#but at least he might finally get stinkin' rich

[mtraki]

I’ve debated whether to post this or not, but I saw this subject as an ask for another writer and figured ‘why the heck not?’

It was a slow Wednesday night when the cowboy came in.

She’d never forget it.  She’d take the memory to her grave.  It was so surreal.  That stereotypical scene from all the old westerns spliced into the small, smokey space of the dive bar named The Dandy Bear Saloon: The door opened and in he came, boots thudding, spurs jangling, black hat tipped low over his brow, covering his eyes.  Everyone stopped and turned to stare-- all five of them, herself included.  She swore the old jukebox skipped, Bob Segar’s ‘Beautiful Loser’ (“a perfect lodger--a perfect lodger, a perfect guest”) playing quietly in the corner for the sixth time tonight.  It was Terry’s favorite and she was having a hard time with her mom and husband, again.

Immediately, the cowboy saw them staring, feeling the abrupt change in the air, and could sense the antagonism.  She’s sure only she could see the briefest hesitation in his stride as he continued toward her where she stood behind the bar.

He’d crossed half the distance with his purposeful, swaggering stride before she noticed the guns.  One revolver slung slow on his right hip, the other across the left side of his belly in a cavalry draw, rounds in the belt between them.  A bandolier across his body and over his right shoulder housed old brass shells for the double-barrel slung over his left shoulder.  At the same time, she noticed the smell.  That was the other thing she’d never forget: if seeing him had been surreal, it was smelling him that made the situation all too real.

He’d smelled like horses, and all things associated with horses, leather, and the inside of the men’s locker room at the gym the week the a/c had been out.

Dick and Roger were watching the cowboy warily, giving her looks she figured were asking if they should call the cops or if she had the situation in hand.  There were only five of them.  If this guy was a psycho, rolling in here with loaded guns, he could kill them all without having to reload.

But she didn’t think he was a psycho-- despite the way he looked, despite the way he smelled, there was something very lucid in his steely blue eyes flecked with green when he leaned his elbows on the bar, looking her in the face.

That was the other thing.  He looked her immediately in the face, deliberately ignoring the generous cleavage provided by a good push-up bra and neglected upper buttons of her blouse.

“Hey Tex,” She grinned at him, quelling her rolling stomach.  He stank like he hadn’t bathed in a year.

“Miss.” He returned quietly, his voice cordial, but his expression was controlled.

“You want something to drink?”

The emphatic answer led her to believe that his evening was going perhaps as well as Terry’s, “Yes.”

“Great.  I’m gonna need you to hand over the iron first, though, partner.  Before one of my off-duty cop regulars rolls in and loses his shit…”

“... Loses his what?”

She beckoned, “No, seriously, hand over your guns.  You’re scaring everyone.”

Turning his head, he looked at the four others.  Dick and Roger stared back evenly.  Terry was gathering up her purse and jacket to leave.  Oscar had his back to the rest of them again, smoking the last nub of his cigarette over his beer.  Obviously none of them were armed.  State law allowed licensed concealed carry, and Clark had a pump action shotgun under the bar just in case, but most people in town just didn’t carry.  The cowboy looked back her way and drew the off-hand revolver with his left hand, sliding it across the bar, grip toward her with one hand, drawing the other with his right to do the same.

They sounded like real metal, they looked real, and when she reached for one to tuck it under the bar, she noted the weight.

“Jesus,” She whispered, “it’s real…”

And loaded.

“Sure it’s real.” He answered quietly, unflustered, still looking her in the eye, though his gaze flicked toward the muzzle of the weapon, as if worried she might turn it on him.

Snatching up the other revolver, she ducked and stowed them under the bar, taking his shotgun-- also very real-- when he handed it over.  The weapons all showed signs of use, but nothing very recent, she thought.  She wondered what kind of insane convention he’d come from.  She wondered how he’d made it down the street without getting stopped by every patrol car.

“Great… So I can get those back to you when you leave, I guess… mister…?”

“... Morgan.  Arthur Morgan.”  He’d said it like he’d debated saying something else.

“Mister Morgan… Unless you’ll let me call you ‘Arthur’?”

“... Sure.”

“What can I get you to drink, Arthur?”

“Anythin’...”

“Don’t say that.” She grinned, jerking her thumb to the full shelves behind her.

“... Whiskey, then.”

“... You’re killing me, Arthur.” And she indicated the shelf of whiskeys.

“Christ!” He sputtered, staring at it as if it were some incomprehensible thing.

“Want me to…” But she didn’t finish her question.  He wasn’t looking at her anymore, he was looking over her shoulder, reading the labels.  She watched his lips move ever so slightly as he did so, and the blood ran out of his face.  She couldn’t imagine why.

“... You okay?” “... I dunno, no more…” Was his very soft confession, voice no longer steady, “... Can y’pour me somethin’?  Please…?”

“Sure.  You opening a tab--” She reached back for a bottle at random--Jack Daniel’s No 7-- and was turning around again when he put two large coins on the bar.  She looked at them, then looked him in his pale face and finished, “... What the fuck is this, Arthur?”

“Money…?” He seemed even more genuinely confused than she was, which only made her all the more uneasy, and therefore irritated.

For a moment, she strongly considered throwing him out or calling the cops-- or throwing him out AND calling the cops-- but then she exhaled slowly out her nose and slid the coins over to inspect them.  They were good sized silver coins, one side depicting a seated woman, the other an eagle with the words “UNITED STATES OF AMERICA” across the top and “420 GRAINS. 900 FINE.  TRADE DOLLAR” along the bottom.  The year for one was 1883, the other was 1875.

The smell was real.  The guns were real.  Maybe the money was real too?  And whereas two dollars in coins wasn’t going to cover what she’d been about to pour him, if they were real, they were probably worth a great deal more.

It was a weird night, and she’d been willing to gamble.

She poured him two fingers and slid the glass over, “I’ll open your tab.  Try that, see if you like it at all.  You mind if I send some photos of your coins to a friend of mine?”

“... What for?”

“To check their authenticity.”

“Authen-- you tellin’ me my money ain’t good here?!”

In her most placating-without-backing-down tone she said, “I’m telling you I don’t know.  Try the No. 7.” “... Check the authenticity…” He muttered, picking up the glass, “Will it take long?”

Pulling out her phone and setting the whiskey bottle down, she snapped a photo of the coins on the bar, turned them over and snapped another, then sent the images to Paul from the pawn shop two blocks down, who knew more about collector coins than she did.

“Nope.”

“... Is that a camera?” He wanted to know before shooting the whiskey.  Then he frowned at the glass. “... What kinda…?”

“Sure.” Shrugging she said, “You don’t like Jack?  I got Jim, Jameson, Makers, Crown, Johnnie, Wild Turkey… I could probably find some Seagrams for you somewhere…”

She went through the whole shelf without finding something he liked.  Meanwhile Paul was texting back that if the coins were legit, they were in fact worth good money, and that he knew a guy who could take a look at them for her.  Curious, she poured the cowboy two fingers of moonshine-- against her better judgement, really, and he announced that it tasted like something he was used to.

“I keep pouring you that, Arthur, it’s gonna be a short night for you and a long one for me.” “Ah…” He waved off her concern, but admitted he’d like to try the Jim Bean again.

She recognized he was drunk when he pointed at her arm and said, “... What’s all over yer skin…?”

“You mean my tattoos?”

“‘Tattoos’?” He echoed, as if tasting the shape of the word, trying to find out if he liked it or not, “... So yer a sailor?”

“What?”

“A criminal?”

“Excuse you?”

“Well you ain’t a princess…” And he grinned at her.

It was the nicest thing anybody had ever said to her, really.

“Only sailors, criminals, an’ royals-- or folk tryin’ t’copy royals have tattoos, I hear tell…” He explained.

She leaned on her elbows, running her fingers along the dark, twisting lines of ink on her forearm, “Well, Arthur, you heard wrong.  Lots of people have tattoos.  You probably passed three parlors on the way here.” “... Strange town you got here…” He confessed, brow furrowing as he fiddled with his glass.

“I guess.  Usually it’s pretty boring,” She raised her hand in a wave as Oscar stumbled out into the night, mumbling about his ride.

“Sure.”

The drinks had relaxed him and put some color back in his face, but she couldn’t help but think she was pouring whiskey for a deeply traumatized man, and that she ought to maybe be calling an ambulance or a police car instead.

“Think we better call it a night,” Roger said, climbing to his feet along with Dick.

Standing back upright, she went for the register, “I’ll close out your tab then.”

They shuffled out their payment-- Roger always paid with Visa, Dick always paid cash-- and Roger kept his eye on Arthur who paid him no mind while Dick leaned in toward her, eyes wide and serious.

“You gonna be okay here, Cat?”

She smiled and patted his arm with her other hand while taking his cash.  They were nice men, both of them with kids not too much younger than herself.  While they often came here together to get away from the noise of their respective houses, they still insisted on trying to quietly look after her.  Whether that was for sentimental reasons, or just to preserve the sanctity of their bar, she didn’t dare say for sure.

“What was that li’l thing…?” The cowboy asked her after the old regulars had left, leaving her alone with him at the bar.

“What do you mean?”

“That mean-faced feller gave you a thing… Din’t look like no money…”

“You mean his credit card?”

Waving his hand at her, Arthur pushed his glass forward, “... Credit from a bank?  With a card?  Can you buy drinks wit’ that?”

“Credit from a lending company-- Wait, okay… seriously.” She laughed at herself, “Arthur, what’s your deal?”

“Whad’ya mean?”

“It’s a good act, partner, but it’s gotten a little stale.  I’m about to close up the bar, so you’ll have to mosey on somewhere else for the night…”

“... Weren’t aware I was puttin’ on…” He sighed and shook his head, “...Y’know a place… a… a hotel or someplace?”

“Sure.  Two or three right around here, closer to the freeway.”

“... Freeway?”

“This is what I’m talking about Arthur,” She rolled her eyes, “You know what a freeway is.  Do you have some modern money to close out your tab?  I can take anything except a check…”

Frustration started to crease his brow, “Th’hell you mean ‘modern money’?”

“Money from this century, cowboy.”

His finger jabbed the bar wood with a thud by where she’d left the trade dollar coins, “These is from this century!”

Looking him in the eye, she was aware once again of the lucidity in them.  He was drunk, not crazy.  Or if he was crazy, it was a deep-seated crazy he’d operated all his life with.  He also thoroughly believed in the veracity of his words.

“... Arthur, no hotel is going to accept this money.  I can’t put this money in the register.”

“Why the hell not?!”

“Because it’s over a hundred years old.”

“What the hell is wrong wit’-- What are you playin’ at?!” His fingers scrambled a minute before he picked up one of the coins to try and read the date, squinting at it in the light and his drunkenness, “... Th-this says ‘1883’.  It’s only seven years old!”

“...Okay.” She said simply, blinking at him. “Forget the tab.  I’m closing.”

He watched her at the register as she closed out the log, swiping her own credit card to zero out the balance.  Clark was going to give her hell about it, but it was just easier.

She’d gambled and it was only right she paid for her losses.

Arthur was still watching her as she started to wipe down the counter for the final time of the night, so she looked at him.  “You need to go.”

“... Right.  Sure.  Thank you… for the drinks…” Unsteadily, he pushed away from the counter, turned around… and couldn’t seem to find the door again. “Um…”

“Oh boy… Come on.”

She walked him out, and he went docilely enough.  The Dandy Bear opened out into the alley, and he still seemed lost, so she pointed him toward the main street and stood there to watch and make sure he left.

He made it to the corner, almost swaggered into oncoming traffic, stumbled back and fell on his ass.  Cursing to herself, she hurried over to make sure he wasn’t hurt and to pull him to his feet.  She really should have called the cops earlier…

“Are you hurt?”

Slowly, in ratcheting movements of his neck, the cowboy looked at her, though his haunted blue eyes seemed to look past her.  He looked at the headlights of the next car coming through, at the buildings towering high above, and then finally at her again. “... My Lord…” He murmured gravely, “... This is Hell.  I’m in Hell…”

“Not quite…” She sighed.  “Come on.  Stand up.”

After getting him up, he took hold of both of her arms, his hands careful, as if he couldn’t trust his own strength, “... Get me outta here, miss.”

She knew that sentiment.  She knew that in her bones.  In the depths of whatever soul she might have.

Get me outta here...

That was how he ended up in her apartment, she figured.

It was a weird night.  She couldn’t explain her logic to herself, it just felt like something she needed to do.  It just felt right that she bring this crazy man home and dump him in her bathroom.  Her family always said she had a self-destructive streak.

He stared open-mouthed at the tile and porcelain, doing a bit of a double-take in the mirror on the wall.

“Get yourself washed up.  I’ll get you a towel.” She instructed.

“... What?”

“Please take a goddamn shower so you don’t make my place smell like death warmed over?”

“... Miss I…” He gestured at the room, then at her, “...I dunno what yer… tellin’ me…”

“...Okay.” She replied in an even tone, “Let’s take this slow, then… You need to wash.  So I’m going to let you use my shower.  Over there.” She indicated the shower stall with the curtain pulled aside, “The plumbing is pretty decent in this building, thank God.  So see this?  This turns the water on…”

She demonstrated, and obediently, water started coming out of the shower head.  Arthur stared at it, then asked, “... Somebody pouring…?”

“What?  No.  It’s the plumbing… The pipes in the walls… Is this seriously a conversation-- Nevermind.  No.  Nobody is pouring.  Look, you can control the temperature of the water that comes out.  This way for hot… This way for cold.  To turn it off, you just push it back in like this.”

“... It’s amazin’!”

“... Sure, cowboy.  Think you can handle that?”

“Sure, I guess…”

“Great.  I’ll find you a bar of soap and a washcloth because I don’t have the energy to try and explain shower gel…”

“... ‘Shower ge’--”

“Exactly.  What about shampoo?”

His blank look told her all she needed to know, “... It’s soap for your hair.  Comes in a small bottle.  I’ll bring you some.  Put it in your hand, massage it into your scalp, rinse it out.  You won’t need a lot.”

She paused, “... You do know how to use soap, right?”

He scowled at her, “Of course I know how to use soap, what do you take me for?”

“... At this point, I have no idea…”

He shook his head and shrugged his shoulders.  She rubbed her hands together, “... Anyway, I’ll go get that stuff…”

[contrabandhothead]

Hi! I saw your post about requests! :) could I get some BOB head cannons of what it’s like to date them while also being is easy company? :)

I’m so so SO sorry this took so long, and I hope you like it 🤞🏻also, I couldn’t do all of them because school has been keeping me very busy. If you want to send another request, and i’ll do more for you when I have time 💕 Enjoy!

