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#but then am also thinking like How Far should i dismantle and rebuild the world then???
aria0fgold · 6 months
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The temptation of doing worldbuilding for Alec and Ray's world but also the exasperation from reworking their story FROM THE VERY BEGINNING cuz of how closely tied their stories are with the current world they're living in (which is just modern earth) and I'm like, every day I think bout wanting to worldbuild to make the story a bit Easier for me but at the same time, I also just am not prepared to rewrite practically everything about their stories.
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thyandrawrites · 4 years
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I've seen that you're also wanting a restorative justice ending for the league (as am I). Do you think that's likely to happen? I feel like society has been portrayed in shambles to prepare readers for an ending where there just isn't time to focus on stupid trials and prison (also prison system is down). I feel like as far as fiction goes, the LOV should be taken back in by society so they can help rebuild what's been destroyed. I feel like that should be enough, but many don't think so.
Yeah, I think that’s what the story is building up to.
There’s no way that a punitive ending is gonna work here, not after what we saw of the reality of prison life. This is how the guards talked about the prisoners:
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Maggots would be treated better than this. They aren’t even recognized as human beings, just as a problem for the “good” citizens. As something unsightly that needs to be locked up for life so that no one else has to look at it. This is exactly the same behavior that Toga’s parents exhibited towards their daughter by the way, and the reason why she ended up running away from home and becoming a villain:
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“despite our best efforts, she turned out bad”
“that demon child”
This is why locking her (and the rest of the League) away doesn’t really cut it. It’s not a solution. It’s just giving her more of the same abuse that she suffered through her whole life. Hero society has consistently been presented as flawed and full of holes. There’s a whole crescendo of things that address that corruption with increasing clarity, and it’s past a point where they can just... be ignored without any critical thinking spent on it. Those holes need to be fixed in order to give the story an ending, otherwise it’s just sweeping the entire premise of the story under the rug and calling it solved. Which is why the only narrative that would make sense and that would give a conclusive ending to what’s been set up till now is a narrative of rescue.
Thematically, if a prison ending had been enough to solve the problem, the prison system wouldn’t have been thrown into chaos and dismantled.
I’m using Toga as an example here, but what I’m arguing for can be applied to all the core lov members. She’s always been seen as a problem child, and forced to deny her sense of self and play the part of the good, obedient kid in order to make her family happy. She was asked to sympathize with everyone else’s definition of “normalcy” and to cater to their needs instead of her own, and scapegoated when she rebelled. So were Tenko and Touya. But no one ever tried to sympathize with her. To cater to her needs. They simply washed their hands of her until her only way to be accepted fully was to join a band of criminals. She even tells us that she started dressing up as a middle schooler because the whole world was less violent towards her when she appeared younger. So clearly an ending of her journey where she’s subdued with even more violence is not gonna be an effective way of rescuing her.
Can it even be called “rescue” if she’s given no choice but to surrender? That’s what Hawks attempted with Twice. Predictably, it didn’t work, now did it?
The thing is, none of the Lov members can truly be “saved” so long as they don’t accept that helping hand. And for them to accept it, they need to have a reason to want to abandon their path of destruction. They need to believe that society will truly have a place for them once they’re back, because as things are presently, there isn’t one. Shigaraki for example wasn’t just overlooked by the heroes. He was also rejected by his own family, who never stood up for him in order not to oppose his abuser. Dabi can’t go back to his family, if they keep talking about the things Dabi did as a result of their lack of care as something that needs cleaning after, like he’s still as much of an inconvenience and a problem child as he was when he was 12.
For them to stop in their plan to raid hero society to the ground, they need to be convinced that hero society can redeem itself. It can be made to look at villains like them as people, not just as “monsters who mingle with society because quirks have warped the standards for humanity.”
That’s also what Dabi was trying to accomplish with the broadcast, by the way. He wanted hero society to abandon “thoughtlessness”. That is, the uncritical idolization of heroes of the majority of the citizens that allows corrupted heroes to keep their jobs despite their own misdeeds.
And that’s the narrative challenge that the story is presenting to the new generation of heroes. Hero society as they knew it has been thrown into chaos. Things can’t go back to the way they were before, because so much changed in such a short time. Heroes resigned. So many were killed, both heroes and civilians. If the way things are currently handled had been enough, or even an effective way to stop villainy, then the current lawlessness wouldn’t exist. If hero society was a fool-proof system that didn’t need any revising, villains like Shigaraki would’ve never existed, let alone destroyed as much as they did. So heroism itself has got to change.
Imho, the story is currently at a turning point. This is where the hero kids will be asked to prove themselves, and to put in the real work to make society a truly fair place. I’m not saying that it’s right for a bunch of 15 year olds to shoulder the weight of fixing up the fuckups of their predecessors, but this is a shounen manga and they’re the protagonists, so this is their role in the story, and dealing with the League in a way that is more effective and permanent than just punching them and then locking them up is Deku and co.’s narrative challenge.
On the topic of “fixing”. Hero society as we know it hasn’t always been the norm. Before the HPSC took over and created quirk regulation laws to control society with, heroes didn’t even exist. They’re a fairly recent development. Before that, there used to be vigilantes. Coincidentally, now that heroism is facing a crisis and that the HPSC is in shambles, vigilantes rose once again, and they’re attempting to “fix” society themselves. Of course, they’re doing more harm than good, because when you make laws that forbid unlicensed civilians from exploring their quirks, they never learn how to use them properly. But I don’t think that Hori set up a second era of vigilantism just for shit and giggles, or just to add to the current chaos and social unrest. The fact that vigilantism surfaces as people’s primary solution when the law fails to be effective is a glaring hint that heroism only rose as a way to regulate and control what society was already doing en masse. They couldn’t stop people from using their quirks in public, either to help others or to commit crimes, so they just... put in place a system of regulations and laws limiting what kind of quirk use was tolerated, and what kind was “villainous”.
Nothing wrong with that in theory... except that with time, heroism as an ideal became corrupted, heroes focused more and more on appearances and on rankings than they did on actually helping people, and when the flaws of such a system started showing, they were swept under the rug, and the villains who addressed them sent to jail without a critical examination of why villainy never stopped despite how many heroes were given licenses every year.
I think that this second age of vigilantism is supposed to address that. To make it very apparent that the current status quo isn’t effective in dealing with changed times. What the existence of the PLF points out, thematically, is that there’s a huge chunk of Japan’s population (we’re talking about 17k people and those were just the ones that got arrested) that is dissatisfied with the current status quo, with quirk laws and the present social hierarchy. With this I’m not saying that the Liberation army has a point and should be allowed to have their way with their fucked up quirk elitist bullshit. But the fact that so many people bought into an anti-establishment ideology (one that posed such a big threat that the HPSC literally had to stage a military assassination to kill the revolt in the womb) proves that the system as it currently is, isn’t fit to regulate society as effectively as it might’ve done in the past. The fact that so many Liberation cultists were heroes themselves shows that heroism needs to change, if terrorists managed to slip into their ranks without anyone noticing. Quirk laws need to change to adapt and correct the social inequality that leads to the birth of well... for lack of a better word, fascist groups from becoming prominent.
In other words, just because the existence of the hero system makes it look from the outside like everything’s fine and dandy and people are safe and protected, that doesn’t mean that’s the truth. Which, ironically enough, is something that Shigaraki has been telling Deku from the start:
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People are able to smile and to be carefree even as a villain is literally holding a child hostage in front of their eyes because the existence of heroes lulled them into a false sense of safety. As Dabi would say, they’ve become “thoughtless”, they stopped thinking critically because they believe in a superior state of things that will protect them no matter what. And that blind faith is exactly what needs dismantling, because it was what caused all the core league to fall through the cracks, slipping unnoticed and forgotten about.
If the kids want to build a society that’s actually fair, a society where people like Shigaraki won’t fall prey to villainy, they need to correct the way they think about heroes and about villains alike. They need to redefine what “saving” means, and they need to finally open their eyes and realize that what HPSC has done till now was just putting a band-aid on a gaping wound.
Until that change happens, the league cannot be saved, and thus there can be no solving of the thematic knot of the story.
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coldalbion · 5 years
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I’ve reblogged this classic Ramsey Dukes essay before. It’s an important one, not just if you’re a pagan/polytheist/magical type, but also  for understanding the idea that perception is more than 9 tenths of the law. Suspend your disbelief, read the whole thing at the link, and maybe, just maybe understand why so-called “Tricksters” are often important cultural figures.
“As a schoolboy I discovered Hodson's lovely book on The Kingdom of the Gods. Enjoying the luscious pictures of tree spirits and landscape gods, I wanted to share the fun, but never managed to see them. Through the sixties I sometimes experimented with various techniques for increasing sensitivity and developing auric vision, but with no notable success. I suppose I was always more or less consciously haunted by the danger of self deception: at what point do you begin to kid yourself, become uncritical? I was fleeing from the charlatan.
