#btw the all seeing eyes of god have such an on the nose and pretentious name it's hilarious

[iris-nonsense]

Gojo's six eyes have always felt familiar and i finally find out why. They're like the all seeing eyes of god from Kekkai sensen!!!

[decaffeinatedconnoisseurninja]

Arabic dark academia

Having tea first thing in the morning, the afternoon, evening, night and whenever you have nothing to do and whenever you have everything to do

Practicing calligraphy, hoarding calligraphy pens and quills like a dragon hoards its jewels

Youre now a calligragon btw

Pretentious hand written letters

Fragments of poetry and prose on the wall

In Egypt you can buy a vintage gramophone (as far as I remember)

Wrinkling your nose at orientalists who have clearly never been anywhere near the culture they're trying to portray.

Appreciating the orientalists who have in fact been there and paint like it. (Sorry to disappoint but there were never sexy slave babes roaming the streets)

Mourning for the scholars of Al Andaluas and times when Arabic was the language of science

Arguing over e'arab (the value of a word with regard to others in the sentence) and balagha (it translates to "eloquence" but is more like a complex version of figures of speech) of words

Arabic being such a complex language you get carried away sometimes

Passing the allotted wordcount so you start going over your paper and compressing a whole sentence, consisting of a conjunction, a subject, a verb and two objects into a word in desperation

Words like فأسقيناكموه (faa'skainakumooh) meaning "and so we have let you drink it" being an example.

Tea over burning coal. Over logs (hatab) tea over bokhour/oud hits different and you know it.

Brewing coffee over low heat and humming to Layali Al Ouns

"No offense but I like real coffee" when someone mentions starbucks

Um Kulthoum and Asmahan are superior you cant change my mind.

NO I DID NOT FORGET ABDUL HALIM HAFEZ I WANTED HIM A BULLET OF HIS OWN.

Fareed al atrash concerts at 3 am.

Nothing you ever cook will be under seasoned.

Reciting poetry to yourself in the mirror

Big chunks of jewelry (usually gold) engraved or woven through with intricate patterns and swirls. Wearing four bracelets in one hand is absolutely fine and under dressing is a myth

Owning swords is not out of fashion (ancient arabs were well known for their swordsmanship) but using them is, unfortunately <3

Wondering how they won wars with these swords. I couldn't even lift it enough to stab myself if I wanted

Extra names. People called شهد honey (shahd), جمال beauty (jamal), زهرة flower (zahra), ليلى night (laila), سماء sky (samaa), مهند/سيف sword (mohanad/saif) and صفاء purity (safaa) like it's the most normal thing in the world (which it should be, along with names of ancient gods)

Poetry from the abbasid era describing palaces and fountains and music so eloquently your heart skips several beats and you wonder how it is still beating at all and if, after all, you have been born in the wrong era.

Classic poetry from the school of Apollo brimming with romance and yearning you have never seen matched.

Poems that tear at your heart and stitch it whole with every bayt (verse? The equivalent for it) and you keep coming back for more.

Stories so well told that you swear you can see the princes and charmers and musicians and dancers all flicker to life in the flames before you

Historical masjids and churches.

Going to the palaces and shrines and towers from the ancient days of yore

Not exclusively (as neither is anything on this list) arabic but BRAIDS and braid jewellery that clinks when you shake your head

The unwavering belief that poetry is meant to be sung.

Singing poetry because it is meant to be sung

Thick eyebrows

Lining already lash lined eyes with kohl.

Beautiful brown eyes. Honey eyes. Chocolate eyes. Freshly turned earth eyes. Eyes that hold all the ethereal beauty of the world.

Hair styled in dark, thick curls or braids

Savouring the way the words move around from your throat to your chest to the tip of your tongue, like liquid gold,

The sweet music from the strings of a qitharah (string instrument)

Scented candles are cute, but have you ever heard of oud (perfume infused wood)? Anyhow one of my Sudanese friends make it AND IT IS BEAUTIFUL.

Wanting to study with the scholars of baghdad and azhar so bad

Recognizing that for all your culture, some of it is inspired by others and that's okay.

Please add what you can to this list. It is far from complete.

[lunatic-fandom-space]

Im about to finally watch that NC review of The Wall after watching a bunch of videos about it and Im just gonna put my thoughts during it in this post

Okay I just checked this review has 85k dislikes, 22k likes and 1.5 million views Im scared

I also havent watched actually watched The Wall btw, but I did watch Folding Ideas video if that helps

Oh god I really liked NC in like 2019 and even the beginning of 2020 and his greeting is giving me vietnam flashbacks

I hate Dougs voice already

Okay a bunch of shit is happening

Now theyre just showing clips from the original movie but as a horrible montage with fire edited over it

Dougs face makes me uncomcortable and I hate looking at it

Hes singing again goddamnit

Thank god, an ad

He stopped singing again thank god

What the fuck is that

I hate those giggles theyre awful

Why is Doug Walker a vampire

The costuming is straight up awful what is the budget on this

The cg is so bad and outdated why did they even bother

What are these dance moves

Theyre mentioning twitter now???

I just watched that 3 musical minute sequence and I have no idea what Doug is even trying to say

He spat out a bird? Huh??

What

Bro the animation is so bad

This would literally be completely incoherent without the on the nose lyrics

"So long Oscar-bait song/smoke a bong and it'll feel less wrong" bro what

I havent even watched the fucking movie and even I know hes missing the point, how did I ever think his reviews were good

I didnt not need to see Doug Walker wailing about being Jesus while shirtless in front of badly edited stockphoto water

What is that

His acting is so bad and I still hate his face

Im not even halfway through

I just wanna go back to working on my AU while watching actually good longform reviews

I cant even read the comments bc I wanna focus on the review itself I hate it here

This frame is very blue. I love the color, but its kinda out of place and was probably not done on purpose

What now

What

Why

I wanna commit crimes

Have I mentioned that I hate looking at Dougs face

That was, without exageration, the worst sponsor Ive ever seen

ITS NOT OVER???

I too call the people I am writing a love letter to whiny and pretentious

Oh god

What in the world

I didnt think it was possible but Dougs singing voice just got worse

Dude they drew on his head with like, marker or something and I can see it smudge

He got all these people and all these props and had these wholeass songs written but he couldnt even brush his fucking teeth before going on Youtube

Okay theyre doing a full on twitter song

What is this shit

This is the most boomer centrist thing I have ever seen in my life

What the fuck was that

The eye imagery going on is geniuienly very unsettling and kind of disorienting but I cant really appreciate it bc its just so bad

What is that

AND AD THANK GOD

Back to the bullshit

What is that

The greenscreen looks so bad

Only 11 minutes lets fucking gooooooo

Doug Walker standing in that hallway doing a power stance is my new sleep paralasis demon

Dude what are they even doing

What is that squirrel thing on this random guys counter

I dont understand whats going on

What in the world is that furry nightmare squirrel in the studio

Why is the edgy cowboy furry OC lecturing me about The Arts

I legimately cant understand most of the words being said and I have no idea if its because my brain has been fried or because they just went with the first take of every line

This part of the review is usually praised as "the best part" so Im both intrigued and really scared

Oh god its another furry OC

Okay I actually quite like the design of the grey furry with the big hat and six arms I just really hate the way he moves, I think it would look better as a static model or preferably a 2d drawing

Another Ad!

