#both beard n ted are the team dads!!!!!!!!!

[coachbeards]

people saying jamie's emulating only ted with the "bingo, el ringo" when it was beard who said "bingo, ringo" first....he's beard's son, too!!!! let's not forget!

[meganwritesfanfics]

Be the Man I Have to Be

Jamie Tartt x Reader

After reacting poorly to the news of the reader being pregnant Jamie seeks out advice from some unlikely sources.

Check out Part 1 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

__________________________________________________________

The whole practice Jamie couldn’t focus, he was missing passes, he was fumbling the ball, and tripping over his own feet. He didn’t feel like himself, he felt like he was a spectator watching his own life. He couldn’t believe this was happening. Being a dad was never something Jamie had even considered.

But the thing that really distracted him was the look on Y/N face, both the look of absolute terror when she told him she was pregnant and the look of betrayal when he just left her in the boot room. 

He loved Y/N more than he ever thought he was capable of, and he never meant to hurt her. Jamie knew that he reacted poorly, more than poorly, he fucked up. But he panicked, confident Jamie who always felt on top of the world panicked. And he could feel his world quickly crumbling around him. 

With all these thoughts running through his head he didn’t even notice Collin come up next to him and steal the ball from him. When Collin swept in Jamie tripped over his feet and landed on the ground with a thud. He lay their for a moment on his back looking up at the sky before he let out and angry scream. 

“Ok, um everyone let’s run laps, Jamie can you meet me in my office.”  Ted said giving everyone a worried look. 

Jamie sighed as he sat up and looking around, everyone was looking at him with such a worried expression. For how much he felt like the universe was shitting on him in that moment, he couldn’t help but feel grateful. Three years ago, no one in this stadium could give a shit about what he was feeling or how he was doing. And rightfully so, he had been an absolute prick. But now he finally felt like this team had become his family, his home. 

Collin stood above him reaching a hand down for him to help him up. “You ok mate?” 

Jamie nods as he grabbed his hand and stood up. “I will be. Hopefully.” 

As he made his way to the locker room, he felt the steely gaze of Roy barring down on him, and he knew. Of course Y/N had told Roy first, especially with how terrified she had looked to tell Jamie, Roy and Y/N were close. 

“Jamie what is going on man?” Ted asked as soon as they were in the safety of the office. 

“Coach, you have that group right where you guys all talk about, guy stuff and help each other out?” 

“The Diamond Dogs?” 

“That is the name of it.” Jamie cackled before he composed himself. “Uh, ya, I think this might need to be something I talk with all of you about and get your advice.” 

Ted’s eyes went wide and he immediately pulled out his phone texting something quickly before he looked back up at Jamie. 

“Just give them…” He started when suddenly Beard burst in and threw himself into his chair out of breath. 

“I…gave… the… team… the… rest… of … the… day… off…” Beard panted in between gulps of air. 

Trent Crimm and Roy were the next two to saunter their way in, Roy immediately glaring at Jamie. 

“Alright all we need is Higgins and…” And as if he were summoned, Higgins appeared also out of breath and with a giant stain down the front of his shirt. 

“Here.” He gasped. 

“Woah, Higgnomietry, what happened to you?” Ted asked. 

“I was about to take a sip of my tea when I got the text and I saw Jamie’s name and I got too excited and spilled it all over myself.” Higgins replied. 

“I have that effect on people.” Jamie smiled which earned a growl from Roy. 

“Alright Jamie, you have the Diamond Dogs gathered, what can we assist you with?” Ted asked. 

“Right, uh, ya, so me and Y/N have been seeing each other for a while now and I love her ya know…” This earned an aww from the group, minus Roy. “But she, she just found out that she…” 

“Tartt!” A voice echoed and the whole group watched as Rebecca stormed in followed by Keeley. “You are a right awful prick you know that!” Rebecca screamed. 

“Woah!” Ted said as quickly stood from his chair. 

“Yeah Jamie what the hell I thought you really liked Y/N.” Keeley said. 

“I do, I…” Jamie said and suddenly it felt like everything was closing around him. 

“Well what you did is not the way to treat someone you love. She was in my office a mess because of you.” Rebecca snapped. 

“What the fuck did you do?” Roy growled. 

All the voices started to blur around him and Jamie could feel his chest tightening up as the air became harder to breath. 

“Hey!” Ted screamed and everyone went silent. “Jamie came in here to talk, and it is only fair to hear him out before everyone starts yelling at him, understood.” 

Everyone nodded but the rage coming off of both Rebecca and Roy was palpable. 

“Alright then, now Rebecca and Keeley I guess you are now honorary members of the Diamond Dogs” When he said this, all the guys, minus Roy, howled and Trent gave a little yip. “Welcome. Jamie continue.” 

