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#but I also thought the hyperfixation would’ve died down by now
moominpopzz · 6 months
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Bad news guys, autisms winning and I’m getting close to giving into the need of relistening to the entirety to Prime Defenders while filling out a notebook of info on it
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mysteryanimator · 18 days
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Bro your opinions on characters are so well put together I wanted to ask if you think if Olrox’s lover and Richters mom could be considered “haunting the narrative” type characters I get not all dead characters are but I feel like Nocturne would barely be a story if it weren’t for them 😭
OMG BAHAHA TYTY, I just really enjoy the nuances and character depth Nocturne has, and my gulity pass time is to do research and deep dives, then tucking them away in my brain. It really helps me to inform art I make in general coz I love putting in that same nuance visually.
Again thoughts are my own and it’s me being silly and hyperfixating ✋😔
Steering to your question, 100% the death of these characters are haunting the narrative and they both overlap each other because the death of Olrox’s lover led to the death of Julia. Particularly they haunt Olrox and Richter, aka our main protagonist and main antagonist. Both their deaths inform the choices and paths they take after the fact, which I’ll keep iterating coz it’s fun: there is always a choice. Massive theme is choicesssss. Also the consequences of your choices.
Like the whole of Nocturne could have not been the way it ended up without their deaths LOL. The narrative would’ve been wayyy different if even ONE of them were alive. Butterfly effect I think you could put it as?
Since Richter was a child when Julia died, it obviously had a massive impact on him growing up and in turn literally prevented him from doing magic until late in season 1. Nocturne Richter can’t be Nocturne Richter we know today without Julia dying. While he still grew up in a loving space that challenged him to be a strong fighter, he literally still gets haunted while dozing off. The mere echo of Olrox’s voice causes him to spiral.
Meanwhile, Olrox is STILL deeply affected by his lover’s death. I can only presume Olrox merely acts the way he does now after Julia killed his lover, merely due to my observations in Ep 6, where he talks about his lover which is a-lot more different to how he’s been presented prior to that. Was Olrox genuinely that much softer and open previously before everything happened? My thoughts are yes. While I think back then he still was this charismatic witty character is now, I’d like to think he also used to be a lot more softer and open until he lost the reason to 🥲
Which by the way, Julia and Olrox’s lover technically manifests themselves again, if that makes sense? Hopefully? I have a point with this and I hope I can get this out with the way it’s structured in my brain. Richter having his powers back, along with Juste now coming into the fray, an older familia Belmont.
Olrox, falling for a man who “burns with such passion” and “fought with the revolutionaries; Mizrak. (Mystery unable to not bring up Mizrak again whoops). As you can tell, Julia and Olrox’s lover literally even redirect them back to the where they were before. If that makes sense??
Regardless, the death of Julia and the death of Olrox’s lover is crucial to Nocturne’s story and hover above our characters. Every choice, every thought, every path they take, is haunted by their deaths.
Tyyy for the ask, cant believe this page is slowly but surely also turning into art with a side of “people allowing Mystery to ramble about their favourite show”. Can’t wait for Geeked Week so I can break down any sneak peek, frame by frame, which funnily falls on my birthday LOL
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venfx · 4 years
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magnus fic roundup
as tma comes to a close, i thought i'd post some of my favorite fics to come out of this fandom. most of these are classics, listed in no particular order.
A Weather In The Flesh by @cuttoothed​ | 3K | S1-S4 | Jon/Martin | Complete
"There is a span of years where Jon doesn’t touch anyone other than the occasional hand shake. It’s not so bad. He’s never been someone who’s needed physical affection."
Jon has never been any good at making people want to stick around.
↳ this is such a well-done exploration of jon’s character and his relationship with touch, and i’ve re-read it at least five times. sweet and sad and phenomenally well-written.
in the chillest land and on the strangest sea by imperfectcircle, singlecrow | 20K | Safehouse, S1-S4 | Jon & Daisy, Jon/Martin | Complete
Jon remembers a statement he read years ago given by a Jesuit priest, who said that the shortest prayer he knew was, just, fuck it, as in fuck it; it's in God's hands. He takes Daisy's hand and trails on after her.
or; hope is a thing with feathers.
↳ hey, you wanna fuckin..... feel things? read this.
The Magnus Institute vs the 21st Century: a series of emails and IMs by shinyopals | 26K | Series | S3 | Pre-Jon/Martin | Complete
The Magnus Institute hires a Data Protection Officer. He sets about diligently booking in meetings, writing policy documents, and training all the staff in the importance of confidentiality. Now if only he could get hold of the Head Archivist, who seems to have vanished again...
(Jon is only trying to save the world, but apparently some people think he should still be doing his day job.)
↳ i’d be surprised to find people who haven’t read this series, but it’s the definition of “the magnus archives is a workplace comedy”. also, alasdair stuart has actually read some clips of this on Twitch, so that’s a fun bonus.
Bell, Book, and Candle by yellow_caballero | 102K | Series | S3 into S4 | Jon/Martin | Complete 
In accordance with the Ride or Die Pact of 2009, Jonathan Sims can call upon Georgie Barker at any time for aid with no strings attached. Despite their rocky history, their childhood friendship, and Jon’s barely recovered alcoholism, this pact is sacred and must be upheld.
Georgie Barker may regret this. She may regret it when she discovers that the world is full of monsters and eldritch gods and dickhead managers. She may regret it when a punk rocker who should be dead collapses on their doorstep, a teenager again who needs their help. She may regret it when her stupid ex-boyfriend starts selling his soul for knowledge and the ability to keep his new family safe.
But she probably won’t. Georgie isn’t scared of anything - not a Clown’s apocalypse, not the apocalypse that Jon is destined to begin, and not Jon’s own loss of humanity.
Maybe she should be.
↳ if you’re looking for an everyone-lives-no-one-dies-happy-ending fic that also happens to be massively chaotic, look no further. 
The Reverb in These Holy Halls by @wolftraps​ | 98K | AU, S1-S4 | Jon/Martin | Complete
Undoing the apocalypse would have been enough for Jon, if all his people survived. Without them, Jon's only recourse is making it so it never happened in the first place. He's going to do better this time.
↳ quintessential time travel AUs. plot-wise, i feel like these can be difficult to write, but op does a fantastic job of tying things together in a way that makes sense. plus, it’s just fun to read.
jon sims v the nhs by @thoughtsbubble​ | 12K | Series | S3 | Complete
Joan Bright has a new patient. He's carrying an old tape recorder and is covered head to toe in scars. Jonathan Sims looks dangerous, but Dr Bright has dealt with all sorts of atypical individuals. She has no reason to be nervous.
Right?
↳ if you’ve ever thought “hey, jon should probably go to therapy”, then 1) you’re absolutely right and 2) this is... probably what would’ve happened. prior knowledge of The Bright Sessions is not required. also, apparently, this fic is written by the showrunner of The Underwood Collection? wild.
Family, Found by Dribbledscribbles | 9K | S4 | Complete
It’s Basira who catches onto it.
The collective shift that seems to come over them when heading in or out of the Institute. Not just the oppressive sensation of being observed, their every move catalogued for the voyeuristic cravings of some unseen Eye(s). That feeling remained with them even when they left the Institute these days, but it was always stronger inside its walls. That wasn’t the change. Nor was it the point.
The point was: making life worse for Jonathan Sims.
↳ i think being part of the avengers fandom circa 2012 has given me permanent found-family-trope brainrot, but you know what. jonathan sims can have a little happiness, as a treat. 
Road to Damascus by @titanfalling​ | 107K | Series | S4 | Jon & Tim | Complete
n. an important moment of insight, typically one that leads to a dramatic transformation of attitude or belief
Or, in which Tim becomes an avatar for the end of all things.
↳ tim dies and then he doesn’t. there is catharsis and world building. just....read it.
Come, Change Your Ring With Me by @backofthebookshelf​ | 29K | S3 | Peter/Jon, Jon/Martin, Peter/Elias | Complete
The Lukases demand the Archivist marry into the family, and the Institute relies on them too much to say no. Peter is smug. Elias is fuming. Martin is suffering. Jon thinks this might be tolerable if only Peter would hurry up and leave him alone already.
OR, the soap opera we call an Archives revolves around Peter Lukas this time.
↳ superb evil-bastards-in-love content, feat. martin pining, tim being obnoxious, and jon being... well, tired, mostly. i will literally never get tired of how op writes peter. 
creatures that i briefly move along by @dotsayers​ | 16K | Series | AU, Post-S4 | background Jon/Martin 
Mr Sims was so weird, was the thing. Miss Grant always said calling people weird was rude, and Anna sort of agreed, but she didn’t know what other word to use to describe Mr Sims.
He’d only been in with the class for a few days, really, and half of that he just sat at the back listening, but that didn’t stop her from making a swift judgement. 5BG had had student teachers before, back when they were 3ST, and they’d been uniformly normal.
Mr Sims was… actually, Anna had a better adjective. He was interesting.
↳ i just.... love teacher!jon fics. this series delivers. 
Once Bitten by @apatheticbutterflies | 1K | S4 | Jon & Daisy | Complete
Jon Sims has always been a jumpy kind of guy. Nervous. Twitchy. Daisy used to think it meant he was guilty. Turns out he was. Just not of what she’d thought.
Daisy learns how to peel an orange.
↳ daisy and jon’s relationship is an example of an instance where i’m happy to say “fuck what you wrote mr. jonny ‘chocolate torte of tragedy’ sims, i want them to be friends”.
pins and needles by mutterandmumble | 13K | S1-S4 | Complete
He’s got a reputation to uphold anyways; an uptight, rigid reputation that dictates the way that he interacts and functions and is such an integral part of him that he can’t let go of it anytime soon. He likes his safety nets. He likes his contingencies. He likes his privacy, and everything around this place right down to the walls seems to have ears, so he’ll stay tight-lipped up to and beyond the threat of death.
He’s good at that.
In which Jon takes up embroidery and bumbles through life the best that he can.
↳ out of all the introspective jon pieces i’ve read (and there are many), this one stands out. maybe it’s the symbolism or the characterisation, or maybe it’s the fact that i have an embroidery kit lurking in the back of my closet along with a hundred other half-pursued hyperfixations. whatever. this is excellent.
sleeping in by @ivelostmyspectacles | 5K | S2 | Jon/Tim | Complete
“Who are you trying to convince?”
