#bobby nash deserves his second chance

[dear-oizys]

My thoughts on the latest 911 episode

Ashes Ashes

This was written while I was watching the episode.

Ok I really support Tevan or Buck Tommy or whatever it is but why did they cut to Eddie's face when Buck got his award?

Bobby looks like a proud dad at everyone.

Bobby!!!!!! Is getting a Medal of Valour!!!!!!!! Bobby you deserve it so much!!!!!!!

Bro. What the fuck?? You deserve it too!!

Ravi you glorious bastard. I love you.

Gerrard fuck you. Die. Please die.

Chimney!!!!!!!! Go off king!!!! You're fucking awesome!!

Why the fuck is the councilwoman here?? You bitch. Please tell me she doesn't mess up Mara's adoption??

Nooooooooooooo. I'm literally dying. Bobby you are not resigning. Please. Why the fuck are you retiring??

You are a goddamn hero Bobby.

Athena I love you. So much. So so so much.

I can just see Bobby's tiredness. I can really feel it. Peter Krause. The man that you are.

Eddie. I love you. But honey what are you doing. I love you. But please get some help. Please.

Do I kinda actually like Kim??

Sometimes I forget that it's Angela Fucking Basset on this show. I love her so much. She is so awesome.

I'm gonna cry. I'm actually crying. Bobby is being a dad to everyone while this sad music is playing in the background.

What the hell. I can't see the screen or the words I'm typing. Relying on autocorrect to help me now.

Bobby just handed buck the groceries so that he will cook for the team after he leaves. Why. Just why did I start this show?

Your work here is not done Bobby.

Bobby is literally Buck's father and Buck is Bobby's son. I can't see anything rn

What the hell is Kim doing here. I'm still crying. Let me compose myself.

Buck!!!! Confront Eddie!!!! What the hell!!!! Omg!!!! Buck you did NOT just say that. Damn. He's not holding back!!? Edmundo. Something is definitely going on. Don't say nothing.

Buck is not holding back anything today. Damn.

Mara and Denny!!!!!! I love them?!! Adoption hearing is cancelled. I hate you councilwoman Ortiz. You are a complete and utter bitch. I hate you so much

Thank god. Eddie told Kim. Thank God. Wow. I kinda feel bad for Eddie even though his actions are kinda shitty. But I hope he gets better and gets the help he needs.

Was she Eddie??? Was she the love of your life??? Ok I feel really bad for Eddie.

Ok I feel so bad for Amir. But I am 100% sure Amir is gonna burn down their house.

Peter Krause and Angela Bassett. I love you guys. I feel so so bad for Athena and Bobby.

Wow. That woman is just killing Hen. Wow. How do I help Hen?? How? Please someone take care of that woman.

What. What. They're taking Mara away????????? What. The. Hell????

What the hell?????? What is Kim doing here??? Did she have bangs before????? Is it even Kim??? What the hell is she even doing?? Is it kim or not????????? What is happening??????? Is he hallucinating??? Ryan Guzman. You are so good.

Eddie. You are not broken. Eddie.

Oh my god. Oh god. Chris. Shit. This is not good.

Bobby's dream is terrible. Its not even a dream. Its a fucking nightmare for him. No no no. This is my happening. No. Oh god. Oh my god. No. Please. What the hell. Bobby. Athena. Please escape guys please. Athena please be okay. Please. Oh thank god. Athena is okay. Is Bobby having a heartattack???????? His heart stopped??????

Picture of me during this episode

[thefrsers]

requested by: @skatingthinandice: 7.02 + 7.08 "don't deserve a second chance" parallel

[theladyyavilee]

I've been thinking about this since they dropped the trailer after last week's episode, but with the abusive ?husband?, that causes the car crash and subsequently burning car with his wife and daugther and knowing that not just maddie, but also athena will be involved in the case, and the whole thing with bobby meeting a burn unit nurse meaning he is probs also involved in this case, I have been wondering, with the "I don't deserve you athena (...) not after what I did" from 7x2, how bad a husband to marcy/father to brook and robert jr does bobby see himself as??? bad enough that he would look at an abusive husband in a rage causing something that almost kills his wife and daughter and see himself??? because that might actually break me

[mattoidmeerkat]

Bobby 'I don't deserve a second chance' Nash having to lie there and listen to everyone he loves tell him how much he means to them probably makes him wish he had actually died considering how terrible he is at accepting compliments/praise. Even during his performance review he was trying to get his team to tell him how he can do better instead of telling him he's doing great. Poor Coma Bobby.

[thebestbooksaround]

okay, first of all, thank you for your service! your recs are amazing

i just wanted to ask if you could rec as many rewrite fics as possible? episode rewrites, season rewrites that kind of thing? and if people could keep adding on itd be great?

theyre my fav genre tbh but they can be so hard to find :(

thank you so much!!

Oh boy, I sure can Anon!

I'm going to assume you mean 9-1-1, if you meant another fandom, let me know and I'll search for those. Some of these are rewrites by proxy? As in all the events happen but some are text fics so you only hear about them. If anyone has some to add, please do!

Without further ado...

We All Fall Down by kristen999 (@thekristen999)

He’d done this before. Inside the well. Trapped forty feet underground instead of in a tin can, rising water the constant threat.

Eddie stared at the radio, knowing this time there’d be someone on the other end to hear him if he needed to say something. If his time his second chances had finally run out.

He wouldn’t die alone. Not really. His team would be there. Just inches away. He could tell them, tell Buck….

*

glue by ProsperDemeter

“It’s just…” Connor shrugged. “No offense, man, but… you’re twenty-five. Do you really want to be spending so much time falling for a guy with a kid?”

“I’m not falling for him.”

--

A month away from graduating the LAFD Academy, Evan Buckley gets introduced to new recruit Eddie Diaz and things certainly change for both of them after that.

This author is also writing a s2 rewrite!

*

Firefighter Buckley's Unauthorized Ride-Along by slipperywordcrimes

Buck spends most of his probationary year with a bun in the oven, and doesn't realize it.

*

One Wrong Number by calinaannehart (@calinaannehart)

When Evan Buckley meets a man in a bar and gets his number, he couldn't possibly imagine how one wrong digit could lead him to his fate. Because sometimes wrong numbers are the right numbers.

bro·ken by kristen999 (@thekristen999)

Forced to take shady side jobs to pay his bills, Evan Buckley doesn’t think he’s ever seen such rock bottom. Until he meets Eddie Diaz, a man even more desperate and alone. Season 3 AU.

*

if it weren’t for second chances by alasse (@alasse9)

When Buck doesn’t save Daniel, the Buckleys put him in foster care. Seventeen years later, Bobby meets a tall, lanky kid who can’t stop eating his pancakes at a church breakfast, and he gives him a phone number and an unconditional offer of help.

A story about how Buck finds a chosen family, and with a few twists and turns, eventually gets to the 118, meets Eddie Diaz, and maybe finds himself a second and a third (or, an Evan Nash story).

*

Our story's been heartache and wonder by Tails89 (@tails89)

Fuck.

Buck scrubs a hand down his face. He’s got no idea what he’s supposed to do here.

He knows what his parents are like. He has his own childhood to draw from, and Isaac doesn't deserve that. He deserves to grow up surrounded by love, and if nothing else, Buck can give him that.

But Buck is also a twenty-six year old probationary firefighter, living in his girlfriend’s apartment while she travels the world. He’s not exactly in a position to look after a kid.

“Okay.” It comes out in a rush of air. “I’m gonna come get you."

*

no one quite like you by hammersmiths (@henswilsons)

Hen has added +1 213 555 to Firehouse 118

Hen: This is Eddie!

Eddie: Hey everyone :)

Buck: Why would she add him to our private groupchat

Chimney: I’m literally sitting right next to you

or, Buck and Eddie’s progression through texts.

*

Tighten Up by ok_thanks

It’s probably considered getting off on the wrong foot when you have sex with your coworker before they start their new job, right?

Buck would think it’s probably not a good thing, and definitely something that shouldn’t be repeated. Especially when he becomes best friends with them. That’d be particularly stupid.

