#bottom pic was i think from april when they were getting their asses kicked by seattle in the first round and it was titled its over babes

[calemakart]

some old cales i found cleaning up my files :) happy new year !!

[nickelkeep]

What About Us?

Pairings: Dean/Cas (endgame), Cas/April, Dean/April Rating: Mature (What!?) Word Count: 9417 Warnings: There’s no actual sex? Sorry? Seriously though. Implied Domestic Abuse (Not Dean/Cas), Implied Demiphobia. Implied Homophobia. Infidelity (Not Dean/Cas) On Ao3

Dean's hand went flying to his nightstand as he heard the loud vibrations of a cellphone going off, pulling him out of his slumber. His hand wrapped around his phone and he pulled it close, able to see that it was 1 AM. However, it wasn't his phone ringing. He set the phone down and rolled back over, kissing his girlfriend April on her shoulder. "Babe, your phone is going off."

April nuzzled in closer before sitting up abruptly. "What!?" She looked around before sliding to the edge of the bed to grab her phone out of her pants pocket. "Shit!" She answered the phone. "Hey, Daphne!" April pulled her pants on while listening to her friend. "No, I haven't seen him. I've been a little wrapped up." She bent back over and picked up her shirt and slid it on. "I'm not his keeper."

Dean sat up in the bed and turned his lamp on low to help April search for her things. "Well, I'm sorry that he stormed in and out on you like that." Dean's head tilted in confusion. He wasn't sure who April was talking about, but it didn't sound good. "Fine. I'll try and give him a call for you. I'll call you back if I hear anything Daph." April hung up the phone and walked around the foot of the bed, before stopping next to Dean. "Sorry to run out on you like this."

"It's all good. You don't like spending the night anyway." Dean shrugged. "Daphne having guy issues?"

"You can say that." April leaned in and kissed Dean's cheek. "I'm gonna use the restroom then head out, ok?"

"Of course, Babe." Dean nodded. "Just lock up after yourself and drive safe, ok?"

"I always do." April blew him a kiss as she walked out of Dean's room and to the restroom. After a quick check-up, making sure her make up was still good, her hair was still in place, and her clothes looked good, April flushed the toilet and headed out.

A short drive later, April pulled into her driveway. Another car was there, and she sighed heavily. She gave herself one more look over in her rearview mirror before hopping out of her car and heading into her home.

Not alarmed by her front door being unlocked, April let herself in, dropping her keys into a dish and hanging her purse off of the banister. She climbed the stairs toward the top level of her home and saw a figure sitting at her kitchen table. She could smell the bergamot before she even got next to the not-so-mysterious person, and wrapped her arms in an embrace around his neck. "Hiya, Baby."

Blue eyes looked up at her, a storm threatening to darken them. "That's all you're going to say?"

"Castiel, what do you want me to say? Sorry you missed me at the bar? I got a headache and went for a drive." April sat next to him and took his hand. "The music was too loud, the air was too stuffy. I just needed to get out of there. I may have also had a couple of drinks, so that didn't help."

"So why didn't you call? Or answer your cell?" Castiel's eyes grew wide in surprise and frustration. "Instead you went for a drive while intoxicated? What if you had gotten in an accident?" He cupped his forehead in his hands. "Look, I don't like being the overbearing boyfriend, or looks like they're following you, but you've been acting strangely lately. And you just admitted you drank and drove?" Castiel shook his head. "April, what's going on?"

"I'm sorry babe. I appreciate that you worry about me, I do." April held her hand out. "I'm just, I'm stressed, frazzled. I need to relax."

Castiel smiled sympathetically and took her hand. "Well what are you doing this weekend? Maybe we can go away?"

"Let me see." April used her free hand to reach for her phone. It wasn't in either of her pockets. "Uh, let me go grab my purse. I think I left my phone in there." She let go of Cas' hand and ran down the stairs and dug into her purse. "Shit."

Castiel looked down at her from the top of the stairs. "What's wrong?"

"I lost my phone." She patted her pockets again, doing the lost phone macarena.

"I can call it." Castiel went to grab his phone.

April ran back up the stairs. "You know what, don't worry about it." She took his hands and held them. "It's either in my car, or it's at the bar," she faked a smile, realizing that she never picked it up off of the sink in Dean's bathroom. "I'll check tomorrow. I think it was also low on battery, so no big deal."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure baby. Why don't we go get ready for bed? We've both got work tomorrow, and we should get some rest."

"Tomorrow is Saturday." Castiel tilted his head in confusion. "Neither of us work."

April pressed up against him and grabbed Castiel's ass. "You'll have something to work tomorrow." She slapped his ass playfully before taking his hand and leading him to the bedroom.

Dean's alarm went off at 6 AM, just like it did every day. Running his own garage was a blessing and a curse. He slapped the button to shut off the alarm and sat up, only slightly cursing April's name. He still had no idea what had happen the night before, but he did hope that Daphne was ok. Whoever she was dating now sounded like a real douche.

He stood up and stretched before meandering down to the bathroom. He stumbled in, hissing as the fluorescent light hit him in the face. After taking care of business and washing his hands, Dean noticed something unfamiliar sitting on the counter. He squinted and rubbed his eyes again before grabbing and picking it up. He flipped it over and realized that April left her phone by accident.

Dean shuffled back to the bedroom to get dressed, the phone in hand, and curiosity eating away at him. Did April even know that she had forgotten it last night? At the very least he should call Daphne to tell her that he had April's phone. He sat on the edge of his bed and pressed the button to wake it up, and was met with a 5x5 grid pattern lock. Dean scoffed and rolled his eyes. As pretty and as smart as April was, she was a simple creature. He figured out her heart pattern on the second try.

Her background was one of those fancy moving ones, again, all hearts and it hurt Dean's eyes to look at it for too long. He quickly found her contacts and opened them to find Daphne's info. Much like his own list, at the top, there was a list of favorite contacts. As his eyes ran over them, he saw one for Daddy Bear, another for Daphodil, one for Deaniekins, one for Momma Bear, and one for Sweetcheeks.

Dean tilted his head in confusion. He was Deaniekins, who the fuck was Sweetcheeks?

He clicked the contact info and took a look, it wasn't any number he recognized, and there were no pictures associated with the contact. He rubbed his eyes and looked over it again. Dean grabbed a pad of paper and a pen out of his nightstand and wrote the mystery contact information down. He was about to exit out of it and call Daphne when there was a knock at the door.

Dean stood up and walked down the hall again, this time heading to the front door of his apartment. He peaked out the peephole and saw April standing there. He slightly panicked and quickly exited out of her contacts entirely before putting her phone back to sleep. Dean opened the door and swung it open wide, letting April waltz in. He forced out a cheerful, "Morning, Beautiful."

"Morning, Dean." She looked at his hand. "Ah, I see you found it already." She pressed up against his chest and placed a quick peck on his lips. "I felt so bad rushing out on you last night. I went to text you and send you some pics. I realized I didn't have my phone."

Dean nodded and bit his bottom lip. "Is that so?" He grabbed her hips and watched as she checked her phone. Relief flooded her face, and Dean felt the sting when he realized that she thought he didn't see anything on her phone. He swallowed with some difficulty, trying to keep the next words that came out from his mouth from sounding wholly forced. "Since I couldn't get some pictures, is there time for me to get the real thing?"

"Deaniekins!" She playfully slapped his chest. "You've got to get to work, and trust me, when we get back in that bed, I'm going to keep you in it all. Day. Long." She winked at him.

"Huh, that's unlike you." Dean mentally kicked himself, as the words escaped him.

April paused and looked at him. "Excuse me?"

"You offering to stay all day long. No offense babe, but you're a dine and dash kinda gal" Dean let go of her and crossed his arms. "April, I need to ask. Is there another guy? Am I the other guy?"

"What!?" April took a significant step back. "Are you kidding me? Dean, that's fucking low."

"Look, I'm sorry babe, I'm just, something's not right."

"Get to work. We'll talk later." April turned on her heel and stormed out the door, slamming it behind her.

Dean ran his hand down his face and headed back to his bedroom. He pulled out “Sweetcheeks'” information and grabbed his phone. After double and triple checking the number, Dean pressed the call button. He wasn't sure what to expect but took a deep breath in and out for each time the phone rang.

After several rings, the voicemail picked up:

Hello, you have reached the voicemail of Castiel Novak. I'm sorry I was unable to take your call at this time. If you could please leave your name, your number, and the reason for your call, I'll be glad to call you back as soon as possible. Have a wonderful day.

Dean frowned. The guy sounded like a decent sort. It also meant that he had probably been the other guy. As the tone sounded, Dean let out a heavy sigh and left his message.

"Hi, Castiel. I'm probably the last person on the planet you ever want to hear from, but my name is Dean, and I think we need to have a talk. It's about April. My number is (555)-555-6767. That's my cell. I'll have it on me all day, so please call as soon as you can. Thanks."

Dean disconnected the call and tossed his phone on his bed. He rested his head in his hands rubbing his thumbs against his temples. It was going to be a long day.

The one thing Castiel hated more than being jinxed, was being jinxed to actually have to go into work. He wasn't supposed to be working on a Saturday, but here was. Charlie's mom was sick again, and Kevin had some sort of state genius testing to go to, and frankly, Castiel didn't feel like fighting with anyone else to come into the Library on a Saturday.

He would only have to be there for a couple of hours until Becky and Chuck could come in to relieve him. Castiel made quick work of restocking the shelves, pulling online requests, and any small cleaning tasks that could be done before the Library got too busy.

Castiel ended up staying an extra hour, even after his relief arrived. A book club had decided to use one of their resource rooms for a meeting without making a prior arrangement. Castiel couldn't leave them short-staffed, and stayed in on the meeting, even if they were talking about the newest vampire/werewolf/trashy romance novel.

Once the meeting was over, Castiel snuck back to the break room and found his phone. He had several missed messages from April, a missed phone call from his brother, and a missed phone call from an unknown number. He played the voicemails while texting back to April, letting her know what had happened at the Library.

Gabe had just wanted to know if he could swing by the bakery that afternoon, and Castiel texted April that he was going to, so to not worry about stopping by right away. The voicemail from the unknown number threw him off completely.

Hi, Castiel. I'm probably the last person on the planet you ever want to hear from, but my name is Dean, and I think we need to have a talk. It's about April. My number is (555)-555-6767. That's my cell. I'll have it on me all day, so please call as soon as you can. Thanks.

Castiel tilted his head and slid on his trench coat as he headed out to his car. He entered the number and pressed the call button.

