#but after she watched bottoms she was like nooo i don’t wanna watch something sad and intense

[deklo]

watched bottoms with my sister and now i’m making her watch sharp objects :3 hehe

[a-wins-a-win]

okie so ur guy finally got around to watching Bare : The Musical (mouse!! why?? because!! I love comparisons <3) and anyway. thought I’d document my thoughts

tldr; I think I would like Bare: The Musical as a standalone story, but as a Bare: A Pop Opera adaptation/re-interpretation I think it falls short in a lot of ways.

it gets a bit long so under the cut, if you wanna skip the dot points i summarise/reiterate down the bottom of the post

okay no but the photographic memory detail is kinda interesting. kinda sad in a lot of ways too if you think about it

the audio quality is Not It so forgive me if I don’t pass judgement on any of the songs

“Jason you act every day.” “I didn’t fool you <3” they’re cuties // they are SUCH goofballs here! they’re so dumb! teenageboycore if there ever was! I love them <3

it’s so WEIRD to hear a lot of these lines out of order / in a different context

ALSO the lack of singing during auditions is throwing me off

“Do you think your sister’s bi?” “…” “Bipolar?” I laughed—

Matty Patty babey boy!!! he’s so… he’s so something. idk if I like it yet. im very used to introvertedly anxious Matt but this Matt is such a lil cutie

WHOAH OK Portrait Of A Girl is way early

but I think I like a lot of the lyrics - “You don’t have a clue / what she is doing with you / what she is doing to you.”

actually no this is a crazy interesting take on Matt & Ivy and I’m OBSESSED with the way we get to see Ivy’s actual introspection on it in this context

ohhh okay. so it’s That kind of basketball team situation for Jason (+ Peter !! goddamn they really hate that kid)

the art class is a fun character device ! (also I’m screaming over the Math Book exchange)

i am intrigued by the Romeo & Juliet casting in this version ngl

I knew that they merged the Nadia & Lucas characters (lowkey I hate it! I think it does a huge disservice to Nadia + inevitably the McConnell dynamic) but it’s still weird to see it . That said “Out Of Your Mind” [as best as I can approximate what the song’s called??] is kind of a vibe

he was named after Peter Pan r u kidding ?? i am so so intrigued to meet Claire Simmonds in this version now

ohhh nooo I am having FEELINGS over Best Kept Secret (as I always do) but DAMN

“If the word were different and if wishing made it so […] I’m trying just as hard as you!” jason mcconnell you will be the death of me

im SICK why is everyone so MEAN in this version

EMO PUPPY DOG MATTHEW LLOYD I LOVE YOU

^ also goddamn that whole scene was An Exchange. interesting take

“You Don’t Know” is beautiful tho*

“I hear ya.” “Do you?” any glimpse of snarky/sarcastic Peter is a relief (not sure that I’m quite here for this Peter characterisation) . Also the Peter-Diane friendship is somewhat iconic

JASON is the birthday bitch!! that’s. something.

oh okay! this Portrait Of A Girl/Boy reprise is so intriguing to me. this version of Ivy in general is so intriguing to me

snarky Peter Simmonds you are everything to me <3

i miss ‘Are You There?’ hopefully it comes back to me later, I am desperate to see this Peter & Matt have a meaningful conversation

i could honestly not discern most of those lyrics but whatever they replaced 911! Emergency! with seems unnecessarily extravagant? for very little payoff

“Peter did you learn the entire script?” “Maybe.” no I love that for him though. i’m struggling because I like a lot of this Peter’s little character MOMENTS, but OVERALL I don’t like him

again the lack of singing is throwing me off

“I’m NOT your boyfriend!” OWCH

“Your world might not stop!” ohhhh okayyy i am. going a bit insane. over this mcsimmonds.

EVER AFTER !!! EVER FUCKING AFTER !!! (or whatever this version is officially titled)

what is the general consensus on Jason having Role Of A Lifetime?? bc aside from the title not making thematic sense for his character... idk it could just be the delivery but i don’t hate it

i am Not Here for the Nadia-likes-Matt subplot, tbh. i think it’s silly.

there is something so so desperate & violently destructive about this Jason - and it isn’t even like. hidden behind this facade of effortlessness that Pop Opera Jason puts up, if that makes sense?? (yes I am upset that he kissed Ivy first even if it makes sense for this version of Jason)

what an act 1, ngl. I am so anxious for act 2.

oh ok that’s a bit cute

“What if I told the world your story? / What if I told them what you’ve done? / What if I went and shared your secret? / What if I let them know I’m someone?” OH OKAY!!! this Peter is A Character!! and he’s fascinating!!

“I am gonna win… yep, I promise.” oh ow okay that hurts

“What If I Told?” [again guessing at song titles] is doing irreparable damage to my psyche /pos and I can feel it happening in real time

oh shit! i forget that they’re not even roommates in this version!

i feel like this version of the story (or at the very least ‘Touch My Soul’ or whatever it’s called here) is really capitalising on the Ivy-Peter similarities in the way the characters are being played

ARE YOU THERE? <33 WHY ARE YOU SO LATE IN THE STORY???

“Are you there? What did I do wrong? / Tell me and I’ll fix it, get us back where we belong.” screaming crying throwing up what the FUCK

disappointed in the lack of patt meter tho ://

NO BC THIS CONTEXT!!! of Sister Joan putting Peter in!!! i actually quite like it!! i kind of hate the stagings where they have Peter like. butt in, for lack of a better phrase to use. bc that’s so uncharacteristic for him, I always read that scene as he’s stage whispering the lines/doing the motions for Diane to follow along with and he just sort of ends up in the Actual Scene accidentally

ough. the mcconnell siblingsism… it’s missing and it makes me sad

“I don’t wanna be here anymore.” OH NO OH NO I DON’T NEED TO BE THINKING ABOUT THE TRAGEDY OF PETER’S SUICIDALITY NEXT TO JASON’S SELF-DESTRUCTIVE TENDENCIES AND THE WAY THIS STORY PLAYS OUT !!! IM GONNA BE SICK !!

