#but i fucking hate zerxus

[reddlesisters]

On my 3rd EXU Calamity rewatch of this year

[arclundarchivist]

God I am so engaged with Downfall already.

The differing perspectives the lack of trust and disagreements amongst the Primes, the presence of the Emissary, who either is or very much is not everything he seems.

The Calamity has wore on them, and yet we saw their home, their unity, their origin.

The Everlight held Asmodeus as he burned and you juxtapose that with him killing all who worshipped her.

The harsh hand of the mortal turned god vs the caring nature of the “pityless sun”

Nature on the brink ready to join torment and ruin because the one who could guide her back, the one she loves refused to come. And then her wanting to hate the Matron, mourning the loss of her sibling, similarly morning what Torah used to be,

Torag in all his madness, snipping at the Mateon as well over it. “You should have asked Him.”

The Matron… acting like she is family, more flippant and chatty than we have ever seen, still relatively youthful in her divinity. Some excepting it, others very much not.

A celestial seeking possible power or perhaps compelled or maybe even out of altruism seeking the leaders of Aeor.

And then there is Corellon, just vibing despite it all.

Then you get into their chosen forms and there is so much more to dig into.

Sarenrae and her mortal family, Pelor’s youth vs Asmo’s age, Melora and her cabal of brutal wild folk, The Matron seeking to be raised by her Champion, still alive a century since we last saw him. Torag torturing himself because he went mad from seeing what must be Predathos eating their home and the pain distracts him from it. Fucking Asmo worshipping Pelor. Pelor worshipping Sarenrae!

I want to see where this goes, what new revelations and disagreements are shown. What of the Gods that refused to come, or just aren’t there. How and why did they stay away? Kord is waiting in the wings, but what of Bahamut? The Changebringer? Moradin and Moonweaver? Why did Etharis only send a proxy(If he is indeed, her proxy.) Where are Bane, Tiamat and Zehir? Asmo claimed they too betrayed them, but on the Primes’s side… did they not agree with the plan??

So far, I’m not seeing how Ludinus thought this would compel the party to view all the Gods as evil and releasing Predathos would be a good idea.

They know not all of the gods are good, yet… this shows them not just in a light that could be understandable as refugees clinging to each other in a storm desperate for relief but also that they were called to Exandria by something.

They aren’t invaders or violators, they were invited, and I think we all know by what, and can also remember a very interesting rant by one Zerxus Ilerez.

But then, they get to literally see them being human.

I know things can and will change, this will get more brutal and heartfelt as things go on, and I do worry how the Bells will respond, but… I do not believe that Ludinus’s will get what he wants out of this. Not fully.

[utilitycaster]

as someone who doesn't engage in the fandom a whole lot, the whole "the prime deities are colonialists" rhetoric is so surprising to me

like....who came up with this? how did it get so popular? and were they running out of reasons to hate them that they had to make things up? truly baffling behavior

I have an answer for this! It's speculative, but I'm probably right.

There are two scenarios in which this argument has come up:

EXU Calamity

Campaign 3, starting around when the goals of the Ruby Vanguard solidified, but reaching a height around episode 3x49.

There are two groups of people putting it forward:

People who are atheists primarily because they are mad at people who are not atheists, and want to see their hatred towards belief in a deity validated in a world where deities objectively exist (doing this in both scenarios)

People who are doing Cirque du Soleil level contortions to avoid the blunt truth that, as Orym and Ashton outright say: The Ruby Vanguard is a group of people who have repeatedly killed innocents, including Laudna, and yet Imogen did not find that alone to be sufficient reason to automatically reject it without further consideration (doing this primarily in response to episode 3x49)

Anyway, the need these people have to see the Prime Deities as evil in order to support and validate the outcome they specifically want, mixed in with a deeply Tumblr/fandom brainrotted "there needs to be an underlying social justice reason for your like and dislike of fictional characters, ships, or plot points" mentality means they've latched onto the idea of the Prime Deities as colonizers.

