#bounces around my two braincells perfectly

[iamunabletothinkofablogname]

E

YES

[oureuphoria]

Worst of You - JJK 01

You meet him under horrible circumstances but that doesn’t stop you from developing a very abnormal and completely unsolicited crush on your local hot police officer™. Too bad you have a bitch of a best friend, anxiety and an inability to learn from your mistakes which cripples your chances to be with the man of your literal dreams. Oh, and he has a lifetime’s worth of baggage at 23.  Or “I’m not leaving until you tell me what’s wrong.” “Cool, I’ll let everyone know that you’re moving in then.”

Genre: fluff, angst, comedy 

Pairing: officer!jungkook X collegestudent!reader

Word count: 2.2k

Warnings: Mentions of violence (stab wound), mentions of anxiety, swearing

Note: I was watching B99 and I was like ‘Woah, Jungkook would be a hot cop,’ and now we’re here. 

| 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 | 09 | 10 | 11 |

If someone had asked you to write a novel about the adventures of your life, it would be extremely thin. Not from your lack of experiences (although it is a pressing factor) but more so from your inability to think about yourself for longer than 3 minutes without feeling sick. You were not a particularly hateful person, especially not towards yourself, but you were an active and anxious thinker and your mind was often boggled with thoughts about what you could’ve or have done wrong and it was exasperating.

For example, occasionally, your professors would allow students to spectate professional research experiments and that month, you were selected (out of pity because Alex was selected and the Professor knew she was your only friend). You knew this was supposed to be an “interesting learning experience” but it was a complete and utter bore. At first you’d convinced yourself it was only boring because you were hungry, then you began to realise it was boring because your singular braincell could not comprehend such complex material on an empty stomach.

So, you left the room to go to McDonald’s, for educational purposes of course. That was where you went wrong because instead of peacefully enjoying your McChicken you were dealing with your phone which was blowing up with messages from Alex about how you were missing ever so much from the research lab. However, it seemed to you that perfectly cut fries were more interesting than watching microscopic cells bounce around in a microscope for an hour.

It turned out that watching microscopic cells bounce around in a microscope for an hour was worth a lot of credits and you wallowed in self-pity for the mere 24-hours that followed that realisation.

You had fucked up once again, only three days after witnessing all 3 minutes of the splendid research experiment. It was a Saturday and you were standing outside your dorm building watching a student yell at a stray cat. It was around 2 in the morning and you were sneaking back from your late shift at the convenience store. Usually, you would have been terrified and confused but you were so tired that you violently pinched your arm and blinked rapidly, hoping it was just an illusion. When the peculiar scene didn’t disappear, you realised this was real but it was too late since the man was now sprinting after you across your quiet and empty campus.

Four years ago, if someone had told your 16-year-old self to participate in your P.E classes because you would later be chased by a crazy man at 2am then you surely would’ve listened. But unfortunately, no one had done such a thing and you were beginning to realise just how regrettable that was. Your running performance was mediocre at best, definitely not fast enough to out run this man across an extremely large campus and you were beginning to lose your breath.

Your only option was to quit while you were ahead and either find somewhere to hide or use your very non-existent combat skills to karate kick the man into the other dimension. Naturally, you hid behind the giant administrator building. As you were finally behind the safe confines of the old brick wall you moved to reach for your phone when you heard an alarming scream. As much as your brain wanted to relish in the relief that the scream wasn’t coming from you, you couldn’t shake the instant guilt. You called the police and tried to sound as reliable as possible but your voice was dripping with fear and you stuttered over your words like a toddler.

Once you were able to clearly see the student, lying on the lawn in pain with what appeared to be a stab wound the guilt completely consumed you but part of you couldn’t even believe this was real. Students woke up from the deafening sounds of sirens and it wasn’t long before this would become a commotion so the officers made quick work of the scene, the ambulance moving him to their van and the police officers continuing their reports. You were asked to go to the station where you would be further questioned by another officer and you didn’t quite understand the need for that escalation but you compiled nonetheless. You didn’t need the police and your conscience to think you were guilty.

You were seated in the backseat of a police car, behind two male officers. Their conversation fell numbly to your ears, your mind already submerged deeply in thought. You didn’t snap out of your trance until the officers repeatedly called for you. “Did you know the boy? The one who was, uh, attacked?” The officer was trying to find the right terms and you commend him for that much, but the last part felt more like an unsure question than a statement and that didn’t sit well with you. “No.” Your answer deadpanned the chance of a conversation, the silence after being the proof. The drive continued for about 3 minutes before you stood at the information desk where you were asked to join the secretary on a walk to the interrogation room. “The officer will be with you shortly. Would you like anything to drink?” She spoke curtly, the annoyed look on her face told you she’d already done this too many times. “No thanks, I’m fine.”

