#broke: arturia is evil

[dlartistanon]

Arturia and Executor are both autistic and trans-affirmative ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

[dailyarturia]

I apologize for bothering you for your objective opinion so much, my king, but once again I need your objective opinion. This time I need your objective opinion on the Berserkers. I'm severely concerned that I have shit taste in Berserkers, and I know that unlike me you are definitely a man of culture.

very large. back from ye olde days where berserkers generally couldn’t actually communicate so unfortunately a bit lacking in complex characterisation compared to others. lovin the whole ‘made to kill his own children in rage which is what qualifies him as berserker in the first place and now gives his all to keep this singular parentless child safe despite supposedly being made into a mindless raging beast’ thing. 8/10

bucket knight. also an old school zerker who can’t talk outside kariya’s fever dreams but he does scream in french sometimes. an overly loyal knight who nonetheless put his own wishes above what he believed were his king’s once and then spent the rest of his life feeling guilty about it to the point where it straight up drove him crazy because he couldn’t understand that arturia has -15 consideration of her own wants. his kink is getting shamed and he would probably get a heart attack if arturia did that hands on her hips disappointed look pose in his general vicinity. 8/10

get OUT of my HOUSE. ugly and horrifying but could totally beat gilgamesh in a fight and the image of ol gregory getting his nuts kicked in by a metal underpants enthusiast is high quality content so he gets points for that. 3/10

this is what we in the scientific community call a daughter. a good girl who just wants to be loved but has severe trust issues after being abandoned by the person who literally created her. can in fact talk but it takes a lot of effort so she doesn’t bother because like, fuck humans right, why should she put in effort to make herself understood when they’re not gonna want to understand her either way. I’m so blessed & grateful that moriarty is her dad now. 9/10

i’ll be honest I still have no idea what his character is supposed to be like its not like he had a lot of screentime in extra and extella is very bad to its side characters. ?/10

the fucking supreme. pandered to like a dozen of my kinks and gave me a few more. my first 5*. the end of my f2p days and the start of my journey to becoming the monster god. the design. the skillset. the teeth. the c l a w s. a king despite hating kings. a machinelike killer despite living for the thrill of the fight. a man who wants to just die already yet obstinately refuses to. a contradictory mess that denounces every ideal he used to live by yet clings to them harder than ever. a monster whose personal arc after being summoned isn’t how he’s still human at heart or whatever but how he was a monster before he looked like one already so like, don’t even worry about it. his mad enhancement is EX(C ) and his material entry revealed that this weird rank is bc it’s not even actual battle rage, he’s just so fucking stubborn it gets classified as mad enhancement. EX/10 the love of my fucking life

the smile of an angel. seems completely rational at first but is still classified as a berserker with EX rank mad enhancement because of her inhuman determination to save as many lives as possible without any regard for the quality of that saved life. she’d amputate all of a person’s limbs in an instant if that’s what it’d take for them to not die. she has canonically beat people to a pulp to ‘cure’ their mental issues. completely dedicated her life to becoming a healing machine at the cost of her own health and even personhood. her profile says she doesn’t actually listen to others but in her myroom lines she takes an active interest in your hobbies and opinions and she also gets flustered when you call her an angel. i literally cannot fucking wait until ch america hits NA server she’s so fucking good and i want everyone to love her. 15/10

THIS IS WHAT A FRIEND LOOKS LIKE. the actual embodiment of “cool guy has a chill day”. a smile that rivals the sun and an attitude that turns even the most ordinary days into a grand adventure. his mad enhancement is basically just that he’s kind of an idiot. 10/10

OX MOM OX MOM OX MOM her mother got knocked up by an ox demon in a dream and had to raise her in secret, and her human father didn’t accept her until she proved to be really strong and even then only as long as she would exterminate anyone who stood in the way of the clan. so scared of being shunned for her demon origins despite being loved & trusted as leader of the minamoto clan that she straight up exorcised her demon self into a separate personality to kill it (& herself with it) and was only barely stopped by the four heavenly kings. nowadays fiercely protective of anyone who knows about & accepts her demonic side to the point of insanity, which is where her EX mad enhancement comes from. a huge crybaby but gets shit done anyway. 10/10