“God Don’t Make No Trash” isn’t my favourite song in the show or anything but I do miss it a bit, even if the replacement song works for Sister Joan + this Peter

ok no now I’m upset do we just not get to know anything about Peter’s mother at all in this version?? look with this version of Peter I don’t feel like she’s a necessary piece of his character/story but still. would’ve been nice

“I have plans, I’m not that girl.” // “If I can’t, then why should he?” Ivy !! i am back and forth on this Ivy! i like a lot of it but I also don’t like a lot of it, those lines tho are so everything to me

“So talk to him.” “We don’t. Talk.” rip to the mcconnell siblingism. like I suppose it makes sense? given the vague family dynamic this musical gives us, but still. I miss them <\3

there is something so physically painful to me to watch Jason have such obvious emotional stress fractures

the lack!! of singing!! is so wild!!

oohhh this Matt is so fucking vindictive - “Is this just another thing you’ll try for the day?” SCREAMING

OH FUCK OKAY

oh I’m gonna be sick watching this meltdown

again!! the absolute sick dog violent desperation radiates off Jason generally but FUCK ME it’s so bad here - like I really truly believe that in that second right after Cross that this Jason made the decision to kill himself**

love the R&J costumes in this version tho ngl, they’re a bit cute

oh shit he’s really just. Dead. like obviously he’s dead in the Pop Opera as well but without Queen Mab it really does just feel like. you blink and he’s gone without any sort of buildup/unravelling

i feel like they definitely tried to recycle a bit of the early versions of the Father Flynn storylines for Father Mike here - like they don’t explicitly go for the queer angle but it feels a little bit alluded to, imo

the fucking bookending!!! i’m such a sucker for that shit

oh. okay. it was certainly A Watch - definitely interesting! full of odd character choices I didn’t love, most notably the basketball team and the way that side plot played out, also the merging of Nadia & Lucas’ characters. I think it does a huge disservice to Nadia’s character, the McConnell twins relationship, Nadia & Peter’s relationship, & I like Lucas as a character (& a plot device) so it really feels like a lose-lose situation. And I would’ve liked to have Peter’s mother at least alluded to, especially given how much more Sister Joan seems to fill a motherly role (and it would’ve made sense thematically! Given his hypothetical conversion with Jason’s mother in You & I, coupled with Diane’s whole spiel about her mom being her best friend - it’s a missed opportunity imo) (even tho as established for this characterisation of Peter it’s not quite so necessary)

that said! credit where credit is due - I am supremely intrigued by the characterisation of… okay most of the cast now I’m thinking about it. Would definitely like to do a comparative character breakdown (let me know if anyone else would care for that at all).

Emo puppy dog Matt Lloyd you are so special (it’s such a silly way to play him!! the show all but eliminates the academic part of his and Jason’s rivalry and THAT makes me sad bc I think it would be so so interesting to play into the rivalry more with this Matt and this Jason - but the way Matt & Ivy’s relationship exists in this version of the show, the absolute lack of any academic focus At All [which?? like they are At School, that SHOULD count for something] and even the play part feels somewhat lacklustre in so regards to the Matt vs Jason element, which again I think is a mark against B;TM)

as I said above - I think I would like Bare: The Musical as a standalone story, but as a Pop Opera adaptation/re-interpretation I think it falls short in a lot of ways. Which is another point - it’s so so crazy to me that The Musical is the adaptation of the Pop Opera, not the other way around. Which kind of sucks! because I think making it into a book musical, not a sung-through show, does give a little more breathing room for character & relationship work and development, but it just seems ill utilised, to the point where it doesn’t even seem to match the Pop Opera, let alone improve/expand on it. Because all the extra dialogue time had to be spent on reordering the story beats so we ended up losing time with the characters in a way.

or at least that’s how it read to me - obviously I am not a professional reviewer/critic so don’t take my word for it, I just wanted to talk it out. or shout it out into the void, as my tumblr may be. if you read this whole thing?? shoutout to you, I love you <3

[delicrieux]

—MAKE YOU SAY “OH” EXTRAS: TINDER

extra meaning non-canonical occurrence; can be placed anywhere in the “make you say oh” timeline after couple (cha. 14) and before the final “oh”. 

pairing—corpse husband x f!reader warnings—tinder profiles, tw: men, swearing.  word count—2.6k. format— written. ─── ❥ req by nonnie​:  y/n makes a youtube vid/live stream where she's just swiping through her tinder acc and corpse literally blocks her lmao

author’s note—akldsljfs this was such a funny idea i could not not write it lmao

ultimate masterlist. myso masterlist

You have pulled the biggest brain move by setting up both a facecam and a screen recorder on your phone. All is beautifully displayed and visible during the stream. Your fanbase is particularly intrigued on what exactly are you planning on doing today, seeing as your tweet of “strea” had been a bit vague, if not downright ominous. No emojis. No elaboration. You couldn’t even be bothered to finish the word. Truly, a mystery. Everyone tuned in and are currently waiting with bated breath.

A few of your fans must sense upcoming doom because the overall mood in the chat turns from optimistically intrigued to...evil. It’s an entity all on it’s own now, clawing at you through the screen with various renditions of laughter and devil emojis. A few eggplants thrown in there for good measure, accompanied, naturally, by the scandalous water drops. At first the common consensus is that you’re biting the bullet and going through your camera roll on stream. Definitely an idea worth considering, though you frankly don’t know what lies at the start of the 11k photograph journey, and you are afraid to check in public. Could be a harmless meme, could be a salacious pic you had saved of an OF star. It’s really a gamble. Either way, you would definitely get banned. You might still get banned. Why do you insist on doing shit like this?

Because it’s funny. Because you’re kinda stupid. Because it’s just so absolutely laughably easy to do.

A smile quirks your lips, and while it is not explicitly smug, the look in your eyes sure is, “Greetings,” You utter lowly, dimming the lights--the budget for this stream! Ugh, you went all out, “my children.”

mother i crave violence

sensing evil energy rn!!

i do not claim the energy in this video for myself or anyone else watching this 💖💖

^with peace and love shut the fuck up

“I know y’all lowkey hoes-” Upon your words the chat splits into two: one side eagerly agrees (even shares a few OF accounts! How helpful, supporting small businesses!), whilst the other feverishly insists on innocence. You make a face stuck somewhere between offended and bewildered, “Now c'mon now-I know you. I know you all. We’re the same, don’t-what was that?”

