the wall, starting to your left. And if you stand on the edge of your window and say enough prayers to the Universe, you think you can reach it if you jump out towards it. Thankfully, Sanctum is on lockdown because of the spreading revolution, so no one sees you leaping and jumping your way from the top of the palace down to the bottom. The whole experience reminds you of escaping the throne room in Polis after Clarke destroyed the City of Light, and the reminder of Bellamy and Clarke is enough to fuel your descent down to the ground.

The night is fading when you finally reach the ground, the suns starting to rise in the sky, urging you to get a move on as everyone is likely just outside of the shield by now, waiting for you to take it down. You sneak around the palace and to the front, heading straight for the lab again, the guards opening the door to you without a second thought. You keep your expression neutral and your head high, exuding all the power that you can possibly manage as you step into the lab. Your mom, Jackson, and Raven all jump and scramble apart, clearly up to something based on their nervous expressions.

But you ignore them and jog towards your mom, reaching out and pulling her into your arms, hugging her tight and letting her know you're okay. She freezes and whispers your name, still skeptical, and you feel tears start to fall down your face as you nod, letting her know that it’s actually you. She wraps her arms around you and hugs you back just as tightly, both of you crying as you hold each other. She cries into your hair, “What happened? I thought I...how?”

You both pull apart and you reach up to swipe away your fallen tears. “It's a long story, but I'm okay.”

She accepts that's all you can say for now, before you turn your gaze to Madi, who is still sedated, looking even worse than before. You feel worry etch itself into your features and Raven catches sight of it before she informs you, “It's the Flame.”

You look up at her in horror. “The Flame that I put in her head?”

“It’s Sheidheda. I'm working the problem, but I need Becca's book.”

You look down at Madi, and as much as you hate to say it, you know that getting the shield down is the first priority. Because without any Primes in need of Nightblood, she’ll be safe again. You turn to look at Raven again and you mutter, “That can wait because I need you to come with me. We don't have much time, we have to lower the shield. Bellamy, Clarke, and Octavia are waiting with the Children of Gabriel.”

“I can't go with you.” Raven shakes her head, her eyes dropping down to Madi. “If she wakes up again, Sheidheda will kill her.”

You nod, thinking before you counter, “Okay, I'll use Ryker. The reactor's beneath the machine shop anyway.”

“No.” You look up at her in surprise, her objection coming out stronger than you were expecting. You must look confused because she clarifies, “Ryker turned Echo in, he won't help you.”

“He won’t help me, but he’ll help Josephine. She can be very persuasive.” You turn your focus back to your mom, your voice almost pleading. “Until then, promise me you won't take any more bone marrow.”

Jackson pipes up, “That's not a problem now. There's another Nightblood in the family.”

You look at your mom in shock, about to object, but she shakes her head, reaching out to put her hand on your cheek. “I won't let them take her.”

Jackson recalls the time all of you spent in Becca’s lab, back before Praimfaya, back before body snatching Primes, and he muses, “Like mother, like daughter.”

You ignore him, focusing on your mother still. “I love you.”

She smiles at you, bright and genuine and happy, and you marvel at it, as it’s a smile she gives you so rarely. You tuck it into your memory, wanting to keep it forever as she whispers back, “I love you too, la lune. Now go save us all.”

You nod and head straight to Ryker’s shop to persuade him to take the shield down for you. Unfortunately, instead of Ryker, you find Ryker’s dead body, his skin cool to the touch, meaning he’s been out for a while. You make a split second decision to take his mind drive so you can use it as leverage against Priya, and no sooner do you get the drive out does Russell open the door to the shop and head your way. He seems oblivious to the drive you have stolen, or the fact that you snuck out hours ago, and you frame Echo as the thief of the drive, vowing to get it back for him. Russell agrees and tells you he’s going to resurrect the others in the meantime, giving you enough time to find Echo and the missing drive so that you can end this once and for all. He also forces you to take a handful of guards with you, and you have to hide your annoyance as they are just one more roadblock in your way.

