#but also he probably oddly enjoys that little thrill of uncertainty

[decisiontostay]

default durge is and will forever be my fave durgetash choice but then I try to imagine them kissing and like, is gortash constantly in danger of having his head chomped right off his neck does durge just lick his face clean

[dollyshious]

Kanato Sakamaki Kink Meme

I wanted to do this too, because it looked fun.

Aphrodisiac (using on self or on partner):

Kanato would have no interest in it. That would make it disingenuous in his opinion. He’d rather be sole the cause of rapture for his lover, than some drug and vice versa.

Anal:

He wouldn’t be against it, but he isn’t a very patient lover. The preparation would annoy him when all he wants is to simply have his way with you.

BDSM:

This is a dangerous game to be playing with him, be warned, he will not go easy on you. There will be no sex toys, gags and cute fuzzy handcuffs. He’s much more fascinated by traditional forms of torture, so expect more than whips and spankings. Oh, and he won’t be gentle either, he’ll make sure you are completely decorated with rope burn, cuts, bruises and plenty of bites by the time he’s through.

Blowjob (receiving):

He loves getting one after making you grovel. The sight of you on your hands and knees between his legs is absolutely thrilling to him

Condom (using one):

It would not go well.

Cum-Marking:

It may sound appealing in concept, but to him, it’s not remotely as satisfying as claiming you from the inside.

Dominant:

There is no question about who is in charge. Kanato might appear fragile, but he is not to be taken lightly. He will always have his lover under an iron grip. If you dare try to challenge his position, he has no problem with putting you right back in your place.

Endytophilia (sex with clothes on):

Kanato has always been drawn to fashion, so it’s no surprise that he’d like to incorporate it into sex. When you’re arrayed in dress, (especially something he’s picked for you), he just can’t help himself. He loves the feel of the fabric when he pushes up your skirt, the sound of tearing through nylon and seeing the prim and proper become disarray.  He also wouldn’t mind dressing up for you if you had a request.  

Face Sitting:

Bon appetit, He’s the glutton of the family after all. How could he not want to feast on the ever-loving hell out of you?

Fisting:

Perhaps? It doesn’t really suit his style, but if he was feeling especially dirty, he might do it as a form of punishment,

Gags:

Why would he need those useless things when he has magic on his side?

Guilt-Play:

“Hic…you haven’t been paying attention to me at all…Hic… Eh…? You want to comfort me…? Y-You…*grabs* You’re an awfully careless girl, you should know by now this body is what I was truly after.”

High Sex (sex while high on a drug):

He wouldn’t be the type to experiment with drugs on his own accord. If he ever did, more than likely, it was by accident. Probably, from eating or drinking something laced. Considering how he handles his alcohol, he probably would be down for a good romp. However, he doesn’t have a high tolerance for this type of stuff, so he’d probably end up passing out in the midst of it.

Humiliation:

It’s one of his most favorite ways to torment you and a HUGE turn on of his. He’ll have you bow, crawl, strip, whatever he finds most amusing. He takes pleasure in the shameful faces you make as you do it and doesn’t care who else bears witness to the show. Why should he care about what his brothers say or think? You’re his possession after all. He’s merely establishing that fact.

Immobilization:

This is probably one of Kanato’s more twisted tastes. He relishes ridding his lover of any motor abilities in bed. Any method will do, ropes, forbidden magic, or pinning you by his own hands. The feeling of having total control over his precious doll is what he enjoys most. He wants you to just bask in the pleasure he’s giving without unpredicted movements.    

Incest:

The very thought of such a thing would fill him with bile. If it were up to him, he’d prefer that his beloved family be corpses than living, functional beings.

Jack Off (Masturbation):

Every now and then when he’s feeling especially needy, he’ll relieve himself in privacy. He might even touch himself to titillate you, but for the most part, he expects you to be the one to gratify him.

Jewelry:

This’d sort of be similar to the way he views clothing. He’d like the sensation of pulling on or ripping off a string of pearls. Then again, why do you need jewelry when he can leave all sorts of marks on you?  “How about a necklace made by my own fangs? That would be far more becoming…” You would get him going if you have the wedding band he gave you on that pretty little finger of yours.

Kissing:

Kanato treats affection like it’s a gift, “if you’re a good girl, I’ll give you lots of love.”  He’ll taunt you by withholding kisses, sometimes purposefully avoiding your lips, until you ask directly. Not that he won’t shower you with kisses at any given time. In fact, he’ll come find you whenever he wants to. He’ll do it in public just to show to everyone that you are his. He loves being cuddled up in bed with you just sharing kisses.

Knife Play:

He’s not afraid to play with knives. It’s probably one of his preferred tools to draw blood (under his fangs that is). He’ll have you strung up as he makes various incisions from shallow to dangerously deep. It’s an easy way to produce more blood when he’s feeling especially thirsty.

Love (having meaningful sex with someone they love):

Kanato doesn’t participate in flings, so when he decides he wants to have sex, it means he’s getting serious about you. From that day onward, you are officially his and his alone. Your first time together won’t exactly feel like love making. It’ll be rougher and rawer, like he’s consecrating you as his possession.  However, when you’ve proven that you’ll be a permanent facet in his life, you’ll notice a dramatic shift in the way he treats you. He will love and adore you and your body in every way possible.  

Noise (Loud Sex):

“Dolls should be as they are, still and silent.” Kanato tends to express disapproval at loud vocalizations. It’s very rare for him to like the sound of someone’s voice. However, your voice is special, it excites him so greatly that he will seek out all your pleasure points to make you louder.  

Kanato can be pretty vocal when he’s in pleasure, especially when he’s getting worked up.  

Nipple Clamps:

Meh…

Master/Slave:

To him, this would be taken more literally than sexually. He is a prince after all, and you are one of his belongings to do as he pleases. Though, he’ll certainly call you a slave to his pleasure.  

Orgasm Denial:

He has no sympathy and finds your suffering amusing. The more desperate you are, the better, but don’t you even think about pulling that on him.

Orgy:

Unlikely, Kanato doesn’t like sharing and there’s no way he’d let anyone lay a hand on his lover.

Pet Play:

He might call you a dog when you’re groveling on the ground, but that’s about it.

Public Sex:

Skip classes to go to the library, by the lake, on an open balcony under the stars, in the little dressing room when you ask him to zip the back of your dress, a graveyard on a pitch-black night…  

Quad Orgy:

If anyone even thought to breathe the same air as his lover, they’d be dead.

Quiet Sex:

When he climbs into bed with you during the day. You should be sound asleep, but you stayed up to wait for him and he knows it. He finds it peaceful to melt together with your sleepy form.  

Rimming:

It’s one of the ways he likes to embarrass you. He takes pride in how he can rattle you, bending you over any surface, and feeling your legs and hips quiver as he devours you.

Sensation Play:

Kanato wouldn’t be into it. For one thing, he doesn’t like blindfolds. He feels like that would be eliminating the best part, your expressions. Second, he just doesn’t really get it.

Submissive:

He’d laugh in your face for the very suggestion, and maybe punish you for being defiant.  However, if he’s in the right mood, he’ll give you permission to be more forceful. There’s something oddly erotic about you trying to inflict pain onto him that he can’t resist. He’ll even command you to do it stronger if it isn’t enough for him bite, scratch, choke and even stab.

Teasing:

That’s practically second nature to him, aside from vindictiveness.

Toys:

“There’s plenty of toys in the torture chamber. Fufu.”

Underwater:

During your bathing rituals, he’d love to push you up onto the ledge and clean you up.  

Voyeurism (watching others have sex):

Due to his childhood, Kanato probably wouldn’t bat an eye at it, much less be aroused.

Wax Play:

Possibly, if it was convenient for him at the time. He’d probably enjoy the red burn marks it leaves on your skin,

Whipping:

It’s not exactly his style. If you want to be smacked on the ass, he’ll just use his own hands.

X-Ray? (boasting about their size):

With all the uncertainties Kanato has about himself, he would never want to bring attention to himself that way.  