You try to scroll back to the comment but it’s loss in the sea of incoming messages, “I swear to God I just saw-”

Corpse_Husband: i love late night streams it’s not like i have anything better to do.

“COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORPSE!!!!” 

rip headphone users

i cant feel my face when im with you by the weeknd but instead of face its my fucking ears

yall think full vol on pc is better?my parents woke up 😭😭😭😭

To think he’s spending his last waking moments for today with watching you (he probably still would have anyway, because you do not posses an ounce of shame or self-control and pester him relentlessly)! It makes your heart sing, and suddenly, a traitorous, fun hating idea barges it’s way through the crowd of incoherent buzzing and states: don’t do this. For some reason it also has the voice of Rae. As if that would work in guilt-tripping you- Rae never succeed, and her fictitious rendition in mind won’t fare much better either.

Still, you thought about it. That must count for something. Corpse will understand, won’t he? Why don’t you want to upset it in the first place? Men look so funny when they lose their shit, like hello, don’t you have anything better to do? But the image of Corpse just sitting there, hurt, distraught, leaving you on seen because he’s in his sad boy hours leaves a sour taste in your mouth. 

queen rly went from  🥺😊 to 😕 u ok bbgirl?

Corpse_Husband: no pouts cutie

akjdjoeijdfse cUTIE??? deadass boutta r.i.p.

Well that succeeded in eliminating everything from mind, doubts included. If this was an anime, the scenery would shift into something roseate, with flowers and bubbles and sparkles all around you along with a halo or two. Alas, not an anime, rather reality. The led-lights, however, seemingly possessing a will of their own, slowly turn from deep violet to pink. You smile brightly, like the absolute dumbass you are, and you are met with a ray of heart and blushing emojis. You are just so cute, a real cutie! Still in your disguise adorable state, you swipe your finger on your phone screen, the grin never leaving your lips.

There, among the plethora of apps, nestled sits a red square with a white fire plastered on it. The delicate calligraphy on the bottom reads: TINDER.

The mood changes once again- you’re giving the roaches emotional instability by how quickly everything flips over- and the chat spams eggplants vigorously; some, of course, bravely fight against the thirst.

nooooooo i thought y/n is gonna stream in a god honoring way!!!

^pack it up girl defined

“So, Charlie and I-” You note a few awfully curious comments and squint, “-yes, we talk a lot. Charlie is a really good friend of mine. We’re best friends. Brothers. Sisters. Cousins. The whole fucking family tree-no, that sounds weird. Delete. Anyway, Charlie, being the absolute fucker he is, said, hey, you know what would be funny? And I was like, nooo, what would be funny, Charlie? And he says to me, he says, says, making fun of men on Tinder. And if y’all need any more proof that Charlie and I are platonic soulmates, then dunno, my children, my roaches, I dunno-I dunno what more to give you.”

You can’t be bothered reading the comments, there’s too damn many. You also need to save your reading comprehension for the actual bios. It has a time limit, that darn thing. 

“Okay, so I made a profile earlier, but I hadn’t swiped on anyone yet-” Despite the fact, Tinder helpfully informs you that already 99+ people have swiped right on you, “So, this is me,” You show the pictures you have of yourself, and damn, not to be a conceited narcissist, but you look really good. Like if you saw yourself on Tinder, you’d super like instantly. “Uhm, so, my bio-my bio says: let’s sauce in the tub together, ya dig? splishy splashy, giggle giggle.” 

i cant believe we are witnessing y/n trying to form a coherent sentence live 

shes trying give her time

ya dig??? y not capeesh

what scene from the godfather is this lol?

“My anthem, is,” You laugh, covering your lips with your hand, “Corpsie, this is form you-” Proudly, you show that indeed, Corpse’s E-GIRLS ARE RUINING MY FUCKING LIFE is listed as your anthem on Spotify, “Hehe.” Yes, you say that aloud.

Corpse_Husband: you’re killing me Corpse_Husband: thanks baby Corpse_Husband: now delete tinder ❤︎

You ignore his last quip, deciding it’s finally time to get this show on the road, “Right, let’s do this shit. I’m not actually going to swipe on any guys that look, uh, decent? Yuck, can’t believe I just said that, uhm, because I-because I feel like some actually deserve a chance with someone? I don’t wanna get anyone’s hopes up, as I am currently in a long distance relationship with Chrollo. So I’m just gonna swipe on, like, frat boy assholes. Because I don’t care if I hurt their feelings. Quite frankly I don’t think they possess them in the first place.”

The chat voices their agreements. With the ground rules set, you, giddy, click on the first profile.

Does Tinder know what you’re doing, your plan? The FBI agent watching you through your phone must be working overtime, bless his heart. They must, because the the first guy to meet you is named Jason, and there he is, blond hair and blue eyes, holding up a fish the size of his torso. Marginally adequate in looks, pretty good muscles. A solid 7 bordering on 8. He’s the same age as you, 15 miles away, and he studies at some college you don’t care enough to look up. Bio reads:

I like to drive fast. Fishing is my passion, but if you can’t catch me by the ocean, you’ll catch me catching waves, bro! Love a good gym date. You do squats, and I’ll keep a close eye to make sure you’re doing it correctly ;) You probably saw me at a party. Leader of the The Phi Kappa Psi. I’m a Gemini, if that matters lol.

You, of course, read it aloud, dramatically; provide some constructive criticism-he seems nice, but he’s a Gemini, so naturally, you can’t trust him at all! Also, that gym date session leaves little to be desired. With your rant done, you swipe right, and shocker! (not), it’s an instant match.

“Okie, I still wanna swipe of some profiles, so I’ll see what he’ll text later-” For a second you wonder the legalities of this stream, but you’re having too much fun to think of it further, “guys, I won't get sued, right?”

NOW she considers it

well....

if you do, we’ll kickstart your lawyer dw <3

Onto the next profile. Kevin, 25, is seen fixing his car- or, you assume he’s mid-fixing it, you don’t really know why else he’d hold a wrench and be covered in oil. He’s shirtless, and the caveman part of your brain echoes something closely resembling AWOOOGA!, but...but!...blonde hair, blue eyes. You pout again, “I don’t...I don’t really like blond boys, ya know? With the blue eyes and all, it’s just not my thing, uhm, unless it’s like-like...Armin from Attack on Titan. Else I don’t care.”

