#ben i wish i could tease him more hes too stoic. he needs an 'i knew you when you were 13' dialogue option every time he tries to boss me.

[vaas]

i know this is a contentious opinion but i really like the fallout new california mod. i honestly cant tell if its good or not but i still like it its got some good companions in there theyre my favourite part. they feel extremely 18 (they are. theyre between 18 and 25 i think is eric) which sometimes makes me flinch but i still like them

[ohheyitsokay]

spectators

part 8 of the ‘hey batter batter’ series

paring: Francisco Morales (Frankie, Catfish) x reader

wordcount: 2.6k

warnings: strong language, kissing, enough fluff for a rich person chair

summary: it’s a Triple Frontier baseball AU! Trust me, you don’t need to know anything about baseball.

In this chapter, the Frankie and you appease the people who have been invested in their relationship this whole time.

>>

Pope threw the ball straight up, and caught it.

Then he did it again – he was thinking.

Right hand, then left. Right, left. The ball was in the air less and less time, but the speed didn’t increase. Eventually he was just tossing it straight into his own palm, slowly, thoughtfully, his gaze fixed somewhere far away.

Frankie watched, not even nervous. Of all the reactions he could’ve predicted this was more or less what he expected.

“I’m proud of you,” this throw was for Catfish.

“Thanks.” He caught it.

“You’re fucking lucky,” Pope grinned.

“I know.” Frankie threw it back.

“When is the next date?” Benny plucked it out of the air, a strange look in his eyes. The rest of the team was already back in the locker rooms, but they had held Frankie back, curious. He had spent the morning practice practically glowing, playing well, but suspiciously distracted. Initially, there was an onslaught of teasing and questions and exaggerated berating, but now they had quieted, actually processing this, as friends. Will look satisfied, happy even, but Frankie kicked himself, remembering too late that Ben’s most recent romance hadn’t worked out.

“Tonight – she thinks the parties are bad news,” he said it carefully - Ironhead had been the one to start sharing their pasts with you, but it was really out there now, for you to take or leave. He moved past them towards the showers and he heard Tom snort, making an exaggerated whipping sound. The older man had listened to his abbreviated story with a stoic face, just raised eyebrows and his arms crossed. Frankie’s jaw clenched, wondering if he should retort, but he didn’t get the chance.

It was quiet, but Will added, “She’s not wrong,” in that even, reasonable tone of his. The tension fell, and then rose, sharply, a testament to the respect they all held for the first-baseman's opinion. Trudging through the hallway suddenly felt too fast, too dangerous, like the conversation should’ve stayed outside. A long moment filled only by footsteps as they all considered, before Ben spoke. 

“Can I come?” Frankie stopped walking, turning incredulously and Santi smacked the rookie on the back of his head. Benny glared, but without any real bite. “Ow, fuck you - I’d rather hang out than go to another one of those stupid parties, wouldn’t you?” He looked defiant, meeting each of their eyes and gesturing with both of his arms, goading them to answer him, to disagree.

No one did, not even Tom, who glowered, the leather of his glove folded into deep wrinkles. Will’s blue eyes met the brown of Santi’s, and his mouth hooked into a smile. Deep laughter went a long way to thawing tension when it was genuine, and it was.

“Ben, you can’t crash Fish's date, we can do something else,” Will took his own turn smacking his brother but it was a bit of a bold statement. There were days when it felt like they really couldn’t so anything else, like there wasn’t other options that felt real – but they should be able to.

Frankie dragged a hand over his face before groaning a muffled, “Wait,” and sighing. He cursed, not even aware of what language it was in, occupied by the thought of what you would say if you were here. It was ridiculous but it felt right, and it was an opportunity for him to slow down again. “Honestly she would probably love if you guys hung out.”

There was a beat, where they stared at him, before the debate began. It didn’t last long, hushing as they reached the locker room, but by the time they were clean and dried and settled, it was decided. There really wasn’t a downside to it and really, they were all figuring you out, too. The lure of your smiles and home cooked food far outweighed the temptation of loud music and sticky floors and girls too tipsy to talk with, at least this time.

In the lull between the practice and the game, Frankie tried not to jump whenever his phone made a noise. One date in, and he was already daydreaming about just driving to your house and just kissing you until one of you had somewhere better to be. But you had a job, and things to finish so you had time for his game that evening, and he was acutely aware that while you had let that incredible evening – yesterday? – happen, he would need to slow down. He had already told you, he wanted to do this right.

He confirmed the plans for the evening, smiling as you agreed to host all his friends, and then tossed his phone into his bag. Then put a jacket on top of the bag, folded twice so it balanced precariously. When it buzzed he made himself take a lap around the building, and wanted to bang his head against the wall when it was a random email.

And all evening the thought of you. The game rolled in, and he squatted bitterly, annoyed his position left his back to the crowd. It meant he couldn’t look for you, and James. Logically he knew, even if you had told him your exact seats, he wouldn’t be able to make you out unless you were close, but that didn’t stop him from wishful thinking. 

Catch, catch, walk, sit, swing, hit, run, walk, sit. Repeat. 

The game built, and tensions were high as the scores stayed close and the crowd whispered about playoffs. It was the worst time for him to be batting, the pressure too high to be on the shoulders of a catcher, but it couldn’t be helped.

He walked out, listening to the blast of an old song too familiar to recognize, and the rumble of the announcer.

Frankie looked towards the crowd, knowing you were out there and fruitlessly wishing he could see you. He stopped at the plate, shifting on the balls of his feet, feeling the dirt under his cleats and trying to imagine your eyes on him. His hands tightened, loosened, tightened again, the wrap on the handle of the bat protested the movement, and he tried to hear you whispering his name.

You were cheering for him, right?

The ball hit his bat with a satisfying crack, and he didn’t watch where it went before he ran.

-

James was stalling.

You were supposed to drive him home, as always, but after spending most of the game filling him in about you and Francisco, there was no convincing him to move faster.

He wanted to see the man who had kissed his granddaughter – more than once! – and look him over again. The sweet, elderly man could be quite determined, especially when it involved two of his favorite people in the whole world. It meant waiting until the crowds fled and dodging staff who would no doubt shoo you away, but the eagerness on his little, wrinkled face made him impossible to deny.

“Jimbo, you’ve already met him,” you tried again, listening to the shrieks of a fangirl. After the surprising home run, the catcher was in high demand, and it made your stomach twist.

You had woken up this morning still shy and baffled at what you were to him, what was happening. So much had happened in such a short amount of time, and you talked a lot, but not about... you, together. But James was certain, this was it, and he wanted to look Francisco in the eyes before he gave you his blessing.

His hand was in your elbow and you tugged, again, before withering under his look. He began lecturing you, about this being his job and you offered a compromise. This time, you weren’t invited, but you guided him towards the lobby where friends and family met the players, and when they let you in, you let out a breath you didn’t know you had been holding.

Santiago found you first, and both of you got big hugs from him and the Miller boys, as they told you animatedly about how much hell they gave Frankie for bringing you home the first date. You barely got a word in, but you grinned as James joined their indignation.

In truth, your eyes were looking for Frankie, and you chided yourself at how much you ached for him, as always.

After a few minutes, Will pushed you towards the locker room, and you shot him a grateful smile. All the other players were clear, he told you, Frankie was being a baby about facing the fans. Your phone buzzed in your pocket, confirming that he was at loathe to run into anyone but you. They kept your grandfather occupied, and you knew they were in good hands as he was insisting he was hosting game night, that night.

Ducking into the hall, you followed the tile and the gaudy decorations, and found him.

Frankie, your Francisco was freshly showered, tshirt and jeans marked with drips from his curls, fiddling with his phone like he was waiting for you to text back. When he saw you, he dropped it into his bag, and your arms and eyes were suddenly full of him.

It was a crushing hug, he was eager and almost bursting with pride. You made a noise, you know you did, when only your toes were touching the ground, but he didn’t spin you around before he set you down.

He tried to pull away, he really did, but he couldn’t help but stay close, and you could’ve sworn his cheeks were flushed as you congratulated him, telling him admiringly about how exciting his home run was.

Feeling him against you again was surreal. Mere weeks ago you had been watching him from a distance, and then burying ridiculous daydreams under the rug in your mind. And yet here he was, looking at you with the same softness as he had the night before, without regret, and like reality was better than a dream.

When he asked why and how you were here – not that he was complaining, you told him and explained about James. He only smiled, shifting closer to you again, telling you after all you put up with yesterday, he could certainly do this for you.

There was a pause, the air both clear and thick at the same time, and his head tilted, hands shifting on your hips. Thoughts of your family and friends and food slipped from your mind as his face drew closer, the tip of his nose tapping yours.

Brown eyes, searching your face, you almost felt like you could count his eye lashes. Frankie had little freckles, faint, spattered across the tan skin of his neck and face, and there were sweet little sparse patches in his beard.

“You know, we wont get any time alone, tonight.”

His tone was thoughtful, but he said it like he almost didn’t hear himself, and you could feel the edges of the words against your lips.

The hand on your hip slid up. Up and up, until it settled on the back of your head and he was pressing into you. Frankie’s kisses were deep and slow, like he couldn’t believe last night was not a figment of his imagination, and you wound your arms around him before you got lost in them. There were words in them, distant proclamations and promises and you pulled him into you, yearning to hear them clearly.

