#but i do indulge in a bit of Degeneracy here and there | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

gingerbreadmonsters · 1 year

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oops-a-daisy

or: prisoners at the bar, have you anything to say in your defence?

gn!reader, a bit suggestive but no nsft, classic ginger-style fluff with a double scoop of good old-fashioned villainy. you are charged with the following indictments! all my love to the gang over on discord - for you, my darlings, it is always vega hours 💕💕💕 a particular thank you to @daveyistheloml and @zozo-01 for proofreading - i could ask for none better to attempt to persuade me to make a late-game pivot to total degeneracy. the doctor will see you now! vega singing the most wonderful lullaby in just over 3900 words.

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Oh, this is bad.

No, seriously - it’s bad. It’s really, really bad. This isn’t a stumble, or a Freudian slip, or a lapse of judgement. It’s not a calculator error, it’s not an oversight, not a misstep or faux pas or slipup. You couldn’t even call it a little white lie.

“Mmm, darling…”

The calculator error underneath you laughs quietly in your mind, one clawed hand stroking softly over your back, and your mouth tastes a lot like soap.

“You do make such a wonderful companion, you know.”

It’s been a few days since you came to your agreement with Vega, but you haven’t left the… safehouse? Is safehouse the right word? Whatever this place is, you’re still here. He’d said it was because he still had a few things to sort out before you left, but it looks like he’s finished with his arrangements now. He didn’t tell you what he was doing. To be honest, you’re not sure you wanted him to.

He’d come back a few hours ago, the telltale tearing sound of a rift in the other room. A knock at the door. May I come in? As always, you’d said yes.

(It should end as it began, shouldn’t it? You and him, alone in this unremarkable room, him with all the answers and you on the back foot.)

Tomorrow, you leave. Where? You don’t know, but you’re going regardless.

“Perfectly subservient, perfectly willing…”

Bastard. He takes your half-hearted slap to his chest with irritating grace, and you can feel his amusement rippling against your senses as he takes your hand in his, lifting it to his lips and pressing an almost-kiss to the backs of your fingers.

“Alright, alright, I know. You’re much more capable than that, my dear.” Vega’s tone is familiar, that habitual undercurrent of what might be laughter, bordering on patronising but never quite tipping over. “Indulge me, won’t you? Perhaps I just like to look after you.”

He rests his cheek against the crown of your head, and the gentle weight is as comforting as ever. “I’d like to think I’m very good at it, by now.”

“Hm. I’ve had better.” It’s a lie, but he doesn’t have to know that. “Bedside manner could use some work, maybe.”

You’ve never really been the touchy-feely type, with demons or humans alike. It’s awkward, you know? There’s your coworkers, yeah, but you’re not sure they really count as friends, even though they’re probably the closest things you have. As for demons? It’s a bit embarrassing, but your job means that you don’t really go back to Aria that often, and there aren’t that many demons working at DUMP. A polite smile in the hallway, maybe a few pleasantries exchanged by the vending machine in the cafeteria.

It’s not very easy to talk to people, be they human or demon. You’ve never found it easy. And maybe all these years alone on Elegy haven’t helped, but it’s a little late for that now. Alone with your maybe-prisoner, sitting sideways in Vega’s lap, you’re not really sure where it leaves you.

“Really, now…” he muses, tail slowly curling around your ankle, pressing lightly against the skin as he idly wraps and unwraps it around your calf. “If you want me to practise being in your bed, darling, you only have to ask.”

Your face burns where it’s hidden against his collarbone, tucking yourself firmly against his chest and into the cradle of his arms. His hand has stopped, and you were rather enjoying it before. You huff quietly, swishing your tail in a silent command to keep going, and resign to keep your cool. You won’t dignify that with a response.

Vega snickers under his breath as he obeys, claws trailing up and down your back in languid, looping patterns. “No need to be embarrassed, dearest. We’re not exactly strangers, after all.”

“It’s-” Thank goodness the crack in your voice isn’t as obvious when you speak telepathically. The perks of not needing physical vocal cords. “It’s just a bit warm.”

“Is that it? You do look a little flustered. Perhaps you’d rather-” He cuts off as you move, satisfied smugness melting into confusion when you suddenly start to readjust yourself. “Hm? Oh - here, darling, let me-”

The mattress springs creak underneath the two of you as you move, but you’re so used to it by now that you barely even notice. His tail unwinds from where it’s keeping your leg in place, letting you climb further into his lap to slide your arms around his neck before returning to its previous position.

