#but it made us feel so ashamed of ourselves. cuz we were still struggling and we 'couldnt even attend classes' and

[autumnslance]

I've got a writing question that's been on my mind for a while: how do you keep your OCs from becoming self inserts? Every time I think of developing an OC I realize that it's attributes that I

Oops, you got cut off! But in general: all your OCs are going to have traits of yours; it’s inevitable. Sometimes big things, sometimes small things. It’s how we relate to them, and also just natural, I promise. We write what we know, and we know how we interact with ourselves and the world.

But there is a difference between sharing some traits with a character and making them a self-insert. It’s letting their life, their community and culture, their experiences, also influence their traits and thinking, in ways that might be different from how you would respond in a similar situation. Even if you share those attributes.

This is me so let’s go behind a cut shall we?

Dark Autumn is as introverted and solitary by nature as I am; she can and does interact in professional and friendly ways with people (as I try to do), but needs alone time to recharge. However, Dark also has a very different outlook and relationship with her family than I, since her family is large and supportive, very close knit. If family is a lottery, I got the $50 scratch off prize while she hit the Mega-Millions. So I take that into account when thinking of her relationships not just with family, but with friends and potential romantic interests; Dark sees things through a lens of positive, low-drama familial relationships that I can barely fathom. This also means she has a support network and resources myself and other characters don’t, so gets some wish fulfillment of working through issues with care and grace instead of remaining in unhealthy places. She is my “comfort OC” so gets a lot of good things I wish I had—which shapes how she responds to others, like taking care of a FCmate and becoming something of a big sister figure for him, or the responsible older sister figure of my group of OCs. Which is me, really, idealizing my own older sister tendencies into this giant woman who’s better at it.

Aeryn was written to be on the ace scale; not my first character to be so, but the first written that way as I began to realize where my own orientations lie and wanting to examine that through fiction. That she fell for a certain rogue in the process of playing through MSQ again was not at all intentional. I like Thancred as a character—he hits a lot of tropes I enjoy—but in my own mindset, he’s a frustrating younger brother. I didn’t think I’d do NPC x WoL shipping. But there it is, because in determining Aeryn’s own experiences and how those shaped her, it ended up working out that way (and I spent the better part of 2 years writing the characters separately to figure that out and if it could work before writing them together because it’s not something that comes naturally to me).

Aeryn’s internal anger is something I have a difficult time with; it’s outside my own nature to carry things like that. I have my angers, certainly, but they are different from hers. I tend to need a lot to set me off and then it burns out hot and quick. Aeryn’s more of a long boil she keeps bottled up. I’ve gotten a few things through various fics, I think, but it’s why I do things like reference arguments but rarely depict them. Being non-confrontational myself (I’m meek and have hangups thanks to my own life) it’s a challenge. Aeryn responded to childhood traumas (that I never dealt with), bullying (that I did), losses (that I haven’t yet), and the responsibility she’s been given (thank goodness I don’t) far differently than I. Maybe I’d be more volatile, too, if I had her life. But I understand where her anger comes from sharing some of the reasons, I just shape it differently than my own.

There’s a lot of things about Dark and Aeryn that are accidentally similar, just due to the timing of their character generation and other RP OCs made for other games along the way; “Oh I haven’t done X or Y in a character in awhile” sort of thing, but how each approaches those similarities and why—their quietness, their issues with using magic, their tendency to “adopt” others as family—all come from different places and resolve differently, too.

C’oretta comes from a part of me that doesn’t quite want to grow up. That wishes I had been more of the peppy, active, cheerful, risk-taking, live it up stereotypical party kid, that “popular girl” archetype I felt so often on the outside looking in about. As my second character, I wanted her to be different from Dark Autumn—visually, emotionally, mentally. Where Dark is steady, C’oretta is flighty. While Dark is people oriented, C’oretta’s a bit selfish (like I often feel). Dark’s introverted, C’oretta’s extroverted. Much of C’oretta’s attitude is a deflection against the hurts in her life, a way to fight back against some terrible things. It’s a way I could never react. But I also can’t get away from a character who loves to learn and wants to try new things—but where other characters gain the ability to stick with and see them through, C’oretta gets my easy frustration and boredom, and then the “ooh shiny” of a new interest. There’s a history of ADHD (or whatever the acronyms are now) and even autism and learning issues in my family; it’s possible I have some undiagnosed ND stuff going on, and people have noted these things in C’oretta that I’ve based on my own experiences and those of people very close to me.