It could’ve been a minute or half an hour, between that moment and when he pulled away. With shock, you realized you had been pushed against the locker with his name on it, and his palm was cushioning your head.

There was a clatter of aluminum against the floor, and you jumped like caught teenagers. Then you were firmly planted on the ground again, and Frankie was turned around, shielding you like it was already instinct. Neither of you saw anyone, and his laughter was bashful and sweet. When he said you should probably go, and took your hand, you heard a genuine roughness in his voice.

Behind another row of lockers, Molly whispered into Tom’s neck, “Do you need to go, too? There’s that party tonight.” And he shrugged.

-

The environment at James' home was completely different than last time they were there. Things were less clean, there was less food, and everyone was twice as comfortable. 

It was strange, what really knowing them did - they teased you more, and breathed easier, as if they had never met someone who hadn’t minded it all. 

“Juice packets?” Will asked, confused at the drink selection, and you smiled when Santi winked at you. Tom hadn’t come but you thought it would be best to play it safe. It was important to you, that if they were choosing this over a party that it was lighthearted, sincere and simple.

“I just thought it would be fun,” you gave as your only explanation and he didn’t question it further. He did drink them three at a time, though, and when you laughed, you swore you saw his smile lines.

Benny was on your team, yelling and by far the most competitive, Santi and Will’s luck encouraging it every step of the way. They bickered like kids, bellowing laughter and rambunctious celebrations included. You made an extra rule – anyone who hit you with a pillow or playing piece had to buy you ice cream, next time the opportunity came up.

If should’ve been distracting, how James had pulled Frankie to the side to talk, but it warmed your heart. You didn’t need to swoop in and rescue him – they were talking like old friends, like Frankie was genuinely interested and invested in your beloved grandfather.

Every once in awhile, he would look up and meet your eyes, watching you with his friends with one corner of his mouth pulling higher. Once, you blew him a kiss and he scrunched his nose, like it hit him between the eyes.

Later, you scooted over to them, trying to steal him back, James leaned over and ruffled your hair before sternly, adorably telling you to let him have his turn with Frankie. When Frankie joined him, jokingly telling you to back off, you thought if it didn’t work out with him, Jimbo would adopt him. 

The night stretched beautifully late, before your grandfather lectured them on the importance of sleep and Benny spun you around in victory. There were stars in the sky, and you listened to their chatter fade as they piled into their cars, surprised at how affectionate you felt for all of them, after so little time and such unlikely circumstances. 

Frankie had stayed back, accepting goodbye hugs, and leaning against your car as you waved the other’s off. Of course, you asked, but he didn’t tell you what they talked about and he didn’t linger as long as you had hoped he would. 

His kiss was sweet and chaste, like he knew he had all the time in the world.

<<

taglist:

@fangirl-316 @scribbledghost @writeforfandoms @beautyagegoodnesssize @princess76179 @mrsbentallmadge

hey batter batter taglist:

@icanbeyourjedi @studyofawearymind @hnt-escape @athalien @the-witty-pen-name @daffodin @sarahjkl82-blog @pintsizemama @anaaaispunk @pjkimrn @dobbyjen @stuckontheceiling

[sanktagenyas]

ok ok ok so i’m on ep 6 (about to start it) of shadow and bone and i’m not writing this ‘cause i’m full of restraint and don’t wanna keep watching all the way through far from it but i have some thoughts.

ok first things first: darklina. i love them and i think i have to attribute a lot of why i love them so much to ben barnes and jessie mei li’s portrayal and their chemistry which is just on fire. i already like book version (what i’ve read so far at least) a lot so there was a lot to live up to. that was pretty much top priority for me will they do these two justice and i have high expectations for the scenes between them now that alina’s made her turn, now that she knows who the darkling really is.

now there are a couple of changes been made from the book which was to expect but that kinda bugged me. in the book the darkling is very evasive, alina sees him very rarely which makes sense the man ought to be busy planning if they’re gonna go into the fold eventually. and so because the moments between them are rarefied there’s this anticipation to it all and i wish the show would have spaced out their scenes together more so that it would translate. i also personally thought reading the book that the darkling deliberately kept his distance from alina because she unsettles him. she makes him feel things he hasn’t felt in a long time. i always thought that if he wanted to keep her at his side and loyal he could have easily seduced her into bed a lot sooner than he tried to. after that if he’d played his cards right he could have spun her another tale to make her adhere to his plans with the fold. he could have convinced her it was the right thing to do if he really is that good of a manipulator but i always figured his feelings for her were getting in the way of him going that extra mile, hence him keeping his distance.

i got spoiled about his name and i didn’t quite get why she learns about it now. that’s gonna ruin whatever weight that moment has in the books. actually that moment won’t happen now i’m guessing.

also because since i’m being picky i might as well add that i wish this whole talk of the black heretic had gone the way it has in the books. she’s practically having to pry information out of him like his age but here he tells her about the black heretic and not just that but also how he feels about being blamed for his ancestor’s mistakes. i get it, it’s manipulation but i prefer the less open version of the darkling from the book. that version seemed more sincere, he didn’t spin a tearful tale of a boy marked unjustly and decried for his ancestor’s sins. he just said it matter of factly. he lied but at least he wasn’t being a manipulative ass about it in the book. withholding information and outright lies are bad enough but using alina’s own pain for being an outsider/undesirable against her by weaving this tale of him being one too was just a bit much.

but i think it plays a part in a bigger issue i have with the show but more on that later.

i did really really enjoy darklina so far regardless. the more open version of the darkling means that we get to see alina tease a lightness (pun intented) out of him that make him seem younger than he is, more of the innocent boy he once was maybe but then again he reverts back to that calculating cold gaze just in time. lest we forget who our villain is here. i absolutely LOVED the fact that they gave alina more agency and more of an active role in the relationship, i couldn’t be happier about the fact that we lost their original book first kiss post baghra training if it means we get to see alina kiss him first. she really blossomed once she let go of mal i don’t know if you noticed. that flashback of her hurting herself so she would fail the grisha’s test was heartbreaking to see. really hammered home for me why i can’t get behind malina.

which brings us to malina. i’ll keep it brief. i wish the show would stop shoving these two at us like you’d push a puppy onto an unwilling adopter. no matter how shiny and big those eyes are i’m not interested. the use of flashbacks to their common past and to that damn meadow was excessive to say the least and i kept waiting and waiting to feel what the showmakers were intending to invoke in their audience but i must not be the target for it because i just didn’t. there’s an appeal to the kind of ease and fondness that two best friends have between one another and in both their actions (especially mal’s actually, another change from book form) the love is apparent but that doesn’t change the conclusion i reach inevitably when it comes to these two: they are a codependant mess. they let themselves go when they’re not together as if being separated means a fate worse than death, as if they can’t function without the other. that’s especially true for alina. and they both make foolish reckless choices that hurt other people in the process of getting back to one another. but at least in mal’s case he had reason to fear for her safety and didn’t put mikhael and dubrov in harm’s way on purpose. alina’s short sightedness when burning those maps was the one moment i was genuinely fuming mad at our hero. 

and then there’s mal. a mal pov means a chance to get to know him better and go from me tolerating the guy to liking him or heck maybe even love him. if i could love mal half as much alina does it would make his scenes so much better instead of being the most boring part of any episode and i’d say natural seeing as he’s also competing with a lot of very lively and interesting characters. i mean kaz is pretty damn stoic and yet i’m never bored by him, not for one second. the issue is that mal’s scenes revolve around alina, his scenes are yet another way to shove malina down our throats and i cannot take it. i appreciate his bravery and his loyalty but his best scene to me is the one with him crying over mikhael’s dead body. a scene devoid of any callback to alina or malina. give him a story that doesn’t revolve around her, give him more to do beside being his own one man rescue team for alina. he deserves better.

now my big fear is darklina related i’m thinking because they made the darkling much more open with alina it’s all gonna seem more deliberate to her, she’s going to not just doubt and fine comb through her interactions with him to find the lie she’s going to be flat out convinced it was just an act from start to finish which means more angst. i hope they won’t go from the heat of these two together to just dead coldness and that they’d keep alina’s pull that she feels towards him. i didn’t forget how she just melted into him against herself when he kissed her again even though she was his captive then and under threat of harm. i didn’t forget how she still feels about him by that point and i hope the showrunners and writers didn’t forget. they don’t need to diminish darklina to push their malina agenda and if they do? well maybe malina isn’t as attractive of a ship as they think it is.

[mandochlorian]

secret (ben solo x fem!reader)

part I part II part III

PART FOUR

summary: So, the thing about your mom… it’s not that she’s possessive or controlling… well, she can be. But it’s just that she really has a dislike for Ben Solo, which is why she can never know that you sneak him into your room every Friday while she’s at work.

general masterlist

star wars masterlist

Ben.

Let me in...

Ben.

Nothing but silence.

Hurry up!

I’m freezing out here.

Ben.

Staring up at the window, you see shadows shift against the pale white light.

I can see that you’re inside, come on.

