#bonus points if one of the parents is chewing the scenery

[soyforramen]

I keep reading posts about the biblical plaques and my brain keeps trying to force it into biblical plagues. So either the writers have dyslexia or they’re referencing the Saint Jaime Luna bible.

[rocket-remmy]

Side Effects May Include|| Remmy and Skylar

White Crest was an interesting town. It was small, smaller than the town Remmy had grown up in, though not by much. Besides, they visited Rock Spings a lot when Remmy was a kid (it was their dad’s favorite hunting spot), and that place was like population zero, aside from the guy that worked at the hunting shop. Probably. He was a creepy dude, and Remmy didn’t care much for him or hunting. Luckily their dad never made them go with him hunting. Remmy got to stay home and take the lamps or the microwave apart and put them all back together before their dad got back. It was like a little game. A way to pass time. But there were no cabins in White Crest that Remmy could go to and take things apart, and there were no bad memories yet. So that was like, one White Crest, zero for Rock Springs. 

White Crest felt fuller, too, somehow. It had a smaller population, but more people out doing things. It actually had that small town feeling, where it felt like everyone knew everyone else, and Remmy found themself eager to actually worm their way into that scene. To know people. They already knew the butcher on a first name basis. They bought a lot of raw meat and cow brain, even though they’d only been here a month. It was easy to tell the guy it was for Moose, but in reality, it was for Remmy. Weirdly, ever since Remmy got back from Afghanistan, they’d been craving raw, juicy meat. And brain. It was probably just a side effect of the medication, the nurse at the halfway house had said. And it would probably go away. Probably. But it hadn’t yet, so here Remmy was, back at the Butcher’s, getting their pound of raw cow brain from Al.

The bell chimed as Remmy walked out and they felt a pang in their stomach. And, god, it smelled so good. Just one bite. Just one little bite to tide them over till they got home...Reaching into the bag, they undid the container, slipping into the alley-- couldn’t be too public about it-- and plucked out a piece, taking a big bite. Oh, the satisfaction. Remmy smiled happily.

Skylar wasn’t going to deny it, moving from Seattle clear across the country had some perks. The change of scenery was great, the much lessened amount of rain was also a big bonus, and the small town nature of White Crest was cute. And she liked her job a lot. Yep, that was a big plus. But, one of the major downsides? Having to convince the local butcher that ehhhh, ten pounds of pork loin really isn’t that weird of a weekly request. As easy it would be to just hit up one of the big supermarket chains and load up a cart full of meat without question, Skylar had developed a liking for the local butcher’s stock. Oh well, he would learn eventually.

After paying for her meat, Skylar thumbed through her phone and enabled Bluetooth, syncing up with her hearing aids. Tapping on her favorite playlist, the pounding bass rumbled in her ears as she slipped her phone back in her pocket. She gathered up her groceries from where she’d set them down before heading out, giving a polite wave to the butcher as she left the shop. This pork was going to taste amazing with some adobo spices, cooked with garlic and onions-- she’d pick off those bits, of course. But she was looking forward to dinner now.

As Skylar rounded the corner, she glanced over her shoulder at the alleyway next to the butcher shop and froze. Her music continued to pound in her ears as she stared, not entirely certain what she was seeing. Uhhhhhh. “Are you… okay?” She asked, not entirely certain what to make of the person, fingers covered in what looked like blood, eating something that looked an awful lot like raw meat straight from the package. Skylar stuck her hand in her pockets, turning her music off so she could get a good look at what the fuck was happening in front of her. “That’s raw meat, what the hell are you doing?”

Remmy froze when someone’s voice drifted around them. They fumbled for a minute, looked around, then stopped when they spotted someone standing in the opening of the alleyway staring at them. “Uh…” they glanced around, put the bits back into the bag and wiped their fingers across their shirt smearing blood on it. “Shit.” Looked back at the other person. Noticed the hearing aids in her ears and paused. “Oh, sorry. I was just having a snack, you know?” they signed. Pointed to the bag. “It’s not that weird…” Gave a shrug. Their stomach grumbled a little as their eyes dropped to the bag the other person was holding. “No weirder than buying a huge chunk of meat.” Because that really was a huge chunk. If they weren’t feeding like twenty people, that thing was gonna go to waste. There’s no way one person could eat that all in a few days. 

