#brain stopped working properly sorry only simple words used for me now i cant process

[mrfoox]

except that im mentally dead, i’m good

[shadowbriar]

Sirius Black - The Lion and The Lamb

Pairing : Sirius Black x (she/her) Reader Word Count : 5.1k Warning : One curse word. I'm so bad at this I don't think there's any other? Synopsis : Sirius' plot of pairing her with Remus has finally come to a success yet he finds it hard to find the joy in their relationship. Notes : Post no 3 for my 1 Year Anniversary Celebration. This story is a little bit all over the place, I'm sorry for that. Don't forget to fill the form here if you'd like to be tagged for my future works. If you like this story and would like to support me, please visit my kofi page and perhaps get me a coffee?☕ Sirius Black's Masterlist click here. Taglist : @jsjcue @ell0ra-br3kk3r @sofiacblair @when-you-cant-think-of-anything

It is only logical that someone like her, a bright witch with the wittiest mind and cleverest brain, would ever fall for someone who’s equally as brilliant. Someone who excels in his classes, despite the fact that he has a troublesome condition that restrains him from having a full attendance in his classes, is still being appointed as prefect due to his capability and proficient skill set. It’s simple logic, isn’t it? Smart people are attracted to smart people, the same way funny people are attracted to other funny people.

At least, that is the rule Sirius Black is believing in.

For years he has tried to play the matchmaker for Remus and her. ‘Accidentally’ pairing them up for school projects, ‘accidentally’ forgetting their group study session so the two of them would be left alone, and ‘accidentally’ always making her sit next to Remus in every chance presented. Sirius was determined to get them together. He would always argue that they just haven’t noticed the chemistry they have, how everyone in the room could tell that these two are in love with each other. Though James would always deny and say that no one except Sirius would see this so-called chemistry, Sirius has already made it his life mission to make them a couple.

“Truly, I love Padfoot but his antics on pairing us up is starting to get under my skin.” Remus grumbles as he walks with her through Hogsmeade. They were supposed to meet up at the Three Broomstick, her and the rest of the Marauders, but after an hour of waiting, the two knew that this is just another stunt Sirius’ pulled for them “Once we get back to the castle I will make him transform into his animagus form and turn him into a fur hat, I swear it.”

She chuckles, “I’d love to witness that.”

The two continue their walk until Remus halts all of a sudden, stopping his pace with an expression she couldn’t decipher. It was as if he was thinking deeply about something that is struggling to burst forth from his lips. His brows furrow and it’s taking a huge amount of self control in herself to not straighten them with her thumb.

“I have an idea that might make you murder me,” He says to her “But this is worth the shot, at least for me.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Are you not tired of this? Of Padfoot always setting us up like this?” Remus questions, his arms now fold in front of his chest “Because I am. We can hardly hangout with the others anymore and don’t get me wrong, I love spending time with you, Love, it’s just that—”

“Sirius,” She cuts, nodding in understanding with a small laughter “I get it. What do you propose?”

Remus shrugs, “Well, since the boy’s so determined to get us together, why don’t we just.. Get together?”

“Get together?” She repeats with a raised brow “As in.. Date each other?”

“Yeah, precisely that.”

She stares at him with appalled eyes. Remus seems adamant with his proposal, his tone is firm and his body language shows 100% certainty, yet her mind still couldn’t process his words properly. The idea of them dating would be as logical as flying pigs. They are the true definition of platonic love. Dating Remus would feel like painting the Black Lake pink with a makeup brush, painful and useless.

Noticing her bewildered expression, Remus proceeds to explain his bid, “Alright, maybe I worded it wrong. I meant to say that maybe we should try to give the impression that we’re dating. I love you Dove, there’s no denying that, but we’re nowhere close to what Padfoot is insinuating and I just can’t live the rest of my school years being his experimental toad.”

“Ah,” She finally nods in understanding. Her facial expressions soften from the explanation, letting out a chuckle now as Remus’ words start to make sense “You still have to define try in this scenario, Rem. What are the rules and what not?”

Remus shrugs once more, “Just act like we’re dating in front of the boys, I guess.”

“Okay, and what does ‘act like we’re dating’ mean?” She questions further, her right hand now resting on her right cheek as she gives the offer a thought “Dating could have a very broad meaning, these days.”

“Hold hands, walk you to your classes, carry your books, you know those little things.”

“And how about the PDAs?”

“Like kissing?” Remus asks. He winces slightly at the thought, not out of disgust but more on the unlikelihood of either of them enjoying such action “We can opt that out. Just tell people we’re not a big fan of public attention for such gestures, they’ll buy it.”

She pursed her lips, brows furrowed now as she truly pondered her options. Sure the fact that Sirius is restless about his mission is irritating her, but is pretend dating really the answer? It feels cruel, knowing that Sirius came from a good heart, but Remus is right. Just how many more years should they suffer through this foolish mischief? If anything it will only grow discomfort between her and Remus and she surely wouldn’t want to lose her friendship with him.

“Should we put a time frame for it then?” She says, trying to help perfect the proposal “Say.. 3 months? Would that be too long? We could just tell people that we didn’t really work out by then.”

“I was going to say until the semester ends, but 3 months seems enough.” Remus nods, holding out his hand “So is that a deal?”

She smiles, taking his hand and shaking it firmly, “Deal.”

—-

The next morning when the pack walks down to the Great Hall, Sirius’ eyes are caught at the sight of his two friends sitting comfortably close to each other, already enjoying their meal and sharing what seems to be the most interesting discussion. James shot him a look, utterly puzzled at the intimacy they were showing. Peter was the only one who could still function and walk to the couple, sitting right in front of them.

“Morning, you two,” Peter greets, his eyes narrowed in an interrogating way “You left pretty early this morning, Moons. Didn’t even hear you go out the door.”

“Yeah, I had to pick her up from her dorm.” Remus shrugs, his tone casual as he rests a hand around her shoulders “You guys are here on time.”

“What is happening?” Sirius asks this time, a disbelief smile decorating his baffled face. He was still standing by the table, the only one who’s not yet seated. His eyes travelled to Remus’ secured hold around her “You two are more comfortable than I last remember.”

“Yeah, well, we decided to give it a go.” She explained with a smile, looking at Remus.

Sirius let out a chuckle, one that doesn’t sound the most sincere as he proceeds to question, his tone was laced with uncertainty, “Give what a go?”

“Dating.” She answers as she turns to him briefly before giving Remus a little peck on the cheeks “We’re dating now.”

Remus, who wasn’t expecting the kiss, turns crimson. It wasn’t the first kiss he’s received on the cheek from her, but getting it under the impression of their romantic affair still caught him off guard. He gave her a look, one that she understood was him being impressed at her act, before pulling her head closer to his shoulder. 

Remus’ eyes now travel to Sirius’ who is stupefied, still on his feet after witnessing such action. He doesn’t seem to be joyful, not even the slightest bit happy at the fact that his life mission is now finally achieved. Like someone hit the invisible reset button in the back of his head. Completely at loss of words and understanding of the scene unravelling before his eyes.

“You alright, Pads?” Remus asks with a raised brow.

James had to pull on Sirius’ robe in order to bring the black haired boy back to life. Sirius blinks, evidently trying to digest the new information with a scrunched brow. He finally takes a seat, resting his hand under his chin in an interrogative gesture, “What— When, uh, when did this happen?”

“Yesterday, after our Hogsmeade date.” She answers casually, squeezing herself closer to her ‘boyfriend’ as she continues “We figured.. You’re right. We do have chemistry between us, so we thought— Why not? Right, my Love?”

Remus smirks, seemingly amused at the pet name given, “Right, Darling.”

“Aw, not the pet names.” James fakes a gag “You two are going to beat me and Lils as couple of the year.”

Breakfast continued with so much laughter and bliss that her cheeks were starting to hurt. It feels wonderful to finally share tender and warm moments without having to worry that Remus might feel uncomfortable or that she would have to excuse herself to join her group of friends to run from a plot Sirius would pull on them. After what seems to be forever, the two of them can finally appreciate the platonic love shared in the group.

Yet through the delightful morning they’re spending, she couldn’t help but to notice the half-hearted laughter Sirius would let out or how he would play with his food more than to chime in on James' jokes. He wouldn’t meet eyes with her, as if he has a secret he wants to keep. Something she couldn’t tell what it was nor what it’s about.

—-

Fake dating Remus has been brilliant to say the least. Neither of them now have to feel awkward from each other, nurturing their friendship that was once put to halt when Sirius started his ruse. James and Peter have been more free to ask either of them to hang out too, knowing that Sirius wouldn’t pop out of nowhere and jeopardise the plan to have her paired up with Remus instead. Yet through all these splendid events, she couldn’t help but to notice Sirius’ withdrawal.

