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#no one i know doesnt work or doesnt go to school but me i just feel like im alone in the universe again snd wasting my life
twisted-king · 3 days
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OOOO IDEA, how about the OB boys with a s/o who has an ESA (Emotional Support Animal) that they somehow convinced Crowley to allow them to have (because they literally need the animal). And the esa comforting them after their OB 🥺
Literally kissing you on the forehead rn.
Sorry about the exlusion of Jamil, idia and Malleus.
No ideas about Jamil, not sure how Idias would fit in... and Mal mal isnt finished
This is angstier than I thought it would be <3
TW: Panic attacks (Isolating + silent types), narcolepsy
Feel free to correct me if i got a certain experience wrong, I am a studying Psychology major so it would help me with my understanding of anything!
Remeber: ESAs and Service animals are different!
Overblot gang with an S/O with an ESA
First things first:
Lets say you're in second year, so you're dating the OB boys before the OB.
Going to keep the particular support need vauge, but it is panic related, reader is sensitive to loud noises and textures feeling wrong.
You 100% convinced crowley to let your ESA to stay with you because:
he is sooooo kind
you wouldn't let a poor defenseless panic-prone human in an ALL MAGIC BOYS SCHOOL alone would you????
Now with that out of the way:
Riddle Rosehearts
Animal: British Shorthair (cat)
I'm gonna call this cat Queenie
Riddle's Overblot wasn't really something you were ready for in any capacity.
Your usually kept together boyfriend was suddenly some... angry, monsterous thing.
This wasnt the Riddle that got you high quality noise cancelling headphones for unbirthday parties, the same Riddle who you spent so much time learning and growing with. Your dutiful boyfriend who was learning how harsh his punishments were with you...
That Riddle wasnt here right now.
Queenie circles you, nuzzling into your legs.
But its too late, you've shut down. Its hard to move, your heart feels like it doesnt have a beat but the hurt of an ever beating heart remains present.
Your breathing quickens, your knees buckle in from under you.
the dull thud of of your body hitting the slightly overgrown grass of heartslabyul is the last thing you hear as you slowly drown further into your panic.
Riddle, on the other hand, Just came to from his OB, staring at his dormmates worried and horrified faces. He feels weak, he knows what just happened, and he feels HORRIBLE....Oh god.
Are YOU okay??? where are you? Where is his S/O
That's when he spots you, your tear striken face, Queenie laying on top oof your chest, your hands shakily petting her back in sporadic, unrythmic strokes as her face snuggles further into your chest.
What has he done?
Riddle feels awful.
He promised to never be the cause of any panic for you. He wanted to be a safe space for you.
But his need for order seems to have taken over and ruined yet another important relationship in his life.
Despite his fatigue, he hesitantly appraches, keeping about 2 meters away from you. He knows you don't want anyone too close by right now.
When you show signs of calming down, He's there, silently and patiently sitting across from you.
"Do... do you want to talk about it..?"
You respond with a shake of your head.
He nods, you two remain in silence. One preparing for a potentially life-changing talk, the other rocking about as they cradle their cat
Leona Kingscholar
Animal: Corn Snake
His name is Zazu (shhhh)
Leona liked things quiet, and calm.
Thats what made you two work, at least according to him.
But, you knew and Malleus and Magift was a sore subject for him, you were kind of ready for his yearly temper, it caught you off gaurd last year, but this year you felt like you could really stand by his side!
Besides, a year in this hectic world with Zazu really helped stabilize your mood!
Until it wasn't.
A roaring stampede instead of a crowed, screams of terror instead of cheer, and your boyfriend, slowly turning your friend, Ruggie, into sand.
It was too much, too many shoves, too much noise, your friend almost died
You hold Zazu's little head gently, the soft, smooth texture of his scales your only vice as you duck under the bleachers of the magift stadium.
It's there and only there, all alone with your snake that you're able to break down and cry.
Leona groaned as he came to, he knew this was a stupid plan and a stupid decision. He could have just trained everyone properly, spend some actual time with you. He could have- Wait... where were you?
Despite his drained energy, he needed to know where you were. He put a hand up, stopping the chatter of his former victims, attemping to listen in for any sign of you.
He hears the soft mumbling of your attempts to talk to yourself
"Can't even trust em enough to tell me, I knew i should have stayed at home, this is why no one will accept yo-" hisssss
Okay, he had to do something
He rushes across the nearly empty stadium, suprising everyone (Except Ruggie maybe, he's kind of used to Leona)
"Herbivore?!" he stands outside the stands you're under
"I don't... I don't want to see you right now... I don't want you to see me."
"Babe- I... alright. Can I be with you right now?" "no." "I'm coming in anyway."
and he does.
He enters the darker space to find you huddled ong the ground, gripping onto your sleeve with one hand, the other coiled but zazu, who seems to lay still across your shoulders.
"I'll just be here." "Why?" you mumble "For you." he states
That makes you chuckle "You sap.."
Hisss <3
Azul Ashengrotto
Animal: Mop dog
Mop dog named Max...uh... Maxie
Okay so, unfortunately Azul did NOT like Maxie at first
But he got used to him because you two are a package deal
You knew Azul had insecurities, and his own...moments
You and Azul had a comfortable routine, you and him are both realtively particular, he needs a level of order in his life, and his comfort zone is very well kept. So you two kind of fell into a step.
Despite your realtive bliss spending most days in his office or the backrooms of the Lounge. You knew his business was his passion.
You also knew he tended to get a bit... ambitious.
You and Maxie knew to stay away during midterms, it was bound to get chaotic. And Azul gets kind of... gift-bomby around this time... it isn't the most comfortable.
