#but like any sane person i love spiderverse so

[collieii]

someone probably said this already but in spiderverse i think it's interesting how when pavitr was first introduced everyone thought something bad was gonna happen to him bc of how confident and optimistic he was. and then in the actual movie we see that something bad was supposed to happen to him (police chief dying!) but it doesn't! miles stops it! and miguel berates miles for this, says it's going to cause the universe to collapse or whatever.

there's this idea that tragedy is inherent to spidermans growth, and while it's true that some spiderpeople learn important lessons through loss, no one stops to ask, is it really necessary? yeah, maybe the chief was supposed to die. but why does spiderman have to be formed through tragedy? why do we (as heroes) have to let people die? pavitr didn't lose anyone, and he's still a good spiderman! maybe, if he doesn't suffer, he'll end up better off for it!

so while miguel is arguing for all this big picture stuff about saving the multiverse he's lost sight of what it really means to be a spiderman, he's not looking out for the real individual people. yeah it's just one person who would die, but that one person means something to someone. shrugging and saying "stuff just sucks sometimes, we can't do anything about it" is the opposite of what superheroes do. pretty obviously, miles arc is also a reflection of the struggles people face in real life, working within unequal systems, where it's easy to shrug and say "that's just the way it is" and not ask "but why does it need be this way? can't we do something about it?"

miguel is arguing that you can't have your cake and eat it too. presumably, miles and co. are going to find a way to get around that and change things for the better (and maybe that's why miles has that line about two cakes in the advisors office!)

[zoandreez]

do for love ☆・:.,;*

pairing: e1610!milesmorales x blackfem!reader

summary: "what's a self care day?" miles said after you told him you were gonna be busy today. you couldn't help but invite him over and relax with him for the day.

word count: 1.1k

genre: fluff

a/n: first spiderverse fic!!

you were exhausted. your head throbbed with irritation for the past couple of days from stress. you couldn't even think properly with the F you got on your test raging in the back of your mind, not to mention your parents were on your case about it all week.

you figured after an allowance cutoff, and your chemistry grade dropping from an A to a C+, it couldn't get any worse. and as if fate was playing the worlds cruelest trick on you, you lost your airpods friday morning after waking up late and missing your geometry class.

so, you decided to take a self care day tomorrow.

you woke up late today, since you didn't need to get ready for school. in your dorm, you noticed your roomate was already gone. you sat up, rubbing your head. checking your phone groggily, you noticed the time. 10:31 AM. you would be in third period by now.

before you coulld figure out your plans for the day, you immediately got a call from "miles, mh 💗." you picked up, and you heard him sigh with relief.

"hey ma, where are you? i've been calling for the past 20 minutes."

"i'm just taking a break today."

"what do you mean?"

"im having a self care day."

"what's a self care day?

"..nigga are you serious? you're spiderman and you've never taken a break to take care of yourself?"

miles was silent for a moment. it was like he was thinking of what to say, but before he could explain his lack of mental health breaks, you cut him off.

"come to my dorm, we're taking a break day." you didn't even hesitate to invite him to relax with you. he was able to keep you sane, and it was comforting knowing he could be apart of it.

"on my way," he said, before hanging up.

after a moment, miles showed up at your dorm. you were still in your pajamas, but he showed up in his uniform. he was probably at school waiting for you, and you felt a bit guilty for not telling him about your break beforehand.

when you opened the door for him, his face immediately shifted to worry. "jesus, what happened to you?" he said as he looked you up and down.

your eyes were half-lidded, bags sunken, hand clutching your head. you had sighed when he said that, posture already slouched from stress. "this is not the time, just come in." you said, backing up so he can walk in the dorm.

as he walked in, you led him to the bathroom and pulled out your common "spa day" materials. a face mask, or two in this case, fash wash, scrub, shampoo, conditioner, and more.

you turned to miles and held out the two face masks: an aztec claymask, or a regular charcoal mask. "pick one," you urged. as he leaned towards the aztec, you looked at him questionably. "it hurts, are you sure?"

"why is it apart of your self care day if it hurts?"

"beauty is pain," you shrugged. "yes or no?"

"fine." he said, taking the aztec clay mask container out of your hand before reading the back. as he did that, you took a moment to brush your teeth.

"you know, you can take off your uniform."

"during school hours? with the chance of getting caught? i never thought you were that kind of person." miles joked. you elbowed him as you leaned forward to spit out the water.

"thats not what i meant. put on the hoodie you left in here last week." you wiped your mouth before handing him the face wash when he took off his uniform. "the fact that you don't know what a self care day is shows you are just dirty. how do you wash your face in the morning?"