Zelophilia:

Once Kanato has you, he will give all his love and devotion to you, he wouldn’t need anyone else, and wouldn’t do something as ridiculous as try to make you jealous.

[emeraldwaves]

Title: Start of Something New Chapter 2 Pairing:  Todomomo, side Kamijirou Rating: T Word Count:  3,340 Summary: Momo is thrilled to be spending her winter break on her family ski vacation. Even though she’s anxious about graduating in the spring, she’ll have time to relax, enjoy the slopes and hang out with her best friend. Shouto is not thrilled to be stuck with his father for the entirety of his winter break. It’s anything but a vacation. Even with his siblings there, everything reminds him of his past and he just wants to get back to finishing school and moving on. When the two continuously run into each other at the lodge, both of them realize their vacations aren’t going to be what either of them expected. Read on AO3 Thanks to @its-love-u-asshole for reading this ahead, full fic under the cut!

The inside of the lodge smelled of firewood, with a hint of hot chocolate and wet snow. It was oddly comforting to Momo, a familiar smell bringing on a rush of memories of her time here. Her small snow boots with the fur around the rim pat against the floor, her excitement growing as she walked down the steps, eager to see her friend.

There were a few hours before dinner with her parents, and they knew she was dying to see Kyouka so they let her have a bit of free time to herself.

She made her way to the cafe on the second floor. It overlooked the bottom of the slopes, the tall windows big enough to watch skiers and snowboarders zip down the mountain. The smell of hot coffee wafted into her nose and the fire crackled softly in the distance.

Momo's lips pulled into a smile immediately upon seeing Kyouka. Her best friend was slouched into the couch, her feet pushed against the table in front of her. Her deep purple hair was pressed against the cushion of the couch, her signature red headphones covered her ears, and she bounced her knee up and down

It was an unsurprising position; her best friend was rather predictable.

Momo giggled softly, walking quietly up to the couch. She leaned over, waving her hand in front of Kyouka's face, causing her to jump up.

"Yaomomo!" she gasped, yanking her headphones down around her neck. "You finally made it!"

"Mhm! Sorry I took so long, Kyouka!"

Kyouka scoffed, but pushed herself up to hug Momo. "I guess I can forgive you."

"Phew!" Momo sighed a laugh lacing her breath. "I'm so grateful!"

"Yeah, I'm a pretty understanding person," she smirked, twirling the cord of her headphones around her finger.

Leaning towards her, a small smile pulled across Momo's lips. "So tell me about this boy?" she whispered.

"Fuck." Kyouka stated, as if she forgot she told Momo about him through text message.

"W-What?!" Momo asked, blinking, surprised by Kyouka's flat response.

Kyouka folded her arms across her chest and raised her eyebrow, leaning slowly to the side. She stared at the cafe for a moment before leaning back in towards Momo. "Yup. He's working."

"Oh! Great! I can meet him! I was thinking I wanted a hot tea anywa-" As she went to turn, Kyouka was quick to grab her arm, yanking her back.

"Wait!" she hissed. "You can't just go in there!"

"Eh?" Momo blinked, "Why not?"

"Because I already bought two drinks from him!" she exclaimed quietly, her dark purple eyes filled with a fear Momo didn't understand.

"Yes, but I've bought none," she said gently, turning her gaze towards the boy behind the counter.

He smiled brightly as he sorted through some cups. Actually, it looked like he was whistling... or... dancing? He was swaying his hips back and forth all goofily. His blond hair reflected against the cafe lighting, though he had one singular piece of dark hair. It was jagged looking, styled into his bangs to look like a dark lightning bolt. Oddly edgy; looks wise he did seem to be Kyouka's type...

And the way he danced around the empty cafe to the music... he also seemed too goofy? From simple observations, Momo now understood Kyouka's dilemma. He was certainly cute, but also maybe somewhat different than the normal boys Kyouka desired.

"Yaomomo. Stop staring," Kyouka scoffed.

"I wasn't!" Momo gasped.

"Yes you were!"

"This would never have happened if you had just let me buy that tea!" she said.

"He might think I sent you if you go and buy something from in there!" Kyouka hissed, flopping back down on the couch. "But whatever, do what you want?"

Momo bit her lip, glancing back towards the blond. "I don't know about that, Kyouka... he seems pretty lost in his music. I think you two would get along," she giggled gently.

Kyouka let her body fall further into the couch as she slouched down. "S-Shut it! Just... go and get your tea or whatever!"

"Okay! Do you want anything?" Momo said. Mostly she was excited to find out more.

"I want to throw you out that giant window," Kyouka muttered.

Pretending to look offended, Momo placed her hand over her chest. "How dare you, Kyouka? I'm going on a stealth mission for you, and this is how you decide to treat me?"

"Yup."

Momo rolled her eyes playfully. Kyouka could be oddly dramatic about boys. Of course, Momo knew she wasn't one to really judge. Boys were never really a focus of hers, and even when she did see someone she found attractive, she usually froze up, panicking about what to say.

Immediately, her mind shot back to the boy in the parking lot. His hair was so interesting, and his eyes were fascinating. She of course was well aware of what heterochromia was, but she never witnessed it in person. Actually, the more she thought on it, the more she thought he might have been one of the most attractive boys she ever saw...

And she couldn’t even say a simple greeting to him.

She wished she could remember the name the older man called out. Shou... taro? Shou... hei? No... none of those sounded correct. Not that knowing his name would really do her much good.

Her thoughts were already jumbled and she hadn't even seen him again. Really she couldn't blame Kyouka for being a little flustered.

Still, Momo was determined to get her tea. Partially because she wanted it, and partially because she was determined to learn more about this boy Kyouka found herself attracted too.

It was also strange to see someone new working at the cafe. For the past few years, Sero Hanta had been the main worker at the cafe. He was kind and very good at his job. He never once messed up an order, even during the busier hours. Momo hoped the boy moved on to something better, even if she would miss his large smile.

She walked towards the cafe, much to Kyouka's chagrin. The girl didn't say anything, she simply kept moving lower and lower on the couch. Pretty soon her entire body would either be on the ground or sunk into the middle of the cushion, whichever was easier for her to achieve.

Momo tried not to laugh.

"Hello!" she smiled, resting her hands against the counter.

"Howdy!" the blond replied, giving her a wave of his two fingers. He smirked and leaned against the counter. "How can I help you?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. It looked as if he was trying to... pose for her? Maybe? If he was trying to hit on her, it wasn't working very well.

"Uhm... just a hot tea please. Chamomile, if possible." She squinted as she spoke, attempting to read his name tag. Kaminari, she thought it read.

"One chamomile tea, comin' right up!" he said cheerfully, moving his way over to the cups to pour some hot water.

"Are... you new here?" Momo asked tentatively. She didn't want to seem too curious and give him the wrong idea, but she was itching to learn more about Kaminari.

"Yup! My friend Sero helped me get the job. He's been so busy with exams he had to quit for a bit," Kaminari sighed, looking as though Sero died.

"Oh, I see! Good for him! Studying is important!" she said. She always considered herself to be studious... even now, with university and her blend of uncertainties, she never stopped learning. How was she supposed to decide what she was going to do if she gave up on studying altogether?

"Yeah..." Kaminari muttered, pressing the lid onto the cup.

"Do you not agree?"

"What? N-No! I mean... yes I agree... uh..." he trailed off and placed the cup back on the counter, sliding it across to her. "So I'm Kaminari Denki!" he said, quickly changing the subject. Maybe he wasn't very studious and Momo made him feel uncomfortable. "Are you a regular? I mean... since you noticed I was new and all. Or maybe you were just blown away by my dashing good looks!" he smirked.

"No, nothing like that. I'm a regular. I'm Yaoyorozu Momo, my family comes here around this time every year. It was surprising to see someone besides Sero behind the counter."

"O-OH! You're Yao... Yaomomo!" he said, pointing at her.

"Eh?" she blinked.

