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I'm being so serious rn if I ever talk about doing another fringe festival run in the next like 3 years at least send me to fucking therapy. It is a cry for help. This is bad for me.
#im over halfway at least. but fucking christ.#ive barely seen anyone i care about for weeks. im hardly sleeping. im in knee braces and im still in pain.#13 hours a day of people yelling at me. the busiest ive ever seen public transport. eating the most random sporadic shit.#no hobbies. very few friends or family. crying twice a day. i still havent been paid. binding!! binding 7am til midnight!!!! daily!!!!!#my whole body hurts im physically mentally emotionally exhausted im desperately lonely im not doing the things that make me feel fulfilled#when my loved ones are free im either working or passed out in pain and exhaustion#the boss is enabling all sorts of bullshit yet again#im not able to be a person anyone i care about deserves to know#and that makes me not want to know me either#that is at least when i have enough fractions of a spoon left to feel anything at all except upset or numb#i NEED this all to be over#my next free day is my sisters 21st birthday next month my fucking baby sister is turning 21 and i dont know what to get her#i dont have a brain im not being!! a person worth knowing!!!!#my gran fucking fell the other day she's hurt ive not visited her in ages bc of work and finance i want to see my wee gran i want#to buy her ice cream and tell her i love her#i had to clean up an old guy who smashed his face on the pavement today and im just putting That trauma off til at least mid September#my BEST FRIEND gets MARRIED next week#and i can barely think about it because im on empty#im on below empty#they deserve so much better from me#im out. im not doing this again. not like this.
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#i dunno man#everytime i read some new thing about covid and long covid#i just feel like im losing my marbles#im the only one still masking it feels like#nobody at my drs offices wear them even the soecialists#my therapist acts like this is an irrational fear of mine#so i dont talk about it as much#shes happy im not isolating myself. and not full of crippling guilt when i do go out#which is good#i agree with her on that#but. ive been numbering my bags with my n95s since i rewear them a few times#ive been using n95s since i took this job. three years in october#which is wild the longest ive worked in one place is just over a year--all seasonal work or short internships. not because i leave#or get fired/laid off#but im getting down to the end of the alphabet#i dont know what ill do when i do#literally as far as labels but also like. its a lot you know?#im debating trying new mask styles. i wanted to ages ago but hoped. i wouldnt need to wear them for much longer#now it feels like i always will.#so. second best time to plant a tree and all.#i want to get out and make friends and do fun stuff. but it's so fuckibg hard and scary#how can i make friends when i cant relax in small indoor spaces#when i. cant eat out at restaurants (due to food issues and masking)#when inviting people to my house makes me anxious for days#how can i make friends under those circumstances?#im so lonely. and so envious#of my friends who do stuff and gave partners. i want that for me but i cant have it. before it was because i moved. ecery 3-6 months#now its this. is it realky any wonder that i nearly cried reading that fic the other day#when Etho took off his mask. and it was treated so fucking kindly and like the trust geasture it was? that it would be. for me?#maybe trust is the wrong word. i dont know. comfort? feeling safe in a space with someone who respects me and my health?
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I see a lot of people I knew from school posting pictures on their social medias with all their friends doing various fun things together. Meanwhile, I'm sitting at home wishing I could take a group photo with all my Tumblr mutuals to post so I can brag about having the best friends.
#too much of my social life is based on Tumblr but i really don't get out much since I don't have a job and i made like 1 friend in school#so i don't really know anyone to hangout with other than my siblings and my one friend#and i don't go out much exept for occasionally to the library or the store so i don't get the chance to meet new people#i used to have all 5 of my sisters at home and that was all the company i needed#but now they've all moved out except for my younger sister and im realizing that im very deeply lonely#i need to get a social life! but how!#Also i think this is part of the reason I jumped into things too quickly with my ex gf now my best friend#like I was so excited that i had found someone who was just as interested in being friends with me as i was with her#that i misstook my feelings for her as romantic ones cuz i was so lonely and she was such a good friend#and i was so scared to tell her cuz I didn't want to ruin our relationship. it didn't. we're still besties.#but i think im so lonely idk if I'll be able to know the difference between platonic and romantic feelings#and part of that definitely comes from being ace as well#anyways there's my tangent for the night about why I need a better social life and maybe a bit of therapy too#haha that got super personal oops 😬#might delete these tags later
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Maybe I'm just cursed 🤪
#trigger warning for everything that follows in these tags btw#i am in need of some venting into the void#so im gonna vent#so uh#im almost out of time to find a new job before i have to leave my flat and move back with my parents#in the past 27 days ive filled in 189 job applications#6 of those led to interviews#so far 5 of those have been rejections#i even started looking at jobs that paid way less than i can feasibly live on just so i could at least cover rent and stay here but no luck#anyway thats already sucky#and then ive had to go off my adhd meds because of continuous and annoying fuck ups with my drs and im hesitant to work to fix it cause#might be moving counties anyway lol#my depression is the worst its ever been in about two years i struggle to want to exist day in and day out and#this morning i found out my dog - my baby who i dont live with because i moved cities - he lives with my parents#we found out he has an agressive cancer - and i have to now make choices i dont feel ready to make#and im just#do you ever feel like youre already one the ground but life wont stop kicking you#and i feel#so lonely#my friends are doing everything right my cousin who i live with is always checking in on me and i am still#convincing myself i am being a burden i am the problem i#my whole life is collapsing and i#even writing this all out in tags my brain is yelling at me for being an 'attention seeker' or smth and idk#i just wanna#idk#its complicated ig#im fighting#i am fighting so hard#i just want ppl to know im doing my best thats all#anyone who read all of this - hi - i hope youre having a beautiful day. its all going to be okay in the end 💛
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what happened to boreas during the events of saint's campaign? I'd have figured because of his self sustaining properties, he'd be one of the last iterators actually functional before saint inevitably bababooeys him
-snaps fingers n fingerguns atcha- you got That right, buckaroo! Boreas indeed is still kicking just fine when Saint enters the Aeolus Root ring, especially if you ignore his mental state consisting of crushing loneliness and nasty ass giant case of guilt. i told Shkiki this- i geniunely think he'd only die if a lot of ice would block his water filtration systems. he's like a damn cucaracha
(see, Beebee is stationed very high up north n i think he's close enough to the sea that he uses That as his water supply. he runs Very cold, much more so than a normal Iterator- this is mostly the case cuz i wanna give the greek god Boreas shout out with it, but in-universe can be blamed on his sheer massive size. he needs to keep himself as cold as possible. can't exactly cool his systems with solid ice tho and so this person who doesn't like/can't handle other people Needs these other people that warm up the atmosphere n keep the polar caps at bay. so honestly even tho he's fine n dandy when Saint finds him, he was already living on borrowed time)
Saint has a bossfight with Boreas just like with Sliver except Boreas is.. kinda more sturdy n also more aggressive n has a bigger chamber- he's like Sliver+, that girl was a weasel. hard mode Sliver.