"..water? and hand soap?"

you looked at him with a hint of disgust. "wash your face, boy."

"alright, damn," miles said chuckling before he leaned into the sink.

you left him in the bathroom while you changed out of your pajamas into a t-shirt and sweatpants. when miles came out the bathroom, he had on the hoodie you handed him and a pair of basketball shorts he probably got from his bag.

"alright, good. now come here," you jestured to your desk. he walked over and sat in the swivel chair, spinning it for a moment and putting his worn-24/7-but-still-amazingly-clean jordans before you stopped him. you held up the plastic butter knife you were holding before you pulled out a small container. you scooped up some of the mask and rubbed it onto his face. specifically, on any acne you saw.

somehow, with the worst skincare routine known to man, miles barely had any acne. you were jealous of how your boyfriend had such clear skin. especially with hand soap.

you leaned back to look at your work. miles looked like a confused alien covered in the green mask. you smiled before turning away to put the charcoal mask on yourself.

"so, what does this do?"

"it basically sucks toxins out of your skin and makes sure theres no dead skin clinging to your face. helps with upcoming acne or scars." you said mindlessly, the same explanation you heard time and time again from your own mother.

"ah," he replied, before plopping onto your dorm bed. you grabbed your computer and sat with him on the bed, scrolling through the amount of assignments you'd have to make up.

miles groaned before snatching your computer and opening netflix.

"it's 'sposed to be a self care day. no homework yet. what do you wanna watch?"

you looked at him, confused, but impressed. "have you seen 'missing' yet?"

"the one with the girl's mother who got kidnapped? nah, but i saw the trailer."

"let's watch that then," you said, opening the movie and clicking it before leaning on his shoulder. he wrapped an arm around your waist as you watched the movie, and you drifted off to sleep.

when you woke up, there was a wet paper towel on the nightstand next to your bed, stained with black and green. your macbook was neatly placed, charging, and there was a note.

"hey ma,

your roomate came back from her clases so i figured i wouldn't make it awkward. i tried my best to wipe off your face mask. you were right, that shit started burning, it was so tight.

anyways, sorry about whatever happened that made you feel so horrible this morning, but i hope your 'self care day' helped.

miles," in his infamous grafiti signature.

in the corner of the note was a spiderman logo, and a drawing of you asleep. you cracked a smile.

p/a/n: not my best work but thats ok sorry guys

[your-old-sins-tournament]

OC NAVAL WARFARE

/ -- Romantic

*-- Unlabelled/Other

+ -- QPR

& -- Familial

HG^2 (Charlie "Chuck" Beaumont/Octavian "Tavi Osborne)

Tavi is a cringe-fail loser spoiled rich kid protegy who never properly developed any social skills aside from making people swoon over them. They fell off their god-complex high-horse so hard it landed them in prison for their parents' murder. (They got better, though!) (Tavi, not the parents. The parents are still very much dead.) Chuck has extreme middle child syndrome and enough guilt to strangle the horse Tavi just fell off of (figuratively) .They were so desperate for outside validation that their old girlfriend straight-up poisoned them and they thought nothing of it. Grades and success always meant the world to them until they met Tavi and discovered that reputation wasn't everything. Sometimes being "evil" can be fun, too. Between these two they could fill a lake with their self-loathing, and then fill another with their love for eachother. They are in it together to the end, along with the children they somehow manage to pick up along the way. (These two are technically Marvel/Spiderverse OCs, though they are very separated from the Canon. My partner and I have gone kinda nuts with them over the years, and their story now includes elements/characters from: Ouran High School Host Club, The Magnus Archives, Danny Phantom, Ace Attorney, Supernatural, Harry Potter (as a parody), and many more that I cannot recall.)

Tavi (or Octavian [They/Them]) is the child of two multi millionaire parents. Though they had quite the god complex as a child it was slightly dampened by their roommate/rival/friend Chuck when they got to college at the age of 16. Though they had many wacky adventures during their four years together, that soon came crashing down when their parents were murdered during graduation. So like any sane person they cut off all contact to anyone that they cared about and started getting a Doctorate (after they were miraculously proven innocent). From their they spiraled until they turned 28 and started working at their parents' old company were they run back into Chuck. Chuck (or Charlie [They/Them]) is the middle child of 8, being sandwiched in-between two sets of twins and one set of triplets, wants to noticed within the family. This is achieved when they manage to graduate highschool early and get a huge full-ride scholarship to MIT. They are lead to be roomed with the other 16 year old, Tavi. Through their four years of people assuming that they are dating (they would like to date the but they definitely don't feel the same [they do]) their time together was cut off when their mother had to got to the hospital where she would die a year later. Gets into a toxic relationship, or should I call it poisonous?, relationship with a girl named Gray. That relationship ends and they get a job at a big science place where they eventually reunite with Tavi. Though their relationship starts off very rocky they find bonding time after becoming villains against a common foe and starting a twitch together. Eventually they find a bigger bad and adopt the first villain together <3 (Technically they are Spiderverse/Spiderman ocs but do NOT follow canon very well. Their lore goes further down the rabbit whole but I feel like this gives a good impression of them both haha [I kinda got carried away is what I am saying])