He has been more quiet whenever the five of them would hang out, being too busy with his assignments she knows full well he pays no mind about or excusing himself to get some rest. She couldn’t even see him alone, always having something in his schedule that would make him leave her in the hallways.

It would be a lie to say that she doesn’t miss his presence.

“Have you been giving the group more quidditch practice, Potter?” She asks as she plops herself to the sofa, scanning around the Common Room to look for the familiar black haired boy.

James makes a face, “No? We haven’t even done any practice for weeks due to the bad weather.”

A frown blooms on her face. Quidditch practice is Sirius’ most used justification to his pardon and to know that there hasn’t even been one for a while surely baffles her. What could be the reason for Sirius’ absence then?

“Where’s Sirius?” She voiced out “I haven’t seen him for a while now, it’s like he’s avoiding me.”

“Probably feeling undermotivated now that you two are dating. His whole life was devoted to seeing you two as a couple, now that it’s happened, I suppose Padfoot requires some time to recalculate his next life mission.” Peter comments nonchalantly “Perhaps he could finally find one that is actually useful for his future.”

She forces a smile.

A big question mark is still ingrained in her mind. She seems to be the only one to notice Sirius’ withdrawal and is actually bothered by it. Perhaps it was because the boys still see him in their dorm room and spend more classes with him that they could hardly notice the difference. Either way, she knows that she won’t get her answer by asking them about Sirius. She has to ask him herself. However that might be.

—-

Sirius’ palms have been more sweaty nowadays every time she was around. He was sure that one of these days his closest mates will call him out for the strange act he’s been pulling and how he’s committing the grandest sin to have feelings for his best friend’s girlfriend.

In his defence, Sirius never intended to fall for her. He’s always admired her, sure, only a fool would question that, but never has Sirius ever thought that such admiration stemmed from romantic feelings. He always thought and believed that her best pair is Remus, someone who is stable and responsible, unlike him who is impulsive and directionless in life. Someone who would follow wherever the wind would sail his ship to.

No, Sirius will never accept anyone who is less prudent than Remus to be her lover.

But that day in Potion class haunts him like a persisting ghost. How the cauldron of Amortentia smelled like her. A mix of her perfume, her favourite dish that she would always dig in whenever Christmas comes, and that scent of flower they did their Herbology paper on back in third year. There would be no chance that Sirius misinterpreted the scents. What he smelled from the love potion was her, only her.

Now he’s standing feet away from her, trying to cast the patronus charm along with the other students. He could see Remus succeeding in no time, producing a wolf shaped patronus. He could see the mixed emotions Remus had on his face. Proud of his success in conjuring the spell and bitterness over the form of patronus he owned.

He turned his gaze to Lily, a beautiful doe was running around her. James on the other side of the class was screaming in delight when he finally conjured his patronus, a magnificent stag standing by his side. Sirius knew that James would use this to pester on Lily more. People do say that some soulmates may have a connected form of patronus.

Sirius’ lips turned into a smile as he watched her successfully produce her patronus now. A beautiful rottweiler was running around her. What a perfect patronus, Sirius thought. A courageous and loyal animal, the perfect one for her.

Now Sirius tries to cast the spell himself. A couple tries and he finally managed to produce a full patronus, a german shepherd. He lets out a satisfied laughter, watching as his patronus runs around the class, stopping only when it met her patronus.

But Sirius’ patronus soon disappears as his focus dissolves, locking eyes with Remus who watches over the event with a confused look and an intrigued smirk plastered on his face. Sirius swallowed his own saliva in nervousness. Does this mean Remus knows about his growing affection towards his girlfriend?

—-

“I’m calling it, me and Lily are soulmates.” James says happily as he jumps on his bed, resting his arms behind his head as a pillow “Who would’ve thought, right? A stag and a doe. Merlin, we must’ve been made for each other for real.”

“Not really in the mood to talk about patronuses, guys.” Peter snorts, sulking at his still failure in conjuring one.

“Don’t worry, Wormy, your time will come.” Sirius says, patting the boy’s shoulder before heading to his trunk to put his books in “Took me a couple tries to get it too.”

“Right, your german shepherd patronus,” Remus notes, a suspicious smile tugged on his lips “Did you notice that yours were the only one other than her’s in the form of a dog?”

Sirius feigned a confused look, furrowing his brows, “Who? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, right! Her rottweiler!” James chimed “It was adorable when your patronus came to her’s, Pads. Too bad yours didn’t last too long. You surely need more practice with your spell.”

Sirius only let out a small chuckle, not saying another word as he silently prays that they would drop this topic. It’s uncomfortable enough for him to know that his patronus were fond of hers, adding to the stress of his realisation of her scent from the amortentia. Now to have Remus staring at him with an expression he’s dying to confront yet certainly not ready to face the consequences of, Sirius wonders if pairing her with Remus all these years was a mistake.

—-

“I think we need to call off this ruse.”

“Already?” She asks, putting down her book to meet Remus’ eyes “We’re not even half way through 3 months.”

“Yeah, I don’t think we need to get that long. Even if we break up now, I’m sure Sirius wouldn’t pair us up like he did before.”

She raised an eyebrow, confused, “Why would you think that?”

“Because that git finally realises that he likes you.” Remus says with a confident smirk.

Her eyes nearly popped out of its eye sockets. What Remus said just now is as surprising as hearing that Dumbledore and McGonnagal are holding their wedding this Yule break. Never in a million years would she ever expect such a reason to be uttered by him.

She let out a mocking laughter, dismissing his words, “You’re mental.”

“I’m not,” Remus denies, leaning closer to her to prove his words “That day in Charms class. His patronus came to you. You both had guard dogs as patronus. Why do you think that’s because?”

“Mere coincidence?” She questions, still finding his words to be baffling “We both have dogs as our patronus, so? They’re not even the same breed. You’re making a connection out of nothing.”

“Am I really?” He challenges “I mean, think about it! Don’t you think Sirius has been acting strange ever since we’re dating? And that day in Potion class, I bet you a hundred galleons, he smelled your scent from the amortentia.”

“He does not,” She says firmly, shaking her head in denial “And you don’t even have a hundred galleons, Remus.”

Remus rolled his eyes, “My point still stands. Sirius likes you, I’m certain of it.”

She frowns, still finding it hard to digest Remus’ words. It feels like some sick joke he’s trying to have her convinced. There would be no chance in hell that Sirius would like her. Why would he? All these years spent of him trying to get her with Remus, why would he now have feelings for her?

“No.” She says short.

“Why are you so defensive about this?” Remus groans “I’m telling you. We call things off now and I bet Sirius will waste no time and court you.”

“He spent his whole life in Hogwarts trying to pair us up, Remus. Now you say that he has feelings for me? Doesn’t that sound a little bit mad?”

He shrugs, “Maybe he didn’t realise his feelings for you until we did this fake dating.”

“That still sounds absurd.”

“Fine, don’t believe me,” Remus says, holding his hands up in surrender “But I still think we should stop our ruse now. If he really does have feelings for you, I don’t want him to feel like he’s betraying me or anything. I refuse to be the cockblocker between you two.”

She put up her book, closing their conversation with a nod. If Remus thinks that it would be best for them to stop their fake dating now then she would have no issue against it. It wasn’t like she was having the grandest time of her life fake dating him, but there would be no chance that she’s falling for his words, that Sirius secretly holds feelings for her because there’s simply no chance for that to ever happen in this life. No chance.

—-

“You broke up with her?!” Sirius asked, tone rising in disbelief and unexplained anger “Why?!”

“Because,” Remus answers with a shrug “I just don’t think that it was working.”

“So you dumped her?”

“No, it was a mutual agreement.”

Sirius still has his displeased expression on, glaring at Remus. He wasn’t sure why he was feeling this way. A mix of relief and rage at the same time. He was glad that they finally ended their relationship, for whatever reason Sirius isn’t sure he wanted to dig deeper on, but on the other side he can’t help but to worry if she was hurt by Remus’ decision. Even if it was a mutual agreement, who’s to say that she isn’t crying and bawling her eyes out from heartbreak right now?

“I still can’t believe you broke up with her.” Sirius mutters “You two have only been, what, a month together?”

Remus shrugs once more, letting out a tired sigh, “There’s no bad blood between us. She’s fine, I didn’t break her heart if that’s what you’re so riled up on.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Remus raised an eyebrow, giving him the ‘are you serious’ look.

“What?” Sirius asks, appalled “What’s with that look?”

“Oh, come on, Pads, stop acting oblivious.” Remus says, rolling his eyes “You might fool Prongs and Wormtail but you’ll never fool me, not about this.”

Sirius frowns, folding his arms in front of his chest in defence, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Remus glares.