it takes a bit, but eventually Boreas' puppet falls and the antigravity stutters to a stop. i imagine that working iterators that put up a fight need multiple blasts before they completely die because each blast is killing only a portion of the Hivemind, then the rest of it rushes to fill in the holes, that gets blasted and the process is repeated until there's no more of the collective left. so you can imagine what kind of state B is prolly in after like 9 direct blasts
torn apart, exhausted and so much more smaller n lonelier than before, Boreas finally stops fighting and instead huddles in a corner. for once absolutely terrified out of his mind n insterestingly enough- regretful. he tries to send out a warning signal to the rest of the group, but he can't manage it with how diminished he's become. Saint approaches. Boreas doesn't plead for mercy. he stares the rat down even when its eyes wildly flash
Saint finishes him off. Leaves. Notos watched the whole thing
to say that Notos is fuckin Traumatized from that is an understatement. its special overseer stays with Boreas' puppet beeping at it for an hour, waiting for him to wake up. but of course, nothing
now, i'll add- Beebee n Notty didn't ever really Fully Click together. either they didn't interact much because of their "i gotta work, man" mentalities, they were shit at interaction or they barked at each other (even in mythology it says that fights between Boreas and Notos were catastrophic and absolutely terrifying- fun fact! Notos actually seems more dangerous than Boreas from what i've read n this Is meant to be reflected with the Anemoi Iterators too). like i've had the idea that when Notos calls for an elder brother n Boreas n Euros look up, it'd specify "the elder brother that I actually appreciate" when needin Euros
either way, these two were still siblings and Boreas *did* Mentor Notos when it needed it (along with Euros; the Winds r kinda like a lil self-sustaining group within the bigger group- they are "Elite"/Leading Iterators of The Children of Eo after all) n they still like... Loved each other. even when Notos cut the communications with him after everything started going down the drain, it still loved him. n it regrets some things it said to him (thoughtless.. cruel things...) but cuz of the way it is as a person it never decided to step up n be the one to reestablish contact and apologize
and now Boreas is dead. one of the first iterators of the group gone, maybe the third. it can never say now, how it is so sorry and never meant it
#Spot says stuff#rw#oc tag#Notos' relationship with saint is a strange n complicated one. nobody traumatized notos like saint. saint is its friend. saint will kill-#-it one day. saint killed all of its family. Notos is the one who guided the death to them. saint is the salvation they need. saint is the-#-final doom. its family isnt moving anymore. it did the right thing. it's so terribly lonely and scared. saint hugs it in comfort.#No One Else couldve pulled through All That the whole way. only Notos who is painfully used to what it means to do a horrible thing for-#-the greater good. yet it doesnt mean these things dont torment it. it can state that it is a machine however much it wants. at the end of-#-the day Biting Notos is a Gen 3 technoorganic Iterator. at the end of the day it's still a little sister to over a hundred other Iterators#well this turned into Notos thoughts party my bad GJDSCKMMKLS hard to talk bout just one of em im doin my best to interconnect em as much-#-as i can. i Might make a comic for Boreas' fight at some point too but rn theres other things i wanna do n also just. need a bit of break
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constantly thinking about lonely!ortega
#hi im dani im going to combine elements from the media i enjoy#not necessarily in a -the entities are now also a thing in los diablos- way#just in a. the lonely is neat and its the best way to describe it way#but like. okay. imagine that you are ricardo ortega (lucky you !)#and it turns out that your best friend is still alive. and also he wants to and is kissing you now. and theres also this other girl you#you like who you kiss. and then you find out that theyve both been lying to you the whole time bc they are the same person#so your two romantic partners are not who you thiught they were at all#but also. at some point. apparently. your best friend and your oldest friend became friends#and not only friends but so close that when your best friend is in trouble and desperately needs help -#it is not necessarily you they go to for help. but your oldest friend instead#when did those two become friends ? how had you missed this ? do either of them even need you ? when they seem so happy together ?#+ your best friene and the man you love. can now barely look at you let alone talk to you. but he has no problem w looking at/talking to/#/touching chen. not you. didnt they hate each other ? when did this happen ? how/why didnt you notice ?#are YOU the bad friend ?#ortega#op#fh
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google am i on the aro spectrum or am i just a teenager
#ideal partner: someone i can flirt with and do romantic things with but most importantly we just hang out and talk about our hyperfixations#ik a lot of ppl say that your partner should also be your best friend but idk i just dont want the whole established relationship aspect#boy asks me do u love me and im like hell yeah bro we r good buddies . boy asks are you in love w me and i short circuit#google help i am yearning so bad but i dont want a partner i just want to meet someone my age who i actually enjoy the company of#we can do Romance Things for fun but thats not the point. the point is reblogging each others posts on tumblr#i think this is just a result of my elementary school years being so lonely like i never had a friend for more than a year#and even the friends i did have we were never close at all#the longest real friend ive had and consistently talked to ive still only known for like almost 2 years#which is a lot. for me. but the concept of just . any sort of commitment even just in friendship is still so foreign to me#and yeah it would help if ive ever actually had a serious crush on someone that i was sure wasnt just a hyperfixation#but that hasnt happened yet and idk at what age i should finally just label myself and stop waiting for it to happen
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aaaaaaand it's starting. mom's bestie just texted me asking to come over this weekend cause it's Bad and it's probably the last chance to talk and maybe say goodbye to my mom's husband and i need to take care of her. god. i wont get through this weekend unless im high or drunk istg.
#time to slightly overdose my depression meds again ig lol#anyway. it is a little better with me these last two weeks. turns out the meds do work when you actually take em regularly#but first my best friend's break up that she's blowing up to unimaginable size#acting as if she just got divorced with the love of her life after 20 years#and not ended a few months long relationship with a guy who's been the source of most of her troubles since the moment they started dating#(ofc she's valid and id never tell her that because like. i get it. some people feel stuff more deeply. but its hard to be supportive#when you genuinely feel like this is the best possible outcome for her and that the relationship was only dragging her down all this time)#and now this. and this is gonna be infinitely worse. and then it's gonna get a million times worse when he actually does die.#and i feel like the worst most selfish person ever which like. probably am. but i did tell my cousin who actually knows my mom really well#and she said she understands and that my fears ARE valid because SHE'S terrified of how she's gonna handle my mom#and she wouldn't wanna be me in that situation cause it's gonna be so much worse for me lmao#like i feel like people who know my mother casually really dont understand just how unhinged emotionally she is#anyway. i feel so overwhelmed. i cant handle this jesus.#but im also emotionally unavailable and refuse to actually confide in another person because i dont want to be a bother <3333#god i love tumblr. i can literally type anything in those tags lol it's the perfect form of venting since you can just scroll by#but i will still have let it out of myself anyway uwu i literally dont need that therapy fr#anyway. i feel so unbelievably fucking lonely and on one hand it's my own fault for withdrawing and refusing to ask for help.#but on the other hand. i AM alone. like there's no one who can help me in this particular situation.#i have no siblings. obviously my dad isnt gonna help. it all falls down to me. good god. i wanna throw up.
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Will forever love and adore the game Ib, it's the very first rpgmaker horror game I've played and it has a very special place in my heart. On that same note, it's also very funny how my memories of playing this in the past was all bout how scary the game was but now that I've revisited it, it actually aint even scary bro.
