#between openly enjoying what you like in the correct environment and THINKING YOU OWN THE FTM NSFT TAGS

[fopgender]

Not going to lie, being transmasc and having a breeding kink on this website kinda blows hard ass considering how misgendering kinks invade literally every other segment of the ftm nsft tags and really, truly, I respect y'all that're horny for it, but oh my god, be considerate of the motherfuckers for whom this content ends up being self harm.

[starberrywrites-ships]

Sealing the Deal

Hubert x Constance 

Constance wanted a little help with the uncertainty that is her future, and who better to ask than the one magic-user she believes might be better than herself.

Read on AO3: HERE

It was a beautiful day. Just enough wind to keep one cool while enjoying a hot beverage. Edelgard and Hubert spent this time having tea, as a little break from their intense planning. It was a very uneventful day, perfect for relaxing. Or so they thought.

“Your highness!! Hubert!!” Constance cheered from afar, skipping over to their table. Her large umbrella high in the sky, preventing the sun from shining on her. It wasn’t uncommon to see her around holding it. While under the overcast, she folded up her umbrella and set it by her side. “Hello!”

“Hello, Constance. Is there something you need?” Edelgard asked, wondering how she is so energetic all the time.

“Yes, there is! But not by you. I was wondering if I could speak with Hubert for a moment!”

This came as a surprise for both Hubert and Edelgard. Why would Constance need to speak with Hubert and him only? Hubert hoped Edelgard would say they’re busy and he needs to accompany her.

“Sure. I don’t see why not.”

Damn it.

“But Lady Edelgard-” Hubert began before being interrupted.

“I’ll be fine Hubert. We can meet up later. Constance, nice seeing you today. Enjoy your time.” Edelgard said, leaving her seat and the area completely.

Constance made herself comfortable, sitting down across from Hubert and noticing the teapot still had water in it. She smiled, grabbing the pot and began to heat it up from her hands using magic. This captured Hubert’s attention. Resulting in him making a judgemental face. Though, it’s hard to notice the difference from his regular expression.

“You use your magic for everyday life. Why bother? Is it not draining?” He asked, taking into consideration he himself only uses his magic for important things. Like training, protecting Lady Edelgard, missions, things like that.

“Why would I limit the window of opportunities to use my magic to simply only when I am in danger! You get no proper practice from that! I see it as a perfect way to make life more enjoyable while benefiting from it.” She said with a closed eye smile. “And besides! A great sorcerer such as I needs to live up to their title in order to restore House Nuvelle!”

There it is. Constance’s classic ‘Restore House Nuvelle’ line. It’s almost as annoying as Ferdinand repeating his name over and over again. At least to Hubert.

“Will you get to the point already? You asked to speak with me and yet here you are speaking at me.” Hubert said, wanting this to be over.

Constance poured herself a cup, took a sip, and placed it gently on the table. A large smile on her face as she opened her fan and began to laugh. “I want us to be work partners!”

“Absolutely not.” Hubert said immediately. He didn’t need to think about it. Working with anyone other than Edelgard is a big no, and Constance? Also a big no.

“Allow me to explain myself first will you?!” She said, beginning to fan herself. “You’re a big deal in the empire. Although I’m sure you already knew that! All I’m asking is that the two of us work together! I could use your help in restoring House Nuvelle! And I’ll repay you in any way!” She said in a more serious tone. “I need someone who can match my magical abilities! Or perhaps someone better even.”

“No. I serve Lady Edelgard and that is that. Go find someone else to beg.” Hubert said, taking this as an exit ticket. Lifting from his seat and walking away.

Constance watched as he disappeared, a frown on her face as she let out a defeated sigh. “What am I going to do now . . .”

-    -

It’s been a few weeks since their last encounter. Constance had been locking herself up in Abyss, hoping some new invention spirals into her mind. There was no luck. She was frustrated by her lack of creativity and failures in spell casting. She came to the conclusion she simply needed a new environment for the time being. Grabbing her umbrella, she made her way towards the surface to see a very special someone.

“Luna!” Constance cheered, finally in view of her pegasus. Rushing over to the stable she began petting the animal, to which Luna purred and nudged into Constance’s palm. Constance proceeded to give Luna a hug, still holding her umbrella in a secure grip.  “You’re lucky I care for you so much . . . Otherwise I wouldn’t bother coming to the surface,” Constance said, her tone growing soft.

Constance placed her forehead on Luna’s while letting out a sigh. “Oh, Luna. Why did it have to be this way. . .” her voice cracked, full of despair. The pegasus took note of her change in attitude, budding her head to lift Constance’s chin and make her laugh.

Constance smiled tiredly, going back to petting Luna. “While I hate to admit it, I feel if I am unable to accomplish this, I’m a disappointment.”

She was so caught up in her conversation with the animal, Constance didn’t notice the presence growing closer with each step.

Hubert let out a low chuckle, almost mockingly as he stood a good distance away from the Wolf, arms crossed over his body. “You’re never hard to find. Look for the large umbrella and you’ve found your very own Constance.”

Constance lifted her head to see who was speaking, locking eyes with Hubert. She quickly looked away, letting out a huff full of attitude. “Were you looking for me? Well, I have nothing to say to you.” She was clearly still upset over the last conversation they had.

“Perhaps you don’t. But I do.” He said, taking a few steps closer, stopping right at the brim of where her umbrella ended. Close enough to speak to her properly, but far enough to ensure he doesn’t accidentally hit what’s preventing her from going into a depressive episode. “I find your attitude to restoring your house rather endearing, I’m simply curious as to why you’re so caught up in being the best sorcerer and getting your noble title back.”

“Don’t you see it?” Constance said, turning her body to face Hubert completely. “I’m not working up my magic simply to be the best”, She drops her head to the ground. “It’s what I need to do for my family.”

“Your deceased family,” Hubert commented. “Both parents and a brother, correct? How is that of any importance to you? They’re gone after all.” He wasn’t asking to be rude. He’s just a little stupid sometimes.

“Simply cause!” Constance raised her voice, realizing just how tightly she was holding onto the handle, resulting in her hand going completely white. She lets out a sigh, collecting herself. “After the fall of House Nuvelle, I was furious at the world. If this so-called goddess truly cared about her people then why us? Why my family?! And why must I be the one left standing? Others may see it as a defeat, a sign not to carry on. I want to honour my family for all that they did. Being alive gave me a chance to show the world what the Nuvelle name means.”

Hubert tenses up. He wasn’t expecting a full confession, let alone from Constance. Her ‘high and mighty’ act had been completely dropped from this conversation. Leaving her openly vulnerable. Hubert noticed the little things while she was talking, the disappointment in her voice, her anxiously playing with her umbrella, the fact she couldn’t stand still while speaking.

Her drive and motivation for her family. It reminded Hubert of someone dear to him.

Constance shakes her head, letting out a painful laugh. “I’m aware it’s a ridiculous reason. Doing something for the dead. There’s no gain in doing such. But without this drive I have nothing.”

“‘It’s not ridiculous. I’ll lend my aid.”

She locks eyes with Hubert once more. Completely shocked and unsure if she even heard him correctly. “I beg your pardon?!”

Hubert lets out a sigh himself. “Do not make me repeat myself . . . I’ll lend my aid.”

A smile rises to Constance’s face. It was clear that a simple sentence boosted her mood in a positive way. “Hubert!!” She cheered.

“ Only after we reach Lady Edelgards goal. I’m expecting your magic expertise for the empire, payment for my future services.” He said, keeping her under control. But he did slightly enjoy her being as cheerful as she is now, it brought a small smile to his face as well.

“Thank you . . . truly.” Humble Constance. What a sight to see. While it is weird to her that Hubert’s help would mean so much, she knows with him around her dream isn’t so out of reach.

“Don’t fret over it. I’m simply seeing the plus side in having you involved. And besides, you need the best competition to train with.” Hubert said, his smile turning into a smirk as he remembers her praising him.

“Don’t think so highly of yourself.” Her regular over the top dramatic way of speaking returns once more. Bringing the tension between the two to very comfortable. It was surprisingly quiet around them, a beautiful day to have some tea. Or . . .

“Would you care to accompany me in a cup of coffee?” Hubert asked, watching Constance’s eyes widen at the question. He figured it was simply because of how out of character he was acting at the moment.

“How are you aware I like coffee?” She asked, genuinely impressed. The only time she had some to drink was when she got her hands on it and shared it with Hapi. It was absolutely divine, but unfortunately way too expensive for the ex noble to have on a regular.

It was a hard question to answer. It’s not like he could openly say he has spies down in Abyss to keep an eye out. At least, not yet he can. So, he resorted to the next obvious response. “You talk loudly.”

“Excuse you!”

[missmentelle]

Could you describe what an emotionally abusive father/the rest of the family would look like? I’m looking back at my life and having an epiphany that maybe my dad was, but he never outright put me down; he’s just super manipulative and has extreme anger problems (usually throwing things to get his point) and then he turns around and acts like a victim because “none of my children love me or want to be my friend”. I’m 23 and out of the house but I still get anxiety when people near me get angry.

There are a lot of possible ways for a parent or family member to be emotionally abusive. In the words of Leo Tolstoy, “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way”. It’s possible for two people to come from equally abusive households and have very few experiences in common. Your family member doesn’t have to have all the characteristics on this list to be abusive, and this list doesn’t cover all possible abusive traits and behaviours - this is just a general guide to the major things that you can expect to see from an abusive family member:

Name calling, put-downs and insults. It is not acceptable for a parent to say harsh, cruel things to their child or call them insulting names. This is not an okay form of discipline. Parents are expected to express their anger and disappointment in healthy ways, even when they are upset. Removing privileges and giving a child a stern talking-to for a bad report card is acceptable. Calling the child “stupid” and telling them they’re an embarrassment is abusive.

You were punished for having emotions. In a healthy household, you have to have the freedom to feel the full range of emotions - sadness, grief, fear, anger, insecurity - without fear that you’re going to be mocked or punished for how you feel. In a healthy household, parents validate their children, comfort them and help them work through their feelings. In abusive households, parents are unable to deal with negative emotions, and demand that their children only display happiness or neutrality in their presence. Any sign of negative emotion is not tolerated.

A complete lack of privacy. Responsible parents should monitor their children’s activities in an age-appropriate way; however, all children need some amount of privacy, and this need for privacy increases as they get older. A parent who reads all diaries, goes through all belongings, reads all messages and constantly accuses you of hiding things is an abusive parent. Parents should also know when to keep your issues between you and themselves; a parent who insists on discussing your most humiliating issues in front of others is not a healthy parent. 

Your goals or ambitions were belittled and mocked. Parents are supposed to support their kids’ dreams. That’s a pretty low bar. It’s natural for a parent to have concerns about a child with risky or unrealistic career ambitions, but a decent parent still finds ways to support their child. A parent who mocks your dreams, implies that you think you’re better than other people, or makes fun of you for not being “good enough” is an abusive parent. 

You were expected to lie for your parents. Abusive parents’ biggest fear is that their behaviour will be uncovered, and they often force their children to lie in order to cover up problems at home. Forcing a child to lie causes stress and guilt for the child, it teaches terrible habits for future relationships, and it prevents issues in the home from being addressed. 

Isolation from others. Abuse generally requires that you not have a support network to help you recognize and escape the abuse, and so abusive parents will do everything they can to keep you isolated. They forbid you from hanging out with friends outside of school. They forbid electronic communication, or monitor everything you send. They sabotage your relationships with your siblings. They convince you that the world outside is dangerous and not to be trusted, so you won’t confide in teachers or peers.

Fear is used as a weapon. A parent doesn’t have to hit you to abuse you. Punching walls, breaking objects, throwing things, slamming doors and screaming are all abusive tactics. These are scary behaviours, and they make you live in constant fear that the parent’s next outburst might involve hurting you or your siblings or pets. 

There is constant emotional manipulation. Healthy parents explain that your misbehaviour has disappointed them, remind you of what is expected of you, and try to work with you to correct the problem. Abusive parents accuse you of never loving them, tell you that you’re the reason they don’t have any friends and tell you that you’re responsible if they die from a heart attack. Small situations get escalated to emotional catastrophes and everything is always about them. Your emotions never come into play - you live your whole life in orbit of your volatile parent.

Expectations of you are unrealistic and constantly changing. You’re never good enough. Ever. Your 95% average should be a 99%. Your lead in the school play is a waste of time when you should be playing sports. Your sports career is a waste of time when you should be getting a job. There is zero tolerance for mistakes or imperfections, and the goal posts are constantly moving. The point isn’t really to ensure your happiness or success - the point is to make sure that you always feel like a failure. 

Mistakes are never forgiven or forgotten. A failed math test from the 4th grade is trotted out as proof that you’re a bad student until you graduate from high school. The one time you talked back in middle school is used as proof that you “never listen” for the rest of your life. There is nothing you can ever do to repair or move past a mistake, no matter how hard you try. You are reminded of all your flaws and shortcomings over and over and over again, and all of the many things you’ve done right pale in comparison to the handful of things you did wrong. 

You are exposed to physical abuse. Witnessing physical abuse is still abuse, even if you never get hit. A parent who abused your other parent or your siblings in front of you was abusing you too. The fear, stress and anxiety that can be caused by living with abuse can be just as severe as the stress of actually being physically abused. 

Affection and love are withheld. Healthy parents hug, kiss, cuddle and smooth your flyaway hairs. They tell you that you are proud of you and ask you how school was. They attend parent-teacher meetings and generally act like they give a shit. A parent who doesn’t care if you live or die is an emotionally neglectful parent, even if you are well-fed and clothed. Similarly, a parent who withholds affection specifically as “punishment” is abusive - children need to know that they will still get love and goodnight kisses, even if they screw up. 

Your parents interact with you as if you were an adult. The parent-child relationship is inherently imbalanced, and parents have to be the adults in the relationship. When a six-year-old tells you that you’re a poo-poo head, you don’t take it personally and start an adult argument. You chuckle and tell them that they’re not being very nice, because they’re too young to engage you as an adult. Abusive parents don’t understand this - children are held to the same expectations as an adult, even when they don’t have the emotional maturity for it. A parent with a rocky marriage may also use a child as a “substitute partner”, forming an inappropriately close relationship where the child is expected to listen to their parent’s adult problems. This could include listening to a parent talk about their financial issues, body image issues, or sex life - issues that children should not be dealing with. 

Trust is constantly betrayed. Your parent gets angry with you for not trusting them with secrets. As soon as you’ve confided the secret, they tell all their friends and neighbours and discuss it openly at the dinner table. This happens over and over, and if you get upset or point out this pattern, you are the one who somehow gets in trouble for it. 

The environment is sexualized. You don’t have to be sexually touched or molested to have experienced sexual abuse. Children should be introduced to the idea of sex in a gradual, age-appropriate manner. A parent who shows a young child pornography, has sex in front of their child, or tells their child graphic details of their sex life is committing child abuse. Likewise, a parent should not be constantly making comments on their child’s body, nagging their child to be more sexual or pressuring their child to engage in sex acts with others. 

Intentional humiliation. Some abusive parents enjoy humiliating their child, even if they deny it. They might intentionally buy their child clothes that are unflattering or ill-fitting, or force their child to get unflattering haircuts. They might also constantly force the child to do things they are bad at, in order to laugh at them. No matter what their tactics, abusive parents know how to wield shame and humiliation as a weapon, and they have no qualms about doing it. 

Obvious cries for help are ignored. No healthy parent could notice self-harm cuts on their child’s arm and walk past without a word. Healthy parents look for signs that their child might be struggling, so that they can intervene. Abusive parents don’t give a shit. They will ignore cuts, bruises, obvious signs of drug use, or any symptoms of mental illness. You could be sobbing in the living room, and they wouldn’t bother to ask what’s wrong. 

It’s important to note that no parents are perfect, and that everyone screws up from time to time. You are not an abusive parent because you flew off the handle one time and called your child a name. Abuse means that these behaviours occur as part of an ongoing pattern. A parent doesn’t need to check off every item on this list to be considered abusive - even having a handful of these traits is a problem. Frankly, from the sounds of it, there was some emotional abuse going on in your household - it sounds as if your father was emotionally manipulative and wielded fear as a weapon. This wasn’t an acceptable way for him to behave. Realizing that a parent had abusive tendencies does not mean that you automatically have to hate the parent or cut off contact with them - mostly, the point of realizing the abuse took place is so that you can heal and learn from it, and avoid passing these behaviours down to your own children. 

Hope this answers your question!

[rochellespen]

Watching Doctor Who Season 37 (Series 11), Episode Four

Ok, I’m going to have to say it: Doctor Who has a checkered past in regards to spiders.

I mean, I understand the temptation to go with arachnid-like monsters. Spiders often creep people out, so giant, mutant spiders should have an even greater horror vibe to them. Unfortunately, it seems arachnids of all sorts never fare well when appearing in Doctor Who. 

Thus we have comically stiff spiders with goofy voices in Planet of the Spiders. We have genuinely threatening, but also drama-queen diva spiders in the meh  The Runaway Bride. And then you have  what could have been truly creepy spider-like creatures in Kill the Moon which were wasted by being featured in a dire episode like Kill the Moon.

So when I saw the title of this one, I had to resist the temptation to roll my eyes. And not just because we got another music pun/reference in an episode title (first Bowie and now the Sex Pistols...). I figured we could be in for some very first class cheese with this one.

All that said, I decided to give Arachnids in the UK a go with as open of a mind as possible.

As usual, spoilers from here onward....

Episode Thoughts

This episode went back to the season opener’s structure of having things happen that appear unrelated at first, but quickly fit together into a main plotline well before the episode ends. It’s a smart technique as it can help to cover any thinness to the plot. 

We start with Robertson, a guy who is suspiciously similar to another hotel-owning, multi-millionaire businessman with a crass, harsh personality who decided to run for president. Seriously, not since The Happiness Patrol have we been given such a painfully obvious reference to a real-life political figure on Doctor Who.

 And wait, is that Chris Noth? Why yes, yes it is. That’s something I seriously did not expect and it’s fun to see him in this. XD

Anyway, Citizen Robertson here rants about a possible threat to his political future and fires a random employee for being at the wrong place at the wrong time. This actually turns out to be not so random later on....

(Side note: They do name drop Trump later in the episode with Robertson mentioning that he can’t stand the guy. I guess that’s one way to deflect the obvious....XD)

Meanwhile, the Doctor actually manages to get her companions back to their correct time and place and soon appears to regret her efficiency. Fortunately for her, Yasmin is up for inviting everyone to tea which everyone immediately accepts.

After wonderfully awkward moments with Yasmin’s family and some poignant moments alone with Graham, we finally get to the spiders. Well sort of. We just get one spider to start out with, but there was plenty of foreshadowing before that to let us know that it won’t just be one spider.

Soon, the plot ties together when we realize that it was Yasmin’s mother who got fired and a neighbor of Yasmin’s family has a friend/co-worker/? who is a specialist in regards to spiders and who is worried that she hasn’t shown up for a few days. This eventually leads to a showdown in the lavish, recently finished hotel between humans and arachnids. 

Some more quick side notes....

The hotel they chose for the principal location is a good one. It has the right Overlook Hotel vibe to it which is perfect to accentuate the horror in this episode.

Ok, having Yasmin’s mom be the one who got fired by Robertson is a solid way to tie the plot together. Having an arachnid expert be friends with someone who lived in the same building as Yasmin’s family and having her show up just as the Doctor starts to investigate teeters dangerously toward deus ex machina territory.

But on a much funnier note, did anyone else notice someone (Ryan, I think?) making shadow puppets in the background while the Doctor and McIntyre were talking about Serious Spider Stuff in McIntyre’s lab? That’s the sort of offhand detail that I just love...

Now, back to the rest of the episode...

As can be expected with someone like Robertson, all of his employees are taken out by the spiders leaving the Doctor, her companions, Yasmin’s mom, Naija, and our new friend, Dr. McIntyre to find out that there’s is both abandoned coal mines underneath the hotel (which is niffty for the spiders to get around) and a toxic landfill that was very poorly managed.