Jon gives up, letting his head sag against Tim’s shoulder. “I don’t know.”
aka Elias gets tired of Jon and Tim's bickering, sends them away for a "team-building" weekend trip, and is sure to book them a room with only one bed
↳ this has everything you’d need from a “oh no there’s only one bed” fic. someone please get these men therapy.
if you try, sometimes (you get what you knead) by @ajcrawly​ | 3.5K | S1-S4 | Jon/Martin, Tim/Sasha | Complete
It starts with an abundance of boeuf bourguignon and ends up as a team tradition.
Food and love in uncertain times.
↳ more found family fic, this time with a diverse og!archival staff and food as a metaphor for love. hurt in all the right ways. made me hungry in the process.
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captainkappa · 3 years
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Fanfic:: Hunter and Prey
To be a Mandalorian pirate is to be both hunter and prey. This, Din understood after being taken into their care as a child.
Now he is hunting a Mandalorian artifact to deliver his charge to the aquatic sorcerers in order to teach him how to handle his magic. His quest brings him to a sandy stretch of shore, Mos Pelgo.
Link to AO3
For Day 4 of @dincobbweek aka AU day!
The prophecy as foretold; I have a hyperfixation, therefore I must write a pirate AU. And oh my god, I loved writing this fic so so much.
Huge shout out to @staranon95 for betaing and @ayantiel for providing the needed inspiration to get this thing going!
-=-=-=-
Mayfeld took in a deep breath, letting the salty air fill his lungs. There was a lot riding on today, his reputation, Ran’s reputation, but with the Empire’s finest knelt at his feet, all of their note-worthy possessions, he thought he was doing pretty well.
“No one makes any dumb decisions and you all will get to live,” he called out, voice carrying over the wind so even the poor bastards at the end would be able to hear. “We’re just here for what’s ours and then we’ll leave you be. You’ll never have seen us.”
Xi’an was getting her brother from the prisoners down below and Burg was raiding the captain’s office. Sure, the objective was to get Xi’an’s brother before he made it to the Empire’s colonies, but this was an Imperial vessel. The three of them would have to be stupid not to rob the Imps blind when they had the opportunity.  Plus, their informant assured them that not only was this a prisoner’s vessel, it was a transport vessel, moving a map that led to a whole lot of Mandalorian gold.
It was the perfect plan; do a job for Ran, undermine Ran, get filthy rich, and live the rest of their days on an island in the Outer Isles.
And everything was going great, when Burg burst through the captain’s doors, startling everyone on board. Everyone jumped, bar Mayfeld. Burg cut an intimidating figure, a mountain of a man, horns poking through holes he made in his hat so he had to crouch to get into most places. His sudden presence didn’t startle Migs. What was a surprise was the concern on his face.
“Migs! The captain is dead!”
He rolled his eyes. “And? Do you want me to pay you back for the ammo it took to do that?”
“No, he was already dead! And the map’s gone too!”
His blood ran cold. He gave up the act and ran into the room, grabbing onto his hat so it wouldn’t fly away. His eyes adjusted to the darkness of the room. He couldn’t tell if there had been a scuffle or it had been Burg who had torn up the room. Drawers were half open, hanging out, papers scattered, a blood-spatter, maybe, but there was so little Migs couldn’t tell if it was recent.
And in the center of it all, the captain, dead in his chair. His body was cool, so Burg wasn’t bluffing in saying someone had shot him before. There had been a lot of commotion when they had first boarded the ship, could the thief have entered then?
“You swear he was like this when you got in?”
Burg nodded.
“And he wasn’t holding a pistol?”
Burg nodded again and the evidence confirmed it. There was only one pistol in the room, halfway across the floor. That didn’t happen when someone tried to off themself for fear of the pirates coming on board.
Migs pushed the body to the floor, getting on his knees to root through the drawers, hoping to find the map, to be able to smack Burg upside the head, but there was nothing. He ripped them out of the desk, holding them upside down and shaking them, but still nothing. Just useless documentation with Imperial seals splayed everywhere.
He slammed the top of the desk as he stood up.
“Did you check everywhere?! Every possible drawer, false drawer, any of that bullshit?”
“Yeah! But it ain’t here!”
Migs pulled off his hat, balling up the rim in fist before throwing it back on.
Ran would tell him not to get greedy. There was an unknown element at play now, so focus on getting Qin out and run. With the group back to what it was before Mando sold them out, they could rob big ships again, but who the fuck cared about that. If Ran knew about the map, he would’ve said to hell with Qin, focus on the pay-out.
Migs stormed out of the quarters and back onto the deck. It was too sunny to see, but that didn’t stop his furious walk back to the line of Imperials on the ship. He grabbed the one in the fanciest looking clothing, who he could only assume was the quartermaster or second mate, and hauled him to his feet by his collar.
The man made a choking sound and face-to-face, looked at Migs with terror.
“Where the fuck is it?”
“Wh-Wh-Wh-?”
“The fucking map! Lost Mandalorian treasure? I need it, and if you don’t, Burg here will make sure you meet those fucking dead ass Mandalorians that hid it in the first place.”
Something must’ve gotten the man brave, because he said, “I thought Mandalorians were extinct, like you pirates are going to be.”
And as if signing his death wish, he spat on the floorboards near his feet.
Well, Migs wanted a nice clean run, but he had a reputation to uphold.
He threw the man back down to the floor and before he could get his arms out from under him, Migs pulled out his flintlock pistol and aimed it at him.
He was a second away from painting the floor with this asshole, when Xi’an ran out from under the deck, her brother trailing behind.
“Captain! It’s Mando!”
That made Migs whip his head up. “Mando? Here?”
She nodded. “We saw him climbing down. Port side, now!”
The four of them raced to the railing, watching as the small craft sped away, faster than any ship could hope to move. She flew familiar colors, the flag of someone who had sold Qin out in the first place.
Migs thought today couldn’t get any worse.
Then the flare went out, bright and brilliant even in the daytime sky. An Imperial flare, that would’ve had to have come from the captain’s quarters, that they wouldn’t have been able to spot in the chaos of the room, that was absolutely going to call every Imperial ship in a hundred miles radius.
Fuck.
Fucker didn’t even have the decency to flip them off as he sailed away.
-=-
Din keeps his eyes low to the ground, brim of his hat pulled low over his head, scarf pulled round his face as he weaves in the crowd. It’s Nevarro, so he knows he blends in with the rest of the criminals that inhabit the port town, but he finds himself more cautious these days.
Especially with the small cargo at his side.
It’s only when he takes a corner into a dark alley, down a set of stairs just off the tavern, into the gloom, does he look at the bag at his side.
As they passed a torch on the wall, the Child looked up at him and beamed, his pointy teeth just coming in, ears unfurling as he lifted the flap.
“You doing ok?”
The child babbled in reply.
“Good, we’ll be there soon.”
For what was basically an underground network for a bunch of criminals, it was surprisingly clean. There were puddles of brackish water that Din stepped around to avoid, along with passing others, but it wasn’t as piss-soaked as Nevarro was up top.
Hiding a whole community under a criminal network didn’t seem like the smartest idea at first, but the thing about criminals is they can either be paid off or disappeared with little problem. As he stepped around a pair of running children, he hoped there would be one day Mandalorians wouldn’t have to hide. He had no idea how that would happen, but no one had ever died on hope.
They finally arrived at their destination, a door on the far side of the hallway. He knocked on the door and opened it when he heard the familiar voice say, “Enter.”
She was already sitting at a table, a bottle of rum in front of her, a candle burning, doing its best to light up the space. Her hat was beside her, feathers drooping so they touched the brim. He made a mental note to pick up more on his next supply run.
He took off his hat as he shut the door behind him, keeping his bandana firmly in place.
“How was your trip?” the Quartermaster asked coolly, picking up the bottle to pour him a drink. It had been years since she had manned a ship, but the title still carries in their community.
He pulled out both the kid and treasure from the bag, setting the kid down on the ground to run around the space before sitting across from her.
“Successful.”
He spread out the map in front of the Quartermaster. He heard those fools talking about Mandalorian gold, and it wasn’t entirely true. It was a map to a compass that would reveal what the holder most desired, which for some might be Mandalorian pirate gold or power or love.
Or the location of the aquatic sorcerers the child needed.
The child wasn’t fully human. He needed to spend a lot of time in water in order to spend time on land, which meant a lot of time spent swimming alongside the Razor Crest. He could also shoot water up out of the ocean, a gift Din was well acquainted with, it being one of the child’s favorite games to play.
Since he had failed to fully deliver the child to the Empire, he had had privateers and other pirates on their tail for months. This map was their last hope to make sure the child got back with his people and then…
And then Din would go back to what he did best; providing for a people now scattered by his actions.
His thoughts were interrupted by the sounds of the Quartermaster’s chair scraping back. She stood up, only to bow over again, her back parallel to the table. She moved her scarf to the side so her lips could ghost over the map as she spoke words of power into the paper.
She stood back up fully as the ink on the map shifted and moved. Waves rolled in place, sea serpents dipped in and out of the surface, all the while the path moved like an eel, slippery and changing, until everything at last was at rest and the ink seeped back into the page.
All three bowed their heads over the map. The starting point of the path was now the tiny cluster of islands of Nevarro and the end point was…
“Tatooine?” he asked out loud. “They’re basically land locked. What would a Mandalorian be doing there?”
Tatooine was a coastal stretch of land, surrounded by jagged rocks and ship-wrecks on one side and impassable mountains on the other, with desert in the valley.
She raised her head, scarf now back in place. “I suspect you’ll find out when you go there.”
He nodded and the child cooed. Din looked over at the child grabbing at the map, hands scratching at the lines like he could pick them back up.
“Come on, little one. We have a long journey ahead of us.”
-=-
Din sailed into Mos Pelgo, following the instructions Peli had given him.
“You have to arrive at low tide, that’s the only way you’ll see all the shit you have to get through. If you haven’t decided to turn tail and leave, you have to keep to the south. If you go north, you’re dead. Last I heard, there’s a pile of sticks they call a dock if you keep going south.”
The dock was a simple thing, as she’d said. Rotten wood, with just one post tall enough to hold the rope to the ship. Din was half tempted to jump straight into the water and swim to shore rather than test the strength of the wood, but resisted the urge with the Child in his bag.
