#but i cannot for the life of me figure out where they fit into nct

[everywhere-all-around-the-world]

When I started stanning Stray Kids I thought a eight-member group was the highest i’d go. then I eventually fell into Seventeen and I was like okay FINE. thirteen maximum. not gonna do more than that. unfortunately instagram has been feeding me nct content recently,

[virghogh]

Guessing NCT's rising signs: Huang Renjun as a Cancer rising

Welcome to my first post where I write all about why I think this idol is X rising sign! I don't know how many of these I'll do because it heavily depends on how confident I feel in my guess of their rising lol for Renjun's rising sign, it's something I've been sitting on for a loooong time just to see if anything else comes into my head. At the end of the day we really have no way to know for sure, even if the idols gives us their birth time it still has to be taken with a grain of salt! But it’s still fun theorize and to test your skills while learning at the same time. So for now I feel pretty confident sharing my thoughts on Renjun as a cancer rising.

Let’s ✨explore✨ why:

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧long post! *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

✦ Before I even decided to look up his chart layout, there were 2 characteristics of Renjun that initially led me to think he’s a Cancer rising. His eyes and his physique. His eyes aren’t necessarily as big as idols we’ve seen with moon in 1st, but they’re still very notable features of his physical appearance that he’s very well known for. They’re bigger, soft and dreamy, and sometimes look like he quite literally holds stars in his eyes. The biggest physical feature though is his, well, petite frame. Next to his eyes, renjun is also really well know for his smaller build. It’s even a well known inside joke amongst NCT, they all him “big shoulders renjun” (lol) because “for a guy” his shoulders a on the smaller side. Both of these physical attributes can also be identifying characteristics of cancer risings.

✦ So, in general I think he is a Cancer rising. But if we want to be more specific; I do think he is a 3rd decan Cancer rising which is the Pisces/Neptune ruled decan. I initially chose this because his house and planet placements just make so much more sense to me when the rising is in the 3rd decan (I'll get into that below), but after reading about the 3rd decan I also think it fits his personality really well! With the Neptune and Pisces influence, he's more on the open side of Cancer rising but more notably, 3rd decans are a lot more inclined to art/creativity and sometimes, music specifically. These people also have a very dreamy attraction about them. He also has his Venus trine ASC which can further add to this kind of creative vibe he gives off, but is also drawn to! It emphasizes the importance of aesthetics, art and creativity in his life. If you've never been on Renjun stan twt then you might not know that a lot of his fans see him as this incredibly dreamy and ethereal boy (as they should) and I can see why!

*:･ﾟ✧house and planet placements *:･ﾟ✧

Scorpio moon, Sagittarius Pluto in 5th:

✦ yea... just yes. Okay but actually, if you read my NCT Dream Hexaco x Birth Chart analyses, I talked a lot about his chart already because I really like it. As someone with a Scorpio moon, I can't help but be really interested in how his plays out. And I have to say, I am quite attached to this theory because I think his scorpio moon in 5th just. makes. sense. I'm not going to go much into the descriptions of the placements, I'm mostly going to stick to the house influence. We know that Scorpio moons have really intense emotions, they internalize everything and are just highly sensitive people to their environments. Renjun has been incredibly open about his mental and emotional struggles ever since being a kid. I've honestly never heard an idol talk about their struggle like he has. He even opened up recently about how a few years ago he had an art therapist that really helped him and lowkey changed his life. I feel like a lot of this can be reflected in his 5th house. The house of creativity, expression, creation. His 5th cusp is also in Scorpio. 5th house in water tend to be really drawn to arts and music. Having a Scorpio moon, a moon sign that can be quite guarded, in a fire house can also explain his readiness/openness to share his emotions and art. Also let's not forget his chart ruler is his Scorpio moon in 5th! What I've wrote above are big themes in his life, which we've seen.

✦ As for the Pluto in 5th. Because his 5th house is in Scorpio this would mean the 5th ruler is in 5th. I know it might not make sense at first because it's pluto and pluto is misunderstood. But it makes perfect sense to me. Pluto in 5th is a deeply passionate and creative placement. It bring so much energy to this house, and can even create a borderline obsession with themes of this house. With creating and expressing. But I could also see having this and his scorpio moon in this house bringing so much energy, it just kind of adds to the confusion and intensity of a scorpio moons emotions and processing abilities, like, emotionally overwhelming. Scorpio moons always need an outlet and they usually figure that out the hard way at some point in life. The outlet can vary based off the chart, his is without a doubt connected to his art; whatever that may be to him.

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Aquarius Uranus in 8th:

✦ This part is brief because it's more of like, additional details to what's already in his chart. Something that is really well known about Renjun too is how much he is into space and aliens and stuff like that. He, once again, has been very open about it lol on variety shows I've seen him light up every time its briefly mentioned and he'll comment on how much he finds that stuff interesting. The 8th house is weird, it can manifest in a lot of different ways. The biggest point here for me is that the house is in Aquarius with Uranus here. I know someone with this placement too and, while they're open minded to astrology and tarot etc. it's a bit more focused on logic. I can't say for sure because I don't know him, but he kind of strikes me as the kind of person that would fight to death over aliens existing, but draws the line at astrology lol. I actually do think he would be open to astrology and tarot, but he'd need the right introduction to it. Anyways, yea this placement to me explains a lot of his interest in space and things we don't understand. He's expressed his curiosity in it. I think a lot of this is coming from his Scorpio moon and Pisces mercury/venus which is why I think it's just additional support.