Sirius squared his shoulders, showing his firm stand.

Remus sighs, patting his best friend's shoulder in an attempt to console him, “For what it’s worth, Pads, I’m not angry. If anything, I’m glad that you finally come to your senses and realise the true reason for your dedication in finding her a proper partner. You care for her, in a whole different world than how me or Prongs or Wormtail do. I just hope that you won’t be stupid enough to pull another lark on her.”

Sirius remains quiet, his defensive expression softens a little. It was one thing to realise his feelings for her, one thing to see all the signs scattered around them that he was so blind to see before, but it’s an entirely different thing to have it confronted by Remus. By the one person who he should feel most embarrassed to admit the feelings for. What kind of a friend is he? Has he no shame?

“I’m sorry, Moony.” Sirius begins “I never meant for it to go this way.”

“What are you saying sorry for? I just told you I’m glad about your budding affection for her.” Remus replies with a chuckle “You can throw away the shame or any foul feelings you have for liking her. I’m not angry or disappointed or anything you might think I feel. Matter of fact, if I could give you any advice, I’ll tell you to go and see her now and waste no more time. You’ve been dense for quite too long, it’s time you actually do something about it.”

“Are you sure? You’re not the slightest bit angry at me?”

“Pads, if you ask me one more time, I swear to Merlin I’ll hex you.”

Sirius smiles, genuinely at last. He feels like the heavy burden that has been sitting atop of his chest has been lifted. Like he could finally breathe and think clearly after being so suffocated by all the overthinking he’s done at night. He could feel the energy that used to flow through his veins slowly returning, making his confidence and bold self to be resurrected back to life.

“Moons,” Sirius called, grinning “You don’t happen to know where she is, do you?”

—-

The library was pretty much empty now. Students have either gone back to their dormitory or down at the Great Hall to have their dinners. She too would find herself digging into roasted chicken and mashed potato right now had today been another ordinary day, but no. Today has been everything but ordinary.

Remus’ words echo in her head like a broken record. She knew that Sirius had been acting strange. She’s confident that she was the first to notice this. Even his reaction to their dating news was so out of character. The anticipated grin and jump of joy was never presented, only vacant eyes and forced laughter served by Sirius ever since.

Now she tries to bury the thousand of questions running in her mind by reading some books she knew would do her no good. She’s lost count of how many times she’s reread this one sentence. None of the words seem to enter her brain, lost into thin air as her eyes skimmed through the words.

“Hey.”

Her head was turned in the blink of an eye, neck almost cracked from the sudden force. She stares at the boy standing by her side with a surprised look, smiling faintly, “Sirius, hello.”

“Can I join you?”

“Uh, sure,” She says, heart pounding now “Take a seat.”

Sirius silently does, smiling at her with quite the nervousness. Whatever it is he wanted to say tonight, she knew that it messes with his heartbeat as much as it does to hers.

“Are you busy?” He asks, fidgeting with his fingers “I’d like to steal a little bit of your time if you aren’t.”

“No, I’m not busy.” She says, closing her book. She tidies her hair nervously, trying to compose herself in front of him. Something she’s never felt before, conscious of his appearance in front of Sirius. Lord, just what is happening in her heart, truly?

“I, uh.. I have something to talk to you about.” Sirius begins, his volume getting smaller and smaller that he’s practically whispering now “I heard that you and Remus didn’t work out.”

“Oh, yeah, we didn’t.”

“Are you okay?”

“Grand,” She bobs her head up and down, a little bit too cheerful for someone who’s facing a break up “Me and Remus are still friends, there’s no hard feelings between us. We just didn’t work out.”

“I see.”

She nods again, smiling awkwardly, “Is that what you wanted to talk about?”

“Yeah.. I mean, no, not really.” Sirius says, tongue tied over whatever lines he wanted to spill “I just— Well, I— Shit, this is so hard to say but I— Well, the past few days I’ve been thinking and I.. Well.. I suppose I owe you an apology.”

“An apology?” She asks, raising an eyebrow “What for?”

“For trying to pair you and Remus together.” He continues “I.. I realised that I might not have the proper reason for wanting to find you the right partner. I mean, I thought I did but some things that have happened recently have altered my perspective.”

She opens her mouth before closing it again, confused at whatever direction he was going for, “Sirius, I don’t believe that I understand a word you said just now.”

“I know. I’m not making any sense right now.” He says with a chuckle. The laughter was enough to melt the tension between them but once it died down, the heaviness on his shoulders returned that Sirius couldn’t help but to let out a sigh “What I’m trying to say is.. I think.. Well, I used to think that certain people belong to certain people.”

Her brows knit, listening carefully to his words.

“I thought that smart people belong with smart people. I thought that someone as smart as you should be with someone just as smart. I mean, it’s logical isn’t it? The lions belong with the lioness and the lamb belongs with the other lamb.” He continues, rambling “But then you started dating Remus, and that Potion class happened, and Charm class happened, and I began to think.. Could the lion be with the lamb?”

“I— Am I the lion or the lamb?” She asks, furrowing her brows “I’d be offended if you say I’m the lamb.”

Sirius grins, “You’re the lion, of course.”

“Then who’s the lamb? You or Remus?”

“Me,” Sirius answers, biting his inner cheek in nervousness “I’m the lamb.”

Her expression softens, slowly understanding his words.

“I know it was wrong of me to feel this way. You’re dating Remus, for Godric’s sake! I’ve been trying to pair you two for years and now that you two are dating, I can’t even fake happiness for it.” Sirius confesses, smiling pitifully to himself “What a friend, right?”

She takes his hand gently, softly squeezing it in assurance, “We can’t help who we fall in love with, Sirius. I’m sure Remus understands.”

“He does,” Sirius answers “Do you?”

She was quiet now. It all happens too quickly for her. Just a few hours ago she was fake dating Remus, then he told her that Sirius likes her, and now Sirius himself is professing his feelings. Sure there have been moments in her life where she admires Sirius more than she admires Remus or James or Peter, but it was never as strong as how Sirius is portraying right now. Never as clear as the devotion Sirius is offering her right now.

“I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.” Sirius says, noticing her mute as rejection “Just say the words and we can put this behind us. Pretend that this never happens.”

“Sirius,” She calls, holding his hand firmer now “I appreciate your honesty and truthfully, I— I don’t have a word to say to you right now.”

Sirius nods, understanding.

“I just.. I need time to digest everything.” She continues “And you’re not making me uncomfortable. If you’d like to dive further into whatever this is we’re feeling right now, I’m willing to give it a go, but I can’t promise you anything right now.”

“Give.. Give it a go?” Sirius asks, hopeful eyes now staring at her “You’re willing to give this a go?”

“I mean, sure. I’ve always wondered what chemistry you always talk about whenever me and Remus were in the same room because to put it frankly, I always thought that it was us who had the chemistry, not me and Remus.” She reasoned, smiling a little at the thought “But like I said, I can’t promise you anything. I can’t promise you that I would be able to return the affection as much as the one you have for me. I’ll try, but I don’t want to give you false promises.”

“That is more than enough.” Sirius says fast, grinning satisfiedly now “Thank you.”

She nods, returning his smile.

Relief was what best describes the two of them now. Sirius kisses the back of her hand gently, showing his grandest gratitude for her understanding and kindness. The same happiness was mirrored on her face, flustered at his gentle gesture. It’s only a matter of time now until the two hand each other their hearts. After all, german shepherds and rottweilers always make cute puppies, don’t they?

[tojisblunt]

OVERSTIMULATION HCS — genshin edition.

hcs — original, not requested.

AUTHOR’S NOTE. my first genshin work... hehe im so very excited to get back into the writing game ^_^

CHARACTERS. diluc, dainsleif, zhongli, xiao.

+ includes. overstimulation (duh...), daddy kink, size kink, squirting, multiple orgasms, fingering, slapping, mean!xiao, praise, edging

PLEASE KEEP IN MIND THAT I AM A DARK CONTENT BLOG.

— DILUC.

he overstimulates you because he’s not even aware of it in the first place.

diluc is a certified himbo, i swear. he loves u so much and would do anything for your pleasure.

but the thing is.......he’s too focused to realized that you’ve been doing nothing but cumming.

he only realizes once you squirt all over him, your cream soaking his digits and your cum bleeding through the sheets.

“d-diluc!” you squeal, back arching and hips shooting forward into his fingers as he continues to move them around inside of your weeping cunt. diluc’s other hand is focused on your tits while his dick is standing up proud, the red tip angry from how horny he was.

he just wants you to cum on his fingers before he makes you cum again and again on his cock, but poor little diluc; he’s far too focused on your pretty tits to notice that you’ve cum a long time ago.