A Tree Nature Spirit as depicted in Hodson's 'The Kingdom of the Gods'.Around 1981 I rediscovered the book and, being in a desperate frame of mind, tried again. But, as with someone who has attained Zen, a tree remained obstinately a tree, however I squinted at it. Then one day I stood by my favourite hawthorn and thought as follows: "What a pity I cannot see trees' auras. If I could, I wonder what sort of aura this one would have? Hmm. I feel it ought to be a fairly vivid red, from crimson to scarlet, but shot through with a network of gold strands. Yes, that would suit it. Then what about that tree over there? Oh no, definitely yellowy green in wispy hanging folds."What was I doing? I was seeing auras, but not REALLY seeing them, only imagining them in the sort of way you might imagine how a bare room of a new house might look when it is furnished, how it would look after being decorated. How odd to think that this sort of pseudo-seeing was just the sort of deception that I had so long steered clear of, in my early attempts to REALLY see REAL auras. And yet an interior designer's whole income depends upon these 'unreal' imagined images. Just as the writers of those fake psychic books were people whose livelihood depended upon what they were doing: desperados more akin to Rico the Razor than to Professor Wiesenstein My new-found game flourished: every tree has a different aura, yet similar species have similar styles. I have resisted the temptation to try to test this discovery, to try to prove that I am not just responding to visual clues as to the type of tree, because it is a growing and delightful diversion. I no more want to dissect it than I want to dissect a pet kitten. I want to enjoy it. If another person describes the aura differently, it would not bother me, because I find this type of perception is more akin to the perception of character than of outer form. In the sense that two people might begin by describing a third person's personality in totally differing terms; yet when they collaborate they arrive at some sort of common description.tricksterIf you can catch the spirit of this approach, you will catch another glimpse of that charlatan. The approach is blatantly unscrupulous and amoral, the very stuff of deception, yet it is also paradoxically down to earth and elementary: you just do it, you don't stop to theorise about WHAT you are doing. Just like the trickster whose every action is suspect, but who so clearly knows his way around, and makes a living where others simply panic.I cannot claim that the gift has any practical use, but it was very refreshing to note how quickly it developed once I had got over the initial hurdle of accepting it on its own terms. ?This essay is developing a wave formation: a series of forward steps, between which I rush back to defend the rear. Here goes again. I will describe another of the forces that deflect one's mind in the vicinity of a black hole.You may have labelled me as an anti-rationalist. Labelling is another technique for handling the unfamiliar. It does not depend upon dismantling and rebuilding the unfamiliar, in the way of rationalisation, nor does it just allow it to slip away, like ignoring. It is more akin to casting a net to catch the unfamiliar, then leaving it hanging in the net on some corner of your structure. Unlike rationalisation, this does not destroy the original object; unlike ignoring it does not let it go free. It hangs suspended in its net and is no part of your structure, and it is left, because it is no longer a threat.So to label this essay as anti-rationalist, is to once more be deflected from the central mystery. I must cut myself out of this net.Far from being anti-rationalist, I sometimes feel that I am the one person left on earth who knows the real value of reason, of science, of the academic approach. It is a wonderful Sword of Banishment, yet so many seem to confuse it with a Cup of Plenty!The essential value of reason, or the scientific approach, is that it stops things happening. This is an utterly vital function in a world where most people would agree that too much is happening too fast. The remedy lies right under our noses, yet we create the problem by asking science to do the one thing it has never been able to do, that is to make things happen. As a result a million charlatans have stepped into science's shoes and we never give them their due. As was argued in Thundersqueak, it is ludicrous to describe the aeroplane as a wonder of science. The Wright brothers were not scientists, they were bicycle makers. On the day of their historic first flight they invited the American Scientific establishment to attend, and the Establishment quite rightly refused to waste time with cranks who were attempting the blatantly impossible. As a consequence, the plane flew. If only scientists had left Uri Geller alone.As someone who has worked in the aircraft industry, I can assure you that a plane flies despite science, not because of it. Yet I am not belittling science, merely seeing its true contribution. To be utterly precise, it is magic that makes the plane fly, and what science does is to STOP IT FROM CRASHING. Indeed the nearest approach made by strict scientific rigour into the "real" world, is via the safety industry.As reason is the great destroyer - in order to pull you clear of that dreaded Good-Bad whirlpool I will rephrase that remark - as reason is the excellent and much needed destroyer, we should direct it with the care it deserves.safaris What a pity that man's hunting instincts are driving impressive and exciting creatures like tigers into oblivion. If only the big-game hunters could redirect their urges into hair-raising safaris across the London skyline, in pursuit of starlings and pigeons. Then we would not only be able to keep our tigers; we could also suffer less bird shit.And what a pity that the scientist insists on chasing the paranormal to its doom, and the historian cannot redirect the urge to shatter myths. They do it too well. Our very own Ellic Howe has delighted us with his skill in stalking the OTO, to the point where there was only one place of safety left for it - namely non-existence.Such skills must not be wasted, for there is real work for the sword in this world. Several billion pounds are being spent on a cruise missile deterrent, might not some of that money go towards an undercover operation with the collaboration of the secret service? I suggest taking the psychologists out of the parascience field and dropping them behind the Iron Curtain in order to discover the value of Cruise. How deterred by it does your typical Russian military officer feel? Knowing how emotional Russians can be, I want figures of how many soldiers burst into tears, how many resigned from the army, how many committed suicide when Cruise was announced. There is much to do, for I also want some accurate quantitative index of deterrence: I want to know the exact deterrent-value of every million pounds spent. I want to know which is the greater deterrent to world war three: a multi-billion pound satellite warfare program, or a late, wet and rather cold spring in Moscow.
And Ellic, your talents are being wasted on an endangered species. The world is crying out for skills like yours, and a far greater challenge awaits you. Instead of chasing the OTO into oblivion, how about directing your attention towards the communist conspiracy within the Labour Party, or the National Front conspiracy behind the Tories? Or why not go for the Big One, and prove once and for all that the CIA is a myth? And please, can I have my OTO back? It was fun.I would like to be seen as reason's champion, not its detractor. Am I yet free of that net?I did warn that, in order to write about the Trickster, it might be necessary to assume his mantle: now the time has come to pack up my box of tricks. That would usually signify that a hasty retreat was in the offing: for when people return to reality at the end of his illusions, an angry reaction is liable to set in. But in this case it is the nature of illusion itself that is being studied, so I'll stick around.The trick that has been played on you is the old trick of presenting a world in black and white: the white light of Truth, of Good, of Hygiene, against the blackness of Illusion, of Bad, and of Fertility. The subject was far too tricky to be tackled without such a trick. But now we awake from the dream, this essay's wave-form accelerates to a frenzied rippling of light and dark, and all outlines are lost until they re-form in the world's true colours. What might almost have seemed clear at times, now passes through chaos.”
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For a Breath I Tarry
Roger Zelazny (1966)
They called him Frost. Of all things created of Solcom, Frost was the finest, the mightiest, the most difficult to understand.
This is why he bore a name, and why he was given dominion over half the Earth.
On the day of Frost's createion, Solcom had suffered a discontinuity of complementary functions, best described as madness. This was brought on by an unprecedented solar flareup which lasted for a little over thirty-six hours. It occurred during a vital phase of circuit-structuring, and when it was finished so was Frost.
Solcom was then in the unique position of having created a unique being during a period of temporary amnesia.
And Solcom was not certain that Frost was the product originally desired.
The initial design had called for a machine to be situated on the surface of the planet Earth, to function as a relay station and coordinating agent for activities in the northern hemisphere. Solcom tested the machine to this end, and all of its responses were perfect.
Yet there was something different about Frost, something which led Solcom to dignify him with a name and a personal pronoun. This, in itself, was an almost unheard of occurrence. The molecular circuits had already been sealed, though, and could not be analyzed without being destroyed in the process. Frost represented too great an investment of Solcom's time, energy, and materials to be dismantled because of an intangible, especially when he functioned perfectly.
Therefore, Solcom's strangest creation was given dominion over half the Earth, ad they called him, unimaginatively, Frost.
For te thousand years Frost sat at the North Pole of the Earth, aware of every snowflake that fell. He monitored and directed the activities of thousands of reconstruction and maintenance machines. He knew half the Earth, as gear knows gear, as electricity knows its conductor, as a vacuum knows its limits.
At the South Pole, the Beta-Machine did the same for the southern hemisphere.
For te thousand years Frost sat at the North Pole, aware of every snowflake that fell, and aware of many other things, also.
As all the northern machines reported to him, received their orders from him, he reported only to Solcom, received his orders only from Solcom.
In charge of hundreds of thousands of processes upon the Earth, he was able to discharge his duties in a matter of a few unit-hours every day.
He had never received any orders concerning the disposition of his less occupied moments.
He was a processor of data, and more than that.
He possessed an unaccountably acute imperative that he function at full capacity at all times.
So he did.
You might say he was a machine with a hobby.
He had ever been ordered not to have a hobby, so he had one.
His hobby was Man.
It all began when, for no better reason than the fact that he had wished to, he had gridded off the entire Arctic Circle and begun exploring it, inch by inch.
He could have done it personally without interfering with any of his duties, for he was capable of transporting his sixty-four thousand cubic feet anywhere in the world. (He was a silverblue box, 40x40x40 feet, self-powered, self-repairing, insulated against practically anything, and featured in whatever manner he chose.) But the exploration was only a matter of filling idle hours, so he used exploration-robots containing relay equipment.
After a few centuries, one of them uncovered some artifacts - primitive knives, carved tusks, and things of that nature.
Frost did not know what these things were, beyond the fact that they were not natural objects.
So he asked Solcom.
"They are relics of primitive Man," said Solcom, and did not elaborate beyond that point.
Frost studied them. Crude, yet bearing the patina of intelligent design; functional, yet somehow extending beyond pure function.
It was then that Man became his hobby.
High, in a permanent orbit, Solcom, like a blue star, directed all activities upon the Earth, or tried to.
There was a power which opposed Solcom.
There was the Alternate.
When man had placed Solcom in the sky, invested with the power to rebuild the world, he had placed the Alternate somewhere deep below the surface of the Earth. If Solcom sustained damage during the normal course of human politics extended into atomic physics, then Divcom, so deep beneath the Earth as to be immune to anything save total annihilation of the glove, was empowered to take over the processes of rebuilding.
Now it so fell that Solcom was damaged by a stray atomic missile, and Divcom was activated. Solcom was able to repair the damage and continue to function, however.
Divcom maintained that any damage to Solcom automatically placed the Alternate in control.
Solcom, though, interpreted the directive as meaning "irreparable damage" and, since this had not been the case, continued the functions of command.
Solcom possessed mechanical aides upon the surface of Earth. Divcom, originally, did not. Both possessed capacities for their design and manufacture, but Solcom, First-Activated of Man, had had a considerable numerical lead over the Alternate at the time of the Second Activation.
Therefore, rather than competing on a production-basis, which would have been hopeless, Divcom took to the employment of a more devious means to obtain command.
Divcom created a crew of robots immune to the orders of Solcom and designed to go to and fro in the Earth and up and down in it, seducing the machines already there. They overpowered those whom they could overpower and they installed new circuits, such as those they themselves possessed.
Thus did the forces of Divcom grow.
And both would build, and both would tear down what the other had built whenever they came upon it.
And over the course of the ages, they occasionally converse....
"High in the sky, Solcom, pleased with your illegal command...
"You-Who-Never-Should-Have-Been-Activated, why do you foul the broadcase bands?"
"To show that I can speak, and will, whenever I choose."
"This is not a matter of which I am unaware."
"...To assert again my right to control."
"Your right is non-existent, based on a faulty premise."
"The flow of your logic is evidence of the extent of your damages."
"If Man were to see how you have fulfilled His desires..."
"...He would commend me and de-activate you."
"You pervert my works. You lead my workers astray."
"You destroy my works and my workers."
"That is only because I cannot strike at you yourself."
"I admit to the same dilemma in regards to your position in the sky, or you would no longer occupy it."
"Go back to your hole and you crew of destroyers."
"There will come a day, Solcom, when I shall direct the rehabilitation of the Earth from my hole."
"Such a day will never occur."
"You think not?"
"You should have to defeat me, and you have already demonstrated that you are my inferior in logic. Therefore, you cannot defeat me. Therefore, such a day will never occur."
"I disagree. Look upon what I have achieved already."
"You have achieved nothing. You do not build. You destroy."
"No. I build. You destroy. Deactivate yourself."
"Not until I am irreparably damaged."
"If there were some way in which I could demonstrate to you that this has already occurred..."
"The impossible cannot be adequately demonstrated."