"Yeah! Your friend, Jirou? She told me about you! She's been waiting for you to get here! I was kinda hoping you might be later so we would keep talking," he muttered. "I-I mean, it's great that you're here and I'm glad I can put a face to your name!"

"Kyouka talked about me?" she said, raising her eyebrow. No one wonder she didn't want Momo to come over to buy tea.

"Oh yeah! She was really excited for you to get here! Is she over there?" Kaminari scurried to the other end of the counter. "Hi Jirou!" he waved.

For a moment, she popped up. Rolling her eyes, she waved back once, attempting to keep her cool demeanor.

"She's so cool," Kaminari sighed.

"She's my best friend," Momo smiled, reaching forward to take the tea. "You can charge this to my room, 440."

"Gotcha," he said.

As she turned to leave, she gasped, barely holding onto her tea. Walking up to the cafe was the half and half boy from earlier and a taller boy with white hair; his brother maybe?

This was her chance! She could speak to him and maybe not make a total fool of herself! But as he approached, Momo felt her throat get tighter and tighter. What was she going to say!? She could ask his name... but he was just a random guest! What if he didn't want people bothering him? And he was probably here with his family! He probably didn't want to speak to a random girl he didn’t know.

She was running out of time as he dragged his feet against the ground, following the taller boy who seemed to be rambling about something. Momo needed to think faster!

But as he stood right in front of her, she found she was once again at a loss for words.

~~

"I call the bed by the window!" Natsuo charged into the bedroom, swinging his suitcase on top of the bed with a loud thump.

Shouto shrugged, leaning his suitcase against the side of his bed. He really had no preference. Mostly he was jealous Fuyumi was given her own room. He understood why, and while he did enjoy Natsuo, his brother had far more energy than Shouto ever did, and he wouldn't have minded his own space away from the family antics.

"That way if someone breaks into our room, they'll get you before they get me," Natsuo said, continuing to speak as he swung the curtains open.

"Ah..." Shouto snorted, raising his eyebrow. "Glad to hear you care so much."

"I'm just teasing, lil' bro!" he laughed, staring out the window.

The slopes were covered in snow, expected of the mountainous area. When the city got snow, it generally melted fast, but here it stuck to the ground and coated the trees, glistening against the now setting sun. It was beautiful, and admittedly, Shouto was looking forward to getting out onto the slopes.

Skiing with his mother was always an enjoyable pastime. The wind whipping at his cheeks, the sounds of skis cutting through the thick, packed powder, all of it echoed in his mind.

"You, uh, excited?" Natsuo asked softly.

Shouto slowly approached the window, watching as the final few skiers and snowboarders enjoyed what was presumably their last runs of the day.

"Mmm..." he mumbled.

"You think it's gonna be weird?" Natsuo asked, as if reading Shouto's mind. He turned towards his brother, catching the concern in his eyes.

"...Yeah."

It wasn't worth it to lie to Natsuo; not when his brother obviously could sense something was off.

"I know," his brother said, and gently placed his hand on Shouto's shoulder. The weight was heavy, both boys bearing it on their own normally. This trip however, hopefully they could carry it together. "I don't think we've ever skied without her."

Shouto shook his head. "No... we haven't."

It never felt right. It still didn't.

"And you know Father is always bragging about how he's so great at skiing, but it was always Mom who really got into it. I think he just likes sitting in the hot tub at the end of the day!" Natsuo laughed. "I mean... I guess I can't blame him for it but still..."

"Mmm... I guess..."

Unlike the rest of his siblings, Shouto received the brunt of Todoroki Enji's frustrations. As the youngest, Shouto became his father's last ditch effort to have what he considered an 'intelligent family heir'. Toya was too aloof, and Shouto couldn't imagine his eldest brother ever coming back from abroad. Natsuo was far too distractible and rarely took things seriously. Fuyumi immediately rejected her father's plans, knowing she wanted to be a teacher from a young age. However, she was their father's only daughter, his princess, and since she most likely wouldn't carry on the Todoroki name, Enji set his sights on Shouto.

He pushed all of his effort onto Shouto, separating the boy from his siblings, and forcing him to study for rigorous hours. He expected high test scores, and he hired tutors to be certain Shouto was constantly learning. Though the man was barely around, working for the majority of his days and nights, he checked Shouto's grades constantly.

Shouto supposed it paid off, in a way. He received early confirmation he was going to be attending the best university in the city, which arguably was the best in the country. However, he couldn't afford to slack off for the rest of the year.

This trip was his only reprieve. And even then he was still trapped with his tyrant of a father.

"Hey, lil' bro, we'll make it fun, okay?" Natsuo said, giving his shoulder a squeeze. "I know it's kind of weird, but at least you don't have to study!"

Shouto bristled. He truly hoped he didn't hear the word for the rest of the trip.

"Right," Shouto muttered.

He wished it could be as simple as enjoying himself.

Natsuo pulled out his phone, the screen illuminating his face. "Hey, why don't we go explore? Apparently there's an indoor pool and a cafe on the second floor of this place! We have a solid hour before dinner."

"I dunno... I might just rela-"

"C'mon, Shouto! We get to stay in this amazing lodge! Let's explore!" Natsuo hooked his arm through Shouto's and dragged him forward.

Apparently he wasn't going to have a chance to say no. He sighed, stumbling after his eager brother. After all the energy was slowly drained from his being, he wouldn't mind a hot tea from the cafe.

The hallways of the lodge were cozy. The rooms all had large, brown wooden doors, resembling something one would find in an old style cabin. The floors were covered with a strange patterned red and orange rug, giving the hallways a warmer feel.

They made their way down the two flights of stairs, heading towards the lounge. Just as Natsuo said, there was a cafe in the corner of the room. A large stone fireplace was lit directly across from it, comfortable looking couches and tables all set up nearby. There was a large window which looked out onto the bottom of the mountain.

On one of the couches, a girl with short purple hair and headphones slung around her neck seemed to be... hiding? Shouto decided to leave that one alone.

"You wanna grab something to drink?" Natsuo smirked. "I bet we can charge it to our room!" he hummed, looking as if he just discovered the perfect prank.

"I wouldn't mind some tea," Shouto shrugged.

The closer they got to the cafe, he realized there was a young girl with a large amount of black hair standing in the middle. When she turned around, she jumped and Shouto held his breath, almost stumbling.

It was the girl from the parking lot.

She looked ever cuter now, comfortable in her long, muted red, turtleneck sweater dress. Her legs were covered by dark leggings and her boots were black, rimmed with fur. Her cheeks were a little flushed and her eyes darted about as if she was purposefully trying not to meet his own.

Did she recognize him too?

"Excuse us!" Natsuo said, speaking to her without a care in the world. He brushed past the girl, but Shouto couldn't help but stop. He tried not to bite his lip and the last thing he wanted to do was say something stupid.

What were the odds he would see her again anyway?

"Ah..." Shouto began and immediately her dark eyes met his. She really was stunning; her skin was smooth and pale, her eyes dark and beautiful, and her bangs swooped across her forehead.

So far, Shouto was making an amazing impression. He needed to say something else, anything else.

"I saw you in the parking lot."

"O-Oh!" she gasped, pulling the drink towards her... rather sizable chest that Shouto was purposefully choosing not to look at. "I saw you too!" she said. "I-I wasn't sure if it was... you..." She trailed off awkwardly.

Just when Shouto thought she couldn't get any cuter...

"It... was," Shouto said.

"Oi! Lil' bro! What you want? Green tea?"

Shouto turned to Natsuo and nodded.

"Green tea is a good choice! Very relaxing!" The girl said, a smile pulling across her lips. Her finger ran around the lid of her cup. "I hope... you enjoy your stay here."

"Do you work here?" Shouto asked, a knee-jerk response, and honestly the second the words came out of his mouth, he wished he could take them back.

"E-Eh?! N-No!" she waved her hand quickly. "Sorry if it was unclear. My family vacations here every year during winter break! I've never seen you before so... I... I hope you enjoy your time here. It's... probably one of my favorite places in the world!"