Two rings and the voice belonging to Dean picked up. "Hello, this is Dean."

"Dean? This is Castiel. You called and left me a voicemail this morning saying we needed to have a talk about April."

"Watch it, Benny!" Dean shouted at someone. "Uh, yeah, one second. Let me get off the floor." A rustle sounded across the phone, indicating that Dean had probably covered the phone with his hand. "Benny, I'm going to my office for a few. Don't screw up the chrome on the Goat!" The rustle happened again, and the sounds were unmuted. "Sorry about that Castiel. Almost in my office."

"It's ok." Castiel heard a door click and then the squeak of a chair. "You made it sound like it was important. I called as soon as I got your message."

"I, uh. I appreciate you calling." Dean responded. "Look, buddy, I don't know how to say this, I've never had to before, and all I know is blunt." A few seconds passed. "April's cheating on you."

"You're really funny." Castiel rolled his eyes. "Did Daphne put you up to this? Or was it Lisa?"

"Neither. Look, I can prove it." Dean sighed. "April was with me last night. She left my place at 1 AM after she got a phone from Daphne. I only heard April's side of the convo, so I thought she was talking about Daphne's boyfriend, but they were talking about someone coming to the Bar looking for someone. I guess you came to the bar looking for April?"

Castiel dropped the phone and scrambled to pick it back up. "How the hell do you know that?"

"I told you, I was with her." Something like shame came from the other man's voice. "She left her phone at my house last night. It's how I got your number. I was going to call Daphne to let April know I had it, but I saw someone named Sweetcheeks in her phone."

"And assumed it wasn't you?"

"I'm in there as Deaniekins," mumbled Dean.

"Well, Deaniekins. Don't you ever go near her again." Castiel gripped the steering wheel tight, his knuckles turning white.

"I don't plan on it. I've already blocked her number. I don't know how long you two have been together, but I'm sorry. If I had known, I never would... I'm not like that. I don't..." Castiel could have sworn he heard a small sniffle. "I'm sorry, Castiel."

The phone disconnected, and Castiel pulled it away from his ear, staring at it. In one phone call, his entire world had been turned upside down. Five years together, for what?

Castiel started to pull up the information to call April but knew that without further proof, she could deny and deny and deny. He swiped down and did the next best thing. He called Daphne.

Daphne answered the phone after the first ring. "Castiel! How are you doing today?"

"I'm not so good, Daph." He sighed into the phone. "Look, if you're not busy, can you meet me at Gabe's Bakery? I'll treat you to coffee and one of his pastries that you like so much."

"You need to talk? I can talk. Give me like five, I'll be there." Daphne disconnected the call.

Castiel tossed his phone into the passenger seat and started the car. Daphne and April were close, but he and Daphne went back further. He was hoping that meant that she would be honest with him. Even if she didn't let him down easy, she needed to tell him the truth, the whole truth. Not the lying by omittances that he received last night.

He drove across town and pulled into a spot in front of Angel Cakes, his brother's bakery. Daphne was already waiting outside, leaning against the wall. "I should have realized you were coming from the library."

"If you hadn't just disconnected the call, I could have warned you."

"Touché, Castiel." Daphne winked at him as he held the door open for her.

"Cassie!" Gabe peeked over the counter. "You came! And you brought Daphne. Hazelnut Danish, lovely lady?"

"Yep, but put it on his tab. He bribed me to come with." Daphne sat a table. I'll also take a coffee, black just leave some room for cream please."

"He had to bribe you? You didn't just want to see me?" Gabe put a hand over his heart. "You want anything, Cassie?"

"Just a black coffee, room for cream." He pulled out his wallet and threw a ten on the counter before going to sit with Daphne. "So, I really need to talk to you. And I need you to be honest with me."

"I'm always honest, Cas-"

"Who's Dean?"

Daphne paled but attempted to keep her composure. "Dean?"

"Daphne, please, now is not the time to play stupid. He called me this morning, and I called him back." Castiel paused as Gabe brought over their coffees, some creamers, and Daphne's Danish. "Please. I just need to know if he's telling me the truth."

"Ooo, drama!" Gabe slid over a chair.

"Dean is a guy that we met at the bar one night." Daphne hung her head. "He had been flirting with some guy, but when that struck out, he came over to our table and started flirting with us."

"Was he desperate to get laid?" Gabe laughed.

Daphne quickly shook her head no. "He could have had anyone in that bar. He just accidentally picked a guy who was taken and had the willpower to say no. The moment the guy flashed his ring, Dean backed off. He apologized and everything."

"So he came to your table, and what?" Castiel glared at his brother as Gabe prepped his coffee for him.

"He's kind, and he's charming. He doesn't do that negging thing that most jerks do nowadays. Asked how we were doing. Complimented everyone of us." Daphne let out a sigh. "Lisa's with Matt, and I was dating Emmanuel at the time, so we both turned him down."

Castiel stared incredulously. "And April?"

Gabe poured in an extra pack of sugar into Castiel's coffee before getting up. He walked behind the counter and came back with a couple of peanut butter cookies that he sat in front of his brother. "So, I'm gathering April's cheating on Cassie."

Daphne nodded solemnly. "We didn't know she went back up to him. Dean had complimented her, but he was more interested in Lisa. And again, when he found out we were taken. Backed off completely." She chuckled sadly. "He even made a quip about 'Whatever happened to single's night.'"

"Okay, Hold on. You and Emmanuel broke up three months ago. This affair has been going on at least that long?" Cas pushed the cookies away but took a sip of his coffee.

"Uh, that was about three months before that." Daphne braced herself.

"The last six months of my life have been a lie, Daphne!?" Castiel ran his fingers through his hair as Gabe grabbed his shoulder.

"I know it doesn't help, but I didn't even know until right after Emmanuel broke up with me."

Gabe spoke up. "Daphne, April tells you everything, how didn't you know?"

"Oh, I don't know? Who am I spilling everything I know to right now?" Daphne deadpanned.

"Shut it, Gabe." Castiel pinched the bridge of his nose. "So how did you find out?"

"Remember that guy I went on a few dates with? Zeke?" Daphne waited until the guys nodded in confirmation before continuing. "I asked her to go on a double date with me. Imagine my surprise when she showed up with Dean and not you."

"And you didn't tell Cassie afterward?"

Daphne hung her head. "I couldn't."

"Does she have something on you?" Castiel inquired.

Daphne nodded, looking away from her friends. "It's nothing my friends would shame me for, but..."

"I'm not going to ask. You tell me..." Castiel held up his finger to silence his brother, "and Gabriel when you're ready."

"Thank you." Daphne smiled softly. "Look, let me say this. From getting to know Dean over the last month? He is a nice guy. You both have been led on. You both deserve better than April." She played with her swizzle stick. "I think, if he found out and extended an olive branch, you should take it. You at least owe him that much. I mean, I know you had been looking at rings."

Castiel looked to Gabriel who shrugged and held his hands up in front of him. Finding no help from his brother, he turned back to Daphne. "Where can I find him?"

"He owns and runs Singer Auto Shop. It's that big detailing and repair shop on the other side of town. Apparently, he inherited from his uncle, made it bigger and better than ever." Daphne pulled out her phone and swiped and typed around on it, before turning it to face Castiel. "This is the place."

Castiel entered the address into his phone. "You ok from here, Daph?"

"You're leaving me with Gabe?"

"Yeah, I think that's punishment enough for hiding this from me." Castiel stood up and put his trench coat back on. "Gabe. Be nice."

"I make no promises."

Castiel rushed out the door of the bakery and hopped into his car, heading across town.

Singer Auto looked like an old beat-up warehouse that had been transformed into a repair shop. Perhaps that's what it was, but Castiel wasn't going to ask as the last thing he wanted to was insult anyone. He parked his car in front of the main office and took a deep breath. He was about to go face the man who was able to steal his April away. He wondered if she was truly faithful to him in the five years they were together.

He got out of the car and headed inside, met by a giant guy with a Cajun accent. "What can I do for you, Sir?"

"Uh, yes. I was hoping I could speak with Dean, please."

"The bossman's pretty busy. If it's about your car out there, any one of us can handle it, I assure you."

"Can you let him know Castiel is here? I'll wait as long as it takes."

"Castiel?" The other man stiffened and squared himself up. "If you're here for funny business."

"Does it honestly look like I'm here for that? I just want to talk. He said he wanted to talk, and... here I am." Castiel shoved his hands in his pockets, pulling them out and exposing them. "I just, I need some closure."

"Go sit down." The Cajun pointed over to the waiting area. "If he says no, you leave. No questions asked, no pleading, no begging. Understood?"

Castiel nodded and watched as the other man walked through a door and disappeared from view.

After a few minutes, a newly familiar voice called out. "Castiel?"

Castiel looked up and realized that his breath had been taken away. For a moment, he almost couldn't blame April, if this was Dean. His light brown hair, his sun-kissed skin, bespeckled with freckles, green eyes the shade of peridot. He was absolutely gorgeous. He swallowed and stood up, walking across the room to shake Dean's hand. "That would be me."

"Hi, I'm um, Dean. Dean Winchester. I really wish we could have met under better circumstances." Dean took Castiel's hand in a firm grip and shook it.

"I wish that as well," Castiel replied. "I also wanted to apologize for my comments from earlier this afternoon. They are not how I wish to be remembered."

"Dude, I had just told you that your girl had been cheating on you for..." Dean paused. "It is safe to assume I was the other guy, correct?"

Castiel hung his head and nodded. "You were, yes. April and I have been to get a little over five years.

"Shit." Dean's shoulders fell, and he turned to head back from the direction he came from. "Come with me?"

"Not going to hit me over the head with an oil pan, are you?" Castiel attempted at a joke, as his hands slipped back into his pockets and he followed Dean back through the door.

Dean shook his head. "Nah. Might extend the offer to you though."

Castiel was directed into what he could only assume was Dean's office. He took a seat in a plush chair across from a chair that looked even plusher.

"No judging the furniture. My shop, my rules. My office, my comfort." Dean offered a smile before going serious again. "I really do want to apologize again. And again. And again. If I had known April had a boyfriend, I would have walked away."

"I know. I spoke with Daphne." Castiel held up his hand. "How do you think I found you?"

"If Daphne knew, why didn't she speak up?" Dean tilted his head in confusion. "She was there when I first met April."

"She said that April approached you separate from the rest of them, after you flirted with them first. And then she didn't see you again until about five, six weeks ago." Castiel looked away from Dean and focused on a loose thread on the sleeve of his trench coat.