THIS IS ALSO WHAT A FRIEND LOOKS LIKE. someone who was labeled and locked away as something evil due to being what is by all means called a monster even though he’s got a really gentle personality and likes being helpful. really good example of the whole “heroes and villains are nothing more than the roles individual complex people are forced to take on” theme fate likes to play with. has difficulty talking but it’s easy to come to an understanding with him as long as you call him by his personal name asterios rather than the name of the monster minotaur everyone assumed he’d be and he thus inevitably became. 10/10

the only reason he’s a berserker is because his name and the word “berserker” have the same etymology and the grail had no idea what other class to put him. this is the canon reason. he doesn’t have any mad enhancement to speak of beside being a lil hot blooded and liking to fight. literally only here because he likes to throw punches. got his ass beat by li shuwen in ch america because despite loving to throw a punch he’s not actually a martial artist and can’t win from someone with actual technique. a classic ‘jack of all trades master of none’, he literally sucks at being every single class but can’t not be summoned as a heroic spirit because he’s from the oldest english epic poem and a prototype for many other heroes. a free spirited adventurer who takes things as they come but can be responsible when it matters. 9/10 

once a good & wise ruler but fell into insanity in the last few years of his rule before finally getting assassinated. loved rome with all his heart for its beauty & splendour but got overwhelmed by the conspiracies and other evils that were also a part of it until the goddess of the moon, who he was in love with, made him insane, which he claims saved him in his bond ce. determined from then on to become the ugliest most evil motherfucker in all of rome so that he could take all the nastiest parts of rome with him in his inevitable death and have his dear cousin nero live in happiness, if only for a while. summoned as a hero despite being very close to an anti-hero because the good ruler he was before going insane responded to a call to save the world and still intent to do his part by simply dragging everything evil down with him. 8/10 wouldn’t it be nice if chapter rome had actually paid attention to roman servants other than nero.

looks like a bratty child but talks like an archaic mob boss. has horns and huge claws. easily bribed with chocolate. has a huge sword but just fucking headbuts her enemies instead. 10/10

many berserkers are angry men but only he is anger man. classified as a berserker not just due to his battlefield conduct but also the insane commitment he had to the laws of the shinsengumi, to the point where he would personally execute former comrades who broke them. both the first and last member of the shinsengumi, a man who dedicated his entire life to upholding its values in a rapidly changing japan. surprisingly rational and during gudaguda 2 okita didn’t even realize he’s a berserker because he didn’t become the fanatic that qualified him to be summoned as one until after okita’s death. one of the coolest skillsets in the game and definitely some of the sickest animations. 10/10

NORMALISE

FINDING

AND KILLING

ACHILLES

10/10

my fuckign girlfriend 10/10

the cutest enabler. 10/10

please god let me meet her. 10/10

when will takeuchi die

[dexcidium]

One Christmas after...

Hey Friend,

Wow, it’s been a year already, hasn’t it? Time flies when you’re having fun, I guess. What sorts of things, you ask? Well, you know, the usual. But don’t worry, I haven’t gotten myself killed or gravely injured! Not this me, anyway. MOVING ON! I want to tell you all about the things we did over here, is that all right? Good. It’s not like I was going to accept ‘no’ as an answer. When the new year began, all sorts of things were brewing at the mage’s association. You know how they are. Anyway, it’s strange. They’re taking their sweet time despite deciding on a new acting director. I thought mages worked fast but they’re still waiting. I don’t blame them, though, it’s hard to find this bloody place.

Anyway, Mashu’s… not doing so well with her powers. It’s still there but… she just can’t use them. So she’s taken a back seat from accompanying me for a while. Though she does still scold me throughout the missions. First, we went to Shinjuku and we met a – get this – a dog servant with a headless rider! Well, it was more like a really big wolf but the big guy’s really fluffy anyway! There was this Assassin guy that could turn into anything and kidnapped me. He’s pretty strange. Sherlock Holmes and James Moriarty also appeared! Man, you would have loved that, wouldn’t you? We also met an Altered version of EMIYA. Never thought I’d even see him like that… anyway, this particular singularity almost got an asteroid dropped onto it… it was… pretty intense. And don’t tell those two Alter girls this but their new outfits had me dying… though they did force me to dance and cross dress. Don’t laugh, please…