Things typically died down a few days after midterms, so you decided to visit your boyfriend.
On the complete wrong day.
You took Maxie with you, ready to greet Azul after his busier week but instead you find...
Leona? with a pile of sand around him by Azul's vault... Oh no.
Maxie softly appraches a sullen Azul and nudges his leg with his paw.
Something seemed to snap because all of a sudden the sneaky yet loving Azul Ashengrotto you knew was... huge eight tentacles and crazed.
He shoves Maxie away, sending him to the ground (mind you, he's a pretty big dog)
He shoved your dog.
He's stealing things, he's refusing to be "worthless" "weak" "stupid and clumsy"
Everything you've always secretly felt you were... oh no...
Maxie rushes toward you.
You slowly place yourself on the ground.
You've fainted.
Azul comes to, he sees Ace, Deuce, the Prefect... Leona... and you? when did you get here? on the ground... Maxie gaurding your sleeping form.
He... overblotted.
How could he be so stupid?? everything seemed to be in pla e did he not count something or- WHY ARE YOU HERE?
Azul approaches you and Maxie, he dismisses the prefect and gang, solely focused on you.
Maxie opts to lie on top of you, promptly waking you up
"oof... what... what happended"
"I'm... so sorry" "Oh. right."
Maxie greets you with kisses, happily nudgeing your cheek accompanied by his happy barks. You sratch his head "I'm ok... down boy."
Azul apologetically stares at you, hesitant to say more.
You look up to him, sighing against Maxie. Your eyes narrowed "I thought we agreed." "I know I just... I can't help it." "Therapy." "I'll apply tomorrow afternoon, I promise."
Vil Schoenheit
Animal: Poodle
Her name is Georgette
Vil and Georgette get along realtively well. She doesn't shed, you keep her well groomed, and you're usually more on task with her around.
You like to joke that Vil reminds you of Georgette. He claims he is much more refined than your dog. She doesn't seem to like it much either.
He likes taking you out to set with him. He trusts you to behave and know's you feel safe both around him and whenever Georgette is around, he respects that.
Vil pets Georgette like an evil mastermind sometimes? So maybe that should have been a warning sign.
The VDC was fast approaching, Vil is under a lot of stress; he's been a harsh coach, his popularity stays at the same place consistently, he's FINALLY given the opportunity to beat Neige "once and for all"
VDC happens, you're helping the Prefect overlook how things are running. Overlooking the practices.
Vil does absoltely beautifully! and for once, Georgette agrees.
Neige does this old nursery song, and you're more than confident Vil will win.
You leave the prefect to handle the rest while you head to the stalls to buy a drink for Vil.
He deserves a treat after all <3
When you come back, everything seems fine but, the stadium is empty though...
And suddenly everything is falling around you
You take Georgette and quickly duck behind one of the seats.
Vil's distorted voice echoes throughout the stadium, you cannot quite see him but you see the giant MONSTER lurking behaind him.
When he comes to..
Vil is downright ashamed. He knows trying to poison someone is wrong. He knows he doesn't get to decide whether or not someone lives... Especially not for a glorified popularity contest.
And that's when he spots Georgette's thankfully obnoxiously large bow peeking out from behind one of the seats.
That is when he knows he has to check in on you. You are never far from Georgette.
"Darling? Meine Geliebte, are you alright.." You're huddled with your poodle. Rubble is strewn about around you. Your eyes remain shut as you mutter to yourself.
"It's ok, it's fine. you're safe. I-it's okay.." Georgette's fur is soft, you continue to trace little patterns into her well groomed coat.
Vil sighs to himself, relived you're at least ok, but he's worried. You have Georgette for a reason, and he knows just how much progress you've made to gain the confidence to live your daily life and he may have just destroyed that.
He remains by your side
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[<==PREV PAGES] [NEXT PAGE==>(not out yet.wait a year.or maybe more.imagine.]
saw alot of comments on prev pages; saying 'i HATE that mean teacher! im gonna FIGHT HIM!!' & i LOVE the energy!! it WOULD be nice. to have that catharsis. but the story of young tidestrider is Not one of catharsis. it is a story of being so small and so special and sucking so bad.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi riptide#gillion tidestrider#GONNA START FORMATTING MY COMICS BETTER. W THE PROPER 'PREV' 'NEXT' LINKS#REALLY DIDNT EXPECT TO CONTINUE THIS SERIES BUT AAAUUUHH MY BRRAAAIN MY BRAIN IS SO IDEASSS. I HAVE 3 OTHER PAGES SKETCHED OUT#NO PROMISES ILL FINISH EM ANY TIME SOON OR EVER. MY WHIMS ARE THEIR OWN BEAST AND I ONLY DRAW ON MY WHIMS#THAT BEING SAID IF U COMMISSIONED ME ILL GEEETT TO YOUUU IM SORRYYYY. ART IS AN EMOTIONAL RELEASE FOR ME N BABY I HAVE EMOTIONS.#ESPECIALLY ABOUT GILLION TIDESTRIDER CHAMPION OF THE UNDERSEA HERO OF THE DEEP.for the desc here i put smth that i typed up in the tags of#another thing i made. i gotta make a proper Baby Gillion tag or smth. eventually.. eventually...I LOVE DRAWIN THIS LIL BABY GUY..#i also LOVE depicting the teachers as just being so fuckin mean. ofc theres variation in that. just like in all things.like the teacher her#idk if itll be mentioned but the octo lady is named Ms Octburn.an octopus pun based off the name of an actual councilor i had#when i was in elementary school i got bullied alot but teachers never did anything. i hated adults and didnt trust them.#but this councilor o mine was so genuinely sweet. i remember spending alot of time w her. she doesnt work there anymore.#but that one school adult that actually earns ur trust and is there for you when they can be.its SO important for a child i think#i hope she knows how much she helped me.youll see in the next page that ms octburn isnt perfect either.but she tries. they all try.somehow.