#but a difference is that life apparently 'evolved' to live in the titan?

[veeveeveeveeveevee]

I love that in owl house lore, the Boiling Isles are basically a whale fall but for magic

[isfjmel-phleg]

Tim doesn't have a reputation for being particularly emotional, but I was surprised at just how many times we do get to see him cry, even in proportion to the hundreds and hundreds of appearances he has between 1989 and 2011 (compared to others like Grant or Ray, who have significantly less material). There's so much that I'm going to have to discuss it in two parts. This is part one.

Tim's approach to emotionality is complex and will evolve as his arc takes him from an eager and idealistic child to an increasingly cynical and detached teenager--but it all comes full-circle, and it's closely tied to his familial relationships.

In Batman #441, part of the "A Lonely Place of Dying" arc that officially introduces Tim Drake, Tim relates the story of his connection to Batman and Robin. He as a small child was at the circus the same night that Dick's parents were killed.

It says a lot about Tim that after witnessing death for the first time, he only started crying after hearing the bereaved Dick do so. His feelings come second place to those of others; he is sympathetic to others' grief and feels compelled to help somehow, even if it's only to show solidarity.

On some level, the young Tim is projecting onto Dick, as suggested by the recurring nightmares he has about the Graysons' death. The loss of Dick's parents parallels the disconnect Tim feels from his own well-meaning but emotionally neglectful parents, and just as Batman comes swooping in to rescue Dick, Tim longs to be similarly rescued by a benevolent parental figure. And in his nightmares, his crying makes that happen--first Batman (his idealized father figure) and later Robin also (the ideal of what Tim himself wants out of life) come to his aid.

This obviously causes Tim a lot of distress, but note that he never tells his parents about the nightmares. They aren't around enough to notice, and he apparently doesn't feel comfortable telling them about what he's suffering--the dream versions of Batman and Robin are more responsive to his sorrow than his parents presumably are.

So it's upsetting for Tim when, after having laid out his case to Dick for returning to the role of Robin to help the grief-stricken Batman, Dick flatly refuses and leaves. This is very different from the version of him that Tim has this parasocial relationship with, and it challenges everything that Batman and Robin have meant to Tim. The idealized knights correcting the world's injustices are supposed to readily respond to cries for help. But Dick doesn't seem to care about being Bruce's emotional support child anymore.

Tim, illusions shattered, weeps openly. Alfred consoles him, and shortly afterward, Tim will decide to put on Dick's old uniform and help Bruce himself--because "Batman needs a Robin."

(New Titans #61)

When the news comes that Tim's parents have been kidnapped and their lives are in danger, Tim responds with shock. His face is drawn primarily in shadow, and he excuses himself to deal with his feelings privately in his room. As ever, his primary concern is what he can do to help Bruce--but he still wonders, "Do heroes cry?"

Although his face remains in shadow so it's hard to tell, he very likely is crying here. And his arc from now on will be the answer to this question.

(Detective Comics #618)

Tim apparently initially decides that no, heroes do not cry, because we see him deliberately trying to keep his feelings in check with meditation. "Feeling fades," he tells himself. "These feelings are mine...but I am not these feelings." They're still very much there, but this is the beginning of what will be Tim's strategy for a long time: holding his emotions at bay where they won't get in the way of his responsibilities. And right now he believes his responsibility is staying strong to look after Bruce.

(Detective Comics #620)

Nevertheless, after Janet Drake is killed and Jack Drake is comatose and paralyzed in the hospital, Tim goes to see his father and can't help tearing up when Bruce tries to empathize with his situation. His initial response is to get angry and question how much Bruce really understands, but it doesn't take long for him to absorb Bruce's grief and accept his condolences. (I don't have the photo allotment to share that panel, but that hug from Bruce results in Tim's realizing what a dark path he's going down now that they share a tragedy, and that seems to be the moment that he decides for sure that he never wants to be Batman.)

(Detective Comics #621)

At his mother's funeral, Tim is visibly sad but sheds no apparent tears. The technique of keeping his face in shadow in particularly emotional moments keeps this ambiguous, though. It's as if even the art is not allowing us to get too close to the feelings Tim is trying to hide. He's not supposed to be the one who needs support, and even though Dick makes a genuine effort to reach out, Tim insists that he'll be okay.

(Batman #455)

The next time he tears up is during his training in Paris, when Clyde Rawlins is trying to provoke an angry reaction out of him to make him fight harder. Those repressed emotions come to the surface--and judging from the amount that Tim is crying, there's a lot of them.

(Robin 1991 #2)

This anger resurfaces some time later, after Tim's dad has been released from the hospital and is trying to take a more active interest in his son's life. Tim's lies to try to conceal his secret life and explain away injuries (like the black eye he's got in this scene) and skipping school are driving a wedge between father and son, and it builds to a messy fight in which Tim unleashes his full frustration, throws books across the room, and stalks out in a huff. Once alone, though, Jack is clearly sorrowful, and Tim is in tears.

The very thing that Tim once dreamed would rescue him (a relationship with Batman) has come at the cost of potentially building a healthy relationship with his own father. So Tim has to deal with the emotions alone. Neither Bruce nor Jack can or will help him.

(Robin III #4)

From here on, the emotional moments will become sparsely spread out, often with months or years of real-life time between them. Tim's strategy of repression works well--most of the time.

There's an incident in which Tim goes undercover at a high school (under the name "Todd Richards," an obvious nod to his two predecessors) to investigate a gun-related crime and witnesses the shooting of a teenage girl. He's in tears as he attacks the shooter. While it's in character for Tim to have such a strong response to disregard for human life, this issue is a one-shot with a major soapbox rather than a contribution to the overarching narrative, so I'm not sure how canon to consider this, but I'm including it for sake of completeness.

(Batman: Seduction of the Gun #1)

At one point, Bruce gets badly injured in a fight and is left in a coma with a broken back. Tim blames himself for the events that led up to this; he believes that it's his responsibility to take care of Bruce, and he failed. When Bruce comes to, practically the first thing he does is reassure Tim that he did nothing wrong, and Tim is so relieved at this affirmation that he weeps.

(Showcase '93 #8)

Shortly afterward, though, that joy is gone as Tim realizes how bad those injuries really are. Bruce with his usual drama declares that Bane "didn't beat me...he destroyed me" by breaking his back, and for Tim this is the end of Batman and Robin all over again--so he has been destroyed too. Alfred gets him to snap out of this display of emotion by reminding him that Bruce still needs his help, which is enough for Tim to put aside any personal concerns and get back to work.

(Batman #498)

Much, much later, after Bruce has recovered, there's an incident in which he apparently kills someone, and Tim is heartbroken because it shatters all his ideals of what Batman stands for--"It turns everything into...a lie."

Turns out Bruce was just playing mind games with Lady Shiva and didn't actually kill anyone, but Tim's breaking down over this issue reestablishes how important those ideals are to him.

(Robin 1993 #8)

In the "Contagion" arc, Tim contracts a deadly virus known as "the clench." One of its symptoms is bleeding from the eyes. As this happens to Tim, Alfred bandages his eyes, and Tim refers to "the blood-filled tear."

(Batman Chronicles #4)

Not really crying, but the imagery remains, and in the throes of this illness, Tim has a fever dream in which he does all the crying he's holding back in his waking life.

It starts with his dad telling him that he now knows that Tim is Robin, that Bruce told him, and that he's apparently completely okay with it. This is everything that Tim wishes could happen in real life, and he's so relieved to be able to be honest with an understanding and accepting father that he cries.

And to top it all off, his mother is not only alive again but cooking for him and solicitous about his health in a way that it's implied she wasn't when she was still alive. Tim has his complete family together again, loving and present and involved, and he embraces them with tears in his eyes....as the dream fades.

This isn't real. It can never be real. And he can never tell anyone how much it hurts that he will never have this.

He works off a lot of pent-up crying in dreams! While he's on Apokolips with Young Justice and being subjected to mental torture by Granny Goodness, he has visions of his friends being killed in front of him while berating him for being a failure and a fraud. Seeing Kon literally ripped apart is the last straw, and Tim, covered in his best friend's blood and weeping, discards all his principles and tries to kill Granny Goodness.

(Young Justice 1998 #37)

To shatter Tim's carefully constructed barrier against emotion requires targeting his relationship with his parents, endangering the Batman-and-Robin partnership that he has dedicated his life to, or harming someone he loves.

...or it can take the effects of someone whose powers involve using music to bring emotions to the surface to get him to break down.

He reminds us of his controlled approach to emotion--"I always make sure not to wade in above my chest"--so it's a sure sign that something is wrong as he is struck by the weight of the loss of his mother, to the point of tears. Stephanie is shocked to see him cry; her calling it "ridiculous" suggests that she doesn't normally get to see this side of him, despite the fact that they're dating. Being vulnerable even with his girlfriend is farther than Tim is willing to go.

(Robin 1993 #102)

And much later, when told of Stephanie's death, Tim still doesn't cry--after all, it's Bruce giving him the bad news, and Tim believes he has to stay strong for him.

(Batman #634)

It's much different only a few days later, in Identity Crisis #5, when Tim loses his dad.

The fact that he is crying on the cover of the issue is not a good sign. As we've seen with Grant, an image like this is reserved for only the most devastating experiences for a hero.

Tim's dad--who now knows that Tim is Robin and has come to accept this and be quite supportive of his son's work--is in danger, and Tim is on the phone with him while rushing to get back to the apartment and save him. He knows he won't make it, though, and as his dad gives him his final encouragement and the line goes silent, Tim is crying with an intensity never seen before from him. It's as if everything he's been holding back is coming out at once, and it won't stop.

In Identity Crisis #6, Tim is still in tears as he arrives at the apartment and rushes upstairs, tearing off his uniform and hoping he's not too late.

He's too late.

And the loss is so devastating that he doesn't even try to hold back the tears as Bruce comforts him, just as he did when Tim lost his mom.

The parallels are underscored with flashbacks to a bereft but stoic young Bruce, a weeping Dick, and Bruce condoling an unseen Tim at Jack's funeral.

The fact that we don't see Tim at all at the funeral functions much like how the shadowing effect did back when he lost his mom. A veil is being drawn over the aftermath of this grief.

This will be a turning point for Tim, and we'll see how that plays out in part two.

[mooniefics]

— beck and call

pairings : yelena / fem reader

word count : 10.2k

tags : one-sided relationship, lowkey master / servant dynamic, eventual smut, mild body worship, dom / sub undertones, power imbalance

warnings : contains nsfw, mildly dub-con at some points, yelena being physically rough w you for disobedience

summary : serving as yelena's personal guard turned out to yield many unexpected consequences.

to say that you were unnerved by the task of guarding an anti-marleyan volunteer would be an understatement.

you hadn't quite digested the fact there even existed a world beyond the walls that had towered over you for your entire life, looming high in the sky like a reminder that you would be trapped, penned like an animal for the rest of your prospective future. that had been your initial motivation to become a soldier, to at least advance to a garrison position where you could have a taste of exclusive information regarding what lay beyond the stone and metal bearings. but in the final year of your basic training, everything had changed. there were talks of outlandish things, of traitors from another land that had hidden amongst the native people, talks of islands and foreign soil and something more than the confines of the walls.

upon graduating, you had ultimately chosen the scouting legion, seeing how the garrison was quickly being disbanded and the remaining soldiers that hadn't stepped into their early days of retirement were joining the aforementioned regiment. the benefits only seemed to become greater and greater with the extinction of titans, the whispers of allies and retribution and rebuilding a lost legacy of your people. but somehow, all that novel luster had become muted, completely darkened by the imposing presence of this singular individual seated before you. you had only been debriefed on their name and role in military operations before your assignment, leaving you worryingly unprepared for arguably the most important assignment of your career.

the sound of your name passing from your squad leader's lips grounded you, the formal introduction quickly drawing to a close as he relayed the information to the striking foreigner. "she will be your personal escort for the remainder of your stay. if you have any questions regarding the island, feel free to ask her at any time."

"wonderful." their voice was rich, smooth with confidence and underlined with something unfamiliar—it was the way their lips rounded out the first syllable, or perhaps the way they spoke from the depths of their throat.

you felt your back stiffen as they rose from their seat, somehow rising taller and taller, their stature reaching much higher than anyone you'd ever met. immediately, your right hand clamped into a fist, thudding over your heart as your left arm hooked behind your back, spitting out your full name and designation just as you had while saluting hundreds of times. "i'm incredibly grateful for this opportunity to occupy you. thank you for all that you and the volunteers have done for paradis."

you were shocked that your voice hadn't quivered with the way their eyes dragged down your body, grey and barren of any emotion besides a hint of intrigue, sharp features framed by short, fair hair. they were strikingly handsome, masculine yet feminine at the same time, an indiscernible sort of beauty that perplexed and enthralled you.

"no need to thank me, soldier." whether they were assuring or commanding you, you didn't know, only cognizant of how they nearly purred out your title. swallowing, you lowered your hands, standing at ease and forcing yourself to not look to your superior for encouragement.

"then i shall show you to your lodgings. please follow me."

you forced yourself to turn your back to them and take a step, then another, mentally counting them one by one until you reached the door. you could hear their heavy footfalls following behind you, the distance steadily beginning to close until you forced your own pace to quicken. on the silent walk out of the management building, you had found a speed that worked, one long stride of theirs equaling two of yours, leaving you straining to keep a comfortable yet polite space between the both of you. you risked a glance back, having to crane your head up to catch a glimpse of their face. they had been staring idly at the back of your head, meeting your eyes when you turned to briefly face them, the moment cut short by your own haste to fix your view back onto the path before you.

"how shall i address you?" you attempted to fill the cool void of discomfort that had suddenly settled in the air around you, shoulders tense and brow taut.

"anything works."

their answer offered nothing in return to your inquiry, the faint image of their face flitting across your mind. you hadn't looked at them long enough to commit their features to memory, but you had looked enough to remember their startlingly cold eyes, angular nose and full lips, sharp jaw and heavy brow.

"m-miss yelena?" you attempted, fighting the urge to nervously fidget or give away any sign of your unease.

"if it suits you." was their final reply before the two of you fell silent once again.

the lack of discussion persisted through the remainder of the journey, the only sounds occupying the space being the fall of your boots against the ground and the jingle of your keyring that you drew from your pocket to unlock the front door. you stood aside to hold it open as she walked in, feeling an odd sensation flutter in the pit of your stomach when she had to duck under the frame to enter. the housing itself wasn't extravagant, only a single open room with a desk, bookshelf, dresser, kitchenette, bed, and a small bathroom area to the side to occupy the space, the ceiling seeming much lower than it was due to yelena's formidable height. she looked out at the room, flicking a stray lock of hair out of her eyes, face neutral and inexpressive.

"how quaint," she turned to face you, a prick of unease making your posture pin-straight once again, "is there any reason they've put us volunteers away from the main soldier barracks?"

your mind suddenly went blank at the worst of times, unknowing of the exact answer but knowing you had to over something in response. "s-simply for your comfort. we wouldn't like it to seem as if we don't trust you to stay on your own."

"ah, so considerate of you." for the first time she smiled, a barely-there tilt at the corner of her lips that made your heart stutter, "then i'll be sure to make myself at home."

she stepped slowly over to the bookshelf, dragging her fingers over the backs of the books with an apparent interest. you stayed standing where you were, unsure if you should leave then or wait a bit longer for just the right moment. something about her presence was unnerving, but there was also an undeniable allure that you almost gravitated to, despite her being a stranger.

"do you need anything else?" you piped up, letting your hands link behind your back, fingers twisting together.

"not that i can think of." each word seemed scripted, as if she'd practiced this entire conversation a dozen times before it'd ever happened.

"then i'll be on my way." you shakily smiled in an attempt to seem put together, hoping that she didn't immediately see through the weak front, "i'll be back in a couple of hours to escort you to dinner."

you bowed and took your leave, almost desperate to escape her all-consuming gaze and find refuge outside her line of sight. but even after you'd shut the door behind you and stepped off the porch, well on your way down the path you'd taken, you could still feel how her eyes had examined every fine detail of your stance, analyzing every shift and subtle movement you made with a calculating look. deep down, you already knew that this position would be completely exhausting from the get-go.

─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

you had fulfilled your typical nightly routine—fetch yelena from her quarters to escort her to the cafeteria, go your separate ways and sit at your usual tables after getting food, finish your dinner with five minutes to spare in the dining hour to go inform yelena that it was time for her to wrap up her meal so you could take her back. she'd followed you down the usual path, now lit with newly placed street lamps that turned on after the sun sunk below the horizon and night fell. there had been nothing out of the ordinary, aside from the way the volunteer table had eyed you with a formerly absent intrigue when you came to speak to yelena.

that comfortable distance you'd kept between the two of you had slowly been narrowing over the last few days, a development which had peaked both your curiosity and your anxiety. while you still kept yourself a few paces ahead of her, you could feel how close her presence had become, an almost physical weight that settled itself over your back and urged you to walk faster and faster to escape its grasp. but you knew that she was all too good at reading your body language, somehow having familiarized herself with even the finest idiosyncrasies that incriminated you in just about a month, an understanding that had only grown deeper as more and more time had passed. although you felt as if you'd gained the upper hand for a few days when you realized that she always let a bit of emotion slip in her large, ashen eyes when you said something just enough out of the ordinary to catch her interest, any progress you thought you'd made was quickly squandered by her own advancements. today was no different, another morning and afternoon filled with dodging the occasional pervasive question from her about the simplest of things.

were you an only child? had you been closer to your mother or father when you were younger? did you join the scouts to explore the world or because you simply found no value in living out your life doing something different? they had started out with an ambiguous end-goal, but slowly evolved into even more unprofessional matters—attempts to provoke a discussion about your love life, what you might look for in a prospective partner, whether you wanted to settle down after you retired or stay unattached for the remainder of your life.

you always dodged, and she always let up for a while, lulling you into a sense of safety that was always broken by that same question again, worded differently but asking for an answer that was the same as the last. the more you ran from her company, the more she seemed to push it upon you, pleased when you would slip up and get flustered when she caught you off guard. so you held your ground this evening, even when your fingers quivered at the realization that she was practically peering over your shoulder, watching you unlock the door to her quarters with just barely enough space separating you to not feel her breath fanning down the back of your neck.

you quickly opened the door and began moving to hold it open for her like you always did, but felt a large hand resting at your shoulder, prompting you to quickly spin on your heel to face her. she was usually finished with her casual interrogating by this hour, which was why you were more than surprised to see that she was staring down at you, having lowered yourself to your level enough for you to not have to tilt your head completely back to meet her eye.

you took an instinctive step back, flinching at the sound of the door falling shut behind you, effectively caging you in between it and the woman before you. pale, dangerously alert irises traversed your expression, drinking in every small feature that had been drawn back into a confused look, stomach already knotting into a twisted tangle of warmth and icy panic.

"are you afraid of me?"

the immediate answer sat on the tip of your tongue, lips parting to deliver the lie you had ready for such an inquiry. but something in her eyes spoke to you, silently, warning you not to give into dishonesty. you couldn't possibly admit to still being fearful of her, not when you were meant to be the powerful one in this relationship. you weren't supposed to say yes, but you also found yourself unable to lie as you always did, not when the path you'd walked with her was still worryingly empty and you felt the hard wood of the door now pressing unforgivingly into your back with each minuscule step back.

"sh-should i be?" you cursed your stammer, betraying your evident lack of control, the only redeeming aspect being the non-committal implication that responding with another question held.

that seemed to throw her off a bit, owlish eyes slowly blinking at you as she thought. even up close like this, you couldn't identify a single flaw in her appearance—pale skin smooth like porcelain, unconcerned by any sort of natural imperfections, hair like fine silk and eyes piercingly bright, yet clouded like a stormy sky. you squeaked at a hand seizing your collar, right hand instinctively flying down to the scabbard strapped around your thigh, clammy palm shakily clenching around the hilt of your blade, the other clamping firmly around her wrist.

she only smirked at the presumed threat, pressing herself even closer to you, enough that you could feel the radiant heat of her lips just barely grazing your own. you suppressed the trembling threatening to shake through your every limb, beginning to feel lightheaded with the effort to contain your quickening breaths, swallowing down your dread, forcing yourself to meet her gaze when she spoke.

"if it suits you. it doesn't affect me either way, does it?"

you just barely shook your head side to side, not realizing you were rising up onto your tiptoes until she pulled you forward that last inch by your shirt, eyes falling shut as her lips melded easily against yours. an inexplicable warmth flourished in your chest, heart tripping up to match the frantic speed of your thoughts, fingers clenching around her slender, clothed wrist. you forced yourself back with a sharp intake of breath, backing yourself far enough into the door that you could feel the wood digging into the small of your back.

"m-miss yelena, you can't—!"

she didn't allow you to finish, tugging you back to your previous position with a low huff, the faint snap of a stitch popping somewhere on your collar going unregarded as you let out a small noise of surprise, wide eyes relenting and squeezing shut. a voice in the back of your mind screamed for you to draw your knife, push her away, force her into her quarters, anything but just standing there and allowing her to exert such a humiliating power over you. but it was so much easier to sink into her grasp, to feel her fingers slowly relax and hold you at a comfortable height rather than force you up, to allow the hot flush of an unknown intimacy to settle deep into your skin.

you'd been kissed before, it wasn't as if she stole your first chance from you, but it had never been like this. you had only brushed the surface of gentle pecks and lingering hands on the other's face until you both giggled and pulled away, never faced with such a certain confidence that almost frightened you more than it allured you, an unspoken order that left you at her mercy rather than on equal footing. and though you'd all but forgotten about your initial rejection, yelena had not, chastising you with a firm bite to your lower lip that drew a less-than-composed whimper from the back of your throat.