“So this morning, when Y/N came in, she came to tell me that she is pregnant.” 

“Oh.” Ted gasped. And after that the room went deadly silent. 

“And when she told me I acted like a complete prick. And there is no excuse and it hurts me to think that I hurt her, but I don’t know what to do.” And his voice cracked slightly at the end. 

“Having a child is a terrifying thing, and you are still young so I can imagine this is quite a shock.” Higgins replied. 

“My age isn’t what the issue is, I just. I don’t think I can be a dad.” 

And suddenly in that instant the whole room understood what Jamie was thinking.

“Oh Jamie.” Keeley said sadly. 

“I mean come on you all met him, I can’t… I can’t fuck up a kid like he did to me. And I know that Y/N is just going to be an amazing mom, I can’t mess her life up as well. I saw what that did to my mom.” 

“Now Jamie just because you dad is… we’ll he’s…” Ted started 

“The biggest bag of pricks to ever walk the earth.” Roy responded. 

“I was going to say difficult, but yes I think your sentiment works too.” Ted replied. “But just because he is that way doesn’t mean you will turn out the same. In fact I know you won’t.” 

“How can you know that coach?” 

“I know because I have seen how far you have come Jamie. When we first met you were a very different person than you are now. The growth you have had in just a few years has been amazing. And being a father is going to change you as well. Trust me I know your fears, hell when I found out Michelle was pregnant with Henry I was absolutely terrified. I was so scared of letting that little boy down. But being a parent means accepting the fact that sometimes you are going to fail.” 

“And luckily it seems you have a very large support system around you.” Trent chimed in. 

Jamie took a moment and looked around at all the people in the room and he couldn’t help but feeling an overwhelming sense of gratitude because Trent was right, everyone in this room did care about him in some capacity. 

“I…” He cleared his throat quickly wiping his eyes before any tears could fall. “Thank you.” 

“Now go talk to Y/N before I fucking kick your ass.” Roy said as he patted Jamie on the back, harder than necessary, and sent him on his way. 

As soon as he left the room looked around at each other for a moment. 

“I hope that kid turns out more like Y/N cause I don’t know if we could handle two Jamie’s around him.” Beard said. 

“Oh fuck no.” Roy snapped. 

“Alright well, Diamond Dogs adjourned I guess.” Ted said and Ted, Beard, Higgins, and Trent all howled. 

“Oh good Lord.” Rebecca laughed.

[willalove75]

New Girl on the Pitch Ch. 1

Pairing: Rebecca Welton x f!reader

Summary: Your friend Keeley brings you in as the team's social media manager, Rebecca is impressed, in more ways than one.

Words: 2,689

Warnings: 18+ minors DNI

Tags: flirty, fluff, slow burn

Notes: This is my first fanfic so please be nice. I’m anticipating for this to be multiple chapters so bare with me while it kicks into gear. I'm open to any and all suggestions or comments!

You think to yourself that you would enjoy walking through Richmond, such a pretty, quaint town, if it wasn't so bitter cold. Today the cold isn't what's on your mind, your friend Keeley asked you to stop by and give her a hand with the teams social media now that she's helping with their PR. The wind whips at the hem of your jacket as you make your way to AFC Richmond, nervous for your first day, unsure of what you're about to walk into.

You don't know much about soccer, growing up in the US you were mostly exposed to football when your dad and uncles got together to watch their favorite teams play; other than that, you were never a raging sports fan. You've heard of the new AFC Richmond coach, Ted Lasso though, and you relax a little knowing you won't be the only American there.

Around the bend you see the big double doors at the entrance of the stadium and a friendly, familiar face. Keeley is standing there, waving and calling you over.

"y/n!! You made it! Oh I'm so excited you're gonna love this, follow me!"

She grabs your arm and pulls you into the building, guiding you through the halls. You try to take in as much of your surroundings as you can whilst being dragged along.

"Woah wait slow down Keeley!" as you pull back from her grasp "I want to see all of this"

You walk up to the trophy cases, looking at decades of hard work stuck behind a thin sheet of glass.

"wow, they must be really good, look at all of these trophies"

"they've played like shit the last few seasons" Keeley says matter-of-factly.

You're a bit surprised that she knows that since you've never pegged her to be a sports fan, but then remember she's dating the teams star player, Jamie Tartt.

"Jamie's been bitching about how poorly they've played and how he's the best thing that's ever happened to Richmond"

You roll your eyes "of course he did" as you side-eye your friend. You don't know why she wastes her time on someone like Jamie, an immature, entitled jock.

"Come on we have to go!"