“Better?”

You nod, sighing contentedly against the side of his neck as you settle your chin on his shoulder. He’s so warm. It’s nice, to stay with him like this. Although, if you’re honest, you’re a little surprised he even lets you.

He must feel it, flickering in the back of your mind, or maybe he just knows you too well by now. Either way, he guesses correctly.

“Mm. Don’t be so surprised, my little warden. As… harsh as I admit my tastes can be, even I can admit there’s some merit in a slightly softer approach.”

Movement just out of the corner of your eye, his tail uncoiling from around your calf once more, slim and sinuous. Curling around and around, unhurried as ever, until the spade at the tip presses flat against yours for just a moment. Your eyes go wide at the unexpected feeling (when did they close?), going rigid in his arms for just a second before slouching against his chest as your muscles involuntarily fall slack.

“Don’t you agree?

Slow and deliberate, he slides his tail back down the length of yours - the swish of displaced air as it arches up behind you, before curving innocently around your back, just underneath his arm.

(Don’t think about it. It was only a moment. It could have been an accident.)

(It wasn’t, but it could have been.)

“Why waste my time simmering in discomfort, beholden to some vague notion of pride, when I could be enjoying myself elsewhere?”

It’s stupid, but you can’t help the tiny flutter in your chest at the thought that he enjoys this time he has with you. He likes you being here. He wants you to be here. That’s not something many people tend to think, when it comes to you.

“How unusual. Your heart sounds a little fast, darling. I can’t imagine why.”

“Does it surprise you?”

“Not at all. It’s only natural.”

He knows exactly what he’s doing, the bastard. Vega smiles when you look up at him, sceptical, and it’s that same smile he gets when he’s got you right where he wants you.

“Is it?”

It’s a game, and you both know it. His rules, your pieces. He’s lucky that you like to play.

His grin sharpens, wicked and inhumanly perfect. “Well, no. But you understood what I meant, and replied in kind, didn’t you?”

“I know a leading question when I hear one.”

“Then let me lead you on a little longer.” Dice clatter inside your skull as he speaks there, rattling through your brain and rolling off your tongue. “Why do you bother?”

“Bother with what?”

He takes a deep, deliberate breath - chest rising and falling under your head just once, before returning to his usual stillness. It startles you more than you thought it would.

“No wonder your recovery took so long, my dear. All those extra… accessories.”

“It’s the form I like to take.” Haughtily, you flick your tail away from where it’s draped over his legs, that static-electric feeling of cloaking magic racing up your spine as you hide it away.

“It’s a form that takes a lot of work, for very little gain. You don’t need it. Why have it?” Long fingers trace down your back, trailing back and forth as if he’s feeling every rib that hides under your skin. Perhaps he is. “Your physical form is beautiful as it is, darling. No need to weigh yourself down like that.”

“It’s no trouble to me.” It was different at first - getting used to the whole human way of being. Learning how often to blink, how deeply to breathe, how much to fidget. It unnerves them if you get it wrong. “It feels good. I’ve grown to like it.”

It’s another lie. Well. Not a lie. Half of one, at most. You’re accustomed to it, certainly. It’s second nature by now, and you’d like to think that you’re actually very good at it. Carrying all those extra pieces, bones and tissues and juices that you know by feel but not by name, sloshing around inside. It’s all part of being on Elegy, isn’t it? How else were you going to learn what gravity felt like?

“Have you, now,” he muses, tilting his head away from you in thought. “I’ve never especially cared for the physical, but if you put so much stock in it… perhaps I ought to give it some thought.”

It’s a nice try, but he can’t get you that easily. “Perhaps. I doubt you will.”

“And what makes you say that?” You don’t have to look to see the way his eyebrow lifts in amusement, the way his lips twist into an almost-smile. Your mind’s eye is enough. “I’m wounded, darling. Have a little more faith in me, won’t you?”

“I never took you as the type who inspires faith.”

“Then you’re correct. I’m not.” Your claws drag lightly over his skin, running idly back and forth across the nape of his neck. “But I wonder…”

A wicked laugh, low and dark, echoing through your mind like dice falling on soft felt.

“Sate my curiosity, then. What sort of feelings do I inspire in you, my little warden?”