“baby,” you cry, putting your hand over your mouth to muffle the embarrassing sounds leaving your lips as you feel his finger tips graze against your favorite spots. his palm is catching your clit every time his hand creates a motion, and it makes your legs quiver and the knot in your stomach to tighten.

“just cum, baby, it’s okay.” diluc reassures you, and you want to smack him. he’s been spewing bullshit about wanting you to cum when you’ve been doing that this whole time.

“i-i can’t!” you sob, head thrown back when he stops thrusting his fingers for a second, opting to grind the pads of his finger tips against your g-spot. it sends electricity through your body, and you can’t help but tighten around his fingers, body quivering as you experience a body-wracking orgasm.

you’re crying underneath him, eyes widening as you unconsciously spread your legs further open, feeling your orgasm drag out for much longer than planned.

you curse, squirting all over your boyfriend’s fingers and abdomen, thrashing your head side to side from the overwhelming feeling of a mind numbing orgasm that you just experienced.

“oh.” diluc stills, realization hitting him as he processes what just happened. “sorry,” he says sheepishly, and you roll your eyes. he cleans off your cum from his fingers, bringing your body closer to his lower half as he lines up his cock against your pussy.

“what are you—?!”

“—who said i was done?”

he’s gonna be the death of you.

— DAINSLEIF.

likes to do it because you look so pretty crying underneath him.

and also because he’s a service dom who’ll do anything for you to be happy in his sheets :P

loves to edge you tho... it makes your orgasms make you really sensitive after and he just loves the reactions.

tbh everything u do is attractive to him but if ur extra sensitive? u become a lot cuter to him.

“s-sen..” you blabber, and your boyfriend simply does nothing but looks up at you, keeping his eyes focused on your face to watch for any hints of uncomfortableness on your end.

“repeat that?” he asks, slamming his hips against yours purposefully, hoping to get a reaction out of you; in which, he does. dainsleif knows you too well, your body included. he knows where to hit it to get a certain reaction out of you.

“too sensitive!” you cry out in response to his thrust, feeling your thoughts swirl around as dainsleif begins thrusting into you slowly, before his rhythm speeds up. “no, no, no, no...” you trail off, mind going blank as your brains get fucked out of you.

“you can take it,” he says, soothing his hands over your stomach to reassure you that he’s still there. “my good girl, you look so pretty like this.” he smiles, face showing nothing but complete adoration for you as you cry beneath him, legs spread and cunt almost red from the abuse it’s taken from his edging.

no matter how much you want to finally cum, the stinging that you feel as he rocks his hips against yours is so good yet so painful that you’re not sure what to tell him. he’s been edging you for so long that you’re not even sure if you really did cum.

dainsleif knows how sensitive you get every time he stops his thrusting to edge you. the cries that leave your lips once he begins thrusting again, it’s all so good. but, as he watches you babble incoherent words, he decided that it was enough.

after all, nothing beats the sight of you cumming all over his fat cock.

— ZHONGLI.

LET ME TELL YALL ABOUT HIS BIG ASS DICK. (i would know i experienced it first hand)

dear gawd this man has such a size kink... thousands of years of struggling to find someone that would take his cock properly is finally catching up to him!!!!!

because now he found a cute lil plaything such as yourself who gets off on the fact that his dick cant fit easily

and the amount of times he’s made you cum before being fully in... it’s embarrassing but did you expect any less from a dragon?

“daddy!” you gasp, feeling his fat cock throbbing against your sensitive walls. even after years of experience in bed with your boyfriend, zhongli, your poor little cunt still struggles to take his much bigger cock.

you don’t complain, however, no matter how much your pussy hurts the next day from the stretching it received the previous night. no, how could you complain when he makes you feel so good?

“hm?” zhongli hums, keeping his grip on your thighs strong so he has control of how spread out you are for him. using that fact to his advantage, he brings your thighs further apart, cock twitching at the sounds of your mewls from the feeling of his cock hitting deeper.

“f-feels...i feel so good, daddy...” you sniffle, bringing your hand to his abdomen to rub on it, just for your own satisfaction of having your hands on him 24/7. you’re obsessed with having zhongli’s skin against yours, and he finds it so adorable the way you depend on his touch.

“yeah?” he quips, slowly grinding his pelvis against your sensitive clit, causing your mewls to transition to slightly louder moans. he takes note of how sensitive you can get sometimes, which is why he’s careful with exactly where he’s hitting his cock, but his cock is just too big that he sometimes accidentally (more like purposefully) grazes it against your g-spot.

he feels it before his brain could process your loud cries of pleasure. “i’m cumming, fuck! oh fuck!” you gasp, hands gripping the sheets and back arching as you cum hard all over your boyfriend’s cock.

he quickly puts his thumb on your clit, rubbing gentle circles on it to help ride out your orgasm, and you’re crying from the overwhelming feeling of his hands on your clit. your legs are shaking, and your moans have grown too loud, forcing you to cover your mouth in a desperate attempt to keep the maids from hearing you.

“daddy, please,” you sniffle, mind blank from how fucked out you already are. zhongli smiles, caressing the side of your face before he brings your legs over his shoulders, loving the wide eyed reaction that you gave him.

“you can take more, right darling?” he smirks, doing a few experimental thrusts against your sensitive pussy. but before you could even process anything, you’re cumming all over his cock for the second time.

— XIAO.

LITERALLY ONE OF THE MEANEST!!!!

does it purely bc he loves it when ur crying like a dumb little whore

he just loves to fuck u into oblivion so ur rendered speechless :blushes:

degrades u whenever u cry bc of overstimulation, but gets so soft when u apologize for cumming too much :( i love him..

“nngh!” you bite your lips the hardest you could, eyebrows furrowing as you throw your head back. your eyes are rolling to the back of your head, and the continuous trembles that are going through your body right now has your boyfriend holding onto you to support.

he keeps his eyes locked on your cunt, eyes scanning the way you wrap around his cock perfectly, cream soaking his dick as you cum over and over on his cock. you’re too overstimulated at this point, one simple move from him can have you cumming again.

“you don’t stop do you?” he teases, and you wiggle your hips in place in response to the proud smirk adorning on his face. “feel good?” he asks when he notices that your panting has calmed.

you nod, still lost for words as your brain is jumbled from the numerous orgasms your boyfriend was so considerate to give.

he ghostly leaves his thumb resting on your throbbing clit, ignoring the small whines that leave your lips in reaction. he then brings your legs over his shoulders with his free hand, and you can’t do anything but just give him a hesitant look.

“what?” he asks, leaning down and placing both hands on either side of your head. “don’t you cream so nice and hard like this? hm?” his vulgar words bring arousal to your hot cunt, enough arousal where your hips jumped from the sudden stimulation it brought to your clit.

“daddy...” you sniffle, feeling his cock throb inside your awaiting cunt. he gives you a single glance before thrusting hard once against your hips. hard enough that it would be pleasurable for the both of you.

“you talk too much,” xiao sighs, and you squirm, impatience settling in your bones. “quit it.” he grunts, lifting his hand to land a quick slap on your face, causing you to gasp.

“no, fuck!” you cry, hands immediately rushing to his arms for support as your body trembles underneath his, cunt completely losing it on his cock.

xiao swallows, head going light from the intense arousal that he’s feeling as he watches you cum just from him slapping you.

if overstimulation can get you to cum this easy, then you better be sure as hell that he’s going to fuck you insanely stupid every time.

copyright © tojisblunt. do not plagiarize, modify, or repost.

[wizkiddx]

heyheyhey idk if u do req but love your dad tom stuff! PLZ PLZ do tom helping his kids with homework but cant do it and reader has to help and its all fluffy 😩💕

ye im down to do req and this had me going completely ott cos its v cute (and a lot less angsty than what ive written recently aha) so apologies for my ramblings:

Summary: tom has the kids for a day and maths homework throws a spanner in the works - tomhollandxreader

implied smut + v slight reference to porn but basically just fluff I promise xox

\\\\\\\\\\\\///////////

Tom had dealt with a lot of whining today. Nova and Leo were the absolute joys of his life, there was no doubt about it. Of course, he also loved you a hell of a lot too - sometimes to his detriment though, hence the position he was in now. 

You’d had a busy week at work and he had been away for the first half of it - leaving you as an almost single mother to a 5 and a 7 year old. So completely fairly, you’d asked if he wouldn’t mind watching the kids for a the day on Sunday, allowing you to go to a friends baby shower. There was no answer but to agree, Tom loved quality time with the kids and he wanted you to kick back and relax with you friends too. 

However the afternoon had not been nearly as idealistic as it were supposed to be in his head. You had left him only one real job (apart from the unavoidable essentials of keeping the kids alive with food and water, something you’d hope he need not be reminded about now). Really it shouldn’t of been that hard, it was just each kid had two pieces of homework. After convincing and cajoling the kids into sitting at the table which he’d already set up with Nova’s ‘Liverpool FC’ and Leo’s ‘captain marvels’ pencil case, the English was easy. 