*

Close My Eyes and Stumble (Right Into Your Love) by HMSLusitania (@hmslusitania)

Eddie's PTSD is just that little bit worse and when he moves to Los Angeles, instead of joining the LAFD, he joins dispatch.

Which is all good and fine, except for this one firefighter he keeps ending up talking to.

*

we were born with nothing by chromatophorica (@chromatophorica)

Until the 118, Evan had never had a family.

---

Evan saves Daniel when he's a baby; he still manages to find his way to the 118, forging a family there despite being given up by his biological parents.

*

I Didn't Know I Was Lonely 'Til I Saw Your Face by HMSLusitania (@hmslusitania)

After the ladder truck and the blood clot and the tsunami, Bobby makes Buck go to therapy before he does something stupid(like sue the city). Buck's not totally comfortable being alone with a therapist, but fortunately he makes a friend and ally who's willing to help him out - Eddie Diaz from the 136 who's just been caught in an illegal fight club.

OR

Total strangers Buck and Eddie go to couple's therapy together to get out of the therapy requirements their captains have placed on them.

*

i want your midnights by allyasavedtheday (@littlespoonevan)

Eddie grins. “Yeah I get that. So can I ask why you applied for the room? No offence but you’re not exactly the kind of candidate I expected.”

Buck laughs, ducking his head. That’s probably true.

“I, uh, I’ve been staying at my girlfriend’s place while she’s travelling but um, my sister moved to LA recently and sort of made the point that I could be overstaying my welcome? Or, well- actually she tried to tell me my girlfriend’s cheating on me and I need to get over it and move out of her place.” Buck shakes his head, eyes widening at what he just implied. “She’s not! Cheating, I mean. She’s just- trying to find herself after losing her mom. She just needs a little space, y’know?”

At least, that’s the excuse Buck’s giving Abby for why she hasn’t called him in over two weeks.

Eddie nods with a vague sort of expression on his face like he hadn’t expected him to overshare that much. Which, oops.

In which Eddie decides to rent out his spare room to help with mortgage repayments right around the time Buck decides to move out of Abby's place after some not so gentle prodding from Maddie. It's a coincidence. Or serendipity. Or maybe just really good timing.

*and of course we can't forget:

Those Two Firefighters by DarkFairytale

#thosetwofirefighters starts to gather a following on social media, as everyone tries to figure out if those two cute firefighters from the 118 in LA are a thing or not.

[dorkydiaz]

Hiiiii AJ 💕💕💕

Thoughts on tonight’s episode and predictions for the rest of the season?

-❤️🪐

this episode was a knife to the heart fr fr fr. thats all i can say without break tf down actually.

tangentially related: i didnt say anything this afternoon, but i called that lou probably didnt get the memo about the photo being taken with their medals etc and had just gave his props back and then they grabbed him

anyway the rest of the season, umm, i dont think that the grant-nash house is actually burning down just because of the trailer pattern we've had this season and that we have seen the flashbacks the minnesota fire in this episode and in the promo and narratively bobby having nightmares about that night and relating it to what he currently has lines up well since they seem to be leaning into the "i didnt actually deserve this second chance" line of thinking for bobby. so him being in the hospital is more related possibly to his mental state which makes me want to mmm throw something, and possibly the nightmare scares him bad enough for him to have some kind of cardiac event (furthering eddie parallels)

those are all my thoughts, i literally have no idea what is gonna happen with everyone else asdkjfkh

[410armada]

Okay I understand Eddie cheating with Shannon's doppelganger Kim is a big deal and we all want him to properly confront his grief etc. but WHY is no one talking about how the episode title applies to Bobby too?

That doctor/nurse from the burn unit seems to be a survivor of the fire Bobby accidentally caused!!

I mean I could be wrong, I generally avoid theorising these days and I don't even watch episode promos to avoid stress, but the scene just felt significant you know? The way he looked at Bobby and registered the name Nash.

Before now we've only ever heard Bobby focus on the ones who died, his guilt about that and so on. I don't think we have ever gotten a glimpse or throwaway line of anyone who survived. How did they deal with the results of the investigation that it ultimately wasn't Bobby's fault? He caused the initial fire yes, but the extent of the fire and damage was on the building developers and maintenance. Did they mostly accept that? Did some want to pursue further lawsuits? Do they hate him? He moved away so probably.

Does Bobby know the names of the survivors the way he has immortalised the names of the dead in his memory???

I can't be sure but the guy didn't seem upset in the moment when he told Detective Romero he would like to get to know Bobby. Maybe shocked, a little apprehensive, but not angry. But you never know when the shock wears off.

As we saw in the honeymoon cruise arc Bobby still doesnt think he deserves the second chance he has been given. If he gets confronted by a survivor of his greatest regret... how's that gonna play out? I'm intrigued.

[chaoticgremlinwholikescheese]

I’ll Drive All Night

Hurt Evan "Buck" Buckley

Angst

Hurt/Comfort

Suicidal Thoughts

Implied/Referenced Suicide

Protective Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)

Athena Grant and Bobby Nash are Evan "Buck" Buckley's Parents

Songfic

AO3 LINK

TW: suicidal ideation, discussion of death/suicide

The song is 'I'll Call Your Mom' by Noah Kahan

Oh, you're spiraling again The moment right before it ends, you're most afraid of

Buck stands on the edge of the pier. The cold fingers of the wind curl around his arms, as if beckoning him closer. It's sickly ironic that he's choosing to do it here. To end his life in the place where he fought so hard to keep it. But maybe there's some poetic justice in that. He was always meant to die. He's simply finishing the task the world has repeatedly failed. So many times he's almost been killed, and yet for some reason he survived. Why him? Why was he deserving of life when others weren't? He has nothing to give. He's worthless. Broken. All he does is hurt the people around him. He wants so badly to die. So why can't he just fucking jump?

He checked all his boxes. He finalized his will. He left notes. He's planned everything down to the last detail. He should be able to complete the final step, the easiest step. Over the railing and into the water below. His hands dig into the wooden railing, the grain biting into his palms. The pain is grounding. Real. Buck stares at the sky. It's an unusually clear night, and he can see the stars. The moon is almost full. He stares upwards, trying to ignore the call of the ocean below.

But, don't you cancel any plans 'Cause I won't let you get the chance to never make them

Eddie wakes up for a glass of water. There's a folded piece of paper on the kitchen table. His name is written on it, in Buck's distinctive handwriting. It's not until Eddie reaches the second line that he realizes it's a suicide note. Panic engulfs him, his ears ringing and the words of the letter blurring. He runs to the living room, but Buck's not sleeping on the couch. He's gone. He even locked the door after himself.

Eddie forces the fear aside so that he can think. He needs a plan, he needs to find Buck before it's too late, what if it's already too late, he-

Focus. He's going to find Buck. He's going to bring him home.

Stayed on the line with you the entire night 'Til you let it out and let it in

Eddie calls Buck. It goes to voicemail. He tries again, with the same result. He goes to track Buck's location, but it's turned off. He'll have to find Buck himself. He's torn as to whether he should leave Chris home alone or take him with. But as he doesn't know what he'll find, it's best he spares Chris the fear. He goes to his son's room and runs a hand through his hair, gently waking him. Chris blinks a few times before fully waking up.

"Hey, buddy. I'm sorry to wake you. Buck is a little lost, and I need to go find him. Carla will be here at 8 like usual, okay? Hopefully I'll be home then too."

Don't let this darkness fool you All lights turned off can be turned on

"Buck's lost? I'm coming with you," the boy says as he feels around for his glasses.

Eddie feels love swell in his chest. Chris loves his Buck so much, and Buck loves him the same.

"No, you need to go back to sleep. I promise I'll find Buck."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

Eddie kisses his son on the forehead. Then he grabs his car keys and runs out the door.

I'll drive, I'll drive all night I'll call your mom

Eddie realizes he doesn't know where to start. LA is a giant city. There's too much ground to cover on his own. There's one person who might be able to help him. He dials Athena's number. She picks up on the third ring.