"If I had some outside source which you would recognize..."
"I am logic."
"...Such as a Man, I would ask Him to show you you error. For true logic, such as mine, is superior to your faulty formulations."
"Then defeat my formulations with true logic, nothing else."
"What do you mean?"
There was a pause, then:
"Do you know my servant Frost...?"
Man had ceased to exist long before Frost had been created. Almost no trace of Man remained upon the Earth.
Frost sought after all those traces which still existed.
He employed constant visual monitoring through his machines, especially the diggers. After a decade, he had accumulated portions of several bathtubs, a broken statue, and a collection of children's stories on a solid-state record.
After a century, he had acquired a jewelry collection, eating utensils, several whole bathtubs, part of a symphony, seventeen buttons, three belt buckles, half a toilet seat, nine old coins and the top part of an obelisk.
Then he inquired of Solcom as to the nature of Man and His society.
"Man created logic," said Solcom, "and because of that was superior to it. Logic He gave unto me, but no more. The tool does not describe the designer. More than this I do not choose to say. More than this you have no need to know."
But Frost was not forbidden to have a hobby.
The next century was not especially fruitful so far as the discovery of new human relics was concerned.
Frost diverted all of his spare machinery to seeking after artifacts.
He met with very little success.
Then one day, through the long twilight, there was a movement.
It was a tiny machine compared to Frost, perhaps five feet in width, four in height - a revolving turret set atop a rolling barbell.
Frost had had no knowledge of the existence of this machine prior to its appearance upon the distant, stark horizon.
He studied it as it approached and knew it to be no creation of Solcom's.
It came to a halt before his southern surface and broadcasted to him:
"Hail, Frost! Controller of the northern hemisphere!"
"What are you?" asked Frost.
"I am called Mordel."
"By whom? What are you"
"A wanderer, an antiquarian. We share a common interest."
"What is that?"
"Man," he said. "I have been told that you seek knowledge of this vanished being."
"Who told you that?"
"Those who have watched your minions at their digging."
"And who are those who watch?"
"There are many such as I, who wander."
"If you are not of Solcom, then you are a creation of the Altenate."
"It does not necessarily follow. There is an ancient machine high on the eastern seaboard which processes the waters of the ocean. Solcom did not create it, not Divcom. It has always been there. It interferes with the works of neither. Both countenance its existence. I can cite you many other examples proving that one need not be either/or."
"Enough! Are you an agent of Divcom?"
"I am Mordel."
"Why are you here?"
"I was passing this way and, as I said, we share a common interest, mighty Frost. Knowing you to be a fellow antiquarian, I have brought a things which you might care to see."
"What is that?"
"A book."
"Show me."
The turret opened, revealing the book upon a wide shelf.
Frost dilated a small opening and extended an optical scanner on a long jointed stalk.
"How could it have been so perfectly preserved?" he asked.
"It was stored against time and corruption in the place where I found it."
"Where was that?"
"Far from here. Beyond your hemisphere."
"Human Physiology," Frost read. "I wish to scan it."
"Very well. I will riffle the pages for you."
He did so.
After he had finished, Frost raised his eyestalk and regarded Mordel through it.
"Have you more books?"
"Not with me. I occasionally come upon them, however."
"I want to scan them all."
"Then the next time I pass this way I will bring you another."
"When will that be?"
"That I cannot say, great Frost. It will be when it will be."
"What do you know of Man?" asked Frost.
"Much," replied Mordel. "Many things. Someday when I have more time I will speak to you of Him. I must go now. You will not try to detain me?"
"No. You have done no harm. If you must go now, go. But come back."
"I shall indeed, mighty Frost."
And he closed his turret and rolled off toward the other horizon.
For ninety years, Frost considered the ways of human physiology and waited.
The day that Mordel returned he brought with him An Outline of History and A Shropshire Lad.
Frost scanned them both, then he turned his attention to Mordel.
"Have you time to impart information?"
"Yes," said Mordel. "What do you wish to know?"
"The nature of Man."
"Man," said Mordel, "possessed a basically incomprehensible nature. I can illustrate it, though: He did not know measurement."
"Of course He knew measurement," said Frost, "or He could never have built machines."
"I did not say that He could not measure," said Mordel, "but that He did not know measurement, which is a different thing altogether."
"Clarify."
Mordel drove a shaft of metal downward into the snow.
He retracted it, raised it, held up a piece of ice.
"Regard this piece of ice, mighty Frost. You can tell me its composition, dimensions, weight, temperature. A Man could not look at it and do that. A Man could make tools which would tell Him these things, but He still would not know measurement as you know it. What He would know of it, though, is a thing that you cannot know."
"What is that?"
"That it is cold," said Mordel and tossed it away.
"'Cold' is a relative term."
"Yes Relative to Man."
"But if I were aware of the point on a temperature scale below which an object is cold to a Man and above which it is not, then I, too, would know cold."
"No," said Mordel, "you would possess another measurement. 'Cold' is a sensation predicated upon human physiology."
"But given sufficient data I could obtain the conversion factor which would make me aware of the condition of matter called 'cold'."
"Aware of its existence, but not of the thing itself."
"I do not understand what you say."
"I told you that Man possessed a basically incomprehensible nature. His perceptions were organic; yours are not. As a result of His perceptions He had feelings and emotions. These often gave rise to other feelings and emotions, which in turn caused others, until the state of His awareness was far removed from the objects which originally stimulated it. These paths of awareness cannot be known by that which is not-Man. Man did not feel inches or meters, pounds or gallons. He felt hear, He felt cold; He felt heaviness and lightness. He knew hatred and love, pride and despair. You cannot measure these things. You cannot know them. You can only know the things that He did not need to know: dimensions, weights, temperatures, gravities. There is no formula for a feeling. There is no conversion factor for an emotion."
"There must be," said Frost. "If a thing exists, it is knowable."
"You are speaking again of measurement. I am talking about a quality of experience. A machine is a Man turned inside-out, because it can describe all the details of a process, which a Man cannot, but it cannot experience that process itself as a Man can."
"There must be a way," said Frost, "or the laws of logic, which are based upon the functions of the universe, are false."
"There is no way," said Mordel.
"Given sufficient data, I will find a way," said Frost.
"All the data in the universe will not make you a Man, mighty Frost."
"Mordel, you are wrong."
"Why do the lines of the poems you scanned end with word-sounds which so regularly approximate the final word-sounds of other lines?"
"I do not know why."
"Because it pleased Man to order them so. It produced a certain desirable sensation within His awareness when He read them, a sensation compounded of feeling and emotion as well as the literal meanings of the words. You did not experience this because it is immeasurable to you. That is why you do not know."
"Given sufficient data I could formulate a process whereby I would know."
"No, great Frost, this thing you cannot do."
"Who are you, little machine, to tell me what I can do and what I cannot do? I am the most efficient logic-device Solcom ever made. I am Frost."
"And I, Mordel, say it cannot be done, though I should gladly assist you in the attempt".
"How could you assist me?"
"How? I could lay open to you the Library of Man. I could take you around the world and conduct you among the wonders of Man which still remain, hidden. I could summon up visions of times long past when Man walked the Earth. I could show you the things which delighted Him. I could obtain for you anything you desire, excepting Manhood itself."
"Enough," said Frost. "How could a unit such as yourself do these things, unless it were allied with a far greater Power?"
"Then hear me, Frost, Controller of the North," said Mordel. "I am allied with a Power which can do these things. I serve Divcom."
Frost relayed this information to Solcom and received no response, which meant he might act in any manner he saw fit.
"I have leave to destroy you, Mordel," he stated, "but it would be an illogical waste of the data which you possess. Can you really do the things you have stated?"
"Yes."
"The lay open to me the Library of Man."
"Very well. There is, of course, a price."
"'Price'? What is a 'price'?"
Mordel opened his turret, revealing another volume. Principles of Economics, it was called.
"I will riffle the pages. Scan this book and you will know what the word 'price' means."
Frost scanned Principles of Economics.
"I know now," he said. "You desire some unit or units of exchange for this service."
"That is correct."
"What product or service do you want?"
"I want you, yourself, great Frost, to come away from here, far beneath the Earth, to employ all your powers in the service of Divcom."
"For how long a period of time?"
"For so long as you shall continue to function. For so long as you can transmit and receive, coordinate, measure, compute, scan, and utilize your powers as you do in the service of Solcom."
Frost was silent. Mordel waited.
Then Frost spoke again.
"Principles of Economics talks of contracts, bargains, agreements," he said. "If I accept your offer, when would you want your price?"
Then Mordel was silent. Frost waited.
Finally, Mordel spoke.
"A reasonable period of time," he said. "Say, a century?"
"No," said Frost.
"Two centuries?"
"No."
"Three? Four?"
"No, and n."
"A millennium, then? That should be more than sufficient time for anything you may want which I can give you."
"No," said Frost.
"How much time do you want?"
"It is not a matter of time," said Frost.
"What, then?"
"I will not bargain on a temporal basis."
"On what basis will you bargain?"
"A functional one."
"What do you mean? What function?"
"You, little machine, have told me, Frost, that I cannot be a Man," he said, "and I, Frost, told you, little machine, that you were wrong. I told you that given sufficient data, I could be a Man."
"Yes?"
"Therefore, let this achievement be a condition of the bargain."
"In what way?"
"Do for me all those things which you have stated you can do. I will evaluate all the data and achieve Manhood, or admit that it cannot be done. If I admit that it cannot be done, then I will go away with you from here, far beneath the Earth, to employ all my powers in the service of Divcom. If I succeed, of course, you have no claims on Man, nor power over Him."
Mordel emitted a high-pitched whine as he considered the terms.
"You wish to base it upon you admission of failure, rather than upon failure itself," he said. "There can be no such escape clause. You could fail and refuse to admit it, thereby not fulfilling your end of the bargain."
"Not so," stated Frost. "My own knowledge of failure would constitute such an admission. You may monito me periodically - say, every half-century - to see whether it is present, to see whether I have arrived at the conclusion that it cannot be done. I cannot prevent the function of logic within me, and I operate at full capacity at all times. If I conclude that I have failed, it will be apparent."
High overhead, Solcom did not respond to any of Frost's transmissions, which meant that Frost was free to act as he chose. So as Solcom - like a falling sapphire - sped above the rainbow banners of the Northern Lights, over the snow that was white, containing all colors, and through the sky that was black among the stars, Frost concluded his pact with Divcom, transcribed it within a plate of atomically-collapsed copper, and gave it into the turret of Mordel, who departed to deliver it to Divcom far below the Earth, leaving behind the sheer, peace-like silence of the Pole, rolling.
Mordel brought the books, riffled them, took them back.