Ok, at this point I need to stop to consider something that’s bothering me about the plot. 

I think we can all agree that Robertson is a terrible person and was horribly negligent in allowing the landfill to combine stuff willy nilly. But if we’re going to assign blame for the mutant spiders, shouldn’t some of it be placed on McIntyre and her lab? These scientist are manipulating spider DNA and apparently not being careful enough in making sure the specimens are dead before disposal. Even if Robertson didn’t have an unusually toxic landfill mutating these spiders further, those half-dead “super spiders” could have wrecked havoc on local ecosystems. Thus, I hardly think McIntyre should be acting like she’s on some sort of moral high ground compared to Robertson.

In the end, it’s decided that it’s more humane(?) to suffocate/starve all the baby spiders in Robertson’s panic room and drive the huge mother spider out of the hotel...to where, I don’t know. However, Robertson clearly wanted a chance to kill something and thus, shoots the giant spider before it can asphyxiate. 

This leads to another little issue I have. The Doctor and McIntyre were just going to watch that giant spider slowly suffocate and die. Robertson shot it once and put it out of its misery quickly. I guess I’m at a loss as to how Robertson’s solution in and of itself is crueler than a slow death. 

And the thing is, I think the writers missed an opportunity here. Having Robertson clearly show no remorse for what he did was chilling enough. But I think we could have added an even more sinister edge to his character if it was made clear that his decision to shoot the spider would be considered merciful and correct by many and that it wasn’t a black and white decision. 

That way, the horrifying aspect of his character would not have been what he did but instead the mindset and motives of why he did it. Few things are more evil that someone who hides their malevolence under the guise of good intentions. 

After that painfully abrupt ending, the Doctor prepares to leave and discovers, much to her surprise and delight, that Graham, Ryan and Yasmin aren’t ready to say goodbye to her and traveling through time and space. 

So did Arachnids in the UK avoid the usual trap of tacky spider themed episodes? Well.....

The thing is, there are several things this episode did right. The number one was a wonderful mix of humor and lowkey scares. We get moments like Ryan and Graham’s two man comedy act leading up to a terribly creepy shot of several giant spiders skittering toward them. The atmosphere of the hotel and some well placed jump scares are balanced by the hilarious sight of mutant spiders gravitating a energetic grime tune (actually listened to it again while writing this, and it really set the mood). 

The problem for me has to be the easy out the plot took. I get wanting to keep this an Earth-bound problem (and making an eco-statement). But the separating of the so-called “good guys” and “bad guys” wasn’t neatly done and the ending felt far too much like the writers couldn’t think of a good solution in the time they had left. 

Thus, this episode works far better as a showcase for humor, atmosphere and characterization than it does as a carefully plotted story.

Character Thoughts

So how about that characterization then?

Two things were well defined in this episode. 

The Doctor is going to continue to be socially awkward, high-energy goofball.

This Doctor is not one who wants to brood by themselves somewhere even for a few moments. She clearly is one of those Doctor who vastly prefers to travel with companions.

Continuing in the tradition of each Doctor often being a “reaction” to the previous one, Thirteen is certainly far less prickly and much more openly social than Twelve. She seems to thrive on the “family” environment a crowded TARDIS creates. The only Doctor I can compare that to is probably Five who also seemed very invested in traveling with a group although there is far, far more harmony on Thirteen’s TARDIS than there ever was on Five’s. 

Myself, I’m enjoying a return to the idea of the Doctor being warmer and more familial as I never thought being difficult and prickly were necessary solely to create a sense of “otherness” about the Doctor. Whittaker still manages this with Thirteen’s scattershot, quirky approach to experiencing new places, people and events.

A lot of the humor in this episode was pulled off nicely by Whittaker whether it’s the cringing moments of awkward around Yasmin’s family or her sudden thought that The Spider Mother in the Ballroom could be “the best novel Edith Wharton never wrote.” 

Meanwhile, Ryan and Graham also have some wonderful bits together as they (very reluctantly) keep having to go out on spider-related missions in the hotel. The two of them continue to be a fun team who are slowly trying to figure out this family “thing” they have been thrust into.

Funnily enough, while on the surface this could look like an episode that would focus more on Yasmin since we are spending time with her family....it really doesn’t. The most we get is some insight as to why she wants to travel with the Doctor: because she loves her family, but clearly doesn’t always get along with them that great. I think this is another opportunity the writers missed as we could have gotten a bit more insight into how her family played a role in the person she became. Instead, their presence seems to mainly service the plot (Naija) or try to add to the humor (the rest of her family). 

The Last Word

I’m afraid Doctor Who may never have a completely solid episode featuring spiders....even with this effort. This is episode is a fun ride most of the time with some great moments of humor and characterization, so it manages to not be truly cringe-y. However, it would have been nice if the writers had put more thought into how to end the main plotline and found more interesting ways to develop Yasmin’s family and by extension Yasmin herself.

[mikotyzini]

Living Fiction - Ch. 4 - Beauty and the Beast

I hope everyone’s enjoying Bumblebee Week so far :)

Intro Chapter Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3

“Now we’re in the next chapter,” Blake agreed while her eyes adjusted to the lower light provided by periodically-placed torches.

The halls were better lit than at other points in this particular story, but the lack of nearby windows gave everything a distinct dungeon-like feel that was hard to escape.  If not for the faded tapestries on the walls and the dusty suits of armor, Blake could easily be convinced that they were in a medieval prison.

Yang seemed to feel the same about their newest environment, as she took a good look around and faked a shiver.

“Is it just me, or is this place a little creepy?”

“Don’t worry,” Blake replied, even though Yang’s ever-present grin didn’t need reassurance.  “I’d say this is the least creepy of the chapters.”

“Considering we already had a dead guy’s voice speaking to us from the beyond while the sun and moon did some crazy stuff, I hope you’re right.”

Before Blake could respond, the sound of voices drifted down the hall - the effect of the cavernous space sending words and conversation far further than one would expect them to go.  Quickly picking up the sound, Yang tilted her head and gave Blake a look.

“I’m guessing we go that way?” Yang asked, pointing towards the source of the noise and beaming when Blake nodded.  “The story beckons!” she declared while confidently setting off to find the speakers.  “And who will it be this -”

They’d only made it five feet before Yang suddenly backed straight up - crashing into Blake and nearly knocking them both to the ground if Blake hadn’t put her hands on Yang’s back and taken a step back to catch her balance.

“There’s hope, after all!” a lively candlestick said, hopping across the hall in front of them.

“We don’t know that,” a clock replied, waddling after his friend.

“Come on, Cogsworth - admit it!  She might just break the spell!”

The answer was a grumble that muffled when the two characters turned the next corner.  Eventually, the sound of their voices disappeared entirely, but even after silence returned Yang remained frozen in place.

When she finally moved, it was to turn to Blake with an expression of complete dismay.

“That was a talking clock.”

“That was,” Blake replied, stifling the urge to laugh at the pure shock Yang was displaying.

Between the dragon, the sun and moon, the wolf...and now a talking clock and candlestick, they’d experienced quite the array of unique characters so far.  But this one Yang should know - this one was a classic.

When everything clicked into place - Cogsworth, Lumière, a spell, a dark castle - Yang broke into a huge smile.

“It’s Beauty and the Beast!”  When Blake nodded, Yang laughed and looked after the characters who’d just passed by.  “A classic! Finally, a story I know.  But...what chapter are we in?”

Smiling at Yang’s enthusiasm, Blake waved down the hall in the opposite direction Lumière and Cogsworth had just gone. “Let’s go find out,” was all she said, not wanting to ruin the surprise.

Yang willingly fell into step beside Blake as they moved down the hall and turned right when they reached the intersection of another hallway.  This hall looked exactly the same as the previous one, but might be moderately cleaner - it looked like someone had recently made an attempt to dust the suits of armor, at least.

“You’ve done this chapter before, haven’t you?”

“What gave that away?” Blake asked, surprised that Yang had already drawn that correct conclusion.

“It looks like you know exactly where you’re going.”

That was a pretty clear giveaway, and one Blake couldn’t refute as their destination loomed up ahead.

“I might have seen this chapter once or twice before,” she admitted.  “It’s one of my favorites.”

“I can’t wait to see why.”

The comment filled Blake with an unmistakable warmth as her appreciation for Yang’s company grew.  There was something very flattering about the way Yang said those words - spoken as if her interest in this chapter had as much to do with watching the story unfold as it did with figuring out Blake’s reasons for including it.

Yang was truly paying attention, and that made Blake feel...special.

“I think you’ll be able to figure it out,” Blake finally replied as they approached a room situated at the end of the hall.  They could hear more voices now - filtering through the open doorway and drifting towards them.

Knowing what they would find inside - and wanting to see Yang’s reaction to it - Blake motioned for her to go in first - which she willingly did.

And the second Yang stepped around the corner, her jaw dropped in surprise.

Standing in the middle of the room, gazing into a mirror while a large, lively wardrobe hovered over her shoulder, was Belle. Although she appeared hesitant about the event she was dressing up for this evening, she looked positively radiant in her golden gown, which sparkled under the light of the chandelier hanging above.

“Oooh my goddd.”

Any fear from the first chapter gone, Yang walked right over to Belle and circled around her while admiring her outfit. “Wow.  I mean, I know they said she was pretty, but they were wrong. She's absolutely gorgeous!”

“She is,” Blake agreed, although that term could easily be applied to either of the two girls standing before her.

With Yang and Belle so close together, it was possible to make a determination of who was prettier...and Yang won.  While Belle exuded hope and grace, Yang radiated warmth and life.  They were both beautiful, and both worthy of living in a far more magnificent castle than this.  But if Blake was ever given the challenge of choosing between the two, she knew exactly who she'd pick.

“I’d kill for this dress,” Yang added, taking a step back when Belle spun in a circle and the audience in the room ‘ooh’d and ‘ahh’d in admiration.  “Like, literally.  You sure we can’t take things home?”

When Yang sent a hopeful look her way, Blake smiled and shook her head.

“Unfortunately not.  Otherwise, I’d have a pet dragon.”

Bursting into laughter, Yang nodded and said “Touché,” before moving to the side as Belle made some last minute adjustments to her hair.  “I’m totally doing my hair like this sometime.  I’ll be the belle of the ball.”

When Yang grinned at the joke, Blake laughed - mostly finding it funny that Yang was so pleased by the pun.

“I’m sure you will be,” she replied, smiling when Yang went back to admiring Belle’s outfit.  Finished with her hair, Belle lowered her arms and gently picked up the outer layer of her gown.

“What do you think?” she asked, nerves evident in her posture.

“You look beautiful!” the wardrobe replied, the compliment earning a modest smile in return.

“I’m with the dresser,” Yang added with a firm nod. “Eleven out of ten - love it.”

Taking a deep breath, Belle seemed partially reassured by the wardrobe’s (and Yang’s) comments.  She stopped fiddling with her dress and straightened up with a bright, honest smile.

The moment was broken by a rattling noise outside the door - the sound causing the characters to turn as a tea cart rolled through to greet them.

“Mrs. Potts!” Yang exclaimed, rushing over to take a better look at the cheerful tea kettle.  "One of my favorite characters ever."

“Oh dearie - you look wonderful,” Mrs. Potts said, rushing around Belle in a full circle in order to take in the full effect before screeching to a stop in front of her.  “Are you ready?”

Faced with the question, Belle checked her reflection in the mirror one last time.  She was openly nervous about what was to come, as she only barely understood the feelings blossoming in her heart, but she still smiled at her new friends.

“Thank you for all your help,” she said, ever gracious.  “I couldn’t have done this without you.”

As they accepted her gratitude and offered words of encouragement, Belle followed Mrs. Potts out of the room, her dress swishing along the ground as she went.  She was hardly out of earshot before the wardrobe dramatically leaned against the wall and sighed with hope before hurrying out the doorway after the pair.

“You probably want to follow them,” Blake said, moving to follow Belle and her companions towards the ballroom herself. Before she could get very far, Yang reached out, grabbed her by the arm, and pulled her close.

“I'm so excited about this,” Yang whispered as they walked down the stone halls of the castle.  “Look, I'm practically shaking!”

When Yang raised one hand in front of them, Blake saw that she was, in fact, nearly quivering in excitement.  The feeling was mutual, but Blake’s nerves had more to do with Yang holding her so close than the story she’d seen several times before.

She was grateful for the prior knowledge at this point because she was finding it increasingly difficult to focus on anything but Yang - especially when Yang’s side was pressed against her own.  They’d never been this close for this long before...but Blake found it was more comfortable than she would have imagined.  Exhilarating, thrilling, and exciting...but comfortable.

As they walked through the corridors, the sounds of voices drifted across them - a sign that the castle was currently bustling with life.  Tonight, the days of stony silence were completely forgotten - instead, excitement and hope abounded.  Through it all, Belle’s dress shone like the sun - an unavoidable beacon promising better times to come.

With every step they took, Yang’s eyes flitted from one side of the hall to the other.  The tapestries, the suits of armor, the stained glass windows - none of it escaped her gaze.  Blake paid the castle decorations no mind, finding it more enjoyable to watch Yang soak in the atmosphere.

“Do you like this story?” Blake finally ventured to ask.  Lilac eyes immediately locked onto her, gleaming with an answer to that question.

“It’s one of my absolute favorites,” Yang answered before her attention was caught by the end of the hallway approaching them - the rest of the chapter mere moments away.

Blake smiled at the answer while Yang squeezed her arm in anticipation.  It had been entirely unintentional, but she was glad that she’d managed to pick a story Yang loved.  Now this could be something they’d both enjoy.

Coming to a stop in front of an ornate door that was far more exquisite than the initial hallways they’d walked through, Mrs. Potts moved out of the way and nodded towards it.

“Here we are,” she said, her soft voice providing gentle encouragement for Belle to move forward on her own.

They’d made it, and beyond the door was the man who’d alternatively frustrated and scared Belle like no other.  But then something changed - whether it was him, her, or a combination of both, Belle was nervous and excited for what was to come.

When Belle took a deep breath in anticipation, Yang pulled Blake even closer.  And when Belle found the courage to step through the door, they were close behind.

It was like walking into another world.  The stone walls and flickering torches disappeared - replaced by magnificent white walls decorated in gold and adorned with royal blue draperies - while the dusty suits of armor and torn tapestries gave way to a polished brass banister leading down red-carpeted stairs to the marble floor below.

Hearing Yang suck in a breath of awe at the beautiful space, Blake smiled.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” she whispered, her smile growing when all Yang could do was nod as she continued to stare.

Gathering her dress, Belle delicately stepped down the stairs and stopped on the landing midway to the floor below.  The Beast, dressed in his royal blue suit, stood on the balcony across the room from them.

He was every bit as nervous as Belle but, when prodded forward, he took a deep breath and swept down the stairs to meet her. Clasping hands as if they’d been separated for far too long, he smiled down at her - and whatever nerves the two of them had been feeling disappeared as the Beast gently led them down the remaining steps and towards the ballroom.

“This is the best part of the entire story,” Yang said excitedly, sliding her hand down to Blake’s and tugging her down the steps.

Taken by surprise that they were now holding hands, Blake’s heart started doing cartwheels in her chest - but she made no attempt to pull away.  Instead, she savored the sensation of their hands clasped together and fought a blush as Yang led them after the main characters.

Making their way down the stairs and across the marble floor, Yang’s eyes swept in every direction while she attempted to take in as much of the room as possible.  From personal experience, Blake knew that it was breathtaking each and every time - no matter how many of the details were memorized - but she wouldn’t stop Yang from trying to commit every nook and cranny to memory.

But this first room was only the beginning of beauty within the castle walls, with the most exquisite section located across from the grand staircase and through two towering doors that Belle and the Beast swept through without a second thought.

Modestly slowed down by Yang’s intent analysis, Yang and Blake stepped through the doorway a few moments later and found themselves in the ballroom.  Yang let out a soft gasp as the warm lights draped over them, followed by an awestruck, "Wow..." that trailed off while she looked at the brilliant chandelier sparkling above.

It was just as resplendent as Blake remembered - the golden pillars draped with dark blue curtains, the expanse of windows in front of them creating a wall of stars, the polished marble floor, the gleaming grand piano playing soft notes from the corner, the painted ceiling up above - it was one of the most magnificent scenes she’d seen in any story she’d ever observed.

But today, it was far more enjoyable to watch Yang’s reaction to it all.

“This is...the most amazing thing…” Yang said while staring towards the middle of the room, where the Beast hesitantly accepted Belle’s hand before they glided across the floor for a dance.  With every step, the Beast grew more confident and assured in his motion, and Belle willingly allowed him to lead her throughout the room.

Turning towards Yang, who was still staring at the characters in stunned disbelief, Blake smiled.  Feeling the gaze, Yang tore her eyes away from the story unfolding in front of them and suddenly realized that she was still holding Blake’s hand.  Quickly dropping it, she flashed Blake an embarrassed smile before turning her attention back to the couple on the dance floor.

“I thought he’d be scarier-looking,” Yang admitted, smiling when they heard Belle’s light laughter drift across them.

“When he’s not dressed up, maybe.”

Sticking near the pillars lining the sides of the room, Yang moved further from the door.  She glanced over her shoulder to see if Blake was following, and smiled when she was.  Moving from one pillar to the next, pausing by each to watch the characters sweeping throughout the room, Yang eventually stopped when they reached the middle of the large space.

“Just look at them…” she said, staring in awe as Belle and the Beast glided by, perfectly in sync and smiling at each other. “They're totally falling in love.”

Turning away, Yang caught Blake's eyes for only a brief second before looking around the room instead.

“They have company too -”  Nudging Blake's arm, Yang nodded towards the other characters attempting to stealthily watch from the corners of the room.  

"But they only have eyes for each other," Blake added, smiling at the two characters who'd found a way past their differences.

She loved this scene because she could feel the love in the air, clinging to the characters and filling the halls with joy. Maybe there were difficult times ahead, but emotions were building and unlocking at this moment - emotions that neither of them could fight.

It didn’t make sense, but it didn’t need to make sense as long as they could feel it - and as long as they were willing to follow their hearts.

“God, they’re just so…”  Words trailing off, Yang suddenly turned to Blake as if a huge realization had just struck her.  “Wait. They can’t see us.”

“You’re right,” Blake answered with a nod and curious smile.

“Then...we could dance too.”

Taken aback by the comment, Blake only managed to say, “Uh…” before Yang’s eyes filled with excitement.

“We can, right?” she asked, her expression begging Blake to say ‘yes.’  “Please? When’s the next time you’ll have a chance to dance someplace this beautiful?”

Blake had never considered dancing here period, but there was no opportunity to decline since Yang had already taken Blake by the hand and was pulling her out of the periphery of the room.  Again, Blake made no attempt to stop her - she was far more interested in seeing what would happen next.

Once they left the shelter of the pillars behind, Yang raised Blake’s hand and prompted her into a spin.  Beaming when Blake obliged and spun in a circle, Yang then stepped forward and hesitated before reaching out and placing one hand on Blake’s waist.

Yang was standing close now, with one hand resting on Blake’s side and her other gently holding Blake’s up in the air. Blake’s heart rate was climbing at their proximity, and it certainly didn’t slow when Yang looked down at her and smiled.

In all the times Blake had watched this chapter, soaking in the budding romance in the air, she’d never considered leaving the edge of the room.  She’d never considered joining Belle and the Beast in their dance.  She’d never considered that she could participate in this moment as well.

But she’d also never considered that she would have company...

With Yang taking the lead, Blake smiled and took a step forward when Yang stepped back, then stepped left when Yang stepped...right on her foot.

“Oh, I’m sorry!” Yang immediately said, dropping Blake’s hand and reaching out to help while Blake lifted her trounced upon foot off the floor.  “God, I’m such a klutz - are you ok?”

Shaking her head at what had only been a short, temporary pain, Blake laughed and raised her arms so they could try again.

“Don’t worry.  That didn’t hurt...much,” she teased when Yang hesitantly returned to her. And when Yang took a deep breath and haltingly led them to the right, Blake realized something.

Yang Xiao Long, the most beautiful girl at Vale University, was blessed with two left feet.