"Eddie? What's going on?"

"Buck is missing. He left a suicide note."

He hears noise in the background as Athena rouses Bobby.

"I'll get patrols on the look out. Any idea where he may have gone?"

"There are a few places."

"You take one, and we'll take another. I'll call everyone else. We'll find our boy."

Oh, dear, don't be discouraged I've been exactly where you are I'll drive, I'll drive all night I'll call your mom I'll call your mom

Athena promises she'll get teams out looking for him. She and Bobby are already in the car, headed on their search for Buck. When they hang up, the silence sets in. His mind swirls with worse case scenarios. He forces himself to ignore the negative possibilities. They'll find Buck. They have to.

Waiting room, no placе to stand His greatest fears and wringing hands and thе loudest silence

Too many times Bobby has been in the waiting room. So many times Buck has come close to death, and each time, Bobby felt like a piece of him was dying too. Buck came crashing into his life, and now he doesn't know what to do without him.

He and Athena make their way to the front desk of the hospital. They ask if an Evan Buckley has come in, or anyone matching his description. The moments of waiting while the nurse checks the computer feels like a lifetime. The nurse says there's no one matching his name or description. Buck isn't here.

Bobby doesn't know whether that's better or worse.

Buck is his kid. He's already lost too much. He won't lose Buck too.

They head to the next hospital.

Stayed on the line with you the entire night 'Til you told me that you had to go

Buck ignores the ringing of his phone. When it doesn't stop, he simply switches it off. He sees missed calls from Eddie, Athena, Bobby, Hen, Maddie, Chim. Eddie must have found his note. He wasn't supposed to find it until the morning. Buck knows that he should call someone. That he should ask for help. But he doesn't want to. He doesn't think he's ever felt more at peace than now. All the pain is almost over.

It's a good feeling.

Don't let this darkness fool you All lights turned off can be turned on I'll drive, I'll drive all night I'll call your mom

Eddie feels a flash of hope when he sees Bobby calling. The hope is immediately dashed when Bobby says Buck isn't at the hospital. They're headed to a different one. Bobby reassures him they'll find Buck. Eddie ignores the way Bobby's voice shakes.

Eddie has checked multiple places, each one empty. He keeps driving. If he keeps moving, keeps looking, the panic won't overwhelm him. He'll keep driving until he finds Buck.

AO3 LINK

[doublel27]

hello xx

saw your answer of "coming full circle" and I agree — that's actually my theory for the finale. I mean we just got a parallel!? 3x17 and 1x03, owen provoking that guy to get him arrested and tk starting the fight at the bar. Its totally for different reasons I understand but something about the Strands.. It makes them father and son for a reason at the end... anyways 👀 i was wondering what do you actually think of the owen dying theory, I know there is a lot of holes to poke into this speculation (it feels stupid to actually ask it) but I just wanted to hear your take on it Xx

I have been very vocal about being against Owen dying. I don’t think they’re killing Owen. It doesn’t make sense narratively, tbh, and it won’t work for the story they’re telling with Owen. Also, TK isn’t ready to be an orphan.

One, Owen has been passively suicidal the entire show. He doesn’t want to die, specifically, but he’s not like against it if he does it saving someone. It comes out in the things he says like “Oh no, all the real heroes died that day” in the pilot or “I’m invincible apparently.” And the risks he takes that are just, in some cases, entirely unhinged and done without forethought, that could result in his death easily. We’ve watched the firefam try to get Owen help for his struggles with depression since season two, and they didn’t give up on it in season 3. Mateo and Marjan have stayed on him.

I, personally, am not comfortable ending the life of a character who struggles with depression and passive suicidal tendencies in a rescue death when he’s in therapy and actively working to deal with his issues after seeing where that darkness lead in 3x14. It just doesn’t make sense for where they’re going. In the same way they aren’t going there with TK, who also struggles with passive suicidal tendencies, or with Bobby Nash and Eddie Diaz on OG. The narrative here isn’t that grimdark. Yes, terrible things happen and we can’t stop them, but there’s hope in the 911verse for the things we can do and change.

Additionally, Owen isn’t done growing and changing. The man is a walking disaster at relationships. He has a collection of children who reflect himself back at himself, but as he once explained as to why he likes Billy, despite Billy being Billy, is that it’s nice to have friends his own age. He’s just not good at it. And I don’t know how much of it is that most of his contemporaries from FDNY are dead, either in 9/11 or from the cancer afterward, or just the power structure he sets up of being a good deal older than his firehouse. He has more growth to do.

And then from a TK perspective, to take his second parent from him in under a year feels incredibly cruel. Gwyn was special and I adore her, but TK loves and is loved by both of his parents. The thesis of 911 Lone Star, for me, is encapsulated by the Carlos quote from 2x04 “They are nice people. They just aren’t perfect people.” These are nice and good but imperfect people. Owen has made mistakes with TK. Of course he has, but he also does his best with what he has.

To lose his last parent would be a devastating blow to TK and with how fragile his sobriety has been lately, I wouldn’t want that storyline at all. He deserves one living parent at his wedding.

If he dies, I’ll be shocked and, honestly, disappointed. If Rob is ready for a step back, I’d be okay with him taking on the chief position from Billy. It would be a great role that would let him have some chances to pop in from time to time but also space for other things.

But if Owen is out here confronting 9/11 memories in this episode, I’m gonna need him to live. He’s been burying those in the black box for so long and they’ve been ruining so many of his relationships since that day, I need him to begin to grapple with them and come out the other side.

[thisissirius]

must i imagine you there [ao3 link] eddie/buck, eddie week day three: competence + “we’re getting out of this.” bombs. hurt/comfort. fear of death. drama :))))

“Buck,” Eddie says, “stop moving.”

It’s a testament to how well they work together that Buck immediately stops. “What?”

Eddie slowly sinks to his knees, studying the device they’ve inadvertently disturbed. “Shit.”

“Eddie.” Buck’s still not moved, and Eddie relaxes a fraction. “What’s going on?”

“It’s a bomb,” Eddie says, because Buck deserves the truth. “Motion sensors. That red light on your chest?”

“The trigger,” Buck says. It’s the lack of inflection that hits Eddie. “You should go.”

Eddie ignores him, reaches for his radio. “Cap, you there?”

There’s a crackle from the other end. “Diaz? You okay?”

Buck shakes his head. Again, Eddie ignores him. “We’re in the basement. Cap, there’s a bomb.”

“You need to move!”

“Uh, not happening, Cap. It’s motion activated and it’s trigger point is right on Buck.”

______

The bomb itself is rudimentary and obviously self-made. Eddie spends the whole time voices crash over the radio in a cacophony of noise analysing it. Buck’s staying still as he can, breathing heavy, and it’s all Eddie can do to focus on the task at hand. 

When he spots the timer, his heart sinks. 

“Cap,” Eddie says. Then, louder, “Captain Nash!”

The voices stop. 

“There’s a timer.” Eddie meets Buck’s eyes. They’re round, scared, and it breaks Eddie’s heart.

Bobby’s voice is shaky when he comes back on the line. “How long, Eddie?”

Eddie closes his eyes. “Not long enough for the bomb squad.”

______

“You have to go.”

“Shut up, Buck,” Eddie says. The radio is next to his knee and he can hear Bobby, Hen, and Chim on the other end arguing with someone else. Eddie knows they won’t get help here in time. 

Buck makes a noise and Eddie looks up. Anger wars with terror on Buck’s face. “You have to go.”

Eddie shakes his head. “No. I’m not leaving. I can defuse this.”

Buck looks more terrified than Eddie's ever seen him. "You were a medic!"

"We were walking into IED fields all the time," Eddie explains as he bends down, studying the homemade device. "You think I didn't learn how to defuse a bomb on the off chance I might have to?"

"Eddie," Buck says, and he sounds wrecked.

"Hey," Eddie says, looking up at him. He lets his confidence shine through; he might not have faced this particular bomb before, but he needs to do this or Buck's dead, they're both dead, and they have a kid to get home to. "I'm not gonna let you die, you hear me?"