I also like the black one with the white horns and red accents

Okay what the fuck is that

I mean the one with the way too many antlers is a bit better than the one before it but it looks like the designer kinda gave up at this point

This feels like an acid trip but in the worst way

I think this is the first thing Ive seen that had a dragon in it, that didnt make it better at all

I mean. i guess this is very impressive but why

I feel like every single voice actor for these creatures recorded the lyrics with a completely different mic

Hey, what the fuck

Well this sure is all happening

What

"Well, the movie ended on such an open vagueness that it only makes sense the the review end on such an open vagueness" hey fuckface, thats not how reviews work

Thank you musician guy who had no lines up until now (I think his name was Corey??)

All of this bullshit and for WHAT

Theyre singing the spongebob squarepants theme song

These 30 seconds where the most I enjoyed myself consecutively during this entire 40 minute video

I dont know how, but Doug Walker somehow manages to stay unlikeable even while hes shouting out a charity that probably does wonderful work

In conclusion, there is a total of 5 Things I Enjoyed in this 40 minute review:

That gray furry with the hat and six arms

That black furry with the horns and red accents and eyes

The shade of blue during that one very blue shot

The spongebob squarepants theme

Apparently Griff Taylor (the son of the musician guy, Corey Taylor) is a fan of NC for some reason and his dad pretty much did this for him, and I can appreciate that on some level

[sheismental]

Insanity  — chapter two

teaser | chapter one

a/n: i’m dedicating this chapter to @spidey-hood and @hurricaneofcolors because i love them so much and they are amazing friends<3

btw don’t hesitate to ask if you can be tagged!

WARNING: Foul language (PG-13)

summary: twenty-one year old y/n l/n had trained for years to become one of the greatest secret agents in the U.S secret service - There was only one last task to do - only one mission left. And to do so, she has to partner with England’s greatest secret agent, Tom Holland. Taking down an international mobster is dangerous enough, but doing it while someone pulled on your heartstrings? That was insanity.

—

There was an eerily silence filling the airport as you walked off the private jet — Heels clicking with a tired smile framing your face, hours of traveling hadn’t done you any favors and the change of timezones wasn’t helping you either. The skies are grey, stormy clouds stretch out in the high sky, even then — you wear white framed shades, covering the dark shadows underneath your eyes.

Tom walks beside you, taking your hand swiftly and squeezing. Right, husband and wife.

The door of the new Prius is opened by one of the bodyguards, you smile kindly – stepping into the car with Tom following your actions. Soon enough you  take off, you shut your eyes feeling an odd satisfaction at the action taken — You knew this was going to be one of the last moments of satisfaction you will get in the months to come.

"Are you tired, darling?.“ Tom asks, sliding his hand up your thigh, the feeling of his strong and warm hand makes your stomach churn. You feel the need to slap his hand off, but you raise your gaze at the driver - And smile softly.

"Just a bit, honey.” You reply, your voice as sweet as honey — All an act of course. Tom smiles recomfortingly.

"We’ll be home soon.“ He breathes out, staring at the road before you — Meadows fill his view, he can almost smell the moist grass from inside the car. He is filled with nostalgia, after all, he had grown among the cloudy skies, the smell of fresh grass and the cold breeze of England.

Fast enough the car pulls over into a hefty house after passing a large black gate – two floors of pure old England style - it could have fooled you into thinking it was a palace, yet the mansion-like home looked brand new, a fresh coat of paint had just been applied to the exterior walls, it was a light cream color. The smell of freshly cut grass fills your nose as you step out of the car, it had driven across a field of grass and large trees before pulling over into your new home and you had never seen a house so glorious, and if a house could have personality, you think, this would be a very pretentious one.

"They have outdone themselves this time.” Tom comments satisfyingly, walking over to you and pulling you close to his side, he leans carefully – his lips against your earlobe. “The staff is brand new, granted, they have no idea we are pretending to be husband and wife.” He breathes and it tickles your earlobe before he places a lingering peck below your ear.

The motion sending shivers down your spine and he lets out a throaty chuckle - You try not to roll your eyes, so you limit yourself to smiling accordingly before he pushes you in front of him softly – his hand places itself on your waist as you two make their way inside the home. Once inside you try not to leave a loud gasp, the house was even more glorious inside — too glamorous for your taste but even you could agree that the person who decorated the home had only gotten the best of the best.

 Marble floors beneath your high heels as your eyes roam through the home — The entrance alone was the size of your quarters, a big greeting table only a feet away with a bouquet of roses laid on it and beyond that you could see the living room. 

You could only imagine how big the living room was. You feels Tom's hand push you softly once again and your legs begin to work  – Pushing your shades to the top of your head you walk into the living room, where a group of four people stand straight, hands clasped behind their back. A man trails behind you and Tom, clearing his throat.

 "Mr. and Mrs.King, this is the staff — Sophie and Margot are the maids, along with David who will assist Mr.King and John is your personal driver." The man gestures the group of four, you can only assume Sophie and Margot are the two blonde women standing with aprons on, whereas David was the man who had picked you up at the airport; the man was big, with a kind smile and accordingly kind eyes - He was dressed elegantly, his tall frame concurs with his attractive features, deep blue eyes stare at you expressionless . "And i'm Derek, chief of security – so anything you need to comment about the bodyguards you can come to me." The man finishes, and you finally look at him — Dark skinned, tall as a tree and buffed, he held a strong gaze with a kind smile. Tom nods stiffly, shaking hands with the man. 

You smile as kindly and smugly as you can. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.” You greet, nodding your head as they smile back at you. 

“It is a pleasure to meet you Mrs.King.” You hear Derek’s strong voice,  you turn around with a smile as you shake his hand. 

“Likewise, Derek.” You reply before standing right beside Tom. 

“Your suitcases will be taken to your bedroom and don’t worry the closets have been filled with the clothes we were instructed.” Derek finishes off with a polite nod before walking out of the room. Your mind is racing, clearly you were more than baffled at all of this. Tom places his hand once again delicately behind your back.

“We should go check our bedroom, love.” He says with a dashing smile and you try not to scoff.

“We should.” You smile as one of the maids leads you both to the upstairs bedroom - Your eyes roaming through the large hallways filled with sophisticated paintings. Tom was, clearly, enjoying the little game he had begun between the both of you. He liked the way you acted as if his teasing wasn’t bothering you, which it was. 