#ariaplays#ariaplays: Ib#a short and nice experience#miiiight go back and get the other endings and check out the area that unlocks during a second playthrough#went with garry's happy ending. love him so much#felt so bad for mary tho.... maaaan... its either garry or mary and im so sorry mary but garry...#i remember back then as a kid i hated mary sooo much cuz the first ending i got was her happy ending#and it tore my heart apart seeing garry slowly die. the part where he just told ib he'll just be sleeping for awhile like bro...#i know you aint bro... bro you're gonna die arent you... the moment you close your eyes youll be dead arent you.... broo....#ya best believe young me couldnt rest at all until i get garry's happy ending#and after a few days. i started thinkin more bout mary and i was like: actually... she aint rlly that bad...#and yea she rlly aint shes just a really lonely kid who wants to get outta the gallery and eat sweets and have friends#sad that theres no ending where both garry and mary could leave with ib...#also ive ingrained some fanlyrics for the character themes so much back then that i still remember it a bit today#hearing garry's theme and im like: if you ever feel scared or lost--#for mary's theme it'll be like: welcome to my world that's painted with sadness--
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its been really hard lately
#i miss my ex best friend. i dont ever cry and i cried again tonight#i wishb i knew what to do to fix everything because now i know how to act. this all changed me for the better ibe stopped doing so many#bad thinfs since than. but the pain is still here :(#negative /#delete later#im so lonely because i have friends bur i dont feel like i have any connections or anyone who either has the time to talk to me#enough or that i really want to talk to anymore. i just feel like everyones living rheir adult lives and are too busy and im still stuck in#no one i know doesnt work or doesnt go to school but me i just feel like im alone in the universe again snd wasting my life#when i had him i didnt feel like yhay i felt like i wasnr just a nothing loser. but i chose to give it up because of my selfish#impulsive choices. i wish i could shake past me and scream at her to tell her to cherish the friendships shes had at so manynpoints in our#life and nor destroy them because theyre not ''perfect''#theres nothing to gain by being so self pitying. it doesnt get you anythung
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Rolling on the ground puppystyle
#(ignore these tags im having A Night)#god im so tired of the constant yearning#i always feel so embarrassed and selfish for how bad i just want to have someone love me the same way i love them#and it also makes me feel like an asshole because fuck why cant i just be happy with what ive got#ive got an amazing best friend who i can be intimate w and my general friends but i still feel so lonely and i feel like its my fault#why cant i be happy with those kinds of love what is wrong with me#i know most of it that makes it definitely my fault is the fact my interpretation feelings of romantic love means im just doomed#i feel like romantic is like a close best friends with a physical connection and usually additional layer of intimacy and trust?#and nobody i get close enough to thinks of it like that so i always fall in love with my best friends and feel like i fuck things up#and i know theres people out there whatever but god i just want to have someone care about me like that some day#i give up#im just so tired of all this shit with relationships#im crawling into a fucking hole and disappearing until i can stop upsetting everyone around me constantly
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#so im at my familys house#and im just sort of like okay i actually miss them so much#and like#idk !#for a long time is was kinda rough and i was seen as a failure and like i wasnt able to communicate at all#but like now im here and my aunt is like#we are so happy you are here and we need to do this more often#and i fully want to do it more often#for so long it felt like my family has completed abandoned me#some of them actually did lol but idk im older now and actually able to talk to them#it feels different#it feels like i want to be here#i will say some stuff is definitely coming up. Like earlier i started to feel some trauma feelings#the worst one i feel tbh#but like i just took a second and sat down and breathed#and it seemed like it passed ??#i definitely still feel weird and like i am on drugs even though i am stone cold sober right now#but i just am happy that i can be here with them right now#i wish my sister was here also#i miss her very much#but she heard who was coming this weekend and was like absolutely not lmao#i also talked to my family also about how i dont love my living situation right now#and they are all like please move near us#i dont know if thats an actual thing that i would for sure want right now#because one ive found a therapist finally that i ahsolutely adore and shes keeping me going lol#also even though im struggling to live where i live now#because of the 1 million events that have happened there and that have left me totally alone#i remembering loving where i live now#i remember thinking it was the only place on earth that i wanted to live#but without my best friends these days it just feels pretty isolating and lonely
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two lonely friends | oscar piastri
paring: oscar piastri x journalist!reader
summary: lando norris has two lonely best friends. he gets an idea, why not set them up?
f1wags: y/n l/n, landos bestfriend was seen entering the monaco grand prix paddock today!
view comments below!
user1: OH BROTHER
user2: free my girl y/n 🗣️
user3: the day y/n stops getting referred to as “landos bestfriend” is the day i can REST
user4: landos bestfriend?? sorry i only know y/n l/n f1 journalist??
user5: y’all do this every race 🙄 OFC SHES THERE. THATS HER JOB.
user6: she’s such a moocher
user7: she’s literally there to do HER JOB?
user8: it’s crazy how after a year of oscar being in f1, we still haven’t gotten a y/n and oscar interaction ???
user9: y/n, our comfort outfit queen
ynandlandocontent: my favorite snippet of landos and y/ns interview 🧡
view comments below!
user10: ugh them ☹️☹️
user11: literally just make out already
user12: the very best FRIENDS
user13: she’s so unprofessional 💀
user14: this wasn’t even part of the interview 😭 this was just a blooper 🙄
user15: OKAY BUT Y/N FINALLY GOT TO INTERVIEW OSCAR ???
user16: ugh i love them so much 😞
user17: lando and y/n shippers where??
user18: HERE 🙋♂️
oscarpastyupdates: y/n interviewing oscar today!
view comments below!
user19: oscar “but um” piastri everyone!
user20: FINALLY SOME Y/N x OSCAR CONTENT!!
user23: why do i ship…
user24: they literally only talked once 😭😭
user23: okay let me BEEE
user25: guys did you see how hard he was blushing, or am i just crazy???
user26: they literally want each other SO BAD
user27: i can feel the tension through the screen
user28: ok so do i ship lando x y/n or oscar x y/n
— one day later !
ynupdates: queen y/n was seen out last night by multiple fans! she looks beautiful!
view comments below!
user29: HELLOOO???? IS THAT NOT OSCAR
user30: ARE WE JUST GOING TO PRETEND THAT THAT IS NOT OSCAR PIASTRI???
user31: omg oscar stole landos girl
user32: landos girl???
user33: wait i like this
user34: i love how the caption doesn’t mention oscar at ALL
user35: let them cook 🔥🔥
user36: okay oscar i see you 👀
user37: i wonder how lando feels about this..
liked by charles_leclerx, yourusername, landonorris, and 673,928 others!
lando.jpg: happy birthday to my little sister! you’re ancient now 😞 here’s to many more birthdays together!
view comments below!
user38: aw ☹️
user39: okay guys i’m crying
user40: lando ALWAYS eats with his birthday captions
user41: i wonder if landos ex’s had ever felt intimidated by y/n
user42: y/n has said that she has never not gotten along with landos gfs, so there’s that!
user43: okay now kiss
user44: i still ship idc
user45: her and lando ✅ her and oscar ❌
yourusername: ugh lando you love me so much, it’s disgusting
lando.jpg: i will take away your present.
yourusername: NO IM SORRY
liked by, mclaren, landonorris, oscarpiastri and 873,928 others!
yourusername: and who’s gonna pay attention to the redheads of the world?
pic credits: some kid named oscar??
view comments below!
user46: OKAY OKAY OKAY
user47: ugh you look so good 😔
user48: OSCAR IN THE CAPTION ??? WE ARE SO BACK!!!
user49: happy birthday queen!!
user50: happy birthday 🧡🧡
user51: oscar and y/n hard launch when???
oscarpiastri: ME I’LL PAY ATTENTION TO THE REDHEADS OF THE WOLRD!!! I WILL!!
user52: okay oscar let’s calm down..
user53: oh he’s down bad
user54: who needs more confirmation then THIS??
liked by maxverstappen1, mclaren, landonorris, and 873,928 others!
oscarpiastri: happy birthday to my best friend, and the most beautiful lady in the world 🧡
view comments below!
landonorris: bestfriend?
landonorris: oh okay
landonorris: cool cool cool
landonorris: yeah that’s chill
landonorris: totally NOT going to brust out into tears rn
landonorris: hahaha
landonorris: that would be stupid
landonorris: cool cool cool
landonorris: okay okay okay
landonorris: i set you two up and you just completely forget about me huh
landonorris: wow i can’t believe this
landonorris; i’m going to die alone
landonorris; alone and sad
landonorris: FUCK YOU GUYS
user55: let’s all just move pass lando having a mental breakdown…
#oscar piastri x reader#oscar piastri#oscar piastri x you#oscar piastri x y/n#oscar piastri fanfic#oscar piastri fluff#oscar piastri smau#oscar piastri social media au#f1 x female driver#f1 x female reader#f1 x y/n#f1 x you#f1 x reader#f1 imagine#f1 fanfic#f1 fic#f1 smau#f1 social media au
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having an ableist #Autism Mommy narcissist for a mother never gets less tiresome/hurtful/infuriating/disappointing/just plan embarrassing, huh?