He could see the town in the distance and set off on the beach, letting the Child out to stomp around on the beach.
The town was small, a couple of shacks on stilts for the stormy season. Few people were out, and those that were openly stared at the two of them. Din paid them no mind, one goal in his head.
He walked into the cantina, knowing if there ever was a way to learn about a town, it was going to their cantina first.
And not half a minute of talking with the Weequay bartender, the “Captain” walked in. The man wasn’t a Mandalorian, his face was bare, showing off white hair, sun-freckled pale skin, and a well-trimmed beard. His coat was sturdy, but patched to high heaven, with a bright red scarf around his neck. He wore the compass on his belt like he was flaunting it. It made Din’s blood boil. If Din were a younger man, he would’ve shot him right there for it.
But he tried talking. The compass should be in the hands of a Mandalorian. The Captain swore up and down he had gotten it fairly and therefore it should be his.
“I’ve given you an easy out already. Take it off,” Din said, “Or I will.”
“We gonna do this in front of the kid?”
“He’s seen worse.”
The Captain stood, fingers already itching for the flintlock on his hip, no doubt preloaded like Din’s were. They were interrupted by cries from outside. The Captain holds up a hand before smoothly exiting the cantina. Din follows, but stops in the doorframe to take it all in.
There were several broken fishing boats being led through the rocky shores, dragged onto the sands, people shouting, people carrying others. The Captain was in the middle of it all, shouting orders, trying to bring organization to the chaos.
In the distance, was the unmistakable view of a large tentacle slipping beneath the waves.
Din didn’t want to get in the way of this organized chaos, but then a twi’lek with scarred lekku was shoving bandages into his arms and gesturing over to a house across the way. Din wasn’t going to say no to that.
The house was quieter than outside, only pained whimpers and soft, hushed voices. A collection of wooden splinters already piled beside the bed as the doctor continued to take tweezers to one of the people who came in. Din placed the bandages by their side before stepping back, nearly colliding with the Captain.
He looked at the scene with a pensive expression. Immediately, Din could see that his care for his people went further than words. There was corded energy in those shoulders, anger that wanted to be released at the creature that did this to his people.
The Captain ushered him out of the room.
As they walked back to the cantina, the Captain said, “How about this; you help me with the kraken, I give you back your compass.”
“Deal.”                                                                                                          
-=-
The Captain led him past the edge of town to the cliff’s edge. On the journey he told his name was Cobb Vanth; Din held off on his own introduction.
“None of us are much for traveling,” Cobb said, “but the kraken planted itself right where we normally fish. Even when I send people to fish in a different spot, the damn thing follows after. We’ll be starved out sooner rather than later.”
They crested over the hill and the expanse of ocean fell before them. The kraken was visible from the cliffs, a dark mark under the waters, swimming languidly around the coast.
Din did a mental inventory of what he had on the Razor Crest; a handful of spears, a harpoon, some rope. Cobb had shown him the town’s stores before they left. It wasn’t going to be enough.
He stepped back from the ledge, back where Cobb is. “Is there a Tusken encampment nearby?”
Cobb raised an eyebrow. “The Tuskens? But they’re-”
“They know the coast and water better than anyone. We can’t kill it with just the two of us.”
“If they know the area then won’t they want to… I don’t know, not kill it?”
“Then, we’ll just have to ask.”
“Ask? You don’t ask a Tusken anything.”
He could, in fact, ask a Tusken for things. Din was thankful for the cloth in front of his face, masking most of his pride as he watched Cobb’s jaw drop as he asked the Tuskens for their help. It turned out, they did want help in defeating the kraken. Its sudden appearance had also affected their fishing.
They had to travel further to where the kraken had made his home. Din stayed in the back with Cobb, where he seemed more comfortable.
Cobb also apparently liked to talk when he’s nervous.
“So, you spend your days on the ocean? All the time?”
“Mhm. Do you spend all your days on land?”
“Mostly. I used to be on a ship, but not like you. I was a galley slave on an Imperial ship, but before then I had dreams of being as free as you, traveling the waters on a boat with a crew of my own.” His face fell. “Haven’t thought about that dream… for a while.”
To have something that should have meant freedom be taken away from you, Din couldn’t imagine.
“But you escaped?”
“Kriff, yes. Raised a mutiny, sunk those fuckers to the bottom of the sea. I found the compass in the captain’s drawers and it pointed us here. Few more people joined, some left, but it’s as home as we can get.”
Din could only nod. He found himself surprised with the thought that he was glad that Cobb got the compass. He had no idea what the Empire was doing with a Mandalorian artifact, but it was definitely put to better use finding people a home.
They made camp up in the dunes. Din had to waste a bullet, firing into the air to disrupt the startings of a fight between Cobb and the Tuskens. Planning was slightly easier after that.
He took off his coat, bundling it up into a nest for the child to sit in. He rolled up his sleeves to free up his arms as he continued translating. He noticed Cobb looking at the tattoos that traveled up his arms. He doesn’t comment on it.
-=-
Small boats littered the coastline the next day. The plan was for people from both the Tusken band and Mos Pelgo would distract the kraken long enough for a boat of explosives to be set up and ignited close enough to kill it but not the people.
It doesn’t go great.
There were enough boats in the water to pick up people who capsized in the wake of the monster’s waves, the thing lashing out as folks took pot shots with pistols and arrows. They managed to set the boat laden with explosives off in its direction, but when the time came to ignite, the explosion happened, but it just managed to scratch the beast.
Din reached for the harpoons he brought as backup. He and Cobb try firing at the kraken, but they skim off its skin.
The Tuskens were still firing their weapons at the creature. Mos Pelgans took turns firing guns and reloading in turn. All it did was keep the creature at bay, which wouldn’t last long at all. He needed to think of something to kill the creature or everyone here would die.
He furtively scanned around the deck for something, anything. His gaze landed on the extra explosives they had kept on hand. The monster’s skin was too thick for the explosions to take but elsewhere…
Din doesn’t think, he just moves. He grabbed as many sticks of dynamite as he could, stuffing them in the pockets of his coat. There was a coil of rope tied off to the railing, which he took and wrapped around his waist. Even after years of living on ships, his hands shook as he tried to tie it. Suddenly, Cobb was in front of him, taking the rope from his hands and tying it tight around his midsection.
He pulled it hard, once, twice, and it wasn’t going anywhere.
“What are you gonna do?” Cobb asked.
“I’m not sure,” Din said, pulling the rope tighter around his waist.
“Then what should I do?”
Din looked at him, really looked at this man who was willing to do so much for his community in light of so much hardship in his own life. He looked back at the dark shape in the water racing for their boats
He took off his hat and tossed it at Cobb. “Take care of the Child.”
And before Cobb could do anything beyond catch the hat, Din leaped off the side of the ship. He couldn’t tell if Cobb shouted anything after him as the kraken burst from the water. He forced himself to keep his eyes open as he fell straight into the kraken’s maw.
-=-
It was nothing but darkness inside the beast. Even with the scarf over his nose, the scent of salt water and death was everywhere. He dug himself in the mouth of the beast, boots scraping against bony protuberances in the things throat. He emptied his pockets as fast as he could while holding on for dear life as the monster bucked and screamed.
He hoped the kraken was out of range of the boat.
When he was left with one explosive left, he fished around in his pockets for his matchbook. He struck the match and lit the explosive before chucking it down with all the others like it.
He turned and clawed at the kraken’s beak, heart pounding in his chest. If he doesn’t get out of here before the explosion goes off-
Suddenly, a roaring filled his ears and a mass of hot air flung him out of the monster. His scarf twists around his head and he can’t see anything as he flails. He landed hard in the water and then it was silent as the dark water pulled him down.
He wasn’t sure how long he drifted. The shock of cold water and the heaviness of his coat made movement impossible.
He didn’t regret asking Cobb to take care of the child, he’d be in good hands.
Something wrapped around his waist and pulled. Din tried to resist, not sure if he was being dragged toward air or to his death, but his arms were useless, heavy and leaden. He had no strength and so he let it happen.
And then they broke through the surface of the water, a cool wind icing his skin instantly. He took a shuddering breath and nearly choked on water and his sopping wet scarf. Hands came up and pulled the scarf off his face. He coughed, chest shuddering with each intake of breath. He realized he’s being held, arms around his waist, and it isn’t until he can take a full breath did he finally bother to wipe salt water from his eyes and look at who was holding him.
It was Cobb. His hat and coat were off, red shirt darkened to maroon with all the water. He was searching his face for… something.
Din took a breath, resisting the urge to cough again. “I thought I said- you need to take care of the kid!”
“I am!” Cobb said, holding his head up to avoid a passing wave. “By making sure his daddy lives!”
Cobb maneuvers his arms so he’s gripping a floating piece of rowboat. It’s thankfully big enough that when Din leans his whole weight on it, he doesn’t sink back into the ocean.
“Everyone okay?”
Cobb gave him a look that Din thinks means he’s stupid. “Yes, thanks to you, partner.”
They only have to tread water for a couple of minutes before a rowboat headed by the twi’lek Issa-Or arrives. Cobb makes sure Din is pulled aboard before climbing in himself.
-=-
They stayed the night. Din isn’t in any position to argue with Cobb’s hospitality. He didn’t think he’d be able to turn the wheel on the Razor Crest let alone sail it out of harbor.
Cobb opened his house to them. It was a small abode, raised off the ground like the others. Its small size made it even more obvious the telescope and sextant were on display on the only table in the main room.
Din wanted to pass out then and there, but Cobb firmly set him in one of the wooden chairs before disappearing behind the one door in the house. He returned with a roll of bandages and water. He thought it was to drink, until Cobb started peeling back the wet layers of Din’s clothes to reveal burns and scratches he hadn’t even felt. Cobb dips a rag into the freshwater, rinsing out the salt and detritus from the wounds.
He worked in silence, both too exhausted from the day to say much. They could hear the sounds of the party outside, Tusken and Mos Pelgan alike celebrating the death of the beast.
A drunken group walked past and the two of them can hear the butchered shanty they sing. They glanced to the window then to each other, sharing hidden smiles.
All patched up, Cobb gave him the bed and set something up for the child. Din knew he should be aware of his host, should know where his host himself is sleeping the night, but he couldn’t bring himself to care with exhaustion tugging him into the bed.
Voices from the other room kept him up,  cracking one eye open to focus on the now familiar drawl.