The bedroom door swings open and Sophie takes her leave - The european king size bed between two large windows comes into your view as a much larger room opens before you. The room was unnecessarily big, you think. A large couch was placed against one of the walls with a coffee table in front of it, the marbled floors had been delicately decorated with accordingly light cream rugs. The light shines through the curtains as you make your way inside, your eyes roam through the room with bewilderment. 

Everything was beyond your standards of extravagant, there was another door feet away from the bed, you could only assume it was the bathroom, and on the other side of the room there were double doors of tall glass, light shines through them the most.

Tom locks the door behind him before stuffing his hands on the pocket of his dark dress pants. 

“We are meeting with Richard’s son tonight at one of his casinos, dress accordingly.” He states, and you turn to him, raising an eyebrow. 

“Harrison Osterfield? I thought he was one of our last options.” You say and Tom shrugs smugly.

“Apparently both your boss and my boss think he is the best way to earn Richard’s trust.” He replies, his eyes idly looking at the room. “It’s nice.”

You roll your eyes, stepping out of the uncomfortable nice shoes. “They couldn’t have picked a more lavish house even if they wanted to.” You retort and he chuckles softly, shaking his head.

“You really don’t like pretty things, do you, love?.” He raises his gaze to you, staring as you throw the heels somewhere on the room. 

“I like pretty things, just not things that cost much more than my annual paycheck.” You say, locking eyes with him. “Let’s both be professionals and stop with the whole ‘love’ thing unless we are on the job, understood?.”  You raise an eyebrow at him and he raises his hands in surrender. “Take it down a notch, sweetheart. I’m just doing my job, and like it or not this is the way i do it.” He shoots back, making sure to keep his voice low. “I’ll go talk to Derek about security, we leave at 8:00pm - Get some sleep and i will see you later.” He finishes, turning around and walking out of the room.

You yawn, rubbing your hands on your tired eyes - and sloppily getting into the very well made bed. Oh god it’s even more comfortable than what it looks like.

You shut your eyes, hands tucked underneath the soft pillow and you sleep the stress off.

—

The clock marks 6:00pm as your fingers run through your scalp - washing off any stress that your body still carried. Hands scrubbing down your body silently, the sound of the water falling down was relaxing enough. 

You hear the creak of the door slowly open, and you furrow your eyebrows - The bathroom was huge, with a bathub and a shower as well as two mirrors and two sinks, separated by only a couple of feet, and the door of the bathroom was a couple of feet away from where you currently showered. 

You hear a small chuckle, and you bite your bottom lip angrily. 

“Ya’ know, you should really lock the door, darling.” Tom says with a smug smile, making his way toward the sink. The glass door of the shower only a couple of feet away, he could just turn around the corner and see you - and the thought was very tempting to him.

“It was locked, you asshat.” You spit, washing off the soap foam from your body. He leans his back onto the edge of the sink, licking his lips with a playful smile.

“Then you should know that a hightly trained agent can open locked doors very easily.” There’s a playful tone on his voice, he listens as the sound of the water falling stops and moments later you appear right in front of him, wrapped solely in a towel as water drips down your body. He smirks and you look at him sternly, your wet locks fall behind your shoulders.

“You should know better than open the door while someone’s showering, creep.” You deadpan, walking past him and into the bedroom. He trails behind you, his suit still looking as neat as it did last night - Though his curls now fall messily down his forehead. “Can you leave so I can change?.” You ask exasperated and he clicks his tongue.

“I don’t think so, love.” You frown at his words. “It will look suspicious if I leave the bedroom when my wife changes, won’t it?.” He explains witty while arrogantly smiling.

“Fine, then! Take a shower, i’ll be changing in the walk-in closet and you better not walk in while i’m changing.” You warn as you make your way to the doorless walk-in closet. He let’s out a lightheartedly chuckle.

“Or what?.” He asks teasingly.

“Or I will show you something the agency taught me-.” You smirk, turning to him. “They call it the nutcracker, would you like me to show you?.” You cock your head to the side innocently, Tom’s smile fades a little. “I didn’t think so.” 

—

Golden necklace drapped around your neck, making you look like the prize you were meant to be. Your figure is wrapped around the red tight satin dress - Needless to say you wore devil’s color right - hair pinned to perfection while you wore a pretty smile.

The staircase seems to grow infinite as you make your way downstairs, the sound of your delicate black pumps announcing your entrance. Tom fixes his cufflinks, standing in front of the equally grand staircase as you come into his view. He tries to hide the stunned look on his face, but he is unsuccessful as his lips part, feeling them dry at the goddess standing before him.

A smirk creeps onto your face, your hands gliding down the railing of the staircase as you come to the end of it. Tom glides his tongue over his lips, suddenly feeling very warm inside as he smiles brightly - Once again trying to hide his astonishment.

“You look gorgeous.” He breathes out, stretching his hand at you as his hands quickly dart from your head to your toes - His breath hitching at the sight of the large slit on your dress, taking a peek at your soft legs. 

“You don’t look so bad yourself, baby.” You reply with mischief, looking at 

And the smirk never fades away as you gladly take his hand, taking a look at his features. His hair was styled back, his eyes sparkling with something more than simple play pretend. He grasps your hands between his’ and slides it on the crook of his arm as you two walk to the entrance.

You take a sideways glance at Tom, he looked expensive as well - All dressed in a maroon tailored suit that hugged every single bend on his body, you couldn’t deny that he was attractive nor that he didn’t fit right into the hot agent category.

David opens the door of the house for both of you, walking down the smalls steps of your new home - This was so unreal to you, living in such luxury, it was hard to think you had to grow accustomed to this kind of live for the months to come.

The door of the black Rolls Royce is opened for both of you and Tom softly pushes you inside, you take special care to the long slit on your dress not wanting to show more than needed - Not wanting to show the small gun in your garter as you step in.

The black Rolls Royce now has a partition, separating the driver’s seat from yours.  

“I’m assuming it’s soundproof?.” You turn to look at Tom, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes it is, now we talk game plan.” He replies, turning his body to you - The car revves up, taking off into the night. “When we arrive i’m going to sweet talk some information out of Harrison Osterfield, you try to mingle with the ladies, alright love?.” He states, and you look at him baffled.

“You are kidding me, right?.” You raise your voice, filling your blood boil - He looks at you with furrowed eyebrows. “’Mingle with the ladies’, who do you think i am? Some 50′s wife? Listen to me, Holland - I will not follow your lead- This is our mission, you go with Harrison then i go too. In fact, i bet i can sweet talk Harrison better than you could ever do.” You spit and Tom looks stunned for a second, staring at you silently.

“Fine.” He grunts, turning his body and looking forward - His hands on his lap, fiddling with his long fingers. You smirk smugly. “Let’s see how you do in the big leagues, sweetheart.” 

And you clench your jaw, staring at the window as the street lights illuminate your face. Of course you could make Harrison Osterfield tell you a few details of his father’s unlegal business, after all, your training hadn’t only been physical - It had too been all about how to work your way among these kinds of situations.