Keeley grabs your arm and pulls you through the halls once more.

“Where are we going?!”

“To meet everyone!”

“Who’s everyone?!”

"So there's Coach Lasso, he’s the one from the US too! There’s Coach Beard-"

"Coach Beard? Is his name Beard or does he have a really cool beard so that's what everyone calls him?"

Keeley slows her pace down, a look of uncertainty comes across her face

"I mean he does have a beard, but I don't know if that's actually his name or not"

You both laugh and keep moving

"Then there's Nate, he's the kitman"

"The what man?"

"The kitman, he gives the boys their water bottles, sets out the cones during training, cleans up the locker room"

"So a glorified waterboy?"

"pretty much, next there's Higgins, he's the director of communications and Rebecca's assistant"

"Who's Rebec-"

Keeley cuts you off with a sharp stop in front of an office door and knocks as she walks in

"Rebecca, this is y/n! The one I told you about that's gonna help out with social media!"

Keeley pulls you into the office, your eyes dart around the room, landing on a desk in the middle. You look up and your eyes are met by beautiful pair of piercing green eyes, you feel like your breath was stolen from you for a moment. Keeley is talking but you don't hear her, you're too distracted by the woman in front of you.

Her blond hair, plump lips, gorgeous yet intense green eyes, this woman is beautiful. She slams her laptop shut and you snap out of it, you look over at Keeley who's still introducing you.

"y/n this is Rebecca! She's the owner of AFC Richmond"

You freeze and your eyes dart between your friend and Rebecca while your thoughts rush through your brain. You could kill her for not giving you a heads up.

"Oh wow, uh, hi, my name is y/n" you blurt out. Between the shock of just bursting into the owners office and the shock of how beautiful this woman is, you can barely talk.

She stands up from her chair and you're taken back by how tall she is. You look her up and down, taking note of her immaculate curves, her huge chest, her toned arms that would give Michelle Obama a run for her money. She looks like a beautiful, blond Amazonian woman. She towers over you, you have to bend you neck just to maintain eye contact.

"Yes, I assume your name hasn't changed since Keeley introduced you two seconds ago" she says and reaches out her hand. You can't tell if she's joking or not, but you can immediately tell that this woman doesn't fuck around. She doesn’t seem to take to Keeley’s bubbly personality like most people. You’ve always witnessed people softening up and relaxing a little while around Keeley, but not Rebecca.

As she leans in you get a whiff of her perfume, a gorgeous, light yet bold scent that smells like something only a woman of maturity would wear, it’s almost intoxicating. You sheepishly reach out your hand and meet hers. You're again shocked, this time at how firm Rebecca’s handshake is, you also take note on how soft her skin is. Her hand warms yours, since they’re still cold from being outside.

"Sorry if my hands are cold" you say as you pull your hand away and rub your hands together, trying to warm them up. The warmth from her hand keeps yours warm for an extra second and you feel a lingering comfort.

You stand there awkwardly for a second and look over at Keeley hoping she would break the sudden awkward silence.

Rebecca goes to speak when you hear another knock at the door. You turn around to see who you can only assume is Coach Lasso, with a small pink box in his hand.

“Good mornin’ boss! It’s Biscuits with the Boss time!” He says cheerfully, almost too cheerfully for this early in the morning. “Well who’s this here?” As he stops in his tracks in front of you.

Keeley excitedly says “Ted, this is y/n, she’s going to be helping me out with the teams social media!”

“It’s great to meet you y/n! We can use all the help we can get, I know nothin’ ‘bout the Facespace and tweeter or whatever it is you kids use now a days.”

He sticks his hand out and you go to shake his hand.

“It’s an honor to meet you coach Lasso-”

“WAIT you’re American?!” He seems almost too excited “Well wouldya look at that, if we start addin’ too many more Americans to the team these people are gonna think we’re tryin’ to take this country over, ain’t that right boss? And please, call me Ted.”

You chuckle at his joke “sounds good, it’s great to meet you Ted.”

The tension you felt earlier begins to subside as you shake his hand, you’re surprised at how comforting it feels to be around someone from the US, you feel like it’s been forever since you’ve been home.

“Well boss I got your favorite!” Ted says walking towards the desk.

You turn around and notice Rebecca’s eyes dart quickly towards Ted, “was she looking at me?” You think to yourself.

Ted hands her the box and she smiles back at him. You’re a little surprised given how unemotional she seemed a few seconds ago, but you can’t help but smile a little while looking at her. You’ve never seen someone’s smile light up the room like that, you begin to wonder how it’s possible for someone to look so flawless.