"i would advise you to not dictate what i can and cannot do in the future." she stated firmly, tone devoid of any personal inflection, barely pulling away enough for you to meet her stare, hand tightening around your collar once more, "understood?"

"y-yes, miss yelena." you barely whispered, nodding affirmatively. a flicker of amusement momentarily lightened her expression when you drew your tongue over the aching skin of your lips, the taste of faint copper and black tea clinging to your taste buds.

she slowly slackened her grip, not even so much as blinking as she straightened her posture and reached past you to open the door, allowing you a moment to scamper out of her path and pull your shirt back into place with trembling hands. "then, you are dismissed, soldier."

she didn't spare you a second glance before proceeding into her quarters, shutting the door behind her without another word. you stood dumbly for a moment, licking over your bottom lip once more, just then realizing how shallow and quick your breathing was. you steadied yourself enough to lock her door, shaking away the mental fog of such an abrupt change of scenery, pulling your jacket tighter around you to make up for the lack of her warmth pressing into you, confused as to why you had just allowed yourself to be ordered around by the individual that you were meant to be keeping in check. the walk back to your dorm was blurry at best, a few good-nights from your colleagues that prompted a hum of acknowledgement, thankfully nothing that required you to recount your daily fulfilled duties or anything past a few minutes prior.

even after you'd shed your clothes, pointedly ignoring how wrinkled your shirt front had become, cleaned yourself up and crawled into the isolated comfort of your bed, you found yourself unable to sleep. perhaps you could learn from this experience, remind yourself at all times to put even more distance between the two of you. maybe you would have to stop conversing with her so casually, or perhaps your best option would be to cut your losses and request an assignment change, consequences or record mark-ups be damned. but as you tossed and turned on your mattress, burying your face into your pillows and trying to rid your skin of any memory of her touch, a voice at the back of your head ceaselessly murmured, a rambled premonition of more turbulence to come.

─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

this day marked five weeks since the initial incident, there had been no activity like it since—although you couldn't say whether you thought that was a bad thing or not. not to say that you hadn't been keeping your distance, the first few days were spent cautiously looking over your shoulder, making sure to keep her even further than arm's length but still close enough to guarantee that she couldn't slip away on her own. she behaved respectfully enough, although she herself seemed to be acting as if nothing had even happened, greeting you like normal and allowing you to escort her to meals and strategy meetings when necessary, despite how she'd affirmed that you weren't to give her any orders.

you hadn't reported the infraction to any superiors, knowing that you would get caught up in an unnecessary fuss that might even get you stuck at the bottom of the ranking list once again, an unthinkable outcome that only made you sure that the right decision was to keep your mouth shut. the previous afternoon was the first time yelena had made a special request, describing how unfortunate it was that she was lacking just a few proper amenities that would really make her lodgings "feel just like home". your persistent hesitance had eased after the first week of safety, and you fulfilled your responsibility of maintaining her comfort by arriving early this morning, toting a small bag of a dark ground powder and cups.

you were surprised to see that yelena was already awake upon your arrival, seated at a table that looked far too small for her, reading one of the many books from her provided bookshelf. you exchanged polite greetings, her not rising from her place until you'd lit the fire beneath the stove and set out a plate and cup for her at the counter, stowing away the rest in whatever free space you could find. you stood by while she took care of making whatever it was she wanted herself, noting the fragrant richness that had filled the air upon her steeping the powder in heated water.

"they only serve black tea in the cafeteria," she said, speaking to no one in particular, plucking a ladle from the utensil rack, "it's been ages since i had a cup of coffee in the morning."

the heat of the stove was beginning to warm the room, prompting you to shed your jacket and place it on the back of the chair yelena had not been previously seated at. your shirt beneath it was more forgiving, a thin material that had always hung a bit loosely from your shoulders, great for the hotter days when you were still expected to be in uniform.

"have you ever had a cup of coffee?" her voice interrupted your meandering stream of thought, the sound of liquid being poured into a cup faintly catching your attention.

"no, i don't think i have."

"would you like to try some?"

the offer stoked the spark of bothersome curiosity, the scent filling the air and mingling with the ambient sound of crackling wood and the feel of the hot air making you want to accept. perhaps this was her way of making amends, or just doing something pleasant for the worker that she was made to follow behind like their second shadow.

"if it's not too much trouble, then.."

"of course it isn't."

you felt a light sweat beginning to bead down your back, pulling your handkerchief from your pocket and dabbing at your neck. this space wasn't properly suited for a stove to be used, seeing as the unlatching mechanisms on the window had been removed for the sake of thwarting any sort of curfew breaking by the volunteers, meaning there was little ventilation aside from the small chimney extending out of the kitchenette area. you stole a glance at yelena, now opening the cabinet that you had strained to reach with ease.

the memory of her hand fisting your shirt, the collar that now hugged just the slightest bit looser at the base of your neck, the long healed-over bite that had left the soft flesh of your lips feeling raw for the following few days. the external heat of the still burning stove was only intensified by the flush climbing up to your cheeks, the desire to release a button or two on your shirt and free some of your skin to the open air becoming undeniable. it felt a bit ironic that the one time you'd properly stepped into her quarters for more than a quick minute to help her get something sorted was the one time the tension that always hung in the air between the two of you was replaced by something tangibly suffocating, the sweltering heat that made you kick off your blankets in the dreary silence at night when the recollection of her kiss relentlessly looped in your mind and chased away any thought of sleep.

you hooked a finger on the collar of your shirt, gently tugging it to the side to absentmindedly press the soft cloth over the skin, wiping away any bothersome perspiration that would leave you uncomfortable by the time you were allowed to change out of your uniform and shower it away.

"what's that?" your eyes darted up at her question, catching sight of the two plated teacups in her hands before you met her gaze.

"i beg your pardon?" you asked meekly.

"that. at your shoulder." you glanced down to where your handkerchief had previously been.

"oh, do you mean this?" she nodded when you pointed to the raised line of skin marring your shoulder, a thick scar that you'd stopped fussing over after realizing that it was an inevitable outcome. "it's a scar," you clarified, tucking your personal cloth back in your pocket, "just about everyone in the military has the same one."

she didn't respond, but held your gaze as she proceeded to the table to set the cups down. you'd become more accustomed to these silent requests, and you knew that she was telling you to continue.

"you work with the equipment engineers, right?" she nodded. "then you've seen our harnesses. all those leather straps end up digging into our skin and leaving scars pretty much all over. although, i did practice on the omnidirectional gear a bit more than all the other recruits during basic training to increase my proficiency, so mine may be deeper.."

you tensed as she approached, slow, deliberate steps steadily closing the distance between the two of you until she was right in front of you. she had started stooping down more often around you, only when she was directly addressing you alone, but it was something that you noticed all the same. a part of you wanted to feel offended, that she thought it necessary to lower yourself to your level as if you were beneath her in a way besides physical stature, but you couldn't deny that you enjoyed the exclusive treatment. she never seemed concerned with doing any sort of thing with anyone else—not with her colleagues, not with other soldiers of or below your ranking, not with any of your own superiors, only you. in a way, it made you feel acknowledged.

"could i see?"

"huh?" was your unprofessional response, but she didn't allow you any time to correct it.

"your scars. where else do you have them?"

"oh." you swallowed, forcing yourself to look up into her steely eyes, "well, i have them on the soles of my feet, and around my thighs, mostly around my torso."

a hand on your abdomen made your back go stiff, her touch pressing lightly over your shirt. "here?"

you nodded, small and timid before her, a trickle of sweat beginning to slide down your back. you realized that you had never had to look down at yelena, not until this present moment where she had knelt down on one knee in front of you, holding your gaze for just a moment before she undid a single button from the bottom of your shirt, glancing up at you as if to check for any sign of refusal before she undid another, then another.

there was nothing forceful about her motions today, nimble fingers patiently unfastening each clasp with care until your shirt revealed your midsection. one slender hand pulled aside the cotton fabric, the other reaching out, just barely grazing the skin of your stomach where the long, pale scar from your utility belt stretched horizontally across your body. her fingertips were warm from handling the kitchenware, but the shiver that crawled up your spine was cold, almost electric, a strange sensation squeezing around your heart and lungs, making each breath quicker than the last.

"was it painful?" she asked quietly, a tinge of earnesty lining her words, features entirely relaxed as they always were.

you let out a breath you didn't know you'd been holding, voice barely reaching a whisper. "yes."

she focused her eyes onto the marred skin, following the raised line of flesh to your sides, brow cinching upwards the slightest bit at the sight of another carving down your waist, following the curvature of your ribs.

"what resilience.." she murmured, free hand returning to undo the remaining buttons of your shirt, "determination is such a beautiful trait, don't you think?" her eyes flitted up to meet yours, sharp and observant, fingers gingerly wrapping around your waist, thumb stroking down your lumbar. "for most, i have to hear it in their voice, or through their words—but it has always been different with you." she pulled a button free. "i see it in your eyes, the way you carry yourself, it's written all over your body." another undone button, you could feel the warmth of her breath fanning across your stomach, the graze of her fingertips tracing up your side and halting at the cloth wrappings over your breasts. "are there more under this?"

your knees felt a few flattering words away from buckling, each gentle touch making the fine hairs on the back of your neck stand on end. you nodded, lips parting to take in a much-needed deep breath, realizing that your shirt was now completely open, exposing the entirety of your scarred torso aside from what remained covered by your chest bindings. your fingers curled into your palm, trembling, just then noticing how soft yelena's hands were in comparison to your own, absent of callous and work-roughened skin. you bit at the inside of your cheek, blinking down at her as you watched a thin finger trace the seam of the cloth, finding the tucked end within moments and gently pulling it free.

a few loud knocks at the door were startling enough to make you jump, head snapping to the side to face the front of the house, a muffled call of your last name from the other side making an anxious knot twist painfully tight deep in your gut. you quickly stepped away, leaving yelena kneeling on the floor, struggling to button up your shirt without even bothering to fix your chest cloth. as soon as you'd gotten yourself situated, you opened the door to find your squad leader awaiting you on the other side.

"is everything alright? breakfast started five minutes ago."

you hoped that the disbelief on your face could be taken as the expression of someone who had simply lost track of time. "i apologize, sir! m-miss yelena put in a request for marleyan coffee yesterday, and i was simply waiting for her to finish before i escorted her to the cafeteria."

you forced yourself to stay composed, trying to focus on the impassive face of your squad leader. there was a stark difference between the emotionlessness of yelena and that of everyone else around you, she somehow made her lack of any sort of feeling or warmth a beautiful kind of coldness, unlike the unnatural stoicism of your superiors. you saw his mouth open to reply, but you were both surprised by a sudden presence behind you, a firm hand at your shoulder, his eyes moving from looking down at you to looking up at the woman behind you, a flicker of genuine unease flitted across his hardened features.

"please don't fault her for my lack of punctuality," she said, a false sincerity lightening her usual low tone, "i simply wanted to enjoy a taste of home, is all. is my presence imperative?"

"i was only making sure everyone was accounted for." your squad leader asserted, staring up at her in an obvious attempt to intimidate that you knew would fail, "as long as you're being properly monitored, do as you please."

"understood." her fingers curled around your shoulder, gently urging you back, away from the door, "then i won't dawdle any longer, i'll join you all in the cafeteria momentarily."

yelena shut the door for you as soon as you took a step back, waiting until the steps of your squad leader had descended off of the porch and disappeared down the path before speaking to you. "i do hope i didn't get you in trouble."

you turned on your heel to face her, feeling a slight flutter in your chest at the sight of her already having lowered herself to your height. "oh, no, you don't have to worry about that.. he's always been a bit on the uptight side of things."

the corners of her lips perked up into the faintest smile before she proceeded back to the table, pressing a finger to the side of one of the teacups. "the coffee's gone cold now. my apologies for the distraction."

distraction, the wry thought flitted across your mind. you guessed that word was suitably to describe allowing her to nearly undress you before the sun had even fully risen in the sky. this was becoming a dangerous game, an ever-lengthening round of cat and mouse, and each day that passed made your more and more certain that you were the one who was running despite your inherent position of power over her. there was something absolutely captivating about her, whether it be the air of mystery that no amount of questions could dispel, or the way that she could practically bring you to your knees with just a few careful words—the more thought you put into it, the more instances of appeal that you seemed to find that only made you want to sink deeper and deeper into the depths that was her subtle control over you.

"i just don't want us to arrive late and miss out on anything." you said lamely, empty words to fill the air as you moved across the room to grab your jacket.

"perhaps another time." she replied, removing the dishes from the table to deposit them in the sink, leaving you with that sole promise that insinuated much more than just another cup of coffee.

─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"miss yelena, i don't know if we're allowed to be in this section of the building—"

"no one has stopped us yet, have they?" yelena didn't turn back to address you, only continuing forward with that long stride that took two quick steps of your own to match.

she was correct in the regard that no one had questioned her presence in the west wing of the management building, and the few that had begun to object stopped immediately upon catching sight of you following obediently behind her. you felt a bit like a prop, being used as almost a badge of clearance by the one and only individual that you were meant to keep from unauthorized locations such as this one. but her flat assertion that she had important business that gave you nothing in the way of information of direction before she'd taken off for the barracks, leaving you only able to chase after her and hope that no one figured out that she wasn't supposed to be there in the event that she truly wasn't meant to be.

you didn't have long to ruminate on your circumstances before you arrived at a door flanked by a single soldier, a young man that you recognized as someone affiliated with the more well-known soldiers from the 104th graduating class. though you didn't recall his name, you nodded politely to him as he opened the door for yelena, trailing closely behind her while still trying to peek around her slender frame. it was one of the smaller meeting rooms, a large window providing a fair amount of natural illumination down onto the round table, the sole occupant being another one of the anti-marleyan volunteers.

"glad to see you could make it." onyankopon smiled broadly up at yelena, his warm gaze flitting to you momentarily before traveling back to his associate, "no trouble, i assume?"

"none at all." she replied as she took a seat at the head of the table, looking as if she belonged there more than any of the superiors you'd seen seated there, "this one made sure no one interrupted our trip."

you flushed at the praise, standing pin straight beside her chair, hands lowering from behind your back to at your sides, trying not to let the enjoyment of her commendation show on your face. he turned his attention to you, inspiring a quick skip of your heart, fingers tapping nervously at your thighs.

"it's great to hear that yelena has been treating you well." he said matter-of-factly, but a cocked eyebrow and tilt of his head seemed to request a verbal confirmation of his statement.

you blinked, your words catching in your throat as your eyes involuntarily glanced to yelena, an instinctive desire to hold your tongue in the face of speaking about her, an odd sort of insecurity concerning your character flaring in your chest. but that split second of silence was all that she needed to take up the task of answering onyankopon, planting an elbow down on the tabletop and resting her chin in her palm.

"i have been treating her well." she affirmed, almost sounding bored, tilting her head to address you as she reached out and took the hand of yours that was closest to her, drawing it close to her face as she examined your expression, "isn't that right?"

you swallowed, mouth dry, nodding at yelena before remembering that you were meant to be answering onyankopon. "oh, y-yes. miss yelena has been very easy to work with."

pale eyes glimmered at your positive answer, mouth twitching upwards into that rare, barely noticeable smile. you felt your heart jump into your throat as she brought her lips to your knuckles, planting a soft, brief kiss over the back of your hand before gently placing it down at your side. she looked at you as if she knew exactly what you were thinking, like she could hear that unspoken worry of whether she should be doing this in front of her colleague, like she was giving the silent reply that she could do as she pleased.

"then, shall we begin?" onyankopon's voice brought you back to the present, shooting you another momentary glance before fixing his eyes on yelena.

"oh, right." she turned back to you, "be a dear and leave us for a moment to chat."

the mix of confusion at her request and surprise at the affectionate title halted your thoughts. "i'm sorry, miss yelena, but i don't think i'm allowed to do that."

your heart sank as you watched a look of annoyance draw across her features, large eyes narrowing, brow knitting together. she didn't speak for a moment, almost like she was waiting for you to take back your refusal and head on your way without any further discussion. when you did neither, she frowned, reaching out her hand once more, her fingers drawing up your palm to wrap around your wrist.

you nearly yelped as she clinched her grasp almost painfully tight, thumb pressing down hard over the bone at the side of your wrist, nails digging in your skin. her voice was low when she spoke, dangerously commanding and castigating, each word carefully enunciated.

"i said go."

only after you'd earnestly nodded did she release you, allowing you to scamper out of the room, blinking away the tears that had begun to well in your eyes from your stinging skin and the way she'd spoken to you. you took your place at the side of the door unoccupied by the soldier you'd seen before entering, fingers shakily tracing over the underside of your wrist.

though you weren't bleeding, the skin felt raw and irritated, your pulse racing fast in your veins. perhaps it wasn't so bad that you'd left them in there on their own, seeing as the older, more experienced guard was also standing by, well aware that there was no one monitoring them in the meeting room. so you obediently stood and waited, straining to make out coherent words from their muffled voices, contemplating why seeing yelena upset with you was so distressing.

why had you allowed her to order you around? why had you even complied with her demands instead of outright refusing like you were supposed to? why were you worried that she would still be angry with you by the time she walked out of that meeting room? you couldn’t understand what concerned you so deeply about what yelena thought of you, but somehow, the overbearing silence of the empty hallway made it even more difficult to wrap your head around your thoughts. you were so wrapped up in your panicked attempt at contemplation that you didn’t even notice the sound of their footsteps approaching from the other side of the door, only torn from your mind when the door opened from beside you. the two marleyans emerged, laughing affably together, exchanging temporary farewells until they could see each other at dinner that evening.

you looked up at her anxiously, wishing she’d spare you a glance for even just a moment instead of keeping her gaze fixed on the only other individuals populating the space. you hid your hands behind your back rather than in your pockets, knowing that it’d look horrendously unprofessional. but before you could worry about anyone catching sight of the reddened marks, the familiar soldier addressed you directly.

“i do look forward to working more closely with you in the future, i don’t believe we’ve met before. ” he said, outstretching a hand for you to shake, “floch forster.”

you quickly tugged the sleeve of your coat over your injured wrist, grasping his hand and giving a firm up and down, only offering your own name and a polite nod in return. you didn’t exactly know what he meant by working together in the future, but you assumed that it was in reference to your shared position of personal guards to marleyan volunteers.

you tensed at the familiar weight of a hand on your shoulder, feeling a firm squeeze that you knew all too well. “then we shall be going now. come.”

you immediately complied, giving a brief goodbye to the two men before proceeding quickly behind yelena, practically at her heels as the two of you walked further and further down the hall, shrouded in another bout of tense silence. you escorted her out of the building without issue, through the barracks and all the way to her lodgings, receiving nothing in the way of assurance or acknowledgment the entire way.

you wanted to speak up for yourself, ask if she was angered with you, anything to fill the quiet void, but you couldn't bring your mouth to push the words free. you hoped that she'd at least offer you her usual goodbye, as inherently lifeless and out of polite necessity as it may be, but it didn't come even as you unlocked the door to her quarters and held it open for her to enter, not even turning back before she sat herself at her desk and got to work on the clutter of papers occupying it.

you left her, feeling strangely heavy with defeat, unable to focus on anything for long before your mind strayed back to her upset expression, or the physical evidence of her displeasure with you. over the next hours, you constantly checked your watch, counting down the minutes to dinner, to when you'd be able to justify being in her presence and hopefully receive some sort of indicator that you were in the clear. you'd always been someone who did what was asked of you, a people pleaser—but there was something different about the inclination you felt towards yelena. it wasn't the kind of obedience that you gave to your superiors, she wasn't anything close to your superior in a technical sense, but somehow it felt natural, a servitude borne out of free will rather than one determined by ranking.

you knew you hadn't done anything wrong by denying her initially, but yet you still hoped for her forgiveness.

─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

you quivered at the feeling of her lips sucking at the already marked skin of your neck, thighs squeezing tighter around her waist, her nails digging deep enough into them that they nearly threatened to tear the fabric of your pants. you swallowed down yet another moan, one hand working its way deeper into her short hair, the other clenching tightly to the fabric of her barely-buttoned dress shirt. your soft, shuddering breaths filled the space of the open air around you, the fear of knowing your squad leader was just outside the door waiting for a reply, adjacent to the wall that she'd pushed you up against despite your meek warnings that dinner would be starting any minute now, was almost tangible in your stomach.

she pulled away from the reddened flesh with a low hum, nipping at your ear as she demanded, "make him go away."

you barely nodded, eyes screwing shut when she began yet another bruising assault to your shoulder, not even giving you enough time to collect yourself and speak. "i apologize, s-sir. miss yelena wasn't f-feeling well, so i brought her meal h-h-here instead of escorting her to the cafeteria..!"

you nearly whimpered as her teeth sank into the soft junction between your neck and shoulder, silently praying to any higher power that may be listening for your superior to just leave already. "understood. please return the plates to the cafeteria before they close up and make it to the dormitories before curfew."

"y-yes, sir..!"

you could barely count his descending steps down the porch over the sound of your own blood roaring in your ears, only completely assured of his absence when she sighed against your skin, soothing the ache with a few apologetic licks, pressing her lips everywhere they could reach. you often found yourself recalling the first time this had happened, when the two of you were sitting at the table in her quarters and she had been apologizing for the day she'd ordered you out of the meeting room. you could still remember how her touch had trailed from stroking at your wrist, crescent nail prints still occupying your skin, to cupping your face, drawing you close to kiss her again and again—the heat of her proximity, how her hands had felt and caressed every inch of your body, whispering a breathless, endless stream of praises into your ear as you came apart under her.

though you had vowed to yourself that wouldn't allow it to happen again, that that night would be your first and only instance of giving into that weakness she'd slowly but surely carved into you, but you found yourself sinking into her arms when she beckoned you, sewing the buttons of your shirt back into place without complaint after the nights where she had become impatient and accidentally popped them free, staring at your naked body in the mirror after your long showers and tracing your fingers over the bruises she'd sucked and bitten into your tender skin.

she only marked you in places where you could hide them beneath your clothes, places which assured that she would be the sole individual to see them when she stripped you bare, only to add more and more. there was no set time between those late evenings, sometimes the interval would be less than a few days, and other times it would stretch out for weeks with no indication as to when the next occasion would come. but when it did, any semblance of self-restraint had completely diminished.