Many of my characters have traits I wish I had, or were better at; patience, kindness, consideration, convictions, courage, thoughtfulness, and so on and etc. They’re good at skills I haven’t the knowledge in, or the ability to do. They’re certainly more active than I am, or could be! Because I can take the time to think and plan and research and write those things out better, and just maybe along the way not only learn something myself, but try to practice it better myself. I can even sometimes let them teach me what I can possibly do or be, not just imagine it as an ideal that’s out of reach.

I try to let my characters make mistakes I wouldn’t—or in some cases, have in my past, and that’s OK. Especially if I learned from them, but maybe the character does not. Maybe they do but it takes awhile, or repeated instances until it sinks in. Maybe I let them make errors I still make, as a way to puzzle out better solutions I should probably entertain for myself.

Character voice is something I’ve felt I struggled with in keeping my OCs distinct. Do characters ‘sound’ alike, in dialogue and prose? Having distinct ways of speaking helps; C’oretta’s breathless chatty run-ons are certainly different from Dark and Aeryn’s quieter tendencies. I have to remember to trim down Aeryn’s dialogue more often, say less aloud, add more gestures and facial expressions. I tend to be a talker, an over-explainer (if you can’t tell), while the only times she gets like that are specific. Dark’s somewhere in the middle of those two, like I am. A lot of the reason I like writing NPCs and try to keep them close to my interpretation of canon is to practice distinct character voice to get better at it in my OCs, so they don’t sound like me!

And something I’ve never admitted to before is that I think for me, it helps that from the time I was a kid watching various series of Star Trek, I always have had an in-my-own-head-only self-insert. She’s always a support character (that’s what I’m best at). She has cool and unusual abilities to help the actual heroes, cuz heck it’s my internal fantasy and that’s fun. She has traits I want to be better at or wish I had, developed over time with more energy and focus than I can actually muster in reality. As time’s gone on, she’s become more of a mentor and Mom Friend as I’m now older and see a lot of protagonist characters as “my kids” now. She appears in nearly every story I’ve loved over time, in one iteration or another. And because I have a headspace character where I can say “this is what I, ideally, would say and do and be capable of in this situation…” My other characters that I actually write about can vary between doing something similar (if it suits them) to doing something completely different (cuz darn kids never listen) as I can compare them to the self-insert and decide where to diverge.

So it’s a mix of myself and my traits and knowledge, but taking into account how each character would respond and use those same attributes differently than I do or would. Write what you know, write who you are—and then add in some wish fulfillment, some what ifs, some bad choices, some good choices, and shake things up. Give the characters tics and tricks different from yourself and let that shape them, too, by remembering to take those things into account (even if you have to tape a note to your monitor).

And finally, don’t be ashamed of your self-inserts; I’ve known some great characters that started as self-inserts and grew, through their experiences, into wholly different people than their writers over time. Heck, the epic romance my original WoW priest was part of was with a character that started as a self-insert; his player began the game knowing nothing of the lore or roleplaying, but as he learned the story and how to RP, and determined how his character fit into the world and how that shaped him, the character diverged over time, while still sharing some key traits (some endearing, some frustrating, as people are and all part of that friend). It’s not a bad starting point at all. The rest can come over time and practice, especially if you make a lot of OCs and try to make them different from each other while also being aspects of yourself.

[barelynakedthoughts]

I've been having a tough time with someone lately. I'll do my best not to name them or make any reference to our relationship specifically. Just a general vent on behaviors that have been damaging to my mental and emotional state during this pregnancy.

When someone says "you're like a [insert relationship identifier] to me", you expect to be treated and loved similarly to their comparison. Yet lately, it just feels like they don't really think of me that way...they just want to keep me on their good side. They just want me to like them enough so they can get their way. When push comes to shove, they have made every decision to disrespect my decisions about privacy for myself and our family.

We desire to protect our child from unnecessary harm on social media. We want to remain reserved for the sake of others who are struggling with infertility still...we also want this time to ourselves to decompress from constant disappointment. We have been blessed and we have truly been humbled. We've asked for just the smallest amount of privacy and support from those close to us. This shouldn't be unreasonable. Honestly, it's only incomprehensible to some because of the social media culture we live in.