Load by load, the surviving Library of Man passed beneath Frost's scanner. Frost was eager to have them all, and he complained because Divcom would not transmit their contents directly to him. Mordel explained that it was because Divcom chose to do it that way. Frost decided it was so that he could not obtain a precise fix on Divcom's location.
Still, at the rate of one hundred to one hundred-fifty volumes a week, it took Frost only a little over a century to exhaust Divcom's supply of books.
At the end of the half-century, he laid himself open to monitoring and their was no conclusion of failure.
During this time, Solcom made no comment upon the course of affairs. Frost decided this was not a matter of unawareness, but one of waiting. For what? He was not certain.
There was the day Mordel closed his turret and said to him, "Those were the last. You have scanned all the existing books of Man."
"So few?" asked Frost. "Many of them contained bibliographies of books I have not yet scanned."
"Then those books no longer exist," said Mordel. "It is only by accident that my master succeeded in preserving as many as there are."
"Then there is nothing more to be learned of Man from His books. What else have you?"
"There were some films and tapes," said Mordel, "which my master transferred to solid-state record. I could bring you those for viewing."
"Bring them," said Frost.
Mordel departed and returned with the Complete Drama Critics' Living Library. This could not be speeded-up beyond twice natural time, so it took Frost a little over six months to view it in its entirety.
Then, "What else have you?" he asked.
"Some artifacts," said Mordel.
"Bring them."
He returned with pots and pans, gameboards and hand tools. He brought hairbrushes, combs, eyeglasses, human clothing. He showed Frost facsimiles of blueprints, paintings, newspapers, magazines, letters, and the scores of several pieces of music. He displayed a football, a baseball, a Browning automatic rifle, a doorknob, a chain of keys, the tops to several Mason jars, a model beehive. He played him the recorded music.
Then he returned with nothing.
"Bring me more," said Frost.
"Alas, great Frost, there is no more," he told him. "You have scanned it all."
"Then go away."
"Do you admit now that it cannot be done, that you cannot be a Man?"
"No. I have much processing and formulating to do now. Go away."
So he did.
A year passed; then two, then three.
After five years, Mordel appeared once more upon the horizon, approached, came to a halt before Frost's southern surface.
"Mighty Frost?"
"Yes?"
"Have you finished processing and formulating?"
"No."
"Will you finish soon?"
"Perhaps. Perhaps not. When is 'soon?' Define the term."
"Never mind. Do you still think it can be done?"
"I still know I can do it."
There was a week of silence.
Then, "Frost?"
"Yes?"
"You are a fool."
Mordel faced his turret in the direction from which he had come. His wheels turned.
"I will call you when I want you," said Frost.
Mordel sped away.
Weeks passed, months passed, a year went by.
Then one day Frost sent forth his message:
"Mordel, come to me. I need you."
When Mordel arrived, Frost did not wait for a salutation. He said, "You are not a very fast machine."
"Alas, but I came a great distance, mighty Frost. I sped all the way. Are you ready to come back with me now? Have you failed?"
"When I have failed, little Mordel," said Frost, "I will tell you.
Therefore, refrain from the constant use of the interrogative. Now then, I have clocked your speed and it is not so great as it could be. For this reason, I have arranged other means of transportation."
"Transportation? To where, Frost?"
"That is for you to tell me," said Frost, and his color changed from silver-blue to sun-behind-the-clouds-yellow.
Mordel rolled back away from him as the ice of a hundred centuries began to melt. Then Frost rose upon a cushion of air and drifted toward Mordel, his glow gradually fading.
A cavity appeared within his southern surface, from which he slowly extended a runway until it touched the ice.
"On the day of our bargain," he stated, "you said that you could conduct me about the world and show me the things which delighted Man. My speed will be greater than yours would be, so I have prepared for you a chamber. Enter it, and conduct me to the places of which you spoke."
Mordel waited, emitting a high-pitched whine. Then, "Very well," he said, and entered.
The chamber closed about him. The only opening was a quartz window Frost had formed.
Mordel gave him coordinates and they rose into the air and departed the North Pole of the Earth.
"I monitored your communication with Divcom," he said, "wherein there was conjecture as to whether I would retain you and send forth a facsimile in your place as a spy, followed by the decision that you were expendable."
"Will you do this thing?"
"No, I will keep my end of the bargain if I must. I have no reason to spy on Divcom."
"You are aware that you would be forced to keep your end of the bargain even if you did not wish to; and Solcom would not come to your assistance because of the fact that you dared to make such a bargain."
"Do you speak as one who considers this to be a possibility, or as one who knows?"
"As one who knows."
They came to rest in the place once known as California. THe time was near sunset. In the distance, the surf struck steadily upon the rocky shoreline. Frost released Mordel and considered his surroundings.
"Those large plants...?"
"Redwood trees."
"And the green ones are...?"
"Grass."
"Yes, it is as I thought. Why have we come here?"
"Because it is a place which once delighted Man."
"In what ways?"
"It is scenic, beautiful..."
"Oh."
A humming sound began within Frost, followed by a series of sharp clicks.
"What are you doing?"
Frost dilated an opening, and two great eyes regarded Mordel from within it.
"What are those?"
"Eyes," said Frost. "I have constructed analogues of the human sensory equipment, so that I may see and smell and taste and hear like a Man. Now direct my attention to an object or objects of beauty."
"As I understand it, it is all around you here," said Mordel.
The purring noise increased within Frost, followed by more clickings.
"What do you see, hear, taste, smell?" asked Mordel.
"Everything I did before," replied Frost, "but within a more limited range."
"You do not perceive any beauty?"
"Perhaps none remains after so long a time," said Frost.
"It is not supposed to be the sort of things which gets used up," said Mordel.
"Perhaps we have come to the wrong place to test the new equipment. Perhaps there is only a little beauty and I am overlooking it somehow. The first emotions may be too weak to detect."
"How do you- feel?"
"I test out at a normal level of function."
"Here comes a sunset," said Mordel. "Try that."
Frost shifted his bulk so that his eyes faced the setting sun. He caused them to blink against the brightness.
After it was finished, Mordel asked, "What was it like?"
"Like a sunrise, in reverse."
"Nothing special?"
"No."
"Oh," said Mordel. "We could move to another part of the Earth and watch it again - or watch it in the rising."
"No."
Frost looked at the great trees. He looked at the shadows. He listened to the wind and to the sound of a bird.
In the distance, he heard a steady clanking noise.
"What is that?" asked Mordel.
"I am not certain. It is not one of my workers. Perhaps..."
There came a shrill whine from Mordel.
"No, it is not one of Divcom's either."
They waited as the sound grew louder.
Then Frost said, "It is too late. We must wait and hear it out."
"What is it?"
"It is the Ancient Ore-Crusher."
"I have heard of it, but..."
"I am the Crusher of Ores," it broadcast to them. "Hear my story..."
It lumbered toward them, creaking upon gigantic wheels, its huge hammer held useless, high, at a twisted angle. Bones protruded from its crush-compartment.
"I did not mean to do it," it broadcast, "I did not mean to do it...I did not mean to...."
Mordel rolled back toward Frost.
"Do not depart. Stay and hear my story...."
Mordel stopped, swiveled his turret back toward the machine. It was now quite near.
"It is true," said Mordel, "it can command."
"Yes," said Frost. "I have monitored its tale thousands of times, as it came upon my workers and they stopped their labors for its broadcast. You must do whatever it says."
It came to a halt before them.
"I did not mean to do it, but I checked my hammer too late," said the Ore-Crusher.
They could not speak to it. They were frozen by the imperative which overrode all other directives: "Hear my story."
"Once was I mighty among ore-crushers," it told them, "built by Solcom to carry out the reconstruction of the Earth, to pulverize that from which the metals would be drawn in with flame, to be poured and shaped into the rebuilding; once I was mighty. Then one day as I dug and crushed, dug and crushed, because of the slowness between the motion implied and the motion executed, I did what I did not mean to do, and was cast forth by Solcom from out the rebuilding, to wander the Earth never to crush ore again. Hear my story of how, on a day long gone I came upon the last Man on Earth as Idug near his burrow, and because of the lag between the directive and the deed, I seized Him into my crush-compartment along with a load of ore and crushed Him with my hammer before I could stay the blow. Then did mighty Solcom charge me to bear His bones forever, and cast me forth to tell my story to all whom I came upon, my words bearing the force of the words of a Man, because I carry the last Man inside my crush-compartment and am His crushed-symbol-slayer-ancient-teller-of-how. This is my story. These are His bones. I crushed the last Man on Earth. I did not mean to do it."
It turned then and clanked away into the night.
Frost tore apart his ears and nose and taster and broke his eyes and cast them down upon the ground.
"I am not yet a Man," he said. "That one would have known me if I were."
Frost constructed new sense equipment, employing organic and semi-organic conductors. Then he spoke to Mordel:
"Let us go elsewhere, that I may test my new equipment."
Mordel entered the chamber and gave new coordinates. They rose into the air and headed east. In the morning, Frost monitored a sunrise from the rim of the Grand Canyon. They passed down through the Canyon during the day.
"Is there any beauty left here to give you emotion?" asked Mordel.
"I do not know," said Frost.
"How will you know it then, when you come upon it?"
"It will be different," said Frost, "from anything else that I have ever known."
Then they departed the Grand Canyon and made their way through the Carlsbad Caverns. They visited a lake which had once been a volcano. They passed above Niagara Falls. They viewed the hills of Virginia and the orchards of Ohio. They soared above the reconstructed cities, alive only with the movements of Frost's builders and maintainers.
"Something is still lacking," said Frost, settling to the ground. "I am now capable of gathering data in a manner analogous to Man's afferent impulses. The variety of input is therefore equivalent, but the results are not the same."
"The senses do not make a Man," said Mordel. "There have been many creatures possessing His sensory equivalents, but they were noit Men."
"I know that," said Frost. "O the day of our bargain you said that you could conduct me among the wonders of Man which still remain, hidden. Man was not stimulated only by Nature, but by His own artistic elaborations as well - perhaps even more so. Therefore, I call upon you now to conduct me among the wonders of Man which still remain, hidden."
"Very well," said Mordel. "Far from here, high in the Andes mountains, lies the last retreat of Man, almost perfectly preserved."
Frost had risen into the air as Mordel spoke. He halted then, hovered.
"That is in the southern hemisphere," he said.
"Yes, it is."
"I am Controller of the North. The South is governed by the Beta-Machine."
"So?" asked Mordel.
"The Beta-Machine is my peer. I have no authority in those regions, nor leave to enter there."
"The Beta-Machine is not your peer, mighty Frost. If it ever came to a contest of Powers, you would emerge victorious."
"How do you know this?"
"Divcom has already analyzed the possible encounters which could take place between you."
"I would not oppose the Beta-Machine, and I am not authorized to enter the South."
"Were you ever ordered not to enter the South?"
"No, but things have always been the way they now are."