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Pisces Mercury/Venus in 9th:

✦ THIS HOUSE right here... so much to say. Firstly, Pisces in 9th is probably one of the main culprits for his creativity, deep thinking and curiosity in the world. And more importantly: his imagination. I've mentioned this a lot when I talk about renjun but, he's very well known for his creativity, but I want to make it clear that there is a distinction between creation and imagination. His imagination is truly... on another level. Well, planet actually since it's pisces! Again, amongst fans it's really well known his imagination is just so unqiue. This is less about the 9th house and more about the fact that he has 2 pisces placements but it still affects it lol. He's very open about his imagination and speaks about it so naturally. He shared his drawing of a bird, hybrid, thing? and how it's an animal that steals your dreams in your sleep. Anyways, Pisces in 9th aren't necessarily the travelers we'd see with an air or fire sign here, but they like to travel mentally. He's also talked about how he's just in general a very curious person and you can tell his thoughts probably travel far and wide in his down time.

✦ What's really interesting to me about this house is his mercury is here and Mercury in 9th is a very specific kind of placement. It almost always guarantees an interest and talent in learning languages. I don't know if languages are necessarily a passion for him but he definitely is interested and cares about learning language and other cultures. He also did pick up on Korean and English with ease. Which also reminds me that, he actually was exposed to Korean at a young age because I'm pretty sure he went to a bilingual school (chinese and korean). This is also a big deal to me because planets in 9th, especially sun/mercury often indicate very early exposure to languages or other cultures... so yea that checks out. This can also be proved by looking at his IC in Virgo, which puts the ruler in 9th. His mercury is also sextile Jupiter. I also wanna comment that he has his Mercury in the 5th degree, I'm not great at degree theory yet but that feels significant to me. Of course we cannot forget his absolutely angelic voice. Renjun is also very well known for his stunning vocals. Not only are Pisces placements musically inclined but Pisces mercury are known for their sweet voices.

✦ As for the venus is 9th, I feel like I have more to say on his venus being in Pisces because that's where so much of his artistic creativity and imagination come from. But venus here adds to a lot of what I've written above, adding to his curiosity of the world. What I find most interesting about venus in 9th though, is it brings another inclination to art! He might really like art from different places in the world, or just exploring all types of art being very open minded to its different forms etc. Venus here also brings ease to language learning, and these people will naturally have other cultures and people from them as a big part of their life. I feel like, in general it's not surprising at all to me that as a foreign member (being from China), that he would have 9th house influence! It can often manifest as like.., travel, other languages, cultures and parts of the world etc. are just very naturally a part of their life. Some people never really contemplate life overseas or in another country. But for 9th housers, it's never not been an option. His 9th house influence can also make him a great teacher, mentor and just overall supportive person. We've seen some of this in the content he's made with NCT. Like trying to teach his members chinese with Chenle, except he was taking it way more seriously lol but was so supportive. He's also tried to get Jeno and Jisung involved in his art making, but keeping the process very open and fun.

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Aries sun, Taurus mars in 10th:

✦ This is the last part I'm going to cover because it is really just the icing on the cake to finish this up. The 10th house is considered pretty important when looking at celebrities/idols because it's very likely a lot of what we see from them is their 10th house influence. In the chart model I'm using for Renjun, it puts his MC in the very last degrees of Pisces, so there's a chance it's in Aries but either way with his sun and mars here they are still playing a big role. So for that reason, I'm opting for Pisces MC. I also think Pisces MC fits though because first it puts the ruler in his 7th house. Meaning he could really benefit and work well in something that involves a group! Because it's Pisces in Neptune, it also adds to his very ethereal vibe and how people just seem to love him wherever he goes. He's very magnetic and can come off as artistic and sensitive. He's known for being dreamy, unreal, artistic, sensitive.

✦ Again, we know he has an aries sun and taurus mars so I'm not going to explain them here, just how they affect the house, but having his these here makes so much sense to me too. Having planets in 10th also influences what kind of "vibe" people get from you, and what you're "known" for. Mars and Sun bring similar energy of being well known for for energy, drive, and even stage presence. Not being afraid to be on stage, being good with attention and spotlight. He's known for his kind of playful and childish behavior at times. He is charismatic, bold, brave, happy and upbeat. With the sun, he is again known for his creativity and creations and also self-expression.

