#but 2/4 tend to be high cost and no way is Spider-Man going to be high cost

[generalb]

I don’t think wizards will do a marvel magic set anytime soon, but you do realize that if they ever make Spider-Man a magic card they have to give him Menace

Edit: they actively announced a marvel collab exactly 7 days ago, an entire week. I am the entire circus and it’s ringmaster

[heisen-shrine]

So I thought of something fun yesterday while I was playing Magic with my best friend. I haven't played the game in a long time but the single match I played with him seriously sparked the idea:

What if the Lords of Resident Evil Village geeked out one night and played Magic the gathering? What would their decks be like? Why would they choose the colors they do and what sort of strategies would they use? Keep in mind this is all fan speculation and just done for fun. That being said, let's check this out!

Alcina

Colors: green, blue, and white

Pretty much to everyone's surprise she doesn't use vampires in her deck. However she has a shit load of low cost elves, just to hold you over until she can get her big stuff out. She uses green for the effects of trample, reach, and some lifelink. Enchantments are mostly for their power ups, add more mana, or to turn mana into temporary creatures.

Blue is the color of no, you're actually not gonna do that and Alcina exploits the ever loving fuck out of this. This woman has counters for days and will not hesitate to use them. She does it partly for trolling and partly to keep her opponent from attacking while she's getting her bigger monsters out on the field. She actually has a wall that if she blocks with it your creature is more or less frozen and you can't use it as long as it's on the field. As far as creatures go in blue she really likes drakes and Nagas.

As far as white, she has three uses for it: healing her points, making tokens, and power ups for her monsters. As far as monsters go in this regard, she loves flying creatures because unless you have reach or another flyer, you cant block them. This annoys ans frustrates the hell out of players.

Downside: snowballing effect. You'll see this a lot with the lords, actually with the exception of maybe one. If you can get her points down early in the game before she gets her bigger green monsters out, you should be all set. Flyers and reachers are are must have if you're gonna take her on, also don't be afraid to counter her counters to ensure victory. Good luck!

2. Donna

Colors: green and black

Donna is a little more humble of a player. Relatively new to the game, she likes her decks to be simple and effective. Of the lords she's probably the easiest to beat...but...if she let's Angie play, you better bend over and pray to whatever deity you believe in because this doll may thrash you into oblivion if you're not ready. We'll talk about her in a minute.

Black is the color of high risk and high reward. It's a color that surprised the others when she started using it, as she doesn't seem to be the ballsy type. As far effects go, she enjoys the abilities of death touch and lifelink. She'll also take any chance on trying to bring one of her precious creatures back from the dead. She is not afraid to sacrifice her own life points in order to do this, which may work in your favor.

As far green goes, she also likes elves but any creature with forest walk or swamp walk is also a good thing in her books. So if you're a fellow Green or black player, good luck with blocking. As far as enchantments go for green, power ups and square up cards for days. Donna will power up her beasts and make them fight one of your own just to reduce your numbers and will do so gladly.

Downside: it's not a necessarily powerful deck. While it can be hard to be block, her monsters tend to be on the weaker side of don't really hit hard...however...

*Angie

Colors: every. Single. One. Even colorless.

That's right: this doll is not afraid to use fucking eldrazis and will do so with the biggest smile on her face. She also collects slivers...for fun. Of course she does. Angie's deck is an absolute chaotic mess from the outside looking in. To her opponents it looks like a mess and sheer nonsense, but through sheer power of absolute will, Angie usually pulls through with a win and on top of that will take your best card for wasting her time. She has stolen cards from the other lords and will keep doing so because deep down she's a card hoarder and her switchboard is actually as big her deck. It's terrifying. She's able to change the color of most of her creatures to colorless and of course the creatures of her opponents. She also uses some artifact creatures just for flavor.

Downside: this is an absolute nightmare deck to go up against, however she's made one serious mistake: her mana. Angie has surprisingly low mana and will either mana screw or mana flood herself. As scary as it is, the deck is a snowballer and it will take a while to come to its full power.

3. Salvatore

Colors: blue, black, green

Is anyone really surprised that this dude is a blue player primarily? If you thought Alcina was a master troll when it comes to counters, oh hell no. Sal will happily give her a run for her money. Lots of counters, lots of freezing effects, and at least one card that gives him the ability to take two turns. He also likes the cards that allow him to see some cards in his deck and then allow him to shuffle if things aren't going favorably. As for creatures, he adores leviathans and krakens, but also loves the tough as nails merfolk.

Black, as we established before, is a high risk high reward color, but Sal primarily uses it for the creatures with death touch, lifelink, and flying thrown in for flavor. As for enchantments, expect a lot of life points lost and a lot of exiles/discarding. He will use these abilities without hesitation or remorse.

Green is the color of enormous and numerous and Sal lives up to that expectation. He has a few smaller animal creatures to hold his opponent off while he gets his bigger stuff out. Some of his creatures have lifelink and forest walk, and some others have reach. He powers up his creatures and floods his side of the field with token creatures. If you're not careful or fast working enough, you could be staring down a big army of beast tokens very quickly.

Downside: snowballing effect...by a long shot. This deck is big and it has big creatures in it. Sal tends to either mana screw or mana flood himself. In times like these, time is of the essence. If you have creatures with haste, you're actually at an advantage, good job. If you're gonna take a shot at Sal, make it count. Strike fast and strike hard before he gets the leviathans out.

4. Karl

Colors: all of them (used to be red primarily, then red blue and green)

I'm a little biased here admittedly because I love Karl and I want him to be great at something besides being a weapon for Miranda. That being said, he will not hesitate to wipe the floor with your ass if you come off as a snotty cock sucker. If you're new to the game he won't annihilate you as hard, but he'll still beat you. You just won't wind up in the negatives.

Karl took a look at Angie's deck and was like, well I'm gonna take this idea and tame it. And holy shit did it work.