Geheneres (Teneres/"Gehenna")

Ahem hem hem. These two hate the hell out of each other at first. Teneres starts attending this school in senior year because he’s a certified loser freak and in one of his classes he meets Gehenna. While Teneres acts like your typical cringefail cool dude tm who cannot tie his own shoe laces, Gehenna is this cold, quiet being who does not take Teneres well at all. These two fight over the smallest and pettiest things and even before they’re friends they give ex energy.

It’s also worth mentioning Teneres has the ability to control time (rewinding it, altering it, pausing it) and before this he *literally rewrote time itself* in his favor. Basically, before THIS timeline he was shunned by practically all society. He knew the date of his own death, as did the people around him, who never wanted to connect with him in fear of being heartbroken when he eventually died.

Excluding some certain things, he barely managed to escape his own predestined death, which angered the forces which put his fate in place at all. “Nuh uh”, to which Teneres went “FYM NUH UH” and rewrote time. In this timeline, everyone adored him… except for Gehenna.

Because Gehenna was the only one who knew of what he’d done.

But… there was a catch. Over time the two fought less and slowly became friends, hanging out after school was over and learning more of each other’s lives. Teneres learned Gehenna didn’t really come from a very… safe place, and often offered him to come stay at his place after school. Such acts were what warmed a previously cold, outwardly-emotionless Gehenna to him.

But it was also through these interactions that Gehenna grew concern for Teneres. He’d slowly begin acting… stranger, looking as though he hadn’t eaten in days, slept in weeks, acting more agitated and rude. This was because Teneres could feel his control slipping, his ability to keep the secret of all he’d done leaving him. Even still, Gehenna kept it. It was Teneres who confessed he’d messed with time itself, to the people like him he lived with.

And it was here Teneres practically threw himself into this manifested labyrinth of his own making, his body malforming into differing shapes and sizes and matters as the time he’d manipulated and warped essentially dragged across him like sharp nails. Thoughts of self-loathing and yet deep selfishness seeped into his mind and brought Teneres to the limit, where he took out his rage, sadness and fear on the world around him. He only wanted a world that would let him live, and he’d become the villain of his own story just to do that. But to him, it was worth it.

But not to Gehenna. You see, there was a reason he kept the secret, the secret of Teneres’s doings to time itself.

Gehenna valued Teneres’ happiness, just as Teneres valued his. He’d found a friend, a true friend, a person he’d even begun developing… stronger feelings for.

And it was him that was able to truly get to Teneres, in such a state of collapse. Gehenna told him what he did was horrible. It was cruel, unjust and selfish, so selfish. The most selfish thing one could ever do… and yet, he understood. He understood the extent to which Teneres went just to have a chance at being loved.

Gehenna didn’t want to fight. He didn’t want either of them to be hurt anymore… he just wanted them *both* to come home, and they could go back to when they were just arguing during class with each other.

(Lots of stuff I might’ve left out in regards to things (outside) their relationship but man do I have ADHD about these long haired men. Hope you enjoy my cringe…!)

[monkey-network]

The Fiasco Finale of Future [1/2]

So in the penultimate episode of Steven Universe 2, the climax of both the season and series as a whole... is a group hug. As I expected, plenty were not too pleased with this turnout. Some felt it was anti-climatic, some felt it was resonating, and others tried to own the critics by digging deep into the scene like they always do sucking this show’s co- Coming from nearly a month later, I’m... split. One hand, I didn’t mind the climax. On the other hand, it was pathetic compared to plenty of other finales I’ve seen in media. It’s like this show as a whole, I enjoy it, but I also enjoy smacking it upside the head cuz it made some Karen-esque, All Lives Matter type stupid shit that I just cannot get behind. So you know what, Perry the Platypus, let’s mix it up. I wanna express the good and bad of this climactic end to the show and see where we can go from there. You ready?