The use of sign, which normally would be a big relief to her, did nothing to ease Skylar’s rising confusion and concern. In fact, it kinda made things worse, because now she knew she had full license to freak out without attracting any attention. She checked over her shoulder for anyone nearby before walking further into the alleyway. Gesturing emphatically, she signed, “What the fuck? No, no, that’s super weird. Do you know how many diseases and parasites you can get from eating raw… is that an organ? Are you eating raw animal organs?” An expression of disgust and shock was clearly displayed across her face as she stared at the person she’d literally caught red-handed. But, when they pointed out her own purchases, her face burned bright red. It wasn’t weird! Flustered, she signed rapidly, “That’s completely different! This is a totally normal amount of meat to buy and, besides, I’m not the one just chewing on a porkchop in a back alley! Forget the raw meat, do you know how many germs are in an alley,” She paused, grimacing to add emphasis to her next signs, “Behind a butcher shop? 

Remmy’s brow furrowed. They didn’t like confrontation, they’d always had a hard time standing up for themselves as a kid, but things had changed quite a bit once they’d entered the military. They huffed, setting the bag down after tying it closed, and signed, “Why do you care? You don’t even know me! I’ve had much worse, anyway. And that’s a normal amount of meat to buy if you’re feeding like twenty people at once!” Which, Remmy then realized, could be what they’re doing, but it still was a little weird. And Remmy was caught off guard, by someone yelling-- well, yell signing-- at them in an alley! All they wanted to do was enjoy a good bite and go home. Moose whined next to them. Remmy’d almost forgotten Moose was with them, and while they’d normally leave him behind for a quick errand down the street, they were still new to town, and leaving without him right now had seemed daunting. “Besides, it was just one little bite. It’s not like I’m back here having a whole meal.”

Skylar gaped at the other person, still not sure what to make of the whole situation. “You’ve had worse? What, are you going around eating roadkill or something? That looks like a piece of,” Skylar squinted, trying to make out the specifics of just what it was they were holding, “I don’t know. I can’t see it from here. But, it’s raw! I’m not just going to stand by and let someone eat raw meat, you’re going to get super sick.” Biting the inside of her cheek, Skylar ignored the comment about the amount of meat she’d purchased. This wasn’t about her, it was about the fact that someone was out here chowing down in the alley. But, as she moved to sign again, Skylar was suddenly aware of the dog right next to them. A very large dog. She wasn’t afraid of dogs, not really, but she didn’t have much experience around them either. Swallowing nervously, she forced herself to focus on the person again, “And you’re planning on eating… whatever that is?” 

Remmy frowned. “That’s not the point. It doesn’t matter,” they signed. They were beginning to feel that tingle in their stomach, that anxiousness gripping them from the inside. “It’s not-- that’s none of your business,” they blurted. They just wanted to go home and now some weird girl was yelling at them in an alley. A small alley. A narrow alley. Remmy looked around, picked up their bag, grabbed Moose’s leash, grip tightening. Moose whined. “Yeah? So what if I am? I’ve been eating this stuff for a while now. It’s just a side effect of all the meds I’m on. The doctor said so. They said it was fine,” they managed to sign after attaching Moose’s lead back to their belt. “So...you don’t need to worry anymore.” Nodding, as if to punctuate their statement.

Shifting the heavy bag of meat in her arms so she could sign more effectively, Skylar frowned at the person in the alley. “Maybe it isn’t my business, but,” She signed pointedly before gesturing to the nasty container of organ meat, “I’d seriously consider checking with your doctor about the specifics. I can understand wanting to eat like… liver or something like that. But, going after it all Tokyo Ghoul style? That doesn’t seem kosher.” She signed with a shrug. It didn’t seem like there was anything she could say to convince this person that what they were doing was really fricking weird. “I hope your doctor at least puts you on some different medication.” Skylar gestured, her face turning a bit grim at the thought of medicine. Back before her parents had come clean about her, she’d been on all sorts of medicine to manage her symptoms. But, they’d never had any side effects like a desire to eat raw meat.