Dick Winters

generally very private about his relationship

mom and dad™ of easy co. 

 i want to say that he puts you on his team during missions, but i feel like he thinks it’s unprofessional 

so he probably puts you on a team with someone he trusts and that he knows won’t take unnecessary risks *cough cough* Speirs *cough cough* 

doesn’t mean he doesn’t get worried though 

give this man a massage please, he’s stressed af  

you’d never want to jeopardize his position though, so you’re generally okay with it 

however, sometimes you get a little lonely 

Dick notices this and tries to clear out a slot in his schedule in order to spend some quality time with you 

treats you like any of the other men, except when you’re alone

king of stolen kisses behind crumbling walls before a battle

very healthy relationship overall 12/10 would be an amazing father 

secretly wants to get married when the war is over 

i’m not saying he definitely proposed on V-E Day but he definitely did it 

cries at the wedding, especially since it’s been so long since he’s seen you all dolled up because of the war 

also cries because he’s finally getting to marry the love of his life 

drunkenly told Nix at his bachelor party about how amazing you would look at your wedding and then went on and on about the specific shade of your eyes

S I M P 

Nix never lets him forget it 

Lewis Nixon

this man 

let’s be for real here 

he has NO idea how to display affection at all, especially because of his past 

so he does what any rich boy would do 

showers you in gifts that you don’t need 

it’s not that you’re ungrateful for them, you just wish he would understand that you don’t love him for his money 

i feel like everyone forgets that he’s lowkey rich 

can’t relate Nix

he will buy you anything he sees you look at for more than a second

always has them delivered by some random Private 

the men tease you RELENTLESSLY for it 

“hey Y/N, what did that overflowing wallet buy you this week?”

“Shut up Tab”

is always worried about you 

especially since he usually isn’t on the battlefield since he moved to staff

you’re fine 

you can definitely handle yourself after Sobel’s training what a fucking dick

takes you out on small simple dates when you guys actually have weekend passes 

the guys always help you get ready for your dates (they see you as a little sister it’s really cute) 

Ron Speirs 

this man 

oh wow 

the flavor 

never really got to see you until Dog Co. was basically absorbed by Easy Co. 

definitely thinks he’s not good enough for you 

when you first introduced the Easy Co. men to him, they thought the exact same thing (they changed their minds after a while though) 

REASSURE THIS MAN. EVERY. STINKIN. DAY. THAT HE IS GOOD ENOUGH. 

P L E A S E 

secretly is a cuddle monster

will 100% sneak into your foxhole to cuddle and will slit anyone’s throat that mentions it 

this man has arms and legs like an octopus when it comes to cuddling 

will pull you back into his arms even if you need to use the bathroom and will not be letting go 

steals you pretty things for absolutely no reason (Ron, no) 

the man is like a freakin magpie

the men of Easy Co. grow to like him more when they realize how happy he makes you and how he doesn’t hurt you 

he actually values their opinion on your relationship a lot

he knows Easy is like family and you’re like the younger sister 

doesn’t show it though 

pushes you away when he feels insecure 

jealous™

surprisingly domestic 

Carwood Lipton 

wholesome but to the max™

you’re both so in love i feel like i’m going to throw up rainbows

signed up for the paratroopers together

i feel like Carwood is the type of person to marry his high school sweetheart 

so yeah, you guys are that™ couple

best aunt and uncle of easy co. 

Lip worries about you just a littleee more than the other men 

he’s just a worry wart in general 

almost threw hands with Sobel once when Sobel insulted you 

he will not stand for anyone insulting his gal 

isn’t as private as Dick is with his relationship, but is known to hide it from superior officers other than Nix and Winters

aka Sobel

was 100% willing to get kicked out of the infantry to defend you from Sobel 

thinks a lot about how good of a mom you’d be, especially when he sees you caring for the men

is also a cuddler, though not nearly as clingy as Ron

just a loose arm to tuck you into his side, especially during Bastogne 

prefers having you on his team, not only because he cares about you, but also because he admires your skill and accuracy 

you’re a damn good shot, and he’d scream it from a mountain for all to hear 

so proud of his gal 

George Luz

you’re either the jokester and the stoic couple, the shy kid and the jokester couple, or the jokester and the jokester couple 

there’s no in between 

cracks terrible jokes just to see you smile 

still tries pick up lines even AFTER you two are dating (even the guys shake their heads)

you two are the entertainment for easy co. let me tell you 

you’re also the only person that can get George to shut up 

you must thank him in kisses he takes no other currency 

clingy baby™

it’s like dating a 12 year old boy sometimes 

he can be so immature but it’s kind of endearing at times

everyone is immediately accepting of your relationship because it just makes sense and you’re both good for each other

wants a hug and a kiss even if you’re just leaving the dining hall to go to the bathroom 

just give the man what he wants or he’ll pout all day until you kiss his cheek 

you guys once had a match of how long you could ignore each other once 

he was surprisingly dedicated 

but he broke 

he snapped like a twig after everyone went to sleep

he dived into your foxhole and begged you to talk to him

he kept snuggling closer to you until you talked to him again

Joe Toye 

rough on the outside, soft on the inside  

brings you flowers when he asks you out (surprisingly very traditional and respectful when he asks you out)

everyone has a good time when Toye is with you, he loosens up a lot more 

loves when you pet his hair and he can just stare up at the stars while laying in your lap 

he’s just as bad as Speirs when it comes to cuddling 

a cuddle bug but won’t admit it 

actually might be worse than Speirs when it comes to cuddling because he can actually sneak into your bunk while you’re sleeping 

also wants to fight Sobel when Sobel insults you and actually almost threw hands 

he almost got court martialed and was 2 steps away from getting up in Sobel’s face before Guarnere and Luz stopped him

hands down the dumbest thing he has ever done 

you were so mad at him for it 

you didn’t talk to him for a week 

you felt bad because he was always giving you those puppy dog eyes from across the dining hall 

Joe gets teased by the guys for being sweet on you  

“at least I got a broad! the rest of ya’ can’t really say that much.”

will not hesitate to let you win during arm wrestling 

he’s not allowed to arm wrestle with you anymore because the guys know he’s just letting you win 

you’re his #1 fan during arm wrestling 

look at those arms tho

Joe  Liebgott   

y’all thought Toye was soft 

OH BOY 

the way Joe acts around you is definitely bullying material for the other guys 

Lieb drinks respect women juice 

thinks you’re so cool 

would probably walk up to random people and be like “that’s her. she’s my girlfriend. can you believe how lucky i am?” 

thinks it’s so cute when you show off your brand new jump wings to him

you just looked so excited 

he wasn’t even staring at the wings when you started rambling about how happy you were, he was just making this stupid in love face

definitely grabbed your face and kissed you hard after that 

he wants SO many kids???? 

ya know those lists that lots of girls have on their phones and it’s just a bunch of future baby names??? that’s Joe 

this man has 8 names

4 girls names and 4 boy names 

he plans to use every name 

just wants to live the domestic life with you after the war 

will freeze his ass off and take your watch just so you can get some extra sleep 

another cuddle monster (they’re multiplying)

whispers really cute things in german to you until you fall asleep

has also almost fought Sobel for shit he said to you 

David Webster 

you help him fit in more with the other guys 

please teach him the art of socializing  

yes, the men have stolen his journal to read all his terrible poetry about you

still gets shit for it to this day 

shares his chocolate bar with you 

longing stares but from across the room 

doesn’t actually take you out until the war is over because he wants to do it right dammit 

has little to absolutely no relationship experience

please teach him 

or better yet, struggle with him and get made fun of by all the guys 

they actually accept Web more now that he’s with you 

cuz Easy Co. loves you 

sends letters all the time when he’s sent to the hospital 

everyone teases him that he acts like he’s more likely married to Liebgott than to you

you’re the only reason the men will stop teasing him 

definitely more badass then him 

you radiate boss energy and that’s what easy co. likes about you 

especially Web

everyone’s like “that’s my girl!”  

and he just smiles in the corner with the rest of them 

Bill Guarnere 

DID I SAY SOFT??? 

S O F T 

weak for his girl 

arm wrestles just to get your attention (flexes all the time for pete’s sake) 

also wants like a gazillion children and talks about it constantly with Liebgott

this man wants an army of little Italian kids 

no one makes fun of you or Guarnere for his actions to get your attention because they don’t want his fist in their face 

people who have almost punched Sobel for making fun of their girl: let’s add Guarnere to the list 

you didn’t ignore him, you just told him off for being an idiot 

if i could describe it, he sulked like a puppy that got told no more treats

so proud of you when you get your jump wings 

probably makes a toast about it at the celebration 

he was so drunk but it was so cute

literally will do anything for your attention 

chugging three bottles of whiskey so Y/N will pay attention to me??? pass the bottle bitch

not a massive cuddle monster but enjoys PDA and the occassional ass slap

probably has slapped your ass in front of company before

this boy has no morals smh 

don’t worry, you get him back though 

Frank Perconte 

worry wart but multiply it by 1000x 

is always bothering you to brush your teeth 

not because he’s scared your breath stinks, but because he cares about you and your oral hygiene 

now gets bullied about oral hygiene and his relationship with you 

ft Skip. “oh Y/N, take me away my princess. did you brush your little pearly teeth??? i would never want your perfect smile to be ruined.” 

Skip has been chased multiple times around Toccoa for this behavior 

will fight anyone that thinks you’re not a good shot 

is amazed how good you are at darts (knows you’re better than Buck) 

does share a foxhole with you 

is NOT part of the monster cuddler club because he knows when to stop 

has not arm wrestled for your attention but will if so needed 

always needs attention

whiny 12 year old boy P.2

sometimes it’s like you’re dating Luz as well 

Luz has purposefully third wheeled before 

yes, you heard me 

ON PURPOSE

likes spontaneous dates 

would fight Sobel for you but isn’t stupid enough to almost do it 

Buck Compton  

realized he had heart eyes for you before his old girl broke it off with him

WAS RELIEVED WHEN SHE SAID SHE WAS DONE WITH HIM IN BASTOGNE 

the other Easy men were like “dude, what the hell are you waiting for. GO GET YOUR GIRL!” 

let’s you win at darts 

is also stupid and needy enough to arm wrestle for your attention

actually wins though 

wants you to kiss his guns (absolutely not sir) 

jealous and protective 

jealous af around Winters 

gets teased a lot about it by the other men

but they can see why he’s insecure about it, Winter’s could sweep any girl he wanted to off her feet

indeed a cuddle monster 

will only share a foxhole with you in Bastogne 

no one else

radiator of heat and thus a good cuddler though 

will only let you make fun of him without repercussions 

wants you to move in as soon as the war is over

always demands to be in your unit during an attack

will keep you safe at all costs (and one of the reasons why he got shot in the ass again) 

Floyd Talbert 

THE ABSOLUTE SWEETEST BABY 

 people use to bully Tab for his condom shipments

now they bully him for the way he acts around you 

tough guy??? no. absolute stick of melted butter when around you 

thinks you’re a saint 

so does the rest of Easy though, so I guess it doesn’t matter

they had everyone from Easy give him a pep talk just to ask you out (Trigger even barked at him) 

he was actually worried you would reject him 

no one will ever reject that man lol it doesn’t make sense

not necessarily a cuddle monster

DEFINITELY A PDA MONSTER THOUGH 

likes when you sit on his lap 

can’t explain it, it just makes sense

will also arm wrestle for your attention 

will honestly do anything for you 

you need me to bring you Jupiter in a jar??? 

sure babe I’ll be right back 

has specific pet names for you 

his favorites are buttercup, angel, and beautiful

Babe Heffron 

P U R E 

does not get bullied for being in a relationship with you because everyone loves him

not a single person in this company, including you, would hesitate to sacrifice their life for that replacement 

whines a lot to you when you don’t give him attention

will arm wrestle for your attention and loses

has not had the chance to fight Sobel before but I feel like he could if he wanted to 

will tear Dike to shreads if he even mutter one hateful word against you 

cuddle monster #2323293

enjoys being the little spoon and the big spoon while in the foxhole 

shares his food with you during meals 

will not hesitate to get shot in the ass for you 

also will not hesitate to get shot for you in general 

is like an angry 6 year old baby when you don’t pay attention to him

is known to give the silent treatment when you’re too busy to talk to him for days

MAKE TIME FOR HIM DO IT NOW 

wants you to meet his Ma in Philly after the war 

has many hopeful dreams that include you after the war 

will only share chocolate with you and Gene

give him a hug, even when he says he doesn’t need it

Eugene Roe 

HOLY SWEET JESUS 

FIRST OFF 

NO ONE IN THEIR GODDAMN RIGHT MIND WOULD EVER MAKE FUN OF YOU, ESPECIALLY AROUND DOC

this man has so many pet names 

he is not afraid to use them on the battlefield, especially if you’re bleeding out because he’ll know you’ll answer to them

“darlin’, mon amour, ma mie, ma belle, ma chérie” 

 please stop Gene, it’s embarassing but also like don’t stop

get us a defibrillator his heart stopped while he was looking at you and we need to do CPR NOW-

thinks you’re the most beautiful girl ever

is not dumb enough to arm wrestle for your attention

he just makes this grumpy or upset face and you catch on quickly 

he’s also not dumb enough to fight Sobel

BUT HE WILL FIGHT ANY SOLDIER WITH THE AUDACITY TO INSULT YOU 

is always worrying about you

especially in Bastogne 

always jumping into your foxhole to check for any wounds

probably lost his sizzuhs that way

always has extra bandages just for you 

treats you with tender care

Donald Malarkey 

THE CUTEST COUPLE EVER

NOT EVEN SKIP HAS THE HEART TO MAKE FUN OF YOU 

is not dumb enough to fight Sobel for you 

doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to punch him though 

is dumb enough to arm wrestle for your attention 

it lowkey depends on the day though 

i mean 

he doesn’t need to arm wrestle for you to admire his arms 

like, have you seen that gif of him taking of his shirt???

loves cuddles in your foxhole but is not a cuddle monster

he’s a big baby when he gets tired

loves it when you take care of him 

has definitely fallen asleep once on your shoulder during watch 

would run up Currahee with full gear 3 times just to see you smile

he needs a hug. give him one now. 

likes to rest his chin on your head 

also wants you to move in (and maybe get married) after the war

treats you kindly, but he’s still a sarcastic little shit 

kiss his muscles

that was literally so long i can’t believe i finished

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 172: Festival Planning and New Attack Training

Previously on BnHA: We spent some time with Gentle, our New Villain who commits chivalrous crimes to punish the worst scum of society, such as guys who sell expired pudding. He’s not as popular as that trendy League of Villains because he’s not big on violence. But he does have a new project up his sleeves! Meanwhile at U.A., class A got to work planning their cultural festival program. Jirou was in need of a drummer, and Bakugou somehow ended up getting volunteered. Turns out he’s actually pretty good, but he was reluctant to perform because he overheard some jerks from the department of gen ed talking shit about class A and blaming them for starting trouble all the time. So he wasn’t keen on the idea of performing to indulge these people. However he is on board to aggressively “knock them dead with his sound”, whatever that means! Everyone was like “...well all right then!” And everything was looking up. And then we found out that Gentle plans to invade U.A. during the festival. Because apparently we can never have nice things.