What’s Good:

You truly wanna know what makes that final hug a great scene? A real showstopper? I have the truth, the best truth behind this, you won’t believe me but here goes. The climax worked because A Hug Is Nice. That’s it, there’s nothing else to it beyond a hug being nice. “But Monkey, you incel troll, there’s should’ve been more to that. The episode shouldn’t have taken that long to get to that point.” Well, in typical fashion, let me put it this way by talking about Spider-Man 2 (better than Spiderverse, don’t @ me). The whole movie is centered around Peter’s life getting shat on. He’s getting fired left and right, his people are abandoning him, he even loses his powers, he’s just at his utter lowest. But at his apartment, while contemplating, in comes his landlord’s daughter, Ursula, who offers him some chocolate cake and a glass of milk.

We can say the scene comes out of nowhere and that this is all that happens, feeling pointless, but I say this is an important scene because after everything that happens to him before, this one gesture from somebody out of nowhere to be honest was one of the nicest things he’s received in a while. It’s the seedling of a scene that keeps Parker going before Doc Ock comes to make him truly spring back into action. Above everything, it was nice. Like a hug.

I don’t need to be philosophically deep with SU2′s meta to tell you that a hug can be a worthwhile thing to get more than anything. It doesn’t resolve all the baggage Steven has in his mind, but a group hug from the people closest to you (and the Diamonds) can be a gesture so nice, it can numb you out, if only for a moment. Only other times where Steven got a hug was when he felt everything could be okay. With Lars, Peridot, and Connie after her “rejection”, and it’s after that “rejection” where he slowly loses it in his attempts to shake off that harsh feeling of abandonment and that everything can be okay. It is something where he can turn to the others for help but the concern of their response makes him reasonably suffer in silence. That last part is a little dumb, but I’ll get to that later. He can’t really hug himself because it doesn’t work like that. The point being that Steven, at his lowest, just needed something nice to consider. And a hug from everyone who loves him (and the Diamonds) can be that piece of chocolate cake he needed to be at ease, again, if only for a moment.

Like let me tell ya, as a deliriously depressed man that constantly wishes for death, a hug shouldn’t be spat on. Whether it be from your friends or mommy, a good hug can, at the very least, keep you sane and going. It isn’t medication, let’s not get it twisted, but a healthy remedy nonetheless, especially if you’ve ever felt touch-starved like I have before. It’s an affectionate gesture that for what it’s worth, should never be taken for granted. And while Steven could’ve well gotten this big type hug at almost any time he desired, I can at least appreciate the show for saving that at the right time. Whew. But, while the moment itself is nice, it’s predictably almost everything around it that unfortunately puts the moment in a vacuum and me with a bad taste in my mouth.

What’s Bad: 

Let’s get this out the way, because I’m such a literal bastard... *inhale*

Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis.

MUSHROOM! MUSHROOM!

Congrats on those with the corrupted!steven theories who no doubt had it hard on when this horned trunk ascended, hung its head high, and beat its meaty chest with blind rage, the crewniverse certainly had the balls to go with this design and a long discussion of utilizing Monster Steven’s full potential. And if you think I’m nasty about this, hoo boy, be glad that words are all you’re seeing right now because artists no doubt had a field day potentially ruining this design for you even more. I’m surprised Tumblr’s flagging system hasn’t taken down whole posts with this. HEHEHEHAAAAAAAA!

As you can probably tell, I’m not a fan of this Diamond Dinodildo’s design (say that 5x times fast). I mean Rebecca could be as horny as she pleased with this show, but this is next level, I tell you. But seriously, it honestly sucked that this is what they came up with when it served no purpose to Steven thematically other than him being a literal peen of a monster. Said this before, but what does becoming a corrupted looking amalgamation mean to him beyond “he’s a monster”? Corrupted gems weren’t the worst things in his world, they were products of a even worse thing. Turning into a diamond like figure would’ve said something about the cycle of abuse making you not feel like yourself, but a reflection of who you not only resent more than anyone, but were the indirect causes of your newfound issues. That would’ve took his struggle in the Diamonds Days arc to its next logical extreme, and brought most of Future’s episodes centered around Steven’s issues to a sensible turning point. Being a warped Diamond version of himself would’ve meant finally embracing inhumanity, and that would’ve conveyed the peak of Steven harshly feeling less like a human over the course of the season, especially when we had several episodes and new powers centering around him being inhuman. And a previous episode had him try to shatter a Pink version of White Diamond, two beings generally responsible for everything that’s happened to him. And it isn’t the design that made this a turn off.