#ALL these comics are gonna be inspired by somesorta experience o mine in the school system. school is so fucked up u ever thing abt that#AND GILLIOOOOONNN IN THE MOST FUCKED UP LITTLE SCHOOL OF ALL. MAINTAINED BY A CULT. CENTERED AROUND HIM. OUR CHOSEN ONE#I IMAGINE ALOT BANKS ON HIS SUCCESS. THIS IS THE WORLD. THE WHOLE WORLD. THE PROPHECY IS GOING TO COME TRUE N UR TELLIN ME#THAT ITS THIS LITTLE IDIOT THATS GONNA BE SAVING US? WHAT IF HE FAILS. IF HE CANT GET THIS RIGHT THEN HE WILL FAIL AND WE WILL DIE#WE NEED TO TRAIN HIM. WE NEED HIM TO LEARN. AND TO SUCCEED. OR ELSE WE'RE DEAD. WE'RE ALL FUCKING DEAD. I IMAGINE THAT MUST BE STRESSFUL#in other news i hope ppl actually giggle when they read these. they ARE intended to be comical. dark humor or whatever. like its also sad#this is intended to be a sad comic series. but a funny one too. does that make sense? god i hope so.saw some1 say they had flashbacks-#-reading this. like YES!! THE INTENDED EFFECT!! YOU GET ME!! i love seeing ppl get upset on this lil baby boys behalf. i LOVE seeing ppl-#-wail n weep n cry in the comments. i LOOOVE seeing ppl RELATE to baby gillion. and i love letting u all know that this wont be a happycomi#gillion gets his happiness arc in the actual show. this series is one of unfortunate events. teehehehe. do u guys remember that show#i keep listening to the lil songs from A Series of Unfortunate Events for inspiration. GOOD STUFF!!#anyway uuhh uhh thats all i got in my brain. for now. feed me ur comments give me ur input i NNEEEEEDD THHEEEMMMM
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vitamin-zeeth · 4 months
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experiencing fhjy while currently being in the equivalent of junior year is so. Yeah that's what it's like that's how school treats you that's how I'm feeling RIGHT NOW. I love how perfectly accurate it is and I also hate it so much because they don't deserve to go through this shit
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godsfavoritescientist · 10 months
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Building off of what I wrote in my fic "Sparks," I'm really compelled by the idea of Ford genuinely no longer being interested in sailing around in a boat with Stan by the time they were seniors in high school.
I like the idea of it not being just a symptom of the resentment that had been building between them, nor it being a dream of Ford's that only paled in comparison to west coast tech, but it being a genuine loss of interest on Ford's end. I think it complicates things even further in some really juicy ways.
Like, imagine going through high school slowly losing more and more interest in the dream you've shared with your twin and only friend ever since you were little kids. How do you break it to him? How do you explain it to him without making it sound like a rejection of him? Without it making him hate you?
How do you explain it without it feeling like a spit in the face to all the hard work he's put into a plan that started out as a way of him comforting you by telling you "it doesn't matter what people say about you, you're going to be an adventurer who sails away into the sunset and never has to hear their mockery ever again, and there will be babes and treasure and heroism, and then they'll all see how cool you really are!"
And all through high school you think to yourself, "he's going to move on to more realistic dreams any day now, and then I won't have to say anything about it!" But no matter how many times you mention something else he could do with his life that he seems interested in, or bring up the challenging logistics of traveling around long-term in a boat, he sounds just as committed to the childhood dream as ever, and completely oblivious to how apprehensive you sound.
So resentment grows, little by little. Because that's easier than confronting the soul-crushing levels of guilt that are building up inside of you, every time you don't take an opportunity to tell him you don't want to do the plan anymore. You don't have a single person in your life who modeled how to have difficult conversations for you. As far as you know, having this conversation with Stan would crush him into tiny little pieces and then he would hate you forever, and you can't stand the idea of losing the only friend you've ever had.
So tensions grow. A lack of interest turns into a bitter resentment that, if you were really being honest with yourself, is directed more at yourself than it is at Stan.
And then the falling-out happens, and it seems like you were proven right. Stan hates you now, and he's never going to forgive you for giving up on his dream. But two can play that game, so you try to hate him too. Because if you hate him too, then maybe it won't hurt as much that he never came back. That he never even turned up at school, or by the boat, or in through your bedroom window in the middle of the night. He knows what dad's like, and how he says impulsive exaggerated things when he's angry, and haven't you both dealt with his harsh words countless times before and been able to dust yourselves off and joke about it later? So why isn't he back at home, joking with you about how absurd your dad acted that night, being impossible and belligerent about ruining your dream, but at least now you're even, because you've ruined his dream too.
-
And now imagine you find out he risked the lives of everyone in existence to bring you back, right after you had accepted your fate was to die killing Bill. It would be terrifying and confusing and infuriating. If he cared so much, why didn't he do something to reconnect with you sooner? Why did he ignore you in favor of trying to make it big without you? Why didn't he take the infinitely safer and simpler action of reaching out to you without you having to track down his address and send a desperate plea for help? You were convinced that he didn't care enough to bother with you unless you had an important enough reason for him to come. But even then, he thought your plans were stupid. He didn't want anything to do with you, not even with the world at stake.