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Thank you to anyone who read all this. I don't really expect many people to because I'm mostly writing this for my own curiosity and to finally just put this theory out there! Anyways, stan Renjun best boy <33

Thoughts and feedback are always welcome <3

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[wh6res]

johnny — part of the my bloody valentine collection.

prompt. the closer you are to your soulmate, the warmer you feel. the farther you are, the colder.

synopsis. johnny had always preferred you in winter clothes, anyway. you can say it makes his job a lot easier.

warnings. tread cautiously. smut, swearing, mentions of drugs, mentions of smoking, mentions of stalking, violence, implied kidnapping near the end, johnny's a lil delusional, implied slutshaming

disclaimer. a friendly reminder that i do not, under any circumstance, condone or support any acts like this. this is not love and this is not how a normal relationship should be like. the things i write are all fiction and should be treated as such and if you don’t like it, please do not read it and waste your time hating on it. the 9 members of nct 127 do not act like this in real life and shouldn’t act like this in real life.

inspired by red.

in a world where finding one’s soulmate is a big hot and cold game, having sex for the heck of it proves to be a challenge. who’d be willing to take off their clothes when you literally feel negative degrees because your soulmate lives on the other side of the world?

but it’s weird, really. some people don’t have their soulmates living in another country. some people lucked out and have their soulmate living just across the street, or next to their house, and probably didn’t need all those winter clothes that other people wear.

johnny had eventually developed an unspoken rule to only get with the ones who are bundled up in their ‘lil jackets and parkas, running the other way from people who show more skin. he isn’t a masochist, why’d he want to spend time with someone who’s close to meeting their soulmate?

it hadn’t been two years when johnny met you in the brick alleyway of a local bar near the university, in the shortest, skimpiest outfit he’s ever seen. he tried to stop himself, oh, he truly did, but your cat-like grace and alluring eyes threw him off his game completely. one bottle of cheap beer led to another, exchanging whispers led to kissing, and kissing led to… well, in your mattress.

sure, the springs digging against his back as you rode him like a fucking horse hurt but it has a charm to it. with the pain and pleasure mixing into something so blinding that it was the best sex he’s had for years.

it was only after he'd cummed for the 5th time with you that night and had called it a day, did he realize that you haven’t met your soulmate nor were you feeling any closer to meeting ‘the one’ despite not wearing a jacket in the least.

you don’t know the relief that surged through johnny’s veins when you said…

“what? soulmate? i haven’t met them yet. wait a minute—you thought because of what i’m wearing, my soulmate’s close?” johnny felt a little stupid as you laughed, tugging the bedsheets higher up against your chest. “people i fucked always ask me that but nah, nothing can stop me from wanting to wear something that makes me feel confident.”

there’s something about you that johnny suh cannot pinpoint. it was that annoying feeling of having the words at the tip of your tongue yet being unable to say them. maybe it was the way you talked? the way you acted? or just the charisma you seem to exude so effortlessly? johnny would rather die than admit to anyone that you got him wrapped around your pretty little nimble fingers with just the bat of an eyelash.

he felt like utter shit for literally walking out on you as abruptly as he did (screw drunk taeyong for getting into bar fights again) but at least you guys exchanged numbers and talked about all that needed to be talked about.

when johnny went out that night to try out local bars outside the uni, he never thought he'd be coming back home, sober and satiated, with a new booty call.

the arrangement went on a few more times. and by few, johnny meant a hefty few, considering you saw each other more than his ten fingers can count and had always alternated between his place and yours. although due to taeyong being a constant nuisance (“i’m not just going to fucking move my gaming nights just so you can get your dick bounced, suh!”) he was always at your place, instead.

not that either of you minded. johnny had to sneak in and out of the university because you lived off the campus grounds but it’s well worth it. anyone will do anything for a taste of heaven, right?

not that you were an angel by any means but johnny discovers your moans turn whinier when he addresses you as such. it makes his cock throb with want, hearing you lose yourself underneath or on top of him as he used you to get off.

“isn’t that right, angel? come on tell me how much you love me fucking you. this is what you live for isn’t it?” johnny hisses, leaning forward, his chest touching your back as he railed you from behind.

you were way too lost in the pleasure to even answer him properly. you just felt so full, the slight curve of his cock aiding him to hit all the right places whenever he ruts his hips forward. he doesn’t even need to use his hands on you and johnny revels at how amazingly responsive you are.

all he can hear is you and boy was it enough to get him off. from your moans, to the clapping, to the lewd squelching sounds, to the springs of the mattress poking your front. everything is leading up to that moment you’re both chasing, that searing pleasure of climaxing.

when he feels you getting closer, he flips you onto your back, wanting to see your face twisted in sheer ecstasy when he makes you cum.

“johnny!” you scream when he hauls your legs over his shoulder, hitting impossibly deeper, grazing the walls of your cervix. “shit, shit, shit—i’m going to—”

he halts all movements.

the answering whine he got from you made him quickly wrap a hand around your throat, the other gripping your hips so hard you just know it’ll leave a nasty bruise the next morning. “you didn’t answer my question, sweetheart. go on—you live for my cock, don’t you?”

“johnny, come on—ah!” he cuts you off with a pointed look, the hard thrust rendering you speechless as he wraps his hand just a wee bit tighter around your neck.

“what did i say about whiny angels, hmm?” he leans down to your ear, puffing his hot breath with every word he spoke and drawing more beads of sweat on the side of your face. “go on, love, don’t be shy. i know you love my cock but i don’t tolerate you ignoring my questions.”

well, you’re fucked—figuratively—as you fail to remember whatever question he asked you only seconds ago.

you squeeze your eyes shut when he starts moving in the slowest pace possible, teasing you and making you work for it. as if your dilemma is written clear on your face, johnny coos, tilting his head. “what… is my angel having trouble?”

the surprised moan you let out when he gives another hard thrust sends shivers down his spine. he revels at your scrunched up face, both from the pleasure and wracking your brain frantically for whatever johnny wants because you sure as hell know that he’ll keep this pace up just to torture you.