Red is the color of aggression. It's a strike fast and strike hard color. It's the color of burn, and burn you shall indeed. All of his red creatures have haste, meaning he can hit you with them when they come out. While the other colors have summoning sickness, red for Karl absolutely does not. He doesn't have time for that mess. Enchantments will basically allow him to destroy your mana, steal it, or go after your points directly. He won't hesitate to do this. At all.

Blue is the no! Color. And damn does Karl say no a lot. He likes the sort of enchantments that allow him to see into his deck or his opponents hand so that way he knows what to do next. As far as creatures go, he exploits the ever loving fuck out of island walk, since almost everyone uses blue. This makes it very hard to block him. If you're a primary blue player good luck.

Green- green is for reachers and lifelink. It's also really good for getting mana out very quickly. He has a couple spiders with death touch and at least one huge basilisk. Enchantments are for getting more lands out, and strengthening his creatures.

White- White is the color of spam for Karl. He'll make an army of token creatures just to throw them at you until your deck no longer functions. He also has at least two flyers, and one really big wall for blocking. Enchantments are usually power ups, or healing his life points.

Black: black is mostly for death touch, and swamp walk. There's also some lifelink thrown in for flavor. He loves nightmare creatures, and even has some vampires to throw at lady super sized bitch (hey at least he's not above using them!). He's also the only lord to use a planeswalker: vraska, the scheming gorgon. And yes all the lords hate him for it.

Downside: mana. Getting mana on the field for him is actually pretty hard. If he starts with anything besides red, you may have a chance to take him down early. If you have any haste creatures or enchantments that offer haste, for God's sake use it. If you have any creatures with any of the mana walks, you're in luck, in that case he can't block you at all. It's a major weakness he didn't think of. Do not let his vraska get to ten or you're a dead man, quite literally.

So I hope you guys enjoyed that because I seriously thought that was fun. I may do one of these for Miranda or even for the Dimitrescu sisters if you really want me to. Have fun yall, and happy gaming!

[rogue-hammer]

ENTRY #2: ELDAR (PART 1)

“I watched the Forging of the Widow Makers, the 12 swords of Kaine, I watched as one was stolen and hidden far away.”

Eldar. The ancient Race, one time masters of the Galaxy and Seers without equal.

ELVES IN SPACE! SPACE….Space….space…

Believe it or not there is quite the history to this race outside of the typical hum drum of being the most powerful psykers, or, dumbasses who gave birth to Slaanesh. The history of the Eldar and their varied kin goes all the way back to Rogue Trader, and their lore has seen many an interesting tale told. The question is, do you have what it takes to make something out of it all?

Will you follow the Path of Asuryani?

Become a Exodite?

Mayhap an Outcast?

Or have you followed the path of Damnation?

#1 Study the history and model scope of the Eldar

As much as I love poking fun at any Knife ear, and their fans, I admit to a love of how otherworldly GW have made the Eldar over the years.

Going all the way back to the RT era, when the eldar where mostly but Corsairs and Enigmatic Xenos who seemed to materialize from the ether and sow discord for some unknowable reason, to the Golden Era of GW where these space elves where given a giant and truly inspiring background of triumph, a fall, loss, and desperate measures taken to keep their now dying race alive in the face of a hostile Galaxy.

For this reason I suggest to anyone interested in Eldar as a faction, to go back in time and visit some old books and codexes, as well as the classical ranges of minis.

Eldar once looked the part of eerie and almost frightening Alien creatures from a time before man crawled forth from his birthworld.

#2 Throw out the meta

First things first. Many of us probably grew up knowing the Eldar in their Post 2nd ed form. From 3rd ed’s chopped down Codex, to the easily abused expansion, and finally culminating in the 4th/5th ed incarnation of what has basically been the Eldar mold in modern times.

Hordes of Aspect warriors, spam grav tanks, spam Wraith-units, Spam Psykers and yes now a days, Spam Wraith Knights.

Or if you lean to the dark side, ummm Spam Raiders. Yeah just, Spam Raiders.

To put it blunt, Eldar meta is probably the most boring of all git-tastic play styles in the game of 40k, challenged perhaps only by Tau.

Throw it out. Read the lore. Apply it.

Eldar don’t have Hordes of ravening Aspect warriors to send in waves at their opponents.

Raiders are cool, if you can afford to have them and risk losing them in a raid. And your not likely to toss your most veteran Kalabite warriors into an attritional grind against Mon’kei gaurdsmen.

Wraith constructs are a nigh unthinkable resource to ever waste, and oh yeah did we mention not every fucking Eldar Force takes an Avatar of Khaine as it requires a heavy cost in order to even summon one of those things?

The Aldaeri have an interesting and sophisticated way of waging war, and they have highly advanced tech and powers in order to over come their foes, even if your actually trying to put some theme into it.

Lets discuss some interesting ways to look at your Eldar, seperating them into the 2 official factions, as well as ways to whip up an Exodite army or Corsair force.

#3 Craftworld Eldar.

Craftworld eldar are the main stay of the Aldaeri race, and the one lots of people tend to flock to when it comes time to game. And why not? Aspect warriors? Wraith Constructs? Tons of psykers and Autarchs? Whats not to like?

So how does one go about making a CW Eldar army worthy of a true hobbiest?

First things first, find a theme that digs deep into the lore. Are you;

-A Craftworld Defense force, using the might of your titanic space fairing world’s militia forces to fight off attackers. Squads of Guardians/Storm Guardians, backed by mobile weapons platforms and War Walkers. Your troops sailing into combat aboard Wave serpents and Viper Attack craft, all under the covering fire of punishing Heavy weapons platforms? Remember that all Eldar serve in the defense of their CW, and guardian and basic military based tech in an Eldar army is still some of the best around ( The best in certain editions).

-A Specialized Craftworld force, highly trained in a certain area of combat? Crack open the old 3rd ed Codex Craftworlds sup. And find some excellent ways to theme an army based off the major worlds, or perhaps mix and match certain styles in order to create your own world, with a unique color scheme, heraldry and history streching back to the fall, or even farther. House rule in the various advantages and limits of the old CW sup. And enjoy playing with the different styles of balance. (Just do your friends a solid, don’t abuse it.)