Rebecca seems to forget you and Keeley are in the room, she opens the box with an anticipation and excitement you were not expecting, it almost seems uncharacteristic for her; and picks up a biscuit and brings it to her lips. “I wish I was that biscuit” you think to yourself, then realize that that’s probably one of the craziest and dumbest things you’ve ever thought.

“Oh fuck me” Rebecca moans “Ted please tell me where you get these from, I must know”

Your body tingles at the sound of her moan, you feel yourself starting to get wet as a pulse shoots through your body down into your core. Now you really wish you were that biscuit.

“Well I’ve told you once boss, if I told you that we wouldn’t be able to have Biscuits with the Boss every morning!”

Rebecca seems irritated by his response as any lasting signs of anticipation and excitement she had just seconds before vanishes. Ted either doesn’t realize it, or doesn’t care. Either way, if she looked at you like that, you’d want to crawl under a rock and hide.

She glances over at you and Keeley and immediately put the box down, adjusts her posture and fixes her shirt collar. You think you see a flash of embarrassment cross her face, as if she forgot you both were there for a moment.

“Of course.” She says flatly. “Very well then, Ted I’m very busy this morning so I must get back to work.”

“Of course ya are! I’ll get outta your hair then.” Ted turns to leave and stops in front of you. “It was great to meet ya y/n, Keeley why don’t ya bring her down into our office later for a little meet and greet, what’d ya think about that?”

“That was going to be our next stop!” Keeley says excitedly

“Well great, see ya both soon then!” Ted says as he walks away

You turn back around and notice Rebecca had been looking straight at you while your back was turned to her, there’s no doubt this time. Her eyes quickly meet yours and you see the corner of her mouth curve into a slight smirk. You feel your cheeks get red and you look away. Usually you can read people really well, but for some reason, you cannot for the life of you figure out Rebecca.

“Well like I said I’m very busy and must get back to work” Rebecca sits back down in her chair, crossing one of her toned, long legs over the other.

“Come on let me finish giving you the tour! We’ll see you later Rebecca!” Keeley spins on her heels and turns to leave.

“It was nice meeting you” you say to Rebecca

“You as well. Welcome to AFC, y/n” she gives you a smirk and reopens her laptop turning her attention to the screen, as if you had already left the room.

Your heart skips a beat when you hear her say your name. You spin around and follow Keeley, lost in your own thoughts as Keeley talks about AFC. You try to pay attention but your thoughts are swirling. “She had to be checking me out, right?” “What was that smirk? Is she into me?” “How could someone like her even notice someone like me?” “She’s the fucking owner!! There’s no way she was checking me out”

As your thoughts continue to spiral Keeley stops and snaps her fingers in your face to get your attention

“Hello? Is anyone home? Have you even been listening to me?!”

“What? No of course I was listening?”

“Okay then what was the last thing I said?”

You panic a little, you definitely were not paying attention, but as soon as you confirm that, Keeley is going to haunt you about what you were thinking of and you can not tell her about the thoughts you just had about the owner! Your new boss!

“Uh, ‘okay, what was the last thing I said?’” You quickly reply

“Oh you’re a cheeky bitch aren’t ya? Where did you just go?!”

“I, uh, nowhere, I was just a little overwhelmed back there, that’s all. I had no idea she was gonna be the owner! A heads up would have been nice” as you playfully nudge her.

“Oh Rebecca is great!! As soon as I decided to not be afraid of her we’ve gotten along so well”

“What do you mean you decided to not be afraid of her?” You’re as equally surprised as you are confused at what Keeley said, since she isn’t often intimidated by others; but you also understand because Rebecca is as intimidating as she is beautiful.

“She’s fucking terrifying! But I decided to not be scared of her and it’s been great! She even showed me a photo a paparazzi took of her sunbathing naked”

Another pulse shoots straight down, she showed Keeley a naked picture of herself?! Who is this woman?!

“That woman’s tits are incredible! And they’re real! Can you believe that?!”

A third pulse shoots down, you feel your panties getting more wet by the minute

“What??” You try to mask the tone of surprise with confusion

“Oh come on don’t tell me you didn’t look at her tits! I mean they take up half of her chest it’s hard not to look at them”

“Uh, I mean, yeah I guess” you stutter. Keeley raises an eyebrow at you, she knows you usually aren’t lost for words like this. "I don't know dude she was fucking terrifying and she only spoke like five words!"

"Oh yeah she's absolutely terrifying,"

Phew, good save you think to yourself

"but once you get past that I think she's great! I mean, I haven't gotten too far past it just yet, but I like her!"

"If you say so! Come on show me the rest of this place!"

You divert the conversation to something else while two of you walk off towards the locker room and the coaches offices. If you two keeps talking about Rebecca, Keeley is gonna know something is up. "Well this was certainly not how I expected my first day to go, no less the first hour of my first day" you think to yourself.