Onto the bio:

You have to treat a car like you treat a woman: go on long rides, take the lead, but most importantly, keep her oiled up 😜 

“What the fuck did I just read?”

The chat is equally confused. You swipe right anyway- another match. Too easy.

The stream continues without incident for a solid thirty minutes- all of your matches, expect a few that genuinely looked like normal dudes that really couldn’t write a decent bio to save their lives, had been blond hair blue eyed gym rats with ranging forms of misogyny. Some opened with asking for nudes out right, some asked about your day first before asking for nudes. You prefer the former. Straight to the point! You admire the gall. 

But then, down the forty-five minute mark a profile popped up that made you still by your phone, your smile dying as your eyes bulged. Dear God. Lord in heaven. Who is this demonspiit lookalike and why is he so fucking hot? The neck tats, the skateboard, the clothes- holy shit, you gotta close your mouth before some drool dribbles out.

No bio, just his name, Tyler, and that he’s 23.

“He boutta be 23 in me.” You mutter, swiping right with lightning speed.

WHAT DID SHE SAYYYYY?????????

tyler is y/ns karma for relentlessly mocking that one guy that had a whole ass list on what his “female” partner should be

^he deserved it and also tyler seems like a typical fuckboi y/n grow a braincell

look at mom 🥺 her eyes are sparkling

It wasn’t a match right away. You somehow expected as much, but it still upset you. Simp behavior, pathetic. The stream continued bravely, and when Tyler messaged you a simple “yo” you totally didn’t sequel. You didn’t manage to text him back on stream: texting all those guys that you didn’t really find all that attractive was easy, but this...You’re a sucker for a man who radiates red flag energy. His whole profile is a red flag. He might just be a red flag himself.

What can you do? Suddenly becoming color blind is not easy. Once the stream ends, you unmatch with everyone expect Tyler. He you chat with for a bit, but a sudden craving for different company makes you abandon him, too. You don’t feel too heartbroken for him- you’re certain there’s already too many girls in his dms. You wish them luck.

Happily, you delete Tinder. You go to Twitter, notice you’re trending again- look at you go! Queen shit- and as you compose a thank you tweet, something strange happens. You go to text Corpse, but when you click on his profile you grow cold.

YOU’RE BLOCKED. You can’t follow or see @/Corpse_Husband ‘s Tweets. 

...Pardon? You hop onto Instragram and-also blocked. Seriously? And you thought you’re one petty bitch. Corpse is seriously prissy about everything. Damn, if he didn’t like your stream, he could’ve just said so. Didn’t need to, like, block you from his internet existence. So not cool.

You try texting him but no text go through. Well how will you let him know you deleted Tinder just like he asked? You relieve your frustrations by punching your pillow a few times. Later, you apologize to her, you didn’t mean to hurt her, it’s not her, it’s you. Fuck, 5 minutes of exile and you’re already loosing your mind.

“Raeeeeeeeeeeee!” You whine loudly. It’s roughly 2am now, but you don’t care. You’re too heartbroken to care. There’s a thump from her room, but nothing else, “Raeeeeeeeee!!!” You wail, wallowing in self-pity on your bed. You hear a very loud, very annoyed sigh from her room, followed by angry marching. Your door is abruptly thrown open, and in the dim, colorful light you see her scowl.

“What?” She grits.

“Can you please tell Corpse to unblock me from everything?”

“What did you do now?”

“I made fun of men on Tinder.”

She pauses, “...That doesn’t sound so bad.” She surmises, voice laced with suspicion, “What else?”

“...There was one really hot guy that I kinda sorta talked to after--”

“Y/n.”

“-But I totally deleted Tinder and honestly he was pretty boring, so, like, uhm, please?”

She sighs, the servery of which implies she is holding the weight of the world on her shoulders, and instantly you know that you won. She taps away at her phone, “You owe me one.” She states, and before you can reply, she exits your room and slams the door behind her.

Grinning, you text his phone again. The message goes through, oh gosh, you’re so relieved you feel like crying. This has been, officially, the worst five minutes of your life.

You Y DID U BLOCK ME LOSER!!! MAJOR LOSER ALERT!! I DELETED EVERYTHING IT WAS A JOKE r u still mad at me? y u always mad at me i never do anything:(

my husband You’re my baby, how do you think I’ll react when I see you publicly simping for some asshole on Tinder?

Oh no, he used the words, he delivered the killing blow. You’re finished. Your heart can’t take such a workout. 

Not that you would ever admit it to him, though!

You hehe ur jellyyyy u always dis jealous hehe?

my husband Not jealous.

Yeah, you might not be the brightest tool in the shed, but even you know that’s a lie. You send him an array of kissy emojis that he doesn’t have the decency to reply to. Then, completely unprompted and dead serious, you send him a simple voice memo, saying: “You really have nothing to worry about, you know? You’re my favorite, Corpsie.”

He responds via text, reiterating that he’s not fucking jealous and that he just doesn’t like when you show such outward interest in anyone but it’s not like he cares or anything. It’s just really, like, weeeeird to see his baby simping for another man like that totally ruins the whole dynamic!!! It was only natural that he should block you on every social media platform, including his personal number (which, like, was completely necessary! Doesn’t matter that his viewers can’t see it, it’s gotta be super believable!), and inform his followers of that, because it’s all a joke, like, for the dynamic, that Youtube grind, you know? Ya dig? No personal feelings were involved at all. He totally wasn’t upset that you found someone else cute, no way!

my husband I’m not jealous. Lol.

You ik u repeated tht like 50 times  u trynna convince me or??? lmao

my husband No comment. ...You don’t actually talk to anyone else like we’re talking, right?

You no one else calls me their baby if thts wat ur wondering at least not to my knowledge lol im all urs

my husband That makes me very happy to hear:)

Yeah, it makes you very happy, too.

hope you liked it!! xx

[diddlesanddoodles]

DUMPLING ch 39

(Chapter warning: Discussions of death and gore)

See bottom of the chapter for bonus art and a new addition to the Dumpling Playlist. 

Farris lead them out of the tent and into the kitchen camp and they were greeted by the absurd sight of all of the kitchen staff surrounding a group of seven or so humans, most of whom looked absolutely terrified, and then one lone human who stood outside the group was waving a sword in the air as he angrily shouted at Bart. “...WILL NOT LET ME THROUGH THIS INSTANT, I WILL RUN YOU THROUGH!”