What's funny is that both these stories accommodate a philosophy that is entirely humanist (well, in a fantasy world, personist, but you get what I mean), and the moral stances of the Prime Deities can be entirely ignored:

In Calamity, the heroes are not affiliated with the deities at all until Zerxus begins to show Asmodeus kindness, which Asmodeus in turn hates and kills him for, but in the end the party mitigates the worst-case scenario without the aid of the deities, and indeed, are able to do it because of Laerryn's Hubris Against The Gods machine. Also the heroes themselves achieve this - without any Prime Deity's assistance or known involvement - when they fully yeet exile the Primordials across the planes. So if the issue is "any hostile action against the Primordials is inherently colonialist" then the argument necessarily ends with "so the people of Exandria should fall entirely, as was prophesized." Like, ultimately, once you argue that the world belongs to the primordials and the humans, elves, dwarves etc. are the invaders, even if you were to kill off the Prime Deities, the people would still like, be on Exandria. So either the harm is already done and you've just killed the original perpetuators but the Primordials remain dead or sealed; or the Primordials come back. And then, either the people then kill them to save themselves, thus perpetuating the colonizing will of the Prime Deities; or they lie down and die and it's Campaign and World of Exandria Over, which is a very poor strategy for continuing to have Critical Role as a show. Anyway the point is that if you are an atheist because you believe that people are capable of great deeds and have free will and should answer to no gods, Calamity is deeply validating; if you're an atheist solely out of spite and hurt and anger, then it's not.

In Campaign 3, Ashton and Orym outright say it: who gives a shit about whether the Ruby Vanguard has to do with the gods, or if Predathos will only kill the gods; or even if the gods are good or bad. In the end, we're talking about a group of people who have an idea for how they believe society should be, and they're murdering anyone who even slightly stands in their way, and how the gods factor into this doesn't fucking matter. Moreover, with the possible exception of FCG, the main people we see fighting the Vanguard are, prominently, people who either are not worshipers of a Prime Deity at all, or whose involvement does not relate to their religion: they're either doing it because they want to protect people (humanism) or because they think Ludinus fucking sucks and want to take him down, and they do so of their own power. Meanwhile, the Vanguard, for all their talk of liberating the people's of Exandria to achieve their greatest potential, need to appeal to an ancient power greater than them to do so.

So in summary: the impetus for coming up with the colonizer narrative about the Prime Deities always boils down to "I want the gods I'm told by the story that I'm supposed to like are bad, and the evil gods to be good, regardless of what's actually happening in the present" but the actual story is pretty much entirely consistent with secular humanism, accounting of course for the fact that it does take place in a world where gods are real. And the impetus behind that is either "mad at my religious upbringing and haven't dealt with it well so I want the D&D show to tell me I'm good and right," or "shipping goggles nonsense that this still will not remotely begin to address."

[blazingstar24]

Thinking about the parallels between Ludinus and Asmodeus.

One is devoted to taking out the gods because of the destruction they did to his home (among other reasons too). The other devoted to punishing all mortals and those who side with them because of the divide he believes they caused in his family.

These two powerful people filled with so much hate. Ludinus devoted his entire life to this goal. His hatred for the gods never diminished. Asmodeus admitted that he would still be unsatisfied even if he got to punish all who wronged him (in his eyes) because it could never be enough. The way they both can hold back their rage and true feelings and then drop on a dime.

The parallels in their conviction. They truly believe that they are right in their beliefs. Never once wavered. Scoffs at the idea of it. Asmodeus was so fucking offended at Zerxus’s attempt at redemption. I get the sense that Ludinus probably has talked to people who understood but asked him why not let go? Why not move on? Live life. Take that second chance that a whole bunch of Aeorians did not get. And he remains convicted and steadfast. Much like how Asmodeus clearly wouldn’t have thought about changing his ways.