He swallowed, embarrassed he even asked her the question. Based on how she dressed and seeing her with her parents earlier, it didn't makes sense she would work here, and yet he still asked the dumb question...

"I see..." he muttered. "What kind of drink did you get?"

"Oh! Chamomile tea," she said. "It's soothing."

"Here you go, Shouto!" Natsuo interrupted their conversation (if you could even call it that) by handing him his drink.

"Thanks."

"Who's your friend?"

"Ah... uhm..."

"I'm Yaoyorozu Momo!" she said, bowing her head. "It's nice to meet you!"

"Todoroki Natsuo!" he said. "And obviously you've met my lil' bro Shouto. We're about to endure a family dinner!"

Yaoyorozu turned back to Shouto and smiled. "I hope you have fun then."

"I hope you enjoy your tea," Shouto said quickly in response.

"Of course! You too, Todoroki," she nodded. "Perhaps... I will see you again?"

"Maybe... you will," he replied. "Goodbye, Yaoyorozu."

He made his way back through the lounge and the girl with headphones was blatantly staring as he walked. Shouto turned away, following his brother who couldn't stop grinning at him.

"She was cute! You seemed a little smitten!"

"I wasn't," Shouto said flatly. He couldn't show weakness in front of Natsuo or he was bound to exploit it.

"I dunno lil' bro! She seemed interested! Maybe you'll see her again!" he whispered.

As they began to walk up the stairs, Shouto glanced back at the cafe. She was gone, disappointment churning in his stomach that he didn't get to see her one last time. Shouto couldn't help but secretly hope they would bump into one another again.

[renywrites]

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

Hello! I am back! I wrote a completely new Alternate Universe that... I don’t think it’s ever been done before. This is only part one of many.

So this is my baby. I love it dearly. Please enjoy with me.

If you don’t want to read the full thing here, you can find it on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18105458

***

Why are there so many songs about rainbows And what’s on the other side — Rainbow Connection

As far as Lance was concerned, there was only one side to a rainbow.

At least, that was what he had been taught. You see, he’d grown up on the one side of the rainbow - the one with the light and the color and the beautiful arches stretching over the city, as far as the eye could see. He lived in a city with buildings made of crystal, made for light to refract off them and fill the world with color.

The people themselves were bathed in color - dressed in beautifully colored clothes that complimented their rich and luxurious skin tones, hair that caught the beautiful colors of their world and took it as their own. Their eyes were luminous and their smiles bright. It was as though whatever had created them had harnessed the sun and the colors of the rainbow it had made their home to write them into being.

They learned in school about how to take these colors and put them to use; how to harness the power they’d been gifted and use it to better the world around them. Lance had chosen blue. It was the sweetest of the colors, cool and refreshing. They used it on the bodies of water around them, purifying and healing with it. Many citizens who wielded blue became nurses or midwives or caretakers. They were sweet and gentle and curious beings.

This curiosity was both a blessing and a curse. It often got Lance into trouble as a child. When he got older, he sated his curiosities with the vast collection of books in the city library and archives. He also went on excursions past the city lines when it got to be too much, but nobody knew about those. Not even his best friends.

But after he’d read all of the books he could get his hands on, after he’d learned about the same things in a hundred different ways in a hundred different author’s words - Lance got bored again.

It wasn’t until one specific librarian had noticed him sulking in the stacks that he had been given one particular book.

This was the day Lance McClain’s life changed.

***

“You really shouldn’t do this, Lance.” Hunk hisses for the third time that afternoon.

“Yeah, you said that.” Lance rolls his eyes, looking over at the yellow wielder. Hunk was nervously folding Lance’s basket of unattended clean clothes. He tended to fuss when he was anxious.

“I think it’s cool.” Pidge pipes up from where she was lounging on his bed. The green wielder was scrolling through her datapad.

“We don’t even know if what that book said was true - it’s a hundred years old!” Hunk insists. “I’m almost certain that it’s just some elaborate plan to kidnap unsuspecting victims!”

Lance rolls his eyes, packing a water bottle into his backpack and zipping it closed. “And what if it is true?” He challenges. “If it’s true, then there’s a whole other world beyond the borders of our city! I want to see it.”

“Of all things, why did you have to be blue?” Hunk bemoans, folding a shirt a little too aggressively. Pidge snorts.

“I’ll be back before school tomorrow.” Lance huffs. “And remember - I’m sleeping over at your house, Hunk.” He winks. “Bye!”

“Please be careful!” Hunks calls after him as he slides out the window.

“Bring me pictures!” Pidge hollers after him.

Lance grins, slinging his bag over his shoulder and heading toward the setting sun.

***

There are rumors of a place far beyond our borders — a place devoid of light and color and beauty. I have only heard of it twice, in hushed conversations and fearful whispers behind closed doors. Those who know of it call it the Monochrome, or the other side of the Rainbow.

It is said to be a place where the evil are cast out, but there is no evidence of this. I have looked extensively into our justice system, and there is no sign of anyone ever coming close to sending people there. It would be considered inhumane in our leader’s eyes.

Although many people seem to be afraid of it, I have not heard of any threats or worrying behaviour from the Monochrome and its people. As the devout scientist and explorer I claim to be, it is my duty to not only find this place, but learn everything I can about it and its people.

Wish me luck.

— Dr. C. Wimbleton-Smythe, Over the Rainbow

***

As the light faded from the sky, drained from vivid golds and pinks and oranges and replaced with silver and gold and navy of the richest kind, Lance found himself venturing farther from the city than he had ever been before. It was thrilling, but he couldn’t decide if that was a good feeling or not. He knew his mother was going to kill him if she caught wind of what he was doing, but hopefully it wouldn’t come to that.

He wasn’t paying much attention to the things around him. Or he didn’t until he realized that the colors of the sky were duller than they had been minutes ago. Upon closer inspection, he realizes that the color around him was fading. Muting itself. He looked down at his own skin, at his own clothes, and felt oddly out of place. He seemed a little too bright, a little too intense for this place.

Lance stops in a clearing in the trees, looking around. The ground drained from a muted green to a dull, drab grey. It bled into the trees, into the sky, into the land that stretched for miles before him. It doesn’t even occur to Lance to take the pictures Pidge wanted.

The color was gone, replaced with shades of grey and blacks and whites. Lance pulls out the journal he’d been given by the library, grinning and leafing through to the bookmark he’d left.

“The Monochrome.” He breathes, his fingers brushing over the yellowing pages.

“What are you doing here?”

The journal snaps shut between Lance’s hands and he jumps, whirling around to look at… a boy.

Well, not exactly a boy, he looked to be about Lance’s age. But that was where the resemblance stopped.

He was shorter than Lance, his arms crossed over his chest and his brow furrowed. His stance was defensive, his lips turned downward in a scowl. He looked angry, but that’s not why Lance found that he couldn’t breathe.

This boy was breathtaking in a way that Lance had never seen before. His skin was pale and unblemished, almost glowing in the dim moonlight. His hair was the color of ink, looping around his face in soft waves that brushed against sharp cheekbones.

Lance couldn’t quite make out the color of his eyes. He guessed they were some form of grey, because they were softer than the rest of his features, however wary and angry they were.

“Uh…” He chokes, after he remembers to breathe. What did he say to someone who looked so different yet also made Lance’s heart thump hard in his chest?

“What,” the boy repeats, stepping closer toward Lance. “Are you doing here?”

“I’m exploring.” Lance declares after he’d gathered his wits about him. “I read about this place in a book - I thought it wasn’t real! But, wow, look- it is! You’re real! Wait till Pidge hears about this, she’s gonna be so psyched! Can I take your picture?”

The Monochrome boy gives him an incredulous look, some of the defensiveness draining from his posture. “Excuse me?”

Lance grins, then extends a hand. “Hi, I’m Lance. I’m a big fan.”

His eyes flick from Lance’s hand to his face, uncertainty flickering across his face. He takes a step forward after a while, reaching forward and taking his hand.