-A Doomed host heading into the Eye of Terror? Many CW Eldar have made the perilous if not downright suicidal journey into the Eye. Within that hellish realm, the Crone Worlds lay, the ancient now consumed home worlds of the eldar. Within them are many secrets, Spirit stones and other relics the Eldar greatly desire to have returned to them. Is your army such a quest? A brave Warrior Autarch, or Visionary Farseer having gathered those warriors of the Aspect temples to fight through the horrors of Chaos and retrieve something of unimaginable value?

-The Fist of Asuryani mayhap? The biggest and most powerful weapons the Eldar can bring to bear, hammering their opponents into submission by sheer might of their advanced fire power? Fire Dragons and Dark Reapers scorching the earth and slagging enemy armor, while Prism tanks and War Walkers streak and sprint ahead unleashing salvos of lance and Shuriken firepower into the enemy ranks. Batteries of Heavy Platforms annihilating units from a distance all the while the ground infantry providing cover support to your valuable aspect squads.

-Perhaps the Quick Death is all you need. After all what is more fast and fleet than the Eldar? Eldar on fast moving grav vehicles of course! Jetbikes and Vipers, Falcon tanks combined with the Shining Spear Cavalry and swift Swooping Hawk and Shadow Specter Aspect warriors to run circles about your slower more primitive opponents, cutting and blasting them to pieces before they have a chance to react.

-Maybe you watched Predator one too many times and have a thing for Stalking and killing your enemy from the Shadows or from unexpected angles. The hidden strike is a component suited to the crafty Eldar race, able to hit opponents with Striking Scorpions and teleporting Warp Spiders. Speedy hard to hit Harlequins and deep striking Autarchs and Hawks can be used to to tie down valuable enemy units while Rangers pick off targets of value from the safety of range and cover.

However you manage it, always remember that the eldar war machine is a finely crafted tool, with all units having a value within the force, not just the big OP units that so many others enjoy spamming.

Choosing a backdrop for your army is an easy way to find what units to select for thematic purposes, from Militia, to Seer guardians, Maiden World security forces to simple insertion armies meant to retrieve something stolen by lesser races or eliminate a target of future threat seen by the visions of the seer councils or Lost Wraith Engines on a distant barren world, awakened by a roaming warlock and his followers. Any unit in your army can become a core idea for your force’s history and reason for fighting. Thats the beauty of an army whose whole design is one of unique characteristics and fighting styles.

#4 DARK ELDAR

The Dark Kin, The Damned Path, The Drukari.

Dark Eldar are certainly a far cry from their CW kin, yet they have lost none of the potency and ancient power of their race, and indeed are far more arrogant and vicious.

However, different as though they may be, finding a unique concept in the Dark Eldar may come with a bit of a challenge.

In the earliest days of 40k, the Eldar where a unified faction, and in so much where a bit of a melting pot of all of what we see today across their various sub armies. The Dark Eldar seem to have been born out of GW’s need to mirror the High/Dark Elf style of WHF, and so sliced away the more destructive and often times treacherous and debased acts of the RT-2nd ed Eldar and formed a faction that, while having its own unique character is a bit on the smaller and often mashed together side. But there is unpicked fruit in the thorn covered garden of ideas for Dark Eldar. Lets have a look at ways you can theme and structure your own Kabal, Coven or Cult, or an unholy alliance of the three.

-A new Kabal rises: An excellent theme often over looked by most players is the concept of a new and young Kabal, lead by an aspiring Archon, only just starting to take his/her place in the dark city. This lends an interesting way to re-model an army and veer away from the typical spam of Elite warrior units and raider craft and focus more on the unique character of each unit. Basic Warriors making up the core of your force, backed up by the toughened meat shields of Wracks, sent into battle by a Haemonculus that has attached himself to this rising star. Meanwhile your Archon sits secure in his own personal Raider the only one at first in the army, directing the flow of battle as he sends in payed off Street gangs of Hellion riders and Scourges to do the work he himself would not dare put himself at risk for, waiting until the enemy is bruised and bloody before descending down from his craft to feast on the pain, guarded by alien mercenaries kept for ease of their greed and less ambitious minds.

-Mayhap you enjoy the idea of just going full gang? An entire force of wild eyed crazed Reavers, Hellions and Scourges mounting up on wings and craft, screeching across real space in thuggish raids to secure flesh and power to rise about the lower scum of the city streets. The various elements banding together for mutual greater gain before fighting over their spoils giving rise to powerful Leaders that take the street alliance higher and higher into the spires of the Dark City.

-If lowly gangs and young archons don’t suit, then perhaps Highborn power and elite warrior code is more the poison of choice. Few can match the ferocity and skill with a blade that the dark kin possess. An army that worships the blade, made of Incubi, Veteran Wyches, Succubus’ and maybe even a powerful Archon, much a Swordsmen in their own right as any proud member of the Incubi Temple. Holding to a code of seeking out the greatest challenge to sharpen their blades against, engaging enemies head on with raider and Venom craft to quickly close and slaughter their way to infamy and higher praise in the ranks, shunning the pathetic court intrigue and power plays of the  other Kabals and cults, seeking only gain and perfection through bloody handed combat and death. A good alternative to the often typical Wych cult raid.

-Or the More Esoteric route? Haemonculus covens are all well and good, but do even these twisted flesh shapers come close to delving into the darkness that lies within the heart of the dark city? From the depths may rise an even more infernal and mysterious force for you to command. Born of the Beast masters who bend the creatures of the warp to their will, and the dreaded Mandrakes, sinister daemonic dark eldar who creep from the shadows and snatch their victims away. Truly an army lead by a Coven leader, so immersed in the dark arts of arcane science and flesh would be a terrible enemy to all sane life. Unleashing webway portals in the hearts of peaceful worlds, or worse, the middle of crowded hive cities for the vile things of the dark kin to reap bloody carnage on, dragging victims back to the benighted realm for sacrifice and experimentation too horrible to consider.  