Buck doesn't say anything.

Eddie stands smoothly, hands up in front of him. Less to protect himself and more so that he shows Buck he's taking this seriously. "I'm getting you out of this, Buck. I promise.”

“It’s not that.” Buck’s eyes drop to the bomb, then back up. He swallows, shakes his head. “You can’t do that in time.”

“I can,” Eddie says. There’s no other option; Eddie isn’t leaving Buck here to die.

Buck sounds angry when he says, “You can’t stay and watch me die!”

I can, is on the tip of Eddie’s tongue, but he doesn’t say. He peels off his gloves and lets out a shaky breath. “Cap?”

“Eddie,” Bobby sounds strong but concerned. “You can’t do this.”

“I have to,” Eddie says, watching the time tick further away from them. “Buck doesn’t have that long.”

Bobby doesn’t want him to do this; the brass probably don’t want him to do this, and the bomb squad definitely won’t, but Eddie’s not about to let his best friend die because of red tape. “Eddie, if this goes wrong—”

Buck dies. 

The words ring out and Eddie refuses to acknowledge them. 

“It won’t.” Looking up at Buck, he begs him to understand. “We’re getting out of this.”

“Chris,” Buck says, a pleading note to his voice. 

Eddie nods. “You think I wanna go home, look him in the eye and tell him I left you alone?”

Buck’s eyes widen, his lips parting and he closes his eyes. “I’m scared.”

“I know,” Eddie says quietly. He shifts closer to the bomb, tries to get a grip on his emotions when his hands shake. He can’t afford anything to go wrong. 

“Eddie.” Buck’s voice is quiet. “If you stay—”

Eddie shrugs, peeling back the debris from around the device. It’s not unlike some of the shoddily made IEDs when he was in Afghanistan. At least the ones he remembers taking apart and putting back together a hundred times until he understood them. Blowing out a slow breath, he ignores the timer, the red light hovering over Buck, and concentrates on the device itself. 

“Tell me about Mango,” he says, when the silence draws on too much. 

Buck huffs a sigh. “You’re trying to distract me.”

“I’m trying to distract us both,” Eddie admits. “I need you to talk, Buck.”

Silence. Then, quietly, “You’ll watch me die.”

It’s not what Eddie wants to talk about and he feels chilled. Swallowing down the urge to snap back, he’s suddenly glad for the kit they brought with them. “Shit.”

“Eddie,” Buck says again, louder. “Please—”

“Buck,” Eddie snaps. “Neither of us is dying, but if I can’t get this bomb to stop, I’m not leaving you to die alone!”

________________

Eddie sheds his jacket. 

It’s hot; sweat running down his forehead and he can only imagine how Buck’s doing. 

The bomb is complex, but Eddie can do this. The timer won’t let him rest for a second more than he needs to. Buck’s breathing heavy. Bobby and the others have stopped talking. 

Silence descends and Eddie takes a deep breath. 

“I’m having a niece,” Buck says, breaking the silence. 

Eddie sends him a silent thanks, and exposes the wires. “Yeah?”

“Maddie told me last night,” Buck explains. His arms are straining from holding still so long and Eddie wishes he could go faster, but he can’t get this wrong. “I was gonna tell you later.”

“They have a name yet?”

Buck shakes his head carefully. “No. I keep trying to convince them Eva is a great name.”

Eddie laughs, sticks the clippers between his teeth and gets his fingers between the wires. The light is dangerously close to his left hand and he takes a few deep breaths. “Why not Edie?”

There’s a laugh there, Eddie knows, but Buck keeps still. “Fuck you. Not while I’m near death.”

“Sorry,” Eddie says. He cuts one of the wires, biting at his bottom lip. 

It takes Buck a little longer to speak; Eddie cuts another wire, thinks he’s narrowed down the one for the timer. He doesn’t wanna cut that one. “I love you.”

Eddie pauses. “Don’t.”

“Please,” Buck says quietly. “I need to—”

“You think I don’t know?” Eddie glances at the timer, then looks up at Buck. 

Buck swallows. “Eddie.”

Eddie shakes his head, focuses back on the task at hand and cuts another wire. “Don’t say goodbye,” he says, through gritted teeth. “Please.”

“I love Chris,” Buck says, plowing on as if he can’t hear Eddie loud and clear. Eddie ignores him, tries to pick up a bit of speed because he can’t do this, he can’t. “He’ll be a good cousin.”

Oh.

Fuck no. “Buck.”

“You’ll be a great uncle,” Buck says, his voice wobbling. “Mango’s lucky.” Then, quietly, “I’ve been lucky.”

“Please,” Eddie whispers again, fingers trembling as he narrows down the last couple of wires. The timer’s picked up speed and he can feel worry clawing at his chest. “Buck—”

Buck sobs and Eddie’s heart shatters. “I’m lucky you came to LA. That you listened to Bobby. That you—that you were mine, even for a little—”

“No,” Eddie snaps, isolating the last wire. “You’re not dying and you don’t get to—”

0:10. 

“Eddie—”

0:07. 

“No, stop—”

0:05.

“Eddie!”

__________

“You can let go,” Bobby says. 

Eddie blinks, stares down at the device, then up at Bobby. “Bobby?”

Concerned, Bobby slides a hand down Eddie’s arm, takes the clippers from hands that won’t work. “Eddie, you with me?”

“Buck,” Eddie says, forcing himself to shaky feet. 

“Outside,” Bobby says. He meets Eddie’s gaze, holds it. “You checked out.”

Eddie collapses forward and Bobby catches him. Eddie can’t stop the trembling, from gasping out Buck’s name. 

“You did it,” Bobby says, holding him. “You did it, Eddie, you can breathe.”

_______

The water washes away almost everything. 

The heaviness remains in Eddie’s chest and he can’t stop the racing of his heart. 

When he comes out of the showers, he sits on the bench. 

Buck’s at the hospital, everyone clamouring to make sure he’s okay. Eddie feels adrift without him, like he’s gonna float away if he doesn’t find something to ground him. He’s talked to Chris; made sure Carla can drop him off when he and Buck make it back home. If Buck wants to go with him. He doesn’t know if—

“Hey.”

Eddie’s head snaps up. Buck’s crouched in front of him, hands on Eddie’s knees. 

“You keep checking out on people,” Buck says quietly. 

“You’re okay,” Eddie whispers. 

Buck nods, then breaks, surging forward and dragging Eddie into a hug. Eddie holds on, buries his face in Buck’s neck. “Eddie, fuck, Eddie.”

Eddie doesn’t know what to say. He holds on, revels in the feel of Buck beneath his hands. 

When Buck pulls back, he presses a hand to Eddie’s face. He’s shaking, Eddie realises. That, or Eddie is and they’re just a mess of shaking and heavy breathing. It should be gross, but it just means they’re both alive. “If you ever do that again, I’ll kill you myself.”

“Do you,” Eddie starts, cuts himself off. “You can’t ask me to leave. Ever. You can’t ask me to leave you alone.”

Buck stares, then nods quickly. “Okay. But you, you think I wanted you there? Chris needs us both, okay?”

Eddie nods. “I couldn’t leave you,” he says again. “I can’t do this if you’re not right next to me.”

The kiss is expected. The hand to the back of his head is soft. 

The ground beneath his feet is solid.         

[dear-oizys]

My thoughts on Step Nine

This was written while I was watching the episode.

Dude!!! Bobby did not just fucking walk away. He was blaming himself and was ready to turn himself in!! He was also ready to kill himself making amends!!! He DIDN'T just walk away!!

I do feel bad for Amir tho. He has lost everything he cherished in life.

OMG!!!!!!! Baby Bobby???? And Bobby's dad???

Why does Bobby's dad kinda an asshole???

Mayyyyyy!!!!!!!! Family dinner!!!!

Bobby. Please stop blaming yourself. Please. I feel so fucking bad for him. This stupid fucking show is making me cry.

Bobby. What the fuck are you doing????? Why are you going to Jambuca??????? I mean I know why but still. Bobby. Please.