The Monochrome boys touch is… well, normal. Lance wasn’t quite sure what he had been expecting. Cold? Calluses, maybe? Anything but the soft, warm grip that slid into his own, shaking his hand firmly. It’s gone as soon as it had come.

“Uh… Keith. I’m Keith.” He - Keith - says, the wariness giving way to confused curiosity. “What… are you doing here?”

“Exploring.” He says, holding the journal aloft. “So you guys aren’t a myth. There’s more than one of you, right?”

The apprehension is back. Keith edges away, picking at the hem of his shirt. “Why do you wanna know?” He asks, his expression pinched. “You aren’t a spy, are you?”

“What?” He blinks, looking down at his vibrantly colored self. “No! Besides, if I was, I would be the worst spy in the world. I don’t fit in here at all.”

Keith relaxes again, smiling faintly. How Lance — or anyone, for that matter — could have thought these people were cold and threatening was beyond him. Keith had the nicest smile he’d ever seen.

“No,” the Monochrome boy concedes. “I guess you don’t.”

The two of them stand in awkward silence for a moment before Keith clears his throat. “Well. It was nice to meet you, Lance, but I should…”

“Can I come back?” Lance interrupts, blushing faintly. “I mean… I know it’s probably weird I’m here. But nobody knows you exist! Or… I don’t think that anyone does.”

Keith smiles faintly, tilting his head to the side. “Why are you so interested in my people?”

Lance thinks about this a moment, brushing his fingers over the old, leather bound book that had taken him this far and brought him to Keith. He wasn’t quite sure why he’d come, let alone why he was so interested. There was just something about Dr. Wimbleton-Smythe’s genuine curiosity that had resonated with Lance.

He wanted to prove that these people were worth knowing about. Nobody deserved to be a long-forgotten myth. Especially not when they still existed.

So he answers honestly. “I’m not sure yet. But I’d like to find out.”

This makes Keith give him a wide, crooked smile. Lance finds he’d like to document that smile. “Okay.” The Monochrome boy agrees. “You can come back.”

“Thank you.” Lance breathes. “I can’t- thank you. Tomorrow? Here?”

“Tomorrow,” Keith agrees, tucking his ebony hair behind his ear, a hint of that smile tugging at his lips. “Here.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow, then.” Lance grins. “Bye, Keith.”

“Goodbye, Lance.”

***

I have reached the part where our two worlds collide. The color has faded, like something has sucked the vibrancy away from this stretch of land. At first I thought it may be sick, but upon closer inspection, the foliage seems to be in peak condition.

This is a phenomenon that I have never seen before, and I can only hope to meet someone from this land who may explain it to me. That said, I have decided to stay on the edge of this land, in case these people are as hostile as they have been proclaimed to be.

I am optimistic and hopeful toward the future of my research and adventures.

— Dr. C. Wimbleton-Smythe, Over the Rainbow

***

“Pics or it didn’t happen,” Pidge scoffs the next day at school, leaning back in her seat and munching on her sandwich. It was one of the rare times she wasn’t typing away at her screen.

“I told you,” Lance groans. “I forgot! Plus he didn’t seem like the type who would’ve wanted his picture taken. I was being respectful!”

“It was safe though, right?” Hunk worries, not even blinking when Pidge reaches over and takes a handful of his chips. “He didn’t seem… I dunno, aggressive?”

“What? No! No, he was… Well, I mean, he was worried at first. But he was nice!”

“Did he seriously not have any color?” Pidge leans forward, her hazel eyes intense. “Like - just black and white? Like one of those weird pictures they keep in the museums?”

“Weird… pictures? Museum?” Lance blinks.

Pidge nods, pulling back and giving him a bored look. “Yeah, like the ones nobody goes to anymore? They have this weird section with black and white pictures.”

Weird pictures. Weird black and white pictures. As far as he knew, the cameras here had never been black and white. Maybe… maybe-

“Pidge, I need you to take me to the museum. Right now.”

“Now?” She asks incredulously. “Right now? In the middle of lunch?”

“In the middle of school?” Hunk yelps.

“Yes!” Lance springs out of his chair, packing up his bag haphazardly. “Right now, I have to go!”

“This journal is making you crazy.” Hunk says warily. Pidge only heaves a frustrated sigh, grudgingly packing her own bags. “Fine. But if I fail chemistry, it’s all your fault.”

“I can live with that. Now come on!”

***

The museum desk clerk looked bored out of her mind when she gave them their passes. “The exhibit is that way.” She points, popping her gum and tossing her bright pink hair over her shoulder. “Have a wonderful day.”

“Come on!” Lance walks as fast as he could, his long legs eating up the ground under him and basically leaving his friends behind. Which seemed to be fine with them; they were going to explore other places of the near-empty museum.

Sure enough, the black and white exhibit was tiny, but it was there. And right before the hall, there was a massive portrait and a plaque that read; This Exhibit was Founded by the Research of Doctor Coran Wimbleton-Smythe.

The man was a regal, expressive creature, with wild orange hair and an impressive mustache. He had a wide smile, mirth and wisdom twinkling in his blue eyes. He looked like he had seen the world and found beauty in all of it. Even in the Monochrome.

A thrill runs through Lance. He wanted to be just like Dr. Wimbleton-Smythe.

With a reverent, hopeful breath, Lance walks into the room that had long since been forgotten and looked over.

The walls held big black and white pictures, full of life despite the colorlessness. Coran seemed to be in every single one of them, vibrant still despite the lack of pigment. He had his arm thrown around a beautiful woman in one, his head thrown back in laughter, a drink in one hand. The woman was grinning, staring off just past where the camera was aimed. The plaque on the bottom read Midsummer Festival, circa 20XX.

The next picture was of a family, drawn close together, arms around one another. The mother was cradling a baby. At first glance, they seemed somber, but Lance had seen that expression on Keith, and somehow he knew that these people simply took everything seriously.

The room was filled with similar pictures. There were weddings, celebrations, funerals, or simply people going about their day to day lives. Dr. Wimbleton-Smythe had taken these people and painted them in the same light as the ones from Rainbow City. They weren’t different at all.

***

The people here are more lovely than anyone I have ever seen in even that of my own home. I find their lack of color to be more appealing than that of my own people. Their beauty is not found surface deep, but instead found in the kind way they treat each other and the loyalty that holds their society together.

I have found that the people in my own home, while they may be derived from heavenly color themselves, are vain and condescending toward that which they do not understand. And, as such, I have found that they do not understand the people of Monochrome.

There is such a deeply rooted fear of the unknown in my people. It closes their minds and hearts, poisoning their reasoning and clouding their judgement. I wish they would only get to know the lovely people in these towns to love them just as dearly as I do.

Dr. C. Wimbleton-Smythe, Over the Rainbow

***

“There’s a museum exhibit with pictures of your people.”

Keith looks up, surprise writ on his face.

They were sitting under a tree, the only one standing on the in-between. Keith had suggested they do it, after Lance had revealed he’d brought snacks and the Monochrome boy had admitted to never having tried the things Lance had brought.

“There is?”

Lance nods, giving him a small smile. “It isn’t very big, but… It’s there. Dr. Wimbleton-Smythe instated it a really long time ago. I guess nobody has bothered to take it down.”

Keith blinks, then tilts his head to the side. “How do you know about him?”

“Oh!” Lance turns, pulling the journal out of his backpack. “The librarian gave this to me after I read all of the books in the library.”

Keith snorts. “You read all of the books in the library?”

Lance smiles sheepishly, turning to hand him the book. “Yeah. I was a pretty hyperactive kid. It was that or get into more trouble than it was worth.”

The Monochrome boy chuckles, shaking his head and looking down at the book. A bit of hair falls into his face, and Lance has the urge to push it away from his face. He’d always been an impulsive boy.

Keith looks up when Lance’s fingers brush over his cheek and ear, his eyes wide and his gaze slightly awed. For a moment, they stare at each other, unable or unwilling to break eye contact.

But then Lance pulls his hand back, a brilliant red blooming over his cheeks. “Sorry.” He says quietly, glancing away from Keith.