Today on BnHA: Jirou recruits the rest of the band members: Momo on keyboard, Tokoyami and Kaminari on guitar, and her own self on vocals. A handful of kids -- Todoroki, Kirishima, Sero, Kouda, and Aoyama -- are assigned to the “staging” team in charge of making everything look cool. And the rest of the kids are assigned to the Dance Team, including IIDA FUCKING TENYA, because when I tell you guys this manga always delivers everything I want, I mean ev.ery.thing. With that settled, Deku meets with All Might the next day and discusses his recent progress (or lack thereof) with One for All. All Might tells Deku he needs to develop a long-range attack, and they head out to the woods for some training. Deku learns that 20% Full Cowl gives him enough power to unleash wind pressure attacks. And with a little nudging, All Might gets Deku to realize he can create a new attack by activating 20% OFA in specific parts of his body, the way he did back before he mastered Full Cowl. Then to end the chapter, we cut to Aizawa and Mirio, who are bringing Eri to visit U.A. for the very first time.

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’ve read up through chapter 199 now, so any ETAs will reflect that.)

look who knows how to play the piano because she’s so stinkin’ rich!

MOMOJIROU IS ALIVE AND WELL, PEOPLE

oh my god look how cute she is

look how cute they are. GOD THIS IS THE BEST

Jirou says she’s gonna be on bass, so they just have guitar and vocals left!

cool cool. they can get literally anyone to do those and I’ll be happy. anyone EXCEPT Iida, that is. because Iida needs to be on that dance floor you guys

lol Todoroki

I’m fucking dying. Todoroki is nailing that space alien combination of “knows just enough to ask oddly specific questions while still somehow being totally naive and clueless”

Mina is explaining to those unaware that “staging” refers to things that set the atmosphere, such as disco balls, sparklers, streamers, etc.

I wonder if putting Aoyama in charge of that would lead to success or disaster

ooh, apparently Aizawa made arrangements to borrow the gym! so they’ll really have room to go nuts

I have no idea what’s going on in Mina’s head you guys but omg

yes. yes. I can see it now

this girl has a fucking VISION and she will not be deterred

TEAM SNOWMAN

okay so I’m fairly convinced now that Mina might actually be a creative genius and they should really let her loose more often in training. let that imagination go wild and see where it takes you. she could come up with some extremely unpredictable strategies. I’m serious

amazingly, no one is even arguing this except for Aoyama lol. he’s standing there all “I’m the disco ball?” while the rest of them are all “oh is this what you meant by teaming up? cool beans”

(ETA: no one argued it because this is literally what they ended up doing. pretty sure the staging team had one planning meeting and were all “okay, so basically just do all that stuff Mina said?” and agreed on it and then spent the rest of the month playing on their phones while pretending to work real hard. they didn’t even bother to work out the actual logistics of it until basically the night before. this is why Deku hadn’t checked that fucking rope you guys.)

I want to save this panel and use it as a meme reaction image omg

and that clack you see is the sound of the intern kids finally returning from their supplementary courses!

they’re excited to also get in on this!

Ochako is surprised that Jirou’s not singing!

-- oh no

when I said “literally anyone” I should have been just slightly more specific huh

oh thank god they’re making these guys try out first

I can’t fucking wait to see this in the anime omg

Hagakure says that Jirou’s singing is actually amazing and she thinks she should be on vocals

but Jirou really doesn’t want to and says it’s just gonna complicate things

but they’re all encouraging her!

oh my god she’s gonna do it!

AND THEY ALL LOVE IT

can’t fucking wait. omg. it’s gonna be like a whole year, but hopefully it’ll be worth it

so now Jirou says they need two guitarists

Kaminari is volunteering which is GREAT because Jirou and Momo are already there, so yeah

but Mineta is also volunteering which is. less great

oh my god

at this point the list of people I ship Bakugou with is significantly longer than the list of people I don’t ship him with, I think

OH NO MINETA CAN’T REACH THE FRET BOARD “BECAUSE OF HIS CHARACTER DESIGN.” OH WHAT A TRAGEDY. OH WELL

sometimes Horikoshi does nice things. I’ll admit

GASP

YESSSSSSSSSSS

THIS IS AMAZINGGGG. DREAM BAND. RIGHT HERE

Mineta is sulking and the girls are taking pity on him, and honestly I don’t mind it. weirdly. because it’s one of the few times he’s not being a little troll. he just looks small and sad

MAYBE I’M JUST FEELING GENEROUS TODAY. Mineta, you can exist today

like, even when Mina offers him a “harem part”, he doesn’t turn completely gross, he just kind of goes red a bit. I’m completely fine with this. Horikoshi can write this toned down version of Mineta and I’m cool with it. but I’m sure it won’t last though. alas

(ETA: my biggest problem with Mineta is that he beat Mirio in that goddamn poll his character has no purpose other than being obnoxious. he literally has no other personality traits besides “pervert.” if Horikoshi made even the slightest attempt to tone down that bullshit and actually try to do more with him I’d probably make more of an effort to at least tolerate him. but alas, that ship has sailed I think.)

holy shit how late did they stay up planning this??

you actually got Bakugou to stay up 5 whole hours past his bedtime. incredible

AND HERE THEY ARE

do you guys think Bakugou knows how to do that thing where you twirl the drumstick around on your fingers

also if he doesn’t get to shout “WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB!!!! ONE TWO THREE FOUR!” then I will forever be upset about the opportunity wasted. in fact, it’s happening in my mind whether Horikoshi likes it or not. that is canon. prove me wrong

(ETA: I have my own mental version of this entire performance and let me tell you, it is very specific)

AND IIDA FUCKING TENYA IS ON THE DANCE TEAM! WE DID IT TUMBLR

I’m gonna play some Yeah Yeah Yeahs because right now that’s kind of my mental image for what the band might sound like lol

so now we’re cutting to the break room the next day and Izuku is having some tea with dad

it’s very cute but also All Might’s wondering if Deku had something he specifically wanted to talk to him about, since he’s meeting up with him at such a busy time

geez All Might can’t a boy just have some TEA with his DAD without being INTERROGATED, GEEZ

but also he’s 100% right to ask, and he does it so gently so that Deku can either take the invitation to talk, or decline politely if he so chooses. All Might really is the best

sure enough, Deku does have something on his mind!

he’s telling All Might about how he was able to bring out 20% of OFA under duress, but only for a short time, and even then it put a ton of strain on his body. not only that but it wasn’t even enough to win

so he’s trying to figure out how he should fight in the current situation, since he can’t master 100% yet

um whoa

say what now??

I mean like, obviously yes, that would be ideal. but are you implying that there’s some sort of obvious long-range move he should be able to figure out?

Izuku says he wants to learn how to do a weather-altering technique (and I forgot All Might could do those; has he even done it since the opening chapter?), but right now he’s not able yet

but All Might says he has “a few other...” and then he trails off

and he’s saying they should change locations

omg. I’m so hyped!?!

so now they’re in a forested area on the school grounds, and Deku has changed into his gym uniform

is this still during school hours. and Deku still has those supplemental lessons on top of that. All Might doesn’t have any classes he’s supposed to be teaching either? just drop all of your fucking responsibilities then why don’t you

All Might is telling Deku to break out 20% full cowl, and Deku is hesitating

“YEAH!! IT’S FINE!” lol okay then

so here we go!

this is always so badass. and I appreciate it so much more when it’s not in the context of a super dragged out fight coming on the tail end of 40 chapters of nonsense

:D what’s he gonna doooo

WHOA

UH, DAMN!?

DEKU DID YOU NOT REALIZE THAT YOU HAD BECOME A TOTAL FUCKING BADASS??!

Deku is wincing though and he’s saying “but in any case, my body’s...”

but All Might is wagging a finger in a knowing way and he’s telling Deku to look back at his journey

damn we got like a powerpoint and everything

does Deku’s mind just naturally think this way. because he’s trained it through all of that obsessive note-taking. I realize this is mostly for our benefit, but it really wouldn’t surprise me if his thoughts actually were this organized

anyways his eyes are widening, because he’s clearly drawn some conclusion from this pattern that I have yet to see! I don’t have a big hero brain like you Deku

GASP

All Might says he wasn’t always bringing out 100% himself??

oh shit

so since he is capable of holding 20% briefly without doing permanent damage to himself, then if he combines points two and six -- drawing out 20% OFA to a specific part of his body -- then he can utilize this badass new air attack!

though All Might says it’s gonna be harder than it sounds, and that it requires significantly more nuanced control

so Deku’s thinking that he’s gonna practice with his fingers

oh god

I’m still traumatized from that fight against Todoroki honestly. I look at this and can’t help but think “oh shit he’s gonna snap them all one by one” oh my god. it’s making me very uncomfortable even though I’m fully aware it’s not actually going to happen. Deku you’ve fucked me up

oh snap and we’re fast-forwarding to the day of the cultural fest!!

(ETA: lol no, I just thought this because I saw Eri there. jumped the gun just a bit)

OH MY GODDD

 MIRIO IS THE SWEETEST, PUREST, GENTLEST, KINDEST SOUL ON PLANET EARTH AND IT’S SO DAMN GREAT

DON’T THINK I DIDN’T NOTICE THE BACK OF YOUR HEAD THERE, AIZAWA SHOUTA. OBVIOUSLY YOU HAD TO BE THERE WHEN THEY WENT TO PICK HER UP

ERIIIIII

SHE’S SO CUTE!! WEARING DIFFERENT CLOTHES FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER!! DID THEY GET HER FUCKING SHOES OMG

SHE’S GONNA HAVE SUCH A GREAT TIME AT CLASS A’S DANCE PARTY. OR AT LEAST SHE FUCKING BETTER. GENTLE I S2G IF YOU FUCK THIS UP... [THROAT-SLITTING GESTURE!!!]

oh my god. I’m so excited oh shit

BONUS:

IT’S ERI’S PROFILE YOU GUYSSSSS. I’m gonna link to it over on aitaikimochi’s tumblr! here!

THIS OUTFIT IS THE CUTEST EVER. I’m gonna gush over it some more in tomorrow’s recap too. it’s just so cute

the clothes Aizawa got her just go to prove that no one is perfect. having some flaws just adds to his charm though

I also want to see Eri eating apples with Tokoyami now

so she is indeed six! my approximate guess was right! however as of where the manga currently is, she’s just about to turn seven. she’s getting so big! they have to figure out what to do about school for her. although her dad is a teacher so

[wavesofinkdrops]

A Very Commie Christmas

A/N: Pure fluff. Alfred has Seen Too Many Things(TM). And fluff again. Enjoy.

Notes: vesnushki = freckles in russian. @derevosky wonderful idea for a cute nickname, thank you for letting me use it and give it the acknowledgement it deserves! Merry Christmas to all!

“Alfred.”

“A minute!”

“I thought you wanted this to be “quick and painless”?” Ivan shot up the stairs.

There was a soft curse before Alfred appeared at the top of the stairs, wrapped in probably all the winter clothing he had packed - a scarf, a long and thick coat (Ivan knew he was wearing at least two shirts and a jumper underneath), jeans (and probably tights under, but Ivan doubted Alfred would admit to them), his favourite and only pair of earmuffs and the mittens Ivan had bought him the year before. “Yeah, but I couldn’t find my scarf. And it’s friggin’ freezing. Arthur always rearranges my stuff when I unpack, blame him.” He fumbled through his coat pockets, the mittens making his movements clumsier than usual.

Ivan reached over to dig through Alfred’s pockets, found his key and unlocked the door.

Alfred huffed, already miffed at the cold weather. “Let’s go,” he said, before stepping out. Ivan caught the umbrella from the doorway, knowing that they’d been promised rain or hail or snow - or a combination of all. They hurried their way to the metro station under the grey sky (Alfred wanted to sprint, Ivan was leisurely walking behind him), and from there went to the city centre.

After Ivan managed to convince Alfred to leave the warmth of the Underground, because we have business to tend to, Alfred, they came out into the cold London winter - and rain. Actually, it wasn’t even proper rain - it was an annoying wet mixture of snow and rain. Ivan managed to get the umbrella over them before Alfred could begin moaning. Ivan would never understand how despite Alfred having areas in the north (not mentioning Alaska, where Alfred was known to usually spend a week in during winter), the man would whine at the first hint of cold weather - be it in Russia or Britain or anywhere.

Brompton Road was hellishly busy, and the more they navigated through the crowd of bustling people, the more the both of them dreaded their day’s plan. They’d only arrived in London the day before for Arthur’s annual Christmas party (dubbed by Alfred and Matthew as their “ex-Empire dad’s yearly where-have-my-colonies-gone gathering”), and now had to go Christmas shopping. Neither had had the foresight to do it in their respective countries, and now were forced to settle for the Sunday rush of Christmas shoppers in Harrods.

Alfred had began going on and on, most likely about things they needed to buy - although when Ivan listened closer, after distinguishing the sentence, “Matthew’s a complete dick with his whole Bombardier deal, he keeps bitching about the tariffs he brought onto himself!” he really had no idea what Alfred was speaking of.

It wasn’t long before they arrived to the grand and lavish department store Harrods, and Ivan felt an immediate sense of being overwhelmed by the sheer amount of people and light and things there were. Alfred was already halfway through taking off nearly every layer of warm clothing he had on himself, having removed his coat, his jumper, his gloves, his earmuffs and his scarf.

“Okay, we’re here. Where do we start?” Alfred asked, and Ivan dug into his pocket for the list Alfred had made of presents and things they needed to find. Ivan handed the list to Alfred, who began reading off it and explaining where they’d find things. At one point, he paused. “I’ve been here too many times if I can list off every floor this easily. C’mon, let’s go, let’s start from the top and go down from there.”