#will delete later don't rb#im just. sick and fucking tired of getting my feelings hurt#this is why i don't talk about her and this is why i can't handle dwelling on how bad of a mother she is.#it always just ends with me crying and feeling like a pathetic and unwanted and embarrassed little freak#some part of me is stuck being the weird little middle school version of me#who constantly felt sad and jealous and just. sad. whenever i went to friends houses or heard them talk about their moms.#because all my friends moms loved them. and all my friends were best friends with their moms.#and i never got to have that. and i never will. and it makes me so fucking jealous and envious and furious and just. sad#is the word for it really. just sad.#your mom is the one person on earth who's supposed to love you no matter what. and you're bombarded with that message as a kid#so if your mom doesn't love you... what's wrong with you?#i know NOW that that's not how it actually works & that it's not my fault & that it's her problem not mine#but. sometimes one stupid text from her will still just derail my whole day and suddenly I'm 12 years old again.#it is such a lonely and isolating feeling growing up as a girl who isn't best friends with her mom.#some part of me is always going to want to grovel and bend over backwards and disregard all my own emotions just to feel like she loves me.#or hell even LIKES me!#and i know it's not a healthy instinct and its one i need to fight and ignore for my own good. but like.#i just want my mom. :( and i just want her to be proud of me and like spending time with me and care about how i feel.#i want to feel safe going to her for help with things. or even just a hug when I'm sad. but i don't get to have that. and it sucks.#yes i AM watching b*ck b*gins what about it. anyway. sorry for having mommy issues on main. gonna go dig a hole and die in it now#the eternal struggle between standing up for myself vs jumping thru the hoops required to make my mom give a shit about me
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𝖒𝖞 𝖋𝖆𝖛𝖔𝖚𝖗𝖎𝖙𝖊 𝖈𝖔𝖑𝖔𝖚𝖗 𝖎𝖘 𝖌𝖗𝖊𝖊𝖓
✧˖*°࿐ : 18+ only, no minors. ✧. ┊ plug!ryusei shidou x f!reader
Genre: smut Notes: iiiiiii want him n need him desperately ♡ i made him icky, manipulative and dress like pete davidson warnings: 18+, (soft?)dom!shidou, sub!reader, dubcon, drug use (weed), blowbacks/shotgunning, reader has pubes!, ryusei has a gold tooth, virgin!reader, corruption kink, dumbification?, fingering, blowjob, head pushing ♡, male masturbation, use of nii-chan (not referring to ryusei), slight dacryphilia, shush!kink, praise, pet names, cum eating ♡, he calls your pussy 'her', slut used once. words: 7.1k
“No way am I coming over. Your big brother would kill me.”
Ryusei can’t stop himself from smirking when he can hear your attempt to conceal a whimper. And he just knows there’s a plump little pout on that pretty little face on the other end of the line.
He’s been dealing to your brother for years, they’re basically best friends if you subtract the client aspect from the equation. They smoke together, they’re always hanging out and Ryusei isn’t a stranger to the apartment you and your brother share.
“How did you even get my number anyway, darlin’? Reaaaal naughty of ya to be calling me like this. Gonna be in big trouble if I tell your nii-chan.” he tells you. And this time you hear the smirk behind his voice. He’s teasing you. He’s toying with you, but you still can’t stop yourself from becoming paralysed with fear.
“He gave me it for emergencies! Please don’t tell ‘im!” you sigh. “He’s on some weekend work trip because he’s tryna get a promotion. I’m just lonely…”
“Awe, and why is that my problem?” he asks, harshly. It takes you aback slightly though your determination doesn’t falter. You take a deep breath and try to formulate a response in your mind.
“You guys are always havin’ fun together… but you never let me join in. I wanna have fun with you too, Ryusei—”
“No.”
“But—”
“I said no.” he stands firm and shows no signs of backing down. He hears the little deflated exhale you release, and he licks his lips as he thinks. He doesn’t want you to be sad, but he knows fucking around with a client’s sister behind his back is a stupid fucking idea. “You’ll be alright on your own. Why don’t you invite one of your friends over.”
“W-Well… I just wanted to see you.” you tell him, honestly. “I— I wanted to try smoking with you.”
He chuckles when he hears that. It hasn’t been a discreet crush you’ve harboured since you saw him for the first time. You may have thought otherwise, but Ryusei has always known. He kisses his teeth and laughs again as he thinks about this tantalising proposition being thrown onto his lap.
“You’re really tryna get into trouble this weekend, huh? Do you always invite drug dealers over?” he wonders, knowing the answer already. He knows you’re a good girl who always does as her nii-chan says. But today you want to let your hair down. Today you can let your hair down because he isn’t here for the whole weekend. You can be a little naughty and reckless and have some fun for a change. “Are you that lonely, baby? Jus’ want some company?”
“… Y-Yes. ‘m lonely…” your lower lip wobbles as you think about being in the same apartment all by yourself for the next two days. You’re fine now, it’s only 12:30pm. But what about when it gets dark out? You’re a stupid girl who lets her mind run wild with the possibilities of ghosts and home invaders. You’ve seen one too many horror movies while your brother and Ryusei are high in the front room for no regard to your taste in genre. You hate horrors but you’ve seen so many thanks to them. And now your mind is racing. What if you got kidnapped or killed for the fun of it? “I don’t wanna be alone, Ryusei… ‘m so scared.”
He grits his teeth, resolve crumbling as he thinks about you all alone in the apartment he’s spent so many nights in. So many pointless nights where he could have been out making more money or fucking a multitude of girls who don’t hide their attraction for him. So, is he really about to sacrifice the same for you?
Lonely, frightened, you?
“Well, we can’t have that, can we? I’ll be there in twenty.”
Now that he’s here you’re not sure what you were thinking. You’ve never smoked before. You’ve not even had a sip of alcohol before! But you know drugs are Ryusei’s whole life right now. Selling, buying and occasionally consuming. He locks the door behind himself as he enters. He’s wearing a wide grin as he comes in and approaches you.
He thinks you’re just the sweetest little thing.
Your feet walk you backwards as he gets closer to you, lunging forward to grab you when you almost trip over your pink Kirby slippers that your brother got you for your most recent birthday.
“Clumsy girl.” he grins, gripping into the fat of your underarms. He leads you over to the couch and more or less throws you down onto it. He dumps his backpack on the coffee table. “What time does your brother come home, sweetheart?” he asks, not even looking your way as he takes out his belongings and spreads them out on the table.
“Uh—” you think, eyes squinting as you look up at the ceiling and try to act natural. “Monday… morning.” you tell him.
“Well, I’m sure he won’t mind if I keep you company ‘til he gets back, right?”
“R-Right…” you aren’t so sure about that, but you’re hardly going to disagree with him. Though in truth, he knows he’ll be furious. But the time he cared about your pathetic brother’s opinion has been and gone. What kind of man would he be if he left a poor defenceless thing like you all on your lonesome in such a sketchy part of town?
You watch him carefully as he pulls out a grinder, some papers, and a large baggie of weed and puts them all down on the table. Your mind wanders as he describes the effects to you, none of it is computing. And it gets even worse when he starts talking about different strains doing different things. As far as you were aware, weed was just… weed. You’d never heard about strains or effects. All of your knowledge comes from movies. Tripping, munchies, all of the cliché stuff.
He grins when he sees your dumb expression. Of course you’re not understanding anything he says. All you need to know is that you’ll be okay because he’s here to look after you. He’s here to take you through it.
You watch him as he grinds it up in a tall metallic grinder. And seeing him roll is like witchcraft to you. It’s not like it’s the first time, but it’s the first time you’ve seen it up close. Your nii-chan always exiles you to your bedroom when they’re rolling and smoking. You’re only allowed out once they’re high, though it’s never stopped you peaking from the crack of your door.
Your eyes widen in disbelief as he holds eye contact with you while he licks the paper. Suddenly you’re looking anywhere but in his direction. He’s revelling in it, making you so uncomfortable and shy. You really are sweet ‘n innocent, huh?
“Here.” he hands it to you, his voice earning your attention and you look into his pink eyes before they drop to the blunt in his hand. You look back at him, confused, and he finds himself adjusting the baggy shorts he’s wearing in hopes that you haven’t noticed the way his cock jumps when you tilt your head so stupidly. “What? This is what you wanted.” he speaks, his defensive tone surprising you.
“But… I don’t know what I’m doing. I’ve never smoked before…”
“Never? Not even a cigarette?” he asks.