“johnny,” you plead, nuzzling your face by his forearm propped beside your head. but one look at his face and you know he won’t drop it no matter how much you plead and beg for you to finish. “i didn’t—didn’t hear what you asked—”

“that’s just too bad, now, is it?” you squirm underneath him with one particular hard thrust, your head nearly hitting the wall behind the mattress.

“please… re—repeat the question? i promise i’ll do anything! you know i will! i’m—i’m your angel, right? i’ll do anything! just—”

“fuck the question,” he gasps, feeling you clenching around him as he gives in to the pleasure he wants to feel. screw pretenses. “that’s good enough.”

he started yet again his brutal pace, stopping only after you finished so he could pull out, ropes of his essence painting your naked stomach.

johnny doesn’t immediately slump next to you, reaching forward to the box of tissues lying on the floor next to the mattress so he can clean you up. he knows your heart flutters when he takes care of you after, that’s why he does it always, without fail. he can feel your hammering heart as he wiped away all of his sticky cum off your torso.

both of you are shivering underneath the thin blanket. with the nature of the soulmate rules plus the busted heater in your apartment, being naked as the day you were born is quite a bad idea unless you want to suffer from hypothermia.

“want a cig?”

johnny chuckles, putting an arm up to support his head. “you always ask me that and i’ll always say the same thing. i—”

“don’t smoke.” you finish his sentence, your giggle rings akin to that of a little girl as you click the lighter, angling your head so the cigarette butt will reach the small flame.

“those things’ll kill you,” johnny mumbles, eyeing a discolored portion of the ceiling.

you snort, tempted to blow the smoke directly to his face but you know what happened before—angry sex with johnny suh borders more on pain than pleasure… but masochists are made to love the pain, aren’t they?

johnny bolts upright in a coughing fit, the springs of the mattress groaning in agony with the sudden movement. only after he’s composed himself again after that small blast of smoke you blew towards him did he start glaring at you. yet his annoyance dissipates the moment he sees the eagerness and mischief swirling in your eyes.

“you’re gonna fucking pay for that.”

johnny doesn’t like thinking that he’s growing attached. what the heck is taeyong even saying? feelings make everything messy and the last thing johnny wants to do is mess up whatever the fuck you guys have—not friends, not lovers, just smack dab in the middle.

so why is he so affected by the sudden infrequency of your texts? you used to reply within seconds after johnny asks if he can come over, now it takes you hours and more often than not johnny has already taken care of the problem himself by the time you replied.

and your texting style has gradually started to change, as well. gone are the days you’d humor him when he gives poorly disguised sexual innuendos for the fun of it. when johnny does end up coming over, you’re still as noisy and whiny as a bitch in heat but… there’s something off with everything. 

with you.

johnny’s just concerned. can he not feel that way? concern doesn’t automatically equal to any romantic feelings whatsoever, right?

“are you okay?” he asks, never the type to beat around the bush with someone. he tries to force out a chuckle, afraid whatever he said sounded a tad too serious. “i mean, i don’t know. is there something wrong—”

“i met him.”

“who?”

one look in your eyes and johnny knew you were pertaining to your soulmate.

he dashes over to you in a heartbeat, running his hands down your arms but before he can even reach your hands, you’ve hissed and pushed him away. “you’re hands are freezing, johnny!”

it was only a moment, seconds of touching you yet he can feel you weren’t as cold as you used to and it only meant one thing.

johnny’s smart enough to know he wasn’t your soulmate because if it was, you would’ve gotten warmer from the day you two met—but no, you were as cold as him, and had excused fucking each other as a means of sharing body heat. but even if that was the case, you both have made the agreement to still see or fuck around each other even after meeting your own respective soulmates.

jesus christ, you were the one who brought the issue up! and now… now what’s this bullshit he’s hearing from you?

“i can’t—can’t do this anymore, john,” you say firmly as you stand across the room, far away from him. hugging yourself as if you were the one breaking and not johnny. “we’d be hurting other people—”

“but you said—”

“i know what i said,” you snap, piercing eyes heatedly finding his. “i was stupid back then, i thought i can keep this up but—the guilt, johnny. you don’t know how guilty i fucking feel!”

“guilty?” he asks incredulously, taken aback of the implications of that one word.

you being guilty meant you’ve already met and have probably spent a reasonable amount of time with your soulmate (so that’s what you’ve been doing for the duration of you not talking to him). you being guilty meant you’re not exactly the proudest with whatever relationship you have with johnny and had probably kept your little midnight rendezvous with him a secret to your soulmate. you being guilty meant the sex you had only an hour ago was meant to be a goodbye of sorts, if the apologetic look you’re shooting him is anything to go by.

“look,” he’s never heard you sound so defeated before. “it was great, okay? the time i had with you, sex and aftercare and pillowtalk—all that shit. it was great but we both know it’s going to end eventua—”

“is the sex that good?”