"you're such a good pet for me.." she cooed, her words sending a warm spark through every inch of you.

she'd become fond of calling you that, and a part of you wondered if that was all she saw you as, as only a pet or a possession. you'd accepted that she had the upper hand in this relationship, whatever it may be, but you couldn't help enjoying the feeling of being desired so deeply, being touched and admired in ways you'd never even imagined before you met her. your arms clasped tighter around her neck as she pulled you away from the wall, laying you out on her bed, taking a moment to strip out of her shirt before lowering herself on top of you.

her hands busied themselves ridding you of your chest wrappings, lips attentively traversing each inch of newly revealed skin, murmuring curses and sweet nothings that only made you squirm more beneath her, impatient and eager. you mewled when she'd finally settled her hands over her bare breast, large palms pressing into soft flesh, slender fingers pinching at your nipples. she turned her head up to kiss you, tongue outlining the seam of your lips before sliding into your mouth, claiming it as her own.

you were left panting when she pulled away despite its briefness, hazy, low-lidded eyes finding her own, intoxicated by that carnal look, dark pupils nearly overtaking the piercing grey of her irises. she only smirked at your lack of composure, dipping her head back down to suck and bite at the valley of your breasts, your fingers reflexively tightening in her hair. your hips bucked up into nothing, desperate for any sort of friction, much to yelena's amusement.

"aren't you just the neediest little thing?" she paused to lave her tongue over a pert bud, drawing another heated sigh from you as you nodded, hoping that your agreement could persuade her to not spend so much time teasing you.

she granted you the slightest relief, taking your nipple between your lips and sucking at it, the hand not occupied with another breast trailing down the scar etched into your side, following the path down to your navel to begin unbuttoning your pants. each second seemed to drag on longer than the last, and though you knew that she wasn't purposely drawing out the process of undressing you, it was still not enough. you were practically kicking your underwear to the floor by the time they made their way around your ankles, skin still burning hot despite being fully exposed to the air.

"p-please, miss yelena.." you whimpered at the feeling of her hand tracing up and down your inner thigh, occasionally stopping to stroke across the raised lines of skin that had been inscribed into your skin by the series of belts and buckles on your gear harness, but never proceeding that final inch up to where you needed it.

she pulled away to let out a low chuckle, peering up at you through dark lashes, bare chest pressed flush against your stomach. she drank in the way your face shifted as she rested the pad of her thumb over your clit, rubbing languid circles over it as her pointer finger dipped down your cunt, instantly slick with your arousal.

"you're so worked up from just that?" she taunted, speaking at barely a murmur, "or was it because somebody was listening?"

you felt the knot of anticipation drawing tight in the pit of your stomach, watching as she took her fingers in her mouth and licked over them, thighs shuddering when she returned to their previous position. "i-it was— i j-just— please.."

you could barely form a coherent thought, back arching up to urge your body as close to hers as you could manage, only cognizant of just how close you were to being relieved of that unbearable pressure welling within you. she only smiled, close-lipped and cunning, resting her head over your heaving chest.

"your heart is racing. i wonder how much faster i could make it go.."

you nearly whined as two fingers slid into you with little resistance, her mouth closing over a nipple, alternating between gently tugging at it with her teeth and flicking over it with the tip of her tongue. your hips rocked up into her hand, matching the pace of her wrist as your head dug back into the mattress, moans and incoherent pleas spilling from your parted lips.

you could feel yourself quickly approaching that rapturous peak, hands fisting the sheets under you, white stars blotting out your vision as she curled her fingers just right. you shuddered, gasping, eyes rolling aimlessly into the back of your head as the tension that had wound itself into every muscle finally released, coming completely undone beneath her. you pressed a shaking hand over your mouth, muffling the sound of your winded breaths, letting out a small noise when she relieved you of her fingers. you felt her lips grazing over your chest, forcing your head up to look at her with bleary eyes when their feather-light touch proceeded lower and lower down your stomach.

you had expected things to come to an end as they usually did, with her pulling her clothes back on before you even had the chance to see straight and gathering your own garments from the floor to hand to you, leaving you to walk back to your dormitories on trembling legs in your wrinkled uniform. but there was no sign of that immediate withdrawal as she gathered your thighs in her hands, lifting your legs up onto her shoulders as she pressed a brief kiss over your naval.

you licked your lips nervously, already more than too sensitive at just the feeling of her breath over your soaked cunt. you opened your mouth to meekly object or ask for just a moment longer to catch your breath, but she shushed you, her heavy-lidded gaze sending a fresh bout of heat across your skin. each little quiver of your thighs only made her grip fasten, unable to keep still as she kissed at the scars and soft flesh, drawing a stifled whimper when she stopped to suck a deep mark at a spot of untarnished skin.

you could see the pale expanse of yelena's back, pristine and absent of any previous traumas, the complete opposite of your own. the first time you'd see her undressed, you couldn't take your eyes off of her slender frame, lined with muscle from her days as a soldier but still so delicate. you'd never left any marks when she'd allow you to kiss at her neck and chest, only enough to see the rosy flush settle over her body, but by that time she was more than eager to get back to playing with you instead.

you took in a deep, unsteady breath, jaw clenching and stomach tightening as her tongue drew flat up the length of your cunt, a small moan breaking from your parted lips. she pressed forward, flicking the tip of her tongue over your clit in a merciless rhythm, holding your thighs apart to accommodate her presence each time they attempted to squeeze shut. you writhed over the sheets, her name slipping from you between high-pitched whines and labored breaths, minutes melting past in an incomprehensible blur, leaving you only cognizant of her tongue and hands dragging you back over that edge again and again.

by the time she'd released you, you could barely hold your eyes open, thighs aching from her fingers digging into them, throat raw from crying out for her and gasping in what never seemed to be enough air, feeling too exhausted to even think about making the walk back to your own room. but rather than hand your clothes to you in a silent cue for your departure, you watched her make her way back up the mattress to lay beside you, pulling your heavy, sweat-slicked body against her own. you couldn't try to refuse the comfort of her warmth, face pressing into her chest, breathing in her soft, clean scent, still occasionally trembling as you tentatively allowed your hands to cling to her.

you told yourself not to get comfortable, to try to regain control of your limbs by the time her sympathy for overworking you had worn off and she ordered you away for the night, but the demand never came. you felt a large hand settle at the base of your neck, another splaying across the small of your back, her chin resting on the crown of your head, holding you close like a lover would.

"you could stay for the night if you'd like." her tone was even and collected as it always was, but hushed, like she was murmuring a secret to you.

you knew that sleeping her had already far overstepped whatever boundary had been abandoned that night she'd first kissed you, the morning where she'd marveled at your body and commended your courage, every instance you'd obeyed her rather than carry out the simple orders you were given. it was already too late to tear yourself away from this presence that you'd grown so familiar with—the one that you had feared, the one that you now craved despite how you knew you shouldn't.

"thank you, miss yelena." you whispered hoarsely, curling into her, allowing your heavy eyes to close.

that would be the first and last time you ever spent the night in her quarters.

─── · 。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

the banquet to celebrate the completion of the rail system in trost was minutes away from commencing. the speaking podium was empty for the moment, soldiers and civilians chattering amongst themselves as they waited for the military officials to gather at the stage. you were authorized to be in the private area as yelena's personal escort, seeing as she had participated in the mapping of the railroad through the district and would be acknowledged as a contributor to the advancement of paradis.

but as excited as you were to celebrate, eat good food and hopefully get a chance to drink, you weren't looking forward to transferring your position to floch forster for the remainder of the night. although, your desire to stay by yelena's side had been momentarily dissuaded by the desire to please her when she'd requested the change a few days prior. you hadn't bothered to hide your disappointment, nor did you hold back your questions.

"change to forster? but.. why?" you had asked, in the privacy of her quarters, feeling an immediate disheartening at her words.

she didn't directly respond, the hand that had been at your shoulder rising to pet at your cheek. "you trust me, don't you?"

"y-yes, but—"

"then file a request to change with him."

you couldn't explain why you had felt such a cool emptiness burrowing into your chest, a sudden spite for the other soldier beginning to fester in the back of your mind, the thought that she would choose him over you inspiring an indescribable irateness. you turned away from her hand, not thinking of how you were pouting like a child, unwilling to meet her eyes or compromise with her. you'd been fretting over how she hadn't spared you any sort of affection in the nearly two months that had passed, the fear that she'd grown tired of you an incessant whisper in your ear. but then she had reached for you, treated you gently, persuading with that hint of sincerity she rarely ever showed you.

"it would only be for the evening, i have business to attend to that night. i'm sure you've been looking forward to the celebration?" a frown tugged at your lips, only offering a small nod in reply, meeting her eyes when she guided you by your chin to face her. "then transfer with forster, have fun for the evening—you deserve it."

you couldn't help but preen under her praise, meeting her eyes, heart stuttering at the sight of her barely-there smile. you finally caved after a moment of thought, relenting to her wishes. "i'll put in a temporary transfer request tomorrow afternoon."

"thank you, dear."

despite how you weren't exactly looking forward to forster's arrival to relieve you from duty, those final words lifted your spirits just the slightest bit. perhaps she had simply been caught up in the stress of such a grand achievement, too busy attending meetings with engineers and generals and event staff to make any spare time for you for the past weeks. you had waited for weeks before, you could continue waiting if need be. you were at her beck and call, and as long as it pleased her, you were perfectly fine doing as such.

you let out a soft sigh at the sigh of floch forster approaching, weaving through the scattered crowd with a stoic, dutiful look plastered across his expression.

"good evening, floch." yelena said from beside you.

he replied with a polite good evening to both you and her, adding your name as more of an afterthought than anything, but turning his focus back to you when you still hadn't stepped away. "you can go, i'll take it from here."

your gaze flickered over to yelena, feeling yourself relax as she nodded to you, a hand resting at your shoulder to gently urge you forward. "i'll see you tomorrow morning. enjoy yourself tonight."

so you took your leave, watching the ceremony in the company of your fellow soldiers, eyes always wandering away from the speaker and to yelena at the side of the stage. the speech concluded, the crowd cheered and applauded, and everyone was directed to the banquet hall where the remainder of the event would be held. you watched yelena and floch walk off the stage with the other officials, becoming distracted for just a moment speaking to someone but having lost sight of them by the time you looked back.

you didn't see yelena for the remainder of the night, but you did as you were told, enjoying the good food, talking to your friends, avoiding any alcohol in preparation for your usual early morning. it was all over quite quickly, and the next morning came and went, business as usual for the remainder of the next few days—then came the news of eren jaeger's disappearance, then the plans of the all-hands-on-deck operation that was to be the retrieval effort for the young man, the entire scouting branch thrown into overdrive.

and, though you never mustered the courage to ask, you felt a sinking feeling deep inside, that yelena's nightly errand with floch and eren's absence were somehow connected, that there was much more going behind the scenes that you couldn't even begin to fathom.

just wanted to give u guys a little gift for my birthday (´･ᴗ･ ` )

[because-i-can-stuff]

Life will always find a way

Dick Grayson x Y/N Roth

A/N: I haven’t written something like this in a long time and I just started watching Titans on Netflix (been a year since then) and been reading a bunch of fics and I kind of had this one stuck in my head. So tell me what you think and enjoy.

I forgot this even existed and was just sitting in my drafts so I guess I am posting this now

 -Flashback-

It was one of those rare rainy days in San Francisco, you were just closing the small café you were working at. It was a busy day and the shop closed a little later than usual, meaning it was already beginning to get dark outside.

Letting out a frustrated sigh, you pulled the hood over your head trying to protect yourself from the weather. Today was just a day that couldn’t get any worse you thought to yourself.

It started with an alarm that didn’t go off, making you late for the first lecture of the day, the day at USF seemingly lasting forever and instead of heading home, you still needed to work. Life was dull and the universe was testing you, first your best friend passed away, then essays and other projects piling up and the excessive amount of work hours, happiness just wasn’t an option at the moment.

And now this, the rain, the darkness and the constant feeling of being followed.

Picking up your speed in hopes of getting home faster you took a shortcut not really thinking of the consequences but being reminded in a second, as somebody slammed you into a wall from behind, shocking you for a moment before regaining your composure and getting ready to defend yourself.

When suddenly a figure appeared behind your nightly attacker and ripped him off of you and started beating the crap out of him.

Your nightly saviour appeared to be some kind of masked vigilante , at least that’s what you guessed from the costume adorning a cape and the mask covering his eyes. Watching the fight scene unfold before you, the vigilante overpowering your attacker with ease, resulting with the stranger running away, yelling profanities.

The vigilante focussed his attention onto you, looking you up and down and you doing the same, noticing the wet mop of brunette hair framing his face and the chocolate brown eyes peaking from behind the mask., as well as the well-toned body adorned by the costume.

“Are you alright? Did he hurt you?” he asked sincerely.

“I’m alright, maybe a bruise or two but nothing I can’t handle. Thank you by the way”

“Robin” he interrupted

“Well, thank you, Robin. But it was nothing I couldn’t handle. I’m sure you have more pressing matters at hand so why don’t you take care of these and let me take care of myself.” You stated rather annoyed, not only annoyed by him but this whole day.

“Oh, well, okay… then I guess I will just leave you be” Robin stated quite unsure and disappeared within a moment.

Sure, you felt kind of bad about your behaviour, but you just wanted to get home, get cosy and cry yourself to sleep, the usual routine since your best friend passed away.

The next day promised to be a better one, with the alarm actually going of, the sun peaking from behind the clouds and you being on time for the lectures that day with the prospect of not having to work today and finally getting started on some essays.

Making your way to your favourite coffee shop, ordering a cappuccino and sitting down in a quiet corner, you unpacked your notebook and started typing, tuning out the world around you, therefore not noticing that somebody joined you at your table.

Only noticing your company after a small cough, looking up a young man around your age sat in front of you, with deep chocolate brown eyes, well styled brunette hair and a smile to match his handsome face.

“Can I help you?” you ask the mysterious stranger

“Hi” he answers with a charming smile “I just noticed you sitting by yourself and I don’t know… Obviously you are doing work or something, but I don’t know… there is something about that I just thought I really want to get to know the beautiful woman behind the notebook”

Normally you would turn down such advances, but today, you were feeling a little bit better about yourself than the last weeks and he wasn’t that bad looking, charming on top of that. And maybe he was just what you needed to distract you from the grieving and the stress.

“Well, thank you for the compliment, you are not so bad looking yourself.” You tried to flirt “My name’s Y/N, by the way.”

“A beautiful name for a beautiful lady” he charmed “It’s very nice to meet you Y/N. I’m Dick Grayson”

“Finally, a name and a full face to the alias. I didn’t think I was so intriguing that a vigilante had to get to know me, but I am flattered, Robin” I whispered making sure nobody heard what I was telling him.

Dick looked shocked and started stammering, before asking “What are you talking about? You are making no sense.”

“Look, I am not going to tell anyone, but I’m quite good with remembering faces and I got a good look at yours and the only difference between yours and Robins is the fact that you are not having a black mask over your eyes. Same hair, same eyes, same smile, same face structure. Just face it, I figured it out and that pretty fast.”

Thus, began a fast forming friendship which evolved into friends with benefits really quick and after some time even into lovers pursuing a serious relationship, finding an abrupt end with no explanation, just a last night filled with love and a morning after with an empty bed and a note saying

Goodbyes are never easy, but this is one of the hardest. I knew I couldn’t tell you face to face and I know it’s cowardly to tell you this way, but I just know that you would’ve somehow changed my mind. By the time you’ve read this, I will already be on my way out of this city on the way towards a new destination. I am really sorry. I love you and I’ll miss you and hope you somehow understand.

-       Dick

-Flashback end-

“And you tell me all of this now, Rachel?! I knew I should’ve just taken with me as soon as Mom died. I can’t believe I let you do all this to find your real parents just because I thought going with a detective would be a good idea. You could’ve gotten yourself killed, I could’ve somehow helped you. And I am furious that you lied to me, that everything was fine and just now you’re telling me the whole truth. I don’t know what to say Rachel…” you told your sister agitated over the phone.

“Y/N… I was fine and I am fine. I made new friends and they protected me just fine. And I didn’t tell you because I knew you would’ve been there in a second to protect me but you also have a child to think about and I rather know you and Ricky are safe…”

“And I rather know that you are safe, Rachel. I would’ve figured something out.” You interrupted your little sister

“I know, I know… but there is nothing we can do about that now. Everything is fine. Well, anyway… What I originally wanted to tell you was that we are actually on the way to San Francisco. Apparently, there is some safe house where the Titans used to stay and we get to live at. So, I finally get to see my big sister and my cute little nephew” Rachel told you excitedly

“I am so happy to finally see you again and so is Ricky. But are you sure you don’t want to move in with us?” you were still being vary of Rachel living with a bunch of guys

“Yes, I am sure, it’s safest for me and also for you two, I don’t want to get you in danger because of me. I have done that a lot these past few weeks and I really don’t want to risk it. She assured you

“Okay, I understand. Even though we both know that I could handle it.” You told her with a smile “Come visit us as soon as possible. We miss you”

After your phone call with Rachel you went into your 3-year-old sons’ room to tell him, that his aunt would come visit soon. Ricky sat contently in the middle of the room surrounded by a bunch of toys playing with his favourite car. You admired your little angel with his brunette locks and chocolate brown eyes, reminding you so much of his father. Ricky looked so much like him, but he still got your gorgeous smile and good-natured spirit.

[script-a-world]

Do asteroids have an atmosphere? I sort of remember there was some giant worm on an asteroid in Star Wars? Or is this obviously a low Moh scale world building? Or any way I can possibly put life on an asteriod? Even if artificial?

Lockea: Inherently, what determines whether an object in space has an atmosphere or not depends on quite a few different factors. The biggest factor is simply gravity, but we also know that Earth’s molten core and magnetic fields contribute to how Earth keeps its atmosphere.

By definition, asteroids are not big enough for gravity fields.

Feral: Mynocks living inside a giant space worm living inside an asteroid inside an asteroid field with asteroids that are unusually close together probably all makes for pretty soft science fiction.

However, I don’t think asteroids must be devoid of life in harder works, particularly when we start talking about artificial life. It’s just that the life on the asteroids would not have evolved there.

The Expanse, both the books and SyFy show, handled this really well. Belters, or the people born on the asteroid belt in our solar system, are the descendents of immigrants from Earth, the same way the Martians are descendents of immigrants. Life on asteroids in the series is a hard one. The lack of natural atmosphere and gravity physically affects the people who are born and live on the asteroids, often causing deformities or debilitating conditions. This is part of the cycle of the socioeconomic oppression of the Belters by the Earth-born that is at the forefront of conflict in the series.

Synth: IIRC the asteroid worm in Star Wars is a silicon-based lifeform. Apparently so are mynocks, and since they can survive in the vacuum of space I guess the worms can too, so that’s one option for you: create alien life that does not need air air to survive. Feral mentioned that it’s unlikely life (as we currently understand it) would have evolved naturally on asteroids (as we currently understand them), but it could have arrived there via some form of panspermia: naturally via fragments of other life-bearing bodies, accidentally as a hitchhiker on a spacecraft, or deliberately introduced.

Can an asteroid have an atmosphere, though? Like with many of the space-themed Asks we’ve had in the past, the answer is: “Probably not but actually maybe?”

A lot depends on what you mean by “atmosphere”. If you’re thinking of what we’ve got on Earth, no, an asteroid won’t have that unless you play up the sci-fi aspects of your story and have it be artificially generated. If you just mean “a layer of gases around a celestial body,” then yes, an asteroid could potentially have an atmosphere. You probably wouldn’t be able to breathe it, though. Not for very long, anyway.

As Lockea said, the primary thing behind an astronomical body’s ability to hold on to an atmosphere is its gravity. Some other factors, among many, are the presence of a magnetic field, and the atmospheric temperature.

Gravity: asteroids, relative to planets, are tiny. They just haven’t got the gravitic oomph to hang onto any gases over the long term. The escape velocity — how fast something needs to go to get out of the object’s gravity well and into space — is low enough that the lighter atoms in the atmosphere can just leisurely fly away, or be very easily stripped off. The asteroid/dwarf planet Ceres does have an atmosphere of water vapour, but it is extremely delicate and only exists because it is constantly regenerating from sublimating surface ice, or possibly cryovolcanoes, or both. The solar wind strips it away about as fast as it respawns.

A strong, stable magnetic field protects a planet’s atmosphere from the constant onslaught of particles streaming out from the system’s sun, the aforementioned solar wind. One of the theories behind Mars’ thin atmosphere is its lack of protection by a magnetic field. Earth’s magnetic field acts as a buffer against the solar wind, deflecting it and preventing the molecules of our atmosphere from getting torn away, except a little bit at the poles. Mars hasn’t much of a magnetic field to speak of, so there isn’t anything running interference. Earth’s magnetic field is generated by the motion of the molten metals in the core of the planet. Mars doesn’t have that*. An asteroid doesn’t either. The moons Titan and Io don’t have notable magnetic fields of their own, but Saturn and Jupiter are huge planets with proportionally massive magnetic fields extending far enough to provide protection to their moons’ atmospheres.