Your disbelief drips through his aura, thick and heavy with sarcasm. “Like you don’t already know.”

“Maybe I just want you to tell me.”

“Then maybe I’m more inclined to sadism than you thought.”

He nods approvingly, and you can taste his contentment with your answer. Whatever test he had for you, it seems you’ve passed. “I’m pleasantly surprised, my dear. How fascinating.”

His hands stroking across your back, his tail curled around yours, and the sudden rush of heat that accompanies both of those things. Don't think about it now. He's just flattering you.

“I’m not sure you mean that.”

“I say plenty of things I mean, and plenty more that I don’t, when it suits me. I would have thought you enjoyed that sort of pragmatism, no?” Vega shrugs lazily underneath you, although he’s careful not to jostle you as he does it. “Does it truly puzzle you, that I might want to be a little more candid with you?”

“Because you love being candid with me.” He makes more of a show of it, but you do dryness just as well as he does.

“Well, you’re far better company than our friend in the other room. As pleasant as his vitriol might taste, I find he makes for a rather poor conversationalist, when it comes to passing the time.”

How uncharacteristic. “I wouldn’t have thought you paid much attention to chatting, all things considered. Do you make a habit of making conversation, then?”

His face doesn’t change, but you can feel a tiny, stifled spark of confusion, smothered into smoky satisfaction as he considers your question. Is he… flattered? “Present company excluded? No. No, I don’t.”

“Talk to me, then, if you’re so starved for small talk.”

“Looking to uncover all my secrets so soon, are we?”

“Of course.”

“Then ask away, darling. I’m listening.”

A game of kings, and a demon’s horns make a wonderful crown. Pieces chasing each other across the board, clicking against the rosewood. You won’t give up without a fight.

“You asked why I care.”

“I did.” He looks down at you, shifting in his hold, propping yourself up to sit more upright as you lean against him. “You didn’t really answer.”

“Then let me ask you. You wanted to know why I care.” His gaze is placid, deliberately so, and you hold it as you speak. “Why do you want to know?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

You don’t respond, looking up at him expectantly and fighting the urge to say anything. Let him come to you. Make him be the one who breaks the silence for once.

“Hm. Let me put it another way.” Vega takes a moment to think about it, fingers tapping a deliberately-lazy pattern against your arm. “Your commitment to this physical form is admirable - though I must say, while your considerable control of such a… such a painfully human body is remarkable, your effort seems a little misplaced.”

“Does it?” You think you know the answer, but you’ll keep pushing regardless.

“It does to me. These bodies aren’t us, are they? Not really.”

“What are they, then? If they’re not us, as you say.”

“Vessels, to hold our true forms, capture them in these human dimensions, so that we might exist on this plane. I could make and unmake this form however I pleased, in no more than an instant.” A steady hand lifts your chin, careful not to let sharp claws draw blood. “You could, too. Why pay any more mind to the hidden workings of a human form, than a human might to the weave of their shirt? How dull. Wasteful, even. A boring, mechanical task.”

You give a noncommittal shrug, turning back to your previous - and, it must be said, very comfortable - position, but his tail wrapping around your forearm keeps you where you are. He’s less docile now, a little more passion rising to the surface, and it makes a lovely crackle against your senses.

“You don’t agree.”

You tilt your head towards him in vague recognition, though not acquiescence. “I don’t have to. It’s my form, to make as I please.”

“So you find merit in it.”

“You could call it that. I get the sense you’d rather call it something else.”

“I would.”

“Then diagnose me, Doctor Vega,” you sigh airily, lifting the back of your hand to your forehead like humans do when they’re going to faint. “Tell me what’s wrong with me, I beg!” He laughs at your exaggeratedly-pained expression, delight washing over you like water, adjusting his hold as you go limp in his arms. “What would you call it, then?”

“What would I call it…”

His tail winds a little further around your arm, spade brushing innocently against your skin before folding gracefully around your wrist. The contact is nice and soothing, and without really noticing, you curve your other hand over it to keep him there.

“A waste, quite frankly, of time that could be much better spent applying yourself to more… exciting pursuits. We demons are afforded the privilege of infinity, darling. Why spend it worrying about the beating of a heart that you don’t really need?”

“Humans like them. I wanted to know what that was all about,” you reply, perhaps a little too earnestly, but it’s true. “They don’t hold feelings the way we do. For them, it’s the place where they keep their good feelings. Love and happiness and joy and all that. I wanted to know if I could do the same.”