In fact 5 year old Leo took great joy out of writing a poem with his Dad, which basically involved trying to rhyme any word with another - especially when he tried to convince Tom that all his completely fictitious words were real and worked together. A personal favourite had been ‘snakes’ and ‘palakes’ which Leo was convinced meant pancakes - arguing so vehemently Tom almost started to doubt himself on basic English. 

Thankfully though his eldest and most sensibly child eventually took him out his misery. If anyone had any control over the Holland boys, Leo and Tom - it was the Holland girls. You and Nova had both boys completely under you spell, often taking advantage of the fact too. It was only when Nova got bored of hearing Tom and Leo mock arguing, interspersed with the little boys giggles that Tom tried his absolute hardest to keep a straight face at, that she swooped in.

“Stop being silly Leo, mummy told you he’s not good at school!” She looked oh so innocent, eyes immediately flicking down to continue the little short story she was happily going on with. In response  Tom scowled, knowing your highly curious and intelligent daughter had asked you (for one reason or another) why he was not so academic. Yet instead of Leo bursting out laughing, instead he just nodded and accepted it too - making Tom scowl even more. Not even Leo thought it was a joke. 

So apart from his children apparently taking pity on his simple mind, it was all going smoothly. Perhaps, due to the thankful fact your children had inherited their brains from their mother - something Tom was forever thankful for, until he was shamed for his substandard intellect in the family. Then again though, he was Spiderman. So take that. 

Until Nova brought out her maths sheet. Then the afternoon quickly descended into chaos. It was fractions, something she hadn’t quite grasped from school yet - a concept that still hurt her head somewhat. Normally though it’d be fine, she’d bring the sheet to you and the two of you used ‘ girl power’ to figure it out… you prior experience as a tutor while in uni helping you know how to break through to her. 

Unfortunately Tom didn’t share this same experience. Nor did Tom share a maths qualification… something that had evaded him completely during his schooling career. Of course, it had never been a particular issue, acting didn’t require the use of maths and algebra and Tom was in a very lucky position of being able to pay someone to manage his finances from a very young age. So no, dividing 2/3 and 3/7 didn’t come the most naturally to him. Or at all to be quite honest. 

“I CANT DO IT AND GRACE IN MY CLASS COULD!” For context, Grace was one of her school friends, who forever liked to compare herself to the young Holland - especially because she was normally ahead. Nova had gone from quiet frustration, staring at the questions with her tongue sticking out slightly, to one of pure rage - yelling at her dad with tears in her eyes. Nova was normally incredibly intuitive, she always found it difficult when she couldn’t do something. Now, with a ‘teacher’ who was more useless than her - the frustrations inevitably bubbled over. 

“Hey, we can work it out, just calm-“

“YOU CANT DO IT EITHER YOUR STUPID “ She was just young and frustrated, Tom tried not to take it personally but … it wasn’t always easy. Chiefly because this was the height of offensive statement Nova knew - this was her version of adult explicit language. 

“Nova you can’t be rude.” He used his stern voice, something Tom very rarely used with his little girl. Though he never wanted to upset her, neither did he want her to think it was ever okay to be so rude to anyone like that- no matter how crappy at maths they were. It hurt him to do so but it was necessary - life lessons about the importance of being kind needed to be learnt. And it worked… if what Tom was aiming for was his beautiful baby girl’s eyes to brim with sparkling tears, her bottom lip quivering slightly. 

Instantly Tom’s eyebrows drooped, trying to fight his natural reaction to scoop her onto his knee and reassure her everything was okay. But as you had lectured him many a time before, he had to put his foot down once in a while. So instead, the father and daughter were locked in a silence and intense eye contact, until Nova hesitantly began to speak. 

“I’m sorry Daddy.” During which, Nova shoved her chair back, making it screech against the tiled floors uglily before running off up the stairs. Tom knew she was crying a lot. Knew this was going to take a bit of fixing. 

With a sigh of his daughters name, Tom popped his head into the living to check on Leo who had already finished all his stuff. Seeing him completely zombified in front of ‘paw patrol’ on TV, Tom trudged up the stairs. He knew where she was, when Nova was upset she always hid in the corner of her wardrobe and cried in the darkness. So after steadying himself with a little internal monologue of how to approach the situation Tom walked in and sat down beside the wardrobe - knocking on the door slightly. 

“Nova… can we talk please?” All he heard was sniffing echoing from the wooden chamber until she tried to shout through the door.

“Go-go… go away daddy.” It broke his heart, the way her voice wavered, making Tom pout - gently letting his head fall against the wardrobe doors. 

“I don’t want you to be upset beautiful…. And you did apologise which I appreciate. You know why Daddy got angry right?” Her sniffles heightened before she muttered a quiet ‘yes’. “And you are sorry? Because that might’ve made me really sad too.”

“I’m s-s-sorry, I didn’t mean it.”

“Then that’s good and we don’t need to cry. You want a cuddle little one?” Before Tom could even properly get up the door was being pushed open by her little hands, revealing a tear stained face and big glassy eyes looking up at her Dad. Swiftly Tom scooped her up and out of the cupboard, whispering to her while she buried her face in his chest. 

“Oh come here my little bean.”

//////////////////////

When you came home late that evening, only mildly exhausted from spending the whole day gossiping with your girls, it was weirdly quiet. All the lights were out in the front room, which made you close the door gently, thinking Tom had managed to exhaust the kids - and himself in the process. With a relieved sigh at the peace you pattered into the kitchen to get yourself a drink (it had been a little concern that Tom would’ve worked the kids into a hyperactive and delerious state that kept them up long past bedtime - which ultimately you’d have to deal with). The house was remarkably silent and though it was clear from the littered toys everywhere that it had indeed been Tom alone in charge, everything seemed pretty okay. 

It was only as you were about to head upstairs to join your hubby in bed that you realised the study light was still on, streaming through the small crack in the doorframe. Assuming Tom had just neglected to turn it off, in otherwords Tom being Tom, you nudged it open with your hand. Surprisingly though, there was your husband, hunched over the desk, looking almost angrily focused - between the computer screen and a piece of paper below him. Normally you would’ve just assumed it was another script sent over or an edit Harry had sent of another screenplay they were writing together. 

But no, the blatant red flag was the screen that you could see. A screen on YouTube, of a man pointing at a whiteboard of fractions. 

So with a soft wrist you wrapped your knuckled on the side of the door, even if you had technically already entered the room. The reaction had you stifling a laugh, it was as if you’d caught him watching something *less PG* the way he jumped out his seat, closing the browser immediately. 

“Love!! I -er … didn’t know you’d got back?”

“I just did.” You smiled gently, while walking into stand behind his chair, wrapping your arms round his neck and pressing a kiss to his jaw. “Soooo…. what’ca doingggg” The glee in your voice was evident, making Tom groan and shut his eyes. 

“I hate you, you know that right?” 

“No you don’t… but you were watching a primary school video on fractions, if I’m not so mistaken?” He sighed deeply, making a point of turning the paper with his scribbles over to obscure it. 

“Nova’s homework.. she couldn’t do it and neither could I, so then she basically screamed at me for being thick and udseless and then had a breakdown.” 

Now you felt guilty. This was a bit of a sore spot with Tom, he always for some reason felt inferior because of his academic ability. Which was stupid- mainly because he was the most clever and talented man you’d ever met. Just…. Just not at fraction. 

“Oh T… you could’ve just left it for me to do with her, I don’t mind.”

“That’s not the point Y/n.” He snapped a little, shrugging your arms off him and spinning in the chair so he could face you. “She’s my daughter and I should be able to help her! It’s not like it’s that hard, it’s just I’m unbelievable thick.”

“Tom stop. Look - you can do this I assure you, it’s just been a long old time ‘kay? Your rusty and that’s only natural.”

“I really don’t think I could ev-“

“Can I teach you? It’s just the method and then I promise you’ll get it.”

It took a bit of persuasion but eventually Tom agreed, letting you pull the corner chair forward to beside his desk so you could demonstrate it to him. To be fair, he really could do it- just a bit of familiarising on the ‘stick-change-flip’ method. The way the lightbulb moment literally caused his face to light up; scurrying to do the question for himself, tongue sticking out in the process; then presenting it to you proudly - well it had you melting in your seat. 

“See! That took all of 5 minutes and you got it.” You elbowed  his side by leaning forward in the chair, which instead of letting go, Tom reached and caught, before pulling you up and round. You landed with you bum perched on the edge of the mahogany desk, Tom now stood up- his legs in-between your parted thighs - your feet hooking round the back of knees. 