You had learned all about using your traits to your advantage, how to use your charm as a weapon - As a key to unlock secrets. That’s why you were a secret weapon and that’s what made you so deadly, but you figure - That’s why Tom was England’s greatest secret weapon as well, he knew how to be witty and charming, he knew the way to use his eyes and bright smile as a way of get around people’s minds - to trap them and easily let them go as he pleased. 

And Tom was, to say the least, shocked at your hot-headed behavior - He had worked with stunning agents before, but he would usually be in charge; Making plans and executing them while his partners used their seductive ways as a distraction. He wasn’t used to resistance, but he guessed that if he hadn’t agreed to your plan you wouldn’t let go - Besides, he was looking forward to see the way you work.

The drive is short, the Rolls Royce parks in front of the grand building - All shiny colored lights and big glass doors, written in neon colored capital letters ‘OSTERFIELD CASINO’, and even with all the bright lights - You could tell something dark was hidden underneath. John opens the door for you, and you step out of the car - Chin raised with a seductive smile framing your blood tinted lips. 

Tom’s hand soon finds its way to your lower back, he breathes through his nose heavily - He was still a little stiff from the earlier discussion, you could see it for the way his jaw clenched. You reach over to touch his jaw with a teasing smile.

“Ready to play, dear husband?.” You ask, careful not too sound too jokingly, and Tom looks over to you - The bright colors of the lights illuminated your face so well. He chuckles softly, relaxing as he smirks.

“Are you, darling?.” He says, raising his eyebrows, his hand pushing you ever so softly - The double glass doors opening slowly as the heavy banters and chirpy music fills your ears. And you knew you were ready.

—

sheismental masterlist

tom holland masterlist

Insanity (ALL CHAPTERS)

perm tag list:

@hurricaneofcolors​ @rayesimp​   @just-my-weirdness-and-i  

@spidey-hood

insanity tag list:

@enthusiastic-babe   @fijiangecko @isabella212 

[sanjuno]

It’s another gods-be-damned Time Travel Concept Fic

Yeah so I’m calling this one A Widening Gyre because I’m not at all pretentious. XP

IN FAIR KONOHA WE SET OUR SCENE

Rin was a jinchuriki and we all know that those people don’t die easy, so she totes survives the chidori to the chest. The need to heal from near-death let Obito have his dramatic breakdown in the rain over her (not-quite) dead body plus gave Minato enough wiggle room to fix the faults and traps in Rin’s seal.

Rin was declared KIA though, and her survival was classified to protect her from Kiri trying to get the Sanbi back and also to keep the Elder Council from fucking with her. “Turtle” joins ANBU under the command of “Wolf” and they are the scariest dual act ANBU has seen for a long time. Like, holy shit. Then “Tiger” joins their team right after “Wolf” gets his Captain promotion, and the addition of Mokuton is frankly ridiculous. Then “Crow” joins the team right as Kushina announces her pregnancy and this is just. They are all approx. 4 feet tall and the most terrifying ANBU team Konoha has and no one knows how to deal with this. (There are rumours about an ANBU trainee going by “Raven” and FFS T&I isn’t paid enough to deal with this nonsense.)

Obito is a sensor (natural or trained IDK but he has that skill set) and he gets sidetracked on his way to Naruto’s birth b/c “That’s... that’s Rin.” Things happen, reunion of the Team plus “You’re alive!” drama is interrupted by Danzo being a giant bag of dicks, ROOT shenanigans ensue because Kinoe is also “Tiger” and KakaRin are possessive little shits. To say nothing of how Shisui reacts to the idea of someone being more important to his teammate than him. (Fucking Uchiha drama queens I swear...)

This is all taking place while Kushina is in labour BTW. WTF people how are you fitting this many feels into less than 12 hours I am impressed by this. Danzo was expecting Zetsu and “Madara” to back him up r.e. disposing Minato and getting the Kyuubi shoved in a more manageable host but Obito is la~ate and also KakaRin have v. strong grips, like wow do you work out?

Kakashi and his-name-is-Tenzo-now’s weird bromance drama comes to a climax when Danzo is chased back to his HQ by the Hokage’s v. pissed off guard team. (Hi Genma and Raido welcome to the madness.)

So it turns out that Danzo took over Tobirama’s old lab as ROOT’s main base but missed a few experiments pretending to be part of the security system. Oops. So Kamui plus experimental seals plus the Hiraishin markers carried by Genma and Raido and Kakashi plus an attempt to interfere with Rin’s containment seal means it all goes BOOM

Upside: Kyuubi stays sealed.

Downside: Sanbi goes on a rampage instead.

This is the last we see of the future Konoha timeline kthnksbye~eee...

NEW SCENE SETTING: THE WARRING CLANS ERA

Rin is out of it b/c Sanbi was forcibly removed from her chakra coils

Upside: She gets to keep a larger reserve of chakra than what she was born with naturally, keeps a few of the jinchuriki perks like rapid healing, and her chakra control is back to medic-inn levels for the first time in almost 2 years!

Downside: Motherfucking ow.

Rin is down, therefore Danzo did something to her so KakaObi don’t hesitate in aiming to kill. Genma and Raido trust Kakashi and back him up but oh look Danzo has stolen sharingan eyes implanted in a creepy zombie arm oh very shit forever.

EPIC SHOWDOWN!! FIGHT!!

KakaObi are scary AF and also apparently share a brain. Danzo is made v. dead before they even realize that they’ve been shot-put through time as well as space. But leftover Zetsu shit/heart seal is triggered when Danzo tries to not die but Kakashi gets in the way b/c he’s not losing Obito again. MAGIC NINJA DEATH CURSE NO JUTSU idk I’ll figure out the details later but OH NO Kakashi is poisoned and Obito is distraught b/c Kakashi just jumped on the sword for Obito again this is not a theme Obito likes to see reoccur fuck you universe.

The antidote only grows along the seashore so ANBU Team Baby Genii Ne minus Wolf do a suicide run to Wave Country and back.

Without Danzo around Kakashi, at 14 years of age, is the highest ranked Leaf Shinobi. ROOT proceeds to imprint like ducklings.

Shit friends I just realized that Kabuto is still in ROOT at this point excellent now Genma can be the poison specialist and Kabuto can be the baby medic and they can work together to keep Kakashi alive while Obito threatens to kill everything (except Rin) if Kakashi dies.

Alrighty fuck it let’s make it a party. Anko’s there too b/c she followed the mayhem b/c she knows that Danzo had something to do with Orochimaru’s defection but her Curse Seal gets the same yoink treatment as Rin’s Bijuu Seal and now Anko’s 100% doing the deputy thing while Raido arranges the patrols. (Radio may not have the highest rank in their group but he is the oldest so that’ll have to do)

Tiny baby Sai and Shin are the cutest murder babies aww... (Also get to indulge my HC that newborn Uchiha have red eyes instead of blue so Itachi and Shisui know from the get-go that Sai is an Uchiha.)