-Take to the air perhaps and rule the skies above worlds who fear the dread shadow of your lightening speed craft as it passes over. An army made of Raider, Ravager and Fighter/bomber craft, even it’s troops never setting foot on the ground except to reek carnage in it’s aftermath, once all has been pulverized by shockwaves of horrifying munitions and bombing runs, the enemy position reduced to smoking craters of gore and blinded wreck. Their ears ringing with the echoing screech of your craft’s engines as they sore across the grim skies.

-Or maybe the final and most deadly of all weapons. Fear. Does your army not even dine to soil its hands in the proud defenses of your enemies? Do they instead send forth the most hideous and perverse works of the dark kin to shatter the mind, and break the soul before the body is even touched? Floating Talos and Chronos pain engines, their sanity blasting bodies shrouded by the dark wings of Shrikes and raider craft filled with wracks and beastial creatures ready to be unleashed once the damage is done. Medusae and other strange contraptions born of the Dark Eldar’s crazed intellect striding alongside Archons wielding the most horrifying weapons to inflict the worst possible trauma on a foe.

To quote the 3rd ed. Dark Eldar Book. The Dark Eldar are not nice. Not nice at all.

When considering the theme and characteristic of your army, not unlike your CW Eldar, ask yourself, what is the history of each unit on the table? Then consider what perversity and malign goals have brought them forth. Then, multiply that by something ten times worse. Are even a thousand Imperial souls merely an appetizer for your Archon who has fallen to such depths of need he must draw out even the most simple act of pain infliction to its most perfected measure?

Does your haemonculous make it a private goal to break and torture Astartes? His ambition to see the very limits the super enhanced minds and psychologies that a Space marine have can endure? Do they prefer the sweet meat of psykers, or the flesh of their more noble kin? Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, is bellow a Dark Eldar and their arrogant quest for self sustaining torture and arrogant aggrandizement.

To be continued in PART 2 (Exodites and Corsairs)

[mooleche]

GIMME DAT WHOLE OTP LIST FOR PIOTR AND NINA (although I already know that Nina's the one to basically wear no clothes and Piotr's the one to tell her to put clothes on, lol).

MY TABLET ISN’T HERE OTHERWISE THERE’D BE A DRAWING W/THIS ABOUT THAT LOL

It will come later Ψ( ●｀▽´● )ΨAs always I’m sorry for mobile users please don’t hate me - THIS WAS FUN TY!