“It’s all down to my incredibly talented teacher.”

“No…. No I really don’t think it is” You mused with a soft voice, fingers instinctively going to the nape of his neck - twirling the little curls round your fingertips. 

“Well even so… I think I could teach you a thing or two too.” Never one to mull on anything, Tom’s tone had immediately switched to something a lot more… mischievous. 

“Not even going to ask about my day? Wheres the chat mr smooth?” He had to repress the grin at your smirk because as much as you infuriated the hell out of him - you also had this weird ability of making him feel so entranced and helpless. He relented with a sarcastic chime.

“Fine, how was your day love.”

“Good…. but I have a feeling you’re about to make it a whole lot better.”

That was all the signals he needed to lean forward, in doing so forcing you back until your back landed completely on the cool wood. His lips feathered yours, both hands pinned either side of your head.

“Oh darling… you have no idea.”

[galaxytale]

mmmm…. i have new thoughts about my ex and i’s situation.

i know i have rambled on here in the past about them. often bitterly and angrily. to be honest, those words came from a place of immense hurt and betrayal. a lot of pain and a lot of complex emotions that i needed to vent out and process. and the way i did this previously was… rather embarrassing and harmful and not good for anyone. but it has been a long year, and i have had much to think about. and my brain does not like to process many of these things in a normal way. i often just use this blog as a place to barf out my thoughts at random so i can work out whats going on in my mind. this doesnt excuse it but i hope it allows for some understanding.

its been a long time since my ex and i broke up. and i just… idk didnt know how to deal properly. but i think about them a lot. obviously. what you see is mostly the negatives. the frustrations and the confusions and the residual aches and pains. mostly because these are what im trying best to understand. i want to understand them, i want to understand their perspective. it frustrates me when i cant understand, and it frustrates me more when i feel as if they couldnt understand me or didnt even try. but i still care for them greatly. which is why i get frustrated. i do not think many people understand this. i want to understand why they hurt me. i want to understand how i hurt them. i want to learn and grow. but to do that i also have to experience and process the anger and frustration i felt towards them. this is what you all see when i ramble and rant.

anyway this is the last time im doing this publicly because honestly this is a stupid way to process stuff this and i figured out something way better. also im just. tired of it. im tired of being angry and being hurt. that doesnt mean itll stop but. yall wont be seeing it.

i still hold many of my previous thoughts and criticisms of them. and i still consider many of these valid and fair. and i still deny ever doing many of the things they accused me of because ive spoken with other people about them - people actually involved in the situation(s), and they have supported and corroborated my side of the story as well as my feelings regarding those various situations.

however i have come to some realizations that i think allow me to better understand parts of their side of it all.

ive realized some things about myself and how my mind functions that have lead me to other realizations. these realizations include that i misunderstood a lot of things they were trying to get me to do, tools they were trying to get me to employ, things that actually would have been helpful to me had i understood. i see now that in some of the cases they were pushing me on and making me extremely uncomfortable with, that they were genuinely trying to be helpful because they cared. because they were trying to help me just as i was trying to help them.

the problem here is that i was not ready for, and did not understand a lot of the new things being pushed at me. much of what they were trying to get me to engage with were therapy techniques and stuff to learn to cope better. unfortunately due to a lot of previous bad experiences with therapy and such techniques i am extremely adverse to and suspicious of therapy and therapeutic settings/techniques. combined with a lot of new information about myself that i needed time to adjust to and process. a lot of it scared me and i needed them to slow down and be gentler with me in this rather than throwing me in the deep end and expecting me to swim.

i misunderstood a lot of the tools they were trying to offer me - how to use them properly and why. i thought i made this obvious that i didnt understand a lot of it and in fact didnt want to engage with a lot of it outright - even though i was willing to try. the issue is i also needed a good example or instruction of what they wanted from me and… well. they did their best, this i know they tried, but it was not enough for me to understand what they really wanted from me.

i now understand that this is likely why they grew frustrated with me. and this also factors into something that ive come to realize and understand about myself - in fact its one of the things they criticized about me most… ive come to understand the true nature of what the thing i did that they hated most was actually. and ive since worked out a solution to it that actually has been shown to be far more effective and efficient in doing what the thing they were criticizing me about most was doing. this took a lot of work and a long time for me to come to the realization of what it was that i needed to do and how it worked. and i needed to be allowed to make this discovery on my own time, at my own pace to be able to accept it as part of how i work.

unfortunately due to a lot of things, i was also quite terrible to them myself. and i recognize this. i recognized it before - i tried my best to fix my understanding of it but i did not know what i didnt know. i did not know, and did not understand, what i now know and understand. but much of my actions were because i was scared, confused, uncomfortable, and dealing with a whole lot of shit outside of our relationship. and i am genuinely and truly remorseful for what i did. i was remorseful back then, and i still am now. i did some bad things and i know this. i speak of it vaguely here because honestly while im just shouting to the void i still know this is a public blog and theres a chance people will actually read this and frankly. i consider it none of their business unless they were involved. i did lash out at them, and i did treat them unfairly.

however i still feel as if they refuse to acknowledge my point of view in much of this, as well as that they lashed out at me and have refused to acknowledge and apologize for it all. i have never heard them say the words “im sorry” for any of the things i consider the worst things they did to me. much of the time they refused to even acknowledge the fact that a lot of it hurt me despite me outright stating such. they also refused to acknowledge that i had repeatedly tried to assert my own boundaries with them and refused to accept a new boundary when it was drawn.

they did a lot of terrible things to me in return. including things that they, themself, accused me of doing to them initially. i still deny these accusations and consider myself completely innocent (at worst, should my own memory really be that faulty, i consider myself only having caused a huge misunderstanding among friends as well as having accidentally fucking up something that left out important context). i feel this way because they would not produce any evidence to prove to me my own actions that would negate the memories i myself actually have as well as the evidence in support of my side of the case that i have. all they could provide was testimony from a person who would not have had direct access to either side of the conversation that they are alleging happened a certain way. a conversation that i, personally, was half of. a conversation that i spoke with the other half about again, after showing them what i was being accused of, who also verified my recollection of the events.

i feel as if they refuse to even consider my perspective. i felt this way for a good amount of the relationship, and i still feel this way. i feel that they refused to communicate with me and ensure that both of us completely understood the other. i feel that they refused to be considerate of my needs and respectful towards me as a person after a certain point. i feel as if they refused to work to compromise with me on many situations, and i feel that they often tried to demand of me many things that were unreasonable, and that they often moved goalposts or failed to deliver on their end of the deal when i still bent over backwards to do something for them.

however. i do also feel that at some point in time, they did genuinely care for me. and i do feel like i would like to apologize for the new places where i realize i caused them undue stress and frustration.

but i also feel that they would not accept this apology for those parts that i now recognize my own hand in without me accepting and apologizing for the narrative that i know is false. additionally… i do not feel as if they would accept or apologize for any of their own parts in the situation. i still feel theyre likely to reject that they hurt me very very deeply, and badly in return.

as much as i would like to start the conversation of potentially working out the issues and reconnecting as friends… i still feel as if they would view this as an impossibility. because i feel they view me as something of a monster, and not as someone who was under immense amounts of stress and pressure and was very confused and scared for months on end.

i recognize its very likely their feelings echo my own. except for the portion about potentially being friends again… i feel as if this is a forgone conclusion to them that it will not be happening.

all this said…

i also want to say this. in hindsight they were right about the tool they gave to me for one of my specific issues. the one they gave me before the start of it all. the one i was extremely adverse to accepting and trying to adapt to. i did not understand what its actual purpose was for at the time, nor did i understand how they actually meant for me to use it. because of some recent things ive learned about myself, as well as have been able to actually accept, i now understand what they meant. and ill admit that they were right about this one. its really helpful now that i understand what i was supposed to do with it.

they were right and i was wrong. simple as. at least, in regards to this one thing.

[wang-yeon]

Chewing gum (Park Jimin X reader)

Warning: cursing, sexual themes, smut I guess, raunchy language, mentions of alcohol, slight mention of drugs but not really, fluffy fluff

Summary: y/n has enough piled on her plate being a full time college student and began a virgin is added to the list. In seek to ridden her purity  she attempts to find the right guy. Little does she know that the right guy is more interested in something else rather than her purity.

college is a stressful time for any young adult struggling with their inner bullshit. Each day you are faced with a new face on campus. A new story. Friendships bond over simple conversations that start from  inconsequential talk to a mind bending relationship. Just the simple thought is to send anyone into over drive. The simple crave to have a relationship was enough to impassion or have great value to someone resulting in a great impact in there lives. enough to last a life time.