They have no clue what it was like to cry every month for two years over something we were trying for.

I was finally able to give up a 13-year eating disorder to help us have this baby...does no one realize how bad I wanted this? Does no one realize how important something must have been for me to break out of addiction? I stopped something that nothing else could stop me from doing...all for the sake of this child. It was the best decision of my life but I'm only a small reason of why I made this decision. There was no guarantee giving up this disorder would let us have a kid...PCOS does not care, but I made the leap anyways for the small chance that something would work. No, I dont fully think our success this time around is based on saving my body from an eating disorder, but it definitely played a huge role. My body was able to learn to be a body again in the process without all the pressures of constant vomiting and restricting. Without the pressures of self-demoralization because of my weight...I learned to live and then life was granted to me. My entire world was brought to its knees and I'm extremely grateful for it.

They weren't there for the nights my husband couldn't console me. They weren't there for the fights we had that were never directed towards each other...they weren't there for the short lived excitement when a doctor prescribed a new treatment. The little bit of hope we got when we started a new round of something that had unknown possibles that weren't shrouded in failed attempts yet. They just weren't there. They were only living in their land of "buck up, it'll happen eventually."

They also dont understand how their words can be hurtful. Telling someone the legitimacy of their life is dependent on their familial relationship and not their actual love and affection for someone is insulting. This one probably requires more context, but I'm not going to give it right now. Just remember that you can love someone just as much as you can love someone else. Don't let anyone tell you your love doesn't count because you don't fit a certain arbitrary requirement that demeaning person has created for themselves.

We see their actions with others who are supposed to be just like us to them. We see how much they treat them better...and how they show affection in more endearing ways to the others. We see how we are on the bottom of their totem pole...even though they say we mean everything to them.

Maybe I'm too emotional from all the hormones, but I'm saddened by this treatment. I could be overreacting and that's fine...maybe I'll look back on this one day and realize it was just all in my head. For now, my brain has been sad. I've been feeling like there is no point in life because I've resolved that combatting their negativity is a heavy burden that I don't want to do. I've felt the emptiness of suicidal thoughts again...and it feels wrong. I feel like I'm betraying my baby with these thoughts. I can see how women fact postpartum depression so easily...

-----

Additionally, my body dysmorphia is raging. I'm ashamed of myself while desiring to be content. I feel happy that I'm pregnant and I am very okay with how my body is growing to take care of the little one...but I'm getting bigger and my mind can't help but be cruel to myself. It's always painful to see pictures of myself because I've never been particularly photogenic. Candid shots destroy my confidence and they riddle my brain with horrendous and degrading obsessions. So nowadays, things are just getting worse and worse...plus I'm being compared to someone who is 5 weeks ahead of me all the time. They're getting really big, they're so stretched cuz they're so small. These are words I've heard said right after I say one sentence about myself. The conversations steers directly to the other person and I feel left out. Why arent they saying anything about me when I'm right here? Do I not matter...am I nothing to them? Why did they even bring it up in the first place? Nothing makes sense and I'm left to belittle my mind.

I've chosen this path for myself, I know. It's rather self-demoralizing to focus on all of this. I personally wish I could forget about it all and focus on my baby. Some days are easier than others. When that person is around, though, I slip back into those thoughts. Their company is harmful to my life and my own recovery....and I fear it will be harmful for my child one day, too. I'm picking my battles right now because I will do anything for this kid. That other person should be important in our lives so I choose to set aside my personal issues with them for now. If I need to fight for my child's safety, I will. If my child needs protected from that person's negativity, I will do whatever is necessary.

[k-baii]

MONSTA X - The X Clan Theory

Key points:

Everyone is dead but Kihyun ?

Kihyun actually symbolizes Monbébés

No one is actually dead, the clan series is teaching us a life lesson and also telling us that Monsta X loves and cares about their fans a lot

*Warning: super long text; some stuff about suicide and abuse (cuz the MVs)

Let’s start with the last oath:

Sad but beautiful youth Inside the repeating time where the end can’t be seen In the space where it’s dangerous and uneasy We walked together We fought together We grew beautifully In front of the new road We put/bet everything we had We swear to protect whatever is next One, find what we have lost One, fill our empty heart One, find the right path and go along that path One, we will not abandon each other Become one and protect the X clan (Credit: Monsta X Subs)

The theme and thoughts expressed in this oath are important to my theory.