*Mars may have had a magnetic field several billion years in its past, but has since lost it.

Remember the escape velocity bit mentioned in the “gravity” section? Here’s where temperature comes into play. Molecularly speaking, warmer things move faster. Warmer atmosphere = particles are moving faster = easier for them to achieve escape velocity and nyoom off into space. Mercury is roughly twice the diameter and some twenty-seven times the mass of Pluto, with an escape velocity over three-and-a-half times greater, and has a magnetic field whereas Pluto does not, yet Mercury has very little atmosphere to speak of (surface pressure of 1 nPa — one nanoPascale), while Pluto’s is noticeable (pressure varies but averages about 1 Pa, one thousand times higher than Mercury’s, and higher than the Moon’s). What’s the deal? Temperature. Mercury is extremely toasty, and Pluto is the polar (ha) opposite of that. Pluto’s less energetic atmospheric molecules can’t make it out of the gravity well, so they stay hugging the planet.

You have a few options for giving this asteroid an atmosphere:

Make it bigger/denser so it has more gravity and can hang onto its air. Problematic because gravity likes to make things round, so go past a certain mass and oops it’s a planet now I guess? Potentially takes a long while to reach equilibrium, though, so if you set the story early enough in the asteroid’s history, you could make it sound plausible.

A magnetic field for protection. Again unlikely to be natural, mostly due to the geological composition and structure of most asteroids, while potentially rife with various metals, precludes the existence of a molten core to act as a dynamo.

Locate it far away from any star so it isn’t subject to strong stellar winds, and it’s cold enough for the atmosphere to not drift away on its own. However the temperature extremes involved present their own problems regarding long-term habitability.

Mineralogical composition is such that it generates its own atmosphere via some kind of off-gassing (e.g. Ceres, mentioned earlier). Does come with a time-limit; resources on even a large asteroid are way more finite than on a planet.

Apply Handwavium™ as required to make it work the way you want, because you are the god of your story universe. Most people wouldn’t blink twice at an industrialized, inhabited asteroid if they came across it in a sci-fi tale. Also, Space Is Weird, so who’s to say there doesn’t exist a massive magnetic-field-having asteroid with a self-regenerating atmosphere and some kind of ecosystem somewhere out in the vast wilds of outer space?

[thorne93]

Unforeseen Chasm (Part 18)

Prompt: Two sisters fall for men that are absolute enemies. The love they have could tear all of them apart, or it could bring them together.

Word Count:3092

Warnings: Language, mentions of stabbing, mentions of manupulation

Note: This is by far the longest thing I’ve ever written (including my novels). It’s a collaboration with the amazing @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo​​. It started as a funny “What if…?” and it evolved and got huge. This took two years to write. We are both proud and happy and we hope you enjoy it. It follows from Thor 1 to Endgame in the MCU. Some of the timelines may be off in order to fit certain people, and some characters may show up earlier or in different ways than they have in the movie. But for the most part, it follows the MCU. It also has a bit of crossover with some other Marvel characters throughout the story.

Masterlist for Unforeseen Chasm

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Are you insane? I can’t talk to you if you’re going to be like this,” Tony said as he spoke to Shannon in the conference room. All of the Avengers had gathered there, trying to decide what to do with you two. 

“Look, if they go back to Asgard, they’ll be put to death, most likely,” Shannon reminded, resonating Thor’s words from earlier.

“Maybe that’s what should happen,” Tony said in a small voice, making Shannon flinch. When he saw how his words affected her, he retracted them. “Alright, fine. No death. What do you propose?”

“They stay here on Earth where we can watch them. If they’re in Asgard, Y/N only grows stronger there. She might just regain her strength and come back.”

“Our prisons are inescapable,” Thor informed casually from the side of the room.

Shannon glanced over to him. “Be that as it may, your brother and Y/N are incredibly clever, it’s a risk we can’t take. Putting them back on Asgard only ensures that she will get stronger.”

“So, what, you want to send them to a little BNB here?” Tony asked, frustrated.

“No.”

“Then what? We can’t put them in regular prison. They’ll kill all the guards and inmates just getting out, which won’t be a problem for them.”

“I don’t know where we should put them, Tony, I’m only stating that I think they need to be on Earth.”

“It’s not a bad idea,” Nat agreed, piping up.

“Yeah, if keeping them from Asgard keeps them less powerful, I’m all for it,” Clint added. 

Tony looked around the room, realizing this was the way it was going to be. No one wanted you two back on Asgard, and they’d feel better if they could keep a close eye on you here.

------------------------------

Loki and you sat next door in an entirely concrete room while the others argued about where to put you. Neither of you had spoken since the revelation about your willingness to let Tony beat you. 

“What do you think they’ll do with us?” you chanced, hoping to get Loki to speak to you. 

“Oh, you think talking to me will get me to be less angry?” he snapped as he sat on a concrete bench. 

You flinched at his tone. 

“You betrayed me, Y/N. How could you? I took torture for you from that mad Titan, and you, in return, let Stark beat you. Why? Does my life mean that little to you?” he asked, venom in his voice, but pain in his eyes.

Your eyes slid to his face, which was still bloody from the battle and your heart clenched. “Loki, no. I tried… But I wasn’t strong enough. I couldn’t look into her eyes and hurt her. I couldn’t hurt him.”

“But you can endanger my life?” he asked, his words dripping with anger.

“Did you let Thor live?” you suddenly asked. 

“What? What in gods’ name does that have to--”

“Thor. You and him went hand to hand. I saw it. What did you stab him with? Oh, yes, the smallest weapon you could conjure up. So do not sit here and pretend to hate me for the same faults you have, Loki. I will not stand for it,” you snapped angrily. “You couldn’t hurt Thor anymore than I could hurt Shannon. Neither of us wants to be here. Neither of us wanted to hurt the ones we loved. Do not make Thanos happy by causing a rift between us. So I couldn’t kill him so what? I promise, if Thanos gets ahold of us, I will take whatever punishment he has in mind for you. I have always been ready to bear the pain of our failures.”

Loki’s features softened slightly at this. He knew he was being hypocritical. He knew this was hard for you. He knew you might not have the stomach to hurt Shannon, or even Tony. You had told him this, and he had simply told you to try your best. 

Before he could respond, the door swung open and you were greeted by nearly all of the Avengers.

“Okay love birds, let’s go,” Tony said as he waved you two forward. They proceeded to put you two in heavy chains. Around your hands, ankles, and neck. You could barely get a good stride in without choking yourself. 

Shannon was with them, but she wouldn’t look at you. 

All of you got into the staircase -- the elevators were too small to hold everyone -- and you descended them for a long time. It started to get a lot colder as you went down. Finally, you reached two wide double doors that slid open as Tony approached them. They walked you two into a large room, seated in the middle was what looked like a stage, almost. 

In the middle of the square concrete room sat a smaller square apartment. Glass walls stood on all four sides and it was elevated off the floor by about three feet. From out here you could see a kitchen, a living room, an office, and apparently a bedroom. The living room had a black leather couch, bright white carpeting, two black leather chairs and a glass coffee table. The kitchen appeared to be more of a kitchenette with charcoal cabinetry, a white granite island, and white tile. The office was a dark room, about 8 x 8 with dark walls. 

Before you could oggle too much, they shoved you forward towards the doors and pushed you two in. Thor unlocked the chains from both of you, and stepped back outside. He hit a button and the door sealed shut, trapping you two inside.

“Welcome to the rest of your lives,” Tony started as he began walking around on the outside, circling you like a caged animal. “Better get comfy. You will not make food requests, you’ll eat whatever I eat that day, unless, food allergies, either of you?” he asked while he pointed at the two of you. “No? Okay then. Moving on. Your air is ventilated. You have plumbing and some books. I might give you TV in a year if you’re good. But no internet. I don’t need either of you out on the web.”

Loki simply glared at Tony while he spoke. You stood there, trying not to feel humiliated in front of old friends. 

“Clean up after yourselves. Oh, and JARVIS can see and hear everything you do. So if we hear anything about ‘escape’, ‘break out’, ‘murder’ -- you know, red flags, he’ll let me know. And if you even think of tampering with any of the technology down here, alarm bells will go off and security will be here before you can say ‘Asgard’. So like I said, get comfy.”

With that, he turned, gave a long look at Shannon, and the rest of them left. Well, all but Steve and Shannon.

“Shannon, you coming?” Steve asked.

“No, not just yet.”

“Well I’m not leaving you alone down here. It isn’t safe.”

“Then wait for me,” she instructed with a slight exasperation in her voice.

“Shannon, please,” you pleaded, walking towards the wall to get closer to her. “You have to find a way to get us out of here. It isn't what you think. Please.”

She laughed while her arms crossed. “You think that's gonna work? That might have worked before, but I am not the same girl you knew. I've changed.”

You face fell as you nodded. “You're right. Clearly you've changed. The Shannon I knew would at least listen to me. Hear my side of things.”

“Tony almost died!” she shouted at you. 

“And who caught him!?” you screamed back. “Whatever you think you know, it isn't right. Maybe you have changed. Maybe you're stronger. Maybe you're smarter. Maybe you're even wise enough to see past my lies or Loki’s tricks. But guess What? You still love blueberries on your pancakes. You still prefer rain at night than in the morning. You still hate too much foam in your coffee.”

Shannon shook her head, tears forming in her eyes. “Stop.. stop it!” she pleaded.

“Why? Because you know I'm right? Because you know I know you better than anyone?”

Her face whipped up to look up at you. “And what did you do with that information? Hmm? You used it. You used it against me. You tricked me. Manipulated me. You stabbed me, multiple times.”

“Not fatally. And you know that. Your time in the Red Room should have clued you in that I purposely didn't hit any major organs or arteries. You know this. Deep down whether you want to believe it or not, you know something isn't right. I let Tony win. I didn't fatally wound you. I could have won our fight easily. How? Projections. It would've been easy to throw you off. But I didn't. And even though you know all this, you still believe me a monster.”

“You are a monster. You brought hell to Earth, straight to our back door. I did ask you why you lost against Tony and you didn't answer me.”

“I lost because I couldn't do it. I couldn't hurt Tony or you any more.”

“Oh yeah that was clear when you threw him out the window and launched a fucking kitchen at me!” 

You clenched your fist. “I didn't kill you. I would never hurt you like that,” you stated through clenched teeth.

“But you came here with the intention to hurt everyone for your and Loki's own sake, you keep saying you wont hurt me but keep doing it anyway,” she said with anger boiling in her eyes, you knew not to keep pushing but you did it anyway. 

You ran your hands through your hair. “Fine! Yes! I hurt you. I threw Tony out the window, I stabbed you, I attacked you. But it’s not like you didn’t return the favor. You stabbed Loki, threw me out of a window -- where I didn’t have a suit to catch me. But I…” You sighed. This was stupid, it was going in circles. “I didn’t kill you. That was never my intention. I was trying to keep you from getting killed. You can believe me or not, I don’t care. Clearly you aren’t going to listen.” You sighed and turned around, crossing your arms, fighting back tears. 

“Do you know how many times I defended you and your actions since you’ve returned?! Tony kept saying my Y/N was dead.” She made you look over. 

“Good! You should be defending me! It means we haven’t lost all hope that your compassion is completely gone!” you said angrily, your voice loud inside the small apartment. Loki sat on the black leather couch in the living room, the room you were standing in, listening on with guilt-ridden ears. It was all his fault you were even in this mess. “It means we have a small hope that you’ll actually listen to us.”

But you didn’t see it that way. You two had to do what you had to to survive, to make sure your loved ones survived. 

“The time to talk, to get me to listen, or ask for any help was before you chained me to a chair and stabbed me,” she darkly informed. 

“Maybe I couldn’t,” you stated. “Did you ever think of that?” 

“Even if it had been that you couldn’t out right say it you would have hinted at what was going on like you used to, or did you completely forget?” She scowled at you. “What happened to our code words? To the signals I taught you? Should have known you’d never used them, what do you expect me to tell my parents? When they see the news of you and me fighting? Did you forget they’re worried about you too or that they love you like their own child?” she spat looking at you with disdain. 

In a quiet, harsh voice, you responded, “I’m not their child. I never was. No one wanted me. I was a charity case. That’s all I ever was. Frigga gave me up, my foster parents never wanted me, and your parents hardly ever wanted me around.” Your eyes drifted to meet hers. 

“That's where you’re wrong. They loved you for who you were. Had you been their daughter they would have kept you with them!” she yelled, making the room shake and making her eyes cloud milky red again the walls began turning foggy. “They wouldn’t have sent you to become an assassin like they did with me, they only began treating me right after they found out what the Red Room Program was. They feared me.” She looked pained saying it. 

You had no idea what to say. You were angry and hurt that she wouldn’t hear anything you had to say. Still she defends you now even from your own hatred. Shoulders drooping you turn to her you see she’s standing like you are but the fog is still around her. 

“Shannon… I…” What? What could you possibly say at this point? Thanos voice was in your head, mocking you, twisting memories in your head. Was Shannon actually ever against you? Or did she want you to succeed? Surely you wouldn’t spend over ten years with someone who made you unhappy. 

Perhaps she was a good friend, deep down, you knew this. But you were too far down the rabbit hole. How do you even begin to explain what happened? 

“What?” she snapped, her voice thick. She was crying. “What can you possibly say to me?” 

“I didn’t do any of this voluntarily,” you finally said, your tone heavy as you stared at her. Loki’s gaze snapped up to you and he stood, ready to stop you from saying more. “I was brainwashed.”

Shannon frowned and stepped forward, curious. “Seriously? That’s your excuse? Brainwashing?” 

You nodded. “A titan, who goes by the name of Thanos… We fell onto the Chitauri planet, he told us if we weren’t of use to him that we needed to be killed. So… Loki bargained for our lives. We would do his bidding so long as he didn’t kill us.” You hung your head and let out a humorless laugh. “Lot of good it did, he still tortured Loki every day, and brainwashed him. He is so much further gone than I am. I at least remember some of my past. Thanos takes your fears, your insecurities and he twists them. He turns them into reality.” You stopped, realizing you were getting off point. “He told us to come to Earth, to rule it. He needed the Tesseract. I don’t know why and I didn’t ask because questions only got Loki hurt.” 

“Why didn’t you fight him?” she demanded. “I know you’re strong enough. Both of you are.”

You laughed again, this time, it was filled with sorrow. “We couldn’t. We were surrounded by his army, and he’s not exactly a normal being.”

“So you just let him bully you? You just let him do this to you? That's…. The most cowardly thing I’ve ever heard,” she stated, disappointment in her voice.

You swallowed and nodded. “You’re right… It is. If it had been you, you would’ve been brave and had the strength to fight. You would’ve stood up, stood against him, and said no. But I didn’t. I’m not strong like you. I never have been.” You stared at her, speaking calmly and matter-of-factly. “He threatened Loki, and I crumbled. Tony gives you strength.” You looked back to Loki who seemed tense as he stared back at you. “But Loki… he’s my weakness. His life was on the line and I said I would do anything to keep him alive, even if it meant hurting you, or nearly killing Tony or you.” 

“All of this was for him?!” She pointed at Loki accusingly. “You’ve only known him for a year, and you basically left the whole universe to perish?” She shook her head, not knowing what else to say. 

You barely shrugged as you looked at her. “Can you really tell me if it was Tony versus the universe, you wouldn’t choose Tony?” you challenged lightly.

 “You know I was trained to pick what's right. I would have picked the universe, no matter what my heart says,.” she said with an unreadable expression. “He already knows if it ever came down to saving us or the world, it's my life to save everyone else,” she said firmly

“It’s easy to say that, when you aren’t actually faced with that choice. I know you, Shannon. I know how much the training is ingrained in you.” You took a step forward and leaned your arm on the glass and got less than an inch away from the glass separating you two. “I also know your heart is a lot bigger, and a lot more than your training. Natasha bargained for Barton. She had the same training you did. And I’m not too sure Tony wouldn’t just choose you over everyone else. It isn’t a fault, Shannon. It’s called humanity.”

“You’re telling me about humanity? Then where was yours when you starting throwing punches? Where was your humanity while half of New York was being destroyed? While innocent people got killed!” She sounded tired at this point from listening to the pointless banter. “Believe what you want, I’m done. With everything.” She waved around the room. “Enjoy your stay because it’ll be a long one.” She began turning away from you and heading to the door where Steve had heard everything. 

You were silent. There wasn’t much left to say. You’d completely lost everything here on Earth, especially the one person who was most important was walking away from you for good. “I’m so sorry, Shannon, I wish things were different…”

“I used to think that too….” She took one final look at you, heartbreak was visible in her eyes. “I hope he was worth it all.” She whispered the last bit. Steve put his arm around her shoulder and held her half walked her out you could see this really had taken a toll on her. 

“Shannon, Shannon, Shannon! No, wait, Shannon!” you screamed after her, slamming your hand on the glass, but she ignored you as she and Steve slipped through the sliding doors, not looking back at you.

You turned around, tears in your eyes, to face your fellow inmate.

“So...It’s just us then,” Loki coolly said, looking at you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tag List: @essie1876​ @magpiegirl80​ @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked​ @iamwarrenspeace​ @marvel-imagines-yes-please​ @superwholocked527 @missinstantgratification​ @thejemersoninferno​ @rda1989​ @munlis​ @thefridgeismybestie​​ @bubblyanarocks3​​ @igiveupicantthinkofausername​​ @kaliforniacoastalteens​ @feelmyroarrrr​​ @kaelingoat​ @friendlyneighbourhoodweirdo​​ @damalseer​​ @heyitscam99​​ @yknott81​​ @sorryimacrapwriter​​ @glitterquadricorn​​ @xxqueenofisolationxx @little-dis-kaalista-pythonissama @bittersweetunicorm​ @alyssaj23​​ @sea040561​​ @princess76179​​ @thisismysecrethappyplace​​ @sarahp879​​ @malfoysqueen14​​ @ellallheart​​ @breezy1415​​ @marvelmayo​​ @random-fluffy-pink-unicorn @cocosierra94 @hardcollectionworldtrash @capsmuscles @marvelloushamilton

Loki: @lostinspace33​​ @ultrarebelheart​​ @lenawiinchester​​ @esoltis280​​ @tngrayson​​ @wangdeasang​​ @harrymewmew @jayfantasyatyourservice​​

[aotopmha]

Attack on Titan Chapter 122 Thoughts

This chapter is pretty straight-forward in comparison to the previous ones, but in a deceptive way, where a lot of moments have a bunch of nuance, when they at first glance don't seem to.

Most of the chapter is very thoroughly "show, don't tell", which I can see getting people confused and leave them asking questions, but the key to this is context.

When taking this chapter as more stand-alonish, I feel like it would 100% feel much more obtuse and confusing, but almost every panel calls back to something and the story simply asks you to put the story together based on this. I feel it still definitely leaves some stuff up for potentially varying interpretation, but much less so.

Here's my take on it.

Firstly, the only voice in the whole Ymir flashback is that of King Fritz. Everyone else is silent.

There is much talk about how AoT is this morally gray series and there are certainly many morally gray elements here, but in truth, I'd phrase this idea more in the sense of the story having really well fleshed out antagonists.

It emphasizes humanizing every character, including all those that are presented as shitty people, in a specific way of giving them at least one quality that's if not sympathetic, then at least understandable from the characters' perspectives (this is something Isayama has actually straight-up mentioned to aim to do in interview material).  

Karina is a horrible mother to Reiner, but she is a product of her environment and has never gotten to see outside of the world she lives in.

Alma treats Historia horribly, but her life is in danger because of a powerful man and the society she lives in.

Floch started out as a tactless asshole and has only grown worse, but there are understandable points in what he is saying during various moments in the story.

Gross is straight-up a candidate for the most hateable character in the series, but there is a spelled out, concrete perspective to his evil you kind of understand in a twisted way that also stems from the system he's living under, which often makes for my favorite type of antagonist.

I point this out because I think the first King Fritz is the most straight-forwardly villainous character in the series so far and I think that's fine.

The truth is, sometimes there isn't a "both sides". Sometimes there is a good and evil and in this case, Isayama opted for a powerful man that exploits the weak to further gain power for the evil, which is still a very real evil, but, as said, also pretty straight-forward.

He doesn't develop in any way - he's an abuser to begin with and in a position of power to begin with.

The only sliver of nuance to him is that he's a smart opportunist: he's a powerful man who knows to take advantage of the position he's in to gain even more power.  

You could argue this also comments on power abuse and how a priviledged position and availability of the means to take advantage of others encourages to do so and gain even more power. People are more likely to use a gun when they are given access to it than when not.

But even then, as he says to keep passing down the spines of the Titans, due it being at the cost of the daughters he had with Ymir, whom he already saw as a tool to be used, he most likely doesn't even do it for the good of his people, but his own self-serving desire to preserve his position of power and influence and that way remain important and influental even after his death.

He's more interesting as a vehicle for exploring the social situation he creates than as a individual character.

Him being the only one to talk is thus another neat example of the story making a narrative point through meta elements. Abusers silence and take away people's voices through fear and conditioning and this is exactly what he does and therefore is the only one talking.

In this case, it's even literal, as we see a slave having their tongue cut out. We don't ever see this happen to Ymir, but it's an easy assumption to make that she might've had her tongue cut out, as well, based on what we see done with the other slave.

Regardless of any physical element, though, Ymir simply doesn't go against King Fritz because she doesn't understand she can do so. Her chains are entirely emotional. She seems to have been a slave for most of her life, never getting to see any other perspective regarding herself, so because of the conditioning and indoctrination stemmed from her position as a slave, she believes serving him is her purpose in life:

It's how she is lead to percieve herself that keeps her a slave.