You were confused and guilty and scared. None of this made any sense, you - who never, ever, experienced anything outside your boring routine - was now being questioned for an attack? You were convinced you were borderline insane and that this was just a horrible dream. But, with every tic of the annoying clock on the plain wall behind you, you grew less convinced that this was anything but reality.

“Hello.” The officer walked in, and suddenly you felt like you were in some sick, twisted rom-com because that man might have been the most beautiful man you’d ever seen. You didn’t mean to become distracted but he looked like he’d just walked out of a magic mike production and you were frankly astonished because this had to be a dream. His eyes were dark but they shined in the light beautifully, however the furrow in his eyebrows scared you enough to stop staring at his eyes. His build was clearly very developed, he looked like you could bench press you 40 times over and not even break a sweat. Or maybe he was just really fucking hot.

“My name is Officer Jeon and I’m here to ask you a couple of questions, I don’t want you to feel afraid or pressured, just answer me honestly and you’ll be fine.” Although he’d meant to sound soft and reassuring his words sounded more like an indirect threat. A threat that you heard loud and clear. You gulped quietly, the dryness in your throat mocking you as you recalled rejected the offer for a drink. You nodded when you realised he was expecting an answer but it clearly wasn’t enough. “I need you to use your voice at all times in here, this could be used in court and we need you to be very clear so nothing is misinterpreted. Do you understand?” You wanted to cry. All you’d had in plan for the night was to get to your dorm, eat some 99 cent ramen and go to sleep yet here you were at 3 in the morning in an interrogation room for an attack you weren’t even sure you ‘witnessed’. “Yup.”

“Great, then let’s begin. Can you start by stating your name and age?” “Y/N, L/N. 20.” You nearly stuttered which would have been beyond embarrassing. You seriously couldn’t even manage your own name? “Alright, Miss L/N. Why were you out so late?” You paused for a moment to rehearse your answer but you couldn’t quite get it all out. “I work at a convenience store.” You gestured to your name tag for effect and he nodded, writing something down in his notepad.

“How often do you work there?” The question was irrelevant, unrelated and the first tell-tale sign that you were not a witness; you were a suspect. However, you were too tired to notice. “Twice a week. 4pm-2am.” “You live in the dormitories, correct?” You nodded but he gave you a pointed look that reminded you to use words. “Yes.” “2 shifts a week can’t possibly sustain you. How do you pay your dorm fees?” This was when your tired brain began picking up on the fact that you weren’t just a witness. “I tutor high school kids. It pays enough.” He didn’t reply, just wrote something down in his notepad again - an action which was beginning to make you anxious.

“When you were interrogated by the field officer you told him that you were hiding behind the administration building when you’d heard the victim scream, why were you hiding there?” “I was hiding from the uh, a-attacker.” “How did you encounter him before that?” “I already answered this…” You were visibly nervous which couldn’t have looked very promising. “Then you won’t mind answering again.” His tone was menacing and if you weren’t already very intimidated by his role and demeanour then his strikingly good looks would have done the job. You’ve always been very intimidated by attractive people which proved to an insane burden.

“I was returning to my dorm block when I saw him yelling at a cat, he saw me and began to lunge my way so I started to run but I’m not very good at running so I hid behind the building instead. I was in the process of calling the police when I heard the scream and I didn’t move until the police came.” He seemed unsatisfied with your answer but that was understandable. Your monologue wasn’t confidentially given, you stuttered and stumbled over your words consistently out of anxiety, but he didn’t know that and probably thought you were the very thing you had been running from.

“How did you know that the man chasing you was a student? You said he was in the initial questioning.” “I wasn’t sure. It was 2am and he was standing on a student campus, outside a student dormitory. So, I assumed he was a student.” Your tone was a little vindictive, possibly from the frustration of being labeled as a suspect for a crime you were positive you didn’t commit. “Did you know the student who was attacked?” “No. When can I leave?” The question came out rushed and on impulse but you didn’t care. You were far too tired to. “When I ask all my questions.” You nodded absentmindedly, focusing on the plain table instead.

“You think I did it, don’t you?” Tears were welling up in your eyes but you were too dehydrated to cry.  “Right now you’re only a minor suspect, these are routine questions we have to ask and I really don’t see the issue with them if you’re truly innocent.” That surely shut you up, and made you feel a little stupid. Normally a question like that would never come from you but your exhaustion was taking a toll on your patience, and it was a heavy toll at that. “I’m sorry.” His angry features softened at your shaky voice. “How about we continue this tomorrow. Is 2pm okay for you?” You spaced out again, which was probably why he wanted to continue the interrogation the next day. “Is that okay?” He repeated, this time more pressing, you nodded but were quick to once again correct yourself and mutter a quick “yes” before you grabbed your backpack and suppressed the urge to Naruto run out of the room.