"Shit. Now that you mention it. I was wondering why I didn't get to hang out with any of April’s friends when she talked about them so much. And then there was that double date with Daphne and that weird guy." Castiel looked up to a thud, where Dean's head had met the desk. "I feel like I should have known. But I missed it all. I ruined someone's life. I never wanted to be that person." Dean looked up. "I'm sorry, Cas. I'm really sorry, man."

"So what are you going to do about it?"

Dean replied quickly, "If you're going to stay with April, I've already blocked everything. I'll never talk to her again. I have STD tests to show that I'm clean."

"I'm not staying with her, Dean." Cas sat up straighter, feeling better admitting that they were done. "I don't know if you were the first, but I definitely know you were the last."

Dean paused for a moment and looked at the clock on his desk. "Do you know the Roadhouse?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I don't want to presume or be pushy. But, let me make this up to you. Let's go grab a couple of burgers and some beers." Dean smiled, and Cas noted that he looked slightly hopeful. "It's also quitting time around here, and I don't really want to be alone right now."

"I really don't want to be either." Cas agreed.

"Cool. Then, um. Let me go let Benny know he can close up. And you and I can head over." Dean stood up and pointed at the door.

A short drive later, and Dean making light fun of Cas' car in the parking lot before showing off his own, the pair were seated in a booth at the Roadhouse. Ellen - who turned out to be Dean's aunt - brought them over their first beers and promised to keep them coming.

"Can I ask you questions about her, if you don't mind?" Dean played with the label on his bottle. "You can ask any and all questions you want as well."

"I reserve the right to say no, but yes, you can ask." Cas took a swig of his beer and watched as the corner of Dean's mouth twisted up into a small smile.

"How did you two meet?"

"That one's not so bad." Cas chuckled. "She kept coming into the library. I'm the lead librarian at the branch here in town. I was oblivious to the fact that she was coming in to see me until she spelled it out and asked me on a date."

Dean smiled and bit his bottom lip. "Do you wear glasses?"

"What?" Cas tilted his head in confusion. "I'm not sure what that has to do with what we're talking about."

"Nothing, Cas." Dean licked his lips and chuckled. "You said you two were together for five years? Did you not keep anything at her house?"

Cas shook his head. "It's why I'm starting to think you weren't the first, just the first time she's been caught. She wouldn't keep anything at my place either. She let me have a key, but God Forbid I accidentally left my toothbrush or a pair of boxers there."

"Sadly, that makes sense." Dean took a pull from his bottle.

"So you've been seeing her for six months."

Ellen dropped off their burgers, and Dean took a bite before responding. "Yeah. I honestly thought it was gonna just be a one-night stand kinda thing. She's not normally my type."

"Huh." Cas popped a fry into his mouth. "Daphne mentioned that too. Said that you were paying more attention to Lisa."

Dean choked on his food and took a chug of his beer to wash it down. "Daphne noticed that?"

"I've known Daphne since college. She notices the smallest details." Cas took another drink of his beer. "She noticed that you had been flirting with a guy who was married before you came to them. But you didn't realize he was married. The moment he told you, you backed off."

"She saw that too?"

Cas nodded. "That's what she said. And clearly she must be right, 'cause you're not denying it."

"Not ashamed." Dean shrugged. "Life's too short to not enjoy what you enjoy." Dean went for another drink of his beer and finished it off. "Ready for another?" He looked over to the bar and held up two fingers and got a nod from Ellen. "So, what are you gonna do?"

"About?"

"Really Cas? About April." Dean looked up at Ellen when she dropped off the beers. "Thanks, Elle." He looked back at Cas. "You haven't broken up with her yet, right?"

"No. I was actually supposed to go see her this evening." Cas pulled out his phone and unlocked it, showing the missed calls and texts. "She's quote-unquote worried sick about me."

"Would she actually go out looking for you, like you did last night?" Dean started peeling the label off of his new bottle.

"No." Cas slouched down in his seat and kicked his feet up on the bench next to Dean. "I guess I get it. I'm just too boring. I don't even know what she saw in me to begin with."

"You're fucking kidding, right?" Dean sat up and leaned forward across the table. I see a tall, tanned, gorgeous man, with bright blue eyes that one could just drown in. You're built, so I'm pretty sure you'd be hard to take in a fight, but yet here you are talking to me instead of beating the shit out of me. That tells me you're kind and compassionate. You're also the lead librarian. They don't just put stupid people in charge there." Dean rolled his eyes. "Why the fuck would she want to cheat on you?"

Cas blushed, and took a drink of his beer before muttering his thanks to Dean.

"Don't thank me. Not yet anyway. You're going to go break up with her, and then you and me? We're going to take matters into our own hands." Dean smiled and winked.

"Dean, are you going to land us in jail?"

"Nothing entirely illegal if they can't pin it back to us." Dean smiled around the lip of his beer bottle.

Cas rubbed his forehead and took another bite of his burger. "Let me hear it."

"You telling me you don't like surprises Cas? You break up with her tomorrow, and Monday, we get to have all the fun."

"Why do I have to wait until tomorrow to break up with her?" Cas took a sip of his beer.

"Cause we're going to drink, celebrate our new friendship, and that gives me the chance to get all the paperwork together tomorrow, so we're not doing anything illegal on Monday."

"You know how expensive lawyers are on Sundays, Dean?" Cas stretched his arms up and out, and he could have sworn that he caught Dean sneaking a peek.

Dean pointed with the neck of his bottle. "Ancient secret, Cas. Put your younger brother through Law School. He'll owe you forever." Dean took another swig of his beer before holding up two fingers again and getting Ellen's attention.

A few more beers later, and close to closing time, Cas and Dean were laughing and giggling like old friends. Cas learned that Dean loved Vonnegut and the other beat writers, while he had admitted that he was quite the Star Wars fan. Their likes and hobbies overlapped, but not so much so where they didn't have their own unique personalities.

"Cas, this is gonna sound like something out of a chick flick, but I kinda wish it was you I had met at the bar." Dean smiled as he and Cas waited outside for Cas' ride to arrive.

"I was in a relationship, Dean. I would have said no." Cas tilted his head.

"I know, that's why I said kinda. I would have been happy just to be your friend too. I am happy to be your friend. This could have gone so much worse." Dean swayed a little and rested his head on Cas' shoulder.

"You sure you don't want to ride with me back to your place?" Cas offered, resting his head on Dean's. "I'm sure it's not too far out of the way for Gabe."

Dean yawned and shook his head. "I live a block that way. Just want to make sure you get picked up safe."

"I appreciate that."

"Do you want me to come with you tomorrow?" Dean tilted his head to look up at Cas. "I'm serious. For moral support, or something like that?"

"I think I need to do this on my own. But if you want to come over afterward?" Cas pulled his head back and looked down. "I could use some time with my friends."

"Text me your address when you get home. That way I have it, and I know you're safe." Dean sat up as a car pulled into a lot. "I'm assuming this is Gabe?"

"This would be Gabe." Cas stood up and offered his hand to Dean. "Last call, you sure you don't want us to drop you off?"

"I'm sure. See you tomorrow, Cas."

The next day, Cas finally answered one of April's calls. She was crying, telling him how worried she was about him. He apologized profusely, trying his hardest not to laugh, not to give away the master plan. Cas promised to make it up to her and asked April to meet him at Angel Cake for brunch.

Depending on which brother you asked, the plan was partially Gabe's idea. As Cas and April sat down to eat, he brought out the brunch special, and once they finished eating, Gabe presented April with a loaf of focaccia with olives spelling out Congrats, You're About To Be Dumped! Just like Cas had expected, she tried to deny, cover and gaslight her way out of all proof he had against her cheating. When she realized that she was indeed caught, she flipped the bread, causing it to land all over Cas.

"You took way too much joy in that, Gabe." Cas looked up at his laughing brother as he picked the pieces of bread off of his lap. He took a bite and smiled. "Her loss though. Rosemary and olives is apparently a good combination."

While Cas and Gabe cleaned up the mess, Daphne, Dean, and his coworker Charlie from the library showed up to help him celebrate his newfound freedom.

"So," Daphne tilted her head in amusement. "How'd it go?"

Cas laughed and pointed around at the floor. "I'll give you two guesses." He looked at Dean and smiled. "I take it Daphne already introduced you to Charlie?"

"Yep, she's adopted. I'm claiming her. I always wanted a little sister." Dean leaned forward. "She plays D&D. You didn't tell me you had friends that play D&D."

"Look, I know we drank a lot last night, but I think I would remember you asking a question about D&D."

"You two drank together last night?" Daphne sat down at a table and put her feet up. "That friendship escalated fast."

Cas shrugged and looked at Dean. "He's not who I was mad at. He could have cut ties with April, stayed quiet, and walked away. I would be none the wiser." Their eyes met, and Cas smiled widely. "Instead, he took a risk, figured out who I am, talked to me, and protected me from making a huge mistake. I think that deserves a chance at friendship."

Dean blushed, and his mouth curled up into the slight smile Cas was becoming fond of. "I appreciate you giving me the chance, Cas and not just running in, fist raised."

The ladies shared a glance but otherwise stayed quiet.

"By the way, I can only stay for a little bit, ‘cause I do have a shop to run. But, Sammy and I talked this morning. All the paperwork is together. Can you swing by the shop around 1 PM tomorrow, Cas?" Dean offered his best puppy dog eyes. "I promised you sweet, sweet revenge. You can have it."

"You're still not going to tell me what it is?" Cas tilted his head in confusion.

Dean shook his head. "Nope, you have to show up at the shop at 1 PM." He turned to Daphne and Charlie. "If you want to watch, you two are invited as well."

"I'll have to stay at the library to make sure it can function without the head librarian. But, if anything can be recorded? Get it on camera for me." Charlie commented before she sat down next to Daphne and whispered something in her ear.

Cas eyed them suspiciously. "I guess I will be there. You promise it's not illegal?"

"I promise, Cas. All the Ts are dotted, and all the Is are crossed." Dean clapped his hand on Cas' shoulder and smiled. "I'll see you tomorrow." Dean headed towards the door, looking back and waving before heading out.

"Well, that was intriguing," Daphne stated, her eyes still on the door. "New friend, huh?" Charlie elbowed her in the side. "Careful, Charlie."

"Sorry!"

"All good, just need to watch out now." Daphne's attention was back on Cas. "So, you gonna spill, or do Charlie and I have to play 20 questions?"