This is interesting to me because this seems to reflect Armin's initial character resolve. The only reason he didn't believe in himself was because of his own, negative, perception of himself. It's through an alternative perspective given through Eren and Mikasa he grew to see himself in a different light. His arc is one of the first arcs in the story that involves a character gaining nuance in their perspective (technically Mikasa has a moment like this before him, but I think Armin's arc fits the comparison better because it very specifically relates to his self-image):

(Chapter 11)

This later also evolves into the Marleyan Eldians' single-mindedness and unawareness of playing into a corrupt system. Neither Ymir nor them simply never get an opportunity to see the world differently/in a more complex light.

In the case of a more typical damsel, the rescue would have had a much more straight-forward and simplistic explanation and through that in my eyes would have been much less interesting and I really appreciate whenever a story understands abuse like this.

Related to this, Eren's speech in this chapter probably makes it one of my favorites.

There are some uncertain connotations to it, as Ymir truly probably is in no good emotional position to make her own decision and Eren ultimately gives her two very specific options to choose from, but I think his words are genuine and the point of the speech still stands.

It's a powerful speech that says everyone is an autonomous person and is not obligated to be bound to anyone:

As said, the elements of a typical damsel in distress story are here, but I think it's more human than just a standard crying girl asking for help situation and on a meta level, the story says that whoever is in a similar situation also has a choice.

As also said, you could tear this into pieces when you focus on a bunch of the technicalities surrounding it, but I think as a general sentiment I really do think it’s incredibly powerful.

I mentioned how this chapter commented on how powerful men exploit women, but I think it's more gender neutral than it might initially seem. I think the general feelings here would work just as well if were Ymir a boy, with the only difference probably being another woman being involved to force him to have children. The story has gendered aspects, but it handles them with not only taste, but also in a way where the general point isn’t gendered, similarly to Mikasa's backstory.

Related to this, I think the final element to look at in relation to Ymir's story specifically is Historia’s pregnancy. I think it made it directly much more harder to make natural.

It felt artificial to begin with, but before this, I was much more open-minded about it.

Okay, since Historia genuinely seems to care for everyone, maybe this could've been somehow spun around her sacrifice being genuine and of her own choosing, but now it's as literal of a representation of history repeating itself as it possiblt could get and whether Historia chose the pregnancy or not, subtextually it will always represent history repeating itself.

The pregnancy has a bunch of potential problems: erasing the gay part of a character (since Historia is the most overtly gay character in the series and this happens after her love interest is killed, it will come across this way even if it's not the intention), contradicting a character's arc, but more than that, at this point, I just don't see anything interesting and unique said through it specifically. All other options where the pregnancy is fake sound much more interesting to me.

If the story finds a way to somehow make the pregnancy work in a interesting way, I'll applaud it, but right now I don't see all that many possibilities in terms of how it could.

This chapter literally calls back to the image of the kind girl Historia saw in the book Frieda showed her that she went against and while this contradiction in her arc already existed just with the reveal of the apparent pregnancy, this now puts a big red exclamation mark on it:

It's so obvious that the story missing this contradiction and not even addressing it would be extremely puzzling (which I do think it will).

More than anything, as if it hadn’t done this as strongly as possible already, this also even further (as it possibly could at this point), fortified the idea that something definitely, most certainly, without a doubt, is up. 

Moving on, though, in the same vein as I said there are points in the real world where good and evil exists, there is actually a truth in history. History is a series of facts interpreted by people and with showing the "real truth" here I think the story dodged a dangerous potential implication about history not being factual.

I think it also fixed some of the potential implications with the historical imagery the story has been using.

Firstly, the Eldian empire was born through the exploitation of the weak. We don't even know if Ymir and all the other slaves were all actually Eldians, so depending how you interpret this, it takes away the potentially historically revisionist perspective of the Jewish analogue race ever being the oppressor. There is no place for "both sides" when it comes to the Jewish parallels because it's one of the most black and white situations in all of history. If nothing else, this element at least makes it clear that the story simply wishes to explore the thematic element of the dynamics between the oppressor and the oppressed the idea of power abuse.

Then, through making the encounter with the parasite creature happenstance and the Titan power not biologically inherent to Eldians, it removes the potential implication of the Jewish analogue being biologically different, therefore being "special" compared to other races, which is not the case with any race.

The element that has been there for the longest in my eyes and I think didn’t even need to be elaborated on because it’s been there and explored so much already and that always removed the possibility of the story (at the very least intentionally) being racist to me, though, is that the story treats all characters from all races the same without ever resorting to using caricatures or excessive stereotyping. The Eldians specifically are the main characters of the story, with there being equally good and evil characters among them.

The key element to racism has always been othering and dehumanization and the story for the most part makes sure that even the characters that are awful people have fleshed out perspectives.

I think what also helps in this chapter specifically is having more of a history-inspired than strictly historical situation, showing it all through a fantasy veil compared to the more direct usage of imagery with Marley and the Marleyan Eldians.

Finally, I really liked the potential Titan lore this chapter presented us.

I think it's really neat how it might potentially connect mythology and biology with the possible inspiration being, both, the prehistoric creature Hallucigenia and the mythological dragon under the roots of the world tree Ygdrassil, Nidhoggr, more than that, though, I really like the potential "nature you scary" element of the Titan origins.

The creature driving a horror story usually either isn't explained or is explained through something like aliens, lovecraftian horror, a human-made catastrophe or an experminent.

In this case there are elements of all of these in here and I think any of these could still be revealed to be the direct origin of the Titan parasite, but I really like the potential "nature you scary" element here because we usually always look outside of our world to find horror because we fear what we don't know, but Earth's own nature has plenty of that, too.

Nature can be really unsettling and horrifying at points and I’d like to see that being taken advantage of more.

Overall, though, I really liked this chapter. I think it might be one of my favorites because of Eren's speech, but I also really enjoyed it for it's "show, don't tell" aspect. Sometimes one image can say much more than a thousand words and I think this chapter did a really solid job with that.

[arlingtonpark]

SNK 125 Review

The only problem with this analogy is that being a snake implies a sort of sly smoothness, and, fun fact, Floch’s skin is made of sandpaper.

So Armin is basically the audience at this point. Everyone is tearing their hair out at the prospect of this or that happening. Armin is freaking out because now everything is happening.

That’s -1 for the fan theory of everyone teaming up to take down Eren. Armin isn’t even considering it; he’s just trying to do what he thinks he can. In general, everyone is in “picking up the pieces” mode. That Eren will succeed has essentially been accepted as a given.

Who could even rally the troops?

Armin is busy with Gabi. Shadis refuses to lead. No one even knows where Historia is. Hange is looking after Levi.

The only one in a position to step up is Jean, which is probably why he was especially in the spotlight this chapter. We’ll probably be seeing more of him next couple of chapters.

Jean character arc this whole series has been about leadership. He started as an asshole who didn’t give a damn, evolved into a guy who cared, then into a guy who increasingly led people who also cared.

Jean has taken on more and more leadership roles, usually because his superiors keep dying. Basically Paradis’ entire leadership was killed last chapter, so you know what that means: time for Jean to take on the ultimate leadership position and overthrow Floch.

It’s about time their relationship came to a head. Floch’s radicalism has grated against Jean for a while now. Jean cares about people. It’s why he fights. Floch fights too, but he doesn’t care about people. That’s why he grates so much on jean.

Floch is motivated by, in a phrase, identity politics. It’s not about helping your country or serving some higher good. It’s about your race.

Floch does offer to accept the volunteers as Eldians, but that highlights the BS that underlies his worldview. Being an Eldian may be a matter of blood relation, and Floch may preach the Eldians vs the world gospel, but in the end, its culture that determines who’s on who’s side. According to Floch, the non-Eldians can become Eldians by rejecting their prior identity as non-Eldian.

Thus, Floch is one of the final villains.

Like Zeke and the Marleyans, he rejects people because of their identity. Zeke and the Marleyans reject the Eldians for being Eldians. Floch is the same, except he rejects people for not being Eldians.

What’s interesting is what this means for Eren.

Zeke, the Marleyans, and Floch want to kill many, many people for the same reason: because of what they did in the past.

Zeke wants to kill Eldians because of the suffering Eldians have brought to the world.

Floch was fine with killing Marleyan citizens indiscriminately because of what Marleyans did to Paradis.

Marleyans are cool with killing Eldians because of Eldians did to their ancestors.

Eren is slightly different, and this marks a subtle shift in his thinking.

Eren used to be motivated by revenge. He wanted to avenge his mother and the memory of his happy childhood. It was past actions by the enemy that drove him, like with Zeke and Floch. That’s not so much the case anymore.

Now, Eren is more motivated by prospective future actions by his enemies than what they did before. How they’ve acted before informs his conclusions about how they’ll act in the future, but they are not the primary motivator for him.

So here’s the million dollar question: as far as the series is concerned, is this distinction meaningful?

This is a question about what the series will choose to emphasize, more than anything else.

If the series emphasizes the wrongfulness of genocide above all else, then Eren will be condemned by the story as all the others. He may take a (relatively) more “noble” viewpoint because he’s doing this to protect his friends from people who show no sign of letting them live, but he’s still killing people all the same.

If, unfortunately, tragically, sickeningly, the series decided to emphasize Eren’s motives over what he’s doing, then Eren could still be awarded some sympathy points. That would be awful.

There are no sympathetic mass murderers. There are no excuses. “He’s doing it for his friends” is a form of excuse-making.

Attack on Titan clearly thinks genocide is awful. That doesn’t mean the series isn’t about to equivocate.

The only time it’s good to focus on the motives of bad actions is when you’re trying to figure out a solution to that behavior. Attack on Titan hasn’t really proposed any solutions.

Would this war have happened if everyone just thought like Mr. Blouse and forgiveness was necessary for the kid’s sake?

No.

This fight is happening because of animosity over past actions, but also because of Eren’s warmongering, Zeke’s machinations, Marley’s quest for resources, and anxiety in Marley about losing their superpower status.

We got to where we are today because the incentives pushed everyone in that direction. This combination of circumstances mixed with this combination of personalities is what got us here.

If the facts had been different, then maybe things would have turned out differently, but it didn’t, so here we are.

Will the series just shrug its shoulders and leave us with a final message of “sometimes bad shit happens?”

Probably not. This story is about fighting even in spite of bleak situations. And ending that leaves us with everyone picking up the pieces would just be the series doing what it’s always done, flaws and all.

I’ve already talked about how flawed it is to say, as this series apparently does, that people are just prone to infighting.

People may act out of self-interest, but that is not the same thing as selfishness, and people may come into conflict with each other, but that is not the same thing as war.

An ending where Paradis repopulates a rumbled world, and maybe some final words about how conflict will arise again once the population becomes large and varied enough, would be a flawed ending, but still better than one that even hinted at Eren being more than a deranged lunatic.

Can’t We All Just Get Along is not a real solution to this conflict.

Something I considered when the last chapter came out was that the rumbling, after all this build up, would actually be a background event. That’s looking more likely now.

Everyone is already thinking ahead to a post-rumbling world. Eren hasn’t destroyed an acre yet and everyone is already jockeying for the scraps.

Armin’s top concern is winning over Gabi and preparing for a confrontation with Pieck and Magath.

It’s gone unstated, but Connie bringing his mother back now only makes sense if he assumes Paradis will be safe.

Floch is working extra hard to eliminate potential dissenters.

The only person who’s game to take on Eren is Gabi and she’s sidetracked rescuing Falco.

If everyone is convinced Eren can’t be stopped then…yeah, no one will stop him.

Making the rumbling a sideshow after all this anticipation is definitely something Isayama would do. This series revels in doing the unexpected and making it work.

While Eren lumbers about crushing everything, the ants will flail around. There’s enough dramatic potential in that to last the rest of the series.

Really stop and think about what Floch is up to this chapter.

Remember, Eren is about to wipe out all the other nations, leaving only Paradis to claim all the leftover land.

Floch is jockeying to rule Paradis.

So he’s not jockeying to be Floch Forster, King of Paradis; he’s jockeying to be Floch Forster, King of the World!

If Floch takes over Paradis, he will essentially rule the Earth.

Eren will be dead one way or another within a couple of years, so Floch is all that’s left to lead the island. This story could very well end with Floch planting his dumb ass on the throne and Jean is the only one who can fucking stop that from happening.

Thanks, Chadren! Wiping out your enemies and letting Floch inherit the Earth? Brilliant tactical maneuver, that!

Okay, so maybe Floch isn’t dumb. He’s an ass, but he’s not that stupid.

He tried to use fear to eliminate the volunteers as a threat. He killed one of their own as an example and he’s making a show of offering an olive branch to the rest to pacify them.

But his tactics with Jean are different. Floch knows Jean is tired of all the fighting, so he’s using that against him. He’s banking on Jean wanting to hang it up rather than question the murder that happened right in front of him.

In Trost, Stohess, against Reiner and Bertolt, in the uprising, Shighanshina, and Liberio, Jean’s fought hard, but it’s just been battle after battle after battle after battle.

He wanted to live it up in the interior because he wanted to know peace. He’s not as hedonistic as he was before because he knows that’s wrong, and he fights anyway because he knows that’s right, but still, he wants to know peace.

He wants to settle down. Maybe not live the big life, but definitely the quiet life.

This is Floch’s temptation. Ignore my murder spree and you can live happily for the rest of your life.

Will it work?

I think that answer has a lot to do with what you think will happen with Connie. A tragic ending where everyone gives in to their worst impulses at the worst time possible is definitely on the table.

Eren gives in to his zealotry.

Connie kills a kid to bring back his mom.

Jean just gives up and retires.

Even Shadis decides the life of a woodland freedom fighter isn’t for him and he’s just going to let Floch have his way with him.

Mikasa’s flaw is apparently that she can’t think for herself and that can easily become a problem.

I like how the series draws a line between surrendering and retreating tactically withdrawing retreating. We’re seeing a real possibility that things just go back to how they were at the start of the series: everyone living in willful ignorance of the injustice around them.

Floch’s whole pitch to Jean is that Jean simply pretend the bad things aren’t real and live his life blissfully ignorant.

Shadis takes it as a given that monsters will rule over them again, except the monsters are Floch and the Yeagerists. He tells his men to obey for now, but to prepare for a future struggle.

Floch is telling Jean to surrender; Shadis is telling his men to retreat.

The series may harp too much on necessary sacrifices, but a corollary to that is the series not supporting purely symbolic gestures.

Zeke was actually on to something there. Erwin’s suicide charge would have been an empty, arguably pointless gesture if it wasn’t actually part of a bigger plan.

Senseless sacrifices aren’t good, but I honestly hope everyone doesn’t back down from challenging Floch. It may look bad, but the best chance they’ll get to take him down is now. Floch hasn’t consolidated his power yet. They need to strike before that; it’ll only get harder as time goes on.

Lucky for them there’s an opening.

Eren had popular support before, but now the people are pissed because Eren is giving them exactly what they wanted. The rumbling has caused some incidental loss of life and property damage, and Eren’s approval rating isn’t as hot as it used to be.

The anti-Yeagerists could rally these people against Floch. They’re a small minority, but having any level of passionate support will help.

There would almost certainly be a civil war on Paradis, but it may be necessary to avoid a world where Floch is King.

…How many chapters are left in this story? Less than 12?

Connie’s segment was very straightforward this month. He wants to bring his mother back, but deep down he knows he’s doing it wrong.

He’s sacrificing a kid to bring back his mother. Mr. Blouse makes a good point. Connie is too nice of a person to go through with that. He’s already showing signs of desperation.

Becoming a good soldier was a goal of his, now he’s using the veneer of that ideal to rationalize Falco’s murder. He’s deluding himself.

He’s not a killer, he’s a soldier who protects people.

Throwing away Falco’s life will revive his mother, but really Connie is doing this for himself. Killing Falco and bringing back his mother is ultimately about restoring his life to some semblance of what it was, not anyone else’s.

Connie knows this on some level, so he resorts to this soldier talk to justify it. He’s a good soldier who protects people. “People,” implicitly, is limited to people he cares about.

Once again, parallels to Eren are everywhere.

Eren just wants to protect the people he cares about. Paradis is tied to the tracks and a train is about to run them over. Eren’s plan to stop the train is to throw a billion people into its path.

He’s sacrificing innocents to save people he cares about.

“He” here refers to both Connie and Eren.

Connie is depicted as delusional. He’s tricking himself with false justifications and putting on airs of nobility.

If the parallel is intentional, then Eren is doing the same. He’s delusional, tricking himself with false justifications, putting on airs of nobility.

CC: all the Eren stans.

Hopefully I’m not seeing things and this is a real thing Isayama is doing. Giving Eren as much sympathy as Connie is getting here would be appropriate.

I guess I should talk about Annie, but honestly I don’t care to.

Annie is in a weird place, fandom-wise. Her own supposed importance to the story is essentially a meme.

Really, there are two Annies: the real Annie, who isn’t important as a character, and the fake Annie the fans have concocted, who will play a key role story’s resolution.

Like everyone else, Annie isn’t concerned with taking down Eren. She just wants to make it to her father, implicitly so she can die alongside him.

Paradis is the only safe haven now that the rumbling has started. Annie is choosing to leave that sanctuary on the chance she’ll make it to her father before they’re both killed.

That’s how much she loves her father. She promised she’d live long enough to see him again.

Mission accomplished.

Annie made for a compelling character during her arc. She was the first enemy titan shifter our heroes directly fought. Her existence teased many secrets about the setting.

But that’s all she was, a tease. Her character was used to inform us of the existence of secrets to uncover, but she herself was never that important.

Annie was a tool to be used by the Marleyans and she gave herself over to that role in the hopes of making it back to her father.

I don’t think Annie will play a major role in the finale. She doesn’t care about Floch’s machinations, nor about taking down Eren, and does she even remember Connie?

Annie’s not going to give up on seeing her father. Seeing him again is how she rationalizes genocide. She can’t give up on it. If she does, she admits she killed all those people for nothing.

So she’ll try to make it to Liberio before Eren does, and she’ll fail, of course, because this is Attack on Titan, where dreams don’t come true unless they’re bloody awful.

[ckret2]

What’s your personality headcanon for rodan?

I’ve had this in my inbox like a week because I wanted to wait until my TF big bang rough draft was done to write this, and then i spent several days recovering from the rough draft lmfao. OKAY SO

The tl;dr is “Rodan assumes everything is normal, no matter how weird it is, and that basically informs his entire worldview. Also he wants to be everyone’s friend and fight them at all times.”

First let’s talk about instincts. Because Rodan’s species plops their eggs in volcanoes and flies off, there’s basically nothing in the way of parenting. If an adult Rodan sees a baby Rodan flopping around its volcano like a fool, it might swoop down to check on the kid and show it how to do something it’s struggling with—like, if an adult human saw a five-year-old trying to get on the subway, thought this was a perfectly normal thing for a small child to do, checked to make sure they knew which line they were taking and where their stop was, showed them how to use their card to get through the turnstile, and sent them on their way. Because Rodan eggs take so long to incubate and don’t depend on a parent sitting on the nest to do so, a hatchling might pop out long after its parents are dead, or even—as in this Rodan’s case—when no other members of its species are alive at all.

So because of that, and the way evolution ran to compensate for the fact that these hatchlings might be getting zero adult education, Rodan runs on intuition, moreso than titans who raise their kids. He was born knowing how to fly, hunt, fight, defend his nest, patrol his territory, find and judge potential mates, establish more nests. He was born recognizing many titan species that had been around most prominently during his species’s evolutionary history, and knowing whether they’re likely to be friends, foes, or food. (Mothra is “friend.” Godzilla is “proceed with caution.” Ghidorah was only active for one or two generations of Rodans, not long enough for them to evolve an instinctive reaction to multi-headed yellow fliers, so Ghidorah was a total unknown when he charged his happy flappy ass into Rodan’s territory.)

So Rodan was born with a immense amount of knowledge about the world around him.

Most of it’s wrong.

Since the day Rodan hatched, he’s been faced with nothing but weird shit. So he has no sense of scale for weirdness. Fishing boats are weird. The fact that the sky isn’t thick with giant stony pteranodons is weird. The lack of a land bridge between Alaska and Russia is weird. The Himalayas are weird. The shape of that tree over there is weird. Three-headed two-tailed lightning-spewing siren-singing hurricane-summoning golden dragons from outer space are weird. The size of the Sahara is weird. A bird accidentally flying up Rodan’s nostril is weird. Farms are weird. Bells are weird. All of the above things are equally weird to Rodan.

As a consequence? He’s extremely chill with weird shit. You throw something wild at him and he thinks “I guess this is just what we’re doing now, huh,” and rolls with it. He’s willing to immediately embrace anything as the new normal. He just finds a convenient spot to jam it into his pre-existing conception of the world and rolls with it.

Which is why, when Three-Heads McGee appears, Rodan is like, “… Well, okay, apparently this is just what other members of my species look like and i somehow didn’t know it until right now" and does what he knows he’s supposed to do when he meets one of his kind: see who can win a fight. Ghidorah beats Rodan up, Rodan expects that if they impress each other then the loser promises to follow the winner and they go make nests, so he yields and swears to follow Ghidorah; but instead they fly several hours north to knock over the weird square hives made by tiny apes? Does this mean they’re hanging out first? That’s fine, anyway Rodan swore to follow so he’s gonna keep doing that, destroying cities is now the thing that they are doing. Maybe they were always supposed to be destroying cities and he just didn’t know it. Now they’re fighting Godzilla and Mothra for some reason? Yeah, alright, sure, he’s not sure if this is a turf fight or a grudge match or just for the absolute hell of it, but Ghidorah has clearly got dibs on Godzilla which Rodan is NOT gonna argue with so Rodan’s taking Mothra. He doesn’t know why they’re fighting. He doesn’t know why they’re in Boston at all. He doesn’t know what Boston is. It didn’t exist the last time he was awake. 