“Nothing… never smoked or had a drink or even been to a party. Nii-chan is too protective.” you pout. He wants to fucking ruin you. You’re so fucking cute and stupid he thinks he might cum in his underwear just from hearing you speak. You’re so obedient and it makes you so fucking stupid. As if you aren’t a grown woman who could get her own apartment and do whatever she wants. “Will you show me?” you speak, cutting through his thoughts.
He nods, effortlessly. He lounges back into the couch, legs spread wide as he lets the blunt balance between his lips. It’s lit instantly, and you can’t believe what a pro he is. He’s got one of those stupid lighters. The ones with the metal bit you have to spin with your thumb rather than one of the plastic ones you just push down. You can never use them. Your brother always lends them to you when you want to light a candle, but he always ends up lighting them for you.
“Get me somethin’ to use as an ashtray.” he tells you, it’s a rude demand rather than a request. But his lack of manners doesn’t stop you from immediately jumping to your feet and rushing over to the kitchen sink. You just washed your brother’s ashtray this morning. You smile happily as you hand it to him, clearly willing to do anything he asks whether he’s polite about it or not.
He takes a few more drags and flicks the ash every so often. And when he’s halfway through, he looks at you, expectantly.
“Your turn.” he tries to hand it to you again. You take it, and you flinch as he also forces the lighter into your palm. “You didn’t invite me over just to watch me smoke, did you? What, are you trying to take advantage of me?” he laughs, running his tongue along his top row of teeth. His golden canine twinkles at you, halting you from speaking for longer than you’d intended.
“It’s not like that! I just— I’m nervous, and I hate these lighters.” you explain. You stiffen as he rolls his eyes and adjusts his body, angling it to face you. His stare is harsh, bordering on agitated. It’s only fair, you think. He hadn’t planned on spending his day babysitting you or showing you how to do something so simple. “’m sorry.” you speak, it’s so quiet he almost doesn’t hear it. Almost.
“Open up.” he commands. You’re confused at first, and before you know it his rough thumb is tugging at the fat flesh of your lower lip. “I said: open up.”
You clear your throat and angle your body in a similar way to him. Although you’re nowhere near as tall or intimidating as him. You’re like a sullen little dormouse, respecting the orders of your master. Your lips part ever so slightly as he places the blunt between them. Your lips close around it, keeping it perched firmly between them. He can see lip gloss residue smearing on the paper; his depraved mind is going into overdrive. His lewd thoughts encompassing him, he needs to break free and focus on you before you start to ask more silly questions.
He tucks your hair behind your ears and away from your face. A brief thought crosses his mind of how embarrassing it would be to get caught by your brother because he singed your fucking hair.
“Don’t just suck it, yeah? Breathe it. You wanna feel it go in your chest, alright?” he asks you, it sounds like a reminder. Like he’d already told you this and he’s making sure you are listening this time. It’s hard not to when all you can focus on is him. How he’s staring at you. How he smells like cheap aftershave and weed. The smell of weed is revolting, truth be told, you aren’t sure how you’re going to be able to inhale it without gagging.
He flicks the lighter a few times and keeps an eye on your expressions and your breathing to make sure you’re doing it right. You look terrified.
And he likes it.
Your eyes get wider and wider the more you inhale, and he’s worried they might pop out of that pretty head of yours. You suck and you breathe in as much of the earthy smoke as you can until it embraced your lungs like an invader claiming its new home. He can’t hide his laughter when you begin to choke, realising you are the good girl you’re claiming to be and absolutely have never smoked anything in your life.
“Everything hurts.” you tell him, still coughing and sputtering out lingering smoke as your eyes water. “It tastes like shit…” you continue, covering your mouth as you can’t stop yourself from choking anymore. He gets up, handing the ashtray to you to balance the blunt in and he flees the scene of the crime without a word. He returns a few moments later with a glass of water, he even added in a few ice cubes for you.
“Think you’re all grown up because you’ve had your first puff?” he wonders, “Never heard you swear before, darlin’.” he finishes as he hands the glass to you.
“I swear… I’m allowed to swear, Ryu.” you answer defiantly.
Cute, he thinks. You really are trying to sound all big and bad for him. But he’s never going to take you seriously after that little display, you’re just a little girl trying to act tough. A cute girl trying to be the cool girl.
But you both know you’re far from cool. A cool girl wouldn’t care so much about pleasing her brother and being a good girl for him. A cool girl would do whatever she wants without fear of the consequences.
At least you’re trying, he thinks.
You glug and you glug until you soothe the suffocating dryness in your chest. He’s transfixed on a droplet of water clinging to the corner of your mouth, unable to tear his gaze as it begins to run down your face. And he can’t think of a cuter sight than you still trying to be the cool girl, wiping it away with the back of your hand before he can notice despite it being much too late for that.
“C-Can I do some more?” you ask him, big wet eyes blinking at him as you hope he’s still willing to guide you.
“Think you can handle it?” he asks. “Get some more water.” he commands, not even letting you answer first. It’s probably the right call, though, you’re hardly going to be accustomed to the feeling of smoke contaminating your insides after one heavy inhale.
You follow his pathing from moments before, getting yourself some water and fresh ice cubes before returning and facing him again. You drink so much; he grabs your wrist and moves the glass away from your lips before you down the whole thing.
He lets out a heavy breath as he holds the blunt and sees how your lips immediately part for him this time without being asked. Fast learner. His thumb pulls at the metal wheel twice, each time it sounds make your eyes flicker further open.
“Breeeathe.” he demands, and you obey. You take it waaaay better this time, holding it for longer after he pulls the lighter away and takes the blunt from your lips. “That’s it, atta girl.” he smiles as you slowly exhale, only coughing a little bit. Your little hands are immediately reaching for the glass of water you set down moments before.
“I feel…” you try and think, eyes darting around the room in search of the right words to use. Your eyes close without your permission, humming happily as you embrace the feeling, a cheery smile visible on your face. “Weird…” you giggle, deeming it the only appropriate word that springs to mind.
“Is that right, baby? Feelin’ weird?”
“Mhmm.” you sigh, dreamily, letting the feeling consume you wholly. You want to melt into the couch beneath your thighs; and you involuntarily begin to lean back into the plush leather before Ryusei stops you. “My eyes are hurting, Ryusei…”
“Mm, I’ll bet. They’re all bloodshot, princess. Think you’re high.” he smirks.
“Wan’ some more.” you tell him, reaching to take the blunt from his hold. He moves his hand away. The fat, brown joint just out of your tired reach. And fuck he can’t stop his cock from twitching when you don that pout. That pretty little pout that you can’t stop yourself from displaying any time you’re disheartened. “P—lea, p-please…” your lower lip juts out further.
“C’mere.” he instructs you, his empty hand patting at his adjacent thigh. He sees the hesitation in your eyes. The little protest lodged in your throat as you think what a bad idea this could be. Why does he want you to sit on his lap? Your heart is racing with possibilities. Is he going to try and kiss you? Or is it simply an easier position for him to help you smoke? “Move, baby, now.” his voice is firm, almost scary. Your movements are slow, but you find yourself moving on his order regardless.
You go to him, but he stops you as you try and sit nicely in his lap. It isn’t quite what he had in mind. He doesn’t want to baby you like the princess you want to be for him. You’re like a ragdoll as he positions you, limbs loose beneath his touch until you realise you’re straddling him. His legs are spread wide, relaxed, and you’re hovering above him a little.
“Open your mouth f’me.” you’re like a robot, complying with each and every command he issues without hesitation.
You’re too good, too perfect. And Ryusei Shidou is quite the opposite; he’ll ruin you if you aren’t careful.
But right now, you couldn’t care less.
Your dewy lips part, wider than they had earlier until Ryusei seems satisfied. He’s relieved you’re only hovering over him, or you’d have definitely felt the way his dick twitched at the sight of your pudgy lips widening for him.
He relaxes, fully, his own eyes becoming more bloodshot as the minutes go by. Weed doesn’t affect him like it used to, not in the way it’s affecting you. But he’s calm. All of his thoughts are collected, and he feels at peace. It’s probably the reason he’s being so brazen and not giving a second thought to the consequences of being with you anymore.