"Guessing games?" Gabe leaned over the counter where the register was located. "Count me in."

"I'm not sure what I need to spill about?"

Charlie spoke up first. "Okay then! Question one. What the hell was that?" She pointed between the door and Cas.

"What was what? I don't understand?" Cas looked from Charlie to Daphne before looking at Gabe and shrugging.

"He's oblivious. He can't answer that one, Charlie." Daphne tapped her fingers on the table. "Question two. What happened to the idea of just going to get closure?"

"He wanted to apologize, he offered dinner. We were getting along, so I said 'Why not?'" Cas crossed his arms over his chest.

"Oh, my turn, I've got a good one." Gabe raised his hand. "Since when do you go by Cas?"

Cas felt his ears turn red and he walked out the front door, and hopped into his own car and headed home.

The next day Cas arrived at the Auto Shop, by 1 PM as requested. As he pulled in, he quickly put his car in park and hopped out. Out in front of the bays was a Chrysler PT Cruiser Convertible. But not just any old one. It was an ugly, bright pink one, with bright pink and white interior, pink and white rims and those nasty ass light headlight eyelashes. It was April's Car.

"Hiya Cas."

It suddenly clicked for Cas. All the upgrades and changes had come within the past 6 months. Dean had done all the work on the car. But that didn't answer... "How were you able to grab her car?"

"She never paid for any of the work. I never told her I would do it for free. She kinda just assumed. I put the liens in this morning, they were approved by noon. I have my own repo team, knew I'd have it by one." Dean picked up a baseball bat, casually flipping it in his hand before handing the grip to Cas. "I figured I would offer you the first swing."

Cas hesitantly took the baseball bat in hand. "We won't get in trouble for destroying the car?"

"Until she pays for it, it's mine. I can do whatever I want to my property. I know for a fact she is running around trying to get the money to pay off the liens. We have until she steps foot here with the receipts."

Cas looked at Dean and smiled, "Do you know how much I hate this fucking car?" He walked around to the front and put the bat upon his shoulder. He swung down hard, shattering the headlamp. Cheers and applause erupted around him.

Dean chuckled and clasped his hand on Cas' shoulder. "Just remember, we want her to be able to drive off the lot when she gets here. Cause I'm not fixing it. And there are no shops in town that'll fix her."

"Yeah, bossman, made sure of that," Benny called out clapping and laughing.

"Shut it, Benny." Dean waved off his worker before picking up a golf club. "What are you waiting for, Cas?" Dean walked over to the other headlamp, taking position before shouting "Fore!" and swinging the club, smashing out the other light.

Jo, another one of Dean's employee's brought out one of their large drill bits and offered it up. "That'll scratch the hell out her paint. Just like keying, only better." Cas' eyes lit up like a child's on Christmas morning and he took it, quickly scratching CHEATER as large as he could into every door and the hood of the car.

"You know Cas, a car is technically drivable without side-view mirrors." Dean had grabbed a lead pipe at some point and swung it, smashing the side mirror clear off of the car and into the street. Dean's phone went off right after, and he answered it. "Hiya, Jess." He nodded at Cas who smashed off his own mirror. "It's paid off? Who's driving her?" Dean bowed over in laughter. "I'm pretty sure you just described Daphne." Dean turned to face his crew and Cas and circled his finger in the air. "Five minutes out? Perfect. I'll make sure Sammy gets you the biggest diamond for that engagement ring. I'll see you soon." He hung up the phone. "Get in one or two more good hits, Cas. Guys, get the brooms and the lawn chairs. Someone go make popcorn."

Dean's crew scattered as Cas attacked the area where the convertible hood was stored. All the shattered glass, broken, fiberglass and scratched off paint was cleaned up quickly, and the lawn chairs were set up in front of and on top of one of the flatbed tow trucks. Dean insisted that he and Cas get seats on top of the flatbed, and he handed Cas a cold bottle of water as Daphne pulled in with April.

April didn't even wait until Daphne came to a stop. She hopped out of the car and ran to hers, staring at the damage. She started screaming, pulling at her hair and looking at the staff until her eyes fell on Cas and Dean. "BOTH OF YOU!? YOU DID THIS!?"

Dean leaned forward in his seat. "I understand that you're coming to take possession of this car from me? May I see some receipts please?"

"YOU DESTROYED MY CAR!" April screamed up at him. "YOU THINK THIS IS A FUCKING JOKE?"

"No, but I hear your fucking is a joke." Jo piped up. "I mean, 2 out of 2 guys, can't be a coincidence, can it?"

April's jaw dropped, and she nearly leaped at Jo, if it weren't for Benny standing up and catching her. Once Benny put her back down, she straightened her shirt back out. "I demand that you fix this! I will sue you for destroying my car."

"April, former dear. Between the hours of 12 PM and just now when you set foot on my property that was my car." Dean stood up. "Since it was mine, I can do whatever I want to do with it. I chose to give it a facelift."

"So why is Castiel here?" April crossed her arms over her chest. "There's no reason you two should know each other."

"Cas here's my new best friend. Has been since Saturday. Just happens to be a coincidence that you two happened to break up yesterday." Dean shrugged. "Sorry, not sorry, about that by the way. You lost one hell of a good man." Dean gently nudged Cas' knee with his own.

"Glad you like him so much. I was sick of being his fucking beard anyway." April exposed. "Get me the keys to my car, so I can get out of here and find a respectable place to fix my car."

Dean looked back to Cas who was looking down at his feet. "Hey, ignore her. I'll be right back. I have to sign the keys over to her since it's my name on the lien." Dean took Benny's hand and jumped down off the back of the flatbed. He spared one more look at Cas before heading into the office.

"You think you're so funny, don't you?" April snapped at Dean as he walked behind the counter.

"I think I'm adorable."

April mused as Dean filled out the paperwork. "So let me guess. Saturday, you had already figured out you were the other guy. You pulled the good guy routine, found Castiel and contacted him."

"Yep." Dean turned the papers and handed the pen to April. "You're an idiot for cheating on him."

"Did you think I was kidding about the whole beard thing?" April reminded. "I've been with the guy for five years. Why do you think I needed an 'other guy'? There's only so much my hand can do."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Ever think it was you, and not him?" Dean separated the paperwork, giving April her copied before handing her the keys to her car. "I would say I wish I never met you, but would mean I never would have met Cas."

"You're disgusting. Just go fuck him already." April turned heel and walked out of the office.

Dean quickly filed the paperwork and updated the computer before heading back outside. His crew was hanging their heads and putting things away, and Daphne was leaning against her car. He looked around for Cas, and not finding him, walked over to Daphne to find out what happened. "What did I miss?"

"Castiel thinks you're going to hate him now." Daphne shook her head. "He was gently reminded that you're bi, but he's got a bit of a thick skull."

"So he does like guys?" Dean smiled.

Daphne nodded. "And girls. He doesn't care. Never has. It's more of an emotional thing for him."

"So where is he?"

"Charlie's going to keep an eye out at the library, Gabe will let us know if he shows up to the Bakery. I was going to swing by his house." Daphne sighed. "I think it may be best if you stay here, and I'll call you if we find him." She put her hand out expectantly for Dean's phone.

Dean obliged and gave her his phone. "I don't like this plan."

"He may come back here. He likes you." She handed Dean his phone back. "I don't know if you realize it, but Charlie, Gabe and I? We saw more from Castiel in the past three days from him knowing you, than in the past three years of his relationship with April."

"I'm the guy who ruined his life."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that." Daphne smiled and pushed off her car. Dean watched as Daphne slid into her car and started it back up, rolling her window down. "I promise that one of us will call you if we find him. You call us if he comes back here."

Dean nodded. "You give my number to Gabe and Charlie so I can get theirs."

Daphne offered a half-smile and waved as she pulled out of the lot.

A few swipes on his phone and Dean pulled up his text messaging.

[To: Cas] Cas, I don't like that you're missing. Where are you? Please text me.

Dean put his phone away and went to find Benny. There was no way he'd be able to work not knowing where Cas was.

After making sure that the shop was taken care of for the rest of the day, and putting Benny under strict orders to call if Cas did show up, Dean headed over to the Roadhouse. He pulled into his usual spot, and headed in, walking up to the bar. He grabbed a stool and pulled out his phone, double and triple-checking to see if Cas had responded to him.

Ellen walked up to him and smacked his arm. "Why are you here, and not with your friend." She pointed over his shoulder. Dean looked over to where she was pointing.

Cas was sitting in the private corner booth that was well hidden from the rest of the roadhouse. Dean stumbled off his stool and crossed to the booth as fast as he could.

"Cas!" Dean slid into the opposite seat. "Everyone is worried sick. Why did you run off?"

Cas looked up in surprise. "You found me? Shouldn't you be working? Why are you here?"

"I couldn't focus not knowing where you were. Not very safe in a job that works with tons of metal and power tools." Dean smiled at Cas. "I left Benny in charge. I came here to talk to Ellen, cause I feel like this is all my fault, and I lucked out that you were here."

"Don't tell Daphne yet?"

"Can I at least tell her that you're safe and I found you? I won't say where you are, and you can talk to me if you want. Daphne, Charlie, and Gabe? They're really worried." Dean showed his phone and waited until Cas nodded before shooting off a quick text to Daphne.

"She wasn't wrong you know."

Dean looked up from his phone. "Who wasn't wrong about what?"

"April." Cas stared at Dean. "Seriously? We were just there."

"Cas..." Dean sighed.

"I loved her once." Cas picked at a string on his shirt. "But she changed. And I didn't see her the same anymore. And when she wanted things... I couldn't provide. Not like I had been able to." Cas looked up at Dean. "I didn't love her anymore."

"Falling out of love happens, Cas."

"I know. But she called me broken. Told me there was something wrong with me. Told me she would fix me. Tried to force Viagra and all those other things on me. That wasn't the issue."

"You stayed, because she told you no one else would love you."

Cas nodded. "Little did I know she was finding what she needed elsewhere. But she couldn't just let me go."

"Cas, you did something even better. You let go, and pushed her away." Dean offered his hand. "That's not an easy thing to do. Ever."

"Can I ask you a question?" Cas slid his hand into Dean's. "Why have you been so apologetic about his whole thing?"

"Dad cheated on my mom. The other woman had a kid. Dad chose them. Destroyed us." Dean ran his thumb over Cas' knuckles. "I never wanted to put someone through what we went through. I thought I was careful, I thought I was paying attention. I still fucked up."

"Did you though?" Cas gently squeezed Dean's hand. "I had talked about proposing to April. It might sting now, but I rather it hurt now, than further down the road."