“excuse me?”

“oh, i see,” johnny says condescendingly, a tone he’s never used when talking to you before but you’re leaving him with no choice. “he’s bigger, is that it? that has to be it. i wouldn’t put it past you, anyway—”

the slap you gave him only served to make his cock twitch under his sweatpants.

“leave.”

staring isn’t a crime. what can a pair of eyes do? it may be sharp like a knife and heavy like a gun in one’s hands but other than that can it physically do any harm? the answer’s simple—no, it fucking can’t. this is why johnny, for the life of him, can’t fathom as to why and what taeyong is so pressed about. johnny never thought him as a nagger, but his friend has transformed into an overgrown bat hovering behind his shoulders as if he’s some kid in need of monitoring.

“you call her a slut and now you’re being a stalker. wow, john, how utterly irresistible you’ve become.” taeyong looks so unfazed by johnny’s sharp eyes that the taller male’s fingers twitched in annoyance.

“i’m not stalking her!” he hisses under his breath, elbowing taeyong’s ribs only to curse when his bone hits the plethora of enamel pins stuck on his friend’s leather jacket. “and i didn’t call her a slut, either. get your facts straight.”

“but you implied it didn’t you?”

before johnny can even growl out a response, taeyong has quickly slipped into the bodies dancing in the middle of the bar.

so what if you were here? so what if this is the same bar you guys met? johnny’s not here for you. fuck, no. he’s here because this bar is closest to the uni and he isn’t in the mood to walk farther than a few blocks.

but no matter how much he claims otherwise, actions have always rang louder than words and johnny knows he’s creating a fool out of himself every time his eyes stray a little too far left and onto your figure, sitting next to a guy whose arm is wrapped around your waist like a vice.

but that’s not the interesting part—johnny wonders why your soulmate has another girl pressed up on his left.

oh, that’s your soulmate alright. judging by how you’d fan yourself fruitlessly with your hands, judging by how you’d cradle the glass filled with cheap beer and ice in hopes of the cold remedying your dried up palms.

but what sold you out? it’s how your eyes met his from way across the room. he knows you enough to see the apprehension and shock in your face only to quickly school it into indifference. the moment you glanced between him and that shitty soulmate of yours, he knows you’ll come crawling back into his arms—it’d only be a matter of time.

and not even hours later johnny’s phone rang and he stared down at your caller id with a sense of pride and sick entertainment rushing through his veins.

he knew he won, he just knew he did.

“and what does the angel need in such an hour?”

funny how you kicked him out of your apartment and now you’re ringing up his cell on the exact time you used to meet each other when you fucked around.

you’ve always been someone he can’t read, someone he can’t understand. may it be your logic, or your actions, or the words you say but it was all part of the appeal. a mystery johnny can’t help but want to unfold. when you called, the last thing he had ever expected was to hear you half-crying and half-moaning out his name like a mantra. he hears the sharp slick sounds and your shaky breath and knows exactly what you’ve been up to.

johnny isn’t a cruel person. it’d be mean of him to not give in when you had asked him so nicely.

“i’ll be there in five, angel.”

you wind back to each other for numerous times even after that night. you yourself always in the same predicament of being high as a fucking cloud, and johnny constantly getting flashbacks of the first few weeks he had with you.

but the way you treated each other has long passed the blurry lines of unspoken boundaries. you just felt so warm lying between his arms that he can’t help but tuck you in tighter, running fingers through your hair as you slept like a baby next to him and not on your soulmate’s bed.

johnny thought he’d won after you came back to him. how foolish of him to think that winning had something to do with this when it had everything to do with the small sparks of desire eating away at his insides—the desire to have you all for himself.

johnny scowls when you ask him to be quiet while in the middle of sex just because your soulmate called. johnny scowls when you refuse to meet up with him because you already have “plans” with your soulmate. johnny scowls when he smells a faint cologne that doesn’t belong to him on the whole of your apartment.

you yawn, subconsciously trying to shrug off johnny’s arms from your body in your sleep as you turned your back on him.

but want to know what johnny hates the most? what leaves a taste so bitter in his tongue that his whole day becomes a whole fucking mess? you trying to push him away… only to throw yourself back right into his arms.

how confusing can you be? how much more of the awful migraines will you let johnny endure? you’re driving him up the wall, pushing him to the edges of his sanity and the frustration only serves to add fuel to the fire.

what was so great about your soulmate that you can’t leave the bastard for good? johnny’s not stupid, he’s seen hickies countless of times to know that some purple marks on your skin are more than that—those weren’t hickies, they’re bruises. and god knows how much johnny hurts inside when you flinch away from him when all he wanted to do was pick away a fallen eyelash on your cheek.

he needed to save you, to snatch you away from the horrors of tartarus to worship you like a goddess again. and when he mulled everything over and over and over in his head, he only came up with one thing.

johnny perks up when he feels the phone vibrating on his lap, your caller id flashing in the dark room as he gamed on his pc. he eyes the phone in the corner of his eyes, contemplating the choices he will make. it’s not that he doesn’t know it’s wrong, but he needs you to wake the fuck up and you were taking too little too long for his taste.

his ringtone is deafening in the quiet room, he watches it vibrate against the table for a few more seconds until it stops. you have one missed phone call/, it says on his notifications.

the screen turns black.

he makes his move.