What was Steven even gonna do as a monster? He does nothing to the town, he never even makes it pass the cliffside. He doesn’t even try to attack anybody, the only times he does is when he’s provoked by either the Cluster, the Diamonds, or any of the gems. Spinel raised more hell than Steven. So on the look back it’s insultingly sad they hyped up this big dick energy only to do... genuinely nothing. He already didn’t deserve turning into Pinky the Phallisaurus, but having him not even do anything as a monster left far more to be desired. Mob Psycho 100 did this nearly identical, but better. You can’t deny that it would’ve worked better with 22 minutes, actually give him something to do beyond screech and stomp like he’s Scrat from Ice Age. As much as I don’t like Change Your Mind, 45 minutes worked to its favor to do everything it did. Oh wait, this episode did make good use of time... with a fucking pity party.

They wasted my baby

This is. The WORST scene in the entire series and I’ll stand by that 100%. It’s one thing to show something offensive, but it’s another to have something be completely pointless. Yes, Connie talked some sense into them, but we didn’t need to waste time having White Diamond and the others bitch about something everyone who isn’t a toesucking simp should’ve figured out at that point. Not like it mattered, the Diamonds and Spinel never show up after this episode anyways, so good job making them count for something, I guess. This as well as minorly acknowledge the fact that the gems had a lot to do with Steven’s mental trauma because hey, we don’t have to hold these gems too accountable for child neglect. Speaking of which, where was Jasp- This plays well into my previous point, we aren’t shown what Steven was gonna do as a monster, so what else is the episode to do beyond holding him back in time to just make the characters go “All is lost” for one second before getting back up like this is Marvel’s Captain Driftwood?

Friendship is Magic had this type of moment in its penultimate finale but in that, more time was given to show the villains getting the upper hand, Twilight at her low point, her turnaround with her friends, and the lead in charge to defeat the villains. While some moments felt convenient and downright insulting, they made the most of their limit. The same can’t be said for this and it makes no sense. Speaking of things that make no sense:

Was this shapeshifting or corruption? Rushing or dragging? This personally bothers me because people are saying he shapeshifted even when they were also on board with him corrupting. But what was the point where monster Steven cums cries into the ocean turning it pink?

Now if Steven got himself corrupted, this would make sense since the three Diamonds are there with so fully turning him back to normal wouldn’t be an issue. Questions would arise about how corruption can happen to a human, then again this is Steven Universe, fans never really wanted you to ask questions. But if this was shapeshifting, then why have this permanent monster form? It would’ve made a little more sense of Steven changing his shape depending on his emotions, like what we’ve seen before. Additionally, Steven should have been capable of talking normally instead of roaring and growling like he switched brains with an actual animal. Just because he kinned Godzilla’s joystick doesn’t mean he was unable to speak to anybody, that is if he shapeshifted. Lastly, and this is more implicit than my previous points:

This season shouldn’t have tried tacking mental issues and trauma onto this dickslap of a climax. I’m on the side where we should’ve seen more from monster Steven, but what does this tell me for the topic of mental health? Nearly killing people on three separate occasions didn’t help, but having him transform into a near mindless beast is a backhanded way to convey post traumatic stress. Let me put it this way, if we didn’t get that episode where we learn Steven had held up trauma and stress from Doctor Priyanka, everything surrounding it afterward wouldn’t feel as fucked up as it did. Yes, understanding a root of a character’s problems is good, beneficial even, but having your character nearly, sporadically, commit MURDER THREE TIMES only to then have him become a wildin’ creature does nothing, if not disgust. It's disgusting when you talk about PTS one minute and have your main character be socially dangerous the next. You’d feel sorry for him, sure, but I gotta say nearly killing people is not something we should just hand wave. That is not a good or realistic depiction of depression and post traumatic stress; especially when you trying to discuss this with children. And don’t try to justify it by saying it was necessary for his downward spiral. Having to think and see death before my own eyes in real life, there should’ve been a better way to make Steven hit rock bottom without putting other’s lives on the line. It wasn’t compelling or resonating to see him become a witless creature after saying he could get away with anything, it felt jarringly hallow and teeth gritting sadistic to think this was acceptable. It took him turning into a literal creature to finally go to therapy or a throwaway line about therapy in this show’s case? Are you kidding me?