Dean's phone buzzed, and he picked it up from the table. "Daphne says you need to text her to prove I'm not lying."

"She would say that." Cas picked up his phone and sent a text. "That should satisfy her." Cas looked back up at Dean. "Can I ask you another question?"

"That's normally how people get to know each other, Cas," Dean smirked.

Cas looked down at their hands entwined. "Those things you said the other night, did you mean them?"

"The stuff about how handsome you are, and how kind you are, and how smart you are?" Dean took a deep breath. "Yeah, I did. I'm not going to lie, I was kind of slapped upside the head by everything that you are. You seriously check all of my boxes, Cas. I'm doing everything I can to not push on all the charm and make the moves, cause I don't want to make you uncomfortable." Dean laughed. "I mean, I legit thought you were going to hate me, and then all of a sudden, you want to be my friend? Shit, I thought my heart was about to explode."

"When you stepped out into the waiting room, I wasn't surprised that you were the other guy," Cas admitted. "You're beautiful, and I've come to learn that you're friendly and patient and kind and hilarious." Cas swallowed. "I'm feeling again, and I shouldn't be. I just broke up with April. I should be upset. But I just want to move forward and ask you out on a date."

"Ask me." Dean's eyes were shining playfully. "Please?"

"But aren't you upset? Are you ready?" Cas tilted his head. "I don't want to push you either."

"Cas, ask me."

"Dean, would you like to go on a date with me?"

"Yes, Cas. I would like to go on a date with you. I would like that a lot." Dean squeezed Cas' hand. "Can I come sit next to you?"

Cas scooted over closer to the wall and patted the seat next to him, "I'd like that."

Dean chuckled at the parroted response and swung around the table to sit next to Cas, temporarily letting go of his hand, only to get a better grasp once they were side by side. Cas rested his head on Dean's shoulder, and Dean rested his head on top of Cas'. "Hey Cas, we move at your pace, ok? I'm happy with just stuff like this, as long as you're happy too, ok?"

Cas looked up and smiled, his nod a nuzzle into Dean's neck. His phone went off, Daphne responding to his text, asking for photo proof that he was ok. "Dean? Can I?"

"Yeah, Cas. You can."

Cas snapped a picture of them snuggling in the booth and sent it back to Daphne. Not perfect. But can probably get pretty damn close.

[malakhai-ozera]

Sex Therapy

Discord thread featuring: Khai and @jayceelynd

Where: Jaycee’s House

When: April 2nd 2020

Description: Khai creates the perfect distraction to keep Jaycee from being sad. (Pool Smut.)

Jaycee

Jaycee leaves the basement area and goes and changes into her tiny little black bikini and walks out to the pool. Throwing her lounge floating chair into the pool she jumps in, submerging her entire body before climbing into the floating lounge. Her sunglasses on as she waits for him to come out and join her. Her mind was going crazy as she couldn’t get her dad out of her mind and tried dancing it out. Maybe just hanging out in the pool with her friend Khai would help. Taking a deep breath she held it for a few seconds before slowly releasing it.

Khai

Khai was sitting in the living room rolling a blunt when he saw Jaycee’s post on Instagram. He could tell she was in her head and not feeling quite herself so he offered to be a distraction for her. Besides, he knew relaxing in the pool or taking a bath always seemed to be a great stress reliever. At least for most. He finished rolling his blunt and walked out to the pool area to find Jaycee already laying in the pool on her floating lounge chair. “You look comfy” he commented with a smile. Placing the blunt between his lips and lighting it up. He inhaled deep letting the smoke fill his lungs and held it in as he asked her “You wanna hit?” Walking barefoot in his ripped jeans and white t-shirt to the side of the pool, he squatted down to hold it out for her.

Jaycee

Looking up at him, smiling as he offered her the blunt, taking it while trying not to fall in. “I’m trying to be comfy” she laughed as she placed the blunt between her lips taking a few pulls off of it before holding it in. Holding onto the side of pool as she handed the blunt back with her other hand. “Not joining me?” She asked as she slid off the floating lounge and rested both arms on the edge. Even though she had her sunglasses on she needed to shield the sun from her eyes with her hand. “I love that it’s finally pool weather” she sighed as she took the blunt one more time to take another hit, then giving it back. She kicked off of the side of the pool to float on her back. “You know you want to swim”

Khai

He passed the blunt back and fourth with her a couple of times. Nodding his head to her words before butting it out and placing the roach by the side of the pool. “Of course I do” he chuckled lightly as he stood up and pulled his t-shirt off revealing his tattooed body. He kept his eyes on her, watching her as she floated away from him in her sunglasses His hands moving to unbutton and remove his jeans leaving him in just his boxers. Once he was undressed he jumped into the pool and swam over to her underwater. Popping up beside her and giving her a splash.

Jaycee

Even though her sunglasses were hiding her eyes, she was definitely watching him as he stripped. Causing her to smirk as she enjoyed the view. When he splashed her she screamed a joyful laugh and splashed him back. “So not fair” she giggled as she floated in front of him. Her legs gently touching his while floating. “Thank you for joint me” she said quietly.

Khai

Khai laughed as Jaycee splashed him back. Bringing his hand up to wipe the water from his face as she swam around him. Their legs brushing one another’s as he reached out to place his hands on her sides. “Of course. What else are friends for?” he asked with a small grin. “So... do you wanna talk about it? Or should I just keep distracting you?”

Jaycee

Resting her hands on his shoulders as she continued to kick her feet behind her to keep afloat. She shrugged as her brows furrowed. “I just went through old pics on my phone and made me miss my dad” she sighed, turning her head to look always as she pursed her lips before licking them. “I think a distraction sounds better than talking about it” she turned back to looking up at him. Her fingers tracing the back of his neck.

Khai

He could tell it was taking a lot for her to fill him in on what she did, and he wasn’t going to press the topic. Just letting her say what she wanted and squeezing his sides in comfort. “I understand” he said softly. He really did, he lost his mom and sister not too long ago himself. He still couldn’t even bring himself to look at pictures. As she traced her fingers over the back of his neck and pulled her closer to him, leading them both closer to the side of the pool. “Anything you wanna do. I got you” he assured.

Jaycee

Her arms wrapped around his shoulders tightly while the back of her hands rested on the back of his neck, nodding her head. Resting her forehead against his bare chest. She didn’t know what she wanted or should do. But she knew what she wanted to do. Hopping up slightly she wrapped her legs around his waist, taking her sunglasses off, looking him in the eyes before she pressed her lips to his.

Khai

His heartbeat was slow and heavy as she rested her forehead to his chest. He wanted to take her pain away, but he wasn’t sure if he really knew how to. Distracting her was the only way he knew to keep her mind off of it, and the only way he knew to distract her was to make her feel good in other ways. As she hopped up and wrapped her legs around him he knew she was down to get lost in pleasure with him. Pressing his lips back against hers as he moved one of his hands to the back of her neck. He kissed her slow and hard letting his tongue coax hers from her mouth as he sucked on it. Biting softly at her bottom lip as he turned them around and pressed her back to the side of the pool.

Jaycee

Humming into the kiss as he pulled her bottom lip between his teeth, making a fist into his hair. Deepening the kiss as she massaged his tongue with her own. Jaycee tightened her grip around his waist with her legs, pulling him closer into her. In doing so it caused her center to grind against his own bringing out another moan.

Khai

She kissed like a pro. The  taste of her mouth sweet and smoky as their tongue twisted together battling for dominance. He thought about kissing her for a very long time, but he had to admit she was a much better kisser than his imagination led him to believe. She let her hips grind against his, their centers rubbing together causing a friction that made him grow hard against her soft folds. Gripping the back of her hair tightly he yanked her head back. Moving his lips to her neck as he kissed down her jawline and nipped at her clavicle. His hips rotating in small circles as he pressed into her, grinding against her as he grew harder and thicker with anticipation. God she was sexy! Running his tongue back up the center of her neck he bit softly at her chin and then reconnected their lips. A soft growl coated with hard breaths poured from his mouth into hers. As his hand on her hip moved to her ass.

Jaycee

Gasping out in a moan as he yanked her head back as he devoured her neck and clavicle. Her grip tightening in his hair as well, letting her nails scrap over his scalp. Kissing him back with passionate need for him, letting him take the dominance. Jaycee could feel his thickness growing between her wet folds. Groaning out into a grunt as he growled into her mouth, as she grinds into him harder while he grabs her ass. Pulling her lips from his as she scrapped her teeth down his jawline as she worked her way to his shoulder, gasping as her legs squeezed him tighter  while the pleasure ran through her body causing her to tremble. “Unf” she moaned breathing hard against his neck.

Khai

Feeling her nails dig into his scalp and her teeth scrape against his jawline, he let out deep breathy hum. “Fuck... I want you so bad” he growled  softly into her ear. His teeth nipping at the cartilage on her ear as he slid his hand from her ass to pull the bottom half of her bikini to the side.

Jaycee

Moaning as he growled into her head that he wanted her. Her tongue rolled out over his shoulder, biting down as she felt him move her bikini to the side. “I want you too” she breathed against his neck. Slowly licking up to his ear as she nibbled on his earlobe. Her mind was clouded with need, not even thinking of a condom. But she trusted and knew Khai was constantly safe and wouldn’t ever put her body or health into jeopardy. Licking up the side of his ear she whispered “you want to fuck me” she whimpered.

Khai

God she felt so good. The way her body wrapped around his tightly begging to be pleasured and desired. He only wanted to quench her every need. When her teeth sunk into his shoulder followed by her confession, he growled again. His hand moving to push down his boxers before kicking them away into the pool. “I wanna fuck you so hard that you’ll walk funny for a week” he assured. Letting his hand travel up her side and pushing her top up revealing her breast. connecting his lips to them and pulling on her nipple with his teeth. He moved his hand between her legs , teasing her clit with his fingers before pushing them deep into her core. stretching her out for him as he watched her expressions.

Jaycee

“Khai..” she whimpered as she looked down at him while he pulled on her nipple with his teeth. Looking down at him need, as her full lips parted as she breathed in a shaky breath. Jaycees eyes are rolled into the back of her head as his fingers sunk into her core. Her walls instinctively pulsate around his finger, so greedily. Jaycees head lolled back as she gritted her teeth while moaning. Opening her legs to give him more room, as she rocked her center against his hand. “I want to feel you for days” she moaned out breathlessly, licking her lips as she kept her eyes locked on his.