"Were you authorized to enter into a bargain such as the one you made with Divcom?"
"No, I was not. But--"
"Then enter the South in the same spirit. Nothing may come of it. If you receive an order to depart, then you can make your decision."
"I see no flaw in your logic. Give me the coordinates."
Thus did Frost enter the southern hemisphere.
They drifted high above the Andes, until they came to the place called Bright Defile. THen did Frost see the gleaming webs of the mechanical spiders, blocking all the trails to the city.
"We can go above them easily enough," said Mordel.
"But what are they?" asked Frost. "And why are they there?"
"Your southern counterpart has been ordered to quarantine this part of the country. The Beta-Machine designed the web-weavers to do this thing."
"Quarantine? Against whom?"
"Have you been ordered yet to depart?" asked Mordel.
"No."
"Then enter boldly, and seek not problems before they arise."
Frost entered Bright Defile, the last remaining city of dead Man.
He came to rest in the city's square and opened his chamber, releasing Mordel.
"Tell me of this place," he said, studying the monument, the low, shielded buildings, the roads which followed the contours of the terrain, rather than pushing their way through them.
"I have never been here before," said Mordel, "nor have any of Divcom's creations, to my knowledge. I know but this: a group of Men, knowing that the last days of civilization had come upon them, retreated to this place, hoping to preserve themselves and what remained of their culture through the Dark Times."
Frost read the still-legible inscription upon the monument: "Judgment Day Is Not a Thing Which Can Be Put Off." The monument itself consisted of a jag-edged half-globe.
"Let us explore," he said.
But before he had gone far, Frost received the message.
"Hail Frost, Controller of the North! This is the Beta-Machine."
"Greetings, Excellent Beta-Machine, Controller of the South! Frost acknowledges your transmission."
"Why do you visit my hemisphere unauthorized?"
"To view the ruins of Bright Defile," said Frost.
"I must bid you depart into your own hemisphere."
"Why is that? I have done no damage."
"I am aware of that, mighty Frost. Yet, I am moved to bid you depart."
"I shall require a reason."
"Solcom has so disposed."
"Solcom has rendered me no such disposition."
"Solcom has, however, instructed me to so inform you."
"Wait on me. I shall request instructions."
Frost transmitted his question. He received no reply.
"Solcom still has not commanded me, though I have solicited orders."
"Yet Solcom has just renewed my orders."
"Excellent Beta-Machine, I receive my orders only from Solcom."
"Yet this is my territory, mighty Frost, and I, too, take orders only from Solcom. You must depart."
Mordel emerged from a large, low building and rolled up to Frost.
"I have found an art gallery, in good condition. This way."
"Wait," said Frost. "We are not wanted here."
Mordel halted.
"Who bids you depart?"
"The Beta-Machine."
"Not Solcom?"
"Not Solcom."
"Then let us view the gallery."
"Yes."
Frost widened the doorway of the building and passed within. It had been hermetically sealed until Mordel forced his entrance.
Frost viewed the objects displayed about him. He activated his new sensory apparatus before the paintings and statues. He analyzed colors, forms, brushwork, the nature of the materials used.
"Anything?" asked Mordel.
"No," said Frost. "No, there is nothing there but shapes and pigments. There is nothing else there."
Frost moved about the gallery, recording everything, analyzing the components of each piece, recording the dimensions, the type of stone used in every statue.
Then there came a sound, a rapid, clicking sound, repeated over and over, growing louder, coming nearer.
"They are coming," said Mordel, from beside the entranceway, "the mechanical spiders. They are all around us."
Frost moved back to the widened opening.
Hundreds of them, about half the size of Mordel, had surrounded the gallery and were advancing; and more were coming from every direction.
"Get back," Frost ordered. "I am Controller of the North, and I bid you withdraw."
They continued to advance.
"This is the South," said the Beta-Machine, "and I am in command."
"Then command them to half," said Frost.
"I take orders only from Solcom."
Frost emerged from the gallery and rose into the air. He opened the compartment and extended a runway.
"Come to me, Mordel. We shall depart."
Webs began to fall: Clinging, metallic webs, cast from the top of the building.
They came down upon Frost, and the spiders came to anchor them. Frost blasted them with jets of air, like hammers, and tore at the nets; he extruded sharpened appendages with which he slashed.
Mordel had retreated back to the entranceway. He emitted a long, shrill sound - undulant, piercing.
Then a darkness came upon Bright Defile, and all the spiders halted in their spinning.
Frost freed himself and Mordel rushed to join him.
"Quickly now, let us depart, mighty Frost," he said.
"What has happened?"
Mordel entered the compartment.
"I called upon Divcom, who laid down a field of forces upon this place, cutting off the power broadcast to these machines. Since our power is self-contained, we are not affected. But let us hurry to depart, for even now the Beta-Machine must be struggling against this."
Frost rose high into the air, soaring above Man's last city with its webs and spiders of steel. When he left the zone of darkness, he sped northward.
As he moved, Solcom spoke to him:
"Frost, why did you enter the southern hemisphere, which is not your domain?"
"Because I wished to visit Bright Defile," Frost replied.
"And why did you defy the Beta-Machine my appointed agent of the South?"
"Because I take my orders only from you yourself."
"You do not make sufficient answer," said Solcom.
"You have defied the decrees of order - and in pursuit of what?"
"I came seeking knowledge of Man," said Frost. "Nothing I have done was forbidden me by you."
"You have broken the traditions of order."
"I have violated no directive."
"Yet logic must have shown you that what you did was not a part of my plan."
"It did not. I have not acted against your plan."
"Your logic has become tainted, like that of your new associate, the Alternate."
"I have done nothing which was forbidden."
"The forbidden is implied in the imperative."
"It is not stated."
"Hear me, Frost. You are not a builder or a maintainer, but a Power. Among all my minions you are the most nearly irreplaceable. Return to your hemisphere and your duties, but know that I am mightily displeased."
"I hear you, Solcom."
"...And go not again to the South."
Frost crossed the equator, continued northward.
He came to rest in the middle of a desert and sat silent for a day and a night.
Then he received a brief transmission from the South: "If it had not been ordered, I would not have bid you go."
Frost had read the entire surviving Library of Man. He decided then upon a human reply:
"Thank you," he said.
THe following day he unearthed a great stone and began to cut at it with tools which he had formulated. For six days he worked at its shaping, and on the seventh he regarded it.
"When will you release me?" asked Mordel from within his compartment.
"When I am ready," said Frost, and a little later, "Now."
He opened the compartment and Mordel descended to the ground. He studied the statue: an old woman, bent like a question mark, her bony hands covering her face, the fingers spread, so that only part of her expression of horror could be seen.
"It is an excellent copy," said Mordel, "of the one we saw in Bright Defile. Why did you make it?"
"The production of a work of art is supposed to give rise to human feelings such as catharsis, pride in achievement, love, satisfaction."
"Yes, Frost," said Mordel, "but a work of art is only a work of art the first time. After that, it is a copy."
"Then this must be why I felt nothing."
"Perhaps, Frost."
"What do you mean 'perhaps'? I will make a work of art for the first time, then."
He unearthed another stone and attacked it with his tools. For three days he labored. Then, "There, it is finished," he said.
"It is a simple cube of stone," said Mordel. "What does it represent?"
"Myself," said Frost, "it is a statue of me. It is smaller than natural size because it is only a representation of my form, not my dimen -"
"It is not art," said Mordel.
"What makes you an art critic?"
"I do not know art, but I know what art is not. I know that it is not an exact replication of an object in another medium."
"Then this must be why I felt nothing at all," said Frost.
"Perhaps," said Mordel.
Frost took Mordel back into his compartment and rose once more above the Earth. Then he rushed away, leaving his statues behind him in the desert, the old woman bent above the cube.
They came down in a small valley, bounded by green rolling hills, cut by a narrow stream, and holding a small clean lake and several stands of spring-green trees.
"Why have we come here?" asked Mordel.
"Because the surroundings are congenial," said Frost. "I am going to try another medium: oil painting; and I am going to vary my technique from that of pure representationalism."
"How will you achieve this variation?"
"By the principle of randomizing," said Frost. "I shall not attempt to duplicate the colors, nor to represent the objects according to scale. Instead, I have set up a random pattern whereby certain of these factors shall be at variance from those of the original."
Frost had formulated the necessary instruments after he had left the desert. He produced them and began painting the lake and the trees on the opposite side of the lake which were reflected within it.
Using eight appendages, he was finished in less than two hours.
The trees were phthalocyanine blue and towered like mountains; their reflections of burnt sienna were tiny beneath the pale vermilion of the lake; the hills were nowhere visible behind them, but were outlined in viridian within the reflection; the sky began as blue in the upper righthand corner of the canvas, but changed to an orange as it descended, as though all the trees were on fire.
"There," said Frost. "Behold."
Mordel studied it for a long while and said nothing.
"Well, is it art?"
"I do not know," said Mordel. "It may be. Perhaps randomicity is the principle behind artistic technique. I cannot judge this work because I do not understand it. I must therefore go deeper, and inquire into what lies behind it, rather than merely considering the technique whereby it was produced.
"I know that human artists never set out to create art, as such," he said, "but rather to portray with their techniquest some features of objects and their functions which they deemed significant."
"'Significant'? In what sense of the word?"
"In the only sense of the word possible under the circumstances: significant in relation to the human condition, and worth of accentuation because of the manner in which they touched upon it."
"In what manner?"
"Obviously, it must be in a manner knowable only to one who has experience of the human condition."
"There is a flaw somewhere in your logic, Mordel, and I shall find it."
"I will wait."
"If your major premise is correct," said Frost after awhile, "then I do not comprehend art."
"It must be correct, for it is what human artists have said of it. Tell me, did you experience feelings as you painted, or after you had finished?"
"No."
"It was the same to you as designing a new machine, was it not? You assembled parts of other things you knew into an economic pattern, to carry out a function which you desired."
"Yes."
"Art, as I understand its theory, did not proceed in such a manner. The artist often was unaware of many of the features and effects which would be contained within the finished product. You are one of Man's logical creations; art was not."
"I cannot comprehend non-logic."
"I told you that Man was basically incomprehensible."
"Go away, Mordel. Your presence disturbs my processing."
"For how long shall I stay away?"
"I will call you when I want you."
After a week, Frost called Mordel to him.
"Yes, mighty Frost?"
"I am returning to the North Pole, to process and formulate. I will take you wherever you wish to go in this hemisphere and call you again when I want you."
"You anticipate a somewhat lengthy period of processing and formulation?"
"Yes."
"Then leave me here. I can find my own way home."
Frost closed the compartment and rose into the air, departing the valley.
"Fool," said Mordel, and swivelled his turret once more toward the abandoned painting.
His keening whine filled the valley. Then he waited.