The hug is a nice moment on its own, but it took far too many kneecaps to get to this point and think it’s believably or justly earned. I can make fun of the monster design all I want, but what they put Steven through to get to this point is the most insulting writing I ever have to think about. Because you know what that hug told me, personally? It’s that you can commit near irrefutable atrocities, you can behave like a blithering rampaging beast all you wish, but that won’t matter. Because you’re valid and your people will love you. That is not only asinine, but it kinda pissed on what I went through growing up. Like, as idealistic as that felt, it didn’t add up because it made the mentally unstable come off as more unstable than they mostly are. You can disagree all you want with this, it won’t change the baffling fact that I came to this conclusion in the first place when I didn’t want to. “But the crew said in an interv-” NO, just nope. If the message the show gives is this polarizing for those that invested or were concerned with it, maybe the message wasn’t clear enough, who knows? I can believe Mr. Rogers never fucked this up when he made his show. I tried thinking of this differently, but I can’t excuse what they did and how they did it. Bojack Horseman never pulled this with its main lead and when it truly did, that was given more time to sort out; not an 11 minute epilogue in its final moments. The hug was nice, but this episode was trash.

Speaking of which, next time...

We Finally Look to the Future

Here’s Part 2, if you’re up.

[shawnjacksonsbs]

Gray, the real road less traveled    12-23-18

"There are more things in heaven and Earth, Horatio, / Than are dreamt of in your philosophy." from Hamlet by William Shakespeare

As I understand that to mean, human knowledge is so limited and a lot of things just aren't so easily explainable. On so many levels and in so many words that, to me, means there is more "gray" area than we care to admit as people who live on either side exclusively. Everything isn't usually just black and white. When navigating your way from being IN the black side to living ON the white side, you have to cross a lot of gray area. And you will have to cross it. There is absolutely no way around it. Let's not forget too, that the only map we get for the trip is customized for each individual heart. There isn't an all for one way through. "Recovery" is based solely on the person trying to get out/through, like their issues (which vary), their emotional, mental, physical, and financial health (which vary), and of course, the status and circumstances that got them to that point in life (all vary). There is no "one" right answer, although there are plenty of "in common" wrong answers. Each custom map starts with total honesty, with themselves more than anyone else. It is the one principle that should stick with them through it all. I only know this, because its the one thing that was completely different for me this time around. Thanks to this, my writing, and those few of you who still read. You know, one of the greatest joys, I have found in life is being able to ease the burden of someone else's struggle. It's more rewarding than you might think. It's a very beneficial part of my serenity, my peace of mind. Some might even say it's my program. But. . . .there is definitely a fine line between helping and hindering. Some people even call it enabling to help them at all, those who are unfortunate enough to live on that other side of life I mean. Whether it be drugs, alcohol, or whatever, it is unfortunate. It can feel at times like they are choosing to live in that struggle deliberately, but other times you know they would get out if they could. If they could only grab a hold of one the "hopes" while they are in one if their bottoms. A "bottom", by definition I suppose, should only be the one time, like once, but I feel otherwise. I am pretty sure I had a few different bottoms. It's just that all I got from those times were planted seeds in my mind. For that, I am very grateful. It's tough for me because, as I was once one of those unfortunates, I know for a fact, it's not all black n white. That super fine line between the two is like zooming in a million times on a painting and seeing that the black smears to white with so much gray that you can't even tell unless you're in it, examining it. I have lived in/on both sides of this life and I know that the gray is just as an important a stage as the black and the white are. It's the transition stage which truly determines whether or not you are truly going to make it out sane and serene. It's hard to explain. I know, personally, I will go the extra mile to find those little comprises in the help I give, so it doesn't shift too much to the hindering side of things when I can, because I know how important it is to feel that love you so desperately need while you transition. I don't blame those who can't. I get it. But I can't do any less than I do. My soul wouldn't allow me any peace if I could do more. Watching the help you give get flushed down the toilet again, and again, and again and repeatedly feel taken advantage of, can get real old, real quick though. So I really do get it. I suppose those of us who make it out have a little more strength and patience for those still lost out there in the shit, because we've been them, we've been there. Although it is sometimes very tough for me, like not wanting one of my kids to go hungry, or without shelter, knowing that my money will specifically go to groceries helps, but only because other money before mine goes on shit. It's all rationalizing, but the little comprises appease my soul as we wait for another "I'm done" hoping and wishing against all odds, that it's the last one. Plus, the closer the relationship you have with them, the more refined your comprises will become. "Here's a gift card, because cash will go to drugs", etc. I hope if anyone reading this is living on either side of this kind of relationship, you have people to turn to for advice on what to do next, and where to go. Those of you still lost, I hope you find your way out before it's too late. It'll be worth it if you stick it out. I'm living proof. Just ask my family. This time of year can be all the harder, or more difficult for those on any side of these kinds of relationships. Holidays were always super hard for me because the guilt would build up so much more than normal, I usually needed more dope to avoid them altogether. I think I would probably be more patient with a loved one during this time. May just be me though. Real quick, I should probably reiterate on a bit of last weeks entry. Although, I am pretty sure the universe was testing me and in the areas I mentioned, like unrealistic expectations, that the financial end didn't stay like that hardship. Plus, the person that I said I put my trust in, that led me to believe one way, actually came through. I have a little more financial cushion now, and he didn't let me down. That latter was/is more important to me than you know. I was so confused by it all, and who is to me as a stand-up person. It all makes sense now though. I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas and love surrounding them. I know my day is going to be spent taking 18 members of my extended family, to include little kids, to see “Spiderman: Into the Spiderverse”. I hope I am not the only one, besides the kids, who enjoys the day! lololol Remember to share the love and the laughter with the world around you, and please, please be kind to one another. Kindness is going to save the world one day. By the way, I only have 5 more work days left before I can finally go home. It's so close. Until next week; "Times of transition are strenuous, but I love them. They are an opportunity to purge, rethink priorities, and be intentional about new habits. We can make our new normal any way we want." - Kristin Armstrong