While you’re waiting for his vision to be realised, while you’re waiting for the reason as to why he wants you in this position with your lips spread, he lights up the blunt once again. You watch him through a heavy-lidded stare as he takes a hefty inhale.
You sense him planning something, the cogs whirring sinfully in his mind as he looks between your eyes and your lips as he inhales the smoke deeper and deeper into his lungs. He rests his arm over the rest of the couch, harbouring zero consideration for the potential ash staining the cream carpet below.
He tries to close the distance between your bodies, and you instinctively jolt away from him, your lips clamping shut just as quickly. As much as he wants to smile, to laugh, his lips remain neutral and sealed. His empty hand holds the small of your back. His fingers drift, trailing up the column of your spine. He flattens his palm between your shoulder blades, pushing your face and body closer to his. His right hand remains between your shoulder blades, the other coming around to tug your viscid lower lip until your mouth is ajar. He leans in, closer. The closest he’s ever been to you in the entire time you’ve known him.
He's going to kiss you.
Your heart is thumping, the intense beating, hammering your heart through blood, muscle tissue and flesh. Your eyes close instinctively, and at that, he does smirk.
His eyes alternate between yours, and your gloss covered lips. And then his are ghosting yours, not close enough to touch but not far enough for you to not feel their presence. His gaze becomes heavy, lustful as he observes you. He’s fixated on how you react as he blows the smoke from his lungs into yours.
Your eyes widen as you realise he isn’t kissing you, but your mind is hazy as you realise what he is doing. His lungs shrink as he empties them, but he doesn’t move. He smiles, though, and you fucking feel it. He’s waiting patiently to see just how desperate you are for him to kiss you.
Your breathing is intense. He can hear each breath you take through your nose as you try and compose yourself. You try and calm down and hide your burning shame from him. He knew what you’d assume and chose not to correct you. Just to see you squirm.
But you want to kiss him.
You want him to kiss you.
He chuckles lightly when he sees a nervous little gulp plummet down your throat, he’s sure if he blinked he would have missed it. He wonders if your eyes always vibrate so intensely when you’re nervous.
“Did you like that?” he whispers, his lips still inching away from yours. You feel each and every breath it takes for him to speak that sentence.
“Yeah…”
“Yeah?”
“Mm… mhmm…” you nod, eagerly and yet somehow still awkwardly. “D— Can you do it again?” you whisper. It’s so meek and downright precious he can feel pre fucking ooze out of his tip.
He adjusts his position, nodding, his lips almost catching yours but not quite before he pulls away to smoke some more. Your lips part beautifully and he’s smiling sinisterly yet again. His hand travels from your back to hold the crown of your head, you can’t back away this time, not that you’d want to. He’s keeping you in place as he slowly begins to puff smoke past your desperate lips.
You moan, involuntarily, as you feel your mind cloud and your body grow wearier. But still, you can’t get enough. You can’t fully satiate your desires of intoxication. Not with drugs. Not with attention. Not with touch. You need him. More of him.
“Baby?” you hear him mumble, his lips clumsily toying with yours as he refuses to fully close the gap between them. “I think ya wanna kiss me.”
You squeak, almost, a high pitch whine sounding through your nose as the uncomfortable statement surges through you. Were you so pitifully obvious the whole time? You lean in closer, attempting to close the separation between you. But he pulls away, ever the tease, and he can’t help but relish the whimper that claws its way up your throat.
“You ever even kissed anyone?” he asks, closing the gap once again. “Y’know, since you’re such a good girl.”
You feel the tips of your ears and face begin to sear with heat, embarrassment flooding through your blood. You nod, defiantly, doing all you can to assure him you’re not the big loser he seems to think you are.
“I have… ‘ve had boyfriends before… Ryu…” you tell him, though it’s still a little humiliating.
“So,” he starts, his hand holds your hip as he adjusts himself slightly. Thumb stroking your side calmly, despite his cock driving ever so gently into your core as he moves. Not hard enough to set off alarm bells, but just enough to leave a lasting impression. He bites lip and releases it just as fast as his eyes rake over you, and you feel so small under his stare, despite him being the one looking up at you. His fingers weave and comb through your hair until he gets a tight enough grip. Your noses are touching before he tilts his head, your lips barely lingering on one another’s as you each fight against fully committing. “If I kiss you right now, it’s gonna be worth my time?” he whispers.
In truth, it’s been a while since you kissed anyone. You haven’t had a boyfriend since high school and that seems like a lifetime ago now. But you don’t want to go another second without feeling his lips fully pressed against yours. So, you nod. It’s weak and unconvincing, but you nod anyway.
It’s enough for him. In truth, he wouldn’t have cared if you’d never been kissed before. He’d be more than happy to teach you, though he’s sure he’ll teach you plenty anyway. He’s going to turn you into a masterpiece; one that has been created only for him to enjoy.
His lips slot against yours and it’s like an explosion. You’ve been fucking starved for him, and you can barely remember to breathe as it intensifies. Suctioning sounds repeat as you kiss without stopping. Neither of you remember to come up for air until you’re gasping.
Your lips part divinely as his tongue pushes past them and it’s so rapturous as your little wet muscle meets his. He groans, loudly, as he licks and swipes all while you’re moaning pathetically into his mouth. He bets your soaked, he’s rock hard and leaking like a virgin getting his first hand job after all.
“Stick out your tongue.” he tells you, and like always, you do as you’re told. He licks at it, swirls his own tongue around it. He sucks it until he’s heady with lust.
His body collapses against the back of the couch, and like the perfect pet you follow him. You can’t stop making out with him now. You can’t possibly get enough. You doubt it would even be enough to crawl inside his skin and live out the rest of your days there.
You’re addicted to him.
He pushes your body down so that your crotch is fully pressed into his. The feeling of his throbbing cock almost entirely against your panty-clad mound is a surprise to say the least, you hadn’t expected it and your surprised expression gives you away instantly. But he doesn’t comment right away, instead, he grinds his crotch against yours as you carry on kissing. Your breath fans across his face, you’re delirious from the sensation of him being against you like this, you’ve never known anything quite like it.
“Feel what you’re doin’ to me?” he chuckles, parting away from you enough to look up at you again and lick his lips. But you chase him, you think you might stop breathing if you deny yourself of him. Your tongue pushes past the seam of his lips, and of course he doesn’t object. He feels your little wet muscle searching for something, and he can’t contain the amused scoff when he realises you were tracking down his gold tooth, the tip of your tongue licking it from behind all of the way to the front until you reach his gums. “Fuck… you’re filthy.” he informs you before kissing you again.
You giggle before he yanks at your hair. Flirtatious laughter being forced into a tantalising gasp, your head angled so that you’re looking up at the ceiling above. The column of your neck is almost enough to make him cum. It’s so fucking bare. So pure and untainted. He wants nothing more than to sink his teeth into you. To cover you in hickeys and bite marks so that everyone knows what he fucking did to you.
But he knows, deep down, it isn’t worth it. It isn’t worth the questions and the bullshit and the drama. Not this time, anyway. Instead, he leaves gentle kisses and soft suckles against your skin. His tongue leaves fat, wet stripes over your throat and pulse point, hot breath fanning over them between kisses. You’re keening for him as his lips begin to ascend. You’re shuddering against him as he breathes heavily, deliciously, into your ear. His hand drifts to squeeze your tit over your crop top as he continues to breathe thickly into your ear canal. The intensity forcing your skin to break out in goosebumps.
You mewl, and it’s a fucking siren song as he sucks on your earlobe. He drives his covered cock up into you as he takes the cartilage between his teeth, alternating between that and sucking like he’s trying to get milk from nipple.
“Does anyone else know what a naughty little thing you are?” he talks directly into your ear, thumb rubbing over the thin material of your top, your hardened nipples unfortunately hidden behind your push up bra. “Or do you only get like this f’me?”
“Jus’ you…” you sigh, your arm wraps around his neck so that you can hold his head the same way he had yours. Tiny little fingers toy with blonde and pink tufts, he groans slightly at the comforting feeling.