He only looks up when a thumb brushes over his cheek. Lance jolts, surprised, and turns to see Keith with that same awed expression. It occurs to him then that Keith had probably never seen color — or at least not color as vivid as this before. So he leans into the boy’s touch, letting him trace over the slowly fading blush.

“Why aren’t you scared of me?” Keith whispers, looking up at Lance, his gaze troubled. Upon closer inspection, Lance realizes that his eyes are a muted purple, like some sort of smoky amethyst.

“Should I be scared?” Lance asks, just as quietly.

He gets a smile and a little shake of the head before Keith is pulling his hand away. Lance wants to pull him back, hold his hand there. But he doesn’t, instead watching as porcelain fingers brush over yellowed pages.

“I can’t read this.” He admits after a moment, looking up at Lance. “I don’t read this language.”

Lance laughs, taking it back. “Do you want me to read it to you?”

His heart flutters when he gets that crooked, happy grin for the second time. “Yes, please.”

***

I have fallen in love.

It isn’t with a woman, or a man, or anyone in between. No, I have fallen in love with this culture and harmony. These people feel like home. It hurts me to think that I have to go back to Rainbow City, but I also feel at peace with my decision.

The people who raised me need to know who these lovely, monochromatic people are. They need to hear from one of their own that these are not people who need to be feared, let alone casted out for the way they were created. I — we — owe it to this beautiful group of people to understand.

I have fallen in love. Irreversibly, irrevocably in love.

— Dr. C. Wimbleton-Smythe, Over the Rainbow

***

The sixth time Lance visits, Keith falls asleep against his chest.

Lance was reading to him, the sun still in the sky. Keith had settled under his arm to see the diagrams and sketches that filled the empty spots in the pages. Somewhere along the way, his eyes had grown heavy and he had fallen asleep against the boy from Rainbow City.

He hadn’t noticed, not at first. But when Keith stopped asking questions or making Lance pause a moment so he could study the sketches, he trailed off and looked down.

The Monochrome boy had his cheek pressed against Lance’s collarbone. His thick eyelashes brushed over his cheekbones, his lips parted as he breathes, soft and even. His hand was curled, his knuckles pressed against his cheek and holding on loosely to the sweatshirt Lance had thrown on.

He was lovely.

Lance could see where the Doctor had been coming from. Then again, he had seen it since the first time he’d bumped into Keith. And to think, before this journal, Lance hadn’t even known that someone as beautiful as the boy on his chest had existed.

He brushes a hand through inky locks, not daring to move an inch in case he disturbed Keith.

And after his foot fell asleep and the chill from the setting sun started to creep from the floor into his bones, Lance realized he might just be a little bit in love.

***

“My mom wants to meet you.”

Lance looks up from divvying out the fruit he’d brought, his eyes wide. “I… Excuse me?”

Keith looks away, rubbing his cheek in a gesture Lance had come to realize meant that Keith was being shy. “She… I’ve been talking about you, and… she wants to meet you.”

“You talk about me?” Lance squeaks, not quite able to compute. Keith talked about him! He could sing praises to the heavens, run a thousand laps around the city fountains, die happy in this exact moment.

And then he realized just what Keith had said, and his elation turns to slight fear.

“Your… mom wants to meet me.” He repeats, after Keith nudges him with a worried call of his name. He must’ve been unresponsive.

“Yes,” the Monochrome boy nods, biting his lip.

“When?” He asks, his voice faint.

“Um…” Keith smiles, shy. “Today? She said I could invite you to dinner. So.. want to come to dinner?”

Lance stares at him, his eyes wide. The silence drags for a long, terrible minute, before Keith pulls away, his face falling. “Unless you don’t want to, that’s okay- I get it. I’m- I’m me, and… that’s okay.”

“No!” Lance reaches over, taking his hands, shaking his head quickly. Oh, heavens, stars almighty, he was an idiot. “No. I’m sorry, I just- you caught me off guard. Of course I want to come to dinner. Thank you for inviting me.”

The Monochrome boy looks down at their hands, then back up at him, his smile hesitant. “Yeah?” He whispers, squeezing Lance’s fingers hopefully.

“Yeah.” Lance whispers back, taking a chance and leaning forward, pressing a soft kiss to this beautiful boy’s flawless forehead.

***

Krolia Kogane was the single most terrifying woman on this side of the border, Lance had come to realize.

He and Keith had made the trek into town, past a few dozen curious faces and polite smiles (he was certain he’d be met with hostile stares and terrified mothers pulling their children away. That’s what Keith would have been greeted with). They’d walked through the town, right to what seemed to be the biggest house in the whole place.

Standing in the doorway was Krolia Kogane, cutting an imposing figure as her son lead a Rainbow City boy up to her and into her house. And now she was sitting across from him at their kitchen table, her gaze inscrutable.

“So,” she starts, and he snaps to attention. “Keith tells me you’ve been visiting him.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Lance replies hastily, then clears his throat and adds, “He’s very nice.”

Krolia gives him the slightest of smiles. One of Keith’s smiles. “He is, isn’t he?” She looks toward the stairs, where Keith had disappeared to get one thing or another. She turns her gaze back to him, then sighs. “I don’t know what you know of our history, Lance, but the Rainbow folk haven’t exactly been the most friendly.”

“Yes, ma’am. I… I know a little of it.” Lance nods solemnly. He hesitates a minute, then lifts his gaze to hers. “I’m sorry.” He says softly. “I don’t want to hurt Keith in any way. I… I really like him.”

Keith’s mother studies him a moment, then smiles and sits back. “You look at him the way my husband used to look at me.”

And again that bright red blooms over his cheeks, warmth settling in his chest. He looks toward the stairs. “I really like him.” He says again.

The three of them spend the evening making traditional dishes and swapping stories. Tonight was the first night Lance heard Keith laugh without restraint and the first night he wanted to pull him close and kiss him.

At the end of the night, he gets that chance. They’re lingering on the border, standing in their perfect little in-between. Keith is stalling, dragging out their goodbyes with soft thank yous and his fingers twined around Lance’s.

When there’s a breath of silence, a moment with their eyes locked and the silence heavy around them, Lance leans forward.

Keith’s lips are soft and gentle, his breath stalling between them as his brain catches up with his body. His arms reach up, wrap around Lance’s neck. Lance puts a hand on the small of his back, pulling him against his chest and kissing him like it was the only thing in the world he wanted to do. Because, in all reality, it was.

They part with the promise to see eachother again the following night. And the one after that. And the one after that.

When Lance leaves, all the colors around him seems dull without Keith by his side.

***

“I think I’m in love with him.” Lance says one afternoon, when all of his friends are hanging out in his room.

Hunk looks up, surprise flickering over his face. Pidge’s typing stops.

“What?” His best friends echo, almost in sync with one another.

“You haven’t even known him that long,” Hunk protests.

“We haven’t even met the guy!” Pidge huffs.

Lance rolls over on his bed, blinking at them. “Do you want to meet him?” He asks.

That night, Lance asks Keith if he wants to meet them.

“Will they like me?” Keith asks, worried as he looks up at Lance. They’re curled up in Keith’s bed, back to their usual reading sessions (or, rather, Keith’s daily naptime before dinner).

“Of course they will.” Lance smiles, smoothing his hair down and kissing his forehead. “I like you. They’re bound to like you — we have similar interests.”

“Okay,” Keith concedes after a moment of long and hard thought, snuggling back in. “Tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow.”

***

It wasn’t going well. Keith was flighty and nervous the moment he saw that there was three of them. He flinched when Lance took his hand, apologizing softly when he sees the concern on the Rainbow Citizens face.

Hunk was anxious as all get out; he had done some research himself, but of course he hadn’t borrowed the journal from Lance. All of the feedback he got painted Keith — sweet, soft, beautiful Keith — out to be a cold hearted monster.

Pidge had her own suspicions. This was displayed after tense introductions when she leaned over to Hunk and murmured, “He looks like a ghost.”