You search a few places for Priya, relieved when you finally find her inside the tavern, stiff and uncomfortable. You assume your Josephine persona and call out to her, “Priya, there you are. I've been looking all over.”

She turns around in shock and gives you a cool smile when she sees you. “Josie. I heard you had quite the adventure.”

“You have no idea, and I'll tell you all about it, but first I need your help with something in the machine shop.”

She looks at you with concern, “What did Ryker do now?”

“More like what didn't he do.” You drop your voice lower, so the others in the tavern can't hear you as well. “Dad asked him to wipe one of the prisoners, but he's completely lost his nerve. It's embarrassing.”

“He's never wanted to face the reality of our situation. Let's go.”

The two of you turn to leave, heading towards the door with your guards right behind you, but you only make it halfway there before a loud yell comes from behind you. You and Priya jump and turn around in shock, just in time to see Echo vaulting herself off the bar, taking out one of your guards. Gaia and Miller jump over next and take out the other two, and as soon as Priya sees that you are both guardless, she turns to the door in fear, yelling, “Josephine, come on!”

But as she tries to run past you, you reach out and punch her, knocking her out, and her body falls to the floor with a thud. You look up and meet the surprised eyes of your friends, and you smile at them, letting them know it’s you. Echo smiles back and whispers, “I knew it.”

She walks towards you and pulls you in for a hug, and she releases you a moment later, allowing you to hug both Miller and Gaia in greeting. With the mini reunion out of the way, Gaia looks at you with confusion. “How are you here?”

“I'll explain later, but first we need to lower the shield. Bellamy and Clarke are out there with the cavalry. We can get Priya to help me take down the reactor, and then we go after Madi.”

They nod in agreement, letting you know they’re with you, and you, Echo, Miller, and Gaia all sneak Priya back to Ryker’s shop and anxiously wait for her to wake up. The suns have already set on this impossibly short day, and you continue to grow anxious with each passing second, aware that a whole bunch of people are relying on you to get this damn shield down so Gabriel can deploy the toxin. Though, you start to think that someone somewhere got the plan mixed up, because you hear alarms go off for the toxin, though the shield is still very much up and Priya is still very much unconscious. You smack her face a few times to wake her up, and you threaten to smash Ryker’s drive if she doesn't agree to cooperate. The threat seems to do the job because she quickly types in the code to take it down before Miller tugs the bag back down on her head after you motion for the group to follow you.

You all sneak down to the base of the stairs to Sanctum, waiting for Bellamy and Clarke to arrive with the others, and after a few tense minutes of waiting, they come running up the hill towards you. They both hug you desperately, grateful that you’re still alive, and you inform them of the danger you’re all in now that Gabriel has deployed the toxin too early. A crowd has gathered outside the palace, and a collective decision is made to tell the truth using Priya, all of you hoping that will be enough to convince the people of Sanctum that they are living a lie, and that the ensuing chaos will be enough for you to get your people out.

Bellamy agrees to take Priya and the drive and do the talking, since he's always been the best with speeches, and a few minutes later the tides seem to have turned in your direction. That is, until Russell steps out of the palace and gives a short speech about how disappointed he is, seconds before he deploys a small bomb made of red sun toxin. This toxin quickly spreads through the crowd, turning believers against non believers, and the Children of Gabriel that are all around you pass out the antitoxin so none of you will be affected.

As Bellamy returns and you all try to figure out what to do now, Miller catches sight of Raven, Madi, and Jackson being led into the palace, all three of them restrained. Miller and Clarke seem desperate to reach the people you love, but you know damn well that you have the best chance of getting in there and getting them out alive. And though Clarke and Bellamy again seem reluctant to let you go, they know you have the best chance too. So with another tearful goodbye you head to the palace with Gaia in tow, who is pretending to be one of your guards. As soon as you step inside of the large dining hall where the others are gathered, Gaia melts into the background and you look around the room, taking everything in.