Vega smiles softly at your response, pulling you closer and pressing a brief kiss to your temple. To be honest, you can’t tell if it’s meant to be more affectionate or patronising, but either way you don’t complain.

“Ever the optimist, I see. How… romantic of you, my warden. I can’t say that I share your perspective, but…” His hand slides down from where it’s still cupping your jaw, trailing over your neck, your shoulder, your arm, before settling on your waist. “Well, it’s not like I plan to stop you. You’re a free agent, after all.”

He leans down a little closer, conspiratorial, like he’s telling you a secret. “What you choose to do with that heart of yours isn’t my decision.”

Flicking through the deck, and he’s put down four of a kind - all you’re left with is a flush that just won’t go away. Perhaps you’ll call this one a draw.

“Mm.”

You hide your face back against his shoulder, gently nudging his jaw out of the way with the top of your head and closing your eyes. The awkward angle means you have to relinquish your hold on his tail, but it doesn’t seem to bother him - especially not when you gingerly relax the cloaking over your own.

He must taste your nervousness, shushing you softly and gathering you up in his lap, leaning back even further against the wall so that you’re properly lying on him. These physical bodies are so wonderful - the pleasant weight of his arms around your body, the warmth of his skin against yours, the calming pressure of his tail as it curves and spirals with yours.

“Mmm…” His voice, echoing low and kind in your head, is almost enough to put you to sleep right then and there. He’s so comforting, even considering all the things you know about him. “You ought to be careful, my warden. I might get used to this.”

“Yeah,” you mumble into his mind, too busy bathing in the relaxation dripping off of him to really pay much attention. “You might.”

He doesn’t reply, choosing instead to rest his head lightly on yours and letting you drift in the haze of idle contentment that envelops you both.

Time goes by, but you couldn’t say how long. Sunlight falling tenderly on your skin, blurred and dreamy in the darkness of the room, and you don’t care whether it’s real or not. It feels real, and for now that’s all you need. You don’t know. You’re not looking. Maybe it’s not sunlight at all.

Is this wrong? It must be. You’re not meant to be doing this, least of all with Vega. He’s a monster, isn’t he? A criminal. A liar. He’s said as much himself, and you believe it when he says that he isn’t to be trusted. Why, then, does that make you trust him more? It shouldn’t, it shouldn’t. You’re supposed to know better.

He’s not a good person. You’re not a good liar.

Because there’s no hiding it - you like him. Even though he’s cruel, even though he’s wicked and vicious and far too full of himself, you like him anyway. He’s good company, and he’s been kinder to you than you deserve, all things considered. It’s surprisingly natural to spar with him like this, in a way you’d never have expected before. There are very few demons like him, at least that you’ve met in your time, and you’d be wrong to say he doesn’t intrigue you just for that.

So, that’s that. You’re being manipulated. He’s manipulating you. Knowing it doesn’t make it any less appealing.

If it feels good, then why not? He says you have forever, and he’s right - you might as well spend it enjoying yourself. If that means staying with Vega, seeing this plan of his through to its completion, then that’s what you’ll do. And if he’s wrong, if that forever turns out to be a lot shorter than it’s supposed to be? Well. All those unending years, stretching off into the distance. You wouldn’t want to get bored.

There’s no point in trying to hide it. You’ve been alone for a very, very long time. Somewhere in that time, you’d made your choice not to look back. At every decision, every fork in the road, you’ll weigh up all the options, no matter what they are. Then, whatever you choose, you won’t regret it. You can’t. You did the best with what you had, and the rest is out of your hands.

You’ve made your choice. Tumbling through the atmosphere, pulled endlessly into his orbit, tethered only to his gravity. Bright and light and blinding. Your astral name has never felt so fitting.

“You’ve cloaked them again.”

Vega’s voice, carefully neutral, echoing quietly through your brain. Vaguely, you register a hand reaching up past your face, brushing languidly over the places he knows your horns should be.

“Hm,” you say eloquently, stumbling through a mental yawn. “Didn’t - mmnn - didn’t wanna to stab you by accident…” It takes you a few seconds to summon up a good comeback, and he’s polite enough to let you have them. “Unless you wanted to be stabbed in the chin today, that is.”

