#binch i am so close to EVERYTHING i wanna b close to

[ufogirl]

i cant believe i completed a 90 day online chem class in 3 days bro god IS a woman and she is me :)

[iamvegorott]

Undercover Love Ch 27

The Last Secret

“Bing, Google, try to track their location. Host, see if you can figure out anything without hurting yourself. Edward and Henrick, make sure he doesn’t hurt himself. Jackie, Wilford, JJ, Bim, and Yandere, go to the vault and grab every weapon that you possibly can because whoever the bastard that took my husband and child is going to rue the day they fucking pissed off this gay man!” Marvin was now rapidly pressing buttons on the control panel and line after line of code began scrolling on the remaining screens.

Dark was paralyzed, eyes wide and fixated on the screen that had Anti and Chase on it.

Was this a sign?

Should he have never thought that it would ever happen?

Was this his fault?

“Do you have any idea of anyone that would do this?” Bing asked.

“The bigger question is, who’s capable of doing this?” Google added. “Someone managed to trap a literal virus and a bulletproof man. They have to be like us to some degree.”

“I honestly have no idea who they are, but they won’t be alive much longer when we get them back,” Marvin stated.

“Anti…” Chase’s voice came through the speaker.

“We have sound!” Bing announced.

“It’s okay, we’re gonna be okay...right?” Anti was twitching, shaking as if struggling to keep still.

“Shit, he’s anxious.” Marvin’s voice was heavy with fear.

“I mean, understandably so, but why are you making it sound like a death sentence?” Edward asked.

“He glitches,” Marvin said. “Phases in and out of this world and the one online.”

“The bomb on his neck,” Henrick added. “If he glitches too much…” Henrick had his voice trail off, knowing that it didn’t need to be said.

“Surly Anti can handle an explosion easily,” Edward said. “Or glitch away from it.”

“Chase can’t.” The room went dead silent.

“Anti, get out of here,” Chase said.

“If I glitch out of this thing will go off.” Anti protested.

“I know.” Chase’s voice was barely a whisper.

“You’re bulletproof, not bomb proof.”

“I know.”

“Chase!” Anti snapped. “Don’t you dare!”

“It’ll be okay, you have the others and-”

“No, no it won’t be okay!” Anti cried out. “It won’t be okay without you!”

“I’ve had a good life and...I have a good family.” Chase swallowed thickly.

“I am not leaving you to die,” Anti said with gritted teeth. “I need you.”

“Marvin will be there for you and Henrick and Jackie and Robbie and JJ...and Dark.”

“They’re not you, Chase. No one can ever be you.”

“After what those monsters did to my kids, I never thought I’d be a parent again. To have someone look up to me, to need me and for someone for me to care for.” Chase’s head slumped over, a sniff filling the room.

“Chase...please.”

“I know I’m not actually your parent, hell, I didn’t even have anything to do with your creation and you came out of it as a full-grown man but…” Chase blinked and a tear fell from his eye, landing on his jeans and creating a darker spot. “I know I did a damn good job at making sure you were happy, even though there were flops and mistakes that we both made but in the end I know that I did the best that I could.”

“Stop talking like you’re not going to make it out of this.” Anti could feel his body trembling, his emotions running high.

“It’s okay, Anti. Get home safe, please.”

“I’m not going, I’m not.” Anti shook his head. “I’m not letting you die!”

“Tell me that one of you has something!” Marvin cried, looking at Bing and Google, both who just refused to meet Marvin’s gaze as they kept working.

“Host, you’re bleeding,” Edward said as Henrick gathered up bandages.

“Host will not be useless.” Host stated.

“You’re going to kill yourself if you keep pushing yourself,” Edward warned.

“Anti and Chase will die if Host doesn’t!” Host slammed his fist into the top of the control panel, brows going up when he heard a click.

“The communicators!” Marvin exclaimed, going through the opening and counting what was there.

“Dark, you haven’t moved,” Wilford said in a whisper. “Are you okay?”

“You know damn well why I won’t leave you!” Anti had tears flowing down his face as he tried to yell some sense into Chase.