You can't help but think of Rebecca for the rest of the day, both a little terrified but secretly hoping you'd see her again. You meet the team and everyone else. All of the players are really nice, except for Roy, you're convinced he only communicates in "fucks" and grunts. Sam was so sweet and then there was Jamie, who you've met before, and you still don't like him.

The day finishes just as quickly as it had started, you and Keeley walk out and see Rebecca opening the backseat door to her car. "Damn, she has a driver? She must be rich, rich" you think to yourself.

"Bye Rebecca!" Keeley shouts. Rebecca gives a half wave and climbs into the car. You make eye contact with her as she gets into the car, you're able to keep your eyes on hers without looking away this time and you swear she gives you a smirk as she closes the door. The tinted windows of the car made it hard to see, but you could almost swear that she was watching you as her driver pulled away.

Jamie walks over and puts his arm around Keeley "Come on babes, I need a foot rub" you roll your eyes at him and turn to Keeley

"Thanks for everything Keels, I had a great first day"

You two give each other a quick hug and part ways. You make your way back to your flat, not even noticing that it's colder out than it was this morning. Rebecca has been on your mind all day, tonight probably won't be much different. After a quick shower and some dinner, you crawl into bed but can't fall asleep. Your thoughts are swirling, you're not sure if you're just imagining things since you've been single for a few months now, or if Rebecca was really checking you out. You set your alarm for tomorrow and roll over hoping you'll doze off at a reasonable hour.

~ Chapter 2 will be posted soon! ~

[jamietarttdoooodooooo]

Back Together Again l Chapter 1 l Saying Hi

Pairing : Jamie Tartt x f!reader

Word count: 862

Warnings: None

Summary: You are Ted Lassos' daughter. You have known Jamie seen ten years olds. One day you come to see your dad but inside you could because you miss Jamie. You join the AFC Richmond team and realize that you have fallen in love with your best friend.

A/N: First chapter Yay!!! I am hoping you like it.

You finally arrive at Nelson Road. You get there at 8 am, to talk to Rebecca before anyone could get there.

Rebecca was waiting for you outside the door. “Good morning Y/n, I am so glad you came.” She had a big smile on her face.

“Mornin’ to you too Rebecca.” you said. You both walked right in the building and Rebecca took you right up to her office.

“So you want to join Richmond now what made you change your mind” I was scared to tell her the truth that my mom told me no.

“Well, my dad is coaching this team… also I have always wanted to play on this team. My mom kept me home because she always tells me what to do. And yet I listen to her. I came back because I am finally ready to not listen to her. And do what I want to do and not listen to her anymore.”

Rebecca just smiled at me while typing on her laptop. “Well I think that is very good for you. Also I can put you on the team after the next game.” 

“When is the next game?” I asked. “In a week, so a day after that game you will start” 

“Thank you so much Rebecca” I smiled like I have gotten all the money in the world. “You're very welcome, welcome to AFC Richmond.”

You realize it’s already ten o’clock. Training was going to start in a half an hour. 

So decide you finally come to your senses and go down to the locker room. You knock on the door making sure everyone is dressed.

Everyone said they are. You come in and the first pair of eyes you saw were your dad’s. He came up and hugged me but it wasn’t your dad who hugged you. It was Jamie.

Jamie hugged you from behind. He knew it was your favorite type of hug. “Hello princess,” Jamie said. “Hi lover boy” you knew he loved that nickname you gave him.

Your dad was still shocked to see you. “Y/n why are you here?” my dad asked “Well I wanted to see you and I am coming to play for this team”

You realize everyone was watching this going down and Jamie was still hugging you.

Jamie finally let go of you and realized what you said. “You came to play for this team” you just smiled at him.

“Yeah” you could tell Jamie was bouncing off the walls in his head.

“Wait a girl is going to play with us” Isaac asks. Roy grunts at him. “That means yes Isaac” Jamie says.

Everyone starts to talk to each other. “Oi” Jamie says “Let the girl speak”

“Yes you will have to play with a girl” Beard walks in and gasps. “My favorite Lasso” Yes in fact you and Beard had a close friendship. He always let you do what you wanted to do. He would take you to the store to go shopping. He was like your real dad.

“Everyone go out to the pitch and start running” Roy tells everyone. “Oi Tarrt, talk to your little friend”

“So we haven’t talked this week princess” you looked at him. “I think that might turn into an everyday talk sense. I am going to be here everyday now.” I say

“Yeah, I am glad that you are here princess more time with you the happier I am” Your dad walks in “So why are you really here” My dad asks me.