Murphy and Emori are dressed in the nicest clothes you've ever seen them in, both of them also wearing makeup, clearly now part of the elite group of Primes. Gabriel is also in the room, surprisingly enough, restrained and being held captive along the edge of the room. The rest of the room is dotted with various other Primes, all recently resurrected. As soon as Russell sees you, he anxiously walks your way. “Thank God. Where have you been?”

“I was looking for Priya, but then I was blocked by a bunch of Gabriel's lunatic children. She's dead, by the way. What the hell is going on?”

A surprising voice answers from behind you, “We're leaving Sanctum until it's purified.”

You turn around in confusion, coming face to face with your mother, dressed in Sanctum clothes. She crosses the room and closes the space between the two of you, and you tentatively whisper, “Mom?”

You already know in your bones that it isn't her, but you pray that she answers you in some way, letting you know that she’s still inside her head. You pray that your mother has not just been body snatched by the asshole Primes, but you already know that she has. Gabriel must sense your turmoil because he answers for your mother, “Your mother murdered her mother. Ironic, don't you think?”

And Gabriel’s confirmation hits you like a train. You want to scream and cry and truly burn this fucking moon to the ground for all they have done to you and your family, but you can't. You have a part to play and you have to play it for your people’s sake. So you turn to Gabriel and mask your sorrow for your mother as sorrow of regret, slapping him across the face as you snap, “Don't you speak to me. How could I have ever loved such a traitor?”

You feel tears run down your face, only visible to Gabriel, and your mother, your bodysnatched mother, puts a comforting hand on your shoulder, not realizing that your tears are for the body she’s in. “Oh, sweetheart. At least you have closure.”

Russell cuts your mourning short as he anxiously eyes the room. “That's enough. Now that we're all accounted for, it's time to go. Have you all taken the antitoxin?”

Everyone nods, you included, but you also shake your head in confusion. “Go? Where?”

“To space, of course. Sanctum has lost us. For now, anyway.”

One of the Primes argues, “We have no pilot. Priya's dead. Maybe if you didn't kill the Lees.”

“That won't be a problem.” Your mother, Simone, turns and grabs a gun from one of the guards, before spinning and locking her gaze on Raven. “We don't need the Lees, do we, Raven?”

“Go float yourself, murderer.”

Simone cocks the gun and points it at Madi, and you have to work hard to keep your fear hidden beneath your neutral expression. “How about now?”

Raven looks distressed, tears streaming down her face, her eyes darting over to you. You can’t say or do anything that will give yourself away, but you have to hope she’s as desperate to save Madi as you are. And it seems as though she is, because she turns her gaze back to Simone, nodding her head and softly whispering, “Okay.”

“Good choice.”

Russell accepts the compliance and begins yelling orders, “Guards, take the prisoners. We're using the tunnel, but be prepared for anything.” Everyone starts to file out of the room behind the guards and the prisoners, leaving you to linger behind. Russell starts to walk past you, but pauses when he reaches Gabriel. “Goodbye, old friend. Sanctum is yours, though I suspect you won't last very long.”

He stalks out of the room with Simone on his arm, leaving just you, Gaia, Murphy, Emori, and a few guards. You start to slowly follow the others out of the room, and Murphy and Emori pass you as you do, heading in the wrong direction. You stop and turn to ask, “You're not coming?”

Murphy is upset, and you can see tears in his eyes, with some already fallen down his face. He steps close to you, his voice an angry whisper. “You killed her. All she did was help and you killed her.”

You feel tears rise to your eyes when you realize he’s talking about you. Everyone's favorite cockroach is expressing regret and sadness for the way things went down with you and your body snatching. You glance at Emori, wondering if she shares the sentiment, and you catch the tears in her eyes before she nods. “We're staying. We're gonna save our people.”

You turn to look at Murphy, figuring it’s safe enough to let him know that you're okay. You smile a little and whisper, “I'm proud of you, Murphy.”

His eyes go wide as he realizes that you called him Murphy and not John, and you see the smallest smile grace his lips before he remembers to hide it. But he lets you know that he understands by leaning close and whispering, “Just so you know, Josephine called me ‘John’.”