Let us begin.

MV #1:  걸어 (All In) - The Clan Part 1: LOST

Lots of symbolism but general idea of “lost” -  forced to face difficult matters or the unknown and not knowing how to handle situations or diving into the wrong paths.

Throughout the MV, there are bits and pieces of the members in uniform searching for a path/a way out and kinda seemingly running to find/away from something in this dystopian setting (adds to the unknown and concept of lost, it’s a world we don’t know). If it is running away from something, it’s to depict the idea of being lost when trying to avoid something, and if it’s running to find something, it’s to depict the idea of being lost when trying to search for an answer. At the end of the MV, they find the unknown floating matter thing (i dunno what it actually is?). That’s directly showing the general idea of being lost and encountering the unknown.

Minhyuk (trying to) save Hyungwon at the beginning. Minhyuk symbolizes a person or a factor that is trying to help in the vast setting/situation of being lost. He will be a recurring theme in this manner.

The black and white scenes where the members are having fun and hanging out symbolizes the past before getting lost (they do show signs of reaching a point where they’re wandering). If you include the black and white segments from the greenhouse setting where all the members are gathered, it also represents moments when you don’t feel lost (in the case that you found temporary or permanent solution with the blue flowers).

The scenes with the soldiers represent the start of encountering obstacles. I felt that Jooheon’s mocking gesture of pointing the soldier’s gun to his head is kind of a play on facing problems head on.

Throughout the MV, the different problems that each member faced such as Hyungwon’s abuse and Shownu’s dad being sick where examples of problems that people face in life. The choices they made to solve the problems such as stealing for Shownu’s case and suicide for Hyungwon were also real depictions of solutions that some people choose to rely on for when they’ve become lost and have no other choice.

Minhyuk continues to symbolize someone who cares and wants to help the person who is lost. He can also symbolize the bystander who is unable to help despite wanting to. Other members (i.e. Changkyun and Wonho) are others who are willing to help.

Jooheon symbolizes “god/fate”(?) like he provides a sort of guide or help to the path you choose. For example, he offers physical items that help Shownu with his robbery after Shownu has already decided on doing it. He also stands as while the other members are sitting in the greenhouse, he’s like a higher power that you don’t have control over but he provides and in this context, the blue flowers.(Jooheon’s role will be further explored later)

*Blue is a colour of trust or responsibility or also a colour of peace and tranquility. Blue flowers are a symbol of inspiration, hope, and beauty of things. Metaphysically, they stand for the infinite and the unreachable.

Minhyuk+Wonho+Changkyun suffers the backlash of inhaling the smoke of the flames they set. Shownu’s father’s passing and his stolen money not being of help. Shownu then kills himself (consuming the blue flower liquid stuff). Hyungwon kills himself as he couldn’t handle the suffering anymore. Minhyuk killing himself as he felt guilty (ahah! this will pop up again) that he couldn’t/didn’t help Hyungwon.

Key character: Kihyun. The scene of him limping, then throwing away the crutches, then running on his own again. He showed the process of being crippled and then fighting to run on his own again and succeeding. Note that Kihyun is also the only member who never showed up with the other members aside from the “past” clips.

As a whole, Monsta X members represent the different points in time or different situations where you are lost.

[An addition, All In is the only music video that does not include any “song meaning”. I say this because there are no scenes that show the members singing or dancing. The song isn’t exactly a part of the music video. But some relation of the song to the MV would be Minhyuk and Shownu being representations of those going “all in” for someone which is somewhat consistent with the song’s meaning. Kihyun is a representation of trying to go “all in” for himself and standing on his own.]

MV #2: Fighter - The Clan Part 2: GUILTY

Symbols of fighting to go on, trying to defeat the obstacle: trying to find a way out, trying to solve the puzzle/obstacle, trying to make a solution. Guilty is the adjective for being/feeling responsible for a specified wrongdoing but in the case of this series, I believe it’s more focused on the idea of feeling responsible for things that may be wrong to ourselves but not necessarily truly wrong (this sounds weird but it will make sense eventually). [Starting from this MV, there is incorporation of song meaning as there are scenes of members singing to the song within the setting of the story.]