Khai

As her head lolled back his hand slid from from her breast to the side of her neck. Gripping tightly as his thumb trailed over her lips. “You’re so fuckin’ tight baby” he groaned. Pulling his fingers from her and grabbing his cock to rub it’s head along her folds. His muscles tightening with urgency as her body trembled beneath his touch. His eyes kept locked on hers as he aligned his cock with her opening and pushed deep and hard into her. Stretching out her tight walls with his girth. He thrusted in and out of her slow and hard. Bottoming out on her as his he let his hand move to squeeze tightly at her neck. “You like that baby?” he asked with a growl. Leaning forward to get deeper into her core as he pulled on her bottom lip with his teeth.

Jaycee

Biting at his thumb as it grazed over her bottom lip, while moaning at his approval of her tightness. Gasping out the sinfully pleasurable pain of him stretching her with his thickened length. “Unf.. Fuck” she hissed as he slowly bottomed out, her mouth opened as she sucked in a sharp breath causing an almost squealing answer “Yess. Oh god” she cried out. Her nails clawed at his back as she met him thrust for thrust. Knowing the chlorine in the pool would cause her scratch marks to sting. Her air was only slightly compromised and she fucking loved what he was doing to her. Holding onto him tightly she kissed him hard with hunger and need, her teeth scraping over his lips as she devoured his mouth. “So fucking good” she moaned against his lips.

Khai

The sounds she made as he continued to bottom out on her fed his adrenaline. Causing him to pick up the pace of his thrusts as he rolled his hips into hers each time he their bodies crashed together. Squeezing his hand a bit tighter around her neck, he kissed her back hard. His other hand moving to the small of her back to hold her tightly against him as the chlorine from the water burned his skin where she had tore it open. “Shhhit... you feel so fuckin good” he moaned against her mouth. Lifting her up and setting her on the side of the pool he moved his hands to her hips. Pulling her body to his as his thrust increasingly hardened. His eyes devouring her as his thrusts continued getting deeper and faster with every pull.

Jaycee

When he picked up the pace she moaned louder and her nails dug into the back of his shoulder. “Yeah... fuck that pusssyy” she cried out as her walls showing signs of her getting a little close to climax. Jaycee loved being told rather she could cum or not, so she was a really good girl at holding back as long as possible. Purposely while watching his reaction she flexed her walls to squeeze him tighter, pulling his cocker further into her pussy. At this point Jaycee just held onto him letting him give her whatever he wanted to give. “Khai...” she gasped

Khai

As she squeezed her walls tighter around his thick cock he slid his hands to the back of her thighs. Pushing her legs forward and lifting himself up a bit, he pressed all the way into her core. Rolling his hips deep and slow as he leaned into her with all his weight. “Don’t you cum yet baby” he demanded. Pulling his bottom lip between his teeth to hold back the hard breathy moans escaping him. Removing his weight from her after a few seconds he pulled out and flipped her over. Her breast pressed firm against the side of the pool as he pulled her back into the water and re-entered her with full force. “Fuck...” he growled. Moving one hand between her legs to roughly fondle her clit and the other back to her neck. Squeezing tighter than he had before as he pulled her head back and bit and sucked at the side of her neck.

Jaycee

Whimpering as she nodded her head when he demanded that she didn’t cum and when he removed all of his blissful weight he was giving her. He was so deep her eyes went to the back of her head as she inhaled while whimpering. It was as if it all happened so suddenly, moaning at the loss of him, to gasping when he turned her over. “Fuck” she screamed out as the pleasurable pain when he slammed back into her. Pushing back into him as he played with her clit. Her entire body was shaking with need to explode with her orgasm. Both hands reaching behind them, lacing her fingers into his hair. “I can’t hold it” she cried out as she fought with her body. Still holding on, slamming herself into him.

Khai

His entire body tightened as his own release built up inside of him. She felt so fucking good, the way she slammed back against him. Her body shaking with an unbearable need for him as he repeatedly drilled into her. She dug her nails into the back of his head as she held onto him for sweet release. The pain giving him a sort of pleasure that almost through him over the edge. “Be a good girl and say please” he growled. His hand tightening around her neck just enough to coax his demand from her lips.

Jaycee

Continuing to slam herself back into him as her walls quivered with need to release as she grunted and gasped for air, loving it. “Please” she cried out in a guttural moan. Her chest rising and falling fast and hard as she tried to control her breathing to not cum, her back arching against his chest. “Please let me cum” whimpering.

Khai

The sounds she made as she begged and pleaded with him vibrated throughout his entire body. Causing him to slam her forward again. Her hands gripping the side of the pool as he yanked her head back by her hair and  he leaned over her. thrusting harder and faster. Getting deeper into her core with each thrust. “You gonna cum real hard for me baby?” He asked breathily as he moaned with pleasure. Sinking his teeth into her shoulder before kissing up the side of her neck to her earlobe. “Cum for me baby” he demanded. Rubbing her clit aggressively as he continued to pump in and out of her hitting against her g-spot.

Jaycee

Hissing with a grunt as he pulled her head back by the hair of her head. Oh fucking Christ she thought to herself as he pounded his cock into her pussy. “I’m going to cum all over your fucking cock” she grunted through gritted teeth. Her fingers splayed out, spreading as far apart as they could as Khai growled out the demand to cum. “Oh fuck...!” Jaycee gasped out white a cry of pain and pleasure as the orgasm ripped through her entire body, inhaling a breath that she held so deep as the pleasure coerced through her small tram, her pussy clamping down on his cock to milk him of his release. The sounds coming from her tiny frame were loud, not caring who heard her as her body was rocked with an orgasm. Releasing her breath she held onto she panted as she continued to ride her orgasm with him. “Fill me up” as she slammed back into him, milking his cock for every last greedy drop.

Khai

Her body slammed back against his eagerly as her orgasm took hold. Her pussy walls tightening around his cock begging for him to release. fuck, she was sexy. Her sounds and expressions seducing him into his own orgasm as she rode out her high. “Oh Fuck Jaycee” he hissed through gritted teeth. His grip on her tightening as he could feel her hot juices spill out all around him. Arousing his own release to shoot deep into her core as he continued to slam into her over and over. “Oh yeah baby, it’s all yours” he trembled. His own orgasm rocking through his body fervently as her tight walls milked him of every last drop.

Jaycee

Riding her orgasm out with him, panting and gasping at air to feel her lungs with his grip tightened. Her body quivered hard from the pleasure that riddled her body, holding onto her like a vice. “Ungghhfff” she growled out. Her body going slack as she reached for the edge to hold her up, as she panted trying to continue catching her breath. “Holy shit” she breathed out, weak and sedated with a small, soft smile on her lips. Her eyes closed, licking her lips already feeling tender from them ravishing one another. Humming as she enjoyed the weight of him as they both continued to come down.

Khai

His body trembled with euphoric pleasure as he let the weight of his body press into hers. His hand sliding up her neck from her throat to just beneath her chin as he pulled her head back and connected his lips to hers. Kissing her fervently from behind as his thrusts turned into slow rotations. “Mmm you’re so fuckin sexy” he hummed against her lips. A satisfied grin overtaking his features as he looked deep into her eyes. Kissing her again he slowly pulled out of her and turned her around to face him. Lifting her up and placing her back onto the side of the pool as he let one of his hands trail down her thigh. Pushing her back with his other hand he pulled his bottom lip between his teeth and locked his eyes with hers. Submerging  himself between her legs as he let his tongue trail along the soft delicacy of her folds, and hummed softly as he sucked on her tender bud pulling it between his lips.

Jaycee

Kissing him back, she moaned as he kissed her and told her how sexy she was.  As he picked her up and started sliding his hand between her legs she sucked up a sharp breath of air as she watched him disappear under the water. “Oh fuck” she hissed as she felt his tongue on her swollen clit, causing her to convulse as if she was electrocuted with pleasure crossing every nerve ending on her body. Jesus Christ he was trying to fucking kill her in orgasms. Her legs spread wide as her feet rested or more like floated over his back as she laid back the best she could with her back arched while grinding her pussy against his mouth.

Khai

Khai slid his hands up her thighs before lifting her up slightly and pulling her against his mouth. Squeezing her ass cheeks and licking up and down her slit as he hummed in anticipation of adding an extra vibration. He flicked his tongue around  her sensitive bud vigorously. Spreading her ass cheeks to open her up even more to him as he pushed his tongue deep inside of  her. Rolling it into her as he interchanged between biting and sucking at her clit. His eyes and nose were the only thing exposed to her as he looked up at her from the water  to read her expressions. Her sounds and movements being the only indicator that he was pleasing her in every way possible as he  continued to french kiss and fuck her pussy with his tongue.

Jaycee

Her arms were shaky as she tried to hold herself up on the side of the pool as she cried out in pleasure. Hips jerking from the pleasure, Khai was giving her. “Jesus fucking Christ” she grunted out while panting for air, her thighs tightening around his head as she fought to keep from coming as her pussy quakes around his tongue. Jaycees arms gave out as she fell back, arching her back with her being so sensitive from him just fucking her into ecstasy. “I can’t” she cried out. She wasn’t even sure why she was yelling out she couldn’t do but she felt like she was dizzy from the intense orgasm building up in her. “Fuck, I need you inside of me again” she begged out with need.

Khai

Goddam she was so fucking sexy. From the curves of her body and the tightness of her ass all the way down to the sounds that were spilling out of her. She tightened her thighs against his head and he pulled his tongue from her to suck vigorously at her clit. She was so close to orgasming he could almost taste it. His hands slid up her lower back and he lifted himself up to pull her against him. Licking his lips to savor the taste of her before crashing his lips to hers in a dirty fervent kiss. He wrapped his arms around her as he slid her body back down onto his. His cock sliding deep between  her swollen folds as his lips moved to her neck. She was so fucking tight, walls throbbing against his thickness in anticipation as he thrusted deep into her core. Rolling his hips into her as he pressed his body into hers. Getting as deep as he could as he pulled her head back by her hair. Biting at her jaw with hard breathy moans as he began thrusting against her g-spot harder and faster.

Jaycee

Being so sensitive from just coming undone her voice was horsed. Her entire body was convulsing as the pleasure shook her to her core. “F-fuck” her trembling voice as she held onto him as her body was rocked with another intense orgasm. Trusting Khai knew her limits, and knew she needed to be fucked hard. He in return trusted her to let him know if it was too much. Fuck was she seeing stars or was she about to pass out from this orgasm. Her nails biting into the back of his neck, sure to leave her mark and not really sure if it was sweat, water or blood under her nails. Bucking her hips as she fucked him back with just as much need. Toes were spread and curled as she continued to cum around his cock, gasping for air while her pussy clamped down around him, milking him of his need. As her high came down she went limp in his arms while breathing hard against his shoulder. Soft groans and humming coming from her as she fought for air. Kissing his shoulder with sloppy kisses, letting her hands roam his back.