“Dark?” Wilford tried again.

“There’s one missing!” Marvin scooped up all of the devices and ran over to the other side of the control panel with them. “If we can figure out which one is gone, we should be able to track it.

“It’s not gonna be on them,” Jackie said.

“But one of the bad guys might have it.” Robbie bounced a little. “We can find them!”

“Host! Fuck!” Edward cursed when Host collapsed on top of him. “Henrik, get fluids! Jackie, help me get Host to the couch.” Edward didn’t have to wait long for Jackie to do his part.

“I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.” Anti sobbed as little parts of his body started to look blurry. “Mom, please.” He begged. “I don’t want you to go, I don’t. I love you, mom.”

“Dark, you’re going gray.” Wilford looked around to make sure no one else was looking. “Dark, your eyes.”

“Model, 2-B-5-4-R-S-T!” Marvin watched as Google and Bing both perk up and typed even faster than before. “Hurry!”

“I love you too, Anti,” Chase said, a soft beeping following.

“No.” Dark finally spoke, his entire body vanishing in a cloud of black smoke.

“Found-” Bing slapped his hands over his face when there was a loud explosion, the image becoming static.

“No! No!” Marvin cried at the top of his lungs. “No! No God, please! No!”

“Ant…” Robbie fell to his rear, hands over his face as he sobbed into them.

“Don’t take them, please!” Marvin begged towards the screen. “Don’t take them away from me!”

“Oh, God.” Yandere whimpered before hiding her face into Bim’s chest, crying into it while Bim held her, crying as well. Edward and Henrick both stared at the screen, stunned as their mouths were frozen open with Host still unconscious next to them. JJ went over to Wilford and held his arm, Wilford adjusted them so he was fully embracing JJ, feeling the silent sobs against him. Bing cried into Google’s shoulder while Google just shook his head in disbelief. Jackie has his hands at his head, pressing them hard against it as he fought his own tears and losing that battle quickly.

“No...no...no…” Marvin’s voice got softer and softer as he fell to his knees. “Please.”

“What the fuck?” The curse made Marvin almost break his neck from turning his head so fast.

“Chase!” Marvin cried out and scrambled to his feet, immediately hugging the other man. He covered Chase’s face with kisses, getting a chuckle from him. “I thought I lost you!”

“Love you too, dad,” Anti said with a little smile, yelping when Marvin was now on him and making sure he wasn’t hurt. “I’m fine, I’m fine.”

“I thought you couldn’t glitch with other people?” Jackie asked.

“I can’t,” Anti answered.

“Then how did you…” Everyone followed Anti’s glance as he looked at Dark, who’s skin was now a dull gray and an aura of red and blue surrounding him.

“I was not expecting that,” Chase said.

“No. Understand.” JJ signed, shaking his head.

“I knew something was off, but…” Henrik was at a lost for words.

“Dark, what are you?” Anti asked.

“I’m not human either.” Dark finally admitted. “I don’t know what I am exactly. Dark took several steps, heading over to the fallen bouquet. “Most call me a demon, so that’s the title I go with. I used to formless, a simple consciousness that seeped in from another realm and found a house known for trouble.” JJ felt Wilford stiffen. “The woman wanted to find me, to contact me, to know if I was the cause of everything happening in the house...sadly she didn’t know I wanted a body.” Dark slowly bent down and picked up the flowers. “She’s dead, along with her brother and I took over the body of the brother and while their souls are gone, their energy is what keeps me whole.” Dark started an attempt to fix the bouquet. “But the house had gotten used to my own energy and with me gone, it broke, shattering everything...and one inside of it.” A look over at Wilford told the Septiceyes what they needed to know. “Wilford found me and I found him. I knew what I was and what I will always be. A killer.” Dark faced Anti, flowers between them. “A monster.” Anti took a small step towards Dark. “A monster without feelings, a heart, anything that could be related to actually being a living thing.” Dark took in a shaky breath. “I don’t know I actually thought for a second that I could have anything that would make me...human.” There was a shared silence between Dark and Anti. “I-” Dark didn't get to continue before Anti grabbed him by placing both hands on his cheeks and pulling him in for a kiss.