You walked out of the double doors only to be met with the dark night sky and a creeping fear that there was someone following you. You walked home from your shift every Friday and Saturday night and until that day nothing extremely bad had happened. Yet here you were cowardly glancing over your shoulder with every chance you got. You hated walking at night because your paranoia constantly slowed you down and what should’ve been a 10- minute walk turned into a 23-minute walk. It didn’t help that your recent encounter kept replaying in your head, the image of the poor victim on the floor vividly appearing every time you blinked.

As you rolled yourself up in a blanket burrito to escape the dark amiss of the night (more or less your own thoughts), you began to lull yourself into a soft sleep before your roommate, Alex, rudely barged into your room with little concern for your sleep.. “What happened? Why did you leave with the officers? Everyone’s talking about it you know, you’re on everyone’s snapchat story and your clothes really aren’t that flattering.” “A student got attacked and I was the only kind-of witness. The officers wanted to do some further questioning and how many times must I tell you its the uniform.” She sighed in relief before crushing you with a hug. “I’m glad you’re okay.” You suffocated under her grasp but you knew better than to try to fight Alex. She left the room to allow you to sleep but not before rambling about how she assumed you had turned into a rogue murderer.

[kyberled]

SENTENCE STARTERS: LET’S PLAY CYBERPUNK RED, EPISODE 1 PART 1

A collection of prompts and starters taken from the first episode of Polygon’s Cyberpunk Red campaign series: [x] 

Content warnings for death, strong language, and mentions of violence and drug use. 

Feel free to change names and pronouns as needed!

“We’re recovering from several man-made disasters, and kites are popular again.”

“Oops, that’s too much armpit.” 

“I don’t know who you know.” 

“You will be remembered.” 

“You’re not allowed to say that word on here, my dude!” 

“Boop, banned!” 

“Headshot! ... Sorry.” 

“There is maybe a job down there for us, and I could use a lift.” 

“Do you want me to come up and meet you up there, or  do you wanna come down here?”

“Doc, these guys gonna be okay?” 

“He was sliced and diced and blown apart.” 

“Saw a really sad thing today.” 

“I’m not sure how we’re going to get paid for this, actually.”

“Sometimes, you get paid in other things, like trust or friendship.” 

“Exposure!!!” 

“Let’s mop up these two dipshits and figure out who did it, then hit their head several times.”

“I just realized I called these dead people dipshits.” 

“I know all of this because he was saying it in Alf roleplay.” 

“They’re very fast, but they’re faster the wealthier you are.” 

“And they’re all like, armed, right?”

“Yeah. They’re super armed.”

“Work up a gentle demeanor, if I can.”

“This one? This one? That one? This one?”

“I’ve got a lot of cool.” 

“I promise you... You will not die.” 

“I mean, everyone dies, [NAME]. You shouldn’t promise that to someone.”

“But what I’m saying is it won’t be my fault.”

“I am so sorry for this situation.” 

“Just gonna pretend that didn’t happen.” 

“I don’t think they were looking for [NAME].”

“I think they were looking for SOMEBODY.” 

“You guys are really fuckin’ bad at this.” 

“I’ll admit, I can be a little bit bad bad at comforting folks who need it. But I’ll tell ya’, I’m really good at pounding peoples’ skulls into concrete over and over again, until they tell me exactly what I would like to know.” 

“Did you mean to threaten this guy?” 

“All I wanna know is what happened here, so we don’t have another mess to mop up. And that mess I’m talking about is potentially... You.” 

“I mean, steal from the rich, no harm done!”

“And snort what you get.” 

“It is what you said, it’s what you implied. Are you going back on your word?” 

“If I knew, I’d have blackmail, and I wouldn’t be here.” 

“Reach out if you ever need anything.”

“Reach out if you ever need anything, and I was mostly kidding about the head bouncing stuff. But I will do it! But I was mostly kidding.” 

“Call me if you need to know anyone.” 

“We’re not best friends, but I just thought it would give that parasocial relationship to people.” 

“Guys, don’t say other things.” 

“You’re making it sound like there’s more than one person-- There’s only one person in the bathroom, and it’s me, [NAME]!”

“I just needed a little bit of help in here. It’s nothing to worry about.” 