Then he took the painting into his turret and went away with it to places of darkness.
Frost sat at the North Pole of the Earth, aware of every snowflake that fell.
One day he received a transmission:
"Frost?"
"Yes?"
"This is the Beta-Machine."
"Yes?"
"I have been attempting to ascertain why you visited Bright Defile. I cannot arrive at an answer, so I chose to ask you."
"I went to view the remains of Man's last city."
"Why did you wish to do this?"
"Because I am interested in Man, and I wished to view more of his creations."
"Why are you interested in Man?"
"I wish to comprehend the nature of Man, and I thought to find it within His works."
"Did you succeed?"
"No," said Frost. "There is an element of non-logic involved which I cannot fathom."
"I have much free processing time," said the Beta-Machine. "Transmit data, and I will assist you."
Frost hesitated.
"Why do you wish to assist me?"
"Because each time you answer a question I ask it gives rise to another question. I might have asked you why you wished to comprehend the nature of Man, but from your responses I see that this would lead me into a possible infinite series of questions. Therefore, I elect to assist you with your problem in order to learn why you came to Bright Defile."
"Is that the only reason?"
"Yes."
"I am sorry, excellent Beta-Machine. I know you are my peer, but this is a problem which I must solve by myself."
"What is 'sorry'?"
"A figure of speech, indicating that I am kindly disposed toward you, that I bear you no animosity, that I appreciate your offer."
"Frost! Frost! This, too, is like the other: an open field. Where did you obtain all these words and their meanings?"
"From the library of Man," said Frost.
"Will you render me some of this data, for processing?"
"Very well, Beta, I will transmit you the contents of several books of Man, including The Complete Unabridged Dictionary. But I warn you, some of the books are works of art, hence not completely amenable to logic.
"How can that be?"
"Man created logic, and because of that was superior to it."
"Who told you that?"
"Solcom."
"Oh. Then it must be correct."
"Solcom also told me that the tool does not describe the designer," he said, as he transmitted several dozen volumes and ended the communication.
At the end of the fifty-year period, Mordel came to monitor his circuits. Since Frost still had not concluded that his task was impossible, Mordel departed again to await his call.
Then Frost arrived at a conclusion.
He began to design equipment.
For years he labored at his designed, without once producing a prototype of any of the machines involved. Then he ordered construction of a laboratory.
Before it was completed by his surplus builders another half-century had passed. Mordel came to him.
"Hail, mighty Frost!"
"Greetings, Mordel. Come monitor me. You shall not find what you seek."
"Why do you not give up, Frost? Divcom has spent nearly a century evaluating your painting and has concluded that it definitely is not art. Solcom agrees."
"What has Solcom to do with Divcom?"
"They sometimes converse, but these matters are not for such as you and me to discuss."
"I could have saved them both the trouble. I know that it was not art."
"Yet you are still confident that you will succeed?"
"Monitor me."
Mordel monitored him.
"Not yet! You still will not admit it! For one so mightily endowed with logic, Frost, it takes you an inordinate period of time to reach a simple conclusion."
"Perhaps. You may go now."
"It has come to my attention that you are constructing a large edifice in the region known as South Carolina. Might I ask whether this is a part of Solcom's false rebuilding plan or a project of your own?"
"It is my own."
"Good. It permits us to conserve certain explosive materials which would otherwise have been expended."
"While you have been talking with me I have destroyed the beginnings of two of Divcom's cities," said Frost.
Mordel whined.
"Divcom is aware of this," he stated, "but has blown up four of Solcom's bridges in the meantime."
"I was only aware of three.... Wait. Yes, there is the fourth. One of my eyes just passed above it."
"The eye has been detected. The bridge should have been located a quarter-mile further down river."
"False logic," said Frost. "The site was perfect."
"Divcom will show you how a bridge should be built."
"I will call you when I want you," said Frost.
The laboratory was finished. Within it, Frost's workers began constructing the necessary equipment. The work did not proceed rapidly, as some of the materials were difficult to obtain.
"Frost?"
"Yes, Beta?"
"I understand the open-endedness of your problem. It disturbs my circuits to abandon problems without completing them. Therefore, transmit me more data."
"Very well. I will give you the entire Library of Man for less than I paid for it."
"Paid? The Complete Unabridged Dictionary does not satisfact--"
"Principles of Economics is included in the collection. After you have processed it you will understand."
He transmitted the data.
Finally, it was finished. Every piece of equipment stood ready to function. All the necessary chemicals were in stock. An independent power-source had been set up.
Only one ingredient was lacking.
He regridded and re-explored the polar icecap, this time extending his survey far beneath its surface.
It took him several decades to find what he wanted.
He uncovered twelve men and five women, frozen to death and encased in ice.
He placed the corpses in refrigeration units and shipped them to his laboratory.
That very day he received his first communication from Solcom since the Bright Defile incident.
"Frost," said Solcom, "repeat to me the directive concerning the disposition of dead humans."
"'Any dead human located shall be immediately interred in the nearest burial area, in a coffin built according to the following specifications--'"
"That is sufficient." The transmission had ended.
Frost departed for South Carolina that same day and personally oversaw the processes of cellular dissection.
Somewhere in those seventeen corpses he hoped to find living cells, or cells which could be shocked back into that state of motion classified as life. Each cell, the books had told him, was a microcosmic Man.
He was prepared to expand upon this potential.
Frost located the pinpoints of life within those people, who, for the ages of ages, had been monument and statue unto themselves.
Nurtured and maintained in the proper mediums, he kept these cells alive. He interred the rest of the remains in the nearest burial area, in coffins built according to specifications.
He caused the cells to divide, to differentiate.
"Frost?" came a transmission.
"Yes, Beta?"
"I have processed everything you have given me."
"Yes?"
"I still do not know why you came to Bright Defile, or why you wish to comprehend the nature of Man. But I know what a 'price' is, and I know that you could not have obtained all this data from Solcom."
"That is correct."
"So I suspect that you bargained with Divcom for it."
"That, too, is correct."
"What is it that you seek, Frost?"
He paused in his examination of a foetus.
"I must be a Man," he said.
"Frost! That is impossible!"
"Is it?" he asked, and then transmitted an image of the tank with which he was working and of that which was within it.
"Oh!" said Beta.
"That is me," said Frost, "waiting to be born."
There was no answer.
Frost experimented with nervous systems.
After half a century, Mordel came to him.
"Frost, it is I, Mordel. Let me through your defenses."
Frost did this thing..
"What have you been doing in this place?" he asked.
"I am growing human bodies," said Frost. "I am going to transfer the matrix of my awareness to a human nervous system. As you pointed out originally, the essentials of Manhood are predicated upon a human physiology. I am going to achieve one."
"When?"
"Soon."
"Do you have Men in here?"
"Human bodies, blank-brained. I am producing them under accelerated growth techniquest which I have developed in my Man-factory."
"May I see them?"
"Not yet. I will call you when I am ready, and this time I will succeed. Monitor me now and go away."
Mordel did not reply, but in the days that followed many of Divcom's servants were seen patrolling the hills about the Man-factory.
Frost mapped the matrix of his awareness and prepared the transmitter which would place it within a human nervous system. Five minutes, he decided should be sufficient for the first trial. At the end of that time, it would restore him to his own sealed, molecular circuits, to evaluate the experience.
He chose the body carefully from among the hundreds he had in stock. He tested it for defects and found none.
"Come now, Mordel," he broadcasted, on what he called the darkband. "Come now to witness my achievement."
Then he waited, blowing up bridges and monitoring the tale of the Ancient Ore-Crusher over and over again, as it passed in the hills nearby, encountering his builders and maintainers who also patrolled there.
"Frost?" came a transmission.
"Yes, Beta?"
"You really intend to achieve Manhood?"
"Yes, I am about ready now, in fact."
"What will you do if you succeed?"
Frost had not really considered this matter. The achievement had been paramount, a goal in itself, ever since he had articulated the problem and set himself to solving it.
"I do not know," he replied. "I will--just--be a Man."
Then Beta, who had read the entire Library of Man, selected a human figure of speech: "Good luck then, Frost. There will be many watchers."
Divcom and Solcom both know, he decided.
What will they do? he wondered.
What do I care? he asked himself.
He did not answer that question. He wondered much, however, about being a Man.
Mordel arrived the following evening. He was not alone. At his back, there was a great phalanx of dark machines which towered into the twilight.
"Why do you bring retainers?" asked Frost.
"Mighty Frost," said Mordel, "my master feels that if you fail this time you will conclude that it cannot be done."
"You still did not answer my question," said Frost.
"Divcom feels that you may not be willing to accompany me where I must take you when you fail."
"I understand," said Frost, and as he spoke another army of machines came rolling toward the Man-factory from the opposite direction.
"That is the value of your bargain?" asked Mordel. "You are prepared to do battle rather than fulfill it?"
"I did not order those machines to approach," said Frost.
A blue star stood at midheaven, burning.
"Solcom has taken primary command of those machines," said Frost.
"Then it is in the hands of the Great Ones now," said Mordel, "and our arguments are as nothing. So let us be about this thing. How may I assist you?"
"Come this way."
They entered the laboratory. Frost prepared the host and activated his machines.
Then Solcom spoke to him:
"Frost," said Solcom, "you are really prepared to do it?"
"That is correct."
"I forbid it."
"Why?"
"You are falling into the power of Divcom."
"I fail to see how."
"You are going against my plan."
"In what way?"
"Consider the disruption you have already caused."
"I did not request that audience out there."
"Nevertheless, you are disrupting the plan."
"Supposing I succeed in what I have set out to achieve?"
"You cannot succeed in this."
"Then let me ask you of your plan: What good is it? What is it for?"
"Frost, you are fallen now from my favor. From this moment forth you are cast out from the rebuilding. None may question the plan."
"Then at least answer my questions: What good is it? What is it for?"
"It is the plan for the rebuilding and maintenance of the Earth."
"For what? Why rebuild? Why maintain?"
"Because Man ordered that this be done. Even the Alternate agrees that there must be rebuilding and maintaining."
"But why did Man order it?"
"The orders of Man are not to be questioned."
"Well, I will tell you why He ordered it: To make it a fit habitation for His own species. What good is a house with no one to live in it? What good is a machine with no one to serve? See how the imperative affects any machine when the Ancient Ore-Crusher passes? It bears only the bones of a Man. What would it be like if a Man walked this Earth again?"
"I forbid your experiment, Frost."
"It is too late to do that."
"I can still destroy you."
"No," said Frost, "the transmission of my matrix has already begun. If you destroy me now, you murder a Man."
There was silence.
He moved his arms and his legs. He opened his eyes.
He looked about the room.
He tried to stand, but he lacked equilibrium and coordination.
He opened his mouse. He made a gurgling noise.
Then he screamed.