It shines against the alley beside Ben’s part-time quarters on Base. Back at your home, your bedroom door is locked and your lights are off. You’re feigning sleep, your parents are unaware - hopefully. Letting out a short sigh, you let your crossed arms fall in defeat. This dumb idiot boy. He literally begged you to come to his house tonight and now that you’re here, he’s not answering your call?

You stretch your hand out, a furrow reaching your brow as you slide open the window. Might as well let yourself in. Sucking in a breath, you bend your knees before jumping up to the window - with trusty help from the force. At once, you’re clinging to his window, a scowl on your face as you grunt at the effort.

“I trained all day,” you announce to him, “now is my only time off and I have to climb up-“

Your scowl drops when you look up from your position. Han and Leia both look at you, perched upon the ledge.

“You need to work on your patience, I think,” Ben gives you a curt smile, looking down at you as he stands beside his parents. He runs a hand through his black curls, willing his brain to think of something good.

You remain silent, shutting your agape mouth. There’s no way out of this one. Turning around, you glance down at the drop. Surely you could survive it. It wouldn’t be as painful as the tension in this room right now. You turn back around at the feeling of Ben’s hand on yours. He helps you from the ledge, shutting the window behind you before standing at your side. Han crosses his arms, trying so desperately to hide the amusement that threatens to mar his usual stoic expression. What can he say? The kid reminds Han of himself. And after how your parents acted, Han’s impressed that Ben has the guts to keep sneaking around. 

“What? No half-assed excuse?” He quips, giving Ben a slight smirk.

His kid just shrugs, his own smile appearing on his face, “I can’t talk myself out of this one, I know when to quit.”

Okay, maybe he can’t talk himself out but you definitely can. “I’m, uh, I’m sorry about - well, everything,” you can’t help but keep your eyes on the ground, avoiding the Pilot and the Generals eyes, “I understand that I’m not welcome here. I just...” you glance at Ben, holding his longing gaze for a moment before you cast your eyes away, “I’ll leave. I’m sorry.”

The prospect of having them tell your parents is frightening. But the idea of never seeing Ben again... that’s worse. On the other hand, there is no part of you that wants his parents to resent you. You want to know them forever - like you want to know Ben forever. And nothing has started on a good foot.

Ben goes to protest but Leia reaches a hand out, halting your actions before your boyfriend can speak, “Stay, Y/N. It’s alright.”

Ben looks at his mother, searching her feelings. There isn’t an inkling on her filled with anger. You tilt your head, glancing between her and Han, “S-Sorry?”

“You are welcome here, Y/N,” she admits, “any time. I know your parents aren’t the most... accommodating,” she places a hand on Han’s arm, giving you a reassuring smile, “But we’ll always be here to accept you into our home.”

Ben smiles. He can feel his chest rise with something. Something like joy. Excitement. Maybe it’s all mixed with relief too because he can’t stop smiling so, so wide. It’s a good look on him.

“Are you sure?” You can’t help but ask, furrowing your eyebrows, “My parents were... horrible.” 

You think back to that evening a few weeks ago. Not only did they insult Ben but they insulted the entire Organa-Solo family without even realising - or caring. You haven’t stopped thinking about it or feeling guilty about it.

“You’re not like your parents, kid,” Han admits, giving you a kind smile. At the time, Han had to control his anger. He couldn’t cause more of a scene despite your father's words. 

“You make Ben happy,” Leia admits, adding sternly, “though I’m not thrilled about the smuggling... I know that you take care of him. You take care of each other.”

“Yeah, you make a good pair,” Han admits, giving a nod in your general direction. Ben raises an eyebrow at his dad, returning his nod comically.

“Thank you.” You mumble to them, a gentle smile on your face. Something within you twinges with sadness but you push it down, not letting your thoughts ruin this.

“Honestly,” Han adds, “We’ve known for a while.”

“What?” Ben frowns. Leia hides a smile. “How long?”

“Oh, honey,,” Leia pretends to think about it, “About a year... maybe longer.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, kid.” Han nods. Hm, so they found out about the girlfriend before they found out about the smuggling. Ben can live with that. 

“Come over whenever you’d like, Y/N,” Leia adds, “This space is as much yours as it is ours.”

“Thank you,” you repeat, slightly stunned.

Before his parents head out the door, Han turns to look to you, “We have a front door, by the way. Might wanna start using it.”

You let out a small laugh, giving him an awkward smile, “I’ll keep that in mind.”

The door to Ben’s room shuts, leaving silence and slight tension within. Two arms come to wrap around your waist and Ben leans his head against your shoulder, facing the crook of your neck. When he speaks, you can feel his lips brush against your skin. “That... kinda went well,” he muses, “I guess your lack of patience isn’t too bad after all.” 

“Guess so,” you hum back, staring at the wall opposite you. You take a breath, resting a hand on top of his as he presses a kiss to your warm neck.

Ben pauses, sensing the shift in your mood and he pulls back slightly. “Talk to me, baby,” he asks lowly, pulling away to grab your hand. He leads you to the bed, lounging comfortably on the dark sheets.

“What?” You ask innocently, laying down beside him and playing with his large hand.

“What’s wrong?” He looks down at you, his expression less than happy.

“Nothing,” you laugh gently, “I’m fine.”

“Come on.”

“I’m okay.” He doesn’t buy it. “I don’t want to ruin this moment.” You continue.

“You won’t,” Ben’s voice becomes more stern as he watches you in silence. A few moments pass, you holding his hand, playing with his fingers, before he speaks up. “Come on, you won’t ruin anything. Talk to me, I’m here.”

You let go of Ben’s hand. He just places it on your waist instead. “It’s dumb.” You admit.

“Well, so are you.”

“Nice.”

“I’m kidding!”

“Real nice.”

“It’s meant to ease tension - make you loosen up, talk to me a little. Hey,” his voice is serious now as he gazes at your expression, “Y/N, whatever it is you know that I love you.”

You smile, reaching your hand out to cup his warm, freckled cheek, “I know.” 

Looking into his eyes for a moment, you lean in to press your lips against his. In the quiet of his room the only sound is Ben eagerly inching forward on the bed. His large hand gently grasps at the back of your neck, further pushing your lips against his as he holds you close.

After a moment, it stops. Opening his eyes, Ben pulls back with a blissful and dimpled smile.

“Stop trying to distract me.” His words are serious but he looks so cute.

You frown, giving him a small pout as you lean in, “I’m not.” You capture his lips against yours, feeling him exhale a huff of air through his nose.

You reach for the bottom of his shirt. He hums loudly, pulling back. Ben moves his hand, his thumb pressed against the tip of your chin and angling your head up. 

“I know what you’re doing,” he whispers sternly and a little breathless. “Your sneaky tricks don’t work on me, Jedi,” Ben teases, his eyes subtlety glancing to your neck before he removes his hand.

Your smile slowly vanishes as he leaves you. All you can do now is let out a sigh. Plopping back down on the bed, you face his ceiling. Ben, who has been keeping his eyes on you, follows suit curiously. He looks up at his ceiling too but when you don’t say anything yet, Ben glances at you.

“Your parents are so lovely,” you finally admit.

“They like make a good first impression, I’ll admit, but you’ll get tired of them soon,” Ben answers casually, still trying to gauge your expression, “I mean, who knows? They’ll probably like you more than they like me.”

“Maybe.” You let out the smallest huff of a laugh, barely even audible. It almost makes you cry. You keep staring at the bright ceiling.

“You... you didn’t want them to know yet?” Ben wonders, staring at you, “Are you uncomfortable? I’m s-”

“No, no!” You shake your head, brows furrowed as you turned to him, “It’s not that.”

Ben doesn’t rush you. He doesn’t get angry or frustrated. He waits. Stars, this man is so patient with you. He just waits. Waits for you to find the proper words. Waits for you to feel okay. Waits for you to squeeze his hand back.

“I just wish-” you feel tears spring to your eyes as you face away from him again, “I wish something could just be good for once. Purely, wholly good. No exceptions. Just one thing. One single thing. Why can’t this one thing just be... good?” When you turn to Ben, he can see the redness in your eyes. “I love you. I really love you, Ben. Sometimes I think I could be happy on a planet just you and me. But it’s not that simple, is it? Nothings that simple. Why does something always get in the way? I love you. With all my heart. I always will - you’re my person, you know? And it’s always so good until it’s not. Do you... do you get what I mean?” Stars you feel like an idiot when Ben doesn’t automatically respond. You turn to him, trying to gauge his reaction. 

“I do,” he finally answers, holding your hand tightly.

“You felt like the one thing that was just... good, Ben. Solely good. Even if you were a secret.”

“That’s why you didn’t want to tell them?” He adds, giving you a gentle look, “Your parents, I mean.”

“I knew it’d all be ruined.”

“It’s not ruined,” Ben frowns, shaking his head at you, “It’s not.” 

“My dad laid his hands on you, Ben,” you remind him - though you know he doesn’t need it, “I don’t know how two people come back from that.” Ben just listens to you. He doesn’t want to agree with you, doesn’t want to give in to the idea that him and your parents may never get along. “What if you’re right?” You ask, staring back into his brown eyes, “What if this just... dies out?”

Ben pauses. You can see the way his eyes rake over your face, slowly, calculatingly, yet still gentle. “I’m never right.” Ben responds with a subtle shake of his head. He tries to ease the tightness that begins filling his chest at your words. His hand squeezes yours, just to make sure you’re still here.