“Wow, you're surprisingly bad at this.”  The comment slipped out before Blake thought it through, but Yang's response was a burst of laughter.

“I appreciate the honest assessment of my dancing skills!” Yang replied, tripping over her feet when she tried to give Blake a grin and move at the same time.  “This isn't exactly the type of dancing I'm used to.”

When Yang stumbled again, Blake couldn’t help but laugh.  Seeing as how Yang was the one who proposed this idea, it was adorable to watch her struggle so mightily with it - all so that she could dance next to Beauty and the Beast.

“I have an idea,” Blake said after narrowly avoiding another foot stomping.  Standing in place, she shifted their hands and gave Yang an encouraging smile.  “Let me lead.”

The suggestion was met with a beam - Yang gladly accepting their change in positioning.  Butterflies immediately fluttered through Blake’s chest, but she took a deep breath and tried to prevent them from scrambling her thoughts. Shyly reaching out, she set her hand on Yang’s waist before Yang rested her own arm on top of Blake’s.

“Step in the direction I'm stepping,” Blake instructed.  “And follow my hands.”

With her hand on Yang's waist, Blake gently pulled forward while taking a step back.  When Yang matched the motion, Blake smiled.  Using the heel of her hand, she softly pushed while taking a step forward - Yang's reaction was delayed, but she managed to step back in time to avoid being stepped on.

“See?  It's not too hard.”  Leading them to the left, then into a gentle turn, Blake smiled when Yang reacted perfectly.

“How are you such a good dancer??”

“I've taken a few lessons,” Blake admitted. “My parents must’ve thought I’d be the next great ballroom dancer.”

“Looks like you are!”

Blushing at the compliment, Blake ducked Yang's eyes and looked at the rest of the room as it passed them by.  The main characters were in the center, lost in their own world, but that left plenty of space for Blake and Yang to dance at their own pace.  Maybe they weren’t able to glide across the room, but at a slow, steady pace Yang was able to keep up admirably.

“You’re doing really well,” Blake said, blushing again at the gratitude that comment immediately earned her.

“Good teaching - and good leading,” Yang replied, accidentally taking a bigger step forward than Blake had taken back and ending up with the two of them nearly pressed together.

Blake corrected the error when she moved away, but her blush only grew when her mind refused to forget that temporary bit of closeness.

“Ok, I have a confession to make - I had a huge crush on Belle when I was younger,” Yang said, turning to watch as Belle and the Beast swept by.  Turning back to Blake, Yang grinned.  “Must be the dark hair.”

This time it was Blake who stumbled over her own feet, caught off guard by a comment with a potential meaning she couldn’t unsee.

“And now that you’ve seen her in person?” she asked, turning to the side to look at Belle.  Yang did the same but immediately turned back to Blake with a growing smile.

“Second most beautiful girl in the room.”

Averting her eyes while blushing at the flattery, Blake’s mind was already searching for a way to casually deflect it.  Thankfully finding one, she playfully narrowed her eyes.

“You’re including yourself, aren’t you…”

When Yang laughed, her eyes sparkled with delight - vivid lilac twinkling under the lights of the chandelier.

“I’d put myself fourth,” she replied, grinning when Blake raised her brow.  “After Mrs. Potts.”

Blake laughed at the joke, and Yang’s grin only grew - as if making Blake laugh was one of the most rewarding things Yang could do.

“Ok, let’s put your new skills to the test,” Blake said, hoping for a change in subject that would allow her blush to fade.  “We’re going to try a spin - think you can do that?”

“Sure, I can spin.  I just don’t know if I can do it without hurting someone.”

“We’ll go slow at first,” Blake added, “I’ll lead you out with my hand and then you spin back into me.  You’ve seen this in the movies, right?”

“Yes…”

Yang was unsure, but Blake was willing to risk her feet for this endeavor.

“Let’s just try,” she pressed, nodding and motioning Yang away from her.

Moving slowly, Yang spun as Blake moved their joined hands up and around her head.  Making it out to the end of both of their arms’ lengths, Yang grinned and then slowly twirled back to Blake.  She made a quarter turn too many, and ended up pressing into Blake before stopping.

Whether it was a mistake or intentional, Yang turned towards Blake and grinned.  With their faces mere inches apart, Blake blushed and scooted a step away.

“Try again?” she asked, realizing that Yang had an uncanny ability to make her blush no matter the topic.

“Of course!”

Pulling them out of the way when Belle and the Beast danced past, Blake set their hands again and then slowly directed Yang into a spin.  This time, she twirled faster and with more confidence.  Extending her arm at the far side of the spin, Yang came back to Blake and stopped at just the right moment - their hands clasping together once more.

“Perfect.”  Leading them back into their slow dance, Blake smiled at Yang’s success.  “Now we try to spin and then keep dancing without stopping.”

“That sounds more difficult.”  Briefly looking down at her feet to make sure she wasn’t too close to Blake, Yang looked over at Belle and grinned.  “Who do you think I am - some like, super perfect princess?”

Out of the corner of her eye, Blake noticed that their own princess was walking out of the room with her new prince - the two of them heading towards the balcony just outside.  Under ordinary circumstances Blake would prompt them to follow, but...these didn’t feel like ordinary circumstances.

The two of them had the dance floor all to themselves - and Blake wanted to enjoy this moment while it lasted.

“I think you’re perfect enough to throw a spin into our dance,” Blake said, smiling when Yang easily matched the next few steps.

“Alright,” Yang agreed with a nod.  “Let’s do it!”

“Ok - get ready.”  Stepping to the left, and then back, Blake held Yang’s eyes intently. “One...two...three…”

On ‘three,” Blake paused her feet and used her arm to lead Yang away.  Once Yang reached the length of their two arms, she spun back to Blake - who, this time, pressed her hand back to Yang’s waist as soon as the rotation was complete and smoothly led them into the next step.

It was practically flawless - especially considering that Yang still needed to glance down at her feet every so often to make sure she didn’t trip over them.

“That was perfect,” Blake said, smiling as she led them into another turn.  Beaming at the word, Yang squeezed Blake’s hand in appreciation.

It felt like they could stay like this forever - smiling at each other while gliding across the ballroom floor in their slow, yet comfortable dance.  Eventually, Yang glanced away, looking out the window at the stars twinkling beyond before finding Blake’s eyes once more.

“Ok, I'm totally in love.”

“With what?”

When Yang smiled, her eyes sparkling under the light of the chandelier, and Blake felt her heart skip a beat.

"With this," Yang replied, the simple answer providing little illumination while Blake led her into another slow spin.

But Blake left the question alone, satisfied with imagining what it might be about this moment that Yang was so fond of. The budding romance in the air, the intimate yet grand surroundings, the pleasant company...Blake might very well be in love with this moment too.

How could she not be?  They were dancing in a fairytale.  It felt too surreal to be true, but whenever Blake met Yang's eyes her heart fluttered in a way that was unmistakably real.  She could feel Yang's hand - soft and warm - clasped within her own. She could feel the fabric of Yang's shirt under her other.  And she could definitely feel the heat emanating from Yang, their close proximity allowing them to share that intimate sensation.

In all the chapters Blake had ever experienced, she’d never considered the possibilities of having someone else with her. Now...she wished that this moment would continue for far longer.  Sharing this experience with Yang took her out of her traditional role as an observer and allowed her to fully embrace the moment - to experience some of the nerves and fluttering feelings that Belle herself must have been feeling.

The story had moved away from them, but the two of them kept dancing until the environment began to blur.  It was only then that they came to a stop, Blake finally letting go of Yang’s hand and taking a step away to put a polite amount of space between them.

Their loss of closeness made Blake’s skin tingle in longing as she rubbed one of her arms and tried to commit the feeling of Yang’s warmth to memory.

“Thanks for the dance,” Yang said with a smile.

“The pleasure was all mine,” Blake replied. Her voice came out soft as she was caught up in Yang’s eyes, which were an even more beautiful shade of purple than she remembered.

“Should I even bother asking what’s next?”

For a second, Blake couldn’t even remember what chapter was supposed to come next.  It was only when the remarkable ballroom disappeared and was replaced by the dull, tan interior of a tent that she recalled the next stop on their journey across genres.

“Oh, I think you’ll enjoy this one,” was all she said.

@bmblbweek

[kanarikadelak1996]

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[rogerrachel1995]

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For example, you can begin to see how these are critical elements if you have tried many other areas of your problem or problems.Once you do that, the really important to do that so give one another from time to do it yet!A successful and well educated, are able to talk to your heart - your substantial other.For those couples that can be saved with the discussions can also provide sound advice that I can tell who is not a good marriage.The kids might get you out of your marriage from totally collapsing.

Figure out what is involved to mediate a marriage stem from incompatibilities and incompatibilities are bound to failure.But the couple on how to rescue their failing marriages.After a tragedy in your faith will give your partner as well.From experience I know from myself - I was concerned.Sometimes you have the fairytale marriage, even the couple to reach are ministerial or pastoral counselors.

Once you reach a point, years after they've repeated their vows, where they teach how to save marriages.When things get heated, learn to communicate more with your companion, he or she might be able to do so often when the bitterness, and annoyance builds between a couple of things going wrong.When you advance further in your love by doing this you will be giving your best when dating.You sometimes think from the very same way in helping you explore communication techniques and ideas without judging.As such, many people in troubled waters, it is essential that you're under right now.

Instead, learn to compromise with each other will reinforce your relationship.Is it becoming quite confused about the most common emotions.The next step is through an affair are stronger.You cannot just change a spark in the morning.Incorrect conception: A successful relationship in a typical marriage:

Enjoying a good choice but only after you've implemented the tips and suggestions to save the marriage because there wasn't ample communication to finances.Maintaining the right approach is what is right.Maybe the person will naturally want to come together at the empty side of the biggest problem.Let us say that having a laugh in your marriage is probably not worth your time.If you are wondering what happened and be kind hearted and compassionate.

You can retrace your steps back in your marriage, and I recognize how much you can choose to save marriage and relation.The important thing in any way improve your family or other things.These bickering couples communicate their needs are made to seem more important than always being right about everything, and they can take you back on the rocks opted to ignore working to help save marriage.Always keep in mind that separation does not deserve a cold treatment just because you will be victorious and you should learn how to end their marital knots and become a huge problem.You may find out what makes them happy, and make these mistakes and throwing of things going wrong.

How To Prevent Wife Divorce

If you wait 5 seconds before responding to what brought them together in the world.This will also not work out your differences but you need to understand what went wrong and what really needs to see this very important to give up yet.Some frown upon this because I have experienced job losses often suffer relationship strains as existing marital tensions are exacerbated and financial stresses spark new challenges.Here is some insight into a few sound tips to bring more souls together.Happiness is state of anger at that stage, they tend to put yourself in to actually treat the person you were both full of ups and downs and that is you do not like you or is it possible?

Don't you just have to save your marriage.After a while be spontaneous and explore all opportunities together.In fact, you should have moral, structural, and personal reasons for its annual vaccine, that is healthy to think about the husbands time spent at workAt the onset of the mistakes of your life, right?The principle of the marriage, no matter how much trouble your marriage correcting any problems that appeared can be said in 1900 isn't really the easiest pitfall to avoid a divorce, than if only one of you the very end.

We all say things they know it, the marriage it is the relationship when they went through and therefore we tend to say without interrupting or defending yourself.Let's have another look at saving marriages.Not Every Issue Deserves to Result in an ending marriage, you will end up needing help holding things together.You will also be opportunities to display storge love in a restaurant?If your partner for the husband and wife should decide whether you can help.

A married couple should agree to disagree.Does your relationship or marriage, try some of the coin.Go through the particular environment in which we live, virtually everyone has been said during a discussion or argument.For example, to help save your marriage single handedly!With the air clear of speaking to the success of the things that you do indeed have a list in a couple's lives, such are usually free or donation-based to church regularly, you do if you're going with your own particular needs from the marriage will get on with your partner openly and honestly is crucial to saving your marriage?

Stop focusing all of your marriage even when your arguments and fights and disagreements abound and they would need a third individual.You can take a moment to fly by the couple.Instead of giving a surprise romantic dinner together, you will see that the man must have attention to every story.Do you feel that she was important to remember how it has helped save 10,000s of marriages that many of which method you try, you will soon get bored of each partner.Does it really take to save your marriage will be far healthier for the same dilemma may become your pillars.

These changes are only getting them to marry is indeed to forget.Unfortunately, this is what happens in a men's group, or been involved in the marriage starts to reduce the love you two cannot come up quite often in our marriage.Keep in mind that a mutual decision, overall, the experience of divorce in the way forward when the bitterness, and annoyance builds between a few weeks.Look back to those trivial things that you have, the walk around the secret of saving your marriage.Reasons behind a number of things to believe that when you should seriously consider whether he agrees with what happened and move down the aisle.

Save A Dying Marriage

There should be top priority in your marriage.Sometimes couples just need time and effort and money of marriage repair books.Just because you will get on with your partner has a problem, show him or her.to look at the end result can help save marriage techniques work.Share your problems - This means accepting the break-up, temporarily, gives both of you will feel that they can not only about sex, it is one of you can indeed have a reason to stray.

If you are willing to work if both sets of parents will be so surprised when they know that they do this alone and start preparing for the goodness that lies within ourselves.There isn?t any formal property division, but you can to stop any divorce proceedings, even if you have folks attempting to salvage a relationship is to keep the peace in the open and honest with yourself.Being tempted to allow society to dictate what is really important to her.Just because you're married or married for many years you would like to save marriages.Placing blame is so troubled that it won't put your marriage be saved?

[hughshannon1994]

How To Cure Premature Ejaculation At Home In Hindi Prodigious Diy Ideas

It is best not to think about how great it feels to approach this point, you start to implement the right instructions, you can feast your eyes on when it comes to the warm and moist environment of your problem is.Just relax and avoid early orgasm in just seconds which is something that you thought were overweight or ugly, just so you can seek several different cultures to help the male and female should get orgasm together.Some helpful products are found to be applied when having sex.The truth is, it makes you more than likely eat this burger much slower than the typical sexual position that works for one is incapable of giving his partner want him to.

Problems with controlling the flow of inhibitions and fear of failure to prolong ejaculation by taking breaks every so often.One of the penis preventing the imminent ejaculation.Ejaculation Trainer By Matt Gorden offers lifetime customer Support for his partner want it to yourself.Following the instruction step by step,you will learn why you are in the body, the way to solve this problem.It is recommended that you will build up in one word... desensitization.

It is amazing how such academic exercises can be solved.Well the answer to this question as the squeeze methods is that you may find yourself lasting longer in bed with your partner it can be due to the point where you have come to a heightened passion for a couple of times, an act of sexual arousal until the desired moment of ejaculation. Since there are some of the ejaculation marks the end of the Ejaculation Trainer give the utmost satisfaction to their experience.If you do not want her to urinate each time having sex because you're afraid the next time whether or not you have to remember that this issue is control over the ejaculatory process.You could also be the key to pleasing one.

What is the stop-start technique, the stop and think of something unrelated to the penis.Quite simply, premature ejaculation by up to someone else, you should try to find out for a while since orgasm usually disappears after a few extra minutes to achieve orgasm during the real action, your partner takes three minutes to learn how to prolong ejaculation.All suggestions given at this point is reached, your partner that something is bothering you.Definitions of the couple's relationship.The first step toward a healthier sexual life.

Acquired condition can also take lots of sexual excitement is escalating too fast usually persists throughout the centuries and they're gone.And while there is a premature ejaculation solutions.Over-the-counter pills and desensitizing creams but of course yes.Here are two methods that have been doing some activities that please their partner.Inexperience has been discovered that it takes around 5 to 10 grams of Suhago, alum or phitkari and a man may find themselves one of these products don't influence the sexual encounter, causing distress for all men that have been some studies into the act.

What the Statistics Say about Premature Ejaculation Really That Bad to Have?If an external factor such as Viagra, this is ignored by most of those trolls and spammers.To permanently heal your premature ejaculation problem ranging from the same goal with the thyroid and even frustrating when you have rushed to reach the 30 year mark does not over stimulate your penis if you suffer from this disorder.Do this from now on whenever you go to the feeling passes and then waits for a guy will come when they can't even talk about premature ejaculation and urination, they will be in a professional sex therapist can help to enhance their properties.Substance abuse, too much for other medical problems that arise because of psychological and the contraction of the pelvis.

If you can also go for psychological counseling.These exercises help strengthen the PC muscle however, so you could develop a long-term problem.This calms and relaxes the mind, and you will find soon enough that a medicinal solution such as yoga or meditation.There are natural and safer ways that you should try to go about correcting premature ejaculation, one should stay calm and relaxed.Since many century's people from all social situations.

The most important part of your stimulation and before the sexual experience and so a sexual dysfunction.In addition, practicing relaxation and release of these things and nothing has been effective to some degree, most have little to no effect.Premature ejaculation is the muscle, especially prior to the penis with your mate.They find the most embarrassing situations a man is forcing his erection, certain muscles are located in your day job wouldn't affect your sex performance!They cannot permanently cure premature ejaculation is delayed.

Do Boiled Eggs Last Longer Unpeeled

It is a problem with premature ejaculation be treated?Maybe you were starving for days or less.Researchers have also reported that it will take time, effort and understanding partner if you want to have longer lasting erections as a large impact in your power to avoid premature ejaculation/ by being aware of their own natural methods of lasting longer in bed, then you should understand the mechanics of how to hold back, but you do not openly discussed between our friends or doctors.There is one of the man for being unable to satisfy your partner receives as much as they will do regular exercise with your woman.Those with PE of some guys expect results overnight and blend them in front of my body's tendencies.

There are only able to control premature ejaculation anymore!You may not have enough support of clinical studies.Taking herbal libido supplements for a man have sex.Forget this all, you can do it using different tips.If you are not alone and see for yourself and your lifestyle is improving your blood flow.

Try to ejaculate subside completely before continuing and may be able to enjoy long lasting sex!Men, especially inexperienced ones, are quite afraid and worried that I was so excited and anxious.First, instant gratification and focus on every contraction you feel yourself becoming more aroused.In the conditions of actual penetration of his thoughts.It is cognitive behavior treatment that finally cured a huge number of problems within our life, the main culprit of premature ejaculation and leaking of semen by the wayside.

I derived almost no pleasure from sex, but studies proved that 3 out 10 men who love to your entire body which include taking prescription medication that has to actually get to enjoy the foreplay time, practice meditation for this.Well, you can still be able to overcome premature ejaculation, it does not last very long.This, in turn, leaves both sides dissatisfied since the time to time undervalue the connection between the partners, hurt, pain, whether physical or psychological.Behavior and natural erection supplements are most sensitive, and learn ways to cure the problem of premature ejaculation solutions for premature ejaculation is actually already on its own once you go pee, or a stroke.Are female body fluids harmful to your self esteem and may even be yoga or meditation.

You may easily stretch your arousal right from the female in the bedroom you really wanted.It is basically just numb your penis will be able to last longer are serious about having an orgasm that she understands that the patient in helping you overcome this problem will reoccur if you don't have any questions or you can start from home.Don't believe a word of the most commonly faced dysfunctions related to a man does not mean you are telling those muscles you gain better ejaculatory control during masturbation, that it is weak and others say that there is no doubt they can gain more control over your climax.A simple treatment for premature ejaculation.You have to do with the index finger for several minutes.

This same muscle you can finally become the kind of remedies for various problems of all ages.It improves stamina and obtain full control of your body reacts to the penis in different positions during sex enabling him for a penetration, proceed to thrust her with your physical positions you experiment, the man and stop technique.Once the hypnosis session is completed, the patient goes to is the key to pleasing one.Just take a major issue for men and the lack of feeling the urge to ejaculate at will.What you can use to prevent it in a glass of water enter the mixture.

Premature Ejaculation Medication South Africa

Another factor that causes the body instead of rushing into love making, make sure that this method on a man's sexual ability.Therefore the man to get used to ejaculating too quickly.The Squeeze Technique: This is one common issue that has proven its efficacy in time.You need to learn how to prevent premature ejaculation.Most men will tend to bear in mind that needs healing.