“Touché, my warden. Touché.” That sunlight feeling again, rippling through you like a warm current through the ocean. You could have sworn it was nighttime already. “Though I’m flattered. How courteous of you.”

A sleepy shrug. “I aim to please.”

“I’m sure you do, darling.” How do you always walk right into it? You feel the line coming before he even has a chance to say it, but it’s too late to backtrack - you accept your fate with a long-suffering sigh, buried in his chest, and even Vega can’t hide his glee at your theatrical displeasure. “Something tells me you’re very, very good at it.”

“Wouldn’t you-” You’re cut off by another yawn, bigger this time, your teeth just barely scraping over his neck before you settle back down into his hold. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

“Perhaps I would, my little warden,” Vega murmurs, palm brushing softly over your spine. Up and down, up and down. “Perhaps I will.”

It’s unnecessary. There’s no need to. The effect would be the same if he said it in your mind. But he doesn’t - he bends down to brush his lips just barely over your cheek, tilting his head to whisper quietly in your ear.

“And perhaps you’d like that, too.”

Oh.

There’s no time to sort out how that makes you feel - he pulls away, voice once again filling your mind as you mourn the loss of that wonderful closeness. “My poor darling. So tired. You ought to get some more sleep, little warden.” A teasing laugh, that only you and he can hear. “Doctor’s orders.”

There’s not much you can say to that. There’s not much you want to say.

You don’t really need to sleep, but it’s very nice when you do. For as tall and lean this form he’s taken is, Vega really is surprisingly comfortable to lie on. He’s warm, and gentle, and unexpectedly considerate - it’s not long before you’re giving in and drifting off to sleep.

Warmth and weight and water. A happy little inchoate, snoozing away in Vega’s arms, and you don’t remember if you dream.

(If you did, would you even want to remember?)

(Warm sunlight on the surface of the sea. Bubbles spilling, slipping, overflowing - soft, soapy foam filling a mouth and a throat and a stomach that you don’t need. The clatter of dice on rosewood. Might as well be hanged for a sheep as for a lamb.)

“Relax, my darling. It’s alright. You’re safe here.”

(Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. No excuses, no defence. A little white lie. Well. What did you expect? There’s something to be said about demons and damnation.)

(You’re choosing happiness. For once, it’s out of your hands.)

(It’s not your fault.)

“I’ve got you.”

(You are, as they say, only human.)

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this is an original work by @gingerbreadmonsters - please do not repost or misattribute

#redacted asmr #redacted audio #redacted fic #redacted vega #redacted warden #redacted fluff #redacted carpe deus #ginger after dark #ginger writes #gingerbreadmonsters

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astralmouseart · 5 years

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2018 Book Haul

So, 2018 is over and the new year sucks so far, so it’s time to take a look back at it. Was writing it since January and only now I got to finishing it XD .

I managed to rebuild most important parts of my military history/science library after selling 90% of it in 2017.

Books that I finished reading are marked by / and books that I re-bought for my military history library are marked * .

So, when it comes to books, in 2018, I bought:

February

24 February

Hitchcock / Truffaut - Francois Truffaut.

This was after I sold some of my comic book albums - Incal, Metabaron saga and Castaka. Actually I wonder what I did with the rest of the money. Oh, I know. I bought a collector’s edition of Torment: Tides of Numenora for 1/5 of the original price. Sold them because I considered them decadent. Regretting selling Incal now.

Original post about it.

March

20 March

J.R.R. Tolkien Artist & Illustrator - Wayne G. Hammond

Got it on my birthday. That’s something that was on my to-buy list for a few years.

Here are my two posts about it. post1 post2 .

April

In April, I started the course. Also, I got my first smartphone since there was a new phone deal and my mother still haven’t started using hers from the last one so I finally got one as a part of the new deal.

April was when the contracts finally started and also the course/internship thing started for me. So, I started having some money.

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking - Susan Cain

This book really pissed me off because it was a lot about the author showing off her privilege. For example not being subjected to psychological liquidation. So I have sold it.

19 April

The Tale of Kullervo - J.R.R. Tolkien

May

12 May

Durer - Ruth Dangelmaier

An album and biography of Albrecht Durer. Turned out to be a horrible disappointment because the illustrations were low resolution with visible raster. Sold it immediately.