You don’t get the chance to say anything else, because Russell calls out from behind you, “Josie, Daniel, Kaylee, is there a problem?”

You quickly wipe away your tears, and put a sneer on your face, turning to face him. “They changed their minds. Cowards.”

“The mind drive is a terrible thing to waste.” He shrugs and then turns to look at you again, “Josie, bring your guards and let's go.”

“Guards, move out.”

As all of you start heading towards the door, Gaia included, Russell catches a glimpse of her and yells out, “Wait, she's one of them! Throw her to the wolves.”

Four sets of guns turn on her, and Gaia looks at you with fear. You do some quick thinking and shout, “No! I saw her in Clarke's mind. Threatening the child may work on Raven, but if I'm right, we need her to get on that ship.”

You turn to look at Russell, trying to convince him that you know what you're talking about, and he finally nods, motioning for the other guards to lower their guns and grab her instead. They comply, and Russell takes one last look around the room before motioning for you to leave ahead of him, as he and the other guards follow closely behind.

You all quickly head to the transport ship and board with your hostages, and Raven flies you up to the Eligius mothership despite her earlier disagreement. You, Russell, and Simone all stand in the airlock with guns to the heads of your hostages, waiting for the doors to slide open so you can begin your negotiations. Some of Wonkru, led by Indra and accompanied by Niylah, all stand at the entrance waiting, guns pointed your way. At first, Indra seems unwilling to let any of you board, but luckily Gaia manages to signal to her mother to stand down, allowing all of you to take control of the ship. All of the people who are awake on the ship are led to the mess hall where they can be easily contained, and as soon as you let Madi and the other prisoners go, Madi yells out for those in the room to attack.

They are quickly shot down, restoring order within seconds, and you cross the room to Madi in a flash, smacking her across the face so hard that you knock her out. You let out a shaky breath, trying to push back your emotions over hitting your niece, though only your people see it because of the way you’re facing. You quickly compose yourself and turn back to your fellow Primes, heading towards the door as you call out, “Let them rot!”

All of the Primes follow you out into the hall, and once there, you start to discuss next steps. One of the male Primes, you don't know who, turns to Russell as soon as you are outside of the mess hall. “Planet Beta. Russell, we don't even know if it's survivable.”

“If it isn't, we go for Gamma, then Delta, then Epsilon. We won't even have to land to find out if it's survivable. Assuming there are no other signal sucking anomalies, we can access the mind drives of the other teams wirelessly from up here.”

Everyone seems placated with this information, everyone that is, except for Simone. She turns to her husband, shaking her head. “Russell, I love you, and I will go with you across the stars and back, but that child is a problem.”

You roll your eyes, hoping you can diffuse the talk of murdering Madi with a Josephine style joke. “Oh, for God's sake, she has the blood. In fact, dibs on her as my next host.”

Russell adds, “Simone, if we kill their leader, they will never follow us, and we need those people to serve us unless you plan on cleaning latrines.”

She sighs, clearly only on board with the idea of keeping Madi alive, because she doesn't want to do the jobs that she thinks she is too superior for. The thought makes you sick to your stomach. “Fine, but we’re killing her sleeping army because I promise you they are already talking about how to wake them. We brought enough mind wiping fluid to erase them all in their sleep, where they'll be perfectly preserved until one of us needs a new host.”

Your mind starts to race, wondering how much longer you can keep up this facade while still also saving the hundreds of Wonkru and Eligius people that are sleeping peacefully on this ship. You miss the agreement of the other Primes, and you're only pulled out of your head when Russell turns to you expectantly. “Josie, what say you?”

You slap a smile on your face and answer, “Are you kidding? It's brilliant! A little genocide, a long nap. What the hell? Let's be explorers.”