Remmy was ready to fire back, but something stopped them. That weird anxious feeling was still rolling around inside their chest, but the anger was extinguished. “Tokyo-- what? That doesn’t…” Scratched their head. Blinked, trying to parse out what had just been said to them, but there were so many other things running through their head. “What’s...no, it’s-- it’s just cow brain,” they said, their own mind working too hard for them to remember to sign, words coming out instead. “It’s not that weird to eat. Al says it’s a delicacy in some places…” Confused, Remmy looked down at their bag. “Why would I need different medication?”

The switch over to speaking made sense, though Skylar didn’t particularly want to raise her voice if she was talking about something this strange. It was a small town, people would probably have questions if they saw her trying to convince some random person not to eat raw meat. “It’s cow brain?” She signed, making a revolted expression with her face. “That’s definitely weird to eat! And even if it is a delicacy, I’m pretty sure it needs to be cooked.” Shrugging, Skylar rubbed the back of her neck before signing again. “Because those aren’t normal side effects? I don’t know what kind of medicine you’re on and I don’t need to know. But, I’m pretty sure that there aren’t any drugs that make you want to eat raw cow parts.” Skylar let out a laugh and shook her head before speaking up, “Except for maybe bath salts. But you don’t seem like you’re going to try and eat my face.” 

Remmy blinked again. “You can cook brain?” They weren’t exactly the brightest bulb in the factory. Remmy had skated by in classes with C’s and the occasional D, another reason joining the army had seemed like such a palatable option. It was really their only option. No college was going to accept a below average student. Remmy scratched their head. “No, I...definitely don’t wanna eat your face off. I don’t uh...I don’t know a lot about medications? The VA said they were some of the better medications out there. They do cost a lot...that means they gotta be good, right?”

“I mean, I haven’t cooked brain myself, but I think you can. If people can eat liver and onions, I think you could probably do the same with a brain.” Skylar nodded, mentally wondering how she had gotten into a discussion on cooking in a sketchy back alley with a sketchier person and their dog. Letting out a sigh of relief, she sighed. “Neat, thanks.” Frowning as she read the other person’s lips, Skylar tilted her head. “VA… Oh, I’m so sorry--!” She said, wincing. Oh God. She’d just yelled at a veteran and their service dog. Christ, she felt like such a jerk now. “I had no idea, erm, I just, um… I’m not an expert or anything on medicine, so I can’t say anything there. It’s totally your choice on if you… want to eat… raw cow brains.” Skylar said, still not sure what to make of the words coming from her mouth, “But, maybe you should talk to a doctor about it? Mhm. I don’t know. I’m really sorry again.”

Remmy’s head titled a little. The girl was apologizing now. That was a weird turn of events. She was even saying Remmy was totally free to eat raw brain if that’s what they wanted. A total 360 of the beginning of the conversation. They shrugged. “Oh, no…” they signed, “it’s totally fine. I guess it uh...is kinda weird? I didn’t really think about it all that much.” They looked back over at Skylar. “You don’t have to keep apologizing. Sorry I made you freak out?” They weren’t sure if that was really their fault, but, again, Remmy didn’t like starting confrontation, or upsetting people. Moose whined a little. “Oh! Yeah, uh-- this is Moose. My service dog. He’s a sweetheart. I share my pickings with him.” They nodded to the bag the girl was holding. “What about you? Are you sharing with anyone?” A pause. “Oh and I’m Remmy by the way. We uh...we don’t have to shake hands.”

Waving her hands awkwardly, Skylar shook her head. She’d really made a mess of things, hadn’t she? She should have just minded her own business and let them go about… eating raw-- nope, no, she still wasn’t okay with it. But, she could keep it to herself. “No, no, it’s not your fault, I shouldn’t have erm, barged in on you.” She said, signing as she spoke. Glancing at the dog, Skylar offered a tight lipped smile. Even if the dog was a sweetheart, she still was a little anxious around it. “Mmm, cute. He’s very fluffy.” When they pointed out her bag of meat, Skylar grimaced and squinted as she tried to come up with a plausible explanation. “Erm. Yes. Just, you know, stocking up.” She said. “Remmy?” Skye asked, fingerspelling as she did so. “Nice to meet you. I’m Skylar.” She said, offering her sign name as well. It was a pretty simple one, just the sign for “sky” done with an S instead of an open hand. 