Khai

Another euphoric orgasm washed over his body as Jaycee began bucking her hips. Her pussy was now clenching tightly around him as her juices spilled out, and she continued to milk  him of every last drop he had to offer. His body shook with pleasure as his finger tips dug deep into her skin. The sounds coming from him unlike any he had let slip before. Her  body went  limp against his as she began to come down and he held her tightly against his hard body. Goddamn that was some good sex therapy, he thought to himself. A smile of satisfaction spreading across his features as he fought to steady his hard breaths. “I should start distracting you more often” he mused. Biting gently on her shoulder before kissing her neck.

[newagesispage]

                                                            MAY                      2020

PAGE  RIB

Check out the We are One Global film fest on youtube from May 29-June 7. We will be able to experience movies from Cannes, Sundance, Tribeca and Venice for free!! Yahoo!!

*****

May 10 will bring us The Feeding America comedy Fest. So far the stars on board are Eddie Murphy, Adam Sandler, Tiffany Haddish, Chris Rock, Louie Anderson, JB Smoove, Brad Garrett, Jon Lovitz, Tim Meadows, Keegan-Michael Key, George Lopez and Sarah Silverman, just to mention a few.

*****

Jim Carrey will release his Memoirs and Misinformation on May 5.

*****

If you need honest medical info, take a look at Quackwatch: A guide to quackery, health fraud and intelligent decisions.

*****

Current times are a magnification of a problem that has been brewing for quite some time. The kiss ass, the indifferent, the greedy who don’t miss a trick are todays fortunate sons.** If half of this country didn’t want the other half to have a fighting chance we wouldn’t be in this situation right now. The Federal government should have all of our best interests at heart.  I will never understand why so many of the’ have not’ voters love supporting the’ haves ‘that love to fuck over the little guy.

*****

SAVE THE USPS!!

*****

I guess we know how this country would be prepared to react to bioterrorism.

*****

SNL is working from home like so many but with Tom Hanks, Brad Pitt, Fred Armisen, Paul Rudd, Miley and Sandler.

*****

George Gray, announcer for the Price is Right is recovering after a week of 3 heart attacks.

*****

Marijuana use is at an all -time high. Alcohol use is up 40%.

*****

What is up with Georgia Governor Brian Kemp who seemed so surprised at the virus months after everybody else seemed to know the facts? This is what happens if we only listen to Trump and Fox news.** He is so ready to open up the state early. ** A Georgia citizen said it best: Kemp mandates restaurants open, whether I reopen dining rooms or not. I file for business interruption insurance, it does not go through since I am “allowed” to operate full capacity. My landlord can demand all their money since I am allowed to fully operate. Furloughed staff that is collecting unemployment insurance have to come back to work or I have to let them go. Their unemployment insurance then goes on my tab. If things blow up again they are still on my tab, not on the state since they are no longer employed. This is about screwing the working class.** A dog has now been diagnosed with the virus as well as some cats.

*****

UFO footage has been declassified by the pentagon. Wow, anything to distract! ** This whole Scary Clown 45 mess often seems like a big government experiment. Just how much will we put up with? How stupid or complacent are we??

*****

The President’s council on reopening America has a message for our country: Die you fucking slaves. Die Die Die. We’re rich and you’re not and we’ll be even richer after the mass burials are over. Sucks to be you.

*****

The Federal government does not have absolute power. Why do “big government” haters suddenly want the Feds to run their lives??** Some checks were delayed because Trump wanted his name on them?** The Huffington Post has reported that $180,000 a year of Trump campaign money is given to his son’s significant others.

*****

The Carter’s have asked donors to the Carter Center to instead give those donations to local organizations in need.** A great charity is RIP medical debt which puts $100 to every dollar you donate to wipe out medical debt.

*****

Need some nature sounds in your life? Visit NPS.gov/sounds

*****

It looks like Macgruber may become an 8 episode series according to Will Forte.

*****

It is sort of reassuring to see that the late night hosts who mostly hover around my age, are no better at technology than I am.** BTW, Billy Eichner is such a great guest from home.. more please!** I see that one of the 8G band on Late Night has a big pic of Mick’s face behind him at home. I also see that same pic everyday above my desk. A kindred spirit.

*****

Linda McMahon, wife of WWE chair, announced the18.5 million Trump super PAC in Florida. Governor DeSantis now calls WWE essential. Many of the wrestlers were fired so the bottom line looks good.

*****

Being willfully stupid is not part of the Christian tradition.- John Meecham

*****

Some fast food workers went on strike. This is a good time to do it. Risking your lives for minimum wage is hardly worth it.

*****

Threadgill’s, the Austin bar that helped launch Janis Joplin is closing down.

*****

Is this true? 150 members of the Saudi royal family tested positive for covid-19.** Did Trump play down the virus because he owes millions to China’s state owned banks or was it to try to get dirt on Biden?

*****

I am not sure what has happened to the American workplace. So many strides were made in the mid 20th century but a lot of that seems to have fallen away. I see so many employers leaving it to employees to provide supplies before they even get the job. Teachers sometimes buy things for the classrooms. Some employees must buy their own cell phones for video conferences or even punching in and out. Some nursing home employees bring in their own cough drops or snacks for residents. How much $ do the people at the top need?? No sick pay? Work or starve!

*****

Everyone staying at home proves how badly we need a better high speed internet system in the U.S.

*****

Porn hub has been giving free porn.** The My Pillow guy is praising Trump as he donates 50,000 masks.

*****

All these Trump worshipping MAGA shills, they’re willing to die for the dumbest, flounciest fancy lad in history. –Patton Oswalt.

*****

So we don’t want to give Government help to immigrants who pay taxes, we do want to help cruise lines who avoid taxes by registering as foreign companies. Got it! ???

*****

The Neo confederate hate group, ‘league of the south’ is moving ahead with its annual conference in June.** Trump is getting ready to open the country with a coalition of his republican Governors and companies (some of whom seemed surprised). ** How did we get here? If our Pres is incapable of reading simple memos, he is incompetent. ** Scary Clown is trying to speed up the Wall as we are dropping like flies.

*****

This can’t be true. Federal agents are confiscating masks and supplies in hospitals, presumably for ICE agents??** Was Scary Clown 45 trying to force congress out of session so that he could skate some recess appointments by?** Rules have been weakened as to the release of mercury and various toxins from oil and coal power plants.** Dr. Oz and Dr. Phil do not seem to concerned about the virus.** Trump circled back around to the heat and light thing as a cure because he could not get over the shit he got for telling us that spring’s warm weather would take care of everything, right?

*****

Chicago businessman Gene Staples has purchased Indiana Beach amusement park and will open in July if he is able.

*****

Nascar will be back this month with new races but without the live audience.

*****

Catch Ashes to Ash: The disappearance of Robert Bee on Youtube.

*****

As everyone is sick with respiratory problems and the pollution has ebbed a bit, scary clown 45 has to roll back some of our rules that protect clean air. Auto emissions are rolled back to 1.5%.  He has to be loving the fact that we can’t all gather and protest. Hmmm?? Perhaps it is a conspiracy.. but his.** Oh but the disbelievers did gather in Michigan with dolls in nooses and confederate flags. Why do they think that the medical experts are telling them this for partisan reasons or just for their own kicks? They have our safety in mind. Use your fucking heads. How can this country get stupider as time goes on? ** Why can’t they just cover Covid treatment? Medical debt is gonna skyrocket.** I don’t like big government either but in times of crises and health care, we need it to work properly. ** But when the powers that be tell us that animals can’t get it and then a tiger gets it or that masks don’t protect you and then they suddenly do, it makes us all skeptical. Way to confuse us fuckers!!  Even with the ignorant and the panicked, just tell us the truth and the average person will be with ya!!** It was snowing in April? Where was this warmer weather that was going to kill the virus?

*****

You just knew that Trump and his cronies had money on the line when it came to hydroxychloroquine. ** Scary Clown 45 has removed the very man who was set to oversee the $ 2 trillion stimulus. The good ol boys can’t wait to get their hands on that money while people are dying. ** Trump delayed checks that are not direct deposit because he wants his name on them.** People had trouble getting thru when applying for unemployment. Canada gave out the benefits and then checked the details.** States and companies are very confused. Jared claims he is in charge, Pence is supposed to be in charge and FEMA claims they are the final word.  Trump seems to thrive on chaos. The states bidding, stocks up and down and Doctors disagreeing are right up his alley. He probably does hate being stuck at the WH.

*****

People will forgive you for not being the leader you should be, they will never forgive you for not being the leader you claim to be.

*****

Why should it be surprising that poor communities are being hit so hard? The poor, the minorities do so much of the cleaning, the cooking and delivering that still has to be done. When people are not sheltering in place because they are needed or they need that paycheck, of course they are getting infected since they are still out there. Add to that, little or no health care and poor diets from food deserts etc. and there you go.

*****

White House press secretary Stephanie Grisham is out after 9 months.  Kayleigh Mcenany is in.** Vaccine chief Rick Bright is reassigned. He recently wanted to put hydroxychloroquine to some rigorous tests. He has been vocal about the administration.

*****

Lights Out is leaving Comedy Central and looking for another place to air.

*****

Can’t wait to see Mrs. America about the women who shaped our past.

*****

I rarely pay attention to advertising but I love that Chantix turkey. I hate the fact that he had a smoking problem, though.

*****

Every prisoner in every prison, especially the non -violent and the elderly should be reviewed. There needs to be more room made for white collar crimes that hurt so many more of us.

*****

Word is that Kim Jung un is brain dead.

*****

Rumble media has released Planet of the Humans from Jeff Gibbs on Youtube . The film will run free for 30 days and sort of explodes the myth of our ‘green’ heroes.

*****

Common, Woody Harrelson and Shinola watch co. have created a cannabis leak motif watch and the proceeds will go to criminal justice reform.

*****

Navy Captain Crozier was fired for telling the truth and looking after his crew. ** The U.S.S. Comfort isn’t taking Covid patients??

*****

Good bye Schitt’s Creek. We sure will miss ya!!