1: Who spends almost all their money on the other?Probably Colossus, though they both end up pooling their money together a lot of the time to buy Venom a lot of chocolate delicacies to keep him happy. Nina usually spends a good chunk on surprising Piotr with art supplies which end up costing a pretty penny, while he swears up and down that he has to be the gentleman and pay for their dinner dates despite her being stubborn and wanting to help. 2: Who sleeps in the other’s lap?Nina usually, but it depends on the time. Colossus is far too large to sit in her lap (despite her brave offerings), but catch him trying to stay up late at night with Nina sitting in his lap and he'll end up resting his head against hers as he finally gives in to rest. Nina on the other hand will often curl up against him while he's reading in the daytime and rest her head against his chest so she can listen to his heartbeat (she always gets a giggle out of it because it beats a little faster when he realizes this).3: Who walks around the house half-naked and who yells at them to put on some clothes?You guessed Nina and you were RIGHT. She's shy about her ink covered hands and some battle scars but that won't stop her from revealing the goods under the clothes (especially on hot summer days). She usually relies on Venom to transform into her clothes so on days that she's no longer his host or she's running late and forgets Colossus is ready to scoop her up and drag her back into their room or home to make her put on some clothes (but not before she tempts him back to bed for some fun).4: Which one tells the other not to stay up all night and which one stays up all night anyway?Nina is very much the night owl in the relationship while Colossus is the old man and calls her before bed to tell her not to stay up too late. This unfortunately goes in one ear and out the other as the night is when she fights crime the most and also when she works on her college studies because she procrastinates until the very last minute. On nights that she's working extra hard he'll often wake up to find her passed out on the couch to which he gently wakes her up with coffee and a kiss so she's not completely dead during the daytime.5: Which one tries to make food for the other but burns it all by accident and which one tells them that it’s okay and makes them both cookies?Colossus is definitely the better cook of the two, but damn if Nina doesn't try. With two parents who often cooked their meals together Nina likes to think she can do the same but usually ends up messing up burning the dish because she gets distracted by one thing or another (ie Wade calling to dish the deets on his latest murder fest). This results in Colossus usually shaking his head and preparing a nice dish for them instead if he's got the time. If not they usually settle for takeout somewhere and laugh over it.6: Which one reads OTP prompts and says “Oh that’s us!” and which one goes “Eh, not really”?Colossus doesn't usually spend a lot of time on the internet so when Nina sends him one and goes 'This is us!' he usually has to have to explain it so it makes sense sdsjgksk7: Which one constantly wears the other’s clothes?Nina, hands down. Even though the size difference is LORGE she loves wearing his hoodies out and his shirts to bed. Colossus never complains though, because seeing her in his clothes turns him into the goofiest little lovebug because she looks so darn cute in them. As a result his wardrobe suffers quite a bit because of this. He tried to turn the tables once by wearing one of her shirts and needless to say Nina calling him the Hulk for a short while after was entirely justified. 8: Which one spends all day running errands and which one says “You remembered [thing], right?”Nina will usually run errands for Colossus due to his hectic schedule at the mansion (and inability NOT to take forever when reading the nutrient labels), which he appreciates but often has to send her reminders because she's so forgetful when in a hurry. In the end she still manages to forget SOMETHING and they end up taking a more leisure trip later on to retrieve the items.9: Which one drives the car and which one gives them directions?Due to Colossus' size he's usually forced into the passenger or backseat, so Nina is the driver most of the time. They tend to bicker when she's at the wheel because she goes a little too fast and he's worried she'll get pulled over, but also because Colossus will slip into Russian if he doesn't know the proper english term for some signals which leads to chaos. He tries his best though and she appreciates his navigation for that.10: Which one does the posing while the other one draws?They both take usually take turns since they enjoy drawing and painting, Nina a little more though due to her class projects. He's usually a bit shy about the whole thing because Nina has a permanent mischevious smile on her face when he's posing. Colossus often rolls his eyes and chuckles when she poses for him because every time he looks back she's making a new pose/face to surprise him with.11: If they were about to rob a museum, which one does backflips through lasers and which one is strolling behind with a bag of chips?Nina's definitely the one to be a super sleuth through the lasers while Colossus waits in the wings because he's 100% not for this idea and was dragged along to be the brawn if need be.Let's be real though she absolutely trips the wire after being smug and saying they wouldn't have any issues pop up during the heist.12: Which one of your OTP overdoes it on the alcohol and which one makes the other stop drinking?Due to being Venoms host Nina has an incredible alcohol tolerance so she can outdrink a fair number of her peers, including Colossus. She usually has to stop him from drinking too much at the end of the night because he turns into a big loveable lush that is hard to control (though it'd be a lie to say she didn't love the PDA he gives while sloshed). By the time the morning rolls around Colossus swears off drinking for a long time while Nina spends the morning showering him in water, aspirin and a big greasy breakfast to help soak up the booze while recounting all the crazy night events.13: Which one likes to surprise the other with a lot of small random gifts?They both do! Colossus usually buys some type of flower or fancy chocolate for Nina when he's out and about, or a trinket from wherever his last mission takes him while Nina usually scours old record stores to look for Neil Diamond vinyls or paintbrushes while out restocking her own inventory. They both usually try to surprise one another with coffee at least once a week and eventually decided to make it a usual thing so they could have a small date on the go.14: Which one keeps accidentally using the other’s last name instead of their own?They usually don't have an issue using the other's name unless its something like one of them being in the hospital and needing spouse visitation. Nina will sometimes tease Colossus by calling herself 'one of the Rasputins' as a joke but it just makes Colossus want it to become a reality even more every time she does.15: Which one screams about the spider and which one brings the spider outside?Colossus usually is the hero of the day and will take the spider outside while Nina screams blood murder and will launch herself against the wall in an attempt to get away from it. Piotr usually is quick to call out the irony in her being scared because she has spider senses due to Venom sdgjskjs16: Which one gives the other their jacket?Colossus. Nina hates being cold so he always ends up wearing one on their outtings just in case she starts feeling chilly. This usually gives him a good laugh because she disappears in his jackets due to how much bigger he is.17: Who keeps getting threatened by the other’s overprotective older sibling?Illyana often goes between being Colossus' little snowflake and debating on whether to sell his soul for a cornchip and Nina's 'sister' is a retired assassin who would gladly go out of retirement if someone even looked at her the wrong way, so I would say Ania.18: Who’s the first one to admit they have feelings for the other?OHO BOY. The setup for this is going to be an absolute hoot, all I will say is that it's Nina and she does it after Venom gets fed up with her pining over him so hard that he literally does the big 'Fuck It' moment. She's had feelings for him since she first saw him at an interview after Russell is taken in for the Ice Box so it's been a long time coming. Colossus on the other hand only realizes his feelings after she almost dies and it grows into this big ugly crush. She laughs at something? There's that familiar knot in his stomach. A smile? His feet suddenly don't work so well. And literally everyone BUT Nina notices how strange he's beginning to act kgfjkdgd19: How good would your OTP be at parenting?Definitely a bit rocky at first but power parents fo sho. Nina is high key nervous about being a parent because she's not very fond of children, but Colossus reassures her that they can overcome anything together and dotes on her constantly to make sure she's comfortable. They work together to make sure the baby room is painted with little animal murals and spend nights singing russian and french lullabies to her belly before bed.When the baby actually arrives? Nina turns into a full momma bear and would gladly kill everyone in the room and then herself if anything happened to their child. Colossus is the proudest papa in the world and basically turns into Hughes from FMA where he carries a dozen photos of their child in his wallet to dish out whenever someone even looks in his general direction. All in all they work hard to help one another out to make sure they're not both zombies but also that their little detka is happy and healthy.20: Which one types with perfect grammar and which one types using numbers as letters?Although he's usually proper with his english vocally, Colossus is definitely the one to type with numbers as letters and shortens what he can when texting because he struggles to use anything that isn't a beeper. Nina suffers greatly because of this.21: Who gets attacked by a bully and who protects them?Nina is usually the one getting bullied by bigger/stronger enemies on missions and Colossus is always quick to come to her side to protect her. He usually teases that HE should be named Knight instead of her because of this, but she's quick to get up and repay the favor to him for his heroic efforts. There ARE some instances where the tables are turned though and she's able to save Colossus from bullies, and she usually demands a 'victory kiss' in repayment after pbppbt.22: Who makes the bad puns and who makes a pained smile every time the other makes a pun?Colossus is definitely the one to make the bad puns while Nina attempts to smile at it and fails every time. But she tries, good god does she try.23: Who comes home from work to see that the other one bought a puppy?Colossus pbpbpt. He comes home to a lot of little surprises and is often thinking 'what will I come home to today' because of this, so he's pleasantly surprised when he comes home one day and a puppies head pops out of Ninas hoodie to greet him at the door. 24: Which one gives the other a piggyback ride when they’re tired?Colossus sjdgks Piggybacks aren't uncommon between the two. Nina uses her spider grip to climb up his back on many occasions and sit on his shoulders, especially during briefings before missions and after the more difficult missions. While he thinks it's a bit silly Colossus doesn't mind because he enjoys feeling her wrap her arms wrapped around him.25: Which one competes in some sort of activity and which one does the overzealous cheering?Nina is usually the overzealous cheerer when it comes to Colossus getting into fights on missions that they're on together. Showdown between Colossus and Juggernaut? You bet she's on the sidelines rooting for him to kick him in the balls. He says he doesn't mind it but it DOES make him very bashful after.26: Who takes a selfie when the other one falls asleep on their shoulder?Nina. She's big on taking photos as mementos and this situation is no different and loves catching little moments like him sleeping or painting unawares to look at later when they're far away from one another. 27: Which one would give the other a makeover if they asked?Nina. Colossus has a fairly bland wardrobe so getting a request like that isn't farfetched for her, and although he hates going shopping for new clothes (hence the scarce variety) he trusts her to pick a few good outfits for future date nights and the like, which she definitely does no problem along with some ~special~ intimates that he has to model off for her later in the night.28: Which one owns a pet that the other is absolutely terrified of?HEHEHE. Venom technically isn't a pet but Nina often coddles him like one and Colossus is absolutely mortified by him for a very long time. Between finding out that he enjoys eating people and seeing the level of madness he can create when paired with the wrong host he thinks that the sassy little symbiote is a ticking time bomb with Nina until they bond over how much they both care for her. He eventually realizes he's not SO bad and sneaks chocolate to him at night when Nina is sleeping to keep him content.29: Which one holds the umbrella over both of them when it rains?Colossus. Nina tried once but she was much too short for her attempts and they both got soaked in the process. Now Colossus keeps her close in one arm while holding the umbrella in the other.30: If your OTP went on vacation, where would they go and what would they do? Who would take the pictures?It's a toss-up! They both have their own designated places they want to take the other. Colossus wants to take Nina to Russia to visit his homeland while Nina wants to take Colossus to Paris to introduce him to her French relatives and childhood. Since Colossus' family farm is in ruins due to his family passing, they pay their respects and then go sight-seeing around Moscow and the local art museums.In Paris they would visit her grandmother and relatives who instantly go nuts over Piotr like he was one of their own and they give them a grand tour of the area and special sights. Piotr definitely surprises her (because we all know he would pull this type of thing) and splurges to get a hotel room that overlooks the city and Eiffel Tower because she wants to be extra romantic and boy howdy does it w o r k. They would probably both take pictures. Nina would take most of the scenic pictures and catching Piotr admiring the artwork while Piotr would be in charge of taking selfies because of how tall he is sgjdskgs