“what took you so long?” you whine, eyes red and seeing everything in a kaleidoscope as you stumble towards the door in a haste to get to johnny. you hear him strut through the door, shutting it close before hearing the soft pads of his shoes hitting the floor when he toes them off.

“i had to run errands, angel.”

with your hazy mind, you don’t detect the scratchiness of his voice. it’s as if he screamed his heart out until his own voice started to feel like knives against his throat every time he spoke. you were too high, too stoned, that you thought he sounded like melted chocolate, the drugs fucking up your whole system.

you giggle, folding in on yourself as you slumped to the floor, leaning against the wall with your knees tucked under your chin. “what kind of errands?”

“want me to show you?”

you were giggling when you signed your death wish. “yes, please!”

when he leans down, you didn’t smell the metallic scent that seemed to cling onto his clothes, didn’t see the splotches of red that ruined his favorite white shirt, didn’t taste his inhumanity when he leaned down to capture your lips into a heated kiss.

everything is under a thick layer of guise when you look down high up from cloud nine. but if only your feet had been anchored to the ground, maybe you would’ve seen everything as it was—would’ve seen the bat as it comes swinging down the back of your head after he’d pulled away. not enough to kill, just enough to knock you out. the clock starts from there.

johnny needed to be efficient, quick on his feet, as he incapacitated you with enough cable ties and darted around your apartment to shove everything in his duffel bag.

he mumbles to himself as he slots you inside the modest clothes he bought—he’s seen your closet enough to know that there wasn’t enough clothes that can keep you warm, so instead, he made you wear his own.

“this isn’t my fault,” johnny says under his breath as if trying to convince himself. “she forced my hand. forced me to do it. this is her fault.”

with all your big talk of able to withstand the coldness from when you had yet to meet your soulmate, he knew you won’t be able to handle the freezing heights brought by the temperature now that he left your soulmate to rot in a ditch.

this isn’t my fault. this isn’t my fault. this isn’t my fault.

[neohighwayv]

Let me love you

Characters: NCT 127’s Doyoung x fem reader

Genre: fluff, romance, (slighttt) angst (if you squint), domestic!au

Word count: 2.9k

Author’s note: If you’d like to see more domestic AUs, do check out @nsheetee​ domestic series! 

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“Hey darling, what movie – ”

Doyoung words gets cut short as he emerges from the shower – only to find you missing from the shared master bedroom. His laser beam projector is still projecting a blue screen on the wall right in front of the bed and the remote control lies forgotten on the white covers of the shared bed. You were supposed to choose a movie for the two of you for movie night so where were you now?

Maybe she went outside to get snacks.

Towel in hand, he continues rubbing his wet hair as he steps out of the master bedroom in search of you. He spots you by the dining table, but his eyebrows furrow at the sight of your hunched figure over the dining table, clearly struggling with something in your hands. He moves closer to you but even then, you don’t notice him for you are much too engrossed with that mysterious item in your hand. Doyoung finally sees it now – a medicinal patch placed over your right wrist as you struggle to wrap it up in compression bandages. Bottom lip between your teeth with your glare fixed on the white bandage with intent, you twirl the bandage with your left hand as you try to keep the medicinal patch steady with the other – but to no avail. Either the medicinal patch keeps shifting from its position on your wrist, or the bandages come loose with corners sticking out from weird angles. It’s not neat enough for you, and you end up redoing the bandages again and again. When you’re satisfied with the way the bandages are done, there comes the next challenge – cutting the bandages. You struggle with the task because for some goddamned reason, the scissors just won’t cut through the thick material. The bandage keeps shifting on the table and makes a mess out of the entire area. A quick glance at the wall clock tells you that it’s been 15 minutes since you’ve been struggling to put on your bandages and by now, you’re perspiring slightly and getting frustrated. You let out an exasperated sigh and that’s when Doyoung snaps out of his stupor and marches over to help you.

“Here, let me help you.”

His sudden appearance gives you a small fright and you shoot up on your seat, nearly snipping his fingers with the scissors. You notice the close shave and, in your shock, you admonish Doyoung.

“Doyoung, you scared me! Don’t do that next time – I nearly cut your fingers!”

You expect a retort from Doyoung, even something as slight as an eye roll; he always loved to tease you when you became dramatic – but this time round, there’s none of that. Your husband’s face remains stoic as he pulls out the adjacent chair to sit on it, his hands moving forward towards your injured wrist. Instinctively, you pull back, not used to receiving help from others.

“Doyoung, it’s fine, I can do it myself.”

Your words scald his ears as his heart sting upon hearing your harsh words. The acid in his mouth pricks his tongue as he bites down hard on his lower lip; enough to draw some blood. He doesn’t understand – why are you struggling alone? He’s your husband, and he’s at home – literally right there in the living room with you now – he’s in the perfect position to help but yet you won’t let him? Doyoung decides that he won’t let you struggle alone anymore, and pushes forward with his request.

“No, you clearly could use some help so please – let me help you.”