Speaking of murder babies Itachi is trying v. hard not to think about never seeing Sasuke or his parents again. (FFS Itachi is the only one of these jackasses to canonically have living parents at this point in the TL. Except Rin but TBH she’s been pretending to be dead for the last 2 years so I don’t think she counts anymore.) Itachi is going to latch onto Sai so hard as a replacement baby bro omg Itachi stahp

War interruptus via Kakashi’s ANBU team plus All The Baby ROOT Agents. This will be fun!

Team Ne is gonna bulldoze through a Senju patrol on their way out to the shore. Tobirama was not expecting a hostile Mokuton user to defend a couple of Uchiha and also the girl they were with broke a tree with her fist and then it melted. Toka definitely saves Tobirama’s pasty ass b/c his instincts forget to dodge IRT Mokuton jutsu.

Team Ne is also going to trip over an Uchiha patrol and Itachi is high-key going to not!cry b/c Izuna looks hella like Mikoto/Sasuke and Itachi misses them. Shisui does a lot of high velocity absconding with his teammates come on ppl keep running pls. Izuna is so confused by tiny Uchiha not knowing who he is and running around with some random not!Uchiha WTH?

For max drama Team Ne will blast through a big battle, interrupt Hashirama and Madara’s posturing, accidentally save Izuna’s life (thanks, Shisui) and then bravely run away without ever slowing down. Senju and Uchiha call truce while they figure out WTF is up with those kids and track them down.

This team-up thing does give both sides a chance to see the “Hashirama And Madara Show” up close. Madara lovingly and eloquently details all the many and varied ways Hashirama is an idiot (it sounds an awful lot like Tobirama’s most uncharitable thoughts re. his brother. Only blunter.) Hashirama just laughs and agrees with Madara WTF Anija? The Hashirama does his best to hug Madara to death b/c they are apparently the cuddling type of sworn enemies (Izuna is horrified and so offended. He’s the only one allowed to snuggle the grumps out of Madara!) Izuna and Tobirama are the world’s most resentful team-up ever but they’re doing their v. best to keep their older bros apart b/c no, Anija, just no.

They find the Konoha camp b/c Tobirama is a stupidly strong sensor and Hashirama can tell where the trees got bent by Mokuton. They were not expecting to find nothing but children. Raido is the oldest and he’s only like 19-ish I think? Plus ROOT kiddos are suu~uuper creepy-tactic omg.

NOW BACK IT UP A LITTLE!!

SR timeskip mostly consists of Kakashi escaping his medic, making Obito panic, and bonding with the ROOT minions (this involves a lot of spitting on Danzo’s grave TBH. They all find it v. therapeutic.) The worst of the poison’s effects are being mitigated by Genma’s antidotes and Kabuto’s treatments but that’s just a delaying tactic to prevent total system shutdown so Team Ne really needed to hurry the fuck up.

Obito is A Mess b/c Zetsu/Danzo were just using him to hit Kakashi (just like the Iwa-nin who took Kakashi’s eye and you know that means something more to an Uchiha than the standard shinobi but Obito can't fix the poison damage from progressing though spontaneous organ donation.) Kakashi keeps Obito distracted and busy growing a fortified encampment for all his adorable new minions. Genma and Raido are just glad not to have the terrifying Uchiha powerhouse threatening to turn them inside out every 10 minutes thanks muchly.

Captain Wolf has already managed to take over as the focus of the ROOT agent’s personality cult. Obito is now the leading member of the Kakashi fan club (b/c Tenzo is off on the SR at the time, nat.) Genma and Raido are Concerned b/c Kakashi hasn’t been emotionally stable since he was 6 y/o there’s no way him being a role model for 100 brainwashed baby assassins will end well.

Anko thinks everything is hysterical and she’s so glad she stuck her nose in where it wasn’t wanted this is better than Icha Icha. Izumi’s just happy someone got her away from Danzo before he could fuck up her head/mess with her eyes too much. (This was the most horrible side effect of her betrothal to Itachi being announced how did Danzo even get her out of the compound FFS?)

11th hour arrival by Team Ne with the antidote means Rin, Genma, Kabuto, Obito, and Tenzo are all v. busy when the Uchiha/Senju combo team find the Konoha camp.

So then Kakashi wakes up after being cured and there’s more weirdness b/c Obito has both his eyes but Kakashi’s left eye is still red and works like a Sharingan but it isn’t a sharingan obvs. but they still share a field of vision and Obito’s left eye is silver when the sharingan is turned off and Rin is 100% done with both of them defying medical convention. There is a lot of head scratching and pointing of fingers before they hug it out is what I’m saying.

Team Ne thinks this is adorable and super romantic and the entire camp ships it so hard you have no idea. I might make this Rin Demi-Ace b/c then her crush on 9 y/o Kakashi when she’s 13 is much more understandable. (A squish just fits better to the situation IMHO.) Also ace!Rin would 100% be the one to join forces with bb!Kabuto to create (recreate? precreate?) Orochimaru’s test-tube-baby no jutsu in the WCE.

SRTS IS DONE NOW YAY NOW TO FUCK WITH THE FOUNDERS

Raido is A Wall and he never anticipated using his ANBU training to waylay the 1st and 2nd Hokage WTF is even his life but Teamwork! and TWOF means Standing Strong even if Uchiha Madara is Scary AF wow and Raido thought seeing Fugaku-dono walk into a room was bad.

Kakashi is cured (yay!) and also gets to arrive dramatically on the scene of confrontation and verbally bitchslap everyone into calming TF down b/c I Have A Headache And I’m Tired Of Your Shit. Rabidly overprotective ObiRin are rabid and overprotective. Also Obito is super Uncanny Valley b/c he looks just like Madara and Tobirama is busy having a heart attack b/c this “Captain” person has Itama’s eyes (red and grey) and Tenzo has Mokuton and is maybe reminding him too much of Kawarama and also Itachi has the same grump lines as Madara and Shisui has Izuna’s smile.

Yeah so everyone from the WCE is pretty much convinced that their “dead” siblings were kidnapped instead and the large number of Clan children Danzo kidnapped for ROOT doesn’t actually do much except convince them they’re right. Kakashi OFC decides to play along WTF you giant troll and what the Captain says goes so the tiny minions aren’t arguing and Genma’s like FFS it’s the WCE I want to live agree with the terrifying figures of legend already you idiots.

Note that at this point Obito is still gaslighted to believe that Madara wants world peace and no wars ever and irony at it’s best is that this iteration of Madara is still at the point in his life where he actually does still have solid moral objections to children dying b/c their Clan Leaders can’t keep a fucking peace treaty. So yeah.