Of course, it was a journey in itself, navigating the ground floor between the different islands of makeup and beauty products, Ivan somewhat astonished at the sheer number of different shades of lipstick and blush that were there - there was no way that many colours could even exist. (Once he saw the first hint of blue lipstick, however, he gave up trying to understand people’s tastes - if that colour had been produced and marketed, it had to sell.)

“Ivan, come on!” Alfred ushered, trying not to go too fast for fear of losing Ivan - though losing a six-foot-too-many-inches-tall Russian guy in the middle of a sea of Brits wasn’t too easy a task. They reached the elevators, by which point Ivan seemed somewhat out of breath already.

“Is this all really necessary?” he asked Alfred in the over-crowded lift.

“What do you mean?” Alfred’s eyebrows had that small confused arch that was so very characteristic of him. “What’s necessary?” Ivan shrugged. “Merely that this all seems… rather excessive.”

Alfred paused. “Uhm… sure? I don’t know, seems normal to me. It’s a bit busy here today, that’s all.”

“I meant the amount of… things here. Products. How many shades of lipstick do they need?”

Alfred laughed. “The people who come here are usually pretty stinkin’ rich, and British. They need seven shades a day, and another one for special occasions.”

Ivan smiled, and they rode the elevator in silence to the fifth floor. Alfred deemed Matthew in need of some new sportswear, and Ivan was finally told the relationship between Matthew’s Christmas present and the US tariffs on Canada.

“Matthew’s bitchy over the stupid planes or whatever, so I’ll bet it’s because he broke his favourite hockey stick or something,” Alfred explained.

Though they didn’t get a hockey stick, they managed to find a nice hoodie for Matthew - even though Alfred claimed Matthew already had too many, but he’d been once told by the Canadian: “What does too many hoodies mean? That sentence doesn’t exist.”

“Ok, now we can skip the fourth and go straight to the third floor - that’s where all the cool stuff is. Trust me, Britain doesn’t get much cooler than the toy kingdom or the tech section here,” Alfred told Ivan, before grabbing his hand and dragging him to the escalators.

The thing was, it wasn’t just any escalators in any random department store - this was Harrods. Alfred said it was called the ‘Egyptian room,’ but Ivan was confused as to what part exactly he was supposed to look at. When he focused, he could make out the Ancient Egypt-like diagrams, patterns and hieroglyphs on the beige “stone” walls, but it was rather confusing - the colourful artwork was crowded by Christmas lighting, white frivolous decorations serving as support for bright yellows, blues, reds, purples and greens. It was colours galore, and having never been to Harrods before, the extravagance of it was rather off-putting. Combined with the crowd of upper-class Englishmen and women, the overall effect it had on Ivan was… perhaps not the best he could have had.

Alfred went on about their next steps. “First we’ll stop at Toy Kingdom, because there’s always the coolest things ever there, and also I’m pretty Jett and James want something from there - oh, and Peter too, and then we’ll walk around the furniture place if we can find something nice… Even if Arthur probably just wants tea, he also really needs a new couch-”

“You are not buying him a new couch, are you?”

Alfred laughed. “No, but I might just buy him a new carpet or small table or pillows that doesn’t match his couch and Francis will force him to change it. Francis hates that couch more than I do.”

They got off the escalator, and Alfred steered them to the furniture section. There were more couches, more tables, more random decorations than Ivan cared to count - and the place seemed to continue for multiple hallways. Alfred continued speaking, happily drifting through the different displays and pointing out things that caught his attention (granted, many things managed to catch his attention).

“Oh, and Francis is coming too, I forgot - I guess we gotta get him something too, seeing as he’s, like, a second dad to me or something, so d’you think he’d like incense? Or maybe some  cologne. Although he probably has loads of those. Or a new tie, which is a classic - oh, hey! He had that new fancy suit, I’ll bet he wants a new tie, wasn’t it a kinda blue-kinda-grey shade? I think he’d like a nice tie with that - how ridiculous ties d’you reckon we can find?”

A rather nice coffee table caught Ivan’s attention, but when he turned the tag to show its price, his eyebrows shot up. “Isn’t this place somewhat… expensive?”

Alfred turned to him. “Well, yeah. That’s the point. It’s the most famous department store in this entire country - okay, actually, in probably the entire world? Also the stuff they have here is like prime quality,” Alfred explained.

Ivan looked at the price tag again with an almost - could Alfred call it disdainful? - look on his face. There was a very distinct pause in Alfred’s mind, and a few select memories of his decided to appear right then and there.

He knew that look, and if it was anything to go by, he would be haunted by a ghost and today would not be enjoyable.

No, that was irrational. He was overthinking it.

However, as predicted, the trip didn’t turn out much better than it had started.

It didn’t matter whether it was in the toy section, where Alfred showed Ivan the cool robots and other toys that were there, or whether it was in the tech section, or in the artwork section, or the menswear, but everywhere they went Ivan threw around certain questions that made Alfred doubt the entirety of his life for the past twenty or so years.

“Have you looked at this price?”

“I could have a suit tailor-made at home and it would cost a quarter of this.”

He could swear he heard Ivan mutter, “Bourgeoisie,” with an exasperated look on his face, at one point. Alfred had half a mind to tell him to let the rich people be.

The look of amusement, confusion and (dare Alfred say it?) derision at the number of people, the number and variety of products, and especially at their prices never left Ivan’s face.

Ivan was, as far as Alfred was aware, still a goddamn capitalist country, yet he had to make a scene about the place the likes of which Alfred hadn’t seen Ivan pull before. And he was not appreciating the flashbacks he was getting.

And the moment Ivan scoffed at the price of a golden bluetooth speaker in the shape of a bulldog with sunglasses, Alfred decided he was glad they were in Europe and that he was legally allowed to drink, based on his ID. He felt in need of a strong Guinness right then and there. Ivan turned to Alfred, and his face turned to outright confusion.

“Alfred, are you alright?”

Alfred blinked. “What?”

“You look rather pallid,” Ivan stated, and Alfred tried to squash the memories of a certain communist scoffing at the “decadent capitalist society” from popping up again.

“I’m fine,” Alfred huffed. He did a quick mental checklist, and upon realising that they had everything they needed and came here for, he announced, “We’re going to a pub.” Alfred had seen enough capitalism for one day.

It was a small problem to get their coats and scarves and other winter clothing back on before going outside, but they managed it. Alfred had been silent pretty much the entire time after leaving the building, with a look as if he’d seen a ghost (which Ivan recognised easily from their horror movie evenings).

As they made their way out and through the streets, the fresh air seemed to help Alfred recover somewhat. “Arthur told me about this place down a few streets that’s pretty good or well-known,” Alfred explained as they drew away from the busy Brompton Road. “It has this really English name too, something like Lion’s Mane or Head or something.”

They turned another corner, and arrived in front of the place.

Warm air wafted onto and around them when Alfred opened the door, bustling in with his shopping bags and all. Ivan followed him, until Alfred paused and huffed. “It’s completely packed. Let’s try that other place along the way.”

It turned out that, in the end, every single pub managed to be completely overloaded, and they resigned themselves to returning to Arthur’s home.

When they walked in, the house was still empty - Matthew hadn’t landed yet, and Arthur (and by extension, Francis) were probably still at Downing Street - Francis had decided to tag along solely to “irritate” Arthur (Arthur claimed that was Francis’ aim, despite everyone knowing that was a blatant lie, but no one deemed it necessary to call him out on it).

After having shed every single additional layer of clothing and dropping off their bags in their respective - separate - rooms (Arthur had made precise and careful arrangements - ‘no international scandals under my bleeding roof’, to which Francis had choked on his wine while stifling a laugh), they went back downstairs and Alfred promptly beelined for and crashed on the couch, Ivan following suit.

“Boy, was that an experience,” Alfred sighed.

Ivan readjusted himself, and so did Alfred. He was now fit snugly under Ivan’s arm and against his chest, his body sprawled along the couch’s length and his legs hanging over the armrest, while Ivan sat at the other end.

“What do you mean?” Ivan asked. “That was not so horrible as I imagined, just somewhat excessive for my tastes.”

“Somewhat?” Alfred craned his neck to look Ivan in the eyes with disbelief. “Dude, I literally saw a ghost walking right up alongside me in there!”

“A ghost?” Ivan’s voice was laced with amusement, the same kind a parent would use at a child’s fantastic adventure stories.

“Hi, yeah, throwback Thursday to the Soviet Union - dude, you’re a capitalist now, you’re supposed to live in places like these!”

Ivan laughed. “I do not think that’s quite how everyone else perceives capitalism.”

“Whatever, man, that was a scare you gave me right there.” Alfred paused. “A red scare, actually.”

He felt Ivan momentarily stop moving, barely breathing. Then there was a shift, and Alfred was shoved off of Ivan and left to drop back onto the couch.

“That was terrible, Alfred,” Ivan huffed, but there was a clear hint of a smile on his lips as he went to the small, old chest in the corner of the room, where Arthur kept all his blankets folded up neatly.

“That was a great pun! And you totally deserved that!” For that, he earned a blanket to his face, and Ivan then came back to the couch.

“I ‘totally’ did not,” he countered as he began poking Alfred to shift aside to let him fit. Alfred refused to sit up, so Ivan settled instead for lying next to Alfred on the couch. It was rather a tight fit, what with two grown men on a normal-sized couch, but neither seemed to care.

“Totally did, for scaring me like that. I don’t like ghosts.” Alfred yawned, and Ivan flicked his nose gently.

“We all know that, vesnushki,” Ivan said, laughing softly at Alfred look of affrontment.

“Whatever. I’m dead tired right now, so maybe we can just chill here for a bit until they come back or til Mattie arrives,” Alfred suggested. “You’re real warm and comfy and this is nice,” he continued, melding his body next to Ivan’s and nuzzling into his chest. The blanket managed to mostly cover them both, especially when Alfred tangled his legs with Ivan’s and hugged him closer.

“That is a very attractive idea.” Ivan began stroking Alfred’s hair, before removing Alfred’s glasses, reaching behind and placing them on the coffee table. Alfred let out an appreciative hum, and he sighed in content.

There was a moment of silence. Alfred interrupted it. “I hate this couch.”

Ivan chuckled, before petting Alfred’s hair. “Shush. I thought you wanted to take a nap.”

“Well I didn’t say that, but now you mention it that sounds great.”

“OI, ALFRED!”

“Sometimes I do wonder how you are not already deaf, with the amount if yelling you do,” Francis sniffed, brushing snow off his coat before hanging it into the hallway.

“He was supposed to get the ham, and I want to make sure that I didn’t buy this ham,” Arthur said, lifting the bag in his hand, “for nothing. He would be forgetful enough to not do what I specifically asked him to.”

They heard footsteps coming down the stairs, and in came Matthew.

“Oh, Matthew, you’re he-”

“Matthieu, mon fils!” Francis interjected, giving him the customary French cheek kisses.

“Yeah, arrived an hour or so ago.”

Francis turned to Arthur. “Alfred must still be out with Ivan-”

“Oh no,” Matthew smiled, a cheeky and devious grin that both Europeans knew bode nothing good. It was the same smile Alfred had worn before his Easter prank (also known as the reason why rabbits and screwdrivers - both tool and drink - were no longer allowed at meetings). “He’s here all right. Both are.”

“That lad needs to learn how to respond-”

“Don’t think he heard you,” Matthew stated.

“I think Paris heard him,” Francis said with a confused tone.

“He’s sleeping on your couch - well, more like on Ivan on your couch. It’s sweet. I have a lot of blackmail and prank material now.”

Arthur rolled his eyes and stomped to the living room. Sure enough, Alfred had mostly climbed on top of Ivan, huddled under the blanket. Ivan’s arms were holding Alfred tight, one hand around his body and the other in his hair.

Arthur leaned on the couch armchair. “MR. JONES AND MR. BRAGINSKY!”

Alfred jerked up, simultaneously somehow managing to shove Ivan off the couch. And seeing as he had been on Ivan, he ended up on the floor too. There was a panicked screech and a groan, before Alfred stumbled up from the floor.

He turned around, and seeing Ivan rubbing his back where he’d landed with Alfred on him, Alfred offered his hand to help him up. He only then seemed to realise he’d been woken up, and turned to see Arthur’s deadpan expression.

“Did you get the ham?” Arthur asked.

Alfred blanched. “I… uh - I mean, I meant to?”

Matthew was laughing in the background, while Arthur rolled his eyes. “Thank God I knew I could trust you to be that forgetful,” he muttered, before going to the kitchen.

“It’s Ivan’s fault! He scared me with his whole the-Soviet-Union’s-back act!”

“Al, please, that’s sad even from you.”

“I was scared!”

“Well I can believe that, seeing as you needed your Russian bear to comfort you, eh?” Matthew asked, pulling up a photo on his phone and showing it to Alfred.

“That’s - no - what is that-”

“It is a picture of you and me, sleeping on the couch,” Ivan explained. “Have I told you you look adorable when you sleep?”

“Let them be, Matthieu,” Francis interjected before Alfred could begin sputtering. He swung an arm around Matthew and directing him away from the other two. “L’amour is sweet, and should be allowed to have its course. That includes naps,” Francis concluded.

And as Alfred whirled around to huff at Ivan, Ivan simply wrapped his arms and himself around Alfred, and pulled them both back onto the couch.

Ivan sighed contentedly as Alfred wriggled around. “Shush, now, it is Christmas and the both of us should just enjoy the peace and quiet-”

“Francis get your bloody hands off that!”

“- of the holidays.” He felt Alfred snicker in his arms, and he smiled.

“You’re a big sap, you know?”

“Only for you, vesnushki,” Ivan smiled and kissed Alfred’s hair, and felt him burrow deeper into his arms. It was set to be a wonderful and lovely Christmas.

[theskyexists]

empress ki

are these koreans gonna go as far as to let this man fall for who he thinks is just some young cool guy?

i mean - they’re not chinese so

this is kinda silly lol. if she really wanted to be let go she could have just punched him. i guess that would have gone too far

this RANDOM assassin almost kills them - he disappears. we good. no worries.

where are her own men????