Did he save your life out of guilt? Does he pity you that much? It doesn't add up with what he did in the decade leading up to shoving you into the portal. And the dissonance between the version of him in your head that hates you, and the man who held out his arms to welcome you back to your home dimension, is so strong that you feel like you're being lied to again, like you're back in the depths of gaslighting and manipulation that Bill put you through, even though there's no way that's what Stan is trying to do... right? You can't figure it out, so you run away from it. You don't want to know the answer to whether or not Stan hates you, because you don't know which answer would hurt more, so you try to make him hate you more than ever, because at least then you would know for sure how he feels.
And in the end, after he sacrifices his memories for you, and for the world, things seem clearer. The layers upon layers of confusion and anger and hurt seem to have washed away like drawings in the sand, leaving behind the simple truth: that you two had an argument, and didn't move past it for forty years, and despite everything you put each other through, you both still want to re-connect.
So you sail away in a boat together.
And at first, it's wonderful. It's exactly what you want. It feels like an apology to Stan, and a thank-you for saving the world, and a once-in-a-lifetime chance to heal the rift between you two, and it's good to be back on earth, and you wonder why you ever doubted the dream you two once had.
But then, after the first long journey you spend on the sea together, when you get back home to dry land, Stan is already talking about planning your next adventure out on the open sea. He recaps every adventure you had on the first trip, over and over again, and he wants to chat with you all through the morning and long into the night, and you don't have the words to explain to yourself that you don't have enough social battery for this, and suddenly you're slipping back into the horrifyingly familiar feeling of Stan being overbearing and needing space from him and how could you think that? How could you think that about him after everything he's done for you and everything he's forgiven you for? But the longer this goes on, the more you realize that you still don't want to spend the rest of your life sailing around with Stan. It's great fun in moderation, but the idea of your whole life revolving around Stan and going on adventures with Stan and being in a boat with Stan with no time to be by yourself thinking about your own things and figuring out your own dreams makes your skin crawl with a claustrophobic kind of panic that you still don't know how to put into words forty years after the first time this feeling grabbed you by the throat and ruined your friendship with Stanley.
But the first time this happened, it nearly ruined his life forever. You can't let yourself feel this. You don't feel this. You're happy to spend the rest of your life fulfilling Stan's lifelong dream, and making up for the time you crushed his dream, and sure, maybe he crushed your dream once too, and maybe it would be nice for him to support your dreams like you're now doing for him, but you can't say that. He saved the universe, and it would be horrible and ungrateful and cruel for you to try to voice these feelings, especially when you don't know how to voice your feelings without it making other people feel like you twisted a knife into their gut. So you try to pretend the feeling isn't there.
You go out on a boat with Stan again. You planned out another incredible journey together, and this should be fun, and you should be happy about this, but the unspoken feeling you shoved as far down in yourself as it could possibly go is eating you alive. The worst part? Stan is starting to notice. You have never been good at hiding your emotions. The trick to it has always been to convince yourself you don't feel it at all, and not think about it, and that has always worked like a charm. But whenever the emotion claws its way back up to the forefront of your mind, you can tell Stan knows something is wrong. So you can't even give him the happy ending he deserves. You can't even convince him that you want to be here on the open seas forever with him, like he deserves. And you keep trying and trying to hide it, but Stan keeps asking in roundabout ways, like "You're being awfully quiet, sixer," and "whats that look on your face?" and eventually it comes exploding out of you like a shaken-up soda bottle dropped on its cap.
And then it's like you're back at home in New Jersey again, standing in the living room while dad grabs Stanley by the shirt. It all comes pouring out of you, in the worst possible way, with the worst possible phrasing, like a pandora's box of monstrousness, and Stan tries to fight back against the sting of your words, but you're made out of acid and you're burning through him and you can see it on his face, and there's never any coming back from this, not this time, you'll just have to either jump into the ocean or become a monster forever, so Stan can hate you more easily again, and-
-and at the end of the outburst, you're still on a boat in the middle of nowhere in the ocean with your brother, in dangerous waters, and you have things to do to keep the boat running smoothly.
You can't run away from him. He can't run away from you. You're stuck here for at least a couple more weeks, even if you turned around and sailed back towards shore right away.
-
And the thing that compels me so much here, despite how unbelievably angsty it all is, is that it sets up a situation wherein the Stans might end up forced to actually address the decades of resentment and confusion and wanting-to-reconnect-throughout-it-all that they thought they could gloss over and heal with enough time spent adventuring together on a boat. They might end up forced to actually address the crux of the issue that drove them apart in the first place: Ford wanting a little more space to feel like his own person, and to feel like he's able to have his own dreams, too.
It wouldn't happen easily, nor right away, but if they were stuck together on a little boat in the middle of nowhere surrounded by magical creatures they have to protect each other from in order to make it back home alive, then after they had one fight where they brought up all the things they silently agreed to never bring up again, it would probably happen many more times, and each time it would leave them both angrier at each other than ever, until eventually something honest slipped through amidst all the saying-anything-except-what-they-mean bickering. And once enough of these honest moments slipped through, then they would have a thread to tug on to start to unravel the gargantuan knot of their decades of unresolved conflicts.
And then, eventually, maybe Stan could learn that he can have a good friendship with his brother without needing to be glued to him at the hip, and Ford needing a certain amount of alone time doesn't mean he dislikes him or wants to abandon him, and Ford could learn that he can be honest and have a meaningful connection with someone without it driving them away and making them hate him.