Tobirama and Madara are in raptures over their “little brothers” still being alive and also found. Obito is v. affectionate b/c he “remembers” Madara. Shisui is also super cuddly. Itachi mostly just stares and is confused by human interaction. Kakashi is Fierce and nearly feral and makes Hashirama cry a bit and Tobirama is So Mad b/c Itama was a gentle boy what happened and Tenzo was Kinoe until literally just last week and he’s v. much not the happy kid Kawarama was.

So much jealousy when Kakashi lets Obito cuddle him. Kakashi Ignores Them and just keeps commanding everyone around while being princess carried by the homicidal Uchiha. Which... Obito having Mouton confuses the Senju team so much but Hashirama is so excited b/c Tenzo (”Kawarama!” / “My name is Tenzo, Senju-dono.”) has Mokuton too and now he has people to practice with!

So that whole thing where the Senju and the Uchiha HATE each other b/c dead kids gets massively derailed like whoa b/c look they’re alive and also someone else has been playing silly buggers to make all the Clans keep doing the War Things so. So the Senju and the Uchiha still don’t like each other much but they hate ROOT more. Zetsu circa. WCE finds it 111% impossible to manipulate things from behind the scenes b/c They’re On To Him.

So Konoha gets founded like 10 to 15 years earlier than in canon b/c none of the Konoha-nin are willing to leave their Captain and also strength in numbers b/c someone’s been stealing our babies is really up there so far as motivation to maintain cordial relations with other Ninja Clans goes. Other Clans joining Konoha happens both faster and with more issues b/c ROOT kids are many things but normally socialized is not one of them.

Do I hate Kakashi enough to make him Shodaime? TBH it’d be hella funny and the other Nations Are Not Prepared for trolling on Kakashi’s level even if it’s just baby troll Kakashi.

POLITICS and ninja diplomacy ensue.

TBH I just wanna see Tobirama slam Madara up against a wall and fuck him crosseyed. Hashirama was Not Emotionally Prepared to realize that his little brothers and their libidos were already acquainted. Izuna decides that Itachi is his favourite b/c Itachi’s the only one not fucking a Senju. (Joke’s on him though b/c both polyamory and Senju Toka are things that exist.)

Endgame is for TobiMada, ObiKakaRin, ShiTen, MitoHashi, TokaIzuKanna (Kanna is my OC stand-in for Izuna’s unnamed canonical wife), ItaIzumi, GenRai. Not sure that it’s much important b/c Romance not really a major plot point and also Kakashi is 14 y/o through this whole thing but also ninja mature quick so maybe it’s more important that I think it’s gonna be? I dunno whatevs guys that’s all I’ve got except for maybe some timestamps later.

TA DAH THE END!!

Anyway yeah, I needed to get this written down somewhere b/c it would not Leave Me Alone while I was trying to write other things. 

[melchixr]

Association to Get Georg Zirschnitz his First Kiss (and Help Out Melchior Along the Way)

if you're taking requests (((I always am btw))) well i found these two prompts for melchior and moritz (modern au): I suggested we play spin the bottle so i could kiss you, but now everyone else is kissing you except me - or - I meant to grab the popcorn, not your crotch, sorry

C u T E F I C. I wrote a fic like this for another fandom i was in a while ago but that never saw the light of day so here we go! Based off of my first shitty house party

Warning: Alcohol, smoking

Words:1754

The “Association to Get Georg Zirschnitz his First Kiss” began at the beginning of the year, when he got into Melitta’s car after the big homecoming game and refused to even make eye contact the whole way home.

It wasn’t that there was any lack of trying. Georg wanted that kiss more than he wanted most basic human needs. It was the lack of any skill when it came to getting that kiss.

And thus,  the Association to Get Georg Zirschnitz his First Kiss, or the A.G.G.Z.H.F.K., was formed. And with the glorious co-leadership of Melchior and Hanschen, they were still unsuccessful in their original mission seven months later.

With summer coming up, the group could practically taste senior year.  And taste the bitter bitter flavor of panic.

“Don’t you worry, cohort,” Hanschen assured the group chat that was similar to their other group chat except without Georg. “Wendla’s sister is having a party this weekend. It will happen then. Our boy’s getting his kiss before senior year.”

That weekend came, of course, and Georg still had no clue what the A.G.G.Z.H.F.K.’s plan was. But neither did the A.G.G.Z.H.F.K.

Wendla’s sister, who no one seemed to quite know the name of, graduated a year ago. But she was known for having killer parties and a boyfriend who was twenty-one. And a rumor floating around that she got pregnant with the pastor’s son. But that was neither confirmed nor denied.

They wound up in the unnamed sister’s basement that saturday with a small crowd of other people their age that Wendla’s sister let her invite. All the cool sorta adults were upstairs, drinking the good alcohol and listening to the good music. While the gross high schoolers were downstairs, passing around poorly rolled joints, drinking the remnants of Smirnoff and Fireball that they were given.

Ilse had made the mistake to bring a bottle of cheap wine that her cool hipster friends gave her when she moved out of her parents house. And the other mistake was to willingly give it to Hanschen, who had been drinking it straight from the whole bottle all night.

“Hey hey hey!” He announced in a booming voice. His hair was disheveled and his neck was covered in hickies from making out with Ernst in the corner of the room the whole night. Not to mention the denim jacket he came in was now stained with some sort of dark alcohol and hanging off of Ernst’s small frame. “I got a fucking plan! Who wants to play spin the fucking bottle?!”

The little groups of teens looked at him then muttered with one another. No one moved until Hanschen’s free hand swung out and caught Georg on the arm, who had shoved himself into the corner sipping on some generic mixed drink with otto. He was obviously the most sober one here by far. “Georg wants to do it! Don’t you, Gay-orgy?”

A few party-goers giggled at the shocked look on Georg’s face, but still didn’t move. Finally Melchior jumped to hit feet, up from where he sat on a couch between Thea and Melitta. “Hansi….” he hissed and tugged his ‘’’’best friend’’’’ aside.  “What are you doing?”

“I’m bringing to life the vision of the A.G.G.Z.H.F.K.” he announced with a never minor sur that made their official name sound like a sneezing sound. He saw the amber-eyed  glare looking down at him so he quickly whispered. “Listen. If you let me do this, we can get Stiefel involved.”

“Get me what now?”

Melchior turned on his heel to see, standing at the bottom of the basement stairs. He had a lit cigarette in one hand and his bomber jacket that Melchior wrote about in his diary thrown over his shoulder. The sight nearly made his little pretentious heart stop. “Moritz!” He stammered to the boy he had been having wet dreams about since he was in seventh grade. “I didn’t think you’d be there.”

“Ilse invited me,” He nodded and blew out a big puff of smoke that hurt Melchior’s lungs to look at but for some reasons made him want to breathe it in. “Now what did you want?”

“Mor-Mor! Love of my little life! I haven’t seen you since chemistry! You were the best lab partner I’ve ever had!” Hanschen, hammered, yelled to the disinterested boy. “ Do you wanna play spin the bottle with us?”