NOOOOO don’t ruin it

why the fuck would she have developed a feminine slap? i think theyre gonna ruin it. like contact with a male love interest will just forcibly feminise you

ok no she came up with an excuse

god - an openhanded slap from another man lol i can see how that might be quite offensive

she just chills in the crown prince’s bath no prob lol. ok so she locked the door

she just let herself get fuckin shot for this lol

this episode moves super fast but thats fun but i still don’t know how the king and the crown prince are related. the whole hostage thing really messed things up

i just realised that i love the bro/bro mlm stuff if its actually m/f. LOL.and I KNOW it’s going to only last one fuckin episode bc we’re gonna go right back to misgyny and chattel slavery especially for women but yknow

does she remember him?? did she send the bandana? i dont know on which side she really is.

yeah ofc shes the bandana guy. i mean - DUH.

WHY RISK YOUR OWN MEN - WHAT WAS THE PLAN

is this spy gonna get her bandana now???

or are these not her own guys?? THEY ARE

is she playing the king?? like - im still trustworthy though!!!! (or at least my men are) but how could she think to rely on the crown prince???

oh no the cool big sword moustache guy!!! why would he be the spy for the king????????????? what is there to gain??????? HE’S NOT THANK GOD

YES!!!! I LOVE THEM. ‘hit me’ BAM *violently and romantically perches over him to almost stab him*

aww haha the king is attached to seung nyang. too bad you’re an evil bastard she wants to destroy

i can’t quite tell why revealing the salt location drop off point is important or not. i guess it was just and only a test.

was that the guy in blue who volunteered to be shot at? : ‘( ah it’s not.its just some nobody. I guess she couldn’t have known who knew of her blue bandana so she had to hide it. But couldn’t she have told this guy from the very beginning when they were alone?

did the official guard not get told that more people were coming???? LOL. that’s one fuckin mess

HEROIC HORSERIDING YEAAAAAAAA did she not think of a reason for being alive? ‘kill me’ OH MY GOD hahahahaa. smart but so risky (it turns out that the crown prince is the crown prince but the king is the brother of his dad’s)

is there something you want? I THOUGHT YOU WANTED MONEY oh my god this guy is gambling it all lol. oh no, he’s gonna make it too.

it’s always the ‘unrightful’ people that get villainised for wanting power

what the fuck her dad’s gonna kill all her friends and make her into a sex slave? jezus christ how dark (i read a synopsis that she gets sent to yuan after all somehow). on who’s fucking authority? couldn’t they have gotten at the very least a letter from the goddamn ‘auditor’ to protect them

oh my god. just wear your fucking ring on the outside of your goddamn clothes. that was so FUCKING close

wow that was a pretty realistic breakdown

GO SEE HIM HELLO!!!!

she became a fucking COP TO SEE HIM HOLY SHIT LOL

JUST SHOW HIM THE FUCKING RING

did she just leave her band of boys behind???

dude why is this series romance blocking me what the fuck

gotta show that Yuan is backward through furs and beads!!

i do love that this series had the guts to start off with heartbreak. but also to let the female protagonist be a big bi....amorous...?

this show somehow made me feel sympathetic towards a stinkin imperial rich kid. he didn’t ask to be born into a family that would become his death

‘young boy’ *is literally at least 40*

the KING has only 10 men to spare? really?

he’s gonna let his servant get fucking murdered in his stead? yikes. ok so that wasn’t his PLAN no. poor servant guy

so they got her a MATCH - a dirven and smart and powerful king. and a soft and unexperienced and endangered future emperor.

this is so much my fucking THING it’s insane. i don’t even mind that the king is kinda ...average looking.

and she kicks his ASS LOL. and he falls ultimately deeply in love with her. this is incredible.

i wonder if she’s going to hold the death of his servant against him

they didn’t even take his head? stupid. oh i guess that’s for the traitors.

SHE STILL DOESN’T GET ITS REALLY HIM. I THOUGHT SHE WAS SMART

really - she lets the fucking chief get the credit. are you fucking kidding me? fuck this. be smarter! hate having to say that to a character. Be! smarter!

now he gets to be WHY HIDE FROM YOUR BOYFRIEND WHAT THE FUCK. if this is gonna be the whole fuckign show i can’t take it.

im gonna need to know if she keeps fucking hiding. stop hiding! STOP. stop hiding from the important men in your life! what the FUCK. stop hiding from your dad. Stop HIDING FROM YOUR FUCKING BESTO BOYFRIEND

the prince isn’t even upset about his servant’s demise

fucking finally somebody found out seung nyang was the ONE

I love Strong King - I love vulnerable future Emperor

he’s just a stupid indoctrinated kid! somebody should explain to him all the horrors that have been done to people in his name!

we have a sequence in which she’s done great deeds, gets called in, is concerned about how she slapped the important person around lol

we’re gonna get teh exact same for Togon one day

jezus christ that’s a very romantic thing to say to a cool and heroic young guy who saved your skin twice, king. are you - i n l o v e? a lil bromance perhaps?

awww he’s so damn happyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

she’s like - fuck. wish she stayed a little more ruffian though. wheres the fucking swagger!

how am i so into this m/m ship. LOL. im really into this stronk man and rogueish ‘boy’ bonding through hardship crisis crossing all rank

im up for her teaching the prince compassion and horror and the way of the world though

I KNOW this is soon going to devolve into a palace drama though so that fucking sucks

why is the emperor a young guy and the brother an old guy. was the emperor the preferred son? from the preferred wife?

has she never heard a guy pee??? i thought she lived with soldiers and shit

why the fuck is she carrying his excrement to the sea when she’s his BODYGUARD. this went differently than i thought

he literally is alone. there is no shift of the guard with him. hello?

what the fuck is this lax bodyguard shit. you need at LEAST two so one can sleep while the other guards.

everytime she bathes im like - ALARM ALARM

this jimbo traitor is so stupid lol

commander - just approach this stupid idiot. be the dad you want to be.

you could just become his son!!! hello????

so you really care about the peoplle huhg? thats why you keep selling off women?

oh my god. is the prince also falling in love with this ‘boy’? who embodies the masculine ideal? GOD I LOVE THIS SO MUCH im gonna cry when this is over and she ends up a fucking maid

this romantic fucking epic music as they struggle in a petty fucking competition in teh surf jlsjLKFJSDLJ:FLDSF I LOVE THIS

SHE VIOLENTLY PERCHES ABOVE THIS GUY TOO. ROMANTIC MUSIC

the koreans KNOW what is good. THEY KNOW.

oh this poor guy. please let this guy meet poor people. like. idk. the stolen women made into slaves and shit

yeah yeah they bond without him knowing about losing a parent and wanting revenge

the king is like, MY BOY!! that’s MY boy!! hands off!!!! that’s my dearest bromance boy friend!!!!

oh no - shes going to have to choose who to ride with lol

oh nooooooooo Seung Nyang don’t hurt King boyfriend !

‘he will not take Seung Nyang, will he?’  i had to double take there

I FINALLY understand the appeal of all unassailable men in romance. god, my brain is weird.

give seung nyang to me. dsjfpawejfeawjfljsdkljldsjflkdfsa dude. no. i know this is a love triangle but it is just within good if they do THIS moment right

the prince is a horrible shit

nooooo seung nyang please don’t hurt the king!!! he loves you!!!!

‘why am i burning up inside?’ YOU LOVE HIM!! YOU LOVE SEUNG NYANG!!! you love this guy!!! the koreans are daring lil mfs

where is the ruffian guy with the moustache and big sword?? he was the king’s left hand man when he wasn’t king yet.

the actress has really feminised Seung Nyangs mannerisms and way of movement past few eps (oh it’s a dream)

oh my god they’re no-homo-ing this through a dream. he just FEELS like Seung Nyang is a woman!!! that’s why he’s attracted!!! lol

seung nyang loses her dad. prince doesn’t notice. jezus

he impressed some dudewith his self-righteous dragon heaven propaganda. goddddd. the prince truly does not care how many people have already died for him. WHEN will he become likeable instead of hilariously piteous

just absolutely devastating end scene. shitty k-pop outtro.o hgod

will the prince finally - through seung nyang realise that actaully it fucking sucks that people keep being horribly harmed and killed for his sake?

JEZUS CHRIST I AM ON EPISODE 5 wHAT THE FUCK THIS IS LIKE 60 episodes long. oh my god no.

the thing i like about this show is that she looks believably like a very feminine boy for korean standards.

they keep playing him as childish, selfish and incompetent. but like, soooo many people DIED FOR HIM

hwo didn’t they kill bayan for obviously killing their own guard lol

finally she confronts him with the regular people!!!

what is lord jang doing with them

wow the commander’s beard is long. they been going for a while

well he is suffering - but can’t she get to him through words. make him a better person?

he is asking an important question. ANSWER IT GODDAMNIT

thsi ‘warming’ is so ridiculous haahahaha

*has full view of covered breasts* ‘he is definitely a boy!!!!’

i don’t know what sexuality politics this is - probably very bad ones - if you’re a straight man then you’re attracted to some fundamental femaleness in women!! or something

why is a bite mark evidence

god - these powerful people have enormous egos. they must, it is bred in them.i deserve power and when it is taken from me it sucks so much i can’t breathe!!! well uh yeah - everybody feels that way you ain’t special

she looks so sick

feels empathy for the first time ever. what a wonderful fantasy. that somebody could teach a prince empathy

*goes into town completely uncovered in royal robes which haven’t been weathered at all* ok

‘why did you hide you are a woman?’ what COMPLETE AND UTTER MALE NONSENSE

WOMEN ARE GETTING DRAGGED OFF TO BE SEX SLAVES AND YOU ASK THAT??? ‘sure, im sure you had your reasons’

WHAT FUCKING IDIOT

53:50

so she gets him in and then he betrays her? lol. but does it really matter? the king won’t be tried, there’s no reason for goryeo to be annexed. seung nyang won’t die. etc. he might as well go back to his deadly golden cage without endangering himself.

is it for her dad that she asks this of him? he faints, eh that’s a fine way out.

cant she hug a king back when he hugs her????? come ON

he almost killed his fucking son. these people are so CRAAAYYYZY

*leaves the people most likely to turn on him behind with the prince*

why does he have to reveal this?? what are the stakes here??”

goryeo’s soldiers???????????? what the fuck. i thought he was gonna come up with something clever like - pirates or something. not just ‘oh it was a random weirdo band of soldiers’ no -  ‘under the orders of the king’

WHAT. hes throwing teh whole country to the wolves. if seung nyang doesn’t kill him ill be surprised. seung nyang better get him for this for a thousand fucking years.

so he’s even personally betraying seung nyang. for a tiny chance at power. damn. wow. damn wow.

jezus what a fucking way to leave your daughter! making your last exchange putting yourself down as a father. DUDE. could have ended shit in a better way!

anyway literally cried twice about her losing her dad already

anyway so they both die in her arms. great.

yeaaaaaaah swearing to kill him. good. too bad it’s gonna be like 50 eps of palace maid shit and the prince barely got a taste of poverty

really wonder how traumatising this whole - is revealed as a woman and transferred to the empire as a sex slave thing is going to be - for me i mean

‘he’s probably living well in his homeland’  - how could you trust that your orders will be followed???

this is completely unrealistic wow

doesnt she get a fucking horse

who the fuck was park bhu - the undercop?

oh apparently laughing ugly is an indication of evil for a woman. laughing maniacally is an indication of evil for a man

her archnemesis is gonna unmask her as a woman in public? i think i might have to quit this show at this exact moment.

aaand.....guess ill have to quit.

ok that wasn’t so bad

how did they have women’s silks and makeup with them

she’s literally a martial artist warrior and she can’t fight a rapist attacker with her hands free?

oh god. she’s gonna be all feminine now bc she looks like a girl. oh god. i feel kinda sick.

SHE SUDDENLY DOESN’T HAVE ANY BANGS ANYMORE BUT LONG HAIR

THAT COMB WAS MAGICAL

some classic ‘female body weak’ sexism. love getting that from the beau

i know they’re trying to make danashiri seem unsympathetic but she’s saying fuck you to sexism here. then again it’s because she’s a spoiled elite brat

they really are made for each other

holy shit. this series just goes on and on and on and on and on. i can’t do this.

[erenfanclub]

The Curious Cat Tower

ereri | ~6700 words | no warnings | fantasy, magic | ao3 | insp

It all began, as it usually did for Levi, with eavesdropping. However, this time happened to also have an unusual but welcome twist compared to past occasions; this time, the man talking definitely wanted to be heard. He had the attention of almost everyone in the dimly lit tavern, half leaning on the bar, loosely gesturing with one hand while telling his story. And it certainly caught Levi's interest, even from the back wall. The guy had charisma, Levi had to admit, and it looked like he was trying to make the most of it, eyes glued to a vaguely attentive blonde barmaid on his right.

“So my buddy was telling me about it, and I bet him his prized bearskin rug that I could do what he couldn’t,” the man had begun, flexing subtly. “I was gonna find the stupid tower, get in, and take the treasure all for myself. I mean, I’m doin’ pretty well for myself but I ain’t gonna say no to easy riches. So he tells me where to go and I see it with my own eyes. The weirdest thing. It’s in the middle of nowhere and there’s no door in. But I was prepared. Had a hammer y’see. But—” he takes a swig from his tankard “—fifty hits and not a single mark on the stone. Couldn’t believe it could be that strong. Can you?” Here he pauses and looks at the people around him, happy to see many still listening. “And then this crazy cat jumps in outta nowhere and claws up my arm.” He brandishes the wounds. Levi raises an eyebrow in contempt. The scratches on the man’s forearm are many in number but small in size, barely visible from a distance and nothing to complain about. Although red now, they’d heal completely in a couple of weeks. “I was half ready to swing at it too. Waste of my time. I get home and my buddy has the gall to laugh at me. All a trick, for sure. I bet there’s nothing there. And that swine cheated on the bet, not tellin’ me about no stinkin’ cat, so he ain’t getting nothin’ outta me. I shoulda known when he agreed so quickly. I should take the rug anyway.”

The man rambled a little further, but Levi had heard all he needed. He concentrated on moving around the outer tables, checking jackets and pockets swiftly while staying inconspicuous. The search didn’t yield much, but he had other plans for the evening. The last thing he heard as he slipped up the stairs was a prim voice saying, “I hate bearskin rugs.”

A few minutes later, Levi left the building from an open window, weighing a few pounds heavier than he did when he had entered through the front door. With his task over and his mind unoccupied for the moment, he spared a thought for the oaf abandoned at the bar and his tale of woes. It was rare for Levi to take interest in such stories, and yet he fancied himself having more luck than that cocky bastard. On a whim, Levi switched paths and melted into the night.