“I came here to do what I have always wanted to do. Come and play for AFC Richmond” Your dad just smiled at you which means he was proud of you. 

Your dad went to the pitch. “Come on, you two are just going to stay in here or are you going to go practice.” my dad says. Luckily you had sweatpants and a fitted shirt on so you could practice if you had  to. 

Sometimes you did wear jeans and a crop top. You thought you might have to practice so you decided to go with sweatpants.

You and Jamie walk out to the pitch. You start running with all the other boys. 

After practice all of the boys besides you and Jamie go to the locker room. You and Jamie stayed on the pitch and hit the ball around some more and made more goals then you needed to.

“So princess, do you have anywhere to stay tonight?” Jamie asked me. “No I don’t actually”

“Well you can stay at my place till you get a place to call your home.” I smiled at him “Thank you”

[hacash]

ted lasso 2x06 thoughts

OK FANDOM HOW ARE WE FEELING

Rebecca texting her 'mystery lightning man' in bed while her hot stupid side piece makes her breakfast is just...that is a power move on a whole other level. I am in awe. Queen. Goddess.

Between Jamie's dad, Rebecca's parents, and the ongoing mystery of Ted's father...does anyone on this show have a good relationship with their parents besides Sam?? Is Higgins going to have to adopt the entire cast?

He'd do a good job of it, to be certain - it was an easily overlooked plot line, but I love that while fan-favourites Ted, Nate and Rebecca all straight away bottle doing the right thing and telling Beard that his relationship is an unhealthy one, Higgins makes the call to step up and do good. Last season one of the core aspects of Higgins' arc was not telling the truth that needed to be told and we saw how much it bothered him, and I love how that's such a key part of his character. He's such a good dad.

And on that note: avoidance of difficult issues was such a part of this episode, from Ted's phone call about Henry to Beard's relationship, to Rebecca and her delightfully batty mum. I do think this is one of those arcs that would probably have landed better if we saw the whole season as a binge-watch, because we'd be able to see it playing out a lot easier, but it's so clear to see that our heroes are dealing with a lot of emotional repression (we're in England, after all) and I am loving this train wreck it's becoming.

The pub regulars were on fire in this episode. Between Baz backing down from his rather...enthusiastic fanboying and their heckling of GBBO (we've all done it, right?) I'm really glad we got them on our screens again.

I loved the little scene of Ted strolling about the grounds saying hi to the non-football employees of Richmond - it's a nice reminder that he's done so much for the club morale beyond the actual team members.

‘I am a strong and capable man. I am not a piece of shit.’ Ok, who the fuck has been hurting Colin?

Jamie was spot-on perfect this episode. I'm amazed at how smoothly Phil Dunphy passed from 'obnoxious little weasel' to 'himbo comedy gold' in the space of one season; he is a really underrated comedy character and I hope the showrunners make the most of it. I'm torn between 'bad hair' and 'so I can go back to being a prick?' as the funniest moment, but honestly it was all good. I also love how he and Roy are clearly settling into the fond exasperation of best frenemies - we got a sliver of it at the gala episode last season and I'm looking forward to more.

Also the first signs that the Gospel of Ted isn't always 100%: it was good to see Roy correcting Ted's coaching of Jamie and arranging that delightfully spiteful foul-and-goal. And Nate! Nate arranging the final play when Beard and Roy were spiralling!!

I'm still so worried about Nate and obviously there's more drama and pain in store, but for now I'm just buzzing about him actually getting the recognition he deserves. Nate the Great!

I'm always excited about the little team moments, because we never get enough of them, but seeing the happiness of the team after the win, inviting Sharon out for a drink, even just the moments of Isaac and Colin goofing around in the taxi (I miss their broship!) all warmed my heart.

And now onto the main event:

SAM IS THE MYSTERY BANTR MAN. Apart from my bemusement about twenty-one year olds who casually quote poets on dating apps (this...does not happen in my universe at all) I am both so worried and so intrigued. I really find the idea of a proper thing between him and Rebecca leaving a bit of a bad taste in the mouth - the age gap is significant, she's his boss, they're so nice as friends - but the show-writers have handled other difficult issues really well, so I trust they can handle this too.

I've already said that the parallels that would emerge between Rebecca 'n Sam (Rebecca dating a much younger man with such a notable power imbalance) and Rupert's own dating history...would be an interesting one. If she does pursue something with Sam I kinda hope this gets brought up? Because honestly if we had a male boss in his forties dating his twenty-one year old female employee on the show we would all be kicking off about it, and it's pretty skeevy not to at least acknowledge that when the genders are swapped.