There was an awkward pause before Moritz shrugged and threw his jacket onto the couch where Martha and Ilse were sitting. “Sure. Why not?”

With a loud cheer, Hanschen tossed a very horrified looking Ernst the bottle, with the last few drops putting another stain on the jacket. “Ladies and gents, Let’s get CRAY-ZAY!”

The others wandered towards the center of the room cautiously, still worried to look uncool in the crowd of the uncoolest kids in the school. Melchior seized Hanschen’s arm before he could join the forming circle on the ground. “What the hell is your plan.”

“Simple,” he said a bit too loudly. “Get Georg that first kiss and then you can get those sweet sweet Moritz lips.”

“There’s like ten people in here. What’s the chances that’s gonna happen?”

Hanschen scoffed and sat in the circle of buzzed teens, pulling Melchior to the empty spot beside him. “Then we go until we do! Now who’s ready to get this party started! Ilse, Ernst, Melchi, Anna, I assume you’re all ok with kissing the same gender. Moritz I’m getting the vibes from the nail polish that you are too. Everyone else, you’re drunk enough to right? Right!”

It was calm at first. With the casual jeering from Hanschen, it was in a calm order. Hanschen to Martha. Ilse to Anna. Martha to Ernst. Then the cycle finally arrived to Moritz, who had the most mischievous smirk.

‘Please land on me, please land on me, please land on-’

Hanschen.

“Oh lucky day!” Hanschen squealed and leaned over, hardcore tongue kissing Moritz in the center of the circle.

It continued a bit longer. Thea to Otto. Otto to Ernst. When it landed on Georg, a very sweaty hand span the bottle. Frightened eyes watched as it slowly pointed to Melitta.

“Hmm!” the girl cooed and patted down her mane of fluffy curls. Her cheeks were a light shade of pink as she shyly leaned over. “Wish me luck…”

Georg looked like he was going to respond but his statement was cut off by Melitta’s lips on his. A very content sound came from him, muffled by the overjoyed cheers of the A.G.G.Z.H.F.K.

“Good one, dude!” Otto cried out and patted his best friend’s back as he was still mid kiss.

‘Good one,’ Melchior thought to himself. ‘Now let’s get to what really matters.’

After the groundbreaking smooch, Georg and Melitta both took a step back to go out to the back porch to ‘talk’ and the game continued. Wendla to Thea. Anna to Martha. Finally Melchior got to spin with hope in his heart.

‘Please land on him, please land on him, please land on-”

Thea.

God fucking damnit.

The game was dull when it wasn’t on either of them.

Hanschen span, landing on Ernst which was not fair. Also not fair for everyone who watches them mouth fuck on a daily basis.

Ilse to Moritz. Doesn’t matter. Doesn’t matter. Doesn’t matter. Doesn’t matter. Moritz. Moritz. Moritz Moritz.

Moritz landed on Wendla.

This game was fucking rigged.  Totally rigged. Beyond rigged. Five cycles in, Melchior had kissed Otto, Hanschen, Anna, Martha, Thea twice, and Ernst three times. Still no Moritz.

And Moritz had kissed literally every person in the fucking circle besides Melchior. “Jesus Christ,” He hissed after a Moritz kissed Otto for the second time. “This is so ridiculous.”

“What is?” Wendla asked in the sweetest voice possible. “Is something wrong Melchi?”

Melchior just stood, finally drunk enough to loudly state. “I’ve been sitting here all night trying to put my tongue in the mouth of the one person who I can’t make out with!”

For a second the room was quiet, everyone uncomfortably shifting eyes and muttering to one another that “Gabor is hammered”. This continued through a few seconds before Moritz sighed slowly and stood up.

“Well, this is embarrassing,” Moritz chuckled and approached the other young boy. “I thought your goal was just to get Georg his first kiss.”

“HOW DID YOU KNOW?!” Hanschen shouted before Thea shushed him and went back to watching the soap opera that was going on above him.

Moritz shrugged as if it wasn’t anything. “Literally everyone knows.”

“This isn’t my first kiss, Moritz.”

Laughing, Moritz realized that they had been creeping ever closer this whole time and he could smell the alcohol on Melchior’s face. “How drunk are you right now?”

“Very. But I’m gonna remember this,” He whispered and only hesitated for a moment more before planting a head on either side of Moritz’s head and yanking him into a kiss.

It was sloppy and passionate and Moritz’s nose was bumping into Melchior’s and Melchior’s hand was blindly grasping at Moritz’s hip but goddamnit if it wasn’t the most wonderful thing to happen in that tiny basement.

A few of their classmates cheered at the sight while the two men exchanged saliva in the center of the circle. Hanschen was literally shrieking at the top of his lungs and rolling on the ground. Ilse had reached up and patted Melchior’s ass in a “there there” sort of way.

Finally, Moritz broke apart from the kiss to breathe heavily. His snow white face cracked a smile and looked around at the group staring up at them with wonder to see what happens next.

“How drunk are you right now?” Melchior muttered and wiped the spit off of his face. Yet he couldn’t wipe away the dumb grin and vibrant pink blush.

Moritz’s hands stayed planted on Melchior’s chest. “I’m not at all. You’re gonna text me right?”

[metavanaj]

My first big piece of assessment

Preface: So this was part of my first piece of assessment, for the end of semester. All the other stuff prior to this was just writing exercises compiled into a “portfolio”, which hey I might share some of here. However for this, we had to hand in a poem (no longer than 2 pages) and a short story (1500-2000 words). So this is the short story. Title is a little on the nose but it’s probably one of the best pieces of writing I’ve poured time into. Enjoy…I guess. 

PS - I failed the Intro subject so I have no clue if this is actually any good but hey, I’ve never been one for summarising the worth of a piece, or someone’s ability to do something, into a single number. BTW, this has not been edited since I submitted it; it may not be grammatically perfect.

Title: Girl kills Boy because Girl felt like it.

I never thought my first time would feel like...like this.

The moon was gleaming through the kitchen window, highlighting the scene that should be gross. I didn’t find it gross, though. The moon’s light reflected off the broad stainless steel knife and back into the otherwise calming night. I awkwardly shuffled closer, to really take the sight the in.  His chest was heaving lethargically; his once golden brown glazed skin was now a more meagre shade. That was probably the blood loss, though. His lustrous mop of black curls were matted now with the viscous blood; it slowly crept along the kitchen floor. The red actually contrasted really nicely against the black and white tiles. He twitched every so often; an eerie reminder that he wasn’t quite dead yet but boy, was he taking his time getting there. His eyes were wide open in fear, petrified; as if the act of getting stabbed was playing on repeat in his mind. He kept gasping, like he was incredibly thirsty. It looked like he was trying to say something. I crouched down to the floor. I could feel my heart racing in excitement; a little smile snuck it’s way onto my face. This is the closest I have been since, you know...I put a kitchen knife into his abdomen. Ah, he was trying to say something. “Mi-che-lle”, he said, punctuating each syllable with a desperate wheeze, “Mi-che-lle.” I was going to say something back but I couldn’t think of anything so I just preemptively shut myself up before I said anything stupid.