“And we WILL wash our hands.” 

“Can you wait until we’re out of the bathroom to talk about this?”

“It wasn’t even weird!”

“It was very weird.”

“And wash your hands!”

“This one’s zooted.” 

“Leaving it a little open-ended, there, [NAME].”

“Soft touch.” 

“Your eyes are so gentle.” 

“... That’s a good argument.” 

“I got some papers, don’t worry how I got ‘em.” 

“I’m sorry, that was really defensive. I came at you with all that defensive energy.” 

“I can get one, if ya’ need!” 

“I’d like you to remember that I helped you, and someday, maybe, when I need you...” 

“That’s not what I’m gonna need you for, but, thank you.” 

“What’s up everyone, I just walked into a locked room.” 

“Wow, special treat for you guys today!”

“Wow, special treat for you guys today: It’s two locked doors.”

“I guess it’s a bust for today.” 

“Your... Co-dependent.... Thing, is very strange.” 

“Is this like a riddle?” 

“Do you like to pick your own lock?”

“I sometimes pick my own lock, like, to practice.”

“Your lock’s been picked.” 

“My door’s been picked?!”

“I’m old school, what can I say.”

“If they just wanted to destroy it, why wouldn’t they just destroy it?”

“You’re blowing my mind, here.”

“We can stop it.”

“You don’t need to hate [NAME], you just need to love money.”

“I was already in the van-- I wasn’t in the van, but I got in the van because I wanted to come see you.” 

“I think you got, maybe one of those three is right.” 

“I ain’t never heard of him, no.” 

“Shit. I could’ve done this my fuckin’ self.” 

“I’ll look it up for you, you’ll owe me a favor.” 

“[NAME], this guy’s dead.”

“[NAME]’s dead, he died six years ago.” 

“You’re asking the important questions, [NAME].”

“Privacy is nonexistent.” 

“I don’t wanna meet a ghost.” 

“Forsooth! We’re here.” 

“I don’t see any problems with the plan.” 

“It is striking me as very strange, now that I’m thinking about it.” 

“We both drive. ... I also drive. It’s a-- Two-person... Driving... Car.” 

“I have trouble with the break and the gas at the same time.” 

“He just sits on my lap.” 

“And you shouldn’t! And you don’t.” 

“It was like on the news.”

“It’s really hot out in the van, can I get a CapriSun?”

“I already peed.” 

“Put your smart thoughts in my dumb head.” 

“It’s a very strange slogan.” 

“I’m so glad we’re sitting down for this drink.” 

“This was, like, a decade ago, which is like 100 years ago.” 

“You guys aren’t cops, right?” 

“We’re not cops.” 

“We split a paycheque.” 

“The ol’ waitin’ game.” 

“Let’s use our two braincells.” 

“If honesty if cool, let’s be honest.”

“Fuck yeah, come on! Shoot it into my fuckin’ veins, baby!”

“Thanks a lot, buddy. Thanks a fucking lot.”

“Welcome to this most righteous cafe.” 

“Garcon! First, I would like you to tell me what an egg cream is, and then, I would like an egg cream.” 

“I brought a juice box from the car.” 

“This fuckin’ rules!” 

“Is he super hot?”

“We did it! We heisted! We killed some people! Could we be any cooler?”

“I hope it’s the fucking cast of Friends!” 

“I’m not gonna stop you from doing that.” 

“Who the fuck is this jabroni?” 

“Name’s [NAME]. Just passing through, looking for a bit of information.” 

“I don’t wanna be too forward here, but unless you’re willing to talk with me on this particular topic, your love life ain’t gonna be the only thing that’s D.O.A.”

“That’s really good shit talk.”

“You’re gonna badmouth me and my besties?”

“You gonna come in here and sass us?”

“Well, you can bully [NAME]. He’ll just fuckin’ sit there and take it.”

“I will toss your salad and scramble your eggs.”

“You’re gonna talk right now, or you’re cancelled.” 

“This is our town!” 

“How you doin’?”

“Fuck you! Thank you.” 

“No, not that - why did you shoot people?” 

“Sorry, didn’t mean to escalate.” 

“I don’t live on the streets, I have a perfectly adequate apartment.”

“I’m sorry, that’s on me.” 

“You guys know the person you’re trying to blackmail is dead?”

“I guess it isn’t your day, your month, or your year? ... Or your week?” 

“Hey, okay! I mean, where the fuck did you come from, but yeah, this guy gets us!” 

“I did just say that your blackmail’s useless.” 

“And that’s where you should stop that sentence!” 

“In the shipping business, that’s what we call... I don’t know what we call it.”