Out of all the faces in the crowd that including mine, I was the only sad bastard that desired this feeling while everyone else establish it without minding a blink. If only they knew how lucky they truly were to have a lucky someone. It doesn't even have to be someone, anyone. Sometimes we just need anyone. It doesn't matter who it is. Just anyone to remind us what's it like to live in the moment, and feel something before its over completely.

Sure I did have that one person that attempted to pursue these unrealistic goals. His name was Jeon Jungkook , but he often went by the name of Jungcock. I remember that specific moment he tried to be that anyone, making me live in the moment but very poorly.

I had came to the conclusion that it was a brilliant idea to lose my virginity the night me and jungkook had attended a forced religious study brought to you by my ever so 'loving' parents. This making it the perfect setting to fuck, sorry to put it bluntly but these were the thoughts that once surfaced my sick teenage brain. Of course the mood hadn't been set, while I was completely ignoring it jungkook was soaking in the awkwardness.

Many attempts later trying to get jungkook off he finally lets out a cry, which I totally took the wrong way. Thinking it was a cry from pleasure I began jerking him off faster making his face  contort into a painful expression. I evidently got the hint once he busted out into tears. I had planned the night out to the brim but what I didn't imagine was to have a crying jungkook, patting him awkwardly as he poured out his gay fantasies.

Safe to say ever since that night I had reminded a virgin. Which isn't wrong I just didn't want to live this depriving life anymore. yes there was always porn but that never works out for me. see before the porn even started I would already find myself turned on, just like any horny virgin stuck in college.

As soon as I would click on the 'adult entertainment' the plot beings instantly killing my lady boner. it doesn't add up to me, I come on the site for one thing to simple pleasure myself by seeing a 7-10 minute film filled with satisfying moans but instead I'm faced with a full on movie with a real plot as if they are gonna win a Oscar.

I had been convinced that my vagina had been broken. so I hide myself from the world. Surviving from ramen noodles and red bulls I was all set. I was to afraid that the world would perceive me differently because of this. People would often use my virginity to their advantage, seeing my purity as a prize. My only source being able to hide. until my roommate told me other wise. she had brought up how I wasn't being social that being one of the reasons my vagina had magically stopped working. It just gave up.

My vagina wants convinced no one wanted it because it was untouched and pure. Like a flower, if that flower was all fucked up suffering from her dumbass roommate.     

Hours passed as she attempted to revamp my whole being. almost to the point of looking like a stripper. not to insult the strippers out there, I'm sure your definitely doing better off then me. the only reason why I decided to try and go to this party was not because of my new found appearance or because my roommates boyfriend namjoon would be getting the alcohol but because I was simply promised food.

nothing more nothing less.

there wasn't even food.

nothing but alcohol.

My roommate had left me by the time we got through the door leaving me to awkwardly pretend like I'm having an intimate fake conversation on the phone. "whos the lucky guy?" my attention was cut sort as I turned around being faced with a cheeky brunette who I must say had an award winning smile. His face was sure enough to kick start my broken vagina

(I am so sorry, I wrote this at 2am and I am now realizing what the fuck is wrong with me)

"the guy on the phone, or is it a girl. It is the 21st century and all." the overly handsome boy said pointing to my phone.

He must had heard the conversation between me and...well nobody sensing I had no one to talk to besides myself.

"Oh it was nobody." I say waving him off a with a slight smile, one that couldn't compete to his. it was weird that I was feeling such fondness to someone I haven't properly met, but damn was he good to look at.

"Oh well if it was nobody then I guess they wouldn't mind if I introduced myself." I never nodded my head as fast I did  in that moment, I swear I almost broke my neck. I was still in the process of trying to figure out what he wanted to do with me. if only he knew what lied beneath all this stripper exterior. again no disrespect to strippers.

"My name is park jimin, but you can just call me jimin I don't mind. what about you? a beautiful girl like you must have a name."

He had me wrapped around his finger

"Oh my names Y/N, you can call me Y/N noting special I'm sorry." I played off my awkwardness with a quick deprived laugh.

"woah."

"what?" I began to panic searching my face for any minor detail on my face as his small statement worried me.

"Oh nothing, its just I cant believe someone as perfect as you could also share the name of a goddess." Jimin held a sweet exterior and I wanted nothing more than to see what he could actually be capable of when he gets the upper hand. it took everything in me to not rip his clothes off.

a small tug on my dress brought me out of my 'I need to fuck jimin' phase, as I turned around a complete bored expression painted my face. my roommate had come in at the most imperfect time. she had been the one to come up with the idea to get my broken vagina back in the works. I haven't even seen her this entire party and she pops up now. this must mean that I wasn't meant to have sex with jimin.

ha lets be honest I'm still gonna have sex with jimin.

but before I could take any sort of action my oh so lovely roommate decided to tug me off with her to a beer pong table. Jimin still sported his loving smile while I was being tugged away but soon deflated as I grew further away. well looks like I lost the only chance of sex tonight. I was placed at the head of the table, the horizon filled with seas of solo red cups with what I assumed were filled with beer.a happy roommate by my side wishing I could share the same expression but remained the unamused expression. That was until I found out who we were playing against.

"Hey jimin get over here, I cant lose to my girlfriend and her roommate." my head immediately shot up at namjoons mention of jimin. my head fully coming up from its previous stances as I face jimin.

He flashes me a smirk and bites his lips as he made eye contact with me. I noticed that he had gained more confidence due to his kill worthy actions and as I look over at the cups in my view and cant help but eagerly wonder how much more confidence jimin can gain by the simple sip of a cup. or two. the couple of rounds were spent by many laughs and the splashes of the ball hitting the intoxicating beer. as the rounds went on we saw the game as nothing but a blur enjoining each others company.

namjoon and roommate had been all over each other while me and jimin oh so subtlety flirted and shared affectionate glances. these actions were enough to send me into over drive.

I began to completely forget about the game as the sound of the ball hitting the rim clinked in my ears every chance I got. jimin retrieved the ball before sparing me a glance.

"This shot goes out to my lucky lady!" Jimin said clearly intoxicated but so was everyone at that party including myself. he still managed to make my heart swell even in his drunken oblivion.

"Go ahead kiss the ball baby, your my little good luck charm." jimin said shoving the ball in my face.

This situation already was weird by his choice of words but grew weirder as he shoved the ball in my face. none of the less I kissed the ball still remaining eye contact with him which he found oddly sexy.

"Maybe one on the lips for extra good luck." Oh park jimin was gonna be the death of me. I had to be a complete idiot to deny this. I placed my arms around his neck as he placed his around my waist. our lips were centimenairs apart, thesecual tensions driving us to close the gap.

"Hey don't give him all of your luck, we don't want them to win!" my roommate said as she proceeded to pull me and jimin apart. we both let out a loud sigh going back in our previous position. remind me to get a new roommate. eventfully jimin made the cup earning a satisfying splashing victory fill his teams ears.

I quickly reached for the cup noticing it being different from the cups, it being marked as 'the krusty krab secret formula'. Of course I drank it but as everyones face twisted into a scared expression I went quiet.

"Woah, whats wrong with you guys?"

"Joon, she took the special one...The dru-"

"I fucking know, cant you see me freaking out. maybe she'll be okay."

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN SHELL BE OKAY?! She just took a few grams of-"

"Lets go to the pool!"

Those had to be the most awkward moments for me. I stood there silently observing as namjoon and roommate attempted to have a quiet conversation about something I couldn't catch on to. I could tell jimin was just as confused as I was, but couldn't really focus on anything as I began to see pretty shapes and colors I could distinguish.

I somehow managed to make my way to the pool, in a very unstable fashion do to the liquids in my system. Everyone in the pool had took the liberty to swim in their underwear, so I followed along.

I felt a small tap on my shoulders turning around being faced with a the shit eating smirk that was painted on his face ever since the alcohol began lurking in his system. this was certainly a good thing as it was directing us to have a more direct conversation rather than sober.

"I thought I lost you for a second, couldn't lose someone as beautiful as you." To jimin he may have been saying the most simplest of things to me it was as if he was reciting a poem deep from his heart. For all I know he probably says this to countless amount of girls, what made me so special?

I quickly covered it up with a laugh and splashing water in his face which wasn't the best idea. The water had gotten trapped in his hair causing the once straight hair to become wet and stick to his forehead. Making him grow hotter.

Jimin responded by grabbing me by the waist and placing me on his shoulder, letting a yelp fall from my mouth.

"Jimin let me down." I protested but secretly knew that I didn't want him to let go. "Alright." Jimin obliged as he let go of me, a loud splash filled the atmosphere as both our bodies fell underneath the pools surface. I closed my eyes attempting to reach the surface of the pool before feeling a body collide with mine. I quickly came up to the surface with a dazed expression as my arms were locked around jimins neck and his on my waist.