[rkfstudio]

Top Ten Comic Characters of All Time (according to me)

Introduction/disclaimer:

This list is mine and is based on my personal and subjective criteria. My choices are based on what I have read in comics as opposed to other media. For instance, one of my favorite superheroes, Squirrel Girl, is not on this list because I have read next to none of her comics and my love of the character is based almost exclusively on her concept and her appearances in other media.

Also, some people might want to fault me and my list for a lack of “inclusiveness” or “representation” or whatever. Full disclosure: I’m a straight white dude and I tend to relate most to the straight white dude characters that have historically dominated the comics world. Thus, I’m more likely to be drawn to stories about those characters. I do not apologize for my tastes. If they radically differ from yours, feel free to make your own list and tell me why you like the characters you like. That would be awesome.

Finally, there are half a dozen characters outside this Top Ten that could jump into it at any moment. This list represents my Top Ten at the time I wrote this and is subject to change.

Still with me? Cool! Here we go!

 10. Wolverine

               Most people would put Logan aka James Howlett aka the Wolverine much higher on their lists, and I completely understand why. He is “the best he is at what he does” ™ and is one of the most complex and interesting characters in comics. He also, until his death a couple of years ago, was perhaps the most overexposed character in all of comics. He’s a down to earth guy who mostly just wants to be left alone, but neither the comic world nor the comic industry is willing to give him a break. With a cool and dark backstory and super cool powers, he’s one of the legitimate badasses in the Marvel universe.

9. Blue Beetle/Jaime Reyes

               “What is this blasphemy?! Jaime Reyes ranked higher than Mr. Snikt?!” Yes. This is my list and I say Jaime gets a higher spot.

Hear me out on this. Beetle gets this spot on my list mainly due to his introductory arc during DC’s “One Year Later” event and his recent “Rebirth” run. Both runs are well written with great character interaction and dialogue. Jaime’s just a regular high school kid who also happens to be a superhero. Not the most original concept (*cough* Spider-Man! *cough*) but he pulls it off in what feels like a fresh way. It also doesn’t hurt that he was a show stealer in his recurring role in the “Batman: The Brave and the Bold” cartoon a few years ago. But his comics just shine to me.

8. Batman

               More controversy! Batman is only at number 8! I realize most people place him much higher because he’s one of the more relatable members of DC’s top-flight heroes in that he’s just a man in a world of gods. For me, he suffers from the same kind of overexposure that Wolverine has had over the years. I also don’t tend to find him as interesting as the characters he deals with, whether his allies or his rogues' gallery. He’s a darker, more brooding Iron Man (I realize Batman came first, but I think the comparison is still valid). I find him at his best when he’s forced to play with others, especially Superman, because the tension between the “solitary crimefighter” and the “super team” dynamics can be so fun. Recommended reading includes the Justice miniseries by Alex Ross and Co. and the Justice League: Lightning Saga story arc.

7. Captain Marvel/Shazam!

               For the five of you that are still reading, this entry might be the last straw. Bear with me. Batman is the dark, brooding hero of the night. Captain Marvel (or Shazam for those willing to give up the ghost of Fawcett Comics) is the polar opposite of that: he is bright, colorful, and full of whimsy. Whimsy and wonder are both things that are in short supply in this post-Watchmen comics world, and that’s a shame. It’s that harkening back to the core of how comics began that is a large part of his appeal to me. Interestingly enough, it’s a couple of his more recent stories that have made me love him as a character. Jeff Smith, of Bone fame, wrote an origin miniseries for Captain Marvel called Shazam and the Monster Society of Evil and it’s wonderful. Also recommended is his part in the previously mentioned Justice series.

6. Captain America

               This is a more conventional pick. Cap makes this list for similar reasons to the previous Captain on this list: he represents the values and sentiments of a bygone age. In particular, his refusal to compromise his beliefs regardless of the personal cost is a breath of fresh air and too seldom seen anymore. Leader, soldier, champion of liberty, that’s Cap. Look up his run in the New Avengers series up through the Civil War arc to see exactly what I’m talking about.