Russell sends the other Primes to the bridge of the ship, while you, him, and Simone retrieve the mind wiping fluid from the transport ship and head towards the sleeping army. You offer to carry it for them, and they think nothing of it, passing the liquid to you as they discuss the logistics of how to vent this into the room. The whole way to the cryo chambers all you do is search for an opportunity to run off with this liquid, but you don’t know what you’d do after that or where you’d go. You're stuck on a ship in the sky with no way to fly back down to Sanctum, all while the rest of your friends are locked up on the other side of the ship. So instead, you go along with the plans and discussions, nodding when appropriate, standing near the back as Simone rigs up the ventilation system to hold the fluid. She works quickly, all while you rack your brain to stop this, but you struggle to think of anything useful. Eventually though, time is up, and Simone reaches out to you. “Hand me the serum.”

You pull it away from her outstretched hand, your brain only able to come up with one distraction technique. You look at Simone with concern, before asking, “Are you feeling okay? You look pale. Have you had any nosebleeds or memory flashes that aren't familiar?”

“No, what are you talking about?”

You try to sound as casual as you can when you answer, “Oh, it's something I saw in the mindspace. Her mother had the same neuromesh as she did. I thought they destroyed it with an EMP, but-”

Russell cuts you off, his voice resolute and a smile on his face, as if failed mind wipes are a funny little mistake. “They did, I examined her before resurrection. I wasn't about to make the same mistake twice.”

Your blood runs cold, and you realize that this is it. There are no more stops for you to pull, no more tricks. You have to give up your advantage, reveal that you’re not Josephine at all, because that’s the only way to prevent a genocide. So when Simone reaches for the container again, you pull your arm away, backing up and putting distance between you and Josephine’s parents. Russell seems to figure it out first, though Simone is right behind him. His eyes well up with tears as he looks at you with sorrow, and you have another thought that it would be heartbreaking if he wasn't talking about a murdering body snatcher who tried to kill you multiple times, just so she could keep your body. “No, not Josie!”

You back away from the grieving parents, looking between then, shaking your head. “I can't let you kill these people. And believe it or not, I am sorry for your loss.”

You give them both one last look before you take off running, trying to put as much distance between you and them as you can. You don't hear the thundering of footsteps following you, and you start to rack your brain on why they wouldn’t follow you, until you have the horrifying realization that they’re likely grabbing Madi and searching for some way to track your mind drive. Deciding to tackle one problem at a time, you head to one of the hallways that holds an outer door, rigging up a way to get yourself out of this mess. You find a supply closet with a bunch of old and broken items from the ship, including a few discarded safety tethers. You grab them and head back to the lever to the outer door, tying them as tight as you can to a large metal bar on the wall. Then you attach the other side of the tether to your waist, hoping that it’s strong enough to hold you if the Primes call you on your bluff.

Sure enough, a few minutes later the Primes come into the hall, a tracker held in one of their hands, weapons in all the others. As soon as you see them you reach out and put your hand on the lever and yell, “Don't move! I set the inner door to stay open when I pull this, so you can put the guns down, or you can float.”

The Primes all freeze, looking between each other in shock, wondering what to do, when Simone turns her gun on all the others, “You heard her, weapons down now.”

You look at her with hope, lip quivering as you fight back tears, realizing that maybe your mom is okay after all. “Mom?”

She turns to you with a smile, and it warms your entire body. “Yes, it's me.”

The other Primes all put their guns down, and once your mother knows that you're safe, she turns to you with tears in her eyes. “I've been pretending too. Now let's lock them up and go save Madi.”

She turns back to the others, still pointing her gun at them, but something about the situation isn't sitting right with you. You aren't sure what, maybe it's because she didn't use your nickname or hug you or doesn't seem as emotional as she usually would be. Maybe it’s the fact that you remember Russell’s words about how he double checked for a neural mesh and found none, meaning there would be nowhere for your mother to go in the mindspace. Regardless of what it is, you call out to your mom's back, “What's my father's name?”

You repeat his name in your head like a mantra, begging her to say it, but your mother only turns around and looks at you with a blank expression. That’s enough for you to know the truth, that your mother truly is dead, and Simone is just trying to play you. You can tell that she knows you aren't buying it anymore, because she tries to turn her gun on you, but you quickly pull the lever to the outer door, sending all of the other Primes into space. Simone is the exception though, because she manages to reach out for you on her way past, wrapping her arms around your waist and holding onto you tightly as you both move and shift with the rushing air. You look down into your mother’s face, now being worn by someone else, and you swear you can feel your heart rip in half. You killed this woman's daughter, and you know she'll never let you live after this.

