#bobbie cares too much about soaps: an autobiography

[madroxed]

Yoooooo talk to me about your anger at ATWT cause it's been years and I'm still hella bitter.

oh, man, anon. you’re opening a can of worms here. i am always happy to talk about this, and as for being hella bitter? hard same.

ok ok so. 

essay time.

luke snyder was such a perfect soap character and i loved him with all my soap-loving heart. he was lovely and flawed and - the greatest soap trait of all - interesting. he was a legacy character, had all that wonderful backstory via his parents alone, and became an alcoholic before he was even twenty. i just– i’m gearing up for a rewatch just talking about it because, yeah.

so obviously luke/noah started and i was absolutely here for it at the time (though maddie was actually my favourite) and it was a long road full of ups and downs. 

and i really did love noah most of the time in those early years. van and jake’s friendship made their on-screen dynamic really great, and a lot of the time noah broke my heart with his struggle coming out, his daddy issues, and his desperate desire for a family (that, in itself, became a problem, and i could write essays on it).

but yeah.

i’m pretty sure the point of no return for me was, like most people, the ameera plot. which was honestly so bad i still can’t think about it without getting angry. noah had luke write his vows, like??? i just. words can’t do it justice.

(the only thing that plot ever gave us was luke/casey fake dating which i’ll always be grateful for.)

but at one point i had to stop watching. 

all the things i hated about their relationship just built up and up and up, so by the time we had noah getting luke expelled for rigging a school election so a homophobic douchebag wouldn’t win because it was ‘the right thing to do’ even though he married a woman to get her a green card and lied to the federal government, by the time noah just kept telling luke he was wrong – he was wrong about noah’s professor hitting on noah, he was wrong about luke’s step-grandfather hitting on luke, he was wrong for drinking, how could he?, he was wrong for being luciano grimaldi, he was wrong, wrong, wrong – by the time noah started continuously punishing luke for being luke, i couldn’t do it anymore.

in hindsight, the emotional abuse is exhausting.

noah’s internalised homophobia and the way he takes it out on luke for years is just–

ouch, man.

we put ourselves through a lot for the in-between moments.

so, yeah, i took a step back, watched my other soaps, didn’t think about it too much (except that i thought about it all the time because luke snyder sticks with you). and then, at a random point, i thought ‘i’m going to catch up’. i put myself through a lot of bullshit (including omg the twins? i’d forgotten about that until now) and reached the point of the firework accident.

(again, blamed on luke. i’m getting a headache just thinking about it.)

AND THEN THE BEST THING IN THE WORLD HAPPENED:

enter reid oliver. 

we didn’t even know then that luke/reid was remotely going to be a thing. there were rumours it was going to be noah/reid, of all things, but from the very first moment…

excuse me whilst i get emotional over here.

honestly the build up. enemies to friends to lovers is my thing, and boy oh boy. 

firstly, van hansis has always been exceptional. he and chandler massey are two american soap actors i point to when i say we are truly blessed they decided to be on soaps when they’re so much more talented than their environment, and we got/get to see them daily for years (thanks, boys!).

and van never wavered in that, but i imagine even he was getting tired. and then he got to work against eric sheffer stevens and honestly, it was like a spark reignited. they worked so well opposite each other.

BUT YES, LUKE/REID.

can you believe all of that happened in, like, nine months? it was less than a year and yet it fully changed our lives and became an otp for life.

reid was everything noah wasn’t: he was blunt and rude and said what was on his mind. he didn’t require validation from other people and his respect had to be earned. he knew his own worth.

he was a breath of fresh air in an environment that had become stagnantly passive aggressive.

plus we got the slow burn of watching luke and reid accidentally fall for each other, and it was beautiful. “mr snyder” and “doctor oliver”. kill me.

they were so easy with each other. even before reid first kissed luke, their banter was on point, and they just drifted into each other’s personal space. even their arguments were glorious. 

they were simply attracted to each other, and it came as a surprise to them both. 

man, i love it.

so then the kiss happens and noah’s surgery, and luke slipping back into his old headspace, the one that put noah first in all things, and it didn’t matter that noah had broken up with him, didn’t matter than noah didn’t want him around, (didn’t matter that noah was apparently seeing someone else???), didn’t matter that none of it was his fault, he slid right back into his old role.

which was actually perfect, because it showed the juxtaposition between the two relationships wonderfully.

blah blah, luke and reid work it out and become the ultimate power couple, and could easily take over the whole world. luke learns what an adult relationship looks like (because lol let’s be honest, his parents never showed him), reid learns to let someone else in, and it’s beautiful. 

for a moment, everything’s perfect.

AND THEN FUCKING CHRIS HAPPENED.

i’m still fuming. fucking chris hughes of all fucking people.

his history aside (and boy does he have one), they can paint reid and chris’ relationship as rivals who became friends all they want but a) no. and b) lol this is the same guy who casually walks in and outs reid to katie and henry with a smug smile??? sure, katie already knew because reid was never actually in the closet and they were beautiful besties, but henry didn’t! dick move, asshole. 

all because reid’s smarter than him (shocker).

i just…i hate chris a lot, ok. which makes this even harder.

so we know the show’s ending. luke and reid are happy together, they’re open and honest and working towards a future, and it’s going so well. (somewhere in the background we know noah’s going to la to live out his handwavy filmmaker dreams.)

it’s going so well.

and then in the last fucking weeks of the fucking show they write the absolute bullshit that is reid going off to get chris a heart and being hit by a fucking train.

a train.

and then – and then – they give his heart to chris so chris can live his happy asshole life with katie who deserves so much better.

i just.

yeah.

yeah.

a classic case of ‘kill their gays’. 

even if we don’t assume this is homophobic bullshit, it’s still fucking abysmal script writing. reid had just said “i love you” for the first time to luke, they were really something, and instead he dies in the shittiest manner possibly all for the happiness of a straight (asshole) legacy character.

bite me, as the world turns.

all i can say is, at least they didn’t try and shove luke/noah back down our throats in the last second. 

i will never, ever be over it.

thank goodness for fandom doing as fandom does and saying “lol no we’re not having this crap” and ‘train? what train?’ becoming everyone’s motto. 

i get that the show wanted to wrap itself up with a last big dramatic plot™ but of all the characters??? and all the choices??? 

yeah, no.

you fucked up, atwt.

(and the controversy afterwards? you know it.)

and there you go, anon. have a ranting essay from me. i could talk about any of these points in more detail for hours, honestly. i miss it a lot.

so, yeah, now i’m gonna go read a bunch of ‘train? what train?’ fic and cry a bit. 

have a good weekend! 💖