Valentines Day happened. As per usual… there was too much chocolate and we got a new Arturia! Who is… a walking NEET. Wow, we got a couple of NEETs this year… anyway, all you should know is that the force is utter crap and I have no idea what was happening this entire time. I think a couple of servants spiked their chocolates that they gave to me with alcohol…

Guess what…? The Gudaguda idiots came back… and this time, they brought Chacha and Hijikata… that guy Okita kept referring too. Those two are really loud. Like… REALLY loud. The mini Nobbus came back and ruined our lives again. Is it weird to sympathise with a demon pillar? Because I sympathised with a demon pillar when Hijikata-san did… that was a really weird event…

And ah… the digital sea. I’d… rather not talk about it actually… that was a particularly draining ride. I… I let too many people die. I didn’t know what to do. In the end, nobody actually remembers what happened but me and a couple of other new friends. But… I was conflicted about my abilities as a master once more for quite some time… but I won’t dwell on that too much.

Next up, we went to Agartha! That place was all sorts of a mess. First we were greeted by a friendly looking old man, who turned out to be really evil… also the Amazons and a berserker Penthesilea showed up, almost used my little friend between my legs as a baby maker, and then she got into a fight with a Megaros possessed Heracles! I almost peed my pants with that battle… it was so crazy… Anyway, more crossdressing happened, and get this – we got a Fergus Lily! Yeah! That big guy with nothing but sex on his mind. He was… really innocent, suprisingly. Until we got into more trouble and had to fight some Chinese zombies, a barely dressed Empress who was not Nero, and then the island became a floating island and trust me… it was a lot of work. We also met a Caster who was behind all of this… in the end, I couldn’t help but sympathise with her not wanting death…

Summer came back around… and we miraculously did not get stuck on an island! Sorry about not being able to contact you for quite some time last year… luckily the flow of time was different on that island. This year… Ishtar decided that we should have a race. A bunch of servants broke up into trios or pairs and 8 teams went on a race… and then it turned into a prison break. Don’t ask how, but it smelled like sweat the entire time I was trying to get out of those tunnels. Medb really looked good in that prison warden outfit… and yeas, she did step on me. Also, the swimsuits were… something. I uh… shouldn’t describe them in detail here. I know you well enough to know that you can’t handle that sort of thing like you can with sugar.

Still in August… we met a new friend. It was a kid named Paul Bunyan but uh… we also seemed to have met some sort of crazed, alternate version of a Chaldean master. That stuff have me nightmares afterwards… do you think that master is Beast VIII?

After all those crazy, and whacky events, we finally went back to clearing the other left over Singularities. It was Musashi-chan’s world. There was… a lot of fighting. More than usual. We met a new ninja named Katou Danzou. She’s a puppet, however… but I feel like she’s even more human than I am. We also met a baldie monk! He was friendly at first but then some sort of curse turned him crazy. And same with Tomoe Gozen! Man, she scared me! But when we managed to summon her, she turned out to be obsessed with video games. Gotta tell ya’, she’s really cute. She could tear my head off though. And we also met a new old man! His sword skills were fearsome… he was a Yagyuu of course… the father of Yagyu Juubei himself, Yagyuu Munenori. Towards the end, we met an even crazier version of Amakusa… do you think this is what he could turn into if he manages to get a grail? I should try and be a bit more harsher on him… if I can. In the end, the fight was fierce. And guess who showed up to fight Musashi-chan? That’s right! Kojiro. But he wasn’t a servant… he was human. His swords skills as well… all I can say was it was unbound… truly infinite. In the end, they were a stalemate…. But I believed in Musashi-chan… and she won. And though she may be gone for now… I know that when I need her, she’ll be back. She promised me so.

We’re skipping over Halloween. It was pretty much the same but with robots and ANOTHER NEET. Please don’t make me go back there… I even learned ninjutsu from Kotaro to avoid it all. But alas, they were like hounds seeking the blood of their prey… and I happened to have been beaten bloodied. How do you like that sort of poetry!? The writer crew have been helping me improve!