And days or weeks after the fight, he still doesn’t know why they were fighting. He’s got no clue Ghidorah was trying to destroy the planet. He didn’t think to ask what they were doing.

So you can throw the weirdest thing in the world at him and he just sort of assumes that it’s perfectly normal, he just hadn’t heard about it yet. Like, someday somebody is going to tell him Ghidorah is an alien, and he’s going to spend about twenty seconds freaked out, and then it will be just a fact, and nothing will ever throw him for a loop again. When everything is weird, nothing is weird.

The good side of this is it makes him very open-minded to new and different things. He’ll accept just about anything and anyone. He’s not resistant to new ideas, and he’s got an advantage over a lot of other titans socially because he’s a lot more able to accept members of other species on their own terms. The bad side is that it makes him very uncritical—he’ll accept anything presented as the norm, often even negative situations that can and should be changed. And, very frequently, he just doesn’t think to ask questions: “when did THIS become a thing??” or “why are we doing this, exactly?” or “why is this the new normal” or even “IS this the new normal??” He’s as curious as any other titan, but he rarely asks questions, because if he doesn’t see anyone else asking questions he sort of assumes that everyone else already knows what’s up and so he should be figuring it out the way they did. So he observes closely and puzzles things out alone.

Also because he assumes Everything Is Normal, he’s oddly spontaneous—in the sense that, if a massive life change is thrown his way, he’ll decide whether or not he wants to roll with it for the next thousand years in about a minute. And then he’ll stick with it. Even if he doesn’t have to, even if circumstances change so that he COULD go back to how things were before, even if it gets a lot more difficult/complicated than he was expecting—he already made his decision, this is The New Normal, his old status quo is dead, he’s sticking with it. After the decision’s been made it’s next to impossible for him to let go of it unless a new decision is offered.

One of the biggest disappointments between what Rodan expected the world to be like and what it’s actually like is that there are a whole lot less people in it. There’s like… seventeen people. (Humans don’t count as people. You can’t talk to humans. Humans are to Rodan as bees are to humans: they make interesting clever geometric homes and they’ve clearly got a very complex organization system in their colony—they can even communicate information to each other, how interesting—but they certainly aren’t people.) And this is a shame because Rodan is a major extrovert. When there are other people around to bug, Rodan is there, bugging them. He’ll just flap around getting into other titans’ business and asking what they’re up to. He’s down for joining it, whatever it is. If they don’t want him joining, he might just find somewhere nearby to perch and watch. Other titans’ opinions of him vary from “he’s very friendly and helpful” to “he’s an obnoxious pain in the ass. And he’s violent, too.”

He’s so violent.

He’s one of the only titans who just, attacks people out of nowhere, for no reason. His species has got a permanent suit of armor on, so fighting doesn’t come at the same cost and risk to them as it does to other creatures, so they’ll skip past the intimidation displays and warnings that most other species use to try to avoid a fight and just charge straight in to battle. Which is why Ghidorah managed to completely KO him and he still thinks that was a courting dance rather than a real battle; his species’s courting dances can get that violent.

But, even beyond courting dances or defending himself and his territory? He’ll still pick fights, with anyone. He’ll pick fights with total strangers. He’ll see a titan, go “Hey there my name is Rodan what’s yours!” and dive for their eyes. He thinks fighting is fun! His life is a sports anime about martial arts whose main plot is a tournament arc and he’s the plucky happy-go-lucky protagonist who’s determined to win every fight and befriend every single opponent he defeats, while everyone else thinks they’re living in a medium-difficulty survival sim. It’s impossible to teach him not to attack strangers. If a new acquaintance tells him they don’t like fighting he will respect that and not do it again, but no matter how many people tell him they don’t want to fight, he will not stop going “maybe the next one will” and trying again.

Mothra, he’s learned, does not like fighting, and he understands how her reincarnations work just enough to know that he can’t attack new Moths the way he would a New Person; but every time Mothra’s reborn he’ll hope the new one likes fighting and ask. She’s always like “it’s still no” and he’s like, “someday. Someday.” He’s not sure why Boston was the exception, but thinks maybe she likes group brawls more than one-on-one fights? Maybe he’ll fight her the next time they’re in a group and see if she’s into that.

His favorite people are the ones willing to throw down, any time, any place. He sometimes mistakes eagerness to fight back as a confirmation of friendship rather than as, like, “I hate you so much I wanna kick your ass every time I see you” or something. Friends that spar together fly far together.

Aquatic titans are the few exceptions. They freak him out. Water is already an inherently terrifying location because you can’t breathe in it, you can’t stand on it and yet can’t fly through it, it washes off your armor—it’s just Bad, it’s a Bad Place. And then there are things in it?? Things living underneath the surface, unseen and unknown, that can crawl out when you’re asleep and try to eat you if you’re not completely under your lava? Gelatinous color-changing things? Long cold things that can wrap around you and crush you? Oh no. No thank you. Rodan doesn’t mess with that stuff. To him Godzilla is no King of the Monsters, he’s Ambassador of the Nightmares. He’s one of those terrifying subterranean guys except he’s got LEGS which somehow simultaneously makes him just barely tolerable but also a bigger threat than the other water things. Godzilla is Cthulhu in a business suit: an eldritch abomination masquerading as a normal person.

And, that’s about what I’ve got worked out so far. Since I’ve spent less time writing inside Rodan’s personality than Ghidorah’s, he’s less developed than they are lol. It’s a continually evolving work in progress

[hannah-deserved-better]

Ultimate guide to my Supernatural Fics

This is an ultimate guide to the fics I currently have out on AO3. Like or comment if you would like to be part of a tag list of people I tag when the fics are updated. PLEASE READ AO3 tags! And continue to read them as I update them as I go, and my fics tend to get dark! Also, no hate about the pairings, don’t like them, just keep scrolling. I write for me first and no one is forcing you to read. ALL my fics are Castiel/Hannah centered and common other pairings include Dean/Jo, Sam/Eileen, and Crowley/Meg. I also favor poly pairings so there will be lots of those. All of my fics, art, and RPGs on here will be under the tag: #HannahGirl

Chosen: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19219222/chapters/45695716

Characters; Castiel, Hannah, Dean, Sam, Eileen Leahy, Jo Harvelle, Crowley, Meg, Charlie Singer (Bradbury), Anna Milton

Season One: A remake of the series starting from when Dean picks up Sam from Stanford. They run into Castiel who is on the hunt for a renegade angel who is alleged to have defied Michael and started the apocalypse. Meanwhile, Hannah is on the run from heaven. She meets Jo and as Team Free Will begins to form, they realize that it’s not just heaven and hell. The gods of the Greeks, the Celts, the Norse, the Hindus, the Aztecs, and the Egyptians have all chosen this team free will to be their champions against the ultimate apocalypse

Pairings: starts off with most characters being strangers, but as they meet and work together, the main pairings will be Castiel/Hannah, Sam/Eileen, Dean/Jo, Crowley/Meg, and Charlie/Anna but there will also be a lot of poly pairings, just not sure who yet. Jo/Gordon Walker is a temporary pairing in the beginning.

Warnings/ratings: Medium smut, dark themes, angst, violence, implied torture, secret societies and religious mystics of many world religions, including Christianity and Judaism (if you are triggered by such things, beware). Jewish persecution, black death.

Castiel (Judeo-Christian): Castiel arrives on Earth to try to track Hannah who is guilty of killing another angel and leading a siege into hell, opening its gates and starting the apocalypse. As he travels with the Winchesters, he sees the many signs of the impending apocalypse, starting with the seven deadly sins. He also learns that his vessel, Jimmy, was a member of a secret society dedicated to the hunt for religious artifacts.

Hannah (Judeo-Christian): Hannah claims that she went to hell under orders from the archangels. Now, she feels betrayed by them because they seem to be pinning the apocalypse on her when she was only following orders. Now, she is a renegade on Earth. She learns that her vessel, Caroline, was the descendant of a Dutch Jew who arrived in New York in 1650 and whose family has had an ongoing rivalry with the Thule.

Dean (Norse): Dean is drawn into helping Castiel track the angel and the seven deadly sins but along the way, he discovers that he has been chosen by Odin to prevent the Ragnarok from beginning. 

Sam (Hindu): Sam is still grieving his girlfriend and he is hoping that after they find their father, he can go back to Stanford and try to live a normal life. But he’s caught up in Castiel’s hunt for the renegade angel, and then he discovers that he is chosen to help the Hindu god Kalki prevent the world from ending.

Jo Harvelle (Greek): Jo agrees to protect Hannah from the angels hunting her. She wants to be a hunter but her mother disapproves so she sees this as a chance to prove herself. But then the goddess Athena appears and tells her that the titans have escaped from Tartarus and must be put back before they cause destruction on Earth and before the kill the Olympian gods.

Eileen Leahy (Celtic): Eileen is a hunter from Ireland. When her parents and her hearing was taken from her by a banshee, she trained to become a hunter and was the sole protector of the small Irish village she lived in. She was a Celtic witch and was once part of Rowena’s coven and has come to the US to try to find Rowena. 

Crowley (Judeo-Christian): Crowley offers to aid the Winchesters, to help them track down and kill the deadly sins. Dean suspects its a trap somehow and Castiel doesn’t want anything to do with him, but apparently, Jimmy Novak and Crowley’s vessel were in the same secret society together. 

Meg (Judeo-Christian): Meg joins Jo, Hannah, and Eileen. Meg herself has been on Earth since the 14th century. When she was human, her entire Jewish village was destroyed by paranoid mercenaries who blamed the Jews for the plague. Meg made a deal with a crossroads demon to get her revenge on everyone involved, and their families. Then, when she died and became a demon, she became a vengeance demon. She traveled to Europe and the US and offered to kill people for clients.

Charlie Singer (Aztec): In this AU, Charlie is the daughter of Bobby Singer and was raised with the Winchesters as their cousin. Bobby didn’t want her to follow in his footsteps and be a hunter, and she was always sick of being left out of the Winchesters hunts, but when she meets Anna Milton she begins to realize she is a part of this puzzle too. She’s chosen to help Quetzalcoatl prevent the destruction of this fifth world. 

Anna Milton (Egyptians): Anna is a fallen angel who allies herself with Team Free Will, though she has no memory and no grace. But it’s discovered that her grace is being protected by the Egyptian goddess Bast. Apparently, Set wants to find the angel before heaven does and force her to do his bidding.

Emotions are dangerous temptations: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21049778/chapters/50071364

Characters: Castiel, Hannah, Sam, Meg, Dean

Season 10, shortly after “Soul Survivor”: Castiel brings a wounded Hannah back to the bunker. They quickly learn that she is suffering from some mysterious angel poison that is destroying her grace from within. As Castiel stays by her side, caring for her, he begins to learn about true love and his feelings for Hannah. Sam is taking care of Dean who seemed to be recovering from his time as a demon but also begins to suffer a strange illness. Castiel and Sam bond over being caretakers and Castiel soon learns he is developing feelings for Sam that he never realized were there before. Later, they are joined by an old friend, Meg, who faked her own death. Castiel realizes that he is capable of loving more than one person and that he wants to explore his love and devotion for Hannah, Sam, and Meg. But first, he must save Hannah’s life. Losing her, he realizes, would break him in a way that he’s never been broken before and he begins to realize that his life is tied to hers, to Sams and to Megs.

Pairings: Castiel/Hannah, Castiel/Sam, Castiel/Meg

Warnings/ratings: Medium smut, sick!fic, poison

Castiel: This story focuses on Castiel and his emotions and his relationship with those around him. It starts with Hannah as his feelings for her grow as he struggles to save her. Castiel’s internal struggle to try to understand the emotions he’s feeling as he watches Hannah fight for her life, as he grows closer to Sam, as he addresses his feelings of guilt at learning that Meg has been alive this whole time.

Hannah: During the altercation with Adina, Hannah is wounded and infected with a strange angel poison. Castiel is desperate to find a cure, but during the few times that she’s well enough, he introduces her to humanity and the things he’s learned here on Earth.

Sam: Sam has been through a lot lately, trying to bring Dean from being a demon. He confides in Castiel during this difficult time and the two of them bond over being caretakers to those that they love. Sam helps Castiel search for a cure for Hannah.

Meg: While on a supply run, Castiel and Sam run into Meg who apparently faked her own death and has been laying low, hiding from Crowley. She had aligned herself with Abaddon for a brief time, but Abaddon tortured her and she fled hell. Now she’s a rogue demon.

Dean: Dean is recovering from being a demon but he’s still suffering the effects of the mark of Cain. He’s overly aggressive towards everyone, but especially to Hannah and Meg. He doesn’t trust either of them. But when he comes down with a strange ailment that seems to be linked to Hannah’s condition, he is forced to let Sam and Castiel take care of him.

Where Angels Walk: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21426580/chapters/51052330

Characters: Castiel, Casstiel, Hannah, Hana, Jimmy Novak, Caroline Johnson, Virginia Moss, Kai Singh

Season 15, after 15X3 when Cas leaves the bunker, things may change as the current season evolves: Castiel is alone and lost as he leaves the bunker. He feels as though he has lost everything. No one seems to want him. Not heaven, not the Winchesters, and the only one who gave him any sort of happiness- Jack- is gone. He’s not handling Jack’s death well and he is finally realizing that his relationship with Dean has been toxic. He needs to find himself but he’s so used to feeling worthless that he has trouble realizing that he doesn’t deserve to be mistreated. Now, someone comes back into his life, a beloved friend he thought was gone: Hannah. Not long after he runs into Hannah, Castiel also meets his and Hannah’s counterparts from another one of Chuck’s worlds. Casstiel and Hana are from a world where everything happened the exact same way as they did in this world- up until season 10 where their universe began to be different. And their world is this wonderful Steampunk Victorian-era world. Casstiel has just left the Winchester sister’s bunker after she lost her own Jack and she isn’t sure how she managed to find her way into this other world, but she and Castiel soon realize that Chuck has nefarious plans for both worlds. Also, the angel’s vessels have some pasts of their own that will quickly become part of the equation.

Pairings: Castiel/Hannah, Casstiel/Hana, Casstiel/Hannah, Castiel/Hana

Warnings/ratings: implied emotional, psychological, and physical abuse, torture, domestic abuse

Castiel/Jimmy Novak: Castiel is alone, but when he runs into Hannah, he begins to explore the past of his vessel Jimmy as he helps Hannah evade Caroline’s abusive husband. Similar to “chosen” Castiel discovers that Jimmy had secrets of his own. And enemies. Jimmy was part of a secret society that has counted him as missing these past years but have recently tracked him down. 

Hannah/Caroline Johnson: Hannah doesn’t know why she has returned from the empty. She’s upset to learn about Chuck’s misdeeds. She was especially upset to discover Caroline, her former vessel being abused by a paranoid alcoholic that her husband had become. When she takes Caroline away, Joe begins to stalk them and learns about angels and he plots to kill them. In addition, Hannah learns that Caroline is the descendant of an important Dutch Jewish family and now the Thule is after her.

Casstiel/Virginia Moss: Casstiel has been the Winchester sisters angel since she rebelled to help prevent the apocalypse. She is from a victorian age steampunk world. She has been drawn into a war that began when Hana released Metatron from his prison and the scribe planned to get his revenge on the Earth and on Casstiel. It’s been five years and the Winchesters have been involved in constant warfare with Metatron and heaven is divided into factions following him, Casstiel, or Naomi. Her vessel, Virginia Moss is from a long line of angel vessels and a society of people dedicated to aiding heaven. Virginia always knew she could be chosen to be a vessel and she accepted the responsibility, as did her mother and mother before her.

Hana/Kai Singh: Hana died saving Casstiel when her borrowed grace was failing. He was so desperate to save the angel he believed the true leader of heaven that he released Metatron from the prison he was in to save Casstiel. Unfortunately, Hana was tricked and wounded fatally. Casstiel found him just in time and he gave her his grace and died. Now, he’s been resurrected somehow. Hana’s vessel, Kai, is a British man of letters.

When in Rome: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21140294/chapters/50311271

Characters: Castiel, Hannah, Dean, Jo Harvelle, Sam, Eileen, Leahy

A series of period dramas starting with Ancient Rome. Hannah, the daughter of a wealthy Roman senator, is captured by a nest of vampires masquerading as prostitutes and slave traders. Though she was never a favorite of her father, Hannah lived a life in relative luxury but now she is exposed to a world of misery and abuse. Her only chance to escape is the gladiator slave, Castiel, and his two friends, Sam and Dean, who are hunters posing as Roman soldiers.

Pairings: Castiel/Hannah, Sam/Eileen, Dean/Jo

Warnings/ratings: Medium smut, prostitution, sexual assault, abuse, slavery, dark themes, violence

Castiel: Castiel is a gladiator. As a slave, he is owned by a Roman senator, Michael and he lives in a brothel with other slaves. He barely has enough food and is being forced to fight in the arena for the entertainment of Rome’s elite.

Hannah: Hannah is the daughter of Roman senator, Raphael. Her sister, Naomi is favored between the two sisters and Hannah is a bit of a rebel. She befriends Castiel during her captivity with the vampires and begins to learn about the secret network of hunters living in rome and keeping it safe from vampires and demons.

Maine Chronicles series: 

October: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16525847/chapters/38710994 

November: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19756855/chapters/46764895

Characters: Castiel, Hannah, Sam, Dean, Eileen, Jo, Charlie, Crowley, Meg, Claire Novak, Kaia, Jack, Jesse Turner (the cambion), Gabriel

Season 14: When Team Free Will relocates to a secondary bunker in the woods of Maine, they quickly realize that their fates are tied to the little town on the edge of the forest. When Hannah, Jo, and Eileen mysteriously fall pregnant- along with most of the town- the Winchesters begin to suspect something paranormal. But Hannah’s strange visions and dreams seem to point to the possibility that she has been here before. And Meg and Crowley seem to know something about that. 

Pairings: Castiel/Hannah, Sam/Eileen/Gabriel, Dean/Jo, Jo/Charlie, Crowley/Meg, Claire/Kaia, Jack/Jesse

Warnings/ratings: Medium smut, past abuse and domestic abuse, haunting, pregnancy, Werewolf!Eileen, Vampire!Jo, hate sex, enemies to lovers, abusive toxic relationships

Castiel: Castiel is struggling with his new role as a father as Claire (AU in which Claire is a teenager) is placed in his custody and he is raising her and Jack together alongside Hannah. Things get hard with Hannah’s mysterious pregnancy, and with Lucifer trying to sue for custody of Jack.

Hannah: Hannah doesn’t know how she became pregnant, or even that it was possible for an angel to be pregnant. But she and Castiel are committed to face their challenges together. But with the strange visions she keeps having, and the ghosts that seem to be stalking her, she begins to realize she may have been in this town before. She’s also concerned when Raphael appears and warns her that the unborn child she is carrying maybe something very unnatural and evil.

Dean: Dean is happy to have Jo back in his life. He was surprised by her sudden appearance after she had been dead for so long. He suspects she may be hiding something big from him but with all the paranormal activity around this region, he and Sam are pretty busy. In addition, Dean is trying to elude Michael whom he knows is looking for him.

Jo: Jo has been alive this whole time and she doesn’t know how to tell Dean that. After being revived shortly after her death, she’s spent all these years living in seclusion in the Australian outback. But one chance encounter with a vampire has left her a monster. She sought out a Tibetan monk in China that taught her to control her urges to kill and has so far managed to control them by learning to feed on blood donations and on animal blood. But now, with her own pregnancy, she has found those urges are getting harder to control. And she hasn’t told Dean anything about this.

Sam: Sam has been helping Dean elude Michael but his demon blood is beginning to resurface and his craving for demon blood has returned as well. 

Eileen: Eileen knew there was something wrong with her the moment she was brought back from the dead. She didn’t come back quite right. She didn’t know she was a werewolf but on the full moon, she began to have urges for more than just flesh. An incurable sexual appetite fueled by primordial wolf instincts led to an encounter with Gabriel, even though it’s clear she’s Sam’s girl. Now she doesn’t know who the father of her twins is.

Charlie: Charlie moved into the bunker with the Winchesters to be, as she calls it, ‘their new bobby’ as the techie hacker wiz whose job it is to hack into newspapers and police reports looking for new cases. She decides to take in and look after Kaia and she and Jo get very close. She and Jo begin to have a secret relationship.

Claire: Claire is a troubled young girl. She blames Castiel for what happened to her family. She is hostile towards Hannah and any attempt by Castiel to be the father she lost. She starts being a little better when she meets Kaia and two troubled teens began to investigate Hannah’s ghosts together.

Jack: Jack loves living with Castiel and Hannah and he loves learning about human holidays like Halloween and Christmas. He’s a two-year-old in a teen’s body and he relies on Castiel to guide him. 

Kaia: Kaia is a teenage runaway who starts living with Charlie. She and Claire become close.

Jesse: Jesse is the antichrist cambion from season 5. A few years ago, he was picked up by Meg, who has apparently faked her own death and has been laying low with the cambion all these years. Jesse considers Meg his adopted mother.

Meg: Meg arrives with the cambion and Crowley reveals that she has something to do with the history of this town, and with Hannah’s visions. Meg is a little jealous of Castiel and Hannah’s relationship and is frustrated by the dysfunctional hate-love relationship she is forming with Crowley.

Crowley: Crowley arrives shortly after Meg, having been trapped in the apocalypse world. He is very interested in the cambion and wants to harness his powers for himself so he and Meg enter in an awkward co-parenting tug of war type of relationship with Jesse.