“Through what? My big toe?” Bart asked with a laugh. He could not look less intimidated by the man if it had been a dust bunny shouting at him.

Farris let Nonna down and she snorted at the sight of them, calling out, “Riley, stop swinging that thing around, it’s not a damn toy! We’ve already made a piss poor showing and I won’t have you insulting these good people any more that you already have. Put that poker away and shut your gob or I’ll be telling your mother she needs to teach you better manners.”

The so name Riley turned to look at Nonna, eyes wide and disbelieving. “Nonna! You aren’t hurt are you?”

“I’m fine you great cow pie!” she snapped back at him and earning a few snickers from some of the kitchen staff. “Now do as I said and put that damn thing away.”

Riley tightened his grip, looking back and forth between the giants around him and then back to Nonna before looking up at Farris. “Tell your men to back away first.”

Farris regarded the little squire with a flat look, displeased at being given orders and especially by someone so annoying, but conceded by glancing at Bart and jerking his head. Bart nodded and began to usher everyone back to their tasks. “C’mon now, let ‘em be, lads. Back to work, the lot of ye. We’ve had our fun.”

Avery made a long disappointed whine. “Aw, come on now. I was this close t’gettin’ that lil’ fella in blue to piss himself.”

Riley watched the giants leave with suspicious and wary eyes, but once they were a comfortable enough distance away from the group of humans, he sheathed his sword. He turned his attention back to Nonna, but paused, eyes shifting to stare behind Farris where Yale stood with Nenani cupped in his hands. The man’s eyes widened and he shifted nervously for a moment before abruptly bending himself in half. “Y-your Grace!”

The other humans looked at Riley in surprise, following his trail of sight and when they all saw Nenani, they mimicked him and dropped into dramatic bows with mutterings of “Your Grace.”

Yale snickered, lowering his head to whisper to Nenani. “Princess Dumplin’...”

“Nooo...” She whined. Her face turned red with mortification when she heard Avery and Kol both add their own flamboyant your grace’s from across the yard. Farris glanced back at her with a raised eyebrow and she frowned back at him miserably. “Please make them stop...”

But he just grinned at her and shrugged.

“Well, you heard her,” Nonna told the group. “Stop with all that silly nonsense. You’re embarrassing the poor girl.”

Riley’s face made several jumps between conflicting emotions before finally giving a small bow and muttering an almost inaudible, “My apologies.”

Nonna nodded in satisfaction before turning to look up at Farris with a pleasant smile and patted his boot. “Thank you for help, Farris, you’re a peach. But I believe I can manage them from here.”

“As ye say,” he replied and stepped back, crossing his arms. Nonna looked up and waved a beckoning hand at Yale.

“Go on and let the girl loose, young man. We’ve come all this way so we might as well give her all these presents we’ve trudged up along with us.”

Nenani perked up. “Presents? For me?”

Nonna regarded her with a sly grin. “Well what did you think it mean to pay homage?”

Yale laughed as he let Nenani down and she hurried to catch up to Nonna as she reached the group of humans. Many of them were pulling the packs off their backs and rummaging inside, pulling out objects, some wrapped and some not. And though they all were still sending wary glances towards the giants who were still watching them all from their work stations, the humans seemed excited to be presenting their offerings. Nenani did not know how to feel about it all. It felt strange to suddenly be in the company of many folks her size, having become so accustomed to living among giants and even more so when they were throwing gifts at her.

But so long as they kept their your grace’s to themselves, she supposed it was all in good fun.

Riley stepped up to Nonna, bending to whisper something into her ear to which Nonna nodded. Riley was a tall young man, dressed in a long dark gray gambeson coat, and green trousers. He look only a few years older than Jae. The leather of his belt was oiled and shining with a silver buckle of intricate silver. He wore a short stubble beard and his hair was a fluffy mob of dusty brown and his face was set firmly into a scowl. His hand still rested on the hilt of his sword as he cast his gaze around the camp. They lingered on Farris and Yale and neither giant missed the way he was looking at them. Yale wiggled his eyebrows at him, daring the human to try something, but all Riley did was scowl back at him.

“Now, my girl,” Nonna said, gently taking Nenani’s arm and guiding her towards the group. “Most of these gifts are going to be things you don’t really need and never asked for...”

“Nonna!” Riley barked at the woman in indignation; momentarily turning his head from the giants.

“...but I can assure you that they were all made with love and care and the finest craftsmanship we possess.” Nonna finished, ignoring Riley. One by one, each of the group stepped up and held out their offerings with a short greeting. Thankfully they kept it informal. Among the gifts was a light green cloak with delicate embroidery along the bottom, a brass broach in the shape of a dragonfly, a roll of beautifully tanned leather, a ring with a polished purple stone, and a small wooden box inlaid with different colored wood to create a beautiful pattern on the lid like a string twirling in never ending loops and knots. They were all beautifully made gifts and Nenani stared dumbly at the pile, taken aback and oddly humbled.

“And Riley has one for you as well,” Nonna said, looking to Riley with a nod. The young man reached behind himself and unclipped something from his belt, pulling it out and handing to Nonna. It was a sheathed dagger. The leather had been dyed a faint green color and near the top, pressed into material was a familiar symbol; the Thorn guard crest. Nenani stared at it, feeling a strange nostalgic pull.

“But first,” said the old woman, her voice soft and oddly serious. Her eyes were searching and hopeful. “I have an important question for you; Where is Hayron?”

Nenani stared at Nonna for a moment, a sinking feeling in her belly, and then after a moment said, “He died. Or rather...he was killed.”

There was a collective noise of despair and the group of humans all looked heartbroken at the news. They all bent their heads and muttered something Nenani could not make out. It did not sound like the common tongue at all.

Nonna nodded her understanding. “I had feared as much,” she said, eyes incredibly sad. “When news reached us that you and your mother were alive, but no news of Hayron...”

She heaved a great sigh, suddenly looking her age. “It is a great loss. I would have very much liked to have been able to see your father one more time. So many things I would have told him. So many apologies I would have made. Your grandfather was never the same after he was forced to give his son up. It tore at him, terribly.” She looked up at Nenani and smiled sadly, regret and longing on he face. “How he wished he could have had a chance to meet his grandchild. This broach here, the dragonfly...”