*****

Franklin Graham was asking volunteers for his field hospital in NY to sign a ‘statement of faith.’  It stated that they, “believe in God’s plan for human sexuality within the context of marriage between a man and a woman and that those that stray from those beliefs face eternal damnation and eternal judgement in Hell.”**

*****

Jon Cryer has a new book out: So that happened.

We can see now what would happen if all the humans were dead. The mountain goats have come down the hill and taken over a town in Wales. The Pandas are finally mating in Hong Kong now that they have some privacy.

*****

Bernie is out after 4 long conversations with Obama and tells us that he will concentrate on the pandemic. Looks like we are stuck with Biden.  At least Biden is talking about lowering Medicare to 60. It’s not enough but at least it’s a start.** Who will the female VP pick be, Klobuchar, Witmer, Abrams??

*****

Netflix along with Steve Carell and Greg Daniel will bring us Space Force on May 29 with Lisa Kudrow and John Malkovich.

*****

In Sweden, all land is for public use. Imagine!!

*****

ICP cancelled their Juggalo fest.

*****

Perhaps home schooling will become more popular. Perhaps with the pollution dropping, humans will get the message that we have really fucked ourselves in this world. Less cars people!!** The Twitter CEO donated a billion. That made the other top $ people look like schmucks.

*****

Kleenex Cottonelle is donating a million rolls and a million bucks. Share A Square!!

*****

Fight Island??

*****

Tiger King.. who cares.. Crip Camp is the one to watch.  A Secret Love is also great. This is the world that we should build from the ashes of Covid-19.** Stop trying to get me to watch Tiger King. –Bill Maher

*****

We are in a recession.** I don’t understand when I see so many “devout”  people show no respect for religions other than their own.

*****

Tom Pelphrey on Ozark this season just blew me away!! He has to be the one to watch at the Emmy’s.

*****

On a personal note: Hey Aunt Ritski, I will never forget that you saved a couple of people from drowning when you were a lifeguard. I will never forget one of your favorite tales, that you wanted to be Miss Kitty when you were 5 years old and got a little drunk trying. I will never forget the times that you drove thru the ditches, your Cooter Brown stories or the way that you often left all the change on the bar when we were out.  How could anyone forget the weddings, the bullet you had to live with the rest of your life and the love you had for your siblings. We will miss you forever because all of the lives you touched would have been a whole lot different without you in it. What the fuck would we have talked about if not for the saga of you? I can think of nobody who would disagree with that. Your family loves you baby. Go in Peace and serenity.

 R.I.P. Adam Schlesinger, Ellis Marsalis Jr., Mort Drucker, Lorena Boreja, Janet Alexander,  Patricia Bosworth, Bucky Pizzarelli, Logan Wiliams, Maeve Williams, Wallace Roney, Joe Diffie, Andrew Jack, Alan Merrill, John Prine, Thomas L. Miller, tornado victims, Charlotte Figi, David Driscoll, Hal Willner, Patricia Bosworth, Ann Sullivan, Brooke Taylor, the Canadian shooting victims, Matt Seligman, Barney Ales, Bootsy Barnes, Bruce Meyers,Roger Beatty, the tornado victims, Tim Brooke- Taylor, Jorge Camara, Andrew J. Fenady, Brian Dennehy, Don Reed Herring, Henry Graff, Allen Daviou, Tom Lester,  Bill Withers and Rita Hale.

[sandwichbully]

(Finally get to talk shit about) TILT, 26 October 2018

EDIT: OK, so the camera on my phone just decided that it needed time to consider maybe storing the photos. Here is a picture of the sub, I’m putting it right up front, at the top, where it needs to be.

We now return you to this evening’s episode of Sandwich Bully as it originally aired.

What you are about to see is not Tilt’s meatball sub.

   The camera on my phone just decided it didn’t want to save any of the three pics I snapped of my meatball sub that I ordered tonight only half in reference to a tweet twatted out by Tommy, because it was about meatball subs and then I got to thinking about how I wanted a meatball sub but I wasn’t going to go to Subway because Subway is fucking gross (sorry, BC, but they’re fucking gross) so I looked up “meatball sub 55404″ on the Googleplex and saw that Tilt has one and they’re like a block and around the corner from me.    Or are they around the corner and a block?    You’ll never know!    No, seriously, you’ll never know. Nobody who does know ever comes to my apartment.    Anyway, I swore I would never have a Tilt hot dog because I’m not paying seven dollars for a fucking hot dog. This is a meatball sub, though. This is different.

   Right from the menu. House-made meatballs, marinara, mozzarella, fresh basil, toasted bun. Nine dollars. A hoagie. A grinder. A real hero. The size of my dick forearm. Fuck yeah. Let’s do this. Let’s take this Twitter thing too goddamned far. Let’s get this meatball sub!    So I get to Tilt and, hey, just a reminder, they’re a pinball bar. There are tons of pinball machines. So it makes me wonder why the hell they’re playing Joy Division’s “Disorder” on the sound system when you can’t hardly hear it over all the fucking pinball machines. And then also why did they have MTV on behind the bar on mute?    So, yeah, of course I got this to go. Got a Coke while I waited.    It doesn’t take long to get my order. How could it? The guy brings me my food and asks if I’d like more another Coke. I declined and took my food outside, opened up the box and...    I’d like to take a moment to paint you a picture since the camera on my phone decided to just fail.    Close your eyes.    Shit, that was a dumb idea. How are you going to read this?    Guess I’ll just wait for you to open your -    Ah, good, you’re back.    OK, the closing your eyes part? Skip that. Just imagine that you are six years old. It’s December. You’ve been good all year. You’ve made sure of it. Why? Because there’s only one thing this year that you really really want. (In my case, being six in 1987, it would have been a Tomy Omnibot.) (But realistically, Teddy Ruxpin.) You’ve done your chores, you kept your grades up, you’ve earned merit badges, you have been the perfect child since last Christmas.    And then Christmas Day comes! You wake early, you barrel down the stairs, you attack the bottom of the tree while you wait for your parents to wake up. They come down and tell you Merry Christmas as you tear through gift after gift, looking for it! Craving it! Desiring it! The Tomy Omnibot!    One gift, two gifts, three! Four gifts, five gifts, wee! Six gifts, seven gifts, eight gifts, too! Here’s a ninth gift just for you!    ...    What?    ...    You look behind the tree.    ...    Is - Is this it?    But I - I thought - I wa-wanted the Tomy Omnibot. Your mom tries to comfort you. Get your fucking hands off me. You turn and you make it real clear to these people what kind of a disafuckingpointment this is: We had a goddamned deal. I bust my ass being a good little boy from December twenty sixth to December twenty fifth! I have not said bad words! I’ve cleaned that shit-stink catbox every day! I take out the garbage in this motherfucker! And I do it every day while pulling in straight As and not kicking the shit out of Adam Dunning across the street! I get screwed in my fucking ass every birthday because you shitheads had to birth me in January when everybody’s burnt out on buying presents! I ask for one! thing! A Tomy Omnibot! I didn’t “hint”! I didn’t “imply”! I didn’t leave fucking “clues”! I told you fuck-wits to your faces, in plain goddamned English back in April! April! that I wanted a Tomy Omnibot! You had plenty of time to save up for it, so don’t give me any of this bullshit about Santa’s factory being out of 'em! I’m six years old, I’m not stupid, goddamnit!    I’m murdering both of you in your sleep tonight! Jesus help me!

   AAAnnnddd that is pretty much how I felt when I opened the box because I had gone six hours thinking about getting a meatball sub and what I got?    What I got was not a nine dollar sub. Five, five fifty max.    Let’s address the size. Again, camera on my phone not helpful this evening so we’re going to have to use words: It fit completely on a hot dog bun. Not a jumbo hot dog bun, not a footlong hot dog bun, a regular off the grocer’s shelf hot dog bun. It had a few random pulls of mozzarella on it. No fresh basil, because there’s only so much you can fit on a fucking hot dog bun.    So I took it home, tucked it in my mouth, giggled internally at how stupid this all was that I was about to tweet Tommy a picture of a meatball sub because, hey, something good has to come out of this, and where the fuck are the pics?    Jesus help me.    So how did this taste?    How did this nine dollar, three tiny balls on a hot dog bun taste?    It tasted like I should have gone to Subway.

   Hmm? What’s that?    Oh, no, that’s the review. I’m saying that I could have gotten a sandwich twice as large for half the price that tastes exactly the same as this one at Subway. I couldn’t taste the mozzarella, any seasoning in the beef was overshadowed by the marinara, and what can I say about a hot dog bun? It’s white bread. Hell, Subway at least offers me Tuscan Herb and Sangria bread or whatever.    And I’m not just saying this because I’m pissed off about the price even though I’m pissed off about the price. I saw how small it was and I thought, “Well, maybe it will just blow my mind when I taste it,” and there I was let down, too.    Just like that day. Thirty one years ago. When everybody else got a Teddy Ruxpin Tomy Omnibot.    I really really hate talking shit about local businesses. I went over my rationale back in the opening to the Sandcastle episode but if you can’t be bothered to click the link, it’s like this: I know that one review from a barely read sandwich blog isn’t going to destroy a local business, I get where I sit in the ecosystem. That doesn’t mean that small stature gives me license to talk endless shit about somebody who put together a business plan, had to recruit angel investors and take out variable interest loans for start up capital, put their recipes and their food and their reputations on the line, and bravely ventures into an industry with an absurd failure rate.    But then there’s this part: THIS PLACE SELLS SEVEN DOLLAR PLAIN HOT DOGS AND HAS THE NERVE TO CHARGE YOU A QUARTER FOR ONIONS AND IF YOU DON’T BELIEVE ME BECAUSE THAT SOUNDS FLATLY BIZARRE, LOOK AT THE MENU.    So, I feel obligated to say it: I feel like I got ripped off. I feel like I paid twice what that sandwich was worth in terms of portion-to-dollar ratio, no matter how high quality the ingredients were, which doesn’t matter because none of them separately or in concert with each other tasted any different from the cheap Sysco crap I’m handed at any other place.    I get it, shame on me for not investigating further before putting down my debit card, I really only feel ripped off, they didn’t deliberately scam me, every clue was given that this was not going to be a satisfactory experience, and it was nowhere near as bad as the Sandcastle incident.    But still... Tilt?    Eragh...    I’m not going to say don’t give them your money. You can have fun drinking and playing Pinball there. Drink prices are in line with most other places and most of the machines take two tokens (psst! Up/Down’s machines take only one!) but I really can’t recommend eating there. Or getting it to go.