“You know, in the past few days, whenever I looked at the compass for a sign of how to kill the kraken, it always pointed out to sea. I didn’t know what that meant, if I had to go sailing for a kraken expert or find a sunken treasure that would kill the kraken. I don’t know, I was getting desperate. But now… I’m thinking it might’ve been pointing to your dad.”
He heard the child’s burbles of delight and finally, finally, he slid into unconsciousness.
-=-
Din woke up to the sun shining in his eyes, light reflecting off the compass placed on the pillow that wasn’t there last night. Any lingering drowsiness left him when he realized what it is.
The Mandalorian compass.
He grabbed it and opened it up, thinking about Grogu and the teacher he needed. The arrow spun around, until stopping, hovering at a point out back toward the ocean.
A heading. He had a heading.
He fell back into the bed, just staring at the compass. It was embedded in a box made of dark wood, carvings all around the edges, Mando’a script, if he had to guess. It’s incomprehensible, chipped to the point of  being illegible.  
Something in the bed crinkled as he shifted. He turned and searched for the source and founda scrap of paper. It took a moment for him to parse, but it was just Cobb letting him know he had business to attend to and he would be back when Din left.
Right... they had to leave this town to continue their quest.
He reminded himself of that as he went out to find the child. The house sounded suspiciously quiet for all the mischief the child got into.
-=-
They got their affairs in order quicker than expected. Some people had spent the night alongside the Tuskens preparing the kraken meat to distribute to the rest of the town – and Din, apparently.
It seemed like the whole town had come out to see them off. They apparently had held off giving their thanks until they knew he was conscious. Din looked over the grateful townspeople’s heads to see Issa talking intently with Cobb. When Cobb glanced over his way, he ducked his head back down.
Normally he would sneak out of this kind of attention, but the kid was eating it up, beaming like he was the one who took down the beast, so Din went down the line, nodding respectfully at every given comment.
By the time he got to the end of the line, he was already ready to take a nap, but he raised a hand to bid them all good-bye and turned to walk out of town.
“Mando!”
Din turned around to see Cobb running after him, heel kicking up sand.
He stops in front of him. “Do you- do you need help on your quest?”
“Are you offering? Thought you had a town to look after.”
He scratched the back of his neck. “Well, the kraken was our biggest threat, and with the peace brokered with the Tuskens, there’s not much for me here.”
Din tried to tamp down his excitement, not believing what he was hearing. “You still have your sea legs?”
“Long as you don’t lock me up below deck, I should get them just fine.”
“I’d never,” he said quickly. 
Cobb smiled. “Well then, permission to come aboard?”
Din hoped Cobb could tell he was smiling behind the bandana. “Granted.”
-=-
As they sailed out of port, Din kept glancing at Cobb, who was fidgeting up a storm. He kept tapping his fingers against the railing, glancing out at the disappearing coastline.
Finally, after even the Child was tapping on his pant leg to point out Cobb’s unease for him, he hatched a plan. He affixed the wheel so it wouldn’t turn on its own. Then he went about setting the sails and ropes for the same task, keeping them on course while Din took care of Cobb.
“We can still head back if you want to,” he said as he approached the other man.
Cobb turned over his shoulder. “No, I’m not having second thoughts. I’ve… My friends know I’m not exactly made for land.”
“Oh?”
Cobb flipped his scarf up to wipe at his head. “Before we made landfall at Mos Pelgo, we took out a few Imperial ports. Small things that we only noticed because of the ships with galley slaves, but… I ain’t felt that alive in a while.”
Din fished the compass out from his pocket, flicking it open. The arrow spun lazily, pointing back to Cobb for a second before spinning around in the direction they were sailing, the same direction it had pointed when he thought about what Grogu needed.
He snapped it shut, coming up to stand beside Cobb.
“I’m sure we’ll run into something along the way. Here, I’ve got something to show you.”
Cobb raised an eyebrow. “Alright, I’ll bite. What is it?”
Din bit his lip, glad for the bandana. “Do you trust me?”
Cobb chuckled. “I would have to be an idiot to sail out to who knows where with a man I didn’t trust.”
Din nodded. “Then let it be a surprise.”
Cobb acquiesced, letting himself be led to the middle of the deck. When they were under the main mast, Din grabbed the main line in one hand, pulling Cobb close with the other. He ignored how his cheeks flushed with the sudden closeness.
“Hold on tight,” he said.
“Wha-?” That’s all Cobb got out before Din flicked the switch with his foot and the two of them went rocketing up toward the crow’s nest. Cobb’s arms circled around him like a vice, his shouts lost in the wind.
Din made sure Cobb got in the basket before he did, especially when he realized his eyes were shut.
“Cobb, open your eyes.”
Cobb cracked one eye open and then both flew open as he realized what he was seeing. Glittering blue ocean, as far as the eye could see. There were two dots in the far distance, ships of some sort.
There was no better way to experience the vastness of it all, than looking at it from above.
He glanced at Cobb and saw his eyes tearing up a bit.
He doesn’t say anything for a long moment, letting Cobb take it all in. This was what being on the ocean was supposed to mean, freedom and possibility, beauty and wonder. Din didn’t expect to do much in laying a balm over Cobb’s past, but he hoped he could communicate with this view that he wanted to help when he could.
Cobb turned to face him and Din knew he understood.
“Thank you, Mando.”
“Din, my name is Din Djarin.”
“Then thank you, Din.” And to his surprise, he leaned over and kissed him just above where the scarf covered his face.
Neither of them acknowledged it, except for an exchange of eye contact. Neither could contain the mirth in the crinkles of their eyes.
“We should start plotting a course, shouldn’t we, Captain?” Cobb asked.
“Yes, Captain.”
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cabin-13 · 4 years
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u said self indulgent nico hcs?? 👀👀
ajkdsjkkj when I say self-indulgent, it’s Self-Indulgent and i pretty much ignore richard’s canon / haven't reread the books from either series in a long time nor have i read toa but if ur really interested... (long post ahead, sorry!)
nb nico is top tier 
goes by he/they pronouns 
touristcore aesthetic that’s slowly encroaching into e-person territory
he’s The Blueprint
likes thorn from the hex girls (even the reboot ver.) but digs dusk’s look more
how is this related u may ask?
yeah, i answer
idc abt canon so he and drew are bitchy friends and drew rags on his appearance constantly while brushing his hair but throws in self-care tips btwn loving insults
nico: you know im not a boy right
drew: doesnt change the fact you look like a wet rat, sweetie <3
i will forever stand by reynico being (platonic) soulmates and im gonna b extra self-indulgent and say they were friends in previous lives too and that’s why they vibed w each other so well <3 
speaking of previous lives, well.... heh..
(no but really, this hc is kinda embarassing but , if u want elaboration uhhhhhhhhhh)
i know nico only has like. a 5th grade education but i like to think he would be a good student ... if anything i think hades would at least homeschool him with the ghosts of (famous) teachers ??? he seems to be naturally curious and he’s kind of a smart ass (not in a mean way) in canon idk
polyglot nico! polyglot nico! polyglot nico!!!! he becomes the go-to translator at camp ( like he isn't already sjkjskjdk) 
yes he would know asl. why? bc i said so and rick needs to include include some hoh/deaf characters within the greek/roman pantheon <3 (if there is, not counting hearthstone from mcga)
leo finds out abt nico knowing spanish bc he once snorted at a joke he said and now leo won’t stop telling him shit like “¿cuál es la fruta que más se ríe? .... la naranja, ja, ja, ja --”
ironically has the best hair at chb (rick once said the di angelos had silky hair in the titan’s curse i think + reyna said something abt his hair too in boo ?? i'll have to check...) once he cleans up and the aphrodite kids are seething
nico’s hair starting to gray at a young age is also an interesting concept ! i think tumblr user fuocogo drew something ft that and it stuck with me
really self indulgent but he’s roman at heart (maybe even Literally. i read somewhere that an italian fan said the di angelos fit the desc. of modern day romans better than venicians ?? if i find it, i’ll link it >>>)
 i like to think his family are legacies of victoria seeing as he’s always one of the key pieces / an important informant for winning both wars ... plus his grandpa was a diplomat and uhhh idk where I was going w this ngl
speaking of family, I need to know if the di angelo bloodline no longer exists assuming maria was an only child and there was no mention of any other di angelos aside from her parents ..? i like the idea of nico finding out that he has more family tho !!
also I would love it if rick cleared up where and when he met maria pls and thank u <3
I MISS BABY NICO’S PERSONALITY SM ... which is why i propose that whenever one of his friend’s see his eyes sparkling and arms waving while he babbles abt whatever topic, they think it’s really cute !!!! like !! keep talking !! 
 he gets embarrassed when he sees his friends smiling at him but it kinda makes him a bit teary eyed bc it’s been so long since he was able to talk abt his interests without being shut down / forcing himself to keep quiet because he felt like he was being too childish/annoying
what im saying is that he should be able to act like a kid bc he is one !!!! he's 14 !!!!!
he either has the cutest laugh or the weirdest laugh and it strictly depends on who ur asking
i feel like he sneezes like a kitten...............he sneezes and everyone whips their head around to look at him and he’s never wanted to dig a hole and put himself in it more than now
i like the imagery of tinkling bells being associated with him so im gonna sayyy he would have a necklace with a little bell (something like this kinda ??) and yes, leo would’ve made it for him as a joke kinda but not really
valdangelo (either as a friendship or nah) is underrated
like ur telling me this kid has a metal dragon and builds the coolest things ever and nico doesn't even think it’s a little bit cool ?? nah. rr did them dirty.
the kids at camp love him and i won't take no for an answer
he brings out ye ol’ mythomagic figurines to explain/show them the monsters and gods of the greek pantheon
it’s a win-win situation bc he gets to babble abt his hyperfixation and the kids get to learn abt what they're gonna get into in a way that’s better than the camp orientation film (since nico’s literally the only one who’s seen it ((but i think the stolls wanted to check it out too ??)) )
they give him a “camp’s best counselor <3333” mug and he cries abt it to reyna and hazel
yes he’s wearing an unusual amount of friendship bracelets no he's not gonna take them off shut up
unfortunately im team short!nico bc i want 2 see him get engulfed by the hugs his sisters (yes this includes reyna) and friends give him !!! 