“Oh, cool,” Remmy signed, “stocking up. I wish I had a big enough fridge to do that. Or a freezer. My place is kinda ...sparsely equipped.” They shrugged again, not noticing the girl’s timid reaction to Moose. But Moose stayed put, because the situation was calm, and his wasn’t needed at the moment. Sometimes Remmy wondered what he thought about while idling, but that was the big question that everyone wanted to know-- what were their pets thinking? “Yes, Remmy,” they spelled out, confirming. “Skylar? Nice to meet you. “Sorry it’s uh...in an alley. Should we move? Go somewhere else? Unless you’re busy. This did kinda interrupt your day. Sorry, I’m pretty new in town. Haven’t met a lot of people yet. And definitely no one else who speaks fluent ASL. Though I’m no expert either.”

“Ummmm…” Skylar paused, not entirely sure if she wanted to follow this random person she’d met in a back alley behind the butcher shop. As much as she wanted to get the word out about ASL and do her best to improve awareness in White Crest… She shifted her weight from foot to foot as she tried to figure out whether or not she wanted to hang out with them. Oh hell. Surely things couldn’t get worse than their initial meeting. “I’m new in town too. Sort of. I’ve lived here for about… five or six months?” She said. “But, um, yes. We can chat in,” Skylar paused and gestured at the alley around them, “Not a back alley.” She said before walking back out to the sidewalk, making sure to give Remmy and Moose a wide berth. “There are quite a few people who sign, but I’m not surprised you haven’t met any of them.” She said, signing as she spoke.

Remmy didn’t take notice to the distance Skylar kept between them. The initial strangeness of their meeting had already slid from their mind. They were never the most socially observant, but show them a complicated system of wires and they could figure out what goes where in a second. Moose walked obediently by their side as they tugged on his lead, heading back out to the sidewalk and the public, stuffing their weird purchase farther into the bag so no one else would notice. “Cool,” they signed, “I’ve only been here a month. So...very new. My only friend is the other security guard that works night shifts, Gus. He’s old, though, and always smells like pine needles.” 

“Oh, you’re a security guard? That’s pretty neat. I’d probably be terrible at something like that.” Skylar signed as they walked through town together. She shifted her bag slightly, slinging it over her shoulder so she could sign more clearly. Even though she tried to stay in the conversation, she couldn’t help but glance at Remmy’s bag, very aware of their odd purchases. “Um, how are you liking White Crest? I’m from Seattle originally, so it was a big difference.” She signed, her eyes widening to express just how much of a change it had been.

“Yeah, just part time. The halfway house I was in helped me get the job,” Remmy signed. “Since I was injured in combat, they helped place me in a job and rehabilitate me.” Walking and signing was always hard for Remmy, having to focus on looking at a person while also focusing on not running into things or other people. They had to stop or slow down every time they started signing again, talking along with the motions, hoping Skylar could read their lips too. “It’s okay. I grew up in Wyoming, so from that it’s a stark change, but I came here from Afghanistan, which was the real shock. I like how small it is here. It reminds me of home.” A pause. “What uh-- what about you?”

“Mm.” Skylar hummed in response, not really sure what else she could say to the other person. It sounded like they had been through some… real shit. Like, stuff that she couldn’t even imagine. Just the idea of being involved in the military seemed so foreign to her. Not that she’d ever had the interest in it; she didn’t think the army had much of an interest in sign language. “Makes sense.” She signed before shrugging, “Like I said, it’s been a big change. But, I like the town for the most part. I work for the school and the administration has been really good to me so far. And the people I’ve met are nice. I just wish they had more bookstores.” She sighed wistfully. That was one of the best parts of living in a big city-- there were no shortage of bookstores and comic shops. Tower wasn’t bad, but she just wished they weren’t combined with a music store too.