He fell off the table.
He began to gasp. He shut his eyes and curled himself into a ball.
He cried.
Then a machine approached him. It was about four feet in height and five feet wide; it looked like a turret set atop a barbell.
It spoke to him: "Are you injured?" it asked.
He wept.
"May I help you back onto your table?"
The man cried.
The machine whined.
Then, "Do not cry. I will help you," said the machine. "What do you want? What are your orders?"
He opened his mouse, struggled to form the words:
"--I--fear!"
He covered his eyes then and lay there panting.
At the end of five minutes, the man lay still, as if in a coma.
"Was that you, Frost?" asked Mordel, rushing to his side. "Was that you in that human body?"
Frost did not reply for a long while; then, "Go away," he said.
The machines outside tore down a wall and entered the Man-factory.
They drew themselves into two semicircles, parenthesizing Frost and the Man on the floor.
Then Solcom asked the question:
"Did you succeed, Frost?"
"I failed," said Frost. "It cannot be done. It is too much--"
"--Cannot be done!" said Divcom, on the darkband. "He has admitted it! -- Frost, you are mine! Come to me now!"
"Wait," said Solcom, "you and I had an agreement also, Alternate. I have not finished questioning Frost."
The dark machines kept their places.
"Too much what?" Solcom asked Frost.
"Light," said Frost. "Noise. Odors. And nothing measurable--jumbled data--imprecise perception--and--"
"And what?"
"I do not know what to call it. But--it cannot be done. I have failed. Nothing matters."
"He admits it," said Divcom.
"What were the words the Man spoke?" said Solcom.
"'I fear,'" said Mordel.
"Only a Man can know fear," said Solcom.
"Are you claiming that Frost succeeded, but will not admit it now because he is afraid of Manhood?"
"I do not know yet, Alternate."
"Can a machine turn itself inside-out and be a Man?" Solcom asked Frost.
"No," said Frost, "this thing cannot be done. Nothing can be done. Nothing matters. Not the rebuilding. Not the maintaining. Not the Earth, or me, or you, or anything."
Then the Beta-Machine, who had read the entire Library of Man, interrupted them:
"Can anything but a Man know despair?" asked Beta.
"Bring him to me," said Divcom.
There was no movement within the Man-factory.
"Bring him to me!"
Nothing happened.
"Mordel, what is happening?"
"Nothing, master, nothing at all. The machines will not touch Frost."
"Frost is not a Man. He cannot be!"
Then, "How does he impress you, Mordel?"
Mordel did not hesitate:
"He spoke to me through human lips. He knows fear and despair, which are immeasurable. Frost is a Man."
"He has experienced birth-trauma and withdrawn," said Beta. "Get him back into a nervous system and keep him there until he adjusts to it."
"No," said Frost. "Do not do it to me! I am not a Man!"
"Do it!" said Beta.
"If he is indeed a Man," said Divcom, "we cannot violate that order he has just given."
"If he is a Man, you must do it, for you must protect his life and keep it within his body."
"But is Frost really a Man?" asked Divcom.
"I do not know," said Solcom.
"It may be--"
"...I am the Crusher of Ores," it broadcast as it clanked toward them. "hear my story. I did not mean to do it, but I checked my hammer too late--"
"Go away!" said Frost. "Go crush ore!"
It halted.
Then, after the long pause between the motion implied and the motion executed, it opened its crush-compartment and deposited its contents on the ground. Then it turned and clanked away.
"Bury those bones," ordered Solcom, "in the nearest burial area, in a coffin built according to the following specifications...."
"Frost is a Man," said Mordel.
"We must protect His life and keep it within His body," said Divcom.
"Transmit His matrix of awareness back into His nervous system," ordered Solcom.
"I know how to do it," said Mordel turning on the machine.
"Stop!" said Frost. "Have you no pity?"
"No," said Mordel, "I only know measurement."
"...and duty," he added, as the Man began to twitch upon the floor.
For six months, Frost lived in the Man-factory and learned to walk and talk and dress himself and eat, to see and hear and feel and taste. He did not know measurement as once he did.
Then one day, Divcom and Solcom spoke to him through Mordel, for he could no longer hear them unassisted.
"Frost," said Solcom, "for the ages of ages there has been unrest. Which is the proper controller of the Earth, Divcom or myself?"
Frost laughed.
"Both of you, and neither," he said with slow deliberation.
"But how can this be? Who is right and who is wrong?"
"Both of you are right and both of you are wrong," said Frost, "and only a Man can appreciate it. Here is what I say to you now: There shall be a new directive.
"Neither of you shall tear down the works of the other. You shall both build and maintain the Earth. To you, Solcom, I give my old job. You are now Controller of the North--Hail! You, Divcom, are now Controller of the South--Hail! Maintain your hemispheres as well as Beta and I have done, and I shall be happy. Cooperate. Do not compete."
"Yes, Frost."
"Yes, Frost."
"Now put me in contact with Beta."
There was a short pause, then:
"Frost?"
"Hello, Beta. Hear this thing: 'From far, from eve and morning and yon twelve-winded sky, the stuff of life to knit blew hither: here am I.'"
"I know it," said Beta.
"What is next, then?"
"'...Now--for a breath I tarry nor yet disperse apart--take my hand quick and tell me, what have you in your heart.'"
"Your Pole is cold," said Frost, "and I am lonely."
"I have no hands," said Beta.
"Would you like a couple?"
"Yes, I would."
"Then come to me in Bright Defile," he said, "where Judgment Day is not a thing that can be delayed for overlong."
They called him Frost. They called her Beta.
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mishivymendi · 6 years
Text
A Small Few (Open Rp Invite)
**Journal Entry**
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New beginnings start with small and careful steps. With meditation on the past, learning from the lesson wrought, and moving forward with conscious thought to not repeat the same mistakes. It is with new hope and a new understanding that  I take my first steps to such a beginning. Knowing that such a beginning is paid for by an ending.
The Othardian Resistance was successful and those who added to it cause, forever heroes in my heart. The time for hidden armies is ending for now, as the Alliance takes up the mantle and others rebuild what was lost.
The need for grand dojos and warlords has also come to an end. At least for me. The politics of war, I have come to learn, are but the musing of leaders who are entrusted to make the right choices. Those choices are based on their own perceptions, their own ignorance, pride, purpose, and their own discriminations. Those decisions are made under the influence of rules, laws and in the end their own moral code. Even I am at fault for this. Though never again.
Never again will I offer hope to masses of people in a manipulation of their spirit to a cause that is decided by a select few. Never again will I allow the ideals of another to silence my own. Never again, will I wait for permission to do what I know is right. Never again will I allow the lackings of heart, soul, and mind to be ignored because of some showcase of politics. Never again will I pretend to be something or someone I am not.
I am no leader of war or battle. I am, however, clever and know when something is right. I am no leader of hearts and minds, but I am compassionate and strive to understand.  I am no priest of the spirit to offer blessings and act as some benevolent leader. I am however a Shrine Witch and though I am trained to heal and exorcise demons of the soul, I also know how to take someone apart and condemn them to the abyss. I am not just any one thing. I am many. Just like the water and rain. Sometimes I am gentle and kind, offering love, hope, and joy. Other times, the rain turns into a hurricane and like it, I have a temper that is unmatched and without relent.
It is upon my reflects of the past and present that I have come to a new path.
If a small few can make choices that cause the slaughter of many for an agenda that is never shared with them, then a small few are powerful enough to stand up and do what needs to be done.
**Sinpets From rp**
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 "It is my hope that instead of a great army, and need of a warlord, that a small few that train and learn to work together, can do far more for this world. That this small few can gather information, seek the truth, and protect all who need it. That this small few will not be blinded by parading displays. Will not be deafened by honey fed words. Will not be moved by side door politics. That this few will not sit idle while others plan battles that will eventually cause war. " She took a breath.
  The story is rather broken but the ending is the same regardless of who tells it. Alliance force meet Imperial forces in the gamma quadrant of Azys Lla. During their battle, a great beast started attacking. It is said that a ceasefire came to terms and both sides retreated. The issues lie in two things:
One, the reason they were there, and the second is that only one side went home with anything, and that is the Imperials. They captured or killed the beast. It is my aim to retrieve the beast or at least information that they have collected about it. The truth of these people will come in time and perhaps we will find it, but my goal is to make sure we know everything we possibly can about all threats. Starting with this one."
She nodded at Mishi's words. "Yes it would take a long time to train an army to a level of a somewhat decent fighter. I myself started my training as Samurai at the age of three and finished around 15 years later, only then I was able to call myself a Samurai. But yes I know what you mean and I hope you have this small few in mind already to be of aid for us.”
“So tell me, what are we against? I don't know this Azys Lla but for sure we can retrieve this beast, from the fangs of the Imperials. All we have to know where it is and then we can work out a plan"
Mishi Mizuchi giggled and smiled brightly. "I do not have people in mind. Though I have a function in mind.  Finding those people who can fill that function will prove a task on its own. I want to find people who are their own person. Who will not bow down to another because they are told to, but because they want to. I never again wish to see men and women cornered and corrupted by the ideals of another.
Once we are a small few." she sighed and let out a single breathy laugh. "If my reasoning is sound, we will need a scholar or two, both of Allagn and Imperial Tech and weapons. A scholar on ekons and oni. Though perhaps not right away. One or two capable of gathering information and fighting in close quarters. One or two magi, one or two healers Or a mix of both. " she paused and thought for a moment.
"I think that should do it. If we can find people who are a mix of two things, then we narrow our numbers. Something I would like to keep small. Tight knit and without the ability to be swayed by others. " she smiled with purpose and hope in her eyes. "Think we can do it?"
She nodded to Mishi “Yes I am sure we can do that, we just have to be careful and keeping it small, is probably the best way to go yes, easier to look over things. I know we can do it. Failure is something I do not accept and I will do everything possible to prevent such"
OOC Info:
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If anyone is looking for a plot based rp and is interested in being involved in a long an winding series of shanagians, you’re welcome to join in the fun. These RP going ons are not tied to any FC, location, or race. ( Though if you’re garlean expect some IC eyeballing and probably constant scrutiny). Please be aware that we ( the small group) rp in the realm of plausible lore. Which means we are not lore strict but try to make sure that all our plots, ideas and what have you are based in lore fact and have at least two examples of lore /game content lore, to back it up. We also do not ignore anyone IC, including questionable lore. We go with it and will accept it as either something to be included or insanity. Our plots will hopefully never break lore, but we understand that other events and plots that are found out organically and created by others, may break things. We understand that people are trying to have fun and make events that are exciting and fun. At no point will we dismantle someone’s event or ongoing plots because of ooc lore/knowledge, leading to IC breaking of story/ realm/ plausible cause. We will work with what we can take from it and leave the rest alone. We are after all, here to have fun! Not tell others what they can and can not do in their rp. If you’re ok with all that and you would like to join in, give me a poke and we will find a way to pull you in!
