#but im so sad. its jsut.... gone from tumblr

[cadaverousdecay]

never forget what they took from us

[pinkprettycure]

looking thru my blog pages since its been a long time since i have, looking at the page i made for pixel family of my friends, most of the accounts are gone which i knew because most of those people changed urls, remade, or left the site. noticed one is still up, huh i havent seen them on the dash lately but they very much are still semi-active *viewing from the custom url and not the tumblr dash* *goes to the tumblr dash version of the url* *they blocked me lol*

no hard feelings tbh its jsut like, funny in a sad way since they were on my friends page? that page hasnt been updated in like maybe 6 or 7 years lol and we werent THAT close like some of my moots, so i wouldnt even remember when or why they would have blocked me. so im not upset just. Huh.

[darlington-v]

FELLOW TRANSMASC MLM HERE IM IN SHAMBLES. I YEARN FOR FRIENDSHIP. IM TRYING NOT TO THINK TOO DEEPLY. IM HAPPY FOR THEM. EVERY DAY THE DOOR OF MY PERSONAL CLOSET AND SELF DENIAL GETS CHIPPED AWAY BECAUSE OF MY ENVY.

RANBOO IS SO TALL ITS SO FUCKING FUNNY

SAHFKDSAHKFJHSDFKJ

ME ME ME

BRO ANY TIME THEY STREAM IT REALLY IS GONNA HAVE TO BE LIKE "IM TRYING NOT TO THINK TOO DEEPLY."

LIKE SHHHH SHUT OFF UR BRAIN QUIT BEING A WHINY LITTLE BITCH ITLL COME EVENTUALLY JSUT *beats the shit out of my gay ass brain*

SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!

like... Man...

idk i just.. Man. like... just... Shit, Dude.... like... Man.

like not to get too deep into my own personal issues, but its MY tumblr and i don't have to worry about beeduo looking for this shit, uhhh more under the cut lol

they really evoke like. The Desired Goal in mind that i am like. SUPER insecure of achieving i guess. WHICH IS NOT GOOD? like if you or anyone reading can relate, i think the best thing to do is just close out of the stream if it like makes you too emotional bc it definitely has for me!

which isn't their problem, which is why i'm talking about it on my tumblr w/o tags!

but it is an interesting pickle i've placed myself in and like idk these anons voicing like solidarity and being able to relate is also nice! i'm glad im not alone in trying to figure out how to navigate this because i love their content! and i don't want them to evoke this weird yearning and sadness whenever their affectionate with each other.

so it's been A Task.

however, in regards to like. The Gay Crisis Aspect, it really pushes this weird urgency on me to like... figure out HOW i can find someone i can be affectionate with in that way because right now, i don't really have that! and sometimes i feel a weird pressure to like... transition before even like... adventuring out to make new friends who i'll introduce myself as like... masculine to. which is super like- it gets very divorced from bee duo themselves obviously like beeduo r two cis boys? and it eventually just gets more divorced as i like think more deeply

which yanno. is standard if you're human and you're affronted with something that forces you to think about shit deeply.

ahuhguh idk yeah i had typed out a lot of this last night and now any train of thought i had here was gone but anytime i watch beeduo be affectionate with each other it just like

sends me into a trans gay crisis lmfao

GOOD THING I GOT THERAPY OTL