Which is why you put your hand on your mother’s forehead and push, sending her out into space with the other Primes. You use the tether to make your way back to the lever, pushing it down so you can close the outer doors again. You hit the ground with a thud, a sob tearing through you for the first time, finally able to mourn the loss of your mother. But then you remember that Russell was not with the group, and he likely has Madi, so you push your emotions aside for now, tucking them away. You untie yourself and head straight for the mess hall in search of your niece. You use Shaw’s failsafe code to get into the room, looking around at the group gathered there as they all stare at you in shock. “Where's Madi?”

Gaia answers, “Russell took her.”

“Oh, no. Oh, no. No, no.” You feel your knees give out beneath you as you realize that this is it for Madi. She is going to be killed for what you've done, and there is likely no way for you to stop it. Raven comes over to you, grabbing your arm, trying to comfort you. “We'll get her back.”

You look up at her with tears in your eyes, “No, you don't understand. I killed his family, and now he's gonna kill mine.”

Before she can answer you, the door to the mess hall slides open. You scramble to your feet and watch Madi and Russell walk in, followed by a large group of armed warriors. Indra mutters, “The demon awoke Wonkru.”

Madi yells, “Kneel if you want to live!”

You are the first one to kneel, tears in your eyes, and she looks down at you with disgust. “They said you were strong, but you're weak. Your love has made you so.”

You feel your tears spill down your face, and you lean over to one of the Wonkru guards nearby, snatching the pistol from his side and holding it to your temple. You look into Madi’s eyes, ignoring the fact that Sheidheda has made them so cold and unfeeling, and you start to beg. “Madi, I know you're in there. Please come back. I lost my mother today, I nearly lost myself. I don't know if Clarke and Bellamy are okay, and I can't lose you too. Please.”

She looks at you with a blank stare and the tears fall down your face as you reach for the trigger. “I'm gonna pull the trigger in 3...2…”

You nearly make it to one, stopping as Madi takes in a deep breath, holding up her hand and yelling, “Take the Prime and his men!”

Wonkru immediately responds and lowers their weapons, only turning them on Russell and his other men. Madi runs across the room and straight into your arms, both of you hugging each other tightly as you relish in the fact that you have saved one of your family members today. But just as you’re enjoying your reunion, Madi starts to seize up in your arms, sending you into a panic as Raven yells, “Get her upstairs!”

Jackson and Indra both grab her and quickly carry her upstairs, and you run up after them, despite not knowing what's going on. They take her into a small medical lab and strap her to a table as Raven lifts an electrical cord and sticks it into the open wound on Madi’s neck, presumably connecting it to the Flame, all the while Madi continues to seize. You call out to her, letting her know you’re here for her, trying to encourage her to fight in the same way that Clarke and Bellamy encouraged you. “Madi, I'm here. Listen to my voice, you can do this! You have to fight, Madi. You have to fight!”

Raven furiously types away at the computer, isolating Sheidheda’s code before yelling, “Got him!”

The code starts to delete from the Flame, uploading onto the other computer in the room. As soon as it’s up and out of Madi’s head, you look down at her expectantly, waiting for her to wake up. But in the same way you didn't immediately wake up after Gabriel tried to restart your heart, Madi doesn't move either. You reach out and press your finger to her neck, your stomach dropping when you barely feel a faint flutter beneath her skin. “Her pulse is too weak.”

Raven looks at you, remembering what it was like after you fried the Alie chip in her head. “We have to take it out like you did with me after the EMP.”

Jackson immediately hops into action and grabs a scalpel, increasing the cut on Madi’s neck before reaching for a pair of forceps. He uses them to pull the Flame out of her head, the AI looking terrible and destroyed as it pulls free from her neck. As soon as it’s out, Madi takes a deep breath, Sheidheda finally gone, her mind back to only holding one Commander. You drop down beside her, smoothing her hair back from her face and smiling as you whisper, “Hey little sun, I’m here. You’re gonna be okay.”