[your-old-sins-tournament]

OC NAVAL WARFARE

/ -- Romantic

*-- Unlabelled/Other

+ -- QPR

& -- Familial

HG^2 (Charlie "Chuck" Beaumont/Octavian "Tavi Osborne)

Tavi is a cringe-fail loser spoiled rich kid protegy who never properly developed any social skills aside from making people swoon over them. They fell off their god-complex high-horse so hard it landed them in prison for their parents' murder. (They got better, though!) (Tavi, not the parents. The parents are still very much dead.) Chuck has extreme middle child syndrome and enough guilt to strangle the horse Tavi just fell off of (figuratively) .They were so desperate for outside validation that their old girlfriend straight-up poisoned them and they thought nothing of it. Grades and success always meant the world to them until they met Tavi and discovered that reputation wasn't everything. Sometimes being "evil" can be fun, too. Between these two they could fill a lake with their self-loathing, and then fill another with their love for eachother. They are in it together to the end, along with the children they somehow manage to pick up along the way. (These two are technically Marvel/Spiderverse OCs, though they are very separated from the Canon. My partner and I have gone kinda nuts with them over the years, and their story now includes elements/characters from: Ouran High School Host Club, The Magnus Archives, Danny Phantom, Ace Attorney, Supernatural, Harry Potter (as a parody), and many more that I cannot recall.)

Tavi (or Octavian [They/Them]) is the child of two multi millionaire parents. Though they had quite the god complex as a child it was slightly dampened by their roommate/rival/friend Chuck when they got to college at the age of 16. Though they had many wacky adventures during their four years together, that soon came crashing down when their parents were murdered during graduation. So like any sane person they cut off all contact to anyone that they cared about and started getting a Doctorate (after they were miraculously proven innocent). From their they spiraled until they turned 28 and started working at their parents' old company were they run back into Chuck. Chuck (or Charlie [They/Them]) is the middle child of 8, being sandwiched in-between two sets of twins and one set of triplets, wants to noticed within the family. This is achieved when they manage to graduate highschool early and get a huge full-ride scholarship to MIT. They are lead to be roomed with the other 16 year old, Tavi. Through their four years of people assuming that they are dating (they would like to date the but they definitely don't feel the same [they do]) their time together was cut off when their mother had to got to the hospital where she would die a year later. Gets into a toxic relationship, or should I call it poisonous?, relationship with a girl named Gray. That relationship ends and they get a job at a big science place where they eventually reunite with Tavi. Though their relationship starts off very rocky they find bonding time after becoming villains against a common foe and starting a twitch together. Eventually they find a bigger bad and adopt the first villain together <3 (Technically they are Spiderverse/Spiderman ocs but do NOT follow canon very well. Their lore goes further down the rabbit whole but I feel like this gives a good impression of them both haha [I kinda got carried away is what I am saying])

LuNal-Maisther (LuNal and Maisther)

LuNal (Luca/Nalis)

Luca (he/him) and Nalis (she/they) are two street kids, at 14 they’re the oldest of their group and take care of the others. Luca is a panromantic boy who crossdresses, Nalis is a genderfluid (fem to enby, rarely masc) genderqueer kid who’s usually something like a girl. Luca is a big bombastic personality, always there to make sure everyone is okay and come up with a plan of action; he’s also desperately in love with Nalis. Nalis calm, cool, and collected, keeps to herself, and hates relying on others but is smart, competent, and helpful herself. She makes a game of spurning with a deadpan attitude, but she’s just as attached to him as he is to her. They’re a power couple crossed with a vaudeville comedy duo. To Nalis, Luca is someone who won’t abandon her and says that maybe it’s okay to let her guard down a bit, that she won’t be burned if she does. To Luca, Nalis is an equal, someone he doesn’t have to take care of, and the funniest person in the world; no one else sees it! But her dry sarcasm sends him into a fit everytime.