“Darlin’… you know you have to pay, don’tcha?” he asks. It’s so out of the blue, you push away from him. He grins as he watches the confusion and horror take over your facial expression. You were so blissfully at peace, lost in the feeling of his lips and his touch all over your body. “Drugs aren’t free, y’know.”
“B-But…” you think, panicking, “I— nii-chan only left me enough for emergencies…” you tell him, hoping he’ll take pity on you. He offers a fake little pout, tutting at your excuse. It’s so feeble and pathetic and he loves how easy it is to mess with you.
“Awe, baby.” he offers faux sympathy, his thumb stroking over your cheek yet again. “You better do what I say then, yeah? Gonna have to keep bein’ a good girl f’me, ‘n then we can forget the whoooole thing.”
“What do you want me to—”
He thrusts his hips up, and you lose balance, falling perfectly into his arms. He tugs at your crop top, urging you to take it off. You start pulling it upwards, though it’s too slow for his liking. He yanks it over your head, getting a quick eyeful of your tits and aqua blue bra before he sucks hard into the fat flesh of your breasts.
You’re too busy moaning, rolling your hips against him to notice he has unclasped your bra with one hand. He pulls carefully at the straps, ridding you of the material covering part of your modesty. He bites his lip and breathes heavily as he ogles them. You feel the way his cock pulses against your cunt.
“S’fuckin’ pretty—” he muses. You feel different, now. You’re fully on display for him and you are completely at his mercy. Your rational mind is telling you to give him the emergency money your brother left and send him on his way. But sadly for you, your poor neglected pussy wants him to stay and have his way with you. “You’ve gotta suck my cock, baby. Now.” he demands.
Your heartrate sky-rockets. Things are moving so fast you can barely process it at all. You look down between your thighs and see the ever-growing bulge in his shorts. Can you argue with him? Reason with him? It doesn’t matter either way, you’re already sliding carefully onto the ground and getting down on your knees between his spread legs. You aren’t sure where to start. Everything you think about doing dies a sudden death with each new idea that comes to the forefront of your mind.
“Pull it out, hurry up.”
Little hands shake as nimble fingers grip onto the waistband of his shorts. You pull and you pull and he lifts his body to help in your efforts. He almost grunts as his cock springs free, pearlescent pre leaking a ton from his twitching slit.
“Mmmm…” he moans as he grips his cock at the base, shaking it a few times so that the tip hits your nose softly, soupy liquid sticking to you as he does. “Be a good girl, show me how bad you can be.”
There’s not a single universe where you’re successfully concealing your apprehension from him, though he thinks nothing of it. He thinks you’re nervous because you’ve had a crush on him for quite some time now and you don’t want to disappoint him. Your hands carry on shaking as you grab onto his length. He’s huge, both of your little hands are holding him in your grasp and there’s still more of his thickness unable to be held.
You think to start off you should clean the tip; you lick and lave over his throbbing head and your face scrunches as you register the warm tanginess permeating your tastebuds.
His body almost dissolves into the couch as you start to take more and more of him. He shoos your hands away and holds himself so that you can balance your hands on his thighs. His free hand holds your head, forcefully attempting to shove you further and further down on his length until you’re choking on him. You’re spitting and sputtering just like you had when you smoked.
“S’cute.” he moans. The light praise encourages you to keep trying for him. So, you do, try. You try to give him mind blowing head. You try to remember to use your tongue to keep him nice and stimulated as you bob up and down on his cock. You even remember one of your friends telling you that squeezing your thumbs stops you from gagging as much.
But it’s all in vain.
Ryusei hisses, flinching from an amalgamation of too much teeth and not enough spit. He snatches you away by your hair, seeing red veins stabbing through the whites of your eyes as they begin to gloss over. A watery sheen telling him of your deepest shame and embarrassment.
“Are you a fucking virgin, baby?” he wonders. His cock spills more pre as he sees tears fall from your eyes and cascade down your cheeks. The little sniffles you can’t stop are a symphony to him and he can see the way your throat is choking back audible cries. He can hear the little croaks trapped there, though, poor thing. “Never sucked a cock before, have you?”
“’m s-so sorry.” you stop fighting your losing battle as you start to cry, utterly humiliated that your secret has come to light because you did such a terrible job giving head. “I’ll— g-get my purse ‘n then you can just g-o. I’m sor—”
He leans forward, hand snaking between your thighs to cup your cunt. “Never had a cock in her, huh? What about fingers? Anybody ever ate your pussy, sweetheart?”
“N-Nothing!” you speak, almost defiantly though that wasn’t your intention. You’re feeling vulnerable and defensive. You’re embarrassed, and he has his hand somewhere nobody has ever touched you before. “Only kissed before…”
“Mmm… no wonder you’re so wet.” he speaks, though he isn’t seeking a reply. He’s simply musing to himself. He should have known, really. When would you get a chance to fuck and learn how to suck cock when your brother practically holds you hostage in this shit hole apartment? “I won’t fuck you, today. You’re not gonna suck my cock either. Come here.” he continues, he grabs both of your wrists and drags you back to your previous position with little effort. You’re above him, again, your thighs straddling his. “Stand up, actually.” he orders, you obey.
Your tits are still exposed and you’re standing in nothing but your pleated mini skirt and silk panties beneath. He twirls his finger, encouraging you to do a spin for him. You complete it, quickly, your skirt raising ever so slightly and exposing a peak of pink silk before you find a neutral position once more.
“Slower.” he tells you, so you spin again. Slower, just for him. “Stop.” he tells you when your back is facing him.
“Is something wrong, ah—!” you yelp as he ruthlessly kicks the inside of your ankles until your legs are spread apart from each other.
“Bend over, put your hands on the table.” he instructs you. You’re slow in doing so, not wanting to rush this time; though you still feel your heartbeat in your throat. Your skirt rides up, the pink silk completely covering your most precious secret. Though he grunts at the sight, unable to control himself. His jaw clenches and bubbles at the sight of brunette curls peaking from the sides of your panties. “Holy shit, fuck.” he sibilates, thick long fingers hooking into the pink silk. He wastes no time tearing them from your body, shoving them into the pocket of his hoody.
He grabs the globes of your ass, kneading the flesh under your little skirt and parting your pussy lips in the process. He’s enamoured by the sight, the way your arousal has soaked your pubic hair. It’s shimmering, he can’t help but to touch and toy with your pubes when they’re taunting him like this. He can’t remember the last time he fucked a girl with a cute bush of hair like yours. It’s always fucking waxed and landing strips and of course he won’t complain, but seeing your intimate form in all of it’s glory like this… you’re perfect. You’re fucking holy.
He pushes a single finger hastily into your wet hole. You almost fall forward; you cry out from the feeling of being stretched for the very first time.
“Never shave this fucking pussy, yeah? Leave it like this f’me.”
You don’t reply, mind spiralling from the feeling of pain and pleasure as he burrows his finger in deeper and begins to curl it when he feels that perfect little spongy spot buried deep. Your cheeks are stained with glittering tears, the overbearing living room light not offering you any courtesy in that regard. Your tear-stricken face will be exposed to him, eventually.
Will he care?
Will he show concern?
Will he be sympathetic since he is the cause?
It appears not. He holds no consideration as he pummels a second finger inside of your gummy interior. He scissors them again and again and again until you’re practically screaming. It feels worse when he pushes against the spot. That spot that blinds your fucking vision.
“A-Ah. Aaah—!” you sob, scream, anything your body can physically project in your current state. It almost feels like an out of body experience. “Ouch! Ow, R-Ryusei. Hurts! Hurtin’ me—!” you explain. He wraps an arm around your midsection, fingers still cosy deep inside. He pulls you back, your spine flush against his chest. His hand moves from your stomach to your mouth, silencing your cries and whimpers as his fingers carry on battering your g-spot.
“Shhh, it’ll feel good in a minute.” he informs you. “Rub your clit, baby, show me how you touch this virgin cunt.” your entire body becomes scalding in an instant, the lewd language and very notion that you masturbate filling you with unease. But without question, your fingers find the swelling nub between your pussy and begin to rub and rub.