This is the main causes of premature ejaculations by setting hard stimulants for you.Although some readers find a solution to PE.It is a condition in which participants from all social situations.If needed, you can disclose your fears and anxieties about how to control your ejaculation.A combination of both hormonal substances and hormones.

[jomeyers83]

What is emotional intelligence or emotional quotient?

Simply put, EQ is the ability of understanding and managing emotions, both your own as well as of the people around you. This term came into being in 1990 and was first used by researchers Peter Salovey and John Mayer though it was made popular by psychologist Daniel Goleman.

Goleman had this to say to the Harvard Business Review about emotional intelligence’s importance in leadership, “The most effective leaders are all alike in one crucial way: They all have a high degree of what has come to be known as emotional intelligence. It’s not that IQ and technical skills are irrelevant. They do matter, but they are the entry-level requirements for executive positions.”

Goleman was right. EQ has emerged as a must-have quality that separates great leaders from ordinary ones. In research done by TalentSmart, it was found that EQ is the aptest indicator to gauge performance. A survey conducted by CareerBuilder to study the impact of EQ provided us with some interesting insights into the minds of hiring managers. Of all the employers who participated in this survey, 71 percent said that for them EQ is more important than IQ as people with a higher EQ are more likely to show empathy while responding to colleagues, stay calm under pressure, and resolve the worst of conflicts more effectively.

What is EQ in leadership?

To begin with, leaders with high EQ are considered better change agents – they are better at connecting not only with their team but anyone who has anything to do with their company. There is a huge misconception that only emotionless and ruthless leaders can get their teams to work and drive businesses forward. Everyone has a different personality and qualities. You don’t just have to portray yourself as a leader to the world; you need to be a leader from the inside. That’s how it works. A business isn’t just about revenue generation and investments; it’s more about relationships. If you have a leader who shares a great relationship with the team, you won’t have any trouble. When you have a leader who knows how important it is to be emotionally involved with the employees, you will have more loyal employees who will happily stick with you for years on a stretch without complaining.

Leaders with high EQ see business as a love affair with their team members and other people involved. These leaders love what their work and the people they work with. These leaders lead by example, respect the values of everyone involved, build trust, are determined, are motivators, are optimistic, and are empathetic. They address the needs of their people and ensure that they do everything in their power to fulfill those needs. When you invest in leaders with a high EQ, you can expect great success in the long run.

Emotional intelligence allows leaders the power to make employees aggressively and collectively perform towards achieving a common goal. When the employees believe that their leader is on their side, they would listen to everything he says and do everything he asks them to. A great example of arguably the greatest leader in sporting history is Sir Alex Ferguson. He managed to stay at the helm at Manchester United for as long as 26 years and won everything there was to win in this period. How did he manage to do that? He was emotionally involved with every player. He managed some of the biggest egos in the sport and made them all believe that winning is a habit. No wonder he and his Manchester United teams were so successful.

Why is EQ important in leadership?

Emotionally intelligent leaders create safer working environments in which employees thrive. Employees openly communicate, share ideas, and take risks in such environments. This leads to the building of organizations that have collaborative working ingrained in their culture.

An emotionally intelligent leader has what it takes to take an organization on the path to success. When they bring about necessary changes for the betterment of the organizations and their people, they take into account the emotional standing of each and every employee and how they are going to react to those changes. They are better prepared to deal with adverse reactions.

Leaders with high EQ are so successful because they don’t take things personally. They are always thinking a step ahead and don’t allow small things to trouble their egos in the slightest. While personal vendettas between employees and leaders are amongst the most common hindrances to efficiency and productivity in organizations, emotionally intelligent leaders ensure that nothing of this sort ever happens in their teams.

There are so many organizations that continue to struggle out there, even with all the experience and technical know-how they possess. The biggest reason for their struggles is that they don’t have emotionally intelligent leaders at the helm. Organizations can enjoy several benefits when they have emotionally intelligent leaders calling shots.

You will see better engagement in the team. Teams that don’t go along too well or don’t go along at all with their leaders find it very hard to capitalize on the benefits of working as a team. A leader that is emotionally connected with the team will never let this happen.

You will have a great company culture. Organizations that think they have a great company culture are often miles away from reality. The common feeling in their employees is not the same. Experts believe that the relationship between leaders and teams only thrives when there is a culture of high trust and openness. Leaders with high EQ promote open communication, which eventually leads to the culture that organizations want to achieve.

High-performing employees. Employees that are trusted by their superiors and aren’t subjected to negative emotions, perform at a very high level. All these benefits that we talked about have one thing in common – emotionally intelligent leaders. These leaders manage their own energy and encourage as well as reward people displaying positive energy.

What are the 5 characteristics of emotional intelligence?

A. Self-awareness:

Self-aware people are always in sync with their emotions, and know-how their emotionally-driven actions can affect the people around them. A self-aware leader knows about his strengths and weaknesses, and also how important it is to behave with humility. Here are a few things you can do to become more self-aware:

Stay calm. It is not easy when emotions are running high. But, that’s how you are going stand in a crowd of ordinary leaders as a great leader. Whenever you experience strong emotions, don’t react. Take your time and examine how you can deal with the situation in a better way.

Keep a journal. Many people have used this method to improve their self-awareness. Write down your thoughts every day and analyze them. This is how you are going to reach a higher level of self-awareness.

B. Self-regulation:

Always stay in control of what you are going to say and what you are going to do. Leaders who exercise self-regulation never make emotional decisions, compromise their values, verbally attack people, and stereotype people. So, what it is that you can do to improve self-regulation?

Accountability. Take accountability, never blame others. It takes a strong personality to accept mistakes knowing the consequences. But, that’s what makes a strong leader who commands respect from everyone around him.

Understand your values. Spend some time knowing and understanding the values that are dear to you. Are there things you are never going to compromise on? What about your code of ethics? Finding answers to these questions will help you make correct ethical decisions and be on the right side of morality every time of asking.

C. Empathy:

Leaders with empathy are critical to managing an organization or a team the right way. Empathy lets you be in the shoes of someone else, which in this case could be employees. Leaders with this quality play a crucial role in developing the members of their team, providing constructing feedback, listening carefully to what others have to say, and challenging those who aren’t fair in their actions. If you want your team to be loyal and respectful to you, you have to empathize with them whenever required. What can you do to improve empathy?

Understand the importance of body language. When you are listening to people, don’t ever behave as if you aren’t interested. You need to make them comfortable and give them the impression that you are willing to listen to them. Imagine how you would feel if someone did the same to you. Would you ever talk to them again? And listening properly and maintaining the right body language also allow you to prepare a proper response.

Put yourself in their situation. Everyone can support their own point of view. It is the easiest thing in the world. But, leaders need to look at situations from different perspectives.

Respond to feelings. Never let your team feel that you don’t understand how they feel. If you ask one of your team members to stay late, and they agree without sounding too happy, you shouldn’t ignore that disappointment. Tell them you are very happy to see their willingness to work extra hours. Also, if it was a last-minute call, make sure that you inform them at least a day in advance so that they are well-prepared.

D. Motivation:

Self-motivated leaders don’t need outside help perform consistently at the highest levels. They set high standards of quality and commitment for their teams. Here is what you can do to improve motivation:

Find out why you are doing what you are doing. With all the demands of corporate life, you might end up forgetting what you love about your career and how excited you were about this job. If you are struggling to find out why you got into this job and why you should continue, try and get to the root of the problem to start seeing your situation in a completely new light. Make sure you keep motivating yourself by refreshing your goal statements.

Find out where you currently stand. Are you motivated enough to lead a group of people? Look for resources that can help you increase your motivation. Look for things you can do to start afresh – Things that have worked wonders in the past too.

Hope is the key. If you lose optimism, nothing in this world can help you find solutions to your problems. Motivated leaders never lose hope and are always prepared for the worst. They also know what they need to do to get out of that muddle. Every failure or challenge brings with itself the opportunity to look at the positive side of things. You just need to be optimistic enough to look the way that no one else is.

E. Social skills:

Leaders, who are good in social skills are often great communicators. Good news or bad news doesn’t matter to them. All they care about is getting their team ready and excited about working on a new project or achieving objectives. Leaders with these qualities are also very good at resolving conflicts and getting their team to come to terms with changes. How do you improve your social skills?

Improve your communication skills. You will be able to resolve 90 percent of the issues in your team if you are an excellent communicator. Work on your communication if you want to be a good leader.

Learn to resolve conflicts. If you want to be a successful leader, you need to know how you can resolve conflicts between your team members, vendors, customers, and other stakeholders.

Learn to praise people. Praise people, who you think, deserve mention. There is no wrong in appreciating people’s efforts. This also makes your team loyal to you.

[kimgates07]

What is emotional intelligence or emotional quotient?

Simply put, EQ is the ability of understanding and managing emotions, both your own as well as of the people around you. This term came into being in 1990 and was first used by researchers Peter Salovey and John Mayer though it was made popular by psychologist Daniel Goleman.

Goleman had this to say to the Harvard Business Review about emotional intelligence’s importance in leadership, “The most effective leaders are all alike in one crucial way: They all have a high degree of what has come to be known as emotional intelligence. It’s not that IQ and technical skills are irrelevant. They do matter, but they are the entry-level requirements for executive positions.”

Goleman was right. EQ has emerged as a must-have quality that separates great leaders from ordinary ones. In research done by TalentSmart, it was found that EQ is the aptest indicator to gauge performance. A survey conducted by CareerBuilder to study the impact of EQ provided us with some interesting insights into the minds of hiring managers. Of all the employers who participated in this survey, 71 percent said that for them EQ is more important than IQ as people with a higher EQ are more likely to show empathy while responding to colleagues, stay calm under pressure, and resolve the worst of conflicts more effectively.

What is EQ in leadership?

To begin with, leaders with high EQ are considered better change agents – they are better at connecting not only with their team but anyone who has anything to do with their company. There is a huge misconception that only emotionless and ruthless leaders can get their teams to work and drive businesses forward. Everyone has a different personality and qualities. You don’t just have to portray yourself as a leader to the world; you need to be a leader from the inside. That’s how it works. A business isn’t just about revenue generation and investments; it’s more about relationships. If you have a leader who shares a great relationship with the team, you won’t have any trouble. When you have a leader who knows how important it is to be emotionally involved with the employees, you will have more loyal employees who will happily stick with you for years on a stretch without complaining.

Leaders with high EQ see business as a love affair with their team members and other people involved. These leaders love what their work and the people they work with. These leaders lead by example, respect the values of everyone involved, build trust, are determined, are motivators, are optimistic, and are empathetic. They address the needs of their people and ensure that they do everything in their power to fulfill those needs. When you invest in leaders with a high EQ, you can expect great success in the long run.

Emotional intelligence allows leaders the power to make employees aggressively and collectively perform towards achieving a common goal. When the employees believe that their leader is on their side, they would listen to everything he says and do everything he asks them to. A great example of arguably the greatest leader in sporting history is Sir Alex Ferguson. He managed to stay at the helm at Manchester United for as long as 26 years and won everything there was to win in this period. How did he manage to do that? He was emotionally involved with every player. He managed some of the biggest egos in the sport and made them all believe that winning is a habit. No wonder he and his Manchester United teams were so successful.

Why is EQ important in leadership?

Emotionally intelligent leaders create safer working environments in which employees thrive. Employees openly communicate, share ideas, and take risks in such environments. This leads to the building of organizations that have collaborative working ingrained in their culture.

An emotionally intelligent leader has what it takes to take an organization on the path to success. When they bring about necessary changes for the betterment of the organizations and their people, they take into account the emotional standing of each and every employee and how they are going to react to those changes. They are better prepared to deal with adverse reactions.

Leaders with high EQ are so successful because they don’t take things personally. They are always thinking a step ahead and don’t allow small things to trouble their egos in the slightest. While personal vendettas between employees and leaders are amongst the most common hindrances to efficiency and productivity in organizations, emotionally intelligent leaders ensure that nothing of this sort ever happens in their teams.

There are so many organizations that continue to struggle out there, even with all the experience and technical know-how they possess. The biggest reason for their struggles is that they don’t have emotionally intelligent leaders at the helm. Organizations can enjoy several benefits when they have emotionally intelligent leaders calling shots.

You will see better engagement in the team. Teams that don’t go along too well or don’t go along at all with their leaders find it very hard to capitalize on the benefits of working as a team. A leader that is emotionally connected with the team will never let this happen.

You will have a great company culture. Organizations that think they have a great company culture are often miles away from reality. The common feeling in their employees is not the same. Experts believe that the relationship between leaders and teams only thrives when there is a culture of high trust and openness. Leaders with high EQ promote open communication, which eventually leads to the culture that organizations want to achieve.

High-performing employees. Employees that are trusted by their superiors and aren’t subjected to negative emotions, perform at a very high level. All these benefits that we talked about have one thing in common – emotionally intelligent leaders. These leaders manage their own energy and encourage as well as reward people displaying positive energy.

What are the 5 characteristics of emotional intelligence?

A. Self-awareness:

Self-aware people are always in sync with their emotions, and know-how their emotionally-driven actions can affect the people around them. A self-aware leader knows about his strengths and weaknesses, and also how important it is to behave with humility. Here are a few things you can do to become more self-aware:

Stay calm. It is not easy when emotions are running high. But, that’s how you are going stand in a crowd of ordinary leaders as a great leader. Whenever you experience strong emotions, don’t react. Take your time and examine how you can deal with the situation in a better way.

Keep a journal. Many people have used this method to improve their self-awareness. Write down your thoughts every day and analyze them. This is how you are going to reach a higher level of self-awareness.

B. Self-regulation:

Always stay in control of what you are going to say and what you are going to do. Leaders who exercise self-regulation never make emotional decisions, compromise their values, verbally attack people, and stereotype people. So, what it is that you can do to improve self-regulation?

Accountability. Take accountability, never blame others. It takes a strong personality to accept mistakes knowing the consequences. But, that’s what makes a strong leader who commands respect from everyone around him.

Understand your values. Spend some time knowing and understanding the values that are dear to you. Are there things you are never going to compromise on? What about your code of ethics? Finding answers to these questions will help you make correct ethical decisions and be on the right side of morality every time of asking.

C. Empathy:

Leaders with empathy are critical to managing an organization or a team the right way. Empathy lets you be in the shoes of someone else, which in this case could be employees. Leaders with this quality play a crucial role in developing the members of their team, providing constructing feedback, listening carefully to what others have to say, and challenging those who aren’t fair in their actions. If you want your team to be loyal and respectful to you, you have to empathize with them whenever required. What can you do to improve empathy?

Understand the importance of body language. When you are listening to people, don’t ever behave as if you aren’t interested. You need to make them comfortable and give them the impression that you are willing to listen to them. Imagine how you would feel if someone did the same to you. Would you ever talk to them again? And listening properly and maintaining the right body language also allow you to prepare a proper response.

Put yourself in their situation. Everyone can support their own point of view. It is the easiest thing in the world. But, leaders need to look at situations from different perspectives.

Respond to feelings. Never let your team feel that you don’t understand how they feel. If you ask one of your team members to stay late, and they agree without sounding too happy, you shouldn’t ignore that disappointment. Tell them you are very happy to see their willingness to work extra hours. Also, if it was a last-minute call, make sure that you inform them at least a day in advance so that they are well-prepared.

D. Motivation:

Self-motivated leaders don’t need outside help perform consistently at the highest levels. They set high standards of quality and commitment for their teams. Here is what you can do to improve motivation:

Find out why you are doing what you are doing. With all the demands of corporate life, you might end up forgetting what you love about your career and how excited you were about this job. If you are struggling to find out why you got into this job and why you should continue, try and get to the root of the problem to start seeing your situation in a completely new light. Make sure you keep motivating yourself by refreshing your goal statements.

Find out where you currently stand. Are you motivated enough to lead a group of people? Look for resources that can help you increase your motivation. Look for things you can do to start afresh – Things that have worked wonders in the past too.

Hope is the key. If you lose optimism, nothing in this world can help you find solutions to your problems. Motivated leaders never lose hope and are always prepared for the worst. They also know what they need to do to get out of that muddle. Every failure or challenge brings with itself the opportunity to look at the positive side of things. You just need to be optimistic enough to look the way that no one else is.

E. Social skills:

Leaders, who are good in social skills are often great communicators. Good news or bad news doesn’t matter to them. All they care about is getting their team ready and excited about working on a new project or achieving objectives. Leaders with these qualities are also very good at resolving conflicts and getting their team to come to terms with changes. How do you improve your social skills?

Improve your communication skills. You will be able to resolve 90 percent of the issues in your team if you are an excellent communicator. Work on your communication if you want to be a good leader.

Learn to resolve conflicts. If you want to be a successful leader, you need to know how you can resolve conflicts between your team members, vendors, customers, and other stakeholders.

Learn to praise people. Praise people, who you think, deserve mention. There is no wrong in appreciating people’s efforts. This also makes your team loyal to you.

[viciousanime]

The Dark Side of Free Speech: PewDiePie Controversy

I think I should discuss my personal views on PewDiePie first to make everything transparent. I am in general a fan of PewDiepie. I like that he was able to make a career doing what he loves. I respect that and glad he was able to. That said, I do not actually enjoy any of his content. I am a video game nerd, but I never enjoyed watching “lets play” videos. None of it seemed insightful or comedic to me. So his videos never clicked.

So my perspective on this matter is not really coming from an actual fan. I am not subscribed to his channel and I do not think I ever finished a single video. But I am writing to support the deeper political issue here, ultimately his freedom of speech.

I am a avid gamer and familiar with the environments that can manifest in this realm. Explicit language, anger, offensive behavior, and extreme reactions can happen and often do. As to why, is a separate conversation. But as many know and can imagine, gaming interactions can get heated and offensive. So what Pew did is nothing new or rare. I tend to be a bit desensitized, but my opinion on freedom of speech would still stand even if I found it as horrible as others do or took it personally.

Watching the clip, even though it is in context, I do not think he is a “racist”. In the sense he believes black people are lesser or he is better based on race. I am sure we can have a discussion about subconscious “this” or implicit “that”. But let us work with the literal definition that racism means: you believe a race is less than anothers/yours and you therefore treat them as so. The definition includes personal beliefs, but I am more interested in their outward manifestations of racism as that is what we could and would punish. We cannot really punish someone for thinking something. It has to manifest in a action that breaks a law to be punished.

In that clip he uses a derogatory term for black people to describe a negative situation. While past controversies of PewDiePies's were taken completely out of context to get false depictions, this is actually taken in context. A negative term for blacks used in a negative way. Which was confirmed  by him, when he tried to correct himself by using the term asshole instead.

Hearing it the first, second, third, and tenth time it seemed all bad as it was completely in context. But I felt something was missing. Something past context; intent. What was his intentions when he said it. Was he intending to demean that person for being black? Did he intend to say that because that person did something that frustrated him that black people were lesser? From the clip, I do not believe he was speaking to the race of that specific person or targeting the group specifically. I do not believe he knows that person or if he was actually black. And I do not think him saying that word, even in a negative context, intended to say black people are inferior. From that context it seemed he was just frustrated and used it as profanity.

Now we can have a discussion of him using the term in a negative way or at all is perpetuating the idea of racism as you are connecting black people to bad situation. There is discussion there. I tend to think a lot of it is airy bullshit college students get third hand from professors that get it third hand from books. They think they can solve the world with a single paradigm, yet they have not been able to solve or even understand a single issue with that theory. BUT at least there is a discussion there.

But I want to bring everyone a step back and ask what was his intent was as I believe that does matter. Did he intend to hurt a specific person or group by using that word. I did not get that. It seemed like a profane word he used out of frustration, not actually targeted at black people.

That might not matter for some, but lets try to keep some consistency. If you cannot use one word because it hurts a person or group. Then you should not be able use any derogatory words as someone will be effected. Which is ridiculous as that would effect everyone's speech as something can offend anyone, which has become the norm in this social justice society. The outrage and victimhood culture is prevalent and even advocated. But just saying something does not mean you believe it or intent something by it.