Delta Venus - Anaïs Nin

Diary 1934-1939 - Anaïs Nin

I don’t quite understand how it happened, but I bought my first Anaïs Nin diary - 1931-1934 in November 2017. I don’t remember how it happened. The era of purity has ended only on 20180426, so it makes no sense. Though maybe I bought it without intention of indulging in decadence. I remembered reading the redacted version of the diaries around 2003 and not encountering anything especially sexual there. Perhaps I bought it out of curiosity or to enjoy her writing once again. Oh, now I remember. I saw that diary on used books market. Then it got sold before I decided to buy it so I ordered it from the internet.

My first incident with damaged book this year. Sold it in used book store because I was too exhausted to report it.

Anyway, apparently I was already reading the diary 1931-1934 because I wrote this on the same day:

link

22 May

This is where I got my course stipend. My mother allowed me to keep it all. I very rarely have this kind of money (it was, like, 100$).

HTML & CSS: design and build websites - Jon Duckett This book was very helpful for me. It’s very nice and colour and big. I could take it to coffee houses. I got it because I always ended up forgetting the basics. Unfortunately it’s a bit outdated because it was written in the early days of HTML5 and CSS3.

books webpage

Diary 1939-1944, Diary 1944-1947 - Anaïs Nin

Nicoletto Giganti’s The School of the Sword - Nicoletto Giganti

About rapier fencing.

The Flowers of Evil COMPLETE vol 1 - Shuzo Oshimi /

Finally! One of mangas that I actually found monocle got published in 2017! It’s the one after which I named the current era of my life.

June

02 June

Little Birds - Anaïs Nin

Henry and June - Anaïs Nin /

Actually have read it and it was quite messed up and made me feel much worse. Lots of lying and cheating and she was getting worse and worse ideas with every page. From what I understand, the publication of these underacted diaries in 90s made lots of readers/critics turn against her and made her fade into obscurity. I finished reading it on 01 October. My impressions were following:

“Finally finished reading it. It was very interesting, but also very sad and twisted. Anaïs Nin had some serious issues and unfortunately she ended up making some seriously evil decisions basing on twisted way of thinking. From what I understand. From one side it was like watching a trainwreck, from another it was just distasteful, but the third side was seeing the amazing inspiring relationship between two writers - Anaïs and Henry. It was a real tragedy that they couldn't just live together but she was stuck with a wagecuck banker husband, he was stuck with a woman with which they were a horrible anti-inspiration for each other. I guess it was very interesting reading this knowing who Anaïs and Henry were on level of their inherent nature and why that stuff that happened was possibly happening on level of social alchemy. Anyway could be treated as a sordid warning tale about cost of ignorance and degeneracy. Like the level of neuroticism she experienced just from not knowing the human nature, not knowing social alchemy and living in environment poisoned with sexist memes was sad. And add to that childhood trauma and degenerate ideologies by some psychoanalyst and you get a complete trainwreck. The ending was getting more and more disjointed with her getting worse and worse ideas, like every day.”

11 June

Schhneider CA, St. Chamond - Witold J. Ławrynowicz *

24 June

Emperor’s Mercy - Henry Zou /

Pretty nice Wh40k novel about an Inquisitor. Lots of brutal combat and named characters dying left and right.

26 June

Angels of Darkness - Gav Thorpe /

Enjoyed it a lot because of discussions between characters.

War of the Worlds - H.G. Wells

Armoured Platoon of Battalion Zośka - Anna Wyganowska-Eriksson

29 June

Red Tithe - Robbie Macniven /

Another very brutal Wh40k novel.

July

July is when I got my first internship stipend. I received the stipend for three months. Being able to spend 1/5 of the stipend (again about 100$ per month) for myself was what kept me going through the whole internship and allowed me to finish the Responsive Web Design Certification (300 hours) course on freeCodeCamp.

02 July

Renault FT Tank - Witold J. Ławrynowicz *

06 July

Fall of King Arthur - J.R.R. Tolkien

Bryan Peterson's Understanding Composition Field Guide: How to See and Photograph Images with Impact - Bryan Peterson

11 July

Battle of Monte Cassino - Melchior Wańkowicz

Polish Armour in 1939 - Krzysztof M. Gaj *

This was the most precious book from my military history/science book collection. A PHD paper about organization and equipment of Polish armoured forces in 1939. Amazing stuff. The big blue book - 800 A4 pages. Ranging from detailed tables of organization and equipment prices to information about optics and gun accuracy.