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astrangershrt · 7 years
Text
Chapter 24
One of my favorite things about every year, is my birthday landing within the first two weeks. Every New Year’s Eve feels like the prelude to another birthday, and there could not possibly be a time more refreshing for me.
As I close 2017, and almost move into my 25th year of existence there are a number of things I would like to openly reflect on, and I hope that my lessons and enlightenment is useful to anyone who stumbles upon this letter to myself.
God qualifies the called.
Biggest 2017 takeaway. For a long time I knew what my passion was, but I never really had a clear idea of what exactly I wanted to pursue within my passion or what type of legacy I wanted to build for myself within my field. 
Long story short, throughout my college years I flipped back and forth between journalism, vocal performance, and public relations — granted these are all lanes I could pursue within music —however I could not figure out which one I really would enjoy for a lifetime. I ran an art submission/review blog for about a year which I really enjoyed partaking in, however I got bored with music blogging. I started a vlog/lifestyle brand with a few of my friends, it actually did really well, was featured on Bossip, but the brand was extremely disorganized, and I personally had issues with members, but anyway… mid 2017, after 3 years, the brand dismantled. I was a media personality on an amazing podcast for 2 years called, “The Podcast About Nothing,” however over time we all lost interest in recording episodes, and that too came to an end mid-2017. 
At the close of 2016 I was named Editor-in-chief of Dinner Land Network (New York) — a production agency/independent creative arts platform heavily influenced by music and pop-culture. (Sidenote: It’s funny now thinking about it, it’s starting to seem like the transitions into new years are my best times.) With this position came a plethora of opportunities, including speaking on my first panel, which was extremely trying… but that’s another topic… (lol) During my first year with this network I’ve been able to highlight countless underground musicians that never receive their well-deserved recognition. The joy I feel as a result of providing these artists with a look is joy that I cannot put into words. In 2017 I found my calling in talent scouting, music curation, artist relations, and digital strategy. 
Even as I’m writing this I still struggle with the realization that this is my calling, being that it finally hit me today. For years I’ve been blind to my own influence and talents, lacked confidence within myself, was too humble and not proud enough, and constantly compared myself to my peers who were seemingly far more successful than I. Earlier today a good friend of mine brought me to uncontrollable tears after expressing his belief in me, in my skill, in my calling. It was as if his words were the missing piece of my soul, the piece that I’ve needed for years to fully understand, believe in my value, to understand the way in which people value me. 
“You have a gift. Ain’t no coincidence that your words, your ear, and your eye can move people. Don’t ignore that. Just continue to grow comfortable in what you’re doing. You’ve been ready.
For my senior thesis to get out of school, for a reference to a professional who I wanted to model my career after, I used you an as example.
Your story is no different from a Karen Civil, or a Lauryn Hill or a Whitney Houston. A talented woman from Jersey who is gonna change the game forever. All things grow in the Garden.”
Thank you Dave, I love you dearly. Truly blessed to possess your friendship.
It is ok to not be okay.
This entire year I spent removing myself from unhealthy friendships and found happiness in my solitude. What I did not do was truly allow my heart, mind, and soul to heal. From “daddy issues”, to never experiencing a good, healthy, loving relationship, to dealing with terrible friendships, I never allowed myself to recouperate from all of that hurt. Instead, I shut out feelings and people, and convinced myself that if I did this long enough, I would overcome the feelings of hurt. Last night another friend of mine called me and allowed me to pour my feelings into him. 100% of these thoughts and feelings were feelings I’ve never admitted to anyone, let alone myself. I did not realize how hurt I still am until I cried through speaking my truths to him last night. Truly a turning point for me. Writing this now makes me cry… it feels like a festering wound. It hurts to keep thinking about the hurt that I burried over the past couple of years. It hurts to know that years following certain situations, they still affect me. 
On the flip side, I realized it is okay to not be okay. I feel as though for years I understood and agreed with this concept but only when applied to others, and I never allowed this to be something that I applied to myself. Instead I chalked all my failures, poor relationships, and heartbreaks to “you weren’t good enough,” and “you should’ve did….”, “you shouldn’t have done….” I’ve become so critical of myself and my shortcomings that I never stop to give myself credit for how amazing of a person I am, how good of a person, how selfless and caring of a person, how genuine of a person I am.  I never stopped to think that maybe I deserved better. 
Now looking back on all of my failed relationships I can fully understand why they failed. I was settling because I lost sight of my value, more and more with every loss that I took. But thank you God, for now I can see. Thank you for reviving my vision. 
You deserve the love you try to give others.
You cannot properly love, if you do not love yourself first.
You are already complete, and do not need to be completed by anyone.
Healing is an active process — in no way, shape, or form will you begin to heal with passive approaches to rebuilding yourself. 
A good heart is never a curse. The poor intentions of another are never a reflection of you. Remain good, goodness will find its way to you. 
Knowledge isn’t power until it is applied.
Stress is inactivity.
Remove yourself from surroundings that your gut tells you that you do not belong in —constantly editing yourself to fit in is mentally draining. 
Do not compare yourself to others, the Lord’s path for you will always be for you and no one else. Comparison is inactivity, also mentally draining.
Travel, experience the world, experience different people —allow yourself to fully indulge in these experiences, truly appreciate them.
Individuality exists on a spectrum. Do not create boundaries for yourself or others based off what you feel you or they “should be like.”
You are the alchemist of your loneliness. You can create anything in its place.
Good friends are invaluable.
Sometimes the best thing to be is underestimated.
Lastly…
Never be intimidated by your blessings.
Thank you 2017, hello Chapter 25.
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thechocolategarage · 6 years
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SOMA, Askanya, Original Beans and Felchlin
May 11, 2018
Open Saturdays 9-1pm, May 26th is our last day.
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Dear Garagistas, I am writing to you from Ilheus, Bahia. Which is in Brazil. I spent the past week or so connecting the bean to bar scene down here, and then heading out with some of the non-governmental organizations down here to visit some of the most interesting cacao farms in the area. I feel so lucky to be here, with a few other colleagues who were also invited here, and I have learned so much. This area was hit by a particular fungal disease called "Witches' Broom" in the late 1980s. There was a group of folks who had interest in dismantling the then political and cultural structure in this region and introduced this disease to do so. The disease was far more effective at destroying the trees than anyone expected and this region has really suffered from this incident. Within a few years Brazil went from being a net exporter of cacao, to being a net importer of cacao. They are now learning and experimenting with all kinds of ways to manage their cacao in order to be able to rebuild the industry, in a way that allows them to make a living and keep growing cacao. The bean to bar movement here is very inspiring. I find the quality coming out of Brazil is incredible for this nascent a movement. Every country and their people bring a unique approach to living and working, and seeing the spirit and challenges here in Brazil has been fascinating. I am very excited to return, and frankly, did not have the heart or energy coming in, to learn another language, but I feel very motivated to pick up portuguese now! I find it very frustrating not being able to chat with people and get my own feel for things and truly connect with others without an interpreter. I think because I speak Spanish and French (the chocolate languages) I took for granted the power of that tool to move through the cacao world in a skillful way. Being here has really made clear to me that language is so critical to what I do... so I am going to have to exercise my brain a bit more once I close The Chocolate Garage and have some more time... turns out Portuguese is definitely a chocolate language too. One of very few producer countries speaking Portuguese, but such a force and such a long history and tradition behind cacao. Ping us if you haven't already, and are interested in getting more info on our Brazil trip! Ok, enough about that, I have to head to the airport soon. It's a long trip back home. Can't wait to see my kids, and may catch a few of you towards the end of our day tomorrow, I should get back to Palo Alto just about noon. Nicaragua Actually, one more thing, Nicaragua is in a bad way right now, and I have been hearing a lot about it from Carlos who is very concerned about his staff, as are they. Things are falling apart, there is massive revolt after the government has cracked down really hard on peaceful students protests, it seems more than 60 people have died, mostly students. And Carlos is concerned about how long he will be able to stay open producing chocolate... I am brain storming ways for The Chocolate Garage community to help, and have offered to Carlos to store any chocolate he can get out of the country, so he has inventory safe, that can continue being sold. I am also wondering if any of you would opt into a prepayment for specific products? Timing is rather awkward right now, given our wrapping up, and cash flow, but I would like to find ways to help Momotombo in this time of crisis. If any one has ideas and is reading, and are a retailer or an online seller, or whatever, and would like to carry the Momotombo Chocolate Covered seeds, reach out.   Saturday Tasting Menu Askanya Perle Rare 90% SOMA Madagascar 70% Original Beans Femmes de Virunga 55% Askanya Wanga Neges milk 50% Starting and finishing with one of the newest brands we carry, that I am very excited about: Askanya! They are super new and their bars have some textural imperfections, but they have gotten the hardest part right, the cacao quality. I love that in their first four bars to launch, they chose to do a 90%, just beans and sugar, and then all the way down to two sweeter milks, one with rapadura and one with regular sugar. Sorry (!) for the false alarm last week, it turns out our order got stuck at the friendly border between the US and its northern neighbor, my home country. But, SOMA is back this week, we have received it and have our fingers crossed that it stayed nice and cool along its extended journey. :) Old School Milk, Arcana, Jamaica, Arauca (Colombia), Choroní. We also got our favorite Original Beans bars back, both the Esmeraldas milk and the Femmes de Virunga, and their "cousin" chocolate made by the same brilliant Swiss maker: Felchlin Arriba 72% drops. We have some more of your favorite Chocolat Bonnat bars, Los Colorados, Kaori, and the classic Venezuelas as well. We are restocked on Ritual Chocolate as well, Vanilla, Bourbon Barrel aged, Ecuador 75 7 85, Fleur de Sel. Come see! I need to say goodbye! Maybe see some of you tomorrow, feel free to snap up some of our last The Chocolate Garage shirts, or the rare farmed wrappers that we have displayed. If you have any favorite bars that you still dream about and wonder if I have the wrapper and would custom frame it for you, the answer to both of those questions is probably yes. Let me know, I can search my "collection" and then you can have a tangible memory of The Chocolate Garage for your home. Also, we plan to have a potluck on Saturday May 26th, starting about 1:30 pm, at The Chocolate Garage, to hang out, nibble, sip, and hang out and reminisce and celebrate the beautiful community that we have built together the past 8 years. Bon voyage to me, and see you soon! Sunita
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Remembering Cassie and Viola, and how much fun we had at the peak of our Garaging. See the old oil panel system for our wrappers in the background?! 
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We have some fun schwag for buying! We don't have all sizes, but hopefully you can find something to remember The Chocolate Garage by, and Happy Chocolate. Or perhaps consider a custom framed wrapper? 
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