“You work for the school?” Remmy repeated. “That’s cool! What do you do there?” They paused again, trying to remember the sign, their face contorting a bit. “I want to find something more….” scratched their head, “fulfilling.” They finally said out loud. “I think I’d like to be an officer someday, but they’re pretty strict on things disability wise…” They started walking again, catching pace with Skylar. “You like to read, then? I haven’t found any bookstores here yet. Sorry, that’s probably annoying to deal with. Maybe there’s one down on Amity?”

Nodding, Skylar smiled. “Yeah. I work as a sign language interpreter. I’m hard of hearing but,” She pointed to her bright blue hearing aids, “with these I can hear just as well as anyone else, with a few little quirks. So, I work with kids who need a little extra help.” She explained. Her job wasn’t exactly one that people thought about, but that didn’t make it any less important. “Like a police officer? I’m sure you could probably petition for a position or something? I mean, if you have the skills and abilities, I don’t really get why they wouldn’t let you in. But, I’m biased.” She signed with another shrug. At the mention of bookstores, Skylar nodded vigorously. “Oh, yes. I like reading a lot. There’s an interesting one called The Archive, but it’s a little creepy. I don’t know what it is about the place, it’s just kinda old and weird?” She signed, making a face as she did so.

Remmy perked up a bit. “Oh, that’s so cool!” They motioned to the device on their own ear. “I’ve got one, too. I’m just deaf on the one side, though. Places that have a lot of noise can get rough though,” they said. “I end up turning mine off a lot.” A shrug. Sometimes the silence felt nicer than hearing everything, all the time. Remmy looked back over at Skylar, noticing them brighten at the mention of books again. Remmy couldn’t help but smile. “Creepy? How so?” A pause. “Oh, wait, you just said you didn’t...That’s weird. Maybe it’s just cause it’s old? I went into an old like antique shop once down on Amity and it wigged me out real bad. All those kinds of places do, you know?” Another shrug, more nonchalant this time. Remmy smiled again. They couldn’t help but feel happy. They were talking to someone. And possibly making a friend. They weren’t sure, but the warm feeling in their chest told them that right now, they were completely safe. And that was...hard to come by these days. “Maybe I could go with you to the bookstore sometime. It might be less creepy with someone with you. Plus, I need to pick up a book. Anna Karina? Someone online told me to read it.”

Eyes widening, Skylar blinked in surprise. “I didn’t see that, I’m sorry!” She signed, face turning burning hotly with embarrassment. She should have picked up on that sooner. How had she missed that? “I can relate to that, though. I don’t wear mine when I’m at home. They just get uncomfortable sometimes.” She watched as Remmy continued to sign, but took note of the smile. The fact that they were smiling was good; hopefully they had forgotten about her being such a jerk to them in the alley way. Even if they were acting super wei-- Nope. No, she wasn’t going to call Remmy weird. People could do what they liked, and if that was… eating… raw cow brain, so be it. Pulling a face at the idea of going around an antique shop, Skylar signed back, “I can only imagine. Antiques are definitely creepy.” Skylar’s fingers paused their usual fidgeting at Remmy’s offer. “Are you sure? You don’t need to, it’s probably nothing. But, I wouldn’t mind the company at all. And, I could help you find that book.” She signed, expression hopeful. Being able to sign with someone who was near her level was a breath of fresh air and she really wanted to keep Remmy around. If they wanted to be there, of course.

“No, yeah, totally!” Remmy immediately signed back. “I’d love to!” They stopped, a little embarrassed of their sudden response, scratching the back of their head. “Sorry. I don’t wanna seem desperate. I haven’t met a lot of people since moving here yet. It’s been kinda lonely. Even with Moose.” They gave him a little pat, and Moose sniffed the air a second before returning to his on duty posture. “He’s my service dog, so it’s nice having him around, but I miss living in a community. I mean...this place is nice, it’s even a small town, but I just don’t know anyone yet.” And it was a strange feeling, Remmy noted, that they could be so alone. For the past five years their best friends had been the privates training alongside them to become EOD members. And then they’d all been together on that plane to Afghanistan. And they’d all been together during that first raid and every raid after. And now they were...Moose licked their hand and Remmy blinked, noticing a new wetness to their eyes. Trying to hide it, they smiled over at Skylar again. “I work nights, so I can go to the bookstore anytime, just let me know when you wanna go.”