Also, Hydra Cap never happened. Just no.

5. Joker

               You know how the last two choices were upstanding, almost squeaky-clean citizens?

              Yeah, good times.

              For someone completely different, Number Five gives us the Joker. He is, bar none, the most fascinating supervillain ever, responsible for some of the most twisted moments in mainstream comics. Jason Todd? That was the Joker. Barbara Gordon? Yep, that was him, too. Harley Quinn? Mistah J says, “You’re welcome.” The Joker is sick, twisted, and downright evil, and he embraces it like no other. Sometimes, a villain isn’t misunderstood; sometimes a villain is just a villain. And the Joker does “villain” with a style all his own. Required reading includes the Justice series (can you tell I like this series? I do.), the Dark Knight Returns, and, of course, The Killing Joke.

4. Superman

               Honestly, I thought Supes would be higher on my list. He’s the first superhero and still, to me at least, one of the best. I realize most folks find him to be too powerful to be relatable, and there’s no small amount of validity to that point. But the best part of this character isn’t his ability to punch planets out of orbit or “leap tall buildings” or any of that. It’s his... well, his character. That middle-America farmer’s son upbringing, with its sense of right and wrong that has so seldom failed him, is what makes Superman more than just the Last Son of Krypton. To borrow from Kingdom Come, it’s the “man” more than the “super” that makes him special. It’s what makes him a symbol of virtue and excellence, a standard to which we can aspire. It’s Clark Kent, rather than Kal-El, that I want to be like. Some good reading includes the aforementioned Kingdom Come, The Superman/Batman Supergirl arc (this is actually a good Batman read, as well) and, you guessed it, Justice.

3. Hellboy

               Sadly, this is the only non-Big-Two character on my list. For now. I’m just starting to branch out so future lists might have more.

               Anyway, Hellboy makes the list because he isn’t what you’d expect him to be. The son of a major league demon and destined to bring about the apocalypse, he should be an earth-shattering villain. But he’s a hero because of his upbringing by a paranormal expert. Nurture triumphing over Nature. The monster as the hero. Also, he’s just a fun character and his stories are good stuff. Of particular note, mainly because this is what I’ve read, is the recent Hellboy and the BPRD 1950s series.

2. Rocket Raccoon

               If you’ve read this far, this pick really shouldn’t surprise you. Sometimes, we want heroes to inspire us to be better people.  Sometimes, we just want a raccoon with a big flarkkin’ gun. Rocket’s recent string of short series, both solo and with Groot, are just fun reading.

1. Hulk

               This was the one pick I didn’t need to think about; Hulk was at Number One from the start. The concept of a super smart guy who turns into a raging monster when he loses his cool resonates with me on an intensely personal level. While he has had quite a few strange turns in his comics history, the big guy really came into his own during the Planet Hulk series, where he was shot into space by his best “friends” to a planet full of enemies and dangers that only the Hulk could survive. His development from monster to gladiator to fugitive to king, and then to vengeful conqueror in the following World War Hulk, is one of my favorite arcs in all of comics. Whether big and kind of dumb or big and super smart or somewhere in between like in the stories I’ve mentioned, Hulk is my Number One comic character of all time. At least until the next time.

                So, that’s my list. But what’s a list like this without some honorable mentions?

Honorable Mentions:

12. Rorschach

               This is the obligatory Watchmen pick. While I don’t like the story, I appreciate the historical impact it’s had on the comics industry. Rorschach is the only character that I can call anything close to a “good guy” despite his extreme homicidal tendencies. His refusal to go along with the alien invasion story covering Ozymandias’s murder of millions of people “so billions might live”, his refusal to accept the lesser evil, shows an integrity that is perhaps outdated but no less laudable for being outdated.

13. Renee Montoya/the Question

               The first woman on this list and it’s neither Wonder Woman nor fan-favorite Kitty Pryde. Renee Montoya is, to me, a more interesting character than either, mostly because she’s very flawed. She’s rough around the edges; she drinks to excess; she has doubts about her abilities and her value as a detective. I gather most of this info from her run in DC’s 52 series, which is a great read on its own.

16. Lex Luthor

               This guy.

               This guy right here.

               He’s the stereotypical “evil businessman” and yet he is so much more. A legit genius who inevitably uses that genius to fight petty grudges rather than help humanity reach claims potential like he claims to care about. Kingdom Come, Justice, you know the drill.

19. Iron Man

               Some characters combine seriously cool abilities with personalities that are seriously hard to like. Iron Man is cool; Tony Stark is just an egomaniacal jerk. It’s also worth noting that Tony often has to use Iron Man (and the Avengers) to fix problems of his own making. He’s a great character, but he’s not a good one.

25. Deadpool

               Because Wade was going to kill me if I didn’t put him somewhere on this list.

               Seriously. He’s standing right next to me while I’m writing this.

              Help me.

30. Death of the Endless

               I’ve honestly only read one issue featuring Death, Neil Gaiman’s Sandman, #8. But that one issue is probably my favorite single comic issue ever. It’s stark, poignant, and beautiful. My list had 29 characters and I immediately thought of her for Number Thirty, but I’m sure she’ll move higher if I ever read any more of her stories.

               Well, that’s all for now. I hope you enjoyed this strange trip through my comic book preferences. For real, to all who’ve gotten this far, I’d love to read your Top Ten. I find the reasons why different people like different characters fascinating.

              Till next time, cheers, y’all!

[deniscollins]

Attacked by Rotten Tomatoes

If you were an executive of Rotten Tomatoes website which comes up with a score that summarizes 3,000 film reviews worldwide to measure a movie’s quality, would you count all film reviews equally or would you develop a scoring algorithm that provides greater weight to the most established reviewers, such as the New York Times, Los Angeles Times, and the New Yorker? Why? What are the ethics underlying your decision?

Hollywood had a horrible summer.