AND TED. OH TED. I have so many feels about this that I can't all get down - I'm not quite sure why he was hearing replays of Jamie's dad in his head, but the 'father issues' klaxon is blaring loud and clear - but I'm just so glad it ended the way it did, with him finally asking Sharon for help. Roll on next Friday.

ETA: I just realised Sam’s the one who helps Jamie up after his foul and then stops the Spurs player from clobbering him. Oh. My. Heart.

[posijeff-blog]

Chapter 2, Young, Poor, and Jewish In my initial year at UWM  I took two semesters of Biblical Hebrew language under Dr. Bernard Grossfield. Some of that era of the tongue translated to contemporary conversational Hebrew which I was able to use in my daily dialogue with an elderly Palestinian coworker. I went on in the Religious Studies program to study with Rabbi Dana Evan Kaplan who I became friends with. At the time he was writing a book called, American Reform Judaism: An Introduction ( Rutgers University Press) which was to become highly esteemed in academic circles. I never wanted to move from Milwaukee but I knew it was time to travel. I narrowed my destinations down to India and Israel. Israel won out. I met Dana for lunch at Shaharazad restaurant to talk about it. He thought it was a great idea and cool that I had no plans and just a few loose contacts in The Holy Land.  At the time I had very little money. Dana told me exactly what to do. "Go to the old city. People are going to ask you if you are Jewish. Just tell them your mother is Jewish. You know more about Judaism than most Jews." "But I have tattoos. I don't even look Jewish." "I didn't say you were a good Jew" I knew he was right. I needed to turn this head knowledge into experiential knowledge. Without doing so there would be no insight into first hand experience as a Jew. This was education and investigative journalism at once. The more I gave whole heartedly of myself as a Jew, the more I knew about being a Jew, and the more of a Jew I became. Believe your own bullshit. Dana told me some very specific things that came to manifest in Israel. For example, I would meet a guy at The Wall named Jeff Seidel who would ask if I would like a place to stay and I could stay with a religious family and study with them. This came to pass and so did some other interesting things. My first stop was in Tel Aviv where I'd to stay with a punk rocker I met in a punk chat room. Our connection was a n anarchist punk band whose 1994 record I had by some Jewish Israeli's called Nekhei Na'atza AKA Renounce Judaism. Like  a lot of American punk bands, I thought they were fast and thought provoking but if they believed in what they politically espoused they were painting with some broad strokes. To a large degree it was just another shock tactic, one that got them recognition in Israel and on talk shows where religious Jews tried to "deprogram" them. Believe it or not, pre-911 Israel didn't have a lot else going on as far as a hardcore scene.When I arrived the guys at the squat treated me like I was some sort of ambassador. They really rolled out the cat haired red carpet for me. These guys were so crusty one dude's deadlock fell off. I got up from the chair at the kitchen table after my NesCafe and my butt had a mustache. Their record collections were really small and they were stoked to get some presents I had for them  them from the States like the new Shelter, a Sensefield/Jimmy Eat World split 7", EVEL (from Milwaukee), and the Destroy LA 7" from Pressure. They liked the Pressure 7" right away and were pretty open to the other music as well. After taking a walk one of the guys took me aside and told me seriously that that the world would be a better place if the US were blown off the face of the Earth. He wanted me to meet with this guy who he said was the king of the punks in Tel Aviv. I wasn't interested.   There was a lot of partying going on that night in the streets because The Maccabees professional basketball team ( part of the European league) just won a big championship title. I slept for a few hours then sneaked out with all my stuff. I slept on a jungle gym and wound up getting this rash called "wrestlers back" from that or the squat: a bunch of gross boils all over my back. I was low on money from the start so I decided to walk to Jerusalem and hitch hike if need be as I heard it was safe to do so. I calculated in my mind that it was only 40 miles which was way off. But the major roads were lined with grapefruit trees and orange groves. I didn't want to steal so I was eating warm, sun drenched oranges and grapefruit that fell off the trees. I hitched a  ride in a van after the first 15 miles and got into an argument in Hebrew with the driver. It seems hitch hiking in Israel is safe because you are expected to pay. I told him I wasn't going to pay him one shekel since we were going to the same place. He was pissed but didn't kick me out. The kids in the back seat were cool. An orthodox family, one of the young boys asked if I liked Tu Pac. No matter where I seemed to go on this journey Palestinian and Israeli kids seemed to share a love and excitement for Tu Pac. When I got dropped off I found a grocer and bought a bottle of water. I started walking toward sights I'd seen in books: the mosque with the gold dome (which holds the slab of rock Abraham was going to sacrifice Isaac on), The Wall. A conservative guy with a yarmulke, white shirt, and black pants was coming home from work to his apartment and asked me in a New York accent if I was lost. I told him I wanted to get to The Wall before sundown as