Skylar watched intently as Remmy signed quickly and then explained why they had reacted like that. Her heart went out to them, honestly, it did. She could relate to them in some small way. Maybe not with their broader experiences, but she knew what it was like to move to White Crest from someplace totally different and not have anyone you knew. She’d lucked out with her roommate, but if she hadn’t… “No, don’t worry. Trust me, the feeling is mutual. It’s nice to meet someone who gets sign and like,” She gestured to her hearing aids one more, “Gets it? You know?” Nodding, Skylar bit her lip before holding her hand up for Remmy to wait. She looked up the street before jogging down the sidewalk towards one of the fliers for sign lessons that she’d posted. Tearing off one of the untouched tabs, she hurried back towards Remmy and Moose and held out the scrap of paper. “I’m done with work when the high school gets out, so I’m free most days after 3. Sometimes I have meetings, but if you wanted to text me, you can.” She said with a tentative smile.

“I get that,” Remmy signed back, “I definitely get that.” They paused when Skylar held up her hand, curious for a moment, watching her job over to a sign board and pull off a slip of paper. Still confused, they watched as Skylar came jogging back, and it was only when Skylar was holding out the slip of paper to them that they realized what it was-- her number. Remmy took the slip and smiled. “Thanks. Sorry, I don’t have one to give back, but I promise I’ll let you know it’s me when I text.” It was a simple gesture, but Remmy always found that the simple or small gestures were the ones that really added up after time. They pocketed the slip and patted it, as if making sure it really was there and that this was real. “I’ll uh-- I’ll let you get back to whatever it was you were doing. You should probably get that meat in the fridge before it goes bad.”

“No problem!” She said with a bright grin, suddenly quite happy at the prospect of having someone who she could sign with. Maybe even a friend? Not that Skylar didn’t like her coworkers, but they weren’t exactly her friends. And Remmy seemed like good people, even if their dog kind of squicked her out. “Ah, yeah,” She glanced at the bag on her shoulder with a slight grimace. Skylar began to head down the street in the direction of her apartment, walking backwards as she signed. “It was nice meeting you, Remmy. And you too, Moose.” She signed before turning around. They might have met under the weirdest circumstances, but she was looking forward to having a new friend.

[amplesalty]

Christmas 2020: Day 1 - Silent Night, Deadly Night 3: Better Watch Out! (1989)

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…

a baster for the turkey!

Well, it’s December 1st once again and we’re already about a week removed from people arguing the toss about whether or not they should be allowed to use the F word when singing a particular festive favourite (no, not that F word...) so that must mean it’s time for some more holiday film fun times. As ever we open with a horror movie in an effort to continue on from the Halloween marathon which I actually gave a pretty fair shake to this year. Not quite the full 31 as in 2019 but pretty close when you factor in the bonus Stand posts.

Can’t help but feel there was some unfinished business in that regard though,  plus I didn’t talk about the recent Friday the 13th we had in November which led me to watching the next one along in the series that was new to me; Part VII. And, surprise, I actually kind of liked it? I think my expectations are just rock bottom so it had a pretty low bar to clear. That and it had the gimmick of having him face off against this psychokinectic girl so that’s a big change from another cast of interchangeable horny teenagers.

Which actually brings a whole new level to the way watching Day 1 of this Christmas marathon is meant to bridge over from Halloween as, even though Friday the 13th wasn’t officially part of that, Silent Night Deadly Night 3 kinda follows a vaguely similar idea.

It sure has been a while since I looked at this series. I got through the remake first oddly and then the first two original movies but then it’s been in the wilderness for the past 5 years. I didn’t realise it had quite so many sequels, it gets up to part 5, so now I feel obligated to actually finishing this at some point.

It kinda ditches the whole ‘killer Santa’ thing for the most part and serves as something of a direct sequel to 2 in that it features the killer Ricky Caldwell, but sadly not played by Eric Freeman which I feel really sums up the movie as it really lacks the feel of the first two movies. That certain campy, cheesy quality. It opens up very differently with this girl in a dream where she’s being chased by Ricky through very non descript white hospital corridors before reaching some sort of safety with Santa Claus, who then promptly pulls a knife on her while she’s telling him all the gifts she wants this year. The whole dream sequence gives it this very surreal feeling but it doesn’t really last before we settle into generic slasher villain tropes.