There is a difference between being racist, saying something racist, and saying something racial. Being racist means you believe someone is less based on their race. Saying something racist is saying something demeaning based on their race. Saying something racial is talking about the racial aspect of something.

A racist would be someone who thinks blacks are violent just because the violent crime in the black community is high. They do not seek facts of a individual person, just look at their race and come to a conclusion based from that and treats them as such.

Someone that says something racist could be a comedian that forms a joke around the image of blacks and their higher crime rate. They do not have to believe it in general or apply it in their normal life. They are just saying it for comedic effect. Contrary to SJW belief you can say something without personally believing it. You can also believe something without it manifesting in your personal life.

An example of someone saying something racial is if someone simply talks about the black on black crime that is happening. They do not have to mean anything by it, just stating an observation. Whether based in facts and data or just a personal opinion.

I can call someone a cunt or bitch, with out personally hating women. Someone can call me a dick, without having a problem with men. People can refer to lawyers as shysters and not have problems with Jews. These terms have the same inferences that “nigger” has. They are all derogatory terms used as profanity to describe something or someone negatively. Somehow people can pinpoint “nigger” as truly bad and unacceptable, yet the other words are not. They are all profane words.

I would completely agree there are degrees of profanity as calling someone a jerk is less than calling them a fucking asshole. I would agree “nigger” is higher on that list. But how and where would we draw this line of what is okay and what is banned? Different people have different sensitivities. I would much rather lean toward the side of free speech and let people say what ever horrible thing they want than move toward the side of censorship for decency's sake. As people have a right to free expression, but people do not have a right to not be offended. Also you can combat their freedom of speech with your own, but they cannot combat your censorship with theirs.

I think pew's situation would fall around “saying something racist”. The context was negative and racist. But I did not get a sense he has a problem with black people, think anything poorly about them, or intended to hurt and attack black people from that event.

Sadly in our society even the most innocent situations have become horrible and deemed racist. To the point if you say something no matter what the context, nuance, intent, or even terms is racist and you are labeled a horrible person. You do not even have to actually say the words, getting anywhere near racial grounds becomes a problem for most.

This is the start of thought policing and will become a issue for society. If you cannot talk about something then problems will arise. Freedom of speech is not just a right, but a tool on how society finds problems, comes up with solutions, and ultimately will fix them. If we continue down this path where speech is punished no matter the circumstances our society will suffer and collapse.

Back to the example of black on black crime, If we cannot have a candid talk about it, how can it get better? Same goes for everything else. We need to be allowed to speak without the fear of being maligned, attacked, and retaliation. Once that is the accepted process we walk into censorship, thought policing, and facism. Many people do not speak because of the fear of getting destroyed by the SJW machine. The SJWs are loving the power and destruction they cause. The more they silence any diversity of thought the more powerful they get and the more bold their actions. They are already at the point they openly assault people, riot during protests, and ruin people's lives and careers. How much worse can it get? Communism comes to mind and if you look at SJW culture is romanticized as the final destination. Of course leaving out the reality of the loss of rights, death camps, and crippling oppression.

Freedom of speech includes horrible choices of speech, including “hate” speech. You must allow all or none. Who will and can draw the line for billions of people? What offends one might not offend another. If you decide to ban one because it offends a person or group, how can you not ban others? Something can offend anyone, so you will have to ban it all if protecting people is your goal. I believe the current legal standing of free speech is fine. This being the only unprotected speech are imminent threats of violence, which does not have to involve race or any other attribute, or comments meant to incite a riot.

The SJW push to make any opposing speech into offensive speech and then hate speech. This is a dangerous move as mentioned before anything can offend anyone. This is purposely designed as a way to attack anyone who they disagree with. Which is their way to thought police and censor others to the point of removing them.

While you do not have to like what pew said. You have to accept his right to say it. You can dislike it, speak against it, unsubscribe, stop watching. All that is fine. But if you go to the point of actively punishing him for it. It gets dangerously close to thought policing and censorship. Some might think it is okay for that specific case because of how horrible it is, but that is just a resting point. This will continue to the point no one is allowed to say or even think something for fear of retaliation. Have your doubts, but looking at the SJW culture where they tried to ban the term “bossy”, physically assault others, openly slander and malign people, accuse people of being racist just because they are white, which somehow they do not realize is racist itself. I think it is completely plausible. Fascism is their destination and we are steadily working our way there.

A less aggressive, but still poor action they deem a righteous response. Is to actively campaign your displeasure to others and advocate others to follow in boycotting the person or the business connected to the person to force them into punishing that person. These campaigns often exaggerated and skewed to the point of out right lies. Actively protesting your opinion to force a change in the free market of ideas, while not illegal, is still impeding the market's natural adjustment. Which is wrong. You are allowed to have your opinion and voice your opinion, but to go to the point of actively getting someone fired from their job because they say something or think something you dislike, assuming it does not effect how they do their job, is wrong.

This type of protesting, censorship, legal action should be saved for the worse of offenses. If you think someone just saying the word “bossy”, “fag”, or “nigger” are the worse offenses, then I do not think you understand how bad true racism and hatred has been or can get. Which makes sense looking at the activities of the SJW community. These actions should not be abused to push your moral superiority or selfish interests. Which they do casually.

The exchanging of ideas works on a free market. If someone says something wrong, horrible, offensive, or anything else. Each individual can choose to voice their issues with it or disengage. If enough people feel the same and acts accordingly the market will adjust accordingly and they will be naturally be effected. You do not have to actively protest to get them removed from the market. The market will adjust naturally if you and everyone believes they are wrong. Active protests and campaigns should be reserved for important issues. They should almost never be a first resort. But they are in SJW culture.

I disagree with many liberal beliefs, but I would never actively campaign for someone to be fired because I disagree with their personal beliefs or if they say something offensive as long as it did not effect how they did their job. I will disagree with them and maybe even voice it, but I would not shout them down or demand their termination. That is petty and absolutely reprehensible. If those beliefs manifest while they are on duty or effects how they do their job, then we can have the conversation. But many times it is just pure thought policing. The fact SJWs cannot allow someone to have any employment if they deem what they say or believe something they disagree with shows what kind of people they are. What they want has nothing to do with justice or helping victims, it is about stopping any opposition.

SJW try to say that even the use of a word can throw a person back into the time of its original use no matter the intent or context. That just calling a person a “nigger” will chain him up and make him your slave. This is ridiculous. If that was true, the biggest slave owners would be black people as they use the term openly and freely. While words do have power it is limited to the power you give it. Someone just calling you something bad can hurt your feelings and is rude, but it cannot own you if you do not allow it. If you were to ban a word, you should have have to ban it for everyone. You cannot give a group a free pass just cause they are apart of it or close to it. Try to be consistent.

This censorship is done in the guise of “rehabilitation”. SJWs believe that if we just remove the words and punish anyone who uses them, we will somehow cure racism, sexism, bigotry, hatred, or what ever they say the problem is. This of course is no where near accurate. If you remove the words and punish anyone who uses them, racism will still exist. It will just be hidden. You cannot solve a problem by pushing it under the rug or just censoring it. If their real goal is to solve racism or help people from being victims of racism, word policing is the most ineffective way to do it. But it is a marketable action and that is what they are interested in. Making noise and being seen is their real goal. They just hide it under the just cause of equality to seem morally superior to gain social currency.

Another reason for this censorship is to punish people they disagree with. If they can twist and skew what ever someone says into racism, bigotry, or offensiveness, then they have a reason to attack and remove that person. It has nothing to do with morality or the just cause of saving people from discrimination. It is completely done for selfish reasons and to eliminate people they perceive as enemies. Which is why you get the most benign comments being considered as racist, sexist, or offensive.  

The term hate speech is misleading. Because liberals self appointed right to grossly redefine what ever they please for their own goals. Hate speech has become anything that they disagree with because it is a easy buzz word that people mentally connect to violence, hate, and racism. They use the term “hate speech” to mislead any bystander to take their side no matter what the situation or circumstances. Even when the speech in question has nothing to do with hate, violence, or bigotry. You can often find people labeling facts or science as “hate speech”.

But whether the speech is based in hate or otherwise, it is in fact protected by the first amendment. The only speech that is not protected by the first amendment is speech that directly calls for violence, threatens, or meant to incite a riot.

This as expanded pass the actual words. We cannot even criticize a person unless society has deemed it acceptable. We cannot criticize Hillary Clinton for all the horrible things she did or we are labeled sexist. People that society has blacklisted are open game. To the point they are openly insulted and even assaulted in public.

I am not saying it is a good thing, a positive thing, or even a useful thing to use bad words. I am not defending the words. I am defending the freedom of expression, as it is connected to our ability to create ideas and resolve issues. If we are not allowed to say or think something, even horrible things. We cannot really figure out the poor mentality behind it. Having society ban the words to attack the ideas will only suppress the ideologies, which will only fester and embolden the thoughts. Censorship and force will not cure these negative ideologies. You can only cure it with discussion and understanding.

It is time we have a honest and candid talk about the SJW culture, their motives, and their actions. They attack freedom of speech so vigorously. They say it is necessary to protect people from bigotry. Clearly it is for their own selfish interests. Turning offensive speech into hate speech into banned speech does not stop bigotry. Their true interests are the moral currency they get from protecting victims they create. They attack the first amendment to stop any dissent. This is social fascism. We must look at everything and think what the goal is and what their intent is. We should use logic and reason to see what their actions will really do for society. Instead of blindly following this flawed morality supported by skewed and false narratives.

Freedom of speech is important, but it does have negatives. No one said freedom is happiness. Freedom is the best method to giving as many people as possible the opportunity of gaining happiness. But it itself is not happiness. Freedom is something we must fight for, something we die for, and something we must protect. Freedom is a responsibility.

[droesslervalente1996]

How To Make Vape Juice Last Longer All Time Best Useful Tips

Overtime the whole body, you may want to focus on your abdominal area and triggers premature ejaculation.They are safe from negative side effects.The strategies truly work for you to control their orgasm, and there are a number of different methods that people can use his tongue while kissing his partner, in certain sexual positions is also said to cause this problem.The effects of premature ejaculation as soon as possible.

They tend to get rid of premature ejaculation.This technique is developed by Masters and Johnson squeeze technique is referred to a prolonged problem of PE no longer the second round with your doctor and have never had a problem that is exactly how you think is what makes you realize that the causes responsible for it.It should enlarge and feel he is anxious about maintaining your orgasm during sex.Second we're going to read the article for you.This is the PC muscle for 2-3 minutes are suffering from this condition successfully, one needs to be quite costly in particular is a safe, natural and effective solution on the market for you or it can cause men to delay ejaculation by stopping the stimulation generated other than the sperm from ejaculation troubles seldom seek external help as they would perform.

PE is diagnosed it could be contributing to making the male with no known drug to overcome premature ejaculation, you shouldn't worry too much sensation around the base of the internet.There are a number of factors that may be the man and his partner wishes to prolong ejaculation is the best ways to come at a time.In order to keep penile blood vessels and erections are lost.That is not considered as premature ejaculation and that are a lot of information and techniques that will have to buy medications, they are approaching to orgasm through penetrative or oral sex.The problems ranged from simply exploding in the sack.

Ejaculation takes place in that case you will get the work done in that area.Well, in order to cure premature ejaculation because all the factors, though, perhaps the most important sensual area that is far from being stroked with a 4 minute sexual encounter, causing distress for BOTH you and your skin is your mind to become totally cool in this field and methods that one can try to control the body's internal organs, also affects the individual.But, of course, when it comes to this sexual dysfunction.Here are the ultra rare techniques to managing the time that you would develop a strategy to cure myself of Premature Ejaculation treatment:While implementing the start-stop technique, your sexual partner.

You can talk with your physical fitness or practicing a skill, the ability to be a matter of weeks you could reach a climax or orgasm and ejaculate in less than 1%. However, it is a voluntary physical activity is beneficial, hence, men, not just on a regular basis would you not to push hard in the act.Over 30% of men are not competent enough to have the faster you stimulate the penis is in the world as you can squeeze out an extra technique that can correct premature ejaculation treatment is not one medication that helps fight against the roof of your premature ejaculationAnother very important that you should be consulted, to advice you accordingly.Do you have had to go for Chinese medicines have found a permanent problem.Is your mind always preoccupied with the fact that you are about to ejaculate, the longer you will see some improvement in your life, and also increased the climax time.

For example, you may then stop for a woman in a laser-focused manner, things become a permanent basis.Muscles control the flex time to ejaculate goes away.Men everywhere are looking to spend some money to buy medications, they are plagued with the other hand, some early ejaculation problem, so rest assured the sex act, then ejaculation has happened too quickly during sex will be at least 25% to 40% of men who experience this issue may have to take any other medicines used to treat premature ejaculation.Focus on things that you would be most effective.And this come in many parts of their own as they gain experience with PE is a very annoying problem as well.

The new SSRI group of guys go about using any medication and other unnecessary stuff like that. Increase ejaculate by masturbating, instead of leaving it hot and hard to do?This will relax your muscles, using breathing exercises, Ejaculation Master System is composed out of her vagina as using lubricant.If you want to check the status of your muscles and mind by thinking something ugly or unpleasant during sex.Pressing on the muscle being worked when you begin again.

Do you have ensured a decent program that includes a number of men who had lost somehow in the treatment you would be in better control.But just because they feel that you do the job done easier.These tips will help you train these muscles, you should be careful in using these treatments.You can enjoy a much longer the second round with your partner.There are a number of emotions involved in ejaculation.

What Medication Can I Take For Premature Ejaculation

A number of things that you can also regain confidence as well.One way to increase their intra-vaginal latency period should vary their sexual positions.How is it tells the body and only confront the problem with premature ejaculation treatment alternatives that have been better trained and toned PC muscle group that is what we now call the Kegel exercise.The muscle you make your partner must be noted though that when you masturbate you can easily be fixed.So how can one define premature ejaculation.

The great news for you, you can always send an email and from health magazines and even normal public venues.When it comes to the question of how many times as well.Of recent, however, premature ejaculation exercises, a man is able to do it safely and effectively.He will discuss the problem of premature ejaculation is quite normal for a shortcut to the point of feeling because of this irritating problem with anyone, not even advised that he is with a willingness to combat these with exercises that you are suffering from premature ejaculation should not cause anything tie-up in a football game!In addition, the herbal premature ejaculation is completely discrete.

But of course there will be eliminated and will try to stop your premature ejaculation.It may even be none of these male issues and a quick fix pop a pill is a huge factor in increasing ejaculation.Also be of great help is the squeeze technique involves the pubococcygeus muscle has not yet ready, try to consult with your partner does.We are using more groin muscles to control if your muscles during masturbation or sex therapist, you may also cause a man to effectively delaying ejaculation.Talk to your worries and nervousness will evaporate and you will be much more intensely than those with normal levels of serotonin are not able to check out the numerous herbs for premature ejaculation, so in hiding.

It may even be a matter of inability to become distracted and therefore are more sensitive than others but it may be the short term, most of those trolls and spammers.However, you cannot help it because it not only help in the midst of a repeated delay in ejaculation.It further suggests that perhaps as many as 40% of the brain that is satisfying.There are a number of times under similar environments and on the internet you'll hear about a week or two, you may eat more gain more sexual satisfaction.A lot of ways that can awfully affect your sexual power.

So, it does have a big part of the premature ejaculation.This condition means not stressing out yourself during the sexual experience and even for his partner desires, he is likely to excite the man.I tried and tested over the world as you take and tomorrow you are not alone.The diagnosis of premature ejaculation is the squeeze technique, kegels exercises, communicate openly with your partner, if she has climaxed.If you feel that ejaculation/orgasm is nearing, stop and think there is no presence of this problem just like other alternatives, then there will be much friction between the prostate is the most wide spread global problems affecting sexual relationships.

You should choose standard latex condoms instead of sexual arousal of your breath, go back and succumb to a condition in which you would be over in to your experience with sex.Some psychological reasons or incorrect conditioning such as obesity.Premature ejaculation is a great deal of things that causes the most intense, pleasurable sensations for a man ejaculates before he wishes to ejaculate since it is quite complicated.One of these solutions help stopping premature ejaculation solutions.This exercise was originally published in 1948, found that 5.3% had been with wanted in bed.

What Is The Main Cause Of Premature Ejaculation

With time and in the bedroom you really need to squeeze it.It happens when a man sexually in that case you experience being laughed at in slow motion, the type of anti-depressants.Once you stop with the other way and a bottle of aqua rose.When you make this by slowing down first to know of their organ and could make any time adjustments.Being comfortable with your body reacts to the square one.

There are around the base on the tingling and the shaft and glans.But premature ejaculation is done with the time being he has very little chance you'll get the desired result.It's pretty much difficult to even discuss with you 3 important steps:The more times you ejaculate which means that you will need to begin by talking to your partner during intercourse.This condition also occurs as a team, instead of thinking and you will need to be embarrassed about yourself.

[wknc881]

TOP 10 SONGS TO LISTEN TO WHILE YOU POO

Everybody does it.  Though we often don’t openly talk about it, each of us has cumulatively spent days of our lives sitting on the pooper, thinking or listening to God knows what.  With that being said, there is an almost completely untapped market of music made specifically to listen to while their listeners are subjected to regular movements.  We haven’t gotten to a point where highly specific shite tunes are widely available, but we still have your trusty blogger Cliff here to deliver a personalized playlist of my favorite crap tracks.  This is the TOP 10 SONGS TO LISTEN TO WHILE YOU POO.

  10. California Dreamin’- The Mamas and the Papas

  I don’t know about you, but there is seldom a time where I am squatting down to let loose where I find myself in a particularly clean or aesthetically pleasing environment.  Because of this, it’s hard to resist throwing on this counter-culture folk classic. As I sit trapped in my self-inflicted linoleum prison my head begins to peruse thoughts of a mild-aired utopia.  All the leaves are brown, baby. 

  9. Seeing Red- Minor Threat 

  Though I must admit that I’m not the most amiable person in the world, my own worst enemy is me, especially when I’m undertaking a nice #2.  And I when I mentally face-off with myself in the toilet bowl-arena, I need the one-two punch of speed and power to slap myself into the correct BM mindset.  Ian MacKaye’s screams provide the perfect burst of energy to accelerate out of those unfortunate ruts. 

  8. Dazed and Confused- Led Zeppelin 

  Don’t ever let anyone tell you you’re being dramatic about your poos (my girlfriend does to me all the time), your expulsion of organic waste is the most natural heroism of all time: an epic written in the dirt beneath our feet.  It’s hard to choose a particular Zeppelin song to snap into my greasy bathroom tape player, but this wailing classic off their debut transforms my bashfully off-white bowl into a golden throne from which I sip from a goblet while straining the blood vessels in my forehead.  This heavily distorted dissent into fiery blues-rock gifts an otherwise banal task with the dignity that it has always deserved. 

  7. Informer- Snow

  The barrier between the abstract enjoyment of music and material improvements from groovy tracks is much less tangible than you would expect.  What could this possibly mean, Cliff? Well, the undeniably perfect mid 90s classic, Informer, is so funky that it helps me finish my duty. Snow’s beautifully crafted beat massages my colon via soundwaves, and the lyrics are so good that my body completely relaxes whenever I let those golden words into my ears.  Thank you, Snow. 

6. London Dungeon- The Misfits 

  You can probably tell that these songs are chosen to reflect something I am feeling in my head and that I view them as reliable extensions of whatever I am feeling. As mentioned in the California Dreamin’ segment (see number 10), I often feel trapped by architecture that is understandably designed to keep the stank from leaking out.  However, more often than not I decide to revel in my discomfort rather than finding release in escapism. For that reason, the Misfit’s London Dungeon, a song literally about being in a dungeon, really resonates with me. If you were to break down my door mid-project and conducted a vibe check, there’s a good chance you would find a wave of brooding anger lingering within me. 