Shownu punching the wall: fighting the unbeatable obstacle. He doesn’t give up. He is then greeted with a light after a door opens, I’m guessing its a tease of possible escape or something. Moments where he’s dancing in the middle of what may seem like jail bars, may represent how even if you are enclosed, there is always some sort of freedom for you to express and be yourself. You cannot perceive yourself to be completely locked down in your troubles.

Hyungwon and Minhyuk strapped up and restricted. They’re restrained to their “deaths” as continued on from All In but I believe their deaths represent a sort of dead end (like when you’re stuck with a problem and can’t seemingly find a solution) in the big picture. Their in a hospital room as they can still be saved in some sense. 

Key character making an appearance: Kihyun hulling what appears to be a body bag as it trails some thing that appears to be blood. The body bag represents the baggage that one carries throughout life, it’s heavy. The reason why it is made to look so “deadly” is that Kihyun feels the responsibility of his life’s baggage, he feels guilty as his baggage is believed to be wrongdoings. [It’s like when you carry everything you feel ashamed of or everything you think you did wrong and you keep it a secret to yourself. In a sense, you feel guilty because you feel responsible for something you perceive to be wrong.] Note that Kihyun is given a sort of pointer then bagged (**blindfolded**) and guided to the X-marked room. In the room, he finds the loads of blue flowers: a symbol of inspiration, hope, and beauty.

Wonho planning some big project to “save” the ones that are lost (Shownu, Hyungwon, and Minhyuk). He plans and creates the big machine that could help find/recover the lost members.

Shownu is back and not alone. Jooheon, a symbol of some higher power, knights Shownu. This is a gesture of recognition. Shownu “died” in All In but in Fighter, he begins by “fighting” a solid wall. He hit a dead end but he continues to fight and strive on and his efforts are recognized. Shownu then bears a Laurel wreath on his head and he stands tall. The Laurel wreath is a symbol of triumph/victory. This is an example of overcoming struggles on your own.

Changkyun and his (awesome) gameboy and the stuffed toys: the symbol of your inner child. Sometimes you shouldn’t suppress your inner child, let it out and it may rescue you. Changkyun rides towards the exit of the tunnel and he also rides towards you with Kihyun and Wonho (who are also on similar bikes so they’re a part of the aid) with a strong light shining behind them. They’re your exit out of the tunnel, they’re your ray of light. [As we grow older, we lose sight of our “true selves”  (our pure selves as children) as we are focused on the things that we “must” do or being up to certain standards. We’re masked by things that we should or want to be but not who we really are.]

Hyungwon and Minhyuk regaining consciousness as the bike crew is on their way. There are flashes of drugs which I interpret as there being a dream of drugs. Drugs in dreams can have different meanings and I will only discuss the one that seems most relevant based on how the drugs were shown, it is likely the use of drugs. The use of drugs in dreams suggests feelings of insecurity and regret. I believe that this refers to the insecurity and regret they feel from their suicide.

Jooheon (sassily) enters from a blue-coloured lit doorway. He continues to symbolize this “higher figure”. Reminder that blue* is the colour of trust or responsibility or also a colour of peace and tranquility.

The saviours + Jooheon (here as an extra aid cuz he provides help when needed) approach Wonho’s creation that is a symbol of a solution that requires the “blue* liquid” and your self (represented by Changkyun+Wonho, being the inner child/your true self). Wonho and Changkyun are seen gaming which often is playing to defeat the boss/opponent. This represents a sort of fight.

Jooheon, as the doctor, provides two coloured gummies. He is providing types of paths/options that one can take: a blue and a purple. While blue has already been shown to be a colour of positivity, I am assuming that the purple is shown as a negative colour of the two options. The negative meanings of purple are decadence, conceit, and pomposity while also being a colour of mourning.

Hyungwon takes the purple and Minhyuk takes the blue. Jooheon then gets a solo shot that seemingly looks like he is judging the two as if considering their choices. But they actually didn’t choose nor did they question. I believe in reality, Jooheon flipped the meaning of the candies’ colours to judge their outcomes. So Hyungwon actually “passes” in peace while Minhyuk “mourns” Hyungwon’s death and suffers on his own (this theme comes back during Shine Forever).