“I’m just tired of nothing going right,” you sigh, facing the ceiling once again, “you know?” His hand feels heavy to hold.

Ben gazes at you for a moment longer, “Yeah,” he sighs, feeling the faint ghost hands of your father gripping and pulling him by the collar, “yeah, I know. Listen, Y/N... You and your parents, you’re different people. You’re living different lives. You decide how you live yours. They’ll come around to it - because they love you. You’re their daughter and I know that they just want what’s best for you, even if they don’t think it’s me. This sounds biased but... if you have something good that you love, don’t let him go.” You chuckle gently, resting your hand on top of Ben’s. You don’t try to look away to hide the tears anymore. Ben doesn’t say anything about them either. “Life is not ever consistent, you can’t count on it to be,” he continues, “things change and things go wrong. I know you’re upset, you have a right to be. And I’m not saying you shouldn’t let it be felt... I’m just saying, don’t let it overshadow the fact that this is still good - that what we have is still love. It’ll always just be... love.” Ben speaks to your metaphor, feeling a little awkward but covering it with a genuine smile, “And that’s good. Okay?” 

“Okay.” You smile back at him, feeling your heart pick up speed as you watch him leaning towards you. His eyes hold something within them, something elated and mischievous. 

“Say it,” he smiles, his forehead pressing against yours, “This is good.” Ben presses his soft lips against yours, unable to stop smiling into the gentle kiss.

You hold back a giggle, kissing him back and barely being able to respond, “This - is good.”

“This is good,” he whispers to you, his hands now finding their way to your cheeks. Ben gently holds your face, his soft, caring, attentive eyes staring into yours, “This is good.”

[clownsgobeepbeep]

How do the Bingo, Carney, and Ally feel about the other kids/adults? Any age group is fine uwu :3

I’ll write them as adults uwu This is long...but I finally fucking answered it

Ally

Davey: Of course, Ally has had the longest crush on Davey. God it really started when they were young. Anyways. She thinks Davey is such a smart guy, so funny and clever. She admires everything about him, always tries her best to talk to him because conversations with him are always great. Before all that angsty stuff happens, she’s really been trying to push her feelings away but...sigh, Davey’s just too cool of a guy to not crush on apparently X3

Cordelia: Ally likes Cordelia, but she can be a bit too hyper for her, not that she dislikes it. Ally is just more on the tamer side(okay, she might secretly be a bit like Cordelia and I know she could totally bring that side of her out). Would like to hang out with her, she seems like a person who can make anything fun.

Ben: He’s so serious...but he’s a pretty cool guy. While some may be uncomfortable or spooped by his serious expression, she thinks it’s pretty nice, he’s perfect for her sister. I can imagine she liked to hang out with him when they were younger, he’s so calm and collected.

Greta: I imagine she’d get along with Greta, would enjoy being in her company and such. They seem like they’d have a nice girl’s day/night out.

Rory: Just like with Ben’s seriousness, she really wouldn’t be creeped out by Rory at all. They seem like such a nice person, can tell why Phoebe’s really crushing on them despite not realizing it. They definitely think Rory is interesting.

Clara: Another person Ally could definitely see herself with. They honestly seem like they’d be really good friends, their vibes just kinda match up hehe.

Phoebe:She likes Phoebe, she’s her sister’s best friend so she sees her quite often. She’s a bit too energetic for her taste, but she’s still a really fun person and always encourages Ally to do things she’s too shy to do(except tell Davey about her feelings asdfghjkl), so she really appreciates Phoebe. Wishes she could be more like her.

Harper: He’s a really cool person, thoughts are similar to those she has about Phoebe. Definitely asks him for outfit ideas and I’m sure she’s asked him if he’d like to go shopping with her, she’d want his opinion. Recognizes that her brother has been crushing on Harper for a while and thinks they’d be really cute together. They’re her own rom-com lol.

Penny:Hmmm...I don’t really know how she would feel about Penelope. I haven’t seem much of Penny in a while but I guess she’d like her.

Bingo

Davey: Even if her sister didn’t have a crush on him, she’d think Davey was stupid. People like him are kind of irritating, she doesn’t want to deal with that sort of shit. Okay, that sounds like super mean...Davey’s just the kind of person that makes her roll her eyes any time he does some stupid shit. She recognizes that he’s smart+clever, not the best combination with that stuff he does. Definitely dislikes how he’s made her sister hurt of course, sure she partially blames Ally for the mess they’re gonna get into but also Davey for being so damn dense and barely going after her after she’s seeing someone else.

Cordelia: Bingo likes Cordelia surprisingly X3 Somehow tolerates her a lot more than Davey hehe. Likes the whole hero thing she had going on when she was younger, is going to love her kids when they arrive. 

Ben: *insert Lenny Face* Benjamin is such a great person, aaah. Okay, Bingo wouldn’t say it that way but you can bet he does make her feel a bit blushy at times. As she grew up and realized her feelings, she would find herself watching Ben from afar. Anyways. She really just likes him as a whole. I really can not give you anything specific because literally everything about him she loves, even if they were interested in each other she would have really liked Ben.

Greta: Hmmm...I think she would like Greta...I would need to see more of her as well as the two together to properly answer for her.

Rory: Bingo would definitely like Rory, they are someone Bingo would be really fond of. Their vibes just fit together huehue. I imagine Bingo and Rory have conversations about Phoebe because everyone except Phoebe knows about her crush on Rory asdfghjkl. 

Clara: She seems like such a nice person, Bingo would tolerate her. For some reason reminds her of her older sister

Phoebe: This is her best friend right here. It even surprises me that they’re best friends my god. Bingo doesn’t know why but when they were younger, Phoebe just seemed like such an annoying but interesting girl. Kind of stalked her for some time??? Then she realized...maybe I’ll befriend her to experiment...she really enjoyed being with her in the end and they just became besties.

Harper: Harper is Phoebe’s other best friend and honestly, Bingo thinks he’s a really cool bird. She likes him, she admires his characteristics minus the anger hehe. He’s entertaining to watch when it comes to the rom-com shit with her brother. At least Harper’s not dense like Davey which is why she decided to straight up tell him about Carney’s crush on him(’cause she wanted Davey to learn for himself while Harper, that’s a lot easier to deal with). I can see these two(as well as Phoebe) some great sleep overs.

Penny: Hmm...I honestly don’t really know what she’d think about Penny uwu

Carney

Davey: Hmmm...he doesn’t dislike Davey, he actually thinks he’s kinda cool but also does get a bit angry about the whole not-noticing-Ally’s feelings. Himbo, stop being a damn hypocrite. But like, he also realizes that Ally’s been crushing on him foooorever. He keeps quiet because he might reveal too much and get Ally mad. Anyways. Davey is a cool dude though, he would definitely want to join in on those shenanigans.

Cordelia: Cordie seems like a cool person, I don’t necessarily see them hanging out together but if they did, he would definitely enjoy it. Doesn’t mean he wouldn’t hang out with her because he definitely would, I just mostly see him with his sisters or his bestie Rudy. I feel that they would definitely get along when they’re adults.

Ben: Finds his stoic expression funny. It’s like another Bingo hehe. Tolerates the guy. I don’t think he’d have too many thoughts on Ben honestly.

Greta: I don’t think he’d have very many thoughts on Greta uwu

Rory: Rory always creeped him out when they were younger, and they most likely still do X3 He’s not too much of a scaredy-cat as he was when he was young of course and he has matured, so he actually does interact more with Rory, especially because his dad worked at Cuckoo’s circus and I’m sure they constantly saw each other.

Clara: Doesn’t think too much of Clara and I don’t really see them hanging out due to personality differences. Wouldn’t dislike her, they just aren’t too compatible and he can tell. However, he would approach her(if possible) because his best friend does have a crush on her, tries to figure stuff out ya know? Helping a bro out

Phoebe: She’s a pretty cool person, he definitely likes Phoebe. Besides the fact that she too has matured and their personalities don’t really clash anymore, they have definitely become better friends(especially because he sees her a lot thanks to Bingo). Definitely appreciates always trying to help him with Harper(even if it’s mostly teasing)

Harper: Of course, himbo here has a hardcore crush on Harper. Besides thinking that he’s so damn beautiful/handsome and just really awesome, Carney really likes how he’s matured. He definitely remembers being snapped at by Harper when they were younger but he really doesn’t mind any of it, most people snapped at him ‘cause he was definitely annoying as fuck. He appreciates that Harper now tolerates him and is willing to hang out with him, especially when they’re left as third wheels X3 Also, I’m just saying but like, you know how in movies women tend to be portrayed as being shopaholics and their male partner is always carrying all of her bags, totally struggling. If Harper wanted to go to the mall and buy all kinds of shit,Carney is that man and he ain’t gonna be a bitch about it. That’s how much he likes him

Penny:I don’t think he’d have many thoughts on Penny either

[adams]

the only time i feel good falling (is when i'm falling fast and hard for you) // stenbrough // ao3 // for lil <3 // playlist

The year is 1994, and Bill Denbrough is going to ask Stan Uris to the prom. That is, if Stan doesn't ask Patty Blum first.

part one of two: saturday january 29, 1994

The year was 1994, and the Loser’s Club was in full swing, screaming along to grunge rock and alternative pop at the top of their lungs, all piled on each other’s lap in Mike’s truck, spilling popcorn all over the seats in crowded movie theaters, swapping sodas, and kicking each other out of the hammock in their clubhouse. The seven of them (eight, when Georgie insisted on being included) were inseparable. You could always find at least a pair of them tangled up together, napping on the broken down couch that they had found and dragged into the clubhouse or swimming and splashing around in the cold water of the quarry in early spring before the sun has time to warm the water for the season.