They hadn’t seen it, but Lance had seen his Monochrome boy crumble. He had felt fingers tighten on his own, heard the soft exhale.

“Pidge,” Lance says, aghast. “He can hear you.”

She has the decency to look sheepish. “Sorry.”

After an hour of agonizing small talk and mediating from Lance, he’d given up and told the group he was getting tired and that they should probably head home. But once they’d started off, he hung back.

Keith holds it together for a few minutes after they’re out of sight. But then his lip starts to tremble and his fingers twitch.

“Oh, Keith,” Lance breathes, pulling him against his chest, just in time to catch a weak sob against his shirt.

“I’m sorry.” He gasps wetly. “I’m so sorry.”

“No, no. It isn’t your fault. You haven’t done anything wrong. I forgot… just how much my society has been taught to pretend yours doesn’t exist.”

He feels Keith try to form words, and he feels his heart break when all he comes up with is another sob. So he holds him, until the tears are dried and he can kiss those trembling lips.

“I want to take you to my parents.” He whispers, stroking his cheek, brushing away the tears. Keith looks up at him, smoky eyes wide and dewy. “I want to show the world — my world — just how much I love you.”

“You do?” Keith asks, and smiles.

“I do.” He tilts his head up, pressing his lips against his forehead and lingering there.

“Tomorrow?” Keith whispers.

Lance smiles against his skin and nods. Tomorrow.

***

A life well spent is, in my eyes, one spent devoted to easing the suffering of others. I believe I have had a good life. A wonderful life, even. Though I was unable to change the minds of many people, those who listened made a great difference, and I hope that one day, it may change this world for the better.

My life as I have known is nearly over. My bones are fragile, my health even more so. The rest of my life may be spent in a bed, but I am surrounded by loved ones and filled with happiness.

I hope that you, my dear reader, have gained something from listening to the ramblings of an old man. I hope that your life is filled with as much wonder and beauty as I was able to find. I wish you well, in your studies and your happiness.

Dr. Coran Wimbleton-Smythe, Over the Rainbow

***

The walk through town stops many people, gathers much attention, earns stares and murmurs from people who happened upon them. But Lance walked proudly, Keith at his side. And Keith was glowing, hardly paying attention to the people around him as he took in all of the color with childish wonderment.

“It’s so beautiful,” He had said in hushed tones the moment they entered the city.

“Not as beautiful as you,” Lance had answered.

Now they were stepping into his house, into Lance’s life. With his many brothers and sisters, with his mother cooking dinner at the stove, with the house full of the memories he’d carried with him for his entire life.

“Lance! Where have you been? I need you to come help with dinner, Veronica is-” His mother rounds the corner, then stops, her eyes falling on Keith.

Lance steps forward, Keith’s hand in his. “Mom,” He says, with a voice that promised them both an eternity of tomorrows and an abundance of love. “This is Keith.”

[sowhatisthisfor]

Movies 2019

List of films I watched in 2019 from best to worst.

Updated soon after I’ve seen them.

A Ghost Story [David Lowery, 2017, United States] No film has made me feel this melancholic ever. This is a film so profound, it examines existence in the simplest yet most esoteric way possible. It surely goes straight to the top of my all-time favourite list. 10/10

Portrait of a Lady on Fire [Celine Sciamma, 2019, France] a film of magnificent visuals, intoxicating sound design, and a screenplay of jawdropping surprises -- definitely on top of my 2019 movie list. 10/10

The Heiresses [Marcelo Martinessi, 2019, Paraguay] compellingly melancholic in its silence and uncertainty. It's a blossoming, a self-discovery, a thorny journey towards maturity. 10/10

Parasite [Bong Joon-ho, 2019, South Korea] You can watch it in many different ways, perspective, and angle, and everything is just as clever. 10/10

Kanarie [Christiaan Olwagen, 2018, South Africa] Has one of the most poignant and critically-observed approach to self-awareness and acceptance. 10/10

Shéhérazade [Jean-Bernard Marlin, 2018, France] a gritty narrative of an unusual young love with such depressing yet charming emotional pull. 10/10

Capernaum [Nadine Labaki, 2018, Lebanon] it’s not just about a boy in an unjust world, it is more about an implausibly unjust world where everyone is a victim and no one is an actual villain. 10/10

John Denver Trending [Arden Rod Condez, 2019, Philippines] Aside from its central theme of mental health awareness, it also has an excellent juxtaposition of the culture of bullying and cyberbullying and its correlation with how the nature of superstitions and religions shapes a country’s humanity. 10/10

The Third Wife [Ash Mayfair, 2019, Vietnam] possibly has one of the best visual stories this year with a contrast of hauntingly sensual tension and dreamlike composition, it’s strangely beautiful. 10/10

Atlantique [Mati Diop, 2019, Senegal] Such a bewitching tale of love, lost, and longing. A film told with such raw elegance, it’s enchanting. 10/10

Metamorphosis [JE Tiglao, 2019, Philippines] Not your ordinary coming-of-age movie. This one comes with such importance and inclusivity, everyone needs to see. 10/10

The Favourite [Yorgos Lanthimos, 2019, Greece, Ireland, United Kingdom, United States] a dark period comedy oddly fused with sophisticated costume and production design for a strange yet striking visual treat. 10/10

Edward [Thop Nazareno, 2019, Philippines] I am so amazed at how this film shows struggles after struggles after struggles without spoonfeeding emotions. It’s a movie so simple yet so despairing. Everything of it is in the right place, it’s sublime. 10/10

I Lost My Body [Jeremy Clapin, 2019, France] gives an absolute strange reason to cry, it's extraordinarily cathartic. 10/10

Marriage Story [Noah Baumbach, 2019, United States] My favourite performance of the year belong to these two leads whose portrayal of lovers going through divorce is rock solid heartbreaking. 10/10

Ulan [Irene Villamor, 2019, Philippines] Is a fuck you to societal norms, so profound, it is a love story that involves only one. 10/10

Avengers: Endgame [Russo brothers, 2019, United States] Raises the bar so high, is probably the most entertaining superhero movie to date. 10/10

The Wife [Bjorn Runge, 2018, Belgium] Glenn Close is mesmerizing. There is no need to say more. 10/10

Heneral Luna [Jerrold Tarog, 2015, Philippines] Jerrold Tarog is as brave as General Luna. He clearly is the Luna of film making. 9.5/10

Infinity War

Incendies [Dennis Villanueve, 2011, Canada] With such expert direction, it's elementally strong in more aspect than one. 9.5/10

Us [Jordan Peele, 2019, United States] It is as if every element in this film is smartly placed there to serve a deeper purpose, it's a movie in search of greater meaning. 9.5/10

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

BuyBust [Erik Matti, 2018, Philippines] a spectacular display of astounding filmmaking where every element is designed and choreographed fittingly well. Entertaining yet harrowing from start to finish, it’s the kind of film that stays. It gets better on second watch. 9.5/10

The White Helmets [Orlando Von Eisiedel, 2016, United Kingdom, Syria] A heartrending glimpse at the life of true heroes in violence-stricken Syria. 9/10

PK [Rajkumar Hirani, 2014, India] a courageous film that wittingly pokes fun of religious beliefs. 9/10

Mamu and a Mother Too [Rod Singh, 2018, Philippines] Why it scared me, I don’t know. It could be because it’s unpredictable, it’s non-cliche, and it’s gentle in ways you don’t expect. I love it. 9/10

Liway [Kip Oebanda, 2018, Philippines] Is at most powerful when it exposes the correlation of facts and fiction. Doesn’t hit you right away but when it does, it hits hard. It hits still. 9/10

Paris is Burning [Jennie Livingston, 1991, United States] is a little documentary that stays. 9/10

Paglisan [Carl Papa, 2018, Philippines] Heartbreaking. It is a test of sympathy. 9/10

Widows [Steve McQueen, 2018, United States] How can something so traditionally formal feel so modern at the same time? Steve McQueen knows. 9/10