The lovely animation of the blue flower blooming. Reminder that blue flowers are a symbol of inspiration, hope, and beauty of things. Metaphysically, they stand for the infinite and the unreachable.

The white hallway. A hallway represents a path or a transition and the doorways represent different choices one can make to open up to other things. A white hallway in dreams can represent being on the right path, making the right life choices. The focus of the main big doors shows that Monsta X is on the right path with the help of Changkyun leading them. I believe that the bright white light that they exit through is a symbol of a new beginning.

The scene where Monsta X escapes, they’re all in white and in uniform. This brings us back to how they were in uniform in All In. They once again represent the different points in time or different situations where we face struggles but as they are escaping, this shows that they have found a way to overcome the struggles, they are no longer lost. (And they’re all smiling and happy as they escape.)

MV #3: Beautiful - The Clan Part 2.5: THE FINAL CHAPTER

Representation of different struggles in one’s life. 

The white hallway returns. Still meaning the same thing as previously stated but now we see the details of different rooms. The different rooms represent different types of struggles that one can encounter in life. I’m interpreting the rooms according to what they represent in dreams.

Shownu: room of nature. Struggles of growth, potential, spiritual development.

Minhyuk: room of pendulums. Struggles of rhythm in life (like keeping a consistency of sorts? since the pendulum measures time and energy)

Changkyun: room of money and gold. Struggles of self worth, confidence, or success.

Hyungwon: room of sand and mirrors. Struggles of time and the self. (Sand in association with hourglasses and mirrors with reflection)

Wonho: room of mailboxes. Struggles of communication.

Kihyun: room of swords. Struggles of willpower and strength.

Jooheon maintains the role of the higher power (I guess he’s kinda the symbol of “life”) that monitors the others and provides help by giving each member an item to help them solve their struggle.

Shownu: given a bottle of blue liquid. He pours it on the wilting flower representing the help for the plant to keep growing. This struggle is the quite significant because of the recurring blue and blue flower (I believe that this symbolizes trusts,responsibility, peace and tranquility nurture inspiration, hope, and beauty to an extent).

Minhyuk: given a pocketwatch. He holds onto it and observes it. It serves to tell him that he is unable to see how time is affecting him or that he is not managing his time well.

Changkyun: given matches or a single match. He lights it up and burns the money. This represents how he is removing the obstacle that makes him frustrated to find himself. (it’s like when you’re so focused on making money and working that you don’t have time for yourself so you go on a trip, spending money, but you get a break for yourself)

Hyungwon: given a hand-held mirror. He finally looks at just himself. (he looks at the big mirrors too but there are more than one reflection as there were so many mirrors) He drops the mirror on another mirror with causes a crack (kinda). But breaking a mirror in a dream represents breaking old habits or an old image of yourself.

Wonho: given a pen and ink. He writes a letter which represents him making communication as he has previously opened and read a letter from one of the mailboxes.

Kihyun: given a hammer. A hammer represents having the upper hand/advantage.

The members all escape their rooms meaning that they defeated their struggles. Jooheon leads them down the white hallway, all the doors are closed. They are moving on with life as they walk down the hallway. Maybe there’s another door later on but for now, they’re following “life” (Life = Jooheon) and walking down a path until whatever they encounter next.

MV #4: Shine Forever - The Clan Part 2.5 : THE FINAL CHAPTER (Repackaged)

[I believe that Shine Forever is an alternative to Beautiful. Meaning that they both are the third part to the “story”. But for Shine Forever, the ideas and concepts are more prominent with Beautiful coming before it.]

This MV explores the ideas of lost, guilt, and beauty all in one. It also explores the notion of not keeping to one’s self, finding the self, find help and support. I’m going to develop how this MV is set in something like a heaven.

The driving on the long road in a peaceful landscape: represents something like the white hallway. (On route to a destination.) At this point, they’re all in the car and together. Things to note: Shownu is driving, Kihyun is already blindfolded. Jooheon is in the passenger seat (He is in the seat that is capable of aiding the driver, a form of a guide like he was previously).

Concept of lost is depicted once again with Shownu alone wandering the forest and Wonho alone running in a foggy open space. Both heading for/searching for an exit.