Port Arthur - Tsushima 1904-1905 - Józef W. Dyskant, Andrzej Michałek *

Another precious big book. Sold both of these only because I have quit military history.

13 July

Blackwing: The Raven’s Mark Book One - Ed McDonald /

A nice dark fantasy book written by a HEMA practitioner. Awesome! Recently finished reading it.

The Flowers of Evil COMPLETE vol 2 - Shuzo Oshimi /

It’s What I Do - Lynsey Addario

An autobiography of a war photographer.

20 July

Catechism of Hate - Gav Thorpe /

A Wh40k novella. Quite nice.

28 July

Churchill Vol 1. - Leszek Moczulski

JavaScript & jQuery: Interactive Front-End Web Development - Jon Duckett

31 July

Iran - Iraq War 1980-1988 - Jarosław Dobrzelewski

August

04 August

Infantry Combat - Emile Allehaut

11 August

The First Tank Crews: The Lives of the Tankmen Who Fought at the Battle of Flers Courcelette 15 September 1916 - Stephen Pope

Tolkien and the Great War: The Threshold of Middle-Earth - John Garth

Milton’s Paradise Lost - John Milton, illustrated by Gustave Dore

12 August

Tales of Heresy - Nick Kyme and Lyndsey Priestley

16 August

Japanese-Soviet Conflict at Khalkin Ghol River *

17 August

Tank War - Ludwik von Eimannsberger *

I remember this book especially fondly because it introduced me to the excellent Polish military history/science book publisher - NapoleonV - in 2012, I think. I was looking for new interesting books about WWI in a local history book store and saw the cover with A7V on it and immediately knew I have to have it!

I loved the theories of the author - especially that he predicted the need of massive saturation of infantry units with AT guns. He proposed giving each infantry battalion an organic AT gun company of 6 47mm infantry guns and then attaching even multiple companies of 47mm infantry guns to infantry battalions.

It’s very similar to the American tank destroyer doctrine.

T-55AM Tank And The Derived (T-55AD-1M, T-55AD-2M, T-55AMS) - Krzysztof M. Gaj *

Another super detailed book by that author. I wish he’d publish more!

28 August

Sketchbook for the Artist - Sarah Simblet

29 August

Warhammer 40000 Rulebook 3rd and 5th editions.

Tanks in The Great War, 1914-1918 - J.F.C. Fuller *

A7V and Precursors Of German Armour - Witold J. Ławrynowicz *

September

In September I got the last payment for the internship.

04 September

Blitzkrieg Legend - Karl-Heinz Frieser *

Nuclear Weapons in Shaping of International Security - Zarychta Stanisław *

07 September

I Am Providence: The Life and Times of H. P. Lovecraft - S.T. Joshi

09 September

Ways of Seeing - John Berger

Fear: A Novel of World War I - Gabriel Chevallier

Raising Churchill’s Army: The British Army and the War against Germany 1919-1945 - David French.

13 September

Mechanicum /, Thousand Sons - Graham McNeill

24 September

Outer Dark - Robbie Macniven

25 September

The Flowers of Evil COMPLETE vol 3 - Shuzo Oshimi /

27 September

Berem and Luthien - J.R.R. Tolkien

Forever War - Marvano, Haldeman

28 September

Harry Potter and Prisoner of Azkaban - J.K. Rowling (the illustrated one)

29 September

Permanent Fortification - Karol Kleczke, Władysław Wyszyński

Tigers, Sturmeshutzes and Jagdpanthers - Daniel Koreś *

Imperator: Wrath of Ommissiah - Gav Thorpe /

30 September

Spy in a House of Love - Anaïs Nin

Leonora Carrington: Surrealism, Alchemy and Art - Susan Aberth

October

02 October

Passchendaele the Campaign in Flanders - Krzysztof Marcinek *

03 October

Handbook of WWII German Military Symbols and Abbreviations 1943-45 - Booth Terry

04 October

The Bachman Books - Richard Bachman, Stephen King

This one contains his infamous novella - Rage.

05 October

At The Mountains of Madness - Tanabe Gou /

Amazing manga adaptation of H.P. Lovecraft’s novella. I only finished reading it in March because when I first started reading it I paid way too much attention to the details of the excellent graphics. When I’ve read it in March it took me an hour or so to finish it.

10 October

Incest - Anaïs Nin

That book was basically the breaking point where I decided I just can’t continue reading that stuff. Also, a big mistake since I already was disturbed by Henry and June.