Bobby is such a fucking professional. He's awesome. And also. Cartels??? Coyotes????

Bobby you have no sense of self preservation. Why.

Ok Bobby's dad is definitely terrible. I fucking hate him. I HATE him!!! Bobby noooooooooooo. Go with your mom and your brother!!

Random creepy car on the side of the road. Yes Bobby you should definitely get out of your car to check that out. For sure that is the right thing to do. Bro. The spanner or whatever that is you're carrying is NOT gonna help you!!

Amir got shot????!!!

This is great. Fantastic. The cartel is here. Bobby and Amir are fucked.

I did NOT expect Bobby to be good at cooking because he's been taking care of his dad. That's so fucking traumatic. I'm so glad it's something good for him now.

This whole episode is making me cry. Why. Just why.

I hate hate HATE Bobby's dad. I hate him so much. So so so so much. That's guy is just filling me with rage.

Oh shit. I knew I got a bad vibe from Herman. Fuck. Fuck. They are out in the desert with no way to get help.

Fuck. What the the fuck. Did Bobby's dad just fucking die????

Bobby dragging Amir is giving me The Covenant vibes.

Yes!! Yes. Yes. Finally. Help is here!!!

Herman is alive. I'm sure that won't cause any problems in the future.

Bobby you deserve the second chance. You do.

How the fuck did the firefighters just leave Bobby alone????????? What the hell guys.

[athenagrantnash]

Because of how amazing the last episode was and how great the Bathena crumbs prior and in this episode have been, Im holding out hope for the rest of the season and what that could mean for the Grant-Nash fam. I was hoping for the relapse because I wanted Peter to have a chance to do that heavy storyline because it would have been epic to watch but here’s to having hope that he’ll have his time in the second half of the season, in whatever form that takes. At least I’ll sleep tonight without worrying since my brain won’t keep me up in an anxiety fit thinking of all the possibilities and angst of the wait.

Honestly yeah, Peter would have acted the HELL out of a relapse storyline, and I'm forever going to be pissed off about it not happening.

Like??? Do they not care about their leading man/second billed character? Is that why they're not giving him stuff to do? I don't get it.

But yeah this episode was definitely a letdown, especially after how PERFECT the last episode was. Hopefully they give us some good stuff in 5b, but since the relapse is officially not happening I'm pretty sure Bathena will be taking a back seat while Madney get some focus. Which I don't mind too much per se... but also, Bobby deserves some focus! And he never gets it anymore 😭

[degrassi-fanatic]

Happy Father’s Day

Yet-to-be-inflated balloons are strewn across the dining room table, only two or three streamers are hung up so far, and a banner that reads Happy Father’s Day is still inside the plastic packaging he bought it in. All the decorations have been readily ignored and abandoned in favor of a lovingly worn and torn photo album with a cracked spine; the result of being open and closed for many years. 

Sitting at the head of the table, Bobby touches the cover of the album, gently tracing the words: The Nash Family. 

Although it might seem a tad bit morbid and sad to be alone on Father’s Day looking at photographs of his late family, it’s become some sort of a tradition of his ever since they’ve died. 

It used to be far worse, though. He would call in sick for work if he was scheduled that day and drink his body weight in alcohol as he flipped through the pages of the photo album with white knuckles, refusing to let himself forget what he lost. 

Now, it's different. He turns the pages in the photo album with only a deep ache to replace what used to be a sharp sting in his chest. Memories used to only equate to suffering for him but now Bobby looks at all the pictures with a renewed sense of love.

Overtime, Bobby has learned that memory can be a beautiful thing sometimes.

Bobby was alone in the house today as earlier in the day, Michael had taken May and Denny back to his own apartment for their own private Father’s Day celebration before the joint party that was supposed to take place here in the evening. Michael had asked if he wanted to join but Bobby had only politely declined, only half-lying about having to decorate. 

In all honesty, even after all of these years, Father’s Day was still a sensitive subject for him. 

Suddenly, at the sound of a doorbell chiming throughout the house, all of his melancholy thoughts are put on pause.

Setting aside the photo album on the dining table, Bobby pushes himself out of the chair and walks over to the door. He pulls open the door to find Buck standing on the other side with his hands stuff awkwardly in his front pockets. 

“Hey Buck.” he greets pleasantly surprised, “What are you doing here?”

“Bobby.” he says as he darts his eyes to the ground, “I was—um, I was wondering if I could spend the day with you.”

“You do realize what day it is, right?” Bobby asks as he wouldn’t put it past Buck to forget.

He watches as Buck avoids meeting his eyes, only scruffing the toe of his shoe against the ground. 

“My—my dad’s in town and I really don’t want to be around him.” he begins to explain and suddenly Buck’s surprise appearance makes much more sense, “Everyone else is busy; my sister’s with Chimney and Joy, Eddie’s with Christopher, Karen and Hen are using today as a second Mother’s Day, and Michael has Denny and May at his until Athena comes back from her shift.

“So I was hoping I could spend the day with you?” Buck asks, scratching the back of his neck. 

“With me?”

The small smile that was tugging on the corner of Buck’s lips disappears with his words, in its wake is a resigned look. Nodding his head, Buck lowers his gaze to Bobby’s shoulder. 

“Y’know what, it’s fine.” Buck says, “I’ll just go to the mall or something. Sorry to bother you.”

He feels something sink deep inside of him as he watches Buck turn away, heading down towards where his Jeep is parked near the sidewalk. 

Desperate to right whatever wrong thing he must’ve said or did just now, Bobby blurts out, “I could use an extra hand with setting up for the party today.”

In the middle of the concrete pathway, Buck stills. As he turns around to face him, Bobby pushes open the door fully and motions with his head for Buck to make his way inside. Practically skipping, he does so immediately. 

Once he’s inside, he gestures for him to make his way down to the kitchen as Bobby closes and locks up the front door. 

“Thanks for letting me do this.” Buck says as he picks up a string of reflective blue streamers. 

“Helping me decorate?” he teases as he begins to tear open the plastic packaging of the banner. 

“You know what I mean.” Buck responds with an eye roll.

As he does, he catches sight of the tattered photo album near the edge of the table. Suppressing the urge to hide it away where no one could find it, Bobby lets Buck pick it up and search through it. He decides to concentrate on rolling out the Party City banner in his hands. 

“What’s this?” Buck asks.

“It’s just a photo album from my first marriage.”

Right away, Buck closes it before setting it back right where he got it from. 

“Sorry,” he says with guilt laced in his voice, “You probably don’t want to talk about that.”

“It’s okay. I’ll always miss them but, it doesn’t hurt to remember them.” he explains.

At Buck’s hesitant, almost wary look, Bobby decides that maybe it’s time this old photo album finally gets some new attention. Picking it up, Bobby searches through the pages until he finally settles on one. 

“Here, this is my son Junior and this is my daughter Brook.”

The picture was the two of them awkwardly linking their arms around each other's shoulders. It was taken at Junior’s middle school graduation ceremony. With a smile, Bobby remembers how much Brook whined when her parents forced her to take a picture with her brother, complaining that Junior didn’t shower enough and smelled like he just came back from hockey practice. 

From his peripheral, he sees Buck shift around until he’s looking at the photograph from over Bobby’s shoulder. 

“What were they like?” Buck asks. 

“Brook loved reading. Her whole bedroom was lined up with bookshelves. Y’know she won this personal essay contest once...” Bobby says, still bragging about his daughter even after how many years have passed since she’s been gone

Old habits are hard to break, huh?

 “Yeah, she won five hundred dollars for it.” he explains, “She was always doing stuff like that.”

“And Junior?”

A chuckle bubbles out of Bobby. 

“Oh God, Junior, he was always getting himself into trouble. But, he was a good kid, he had a good heart.” he remembers.

Kind of like someone else I know.

Pulling his gaze away from where he was looking at Junior’s face, Bobby shifts his attention to Buck. For a second, he takes in just how light his irises are and how blond his hair looks in the light. 

He likes to imagine that this is what Junior would have grown up to look like. 