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[flintsjohn]

hi it’s not even 8am and i’ve just finished watching so here’s thoughts on roswell for the finale! please do come yell at me, we can survive the hiatus together. spoilers ahead.

let’s start with the easy things! i knew noah was gonna die but i’m still kinda :///// at the whole “let’s make the moc evil and kill him” thing. im bitter. they made him awful and im bitter.

a-HA! listen i don’t like max. i still don’t. i didn’t through the whole ep. AND I LITERALLY. KNEW THEY WERE GONNA DO THAT. from the moment i read carina’s interview being like “they asked a million times if we were sure” i was like HMMM ARE THEY GONNA and they DID. that was ballsy, i give em that. im also probably like the only person who actually rejoiced in seeing him dead but hey, yall know they’re gonna at least try to bring him back so (theory is that either michael or isobel will unlock the healing power and bring him back)

ho ho ho they’re gonna unlock more powers!!! that last isobel scene was sexsie. also apparently max is thor? also evil aliens are coming? some time?

liz.....my girl........im love u..........so much. she’s??? such a badass?????? also the scene with maria was the cutest thing can we get more bestie moments please

kyle!! I LOVE KYLE!! i love love love the fact that he is moving towards a darker place but they still kept him good at his core. AND MANES HAD IT COMING but im glad kyle didn’t kill bc you know... he’d have had to live with that.

michael........my boy...............my baby baby boy..........................CAN HE STOP CRYING? CAN HE? CAN WE STOP DOING THAT? im a little. meh. about the hand healing thing bc they......literally just cancelled his disability which. hm. but the guitar.......my boy........peaceful........cry

all that being said. he’s still an asshole for standing alex up like that. im love :( alex :( im sad. im so proud of alex for the journey he’s been through, like how hard must that have been for him? UGH i love him and im salty that we didn’t get more of him in the finale :(

BUT ANYWAY. that scene in the trailer i am CRY binch. 

ok and last thing. listen. i’m upset about how they pulled the michael/maria thing in this ep, but i’m not mad they did it. i’m upset that after michael and alex literally being this close to kissing and michael promising they would talk he just went ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ and went to maria. BUT. this being only the ending of season one, i’m not upset they went with m/m. they literally have been telling us for multiple eps that maria is uhhh the easy way out, for lack of better words. she’s something new and fresh and doesn’t come with all the trauma that michael has SAID is inherent to his relationship with alex. we know it is. we know how hard it is for both of them. my hope was genuinely that they wouldn’t put michael in a relationship at all by the end of the season, bc i honestly don’t think it’s what he needs right now, but i understand the choice of being like “this is new. it might be good. let’s see where it leads us.” AT THE SAME TIME i think they’ll HAVE to talk. i mean all of them. literally, all three of them, sit the fuck down and talk it out. i hope we’ll get that in s2, or even just.... you know, clear the air in pairs or sth, without the petty remarks, because otherwise it’ll probably just get messier and messier, which is really the only thing im afraid of when it comes to the three of them :/ but anyway! i look forward to malex’s journey in s2 as friends. LET THE SLOWBURN BEGIN YALL

while we’re on the subject, the first scene we get of m/m in s2 better be michael explaining everything bc i am DONE with maria not knowing!!!!! also wtf is the necklace thing about!!!! i wanna know!!!!!!!

ok last last thing. PLEASE. i beg all of you (i mean i have the right mutuals, but you never know who needs to hear this). don’t go screaming for queerbaiting in the wake of this. a) this is the end of s1 (and half a season, if we’re honest), not an endgame. there’s time. give them time. b) it will NEVER be queerbaiting in ANY CASE. i’ve said this before and i’ll say it again a million times but michael and alex are BOTH STILL QUEER. THEY ARE. IT’S CANON. their relationship is CANON and it always will be, even if michael stays with maria forever. people change and move on, even if they still love each other! it doesn’t take away the fact that they’ve been together, and it doesn’t change any of their sexualities, so please don’t be assholes (and ESPECIALLY don’t harass carina/the writers/the actors please).

come share s2 theories with me!!! because we ARE getting a s2, or i’ll riot after the finale ending like this ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[montrealimprov]

Meet Your Makers: Indie Night’s Alex Brown and Saima Ahmed

Interview by Isobel Cully

Meet the legends that make Indie Night happen EVERY WEEK, Alex Brown and Saima Ahmed. 