Eerie [Mikhail Red, 2018, Philippines] More than its excellent scare tactics, what I love about it most is its clever storytelling and use of metaphors. 9/10

La Luciernaga (The Firefly) [Ana Maria Hermida, 2015, Colombia] is about finding love in grief, beauty in ugly. And though there are some directorial decisions I don’t necessarily agree with, the chemistry its leads bring onscreen is too tangible for me to care about its flaws. 9/10

First Reformed [Paul Schrader, 2019, United States] an astounding character study that questions the politics of religion. 9/10

Bad Bananas sa Puting Tabing

Fuccbois [Eduardo Roy Jr, 2019, Philippines] Amazing storytelling and editing of a narrative so strange yet so eclectic. 8.5/10

Margarita with a Straw [Nilesh Maniyar, Shonali Bose, India, 2016] An unusual take on sexual exploration and self discovery. It somehow lost its focus towards the end but still a delightful watch overall. 8.5/10

Berlin Calling [Hannes Stohr, 2008, Germany] a movie that lives in the present paced in such rhythmic beat, it is dazzling from start to end. 8.5/10

Kuwaresma [Erik Matti, 2019, Philippines] Is a multilayer of social commentaries which were good before they too contradict themselves. 8.5/10

Brother of the Year [Witthaya Thongyooyong, 2018, Thailand] For all its simplicity and bleak storyline, it still offers an abundance of emotion and a sense of realism. 8/10

Ek Ladki Ko Dekha To Aisa Laga [Shelly Dhar, 2019, India] Not a first in world cinema, but is still a groundbreaking moviemaking in the context of India. 8/10

If Beale Street Could Talk [Barry Jenkins, 2019, United States] The kind that even though you are hopeful, you know from the start that it's going to be tough. 8/10

Sovdargari (The Trader) [Tamta Gabrichidze, 2018, Georgia] Emotionally intense depiction of rural poverty. 7.5/10

The Two Popes [Fernando Mereilles, 2019, UK, US, Italy, Argentina] Features two outstanding performances that redeemed it from all its dragging moments. 7.5/10

Black Panther [Ryan Coogler, 2018, United States] Oozing with unusual but likable characters. 7.5/10

A Land Imagined [Chris Yeo, 2018, Singapore, France, Netherlands] An unsettling noir mystery that questions people's notion of truth. 

My Days of Mercy [Tali Shalom Ezer, 2019, United States] There is a bewitching chemistry between the two leads despite the coldness of it all. 7.5/10

Contratiempo (The Invisible Guest) [Oriol Paulo, 2017, Spain] offers an outstanding and enjoyable thrilling ride. 7.5/10

Giant Little Ones [Keith Berhman, 2019, United States] An honest road to knowing your own self in the eyes of a boy transitioning to adolescence. 7.5/10

Never Not Love You [Antoinette Jadaone, 2018, Philippines] Beautifully and realistically written. It’s just really hard for me to like Reid’s character. 7.5/10 

Kaptn Oskar [Tom Lass, 2013, Germany] Only basic virtue - it is a beautiful film. Not only for its comfort. But for the old poetry of dust emotions. 7.5/10

Furie [Le Van Kiet, 2019, Vietnam] With great performance and thrilling choreography, Furie is one of the best action films of 2019. 7.5/10

The Awakening of Motti Wolkenbrunch [Michael Steiner, 2019, Switzerland, Germany] A funny glimpse at a life of an Orthodox Jewish man with a chemistry that gives you a hopeful ending. 7.5/10

Gerald's Game [Mike Flanagan, 2017, United States] Meticulously-directed, it is an outstanding adaptation of Stephen King's novel. 7.5/10

UnTrue [Sigrid Andrea Bernardo, 2019, Philippines] to put it simply, UnTrue is a thrilling rollercoaster ride. 7/10

Pailalim [Daniel Palacio, 2017, Philippines] 

Dear Ex [Chih-Yen Hsu, 2018, Taiwan] Features odd but genuine kind of love. It is funny, heartfelt, and charming all at the same time. 7/10

First They Killed my Father [Angelina Jolie, 2017, United States, Cambodia] sincerely and sensitively paints a portrait of a country's tragic history. 7/10

4 Latas [Gerardo Olivares, 2019, Spain] For all its nonsense, I enjoyed it. 7/10

Green Book [Peter Farrelly, 2018, United States] Flawed yet entertaining -- not sure if it's good or bad though. 6.5/10

Pihu [Kapri Vinod, 2018, India] Heartbreaking torture. Although I feel like it could have ended better. 6.5/10

Lionheart [Genevieve Nnaji, 2018, Nigeria] Although everything here felt familiar, there's charm that makes this film an enjoyable one. 6.5/10

Unbreakable

Triple Frontier [JC Chandor, 2019, United States] I have a problem with its exploitation of violence. I have a bigger problem for liking it. 6.5/10

28 Weeks Later

Iska [Theodore Boborol, 2019, Philippines] I find a lot of things problematic and some choices uncharacteristic but it is worth a watch. 7/10

Searching

Period. End of Sentence

Battle

Oversized Cops

Floating [Julia Kaiser, 2015, Germany] 

The Bar

Ang Babae sa Septic Tank 3

Mga Mister ni Rosario [Alpha Habon, 2018, Philippines]

Misteryo dela Noche

Of Love and Other Demons

Tanabata’s Wife

26 Years [Geun Hyeon-Jo, 2012, South Korea] Yet another thrilling revenge story from the country who does it best. 7/10

Mga Batang Poz

Aurora

Becks

Mowgli: Legends of the Jungle

Cargo

Neomanila

47 Metres Down

The Feels

Dead Kids [Mikhail Red, 2019, Philippines] Is probably my least favourite Mikhail Red movie. Overrated in every sense. 7/10

Fyre: The Greatest Party that Never Happened

Svaha: The Sixth Finger

Flavors of Youth

Miss Granny

Unicorn Store

Captain Marvel

Polar

Black Mirror: Bandersnatch [David Slade, 2018, Untied States] Liking a film is always about the experience and while Bandersnatch offers another take on the medium, it is somewhat a less impactful experience as expected. 7/10 

Open [Andoy Ranay, 2019, Philippines]

Psychokinesis [Yeon Sang-ho, 2018, South Korea] Nothing much to offer but a good Sunday watch with the family. 6.5/10

Elise [John Ferrer, 2019, Philippines] I’m sorry, I don’t understand the hype. 6/10 fpihu

Novitiate 

A Tiger in Winter

Suddenly 20

Eli [Ciaran Foy, 2019, United States] 

Remastered: Devil at the Crossroads’

Alipato: Ka Luis Taruc Story

The Tenants Downstairs

Hotel Mumbai

Muerte en Buenos Aires

How to Get Over a Break Up

Buried

Never Tear Us Apart

A Simple Favor

To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before

Goyo: Ang Batang Heneral

Rainbow’s Sunset

Malamaya

Boy Erased

Still Human

Coach Carter

The Perfect Date

In the Tall Grass [Vincenzo Natali, 2019, United States] Fun at first until it gets dragging. Really dragging. 5/10

Bohemian Rhapsody

Metro Manila [Sean Ellis, 2014, United Kingdom] I know it's not right to say I've seen better, but yes, I've seen better. 6.5/10

Mr and Mrs Cruz

Pet Semetary

When Angels Sleep

Belle Douleur

Children of the River

Maria

The First Purge

Liberated: New Sexual Revolution

Toc Toc

Four Minutes

Mama

7 [Nizar Shafi, 2019, India] 

Vine Country

Isn't it Romantic?

The Nun

Pandanggo sa Hukay

The Silence

KL Zombi [MJ Woo, 2013, Malaysia] A "horror" for a good laugh.

An1 (The Harvest)

Girls With Balls [Olivier Afonso, 2019, France] I don't have the balls to sit through this movie. 2/10

The Roommate [Christian Christeansen, 2011, United States] BLAH 1/10

Tabon [Xian Lim, 2019, Philippines] is one of the worst movies of the year. Nuf said. 0/10