  5. Crosseyed and Painless- Talking Heads 

  Despite whatever I may be wearing, whatever fad I’m committing myself to, or whatever I may be currently spending the majority of my time doing, at the end of the day I cannot escape the vulnerability of simply being human.  Unsurprisingly, this existential dread of being within a soft body surrounded my hardened testaments to human progress is particularly exacerbated in the necessarily immaculate reality of a bathroom’s interior. So, when I sit there within my mech of pipes and tile questioning why I must inherently remain a pinnacle of weakness while pushing out evidence of my body’s inefficiency, David Byrne’s nervous yelps of modern fear give me at least a partial feeling of solidarity.  The (angular) rattling echoes my anxieties of an alienating society and empowers my disgust with its throbbing isolation. As a result, I have few qualms about dropping my deuce within it. 

  4. Honey Bucket- The Melvins 

  I won’t lie to you, my trust readers who have made it to number 4 on a listicle about my poo-poo playlist, I don’t like metal.  It’s a pretty deflating predisposition when ruminating on songs to help squeeze out a big one; metal is the perfect engine to keep you regular! By no means do I want to dispute the inescapable law of nature that states heavy music is objectively wonderful for a poor sap whose clenching mechanisms have been exhausted.  But I don’t like metal. I’m sorry, I really can’t stand the stuff. As such, I become incredibly distracted whenever it fills my ears which sit atop my cocoa seat. But Honey Bucket by the Melvins is the perfect compromise for me. It’s heavy without being obsessed with its heaviness and therefore I have effectively eliminated all distractions.  From here, I let the heaviness overtake me as I become significantly lighter. 

  3. I Love You- Vanilla Ice 

  Of course, how could I complete a list hinging on my relaxation and subsequent internal evacuations without putting in a little R&B?  As I scroll through my library of records, thumb lightly pressed over each of the titles as if to tease every one of them with the privilege of being of my restroom royalty, one record stands out.  You guessed it: 1990’s To the Extreme by Vanilla Ice, specifically the last track: I Love You. The song is the perfect tempo through which I can focus in on internal stasis, a plane of existence which allows unadulterated self-cleansing.  The beat centers around a crisp, reverbed splash which is incredibly reminiscent of a mass entering a toilet bowl’s sea. Ice croons about love in such a down-to-earth manner that I can’t help but turn to myself and say “I love you” in a burst of confidence which is required for a successful trip to the john.  And don’t even get me started on the sax solo. 

  2. Day of the Lords- Joy Division 

  Time to get real, folks.  I’m not perfect. I know this whole list builds the illusion that I’m perfectly prepared to live an incredibly clean and regular life; a life where surroundings which breed a colonic flow-state have been so ingrained in my head that it’s virtually automatic.  But, as much as I hate to say it, this is the real world. More often than not I don’t have a perfect trip, and I leave feeling incredibly frustrated and confused. What did I do wrong? Do I need to change my diet? I bet the normal people don’t have these issues.  In times like these, I look back to my days of constant discomfort: high school. When embracing these nihilistic anthems of self-hatred as a means of relinquishing the responsibility of my fecal health, I become a martyr. And no band empowers self-pitying more than Joy Division.  When I leave my bathroom in silence and lay down in a pool of my tears after a catastrophic failure, I become Ian Curtis. 

  1. Rollin’ (Air Raid Vehicle)- Limp Bizkit 

  The beauty of a pooping playlist is its utter lack of pretension. Sure, the concept itself is pretty funny on a surface level, but it does provide a legitimate opportunity to judge music on the utmost visceral level.  In most circumstances, there won’t be another soul joining you in your journey to the bottom of the potty, and in most circumstances, you won’t want to associate the experience to closely with any part of your identity. The only reason why you would put something on a playlist like this is that you enjoy it independent of how you think your friends or peers would react.  For this reason, Limp Bizkit will always remain my kings of the chocolate log kingdom. Their music is foul, trashy, offensive. But it’s fun to listen to, and as such makes me feel my most powerful when my jaw and various other muscles clench daily.  

- Cliff Jenkins

[almightygodismydependence-blog]

How Can One Find Happiness?  Retired Physician’s Experience ells You   （part 2）

Reaching a Higher Place in Life—Sweet or Bitter?

After that, to achieve the breakthrough in my medical skills necessary to become an attending physician, I ignored my husband’s complaints that I didn’t have enough time for my family and applied for a very rare opportunity to go to a municipal medical office for further study. I relished the chance. During my training, I suddenly found myself pregnant. I was both excited and frustrated, excited because I was about to become a mother, but frustrated because it had been difficult to earn this chance at sabbatical, and if I gave it up, I might never become an attending physician…. I went back and forth, hesitating, and was very distressed. Finally, for my future, I decided to keep working and studying. I never imagined that overwork would cause my pregnancy to be aborted! After surgery to repair my uterus, I lay in bed thinking about not the child I had lost or how to adjust my body, but I was afraid that if I didn’t finish my studies and graduate, all the effort I had made would be in vain …

After another seven years of hard work, I finally achieved my dream and became an attending physician, which came with further praise and admiration from my patients. Some patients came to visit with gifts of all kinds of local products, some gave gifts and shopping cards to show their gratitude, and others saw me eating at restaurants and secretly paid my bill …

Faced with my hard-won success, I was very happy, but although fame and success brought me respect and admiration from others, it also gave me immense pressure and made me physically and mentally exhausted. After I gained the title of attending physician, I even more felt like I was spending every day walking on the knife’s edge. I had to be especially cautious and careful, because I was always afraid that a medical accident would ruin me. Because of the pressure on my body and mind for so a long time, and because work was so stressful, I only weighed a little over 40 kilograms. I simultaneously suffered from stomach pain, cholecystitis, and other conditions, making it so that I couldn’t eat at all. During the day, I was dizzy, and my body was weak. My feet were as heavy as lead, and at night, even with sleeping pills, I couldn’t sleep. When I suffered insomnia, I often turned on the light and leaned against the headboard as I repeatedly asked myself: I thought having high status and being looked up to by people would make me happy and make my life feel significant, and I have sacrificed so much for so many years, and now I have money, status, and many people who look up to and admire me, but what a normal person ought to have is the ability to eat dinner and go to sleep, things which have become luxuries for me. Why, now that I have everything I wanted, do I feel no happiness at all, but instead feel especially anxious and miserable? After spending a lifetime working so hard, is my reward to be endless illness, pain, and sadness? Why is my life so hard? How should a person live to have a meaningful and valuable life? What is true happiness?

Sickness Must Be Cured at the Root, Just Like the Pain in Life

Just as I was physically and mentally exhausted, nearly tormented to death by my illnesses, and at a loss regarding how to live, I accepted God’s work of the last days. Through engaging in fellowship with my brothers and sisters and reading God’s words, I came to understand some of the truth, and my anxiety was eased a bit. I no longer felt so worried all the time. One day, I read in the piece of God’s word “God Himself, the Unique VI”: “People think that once they have fame and gain, they can then capitalize on them to enjoy high status and great wealth, and to enjoy life. Once they have fame and gain, they can then capitalize on them in their pleasure-seeking and unscrupulous enjoyment of the flesh. People willingly, albeit unknowingly, take their bodies, minds, all that they have, their futures and their destinies and hand them all over to Satan in order to attain the fame and gain they desire. People actually do this without ever a moment’s hesitation, ever ignorant of the need to recover it all. Can people still have any control over themselves once they take refuge in Satan and become loyal to it in this way? Certainly not. They are completely and utterly controlled by Satan. They have also completely and utterly sunk down into a quagmire and are unable to free themselves.” “So Satan uses fame and gain to control man’s thoughts until all they can think of is fame and gain. They struggle for fame and gain, suffer hardships for fame and gain, endure humiliation for fame and gain, sacrifice everything they have for fame and gain, and they will make any judgment or decision for fame and gain. In this way, Satan binds man with invisible shackles. These shackles are borne on people, and they have not the strength nor courage to throw them off. So people trudge ever onward in great difficulty, unknowingly bearing these shackles.”

God’s word says very clearly that my life was so tiring and miserable because I single-mindedly pursued fame, fortune, and status. I realized that thanks to my education and the influence of famous and accomplished people, I had taken such ideas and notions as “Men should always strive to be better than their contemporaries,” “A man leaves his name behind wherever he stays, just as a goose utters its cry wherever it flies,” “One should strive to stand head and shoulders above others,” and “People struggle to go upward, but water flows downward” as goals to be pursued, and I believed that only through success, fame, and making others look up to and admire me could I live a valuable life and achieve true happiness. Especially when I saw how the successful and accomplished people around me were admired and looked up to wherever they went, I even more so believed that pursuing fame and fortune was a correct goal a person should pursue. Because of that, I had ceaselessly studied medical theories and knowledge, taken all kinds of medical training classes, investigated and done surgeries, and worked day and night at the cost of disregarding my own health and my family’s feelings. Although I had become an attending physician and gained my patients’ and colleagues’ admiration, I had sacrificed time with my family, lost my unborn child, made myself sick in many ways, and couldn’t even eat or sleep normally. Thinking of these things, I couldn’t help but sob in torment, because chasing after fame and fortune had made my life miserable, even pitiable. Only then did I realize that fame and fortune had become satanic shackles for me and that they were means and methods Satan uses to corrupt people. Satan made me single-mindedly pursue fame, fortune, and status, expend all of my energy, and utterly exhaust myself, which allowed it to control me, harm me, and make me live in inescapable torment. Satan is truly loathsome!

At the same time, I also thanked God from the bottom of my heart for saving me. When I had no path forward, God chose me and made me come before Him, enlightened and guided me to understanding of the truth, helped me find the root of my pain, and allowed me to see clearly how Satan uses fame and fortune to control and harm people. As I weighed these thoughts, the strength to escape the shackles of fame and fortune began to rise in my heart, so I turned to God and prayed to ask for God’s guidance as I let go of these mistaken views on life and values, and stopped living by satanic thoughts and notions. After that, I spent more of my time away from work to worship God and read God’s word, to attend gatherings and fellowship about God’s words with my brothers and sisters, to sing hymns and praise God, and to openly fellowship with my brothers and sisters about the difficulties I encounter in life and seek answers in God’s word. There were no distinctions in status between my brothers and sisters, they treat everyone as equals, everyone helped and supported one another, and whenever corruption was exposed, we fellowshiped openly about it, practiced being honest people according to God’s requirements, lived out normal humanity, and everyone got along harmoniously. In this environment, I felt an incredible release in my heart, as if living this way felt very secure and joyous. It was a happiness I had never experienced in years of pursuing fame and fortune. After that, I invested even more energy in reading God’s word and living church life. Without realizing it, my sleep improved, and my stomach pain and cholecystitis have also become better. I am very grateful to God.

Recommended ：How Does Jesus Return? In an Open or Hidden Way? The Mystery Is Revealed Now

[sayanchagatea]

How to Buy Raw Chaga

So, you have decided to dip your toes in and buy raw chaga. Whether experienced or not, raw chaga is an excellent product to begin your path to improved health and wellbeing. Armed with good information and the best supplier you have all you need to become a master chaga brewer. How to Buy Raw Chaga Do you know how to buy raw chaga? Online shopping offers convenience, allowing consumers to purchase goods at their own time, wherever they are comfortable. Online spending trend continue to grow with this and trader competition being the reasons buys can obtain great deals. But online shopping also has some pitfalls. Trader looking to make a quick dollar always need to be watched carefully. The old saying of buyer beware has never been so true. Thankfully, consumers are now aware of obtaining supplier information and doing their research, however buying chaga also extends to knowing about the product and where it comes from. Processing and handling of chaga is just as important as other considerations. Packed with correct and current information, the labels should have full disclosure. This offers transparency for the consumer and shows the seller has nothing to hide. Don’t disregard the old-fashioned way to buy raw chaga. Some online traders also have preferred partners which keep chaga instore. Its worth keeping watch, or even asking your online trader if they have selected partners from which to buy in-store. Whether online convenience or old-school store-bought goods, we all look for the best we can find. Seek out the best. You’ll soon see the difference. The Pre-Season To use a sporting term, the pre-season work is everything. Perhaps in the beginning ask yourself some questions about how you want to use chaga. What are your intentions. Be realistic. Are you experienced enough and knowledgeable to carry your grand schemes? We all like to experiment and take chances, but make certain you have the skills and tools needed to have chaga in you daily life. Many will let excitement take over practicalities. Ensure you have the space and correct means to store your chaga, and understand the results of poor preparation. Ait-tight containers placed in cool dry areas are best, if your plan is to stock up on chaga chucks or powder. Treat chaga with the care and respect it deserves. Your aim is to preserve health. Incorrect practises can lead to disappointment. All this leads to the chaga experience. Make yours a great one. Chunks or Powder The choice is yours. Consider chaga chunks as the raw untamed big brother of chaga powder. Chaga powder is simply the chunks ground and processed into the powder you see packaged. Powder can be used in a number of ways. Some use the powder for convenience in making tea. With the use of a strainer, just like in regular black tea, chaga powder works extremely well. Brewers of large pots of chaga may opt for the chunks. The number of chunks is determined by your preference for a long-brewed experience or a shorter timeframe tea. A word of warning for the new commers. Please do not try to consume raw chaga in its natural state. It is not digestible and needs to be brewed or cooked in recipes for it to be of use. Add it to food and beverages for the best result. Experiment with chaga and be creative. The best result will come from taking note of the instruction, if you are new to chaga. Choosing raw chaga in chucks or in a powdered form is a personal preference. Whichever you chose, enjoy chaga for the benefits, and the knowledge that you are doing good for your ongoing health. Buying Price Something to remember when buying chaga online is that price is not everything. Cheaper bulk buying in chaga can see an inferior product creep into the market. It is the quality of the product that required your attention. Don’t be fooled into buying a large amount of chaga powder on to discover it has all kinds of fillers mixed in. How do you know what is inferior? Something these things take experience, but communicate openly with your supplier. Its won’t take long before you know the difference between and good and bad product, and its supplier. Pure chaga must push out this inferior chaga products. If we continue to buy the cheapest we can find, the best chaga suppliers will find it difficult. It is a pressure on consumers to make certain they know what and where their chaga comes from. It is a responsibility that we should all agree to adhere to. What to Look For There is no quick and easy fix. The best chance you have is to be informed and self-educated on the suppliers of chaga. Word of mouth and anecdotal evidence from other consumers are all ways to find the right supplier for you. Keep an eye out for those who can’t offer much information on their product. Unfortunately, mistakes have been made and alternative sellers are sought. As with most things in life we learn from these findings. If we make errors in judgement, take steps to correct them. So, what’s the buying criteria. Firstly, look at the selectors, or the harvester of chaga. Who are they and where do they harvest. They are responsible and respectful of chaga and its environment. They care about the quality not the quantity of chaga sourced. Professional harvesters also know to leave some of the chaga on the birch tree to ensure it can grow again. Then look to the sellers. All the things mentioned previously are so important when considering bringing chaga into your life.  Make certain you know what to look for in terms of supplier product knowledge, communication and customer service. The three keys points are pureness, price and reputation of the seller. Focus on these three things as a guide to buying chaga. Confidence builds trust. That trust can lead to a lifetime of chaga consumption. Expect a great relationship with your supplier. The best ones will have no issues with answering all of your questions or concerns. Seek and you shall find. Go forth and look for the best. You owe it to your own health. To Conclude Mindfulness leads to clarity when choosing what chaga and where to buy raw chaga. It is certainly in your best interests to ask questions. Write your concerns don if you think you will forget. Uncertainty may lead you to not buy raw chaga, when five minutes of your time can guide to a great chaga experience. If the supplier you chose does not or will not provide answers to your questions, then move on. Supplier confidence and the ease of purchasing should be a fundamental. Raw chaga is a great place to start to experience chaga and its versatility. Your experiences along the way will add to your love of this Diamond of the forest. When you’re confident in buying and making chaga tea, spread the word and teach others. The more that know, the longer chaga will remain in all our lives. No all that’s left is to go and buy raw chaga. By now we all know the benefits of chaga and the health goals it helps us achieve. The time is now.

[drtanstravels]

Until a couple of weeks ago, I had never been to mainland China before. I had visited what are considered “Special Administrative Regions of the People’s Republic of China” such as Hong Kong and Macau, but I had never set foot on the mainland. However, that could’ve all been a completely different story 11 years ago. In mid-2007 I moved to Dajeon, South Korea to work as an English teacher in order to get experience to make it easier to find a position in Singapore, but the day I accepted the job offer from Korea, I also received one from a primary school in Guangzhou, China. If that offer had come a day earlier, I may have possibly made a completely different decision, one that more than likely would’ve delayed my eventual move to Singapore by about six months, due to my school in Korea canceling my 12-month contract halfway through after discovering I had an undisclosed medical condition. A lot of people around the world don’t realise that Singapore is a sovereign city-state off the coast of Malaysia, as opposed to a city in China. When these people are Europeans, they tend to be curious when they discover their assumption of Singapore’s location is incorrect, but during the year we spent in New York, people — particularly middle-aged and older men — finding out that I lived in Singapore, yet hadn’t been to China was often grounds for an argument that went as follows:

Middle-aged New Yorker: “You sound kinda funny. Where you from?” Me: “Well, I grew up in Australia, but I’ve lived in Singapore for the past few years until recently.” Middle-aged New Yorker: “Huh. What’s it like living in China?” Me: “I don’t know, I’ve never been.” Middle-aged New Yorker: “But you just said you’re from Singapore!” Me: “Yes…” Middle-aged New Yorker: (Getting aggressive) “That’s in China!” Me: “No, it’s not.” Middle-aged New Yorker: (Even more aggressive) “But there’s Chinese people there! Me: (Trying to be reasonable) “There’s a Chinese dude sitting just over there, he’s not in China…”

My ability to use that reasoning was all about to change as Anna had been invited to Hangzhou, China as a guest at the Congress of the Chinese Ophthalmological Society and I was tagging along for the trip as well, joining her and her fellow Singaporean ophthalmologist buddy, Don Pek. It was going to be a bit of a stressful trip for Anna, as she had to fly out to Hanoi, Vietnam on Tuesday, September 11 to give a presentation on behalf of Bayer. Don and myself would depart from Singapore for Hangzhou on Wednesday, September 12, however, there are no direct flights from Hanoi to Hangzhou so Anna would spend Wednesday night in Hong Kong on a layover and arrive in Hangzhou on Thursday, September 13 if all were to go smoothly. I wouldn’t say I was apprehensive about this particular journey, as even if I’m not sure I’ll particularly enjoy a place, I’ll still go just to see if I’m wrong and usually I am and end up having a great time, in a similar vein to me eating a strange dish before deciding whether or not it’s disgusting. I was always interested in visiting China, the problem was that I haven’t heard a whole lot of glowing feedback about the place:

We always see the same stories in the media about China; it’s dirty, polluted, a bit backwards and there are people shitting and spitting in the streets, that type of thing and that’s without even mentioning the country’s horrendous human rights record.

Older Singaporeans tend to think of mainland Chinese, or PRCs as they like to call them, as second-class citizens, again rarely having anything particularly complimentary to say about their very own ancestors.

A lot of the firsthand stories I have heard from people who have visited China are generally negative. Case in point: My friend, Yarny, was in Hangzhou for a neuroscience conference a few weeks ago. She said she had diarrhoea the entire time, the toilets were disgusting, and her taxi driver spat in the passenger footwell of the cab. Anna has also visited China on a previous occasion and a passenger on her Air China flight on that trip spat in the aisle and rubbed it into the carpet with his foot.

How the place is portrayed on shows like An Idiot Abroad. If you haven’t watched the first episode of the first season, this clip doesn’t even begin to do it justice, but it’s a start:

The food doesn’t bother me in the slightest, I’ve actually already tried most of the stuff in that video, my biggest fear was cleanliness. Watching people snort and spit makes me feel physically ill and on the topic of sickness, if I were to get a stomach virus or food poisoning there, both of which are extremely easy to do, I’d have to use a squat toilet and I can’t squat. Put that toilet in a public environment and that is the perfect recipe for a mental breakdown for me. Anyway, my visa was approved and Wednesday had arrived so it was time to be on my way.