he wears demonia platform sneakers / doc martens (and converse but that’s p much a given) thank you <3
piper/nico friendship ... I Need It
they borrow each other’s clothes constantly
leo and them clown on jason  and jason is Suffering but he loves them all so it’s ok 
piper could probably carry nico 
nico stress bakes 
yeah
he and clovis become good friends and hang out in the dream world and u know what, im gonna say they’re cuddle buddies too. clovis seems like he would give nice hugs !
im a sucker for nico having friends from different pantheons too !!! also becoming sort-of friends with gods/immortals of different pantheons !!
the underworld demigod discord gc is cursed; one moment they're all talking abt how they're pretty much fated to stay in the underworld while they're both living and after they die but the next moment someone says they want a hug and a chorus of “yeah...”’s follows.
nico was a momma’s boy most definitely 
speaking of which, i like to think that while him and bianca looked like their dad and mom respectively, it would’ve switched when they got older ?? idk
autistic nico ..... rick make it canon and not btwn the lines......
idk how to explain this one bc it’s just Plain Weird but . i feel like . nico would like?? hang out under his bed ??? maybe i’ll draw a pic or something and edit this later sjjdjkddk
this is just me projecting but he hates looking at mirrors / seeing himself in photos bc the person he sees doesn't match the person he sees in his head ?? if that makes sense ??? like he doesn't look like the nico he used to be bc of how much his appearance changed ? idk
uhhh he sometimes hallucinates, esp when he was in tartarus and in the month after coming out of the jar
maybe i’ll elaborate on this later ..
i need more annabeth and nico friendship pls...... both of them like/liked percy and now he can't stop getting clowned 
HOWEVER.... if I see one more “not his/my type” joke im going to delete my tumblr
speaking of which, i have a conspiracy theory abt Things, but i don't wanna get my ass sniped into next tuesday
introvert leo forcing himself to be the group comedian even though he’d much rather be with machines and extrovert nico who pushes ppl away so he doesn't get hurt but desiring the company of another type vibes. im not gonna elaborate.
his latest hyperfixation is pokemon and his favorite pokemon are gengar and skitty, but jirachi and mimikyuu are close seconds
has a crush on N Harmonia  and a bunch of the male gym leaders no im not gonna elaborate
this isn't a hc but. rick u really gotta stop writing abt ppl automatically distrusting nico because of his appearance / godly parent (although some were kinda warranted based of their personal history even though nico still pulled through in the end)  im getting tired of reading abt ppl wanting to like. hurt him or Actually hurting him for stuff he didn't have control of sjkjsjkdsjkdk (like wtf happened with frank when hazel got poisoned?? I thought frank actually liked nico ahjkjsjkf) 
uhhhhh that’s p much it ??????  sorry for the long ass post .. maybe i’ll write abt him more if ppl really want me to...
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wolfgrowlwrites · 4 years
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Tribe of Rushing Water Analysis
Since people were curious both on my thoughts about the Tribe of Rushing Water in Canon and how I’ve rewritten them in my fic Ties that Bind, here’s the massive post on it. If you read this entire thing, thank you.
--- 
Alright so I’m not much of an internet funnyman but I was an English Major and someone with a hyperfixation on the Warrior Cats series so it’s time to analyze the Tribe! The following post will include Spoilers for Watership Down (yeah the rabbit book, I’ll come back to this) and I will speak openly about the Warriors Series as a whole with the assumption that the people reading have already read the books in question. The goal of this is to discuss the Tribe’s narrative placement in the story, and what I’m doing with them in my rewrite.
Now Warriors was originally just going to be one book, and then six, and then first three books of the second arc. The weird effects this has on the narrative and tone is best explored elsewhere, but I bring this up because Midnight, Moonrise and Dawn were meant to be a trilogy ending the series. And this trilogy was based on nothing other than Watership Down, all of which is important to consider when we talk about the Tribe. The Tribe was meant to only appear briefly, which means there was no need for fleshing them out, and they are the Warriors parallel of Cowslip’s Warren.
For those of us who haven’t read Watership Down, it is a story about a bunch of rabbits who have a prediction of the destruction of their home and set out on a quest to find a new one. (Sounds familiar right?) One of the dangers they run into along the way is what originally appears to be a friendly warren run by a rabbit named Cowslip. The rabbits immediately find themselves on edge, as while this warren is exceptionally friendly there is the underlying evidence that something is wrong. When they ask questions the natives to the burrow deflect and dance around answering, and while their customs seem similar, they’re different enough to be unsettling. Behold, I’ve described the Tribe in Moonrise. And like the Tribe, the fact that Cowslip’s Warren is hiding is that there’s something extremely dangerous hunting them. Cowslip’s warren is being maintained by humans who are actively snaring the rabbits, and the Tribe has Sharptooth who is also hunting them. In fact, the snares almost kill one of the traveling rabbits, while Feathertail does end up dying to Sharptooth.
(Thank god I’m doing this on Tumblr not Twitter, god this thread would be unbearable.)
(For those who have read Watership Down, Brook is probably supposed to be Strawberry.)
So narratively, the Tribe are there to be a hinderance to the traveling cats who seem friendly and similar to them but have a danger to them that will put the traveling cats at risk. That is the role they’re meant to play, and as the series was meant to end after Dawn, the Erins didn’t need to flesh the Tribe out really beyond that.
But then money and the publishers spoke and the series continued and we returned to the Tribe except uh… huh. Honestly I kinda don’t want to get into this because it’s the same thing every time. The Tribe, who when we first meet them are described as huge and able to fight eagles, and are well adapted for life on the mountains, have encountered some problem and only the Clan cats can save them. Rinse and repeat. And as someone who has attempted to figure out the Tribe’s Allegiances, if you thought they were bad about remembering details for the Clans oh boy. For specific citations of the Tribe needs the Clans help, oh no, please see Moonrise, Outcast, Sign of the Moon, and Tawnypelt’s Clan. Sign of the Moon in particular because a Clan cat straight up choses the Tribe’s new leader. Can you imagine how the Clans would react if a Tribe cat tried that?
But it’s okay right because of the whole time-travel thing which means that Jayfeather actually founded the Tribe and named the first Stoneteller. I could write an entire essay on how much I hate this plot point, but that’s not the point here. The more important part is that some how the Tribe went from names like Stone Song, Half Moon, Lion’s Roar, Clear Sky, Gray Wing, etc. to names like Brook where Small Fish swim. I, as a white guy, don’t want to touch the racism there, I’m pretty sure other people have explained it better than I can, but the short version is that a group named the Tribe with names like Jagged Rock where Heron Nest comes off like a stereotype for Native Americans, at least from my white American experience. So, uh, solid yikes on that one, especially when those aren’t even the names they use (because of course not they’re a fucking mouthful) which gets to the world building point I’m gonna touch on instead.
The Ancients become the Tribe but somehow the names grow so long that they all have to go by nicknames that… almost resemble what Ancient names were to begin with? I understand this is because the Tribe’s naming convention got established before the time loop thing, but honestly, there is no reason they should’ve been named like that and in fact more reasons why they shouldn’t have. Between the racism and then from a writing perspective, what is the point, of having names like that if they’re never used? Like narratively it makes no sense from the start, and the Time Travel plot only makes that more obvious.
All that said, I actually super adore the Tribe! I wish they’d been handled differently in a lot of places but they had so much potential to be cool that got lost along the way. So thus, we come to my rewrite. If you’re just here for Tribe Analysis you’re free to go, but if you’re here for how I’m rewriting the Tribe than settle in.
---
In my rewrite the Tribe has Ancient names from the get go, because it makes more sense and allows for the Tribe to serve its original narrative function, that is, a place similar to what the Clan Cats are used enough to be comfortable, but different enough to be unsettling. The Tribe has ancestors not unlike StarClan but I have the Tribe’s worship working very differently. Stone Tellers are raised from birth to serve as a guiding force for the Tribe because they are the ones that can speak to the ancestors, and every full moon, when the Cave of Pointed Stones glows, they lead their tribe to speak with their ancestors, in something not unlike a gathering, but it is meant to be a form of remembrance, as they are sharing news with their ancestors instead.
The Tribe has very extreme views of their ancestors, refusing to take the Tribe of Endless Hunting’s name in vain. It is also believed that a Tribe cat that has passed cannot move on to the Tribe of Endless Hunting until a final task has been completed. This task is something the cat would’ve wanted to do while alive, but didn’t get to, so now one of their family, or a close friend, does it in their place. (To a reasonable extent, for example telling someone that the cat who died was in love with them, not settling down with them to raise a family because that’s what the dead cat wanted to do.) Those who have not moved on linger as ghosts. They don’t have stars in their pelts, and they don’t have the ability to see the future to warn their Tribemates the way StarClan or the Tribe of Endless Hunting do. They are capable of speaking to those who can see them, usually Stone Teller, but otherwise they tend to simply watch and wait for someone to help them move on.
The Tribe believes that the future is chosen by the Tribe of Endless Hunting, to challenge their omens is the most heretical thing a cat can do. The current Stone Teller decides a cat’s future when they are born, Cave-guard, Prey-Hunter, or rarely, the next Stone Teller. Those kits are taken by the current Stone Teller once they’re old enough to be weaned and raised in the Cave of Pointed Stones. Their name is chosen by the current Stone Teller and stripped from them when they become the next Stone Teller. Stone Teller is meant to be the ancestor’s conduit to the living and an impartial leader to the Tribe. However, not every leader can live up to those expectations, and should the Tribe begin to doubt the current Stone Teller’s capability to guide them, they can make a new cat leader. This cat would do the job of leading the Tribe, while Stone Teller continues to serve as the medicinal and spiritual leader. This rarely happens, and when it does it is rarely so clean cut, as no one particularly enjoys admitting they’ve made a mistake and need to be replaced as leader.
The Stone Teller is assisted in leading the Tribe by the head of the Cave-Guards and the head of the Prey-Hunters, these are seen as the cats that are best at that job and capable of quick decision making and good judgement calls. They often work together to organize hunting patrols and discuss issues in the territory, often presenting Stone Teller with their solutions alongside problems.
Honestly the Tribe won’t be playing a very large role in my rewrite as a whole, but since they have an entire arc dedicated to them, I wanted to make sure I had them well fleshed out. There’s a few details I’ve left out because this is long enough, but if you’re curious about anything I’ve said either about the Tribe or my rewrite, hit me up.