You know Alex as an improviser, sketch comedian and all around funny person (Lil Strawberry Bitch, Fancy at The Haunt, Camp Wanapoke, etc, etc, etc). You know Saima as the girl behind the camera, taking sick pics of your favourite performers and making you jealous on Instagram. You know both of them as Montreal Improv’s best dressed duo. You can go see them host Indie Night every Saturday night at 9:30 PM, in Theatre B.

  1.    Would you like to be famous? In what way?

AB: Yes, I would like to be a famous podcaster and/or filmmaker/performer. I pretty much have the same career ambitions now as I did when I was 6 years old. Except for the podcasting part, if you asked me what podcasting was when I was 6 I would have probably explained it as some kind of net you cast to catch...pods? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

SA: Tbh, I don’t think so! It seems so competitive! I’m more a “behind the scenes” but very much in control gal. I prefer to be recognized and appreciated for my work and connect with people that way. In other words, I still want to dress up and go to the Oscars but as a producer rather than an actor.

2.   If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

AB: Mind for sure. I plan on having a tight bod when I’m 90 and I need my mind to keep up.

SA: Hm tough call. I’m going to agree with Al, an active mind means an active body!

3.   Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

AB: My dearly departed yellow lab Winnie and we would share a spaghetti dinner with a side of corn on the cob because those were her faves.

SA: Michelle Obama! To talk about how we can help empower women to run the world over some fish tacos.

4.   If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

AB: The ability to know which ability or quality I would like to gain. So I guess decision making and resolve?

SA: The ability to help create peaceful resolutions between 2 parties. Imagine how useful that would be in 2018!

5.   Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

AB: I thought this said ‘secret lunch’ at first so I’m assuming it’s going to have something to do with my not being able to read instructions properly and things going horribly awry. Conversely if it turned out to be lunch related I wouldn’t be mad.

SA: Haha, I’m a speed reader and I read secret lunch too! Agree 100% with Al on this.

6.   When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

AB: I wish I had a better answer for this than ‘in an improv show’, but I will have to admit that I serenaded a group of paying audience members this past Friday night with a rousing rendition of ‘I Wanna Be the First Female CEO’ at Friday Night’s Main Event - Fridays at 8:30pm at Montreal Improv ;)

SA: I have been singing “The Kids Are Alright” by Chloe x Halle to myself for a few weeks now. I’m a horrible singer so I avoid singing in public at all cost.

GROUP QUESTIONS

8. Make three true “we” statements. 

We both love thrift shopping

We both love a good time

Against our better judgment, we both are close personal friends with Seth Galina

9. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how she might handle it.

AB: What can I do to stay focused and/or motivated at my day job?

SA: Before you start, make a list of things you need to do. I find it surprisingly satisfying (even motivating) to cross things off my list. Also take breaks, I find it helps me focus if I know that afterwards I can chill.

AB: I am MC’ing a friend’s backyard wedding this summer, what should I wear?

SA: For the MC, I would say lean towards a bit more of a classic silhouette and add some Alex Brown touches via accessories to keep it hip. I’m a fan of a unique dress or a chic jumpsuit.

SA: I know for a fact that you are a morning person. I have trouble waking up really early, any tips?

AB: Unfortunately there’s no real easy hack for this, I think you’re either a morning person or you’re not. That said I’m sure you could cultivate habits over time to get better at it. I drink a really big glass of water as soon as I wake up and then I go to the gym or try to do a little bit of exercise at home at least. Giving yourself some time for you is super important. My motto for 2018 and beyond is ‘self care, don’t care’!