Funnily both of them are lawful evil too. And in that, there’s the way they both rarely lie (at least in EXU Calamity for Asmo) Manipulate? Yes. But lie? It’s interesting in how Ludinus has been willing to tell the PCs his plans. He’s not a wholly honest person, but he hasn’t exactly said anything he doesn’t mean yet. He outright tells Imogen and Fearne his whole deal. He’s most certainly not lying about the 1000 years thing. He seems to genuinely believe what he’s selling.

Of course there’s the rhyming lines of “You/We are not our/their children”. Matt knew what he was doing when he chose that line. It’s meant to get us to remember Asmodeus and EXU Calamity. But in it, there is this reoccurring question of the relationship between mortals and the gods. And how muddy the water has become or was in the first place. If a mortal can become a god, if a mortal can kill a god, if someone can become a god through the faith of one child? What are the boundaries between mortals and gods?

It’s kind of funny how the god hating mortal and the mortal hating god have quite a bit in common.

[ravendruid]

"You're trying to atone me and I didn't do anything wrong!" He stabs you through the heart.

OH FUCK. OH FUCK. OH FUCK. ZERXUS WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? YOU CANNOT TRUST A BETRAYER OMFG.

Bonus: You want to know what I've always hated about mortals?

Please, I need to know the answer to this question. 

[always-and-anyways]

Okay my initial thoughts on this group after the first episode:

Zerxus: this man is so sad?? Is he okay?? He will probably become my favourite

Loquatious: will be the one I love to hate. I may murder him if his ex wife doesn’t get there first

Laerryn: she gets so much done that I fear that she will get TOO MUCH done but also I’m obsessed with her

Nydas: seems chaotic and I’m into it. 10/10 for bringing a tree to a party and is so fun but I don’t have a much better read on him yet than that.

Cerrit: the other contender to be my fave but I have no words to explain why yet. He’s just so fucking competent and cool.

Patia: she will be a manipulative bitch and I will love every minute of it

Can’t wait to be wrong about all this wow I’m having so much fun already

[grayintogreen]

No joke I feel like Ashley Allard is probably the Most Character of any of my OCs. He’s a love letter to Brennan Lee Mulligan. He has a 20 charisma even though he has a stupid haircut. He calls the demon that lives in his dagger an obnoxious pet name. He’s Harry Lime as a Disney prince. He’s a trust fund baby who hates the rich. He monologues because he enjoys it. He’s an Oath of Treachery Paladin who has a code of ethics. He’s polite. He’s yelling. He talks about his plans in crowded taverns because he doesn’t think anyone will stop him. He’s the Champion of Tharizdun. He uses the symbol of their covenant to recreate Bishop’s knife trick. He thinks he and Zerxus Ilerez have SO MUCH in common. He’s playing Xanatos Speed Chess with an adventuring party who have no idea who he is. He wants to fuck his partner in crime so bad it makes him look stupid. He once Worf Effected 3/5’s of the Tombtakers because he’s a level 20 problem that no one was supposed to challenge yet. He takes off his gloves to use divine smite. His dagger warps reality. He’s Lucien’s dramatic foil. He’s not even thirty. He killed his own brother. He doesn’t have an excuse to be like this. He comes from a family so old it dates back to the Calamity. He is the most ridiculous fucker in Exandria.

[thought-42]

Fictober Day 5: “No, anything but that”

Critical Role, 673 words, Zerxus et al.

In which the telepathic bond is sure a thing that happens, huh

"Awful news, everyone." Patia's voice floats through Zerxus' head in the middle of his mid-morning tea run, and he has to ask the man at the coffee cart to repeat his total. "The Council will no longer be storing crystal recordings of their meetings in the Archives."

"Oh no," says Laerryn, utterly devoid of expression or tone, "anything but that."

"That's illegal," says Cerrit.