The year was 1994, and the Loser’s were seniors in high school, planning for their futures. They were in the final stretch of the school year, taking the last of their public school classes. Some were making up for lost credits, like Richie and Beverly, who had both missed more than their fair share of biology lessons to go out back and smoke hand-rolled cigarettes in the Derry Senior High’s tennis courts, while other Loser’s were working on obtaining as much extra credit as humanly possible. Eddie was interning with the local hospital, well on his way to earning a CNA degree before even finishing high school first, while Mike spent countless hours volunteering at the Derry Library, where he aided the regular librarians in cleaning, organizing, and developing children’s programming, even bringing in some of his grandfather’s ranch animals on occasion. Ben had found himself a pastime at the gym, gaining muscle, confidence, and the attention of many girls across the campus, though he famously, and kindly, turned down anyone who asked him out. He only had eyes for one girl, and Beverly knew how lucky she was.

Though they were all growing up and finding their differences from one another, they were close as they ever were, and then some.

The year was 1994, and the Losers had steadily climbed the rungs of the social ladder, so that by the time of their senior year, they were ready and willing to date. Mike, handsome and charismatic, had dated a handful of girls by that point, and was seeing a sweet girl by the name of Hannah Bishop. She was a blonde on the track team with Ben, but most importantly, she got along well with the rest of the Losers, making her the longest standing of Mike’s girlfriends.

Richie and Eddie had gotten their heads out of their asses by sophomore homecoming, when Richie had finally let himself come out to his friends, and Eddie practically leapt into his arms to kiss him on the spot. They kept the PDA down to a dull roar at school, still nervous of other kids’ reactions, but were still inseparable at the heart of it.

Bill and Beverly had long since broken up, reaching an amicable end partway through freshman year. They felt too young to settle into something serious, and still got nervous attempting to kiss in front of their friends, and knew they weren’t meant to be.

Bev had no trouble moving on, though, and after finding out that her most beloved possession, the Derry postcard with the sweetest poem written on the back that she had found after one of her most cherished memories, a day at the quarry with her boys, was written by none other than Ben Hanscom himself, she wasted no time in claiming him for her own, as if he had ever been anything but hers. Bill, though, had never seemed to move on in the same way. The vast majority of the school assumed he was still fixated on his redheaded friend, but most of the Losers knew better.

It was 1994, and Bill Denbrough was in love with Stanley Uris.

Stan, once an uptight, strange child, had grown into an uptight, strange young man. He was smart, in the running for valedictorian, and funnier than even Richie sometimes, with his quick wit and dry sense of humor. His unruly curls grew longer, framing his face and moved gently around him when he laughed or shook his head, disparaging as a disapproving parent, but always with the glint of humor in his eyes. The Losers never had to explain themselves to him; he always seemed to understand his friends almost better than they did themselves, which is why it infuriated most of them to no end when he insisted that his best friend and fearless leader Bill was still in love with Beverly Marsh, even three years after the definitive end of their relationship, if you could ever really call two fourteen year olds too shy to hold hands for fear of their friends’ mocking a relationship.

Even after the end of everything, though, Stan never made fun. The other Losers liked to tease Bill and Beverly about their sandbox romance, with even Ben throwing in a joke or two occasionally about having “stolen Bill’s girl,” Stan didn’t play along. He’d roll his eyes and move the conversation along, having settled into the much needed role of babysitter when it came to hanging out with the Losers. Even Mike was childish and liked to throw paper balls that once came in the shape of long-lost love letters around the clubhouse, but somehow, the ever-present Peter Pan syndrome never stuck to the most stoic member of the group when it came to the romances and heartbreaks of his friends. It was the kind of tact that Bill admired about him. Bill admired a lot about him.

One of his oldest friends, Bill knew Stan like the back of his hand. He knew which buttons to press to get him to shout and jump like a fool with the rest of them, he knew exactly which pleading look to give to make Stan roll his eyes and grab Bill’s hand, letting the tall auburn-haired boy pull him into the bed of Mike’s truck that Eddie was always fixing up right before the designated driver for the night sped off onto the highway, looking for some sort of fun. But most of all, Bill knew that Stan was different, like the rest of the Losers.

The day River Phoenix died only a few months before hit the group like a ton of bricks, but none of them cried, except for Stanley, who had a secret copy of My Own Private Idaho on tape hidden on his bookshelf between ornithology journals that no one except for Bill knew about. None of the Losers cried over the tragic death of a young celebrity except for Stanley, the strange and uptight boy who loved a strange movie a little too much to be a coincidence. Bill thought that he had put the pieces together, he thought that it meant that maybe, just maybe, Stan was different like him, like Richie and Eddie were different. Bill thought that he may have a chance to be with the boy he was in love with, and immediately began planning the most romantic and devastatingly cheesy set up in the history of Derry Senior High, starting with asking Stan to prom in early February. That was the ideal time, he thought, since it was early enough to get a head start, but not so early that Stan would be blindsided.

Bill knew that he had a chance with Stan, or at least he thought he did, until the last Saturday of January, when Stanley asked Patty Blum to prom.

Saturday, January 29, 1994, Three Months to Prom

“Richie, I swear to all that is holy in this world,” Beverly said, waving her hand with a not quite yet lit cigarette held between her fingers, “if you make me late to chemistry again tomorrow morning, I’m going to end your life.”

“I didn’t say that I’m actually going to go make out with Eddie in the locker room after his gym class, I just said it would be hot,” Richie said, waggling his finger like a chastising mother, “There’s a massive difference.”

“Not if Eddie agrees with you!”

“And I didn’t agree with him!” Eddie shouted, sounding guilty already, as though if given the chance before Bev piped up he would have agreed.

The group was in Bill’s backyard, huddled around a small bonfire near the back edge of the property. It was unusually warm that afternoon for a winter day, so they decided to make smores and hope that certain members of their exclusive club couldn’t find anything to catch on fire, either purposefully (Richie) or accidentally (Bill). They had all gathered only about 45 minutes prior to the locker room conversation, with Mike arriving earliest after dropping his girlfriend off at home, and Stan being the latest arrival, as he had… still not arrived. Bill pretended not to notice too much, but as ever, he wore his heart on his sleeve and looked over his shoulder to the gate door next to the house every few minutes, hoping for Stan to arrive soon.

“Stop being so antsy, Bill,” Ben said, nudging him with a stick to get his attention. “Stan will get here when he gets here.”

Bev draped herself across her boyfriend’s lap and put a hand against her forehead and spoke in a poor imitation of Bill’s voice, complete with the distinctive stutter that he was slowly growing out of, “I just c-can’t live wih-without him near me, Ben. Stan is muh-my light ah-and stars.”

“Hardy huh-har har, Bev,” Bill said, straight faced and unamused, “I just wuh-want to get stuh-st-started on the s-smores already.”

He might have convinced his friends if his face didn’t immediately betray him by lighting up when he turned around at the sound of the gate swinging open, making a sudden noise as the wood door smacked into the side of the fence as Stan drug his bike into the backyard. Stan’s face was red, and so were his gloveless fingers, but his face was broken into an uncharacteristically wide smile as he dropped his bike to the ground and jogged to where his friends were gathered around the fire.

“I wish you had called me for a ride,” Eddie’s disapproving tone was cancelled out by the concern on his voice when he took one of Stan’s icy hands in his own and rubbed his knuckles to warm him up.

“You won’t care about how cold I am when I tell you the good news,” Stan said, pulling his hand back and holding it over the fire.

“What g-good news?”

“I’m taking Patty to the prom.” Stan’s voice was proud, almost smug, and the yard got very silent for just long enough to hear a pin drop, when Beverly pulled at Stan’s arm and turned him to face his friends in excitement.

“Patty Blum? Since when!?”

“Since next Monday, officially,” he blushed and dropped his stare to the grass.

“Monday?” Mike asked, sounding as confused as Bill felt. Bill’s head was spinning and every sentence was like a bucket of cold water over his heart.

“Technically I haven’t asked her, but Karina is on the speech team with Patty, and on the debate team with me, and she told me today that Patty wants me to ask her, and I really, really want to.”

Bill’s heart dropped out of his chest and into his stomach.

“How do you know it isn’t a trick?” Richie’s question was next, “Like that time Sam Ferris asked Eddie to formal?” He wrapped an arm around his boyfriend and planted a kiss on his temple, as if to apologize for bringing it up. Eddie did look a little peeved.

“It’s not.” Bill said, finally. He knew it couldn’t be a trick, because Patricia Blum is a nice girl, and because he knows all too well how easy it is to envision a date to prom with Stan Uris.

Stan shot him a smile.

There’s another moment of silence, where Bill can feel the prickle of eyes on him and he doesn’t even glance to his side to know that he’s right, that Beverly is giving him a look full of reserved pity. He speaks up again.