#succumbed to the stan twins angst visions and wrote 2000 words about this#ford pines#ford meta#this turned into a character analysis that almost reads like a fic#godswriting#<- i need to change my writing tag to this#something bothers me a little bit about the solution to their conflict being 'ford appreciates stan more now so he is now fine with-#-boat adventures with stan'. to me it leaves the initial conflict of 'he doesnt want to do that anymore' unresolved#obviously you could easily argue that ford never stopped wanting to go on boat adventures with stan and he just couldnt justify it to-#-himself when compared to the opportunity at west coast tech. but that has one less layer of conflict#compared to the possibility that he truly was not interested in boat adventures anymore. ESPECIALLY if its a manifestation of him#feeling suffocated by the whole dynamic-twins-duo thing#its normal to start wanting a little bit more space especially at that age. to want to have space to figure out who you are#the healthy thing would have been them talking about it and figuring out a compromise. like 'when ford needs space he can spend a few hours#-alone without stan being worried the whole time that it means ford hates him' and 'we still spend x amount of time working on the boat and#-we still chat on the way to and from school every day and hang out at the beach on weekends'#like of fucking course it was never about hating stan or about wanting to get away from him because of who he is as a person!#he literally just wanted to have a little bit of breathing room to be his own separate person. he just didn't know how to put it into words#I really think the crux of it all was them not knowing how to navigate that balance between independence and identity while staying close#so ford misattributing/reducing that feeling to 'I dont have the exact same dream as stan anymore. why does he still have that dream. oh no#feels like a good way of giving that conflict a tangible aspect to it thats easy for the stans to point at and talk about as a way of-#-alluding to the REAL core of the conflict between them.#and of course the show never says 'they sail around the world for the rest of their lives 24/7' so it's not like it Actually Conflicts with#-my interpretation of the conflict and how it should be resolved. but since its the last thing we see happen between them when theyre given#their happy ending. I feel compelled to say 'hey I know them living in the shack together and traveling in a boat every single year sounds-#-really fun and like a satisfying ending but I think they should have a Little Bit more space from eachother than that. Hanging out almost-#-daily but not literally being in the same house and same boat for the rest of their lives. bc if stan was ok with ford asking for that-#-little bit of space and if ford didnt panic and isolate himself from everyone whenever he needs like one hour of alone time? that would-#-feel like a big piece of the puzzle fitting into place for their conflict resolution and growth as characters. to me#and I think they deserve to have all the tied-up-loose-ends and resolved-conflicts and character-growth in the world.
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lucalicatteart · 5 months
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A few little sketches of some possible school uniforms for mage schools/learning centers for magic/etc. :0c Though because Nanyevimi is so scattered and disconnected, it'd actually vary much more by region (like not everywhere would have a cultural concept of what a suit jacket or neck tie looks like lol), so it's probably unrealistic for so many of them to follow too many traditional Uniform Conventions from cultures in our world, etc. But, still, fun to mess around with designs, and think about which would be most fun to wear/what school you'd go to just based off the clothing lol~
#I haven't felt well enough to do anything actually productive lately GRRRR.. evil health issues....#but I can sometimes at least draw while I lay on the floor with a heating pad and etc. lol.. so...#goofy little sketches. Still dislike that the ipad thing someone gave me is either like.. maybe the settings are just off OR possibly the#screen is slightly broken in some regard - so the pressure sensitivity does not work at all. thus all lines are blunt looking#instead of having tapered edges. which I KNOW can be a stylistic thing. like I think it's fine mostly#but sometimes shading looks weird for all of the lines to be the exact same size/width with like no variation lol#though since it's just little sketches it doesnt matter lol but still... hrmm... ever working out my strategy for how to use the ipad for a#art things/if I can ever get used to it/etc.#AAANYWAY... still so uniform obsessed.. and have been since I was a child. Like way before going to middle school and meeting#the people who like anime and get into school uniforms of that variety. I mean like... age 7 before even having any friends#and having zero popular media interests or outside influences that would make uniforms Trendy. but I would see like a 'private school#uniform' on a new story on tv or something or in a book and was just like OUGH... I Should Dress That Way#I used to go to thrift stores and find multiple seperate pieces that could be combined together to look like a school uniform#I had like 4 or 5 different 'uniforms' that I made myself in that way. My first outfit that I was ever allowed#to pick out for myself as my big First Day Of Middle School outfit was literally like school uniform inspired#(maybe mixed with a little goth.. like it was a school uniform sort of look but black and white with fishnet armwarmers lol.. plaid +#stripes pattern mixing my beloved... )#I think it's just the same way that I love apartment buildings because I'm infinitely fascinated with like.. observing human nature and peo#le displaying their psersonalities in little ways and how you can give 10 people the same exact identical space but each one will decorate#it completely differently just depending on their own tastes and reasonnig and etc. I love the idea of everyone in some setting#having to be in one specific set outfit BUT you can tell something about them by the little ways they customize it or what type#of accessories they wear or if they choose to button their shirt fully or not or etc. etc. I like the constraints of 'okay everyone has to#be in exactly the same uniform - NOW. give them their own unique style somehow despite this' etc. etc. like#yaaaayyyy.. I love thinking of little obscure details that convey personality. they have a little pin hidden on the inside of their#hat. their shoes are just like everyone else's but more worn out. they have a necklace barely visible beneath their collar. their tie is#always a little more askew that everyone elses. or even. the uniform is EXACTLY on model entirely clean crisp pristine not a single element#customized or out of place - which STILL tells you something about them. etc. etc.#ANYWAY.. yeahg.. struggling to get anything done these last few weeks so.. blam. poof. alakazaam. scratchy little sketches#of nothing very productive or relating to any other project in particular be upon ye