Hyungwon is the one that blindfolds Kihyun. Hyungwon was dead from All In, so the blindfolding of Kihyun is like Kihyun is in limbo, he’s not dead.

Minhyuk is supposed to be the one that crashed the car and caused Kihyun’s “death”. Minhyuk was actually dead too. But his death was a suicide of feeling guilt (refer to All In). Minhyuk is actually a symbol of guilt in Shine Forever. He is the cause of Kihyun’s blindness as he is the guilt that “drove” Kihyun to his (almost) death. This is why the scene is in black and white. It’s actually the abstract aspect of the “story”. [The guilt that drove Kihyun to his death was explored in Fighter, the “baggage” he carried.]

But from Fighter, Hyungwon is at peace with his suicide but Minhyuk continues to mourn Hyungwon (reasons rooting from All In) even in death. [Note that Hyungwon and Minhyuk never actually interact with each other in the MV but they’re always close when they appear together.]

In addition, Shownu was supposedly also dead from All In (why he’s alone and laying down on calm water, meaning he’s at peace). Meaning he hit a dead end. But as in Fighter, he continued to fight on and managed to stand once again. This is also why he doesn’t feel guilt and that he’s with Jooheon. (Also why they’re the two that are in the front of the van at the beginning.)

Kihyun was alone then surrounded by the members which represents that even in struggle, there are people that could help if you need/ask.  

Wonho is a wandering, he sees Minhyuk expressing some sort of frustration and chooses to try and keep to himself. I think this links back to how Wonho was trying to help Minhyuk with his plans in All In then how Wonho was trying to rescue Minhyuk and Hyungwon in Fighter and he actually also feels guilty that he was unable. 

Jooheon finds out something from Wonho (I have no idea what he actually said so I’m twisting the situation to fit my theory) and heads for Minhyuk with a sort of anger and frustration. I like to think that Jooheon found out something that indicated that Minhyuk continues to feel guilty and is the cause of Kihyun being lost in this limbo.

Jooheon still kinda represents “life”? Like life may get wild but it isn’t the thing that actually throws a punch at you. Shownu, being another factor or struggle in life, throws a punch at Minhyuk. I believe that acts as a sort of wake up call, you can’t linger on one struggle forever as life has more than one struggle.

Kihyun comforting Minhyuk after he was punched by Shownu. This is an act to show that it’s Kihyun is accepting the guilt/the responsibilities while also comforting the mourning and feeling guilty Minhyuk.

The members bring Kihyun to different places as a whole group. The members represent different struggles that you encounter in life when they are all together. The members go to different locations and look into the distance. They’re showing Kihyun that even if struggles surround you, there is still beauty in the world/life (the beautiful scenery depicts beauty in the world). At the same time, when all the members are there leading and accompanying Kihyun, they also represent the people that exists around you that could help you and guide you. 

Changkyun can still be representing the “pure self” as he guides Kihyun.

When the members leave Kihyun alone after all the exploring, it represents how one needs to reflect on the self in order to find the self.

The lights that the members find and that circle them towards the end are representations of solutions to the struggles in life. (Like stars in the dark sky) If the members represent different struggles in life, they find lights (solutions) that can bring an end to the struggles. (The lights are like the items that they’re given in Beautiful to break out of the rooms)

Kihyun’s blindfold comes off but he doesn’t actually open his eyes in the same setting (his eyes are still closed in the pretty lights setting but we don’t see where he’s supposed to be when his eyes open). I believe this shows that Kihyun is no longer lost, he’s found “the light” in himself and the world. So he opens his eyes to “reality”. 

Conclusions

From all that and returning back to the message in the oath, I believe Kihyun actually symbolizes Monbébés and the X Clan is Monsta X and Monbébés. Monsta X is delivering a message to us that we should shine forever, for ourselves and for them. That even when we’re lost, don’t carry all the weight on yourself and don’t feel guilt for being lost as it is a part of life, and that there is still beauty in life (lolz, like Monsta X). Look for the light in your life, look for ways to overcome the struggles.

[An alternative thought is that Monsta X is telling us that even if they don’t win, they put in their all for us. We should not feel guilty for not getting them 1st place. The beautiful relationship between us fans and Monsta X is all that matters. They’ll shine forever as long as we shine on for them.]

Shine on, Shine forever.