 “Junior would’ve been a lot like you.” he mumbles, more to himself than Buck.

It takes a few seconds of gears grinding and cogs turning around in his brain before Buck fully processes the depth of his words but when he does, he tilts his head to face Bobby and gives him a shy smile before taking a step backwards. 

“High praise.”

“Yeah well not that high.” Bobby jokes as he closes the photo album, “The kid got himself stuck in a tree that was only four feet above the ground once. And I was the one who was dispatched to get him out of there.”

At the story, Buck starts to double over laughing, clutching at his abdomen as he forces himself to take a breath between every wheeze and snort. Soon, Bobby is following suit; Buck’s laughter is infectious even on a bittersweet day like today. 

For a brief moment as he studies the way Buck throws his head back chuckling, he cannot remember if Buck always sounded like Junior while he was laughing, or if Bobby’s still-grief-ridden mind is having some sort of auditory hallucination. 

“Seriously?” Buck asks as the laughter begins to wane. 

“I never let him live it down.” he answers as he wipes a tear from the corner of his eye. 

Placing the photo album back on the table, Bobby decides that they’ve spent enough time on the subject and judging by the clock, they should really get back to decorating if they don’t want Athena to come back home to a complete mess. 

“He must’ve been a lucky kid.” Buck says, as Bobby searches through the mess to find a roll of tape or some thumbtacks. 

“Hmm?”

“To have you as a dad.” he explains as he hands Bobby a cello tape dispenser, “Junior, I mean.”

If Junior was lucky, he would’ve been alive right now. 

“When I wasn’t drunk and or high out of my mind, I did alright.” Bobby responds with a hint of self deprecation. 

“Yeah, well, I think you’re doing a great job right now.”

Before Bobby can open his mouth and ask Buck what exactly he’s referring to, he’s cut off by the blaring sound of Buck’s cellphone ringing in his pocket. He pulls it out with a huff and practically glares at the screen lighting up in front of his face.

He waits for Buck to pick up the call but all he does is mute his cellphone and shove it back into his back pocket. 

At the way he clenches his jaw, Bobby can deduce who it is with little difficulty. 

“Your dad again?” he asks.

His only response is a short nod as he begins to busy himself with preparing some pieces of tape for holding up the banner; harshly ripping them off from the dispenser before attaching them to the edge of the table. 

Suppressing a sigh, Bobby knows he needs to push Buck into doing the right thing, even if it isn’t what either of them want to do. 

As much as Bobby wants Buck around today, not only to ward off all the bad memories associated with today’s holiday but also simply because he enjoys the man’s company, he knows he shouldn’t monopolize his time. 

Buck deserves a father. Though Bobby may downright despise Phillip Buckley, the man had the honour of holding the aforementioned title and that was something he could not compete with. 

Buck already has a father. He may not be a good one, but he was trying.

Even if he is 29 years too late.

“Maybe you should go meet him?” Bobby suggests, “I mean, if I got a second chance to become a father, you deserve a second chance to have one.”

Buck stops ripping off pieces of tape. His hands travel down to the edge of the table and he grips so hard at the wood that Bobby’s afraid there’ll be claw indents once he’s finished. 

Within a second, however, he pushes himself off of the table and he goes to reach into his pocket. 

Bobby barely has enough to take a look at what Buck’s pulled out before it’s already shoved into his hands. Tilting his head down, he sees a semi-wrinkled piece of printer paper that has been folded in half to make a card. On the front, in big and bold handwriting that he recognizes to be Buck’s, he sees the words Happy Father’s Day and a couple of messy drawings of two firefighters scattered across the page. 

“I already do.” he answers, “Do you—um, do you like it?”

“I love it.” Bobby whispers.

He opens up the card to find a long and what he presumes to be a heartfelt message on the inside. At the top, it says, To the best father and at the bottom, Love, Buck.

“Also, um, some of those random hearts and flames are courtesy of Christopher, who helped me make this, by the way.”

[crazy-loca-blog]

Personal thoughts on Open Heart, Book 2, Chapter 13 (with some glimpses to previous chapters)

Note: As the title says, these are just personal opinions on Choices books and chapters. Of course, you may agree or disagree with them, I only use this platform to express my thoughts on what I read every week and what I’d like to see in the next chapters, because none of my friends play Choices so I have no one to comment the books with.

I’m really sorry because this post ended up being super long, but there is so much I need to write about Open Heart after those incredible chapters that PB has been delivering in the last few weeks that I had to stop for a moment and revisit all that has happened as well as some of my ideas about what might happen in future chapters (this is not intended to be an OH blog but seriously guys, this is the only book that gives me those “I need to write about this” vibes at the moment).

I know some people are quite disappointed for how things developed in Chapter 13… BUT… I think this chapter is actually kind of a “bridge” (just like in the songs) to introduce new plots, so I’d definitely tell you not to get desperate. One of the things that this series has taught me over time is that everything has a reason to be. Except for the cases we solve (that tend to change every chapter), the rest of the plot has its own slow pace and development, so as I’ve said before, with a third book already confirmed and in the works, there is no need to hurry things, and I wouldn’t be surprised if the conflicts are not fully solved by the end of Book 2.

For me, it was always very obvious that the huge amount of unsolved subplots in this book would have their breaking point at the same time at some point of the story. Now I’m guessing that the senator incident was just the tip of the iceberg and that there’s so much more that we still haven’t seen… so I can’t think of a more appropriate title to Chapter 13, because yes, it was a “time bomb”… and I also think this is far from over, so I’m expecting Chapter 14 to kind of follow the same path.

So right when we were waiting for our MC to show some evident PTSD signs after what happened in Chapters 10, 11 and 12, PB throws us Chapter 13 and everything that had been accumulating for a long time already and seemed to have no special meaning for the plot, exploded, which actually scares me because it seems no one is mentally capable to help the rest of the gang at the moment. So while PB dares to give these people a break, let’s try to organize this “mess” and see how I think things will go with our friends:

Aurora Emery: Everything seems to be fine with Aurora now, and that might explain why we didn’t see her in Chapter 13. But sadly, I have a bad feeling. One of the reasons why she left Edenbrook and went to Mass Kenmore was because Tobias apparently didn’t know who she was. But now that we know that June has been sleeping with Tobias for who knows how long… did he really NOT know who Aurora was when we met him at that diner? Bryce Lahela: Another character who seemed to have disappeared this week is the hottest scalpel jockey in town. Do you really think PB forgot about him? Because I’m seriously expecting his parents to arrive in Boston just to try to take Keiki back home with them (maybe during Chapter 14?). If this happens, I can already tell it will be super heartbreaking, because I don’t know if she can actually emancipate from her parents or to stay with Bryce as her legal guardian. The Lahela siblings simply don’t deserve this.

Kyra Santana: Kyra is the first of the characters who seems to have her issues solved, so I’d say she’d finally made it safe to Book 3 (unless something truly unexpected happens). We know that she is getting better (I love you Bryce!) and I can’t wait to see her become the rock of this gang. The girl has already gone through A LOT, and she is enjoying her second chance in life, so there’s plenty of advice that our gang could take from her to deal with difficult times. I’m so waiting for her character to become a central part of the healing process!

Rafael Aveiro: I think the writers are still trying to figure out how to reincorporate Raf to the story, so it’s very predictable to say that we won’t see him soon. However, I don’t know if you guys realize how HUGE this character has become after the incidents in previous chapters, especially when it comes to the relationship with the MC. No matter if you’re romancing him or not, from now on, NO ONE in this series will understand the MC as Raf does and vice versa. And I can’t wait to see how PB exploits this new and unique bound between them!

Elijah Green: Elijah is another character who seem to have solved his main issue in this book (keeping boundaries with Sothy), but it surprised me how affected he was at Danny’s funeral. I’m also expecting to know what happened with Phoebe, as we haven’t seen her in this book… where is she? What happened with that relationship? Anyway, I think it’s safe to say that Elijah has also made it to Book 3.