His heavy words slice the air between the two of you, his pleading tone notifying you that something was wrong. He finally lifts his downcast eyes to look into yours, and it’s the look of finality in them that makes you finally relent. You sit still in your seat as he swiftly snips the bandages and you don’t resist when his callused fingers reach out to guide your wrist towards him gently. You watch his face carefully as he sets to work on your wrist, and Doyoung can feel the burn of your gaze on him. Still, he refuses to look at you, not wanting to address the issue just yet. For now, he wants to focus on wrapping your wrist up properly – the discussion can wait till later. He also doesn’t want you to see the look of hurt on his face – he knows he can’t help it for he’s a man that wears his heart on his sleeve. But he also knows that you’ll feel bad about making him upset, and he doesn’t want you to feel worse than you already do. Yet, your persistence does not allow the silence to last for long, your constant probing making him relent.

“Doyoung, what’s wrong?”

Silence. Doyoung adjusts the medical patch properly over your wrist.

“Love, talk to me. What’s wrong?”

Silence again. Your husband continues wrapping the bandages around your wrist, making sure to align the edges properly neatly like how you like them to be.

“Doyoung. Look at me. Talk to me.” Your husband is being stubborn right now and your uneasiness was growing – he’s not usually this silent, just what exactly was going on? Doyoung adjusts the netting to fit snugly over your bandages and finally lifts his head to look at you. His face remains stoic and composed, but through his eyes you can see a whirlwind of emotions behind them. His eyes were always the most expressive part of him – they were the pair of eyes that you fell in love with, and the pair of eyes that tell you all that you need to know about him when words fail. Right now, they were clearly telling you that he’s hurt. He can never lie with his eyes.

“I did something wrong, didn’t I?”

“No darling, you didn’t do anything wrong. I just wish you’d ask me for help sometimes, especially when I can be there for you.”

“So, this is what this is all about? Me not asking you for help with my bandages? Doyoung, I’m an independent adult. I can wrap bandages and take care of my injuries myself. I don’t have to trouble you with simple things like these.”

“You were clearly struggling just now. I saw everything. Why don’t you ask me for help?”

“Yes, I was struggling just now but I would have gotten it done if you’d given me more time. I’m independent. I can do this on my own.”

All this while, Doyoung holds your injured wrist against his cheek, listening to you intently without cutting you off.

“Yes darling, I know. I know you’re an independent person, and I’m not negating that by asking you to ask me for help – please know that. It’s just that… I’m right here. I’m here to offer my help to make life easier for you by helping you. I don’t want to see you struggle when you don’t have to. I’m your husband and as someone that loves you, I promised to take care of you when you need me to. So please… in future… please just let me help you. Allow me to love you through the small things that I can do for you. Ok?”

Doyoung presses a soft kiss to your bandaged wrist when he says the last word, his beautiful eyes looking into yours as he holds your gaze with sincerity. How could you ever say no to those pleading eyes? The powerful emotions of love and appreciation gush to the surface and you let out a soft exhale, blinking slowly as you nod your head. Doyoung graces you with a soft smile at the sight; he's happy with your response but he's not quite done yet. Your husband releases your bandaged hand from his cheek and proceeds to hold both your hands with his, prompting you to look at him again. He's still got something to say – you can read it from his facial expression and body language.

"Also, when did you go to the doctor? And how did you even injure your wrist?"

You chuckle at the last question, finding the situation ridiculous as well. How do you explain this without feeling stupid?

"My wrist got injured because I overworked it. I know sounds absolutely ridiculous, but I'm not kidding. I've was rushing some urgent work projects and I sprained it drawing and typing too much.”

“You should have rested in between.”

“It didn’t occur to me then; I was too engrossed with finishing the projects. I did after I submitted the projects thinking it’ll do the trick but it’s been hurting for the past few days so I went to see the doctor this morning.”

“You went alone?”

Here it is. You already know he’s going to react and you sigh internally before answering.

“Yes. But! Before you say anything, let me explain. I didn’t ask you to go with me because I know you had a recording session today for the solo album. That is a huge thing. I didn’t want to mess up your schedule.”

This time, it’s Doyoung turn to sigh as he firmly holds your gaze.

“Darling, nothing could be more important than you – you have to know that. I could have accompanied you there before heading back to record. You should be resting your wrist but yet you’re driving yourself there and doing all sorts of things with your injured wrist. How’s it going to heal like that?”

Doyoung turns towards the kitchen and points towards the fridge, referring to the grocery shopping you did after your visit to the doctor. You gnaw on your lower lip. Doyoung is always the more logical one. You cannot argue with him on this one.

“Asking me for help also includes asking me for help with things around the house because we own this place together. From today onwards – until your wrist gets better – I’m doing the cleaning, cooking and heavy lifting. You can do everything else yourself.”

You nod your head, satisfied with the deal. At least he’s not asking you to just sit there and look pretty – you would be fighting him now if he did. Doyoung knows you love your independence too much to surrender it.

“Did the doctor say anything else?”

“She just told me to rest my wrist, eat my medicine and apply the medicinal patch every night. Oh, and to massage my wrist from time to time. Nothing unusual.”

Doyoung perks up at the last piece of the information – finally something that he can help you with.

“How are you supposed to massage your wrist?”