SA: I’m going to be moving soon but before that, I want to get rid of shit I don’t need. What’s the best method to declutter?

AB: Honestly since I’m a basic binch I pray to the goddess of tidiness, Marie Kondo. Her book actually taught me so much about getting rid of stuff. I can confidently say that the only clothes I own now are ones that ‘spark joy’. You can borrow my copy! Jk I don’t have it anymore, I gave it away.

SHOW QUESTIONS

10. Describe your show, Indie Night.

Indie Night is a weekly improv show that showcases performers of various experience levels from all over the city! We have a bit of everything from solo improv, class fields trips, current and past house teams and some pretty cool out of town acts. We’ve even had some musical acts! Indie Night takes place every Saturday night at 9:30pm and the last Saturday of the month is *Ladies Night*, featuring all female/female-identifying performers.

10. What excites you the most about your show?

We love that we have this amazing platform and get to provide the opportunity to new acts to perform. We are often the origin story show for some troupes that go onto create some pretty funny things. For some players Indie Night is even the very first time they’ve ever performed in front of an audience, which is very exciting!

The show isn’t just for newbies, we have all sorts of acts featuring varying levels of players. The fun thing about Indie Night is that you can see more experienced players perform with newer players and you never know what you’re gonna get on any given Saturday!

11. In 5 words, why should people come to Indie Night?

It is a good time!

FINAL QUESTIONS

12. Where can people find you (twitter, instagram, snapchat, kik, omegle, myspace, etc.)?

SA: You can find Indie Night at Montreal Improv on Facebook. We also have a hashtag across all social media #indienightmtl . You can find me on Instagram @steezsister and Twitter @_SaimaAhmed. You can also find us both Saturday Nights at 9:30 at Indie Night! Did you like that subtle plug?

AB: I’m on Instagram at @djbabybrown but I haven’t posted since October 2017 and I mostly only follow plants and Simpsons merch accounts. :) Seth Galina is @sethgalina on Instagram and Twitter.

13. Is there anything you want the Montreal Improv community to know (about you or in general)?

SA: I think this goes for both of us, we’re always here! Come say hi and talk to us, we don’t bite. Or so we haven’t been told otherwise yet.

AB: I will bite you if you ask nicely. :)

14. Do you want to plug anything else?

INDIE NIGHT. INDIE NIGHT. INDIE NIGHT.

Alex’s sketch comedy troupe, Lil Strawberry Bitch, will be performing at Sketch Republic on Thursday, April 19 at 8:30pm at MIT and then at the Montreal Sketchfest on May 10th at 8pm at Theatre Sainte-Catherine.

[owolau]

ULTRA LONG tag game thing

tagged by my friend @datamarluxia, always nice to get tagged in these things~

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people. yeah right 2 or 3 will do

LAST:

1. Drink:  dihydrogen monoxide 2. Phone call: i accidentally called Mel last night but my last actual call was with my friend Paula, i think 3. Text message: to the Disgusting Discord Squad, or Mel if we’re only counting pms 4. Song you listened to: With You/With Me (aka Magi ED4), too good 5. Time you cried: i honestly barely cry and i can’t remember

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: i am in my first relationship ever so i kinda never even had the chance 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: kinda haven’t kissed anyone so nope 8. Been cheated on: pretty sure not in a relationship kind of way...but surely someone has cheated on me at some table game...i distrust of going to the bathroom mid-chess match 9. Lost someone special: uhhhhh don’t think so 10. Been depressed: nope, but my brash optimism sometimes gets the better of me 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: i haven’t even touched alcohol

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12-14: red, blue and together they make purple!