Sienna Trinh: Finally our BFF had the guts to stand up to Mitch. In the process, we discovered that the guy was a problem not only for Sienna, but also for the nurses and other professionals, given all the support she received. However, I’m still super worried about our dolphin partner. Even though she tries to hide how she truly feels about things, we all know she sucks at it. Danny was her LI and I can’t believe she isn’t a mess now. I think it’s the right moment for her to have a heart to heart conversation with the MC.

Jackie Varma: My feelings towards Jackie are weird. I wasn’t a fan of her “tough love” in Book 1… and I LOVE HER in Book 2 (I think she actually has the best and most underrated character development in this series so far)… but right now I want to punch her… seriously! What the hell are you thinking, girl? I don’t understand a thing of what she did in Chapter 13, but I’m pretty convinced that the presentation was fake, the Gary excuse was fake, but the money that she’s receiving from Panacea is very real. Also, who was this woman that left her so confused? She’ll have lots of explaining to do in future chapters.

Ethan Ramsey: I honestly didn’t see that coming… it was shocking, painful and heartbreaking, and I think not even Ethan knew how huge everything was until he saw his mother dying at the hospital. Now I have so many questions! Was she looking for him because she wanted help to treat her addictions? Was she looking for money to get more drugs? Did his father know about this? Was she already an addict before leaving Alan and Ethan 25 years ago, and Ethan didn’t know about it or did he block that memory of his mind? This is going to be intense, to say the least, and I think this might be some subplot that will be dragged to Book 3.

Farley: Who would have thought a few weeks ago that I would be adding the landlord to this post? Probably no one. But there is something about him that doesn’t add up. His behavior has changed A LOT, all of a sudden, and you can see he has the word “guilt” written all over his face. I personally can’t stop thinking he’s the one who sold the canister to Travis. If we go back a few chapters, Travis said that when he bought that thing he only received an account number. But the person who sold him the canister and received the money probably did see who was paying for it. He was also too reluctant to answer Jackie and the MC’s questions before being admitted… I don’t know guys, despite his case was solved quite fast (I laughed so freaking hard when Ethan said he was a PITA!) I don’t trust him at all.

Esme Ortega: We all were waiting for a chapter focused in our intern… but I don’t think we expected it to go this way. I know a lot of people are talking about an assisted suicide case, but I think there is more than meets the eye. Esme is probably the best intern this year, so I can’t imagine her making the mistake of not adjusting the dose, as well as I can’t imagine her not knowing that assisted suicide is illegal in Massachusetts. You may also think that her emotions and how she felt about Levi blurred her rational thinking, but I’m in denial. There is just something that doesn’t add up here. She doesn’t even seem to remember giving him the wrong dose. Then what went wrong? Will we have to face another trial, this time from the mentor side?

Declan Nash: Another character that I didn’t expect to write about in a post. I’m still disappointed because I would have loved to see Declan in that room instead of Bobby, Danny or Rafael. But now I can see that Esme’s case may help us to finally get rid of this guy (let’s be honest, he hasn’t been a big contribution to the development of the plot in Book 2 so he wouldn’t be missed). I don’t think he just appeared by chance in this chapter. We already know that Panacea trials weren’t working on Levi, so even though he apparently died because of Esme’s mistake, I wouldn’t be surprised if we end up discovering something HUGE about irregularities in the trial processes led by Declan, especially because I can’t remember seeing an informed consent where a patient with a severe adverse event (in this case, a severe kidney damage) caused by a study is allowed to participate in a new similar study (I might be wrong though).

Our MC: Of course I had to include our MC here. There’s so much to be explored about “Casey Valentine” that it would take a full post to analyze their past, their present and their future. But I think one of the biggest lessons that Chapter 13 left them was that life continues and people move on. Our MC is stuck on what happened and they’re making their biggest effort to keep going, but I don’t know how much they’ll be able to handle without collapsing. All of our gang is grieving Danny and Bobby, and at the same time they’re dealing with their own personal issues… and I can bet our MC will reach their breaking point when they realize they can’t do anything to help their friends because “Casey” has reached a point where they can’t even help themselves.

[bucks-little-hop]

it cannot wait, I'm yours.

Day 1 of @buddiefirstkissweek

Prompt:  Related to Pride

Read on AO3

Despite living there for several years, Buck had never actually attended L.A pride. He usually flew to New York City to celebrate with friends there. However, with T.K. being in Austin, they had agreed to go to each other’s Prides together. The only issue was T.K. couldn’t get off until the second day, and Buck didn’t exactly want to go alone. His first choice would have been Hen, but she got stuck working as well. He realized that he needed more friends than just his co-workers as he scrolled through his phone trying to figure out who to call. He could ask Maddie, but she would probably spend the whole time trying to find a cute guy for him to date. He loved the support, but sometimes he didn’t need to be reminded he was single when all his other friends had a significant other.

He thought about texting Michael, but they had talked last time he was over at the Grant-Nash household, and Michael was going with his new boyfriend. Buck was ecstatic that Michael finally found a boyfriend. It was about time. He deserved it. If Buck was his type, Buck for sure would have tried to date him. 

Wait, Josh was single and gay. He was probably going to pride, and likely wouldn’t want to go alone either. Perfect solution. He sent a text off and got a quick response before going to get changed. Normally Buck dressed pretty conservatively, but this was the one time a year he really let himself go all out. He put on his crop top that said ‘if you play for both teams you always win.’ It was probably his favourite shirt, he loved the slogan. He basically worked out for a living, and he was glad that crop tops highlighted that. He threw on his ripped jeans that were just on the right side of too tight, and had one rip that went a little too far up his thigh. He was lacing up his pride Dr. Martens when he heard a knock on the door.  

“So glad you could make it.” Buck pulled Josh into a hug. It was a bit of a surprise at first how well the two got along. They even went out on a date together before realizing they were better off friends. The teasing they would have gotten from Maddie would have been unbearable if it had actually worked out. 

“I’m just happy I have someone to go with now. I brought the face paints!” Josh immediately grabbed one of Buck’s kitchen chairs and pushed him down into it. Josh was already sporting a gay flag painted under his eye, and he clearly had plans to put on on Buck as well. “I know you care about your hair, but really I think we need some glitter in it. It’s the spray kind that comes out easy I swear.” 

Buck rolled his eyes but sat still while he got a bisexual pride flag painted under his right eye. “You can do the glitter, but I’m showering at your place. I’m not trying to deal with clogged pipes because of it.” 

“Fair deal. We better get going, or we won’t ever be able to get an Uber downtown.”

******

L.A. Pride was somehow exactly like NYC Pride, and completely different. All the elements of pride were there. The drag queens who were performing up a storm, the baby gays who it was clear this  was their first pride, and those who had been going to prides longer than Buck had been alive. There were definitely more west coast vibes to it. Either way, Buck was thrilled to be at Pride, and happy to have a friend along with him. 

The two wandered through the marketplace, stopping every now and then to buy a couple of items. The two spent a couple of minutes laughing when they found the LAFD calendar, except they were able to get any face photoshopped on all the firefighters. They got one with a photo of Chim sneezing on it for Maddie’s birthday. It was even better because it actually had Chim in it. There were some advantages to Buck not having won that year. Josh saw a lesbian couple from work, and dragged Buck over there to introduce him to them. Buck was known for both being Maddie’s younger brother, but also the firefighter whose name got mentioned more than it probably should have been. His dumbass heroics got him far more recognition than they should have been. 

Buck saw a familiar face in the crowd, and they made eye contact before they turned away.  He let Josh know he was going to talk to them. He knew Josh would be safe with his friends for the moment. 

“Now Athena, I know you’re not just going to ignore me like that.” Buck jokingly called out to her.

“I wish I could say I was ignoring you, but I owe Hen money unfortunately. You just had to get a boyfriend.” Athena sounded almost disappointed,

“What Josh? No we aren’t dating, we’re just here as friends. Actually, you’ve met him before I think. He works with Maddie.” Buck wasn’t offended about the fact she thought he and Josh were dating, he didn’t like the thought of the bet. “Any other important bets going on about my life?”