"That's not illegal," says Loquatius. "It's a little discourteous, but other than that it isn't as if they're obligated to report their private business to anyone with a note from a university."

"They are, though?" says Patia.

Zerxus smiles politely at the man behind the counter and carries the tray of teacups back towards the public courtyard where he is one of a group of Oracles bullshitting a report for the Navigators' Guild on atmospheric pressures and weather patterns for the next six months. Because that is definitely what the universe chooses to share with those who have trained for years to connect their consciousness to the grand web made by the strings of possibility.

The sun is warm on his back, the smell of flowers heavy on the gentle breeze.

"Don't bring your fantasies of democracy into this," says Loquatius. "We're a civilised society, thank you."

"They're only fantasies until the coup happens," says Cerrit. "You never see us coming, motherfucker."

"You go get 'em," Evandrin says, clearly distracted. "Punch that governmental system right in its magical face."

"I've been doing some reading."

"I hate it here," says Laerryn.

"Ask me about democratic process and its relationship to the free market in exactly two hours," Nydas says. "I have thoughts, but I also have a meeting with a giant sea serpent about a ship."

"What... happened to the ship?" Patia asks, tentatively.

"He ate it. Hence the meeting."

Zerxus passes through the gates. His colleagues are spread out across most of the benches, taking over decorative ledges and statues and garden beds. It makes him nostalgic for the sort of school days he never had.

"Democracies only destroy transparency," says Loquatius. "The same people are in charge, they just have to be more underhanded about how they get there."

"I love when you have opinions," says Evandrin, amused.

"how dare you?" says Loquatius. "I have never had an opinion in my life."

"We love a conflict of interest here," says Laerryn.

"No, I think that's only you, dear," says Patia.

"Hurtful," says Loquatius. “I’m very lovable.”

Zerxus passes out the teacups, laughs softly at a joke he can only half focus on.

"You'll tell us if there's anything good, though, won't you, Loquatius?" Patia coos.

"That's not the point," says Cerrit, at the same time Loquatius says

"I rarely get invited in to those meetings."

"You could get in if you wanted to,” Cerrit points out, immediately distracted from his previous thought.

"Shut the fuck up," Laerryn says, and Zerxus can feel the full weight of her sudden focus slam into the bond. He staggers a bit, sits down too hard on the bench where he'd left his notes and ink pot.

"Zerxus, are you well?" one of his fellow Oracles approaches, forehead creased in concern.

"Yes, sorry. I was just light headed for a moment."

"It really would be useful, though," Patia is saying, at the same time Laerryn is projecting icy protective anger like a flashing red warning sign.

Sometimes Zerxus thinks Cerrit does things just to gage how dangerous Laerryn's reactions are.

"He ate! A ship!" Nydas cuts in. "Can you all stop please, I need to focus."

"Ok, but how big was it," Evandrin says.

Zerxus sends a chiding sensation at his husband before he can think better of it.

"He's alive!" says Evandrin. "Sweetheart, tell Patia and Cerrit that they should have some faith in the leadership of our city."

"Burn it to the ground," says Zerxus, and picks up his quill.

[fangirlingpuggle]

Ok so I was crazy sleep deprived yesterday and just had the dumbest thought. So we know Ludinus 1) hates the gods and 2) was around when the calamity happened.

So I started thinking what if he’ll be the consecuted version of someone we saw in calamity?

Someone who hated the gods...what if he’s a consecuted version of Elias?

Just him getting Zerxus hatred of gods made even worse by living through the calamity, knowing mortals can do magic without it cause his dad could.

This probably the dumbest idea just ‘freeing an ancient sealed evil, runs in the family.

Evandrin in the afterlife head in hands like oh for fucks sake.