Now you’re probably thinking: “God, this Michelle sounds awful; she must be some psycho killer or something”. I’m like, not, ok, jeez. That’s just sick. See, I’ve just had this ‘morbid curiosity’, as I like to call it. I’ve always just want to see someone die, in the flesh. For as long as I can remember, I’ve just had so many questions about murders, death and stuff. Like what’s it feel like? Is dying quick? Is it the sensation like flicking a light switch on then off or is it more like a slow, gradual fade? You know, just real existential stuff. Except I was not going to go all pretentious emo and like, try to kill myself to find this all out. But that’s for quitters. So I’m in my senior year, this year, and I’m like, right: I’ve got to kill someone. It’s pretty much now or never. Although, saying you’re going to kill someone and actually doing it are two completely separate things. Murder takes a lot of effort and planning, as I found out, but I managed. I mean, I made this far, haven’t I? When I first starting concocting my cheeky little scheme, believe it or not, the biggest setback was figuring just who I was going to kill...

Who

Initially, I was like ‘oh my god yes, time to off a bitch’, because I have beef with a lot, and I mean, a lot of people. For example, I was really thinking of offing this bitch, McKenzie, as somehow she got the cheer squad over and above me, but I couldn't. She was kinda my best friend so that’d totally give me away. Then, there was Chad, sweet Chad. He straight up cheated on me. Sure, we had broken up at the time but we always intended getting back together - well, at least that’s what I thought. He clearly didn’t care about me, about us. Those two were just the worst of them, though. There were just so many to choose from. However, they were all to obvious. They would set me up with motive; my candidate would have to be more seemingly random and then it hit me. No, he literally hit me. I was on my way to Biology, when the dingus wasn’t watching where he was going and I walked straight into Miguel. He’s absolutely gorgeous though, so all was forgiven. He had moved from somewhere in South America, I can’t pronounce, and he started here at the beginning of senior year. “Uh... hello. Sorry, Miss”, I remember him saying to me, as he nervously scrambled for my books. Back then, Miguel thought you had to call all girls, ‘Miss’. Ah, fond times those were. It was then as I watched this exotic adonis grovel at my feet did I come to the realisation. I was going to kill this pretty foreign boy and I knew exactly how I was going to do it...

How

Ever since I made up my mind about this whole ordeal, I’ve kind of been fantasising just how I would ‘do the deed’. To be honest, I used to daydream about it all the time in class. At first, I was thinking quick and efficient: just shoot him, right? Well, that kind of seemed barbaric and not at all to intimate. Bang, and it’s over - it just wasn’t the answer to all my questions. Then, I was thinking, what about something like a wood-chipper or chainsaw? Then that’s just the opposite problem - it would take too long. I like Miguel; I think he’s alright. If I hadn’t chosen him, I could totally see a future with him, or something. I didn’t really want the guy to suffer; I just needed him to die, simple and clean. I racked my brains for weeks, just trying to come up with the perfect method but they all ended up being too elaborate. It took my forever but I finally came up with a solution: I’m just going to stab him. It’s a little derivative, I know, but I believe it’s a happy balance of not being too quick and painful. I reckon I can still get what I need from the experience. That and like, knives are so easy to procure and require no prior setup. Sometimes, the simplest solution is the most elegant solution. Nonetheless though, that was the easy part. I still had to figure out just when I was going to kill Miguel…

When

When. When, when, when. When! Ugh, the word, actually haunted me, for the longest time. Did you know, you’re never actually alone? No, like truly alone. See, I’ve hooked up with Miguel a few times, so I guess, he’s my boyfriend now. So that’s perfect scenario to get him alone, right? Nope. Like, when we did it under the bleachers, there was some stupid football match going on at the same time; not an ideal stabbing situation. I took him home once, when the house was completely empty, and I lead him up to my bedroom. Closing the door, I remember thinking to myself: “Yes, this is it!”. We were in the middle of getting hot and heavy and I began reaching for the knife I has stashed under my pillow, for such an occasion. Just as I was about to whip it out, I heard Wheel of Fortune flick on down in the living room - my damned parents had come home early, too early. Sadly, I didn’t get the penetration I was looking then. For months afterwards, I had so many near-perfect scenarios, only to be so rudely disrupted, every time. That is, until the perfect opportunity presented itself to me. Prom. Ok, not prom itself but the prom after-party. I have no idea how but my next neighbor, Kelsey, was somehow popular enough to be the grade’s appointed host for the massive after-party. And I mean, massive too; half the freaking school ends up showing to these things. It’s the only party worth looking forward to. And that weekend, my parents had planned a romantic getaway, or something - I don’t think they were too fond of the idea of a couple hundred drunk and high teenagers hanging out in such proximity. I knew, just knew that night was going to be the night.  The plan was to loosen Miguel up with a bit of booze, at the after-party, and then lure him to my place. It was a real shame I was so hung up on this ‘killing’ thing - prom was just perfect. My dress was drop-dead gorgeous and I had some impressive tall, dark and handsome man around my arm. We even slow danced to ‘Teardrops on My Guitar’ - my absolute favourite song. However, the entire time my mind was on the task at hand. The dance ended at 10 and we headed to the penultimate piss-up of the year: the prom after-party.  So just how did I lure Miguel away, from the party of the year? Actually, that part was incredibly easy - all I had to do was whisper something dirty in Miguel’s ear and he was like sweaty, adolescent putty in my hands. Finally, I would get the chance, I’d been looking for. And that’s how we got to where we are now…

Just beforehand, I had awkwardly said to Miguel, “I don’t think I can make it upstairs,” God, that had sounded pretty slutty but it was the only way to keep in the kitchen with, you know, all the knives. Luckily, he wasn’t going to be alive to remember that desperate one-liner. We then started eagerly  undressing in the kitchen. Miguel was in too much of a horny daze to realise that what I had lead him into was clearly a trap. But that’s enough reminiscing, I think he’s finally going to do it. Die, I mean. His breathing pattern had drastically slowed. His eyes still had a look of desperation that was freaking me out. Weren’t they supposed to close or something? No, wait - I do that after he’s done. And then, it happened. I saw it. He was dead, finally, dead. Just like someone flicking off a light…but they’re dead. I let the moment, try and wash over me but I... I felt nothing, empty even. I just felt limp, emotionally and spiritually; a little disappointed, actually. Was I supposed to feel some kind of high, now? Develop a god complex, or something? Had my psyche been tainted, now? Nope. None of my questions were answered. Worse yet, I felt the exact same as before the act. Deep down in the pit of my stomach, I knew this just wasn’t how I was supposed to feel. Clearly, I didn’t do it right…

I should do it again.