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hella1975 · 8 months
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the closest ill ever get to being a pick me girl is the joy that fills me when the chefs at work so clearly favouritise me. like im there nicely cleaned up in my smart-casual uniform just a 20 year old waitress smiling my customer service smile and behind me spawns Scary Dog Privilege 10x in the form of several burly middle-aged chefs at least three of which have criminal records and would all stick a bread knife in someone for bothering me
#like it's really funny bc i worked HARD with back of house bc i knew my job would be significantly easier if they liked me#(it speeds your orders through. you can ask for things without being told to fuck off during a rush. they'll get you food on shift etc)#and also there's a stereotype especially in fancier places where floor staff look down on kitchen staff and i think that's shitty#so i was always going to be try with them and be nice but ALSO when i first started my job it was in a peak era so while these days#we're struggling a lot and have had to employ a lot of college kids that dont know what they're doing#when i joined it was all private school girls that would swan about the place very snootily. so the divide between front and back of hosue#was INTENSE when i joined. and there i was a little state school girlie and the chefs immediately recognised that#and took me under their wing. so even though the class angle doesnt exist so much anymore and theres majority state schoolers#im still very much in with the chefs in a way not many of the other floor staff are. and there's also the fact im not scared of them#like chefs ARE rude and a lot of them DONT like or even respect floor staff but i will GLADLY tell them to fuck off if i think it necessary#and that's a language they understand like ironically there's one chef that doesnt get on with ANY of the waitresses#(i talked about him on another post he's the soup one) but he likes me bc when he tried that rude dismissive act i told him to shove it#and now the other waitresses literally SEND ME TO TALK TO HIM when they have questions/want something bc they know he'll listen to me#and me and the head chef are besties and the one kp will talk OVER THE OTHER WAITRESSES' heads and completely blank them#so she can talk to me and it's all just really funny bc the kitchen staff LOVE me and that's not even me being arrogant#it's like a known thing at work that they love me and im just. a 20 year old 5'2 waitress with my little pearl necklace and blouse#and some tattooed ginger mohawked 6ft chef is there getting angry for me when i come in complaining about a table#or the kp that is literally on probation will give me a sticky toffee pudding and tell everyone to leave me the fuck alone LMAO#hella slaves to capitalism
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todayisafridaynight · 1 month
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no cuz fr the most unexplainable thing would be how they didn’t reunite sooner like,,, Mine could have been staying away because he wansnt good enough for daigo (in his mind) but still i don’t think he’d stay THAT far away 💀 at most bro is down the street at any given time 😭
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reviews are in for Mine Isn't Dead Actually But He Is Emo So
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bangcakes · 5 months
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#personal#ok whatever. ive decided to go all in. like what?? am i just gonna sit around hoping he'll message me???#someone has to make a move and CLEARLY it has to be me NDNNDJDJDJDJDJDJSJ#tho to be fair its like. holidays JJDJDJDJDJD#i also dont know if ive mentioned this detail. but im 2 years older. so idk if That also plays a factor.#like maybe thats intimidating. idk#i just !!!! dont want this chance to pass by. so im gonna like.... Make Moves even if !!!!! it means that he'll know i like him#like ...... ok assuming he doesnt already know NDJJDJDJDJD#im sure i get GooGoo eyes u know#but n e way...... literally i have nothing to lose#like i have more to lose if i do nothing JDJJDJDJDJDJND#hhhhh god. ive been thinking about this for days. weeks even maybe. hhhhhhhhhhhh.....#but also like i think itll just be good to hang iut as friends for a bit bc like ik him in a school setting and ive hung out with him#(along with others) outside of school twice#but like... ya idk id like to know him better b4 im like YA UR THE ONE.#tho like im already thinking he is NDJJDJDJFJFJ. god............ it could just be a culmination of different things making me think that#and like i think ppl can have multiple 'the ones' or whatever#and like idk b4 him i was actually settled on being single LMAO. so like my options are pretty stacked already#like ok 1. him. and 2. me. i mean......... thats 10/10....#i'll be heartbroken if he doesnt feel the same or we dont work out but..... i mean.... whatever JDJXJXJDJZMZM#i was fine b4 i met him and i'll be fine after........
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pepprs · 6 months
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my depression is getting really really bad. like it’s been bad before but this is like… consistently really bad. like a long unending stretch for several weeks (and tbh months) now. to the point where no inoculation actually sticks (and im isolating myself from most of my inoculations anyway and feel unable to stop doing it even though i know it’s self destructive). im either helplessly unbearably miserable or numbing out on video games. i just don’t feel like it’s going to get better for me and i KNOW that is factually untrue but the feeling is louder than the knowledge and it’s just utterly immobilizing. ive been sinking in quicksand for 2 years.