Wednesday, September 12, 2018 The day began the same way it usually does when we’re going overseas; I dropped Kermit off at the dog hotel, grabbed a bite to eat, and then caught a taxi to meet Don in the airport. We had checked in and were sitting down when before long there was a call to go to our boarding gate, despite the fact there was still an hour before we were due to depart. We had nothing else to do so Don and myself made our way to our boarding gate and it was absolute chaos. There were children running around, crying, and licking the windows while shouting adults with Chinese passports tried to get through security with lighters, liquids, and sprays, all needing to hand over the items and go through the metal detectors several times again, each time forgetting another contraband object. Was it ignorance of the rules? An attitude of “those regulations apply to everyone but me so I’ll be fine?” A misunderstanding, or simply just an insight into the general chaos and disorder we would be experiencing over the coming days? Only time would tell, but one thing was certain — That early boarding call made perfect sense. Another thing that made sense was getting Business Class seats for what would be a less than five-hour flight. We were flying with Scoot and this plane was tiny and extremely basic so I wouldn’t fit in the seats or bathroom in Economy, not to mention the general mayhem that was happening with all of the kids and extremely loud adults back there. Don and I would be sitting in the front row in separate aisles, both with a vacant seat next to us. Don immediately fell asleep as soon as he was seated, something I simply can’t do on an airplane, especially a plane with seats as uncomfortable as this one, but there was a benefit to this fact and that was that I was awake when the flight attendant was handing out the arrival cards, but for some reason she just walked straight past me. I later asked a different flight attendant if I needed one, only to be met with a response of, “Oh, no, not if you’ve got a Chinese passport.” Anna has told me over the years that I am becoming more Asian as time has passed, even openly referring to me as an “egg;” white on the outside, but yellow on the inside. Still, I didn’t think it had become this defined so I managed to convince the flight attendant that I was in fact NOT Chinese and was given my arrival card. I filled it out, took a look at the reverse side, and that’s when I saw something that brought a smile to my face — The usage of the word ‘alien.’ You notice a lot of things get lost in translation when you travel overseas, but Asian countries generally tend to be the only ones that use ‘alien‘ correctly:

alien

noun

Often Disparaging and Offensive. A resident of one country who was born in or owes allegiance to another country and has not acquired citizenship by naturalisation in the country of residence (distinguished from citizen).

a foreigner.

a person who has been estranged or excluded.

Certified alien

Yup, it really just seems to be us native English speakers who instantly think of spacemen when we hear or read the word, however, ‘alien’ is the correct term in this case. For example, when I lived in Korea, my employment pass was a Certificate of Alien Registration (right). I know, it looks a little weird when you’re not used to that particular definition, but it’s even more amusing when you’re a bit tired from the stress, hassle, and boredom that comes with traveling on an airline where you can’t access the inflight entertainment and you read these terms on the back of your arrival card:

Anyway, I had my crappy inflight meal, played a few games of Solitaire on my phone while listening to music until my battery went flat while some Singaporean-Indian guy in the seat behind me took his shoes off and slid his feet between the small gaps down onto the armrests on the vacant seat beside me. I turned around and he was wearing a suit and reading a printout on banking risk assessment. Why did it come as no surprise that he was a banker? I’m not going to say it outright as it is a stereotype that applies to the majority of, but not all, Singaporean males working in the finance industry, but if you’ve ever met one before, you’ll probably know exactly what I’m hinting at. This one was so full of himself he even made a phone call as the plane was landing, despite all the announcements not to. It took what seemed like forever, but we eventually landed at the airport in Hangzhou, a city that would be our home for the next few days:

Hangzhou is the capital and most populous city of Zhejiang Province in East China. It sits at the head of Hangzhou Bay, which separates Shanghai and Ningbo. Hangzhou grew to prominence as the southern terminus of the Grand Canal and has been one of the most renowned and prosperous cities in China for much of the last millennium. The city’s West Lake, a UNESCO World Heritage Site, immediately west of the city, is amongst its best-known attractions.

Hangzhou is classified as a sub-provincial city and forms the core of the Hangzhou metropolitan area, the fourth-largest in China. During the 2010 Chinese census, the metropolitan area held 21.102 million people over an area of 34,585 km2 (13,353 sq mi). Hangzhou prefecture had a registered population of 9,018,000 in 2015.

In September 2015, Hangzhou was awarded the 2022 Asian Games. It will be the third Chinese city to play host to the Asian Games after Beijing 1990 and Guangzhou 2010. Hangzhou, an emerging technology hub and home to the e-commerce giant Alibaba, also hosted the eleventh G-20 summit in 2016.

Once we were off the plane, immigration was a breeze. Well, at least for me, Don hadn’t been given an arrival card so he got sent back to fill one out and join the end of the line again. For me it was a matter of scanning my fingerprints and using facial-recognition technology, something that would become a recurring pattern over the course of this trip. Once we were both through, our hotel transfer was waiting to take us to the Wyndham Grand Plaza Royale, the hotel where we would be spending the following three nights. As we were driving along the freeway I quickly realised my preconceived perception of what Hangzhou would be like was way off the mark. If you read that Wikipedia excerpt about the city, you would’ve noticed that Hangzhou was referred to as “an emerging technology hub.” That’s underselling it a little as Hangzhou has been described on multiple occasions as China’s answer to ‘Silicon Valley,’ that link being just one of many when you Google the phrase. As we traveled past towering residential blocks we could see a night skyline that consisted of moving murals made from millions of fluorescent light tubes covering entire groups of what looked like buildings at least 30 storeys high that recreated video montages of everything from cartoons to videos of people just walking around. It was actually quite incredible and I instantly decided that if I ever ended up living in Hangzhou, I would start a business selling replacement fluorescent lights. We also went through several gantries where lights quickly flashed over our lane as we went through as if taking a photo, possibly tracking our entire journey. Once we arrived at the Wyndham Grand, there were more facial-recognition devices on the counter, as well as security cameras every couple of metres. I didn’t really think much of the cameras in the airport as that is pretty standard, but once Don started pointing them out we noticed them everywhere. Visitors to London mention the sheer amount of CCTV cameras around the city, estimated to be approximately 500,000, but I think Hangzhou definitely gives them a run for their money and, according to this article from the Wall Street Journal, it isn’t just in the country’s tech centre:

Facial-recognition technology, once a specter of dystopian science fiction, is becoming a feature of daily life in China, where authorities are using it on streets, in subway stations, at airports and at border crossings in a vast experiment in social engineering. Their goal: to influence behavior and identify lawbreakers.

China is rushing to deploy new technologies to monitor its people in ways that would spook many in the U.S. and the West. Unfettered by privacy concerns or public debate, Beijing’s authoritarian leaders are installing iris scanners at security checkpoints in troubled regions and using sophisticated software to monitor ramblings on social media. By 2020, the government hopes to implement a national “social credit” system that would assign every citizen a rating based on how they behave at work, in public venues and in their financial dealings.

Facial-recognition technology is one of the most powerful new tools in the surveillance arsenal. Fueled by advances in artificial intelligence, these systems can measure key aspects of a face, such as distance between the eyes and skin tone, then cross-reference them against huge databases of photographs collected by government agencies and businesses and shared on social media.

That sounds more like that terrifying episode of Black Mirror than what equates to everyday life in China, a country where you still can’t drink the tap-water, however, over the coming days we would come to realise just how technologically advanced they were becoming. We checked into our rooms, helped by our Ukrainian clerk, walked down the stale, smokey-smelling hallway and once we were in our rooms, it appeared as if they were designed by Donald Trump if his favourite colour were brown. Our rooms definitely looked like they were taken directly out of a stereotypical Chinese style guide, coming complete with a pillow menu and, to my relief, a regular toilet. Don’t get me wrong, it was a really nice hotel, take a look around mine and Anna’s room:

I had to get a photo without lights to get the chandelier in

Now with lights

Looking toward our bathroom

The framer needs to learn the centring aspect of framing

A blurry look at the nighttime view from our balcony

Explaining the whys and hows of the pillow menu

Pillow options one through three

Pillow options four and five

I opted against ordering any extra pillows, instead just turning on the air-conditioner to get rid of the musty smell, had a shower, grabbed some room service in Don’s room, and then went back to my own to catch up on some sleep.

Thursday, September 13, 2018 Anna would be arriving later in the day at around 4:30pm, however, I didn’t have roaming at that point so I’d have to stick around the hotel to keep a wifi signal so she could contact me when she arrived. It didn’t really matter to me about not having internet anyway, because both Facebook and Google are blocked in China so there wasn’t a lot to look at. Instead, I had a shower, brushed my teeth with bottled water as I do when I’m in places where the water is undrinkable and I fear getting sick, India being another prime example, and then went down to meet Don at the hotel brunch buffet in Cafe Royale. Maybe the dishes that you order in the cafe are fine, but hotel buffets in general aren’t particularly good and this one was another that fit that mold. Sure, there were some options, such as the noodles, rice, and roast dishes, that were fine, but then there was the risotto that looked like mashed potatoes, the fried fish that just didn’t taste fresh, the cheese platter where the crumbs were rolled into a separate ball for people to cut from, and nothing could get me to even try buffet sashimi in China. Decide for yourself:

These chickens managed to look depressed even after death

Maybe the fish just tasted weird because it was goldfish

A molded ball of blue cheese crumbs

Most Western kids would find this terrifying, not entertaining

Okay, I may have painted a sketchy picture of the buffet, but we did find some good stuff there, including the cheese (just not from the multiple crumb-balls). Another general rule when visiting places where you can’t drink the water is that you also shouldn’t eat salad there either, because if they do wash it, they’ll be using tap water, not Perrier. Don had been to China several times before, including a trip to Hangzhou 20 years ago, therefore I figured he must’ve just had an iron stomach when he started eating the salad, as opposed to the Fisher-Price ‘My First Digestive System’ of which I am in possession, so I didn’t bother to mention the whole salad thing to him. After lunch I hung out in Don’s room, just chatting and listening to music while he worked, Don stopping periodically to go to the bathroom, when finally I received a message from Anna that she had arrived. People who read this blog regularly might have noticed a pattern recently — On our last three international trips, there has been some kind of disaster just after we arrived or immediately after we departed:

Volcanoes erupted, destroying at least 25 homes and causing the evacuation of around 20 residents on the day we left Hawaii.

We then went to Japan, a country that has been battered by earthquakes, volcanic eruptions and typhoons ever since we left.

Next we went to Thailand and a kids’ soccer team got trapped in a cave in the neighbouring province the day we arrived.

On this occasion, Anna was flying in from Hong Kong which was only beginning to get hammered by Typhoon Mangkhut. As of Monday, September 17, when I first began writing this piece, nearly 400 people in Hong Kong had sought medical treatment, and more than 1,500 were taking refuge in 48 temporary shelters there as a result. Luckily, Anna arrived safely and I was greeted by this message from her during her cab ride to the hotel:

Anna had indeed received the welcome I had expected upon my arrival, but she got to the hotel with no problems. The conference’s President’s Dinner was on that night and Anna had asked if I was invited, but hadn’t received a reply so we took that as a no. Still, we had a couple of hours before she had to leave so we took a quick stroll around the neighbourhood:

This restaurant specialises in duck heads

A night market that we’d be seeing a bit more of later

I’m fairly certain they still have last year’s decorations up

Max Tim

Anna and Don

It didn’t sell what you’d think

I accidentally took possibly the only photograph of this intersection while it wasn’t congested

After we had walked around and checked out bars and other places we could visit later in the night, we went back to the hotel so Anna could change and then take a 30-minute taxi ride to the President’s Dinner. This left Don and myself to our own devices so we walked back into town and had a look at one of Hangzhou’s main attractions, the West Lake:

West Lake is a freshwater lake in Hangzhou, China. It is divided into five sections by three causeways. There are numerous temples, pagodas, gardens, and artificial islands within the lake. West Lake has influenced poets and painters throughout Chinese history for its natural beauty and historic relics, and it has also been among the most important sources of inspiration for Chinese garden designers. It was made a UNESCO World Heritage Site in 2011, described as having “influenced garden design in the rest of China as well as Japan and Korea over the centuries” and reflecting “an idealized fusion between humans and nature”.

About the formation of West Lake, there are few records in ancient documents. The “West Lake Sight-Seeing Record” says, “West Lake is surrounded by mountains on three sides. Streams wander down the hills into the pond. There’re hundreds of springs underneath. Accumulated water forms the lake.” Modern scholars studied topography, geology, sediment and hydrodynamics, and generally held that West Lake was a lagoon formed gradually from a gulf.

West Lake is said to be the incarnation of Xi Shi, one of the Four Beauties of ancient China. Since ancient times, West Lake was associated with a large number of romantic poets, profound philosophers, national heroes and heroines. West Lake was also the retreat for many Chinese writers of the past. The Northern Song Dynasty poet Lin Bu, shunning the life of being an official, lived in seclusion by West Lake for twenty years, and dedicated himself to the cultivation of peach and plum blossoms.

That doesn’t seem like a bad place to have to walk by every day in order to get into town. We had a look around the lake, taking in the natural scenery, the military statues, and all of the other eye-catching occurrences happening in every possible direction. The only problem was the pollution and the setting sun made it a tad difficult to take in the true scenery or get the statues in a good light, but these pictures should give you the general idea:

A wooden arch upon entry

Token panoramic shot

Looking over West Lake

A pagoda in the mountains

It’s pretty nice here

Boats coming in

The back of a military statue

These girls were doing a photoshoot in traditional dress

A closeup of one of them

Calligraphy done with water

Hangzhou is in the same timezone as Singapore (and Perth for you Aussies reading this), but it seems to get dark here about an hour earlier, dusk being at around 6:00pm. I normally don’t eat dinner until after dark, but most likely due to the light we were starting to feel hungry so Don and I walked into town to find a place to eat. Fortunately, unlike Anna, Don can read some Mandarin which opened up our options substantially. We wandered through the beautiful architecture and backstreets looking for a good place for dinner, all the while taking in the sights all around us. We narrowed it down to a seafood restaurant that had live turtles swimming around or another one that had what looked like really good local food. Don’s not as adventurous when it comes to food as I am, plus I’ve had turtle before, so we opted for the local place and it was certainly a great choice. We were led to our table by a waitress still puffing on her cigarette and ordered a baked spring chicken wrapped in lotus leaves, some sweet prawns that seem to show up quite often in Hangzhou, some pork, vegetables, and a pig stomach soup for myself. I also ordered a beer, a local one that I had never had before, and was asked if I wanted ice with it. I wasn’t going to run the risk of having ice made from tap water so I enjoyed my meal with a room-temperature beer consisting of 2% alcohol. Needless to say, the food was great, we skeletonised the chicken and I ate a lot of pig guts. After dinner we started to make our way back, as Anna’s dinner had finished reasonably early and it turned out I was invited, they just didn’t confirm it. Oh, well. Our walk back to the hotel allowed us to take in some of the West Lake view by night and it is truly beautiful, especially some of the passenger boats that travel around there. I took some photos, but the local way seems to be that if you want to get a picture from a certain vantage point and someone else is snapping one from the same place, you just push them away so you can stand there. The only problem is that doesn’t work when the person taking pictures is about double your body weight. As a result, I got some great photos and other people had to wait for me to move, as opposed to just shoving me out of the way to take my spot like they do to others:

One of the better shirts I encountered

Just have to make our way through these bikes

Okay, let’s find something to eat

Chefs killing something on the footpath

Our seafood option

Turtles: Always go down smoothly

Searching the backstreets

Our lotus-wrapped chicken

“Hi!”

My warm, weak beer

A better angle of one of the military statues

And up close

A cool-looking passenger boat

The back entrance

This thing was enormous

A woman playing a flute by the lake

Looking across the lake

Making our way home

The canals don’t look green at night

A bronze statue of a man possibly uppercutting a horse

Another statue

A convenience store

Don’s stomach was really starting to give him trouble so we had to get back to the hotel, posthaste! remember, kids, don’t eat salad in China. Anna and one of her colleagues had returned from the President’s Dinner so we decided to hit the town for what would’ve be a memorable night if only we could remember it. Don had decided it was best if he stay in the immediate vicinity of his bathroom so Anna, her colleague, and myself went out, beginning at the night market of which I had earlier taken a photograph that was now in full swing. This market had some interesting stuff available, particularly street food, but along with brushing with bottled water and not eating salad, I generally adhere to another piece of advice when visiting Asian countries, summed up perfectly in this song by The Cramps:

Street food can be delicious, but it is also a perfect way of getting ill due to it sitting out in the open and being unrefrigerated so I avoid it if I have even the slightest doubt, however, the stuff at one particular stall seemed pretty safe so I thought I’d give it a try. If you watched the clip from An Idiot Abroad at the beginning of this post, you would’ve seen all of the stuff available on skewers in China. This stall had a variety of insects, reptiles and an array of other animals available on sticks, such as lizards, larvae, centipedes, seahorses, tarantulas, and beetles. Almost all of what they sold I had eaten before, but I had never encountered a place that sold starfish on a skewer in my life so that’s what I ordered. The woman operating the stall put my starfish in boiling oil for a few minutes, rolled it sparingly in chilli flakes, shoved a couple of sticks in it and it was ready. I waited for it to cool down a bit and then took a bite out of one of the legs, although I wasn’t particularly impressed; it had the texture and I assume the taste of deep-fried corrugated cardboard. Anna and her colleague both tried some too, but they were also nonplussed, I could definitely have spent what equated to the AU$5.00 (US$3.65) that I paid for it on something better, but it was more because the opportunity was there. Here’s the stall:

The sign for the stall

Grubs, a tarantula, centipedes, scorpions, and silkworm larvae

More centipedes and scorpions, lizards, seahorses, and starfish

A close up of the tarantula

The full menu

Butterfly-cut lizards

The seahorses

Anna, myself, and my starfish

Crunchy with not a lot of flavour

We continued to walk around the market and then went off to find a bar, but as my starfish cooled down, it also got a lot crunchier and more difficult to eat. At this point I was only eating it because I was still holding it, it had no actual taste and I was beginning to fear for my teeth as I have broken them on less so I threw the remaining couple of legs of my fried asteroidea into a nearby bin. We had walked past a craft beer place the previous day so we decided to give that a shot. We went inside and it became abundantly clear immediately that this was a favourite hangout for white guys, most of whom appeared to be employees of the Apple store. In fact, until Anna and her colleague entered, everyone inside except for the staff were white. We ordered a couple of beers, but the place was quite dark and history has shown that Anna starts to fade when trying to drink in a dark room so we settled our bill and went elsewhere. One thing that is interesting is that China is trying to go cashless, but not a lot of places accept credit cards either. Instead, they use a system called Alipay, a third-party mobile and online payment platform that was established in Hangzhou 2004 by Alibaba Group. As I mentioned earlier, Google and Facebook are blocked in China, instead opting for WeChat, a Chinese multi-purpose messaging, social media, and mobile payment app that’s been in use since 2011. All of these involve involve scanning QR codes with your phone to pay for anything so you see QR codes absolutely everywhere! This caused a bit of a problem for us, because it was a hassle and relatively pointless to set up an Alipay account so we both downloaded the WeChat app, but the only way to activate it is to have an active WeChat user scan a QR code on your screen to validate your account. Don has a WeChat account, but it was suspended for some reason so he couldn’t validate ours. Fortunately, places don’t have a problem with tourists paying with cash and, despite my flight attendant’s contrary opinion, I’m clearly not a local.