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woodys · 6 years
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I feel like it’s important right now that i’m typing. I’m not sure where this post is going to go and what i’m going to say, how disturbing it might get but for the first time in the longest while I have this need to park myself and type. This godforsaken site is called a blogging site so I guess, just this once, I’m going to sit here and for the first time in all my years of being on it—use it as one. Is this a post i’m proud of? No, I already know it’s not. But at the same time I think the only person i’m writing it for is for myself. My future self. For her to come back and read. To see how lucky and how strong she is, maybe serve as a reminder of how far she’s come whenever she remembers i’ve left this here for her to read. Because it’s something that happened and something I don’t think i’m afraid of anymore. Something I should be open about and something I shouldn’t repress. Because if I hadn’t been open about it at some point, I wouldn’t be here to type it for anyone to read.
December 17 was the day I was supposed to die. Monday December 17, 2018. That’s what I wanted my obituaries to say. That’s what I wanted my gravestone to say. It was the day I hyperfixated on for about three weeks and to me it was perfect in every way. When it came it was a beautiful day, the weather just ideal. Much like it had been three months back on the date, also Monday, September 17th, when my mom started the eternal rest that came sooner than she deserved. Our dates would be just alike. Just like when we matched the same outfits when I was smaller. It was something that would connect us again in a infinite day. That was supposed to be my day to go. 
I did research on what I wanted more than I wish I ever had. I had my options, all of them as painless as possible. I was counting down and for awhile just to reflect I started to keep track of one thing a day i’d miss or that I was grateful for. By the last week that fell to the wayside because it was like I had nothing left. Everything seemed against me. I felt like I was fighting this big bad world alone having to front a smile and be the person I used to be. I’ve been so tired. I’ve got no energy. By Wednesday I think I had thrown in the towel. I went to the nail shop the next day and it almost felt as if I was prepping myself for everyone else. At least my nails would look great (mom was about to get hers done) and my hair is styled in the way people normally saw me (mom’s wasn’t. she had plans to take her braids down just the next week). Sunday rolls around with what felt like the fatal blow, final straw, I was just ready to clock out at midnight on Monday Eastern time. It was midnight somewhere I thought. 
When i’ve seen people go through things like this, at least online, it looks....it looks entirely like a joke. And I do, think that there are people out there that throw these thoughts and feelings around online just to get the attention, just to snatch a moment of pity and kindness out of people. That’s why I was set on keeping the act until the day of. Being the sunny, cheery, positive disposed person everyone I interact know me as. I came into this year with a high head. I was hopeful. I was ready to do big things. But as the year went on the bad piled on and on. But I still fought! That was my thing. My shoulders were heavy but i’d keep fighting on. At any point of the year I could turn all of it around and own it. 8 is my favorite number after all. 2018 was supposed to be a good one. 
But then I went to sleep one night....and woke up to a world without my mom...my last surviving parent. The woman who raised me on her own, who was worried about me constantly, who gave the best hugs, and got on my nerves but it had always been the two of us. I still can’t believe i’m moving and living in a world that she’s no longer in. You just don’t come out of that like a champ. You can’t walk away from something like that as a champ. I tried to fight like I know she would’ve liked me to. Be myself. Try to do the things I normally did. I tried to honor her in all the ways I could but as each 17th hit I just got weaker and weaker. And i’m still so frail. The next month i’ll be in a new year without her. I didn’t want to go into the new one without her. I still don’t. 
And while I sat in my kitchen, minutes after midnight, crying so hard I don’t even think my eyes felt opened, with my phone in hand I just felt it all. I always read that people who get this point feel nothing at all...well I felt everything all at once. And I know that’s mostly because that’s who I am as a person. I care so much, I love so much. I love more than I need to. I love those who don’t deserve it. I love and care about people who do me wrong in and out and I want nothing more than to see them well and happy regardless. I just wanted to stop feeling. I’m so tired of feeling. Especially feeling everything. Feeling that I have to smile, that I have to answer that i’m okay and pretend to be okay when I haven’t been. I remember thinking ‘I feel too much to be loved so little’ over, over, and over again. Mom’s so lucky she doesn’t have to feel anymore. Feel or be tired or worry about anyone. I wanted that. For someone like me, it seemed only ideal.
Though, I know in the littlest speck deep down, I didn’t want to go. When I went to the movies that Sunday I cried at nearly every preview, thinking about about all the movies that I wouldn’t see. All the songs I wouldn’t hear and fall in love with and all the games i’d never get to play. I looked at the two pieces of my artwork on the wall and thought about how I wouldn’t create anymore. Not that I have in about a year or so, because its been a deeper battle to find that love again but...I’d never see myself improve how I wanted. I felt all of this too while I cried in the kitchen that night. While a good friend of mine talked to me about all the things i’d miss out on I felt all of it. Was I really satisfied with just having lived to see the trailer to Toy Story 4? You laugh, but that’s just how much that series means to me. And now that i’m in better mind, a semi-better heart, I can answer that no. No I would’ve missed out entirely.
It’s really a miracle I got through the 17th. It’s a miracle because I felt I was ready to say goodbye. I thought I was doing everyone I knew a favor to just disappear with no warning, no trace. I didn’t feel important. I still don’t feel important to any cause. I saw first hand how people rallied to love at my mom’s funeral and it’s so sad. How the living never know how much they’re loved until they’re laying in their casket. I wish mom knew how many people overflowed that hall for her funeral. Friends old and new and all the good things they said. I wish she could’ve known it all when she was alive. But that day, the people who knew my plan, reached out to me. People I cared about young and old stood with me through that day, buzzing my phone throughout. One friend sent me pictures of bunnies. Another of her cat. Another one just made me smile by just reminding me that she was thinking of me while my best friend just checked in. I got to show my friends Toy Story shorts they hadn’t seen. And I laughed at Toy Story 2 right into midnight of the 18th. I broke down afterward though. It felt like I had shoved aside a huge hurdle. All of it wasn’t the attention I asked for. It’s not the attention I wanted, even. It’s not attention that i’m proud to be getting. But all of it was acts of love. How could I just deny the effort of so many people that are fighting hard to keep me alive, reminding me that i’ve never been alone when I was ready to give up. Reminding me of the good things life has to offer. Be it their pets, your favorite scene, the things that make you laugh. Relationships i’ve created all on my own that i’d leave behind forever.
So i’m sitting here a day past my death date now reflecting on what i’ve been going through. If I had died that day I wouldn’t have seen my best friend laughing at some ridiculous internet catfish story that he got himself caught up in. I wouldn’t have enjoyed pancakes. I wouldn’t have heard about my best friend enjoying her goodies in the package I’d sent in the mail. I would’ve missed out on the good new soundtracks I own. I would’ve missed singing along to some old favorite songs from one of my favorite movies. 
Am I okay? No. I’m not. I’m furthest from okay right now and that’s okay. It’s okay to answer that i’m not fine instead of saying I am. It’s okay not to be happy all the time. No one expects that from me so I shouldn’t expect it from myself anymore. But I will be okay soon. I want to be. I’m not my grief and i’m a warrior. I can’t forget the people who love me and the promises i’ve made. All the movies i’ve got to see from Toothless to how badly Sonic does next November. One day I hope the 17 just becomes a sad number, and not a date I think of dying. Most importantly, I hope one day I tell my mom about everything I did after she fell asleep. The last day we were together she asked me what my goals were. I haven’t even started working toward them yet. I can’t disappoint her by having nothing to tell her when she gets to ask me again. 
Time and patience are said to heal all wounds, so I hope that it fix up this scar of mine. I still never imagined i’d be here. I never imagined i’d stare at death so close to the face and I guess that’s why i’m putting it all pen to paper. Well, figuratively. If someone I know closer to me found this and read it who knows what would happen. 
There’s no way in my lifetime i’ll be able to thank the people who stopped me even if they know they did or not. Everyday now is a day I could’ve missed out on and what I almost missed seeing. I beat the boss fight of the 17th. Now it’s just going at that final boss on the 31st. From here on out I want to do all that I can to just make it there and see the end of this (excuse my language) goddamned hell of a fucking year. Even if I can’t give my 100% i’ll try at 50. If I can’t do 50, i’ll try 25. I just can’t give up. 
And while i’m still not proud that I got this close, i’m proud that i’m still standing. I’m proud to wake up and just try even if the odds are against me. I’m proud to still be able to respond to my friends and tell them I love them day in and day out. I’m so proud of me for making it through even when I felt like I couldn’t.
I’m so proud to still be alive. 
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novantinuum · 7 years
Text
the time we lost, the time we mended (Chapter 4)
AO3
Rating: T
Words: ~ 3600 
Story Summary: Before the summer of 2012, Ford and Fiddleford never thought they’d get the opportunity to see each other again. Now… they have a second chance. A chance to rekindle the love they once shared, reconnect a family once lost, and to mend old wounds. But as they’ll quickly discover, fixing the mistakes of the past doesn’t always come easy. Nor is it always possible. RP to fic.
A Fiddauthor reunion story written by @the-ill-doctor​ and I! This chapter features Stan and Fidds bonding over cooking, the ol’ McGucket family gravy recipe, and scrapbook-ortunities. Also, Ford can’t deny it any longer- he definitely still has a crush...
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3
Fiddleford crept across the hardwood floor at a sloth’s tempo, gently testing the corners of each board for extreme creaks and whines before pressing his full weight upon them. The little alarm clock resting on the dresser in the parlor Stanford let him sleep in read eight o’ four when he left. Since he didn’t know how late or early anyone in this here Shack slept in normally, he figured he should stay as quiet as he could. The last thing he wanted to do was give any of the fellas living here an unexpected spook.
He yawned deeply, quickly slamming his hands over his mouth when he realized how unintentionally loud he was being. Dagnabbit, he wanted his surprise breakfast to be a surprise to the family, not announced to the whole world before he could cook it! Muttering to himself, he hurried his pace, luckily managing to avoid the brunt of the squeaky boards as he entered the kitchen. He then set about rummaging through the shelves and drawers to see if they had all the right ingredients for omelets, or maybe biscuits and gravy. Definitely biscuits and gravy, he decided, since Stan didn’t seem to have any veggies he could toss in an omelet.
Hopefully he could remember his ma’s recipe in full this time...