She smiles at you slightly, still weak and exhausted, whispering, “Thank you, ani.”

You transfer your gaze to Raven, who is standing close, looking down at Madi with worry, and you reach out to her and grab her hand, squeezing in thanks, well aware that she did all of the work. “Thank you, Raven.”

She squeezes back, her face full of regret when she counters, “I’m sorry about Abby.”

You nod, still not ready to process the loss of your mother. And with your niece saved and your people saved, you want nothing more than to get back down to Sanctum to make sure that Bellamy and Clarke are safe. Raven agrees to get you ready to fly within minutes, and you assemble a small team to head back down to Sanctum, while everyone else waits it out for a while, allowing you to make sure it's safe for them to follow.

You’re relieved when the transport ship finally lands back inside Sanctum, ready to reunite with Bellamy and your twin again. You and Madi walk hand in hand back to the village, both of you leading the group of your people as you return. Everyone starts to break away from the group and hug their friends and family as they see them, and you're almost caught off guard by both Bellamy and Clarke running your way. Clarke runs straight for Madi and lifts her in her arms, holding her tight, while Bellamy scoops you up in a hug and twirls you, both of you laughing with happiness. He puts you down so he can kiss you, and when he pulls away, he pulls away just enough to whisper against your lips, “I had a whole speech planned, but I can't wait any longer. Will you marry me?”

Your smile grows wider, loving this proposal just as much as the first one, as this one comes off the heels of your nearest death experience to date, and you whisper back, “Yes, of course I will.”

Bellamy smiles and kisses you again, before sliding the ring on your finger, looking the happiest he has in a while. Clarke lets out a little happy cheer, and you roll your eyes at your twin before pulling her in for a hug, just as happy to see that she’s okay, and she hugs you back, celebrating the fact that despite all the odds, you survived. As the two of you pull apart and look Bellamy’s way, he starts to tell you all about the journey that Gabriel has planned and how all of you should go with him. Your mind flashes to your mother and how she’s now dead and gone, floated just like your father, and you desperately want to escape the memory of what you’ve done. Which is why you agree to the journey with Bellamy and the others, hoping it’s enough to take your mind off of things. Your mother’s death is exactly why Clarke agrees to stay, hoping that she can clean up the mess in Sanctum and make her proud. So though it pains you both to separate again so soon after reuniting, you do, both of you needing to process her death in your own ways.

You, Bellamy, Octavia, Gabriel, and Echo all head back to Gabriel’s camp together, exchanging stories of what all of you have missed. Before you know it, you make it back to Gabriel’s camp, and he leads you all inside of the tent, motioning for you to gather around as he pulls the rubber panels that make up the floor away, tossing them to the side, revealing an old hatch. “I have to tell you I'm very excited about this. I've been studying those symbols since we found the stone, we built the camp here because of it.”

He lifts the hatch, revealing a short ladder into the ground, and he climbs down inside. All of you file down the ladder after him, standing at the base of it, staring at the object hidden from the world beneath this camp. It’s a large ball, made of metal, designed in the same swirl on Octavia’s back. The entire thing is covered in different symbols, and somehow, the ball is floating, supported by nothing. All four of you stare it in shock, not believing what you’re seeing, and Gabriel just smiles at you, glad you’re just as enamored as he is.

Gabriel walks towards the stone, Octavia right behind him, as he says, “It's thousands of years old. We have no idea who made it or what generates the magnetic field that holds it up, but we're pretty sure it's what sucks in all the radio signals.”

Some of the symbols on her back are red, it's a code.”

“Very good. We're about to find out what it's for.” Gabriel holds his hand out to Octavia, “May I see the drawing, please?”

She pulls the drawing of the tattoo from her pocket, passing it to him, and he unfolds it, searching the stone for each of the red symbols, and then touching them with two fingers, the symbol humming beneath his touch. As he works, Bellamy asks, “What happens if you're right?”