“Good,” he says, “You deserve a pretty girl like that.”

And the spell is broken. The Losers all start chiming in with what they think Stan should say, and how he should dress, and what a striking couple the two of them will be, Stan standing tall and lean with the impossibly thin and honey-blonde haired Patty Blum on his arm, dressed to the nines in a sweaty gym, classing up the place just by being there, smiling together. Bill could see it clear as day.

“I’m going to g-go get some more chuh-chocolate, now th-that Stan is here,” he smiled a tight smile and stood up to go into the house. Even if no one else wanted smores, Bill somehow felt a greater need for stuffing his face full of chocolate than he had ever experienced before.

[kfawkes]

Christmas prompts #28 - Reylo ;)

Okay ;.; it is finally your turn hahahah. Thanks for being patient my love! I hope you like this **ASSS ALWAYS I CHANGED THE PROMPT A LITTLE DON’T HATE ME BUT I HAD DO.**

“Please tell me you aren’t searching my room for where I’ve hidden the presents.”

“Yeah, uh huh, got it.” Rey’s voice was rushed as she lightly bounced on the balls of her feet. It wasn’t so much that she had better things to do than this, so much as she just wanted to be alone. 

And by be alone, she meant talking with Ben…

Poe smiled having definitely caught on to her increasing desire to be left… alone, setting his arm to Finn’s elbow lightly in gesture to get things moving. He pulled Finn closer, setting his chin softly atop his shoulder as he locked eyes rather pointedly with Rey when speaking. “We better get goin’, babe. I think Rey’s… tired.” Poe paused just long enough to seem natural while Rey nodded, even adding a fake yawn… 

“Sooo tired. It’s been a long day of… eating and… stuff.” She smiled not nearly convincingly enough, but lucky for her it seemed Poe was at least on her side. 

Just as Finn opened his mouth to question her statements authenticity Poe slid his fingers between his and began tugging him towards the door. 

“Yeah, alright then. Get some rest, Rey. Christmas is tomorrow… big day.” 

The second Finn’s back was turned Rey smiled and mouthed a quick ‘thank you’ to her new friend. She hadn’t known the pilot long but she knew enough to confidently say there was no better man for her best friend. And he had helped her out just now, so clearly he was a good guy. 

To be fair Rey was tired, truly she was… but she also wasn’t exactly sure if it was lack of sleep or the annoying amount of time she’d spent thinking about Ben that made her so exhausted. 

The latter most likely, she thought as she rubbed her hands together anxiously. 

No one else knew about their… whatever this was yet, and Rey couldn’t help but feel a little guilty about fraternizing with the enemy. She was positive though that she could bring him to the light… positive that he would one day be more than just a shadow of his grandfather. 

That one day, he would be hers…

Rey swallowed deeply, sitting rather forcefully to the edge of the bed, her elbows pressed lightly to the tops of her knees as she wait… And within seconds, just like he knew she needed him; the soft hums of the ship faded out as he faded in.

“Bout time you show up…” Rey leaned back into her arms awkwardly. She really wasn’t good at this, and there was nothing like a tall, dark and handsome distraction to remind her of that.

Ben was dressed in all black like usual, he stood strong and stoic as ever; his scar was healing nicely, and he even almost looked happy if you could believe it. There was something in the way he looked at Rey now that made her weak– far weaker than normal. It was as if she were a masterpiece or some puzzle to be solved and the longer his eyes were transfixed to hers, the weaker she felt.

“Good to see you too, Rey.” he nearly smiled, she was sure of it… he walked around the room slowly, eyeing every surface in great detail. Peeking over and around, sometimes trying to touch the things he started down upon. 

Their connection was so strong now that they could see each others surroundings just as if they were in the same room, and when they touched it felt like they were side by side, skin on skin… 

“What are you doing..?” Rey leaned forward once more eyeing him carefully. Yup, he was definitely up to something… “You can’t be serious… are you actually searching for gifts right now? You think I’d get you anythin’ after Crait?”

They probably shouldn’t have been joking about topics such as these, but there were a lot of things they shouldn’t have been doing. This whole relationship for starters… 

Kylo turned then, his smile faint yet just as charming and so completely guilty.  He voiced the word ‘no’ very clearly, but nodded his head up and down in a ‘yes’.

Rey of course only found this all the more alluring, and that thought alone was enough to turn her cheeks a lovely shade of rose. Maybe he was rubbing off on her a bit too…

“You’re bad, Ben,” she teased quietly as she shakes her leg restlessly to the side.“truly terrible.”

“I am… but I think you like it.” Ben was nearly whispering, his words lined assuredly. The look he held now was closer to lust than the boyish innocence he tried to play off only moments before… 

He stepped closer and when he reached her, he lowered slowly to his knees. Kneeling before her and placing himself just barely between her parted legs with hands resting atop her thighs; eyes wide and gaze soft yet steady, not saying a single word. 

Rey licked her lips lightly then pulled in her cheek in thought. She was still very unsure just what any of this meant or if it meant anything at all. There wasn’t much she knew to be frank other than it was a bad idea, but bad idea or not, she’d made up her mind…

“Maybe I do.” and now with Ben only seconds from touching his lips to hers, she didn’t care at all. Not one tiny bit. 

*Send me a Festive Prompt (number and pairing) and I will do it TODAY! [ASK]

[greysfanpage388]

Recovery

This is in response to a prompt sent to @omeliafics

Prompt: Amelia and Owen are in the hospital with Megan and Megan tells them how she lost a baby when she was captive and amelia is very shocked and starts to think about her baby and maybe comforts megan or something that owen realize how much pain she went trough.

This is a different fic from the collaboration fic ‘ On The Brink’ which is currently under hiatus.

Thanks to the amazing @jia911 for helping me to proofread this fic as usual  <3

*TRIGGER WARNING for mention of sexual assault and PTSD. Please do not proceed to read if these two issues trigger you.

It was late at night, and the atmosphere in the Madigan Army Medical Centre was quiet. In one of the private hospital rooms, Megan Hunt was fast asleep on her bed, while her elder brother Owen Hunt and her sister-in-law Amelia Shepherd were asleep on the reclining chairs by her bedside.

It had been more than a week since Megan was flown back to the USA. When he first laid his eyes on his sister, Owen’s heart broke. She wasn’t the same Megan, the cheerful, fun loving Megan who loved to tease and provoke him. Instead, she was being replaced by a stoic, solemn woman who looked malnourished and downtrodden. She had dark rings and eyebags under her eyes, and she looked like the burden of the entire world was upon her shoulders. Owen found it hard to believe that it was indeed his beloved little sister when he first saw her. She was so much thinner, and her eyes which were usually sparkling were dull, showing her pain. She just stared blankly at the hospital walls, refusing to make eye contact with anyone. No matter how hard Owen, Amelia or Riggs tried to get her to open up, she refused to utter a single word. Her behavior was starting to make Owen and Riggs worried. When Owen confided in Amelia about it,  she comforted him by saying that Megan had gone through a traumatic experience during her time in captivity and needed some time to be able to open up to others. She made an appointment for Megan with the best Psychiatrist in the country. Although they both were too busy caring for Megan to talk about their own underlying issues, they maintained a friendly interaction with each other.

Owen and Amelia had been faithfully staying by Megan’s bedside the whole time. Owen didn’t leave her side, refusing to go home to shower and sleep even though the nurses there repeatedly told him that they could take care of Megan overnight. He politely declined Riggs’s offer to take turns taking care of Megan. He gave the excuse that he wanted to keep a close eye on her. The truth was, he was still feeling so guilty about what happened to her and wanted to compensate for all the years they had lost by staying by her side the whole time now. Furthermore, he didn’t trust Riggs with Megan anymore and didn’t want them both alone in the same room. Amelia refused to leave his side as well. She had promised him that she would be by his side the entire time and she vowed to keep by her words. If Owen stayed by Megan’s bedside, that was where she would remain as well.

The couple never gave up hope on Megan, staying by her side 24 hours a day. They both had requested a couple weeks of leave from Bailey to be by Megan’s side, which she approved as neither of them had taken long leaves before. Owen told Megan how much he loved and missed her. He repeatedly told her about how he and their mom had been searching so many years for her, but to no avail.

Amelia watched the two Hunt siblings interact quietly, feeling her heart ache for Owen. It broke her heart to see Owen’s expression of despair and anguish when Megan remained expressionless and refused to respond to him. It was obvious how much he cared for his younger sister and how strong their bond was.

A few days after Megan’s arrival in the hospital, Evelyn Hunt appeared. Owen had called to inform her that his sister and her only daughter had returned back to them. She had shrieked in joy over the news.

As Evelyn hugged her beloved daughter tightly, tears rolling down her cheeks, Owen and Amelia watched the emotional reunion scene unfold in front of them, holding back their own tears.

At that moment, in her mother’s embrace, Megan finally broke down and cried  for hours, letting out all the sorrow, hurt, pain, anguish and suffering she had kept buried inside her after all those years of captivity.

After that, Megan slowly began to talk to those around her. She would utter a few polite words to Owen, Evelyn, Amelia and the nurses. When Amelia was first introduced to her as her sister in law, she maintained a noncholant expression which broke Owen’s heart. As the week progressed, she eventually began to communicate with Amelia, much to Owen’s relief.