it was Friday. He invited me up to their apartment where I got to meet his young wife and baby son who I got to hold and play with. He prayed over me and gave me a yarmulke which was not real effective because I had a shaved head. It turned out he knew my friend Raphael's relatives in New York and our mothers were both from Sheboygan. He showed me a a haunting photo of his mom's dad visiting his home town in Latvia that was totally reduced to rubble by the Nazi's. I'm not sure why the guy felt compelled to return. My mother's family is Lithuanian, from that same region of the Europe I knew next to nothing about at the time. The couple sent me on my way with a bag of groceries, mostly native oranges and Israeli chocolates. I was so happy to have food. When I got to the wall it was as predicted I met Jeff Siedel. I wanted to go pray but he wanted to talk to me about the Chicago Blackhawks who were not doing so well at the time. There were so many cute girls there. I looked kind of awful, like a sun burnt skinhead. But the girls were all really sweet and nice to me. Most of them wore long conservative dresses. A few of them kept asking me about my tattoos. There was a group of men praying with some old scrolls. This guy with a beard who was about my dad's age asked if I was married. I told him no. "Well maybe you just haven't met the right girl." "Yeah, well that's the whole trick isn't it." These people were OG. Seidel wrote a name and address on a piece of paper for me of an elderly man and woman who I would have dinner with and stay with. I got to the apartment which reminded me of a clean early 20th century apartment in NYC except cobble stone streets below, less sirens, and more sounds of people praying and singing. The meal itself took hours. I turned down the boiled chicken that was sitting out for three hours. But the wine was delicious. I was really poor at reading from the prayer books in Hebrew but they were patient with me, like loving grandparents. I asked the  man why in earlier times miracles occurred like parting of the red sea. People, as he explained were more in touch with nature, with God then. Even the most depraved person had a sense of reverence for that which could not be explained. Today we credit meteorology as a logical science, more believable than God even while fifty percent of people complain about the weather man getting shit wrong half the time. Perfect Deity, developing science. When it came time to bid farewell the next day I wanted to give the matriarch a hug but there seemed to be some rule against it. But I got a strong sense of love from them and some solid handshakes. They even gave me money. I hit the streets and saw the sights. The hottest chicks around were the Israeli Army girls. All these girls were my age and wore grunge styled army fatigues and held Uzis that were attached to a strap that went around there necks. I guess I have a little Ted Nugent in me. I don't know why but if you put a gun on an already hot girl she becomes totally hot. It's a weird phenomenon. I'm weird. I figured I may as well do something positive with my time. I saw a sign that said "Emergency Clinic" in English then something in Arabic outside the City's Jewish quarter. I had just gotten a CPR and first Aid certification from the American Red Cross before I came over. Maybe they could use some help with all the fighting. I didn't see any bloodshed but there was a really high tension in the air as Jews  interacted cordially yet cautiously with Palestinians and vice versa. I can imagine it was a similar "in the air tonight"  feeling prevalent during the American years of segregation down south. I saw some Arab kids playing with guns, hiding around the corner and shooting at one another. I wondered how long before they would be carrying guns for real. The thought bummed me out. I got to the clinic and it appeared to be run by Muslims because I didn't see anybody there except some shoes on what looked like a Moroccan rug. Out of nowhere two guy ran out of the clinic in white robes pointing Uzis at me. The head guy from the clinic (I was later lead to assume) walked up to me with a Chinese AK and pointed it at my forehead. Realizing I didn't speak their native tongue the head honcho asked what the fuck I was doing there. I told him I was just seeing if they needed any help. It was confusing to him. He grabbed my wrist and asked me what the Hebrew tattoo meant on it. I told him it was one of the Hebrew words for meditation from the Bible. Ironically I got it done in NYC by Tee Schwartz , a skinhead from Milwaukee. Honcho told his buddies to go back in the clinic and started talking to me about meditation. He said his brother was into meditation. He told me to be more careful  because he was about to shoot me. It was all good. To be honest, I did not feel scared for one second. I was on Holy ground. One of my last stops that day was at the Garden of Gethsemane, where Jesus was betrayed by Judas Iscariot. I saw Reggie White from the Green Bay Packers there which was awesome and I got my picture taken with him. Nobody else knew who he was. A few Israeli soldiers thought I was getting my picture taken with him because he was a black giant. They told me there was an even bigger black guy there a few days earlier. What the hell is wrong with these people? It's Reggie White! Seeing him made me homesick. I was already missing Milwaukee, my apartment, and my 13" TV set. I was leaving Jerusalem with more money I had arrived with on account of the nice people I met. I got a shuttle to Tel Aviv and flew to Amsterdam, then home.