“I filled 100 notebooks with possible answers to that question.” He comes to a stop in front of the last signal, now standing beside Octavia. He turns to her, a small smile on his face. “The last symbol in the series is called an octonion. Advanced mathematics way above my head, but I don't think it's a coincidence you share a name. Please, it should be you.”

He gestures to the symbol, and she hesitates for a second before touching it, the symbol humming beneath Octavia’s touch. With the last symbol entered, you all stand waiting, staring at the stone in search of what’s going to happen next. Except, nothing happens, the moment stretching on for too long, and Gabriel’s face falls as he looks down at the sketched out tattoo again. “No, no, no, no, no. It can't be right, we must have got something wrong.”

As he turns to look at Octavia, a low rumble starts to shake the ground above, a sound not unnoticed by your fiance. He holds up his hand to Gabriel, gesturing for him to stop talking. “Quiet.”

All of you stand perfectly still, the rumbling growing increasingly louder, a strange green glow coming from the ground above the hatch. Gabriel looks up with a smile, the paper in his hand slipping from his grip, floating to the ground. “Oh, my God. I knew it.”

He bolts past all of you and heads up the ladder incredibly fast, and all of you scurry after him, trying to keep up. When you get into the tent, it’s flapping and shaking like you're in the middle of a windstorm, and a bright green light surrounds everything, casting an eerie glow. The sound is almost deafening, and you yell to be heard above it, “What the hell is this?”

Octavia just ominously whispers, “She's here.”

You look at her, taking note of the shocked expression on her face, very different from the confused expression on your own. She starts to walk forward slowly, and you hear a high pitched whine from the mouth of the tent, seconds before a figure starts to step inside. It's a girl, not much older than you are, her hair done up in two buns. She has symbols like the ones tattooed on Octavia back, except hers are on her face, etched across her cheeks and forehead. Octavia laughs when she sees the girl, a sound of happy shock, and she says, “Hope.”

You all look at Octavia, wondering what the hell is going on, and the girl, Hope, answers, “I couldn't get out of it, he has my mother. I'm so sorry, Octavia.”

They embrace, pulling each other into a hug, one that seems stiff and awkward, and Bellamy watches on, his anxiety growing. He yells, “Octavia, what's happening?”

Octavia leans up and whispers something in the girl’s ear, the words lost to all of you over the roar of whatever is happening around you, and as soon as she finishes talking, they pull apart. Hope steps backwards, a knife in her hand, the tip coated in blood, and Echo yells, “Knife!”

The pieces fall together, and you and Bellamy look at O, who starts to fall backwards, clutching her side. Bellamy catches her, his voice worried as he mutters, “O.”

Echo runs over to Hope and restrains her, along with Gabriel, as Bellamy holds his sister in his arms, you right at their side. You reach out to Octavia, pulling her layers aside to get a look at the wound, and as you do, you hear another high pitch whine, seconds before a bright green cloud slides into the tent, washing over Octavia and then pulling away. As the green glow subsides, you and Bellamy stare at his now empty arms, his sister carried off by the bright beam of light. You look up at each other, sharing a look of disbelief, trying to confirm that you both saw the impossible. He looks back down at his shaking hands, her blood covering one of them, evidence that Octavia was here, and then he turns and heads for the exit of the tent looking for her. You follow him outside, Hope collapsing as you walk past, but you ignore her, following your fiance out into the woods, the bright green light subsiding, returning back to where it came from.

The woods outside are empty, devoid of any sign of Octavia, no blood, no clothing, no nothing left behind as proof that she was out here. Bellamy spins in place, tears falling down his cheeks, his voice breaking with worried desperation as he yells, “Octavia! Octavia! Octavia!”

And there’s nothing for you to do but watch as the love of your life falls apart, his sister now gone. The mystery of Sanctum grew and then subsided, taking Octavia Blake with it.

#bellamy blake #bellamy blake x reader #bellamy blake fanfiction #the 100 #the 100 rewrite

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