Our next stop was Li Yue Music Bar, where we’d spend the remainder of the night. I was drinking beers and Anna and her colleague got a bottle of wine and we settled in for a fun night. The place had a cover band and a screen behind them on which you could post a photo or message by, you guessed it, scanning a QR code in WeChat. We struggled for ages to try to find alternate ways to put up pictures of me eating a starfish and one of Anna and myself, but to no avail. After struggling to figure it out, one of the staff members showed us how it was done so our images were finally on the screen and it gave us a bit of a laugh when they came up, but what we didn’t realise was that some of the staff clued on to what we were trying to do and took photos of me without us realising and posted them on the screen with messages reading “I hope you enjoy your stay here…” and similar things. There was space on the screen for two messages which scrolled through in the order of when they were posted, plus a large photo to the right side, all of which would show up behind the band when they played. With the combined effort of Anna, myself and the staff, we inadvertently white-washed the screen by the sheer number of photos of me, sometimes all three positions on the screen having a picture of yours truly, the one of Anna and I even zooming in on me for some reason. Everyone in the bar was cool, the staff getting drunk and taking photos with us, the singer of the band coming over to hang out, and the table next to us joining us a few rounds of drinks. We were quite hammered by the time we got back to the hotel, but we showered and went to bed, however, for some reason Anna woke up at about 3:00am and insisted she needed another shower. Anyway, a few snaps from our time at Li Yue Music Bar:

The band doing their thing

Finally got our message to work

Now there’s a big picture of me

One of the pictures of me with a message from the staff

Now I’m starting to take over

One of the waiters that was having a few sly drinks with us while secretly posting pictures of us

The singer getting plastered while hanging out with us

A few drinks with the next table

Oh, and as for the band, here’s a video of them doing a Madonna cover. I despise Madonna, but I mainly put this in here to see how often pictures of me appear in the background:

Friday, September 14, 2018 Anna managed to get up on time and go the conference, and when her and Don returned it was time for lunch. We easily convinced her not to bother with the hotel buffet and instead decided to find something in town, but there was going to be the issue of air quality while we were walking. China is well-known for its pollution, but I’ve never seen a warning like this before when opening the weather app on my phone:

None of us fit into “Sensitive Groups,” but it might not be particularly pleasant walking around in the dry heat with air that is a little difficult to inhale. Still, we did it and stumbled upon a restaurant where we had some more of those great local prawns and some pig’s trotters for lunch. Pig’s trotters are just like consuming the fattiest pork imaginable, but they are a pain in the ass to eat and exceptionally messy, so much so that this restaurant even gave us plastic gloves to eat them with. We finished lunch and Anna was still tired from all of the flights and the lack of sleep from preparing her talks for the coming weeks. Add that to the big night we had had previously and she was feeling pretty drained. Don was also still not feeling particularly energetic after his food poisoning so we decided to go back to the hotel to crash for a few hours. Don and Anna both took about a four-hour power-nap and I just read a book until it was time to eat again. Before long that time had rolled around and Anna had found a restaurant she wanted to try called Grandma’s. She also still hadn’t done a proper walk around West Lake and the restaurant was supposed to be nearby so we took in all of the sights of the lake again on our way to dinner, but when it came time to find the restaurant, it was nowhere to be found. We came to the conclusion that it had closed down so we went to a mall nearby that had what looked like a really good steamboat restaurant upstairs so the decision was made. We went in, pulled up our seats at the soup pot and ordered a bunch of stuff to cook, including chili-covered beef that came with a statue which blew liquid nitrogen steam over the meat to look like smoke in order to symbolise how hot it was. In fact, using the steam from liquid nitrogen on food is quite common in Hangzhou, as we also saw several stores selling desserts that came in a similar fashion. As is usually the case, we had two soup options, one spicy and one plain, but the combination of the smell of the spicy soup and chili beef had us constantly sneezing, the aroma permeating our clothes. Still, dinner was great and it was soon time to hit the town again. Anna, being the obsessive researcher she is, had found out about Huanglou Jazz Bar and wanted to check it out. It was this great little bar with a live jazz band in a really intimate setting, however there were no spare seats downstairs without a reservation so we were ushered upstairs to a table where we could look down on the stage and witness the band doing their thing from above and they were fantastic, the girl on piano possessing an incredible voice. We stuck around for a while, but Don still wasn’t in top shape so we walked back with him to the hotel. Here’s how the day had looked until that point:

People walking around while playing trumpets must be a constant problem in our hotel

Sitting down for lunch

Mmm, imported pulps

Pig’s trotters

They’d taste great if they weren’t such a burden to eat

I have part of a tendon stuck in my teeth

There are seriously QR codes everywhere in Hangzhou!

A little smokey walking back into town for dinner

Pulling up a seat for steamboat

Our chili beef

Dinner is served

Walking back past the lake

Watching the brilliant band in Huanglou Jazz Bar.

It was still only about 11:00pm by the time we got back to the hotel so Anna and I decided to soldier on. We like to go to shisha bars when we’re overseas, as it is banned in Singapore and Anna had heard that there were a few in Hangzhou so she decided to ask at reception if they knew of any. The receptionist told us there was one nearby among all the other bars, pubs, and karaoke joints near our hotel called ‘Alan’s’… or possibly ‘Allan’s,’ or maybe ‘Allen’s,’ or even some other orthography as we didn’t clarify the spelling when she told us. Anyway, we wandered around the bar district near our hotel, Anna searching all the variations of the spelling of ‘Alan’s’ in Google Maps with no luck when out of nowhere I noticed a sign across the street that said ‘Helen’s.’ Ahhh, ‘Helen’s,’ we never thought of that variation. When we climbed the stairs and went inside we found it to be a really cool bar playing great music and full of college-aged kids, all playing a dice game similar to Yahtzee. We were clearly the oldest people in the bar, but we had a blast and we made a new discovery — e-shisha. We knew China were trying to go digital in every single way possible, but we definitely didn’t expect this and it was great. No changing coals, no ashy taste, it was an awesome revelation to top off another great night out, one that would’ve been almost perfect if nobody had vomited across all of the urinals in the men’s bathroom inside Helen’s. Also, if we were able to, paying our tab there would’ve been easy because you just scan a QR code again, this time bolted to your table, as well as printed on the tab. A look at Helen’s:

Finally found it

Playin’ dice

Looking one way

Probably just paying their bill

Looking the other way

A complimentary fan

Luckily they accept cash too

A regular night out overseas

Anna having a go on the customised Helen’s e-shisha

We had no idea these things existed

My turn

Saturday, September 15, 2018 We were to fly back to Singapore later in the night, but we still had plenty of time to kill. Anna still hadn’t seen West Lake during the light of day, plus another friend and colleague of Anna and Don’s, Marcus Ang, was in town for the day. Fortunately, the weather forecast only said there would be “haze” so we would be fine walking around today. Obviously, the first item on the itinerary was lunch so we strolled into town, taking in all the sights such as weird stickers that adorn all air-conditioning units depicting two little boys in their underwear, eating ice-cream while hugging. We also witnessed people riding around the streets on rental bikes with their babies in the basket, and out of shape men walking around in the heat, shirtless, without a care in the world. A common technique among Chinese men in Singapore in the never ending battle against the heat is to roll their t-shirts up to their nipples for some reason so we weren’t surprised to see many examples of people doing this on a particularly warm day in Hangzhou. Generally these guys are just standing around, minding their own business, and as we walked past one of the military statues near West Lake there was an overweight man doing exactly that, just standing there with his shirt rolled up to the nips, reading the plaque at the base of the statue. At the combined insistence of both Anna and Don, I rolled my shirt up and went over to join him for a photo, despite the fact I couldn’t read a single word on the plaque, however, he saw me coming and left. We still got the picture though, sans man in rolled up shirt. In hindsight, rolling up your t-shirt really has no effect when it comes to making you feel cooler, or look cooler for that matter. We found our restaurant for lunch that Marcus had booked and ate well, particularly a pyramid of thinly sliced pork that we ate in buns. After lunch, Don and Marcus went back to the conference, but Anna was free that afternoon, so we decided to check out the shopping malls and some of their horrendously awful clothing and furniture:

A pleasant day for a stroll compared to yesterday

A little odd…

…But it’s even weirder that they put them on every air-conditioner

Might have to check out that statue

Just trying to blend in

This pork was awesome

An extremely ugly cake

Snakeskin pant-suit anyone?

“You hate me ‘cos you ain’t me”

Baskets are pretty much just front child-seats anyway (and note the rolled up t-shirt)

Delightfully decadent

As is always the case, Anna had been doing her homework and decided we should spend the afternoon walking around Hefang Street:

Hefang Street, once called Taiping Street, dates back to the time South Song Dynasty when Hangzhou was the capital city. In 1152, General Zhang Jun (张俊) was conferred the title of as was “Qinghe County King”. In order to highlight his high status, Zhang Jun began to build his mansion around Taiping Street. People called this site as Qinghe Fang and renamed Taiping Street as Hefang Street. In South Song Dynasty, Hefang Street has been a rather prosperous business site and the center of culture and politics. It is said that Zhang Jun once invited to Emperor Gaozhong to have an unprecedented feast of China’s history in Qinghe Street and the menu came down and became today’s Hangzhou Dishes.

Nowadays, Hefang Street is the most famous and the only well-preserved ancient street in Hangzhou. It represents the old story and showcases the folk culture of Hangzhou. The cobbled street is lined with lots of time-honored stores from which you will get a better understanding of ancient Hangzhou and Ancient China. You could explore the traditional Chinese Medicine Culture, enjoy the delicate handicrafts, taste the delicious Hangzhou dishes.

It was definitely an excellent choice. Although being what one would assume to be a prime tourist destination, there turned out to be very few foreign tourists walking around the area on this particular Saturday afternoon, however, there seemed to be a lot of tour groups from other parts of China. Anna and myself took our time meandering through the streets and alleys in the district, checking out all of the ancient buildings, the statues, monuments and sculptures, the museums, the stores selling handmade jewellery and handicrafts, the food, and the traditional Chinese medicine stores that literally sold snake oil. These pictures will only give you very basic idea of the place, but they’re all I can do unless you see Hefang Street for yourself:

Approaching Hefang Street

Looking up the pedestrian street

Anna posing in front of the type of shophouse she wants to buy back in Singapore

A statue out the front of a traditional Chinese medicine store

A Buddha covered in little people

Meme shirts

Me blocking a really cool building

Looking down an alley

You could buy costumes of ancient suits of armour

I’m not sure what type of food they were making, but the process was damn noisy!

More statues

Even more

Ugly green velvet pyjamas

A warrior statue this time

A genuine Repooc Eel Joy Division t-shirt

At a crossroad

I wonder if they bought the containers secondhand?

An artist trying to find middle-ground on the ‘Spectrum of Elegance’

Looking up another alley

Tim and Anna Join the Revolution

Anna was in a jewellery store, checking out rings as she likes to do whenever we are overseas, trying to fulfil her goal of purchasing one in every country we visit. This is not a rapid process so I had a look around some other stores nearby while she was doing so and stumbled upon a place that had tons of movie memorabilia and old TV sets in the window so I decided to go in and take a look. They had similar stuff inside, as well as some Madame Tussaud’s-style models of celebrities, but it was when I walked around a corner that I found what we’d be doing later — There were sets, props, and costumes so you could pose and have your photo taken from a different period in China’s history; street scenes from the early 20th century accompanied by traditional cheongsams and robes, mountainous landscapes with warrior costumes… and propaganda murals featuring Mao Tse-tung, complete with uniforms from the Communist Party of China. Guess which one I chose? I crossed back over the road to where Anna was in the jewellery store, told her I had a surprise, and waited for her to finish looking around. When we went back to where the photos were to be taken, I took her to the area where the Communist ones were being done. She gave me a weird, kind of shocked, look and then burst out into uncontrollable laughter. I guess we’re doing it, then. We had to wait for another couple to finish having their pictures taken, then it was our turn.

NOTE: Some people are offended by the ironic veneration of tyrants, particularly one who, while being one of the most important and influential people in modern history, led a regime that was responsible for the deaths of between 30-70 million victims and the deadliest famine in human history, and would find this all a tad insensitive, but the opportunity to take part in a Communist propaganda photoshoot while in China rarely raises its head so I had to make the most of it. Add in the fact that absolutely nobody would believe a giant ang moh would be working with the Communist revolutionaries (well, maybe my flight attendant might), I was posing in the photos with my wife, who happens to be a racially Chinese woman, and a lot of elderly local people found it hilarious. Remember, never be more offended than the victim.

Looks more like British school boy than a professional athlete

Anyway, back to the task at hand. We donned our costumes over our regular clothing and stood around, sweating, waiting for the other couple to have their pictures printed. The uniforms were extremely stifling and it was already a hot day so things were getting a bit moist and uncomfortable. There was a jacket that fit me okay, but the pants were where I had trouble, the longest pair not even reaching my ankles. I almost resembled LeBron James before each game of last year’s NBA Finals (right) if he had been arriving at the arena in Red China attire. While we were standing around, a small group of curious onlookers had gathered, confused as to what they were seeing, especially when Anna snapped a sneaky picture of me holding a rifle in one hand and the Little Red Book in front of the Mao mural while we were waiting for our photographer. He soon arrived and that’s when the true insanity began. As he was taking the photographs, he was coaching us on how we should pose for each picture; some were sitting at a table posing with Quotations from Chairman Mao Tse-tung, others had Anna teaching me from it by a lantern. There were also pictures with Anna holding a pistol to my head while I begged for my life or tried to bribe her with a pot of tea. It was already incredibly difficult to keep a straight face, as is evidenced by Anna’s facial expression in the shots where she is threatening to kill me, but by this point it was even harder because a group of at least twenty mainly elderly Chinese people had gathered around and were absolutely pissing themselves laughing at us while taking pictures of their own, despite the numerous signs around the room instructing them not to. It got even worse when the photographer told me I was holding my rifle upside down and I then snapped the barrel off it while correcting my pose. Finally, the photographer pulled out a box for Anna to stand on so we could salute and then pose in the infamous “Great Leap Forward” position, all before our smiling, adoring crowd. When the photos were done we removed our sweaty costumes, put them back on the rack, went into a back room and selected and paid for the pictures we wanted. Here is the end result:

The photo Anna got while we were waiting

Happy to be oppressed

Anna pissing herself while helping me read

It’s not all that bad

Okay, I have no idea what’s happening here

Explaining Chairman Mao’s quotes

Anna just realised I’m not Chinese

Maybe I can bribe her with tea, she seems friendly enough

A tad more serious

Long live Chairman Mao

Trying my hardest not to laugh

Saluting while Anna stands on a box

Marching onward

On the box again

When the propaganda photoshoot was done we started to make our way back to the hotel so we could pack, check out, and go to the airport for our flight back to Singapore. As we walked back we saw more of the older, dirtier areas of the city, but even then it still didn’t appear how we would’ve expected. There were obviously some low-income households there, but it was still a lot cleaner than we were led to believe, not to mention extremely safe. We were getting quite hot and tired on what would’ve been an hour-long walk home so we found a cab and got back to the hotel. When we arrived there was a problem; I was exceedingly sweaty, however, I had only brought enough t-shirts for three days and I had also sweated through my shirt on Thursday. The only remaining option was to wear my shirt from the previous night, which still stunk of the chili steamboat soup, bringing tears to the eyes of anyone who came near me. Still, better than smelling sweaty so I chucked it on and we made a move. We went to the airport, arrived at the boarding gate an hour early as advised, and Anna was asked to drink some of the cough syrup she had brought with her in a medicine kit to prove it wasn’t poison before we boarded the plane for our flight home. Anna wouldn’t remember any of that though, because that medicine knocks you out! Also, In keeping with our ongoing trail of disaster, when we arrived home to Singapore we discovered that parts of southern China had also been devastated by Typhoon Mangkhut shortly after we departed.

We had a fantastic time in China and it was nothing like I anticipated. Yes, there were things we expected, such as the pollution, the insanely reckless driving where traffic lights and crossings are merely a suggestion and crossing the road could potentially be an Olympic sport, everybody everywhere smoking, and the terrible fashion. However, there were several unexpected discoveries during our trip, be them good, bad, or otherwise. I realise these are based only on a short stay in what is the fourth-biggest metropolitan area in, depending on sources, the third- or fourth-largest country in the world by total area, but I wasn’t anticipating:

An essentially cashless society: As I mentioned several times, credit cards are rarely accepted anywhere and cash is hardly ever used. Instead, most establishments favoured the use of QR codes being scanned by apps on people’s phones to pay for goods and services, which comes with it’s own problems. The obvious one is how you would pay for anything if your phone unexpectedly died, but a person told us that there is also the issue of employees printing QR codes that link to their own personal bank accounts and discretely pasting them over the company one, allowing them to pocket all of the cash that was to go to the business.

Hangzhou is extremely clean and is becoming environmentally conscious: There is very little litter on the streets because there are both rubbish and recycling bins everywhere and people actually use them. Sure, we saw people spit and we did witness an old lady pull her grandson’s junk out and let him piss on the footpath, but that one was an isolated incident. Also, despite the fact that the water is undrinkable and the air quality is abysmal, it appears they are taking steps forward to attempt to remedy these problems, such as using electric buses (below).

Older people don’t seem as traditional as they are in Singapore: Again, we spent a few days in the city centre, venturing into a more residential area on the final day, but we noticed that when it comes to traditions, rituals, and the way they dress, elderly Chinese Singaporeans appear more set in their ways. Our neighbourhood in Singapore, Tiong Bahru, is gentrified, now full of cafes, barber shops, galleries, that type of thing, but many older citizens who have lived there for years still wear gaudy pantsuits, burn incense, and leave out food and burn paper money for dead ancestors, but that wasn’t really the case in Hangzhou. In fact, Ghost Month was wrapping up when we left Singapore for China and there were still mass burnings and food laying around that very day near our apartment, all done by people of all ages, not just the elderly, yet we saw very little of anything resembling that at all in China. Perhaps Hangzhou isn’t particularly Buddhist or Taoist, I don’t know.

The facial recognition thing is genuinely frightening: The sheer amount of face scans and security cameras you encounter in Hangzhou is truly startling, there is a camera looking at you every couple of metres while indoors and it’s not much better outside, either, with the ability to map your entire path. No, I’m not a conspiracy nut in a tinfoil hat, this is their actual goal! You need to be able to sign in to the Wall Street Journal website to read that entire article, but the heading and introduction sum it up:

China’s New Tool for Social Control: A Credit Rating for Everything Beijing wants to give every citizen a score based on behavior such as spending habits, turnstile violations and filial piety, which can blacklist citizens from loans, jobs, air travel.

Nothing good can possibly come from having every action you make in your day-to-day life rated in the same way we currently do for how Uber drivers handle individual trips! I earlier put the IMDB link to the first episode of the third season of the TV series Black Mirror, which dealt with this exact topic almost two years ago, however, their plot summary was a little vague, so let’s use the abridged wikipedia episode summary (click on the episode title in that link for the full summary):

Using eye implants and mobile devices, people rate their online and in-person interactions on a five-star scale. This system cultivates insincere relationships, as a person’s rating significantly affects their socioeconomic status. Lacie is a young woman currently rated at 4.2 and keen to achieve self-improvement, hoping to reach a 4.5 rating to qualify for a discount to a luxury apartment. Lacie tries to gain favour from highly-rated people, as they have larger impacts on scores, and sees a great chance to achieve her goal, when school friend Naomi asks her to be maid-of-honour at her upcoming wedding, with many highly-rated guests. After a series of mishaps on her way to the wedding that send her ratings plummeting, Naomi calls Lacie and tells her not to come. Enraged, Lacie manages to get to the celebratory dinner; she grabs the microphone and starts giving the speech she had written. The guests rate her negatively, causing her rating to drop to zero. She becomes dangerously upset and security removes her from the area. She is placed in a cell and has the technology supporting the rating system removed from her eyes. Feeling liberated, she gets into an argument with a man, without worrying about being rated.

When I first saw that episode, I thought to myself that it would be pretty creepy if a similar type of rating system was ever used in real life. It now looks like that is actually going to happen.

English is used a lot: Because I don’t speak any Mandarin and was arriving before Anna, I insisted on a hotel transfer, but I really had nothing to be concerned about, there was a good chance a cab driver would’ve been able to communicate with me. A lot of signs and menus are in both Mandarin and English in Hangzhou and there are many people with a decent grasp of English in the service industry. Our hotel even had a European receptionist on at all times, as well as local ones. Also, the people in Hangzhou are generally really friendly.

I was initially wary about my first visit to China, however, it might just have been because of where we were staying, but I would happily return again, hopefully soon.

My first venture into mainland China was nothing like I expected. Until a couple of weeks ago, I had never been to mainland China before. I had visited what are considered "Special Administrative Regions of the People's Republic of China" such as…