[nochi-quinn]

campaign 3 episode 53: what a load. what a load of. a load of b

we never should have given sam the power of pre-recording

matt said if they're gonna make me do a movie ad I'm doing it in the goofiest way possible

I apparently need to watch that 4sd, shortonegaming keeps streaming on tuesdays so I missed it

laura squinting at the prompter

well-oiled machine

I need someone to report on the texture of that blanket

I do NOT have the money for it but god do I want it

aabria has claimed the blanket

"oh shit I bited the robit"

"no wait I'm mad at you"

I am fully walking around looking for my crochet hook during this lsdkjfls

half fucked-up, half fuckable

oh, having to make sure an area is safe for "our kind" is. hmm.

dial it back, is what I'm getting at

starlight express

werefaun

just tendiiiing

(tiktok references nobody but me understands)

HA

(found my crochet hook)

mental whisper gossip network

"can I have advantage?" "just 'cause?"

deanna can only be heard by dogs

"I fall asleep" mood

I am begging matt to just say "houses"

"how long have you lived here?" "what a fun question"

"roll vibe check"

department store junes showed up here last december and proceeded to devour all our economic slack

"there's too much stuff in my brain, sometimes it just jumps out!" mood

imogen :(

travis: sheepishly nothing motherfucker 🔪🔪🔪

oh my god you can't just ask people why they're fauns

"alimony payment"

tilda swinton

I typed it as they were saying it lkadjfls

uwuessa

(fun story, my partner had uvulitus, but when I texted his wife about it she immediately sent back "UWUITIS?" so that was my twitter name for a while)

surely it's common knowledge that he's been under investigation

"we don't just have a druid part of the city!" why not, vasselheim does

"I don't know to be offended by that phrase"

oh. oh shit. hm. don't love that.

"I found a bag of skittles in a desk drawer and I've done nothing but eat the whole bag"

oh shit does trent's collar still work?? like I know that's small potatoes comparatively but

chetney looting like in tlou

mines? mines collapsing? ungood?

"you just hate gluten as a person?"

hmmm. unlike.

from within the palace?

BULLETS COME DOWN

"you're light an orym!"

okay I now actively dislike fcg

or at least the way sam is playing him currently

maybe I just have religious trauma idk

statue?? cursed statue???

all I'm picturing is a silver lynel

rogues are whatever

wait like zerxus' griffon?

I actually looked it up lmao, it's what the Savalirwood used to be called

she's not gonna heal you bro

oh that's a cool mini, I hate it

your badge, show him your fuckin badge!

are they within ten feet of me

"did you just roll a bunch of dice?" "no, I'm looking for more d10s" "MORE d10s?!"

jeSUS

[travis voice] there's too many diCE TO ROLL, MARISHA

oh wow, she showed him her fuckin badge

okay somebody draw the wall street bull

"and because you're fearne"

"I think frida's falling in love with fearne" "who doesn't?"

I love when travis' internal notes kick in

I think I might love umudara

a good boy!

"you made me sit between my exes and my dice are nervous!"

extra calming of extra emotions

cast valium

when you hide for three hours after going on a rampage in skyrim

I love her

"you passed everything"

can I just state how extremely HERE I am for the concept of all the old creatures and myths and mystical beasts coming back

The Magic Comes Back my beloved

"it might not be there anymore but we don't know that"

…what if what fucked up the savalirwood gets unfucked too

everything's on the table! total setting shift!

[utilitycaster]

not to turn this into an ask game, but I'm also curious about your sexiest/least sexy paladin subclasses (admittedly I know next to nothing outside what we've seen on cr/exu)

Oath of Devotion (the purest expression of paladin vibes) (CR examples: Kerrek; initial build for Kima but later moved to Vengeance)

Oath of Redemption (it's about patience in the face of everything but it's also about having stupid high bonuses to charisma checks and Rebuking The Violent) (CR example: Zerxus)

Oath of the Watchers and Oath of the Ancients are tied (personally I slightly prefer Watchers but that's because *Chetney werewolf voice* you guys ever do it on the different planes, but both are impeccable, it's really just planar vigilance vs. being a source of nature and light) (no CR examples but I believe you would know ancients from Beverly Toegold V)