Maisther (Esther/Maidy)

it’s a very simple ship I made up as a plot device for my novel but I fell in love with it. Two girls who are so so autistic in different ways and also are best friends are growing apart (projection time baby!) and go from besties-worsties-lovers essentially. Blah blah blah they forge a new bond through their struggling relationship .. I’m sure you’ve heard it before but these two freaks mean a lot to me and I’d be grateful if you could vote for them 👍

[your-old-sins-tournament]

OC NAVAL WARFARE

/ -- Romantic

*-- Unlabelled/Other

+ -- QPR

& -- Familial

Elitheocecily (Elijah Scott * Theodore Churchill * Cecily Churchill)

OK SO. theodore is an angel from heaven disguising himself as a human on earth. cecily knows this, elijah does not. theodore met cecily shortly after coming down to earth and fell head over heels in love with her like its insane how much this man loves his wife. shes literally the only reason he stays on earth. they are both best friends with elijah, whos a priest and is REEEAAAALLLYY fucking repressed and so deep in the closet its ridiculous. hes convinced himself that its actually really normal heterosexual friendship stuff to be completely infatuated with your boy best friend. he thinks hes being really covert but cecily and theodore both are aware of it. cecily thinks its really funny and theodore just finds it really endearing :) if youve ever seen singin in the rain they basically have lie the same dynamic as don kathy and cosmo its great i love them

HG^2 (Charlie "Chuck" Beaumont/Octavian "Tavi Osborne)

Tavi is a cringe-fail loser spoiled rich kid protegy who never properly developed any social skills aside from making people swoon over them. They fell off their god-complex high-horse so hard it landed them in prison for their parents' murder. (They got better, though!) (Tavi, not the parents. The parents are still very much dead.) Chuck has extreme middle child syndrome and enough guilt to strangle the horse Tavi just fell off of (figuratively) .They were so desperate for outside validation that their old girlfriend straight-up poisoned them and they thought nothing of it. Grades and success always meant the world to them until they met Tavi and discovered that reputation wasn't everything. Sometimes being "evil" can be fun, too. Between these two they could fill a lake with their self-loathing, and then fill another with their love for eachother. They are in it together to the end, along with the children they somehow manage to pick up along the way. (These two are technically Marvel/Spiderverse OCs, though they are very separated from the Canon. My partner and I have gone kinda nuts with them over the years, and their story now includes elements/characters from: Ouran High School Host Club, The Magnus Archives, Danny Phantom, Ace Attorney, Supernatural, Harry Potter (as a parody), and many more that I cannot recall.)

Tavi (or Octavian [They/Them]) is the child of two multi millionaire parents. Though they had quite the god complex as a child it was slightly dampened by their roommate/rival/friend Chuck when they got to college at the age of 16. Though they had many wacky adventures during their four years together, that soon came crashing down when their parents were murdered during graduation. So like any sane person they cut off all contact to anyone that they cared about and started getting a Doctorate (after they were miraculously proven innocent). From their they spiraled until they turned 28 and started working at their parents' old company were they run back into Chuck. Chuck (or Charlie [They/Them]) is the middle child of 8, being sandwiched in-between two sets of twins and one set of triplets, wants to noticed within the family. This is achieved when they manage to graduate highschool early and get a huge full-ride scholarship to MIT. They are lead to be roomed with the other 16 year old, Tavi. Through their four years of people assuming that they are dating (they would like to date the but they definitely don't feel the same [they do]) their time together was cut off when their mother had to got to the hospital where she would die a year later. Gets into a toxic relationship, or should I call it poisonous?, relationship with a girl named Gray. That relationship ends and they get a job at a big science place where they eventually reunite with Tavi. Though their relationship starts off very rocky they find bonding time after becoming villains against a common foe and starting a twitch together. Eventually they find a bigger bad and adopt the first villain together <3 (Technically they are Spiderverse/Spiderman ocs but do NOT follow canon very well. Their lore goes further down the rabbit whole but I feel like this gives a good impression of them both haha [I kinda got carried away is what I am saying])