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: yeah, even got a gf 16. Fallen out of love: out? no that was last year 17. Laughed until you cried: mhmm 18. Found out someone was talking about you: don’t think so? 19. Met someone who changed you: eh, i guess? 20. Found out who your friends are: my friend are the best i already knew thet F gal was a binch 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: i don’t even have fb my dudes

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: refer to my previous answer 23. Do you have any pets: nope, not an animals person 24. Do you want to change your name: my full first name could use a trim... 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: celebrated with Abbey here! we went to my grandparent’s mountain house and spent the day there 26. What time did you wake up: aaaaaaalmost 1pm 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: laying on the couch and probably sinning on the discord 28. Name something you can’t wait for: FE WARRIORS WHEN 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: she just came here to ask me when was i gonna know for sure if i’ve been accepted into uni 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: nothing? only minor fuckups really, and i tend to forget about those quite quickly 31. What are you listening right now: random animu openings 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: don’t think so 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: my brother 34. Most visited website: probably this very hellhole

RANDOM INFO:

35. Mole/s: i don’t think i have any? 36. Mark/s: got a sick scar on my left leg 37. Childhood dream: i think i wanted to be a math teacher? i like math but the teacher spot is not one i see myself in 38. Hair color: brown, nothing special to see here 39. Long or short hair: for myself (and guys in general i guess) i’m all for long-ish hair, not like a mane but like...not super short for girls all hairs are nice but i am weak to shoulder-length 41. What do you like about yourself: everything??? i’m amazing 42. Piercings: nah & ouch no pls 43. Blood type: A- i think 44. Nickname: nah everyone just calls me olau, that’s pretty unique on it’s own tbh 45. Relationship status: i have a gf and it feels so weird to answer this question with anything but ‘single’...but at the same time...nice 46. Zodiac: Scorpio 47. Pronouns: he/him  48. Favorite TV Show: don’t watch much tv but i guess gravity falls 49. Tattoos: no and not really thinking about it 50. Right or left hand: right hand 51. Surgery: how do you think i got that scar? also some eye thing when i was like 3 52. Hair dyed in different color: no but who knows, maybe someday... 53. Sport: HAHAHAHAHAH that’s a good one UHHHHHH WHERE’S 54??? 55. Vacation: trapped on the beach the whole month but at least there’s good wifi now 56. Pair of trainers: the shoes? haven’t worn those since i stopped taking pe

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: if i could live on fries and meat i’d do it 58. Drinking: besides that tasty dihydrogen monoxide i also like chocolate milk and orange juice 59. I’m about to: stargaze with my gf 61. Waiting for: the sun to set in canada 62. Want: a hug from my s/o 63. Get married: uhhhhhh idk 64. Career: i wanna be a programmer! ...i have no plan B so it’s either sink or swim

WHICH IS BETTER:

65. Hugs or kisses: hugshugshugs maybe cuz i have no experience kissing? 66. Lips or eyes: both? both. 67. Shorter or taller:  who has to be the short one?? i’m the short one and i like this spot. nice view 68. Older or younger: once again i’m the youger one and this is a nice spot?? 70. Nice arms or nice stomach:  nice arms to flex for me 71. Sensitive or loud: in what context? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 72. Hook up or relationship: relationship. do i look like the type to get hookups anyway? 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: again, what’s the context? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a Stranger: no 75. Drank hard liquor: no 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: don’t need them 77. Turned someone down: didn’t even get the chance 78. Sex on the first date: i’m about to have my first “date” and my partner is 6500km away so yeahhhhhh 79. Broken someone’s heart: pretty sure i haven’t 80. Had your heart broken: ugh yes 81. Been arrested: i am innocent your honor! 82. Cried when someone died: thing is, noone close to me has died this far? maybe i would 83. Fallen for a friend: my second crush was a friend and my gf was like a god-tier internet friend

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself: *hair flip* so about that everything about me being amazing part... 85. Miracles: sure 86. Love at first sight: nah, slowly falling in love tho? that’s the stuff 87. Santa Claus: Christmas is the celebration of capitalism and the red guy is his personification so Yes, Sure 88. Kiss on the first date: would be great but for the above reasons i  think that’s gonna be tricky for me

OTHER:

90. Current best friend name: Salva 91. Eye color: dark brown 92. Favorite movie:  Professor Layton and the Eternal Dive

tagging the disgusting discord squad @lentranced and @anthieze cuz this is v long so you two will be enough