Oath of Vengeance (bit edgy for my taste and I do not personally have a wing kink but like, it is pretty cool, ngl) (CR example: Vax, NADDPod example: Beverly for a bit)

Oathbreaker (frustrating that the DMG automatically goes to 'evil paladin obviously broke their oaths and now is super into zombies' when Teven Klask is out here kissing hands and does not seem to be weird about the undead. but also...I could fix them.) (CR example: Arkhan, which, again, seems weird, seems like he's actually keeping all oaths to Tiamat)

Oath of the Crown (ngl I am not searching through my files for my Sword Coast Adventurer's Guide digital copy of questionable legality right now, but iirc it was a decent support-heavy build; I don't particularly care for the monarchy but it did make you super good at healing and that's sexy)

Oath of Glory (I fucking hate this subclass but it would probably be a good lay it must be said)

Oath of Conquest (Douse the Flame of Hope douses a whole lot of other things...mechanics actually go hard but the flavor is really a turn off, like, politically)

oath of the open sea (CR example: Fjord) is not published by the WoTC and so is not officially ranked here but unofficially it's #3.

[ladykeyleth]

The woobification of Asmodeus is really starting to get on my nerves.

I can understand Zerxus' choices because he doesn't know. But us? The audience? Some of you have been here since the beginning of Critical Role. You know the lore. You know Exandria's history. And you know Asmodeus wiped out almost every single one of Sarenrae's followers during the Calamity. And he did so through manipulation and deceit. He murdered them all using the same tactics he's using on Zerxus right now.

On the one hand, kudos to Brennan because people are clearly reacting to his character the way he intended. This is what Asmodeus does. Who he is. And he conveyed all of that wonderfully in his performance. But on the other hand, it's incredibly frustrating to see people lack so much critical thinking that they will automatically simp for literally any bad guy. Including the Lord of Lies. Who, by the way in case this wasn't clear, is Satan himself.

[collectionofsinglefathers]

God I’m so glad I’ve also gotten to the point where I am fully okay with using the block button liberally because FUCK the shitty takes I’ve seen not only over the entire run of Calamity but especially now that it’s over.

[livingprophecy]

i’m fully snotting and sobbing right now send help

[always-and-anyways]

IT IS TIME TO REVISIT MY FIRST IMPRESSIONS i was gonna wait until i finished the wrap up but fuck it

Zerxus: this man is so sad?? Is he okay?? He will probably become my favourite

okay he was my favourite for a really long time until his fatal flaw of hubris thinking that he was better than everyone else was pointed out to him and then the mirror got uncomfortably close to my own face L O L (also just my tru fave (keep reading) just surpassed him). BUT ANYWAYS i do love Zerxus, I am fascinated by his whole arc, I'm deeply emotional about everything they are saying about how lonely and sad he was in the wrap-up, and I now badly want to play a paladin.

Loquatius: will be the one I love to hate. I may murder him if his ex wife doesn’t get there first

this... maintained. lol. But also at the end I loved him so much, and I love so much how much Sam always commits to the bit? like this character was like Commit to the Bit ™️. Both with how ridiculous he could be but mostly with how his love for Laerryn just drove every single goddamn thing he did for like... most of the story.

Laerryn: she gets so much done that I fear that she will get TOO MUCH done but also I’m obsessed with her

ALSO maintained lol. like just obsessed with how she both caused the Calamity and also did her best to mitigate it. crying every day thinking about 'nothing matters if he doesn't make it. Laerryn and Quay truly did invent romance.

Patia: she will be a manipulative bitch and I will love every minute of it

I am.... like too emotional about everything Brennan said in the wrap up about how Patia has no one... She has her Ring of Brass, she has he grandfathers statue. She has no parents, no partner or kids.... fuck. I'm also truly just a sucker for any Marisha Ray character, and I just love this woman who really is grppling with her morality and what her family's legacy is and means, and reckoning with her history.... fuck. yeah she was great, i loved her so much, and I loved her friendship with Laerryn.