+++++

Levi put it all down to simple human curiosity. He had nothing in particular to do, and so he allowed himself to spend a couple of days on reconnaissance in that town, and a couple more in the next one over. It was a job that kept him active, and eventually he had a direction. Levi discovered he was a little late to this particular party, but it seemed that all the men who had made an attempt on this tower had failed, and to Levi's good fortune, half of them had big mouths.

The stories varied in many ways; the treasure remained undefined and things were added in or taken out or exaggerated, but such is the nature of rumours. Levi didn’t make a single move until he had a location though, and a solid one at that. Whether it was gold, or a princess, or a fairy ready to grant wishes that awaited him, Levi would find out.

A two hour ride north-east from the next town on, it was. Levi had no horse, but no objections, and so he set off on foot just as the sun had risen. His bag was as light as could be – important belongings had been stashed nights ago, of course – and for the most part he enjoyed the sense of adventure, setting off into the forest at a fork in the northern road, just as he’d heard. The weather was good, the summer sun kind to him once filtered through lush green leaves. He encountered no one once off the beaten track, but that didn’t matter.

He thought he’d see it coming, but he was wrong. The tower was tall, that was true, reaching a fair distance above the old trees surrounding it, but it was hidden from the angle of Levi's approach. After miles of walking, Levi finally laid eyes on the tower from all the tales.

Cat Tower, it had recently been dubbed.

Word of mouth was unreliable, but everyone who had the time to come to the tower saw the same feline during their visit, hence the name. Not one person had cared to describe it beyond its species. All found it unusual in different ways, but no more unusual than the tower itself, and so it had been overlooked. But one account let Levi know that he’d have to find it to get what he wanted.

He circled the tower’s base, scouting the place more casually than he normally would, but no less careful. It was perfectly cylindrical, with a tiled, conical roof, and really did have no obvious method of entry. There was one window at the very top that looked big enough for a person to climb through, but the others below it were slim rectangles barely more than a foot in height. They were shaped into small pointed arches, decorative and completely non-functional. Other than that, smooth grey stone was the only thing for Levi to look at. He stopped after making two full rounds, quietly appreciating the flawless architecture. There was currently no way of knowing what was on the inside, but the outside was clean and simple; Levi had the passing thought that he’d like to have a tower like this for himself. The solitude appealed to him just as much. Birdsong was the only sound that had reached his ears for the last hour or two.

If it was all a hoax, then it had at least been wrapped in a neat little package.

Levi scanned the wall in front of him again, seeing nothing new. He reached out a hand to touch the largest of the stones, but then stepped back quickly when the contact made the brick glow bright yellow. On high alert, Levi watched, intrigued, as the unnatural light condensed itself into golden lettering, written in a delicate script and completely incomprehensible to him.

It was the words of the Old Tongue. Having fallen out of use with commoners everywhere at least one hundred years ago, it was now referred to as Witch Speak, named such for the one group that still cared to use it. Levi couldn’t read it, but from his through information gathering, he knew that some other poor sap had already turned out his pockets paying for a translation. He was immensely grateful that he wouldn’t have to initiate conversation with his one magical acquaintance, or a certain bushy-browed intellectual, to know that the text read:

The cat has the key

Levi stared at the glowing words. He had yet to see the infamous cat, but knew that it would only be a matter of time. Knowing cats, Levi thought it was likely to come out to enjoy the weather at midday, and that he might stumble across it lounging in a sunbeam.

The magical message faded after another moment, and Levi, having scoped the place out as well as he could, moved away from the tower and towards the shade of a nearby pine tree to sit down. He set aside his pack, keeping it within reach, and drank from the waterskin attached to his belt. The cool water was amazingly refreshing, and he relaxed against the tree trunk, glad to be resting.

A light breeze blew through his hair. The birdsong from earlier had died down, but there was still music in the leaves. For a long while, Levi just listened to that quiet rustling. After a while, a new sound reached his ears. From the thicket over to his right there was a very faint shuffling, almost drowned out by the other noises. Levi saw a branch move, and then a section of tall grass was pushed and sent swaying. He made sure not to move as a grey rabbit hopped out to the edge of its hiding place, but allowed himself an internal sigh of relief.

There was nothing Levi could do this time, but finally seeing some wildlife in the area let him know that setting some traps nearby could help bulk out his supply of rations. Extending his stay at the tower for longer than a week would only be possible if he could catch more food as well as identify edible plants growing around him. A water source must also be close by, but he had never worried about that. Fresh water was abundant in this area.

Levi was only able to look at the rabbit for another short moment. He breathed a short laugh as he watched its fluffy, white tail disappear back into the foliage. With a small shake of his head, he turned away from the momentary distraction.

Only to find a cat staring straight at him.

It sat directly between Levi and the tower, like a proper little guardian, sitting watchful and alert with its tail neatly curled around its front paws. Its fur was a rich brown, with dark stripes banding its limbs and decorating its forehead in an interesting pattern, but the tip of its tail was pure white. The sun was glinting off something on its chest.

Levi stood and brushed grass off his legs, acutely aware of the cat’s gaze following his every move. The animal made no protest when he came closer. From a few of the stories, Levi had half been expecting some sort of wildcat, vicious and territorial, but in front of him was an average-sized domestic cat, looking well-groomed and docile.

It was cute.

Levi knew he was unusual for liking cats, but he didn’t care. In this country, they were seen as pests, only useful to farmers who let them hang around if they could keep rats and mice out of their food stores. In the towns and cities they were met with hostility and dislike. Shopkeepers swept them from their doorsteps, women were scandalised when they came near. Their close association to witches didn’t help either.

If he thought too much about it, Levi would say they were kindred spirits.

He looked at the cat and had to suppress a small sound of delight. As it was, he was caught up in admiring its green eyes, tiny nose and triangular ears, all in perfect proportion to its rounded face. Around its neck was a short strip of leather, from which hung a shiny, golden key. But that was suddenly much less important.

Its steady gaze seemed full of intelligence, and Levi hadn’t found a cat so trusting of a human in a long time. Slowly, he crouched down in front of it, extending his right hand into the space between them. Noting the tip of its tail flick upwards, Levi opted to stay still and let the cat decide what to do.

“C’mon, I won’t hurt you,” he said, curling his fingers gently and showing it the back of his hand instead. The cat, unblinking, flicks its tail again, but judging by the movement of its ears, it was listening. “You’re quite a pretty cat, y’know.”

Levi was simply speaking his thoughts aloud, but the cat perked up, twitching its whiskers and standing. Then it sauntered around Levi's side, completely ignoring his outstretched arm. Levi let out a breath, slightly disappointed despite the fact that he’d been expecting such treatment. But as the cat passed he felt a brief touch of fur on his arm, and turned to see that the feline had deigned to brush the end of his tail against his left elbow.

Labelling the gesture as ‘friendly’ was probably giving the cat too much credit, but Levi happily thought of it like that anyway.

+++++

The next morning, Levi was met with another strange, magical sight.

He had watched the cat for hours the previous afternoon, cataloguing the way it circled around him, maintaining a set distance that didn’t allow for anymore contact. When that pastime had yielded no fruit, and his sweet words had shown little effect, he left the cat to its own devices and started setting himself up for the night. As his stay would be longer than a single night, he put more effort into making a comfortable place to sleep than he normally would.

This meant scouting the area and climbing a tree.

Levi didn’t have to go high, but tying his hammock further off the ground meant he would be less noticeable to nosy humans and any predatory animals that might wander by in the night. The leaves offered shade and shelter from the rain, and his pack had to be kept off the ground either way. By the time he had finished, the cat had gone.

Wide-eyed, he watched it return mid-morning.

The tower was special, that was for certain, but it was still full of surprises for Levi. In broad daylight, the cat descended gracefully from the large upper window via an external spiral staircase made of small, protruding bricks. When the cat reached the ground, Levi witnessed the bricks recede back into the tower, leaving them flush with the rest of the stonework and completely hidden from view. Levi hadn’t seen the cat-sized path before because it never crossed his mind to look for such a thing. The workings of the magic itself made no sense to Levi, but he was glad that it explained the method for the cat’s comings and goings. That, at least, was one question answered.

Wide awake but stiff from sleep, Levi slowly climbed down from his hammock and set off west until he reached the river he’d found the previous day. He shucked his boots at the edge, leaving them neatly side-by-side on the grass, and rolled up the bottom of his trousers until they were just under his knees. Just as he was moving to stand up straight again, he spotted the brown cat emerge from behind a nearby tree.

“Morning, cat. You sure are living the good life out here, aren’t you.” The cat’s eyes were fixed on him before Levi spoke, and the intensity of its gaze was just as strong as in their first meeting. Not feeling the least bit silly for making conversation with a cat, one of the most hated creatures in the land, Levi stared back. He didn’t know quite what he was waiting for, but the only reaction the cat gave was to look him up and down and then begin licking one of its front paws. Levi smiled and shook his head slightly, and then stepped down the riverbank until his ankles were graced with cool, clean water.

He stood still when the water was halfway up his shins, and then faced upriver to scoop water and wash his face. Tiny fish darted by his feet, and water droplets clung to his eyelashes and ran down his arms. The forest felt full of life and peaceful at the same time, and Levi relished the quiet time to himself without worrying about anything happening to him. No one chasing him, no threats to hear, or authority to dodge. Just him and the sun and the trees.

Oh, and the cat.

Levi splashed his face one last time and used one hand to push back his hair, turning to look to where he’d last seen the animal. There was no movement in the grass, no white-tipped tail flicking between the trunks. The cat had disappeared without a sound.

Unbothered, Levi shook off most of the water and stepped out of the stream. He pulled a cloth from his back pocket and dried his hands and face, folding it again once he was done and heading for where he’d left his boots. There, he had to pause for a moment, taking in the unexpected sight. His boots were no longer positioned in the orderly way he’d left them. Instead, one was lying in the dirt, tossed from its original place, and the other was missing.

Levi knew there was only one explanation, but rather than irritation, he felt a small laugh bubbling up inside him. Pressing his lips together and humming a single, thoughtful note, Levi set off to find his wayward shoe.

+++++

Twenty minutes later, his right boot was rediscovered, under a thorn bush halfway between the river and Cat Tower.

The laughter that Levi had been holding back spilled out all at once. When he got up from his crouch, unharmed by any prickly branches, the cat was sitting a short distance away, silent and unassuming. Levi smirked at it, slipped his boot back on, and sat down properly, one hand outstretched in a second attempt.

“Well?” he asked, amusement underlying his tone. Levi swore he saw those long whiskers twitch, right before the cat stood up and walked off, not once looking back.

+++++

Four days of mischief followed. When Levi wasn’t watching the cat it would take unattended possessions and move them wherever it wanted. Levi didn’t bring much with him, so the same few things would get taken, but the hiding places were random and sometimes ridiculous. After the first few times, Levi began to see it as a game. The cat wasn’t hurting him, but at the same time it couldn’t seem to leave him alone. Often it would sit on its magic brick staircase and observe him while he searched. “How about a clue, cat?” Levi would ask if it was dragging on for too long, and the cat would stare at him and then pretend to look off into the distance. Every single time, the cat would be looking somewhere close to the item.

Levi knew it was strange, but he thought the cat was having fun.

In the night, when the cat had returned to its home and the forest was quiet, Levi would lie awake and contemplate the events of the day. He would look back fondly on his interactions with the weird cat, and smile to himself. Not once did he really question anything. Levi hadn’t lived an ordinary life so far anyway. But the cat made him happy, and he barely thought about leaving. He wondered if it was time to switch things up. To step away from his current lifestyle and find something else.

One particular night, Levi was curled in his hammock, those same thoughts running through his mind, when he spotted a snow-white owl fly overhead. He watched, in slight awe of the rare sighting, as the owl flew to the window at the top of Cat Tower and tapped at the glass. Levi could tell by the reflection of the moonlight exactly when the window swung open, and kept watching as the owl hopped inside. Despite staying up for almost an hour after that, Levi saw nothing else happen at the tower. The next morning he wondered if he had dreamed the whole thing.

When a whole day passed without an incidence of thievery, Levi wondered what had changed. He went to sleep curious, but couldn’t come up with an answer.

And then the next morning he was woken by a sound he’d never heard before. A loud meowing was coming from beneath him. Levi could hear the demand in that sound, and frowned as he carefully leaned his head over the edge of his hammock, instantly spotting the cat pacing through the grass. It was circling and weaving back and forth, but stopped once it saw Levi's face appear.

“Uh… morning, cat,” Levi greeted, confused but undeniably pleased for the obvious attention. The cat meowed once in reply, bright green eyes fixed on him as usual. “What?” Another meow, louder and longer. “Alright, alright, I’m coming down.” The cat meowed every now and then while waiting for Levi to get up, but went quiet as it watched Levi climb down from his perch.

Once Levi's boots touched the ground, it sauntered closer and looked up at him in what seemed to be anticipation. “I don’t have food for you,” Levi said, trying to make sense of the cat’s new behaviour. The cat made another adorable noise, not quite a meow, and for the umpteenth time, Levi crouched down and held out his hand.

For the first time in almost a week, the cat walked straight over a rubbed its face against his fingers. Levi couldn’t hide his surprised gasp quickly enough.

“So, you’re going to be nice to me now? Not going to be a thief anymore?” he questioned. The cat meowed softly, a slight trill reaching Levi's ears just after it. “That’s ok. I don’t think I want to be a thief anymore either.” The cat turned to face him with an expression Levi couldn’t possibly decipher, but Levi stroked its head and broke the eye contact, sighing gently. He looked over to the tower. “I’ve been wondering something, cat. Who’s taking care of you? Are you all alone? Are you a witches pet?” The cat continued to demand petting, but said nothing. Levi hummed to himself. “I wouldn’t mind if you were, you know, but I’m not so good with people. I haven’t seen anyone around here. Oh, but you had that owl visit that one night, right?”

The cat turned those big eyes on him again, and meowed a few times. Levi smiled. “It’s good that you have friends, I guess. I hear a guy tried to hit you with a hammer, cat. What an asshole.” Levi thought the cat might have nodded at that, but then it was ducking under his hand and walking off in front of him. Even knowing how independent this cat was, Levi couldn’t help but be disappointed at the loss of contact.

“Was it something I said?”

The cat looked over its shoulder at him, and then trotted off to its tower. The brick staircase slid out into place, and then the cat was running up it, pausing every now and then to glance down at Levi. When it got to the top, the sun shone on the key on its collar briefly, before it vanished through the window.

Levi didn’t know what was going on. Distracted, he went about his day without any sign of the cat. He went to the river to wash and fill his waterskin, he took the time to make a fire and have a hot meal for lunch, he organised his belongings despite already having them set out just as he wanted. Cat Tower remained void of activity throughout the day, no matter how often Levi checked. He touched the stone again and saw the glowing message, and thought of how he was brought here by nothing but a story.