“It’s a goof-’em-up.” 

“The problem with trucks, is, uh... Have you ever seen a bird?”

“Have you ever seen a bird that just really scared you?” 

“I’ve seen a video of a bird.” 

“If you have to steal, I don’t give a shit. Steal from somewhere else.” 

“So fuck you, I guess, fuck you.”

“I’m so sweaty, it’s so hot in here.”

“I’ll delete your accounts!” 

“You think you’re a big man.” 

“You mother fucker! I can’t believe you’d do this, to ME!”

“You just killed a man! In cold blood!” 

“I wish somebody had told you it was gonna be this way.” 

“Well, I hate to see people leave the forum.”

“I’m a moderator, this is just physical moderating.” 

“I did do that.” 

“And now we’re fighting back to back!”

“Aw, we’re the real besties.” 

“I’m very proud of all of you.”

“I’m very proud of all of you, and I’m certain that will last this whole time.” 

“I feel like I shouldn’t have a shotgun.” 

“Ba-bum bum ba-da-ba-da--” (gunshot)

“I can’t fucking follow that up!” 

“So I don’t fuckin’ care.” 

“What now?! WHAT NOW?!” 

“You guys need to leave!” 

“Way ahead of ya’, mac!”

“Way ahead of ya’, mac!” (smashes through the window)

“You did a great job of just destroying this woman.” 

“I hope these people never see me again, I don’t want to come back here.” 

“Make sure to like and subscribe!” 

“We haven’t killed anybody, have we?” 

“Let’s wrap this up right now, or I’ve got a feeling there won’t be a reunion show.” 

“Okay, okay, you guys are not cool.”

“We being chill about this?”

“I don’t know what we’re gonna do with this thing, it’s useless.”

“You keep saying that, and I keep not believing you.”

“Find somebody else to rob.”

“Find somebody else to rob. Rob somebody with money.”

“Did any of you see the thing that I did where I put the guy’s head on the counter and I hit him with a stool two or three times?” 

“[NAME], if you can promise to fight that well, I can get a lot more jobs for you.” 

“I’d also love to just hang out, if that’s a thing you would be interested in.” 

“You guys had to be there.”

“[NAME] jumped through a window.” 

“Avast! Above, I see... [NAME]!”

“Let’s just say we had to wine and dine ‘em.”

“I hit a guy in the head with a stool.”

“Let’s just say we had to wine and dine ‘em. ... I hit a guy in the head with a stool.” 

“That sounds about right, yeah.” 

“The only reason you’ve been surviving this long is because of the philanthropy of others.”

“I’m too smart for this.” 

“I think we took care of them.”

“If I were them, I wouldn’t come back around here.”

“But they are still alive.”

“If you decide that you do want them dead, you know who to call.” 

“And thanks again for everything you do. ... Oh, by the way, [NAME] died.” 

[beats-guns-and-roses]

Ever since Senpai was gifted that soccer ball, he has been practicing with it. It's been a while since he was able to play around with one, since SOMEBODY destroyed the ball assets in his game! But that doesn't matter now! He may not be able to go outside yet, but that's not gonna stop him! Heck yeah, indoor soccer!

It would appear that it's just a no-braincell day, since no one has tried to stop him yet. In fact, he seems to have roped Boyfriend in on this 'game', bouncing excitedly in place. "[Get ready, Hatsune! I'm going to pass it to you!]" After saying that, he rears back a leg...before punting the soccer ball at FULL SPEED, DIRECTLY at Boyfriend WHILE STILL IN THIS ENCLOSED SPACE.

Needless to say, seeing Senpai rear back like that was enough to give Boyfriend a single moment to feel regret at his decision, before ducking and hoping he didn't get hit by the sport projectile. It was a success, in the end, he didn't get hit by the ball- but that also meant it flew past him at full speed, right towards a wall that faced the street....

Right through what used to be a perfectly good window...

...Oh...OH. Senpai freezes, eyes wide as he stares at the damage. He...did not think that would happen??? "[Ohhh my goodness, I am so sorry! I thought you were going to catch it!]" he exclaims with a whine, cringing as the fear of prompting a negative reaction presses down on him.

"I had a feeling this would happen" mumbled Pico, sipping coffee as he leans against a far wall. Why didn't you stop them dumbass?

"Be skeboo-" Boyfriend is trying to wave away the concern somewhat- at least for now, they can handle that AFTER some of the more immediate things they need to address. Notably; there is glass on the floor and a gift of Senpai's that needs to be retrieved. He's already moving towards the door to take care of the more important of the two issues- Hopefully no one had been out there when that happened..!

@rosesandth0rns