It was sure enough to shock the both of us being in that position but was it a bad thing. "Look at that, I think I saved your life."

"I think you deserve an award due to such braver." I knew that my comment was risky but my actions were enough to diagnose me as borderline crazy. I had managed to easily wrap my legs around jimins waist bringing us at a closer proximity.

"Oh? I was hopping for just a kiss." Of course he was. Jimin didn't want me. He was far better then any of the guys I had ever thought of losing my virginity to. I took my legs off from around him. Looks like I was shit out of luck.

"I mean it certainly isn't a bad thing. I'm sure every part of you looks good...taste good." Jimin said seductively licking his lips as he brought my legs back around his waist. My cheeks began to flame a crimson color at his statement.

"Is this what you say to all of your girls?"

"I'm flattered that you think I have girls lined up but when will you notice it's only you. Your so beautiful. Every aspect of you. Your personality. Your beautiful body. Your perfect baby." Jimin finished his heartfelt sentence with a firm squeeze on my ass making it the icing on the cake.

I carefully brought my lips to his needing the feel of our lips together. The kiss started off slow almost as afraid it would end at any moment but as it progressed we began to become intoxicated by he kiss. The alcohol already consuming our system has added to the ecstasy flowing through as intensifying the feeling. Jimin backed slowly to the pool wall his hands beginning to wander to my core. My stomach tightened at his gesture letting a low moan fall from my lips. Encouraging his confidence.

"I wanna feel you baby, is that okay?" I nodded eagerly as his hands guided his way to my heat. His hands began to circle around my clit as he began kissing my neck leaving his love bites. Truth be told was I never had an orgasm, well no guy had ever gave me an organism. It was usually always my sex deprived self left alone to take care of my business making this a completely different experience. It had gotten so intense to the point that I couldn't control my moans. Jimin attempted to silence them with his lips only making me crave the moment even more. 

He began to tease my opening, the euphoria coming in contact with my body once again. I couldn't take it anymore the feeling of the euphoria running through my body sending it into overdrive. I quickly grabbed jimins hands signaling him to stop. After all the setting we were in was a pool. Surrounded by people. Clearly Jimin couldn't help it. Somehow he did manage to extract his hands from my heat.

"Sorry, you were just so wet I couldn't help myself." It's like he wanted to take me right then and there which I would have obliged to but due to the scene sadly the circumstances couldn't have been the same.

"Jimin, it's like your trying to kill me!" I said hitting Jimin lightly on the arm embarrassed by his abrupt statement. Jimin thought nothing of it as he smiled into my neck giggling lightly.

"Don't hide your smile, it makes me insides melt." maybe the alcohol lurking in my system wasn't as good as his. I couldn't stop the flow of words leaving my mouth. each coming out after the next, each word more dirtier than the next. Even though jimin had the chance to swim away from me he didn't, choosing to stay. I had came to the conclusion that he was absoultuly insane, lucky for him I am to. obviously.

"Well I have to say seeing you in such minimal clothing really makes me want me take you here right now." Jimin said going along with conversation but his dirty talk was far better than mine, it also having a greater affect.

"And seeing you in this pool,water all over your body. Oh baby I'm sure you can be wetter than this." By this point I was dripping and ready for my virginity to be gracefully taken by park jimin.

We had managed to stumble up the steps with drunken kisses in  search of the nearest bedroom in need to relieve the tension. Panic began to roll through my body as we entered the room, jimin quickly closing the door pushing me into the wall where he continued to kiss me. His hands soon diverted to the inside of my thighs growing closer to my heat. This simple action caused a loud moan to escape from my lips surprising jimin before a dark expression rolled over his face.

Jimin quickly picked me up placing me on the bed where he got in between my thighs ever so slightly and gently grinding against my core. At an agonizing rate. I wanted more lifting my hips meeting his thrusting making him let a deep groan but silencing it as his lips connected to my neck, me responding constantly to each mark he made.

"Hey can we try something?" I said in a quiet voice, not trusting myself to speak to loud afraid I would let out a loud moan. Jimin nodded his head but still continued his journey on leaving soft purple marks on my neck.  I pushed him back a little before taking my shirt off causing jimins heart to quicken and his eyes to widen.

"Um may...May touch..Your um." I laughed at the new jimin before me. One who was stuttering due to nervousness. It was as if the confidence drained from him as I gided his hands to my clothed boobs. it was cute to see him venerable. His hands remained stiff before he squeezed them slightly making a quiet moan leave my lips.

 This obviously encouraging him he continued his actions before I reached to updo my bra to which he stopped me. "Hey its okay, we don't have to do any drastic."

"Oh, um okay." I took my hand away from my bra straps bringing them to my side.

I had never gone this far with a guy and when I almost had they were never as indering as jimin was. I looked over his features before placing his face in my hands connecting our lips together. I climbed on his lap enjoying the sounds falling from his lips and I'm sure he felt the same as for me. I slowly grinded my hips feeling his member poke my thigh.

I proceeded to take off his shirt feeling over his muscles liking the skin to skin contact.  our tonuges began to battle for dominance, I gided my ran to his member causing me to win the battle.  I quickly reached for his zipper bringing it down before he stopped me.

"Hey calm down, we don't have to go this fast. We don't even have to have sex if you want to?" It cared that he worried about me and my thoughts but in reality I wanted nothing more but to fuck him and finally be ridden rom my virginity. "sorry I'm just really nervous."

"hey its okay like I said we don't have to do anything, I still think your a cool girl." a cool girl? I wanted be so much more than a cool girl, but I didn't protest instead just silently accepting.

"Yeah, we can still hang out, without doing anything major."

"Yeah, I would love to keep on talking to the beautiful girl I met tonight. Well I guess I should take you home." And just like that my virginity dreams were crushed. 

jimin had managed to drive me back to my dorm room with the help of making sure I was in the right state of mind. I invited him into the dorm with open arms as he excepted it insisting he needed to nurse me back to health. aka he wanted to have sex with me. at least I think I sat fidgeting on my bed as jimin retrieved some water for me, and then proceeding to sit on the bed with me crossing his fingers. as we both sat in silence.

filling the air with tension.

"I'm sorry." I say as my lips quivered realizing my idiotic behavior that occurred throughout the night.

"Oh baby you don't need to be sorry, sure the night didn't go as we planned but one thing for sure is that I met a beautiful girl through it."

Their he goes again saying romantic things making my heart swoon. why did he have to be so perfect. to perfect. someone I couldn't get no matter how hard I longed for.

"Oh please, I'm not beautiful. sure with the makeup I look descent but besides that, I look identical to a trashcan." Jimin had a bored expression playing on his face as these words left my mouth not beliving a word that flowed from my mouth.

"Okay you want me to be honest? You remind me of a flower, a flower that is anything but beautiful and worthy, at least that's what people may think. but when you bloom and open up to the people around you that's when your beauty shows. You need to open up to people more instead of opening your legs to get to the source, because that doesn't matter like your personality ."

Sure the beginning of the sentence didn't begin off oh so glamorous but it was the message that he proclaimed that caused his statement to come off sincere. In that moment I realized that I was looking for something when something else had already found me. what I'm trying to say is that I was seeking to lose my virginity something that means a lot to a person, that's all I was focused on.

While jimin was focused on the likeability, he didn't care about my sex appeal just about my heart. That's all he was seeking  for, just someone he could care for. He found me. I was to naïve to realize it. I was lost in my head. He was lost in his heart. He wasn't as lost as I was, I was far beyond lost that I couldn't make sense of it or why it was meant for me but yet I began to be drawn to it all. 

Now as we lay in my bed mindlessly kissing Id like to think after all the tragic events that occurred that somehow he feels the same. So perhaps being connected to someone and not in a sexual  derogatory manor but rather as a close relationship. This being something I had craved all along. The need to need someone, anyone.

Jimins hands carefully holding my waist making me feel like I am as fragile and delicate as a doll. His care makes me feel as if I was his main priority. Its crazy after one night how quick a connection can occur between two people. weather it be a friendship or sexual encounter.

I had thought about what the world thinks of me. My appearance. my personality. My virginity. every aspect of me. I have thought about this for so long that some parts of me have changed to fit the life of others I achieved to once be. I can see now that virginity has nothing to do with these aspects.Just some sorry excuses i used, blocking out the real problem. I longed for a human connection.

His soft snores filled my ears his arms wrapping tighter around me as if he's afraid that ill leave. I had someone who cares about me and shows open affection, and if at least one person can see my true self/ beauty instead of seeing my virginity as a title. then I can have the will power to show my true self and actually open up to the people I care for the most.

A/n I wanted to post this story sometime sooner but turns out a special person was giving birth and I had to go witnesses it and I saw EVERYTHING but I manage to finish the writing while she gave birth. also I'm thinking about a part two