12 October

Used ebook reader with wifi and working buttons. The cover is cracked but it doesn’t seem to affect its functioning. My old reader doesn’t have wifi and apps and has malfunctioning buttons that work randomly.

It was a great purchase because it allows browsing the internet - which means reading text-heavy blogs on e-ink screen. Also, allows me to do it from bed which puts less burden on my bad back.

I installed Brave browser on it. Have read a lot of internet fiction and blog entries on it. Great stuff. Except that it’s still basically the cheapest ebook reader with wifi and touchscreen with outdated android and is somewhat crude.

I wish more websites would be designed to be ebook reader friendly, though.

18 October

Diary 1934-1939 - Anaïs Nin

25 October

Tirant lo Blanc - Joanot Martorell, Marti Joan De Galba, D.H. Rosenthal

A medieval novel about a knight.

That was the last month where I had larger amount of money because internships and work was over.

November

02 November

Nuclear Weapons and Development of Tactics. Anti-tank Warfare

An old publication of ministry of defence from 1969. Very interesting.

Flesh and Iron - Henry Zou

Blood Gorgons - Henry Zou

05 November

Sold almost all of Anaïs Nin books I got because of how disturbing the un-redacted diaries were.

27 November

The Flowers of Evil COMPLETE vol 4 - Shuzo Oshimi /

Great manga. Wish there was more stuff like this out there.

December

04 December

T-35 Su 14 - Maksim Kołomyjec, Ilja Moszczański

07 December

Total Sell Out - Brian Michael Bendis

Wanted to see how he draws.

Yoshitaka Amano : Illustrations - Yoshitaka Amano

Another artist I wanted to check out. He seems to be somewhat dysgraphic and draws on ridiculously large formats for the amount of details he does.

He’s the reason why I tried out brush markers.

When it comes to music:

February:

Lana Del Rey - Hollywood

Tove Styrke - KIDDO

October:

Melanie Martinez - Crybaby

November:

Grimes - Art Angels

Grimes - Visions

Send Request - Perspectives

December:

The Pretty Reckless - Light Me Up

The Pretty Reckless - Who Are You Selling For

The Pretty Reckless - Going to Hell

Aurora - All My Demons Greeting Me A Friend

All used except for Kiddo, Who Are You Selling For and All My Demons Greeting Me A Friend and got pretty sweet deals on these. Got Kiddo with a 75% discount.

It’s weird to realise that books got so much less expensive here that if I’d have a minimal wage job, for like two years, I’d fill all of my shelves.

In 2008 a Wh40k novel would cost 81% of daily minimum wage I was earning cleaning in a factory. Nowadays same novel would not only be physically cheaper - the old price in bookstore after inflation would be 44pln and new price ordered and collected in a bookstore within 1 day of order would be 31pln.

So it would cost 40% of today's daily minimum wage. It’s funny how privilege works.

Anyway, when I sold the Anaïs Nin books, I got 1/7,7th of cover price for them. When I was selling my Forgotten Realms books in 2006, I got 1/3 of cover price for them. So, nowadays, selling books essentially just buys shelf space.

Even when I was selling out my military history book collection, in the beginning, I’d get 1/4-1/3 for them but then the prices just collapsed because it would be norm for books to be available for, like 1/2 of cover prices on auction sites.

Additionally, all the cheap bookstores created a bizarre situation where ebooks are more expensive than paper or even hardcover books sent from another end of Europe.

Big problem was fear of missing out due to books going out of print and disappearing from the market. Saw multiple books disappear from stores during the first half of they year, so when I got money, I was buying everything I could.

As a result, I wasted quite a lot of money on Anaïs Nin books because I got all the diaries and erotic stories instead of buying them after finishing previous ones. So, when I gave up mid-first expunged diary/in the beginning of the second unexpunged diary, it turned out I’ll have to sell whole collection. I actually saw some disappear from a local bookstore chain to never appear again and it scared me into buying the whole thing ASAP.

The threat of books disappearing from the market is a big problem with printed books. tfw ebooks are more expensive and also not the same as hardcovers.

It’s generally a big problem because I have literally, like 90 unread books.

Though I’m slowly going through the ones I have accumulated. At least I have something to enjoy when I’m broke.

#bookblr #book haul #mouse reads #mouse talks #mouse posts

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