She reached for the broach from atop the pile of offerings and pinned it to the front of Nenani’s thick wool dress. “...is the symbol of familial love. He had this made for me after my daughter was born and I’ve kept it all these years. The notion to one day give it to one of my granddaughters crossed my mind, but they fight over every little thing. So, when I heard you were alive...it seems only fitting you should have it.”

She rested a bony hand over the broach, over Nenani’s heart. Riley stepped up to her.

“Who killed him?” he asked. The young man’s eyes were intense everything about him was pulled taut with withheld rage. The hand gripping the hilt of his sword tightened and his knuckles were white. “Who killed Hayron?”

“His name is Aidus,” she said to the man.

“Aidus...I know that name,” Nonna said, looking pensive.

Something in the back of her mind gave her pause and she looked back to Farris. Almost as though she sought his permission to say anything more. He seemed to sense her apprehension.

“It’s up t’ye how much ye wanna share, lil’un,” he told her. “But I’ll say this: better fer everyone t’be knowin’ about that fucker. He ain’t gone after the tribes yet, but best not assume that won’t change.”

She did not want to tell them about Aidus being the one to have killed Thadeus and starting the war. It did not feel like something she could tell them. Who knew what sort of the trouble that knowledge would stir. But the rest...the rest she could. After seeing the pain on their collective faces at the news of her father’s death, she almost felt like she owed them the story and the chance to share her loss with someone who shared it was alluring.

“He was after Mama,” she explained. “But Papa tried to fight him off. Aidus killed him and stole my mother away. But she escaped him a year ago. She said he threatened to kill my little brother.”

There was a shift among the group.

“Brother?” Nonna asked.

“Mama was with child when she was taken,” she replied.

There were hushed murmurs among the humans and someone from the back asked, “We have a prince?”

Nonna waved them off with a hand, frowning at them. “Quiet you hens!” She turned back to Nenani with an expression of longing. “We had not heard of your mother bearing a son.”

“She named him Haiyer.” The old woman was silent for a long moment, her eyes frozen as they peered at Nenani. Then she rose a trembling hand to her face, covering her mouth as the emotion took her. “...Haiyer?”

“Nonna?” Riley asked, his nervousness forgotten as he went to her side, putting his hands on her shoulders. “Are you alright?”

She nodded, wiping at her eyes. “Yes, of course. I am all right, my boy. Don’t fret.”

Riley looked back at Nenani. “Why would this man do all of this? Kill Hayron and take the princess?”

“Aidus is the man who Mama was supposed to marry,” Nenani replied. “But she fell in love with Papa instead.”

Nonna gripped Riley’s shoulder as sudden recognition struck her and she gasped. “Tarliene’s eldest boy!” she cried, eyes wide. “The King’s advisor! His son was named Aidus! I thought I knew that name!” She turned to the man in blue, the one Avery had been trying to scare into wetting himself. “Pip, do you remember if Aidus was one of the Ruby order? They were the mages sent to Riftside, correct?”

“If I remember correctly, they were sent in as back up,” he replied. “I’m fairly confident that if the Aidus that her grace...er, my apologies. If the Aidus she speaks of is Tarliene’s son, then he would have been there.”

“Aidus was a fire mage. Vennor’s apprentice,” confirmed another of the humans. He was older and gray haired. A thin pale scar rang the length of face on his right side. He looked to Nonna. “He was a member of the Ruby Order. A highly skilled fire mage.”

Above them all, Farris snorted. “I’ve met ‘im briefly. And he don’t look a thing like any fire mage I’ve ever seen.”

“My apologies, sir, but you mistake my meaning,” the man explained. “It couldn’t have been him. I saw Aidus fall at Riftside. He and two others were thrown from the cliff by Prince Mourin.”

“Ye were at Riftside?” Farris asked, the gruffness easing a little and he regarded the scarred man with a kinder eye.

“Yes, sir. Infantry captain,” said the man and gestured to his face. “S’where I got this beauty. Courtesy of one a’ yer late King’s balista’s shattering our shield wall. The prince and a few others got through after the river was set on fire and they scaled the cliff. They killed all them mages there. Not sure who, but someone ‘em got in a quick hit before they fell and it cut through the Prince’s neck and he bled out. Every soul on that cliff died that day.”

“Ye say ya saw ‘im fall,” Farris said. “He could’a survived.”

“Unlikely. That cliff is nearly 150 feet and the river may be deep there, but there’s plenty of rocks to hit on the way down.”

“Well if he’s did die at Riftside, someone forgot to tell him he’s suppose to be dead,” Yale added. “He’s attacked the castle directly twice now. Tryin’ t’get to the lil’un. Somethin’ about usin’ her to get her Mum to come back to ‘im.”

Nonna chewed on her bottom lip, mulling over all that had been said. She shook her head. “What could he possibly be after? Silvaara is no more, why fixate on Princess Aine?”

“Obsession?” Yale offered. “Revenge?”

“No,” Nenani said, something in her mind abruptly making sense. Keral had told her once that the smoke mage problem was like a puzzle to him and suddenly she was aware of just how many pieces she had. “Not revenge. Something about the gold prophecy. He...I think he thinks...it’s about him. When killed my uncle, he said that he wanted to see the dead walls rise. And then when the wyvern attacked, the only thing he said was the gold prophecy.”

“What do you mean when he killed your uncle?” Nonna asked. “Halden died in Silvaara. Alongside Haiyer and the royal family.”

“...no he didn’t. Uncle Halden didn’t die in Silvaara,” Nenani said, shaking her head. “He survived. He and some others made it to the Southlands. Where Mama and Papa and I were living. After Aidus took Mama and killed Papa, he took care of me for years. But Aidus came back. He burned everything down. And killed him.”

There was a long silence.

“Nonna,” Riley said in a quiet voice. His eyes were red. “We must hold the last rite for them. Hayron and Halden. We owe them that much at least.”

“It will take a few days to prepare for the ceremony,” Nonna told him. She turned to one of people within their group. “Jerand, how long would it take you and your brother to carve a pair of effigies?”