Levi went for a walk.

It was close to sunset when he returned to his camp, and he was lost in thought when he climbed the tree and settled into his hammock early. A sudden meow brought him back to the present. Unlike that morning, the meow came from up in the trees with him. Levi whipped his head around to see the cat perched on the sturdy branch that Levi had tied one end of his hammock to.

Without further invitation, the cat picked up something in its mouth and leapt from the branch to land directly on Levi's chest. Levi let out a short huff of air at the impact, but recovered quickly. He was shocked that the cat would come up to see him.

“Hey, cat, what are you—?”

Before Levi could finish, the cat dropped what it was carrying on his chest. And then it made another leap to the branch in front of it, expertly navigated its way to the ground, and hightailed it back to the tower. Speechless, Levi sat up, his hand coming up to hold the cat’s gift. It was a short strip of leather. The collar.

The key.

Levi took a moment to breathe, but then jumped into action. He’d been overthinking everything recently, but this was his step forward. He could solve the mystery of Cat Tower now and ponder the future later. Boots on, he hurried down from his bed and over to the base of the tower, the key clutched tight in one hand. He brushed his free hand over the smooth stone to reveal the tower’s message, and then hesitated. There was no keyhole in sight, and if there was one anywhere else then Levi would have found it on the first day. Clueless, but not giving up, Levi holds the key up in front of him, hoping that it would trigger something.

One second passed. Then two. And on the third, the golden letters started to swirl and condense, until there were only two words left. It was still written in the Old Tongue, so Levi couldn’t read it, but the tower still continued to change so he didn’t have time to dwell on it. The words sparkled and vanished, and then the stones started to slide apart to make a doorway.

Levi was impressed at the display of magic, unused to seeing such feats happen right before his eyes. It was incredible to think that witches were capable of such things, and yet ordinary people shunned them because they were afraid of the unknown. Cautious of being caught by any more moving walls or floors, Levi entered the tower.

The room he walked into was bare, except for a few boxes and miscellaneous items piled by the wall, and although Levi was still unsure if anyone lived in the tower, the space was clean and airy. A stone staircase started on his left, and spiralled clockwise around the tower wall. Levi thought briefly about searching through the boxes – after all, the rumours spoke of priceless treasure – but his priority was finding out what was at the top.

Plus, the cat must be in here somewhere.

Levi climbed the stairs at a steady pace, listening for any suspicious sounds and hearing nothing. The room above the ground floor was very similar, seemingly used only for storage, but wasn’t one big, open area. Half of the room was walled off, and the wooden door that lead to that room was closed. Levi pushed aside his curiosity and continued upwards.

In the third room up, the staircase staggered itself a little to provide more space, and more than half of this room was walled off and hidden behind two closed doors. Levi ignored them. Red-orange sunlight shone through one of the small windows. He was almost there.

The staircase ended on the next level, and Levi was brought face-to-face with a dark-wood door with black iron hinges. He thought that he might have to use his borrowed key here again, but the doorknob had no keyhole underneath it, so Levi assumed there was no lock. Determined, he took a deep breath, and decided to knock.

“You can come in,” called a masculine voice on the other side. Levi hesitated for a moment, not expecting such a prompt reply, or even another human being, but then he reached for the doorknob and pushed the door open.

The first thing Levi noticed was the large window on the opposite wall from where he was standing, open to let air in. He’d made it to the top of the tower, and he knew that if he walked over and looked out, there would be an amazing view of the forest, and he would be able to see the spot where he’d made camp. This room was completely open and full of light, even at this time of day, and Levi could see that it was a multipurpose space.

Closest to him was a kitchen area with lots of shelves and cupboards and a small dining table with four chairs. Another area housed a bookshelf and a large oak desk with many drawers and space for various items. Books were spread on its surface, some open and some closed. The middle of the room was bare of actual furniture, but the floor was covered in a deep red, circular rug, and a few pillows had been placed on top of it. Much of the free space in the room was filled with plants, in big pots and small pots and even hanging from the wooden ceiling, species and varieties that Levi knew weren’t common because he’d never seen them in his life. There was a ladder on the wall to Levi's left that lead up to a trapdoor and a final attic room, and a creeper plant was growing up one side of it. Close to that was a huge comfortable-looking sofa, one that must’ve been custom made to fit the curve of the wall, and just on its other side was an armchair of similar style.

And in that armchair sat a teenage boy.

Levi's first impression was that he fit the room perfectly. The slight clutter and the effect of all the flora gave the whole space a barely-tamed feel, and the boy only added to that. He had thick, dark brown hair, longer and shaggier than Levi's but still parted neatly to show his forehead. He wore dark trousers and a long-sleeved top with a stretched, wide neckline that made his collarbones visible. His feet were bare. And by far his most interesting feature was his eyes; deep green and unwavering.

“Hello,” the boy said, tone polite and posture relaxed.

“Hello,” Levi repeated stiffly, having no idea what was going on.

“So, the cat gave you the key, huh?” The boy tilted his head slightly, questioning, and glanced down at Levi's hand. Levi held his hand up in front of him, the key resting on his palm. He frowned at it.

“Yes,” he said simply, wary of the conversation and where it might lead. The boy hummed.

“So the cat likes you. And you like cats. Don’t people give you trouble for that?” Levi thought over the words and his answer.

“I do like cats. And I can handle trouble, but people know not to bother me.” The boy smiled widely at this. “Where is your cat, now that you mention it?”

His question went ignored. “The cat knew from the second it saw you that you hadn’t got the magic touch.” Levi was about to make a remark about nimble fingers, but the boy continued. “Magic has touched you, however.” His green eyes narrowed as he ran his gaze over Levi's body, curious. Levi couldn’t hold back the slight shudder he felt at the mere thought of Hanji making physical contact with him, but made no word to deny the statement. The boy blinked slowly. There was a moment of silence. “You’re interesting.”

“I could say the same about you,” Levi replied.

“Ah, so you know what I am,” he said, tapping his fingers on the armrest.

“Kid, you live in a magic tower in the woods with a cat. You’re not exactly being subtle.” The witch’s eyes went wide, and then he burst into laughter, shaking his head and leaning back further into the cushions. Levi felt awkward standing in his home, but part of him was glad to finally get a positive reaction from the boy. Tension bled out of his back and shoulders.

The witch boy eventually got himself under control, the last of his laughter muffled behind one hand. He grinned and stood up from his seat – he was taller than Levi by a few inches too, he realised – and motioned for Levi to come further in.

“Sorry, I knew you were funny but that just caught me off guard.” Levi paused in the centre of the room.

“What do you mean you knew I was funny?” Only Hanji had ever described him as such, and if this continued he’d start thinking it was a thing with witch humour. “Have you been watching me?” The boy went quiet at this. He scratched the back of his head and looked off to the side. Because of that, Levi didn’t get caught staring at the blush that has risen on the boy’s cheeks.

“Well, I mean, not watching you. Um, the… the cat told me.” He ended the last sentence with such inflection that it mostly comes out as question, but Levi had no time to ask about it. The boy waved a hand dismissively and hurried on. “So, uh, I guess I should introduce myself.” He took a step forward but paused when he noticed he no longer had Levi's full attention. “What?”

It was just as he asked the question that an owl alighted on the windowsill, folding its wings in one fluid motion. Perched there silently, it looked between Levi and the witch boy with a slow swivel of its head. Levi's mind was only just catching up to its sudden appearance, and the fact that he had seen this white owl before, when it took a step forward and hopped into the tower room.

When the bird’s feet hit the stone floor it was no longer a bird, but a boy with long blonde hair and blue-black robes. A witch. A shifter. Levi never thought he’d see one in his entire life. That particular kind of magic was rumoured to be a lost art, and when it was around it had been rare and apparently incredibly difficult to master. Levi's brain helpfully supplied this knowledge in Hanji's annoying voice, their words coming back despite his best efforts to block them out. He was well aware that they had a keen interest in the subject, but Hanji couldn’t perform it even after reading piles of books. Apparently you couldn’t learn it from text. Shifting had to be taught by a shifter.

The blonde adjusted the white shirt collar peeking out from under his cloak, and then fixed the brunette with a disapproving look.

“Eren, what are you doing?” he asked flatly, glancing at Levi without changing his expression. “Mikasa is visiting today, I hope you remember, and just because she let you move out here alone doesn’t mean she’ll be happy to find you messing around.” The brunette, Eren as Levi now knows, sighed lightly.

“I’m not,” Eren replied with a smile, obviously ignoring the other witch’s scolding. “Let me introduce you to… um…”

“Levi,” Levi said.

“Yes, Levi.” Eren cleared his throat. His blush was still making his cheeks red. “Levi, this is Armin, my best friend.” Armin narrowed his eyes at Eren's dismissal, and gave Levi a suspicious look.

“A pleasure to meet you,” he said, his tone leaning towards polite but not quite reaching it. There was a pause, and then Levi brought his hands in front of his chest, putting his fingertips together with his fingers spread, and bowed slightly. A typical witch’s greeting. Levi had never been the kind of person to bother with or pride himself on being polite, but things were different when facing a strange new witch. He looked up to find Armin's eyebrows raised, his surprise clear, but there was no hesitation when the boy greeted him back. When the witch did it, the space between his hands started to glow pale blue the moment they touched; it was a part of the greeting that Levi couldn’t copy. Hanji always made red sparks fly, and he never knew the magic was personal to the witch.

Armin smoothed out his expression when he lifted his head. “Well, I know Eren didn’t teach you that. I look forward to hearing more about you, Levi,” he said, much happier. Levi simply nodded, following the conversation but unable to see where it was leading him once again. Eren was beaming at him, obviously impressed. Levi looked away again. The day just kept getting weirder and weirder.

“I can’t believe you ruined my introduction, Armin. What do you want?” There was no real irritation in Eren's voice, but he did punch Armin lightly in the shoulder. Armin threw a punch back, and then reached an arm into his cloak and pulled out a small pouch. Levi could tell that the little bag was filled with something much smaller than coins, yet Eren's eyes went wide and he fixated on the pouch instantly. “Is that…”

“Yes, indeed. I went out of my way to you-know-where to get you-know-what for you,” Armin replied, smirking as he held the drawstring pouch out of Eren's reach. Since Armin was shorter than Levi, this meant he soon had to jump up on the sofa in order to hold it high enough.

“Armin, come on, give it!” Eren whined, grabbing at Armin's robes and tugging at his arm.

“Well since you’re being so mean and punching me maybe I’ll keep it for another time.”

“You already punched me back, so come on.”

“No,” Armin laughed, obviously enjoying himself.

Levi watched them scuffle over the mystery item, his confusion reaching new heights. Armin was now on the arm of the sofa, and Eren was jumping and swiping at the pouch in an attempt to take it for himself. The action reminded him of the brown cat snatching some food from him earlier in the week. It was so similar that Levi almost laughed.

What came out of his mouth was a different sound, however, since he’d just spotted a tail flicking against Eren's legs. A brown tail with dark bands and a pure white tip. But the tail wasn’t attached to the cat Levi had been looking for. Instead, that tail disappeared under the hem of Eren's loose shirt. Both witches stopped their playing and turned to Levi, who could hardly take his eyes off Eren's new, fuzzy appendage.

“Ah, oops. The cat’s out of the bag,” Armin said, biting his lip and looking very unapologetic. Levi tore his eyes away to see Eren staring at him, and noticed a change there too. Eren's pupils had become slits. There was an awkward moment where none of them know quite what to do, and then Eren whirled around to face his friend.

“Armin! You ruined my big reveal!” he yelled. His tail lashed angrily behind him. Seeing it now, and knowing that Armin could turn into an owl, Levi didn’t understand why he hadn’t realised the truth sooner. Then, Levi hit another realisation. He’d been talking to a cat that wasn’t a cat all week.

With all the embarrassing things that he’d said to that cat, to Eren, rushing to the forefront of his mind, Levi turned and walked to the kitchen table, pulling out a chair and dropping heavily into it. Head in his hands, he tuned out the argument that had come to life again behind him.

A week ago, he’d set out to solve the mystery of Cat Tower. He thought it would be easy, and that he could satisfy his curiosity and carry on with his life afterwards. But Eren was a whole new mystery, one that he’d stumbled upon completely by accident, and that was a much more curious thing.

[tychiphobiax]

Your First 100 Million Dollars

I told him not to do it.

It’s too powerful.

They won’t believe it’s possible, and if they do, they’ll change the world.

“Let them use it to their benefit” he said.

I still don’t think you should ever release this to the general public.

Fine.

OK.

Do you think they’ll believe enough to actually USE them?

If they do, imagine what will happen!

I know.

I guess the real question is…

Can You Imagine Having 100 MILLION DOLLARS Now?

If you can, then Reed made the right choice.

Against my advice, Reed Byron has released a new NLP Hypnosis Audio, AAT Audio, and Sleep Programming Audio called

“Your First 100 Million Dollars”

Shhhhh, Don’t tell anyone, but …

It was originally for Platinum members of his Inner-Circle.

This is the first set of “Platinum” Audios he has ever released … and I think it might be his last because all the Platinum Members are giving him pressure to keep these discs secure and safe from everyone else out there. You see …

You can’t get these Audios anywhere.  (They used to be on CD - now they are only available here).  They are nowhere to be found.

I promise.

You won’t find them online.

Unless you know a Platinum member of this new hypnosis club, you’ll never ever see a copy.

So if you are ready to take action when the right opportunity arrives, then take action now.

If you want to use Reed’s Platinum Inner Circle System to create Your First 100 Million Dollars.

Then you should subscribe today.

[Click Here for $1 Instant Access to Your First 100 Million Dollars Now NLP Hypnosis System]

So if you are ready to use the power of your mind and the psychic powers that have laid dormant inside you to generate 100 million, then subscribe before this offer is gone.

WARNING: before you order, make sure you are ready for CHANGE, because your thoughts need to change to create your first 100 million dollars.

This is the ONLY authorized set that incorporates ALL of Reed’s proprietary technologies for permanent change.

These audios are so new and exciting that I cannot honestly tell you how it will change you life.  All I can say is this:

If you’ve ever wanted to become filthy stinkin’ rich, get this 3 Audio System immediately!

It won’t last long.