He rests his forehead against your shoulder, smiling down as he hears painful cries turn to libertine moans. His smothering hand frees your airways, allowing you to send your mewling into the airspace freely. He squeezes his cock, hard, and begins to masturbate himself. A sticky, clacking sound filling the room. It’s mixing in with the sound of your squelching cunt.
Your eyes cross as he finds a perfect rhythm with you. You’re sure you look like a bona fide whore, but you can’t bring yourself to care. You’re balancing on the balls of your feet with your legs spread open wide, putting your cunt on full display. Your left hand digs into the leather arm rest beside you, the only form of balance you have.
You’re so fucking loud. He’s never heard anyone scream or moan as loudly in his life, though he’s one to talk. He’s on the verge of cumming after so much torment and he couldn’t be more vocal if he tried.
“D-Do you want all the neighbours to hear what a little slut you are? Want ‘em to tell your brother you got fucked stupid while he was gone?” he asks, it’s rhetorical, of course. He doesn’t care that you’re being loud. He just wants to torment you, tease you and build that unadulterated shame that you’ve had embedded in you your whole life. You are the product of repressed sexual urges. Would you have let a drug dealer strip you and play with your cunt if you weren’t so desperate and needing to be toyed with?
“’m gonna c-cum. Fuck, Ryusei! Cumming f-for you—!” you cry, your walls squeezing his fingers until they feel close to breaking. “Oh my god…” you sob. Your poor little virgin slot throbbing and pulsating around his thick heavy fingers and you continue to cum for what feels like a lifetime. His curling fingers dragging out the feeling for as long as humanly possible.
“Hah- haah- ah, fuck!” he finishes, white, gluey fluid shooting up your back. He fucks his fist until he drains every last drop from his swollen balls. He admires his work, smearing the remaining residue on your ass cheek and your skirt. He wonders if you’ll remember to wash it, God forbid your stupid brother find a cum stain on it.
He scrapes his cum onto his fingers and orders you to face him. He brings his sperm to your lips, expecting you to know what to do.
“Eat.” he says. You hesitate. He wants you to what? It’s a liquid, you can’t eat it. Does he want you to lick his fingers? Put them in your mouth? He’s sick of waiting, however, forcing them by your lips until the bitter taste coats your tongue. “Eat it.” he looks at you with venom in his stare.
You hold his hand sweetly with both of yours. He watches you as you suck his fingers, internally thinking how much better you are doing this than you are at sucking cock. He bears his teeth, the golden one glimmering in your eye once again as you continue to clean the cum from his digits.
“Thaaaat’s it, good girl. It’ll get the taste of weed out of your mouth.” he tells you. You finish sucking, releasing his fingers with a gentle pop before placing his hand back on your thigh.
He allows his fingers to lightly caress your skin. The pads carefully glide over you as you wrap your arms around his neck and kiss him for the final time during this encounter. But he wanted to fuck you, didn’t he? He wanted you to suck him off properly, too. He’ll let it go for today, but this certainly won’t be the one and only time you’ll bare it all for him.
You still owe him for the weed, after all.
He thinks he might set up a depraved little payment plan for you.
© 2023 rinitxshi
#ryusei shido x reader#ryusei shidou x reader#ryuusei shidou x reader#shido ryusei x reader#shidou ryusei x reader#shidou ryuusei x reader#shido ryuusei x reader#shido x reader#blue lock x reader#bllk x reader#shidou smut#ryusei shidou smut#shidou ryusei#ryusei shidou#blue lock smut#bllk smut#shidou x you#ryusei x reader#blue lock#bllk#shidou ryuusei smut#shido ryusei smut#shidou ryusei smut#shidou bllk#ryusei shidou bllk#shidou bluelock#tw dubcon#tw drug use#tw dumbification#tw dacryphilia
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𖦹°。⋆ nishinoya as a best friend
⟡ cw: fluff, friends to lovers, growing up together, tiny angst, lmk if i miss anything
⟡ a/n: this could have been better but im just getting back into these so forgive me tee hee but omg karasuno is gonna be a doozey
⟡ best friend series: tanaka, asahi, daichi, suga, yamaguchi, tsukishima, kageyama, hinata || masterlist
best friend nishinoya who you met in middle school during your first year after you shyly went to congratulate him for receiving an award for being a good libero (you really just wanted an opportunity to talk to him because you thought he was cool)
best friend nishinoya who you got closer to when he stumbled over is own foot trying to hug you for talking to him because he immediately thought you were cute.
best friend nishinoya who introduced you to his grandpa after a while and was embarrassed when he started telling you stories from when he was a baby.
best friend nishinoya who convinced you to go to karasuno with him so he wouldn't be lonely (he really just wanted to see you in the 'cute' uniform).
best friend nishinoya who told you about his cool new friends who were in your grade and introduced you to them at lunch and the proceeded to gush over kiyoko with tanaka, they showed you a picture of her and you got a girl crush real fast.
best friend nishinoya who in the second half of the year of was more excited for volleyball than the previous year because he had cool teammates and practically idolized one of the second years, asahi.
best friend nishinoya who stormed into your house after a match with date tech for a reason you didn't know about as you were unable to attend the game like usual.
best friend nishinoya who got more distant from not only you, but from everyone else for some odd reason so you decided to ask his teammates and they all avoided telling you because they were scared of stirring the pot.
best friend nishinoya who shocked you when he got suspended out of the blue after breaking a vase which totally wasn't like him.
best friend nishinoya who you checked on every day during his suspension and even after when he didn't come back to school the next year.
best friend nishinoya who you became a temporary team manager for since you were worried about his temper for when he rejoined the rest of the team.
best friend nishinoya who begged you to stay as manager even after yachi was introduced but learned to accept that this scene wasn't for you and that you would still support him.
best friend nishinoya who was so much happier this year than the last which ultimately made you happier as well.
best friend nishinoya who snuck into your house with tanaka one weekend after you told him that you invited yachi and kiyoko over for a sleepover.
best friend nishinoya who banged at your door when you kicked him out (you gave him a 'i win' look because you get to spend time with THEE kiyoko outside of school).
best friend nishinoya who made you tell him all the gossip from the sleepover for the price of a dozen cupcakes.
best friend nishinoya who you slapped a million times for his bad grades even though you tutored him every friday.
best friend nishinoya who always kept you updated with team/volleyball news as if you didn't go to almost every single one of his practice matches and all his games. you swear "rolling thunder!" is forever stained into your ear drums
best friend nishinoya who had a smooth time with the rest of his second year and third year even though he didn't win nationals, he was just happy to have played with everyone.
best friend nishinoya who after high school decided to travel the world with asahi after you rejected the idea because you wanted to go to university and he respected that.
best friend nishinoya who started sending you cryptic postcards every now and then only containing one word each time but wouldn't tell you what it meant even though you guys called as often as you could.
best friend nishinoya who came back after a year and a half with a small book with postcards that looked exactly the same as the ones you had received with the same words but in a different order.
best friend nishinoya who finally told you that the words on the postcards had a secret message and that he sent them out of order because he did't want you catching on too quickly.
best friend nishinoya who read the post cards out loud while sitting next to you so you can see what each one said.
best friend nishinoya who read out "i have had feelings for you for the last six years but never knew how to tell you in person" and then continued to say that he loves you and that he wants to be your boyfriend.
best friend nishinoya who yelled "OH MY GOD I THOUGHT YOU WERE ACTUALLY IN LOVE WITH KIYOKO" when you said yes to being his girlfriend but then just gave you the biggest hug he could.
best friend nishinoya who is now boyfriend nishinoya who you only dated for a month before you decided to elope while visiting italy for your summer break.
#𖦹°。⋆ 𝓃𝒾𝓃𝒾#nishinoya yuu#nishinoya yuu x reader#nishinoya x reader#nishinoya yuu fluff#nishinoya x reader fluff#noya x reader#noya x reader fluff#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu fluff#haikyuu x reader fluff
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