Nydas: seems chaotic and I’m into it. 10/10 for bringing a tree to a party and is so fun but I don’t have a much better read on him yet than that.

OKAY THIS GUY SURPRISED ME SO MUCH, I LOVE HIM. his fucking change of heart at the tree when he realized they'd gone too far, the way he became a moral center of the group, the way he tried to kill his friend so that he wouldn't become something he didn't want, THE FUCKING PASSION IN LOU'S VOICE AT ALL TIMES. I'm so emotional about this man who was once a little boy on the docks, and the dynamic that created with the others. I fucking love Nydas. he surpassed Zerxus by the end in my book of faves.

Cerrit: the other contender to be my fave but I have no words to explain why yet. He’s just so fucking competent and cool.

HE'S THE REAL FAVE THOUGH I'M SORRY EVERYONE I just love this dad so much???? YES he is competent and cool and so fucking good at his job, like watching Travis play this guy with no magic so effectively traverse this all magic world was so fun, and I think there is something deeply poetic about the fact that he was the one who was able to get out. But like, truly the main thing that makes him my favourite is his dad vibe, and every interaction with his kids. I cried every time. Travis in this role was just something else and it was fun to see him play this character with such depth and gravity because all i really know of him is Chet and Grog which are obviously so different from that. Anyways. I love him so much.

[c-is-for-circinate]

RE: EXU Calamity episode 2...

There are...thoughts, feelings, vague half-formed ideas I'm having, about the story that's growing up around Zerxus and Evandran and Asmodeus, and they're not so much about the story itself as they are about the fact that it's the very start of Pride month again and I'm thinking about history, queer history, gay history, about Luis Carazo's adorable instagram takeover singing love songs with his partner, about context and the resonance of stories.

There's not a cohesive whole yet, exactly, just...there are pieces of the way this story is being put together that feel like they echo very specific things, real-world things rather than Exandrian things.

(A man says, my husband was dying of a disease that nobody could identify, I lifted his body and it was so light, there was so little of him left, nobody could stop it and nobody even tried, in this city of wonders I KNOW somebody could have tried. And it's the second day of pride month, and magic or no magic, there's a twist and a phrasing to that story that hits a very, very specific place.)

(The devil has a beautiful face, the Lord of Lies who looks like a good and angry man's dead husband. And the devil says, the ones who call themselves Bright and Good hated me for what was only my nature, and the good and honorable and righteous and angry man hates gods and wizards both, hates pride and power that calls itself Good and scorns compassion. And the devil looks like the good man's husband, who the bright and powerful let die, and the devil is beautiful.)

(Art doesn't exist without context. This little game of dungeons and dragons doesn't exist without John Milton as Lucifer, writing about how much better it is to reign upon the throne of hell than serve at the foot of heaven. Art is a conversation, a network of thoughts and ideas, relations and inspiration twisted up together to make something new.)

It's morality and compassion and a little bit passion, a little bit sex and romance rooted among the bitterness and resentment and grief. It's an old, old question of agnostics and heretics alike: if the gods are cruel and the monarchs corrupt, and everything claimed to be good is evil, then what does it mean to embrace everything claimed to be evil as good? And the answer is never that simple, and it's not going to be that simple here.

I don't know. I don't know. It's 2:00 in the morning, I'm googling pieces of Paradise Lost, I'm a little bit loopy, I have to be up in six hours.

Just. I think. I think that sympathy-for-the-devil is not a new story, not in this or any other incarnation. But I think that telling it in this way, with this face...there's something very, very gay, something queer as in fuck you, in the fabric of the story. Something extra that doesn't happen with a straight actor playing the paladin, with a dead wife instead of a dead husband. Some sort of context.