“Like this.”

You remove your hands from his grip on your wrist and begin rubbing circles on your wrist and finger joints, but focus mostly on your thumb since that was where it hurts the most. Slowly, Doyoung takes over from you, constantly glancing up at you to check if it hurts. You nod rapidly and make a hum of affirmation; Doyoung doesn’t stop until you tap the back of his hand to signal him to stop. He doesn’t even get the chance to straighten up fully before he’s caught off-guard by the quick peck you place against his lips. You pull back just enough to mumble against his lips: “Thank you love.”

You proceed to move out of his personal space but Doyoung doesn’t let you get any further – he places a hand at the back of your head, bringing you down to his lips again for a second kiss. Lips travelling up, he presses a tender kiss to your forehead before whispering against them.

“You’re welcome. Also, you want to go pick a movie for us? Movie night isn’t over yet. I’ll clean up the dining table and bring some snacks in.”

“Sounds good to me.”

Doyoung finally releases you from his hold and you end up choosing “The Farewell” for the both of you to watch. Throughout the movie, you feed Doyoung the snacks as his hands continue to rub circles on your injured hand, making sure to apply light pressure. The action was so soothing that you almost fall asleep halfway through the movie but you pull through. That night, you sleep with your injured wrist propped up on a small pillow (courtesy of Doyoung) as Doyoung tucks you under his chin, wrapping a protective arm around your waist.

---

You wake the next day to an empty bed – which is odd, considering how neither Doyoung or yourself are early morning birds. Careful to not place pressure on your bandaged wrist, you move into the bathroom before gingerly removing the bandages. You wince slightly when you place pressure on your thumb to brush your teeth but there was no way that you are going to ask Doyoung for help with brushing your own teeth.

Speaking of Doyoung, where is my husband?

You keep the thought to yourself; maybe he had to go back to the company early. So of course, you were pleasantly surprised to find him in the kitchen when you step out of the bedroom. Walking closer, you notice the stack of pancakes on the dining table – most certainly Doyoung’s work. It’s clumsy, but nonetheless made with love. Some parts of the pancakes are burned, their shapes uneven. A bowl of strawberries is also placed on the dining table, the water droplets still glistening on the red surface of the strawberries. Even your medicine is laid out in a tiny dish. Clumsy as they are, all of these were Doyoung’s little acts of service – and you could see all the effort put in. He keeps true to his promise – to help you whenever he could. Walking past the dining table into the kitchen, you greet Doyoung.

“Morning love, what’s the special occasion today?”

“Oh! Morning darling. Nothing special, just didn’t want you doing too much when nursing an injury. I did say that I’ll do the cooking.”

Upon your arrival, Doyoung reaches for your wrist to massage your injury again as he turns towards the breakfast he made. You notice the way his smile falters, probably feeling bad about the visual appeal of the breakfast. But that wasn’t important to you. You were simply appreciative of the fact that he took time and effort to make you breakfast – it’s really the thought that counts. All you feel right now was adoration and gratitude for the man in front of you – though said man was oblivious of the heart eyes that you were currently throwing him.  

“Look, I know the pancakes aren’t the most aesthetically pleasing but I gave them my best shot. I promise!”

“I know, love. I know you tried, and for that – thank you.”

Doyoung relaxes at your kind words, glad that you don’t mind the odd-looking breakfast. Taking advantage of his moment of vulnerability, you leap onto him and catch him off-guard again. Doyoung had to brace himself against the kitchen counter as the weight of your body and kisses had him bending over the marble surface of the table. Unable to physically contain your love for your husband any longer, you attacked him with your lips, pressing one kiss after the other to his lips as your own way of saying “thank you” to him. Your kisses leave Doyoung absolutely breathless but when you finally slow down, he seizes the golden opportunity to gain the upper hand. Pressing back against you, Doyoung easily towers of you and now, you’re the one that’s being bent of the marble table top but Doyoung never lets you fall – he’s supporting you with his arms around your waist. Doyoung eventually decides to spice things up, now proceeding to press kisses around your face and causing you to break out into laughter. The kissing session might have been cut short, but Doyoung has already decide to spend the rest of the day staying home to shower you with more love and kisses. He admires your joyous self with a bright smile on his face; he loves seeing your smile, loves hearing your bright laughter. When you finally calm down, you reach out to pull your taller husband down to your height to connect your foreheads, simply wanting to feel close to him. Doyoung closes his eyes and relishes in the feeling of having you close, tightening his hold around your waist to hug you tight.

“Thank you Doyoung. Thank you for choosing to love me.”

“I could live a million times over, and I’d still choose to love you again, and again. Thank you for letting me love you, it’s the greatest blessing of my life to have you brighten up my life.”

There he goes again – always so good with his words. Sighing dreamily as you melt into his touch, you tilt your head upwards to capture his lips once again, your lips moving along with his in a slow dance. Even as he gets lost in the sweet taste of your kiss, Doyoung makes sure to protect your injured hand, moving it gently to place it upon his shoulders.

Being able to love Doyoung was the best decision you had ever made in your life, but having Doyoung love you was the greatest blessing – for he gave you a love unlike any other – one that was always there to keep you warm and safe.