The reason for likening it to Friday Part VII is that the girl here, Laura Anderson has some psychic abilities of her own. Apparently Ricky has been in a coma since the events of the last movie and a Dr Newbury is running experiments to see if someone can communicate with Ricky through their dreams. Laura seems to making some sort of connection as the image of Santa is coming through real strong, even going so far as to see the events of the first movie play out again when the crazed Santa flags down Ricky’s parents car before killing them both. Because it wouldn’t be a Silent Night Deadly Night sequel without using copious amounts of stock footage from that first movie.

It’s not really as bad as Part 2 where I think the footage totaled to something ridiculous like 40 minutes and also created some sort of weird continuity wormhole where scenes from the first movie were playing out as a different movie inside a cinema in the second.

At least we get to see the deaf priest being gunned down in front of the orphanage though. Still love that scene after all these years. I don’t remember the kid having blood splatter on him either, that makes it so much worse!

What they also make liberal use of here though is the KARLOFF and Jack Nicholson movie The Terror which I guess they’re free to do since it’s public domain. Doesn’t exactly inspire much confidence in your own movie though when archive footage of The Terror is outshining you but can you really compete with KARLOFF?

This one guy is riveted.

There’s some other padding on show as well, such as this one scene where the doctor and this cop are trying to follow Ricky to where they think he’s heading next, only for the cop to go into this whole sales pitch about mobile phones because he gets a discount on his bill if people sign up with his referral. What?!

I feel like Ricky does shift completely from the maniacal killer in Part 2 to something more in line with a Jason Vorhees or Michael Myers, this lumbering brute who seems oblivious to pain and injury. It’s just an utterly polar opposite character to go from Eric Freeman chewing scenery for fun to this completely mute guy, save for him creepily whispering Laura’s name a few times. Ricky does have a pretty cool look here though, I guess if you’re not able to get someone able to deliver Freeman’s level of...energy, why not make it part of the character?

Ricky has undergone some form of reconstructive brain surgery leaving him with some form of dome on his head that shows his exposed brain and also seems to fill with blood at some points during the movie. Bleeding from the brain can’t be good, surely? The design puts me in mind of The Thing from Another World or The Hills Have Eyes. Not that they have brain domes like that but that sort of strange cranial shape and odd face.

Friday Part VII did a much better job of following through on its promise of a ‘Jason vs Carrie’ scenario since the girl in that actually used her powers to save herself. Here, the girl doesn’t really do anything? Like, i’m not even sure what her abilities are outside of having this link to Ricky during the experiments. She has this premonition at the end where her murdered Granny encourages her to use her powers to save herself but all she really does is lay there with a pointy stick with Ricky just falls on whilst trying to get her.

She is kind of an interesting ‘final girl’ though since she’s also blind so that makes her even more vulnerable. I do like the idea though that she has something of a helping hand in that respect as this big showdown takes place at her Granny’s house where she spent lots of time as a kid so she knows where everything is. That’s not really developed very well though, that would have been a cool way to level the playing field a bit and have her able to outmanoeuvre Ricky as she knows little shortcuts and stuff.

Aside from the lack of real campiness/cheesiness, the other big thing missing is just any sense of urgency whatsoever. The girl playing Laura is just truly terrible and never reaches the level of panic one would imagine she should be going through. She screams sure but it feels like the kind of scream normally reserved when you find an unexpected spider on your bedroom wall, not when someone has shanked your Grandma. In general everything just feels really slow, none of the kills have any weight to them and Ricky doesn’t ever feel like a threat. He was never an imposing guy in 2 from a physical point of view but he had that real unhinged quality about him where you never knew what he was capable of. Without that, Braindead Ricky can’t hope to match up to the prescence of a Vorhees or Myers. Much like how this movie cannot compare with the two that came before it. It was still kinda fun in an absurdist way to see how weird it was but it lacks the real standout moments like Santa being killed at an orphanage or GARBAGE DAY!

At least it has boobs though so our old friend Santa Tor can make his return as well.