Gabriel: Gabriel arrives and is trying to hide out from a jealous Loki. He helps Cas and the others with their dilemmas and finds himself in a secret relationship with both Sam and Eileen.

Gathering the Arsenal (formerly, “Bunker Pack”): https://archiveofourown.org/works/14364957/chapters/33161349

Characters: Castiel, Dean, Sam, Gabriel, Annika (an OC), Jack, Apocalypse!Charlie, Apocalypse!Hannah, Apocalypse!Jo, Apocalypse!Eileen, Claire Novak

Season 13. Apocalypse world Charlie arrives from the apocalypse world to help the Winchesters prepare for Michael’s arrival into this world. She brings her most trusted resistance leaders: Jo Harvelle, Eileen Leahy, and Hannah. All four women have been through a lot and are all hardened soldiers, nothing like their counterparts in this world. Gabriel has a plan to save the angels from extinction but it involves a lot of hard to come by ingredients, as well as a trip to the other world, and some serious sacrifices.

Pairings: Castiel/Hannah, Dean/Jo, Sam/Eileen, Charlie/Claire, Jack/OC (platonic friendship)

Warnings/ratings: Medium smut, dark themes, dystopia violence, abuse, torture, PTSD

Castiel: Castiel is working alongside a traumatized Apocalypse!Hannah and trying to teach her how to trust again. He is determined to save the angels from extinction and to defeat Michael.

 Dean: Dean is angry over Mary and Jack being stranded in the apocalypse world. He’s very opposed to Claire’s involvement in their angel plan and is at odds with Charlie and Jo over it.

Sam: Sam feels guilty when he allows a nest of vampires who have a vendetta against him for misdeeds he supposedly committed against then during his soulless years to distract him from the main mission of helping to save the angels and to defeat Michael.

Gabriel: Gabriel is dealing with some trauma over his imprisonment by Asmodeus but he devises a plan to save the angels from extinction. 

Annika (an OC): Annika is Gabriel’s Nephilim daughter whom he has kept a secret all this time.

Jack: Jack is trapped in the apocalypse world but when he is reunited with Castiel and the others, he joins in the plan to save the angels.

 Apocalypse!Charlie: Charlie is the leader of a clan of human resistance members who have been fighting against Michael and his angels since the apocalypse broke out. 

Apocalypse!Hannah: Hannah defied Raphael by helping humans that the archangel was holding in a concentration camp. When she was found out, she and Apocalypse!Castiel was tortured and, at least she thought, Apocalypse!Castiel was killed. Now a shell shocked Hannah has nothing but hatred for her fellow angels and she doesn’t know how to trust anyone, she has some very strong PTSD and trauma.

Apocalypse!Jo: Jo was one of the humans living in Raphael’s concentration camps. She was helped by Hannah, and later liberated by Charlie. She’s Charlie’s right-hand woman and life on the run has hardened her.

Apocalypse!Eileen: Eileen is the more well adjusted of the four women, but that’s because her parents were already gone when the apocalypse broke out and she had already been on her own all her life. She and Charlie are the techies in group. She’s endured some torture of her own at the hands of angels and she’s gotten very good at coming up with weapons to kill them with.

Claire Novak: Claire joins the effort much to Dean and later to Castiel’s chagrin.

[alittlepieceofwarcraft]

Naga: A Lore Guide

SOURCE

Tip jar

Ko-fi

Paypal

History

Evolution: (Year -13,500): Naga are descended from the Highborne, an upper class of night elf. This is turn means that the naga have a range of races linked to them. The night elves come from tribe of dark trolls encountering the Well of Eternity 15,000 years ago and those who remained near the Well began to evolve into taller, near immortal beings that resemble what we now know as night elves. The Highborne revered their Queen Azshara. However, in Year -10,000 Azshara allied herself with The Burning Legion when their arcane magics attracted his attention to Azeroth and began to cultivate the Well of Eternity into a portal to bring Sargeras into the world. Her plans were thwarted by a night elves rebellion led by Malfurion Stormrage and Tyrande Whisperwind. She faced resistance against her actions with Prince Farondis: once one of her trusted advisers and planned to use an artifact stored deep within Nar'thalas Academy: a Tidestone of Golganneth. Vandros, a young noble in Farondis' court, caught wind of Farondis' plans to defy her and relayed this information to her. In retaliation, Azshara destroyed the Tidestone and cursed him and the elves of Azsuna to never be able to experience death. The Well was destroyed regardless, splitting the continent of Azeroth into the four we know today: this event was known as the Great Sundering, the War of the Ancients being the conflict beforehand. The Highborne and their city of Zin-Azshari sank into the ocean. However, Azshara managed to make a pact with Old God N'Zoth, swearing allegiance and becoming the first naga alongside the other Highborne including her handmaiden Lady Vashj. After the Great Sundering, arcane magic was outlawed in night elf culture and high elves, descendants of the remaining Highborne, who refused to give up the practice were exiled and went on to establish Silvermoon City (finishing construction in Year - 6,800). This in turn went on to form the Blood elves following Arthas Menethil’s invasion of the city (Year 20), and eventually continued on to form Void elves (Blood elves exiled for delving into the Void). Nightborne are Highborne who splintered off and left the conflict during the War of the Ancients. Satyr even related to the naga: Lord Xavius was loyal to Azshara and due to his failures in the War of the Ancients was transformed into a demonic being. 

Above the Water (Year 20): The naga resurfaced around the time of the Third War. Naga were a threat when Warchief Thrall rescued the Darkspear trolls from a tribe of murlocs. Theese murlocs worshipped a naga they called sea witch - Zar'jira. Vashj reappeared to aid Illidan Stormrage in his quest to destroy the Frozen Throne and she joined her forces with Illidan's. She brought snap dragons and dragon turtles, and assisted Illidan with his mission on the Tomb of Sargeras on the Broken Isles and within Dalaran in Lordaeron where they were pursued by the Watchers led by Maiev Shadowsong. Kael'thas Sunstrider  encountered Lady Vashj who offered her help to battle the Scourge. Kael'thas agreed, but when the blood elves' human commander, Othmar Garithos, discovered this alliance, he denounced the blood elves. Garithos imprisoned Kael'thas and the rest of the blood elves, sentencing them to death. Vashj helped them to escape and the two forces fought together and eventually joined Illidan in Outland. Another group of naga led by Lady Darkscale attacked Kul Tiras forces in Dustwallow Marsh and while many were killed the Darkscale took prisoners for an unknown reason. Soon afterwards Lady Darkscale, Scilla Murkshadow, and the rest of their naga forces were slain by the combined might of Jaina Proudmoore, Rexxar, Rokhan, and Chen Stormstout, who were trying to find any survivor of the attack in order to determine what human force was attacking Durotar.

Outta This World (Year 26): Outland tribes of naga have began draining the water of the Zangarmarsh lakes and marshes. The pumps are all connected through underground drains to Coilfang Reservoir, where Vashj and her minions dwelled, turning Serpent Lake into a giant water sink for the rest of Zangarmarsh.  The Cenarion Expedition's intervened and the naga operating the steam vaults end up at war with the druids. The plan was to take control of all the waters of Outland, and through them, its people. Vashj was later killed and her forces defeated by adventurers.

In Icy Waters (Year 27): In the Borean Tundra, tribes of naga created a fort in Northrend in Riplash Ruins. The naga are made ominous attempts at melting the polar ice caps to flood the world and create an entirely underwater empire for Azshara. Their plans did not come to fruition as the kvaldir slaughtered most of them.

 The World is Split Again (Year 28): Azshara can be seen in Darkshore: N'Zoth commanded her to take the seas, both for revenge against Neptulon for defying him and so that they could splinter the world's nations into isolated enclaves by halting sea travel. As well as this, exploring in Vashj'ir an artifact can be found to relive moments of a Naz'jar Battlemaiden wherein the nature of Vashj's mother and her former stronghold were discovered, as well as the naga executing their plan to usurp Neptulon's control of the Abyssal Maw. Neptulon was abducted by Ozumat after the naga invasion, and this abduction leaves the Abyssal Maw leaderless. Azshara is well placed as one of the most potent forces in Azeroth's oceans.

A Burning Desire (Year 32): The remainder of Illidan's Naga are led by Lady S'theno aboard the Fel Hammer. Azshara has sent a force led by Tidemistress Athissa to Azsuna on the Broken Isles to retrieve the  Tidestone of Golganneth. Azshara herself appears before Farondis when Farondis tries to save an adventurer captured by the naga and attempts to convince him to kneel before her, but Farondis fights Azshara off. The naga at the Eye of Azshara summon a creature known as the Wrath of Azshara after retrieving the Tidestone of Golganneth. Naga at Azuregale Bay in Suramar are enslaving vrykul with merciless ones. The naga and sea giants at Felrage Strand on the Broken Shore are corrupted by fel and share their encampment with members of the Burning Legion while enslaving soldiers from the Armies of Legionfall. Their leader Lady Ssathara made a pact with the demons and her followers went willingly, but unaware of the price they had to pay. Despite the apparent contradiction of naga serving the demons when Azshara and N'Zoth are opposed to the Legion, there are different groups of naga with different motivations, just like humans. More naga are present within the Tomb of Sargeras, led by Harjatan and Mistress Sassz'ine. They entered the tomb to secure the Tidestone of Golganneth from the adventurers, on Azshara's orders but are both slain. 

While You’re All Fighting... (Year 33): The naga attack the coastlines of Zandalar and Kul Tiras. Within Stormsong Valley they summon the Pride of Azshara to destroy a levee and in Nazmir they are drain Krag'wa's frog children to sate their magic addiction, attacking Horde forces at Naz'agal, and gathering titan relics on the Sundered Span. In Zuldazar they look for an ancient power at Atal'Gral and Azerite at the Dreadpearl Shallows. In Vol'dun they are battling the tortollans in the north. Following the Battle of Dazar'alor, the naga attack both the Alliance and Horde on shores across the Great Sea. They drag the prisoners to Nazjatar and the Alliance and Horde follow, befriending slave races such as gilblins, makrura, and sea giants as they battle the naga in their home territory. 

Physical traits

Life expectancy: As part of their mutation, some naga have gained immortality and most are very much long lived.

Height: No exact measurements have been made for naga, however naga females have bene described as tall, with men tending to be more hunched over when on land.

Eye colour: They can have eyes ranging from hues of blue and some have the rare eye colour of gold like Azshara.

Cosmetics: Naga are covered in scales, having long tails to allow them to swim very quickly in water. Some female naga have snakes instead of hair like Vashj. Naga lords such as High Warlord Naj'entus have stony arms and shells fused to their skin which isn’t known whether it is a mutation or part of a sub-species. Male naga have a head that resembles a dragon.

Personality traits

All Hail The Queen: Most naga are fiercely loyal to their queen Azshara, doing everything in their power to succeed in her orders even after ten thousand years.

Girl Power: Much like their night elves, naga are matriarchal: female naga tending to be higher in intellect and magical ability. Males are more suited to melee combat whereas their female counterparts are powerful sorcerers. 

Other races: Naga are hostile to both Horde and Alliance alike, however may favour night elves. Vashj commented to Illidan that they shared a common ancestry, hinting it may have been part of her motivation to help him. On the other hand, night elves are known to loathe their naga cousins and many return the same sentiments. The half-orcs, furbolgs, and pandaren don't trust the naga, and the naga feel the same way in return. The naga's main rival for dominance of the ocean are sea giants and kvaldir. 

Other creatures: Naga have managed to tame many sea creatures, such as snap dragons and dragon turtles but due to their tails have no need to use underwater mounts. Naga however fear turtles, seeing them as omens of bad luck.

Culture

Languages: They speak their own language of Nazja, and most know Common. Some may have learned the language of their heritage, Darnassian.They also know Low Common, Nerglish, Draconic, and Eredun.

Government: Naga of Nazjatar are ruled under Azshara and Illidari naga are led by Lady S'theno.

Military: There are various military forces made up of naga. Some female naga practice as priestesses of the tides whereas other naga are part of the Naga Royal Guards. Naga can be many combative classes: Assassins, Brutes, Mages, Myrmidons, Priests, Scouts, Sea witches, Sirens, Sorcerers, Warriors. 

Religion: Azshara is worshipped as a demigod, however some like Skar'this the Heretic worship the naga's enemy, Neptulon, something which he was imprisoned for. The Bloodwash naga formerly worshipped Neptulon and lived in peace with the nearby Rockpool murlocs, but recently the Bloodwash turned their back on him, choosing only to worship Azshara. There are countless statues and altars dedicated to Azshara.

[monsterhuntingaddict]

Is King Ghidorah Really Evil?

This a pretty long winded rant, essay, whatever you call it that I wrote after thinking about King Ghidorah in KotM. 

Ever since the trailer for Godzilla King of the Monsters came out, there has been lots of speculation about various aspects of the film and monsters. Lots of information has come out regarding the other main monsters of the film, Mothra, Rodan, and King Ghidorah. But all information thus far has just been tidbits that explain their discovery and aspects of their biology. And Ghidorah is to be the main antagonist that Godzilla and the other monsters, and humanity itself, will have to band together in order to defeat. Ghidorah is one of, if not the main villain to Godzilla throughout his 64 year reign. The Joker to his Batman, so to speak.

Ghidorah has always been said to be evil, and he certainly plays the part. But one trend I've noticed in movies lately is that no matter how evil the enemy is made out to be, there's always an aspect of relatability. A story or aspect about them that makes you think about their point of view, to have empathy for the villain. Is that something that we might get with Ghidorah? Is Ghidorah truly evil this time?

Honestly, I think this might happen. One thing that was made apparent in the 2014 Godzilla movie and in the information revealed about the monsters before the trailer came out is that Godzilla and the other monsters are part of a natural order. The radioactive ecosytem in prehistoric past. The monsters had a natural part in nature's order. Godzilla lived in the sea, the MUTOs were parasites that preyed on his species and presumably other monsters as well, and Rodan lived in volcanoes around the Pacific. There's a few unknowns about Mothra and Ghidorah, and while I could probably come up with a good theory for her, I'm gonna leave that thought for another day. But Ghidorah more than likely had a place in the world just like all the other Titans.

Aside from a few shadowy glimpses, much of Ghidorah's appearance is unknown. And his origins are still shrouded in mystery. When Ghidorah first came around in 1964, he was an alien from space. In 1991, he was a mutation and fusion of three little Dorats. And in 2003 he was a guardian spirit that was not fully grown. I don't think they'll go the alien route for his origin in KotM. Partly because aliens would open a whole different route that the movies could take, and partly because the director himself said that the titans will look like something directly out of nature. So Ghidorah is more than likely a creature that naturally evolved on Earth. So if he evolved on Earth, what was his role in the ecosystem?

I think his role was greater than that of Godzilla himself. From information that has been released, we know that Ghidorah can generate massive storms simply by taking to the skies. Being an aerial creature, he probably hunted from the skies preying upon other monsters. Or he may have absorbed radiation directly from the sun by flying high in the sky. While we don't know what he preyed on, the fact that he creates storms is very important.

The first images we saw of Ghidorah, aside from the after credit scenes in Kong Skull Island, were artistic depictions of Ghidorah created by ancient cultures. The first was an Chinese depiction in stone, and the second was an ancient Sumerian script. But both of these depictions portrayed Ghidorah very differently.

The Chinese depiction simply portrayed Ghidorah as a great storm dragon, but a very important detail they gave him was five toes on each foot. In the Chinese culture, the five toed dragon was at the top of the hierarchy. Only the Emperor could wear the image of the Imperial Dragon. And in China, dragons were said to be responsible for bringing rain. That is something Ghidorah could certainly do. China is prone to the occasional drought, and if Ghidorah happened to fly through on his travels they would certainly have been grateful for the much needed rain. They regarded him with respect and reverance.

But the Sumerian depiction is very different. Ghidorah is shown attacking humans, blasting them with lightning as they flee and attack him. The inscription called him “The Death Song of Three Storms.” This artwork paints Ghidorah as we would have expected, but what could have caused such a 180 turn from how he was revered in China and feared in ancient Sumeria?  Was it Sumeria in particular that drew his ire, or was there something else that made him attack?

One important thing that might answer that is how dragons in general are described in history. They are always described as aggressive, malevolent, and evil. Stories of dragons are almost always tales about how they are slain by a heroic figure after causing great amounts destruction and death. Dragons were demonized very early in history, and thus always killed. As these views spread across cultures, dragons would more than likely be killed on sight. And Ghidorah was no different. While his golden scales, great size and immense power would make him a sight and figure to behold, his power alone is what would have made him a target.

The storms he creates are among the strongest our planet as seen. One of the images of Ghidorah found on the Monarch website is a weather radar image. The winds generated by him were as strong as 217mph. That's stronger than any other hurricane measured in history! Such a storm would be devastating in our time, but in the past his storms would cause even greater damage and loss of life. Structures and buildings back then were not built to withstand such storms, especially in a region were such storms are rarely, if ever seen. The first humans to witness Ghidorah's power could do nothing but seek shelter and pray they'd survive. But as humanity's numbers and weapons improved, and our egos growing with them, it was only a matter of time before they attempted to slay the great storm dragon.

The first attempts to do so were probably not even noticed by Ghidorah. As massive as he is a group of 50 or even a hundred people attacking him was nothing more than an annoyance, if he even noticed them in the first place. Humans are nothing more to ants to him, beings beneath his notice. The first tribes or armies that attempted to kill him obviously could  do nothing more than try. But Ghidorah would only ignore them for so long before he would tire of their feeble attempts and lash out. If a handful of ants attacked you, you wouldn't really care. But if the whole colony attacked, you'd more than likely seek to wipe them out.

And that is what would have driven him to the point of what we would consider turning evil. Mankind attempted to defeat him, a living force of nature. And as they tried again and again, he gradually came to despise humanity. That is what drove him to the breaking point. Humanity always seeks to conquer other humans, but he was the force we could never conquer. We sought to slay a veritable god, to control a force of nature, and it fought back. He became humanity's apocalypse. He became an evil we could never hope to conquer.

It is hard to tell how many towns, cities, and people Ghidorah killed in the past. We might not ever know for certain if he actively sought out human civilizations to destroy or attacked them whenever he happened to come across them. But there is a tale of his onslaught against humanity that shows how humanity may have been saved from the brink. A cave painting of Ghidorah, killing humans, but meeting resistance. Where the apocalyptic dragon was beaten back by none other than Godzilla.

While humanity, or at least this particular group of people were saved by Godzilla, it is not likely Godzilla arrived specifically for humanity's benefit. Godzilla only intervened because of Ghidorah's rage throwing the world out of balance. Species evolve and go extinct, and humanity's extinction would not affect the Earth. But when Ghidorah is on the warpath the storms he generates would decimate the ecosystem if he remained in one location for too long. Not only would he be responsible for the extinction of one species, but possibly many others indirectly. His constant onslaught against the environment would cause so much damage the local species and ecosystem might not recover for many decades, if even at all. This is what most likely caused Godzilla to intervene. If Ghidorah is the force of destruction, then Godzilla in the force that restores balance.

A battle between the two titans would have been a sight to behold. And it probably wasn't just one encounter they had. We don't know which location painted their battle on the cave walls, so while we don't know where their battle started we know where it ended. For now at least. Godzilla and Ghidorah had their final fight in Antarctica, with Godzilla victorious and Ghidorah frozen beneath the ice. For thousands of years Ghidorah remained sealed away, but if there's one thing that always happens in stories and movies is that evil can never be locked away forever. And when Ghidorah reawakens, he will no doubt still be holding on to his grudge against humanity and Godzilla.

As with most cataclysmic battles between two arch enemies, we usually see their similarities and contrasts. And Ghidorah is a prefect contrast to Godzilla. Godzilla himself is a being of immense power, but the main difference between his power and Ghidorah's (aside from the whole atomic vs. electric power thing) is that Godzilla lives in an environment where his power really has no effect on our world. His atomic power doesn't poison our seas, he doesn't seem to attack without provocation, so we rarely feel any signs of his presence aside from the occasional glimpse at sea. He lives deep in the ocean, in an environment where humanity has no claim. Since we can't easily access this world, Godzilla has no reason to like or hate us. We don't bother him, and he won't bother us. And because of this humans probably haven't attempted to or choose not to attack him, possibly out of some weird mixture of fear and respect.

Ghidorah on the other hand has this immense power that effects EVERYTHING. He can simply fly over a city and cause cities to crumble beneath his wings and kill many hundreds, possibly even thousands of people. Even if he were to fly over an unpopulated area in the countryside the massive typhoon he creates would devastate the land. The winds would topple trees, and his lightning could easily start wildfires which would create even more damage. Such unrestrained power would be catastrophic, and our society couldn't really afford to let Ghidorah run rampant lest our nations collapse under his might. We would attempt to kill him simply out of self-preservation. And thus the more we attack Ghidorah, the more violent he would become towards us. It would be an unending cycle, doomed to play out until Ghidorah is finally slain, or our race becomes extinct.

With such constant persecution against Ghidorah, there are moments where you can't help but feel sympathetic for him. A creature of nature, with its own place in the world, constantly attacked just because we can't learn to coexist with it. I believe this makes Ghidorah the perfect example of the tragedy of monsters. When Ishiro Honda first created Godzilla, he sought to create a monster not just for the sake of being an antagonist to conquer, but a character that would make us feel sorry for it.

“Monsters are tragic beings. They're born too tall, too strong, too heavy. They are not evil by choice. That is their tragedy. They do not attack people because they want to, but because of their size and strength humanity has no other choice to defend itself. After several such stories, people end up having a kind of affection for the monsters. They end up caring about them.” - Ishiro Honda

Such a quote is usually describes Godzilla, and while this quote applies to Godzilla in his past films, I believe it's more fitting for Ghidorah this time around. Ghidorah wasn't an inherently evil monster. He's just a result of his circumstances. He wasn't our enemy until we made him one. We have to kill him just so our race can survive. We regard him more as an enemy to be defeated than an another that simply wishes to exist. We designated him as Monster Zero instead of using his name the ancients gave him. He is simply a target to kill.