Amelia’s eyes opened as she thought she heard a sound being emitted from the direction of Megan’s bed. A quick glance at Owen told her that he was still fast asleep. She didn’t want to wake him as she knew that he was exhausted from barely having enough sleep for the past few days. Evelyn had gone back to their house to get some rest after having been with Megan for the entire day.

Rubbing sleep from her eyes, she leaned over towards Megan’s bed. Her sister in law seemed to be muttering something unintelligible. She strained her ears to listen.

 ‘Please don’t shoot me! I’m pregnant. Please don’t shoot me, please!! ‘Megan whimpered, pleading.

‘No, no, no, please, please.  Please no!!’’ she wailed.

She then let out a gut wrenching scream as she clutched her stomach with an expression of pain on her face.  

‘Megan.’Owen was now wide awake too and shaking Megan’s shoulders.

‘ No, no, please let go of me, it hurts.’Megan whined, as her hands trashed violently in the air.

 ‘Megan!’Owen’s voice was gentle but firm as he gripped her firmly by the shoulders. He had PTSD before and he knew that she was having one of those nightmares.

‘Megan!! Wake up!! It’s me, Owen, your brother. You’re safe now ok? You’re in America now, not in Iraq. You’re safe now with me.’

Megan finally stopped trashing and looked at Owen for a long moment, staring into his sincere and sad eyes before breaking down.

Owen hugged her tight as her tears soaked his shirt and her heart wrenching sobs filled the room. They remained in that posture for a few long moments as he continued rubbing her back comfortingly and she continued sobbing in his arms, letting out all her emotions.

‘Shhh… It’s ok Megan, I’m here. You’re safe now.It’s just a bad dream. ’he whispered over and over as he rocked her in his arms like a baby, feeling his heart ache for her.

Amelia could only watch on helplessly, feeling her heart breaking for Megan and wishing that there was more she could do to help her sister in law.

Finally the tears subsided and the sobs became whimpers.

‘You feeling better now?’Owen asked as he rubbed Megan’s arm comfortingly.

‘Yes.’she sniffled. ‘I’m sorry, I had a bad dream.’she admitted, taking a quick glance at Amelia, who gave her a reassuring smile.

‘It’s ok, sis.’comforted.

Megan looked at him with dull, sad eyes, which showed so much hurt and anguish in them.

 ‘I dreamt about the night I lost my baby again.’she said softly.

‘Baby? You had a baby?’Owen asked, shocked by her admission. He had a niece/nephew he didn’t know about?

He didn’t dare ask whose baby it was.

‘ They shot me, they shot me in the abdomen and I lost the baby.’she muttered, wincing as she relived the painful memory.

‘I’m so sorry Megan.’Owen whispered, at loss of the right words to say to her, while trying to control his own emotions.

‘It was my fault.’she said as she looked up at him with a sad and pained look in her eyes. ‘ I secretly wished for the baby to be gone, because I couldn’t bear to bring a new life into this world which was created as a result of something atrocious. I just couldn’t do it.‘she shook her head, her voice quivering, as tears started to fill her eyes and roll down her cheeks.

‘It’s not your fault.’Owen said softly, holding her hands supportively.

‘ I bled out from the abdomen and also from down below.’she admitted in a low tone as  Owen’s heart sank.

‘ I can still hear the gunshot and feel the bullet piercing through my stomach. I can still feel the blood gushing out from below.’Megan continued, her eyes staring at the blank hospital walls as she recalled the fateful night.

‘ I’m so sorry.’Owen shook his head as his fists involuntarily clenched. He would love to  murder the culprits who did this, regardless of the consequences. He just couldn’t imagine what his sister went through. He had never felt so hopeless before. His sister, the little sister whom he was supposed to protect had ben tortured and was in pain. The worst thing was, there was nothing he could do to help her.

‘ There’s no need to apologize, Owen. There’s nothing you could’ve done.’said Megan, shaking her head sadly. ‘ It’s not your fault either.’she added, looking up at him with a downcast expression as their blue eyes met.

His eyes were filled with pain and hopelessness. Hers were filled with sorrow and hurt, reflecting all the torture she had endured over the years.

Megan now gathered the courage to open up to her brother about the horrendous experience she endured while in captivity.

‘ I don’t even know whose baby it is.’she admitted in a whisper. ‘ They took turns on me one by one, every single night. Initially, I screamed and I fought. But they were much stronger physically, and I was alone and helpless. They overpowered me and I just couldn’t fight back against them.’she continued in a low, monotonous voice.

Owen shook his head as his fists clenched again. If he could get a hold of them, he would have murdered them cold blooded. He couldn’t even picture what the beasts had done to his beloved sister. He couldn’t fathom how humans could be capable of doing such horrific things. It was too brutal for him to imagine. It made him nauseous.

‘ But when I lost the baby, I felt like a part of me was being ripped and torn apart from me.’she added as tears started rolling down her cheeks. ‘ I felt like I had lost a piece of my heart which I was never going to get back.’she added, her voice quavering.

‘I almost died.’she continued.‘ I kept on bleeding out, but there were gunshots being fired everywhere. Our capturers had run way. I was the only female captive. My fellow captives kept on praying for the enemies to go away, but they came closer. When they freed us, we then realized that they were actually American soldiers who came to rescue us. They rushed me to the hospital, according to the hospital staff I was so pale and cold, I was almost dead. I had to be transfused 4 pints of blood.’

Her voice and entire body shook as she recalled the terrible memory. It was still fresh in her mind as it just happened not long ago, during their rescue.

Telling her brother and sister-in-law about her experiences opened up her floodgates of painful memories and now she couldn’t stop recalling them.

Owen squeezed his eyes shut again, trying to prevent himself from picturing seeing his sister so pale and lifeless. When he first laid eyes on her, she was already in a bad shape, he couldn’t imagine seeing her when she was bleeding out.

Megan didn’t notice Owen’s face turn red as his jaw clenched. She knew her brother well enough to know that those were the danger signs that he was about to explode into a fit of rage. But this time, she was too absorbed in her own pain and emotions that she missed the warning signs.

She was starting to rock back and forth on her hospital bed, repeating the words ‘almost died and ‘bleeding’over and over again.  It was too heartbreaking for both Owen and Amelia to watch.

Amelia on the other hand noticed Owen’s sudden change in facial expression and knew she had to get him out of there as soon as possible before he had a PTSD episode.

She tapped him lightly on the shoulder, knowing that under this circumstance she had to be cautious around him. She didn’t want to trigger more PTSD episodes.

‘Let’s get out of the room.’she whispered as she gently took his hand and they walked out of the room to the hospital corridors.

‘ Can you take care of Megan please? We’re going for a walk.’she politely requested the nurse at the counter, who nodded. As much as she would love to stay in the room with Megan and comfort her, she knew that Owen was in the verge of having one of his episodes. She needed to get him out of there fast before his temper flared.

She led him to one of the benches outside the hospital and ushered him to sit.

‘Take deep breaths.’she instructed gently as he obeyed.

He finally calmed down and turned to look at her with an angry and hurt expression.

‘Those bastards.’he muttered under his breath. ‘How dare they do such an atrocious and heinous act towards my little sister! If I ever catch them, I’ll beat them to death, no doubt about it!’

‘ I know.’Amelia said softly, rubbing his arm comfortingly. ‘I know you feel very angry and outraged about this. But there’s nothing you can do, Owen. You’re far away here in America. You know it’s not possible to fly back there to the war zone and find the exact people who did this. The only thing you can do now is to be there for her.’

Owen sighed heavily as he buried his head in his hands, knowing that what Amelia said was true. There was nothing he could do except to be there for his sister. He had never felt so hopeless before. He was used to being in control of things, and really hated the feeling of being helpless.

They sat in silence for a few long moments, Owen trying to recompose himself as he took a few deep breaths, and Amelia rubbing his back soothingly.

Owen’s breathing finally normalized as he leaned back onto Amelia’s chest, feeling the comforting sound of her heart beat and the soothing motions of her hands rubbing his back.

She led him back into the room when she was sure he was calmed down. Megan, who was already attended to by a nurse, was fast asleep.

_______________________________________________________________

The next morning, Owen woke up to the sunlight shining through the hospital window. He rubbed sleep off his eyes as he tried to look around the room. His neck was stiff from the awkward position he had been sleeping in the night before.

His gaze stopped at the hospital bed where his wife was sitting by his sister’s bedside. Both women were chatting quietly to each other. Amelia was holding Megan’s hand. Megan seemed to be really comfortable with Amelia’s presence, and that made him feel better.

Both women were so deep in their conversation, they didn’t notice that he had woken up.

He strained his ears to listen to what they were talking about.

‘ I’ve also lost a baby before.’he heard Amelia confess. ‘He lived for 43 minutes, to be exact. He was anencephalic, no brain. But when I held him in my arms, I thought he was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. When they had to take him away from me when he developed respiratory distress, I also felt like a part of me, a piece of my heart was being taken away from me.’

‘I’m so sorry.’Megan whispered, as she touched Amelia’s arm soothingly. This was the first time the two sisters-in-law bonded. For the past week, Megan had barely uttered a few words to Amelia.