“Two days at least,” said an older man with a round face and bushy brown beard. “Three would be better.”

Nonna nodded. “I will speak with Warrick when we return. Could be a week or so before we could manage something half way decent. We won’t find much in the way of flowers this time of year.”

“What do you mean?” Nenani asked.

“The last rite,” Nonna explained. “For when an oath bound Thorn guard falls in the keeping of his or her oath, they are given what we call the last rite. Or full colors. We would like to give you father and uncle their last rite.”

“Didn’t grandfather have to...I forget what it’s called. Make him not a Thorn guard anymore?”

“He was relieved of his duty,” Nonna replied. “Only death can dismiss you from your oath.”

“There will be lots to be done,” said one of the group. “And so soon after Gregis.”

“More funerals,” Farris muttered unhappily.

“And what of it, giant?” Riley snarled, whirling on the kitchen master. “Do you see us criticizing how you mourn your lost?”

Farris glared at the whole group distastefully. “Y’know how many funeral’s I’ve been to since the war ended, boy? Too many. Both Vhasshalan and human. More than half didn’t even have a body to bury or t’burn. Folks speakin’ of a dead fella they didn’t know, paradin’ and weepin’ with all the pageantry and bullshit they can muster. It was never fer the sake of those closest to ‘em. Most ‘a the time it was only fer show.” He pointed glared at Riley. “Just t’see who could make a bigger arse of themselves.”

Riley’s face turned a deep shade of red and he glared up at Farris, furious and incensed. “KEEP YOU TONGUE IN YOUR GODDAMN MOUTH!”

“Riley,” Nonna began, raising a placating hand towards him, but he shouted over her.

“NO! They were Thorn guard, Nonna. My brothers! And I will not stand here and be told my grief is nothing but for show! Least of all by a giant!” He turned back to Farris. “You speak of things you know nothing about.”

“Do as ye well please, but it’ll just be people weepin’ over a bonfire. Ain’t no bodies fer ye to burn,” Farris said and gestured to Nenani. “The lil’un’s been my ward fer months and she’s been mournin’ fer the both of ‘em fer longer than that. I’ve seen her tears and heard her cry out fer ‘em in her sleep. So excuse me if I don’t think ye have any right to sweep in and take ownership of a grief that’s rightly hers. Ye haven’t a right to it. Or her father. ‘Specially since ye all were the ones t’ave tossed Hayron out in the first place.”

Riley drew his sword, the metal catching the firelighte. “HOW DARE YOU –!”

Yale stepped up behind Farris, eyes narrowed and voice low and threatening. “Put it away, boy.”

There was the rushing of many feet and the rest of the kitchen staff stepped up behind Farris and Yale. There all glares and scowls and tightened muscle. But either the squire did not see them or did not care, too entrapped by his own anger. Nenani went to stand between them, suddenly afraid of the sudden escalation, but Nonna gripped her arm and pulled her back, pushing her towards one of the group of humans. “No, dear. Stay out of it.”

“But...” she began to protest, but Nonna shushed her.

“Stay out of it.”

“Aye,” Farris said to Riley, scowling. “Where were the lot of ye when yer King had him and his pregnant wife thrown out into the wilds like unwanted dogs? Ye sat at his heels and followed yer orders like good hounds even as one ‘a yer own was thrown aside. So don’t get all high and mighty on me with yer talk of oaths and shit.”

Riley opened his mouth to reply, but Nonna spoke over him, gripping his sleeve and rubbing his shoulder. “No, son. He is not wrong to say so. He is not wrong. And we know it. Haiyer certainly did and you know it too.”

“Nonna that isn’t what...”

“Not everyone shares the same view as to just what it means to uphold one’s duty. It is a hard line to walk. And one you must be prepared for if you ever want to take the oath yourself.”

“How can you bare such an insult?” Riley demanded, voice thick with emotion. “How he speaks of us? As though we do not grieve them at all. That it did not hurt to see Hayron leave and know we would never see him again. To see Father weep and pray to the Gods that they would be safe and beg for forgiveness. To watch war break out and destroy everything and never knowing if they were dead or alive. Now we have a chance to help Father’s spirit to finally rest. And this...fucker tells us that we are not entitled to our grief?”

“Haiyer is dead, son,” Nonna told him and not unkindly. “Confirmation of Hayron’s death does not change anything.”

“It does to me!” he said. “I may not share their name or wear his sigil, but they are my blood too! Don’t tell me how I should mourn them. I would have been there if I had been given the chance!”

“Then you would have died with him!” Nonna said, anger rising in her throat. “You were a child, Riley! You would not have made a bit of difference to that fight. The moment the keep fell, you would have just been another dead child laying on that marble floor in pieces!”

The young man’s face contorted with pain and he took a lumbering breath and howled, “BUT I WOULD DIED WITH MY FATHER!”

Nonna was livid. “And I would have one less piece of my brother and another dead nephew to grieve over.”

“I can’t just –!”

“Riley, that is enough!”

Riley sneered at Nonna and then turned his angry focus to the group of giants. “Do you know how he died?” he demanded of them. “Captain Haiyer? My father? He was the last one, y’know. The last of the guard left alive when your King tore through the keep. Just before he killed our King and his family. His sons and daughter. Their children. Babes still in their swaddling clothes. Popped their little bodies like goddamn grapes!”

Nenani felt ill as she listened to Riley speak. One of the men standing beside her put a hand on her shoulder, his eyes downcast and sad.  

“Riley,” Nonna said. “Stop this now...”

But he did not listen to her. He was delirious with anger and he gave a manic laugh. “You might’ve noticed your King came back missing his left pinkie finger. That was my father’s doing. Lobbed the damn thing from his wretched hand...just before the Blood King bit hit head off!”

Nonna stepped in front of Riley and backhanded him across the face, the sound of it echoing across the camp. There was a moment where no one said anything and even Farris looked caught off guard. Riley stared at the ground, his head still tilted to the side from the force of the hit.

“Enough!” Nonna said and turned to the group of humans. “Pip, Jerand; take him home and put him to bed like the insolent child he is determined to be. Rendlen, you go too. You’re paler than milk and I don’t need you fainting on me.”