Between the first weekend in May and Labor Day, a sequel-stuffed period that typically accounts for 40 percent of annual ticket sales, box office revenue in North America totaled $3.8 billion, a 15 percent decline from the same span last year. To find a slower summer, you would have to go back 20 years. Business has been so bad that America’s three biggest theater chains have lost roughly $4 billion in market value since May.

Ready for the truly alarming part? Hollywood is blaming a website: Rotten Tomatoes.

“I think it’s the destruction of our business,” Brett Ratner, the director, producer and film financier, said at a film festival this year.

Some studio executives privately concede that a few recent movies — just a few — were simply bad. Flawed marketing may have played a role in a couple of other instances, they acknowledged, along with competition from Netflix and Amazon.

But most studio fingers point toward Rotten Tomatoes, which boils down hundreds of reviews to give films “fresh” or “rotten” scores on its Tomatometer. The site has surged in popularity, attracting 13.6 million unique visitors in May, a 32 percent increase above last year’s total for the month, according to the analytics firm comScore.

Studio executives’ complaints about Rotten Tomatoes include the way its Tomatometer hacks off critical nuance, the site’s seemingly loose definition of who qualifies as a critic and the spread of Tomatometer scores across the web. Last year, scores started appearing on Fandango, the online movie ticket-selling site, leading to grousing that a rotten score next to the purchase button was the same as posting this message: You are an idiot if you pay to see this movie.

Mr. Ratner’s sentiment was echoed almost daily in studio dining rooms all summer, although not for attribution, for fear of giving Rotten Tomatoes more credibility. Over lunch last month, the chief executive of a major movie company looked me in the eye and declared flatly that his mission was to destroy the review-aggregation site.

Kersplat: Paramount’s “Baywatch” bombed after arriving to a Tomatometer score of 19, the percentage of reviews the movie received that the site considered positive (36 out of 191). Doug Creutz, a media analyst at Cowen and Company, wrote of the film in a research note, “Our high expectations appear to have been crushed by a 19 Rotten Tomatoes score.”

Kersplat: “King Arthur: Legend of the Sword” got a Tomatometer score of 28 — anything under 60 is marked rotten — and audiences stayed away. After costing Warner Bros. at least $175 million to make, the movie took in $39 million at the domestic box office. In total.

How did a clunky website that has been around for 19 years amass such power?

The 36 people who work for Rotten Tomatoes hardly seem like industry killers. The site’s staff occupies a relatively ordinary Beverly Hills office complex — albeit one with conference rooms named “La La Land” and “Oz” — and includes people like Jeff Voris, an easygoing former Disney executive with graying hair who oversees operations, and Timothy Ryan, a former newspaper reporter who is a Rotten Tomatoes senior editor and lists “Leonard Maltin’s Movie Guide” as favorite reading.

The employee with the pink mohawk is Grae Drake, senior movie editor. She does a lot of video interviews and lately has been helping to fill a void created when Matt Atchity left as editor in chief in July for a bigger job at TYT Network, an online video company.

Jeff Giles, a 12-year Rotten Tomatoes veteran and the author of books like “Llanview in the Afternoon: An Oral History of ‘One Life to Live’,” writes what the site calls Critics Consensus, a one-sentence summary of the response to each film. (Disney’s latest “Pirates of the Caribbean” movie was summarized as proving “that neither a change in directors nor an undead Javier Bardem is enough to drain this sinking franchise’s murky bilge.”)

“Everyone here sweats the details every day,” said Paul Yanover, the president of Fandango, which owns Rotten Tomatoes. “Because we are serious movie fans ourselves, our priority — our entire focus — is being as useful to fans as we absolutely can be.”

Hold on a minute. Fandango?

Yes. In an absurdist plot twist, Rotten Tomatoes is owned by film companies. Fandango, a unit of NBCUniversal, which also owns Universal Pictures, has a 75 percent stake, with the balance held by Warner Bros. Fandango bought control from Warner last year for an undisclosed price. (All parties insist that Rotten Tomatoes operates independently.)

Mr. Yanover said it was silly for studios to make Rotten Tomatoes a box office scapegoat.

“There is no question that there is some correlation to box office performance — critics matter — but I don’t think Rotten Tomatoes can definitively make or break a movie in either direction,” he said. “Anyone who says otherwise is cherry-picking examples to create a hypothesis.”

He cited “Wonder Woman,” which was the No. 1 movie of the summer, with $410 million in ticket sales. It was undoubtedly helped by a strong Tomatometer score of 92. “Dunkirk,” “Spider-Man: Homecoming” and “Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2” all received high scores and drew huge crowds. Other films did not do well on the Tomatometer (“The Hitman’s Bodyguard,” “The Emoji Movie”) but still managed to find audiences.

Some filmmakers complain bitterly that Rotten Tomatoes casts too wide a critical net. The site says it works with some 3,000 critics worldwide, including bloggers and YouTube-based pundits. But should reviewers from Screen Junkies and Punch Drunk Critics really be treated as the equals of those from The Los Angeles Times and The New Yorker?

Mr. Yanover rejected those complaints, pointing to the site’s posted requirements. (“Online critics must have published no less than 100 reviews across two calendar years at a single, Tomatometer-approved publication,” for instance.) He also noted that critics at traditional outlets tended to be white men and that Rotten Tomatoes wanted to include female and minority voice.

‘Incredibly Layered’ Process

For the studios, the question of how individual reviews get classified as fresh or rotten is also a point of contention. Only about half of critics self-submit reviews and classifications to the site. Rotten Tomatoes staffers comb the web and pull the other half themselves. They then assign positive or negative grades.

“We have a well-defined process,” said Mr. Voris, the vice president of Rotten Tomatoes. “Our curators audit each other’s work. If there is any question about how a review should be classified, we have three curators separate and do independent reads. If there still isn’t agreement, we call the journalist.”

Staff members also fact-check what critics have self-submitted. In one recent instance, a review of “Alien: Covenant” that was submitted as fresh seemed rotten. The site reversed the categorization after contacting the critic for clarification.

LONG ARTICLE CONTINUES

[zanysandwichdreamland-blog]

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