#purrs#longer than that too ofc but i think ever since i moved to campus in 2021 and shit started hitting the fan my life just started snowballing#and picked up speed majorly when i moved back home and ive been stuck in this horrible limbo ever since. like im scaring myself with how#deeply profoundly unhappy and unwell i am. i am just detached and scattered and bewildered by everything. and the only way to break free is#to fight it but i don’t even have the strength. like in order to fight it i have to have the strength and it s exactly the thing that is#being stolen from me. and i work really really hard to suppress it when im around people so no one can tell but on the inside im being eaten#alive and every day that goes on the pain gets harder to bear except im numb most of the time so i can’t tell except for when i can#one of the things that makes me saddest is ive pushed everyone away either by ghosting them or scaring them. when what i want and need the#most is love and comfort. but then when i get it it isn’t enough. idk. im not explaining it well i just feel like. horrible. unbearably#i think i need to go on meds like i truly cannot go on like this not even in a s*i cidal way it’s like i just can’t take living like this#delete later#i know im causing the people who love me pain by being unable to accept that they do love me and that’s the worst fucking part. is hurting#people by being like this. scaring people by being like this. and being so disconnected from myself#and feeling completely and utterly beyond help like nothing ive tried has fixed it but also there are a lot of things i haven’t tried but i#feel so terrible or my freedom is limited so i can’t. idk.#also the crushing knowledge / sense that i have lost the most precious important years of my life both bc of the lockdown and bc of mental#illness lol. except that’s not true bc of all the stuff abt how your best years are always ahead of you and you can make them. but it doesnt#feel like it for me and then i beat myself up bc my job is literally to exude that belief and help other ppl feel it and i increasingly cant#i remember in high school having the thought that one day i could be depressed and being conscious that i wasn’t and now i look back on that#and am like… how. and will i ever not be. i don’t think so. it just feels unending
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orcelito · 10 months
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Me painting my nails all black at almost 5 am when I have to be up by 10 to work at 11
Thinking to myself, "Ah. I really am not doing okay."
#speculation nation#negative/#i guess.#i keep wavering on whether im coping fine or not#im trying. trying to not linger too much. trying to just live my life and continue pursuing my interests#tricking myself that everything is okay. smiling and laughing and enjoying the little things#and then it's nearly 5 am and im remembering the time my uncle came into my bubble tea shop while i was working#a surprise visit. and i got to take his order & recommend him things. a nice little thing.#im remembering trips with him. him driving and me being a little wallflower. but my family expects this so it's okay#im remembering my birthday. this year. where i was free from school and so looking forward to the summer#and then like a week later i got the news that my uncle had cancer. and a week after that my cat died.#and i got through it. i worked on getting better. i was starting to get better. & then i got the call from my dad#that my uncle was in the hospital again. and a week and a half later he was dead.#and here i am now. nearly 3 weeks later. and what do i have to show for it?#with cassy i cried 14 times in one night. it felt like a stab in the chest. a horrible wound. one i still flinch from remembering.#with my uncle... i had time to prepare myself. i began grieving well before he died. so it wasnt such a horrible shock to my system#instead... it feels like ive been slowly bleeding out. a gaping wound that isnt closing no matter how much i desperately try to.#bc the fact of the matter is that this is family. my uncle. who ive known my entire life. & who i was pretty close to#at least compared to my aunts on my mom's side. ive always been closer to my family on my dad's side.#it's not going to go away so soon. i know this. and it doesnt help that ive been away from my family for so much of this.#the memorial is in a week. im hoping it will help to heal the wound. at least a little bit.#i hate living life feeling like i have a hole in my chest. i hate losing people i love.#animal death ment/#death/#regardless. my nails are black. and it's time to go to sleep.
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713-4th-ward-g · 6 months
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#now my aunt is in remission...#a lot is happening and i feel the loneliest I've felt since high school#I've only been getting worse since my family denied what i went through and sat there and told me i wasn't probably remembering it correctly#i know what it was like growing up even if it comes back to me in spurts..#but they really have started to make me doubt myself and its the worse cause they never apologized for the neglect and abuse#and they all took their side and acted like i was mistaken and said “ i never saw it happened do it didn't happen#and now i dont even talk to the only two friends i had cause i dont feel the same#if i don't text them first they never ever message me first or even check on me#and im always the one being there for them and listening to them and im just tired lf it all#i dont want a future anymore and im slowly losing my grip ive held on do tight even at my loneliest and now i feel like im losing#i was never anyone's best friend and everyone of the people ive called friends were always closer to someone else#ive only always had myself but im losing hope for the future and i just feel so extremely empty again#i just want to end this feeling and the weed isnt working anymore and working out doesnt work... i need God ive been so far away from him..#Im just slowly losing it more and more im tired of being the friend everyone goes to for advice and laughs or enjoyment#im tired of it so much#the only time i feel joy is the bliss i feel when i sleep and even that joy is never truly felt cause i constantly fight my sleep#i only sleep when my body forced it self to cause i can't naturally just go to sleep st s set time anymore..#im so tired of being people's escape or advice person I'm probably only saying this for the overwhelming feeling#of being a colossal failure and disappointment even so i still try snd try and fail some more#why don't i quit I just dont know why its just something in me that has some glimmer of self hope ive only tried to kms once and failed#maybe ima bit glad i failed but apart of me laughs cause i even failed at kms and find it ironic cause i fail at so many things#im so incapable of salvaging some semblance of normality or consistency#Mr.inconsistent that i am and have been but i refuse to let myself end that way i have to fight for something even in this haze of mine..#i just want to be better why cant i get better and stay good.. maybe it hurts more than i let on finally speaking of what happened#and for them to deny it may have really affected me a lot snd i am just now seeing it manifest it self now ...#i just gotta live with it and just TRY to do better every single day snd in every single situation snd action i take...