Fidds heard heavy footsteps approaching, and a brash yawn. He turned and froze like a spooked deer intercepted by headlights on the backroads, standing on a chair in mid-reach for a baking sheet on the top of the shelf. Stanley stood in the doorway of the kitchen in his underwear and a tank top.
“Oh,” he said flatly, drinking in the scene before him. “Good mornin’, possum breath. Need help cooking anything?”
“M-mornin’, Stanley,” he said, and nervously tugged at his beard. He climbed down from the counter. Honestly, he still wasn’t sure how to act around Ford’s brother, considering how stand-offish he’d acted towards him in the past. “I- I’m fine, I just wanted to surprise y’all with some grub to thank you for lettin’ me stay here!”
“Well, no need to thank me,” Stan mumbled almost imperceptibly. “It’s Ford’s house, after all. But... eh, you’re welcome I guess.”
Fiddleford could practically sense the cool metallic intensity of that man’s eyes boring through the back of his head as he continued searching about the kitchen, trawling for ingredients. He scratched at his arm. Constant surveillance made him feel kinda itchy.
“Uh, hey? If you’re making biscuits, then how ‘bout I make some bacon?” Stan spoke up then.
He grinned wide, flashing what teeth he had left. “Sure! Can’t have biscuits and gravy without ‘em! Now let's see, after flour I need... uh-" His brows sank, growing pensive as he desperately tried to sort through recently recalled memory. "Come on, Fiddleford, you should know this..."
Wordlessly, Stan pulled the correct ingredients off the shelves and placed them on the counter for him. He then got out a frying pan for himself, for bacon duty.
"Oh, thank ya’," he said, walking over to the counter to observe the ingredients. "Although-" He placed his hand on his mouth and leered at the food Stan set up for him. "There's somethin' missin', I just know it! Mcgucket, Mcgucket... The Mcgucket Family Secret Gravy Recipe!" He opened the fridge, and found a half used can of brown meat. "I can't believe I almost forgot this! My ma would have my hide if I messed up her gravy!"
“You’re rememberin’ more and more every day, aren’tcha?” Stan asked suddenly, glancing towards him as he watched the bacon beginning to sizzle. “After all that mind wiping cult stuff got taken down…”
Fiddleford nodded amicably, amid measuring flour and baking powder into his bowl. "Some days I get a ton o' them back and other days it's very slow." He looked up at the other man, smiling sincerely. "It's tricky piecin' a lot of them back, especially the ones about your brother. But I'm just happy I finally remember who I am!”
"That's, uh... that's real great," he said with a weak laugh, attention drifting away to the bacon again.
His smile faltered. Part of him wondered what was going on in Stanley’s mind right now, but the other part of him feared gathering the nerve to ask. It probably ain’t his business anyways.
Within a few minutes, he’d mixed everything together and formed the biscuits between his hands on the baking sheet. As he waited for the oven to heat up, he began to hum an old silly song he recalled his pa used to sing while strummin’ on the guitar... Oh, grandma’s in the cellar, and boy don’t you smell her cookin’ biscuits on that darn ol’ dirty stove? In her eye there’s a matter that keeps drippin’ in the batter, and she whistles as a- *SNIFF*- runs down her nose! His ma despised it, if he remembered correctly. He carefully edged the sheet into the oven, and pretty soon the sweet aroma of his cooking began to waft throughout the shack.
"Ya know, I used ta’ make this all the time for your brother,” he mentioned offhand.
"Is that so?" Stan said, raising a brow. "Well, good on ya'. Some days I think Ford would've starved to death if there weren’t someone there ta' feed him. I swear, it’s like he’s too distracted to eat half the time."
"You’re tellin’ me!" Fiddleford laughed. "I literally had to wrangle him into a chair and tie him down to get him to eat whenever finals came around!"
The other man’s face lit up, and he let out a loud bark of laughter- genuine, this time. "Yeah, that sounds like 'im, that nerd," he said, laying the cooked bacon on a plate. "Hey... it, uh- sounds like your memory's returning better then you thought. You said you had trouble remembering stuff about Ford, but... that's two memories right after another."
Fiddleford's amused chuckling died down as he stopped to think for a moment. "You’re right,” he murmured, eyes widening into saucers. He stared up at Stanley with probably the calmest expression he's ever given him. "Thank ya’!"
"For what? You're the one remembering everything, all I did was talk to ya'..."
"Well, talking to ya’ really helped." Fiddleford replied, still smiling. "It's hard rememberin’ on your own."
At that moment, the two heard footsteps approaching from around the corner, and muffled voices. It sounded like Ford and Dipper, cheerily talking about some supernatural creature they’d both encountered in the woods. Stan froze at the sound, and Fidds was sure that man was mentally hyperfixating on every last detail of his last not-so-friendly interaction with his brother the night before.
Ford poked his head into the kitchen first, drinking in the sight of the home cooking occurring. He inhaled deeply, likely having followed his nose to the kitchen. "Good morning, Fiddleford. Stanley." Can I talk with you outside? he mouthed at his brother.
Stan nodded nervously, ducking out of the kitchen with him.
"Mornin', Dipper!" Fiddleford said.
"Morning, McGucket." Dipper shuffled toward the breakfast table. “I, uh- I see you're making breakfast?”
"Yep, biscuits and gravy!" Fiddleford scooped up a heaping spoonful and offered it to Dipper. "Wanna taste? I promise it’ll be the best dang gravy you’ve ever tasted!" he said with a wink.
Dipper seemed hesitant, which he didn’t blame him for— the kid saw him cooking roadkill on a spit a few days ago, after all!— but it seemed the smell was too alluring. Walking over, he took the offered sample and gave it a shot. The moment his lips closed around the spoon, his eyes widened, and he promptly licked the utensil clean. Fidds beamed.
"Heh heh, guess that means I made it right!"
The boy stayed at the counter next to him after that, watching him finish cooking the gravy. "So Mr. McGucket, you and Great Uncle Ford were roommates in college, right?"
"Yes, siree we were!" Fiddleford replied.
"What was he like?"
Fiddleford paused from his cooking, considering the question seriously. "Honestly? I love that man, but he was an absolute pain in the tush to bunk with!"  
Stanley tensed as he walked into the hall with his brother, already getting flashbacks of the first argument they had here. As with every other interaction with Ford lately, nothing good could come out of this. He crossed his arms pensively. "Whatdy'a want?"
Ford sighed, pressing fingers to his temple. He seemed to almost deflate in his presence, oddly enough. "Stanley? Let me be frank with you."
Nevertheless, Uh-oh was all that could run through Stan's mind.
"I was-" Ford continued, forcing himself to look Stan in the eye. "I might have acted a little harsh towards you last night, and..."
"You think??" Stan burst out suddenly, residual anger from last night's encounter boiling over. "You were 'bout ta’ kick me out before the summer ended! Before my time, before I was ready, and exactly like what Dad did all those years ago!"
Ford stiffened at the comparison to their father, and continued. "I'm aware of that. Or at least, I was helped to become aware of that, and..." Another weary sigh. Where was he going with this? "There's no reason for me to treat you this way,” he said finally. “I'm- I'm not kicking you out. Obviously, you're free to leave if you ever wish to, but it would be unfair of me to uproot you from this place."
Stan stopped, and blinked. Dumbfounded. Did he just-? Did those words seriously come out of Ford's mouth? It wasn’t exactly an apology, but...
"So you're... you're letting me stay?" he said, mouth agape. "I don't have to leave after the summer?"
"No, you don't have to leave," Ford confirmed, a gentle smile crossing his face. "This has been your home for far longer than it's been mine, after all. I'd still like to talk about your Mystery Shack at a later date, and determine what compromises if any we could come to on that front, , but-"
Without any warning, Stan rushed forward and wrapped his arms tightly around his brother. Ford nearly stumbled back in surprise, at first not sure how to respond to this at all. But eventually, his hands stopped awkwardly floating midair and settled on Stan's back, tightly returning his embrace. They might still have a lot more to hash out- issues from their past to unpack- but for the moment they were simply happy to share in the kind of sibling affection neither had experienced in over forty years.
Meanwhile, Fiddleford continued to share embarrassing stories about his college years with Stanford, Dipper seeming wholly engrossed with each tale.
"Wow, so you two really didn't get expelled for setting the lab on fire?" he asked.
"Nope!" Fiddleford replied as he started to set the food on the table. "And luckily, too, the last thing we needed was to get kicked out of school. But boy howdy, were they not easy on us with the community service!"
“Are you giving me up, Fiddleford?” Ford asked suddenly, peaking around the corner of the doorway with a wry smile on his lips.
Fiddleford let out a surprised yelp. "H-howdy, Ford!" he said, grinning sheepishly. "Just sharin' some of our tamer days."
"Really? That's tame?" Dipper asked.
"My boy, setting a university laboratory on fire is child's play. Just wait until you hear about the time we almost accidentally released an alien superbug into all of greater Gravity Falls!" He walked over to his old friend, grinning mercilessly. "Fiddleford and I had all sorts of misadventures, back in the day..."
Fiddleford leaned his cheek against his arm, giggling at the memory. "Most of them were ‘coz someone liked to poke his nose into other critters’ business," he said, playfully nudging him in the stomach. "Yer’ just lucky we were able to synthesize that antidote, or else the town wouldn't be here anymore!"
Ford could feel the blood rushing to the capillaries near the surface of his face at the sudden physical affection, and while it left him with a sort of light, jittery sensation in his core he couldn’t necessarily attach a bad connotation to, he also felt a tinge of embarrassment that Dipper was there to see his reaction. He hadn’t gotten the chance to properly explore and catalogue his increasingly muddled thoughts on the matter yet. He’d far prefer to do that in private than in front of family, yes...
"Yeah, I fear we nearly destroyed the town on a number of occasions in those days," he replied to Fidds.
"Don't stop fearing yet," Stan butt in suddenly, returning to the kitchen. "Now that you're back in this dimension again, you've got plenty more years of potential destruction to cause!"
Ford frowned, picking at the stray threads on his jacket. Something about the way Stan phrased this brought the rift to mind, the rift he'd securely enclosed just this morning.
Mabel sleepily shuffled behind Stan, clutching onto a stuffed unicorn. "Mornin'," she yawned before climbing into one of the kitchen chairs.