We finally got to the last of our loose ends. Salem. More specifically the time during the Salem witch trials. It was… quite a creepy place. With all sorts of monsters, and things that I thought were even scarier than some of the things we’ve faced before. All sorts of things happened… we met this little girl named Abigail… I… I couldn’t do much there. So many of our servants died again… I feel like I let Sanson down by letting him be killed liked that… but we were fortunate enough to be able to get his memories back. But man. Of all the things that happened down there with all the strange tentacle monsters and random keyholes… nothing was stranger than Robin’s speaking pattern in that entire thing! I think he’s been broken by Liz’s singing. And there was a guy with a crow’s head that appeared and talked to us in a creepy voice! In the end, Carter, who was our guide at that place turned out to be a space/time traveller. I mean, we’re pretty much the same but it was a genuine surprise. Also remind me to never look up Loveraftian horrors again. There’s a reason they’re called ‘horrors’.

Finally, we were just a few days before Christmas… and everybody got sick. We would have loved to have you here then. Though I think humans were more of your specialty. Anyway… we were sent to the underworld and… by the gods… I thought Santa Alter was weird, and so was Starbucks Lily but nothing could have prepared me for Atilla the Sun(ta). There were. SO SO SO many sheep. We had to go to Ere-chan this time… and we finally managed to get her to Chaldea! I was so happy. It’s been too long, and I really missed her. Though, there was a lot of struggle. With everyone down, I had only Sun(ta) to rely on. Ere-chan really did try her best… she only wanted to treat the citizens of the underworld with the beauty of the Sun… and Nergal gave her the power of plague and disaster instead. I really wanted to save her. Anyway, it all ended up well. We’re still recovering from that, however. It’s been one hell of a year. But to be honest, something still feels missing.

   …

…

…

Hey, Solomon?

No, Doctor Roman. It’s been a year since then.

How are you?

We’re holding up just fine, as you can see. Da Vinci-chan’s doing her best as acting director as we try to avoid into getting too much trouble from the Mage’s Association. Of course, we’re still doing our very best at our jobs. This was a future that you gave us, that you gave to mankind. Though it is the only useful thing that you left us. What the hell am I supposed to do with the ten bags of caster sugar and the box of Magi Mari merchandise that we found under your bed!?

You left us too early, you know? I still had so much to ask and tell you. But hey, when you gotta go, you gotta go. Thanks for sticking around for as long as you did. I hope your second human life was fulfilling as the first. I can’t say this enough but…

For taking care of Mashu and I, I thank you.

For watching over us on all of our missions, I thank you.

For losing sleep over my dumb, suicidal self, I thank you.

For never giving up on me even when I wanted to, and cheering me up, I thank you.

For all the smiles that you always flashed… for all the laughs and merry moments that we had… for all the joy that you spread into our lives despite our dire and desperate situation...

 Thank you.

 And I’d say it a thousand times more. But even then, I feel that it’ll never be enough. I regret never being able to say all this when you were around. I regret that that was our last goodbye… and I regret that we couldn’t share one last lazy afternoon under the kotatsu. Even if Mashu came around and scolded us… but she’d join us in our lazy indulgence anyway.

Oh by the way, I gave Goetia one big punch to the face for you and Mashu. I even used my command seals to boost it. At the time, I was just acting on pure emotion. I didn’t know what to do. I just knew I had to live. For you and everybody else that was waiting for me back at home. Our home. Chaldea.

You know, we did mourn. But only for a bit. We knew that you wouldn’t want us to be down like that. You’d tell us to keep our heads held up high, and smile. And so we did. And we still are.

But… I can take a small moment and spare a few tears, right? Even just for a couple minutes on this Christmas night. I can take the time to be weak, right? When I’m not busy trying to be the perfect master for them. Even if it’s just this one line… I can break down, right? I’m so tired… sometimes, I do feel alone even in this happy family of ours. It just isn’t the same without you, Doctor…

Bah! Enough of my sappy sentiments. I’ll continue as we always did. With my held head up high and big, bright smile on our faces. Just like you told us. We’ll continue on as we always did. For as long as we exist, for as long as humanity’s will to survive isn’t dead, and for as long as these broken bones of mine will keep me going… we’ll continue to protect the future.

See you later, Doctor Romantic.

We love you.

 From Gudao Shimazaki and the rest of the Chaldea family.