Here is what other people just like you who have USED Reed’s systems and CDs:

TESTIMONIAL RECEIVED IN OCTOBER 2003: “Hello, My name is Eric, and I have recently purchased several of your systems, after friend made the recommendation. I am so glad that I trusted my friends judgment, and came to you guys! I am a freshmen in college, and actually, I’d been out of school for a couple of years already, and I was worried that I’d have trouble working full time while still keeping up with my studies. Well, when I said this to my best friend, the first place she directed me to was this web site! I was skeptical at first, but I decided to try your method out anyway. I got both the "accelerated learning/instant genius” CD and another of your products that I wanted in order to make the most out of my experience, “Crystal Clear Visualization”, which actually programs you into being able to mentally recreate everything you experience (like having a photographic memory, only it effects ALL of your senses!) Anyway, to make a long story short, I followed my instructions and listened to each at least once a day. My first set of finals was this past week, and I just got my grades back, and I ACED EVERYTHING! Not just A’s, but we are talking 98’s and 100’s! I owe it all to you! I have already purchased several more of your systems, and I now have confidence that my life will forever be changed for the better thanks you! You can quote me on this, in fact, please do! I want everyone else out there to know how QUICKLY these programs work, and just how powerful they really are! Thanks again, for everything! - Eric R.“

—————————————————————————————————–

Reed Received this testimonial on August 8, 2002 – "I would just like to say that last year I purchased the CMCS [Complete Mind Control System] from you and it has been an excellent program. IT DOES WORK I was totally amazed. Thank you and looking forward to future purchases.”

“I don’t know if you remember me or not, but I had got a cassette from you about 2 months ago or longer. On Mind Control On Others. This tape is so awesome it worked for me 3 days after I received it.  ”“"EXCELLENT”“” Bright Blessings To You, and Thank You for doing this making these tapes. Your an awesome person. Thanks, D. D.“ —————————————————————————————————–

"Man the work you guy’s are putting out is getting better and better. I’m blown away with the latest i received.. has me buzzing all over.. it was #2 in the seduction series "automatic flirt / pheromone"  Ive studied hypnosis for about 4 years now.. "Erickson.. etc.” that latest CD is da'bomb.  This evening at the Community College i go to, i was a flirting machine.. all had a blast during our breaks!“ – regarding Reed’s Automatic Flirt CD

—————————————————————————————————–

"I have just run through your 4 CD "Mental Psychic Seduction System” and I just wanted to say that your expert use of Dual Binaural Beat Technology, much like Shamanic drumming, makes them the most powerful recorded hypnotic inductions I have ever experienced, more powerful than either ‘Major Mark’ Cunningham’s “Hypnotic Awakenings” or evan Dr Richard X’s “Personal XXXXXX Series”. What is truly fascinating to me, though, was the immediately noticeable effects of the “Mental Psychic Seduction System” on my everyday encounters with other people. As far as I could tell, I was behaving just the same as I was before the inductions and yet, everyone I met after running through the System, especially women, reacted differently to me, in a much more relaxed, open and friendly way. At first, I assumed that the “Mental Psychic Seduction System” had simply enhanced my rapport skills at an unconscious level, which would be worth the price of the System alone. In fact, I found that when I deliberately set out to assertively lead rather than pace, I found that women were surprisingly happy to go along with whatever I suggested! Beyond these amazing new skills, I have found fabulous new synchronicities occurring on an ever increasing basis, as if the Universe itself was lending a friendly hand in my wishes and desires. Worth the investment many times over!!!“ P.K. Received August 28, 2002

—————————————————————————————————–

REMEMBER – Reed’s Audios work, period.  All you have to do is put on stereo headphones and listen – that’s it.  After you are done listening, take action!

I will not accept ANY responsibility for damages you may cause with these techniques to yourself or others - YES THIS CD WORKS BETTER THAN ANY OTHER CD OUT THERE, SIMPLY BECAUSE IT USES BRAIN-TALK™ TECHNOLOGY, which you will ONLY find on Reed’s Audios and no where else!  

LIMITED TIME OFFER NOW:

[Click Here for $1 Instant Access to Your First 100 Million Dollars Now NLP Hypnosis System]

Please view the TERMS & CONDITIONS:

Because of the FDA and other governmental regulations, I can not and will not guarantee ANYTHING regarding these Audios!  Individual Results Vary and there is no promise.  There is no guarantee.  Making money is risky and you can lose money.  This is an online audio program that you need internet access to listen to.  You need stereo headphones to listen to this program.  If you don’t listen, nothing will happen.  If you do listen, something may happen.  You still need to take action in the real world for results to occur. There is NO promise or guarantee that it will work for you. There is no promise that you will make any additional income by listening to these Audios.  No refunds on any payments .  No exceptions.

The title of these 3 Audios referenced here are:

(1)“Your First 100 Million Dollars NLP Hypnosis Audio”

(2) "Your First 100 Million Dollars AAT Audio” and

(3) “Your First 100 Million Dollars Sleep Programming Audio”

This is Your First 100 Million Dollar NLP Hypnosis System.  These Audios are copyrighted 2018.  All rights reserved. 

Source: https://www.hypno-success.com/blog/your-first-100-million-dollars

[alessiasharongenchi]

Your First 100 Million Dollars

I told him not to do it.

It's too powerful.

They won't believe it's possible, and if they do, they'll change the world.

"Let them use it to their benefit" he said.

I still don't think you should ever release this to the general public.

Fine.

OK.

Do you think they'll believe enough to actually USE them?

If they do, imagine what will happen!

I know.

I guess the real question is...

Can You Imagine Having 100 MILLION DOLLARS Now?

If you can, then Reed made the right choice.

Against my advice, Reed Byron has released a new NLP Hypnosis Audio, AAT Audio, and Sleep Programming Audio called

"Your First 100 Million Dollars"

Shhhhh, Don't tell anyone, but . . .

It was originally for Platinum members of his Inner-Circle.

This is the first set of "Platinum" Audios he has ever released . . . and I think it might be his last because all the Platinum Members are giving him pressure to keep these discs secure and safe from everyone else out there. You see . . .

You can't get these Audios anywhere.  (They used to be on CD - now they are only available here).  They are nowhere to be found.

I promise.

You won't find them online.

Unless you know a Platinum member of this new hypnosis club, you'll never ever see a copy.

So if you are ready to take action when the right opportunity arrives, then take action now.

If you want to use Reed's Platinum Inner Circle System to create Your First 100 Million Dollars.

Then you should subscribe today.

[Click Here for $1 Instant Access to Your First 100 Million Dollars Now NLP Hypnosis System]

So if you are ready to use the power of your mind and the psychic powers that have laid dormant inside you to generate 100 million, then subscribe before this offer is gone.

WARNING: before you order, make sure you are ready for CHANGE, because your thoughts need to change to create your first 100 million dollars.

This is the ONLY authorized set that incorporates ALL of Reed's proprietary technologies for permanent change.

These audios are so new and exciting that I cannot honestly tell you how it will change you life.  All I can say is this:

If you've ever wanted to become filthy stinkin' rich, get this 3 Audio System immediately!

It won't last long.

  Here is what other people just like you who have USED Reed's systems and CDs:

TESTIMONIAL RECEIVED IN OCTOBER 2003: "Hello, My name is Eric, and I have recently purchased several of your systems, after friend made the recommendation. I am so glad that I trusted my friends judgment, and came to you guys! I am a freshmen in college, and actually, I'd been out of school for a couple of years already, and I was worried that I'd have trouble working full time while still keeping up with my studies. Well, when I said this to my best friend, the first place she directed me to was this web site! I was skeptical at first, but I decided to try your method out anyway. I got both the "accelerated learning/instant genius" CD and another of your products that I wanted in order to make the most out of my experience, "Crystal Clear Visualization", which actually programs you into being able to mentally recreate everything you experience (like having a photographic memory, only it effects ALL of your senses!) Anyway, to make a long story short, I followed my instructions and listened to each at least once a day. My first set of finals was this past week, and I just got my grades back, and I ACED EVERYTHING! Not just A's, but we are talking 98's and 100's! I owe it all to you! I have already purchased several more of your systems, and I now have confidence that my life will forever be changed for the better thanks you! You can quote me on this, in fact, please do! I want everyone else out there to know how QUICKLY these programs work, and just how powerful they really are! Thanks again, for everything! - Eric R."

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Reed Received this testimonial on August 8, 2002 -- "I would just like to say that last year I purchased the CMCS [Complete Mind Control System] from you and it has been an excellent program. IT DOES WORK I was totally amazed. Thank you and looking forward to future purchases."

"I don't know if you remember me or not, but I had got a cassette from you about 2 months ago or longer. On Mind Control On Others. This tape is so awesome it worked for me 3 days after I received it.  """EXCELLENT""" Bright Blessings To You, and Thank You for doing this making these tapes. Your an awesome person. Thanks, D. D." -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Man the work you guy's are putting out is getting better and better. I'm blown away with the latest i received.. has me buzzing all over.. it was #2 in the seduction series "automatic flirt / pheromone"  Ive studied hypnosis for about 4 years now.. "Erickson.. etc." that latest CD is da'bomb.  This evening at the Community College i go to, i was a flirting machine.. all had a blast during our breaks!" -- regarding Reed's Automatic Flirt CD

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"I have just run through your 4 CD "Mental Psychic Seduction System" and I just wanted to say that your expert use of Dual Binaural Beat Technology, much like Shamanic drumming, makes them the most powerful recorded hypnotic inductions I have ever experienced, more powerful than either 'Major Mark' Cunningham's "Hypnotic Awakenings" or evan Dr Richard X's "Personal XXXXXX Series". What is truly fascinating to me, though, was the immediately noticeable effects of the "Mental Psychic Seduction System" on my everyday encounters with other people. As far as I could tell, I was behaving just the same as I was before the inductions and yet, everyone I met after running through the System, especially women, reacted differently to me, in a much more relaxed, open and friendly way. At first, I assumed that the "Mental Psychic Seduction System" had simply enhanced my rapport skills at an unconscious level, which would be worth the price of the System alone. In fact, I found that when I deliberately set out to assertively lead rather than pace, I found that women were surprisingly happy to go along with whatever I suggested! Beyond these amazing new skills, I have found fabulous new synchronicities occurring on an ever increasing basis, as if the Universe itself was lending a friendly hand in my wishes and desires. Worth the investment many times over!!!" P.K. Received August 28, 2002

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REMEMBER -- Reed's Audios work, period.  All you have to do is put on stereo headphones and listen -- that's it.  After you are done listening, take action!

I will not accept ANY responsibility for damages you may cause with these techniques to yourself or others - YES THIS CD WORKS BETTER THAN ANY OTHER CD OUT THERE, SIMPLY BECAUSE IT USES BRAIN-TALK™ TECHNOLOGY, which you will ONLY find on Reed's Audios and no where else!  

LIMITED TIME OFFER NOW:

[Click Here for $1 Instant Access to Your First 100 Million Dollars Now NLP Hypnosis System]

  Please view the TERMS & CONDITIONS:

Because of the FDA and other governmental regulations, I can not and will not guarantee ANYTHING regarding these Audios!  Individual Results Vary and there is no promise.  There is no guarantee.  Making money is risky and you can lose money.  This is an online audio program that you need internet access to listen to.  You need stereo headphones to listen to this program.  If you don't listen, nothing will happen.  If you do listen, something may happen.  You still need to take action in the real world for results to occur. There is NO promise or guarantee that it will work for you. There is no promise that you will make any additional income by listening to these Audios.  No refunds on any payments .  No exceptions.

The title of these 3 Audios referenced here are:

(1)“Your First 100 Million Dollars NLP Hypnosis Audio”

(2) "Your First 100 Million Dollars AAT Audio" and

(3) "Your First 100 Million Dollars Sleep Programming Audio"

This is Your First 100 Million Dollar NLP Hypnosis System.  These Audios are copyrighted 2018.  All rights reserved. 

Source: https://www.hypno-success.com/blog/your-first-100-million-dollars

[snowfalls-and-snowflakes-blog]

The way that I'm goin'

I know that I'm screwed

But the crowd is already pullin' and draggin'

I can't keep this facade up much longer

So don't tell me I ain't got nothin' to lose

'Cause it's time to change somethin' in this life that I lead

Don't worry about the fame, the monsters, the wine

The stage is our beacon, we will soon see the light

And if not we'll just blow up the night

But then you'll notice a covanent has been broken

This woman ain't goin' through a fuckin' circumsision

She ain't bitchin' about her competition

But why do I have to fuck a man in consumation

It's enough to cause a gal to go into some kind of coniption

It's time for an intervention

god, let me walk you through its conception, my own invention

God, it's me, ring, ring, ring

You might look when I pray but you sure take your time respondin'

You realize we say "made in your image" in the praises we sing

But beatings and bruises

The pain and the confusion

They don't lead us to salvation like bitches in heat

And watching from on high makes you worse than the devil you've told us to hate

God, dammit, listen to me

The only difference between me and he is thanks to you

A boy brings good fortune and good luck, strong man in glory

His sister's just the stitch in his cape and the rip in his rib

Eve ate the apple so she deserves an ol' fashion birthin'

Never heard of sex not being fun for a man

But I gotta tell ya each man that I've had

Wasn't worth the price of fucking dinner, man, that bad

Fucking hell, god, even the devil can tell it to you straight

he ain't shit, that bitch, he a little rutting piggy up my skirt

and the little bastard is always singing "wee, wee, wee"

Braggin' 'cause his sister is finally muzzled,

'Cause his father, he said

"Women should be silenced and never be heard"

And that's why I fuckin' curse every other fuckin' word

'Cause bein' nasty is the only way that you'll even talk to me, guys

Come on, boy, look at me

I see sex in your eyes, all dicks are the same and holy shit

Lighter BICs are bigger than you are, yeah you gotta small-ass dick

Look, I don't mean to be a bigger prick,

but you're like a goddamn senseless bore,

And you stink like dead bitches

A real up-the-ass kinda guy

He ain't shy, and here i thought god had commanded that sodomy was a sin

I guess my ass doesn't count

Fucking hell, of course not it

It's only a sin if I wanted it which I did 'cause all the bitches do

Sex, shmex

Fuck you for making me fall like this

My parents think I'm addicted to fuckin' meth just like mommy

why all the bitches in my life either homie or i wanna get choky

and fuck you, too

i shouldn't have to act like this to get your motherfuckin' attention

should't have to speak in a rhyme for you to know its a rap

like eminem i'm on the attack

god, you bitch

if you find me in a ditch

at least i'mma die filthy stinkin' rich

why die a broke bitch for god

when i can get rich quick with the fucking devil on my side?