Three of the men from the group stepped up, one of them putting a hand onto Riley’s shoulder and guiding him towards the back gate. Riley did not protest or say anything, just kept one hand to his face where Nonna had struck him. Watching them go, Nonna sighed a great heaving breath as though it came from deep within. When she turned to Farris, her eyes were filled emotion.

“I am deeply sorry for his behavior, Farris,” she said, forcing herself to stand a little taller, though it was obvious she was still agitated. “It was not my intention for us to disturb you all. I hope you can forgive our transgressions here today.”

“That boy’s gonna end up pissin’ off the wrong folks one ‘a these days,” Farris warned her.

“He has many demons,” she relied, seeming smaller. “And I am sad to say...he is not currently winning that particular battle.”

“Tell ye what, Nonna,” Farris said. His face was placid and without a scent of irritation or anger. But there was something else there. Pity. “When ye see Warrick, give him this bit of advice from an ol’ man whose wrangled his fair share of belligerent lads who just wanna be angry at the world and fer everyone to feel as miserable as they do; work the boy till he can’t stand up straight no more. Don’t give ‘im a moment’s peace to dwell on all that shit in his head. Put all that angry energy into something productive. He’ll figure the rest out himself. Might take a few months. Might take a few years. But ye have to break him to have any hope of savin’ him from himself.” Farris turned his eye towards Yale and grinned. He reached out and looped his arm around his assistant's neck and pulled him into a choke hold. “S’how I set this smarmy bastard straight.”

“Ah, Farris!” Yale growled, pushing at the kitchen master’s arms. “Come off it!”

With a chuckle, Farris released his hold and Yale stumbled back with a muted curse.

Nonna watched the pair and laughed weakly at that, nodding. “Thank you. I will.”

“He said that the Captain was his father,” Quinn asked and looked to Nenani. “So does that make that whiny lil’ wanker the Dumplin’s uncle?”

“Half uncle,” Nonna said with a nod and then paused, looking at Quinn askance. “Dumpling?”

“Aye,” Farris said, the whole lot of them sharing a grin. “S’what we call yer niece there.”

Nonna laughed and patted Nenani on the back. “Well, I suppose there are worse things to be called.”

“What do you mean, though?” Nenani asked her. “When you say that he’s my half uncle?”

She sighed. “Well, no sense in beating around the bush as every in the village knows. Riley is your grandfather’s natural born son,” the old woman replied. “A bastard.”

The word echoed in Nenani’s mind, bringing with it the voice of Lord Eldherst. Bastard. Only a bastard.

“Hayron never told you? Nor Halden?” she asked, seeing the look on Nenani’s face. “That they had a half brother?”

“Papa never told me anything,” she replied, brow furrowed and feeling hollow inside. “I didn’t even know my last name until a few weeks ago...”

The old woman’s head drew back and she stared at Nenani, scandalized. “Truly?”

Nenani nodded. “I...never knew about anyone. Or anything...”

“He may have been waiting for your tenth birthday,” Nonna said. “When you would receive your first rite.”

“My first...rite?”

“That’s right,” she said with a grin, holing up the green sheathed dagger. “When you would have been given your dagger.”

“Given her dagger?” Bart asked with a bemused grin. “What’s the bloody hell does that mean?”

“You may have noticed us lot in the Hill Tribes are a bit...well, let’s be generous and say superstitious,” Nonna explained. “We of the Thorn clans hold traditions very close as it is really all we have left of our culture. We are all Silvaaran, but we are also Thorn. Our place in the hierarchy of Silvaara kept us apart from either end of society. Neither peasant nor nobility. So the old ways were kept well and alive through the years. Our music, our stories, our language...”

“...language?” Nenani asked.

“Tier,” Nonna replied with a grin. “Gothe‘er than ule ore sei schlie.”

Not a word she spoke was familiar and she had never heard anyone speak in that way. Nenani stared.  “What does that mean?”

“I said that many of us still speak the old tongue. As for the dagger, it is the first of the rites.” She looked to Nenani and smiled, holding out the green leather sheathed dagger to her. “When one of our clan turns ten years old, a dagger is made from a piece of their father’s yearling sword and given to the child as their first rite. Your father would have presented this to you on your tenth birthday,” She smiled at Nenani, but it was sad. “...but as we do not have his yearling sword nor him...I am afraid all I have is a substitute and my old bony self. Riley was going to present this to you, but...well.”

Nonna held out the dagger to Nenani and as she reached out to wrap her hands around the dagger’s hilt, Nonna closed her fingers over her hand. Holding them, she looked into Nenani’s face.  

“When you turn fifteen,” she continued. “This dagger will be melted down again and turned into a yearling sword as your second rite. And finally when you are deemed to be ready, your are given your final sword and take the oath. The oath use to be to protect and guard the royal family.” Nonna tilted her head in a strange sort of shrug. “But since the war, we have broadened that oath to the Hill Tribe and to Vhasshal should the King ever call upon us.”

Behind them, she heard Farris huff a laugh. “Yer saying yer wantin’ t’show the lil’un how to fuckin’ use a sword now?”

Nonna turned her eyes to Farris and laughed loudly. “Goodness no! We’d never set her upon such a path nor is it expected of any of our children to do so. Only four of the young ones have taken the oath in recent years and seven more have their yearling swords, but most never progress beyond their dagger. These rites are more to persevere our heritage than anything. Do not worry Farris, we don’t mean to turn your ward into a soldier.”

Farris chuckled. “Was only gonna warn ye she’d make a right sorry solider. Sleeps late, doesn’t mind ye worth shit, and she’s easily distracted by small shiny things.”

“I do not!” Nenani shot back with a frown. Nonna pulled the dagger from the sheath and it glinted in Nenani’s eyes, drawing her gaze downward. Behind her, each and every one of the kitchen staff was laughing. Nenani whirled around, red faced and opened her mouth to defend herself.

Farris eyed her with a smirk. “Oh, aye. Ye do, lass.”

She stuck her tongue out at the lot of them and the just laughed harder. Nonna smiled and patted her cheek affectionately.

“Don’t feel too bad, my dear,” she said and leaned forward to whisper into her ear, “I’m quite partial shiny things too.”

BONUS ART: Riley. 

Author’s notes: The Thorn clan language is similar in sound to the Irish or Gaelic languages.     

NEW DUMPLING PLAYLIST TRACK: Thorn Guard Song.