Amelia felt her heart warm at Megan’s touch.

‘ It’s ok, I know that he’s in heaven now, watching over me with his father.’she said, smiling at Megan. ‘ I called him my unicorn baby because he was such a miracle. He donated his organs to so many other babies, and they all survived because of him. He saved so many lives in the short duration of time he was here on earth.’

Owen watched the interaction between his wife and his sister with interest. He knew that Amelia had lost a baby before, she had mentioned in passing about her baby living for only 43 minutes while they were both sitting in the hospital chapel after lighting a candle for Samuel Avery. He didn’t know the details of her baby’s premature departure though, he never got around to asking her. At that time in the chapel, they were both mere acquaintances and he didn’t want to interfere in her personal affairs. But as their relationship progressed, they had so many other things to talk about and he never got around to asking her about her baby. She also no longer mentioned her baby to him.

‘ Well, maybe our babies are up there in heaven and looking down at us.’Megan suggested as she looked up at the ceiling, finally smiling for the first time in ages.

‘ Yes, maybe they are.’Amelia agreed softly.

Megan’s smile faded as another flashback of her time in captivity returned.

Amelia took Megan’s hand in hers and gave it a gentle and reassuring squeeze.

‘ You survived. You’re a fighter and a survivor, Megan.’she said in encouragement.

‘ Thank you.’Megan whispered back as their eyes met. Amelia’s eyes radiated such warmth and compassion, it made Megan feel much more relaxed.

Amelia turned and smiled at Owen as she noticed him awake.

‘Oh, look who is awake.’she greeted. ‘ Good morning, sleepyhead.’

‘He has always been like this since childhood.’Megan chipped in, smirking. ‘ I call him sleepyhead too.

Owen had to admit, it warmed his heart to see his sister and wife ganging up on him and teasing him together. And it made him so glad that a part of the old Megan was slowly returning.

‘ Megan.’he muttered.‘I just…I’m so sorry, I didn’t know what to say last night.’

‘It’s ok.’she dismissed his apology with a wave of her hand. ‘ I feel better just talking about it.’

He smiled at her, at loss of words to say to her. She seemed more like her normal cheerful self this morning, although he knew that PTSD survivors had unpredictable temper and their episodes could flare up anytime without warning. Gosh how he missed this Megan, the cheerful, kind, caring Megan who loved to tease and joke with him.

He knew that comforting words were not enough for her, he knew that nothing he did at that moment could heal her emotional wounds and scars and and reverse the trauma that she had been through.

‘ I know.’ Owen said softly.  ‘I know how it feels like.’

‘ I also lost a baby before.’he admitted when both his sister and wife looked at him questioningly.

‘ Cristina aborted my baby.’he continued. ‘ She didn’t want children and she aborted my baby. I was beside her during the entire procedure, and after that it was like a piece of me was being taken away. But she didn’t even ask for my permission before making the appointment.’he said, shaking his head sadly at the memory.

‘ Oh, I’m sorry.’ Megan whispered.

‘ It’s ok, it’s long ago, and we aren’t even together anymore.’ Owen said as he exchanged a knowing glance with Amelia. He had told Amelia about it before, and she knew how devastating it was for him as he had always wanted to have children of his own.

Her heart went out to him as she noticed the sad expression on his face.

A calm silence filled the room.

Megan stiffled a yawn as she rubbed her eyes.

‘Why don’t you get some rest now, Owen and I will be here by your side .’Amelia suggested, as Megan nodded in agreement. She never got much sleep for the past 10 years. While in captivity, she would always be on the guard for enemies or her capturers approaching. For the past week, even though she was safe back in America, her nightmares and PTSD episodes were keeping her awake at night.

_______________________________________________________________

A while later, as Evelyn arrived to take over the duty of caring for Megan. Owen and Amelia decided to grab a simple breakfast from the hospital cafeteria.

The cafeteria was almost empty, except for the cafeteria staff.

They ate in silence as she munched on her sandwich and him on his burger and fries. There were so many word unspoken between them, so many issues unresolved and they both didn’t know where to start.

‘ Thank you, Amelia.’Owen began as soon as he finished his burger. ‘Thank you for being there for Megan to comfort her when I can’t. I just can’t picture what those beasts did to my sister. She’s my sister, my little sister.’he said, shaking his head with a defeated expression on his face.

‘I know. ‘Amelia said, a sad tone in her voice as she reached out her hand and their hands joined on the cafeteria table.  ‘I know you feel really upset about what happened to her and feel helpless that you can’t do anything to help her. I’m sorry I can’t do much to help, but I’ll be here for you both the whole time.’she promised as she gave his hand a comforting squeeze.

‘ I had arranged the best psychiatrist in the country to tend to her.’she continued. ‘She’ll be in good hands. Don’t worry ok? It’ll be a long process, but we’ll both see her through this.’

Owen nodded as he picked up a fry.

‘ Yes, the only thing we can do for her now is to be there for her.’ he agreed.

He cleared his throat as he decided to change the subject. Talking about what happened to Megan would only make him more angry and upset and there was nothing else he could do to help her.

He didn’t know whether it was the right time to be asking Amelia such a personal question, but she was his wife and he needed to know about her past.

‘ So….you said you had an anencephalic baby?’ he asked softly, being cautious not to scare her off.

To his relief, she nodded.

‘ How much of the conversation did you hear?’ she asked.

‘ From the part you said that you lost an anencephalic baby. I’m so sorry, Amelia.’ he said as he squeezed her hand in support. ‘ I know you  mentioned the baby in passing to me before, but I never asked you about it.’

‘ He was a special baby indeed.’ Amelia said, smiling at the memory of her baby. ‘ The most beautiful baby ever. He saved so many lives.’

‘ Yes, I know how special he must be to you.’ Owen said as their eyes met.

‘ Jake gave me the option to abort him, but I just couldn’t. I was too far along. And I reasoned that if he couldn’t live, at least he could give a chance to other babies to live.’ she continued, remembering her baby. ‘ He had done so much during his short stay here on earth. I miss him.’

‘ That’s a very noble thing to do, Amelia.’ Owen said, as he held her hand comfortingly across the table. ‘ Not every parent would voluntarily give up their baby’s organs like that, you know.’

‘ I know, that’s what everyone says.’ Amelia admitted, as she looked down at her empty plate before lookin back up at Owen. ‘ But I just felt like it was the right thing to do, you know. I mean if my baby couldn’t live, why can’t he help the lives of other babies?’

Owen looked at Amelia with awe, having newfound respect for his wife.

‘ Remember Ryan, the guy I told you about that night when we opened up to each other about our past?’ she asked as he nodded. ‘ Well, it’s his.’ she added as he remained silent but nodded quietly, silently urging her to continue.

‘ For some time, I blamed myself.’ Amelia continued. ‘ I kept on wondering whether my drug addiction was to be blamed for my baby being anencephalic. Jake assured me that my addiction had nothing to do with my baby’s condition, but I still couldn’t stop blaming myself for a long time.’

‘ And so this is why I don’t want to get pregnant again.’ she admitted. ‘ I don’t want to go through the pain of having yet another anencephalic baby. I don’t want to lose another baby.’ she added, her voice quivering as tears pooled in her eyes.

A moment of silence ensued before Owen asked gently, ‘ So this is the reason why you ran away? You were afraid of having another baby?’ he wanted to confirm.

‘ Yes.’ she answered softly, nodding her head solemnly. ‘ I was frightened, Owen. And when I’m frightened, I run. I’m so sorry. I should have talked to you. But I couldn’t face you. Not yet. I was afraid that if I told you everything, you would leave me too. Just like everyone else I’ve ever loved in my life.’ she felt tears rolling down her cheeks at her confession.

‘ But why were you frightened? You should have talked to me, Amelia. I wouldn’t judge you. I would never leave you, you know that. I’ll be here for you no matter what. I love you, Amelia.’

‘ Will you still love me if I only give you anencephalic babies?’ Amelia half joked as she searched his eyes.

‘ I’ll always love you no matter what.’ Owen answered earnestly. ‘Healthy babies or not. But I do have faith that we’ll have healthy babies.’

Amelia finally let herself smile as their hands joined across the table again.

‘ I’m sorry to hear about Cristina.’ she said earnestly. ‘ You have to know that I’ll never abort your baby.’

‘ I was devastated too, but it’s in the past now. It was her body, her choice and there was nothing I could do about it. We both had different views of what is really important and different priorities in life. She’s the past, but you are my present and my future, Amelia.’ he said as their eyes met.

‘ Ryan and my unicorn baby are my past, but you are my present and future too.’ Amelia said. ‘ We’ll get through this together right? Both of us, Megan and the babies we’ll have together. We’ll get through this together and as a couple and then as a family.’

Owen felt his heart swell at the mention of the word ‘family.’

‘ Yes, we will. We’re in this together. For better or for worse.’ Owen promised as he stuck his pinky finger out and she linked her finger to his.

They, Owen Hunt and Amelia Shepherd were a team. Nothing could get in between them now. They would get through this together stronger than ever.

As usual, reblogs, comments, messages, and reviews are very much appreciated. I love you hear from you all!! <3

 p.s  Teddy is not mentioned in here as I haven’t figured out how to fit her into the post season 13 finale story line