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toytulini · 4 days
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god that "morning people are an oppressive class" post annoys me in some way i cant. quite. ugh
#toy txt post#it doesnt feel quite right to me...........#maybe im just a Morning Person. lol. lmao even#idk how much that is true vs in high school i felt very much like a morning person bc#i was taking my adderall with coffee and then it would all wear off right at the end of the day and id crash soooo hard and have like.#anxiety attacks every night and just be generally overstimulated and irritable as hell#which is mostly managed now by me trying to be smarter about caffeine consumption (amount + when) and on a lower dose of adderall#but it does feel like a lot of that shit mentioned would be adequately covered by like. being able to take time off work to go to the#doctor etc. idk#im half joking these days when i ID as a morning person but legally none of you are allowed to get up my ass about it🔪#bc of the nocturnal bullshit i pulled on second shift for like 3yrs after everything around me decided to start closing early after the#pandemic hit even tho theyve re lifted every other miniscule precaution they ever enforced#probably bc no one wants to work night shift at the grocery store for like 12$ an hour. fucking offer better pay idiots#god even when i was a package handler working the super inconvenient hours of 3am-like. 9. 10am(inconvenient my ass that was ideal hours.)#the main reasons ppl left for other jobs: hours suck and they got offered better pay. they cant adjust the hours. so they shouldve#increased the pay to retain. and maybe have more structured start and end times that were less up in the air#like all the drivers leave at 9am so if theres anything left on the truck thatll be for tomorrow. since that fuckin happened anyway. idk.#honestly wouldve been more important to me to have consistent start times cos thats one of the things that pissed me off about that job was#like youd go in and before you left youd have to ask what the start time would be tomorrow cos they kept jumping all over the place by like#15min increments and like its once thing to do it on occasion to try to deal with like Bad Weather but it was like fucking Daily#and sometimes theyd write it on the little whiteboard. but sometimes they wouldnt. and sometimes theyd write it on the little whiteboard#and leave it up there forget to erase it and it would still be there but they told you as you walked out actually its not 4:30 tmrrw its 3#idk. i know the main real reason i miss it is cause it was part time and the day ended at like 9am usually
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dandyshucks · 5 months
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going to cry because i am worried i won't finish all the crochet gifts in time :''")
#okay wait time to decide on a vent tag sjdkskl UHHHHH#can i just... tag it with ... ''vent //'' or is that annoying to add to a the tumblr filtering system fhdkdl#thats how old school tumblr cw/tw tagging worked fjdkl they'd just put slashes in so thats what im used to#vent //#we'll go with that ig? lmk if that doesnt work for anybody for any reason and u want smth else and I'll accomodate!!!#okay. um. anyways yeah idk fjdkdl i have been crocheting pretty much all day? i havent done anything else other than eat meals fjdksl#just... crocheting. my wrist hurts sm fjfkdl#i would still be crocheting but after messing up three times on this wing and frogging it all the way back i gave uo#up*#decided to just call it a night bc damn thats frustrating! idk what i was doing wrong but i kept ending up w the wrong amount of stitches!!#i think theres a possibility i can finish everything but im rly not sure fhdkdl tomorrow is already the 17th#im just. afraid fhdkdl i rly want this to work out !!! agh!!#I cant tell if my current chest pain is from anxiety or from medication (which i take for heart pounding from anxiety) wearing off djdkdl#ough. uncomfortable. I'll go draw and hopefully i can calm down bc im just sbdhdkl so afraid rn#IT ALSO DOESNT HELP that im the only one besides Kam in the system who knows how to crochet well fsbdhdkl#so the others cannot take over bc they cannot crochet either at all or as fast as i can :') i am stuck! in front!! AGGHH#i want a break man djsksl this season is so bad for me mentally fbjfdkl but by god i am getting thru it#okay off to go draw now fhdksl i have several ideas for drawing yay
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Local girl has to. Go to school. And can only be comfy again at 4pm. Millions injured thousands dead
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faultsofyouth · 7 months
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Was ranting to my ex about this stupid humiliating scenario I've found myself in at school because I tried to have a heart to heart with my misogynist professor about sexual harassment, and ex asked me how this even happened, so I told him it all started because my professor told a female classmate that women are harder to work with than men are, and then my ex was like "...but he probably had a scientific explanation for why he thought that way" 🙉
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violentdevotion · 1 year
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I had multiple dreams last night.
I had a bf </3
someone in my family got bit by a zombie </3
some guy made me explain narrative structure to him </3
#ameera speaks#1 expanded) it was someone ik in real life 😔 which sucks soooo bad anyway he was at mine and we were watching a movie in my bed on my#laptop < (loser behaviour) and okay so im lying by referring to him as my bf bc we were just friends in the dream but then he started like#acting well intimate and i wasnt not into it so i was like hey whats going on here and we had a talk and then i had to sneak him out of my#house. dream 2) zombie apocalypse im in my room my nephews and nieces come in and i usher them out. the world is the samw just + zombies.#like think covid when it was dire but schools were still open? (my dream was a commentary on the countries failures to manage covid) so i#usher my neohews and nieces out and i make a comment to my sister in law like ooh im scared one of them got bit and my nephew was like some#girl bit me at school today and i told his mum and i stayed in my room and like an hour later i rang her like whats the update#and she was like oh yeah and came into my room to find my journal on zombie stuff and sge was like should i just cut off his arm and i was#idk try but if that doesnt work youre gonna have to... and she was SO CASUALLL !!!! and as she was leaving she started like picking things#up off the floor and i made a comment like your sons dying and youre sweeping and she was like way harsh tai and i woke up#that one was a commentsry on covid and also how i might be too mean to my sister in laws sometimes#3) i was in a library with friends researching smth and some asian guy sits on our table turns his back to us and talks to his friends.#then he starts playing music loudly from his phone and i move back to my table and as im walking he stops me and starts talking to some#girl on the table next to mine who he knows and is like hey i have an assignment due where i have to write a compelling narrative from my#own life ur clever can u help and she was a stem girly and went highschool with me and she pointed at me like ask her she does english#and he was like no u just tell me and she started helping him but i felt the advice she was giving was.. bad. so i interrupted like dont#you think that you should do __ instead and we had a discussion about it till i woke up. < that dream was a commentary on how useless my#degree is and how i wish it wasnt useless
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