"Mornin', pumpkin," Stan said, and gave her hair a nice big ruffle. He turned to the rest of the group, all loitering in the kitchen and surrounded by food. "Hey, we gonna eat, or what? This all smells delicious! Whoever cooked it must be a culinary genius... especially the fella who cooked that bacon!" He laughed boisterously at his own not-that-funny joke, and Ford promptly rolled his eyes.
"Do you need help taking any of these plates to the table, Fiddleford?" he asked, grateful for the change of topic from before.
"If y’all don't mind givin' me a hand. I'm hoping y’all like the food! Been a while since I've properly cooked anything."
"Tasted amazing to me!" Dipper smiled while helping a sleepy Mabel up to migrate.
Stan and Ford each grabbed a dish and carried them to the table in the living room. Ford carefully placed his at the center, and promptly returned to the kitchen to find some plates. Stan on the other hand, sat directly down, strategically positioning himself in the chair right in front of the bacon. "Hey, uh, kids," he began. "Just so ya' know, the Shack won't be open today. Maybe not for the next few days, who knows. But anyways, until this pigsty is fixed up, you two little gremlins are off the hook, okay? Go play with your friends, or in the woods, or whatever it is ya' do when I'm not lookin'."
"Really?" Mabel asked with a sleepy smile as she climbed into the seat beside him.
"Yeah, what's the catch?" Dipper asked, skeptical of his intentions as always.
Stan frowned deeply, more for show and dramatics than any true expression of disgruntlement. “The catch is, do it before I take advantage of Gravity Falls’ lax child labor laws and put you two to work on somethin’ else! Now, who wants bacon?”
“I’d like a strip or two,” Ford said eagerly, just returning to the table with plates and silverware for the five of them. He set the plates down and let the kids pass them out. “I don’t think I’ve eaten bacon for over thirty years. There’s not anything quite like it, out there in the midst of the multiverse...”
"I'll have a slice!" Dipper replied.
"Me too!" Mabel added.
Fiddleford walked in and set his gravy pot on the table. "It's been a long time since I've seen any bacon smellin’ this good,” he commented as he took his seat. "I wanna thank you again for helping me out with the cookin', Stanley."
“Yeah, yeah, you’re welcome, or whatever,” he said, brushing off his thanks with a flourish of his hand. Ford shot him one of those looks, but said nothing. Stan dished out the bacon to everyone, grabbing four slices for himself, and soon everyone began digging in.
Fiddleford noisily gobbled down his share of biscuits. To him, this was the most luxurious meal he'd eaten in months. After polishing off his first, he realized he’d spilled crumbs all over his beard, but he was so caught up in enjoying his food that he couldn’t bring himself to truly care. Meanwhile, Dipper practically drowned his poor biscuits in the gravy, and with food in her stomach Mabel was finally beginning to wake up.
Stanley worked away at his own plate quietly for a moment, too hungry to provide much in the way of conversation. As he ate, he glanced from Dipper, to Mabel… to Fiddleford, and sitting next to him— after all these years— his brother.
“Heh,” he muttered suddenly. “Y’know, now that I think of it, it’s funny…”
The four of them paused, Fiddleford mid-chew, when Stan spoke up.
"What is, Grunkle Stan?" Mabel asked.
“This… well, it’s dumb, but once I got ta’ thinkin’ about it, this is the first real meal I’ve shared with Ford in over forty years,” Stan said breathlessly, staring off into the distance, not quite meeting anyone’s eyes.
Ford dropped his fork against his plate, brows furrowing as he counted the years, calculated and double checked his claim. “You- my word, you’re right,” he said, eyes widening as he contemplated the truth behind this statement. Even yesterday— his first evening back— they hadn’t crossed paths much, since he’d dedicated nearly all of that time to constructing a containment field for the rift in the basement.
Mabel let out a loud and dramatic gasp at Stan's realization. "And it's the first time Grunkle Ford has eaten with me and Dipper period, meaning-" She shot up from her seat, all the vim and vigor Ford remembered from early this morning returning in a flash. "Be right back!" With no explanation, she rushed out of the living room, excitedly stomping up the stairs. Before anyone could truly comment on her outburst she returned with her polaroid camera.
"SCRAPBOOK-ORTUNITY!" she announced, holding the camera with lens facing her, the entire family in the frame behind her. When the camera flashed Stan was in the middle of picking his nose, and Ford was eighty percent certain he blinked. The greyed scientist began to laugh heartily at Mabel’s happy antics.
“You remind me of my Ma,” he said through laughter. “She was always taking pictures of Stanley and I, and mostly when we weren’t prepared for them.” He took another bite of his biscuit. A stray bit of gravy dribbled from his lip.
Mabel giggled and shook the polaroid when it came out of the camera. "I never miss a scrapbook-ortunity!"
“Mabel,” Dipper whined, “I was chewing when you took that picture!”
“It’s candid photography, that’s kinda the point, duh!”
Fiddleford gave his finger a lick, and reached towards Ford’s face. "Ford, ya’ got a little somethin' on yer chin..."
Ford blushed a deep scarlet as Fiddleford dabbed the gravy off his chin and the corner of his lips, his eyes blowing wide. He suddenly felt clammy, almost itchy as he felt the rest of the room stare at him… He knew for a fact they all saw the way his ears and cheeks flushed like some lovesick fool at Fidds’ touch, and his heart pounded at the thought of having to explain this to his own family when he hadn’t even taken time to fully consider these feelings himself. Not for the first time, he felt achingly like an alien— perhaps even an imposter— in his home, that is, if he could even claim it as such.
Mabel slammed her hands over her mouth and excitedly wiggled in her seat. She began to repeatedly nudge her brother's side, much to his annoyance.
When Fiddleford finished, he gave Ford a shy smile and leaned back in his chair. "Sorry, old habit from the old days," he said, blushing as well.
“Sheesh, if you two want to leave the room for a sec or somethin,’” Stan said snarkily, “then don’t let me stop ya’.”
Ford roughly set his cup down on the table. ”Stanley. That’s enough,” he hissed. “We will not be discussing this at the breakfast table.”
The kids flinched from Ford's sudden outburst.
“Wow, okay, okay,” Stan muttered, recoiling a little. “Hit a nerve there...”
"Stanford, there's no reason to get so upset, he was only teasin'." Fiddleford said, trying to diffuse the tension.
“I-I…”
Ford looked back and forth, from the kids— who were staring at him with slight apprehension— to Stan— who looked much like a kicked puppy— and finally to Fidds. Fiddleford. The man he knew deep down he’d never gotten over, never stopped loving, not even after thirty plus years, and the man who was currently gazing at him with such a gentleness in his eyes even despite his rough outburst. His palms sweat as he clasped them together, nervously threading his fingers between each other. Before his mind could catch up with his body, he found himself bolting through the door between the house and the gift shop.
Stan stared at the chair he left empty for a moment, trying to figure out where he’d gone wrong. He was only teasing. Surely Ford didn’t think he would judge him if he did have an old crush on Fiddleford, if his prediction was in fact accurate? “You, uh,” he began lamely, glancing towards Fiddleford. “You might wanna go after him before he locks himself away in the basement for the rest of the day.”
"Yeah, uh..." Fiddleford stood up. "E-Excuse me fellas."
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crystallised-star · 4 years
Text
i can’t tell if it’s funny or sad that i’m using this lowkey but also not so lowkey account as some form of messaging service between our worlds. well, my world and your, whatever else happens after someone dies i’m still not sure how i feel about the whole life after death thing but don’t tell my mum she’ll get upset at the thought of my shaking faith. on the bright side if there’s even a bright side to any of this, the idea of an afterlife is comforting. so hey maybe there’s a possibility for you to see all these messages. i was gonna voice note you but i’m only good with words when they’re written down. i stumbled over my words and say too much when my thoughts are spoken out loud.
spoiler alert: i’m still upset at you. but i think i’m not angry anymore. at least not at you. aren’t these things supposed to drag on? why are my stages happening in days instead of months or even weeks? there’s probably some deeper psychology to this that reveals more about me than it does about you but we’re not gonna go there. i don’t think you’ve earned the privilege of getting insight on my mental state. no hard feelings and all it’s only fair, right? returning the favour or whatever. eye for an eye etc etc
you know what really sucks though. i’ve been so good for the past few days (in all honesty i can’t believe it’s only been days i could’ve sworn it felt like years time drags on forever) so today i decided to buy a new physical book. i liked it, a lot. the writing style is great but ofc me being me some underlying irony needs to be present so i can use my life as meme content anyways i lost my train of thought (that’s been happening a lot lately) long story short the character in the book is going through grief too and i was like whatever i can pull through it i can read it. i put the book down at page 24, i’m not dealing with the funeral service. i’m not dealing with the thought of a funeral either. there aren’t any flights right now to come back but part of me, a tiny part of me is relieved. i don’t think i could’ve handled coming to yours. i don’t think i wanna see your tombstone either. i still can’t look at your pictures or open social media services where you had a presence. does that make me a bad friend? a selfish person? let me run away and play pretend for a little longer (i guess this goes for both your funeral and my accounts). i’m annoyed though, i would’ve loved this book if i read it at another time, in another universe where you still have a beating heart.
but oh well this isn’t another time nor is it another universe and although i can’t pretend it is, i can still pretend none of the things that happened last week actually happened. i can still pretend you didn’t die. hey wanna know another cruel joke? one of my favourite songs is called “suicide season” but i can’t listen to it anymore without imagining your purple lips. you had a warm undertone, purple doesn’t suit you, i’m sorry. my friends tell me i use the word undertone too much. i think so too. you know what’s really strange? i can have normal conversations again and i can laugh and joke but at the same time i don’t have the desire to have long conversations with anyone unless i’m hyperfixated on something. so far i’ve been able to carry on convos about studying (shocker i know), writing fiction, jeans, the medical state of a newborn child, attack on titan (more specifically ereri), and skin disorders. yay progress!!! i’m avoiding people who knew both me and you. or people who didn’t know you but know what happened to you and handle me like cracked glass an impact away from shattering. maybe i’m also afraid of being judged and afraid of that immense guilt that has settled into my bones because i’m not wearing black and my voice resonates with laughter whenever someone says something funny. i just want to be treated normally so i can keep on pretending that none of this happened. do you think i’ll ever get rid of that lump in my throat whenever the conversations steers towards your direction? you’ve never seen me cry, frankly a few have. i don’t like crying so i just don’t do it if i can avoid it. i don’t like who i’ve become lately.
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