 And from what we can tell, humanity hasn't adopted the kill on sight policy for Godzilla. Not yet. There is still time and the for us to learn to coexist with Godzilla. And god forbid we make him our enemy before that happens.

[aieunaoooosei]

Besties I'm losing my mind

So weekly update. Ig we're in ww3 now I'm so confused. Like wtf is happening I don't think anyone is prepared to cause like it´s 2022. Are we not evolved enough to not do this. U would expect so but apparently, there are still stupid people running the countries of the world and all the regular people are the ones suffering. Anyways this is supposed to be about movies and Tv so.

Attack on Titan is just being way too realistic rn and that's scary and unexpected. Like I just saw those destroyed cities people and families and It's like uhhhhh I thought I was taking a break from the world by watching anime but apparently not. Anyways Jean is still so fine, Armin is losing his shit, can someone give this man a therapist I think he needs it. I don't even know what to say about Mikasa. Bitch just leave the scarf your crush is a mass murderer. Annie is so cute but did everyone just forgive her like that. Like I understand that she joined forces with them but so did Reiner and they're still pissed at him but not at her. Again I'm confused

I told u he's fine also his voice. And he's a relatable king. I too wish I had stayed in my room with my ears shut unfortunately I went to work yesterday. I'll tell u about it later.

In terms of Pam and Tommy, loved that last episode I think it's 6. it's the one where it's just Pamela and it goes into her past posing for playboy. Damn, I almost cried, it was just honest and real, as real as it can be. but like we got non of that comedic relief by Tommy's shenanigans. And I also think it got into that thing of women just having it harder than men. Cause in the last episode pam was talking to her manager or wtv and she said that their decision to sue was a terrible move and Pamela was like yeah I didn't wanna do it but u try to say no to a room full of men.

Also Euphoria, OMG like I was excited to see that play but this was not a play this was a full-scale event, I would pay good money to see that live. Also, Ethan popped off, like I've never expected this from him. I hope Cassie realizes she s being stupid and crusty and she and Maddy go back to being besties. And why wasn't fez at the play I'm acc concerned for my king? The only non-crusty man in this show is a drug dealer. bless him.

On a more personal note, I did say in my last post that I was stressed. Well, loads of stuff has happened since then which just made my stress into anger. First my film, so basically one of my actresses did not like my script and said that it didn't make sense in English. To this what I did was show loads of English people and they all told me it did make sense it's just written in a more poetic way, which was my intention. But yeah she would not let it go, I told my professor and he told me to get another actress, and I was dumb and didn't follow his advice. Anyways she finally accepted my script cause the other actress spoke to her. But then she changed the other actress's script and bitch when I tell u I was losing it, I truly was. Making a film is like having 10 kids, all of a sudden u have 10 different people texting u and asking u what they should do. like idk I'm not ur mother just do ur job and let me live my life. Also, my 'kids' are all older than me so I just feel like a bitch anytime I have to tell someone to chill. Also during the shoot, I made sure to have a person to drive the problematic actress home cause her last train is at 11:30 and she refuses to take the fucking bus. And then on the day before the shoot, she tells me yeah I'm just gonna catch my train instead of having a ride by car. I was fuming but it's fine. The person with the car had to pay 55 pounds in parking but it's fine. Also when we were shooting we were in Soho at night so very cold as u could imagine. Me and most people came prepared for the cold. The people from the crew bless them that weren't so ready never complained once about the cold. The two actresses, however. Let's just say I wasn't too happy. We had to finish at like 9:30 cause they were too cold. Even tho, when I spoke to the whole crew they did not listen and they were always making me repeat myself. also after the shoot, my assistant director told me that they were being mean to me in general making jokes and shit. But we got nice shots and we ate noodles afterwards so it wasn't too bad.

On an even more personal note, I take meds for depression and anxiety and because of this whole film and actresses' stress, I forgot to take them for 3 days straight and wow. I think when you're on meds it's easy to forget how sick u acc are. I went to work like that I cried the whole shift, I did not speak to anyone, I didn't eat the entire day and I had a panic attack during my 20 minutes break. honestly Idk how I made it that day. Those were some 6 painful hours for me. Now I'm kinda going back to my normal medicated self. Anyways so yesterday I had a day. U don't even know, that wasn't a day that was a fever dream. Basically, this crusty coworker decided to come to meet me while I was working in a different place and oh boy. He did make a comment about my chest and I did cry but then I was just extremely angry. Also, he was with another person that also works with us. That person was also very drunk tried to kiss me and then proceeded to tell me I'm just like a little sister to him, which wtf is wrong with men. Also, the crust himself told one of the girls working that he would eat her out and that's always fun cause everyone there knows his girlfriend. And then he proceeded to harass some female customers and the manager had to intervene. And then we meet with some more coworkers and this crusty would not stop talking. He 'apologized' to one of the girls for saying inappropriate stuff but then proceeded to say 'i don't regret saying what I said cause that's who I am but I regret hurting the ones I care about. Excuse me what the actual fuck. Also, he tried to blame me for basically telling him that the girl was hurt by what he said when it wasn't me who told him but the guy that tried to kiss me. Again this is just work shit but I need to let it out somehow cause I'm losing my mind. How is this real

[tipsycad147]

GODDESS HECATE

Hecate is a Goddess shrouded in mystery, for there is continuing debate about Her name, origin and character. There are few legends about Her, and no fixed genealogy. Some say that Hecate is the daughter of Erebus and Nyx, ageless Goddess of the night, while others believe that She is one of the Furies or the last surviving Titan except for Zeus. Hesoid claims that She was born of the Titan Perses and the star goddess Asteria. Musaeus claims She was born to Asteria and Zeus, Euripides says She is a daughter of Leto, while Thessalian legend has it that Hecate is the daughter of Admetus and a Pheraean woman.

It's likely that Hecate’s attributed birth changed as different social groups adopted Her worship, but no Greek Clan or Tribe ever claimed descent from Hecate. Both facts support the theory that She originated outside Greece.

Hecate probably originated in the mythology of the Karians in southwest Asia Minor and was integrated into Greek religion around the sixth century BCE. However, there is evidence that Hecate evolved from the Egyptian midwife goddess Heqit, (alternatively spelt 'Heket' or 'Hekat'.) The frog-headed goddess Heqit assisted with the daily birth of the Sun and was associated with the apparently magical germination of the seemingly lifeless corn seed. In pre-dynastic Egypt, the matriarch and wise woman of the tribe was called the 'heq'. It's interesting to note that Hecate is associated with childbirth.

Hecate’s name has several possible meanings. 'She who works Her will' is the most commonly accepted, but 'the far-off one' or 'far-darting one' is also suggested. Such names suggest that Her power is far-reaching.

An alternative derivation, 'most shining one', is borne out in representations of Hecate from the forth century BCE which show a young goddess of both beauty & power, carrying a torch & wearing a headdress of stars. 'Hecate' is the female equivalent of 'Hekatos', an obscure epithet of Apollo, with whom She is sometimes associated.

The Olympians 'adopted' Her after they had defeated the Titans, but She was not of the same kind, and never lived amongst them. During this time Hecate’s power was still recognised: Zeus gave Her dominion over Heaven, Earth and Sea, and they shared the right to grant or withhold gifts from humanity. Hecate was worshipped as Goddess of abundance & eloquence.  She is still generous to those who recognise Her.

According to the Encyclopaedia of Ancient Deities, Hecate 'was only worshipped at night by torchlight'.

Hecate is sometimes referred to as a triple goddess. Classically She was part of a group with Persephone and Demeter. Contrary to modern Pagan assumptions, Demeter represents the old crone woman, Persephone the wife woman, and Hecate is the Maiden. Every early Greek representation of Hecate shows Her as a young woman. It is only much later that She is represented as Crone.

In Mytilene on the eastern coast of the Aegean Sea, near what was Troy, there are Temples of Demeter, where the women would go to the annual festival of Eleusis to celebrate fertility rites. There is ample evidence that Hecate was honoured there too, perhaps as a guide for initiates into the Mysteries.

But Hecate’s power was to fade. In later myths, She is represented as a daughter of Zeus who rules the Underworld and the waning Moon. The Greeks began to emphasise Her darker aspects; Hecate as Goddess of the Dead & Queen of Witches. She was increasingly depicted as roaming the earth on moonless nights in the company of baying dogs and the hungry spirits of those dead who were not ready to die, those who were murdered or not given appropriate burial rites.

No other Greek deity attracted such atmosphere of 'evil and debased superstition' how did Hecate become transformed from a popular, bright young Goddess into a dark and terrifying hag? Perhaps we will never know for certain, but there are some fascinating clues.

Hecate has long been associated with crossroads where three roads meet.  It's commonly suggested that the crossroads symbolise Hecate’s triple nature and all-seeing ability, but there are deeper mysteries. After crossing the River Styx, a newly dead ancient Greek soul found themselves at a place where three roads meet to be judged. One road led to the Elysian Fields, the abode of the blessed, reserved for the great and the heroic. The second path led to the Fields of Asphodel, for all who'd led a blameless but ordinary life. Criminals or those who had angered the Gods followed the third road to Tartarus, a sunless land of punishment.

But crossroads are also seen as ominous and dangerous places. In many traditions, this is where suicides and criminals were buried. Were the two aspects associated or confused in some way? It's notable that it is specifically crossroads where three roads meet that are sacred to Hecate, whereas any crossroad is deemed as ominous.

The Romans adopted Hecate, and Her role shifted again. Hecate became an aspect of the Triple Moon Goddess Diana (the Full moon, associated with Earth), Proserpina (the lunar phases, associated with Heaven), and Hecate (the New moon, associated with the Underworld.)

As the power of the Solar Gods rose, Hecate became increasingly demonised, until by the Middle Ages She was reduced to a parody of an evil crone.

http://sacredwicca.jigsy.com/hecate

Picture  artboja.com

[fitzefitcher]

so I have. a lot of thoughts about azeroth having a world-soul or whatever and the titans and old gods as a whole. like I kinda got super jossed re: the origin of the old gods, like I super thought they were already there on azeroth and were a part of it b/c they were essentially like super old nature gods, esp since there were originally 5 of them but then blizzard at some point said fuck that and retconned it out but um,

I still think that the old gods are super necessary for what azeroth is, and what its denizens are, and why this azeroth is Different from the other timelines/potential azeroths and essentially why the main timeline azeroth is succeeding where others have failed and is p much the only one that we know of where the burning legion doesn't come and ruin everything.

like instead of being nature gods, they're apparently straight up void gods, but like. void/shadow isn't like. inherently bad. like it's in the universe, it's in nature and part of the order of things, it's not inherently bad. like ffs the standard afterlife in azeroth isn't the light, it's the shadowlands. like you have to fucking apply to be apart of the light. the shadowlands take everybody who isn't already spoken for by some other deity, and the shadowlands aren't actually bad. like you go there as a priest and it's moreorless just you know, the afterlife, and you're not supposed to be there, so everything there tries to make you leave, and the person who IS supposed to be there doesn't want to leave, because it's just. sleep, essentially. anyway.

so the old gods are void gods or whatever and I guess the titans are technically order/arcane?? but like. it's sortof hard to pin anyone down for any one thing, because life is life and nature is nature and everything kinda splashes over into everything else. like, everything is part of everything else, and everything is necessary, p much. like I know wow like to paint shadow/void and decay as the Bad Bad Evil Elements but without them there wouldn't really be a circle of life, it would just be life growing unchecked to the point where it starts destroying/eating itself because the resources aren't getting cycled around, they're just getting to a certain point and staying there and fucking stifling/stunting everything else(fuckin lookin @ u, druids trying to make desolace not a fucking desert anymore, like chill buddy not everything needs to be a goddamn forest) and also like. it should be noted that decay is still part of life, because you know what makes decay happen?? tiny tiny living creatures called bacteria, and 5000 other animals/plants that benefit from it but you know It's Whatever

anyway, the point is, I feel like, given the stances the titans and old gods have against each other, I think they're less Order/Arcane VS. Void/Shadow, and more like, the manifestation of the unversal Order/Creation vs. the manifestation of the universal Chaos/Destruction. like you need both for life to actually continue and evolve and thrive and continue on. Circle Of Life, and whatever. everything needs to feed into everything else, etc. etc. anyway

so I feel like. what makes azeroth different from other worldsouls, is because she's got aspects of both, and is basically freebasing it 24/7 because of how the old gods and titans left their mark on it. like azeroth is riding that sweet sweet grey area hard, and it's why she's so fucking powerful, because of all that Potential Energy etc. and like, what makes Our Azeroth different from Other Azeroths, is that ours elects to straddle that line and share its soul universally among its denizens, rather that A) go inert, basically, or B) bust out and potentially destroy the entire planet and everything on it

I feel like, in lieu of azeroth popping out of the ground and becoming another titan or just straight up dying in utero essentially, the world-soul is sort of shared universally among azeroth's denizens. it's why the heroes/player-characters have "immortal souls" or whatever, and why they have this sort of power required to kill sargeras. like, only gods can kill other gods etc. and she doesn't pop out (she picks magni to say, "hey, shit's fucked get your shit together" instead) because she doesn't want to, because again that is very likely to destroy everything living on her, and also would take her out of that "potential" phase wherein instead of being just a titan aspect, there's an entire goddamn planet of people staddling that grey area hard, and have that ability to permakill sargeras and demons etc.

but yeah our azeroth is different because she's alive, for one, so there is actually something(s) w/ the potential to kill sargeras, and b/c she elects to not emerge at all and rely on her descendants, rather than emerge much weaker than she could be, because idk maybe forming fully and becoming a titan means that the old gods' touch is now hurtful and damaging, and leaves her not able to take out sargeras which leads to her death

anyway I'm having a lot of trouble getting my thoughts sorted out but yeah, our azeroth is Different because she's become this sort of amalgamation of order + chaos and is incredibly powerful because of it & sharing it w/ every living creature on the planet, powerful enough to kill sargeras, who isn't necessarily outside the circle of life but is certainly trying to fuck w/ it and needs to be stopped

(ps more about being a "denizen" of azeroth, you don't have to have been born there, you just need to be living on the planet and call it your home. so draenei get included w/ the world-soul nonsense too, fuck you everyone's in this shit together)

[destiny-smasher]

So I did the “get to know me” meme on Twitter but because of how Twitter functions now it’s a hard to follow mess of a thread. Decided to post it all here -- and hey, if any of ya’ll are curious, feel free to read.

1) When I was 10 my abusive stepdad threw a spray at me. I ducked -- it scraped my head. Sent to school bleeding b/c he was too stoned to realize it'd get noticed and I'd get pulled out of that environment immediately. This moment changed my life, left a scar on head.

If I hadn't ducked, would've hit my stomach. No cut. Whole childhood would've been different. My first Butterfly Effect Moment.

2) I started writing fiction about Pokémon. First-person, from the Mons perspective. Rotating point of view each scene.

3) I moved on to crazy crossover fanfic where I constructed an entire war, personal and political motivations, so many ideas I still like?

4) Part of this involved detailed drawings of Mario-themed Keyblades I wish I still had.

5) Paper Mario 1&2 are some of my most influential inspirations. expanded such a simple world so much so fluidly. (Harder than it looks)

6) When I was a kid my sister would wake me st like 6am to watch dubbed Sailor Moon. Bothered me they all sounded like same person.

7) I can recognize voices very well and even specific sounds and songs. Couple years back my roommate ran a test - playlist of 100 NES tracks, he'd play the first NOTE, singular, and I could recognize exactly where it was from if I'd played the game.

8) My first computer was a PC I bought w/$ saved up during an entire summer of custodial work in HS. Had no Internet.

So I'd use the public library's very slow connection to download things to floppy disk and copy them over.

Eventually, I was able to graduate to a USB. Obtaining music was hellish so I treasured each song I could download -- most from OC Remix.

9) We had this tiny rabbit ears TV that could get WB and Fox sometimes if it was set up in a specific corner of my sister's room

And so I would desperately use it to try and stay up to date on Pokémon and Digimon, it was so bad

10) Teen Titans was arguably the most influential piece of media for my teenage mind. It formed the base of so much I care about re:stories

Fleshed out, varied protags who grew together and each had their times to step up and step down. Action w/character dev context.

Fantastic themes important for growing humans; awesome moments "between the panels" instead of all comic book melodrama and action.

Then everything changed when TT GO attacked and pissed on everything smart and thoughtful because MONEYYYYY

11) Cowboy Bebop was the first "good" anime I ever saw and blew my mind open about what animated stories could do -- i.e. Not just kid stuff

I don't like "anime" in general because most of its common tropes but the shit out of me even worse than most western toon tropes

And yet like 50-75% of my most favorite shows ARE anime because thoughtful animated storytelling has so much potential.

11) I predicted months before Last of Us came out that you'd play as Ellie but when it happened I had to stop, cry happy tears.

I predicted the second I saw the Left Behind trailer what was going on w/those two and again, still had to stop and cry happy tears.

(I seem to have pretty good gaydar now but I also don't like, ship everyone together all the time)

It just hits me so hard when actual canon queerness happens in mass media and is done well, but we're still so bad at following through.

12) Favorite m/m ship: Troy and Abed in the Morning. Favorite w/w ship: Max and Chloe BFF Pirates 2008.

ATLA ships: Tokka the most, also Katang, also Smellershot. ATLA makes me more open to shipping than any other series?

Like, Zutara makes me feel kinda gross and some of the crack ships like Sokka/Azula scare me but otherwise I'm pretty chill w/ATLA ships?

13) When I was a kid, and we'd role play, I always wanted to play the girl characters. I was surrounded by boys so they always were weirded.

It was weird to me, too, honestly.

Now it makes perfect goddamn sense.

14) Apparently I was kidnapped as a baby by some mobster or something but it's hard to tell with my mom what's real or not.

15) Smash Bros. Melee was the first game I ever got genuinely hype over before launch. I still remember being startled to discover it --

-- existed via E3 trailer on GameTrailers back on my goddamn dialup connection in 2001. I had to wait all fuckin' day for that thing to load

And when it did, it was GLORIOUS (and had FZero music, which at the time I did not recognize) and I was FLOORED.

The screenshots made the game look too good to be real, and I was instantly sold on the GameCube, the first time I NEEDED new hardware Day 1

I got SSBM as an Xmas gift before my grandpa's GCN present arrived, so for a week or two all I could do was stare at the box/manual/disc

That game kind of changed my life -- SSB64 was the first time I'd gotten so invested in a multiplayer game, and SSBM crushed it.

A fire was born in me -- competition, something I'd never been much interested in w/games before, not against actual humans.

Those months between E3 2001 and finally getting to play SSBM felt like forever. And thus did I post online fiction for the first time.

That's actually how I met @SDiDuro , my first 'Internet friend' and what I'd consider to be my first proper 'reader.'

16) After college, I ended up working at a call center because it was  the only job I could find and I needed to support my disabled wife.

DURING college, I gave up on writing fiction and had focused on gaming editorial through a site where I'd engaged with an online community

But that empty space between phone calls eventually got filled in by writing fiction on a notepad, with a pen, inspired by Street Fighter 4.

Eventually, this evolved and radically changed into what is now (still in dev) DownRight Fierce.

Back then, I had no idea I'd be motivated to DO this, though -- write original fiction -- but the fire had been re-lit.

I wanted to write.

I was sickened by my "naive" adolescence crossover fics and wiped them from my http://FF.net  profile and started anew.

Having just come off of ATLA 1st time, I knew I wanted to explore that world/characters more, so I wrote a story about Toph & puberty.

That serving as "practice," I then went on to write SRU, and...well, that...changed EVERYTHING.

17) My biological dad (who I have never met) has OCD, to the point where he apparently washed his skin raw trying to avoid germs?

So as soon as I showed enthusiasm in gaming, my parents FREAKED and worried I was exhibiting OCD and they brought the hammer down.

They made me feel BAD for writing about video games when I wasn't playing them, but they never READ anything I fucking wrote.

Even now, my mom tries to comment on what a good writer I supposedly am, yet when I ask for her thoughts, I ask what she's read?

Silence.

I wasn't writing fiction based on games because I was THAT addicted to games.

I did it because a storyteller was awakening within me --

-- and I told stories through the worlds and characters I was familiar with.

(And my first genuinely "serious" fic was Teen Titans, anyway)

But even now, it really hurts that my parents will sometimes try to guilt me over not calling or whatever the fuck, when they never READ

never supported, and actively DISCOURAGED my writing, my storytelling, refused to understanding why I loved games.

18) I never watched Avatar until after college (years after it had finished), and I watched it because of the live action movie.

I watched halfway through the season 1 of the cartoon to get "read up" on it. Then the movie. Which was horrible. Then the rest of season 1.

At that point, the movie utterly baffled me. My wife and I proceeded to marathon the rest of the series. And it became my fav story ever.

But I ironically owe it to that terrible live action movie. ^_^;;

19) My taste in music is really weird. I couldn't tell you what my favorite genres are, and even fav musicians is hard.

Like, every year my top three fav musicians "change" because I just add more to the pile and spend the year focused on their music.

But music inspires my storytelling more than any other medium, I'd say -- in terms of me actually planning and growing ideas.

I didn't just give Nishiko and Seiko last names of my two fav game composers as tongue-in-cheek. In fact, that's not why I did it at all.

I gave them those names because I wanted some element of their very design to express how Japanese composers inspired me in my teen years.