Athena had the decency to look a little ashamed. “Well there was a bet about whether or not you had a secret boyfriend. Hen said yes, I said no. Mainly because you would have told Maddie, who would have accidentally told Chim, who would have immediately texted Hen, who would have shown up at my house with a bottle of wine to gossip. We all know secrets don’t exist in the family.” 

Buck knew she had a point. Secrets didn’t exist, and because of that betting run rampant. Hell, he had won $50 on the bet of when Micheal was going to announce his new boyfriend. “How much do you have on it, because I’m willing to lie to split the winnings. Hen deserves some payback after how often she keeps winning.” Buck was never above a small lie. He could just say they broke up in a week because it wasn’t working out.

“$200. Go collect your fake boyfriend over there and we���ll go find the 118. They’ve got a tent set up to hand out water.” Athena nodded her head towards Josh. 

Buck didn’t think that they would actually be there. It wasn’t that he was ashamed of being bi, but he had never officially come out to the 118. Hen knew because they ran into each other at a gay bar, and Athena knew because she got called to pick them up when they were too drunk to drive. “Alright yeah, I can drop all my stuff off there too. They’re all going to be too scared to look through the bags.” Even though there was nothing bad in them, the fire fam was going to assume there was. 

Buck walked back to Josh and explained what was going on. Buck owed Josh an expensive bottle of wine for it, but he was totally down to mess with the 118. The wine was to placate him from any of the text Maddie would send him after Chim texted her. On the way over they all chatted. Buck agreed to bring May with him on the second day. Athena wanted her to go with someone who was more responsible, but also not afraid to throw a punch. May was like a little sister to him, and Buck was fully ready to square up for her.  Plus, T.K. and his new boyfriend would defend her too. Actually, based on what he had heard about Carlos, he would get along with Athena. Buck made a note to introduce the two. As they got closer to the tent, Buck put his arm around Josh’s waist. With Buck being such a tactile guy, it wasn’t the first time he had held Josh like this. He allowed himself to be more touchy feely with Josh because he knew the other was okay with it. 

“Hey guys, this is Josh. He’s an operator with Maddie. I’m sure you’ve heard his lovely voice on the phone a few times.” Buck spoke to the 118 with a grin on his face. He could feel the fact that all eyes were on him. Hen scowled at him and then Athena. She pulled out her wallet to pay up.

Buck leaned down to talk to Josh, and softened his voice to talk. “Why don’t you go talk to Chim about Maddie’s surprise stories. I’ll deal with all the questions.” There was zero reason for him to do that, other than to sell the idea. Buck had big plans for that $100. 

Josh walked over to Chim, and pulled him aside as the rest of the 118 descended on Buck. 

“Listen Buck, not that I’m not proud of you for this, but you really had to wear your best outfit the day I’m not with you?” There was no actual malice behind Hen’s voice. She had made teasing Buck into an art form. 

“Hen this is a go big or go home event, and I certainly wasn’t going to go home.” Buck gave her one of his patented golden retriever smiles, before he pulled a small enamel lesbian flag pin out of his  pocket and held it out to her. “I got you a present to make it up to you at least. Figured you could wear it while you work to show support.” 

Hen took the pin, seeming to accept the apology gift. She walked over to Athena, the two already starting to gossip.

Bobby cleared his throat. “So Buck, you know you could have told us before. We would have supported you.” He was clearly into his dad mode, trying to approach the situation delicately. 

“I mean you never came out as straight to the station. I’ve told you about people I’ve gone on dates with. If you assumed Jordan, Addison, and Kennedy were girls, that's on you.” Buck viewed Bobby as a father, but sometimes he was very much a straight cis man. They were working on changing his set views. But he supported them all and that was what mattered the most to them.  

“Buck, can we talk, over there. It cannot wait.” Eddie’s voice was tense, and Buck didn’t like how it had sounded. Buck nodded and followed him, not trusting any words that would come out of his mouth. Buck was fine with Hen, he figured he would be fine with Buck being bisexual. There was a chance Eddie was one of those people who just thought bisexuals were just greedy and needed to make their mind up. He hadn’t been prepared to lose Eddie as a friend, not over something like this. Having Chim and Bobby know made him feel like a weight was lifted off his chest, but Eddie’s reaction made it all come crashing back down. The two walked behind the ambulance, where they were out of view from the public. There was just a couple of photographers hanging out in their event tent. 

“You’re not actually dating Josh, are you?” Eddie crossed his arms, taking a defensive stance.

“Why does it matter to you? If you can’t accept me having a boyfriend then we are going to have bigger problems than who I’m dating.”

“You told me you were single at movie night last week.” Eddie sounded exasperated, and Buck was really confused as to why.

“Fine, Josh and I aren’t dating, but we tried at one point. We’re better friends, but that doesn’t mean I’m not still bi. I’ve dated plenty of guys since we’ve been friends, it just hasn’t worked out.” They were friends, Buck was going to be honest with Eddie. Well, mostly honest. If Eddie asked if Buck had a crush on him, Buck was going to deny it. He didn’t think Eddie would be the kind of straight guy who would get all weird about Buck’s crush, but then again he didn’t think Eddie was biphobic either. 

“Good, because I can’t see you with a boyfriend...” Eddie seemed to have calmed down, and a realization had swept over him. His face looked a lot softer, it was a look Buck had seen many times but was never really sure what it meant. Buck anger was going in the opposite direction. He took a step back.

Buck didn’t bother to let Eddie finish before he cut him off. “Listen, if you’ve got such a problem with me dating another guy, then you should transfer stations. I’m not going to hide a part of me because it’s not something you like.” His words were harsh, but he kept his voice down. He didn’t want any yelling to attract the others. Buck started to walk away when he felt Eddie grab his wrist and pull him back so they were face to face.

“Evan, You didn’t let me finish. I can’t see you with a boyfriend that isn’t me. If I had known you liked guys, I would have done this sooner.” Buck was shocked by the statement, but even more shocked by what came next. 

Eddie leaned up and kissed Buck. 

Buck did not in a million years see Eddie returning his feelings. Buck felt Eddie start to pull back, and he knew the older man was overthinking things the same way he was. Buck brought his hands up to cup Eddie’s cheeks, and pulled him back in. He could overthink this later, for now he was going to enjoy kissing Eddie. Finally it didn’t have to be something of his dreams anymore. He felt Eddie’s hands come to rest on his waist. Buck had every intention of deepening the kiss, but when he moved to get closer, he managed to slip. Thankfully, Eddie managed to catch him before he completely fell on his back. 

They had been pulled apart by the fall, but they rested their foreheads together. 

“We should talk about this…” Buck started to say.

“We’ll have plenty of time to talk later, I got months of kissing to make up for.” Eddie leaned down, kissing Buck with far more passion this time. He wasn’t worried about being rejected. 

Eventually Buck fully got back up to his feet, but not before a photographer had snapped a photo of the two.

******

Buck promised to drop Eddie off at the station the next morning, so he wouldn’t have to ensure the teasing alone. They didn’t have to walk far into the station before the teasing started.

Hanging from the balcony was a blown up photo of the two of them kissing. Buck had seen the photo posted all over last night. Out of context, it looked like Eddie had dipped Buck, not that Buck had just been clumsy first. He knew there were comparisons to the soldier celebrating V-J day, and the navy soldier getting his homecoming kiss. The photo was heralded as one of the defining photos of pride that year. Would Buck have liked their first kiss to be a little more private, sure, but it wouldn’t have been true to the way his life had gone so far. The teasing would be worth it, especially since he got Eddie out of the deal. 

“They’re all just jealous Eds, just remember. I’m yours.”

[dear-oizys]

I have not watched the new episode yet and I am desperately trying to avoid spoilers. I accidentally saw 2 things.

Bobby is in a fucking coma????? And the firefam is standing outside and watching him through the window??? And Bobby is fucking convulsing on the hospital bed?????? What the fuck?????? I swear to god if something happens to Bobby I will riot!!!

And. Another post said that Bobby is resigning?????????????????????

Y'all please hope that the new episode becomes available in my region soon 😢😭